Have you ever stood at the crossroads of despair and hope, where your faith was the only light piercing through the darkness? Our brave guest, Nicole Henson, has walked this precarious path and emerges to tell the tale of her transformation. From the heart-wrenching depths of childhood abuse and demonic torment to the liberating embrace of Jesus Christ, Nicole's story is a beacon for anyone navigating the murky waters of spiritual warfare and mental health challenges. Together, we explore the delicate balance of recognizing psychological struggles and unseen battles, emphasizing the crucial role of spiritual insight on the journey to healing.
Content Warning: This testimony speaks about experiences of childhood abuse, sexual trauma, self-harm/cutting, suicidal thoughts. Please be advised.
CONNECT WITH NICHOLE'S WORK:
✨NEW HERE? ✨ Meet Jemese LaChel Drewery, LCSW, CCTP - Spirit-filled trauma expert and host of A New Creation Podcast. Through Christ-centered conversations and inspiring testimonies, Jemese guides women to healing, deeper faith, and freedom in Jesus Christ.
🎙 Do you have a faith story to share? Tap here and be our next guest!
CONNECT WITH JEMESE:
📸 Instagram: @jemeselachel
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🌱 Mentorship: jemeselachel.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jemese (00:00):
There is a side to mental health that is more than
just disease or medical.
Sometimes the mental healthdisorder is actually a demonic
influence, and how do youdiscern the difference?
How do you know when it is morethan just a chemical imbalance
or something like this thatshould be addressed medically
versus something that is beingdemonically influenced?
(00:23):
When we don't talk about this,we are leaving people exposed to
suffering and torment thatJesus came to make us all free
from.
If you have ever suffered withan undiagnosable mental health
disorder or if you have everbeen told by doctors I don't
know what the matter is, youdefinitely want to listen to
(00:47):
this episode and hear how ourguest, Nicole Henson, got free.
Here's a content warning.
This episode speaks candidlyabout experiences of childhood
sexual abuse, about self-harmand cutting about suicide.
Please utilize discernmentbefore you listen to this
(01:09):
episode.
This is a new creation podcastwhere we are pointing women
towards victory in Christ, oneJesus story at a time.
My name is Janice Lachelle.
I'm a licensed clinical socialworker and a Christian trauma
therapist.
I'm so happy that you're herewith us.
(01:30):
Let's dive right in, All right.
Well, welcome back, friends, tothe podcast.
I am very excited to introduceto you today Nicole.
She's an author, a biblicalteacher, minister and a public
speaker, but she would tell youthat the most important thing
about her is that she's afollower of Jesus Christ.
(01:52):
He miraculously set her freefrom years of torment that
resulted from childhood abuse,and he's commissioned her to
help others walk in victory.
Welcome to the show, Nicole.
Nichole (02:04):
Thank you so much for the invite.
I'm happy to be here.
Jemese (02:07):
There's so many women who have a background of very
hard things child abuse and justvery ugly things and the
opportunity to talk about ittransparently is so beautiful.
I want to hear, we want to hearall about how the Lord let you
through that to the point wherenow you're able to help other
(02:28):
people.
Nichole (02:29):
Amen, I'm happy to share.
You know, early on God saidyou're going to be very
transparent in your ministry andI didn't know exactly what that
meant.
Now, four years into it, I'mlike oh, he means I'm going to
share about pretty mucheverything, so I'm ready to
share as transparently aspossible about pretty much
everything, so I'm ready toshare as transparently as
possible.
Jemese (02:48):
Amen, praise God.
So before we get into that, wealways like to pray before we
get started.
Would you please pray for ourlistener today?
Nichole (02:55):
Absolutely so.
Father, right now I just praiseyou and I bless you and I thank
you for your goodness God.
I thank you for this podcastand for this opportunity to talk
about your goodness God.
I pray for each lady andgentleman listening.
God, I pray that you wouldtouch their heart.
I pray that we would speaksomething that would minister to
each and every person, thatevery person would walk away
(03:16):
knowing you more deeply and alsohaving a desire to get closer
to you and having a desire tolearn about you on a personal
level, to where they want tohave a personal relationship
with you, not just where someonetells them about you, but where
they really learn about you forthemselves.
God, I pray that you would toucheach heart that is broken and
hurting.
I pray that you would bringyour healing.
(03:37):
You are the healer, you're theonly one who can heal perfectly
and, god, I pray that you wouldbring each person on their
journey of discovery and journeyof healing to you, and I pray
that you would bring each personon their journey of discovery
and journey of healing to you,and I pray that you would be
more real to them than you'veever been in their entire life.
In Jesus name, I pray, amenamen.
Jemese (03:55):
So I always like to ask, to start out with this what is
your Jesus story?
Tell us how you found yourfaith.
Nichole (04:03):
I to kind of take you back a little ways, because I've
been a Christian.
I was trying to figure this outyesterday and I forgot to do
the math.
I'm 45 or 46.
When you get my age, it justreally doesn't matter that much
anymore.
And so I got saved when I was18.
And I grew up in a house wheremy family was Christians, like
my grandparents house where myfamily was Christians, like my
(04:27):
grandparents, my aunts, myuncles, but my mom wasn't, and
it took me a while to find theLord.
You know he was always there,but it took me a while to come
to him.
I was born into a home that wasfull of domestic violence.
My mom and dad were very youngwhen they got married and my
biological dad was verynarcissistic.
He was the type of abuser thatthe entire world had to revolve
(04:47):
around him and if it didn't, hethrew a fit.
He was horrifically abusivetoward my mom and when I was
around three years old they gotdivorced and he stayed in
Florida with his family and shemoved back to Indiana with her
family and she took me with her.
But he had visitation every,every other Christmas and every
(05:08):
summer I spent with him, and soI spent a lot of time with him.
You know way too much time whenthe person is abusive.
He did not physically abuse meas far as hitting me and those
types of things.
Years old he met a new woman.
(05:28):
He was never alone.
He was very codependent andwhen I went for a visit I could
tell things were very, verydifferent and he had gotten
involved in the occult.
He had gotten involved inSatanism.
He was into very deep, dark,scary things, especially as a
child who had never been exposedto that Because my mom's family
were all Christians.
You know I was going to churchon Sundays.
I was going on Wednesdays.
My grandparents cleaned thechurch, so we were there
(05:51):
throughout the week and then tobe thrown into the exact
opposite where there waswitchcraft, crystals, magic
killing animals for sacrifices.
You know all of that.
It was traumatizing.
I mean, that's probably noteven the right word.
It was horrific.
And then that's when the sexualabuse, I know for sure, started
(06:11):
.
I think I have memories priorto that, but I know for sure it
started then.
That led me on a road very farfrom God.
For many, many years I wastrying to fill the void in my
heart with all kinds of thingsand they all led to nothingness.
I got involved with older men ata very young age.
(06:33):
When I was around 13 or 14, Istarted seeking out men who were
24, 25.
And you know, sexual activitywith them.
I was very depressed.
I had eating disorders,disorder going on, I had
clinical depression, ptsd, and Ijust never felt comfortable in
(06:55):
my own skin.
I never felt wanted in anysetting.
I hated myself.
I hated everything, everybody.
I was very rebellious but I wasalso very moody.
My moods were all over theplace.
At school I hated going becauseI didn't have many friends.
(07:16):
I didn't fit in there.
If the teacher would call on me, I would lie and say I didn't
know the answer.
Even if I did, just because Idid not want to talk in front of
people.
The thought of talking in frontof people just about made me
vomit.
So that's kind of where lifewas.
And when I was 16, I met myfirst husband and in my family
it was very common for the womento get married young.
(07:38):
It was just our culture in ourfamily, our culture and our
family, and I think my grandmawas like 15.
My mom was 17.
I think one of my aunts was inthere they were in their teens.
It was very rare for us to hit20 and not be married.
You know you was an old maid ifyou made it to 20.
And so at 16, I got married forthe first time.
(07:59):
Don't recommend that to anybody.
There was a lot of violence inthat marriage.
Domestic violence startedwithin weeks and it was very,
very difficult.
We both were very toxic foreach other and we brought out
the worst in each other.
But I have been trained by mybiological dad to not tell.
You know, love hurts and thosethat love you most they hurt you
the most.
And that was normal.
(08:20):
It was natural.
It was comfortable.
The chaos was comfortable.
But what happened in that is?
In the meantime, my mom andstepdad.
They started going to churchand my mom had never really went
before, but my brother startedhaving seizures and she went to
pray and she knew she didn'twant to pray because she wasn't
serving God.
She knew enough to know thatshe was going to ask from him
(08:42):
without giving anything to him.
So she got saved pretty muchimmediately and they started
going to church.
Well, they invited my husbandat the time and I to go and we
went and we met with the pastorone on one and he walked us
through like the plan ofsalvation and I knew my whole
life.
I knew because I'd been raisedaround the church.
I knew I was running from God.
(09:03):
I knew that my life would neverbe better unless I surrendered
to God.
And I also had really weirdthings happen as a teenager,
like I would be laying in bedand I would hear somebody walk
in my room and nobody would bethere.
I'd turn around and nobodywould be there.
I would hear things scratchingon the walls.
I would have like jewelry.
I would go to sleep and jewelrywould be missing off my body
(09:25):
and then I would wake up thenext day looking for it,
couldn't find it and then thenext day it would be laying on
my pillow, like here I am, or itwould be laying on my dresser
and I just always felt likethere was something on my back
like looking at me, chasing me.
There were times I was chasedout of my bedroom because I
thought a presence in there andin those times I would take a
Bible and put it under my pillow.
So it's like I always knew thatGod was there and I also knew I
(09:50):
wasn't surrendered to him.
I can remember praying Lord,please don't let me die, because
if I do I know I'm going tohell.
So it wasn't ever that Ithought, oh, I'm okay.
I knew I wasn't okay, but Iwasn't ready to surrender.
But when we met with him, I waslike at a place in my life
(10:14):
where I was on my last straw.
I was being beaten by myhusband.
I just had a new baby.
We were very desperatefinancially.
The depression was horrific,and so I gave my heart to the
Lord, and that was when I was 18.
And I immediately got veryheavily involved in the church.
So that's my salvation story.
Jemese (10:28):
Praise God for that.
What a journey to get there.
And I wonder if, looking back,can you I mean, you've kind of
touched on this Looking back,you can see that God, he was
there, he was with you.
You can say, you know howscripture tells us he doesn't
leave us or forsake us.
Looking back, you can see thesemoments where he was leading
(10:49):
you enough to know that, okay,the bible.
There's something in here forme.
I'm going to put this under mypillow, or you know, you hadn't.
You had gotten far from him, butnot so far that he couldn't
reach you.
Nichole (11:01):
Yeah, yeah, and I mean I always knew because, like
there was a time that I gotreally curious what all I had
been exposed to in the occultand I never practiced witchcraft
myself, but I got reallycurious about it, like what is
this all about?
What's going on?
And I went to the library and Ichecked out the satanic Bible
(11:24):
and I brought it home and I had,from the time of a young kid,
felt presence like dark presencein my, in my room and those
types of things.
But when I brought that home,it was something I had never
experienced before.
It was so dark and I knew.
I knew that I needed to get it.
Like I just innately knew, okay, that's got to go.
And I knew that I needed to puta Bible under my bed and under
(11:47):
my pillow.
But I wasn't serving God and Ididn't understand.
Even after getting saved, Ididn't understand my authority
in Christ.
I spent many, many years inbondage because I did not
understand my identity or myauthority in Christ.
Once I got saved, I thought, oh, you know what?
Everything is going to bebeautiful, everything's going to
be amazing, everything is justgoing to be fixed.
(12:09):
I'm going to get saved and it'sgoing to automatically just fix
.
And that didn't happen and Iwas saved and I was going to
heaven, which is an amazingthing, and I'm not minimizing
that whatsoever.
I had amazing community aroundme.
I had Bible study to go to.
I had amazing community aroundme.
I had Bible study to go to.
I had people to learn from.
I could hear God's voice.
I could hear him speak into me,laying things on my heart.
(12:31):
So that was amazing.
But I still struggled so badwith depression and anxiety and
fear and worry and physicalsickness.
It took years, years, years,from 18 till my early 40s, to
get free, because I just didn'tunderstand how to walk in that
freedom.
Jemese (12:52):
Yeah, the believer's authority.
That is something that thechurch Big C.
I feel like that is somethingthat we miss it sometimes.
I feel like a lot of timespeople come into the faith
understanding and knowing that,yes, jesus is the way I know,
that I need him, and I mean, Ihave that same kind of naive
(13:16):
thought all my problemsdisappear now.
But the reality is that youstill have to walk out your
authority and your identity.
Like that was a whole newballgame for me.
I had no idea.
What do you mean?
Jesus says that, what do youmean?
I pick up the Bible and ittells me who God says that I am.
(13:39):
I had no idea about that.
And so, if you don't know that,right, if you, if you don't
know that, yeah, it will feellike you are still living in
bondage.
And so tell us, how did thatcome about you even learning
these terms authority in Christand how did that come about?
How did he lead you throughthat journey?
Nichole (14:01):
Well, when I very first got saved, like I said, I was
18 and people startedprophesying over me and I
started feeling the Lord lay onmy heart that he was going to
use me to help heal other peopleNot that I would be doing it,
but that he was going to use mein a ministry to help facilitate
that and I'm like, okay, Lord,let's do it.
And then you know it never.
You're not usually toldsomething one day and then you
(14:23):
step into it day two thatthere's usually a process and it
just was not happening.
And I was getting sicker andsicker, emotionally and
physically.
I stayed with my first husbandfor about six years and then I
saw the damage it was doing toour child the last time that he
had really exploded and it wasbad.
I saw the look on my son's faceand I'm like I can't do this to
(14:53):
him anymore, and so I left himand I moved back in with my
parents, but I still hadcodependency.
I still was not able to standon my own.
I never wanted to be alone.
So I was married again within ayear because I never wanted to
be by myself.
Thankfully, he was a very goodman.
He is a very good man.
I'm married to him now.
We've been married 20 plusyears.
Very godly man, very good man.
And when I married him,everybody in my life thought,
(15:18):
okay, now you're in a safe spot,Now things are going to just be
great.
You're saved, You're involvedin the church, you have a good
husband, he's a good provider.
And my whole world fell apartbecause I think for the first
time, I wasn't in chaos.
I didn't know what to dooutside of chaos.
I didn't know how to function.
Chaos was my norm.
(15:39):
Covering up abuse was my norm.
Feeling afraid all the time wasmy norm.
I didn't know how to be safe.
I didn't know how to be in arelationship where if I pushed
him he wouldn't hit me and Itried, I pushed and pushed and
pushed and he would not fightback.
I didn't know how to be healthyand non-toxic.
Also, I started getting sickphysically.
(16:00):
I started having like just theweirdest things happen.
I would get diagnosis thatwhere I would hear things like
chronic.
It will never get better, youjust have to manage the symptoms
like.
My diagnosis felt like therewas a mile long and I started
having surgeries and proceduresand just I was getting sicker
physically.
So I went back to school to bea family therapist because I
(16:21):
thought, okay, well, maybethat's how God's going to use me
.
Family therapist because Ithought, okay, well, maybe
that's how God's going to use me.
And I started practicing and Ipracticed for about.
I practiced two different timesfor a year each and it was
horrific because I was nothealed at all and I was going
and listening to children tellme all day long about their
sexual abuse.
So I would go home in theevening and have to cut just to
make it through the evening withmy family.
(16:43):
And it was getting worse andworse and worse.
So I started back into therapyfor myself.
When I was in therapy, shediagnosed me, of course, with
the clinical depression and thePTSD, but she also diagnosed me
with DID and it was not a shockto me Dissociative identity
disorder.
For anyone that doesn'trecognize that is, the idea
(17:04):
behind it is that whenever yougo through trauma, especially as
a young child, you can splitinto different personalities,
different parts of yourself, andyou all live in the same body.
And I knew, like I knew thatbecause I'd heard voices for
years.
I recognized them, I knew theirnames, they talked to me, I
talked to them.
But to have that diagnosisreally was like a huge wake up
(17:25):
call to me that I was really,really sick, and so I stopped
practicing.
I walked away from mentalhealth and I'm like you know
it's not ethical at all BecauseI was in such a bad place.
Part of my therapy was learningto coexist with all of the
voices in my head and tointegrate, and so I started
letting them write through me.
I let them talk through me, Ilet them express their emotions
(17:47):
through me, and they wouldalways try to get me to give
them the driver's seat and theywould always want me to step
back and just let them be incontrol.
They would say I'll let yourest, it will be better, and I
never would completely turn overanything my body to them.
But I gave them a lot, of, lotof leeway.
I was very protective of thembecause the idea in my mind was
(18:10):
this happened because I'm abused, so I'm accepting them and
everybody in my life betteraccept them.
But they hated everybody.
They hated my son, they hatedmy husband, they hated my
children or my family, my momand dad.
They hated God, because theywould always say God let you
down, he didn't keep you safe.
We'll keep you safe, but hedidn't keep you safe.
(18:32):
If he loves you, why did he letyou go through that?
Your family is just out to getyou.
It was like just that constantparanoia.
So life went on like that formany years.
Around 2019, my son messaged meand he said Mom, I think this
minister may have something thatwould be interesting to you.
Now, mind you, I've been in thechurch.
(18:53):
It wasn't like I wasn't in thechurch, but I wasn't in churches
that ever taught anything aboutspiritual warfare.
We believed in laying hands onthe sick and that God could heal
, that he would bring miracles,signs and wonders, but I was
never exposed to anything aboutspiritual warfare, which is very
interesting to me looking back,like what we did believe but
what we never touched.
It's just an odd thing to me,but anyway.
(19:17):
So whenever he told me that Ilistened to the message and the
very first message I listened towas about deliverance and when
I say deliverance I mean closingdoors to demons, verbally,
casting them out in the name ofJesus, and then maintaining that
freedom afterwards and I'm likethat's me, that's exactly what
I need.
I just knew in my spirit I'mlike that, that's exactly what I
need.
And so I reached out to thatminister and I asked him if he
(19:39):
recommended any books or anyliterature or anything.
And he did.
He recommended a few books.
I bought them but then I didn'tread them.
I lost like a year and I can'treally tell you what all I was
doing in that year.
I know I was going back andforth to the Mayo Clinic because
I had something with my excuseme my breathing going on.
They couldn't get it diagnosed.
(20:00):
We was doing all kinds oftesting.
There were times I thought Iwas going to be choked to death,
that I just couldn't breathe.
There were times I thought Iwas going to be choked to death,
that I just couldn't breathe.
There were times I was almostrushed to the hospital because I
just could not breathe.
I was on breathing treatments,breathing machines.
My mental health was getting sobad that I was fighting
suicidal ideation pretty muchevery day.
There were times that I wouldjust have to tell my husband you
(20:22):
know you're going to have tohide the weapon any weapons in
the house, because it's gettingso strong.
It was bad.
It was bad PTSD, hundreds oftriggers, and so towards the end
of that year we're up to 2020.
God told me to set aside a weekfor fasting and prayer and I
said okay, I can do that.
You know I was right.
(20:42):
I was like at that point therewere nights I would go to sleep
not knowing if I was going towake up, Like I literally didn't
know if I was going to wake up.
And then he said make it public.
And I'm like Lord, don't,nobody care if I'm praying,
Nobody's going to pray for me,Nobody needs to pray for me.
Because I felt so worthless.
I'm like why would I put it onsocial media for people to feel
sorry for me?
Because I also wanted to lookstrong and be strong and not be
(21:04):
weak, and I didn't think anybodywould care.
And so I put it on social mediaand people from all over
started just messaging me.
I had people send me cards,tell me they were thinking of me
, people sending me words fromGod that he had scriptures he
had given for me.
The outpouring was justabsolutely amazing and I knew it
was him showing me his love.
He also told me to have myparents come over, and when I
(21:27):
say parents, that's my mom andstepdad, not biological dad.
He's deceased and I said, God,they live two hours away.
I don't want to ask them tohave to drive all this way, Will
you please tell them?
And then my mom called just afew minutes later and she said
you know, I just really feellike God's saying we need to
come over and lay hands on youand pray, and I'm like okay.
So I sent them a little bit ofinformation about deliverance
(21:48):
ministry.
Mind you, we had not been.
This was not our our thing, wehad not been around this.
It wasn't that we doubted, itjust wasn't even on our radar.
And so I sent them a little bitof information.
So we knew, going in, thatthere was some demonic activity.
We had no idea how much, ifmaybe it was 50-50, you know, 50
mental illness from abuse, 50%demonic.
(22:10):
We had no idea.
And so, leading up to that, Godreally was working on my heart
in a lot of areas.
One was to stop questioning himwhy the abuse happened.
And I had always held on tothat and I'd always told him if
you would just give me thatanswer, I know I can be healed.
So I was dictating to him youknow how I needed to be healed.
Of course we know that alwaysworks out.
(22:32):
And so I just kept telling himGod, I need that answer, I need
to know why it happened, Becausethe voices in my head were
constantly saying if God lovedyou, that wouldn't have happened
.
Something's wrong with you.
He can't love you, You're wrong, You'll never be good enough,
you are full of, you know,dirtiness.
And so I just felt like Ineeded that answer.
(22:53):
And he showed me a vision and Isaw two paths, and on one path
it was continuing to hold myquestion and basically demanding
please give me an answer.
And the other one wascompletely releasing it and
laying it down.
And that was a new path, a newway, and it was the path to
healing.
And so I released that.
That was something major that Icompletely and totally released
(23:16):
.
He also told me in that weekthat I had not honored my
biological dad.
That was very, very difficultwhen he told me that, Not gonna
lie, I had a little bit ofproblem with that and it took me
a little while to pray throughthat and I did, and I sat with
him and then I really got honestand I'm like OK, Lord, I'm
really ready for you to show mewhat you mean.
And what he was saying was isthat I spoke badly about him.
(23:38):
I didn't care if he was savedor not.
I didn't care if he went toheaven or hell.
I didn't necessarily want himto go to hell, but I didn't care
if he did.
I didn't care.
I didn't look at him with anyredeeming qualities.
I didn't look at him as someonethat God would want to redeem.
And so I asked the Lord you know, I repented for it, of course
and then I asked the Lord wouldI have had to have had a
(23:58):
relationship with him, Becausehe was already deceased at the
time?
And it wasn't aboutrelationship, it was about
keeping my mouth shut and notdishonoring him with my words
and then praying for his soul.
And so that was a huge lesson.
But after I did that, I wasable not pray for his soul he
was already gone but repent forit.
I was able then to fully andcompletely and totally forgive,
and so he just kept leading methrough deeper levels of
(24:21):
repentance and cleansing.
So when my mom and dad came,they walked in and immediately I
wanted to physically claw mydad's eyes out, Like there was
something in me that just wantedto physically attack him, and I
knew it was on.
I'm like I don't know what'sgoing on, but there's something
going on and it took four and ahalf hours of commanding demons
(24:42):
to leave, commanding them torelease me, asking them, you
know, do they have a legal rightleft to my life?
And four and a half hours later, between 45 and 60 demons were
cast out and I had zero mentalillness and I've not had any
mental illness symptoms sinceMay 24th 2020.
So in my case, it was 100%demonic torment and that was a
(25:04):
long answer to your question,but that was my journey to
freedom for the mental illness.
Jemese (25:10):
That's the perfect answer.
That's what people want to hear, because it just needs to be
talked about more.
It really does so.
The Lord has positioned me inthe marketplace as a counselor
and therapist, filled with thespirit of God, to offer
solutions to people who areexperiencing.
(25:32):
Yes, mental health does exist.
Yes, but there's also anotherside there.
There's demonic influence andwe need to be talking about that
.
People need freedom, becausewhere do you go?
You know, what stood out to meis um, as you were sharing is,
(25:52):
you said that deliverance,spiritual warfare, that was not
something that your mom andstepdad or yourself had a
background in, but yet they came, they followed the, they
followed the leading of the lordand were able, by the power of
god within them, to cast outthese demons.
(26:15):
How incredible.
What tell us about that?
Because I think sometimespeople feel like they have to be
like expert bible scholars.
Or you know it's only thepastor, or you know, know only a
special person.
But you're, you're literallysaying that the Lord, he
organized this, he had mom callyou and say God told me I'm
supposed to come and then, boom,you got your freedom.
Nichole (26:40):
We honestly had no idea what we was going into Like
like we did not know.
We learned so much that daywhen I talk about cause.
I went in, I started doingdeliverance ministry.
After that I started doingone-on-one sessions with people
a lot of them and I'm like Godjust threw us in the deep end,
because that's how we learned.
What we did was 100% relied onthe Holy spirit, because when my
(27:02):
parents came in so immediatelyI felt like that, physically
wanting to attack my dad, I hadto sit on my hands.
I was sitting on my handsbecause it was manifesting that
bad.
I started laughing and a voicethat wasn't mine started coming
out and talking and saying lookat him, who does he think he is?
(27:23):
He's so stupid, he thinks he'ssomebody.
And so they knew immediatelythat that wasn't me and my dad.
Just he said, ok, lord, what doI do?
You know?
In his mind he was praying God,what do I do?
And he just said I command you,in the name of Jesus, to get
out.
I command you to leave.
And that worked for that one.
It left.
(27:43):
That one went pretty easy.
For that one, it left.
That one went pretty easy.
There was another one that hewas commanding and commanding to
go.
I mean just that.
In the name of Jesus, I commandyou to leave, I command you to
release her, I command you toget out.
You have no power here.
And it was not going.
And I felt in my spirit thatthe Lord saying to me it's
because I had accepted it aspart of myself, saying to me
(28:08):
it's because I had accepted itas part of myself, it was one of
the altars that I accepted as,or it was what I thought was an
altar and I had.
I could see our identity wasintertwined around each other
because I had so accepted it andI had to verbally tell it you
are not part of me and I'm notpart of you.
You are not welcome hereanymore and I break agreement
with you.
When I did that, thenimmediately it left.
(28:30):
There was another one that theycouldn't see my face because it
was in the trash can.
Sometimes I mean I was vomiting, I was screaming, yelling,
spitting.
I was sitting across the roomfrom my dad and it's not humanly
impossible, but I literallyspit on him and it landed in his
face.
It shouldn't have been possible.
At one point I picked up atrash can to throw at him and it
(28:53):
just landed flat in front of meLike there was a hand that just
put it down in front of me.
I couldn't get up off my seat.
I would try and I couldn't.
It was like there was a handholding me down.
At one point I felt beingchoked on my neck Because, you
know, back then again, we didn'tknow, we didn't know to go in
and bind all that first.
We learned, you bind up all thatfirst, but we didn't know that.
(29:15):
And so there was like a handaround my throat choking me, and
so I whispered I can't breathe,and so my dad bound that,
commanded it to stop.
And then the strongest one thatdid not want to let go at all
was one that said I had beendedicated to it in a blood
ritual.
And I don't know why this wasasked and I don't even remember
(29:39):
who asked it.
But they said somebody saidwhat do you mean a blood ritual?
And it innocent blood wasspilled and she was given to me
by her dad.
And so the Lord just told mydad plead the blood of Jesus
over that.
Tell it.
Nothing is stronger than theblood of Jesus, and I mean he
really was being led by the HolySpirit with every word he was
(29:59):
saying.
He didn't have a script, hedidn't know what to say.
God was telling him, the HolySpirit was telling him.
And there was another partwhere and my dad doesn't he's
not one who sees visions, butduring this he was seeing
visions and God was showing himwhat to do.
He saw a demon that had a pouchand in that pouch was seeds,
and he knew it was seeds to mylife, like seeds to my health,
(30:20):
seeds to my calling, seeds toministry, seeds to finances.
And he commanded that demon tolet go of my seed and return the
seed to my life.
And he saw the pouch open andit returned it to me.
Trying to think of some of theothers oh, there was another one
that it spoke through me and itstarted laughing and it said I
make her fat, I make her eat andeat and eat and she's never
(30:42):
full.
And at that point I was almost300 pounds.
I was heavily, heavily addictedto sugar and food in general.
And before I went through thatdeliverance, god told me, about
four days prior, to stopconsuming sugar.
And that felt impossiblebecause I every drug behavior,
(31:02):
drug addiction behavior youcould have I had towards sugar.
That's how bad it was, and Idon't say that lightly, like I'm
not making fun, I'm serious.
I had sugar addiction and so Ihad stopped and then whenever we
went through that, I knew thatwas removing its legal right to
my life.
Had I not stopped and fastedsugar, it still would have had a
stronghold in my life.
So that one came out andimmediately the food addiction
(31:24):
was broken.
Now what I still have is meworking on being healthy and
going to the gym consistentlyand eating right, but the food
addiction is gone.
So there was a lot and Iremember some of it.
Some of it I don't remembersome of it.
They've told me a lot of voices, a lot of screaming.
I could feel them.
When they would come out, Iwould feel their personality.
(31:47):
So I would recognize which oneit was, because I would feel
their personality and theiremotions, because when they were
in me I operated my life ontheir emotions.
So once they came out, Ithought that I was.
I always thought I was an angryperson.
I thought I'm a type of personthat you don't want to cross,
even as a Christian.
(32:08):
I was ready to fight and I wasready to get an attitude.
I loved getting on social mediaand stirring up drama, fighting
, arguing, going back and forthwith each other.
I loved confrontation didn'tbother me a bit and I just
thought that was my part of mypersonality.
I thought, well, I went throughdomestic violence and it
(32:33):
flipped a switch in me and nowI'm I don't mind confrontation.
Once I got the spirits of angerout, I found I'm not even an
angry person.
Like it takes a lot to get meangry.
I've never lost control sincethen.
I've never like even yelled.
Since then I'm a very sensitiveperson.
I cry at the drop of a hat andprior to that I never cried.
If I cried you better run,because that meant I was mad and
(32:54):
I was ready to go into ablackout rage.
Now I'm super sensitive.
I cry over everything, not in abad way, like I'm not like my
emotions all over the place, butjust I can feel.
Before it was like I was numbed.
I could not feel I went throughmy grandmother passing away and
barely responding to thatbecause I just had such muted
(33:14):
emotions.
So life changed in a lot ofways.
Jemese (33:18):
Empathically yeah, it's praise God, praise God, and it's
like you got your.
You got the life that you weresupposed to have.
You got that back.
And so I think I'm alwayshearing, I'm always listening
for the hope.
And so what I'm hearing in yourstory is that, even though,
(33:40):
even though the devil meant harmfor you, even though you were
involved with um, just living inan atmosphere full of occultic
activity, even though the lord'shand was still so mighty to
save and like that was not therewas nothing that your
(34:04):
biological father could havedone to have stopped the Lord,
god Almighty, from stepping inand saving his daughter.
You are his daughter and sothere is hope there for those
who are living in secrecy, forum.
(34:27):
For those who are living in insecrecy, you know there's like
the occult comes in, all thosekinds of things new age, that
kind of stuff and it's like ashroud of secrecy wants to come
in with that and you don't wantto talk about it.
I'm gonna keep it to yourself,don't let people know, they're
gonna think you're're crazy,that kind of thing and so it's
just a miracle that you camefrom that background and God was
(34:52):
able to use you know thatscripture that says he uses the
foolish things to confound thewise.
You know your mom and stepdad.
They didn't as long as theywere like trained deliverance
ministers, but he used them.
And now look at you.
Today you've got a ministry andyou're helping others.
Get free, tell us a little bitabout that um, let me go back
just a little bit.
Nichole (35:12):
I know my answers are always so long, but I feel like,
without background, it justdoesn't.
It doesn't, um, explain itfully.
Whenever I was going throughthat process, I had started
looking into a few differentdeliverance ministers and it was
like God just closed the door.
One was like $400.
And I'm like I don't have $400.
(35:32):
Others you had to fly to, youhad to get a place to stay and
then you had to pay them moneyand I'm like we're on a fixed
income, like that was not.
And I just kept thinking Lord,why are you closing the doors?
I know this is what's wrongwith me.
Why are you closing the door?
Well, I realized why.
He was training us, he wasraising us up and it was for a
very specific reason.
And I didn't look that much.
(35:53):
I just kind of casually lookedaround to see what there was.
And then I realized quickly ohno, that's not the way it's
going to be.
Whenever we went through thatsession, he spoke to me.
I think I sat on the couch forlike four hours just staring
into nothing, because I was notused to my mind being quiet.
But then he spoke to me and hesaid I set you free and I gave
(36:16):
you the blueprint to get free.
Now go help others get free.
I said, ok, lord, you know, atthat point I was really, I was
willing to do anything still am.
That's not changed.
But after witnessing somethinglike that and feeling that, like
I can't describe to you thelevel of torment in my mind that
(36:37):
I had, I try to even just goback there.
You know, I wrote my testimonyin a book and just trying to go
back there and visit it doesn'tdo it justice.
Like I just can't even describeto you what it was like.
And then to go from that tobeing 100 percent free in my
mind I was ready to give Godanything Still am.
And so when he said that and healso said your ministry is
(36:58):
going to be very transparent,you're going to be sharing a lot
about your life I was like, ok,lord, and once he said that I
didn't know exactly what thatmeant.
But then a few days later hesaid I want you to share your
testimony.
I said, okay, lord, they'regoing to think I'm crazy.
People already thought I'mcrazy, but here we go.
And so I shared it the firsttime on social media.
I didn't know what was going tohappen first time and so I did
(37:33):
it and I mean, it got likehundreds of hits immediately and
I could not believe the numberof people that were reaching out
to me saying I need that, Ineed you to help me, and I'm
thinking, okay, I guess this iswhat the Lord was talking about,
and so I did.
I started taking people throughthe same process that he took me
through.
The part that he had shown mewas closing doors through
repentance, fasting prayer andthen verbally commanding
(37:57):
everything to leave.
So I started doing that.
I was doing a lot of one-on-onesessions with people from all
around the world because theycouldn't find help in their own
area.
I also was learning more.
I did find some people that Ibought books, learned a lot from
and those types of things.
Within that I wrote a manual andit ended up being like that
(38:18):
thick to teach how to dodeliverance ministry, because I
felt him laying that on my heartand I started teaching that
because I thought that there wassome gaps in what I was seeing
in the ministry and I'm notsaying that nobody gets it right
but me.
That's absolutely not what I'msaying at all, but I think that
there are some overreaching gapsin some of the areas and not
(38:39):
everybody.
There's a lot of people that doit and meet every area, but
there's also some mainstreamfolks out there that don't teach
a lot about closing doors andthen walking to maintain the
freedom.
They just kind of get peoplefree and then they leave them on
their own and there's not a lotof follow up on maintaining
their freedom, and that there'san issue in that.
But anyway, and then I feltlike he was laying it on my
(38:59):
heart to start teaching aboutother subjects.
So I started doing a lot ofteaching and then I wrote a book
, and then I wrote another bookabout my testimony, and then he
started leading me to a seasonof where I knew I was not going
to be doing deliverance ministryanymore.
And that was kind of really hardfor me because at the beginning
I thought, okay, this is my, my, my home, this is where I'm
going to be.
I'm going to be doingdeliverance ministry for years
(39:20):
and years and years, but hewould never let me build a team.
I kept trying, and not becauseI was doing it by myself, I was
doing it all online, all bymyself.
Well, I had a few sessions inperson, but I would always have
a prayer partner come wheneverit was in person and it was
really difficult because I cannever build a team, but he would
not let me.
And then I realized, oh, I'vejust been doing this to train.
(39:42):
I've been training to teachothers what he's taught me, and
so I started doing like onlineconferences.
I did a few in person and nowI'm really just in a season of
teaching, teaching, teaching.
Jemese (39:55):
So that's kind of where I'm at now.
Oh, I love that incredible.
He's the best teacher he is.
He teaches us in ways that wewould not have.
There's no way that we couldfathom learning the lesson that
way, but it ends up being soperfect and he's just the best
teacher.
I love that.
Praise God.
Nichole (40:15):
It's been an amazing journey and he's been so
faithful every step of the way.
You know, he just taught me.
So I've been walking through aseason of kind of just waiting
to see where I go next.
He had told me a while back,whenever I knew he was leading
me away from doing thedeliverance ministry, the way
that I had been and was leadingme into more of a teaching, and
(40:37):
I'm like, ok, lord, I'll let goof that whenever the next door
opens, because I'm picturing I'mgoing straight out of one door
into the next.
You know, boom, boom, and heshowed me you're never going to
get to that if you don't let goof this.
And that's when I'm like, oh,and then he showed me what it
really looked like.
There was a door at this end anda door at, and then a hallway
(40:58):
and then a door at that end.
I needed to move into thehallway and completely shut that
door before I was ready for thenext door, because there was
some things he needed to teachme and some areas he needed to
grow me and some things heneeded to change about me.
So I've been in the hallway inthe preparation, but he's so
faithful to show us that hedoesn't leave us just wondering,
like Lord what's going on?
Where am I at?
You know he?
Just he teaches us.
Jemese (41:20):
And I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that visual about thehallway.
I love that.
So my question is what wouldyou tell someone who didn't know
Jesus as a person and I guesswhat I mean by that is before we
come into the faith notspeaking for everybody, but a
lot of times it's like you knowthat, you know God is good,
(41:47):
devil, bad but there could be adisconnect between the fact that
Jesus is a real person, hereally is alive today, he really
does love you, and so whatwould you tell someone who is
maybe suffering through tormentor isolation and they don't know
(42:07):
Jesus for themselves?
Nichole (42:10):
Well, I would kind of give this analogy.
So, whatever area you'resuffering in, say that there was
a doctor that could give youthe cure.
The doctor had the pill thatwould cure you.
You could do one of two thingsyou could read about him, you
could ask other people about him, you could casually kind of
glance at him in passing, or youcould go up to him and talk to
(42:34):
him and get to know him as aperson and really seek him out
so that you can get help fromhim.
It's the same thing with Jesus.
We can learn about him, we cankind of know about him in
passing and casually.
But until you get to know himas Savior and Lord and Master
and friend and brother and youreverything, his healing doesn't
(42:56):
come.
His healing flows fromrelationship with him and his
freedom comes from relationshipwith him.
You can know about him, butthat's different than knowing
him.
You need to know him and be inrelationship with him.
It's all about relationship.
Jemese (43:12):
It is.
It's all about relationship.
Growing up, I was in theBaptist church as a kid and I
always would hear about thispersonal relationship with Jesus
and it just did not make senseto me.
I didn't know what that, Ididn't know what it meant.
But sometimes we overcomplicatethings.
You know, it really is assimple as the Lord Jesus is
(43:36):
alive, he's real, he's a person.
And how would you maintain arelationship with any person?
How would you maintain yourrelationship with your husband,
with your you know sister, yourbrother?
You would spend time with them,you would go and sit with them,
you would hang out together,you would, you know, you would
pursue and that kind of thing.
(43:58):
And so, yeah, there's just aninvitation to do that.
Nichole (44:02):
He extends that invitation to us there's just an
invitation to to do that, heextends that invitation to us.
And I think too, you know, ifyou say, well, I don't know him,
I'm not sure.
Get in the bible, start in thenew testament, matthew, mark,
luke and john.
Read all about him, learn abouthim, see who he is, let him
introduce himself to you throughhis word and fall in love with
him based on who he is and basedon his character.
(44:25):
Once you know him, there's nogoing back.
Once you see his goodness there, there's no going back amen,
that is so true.
Jemese (44:33):
So, um, before we wrap up, I am just so led right now.
Would you be willing to pray?
I know we prayed already, butfor the listener who is living
in the secrecy of their tormentwhere they've taken that
identity on.
(44:54):
I'm just so strongly led thatsomebody out there there's a cry
for help.
Would you be willing to gothere and just pray as you're
led?
Nichole (45:08):
Sure, father, god, right now I bless you and I
thank you and I praise you,because you see every heart.
You see into the hidden places,god.
Sometimes it's so easy to put asmile on our face and just
pretend like everything is okay,but, god, you see every tear
that is shed in private.
God, I pray that you would goto that person right now.
I pray that you would wrap yourlove around them.
(45:29):
I pray that they wouldphysically feel your love being
wrapped around them.
I pray that they wouldsurrender their pain and their
hurt and their torment to you,father God, I pray that in this
moment they would cry out to youand let it out and stop holding
it back.
I pray that that dam ofemotions would break in the name
of Jesus and that they would beable to pour it out at your
(45:52):
feet and that you would bringyour healing and your peace and
your joy and your hope.
Father God, I also pray youwould bring people into their
life.
I pray you would bringunderstanding people who can
support them and love them.
I pray you would bring peoplethat would pray for them, god,
people that I'm reminded of thefriends in the Bible that tore
off the roof to lower theirfriend down to the feet of Jesus
(46:16):
.
God, I pray that you wouldbring that type of person into
their life that would do war ontheir behalf.
God, I pray that, if they feellike giving up, that you would
offer your hope, father God,your tangible hope that would
pull them back from the brink ofgiving up.
God, I pray that if they feellike that they're losing control
or they're losing their sanity,or they feel like they just
(46:36):
want to lose their life, god, Ipray that you would get a hold
of them and draw them back toyou.
I pray that you would give themdreams and visions and
scripture to speak your word andyour life into them and over
them.
I pray that they would breakoff the lies of the enemy that
says that it will never getbetter.
God, that is a lie and we callit a lie.
In the name of Jesus, I prayyou would break off the lies
(46:58):
that have attached to them, thelies that have attached to their
identity.
I pray they would be exactlywho you created them to be, that
they would break out of everyfalse identity that the trauma
has tried to place on them.
I pray that you would bringclarity where there is confusion
in their mind and racingthoughts.
I pray you would comment.
I pray you would speak.
Peace be still to their mindand that you would bring peace
(47:20):
and clarity.
I pray you would rebuke chaos.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray that they would find a safe
place where they could go,where they could be accepted,
where they could be loved andwhere they could be heard.
I pray that they would findsafety.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray if they're in a place where
they feel like they can't sharebecause of the position that
(47:41):
they have, that it would beembarrassing or that it would
cause people to look at them acertain way.
God, I pray that you would givethem peace to share their story
, because they're not the onlyone walking through this God.
So many are hurting andsuffering and they're isolated
because they're scared to talk,they're scared to bring it
forward, they're scared of beingjudged.
God, I pray, in the name ofJesus, that you would give them
(48:04):
strength to share their story.
We have to start talking aboutthese things.
We have to bring them to thelight in order for them to be
healed.
God, I pray that everythingthat's done in the dark will be
brought to the light, so thatthere can be healing and freedom
and restoration.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray that you would speak your
truth over their life and breakthe chains of the enemy.
(48:25):
In Jesus name, amen.
Jemese (48:28):
Praise God.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Tell us where we can find you.
If there's somebody listeningtoday who wants to connect with
your ministry, where can we findyou online?
Nichole (48:42):
Absolutely so.
I'm on Facebook.
You can follow my personal page, nicole Hensley Henson.
You can also find our ministrygroup.
It's fullness of joy ministrythe one that is ours, because,
it's recently been brought to myattention, there's another
group on Facebook now with thesame name.
Ours is the one with the greensucculents, like the green
flowers across the banner.
So if you see the green, that'sus.
(49:02):
You can also find me on YouTubejust under my name, nicole
Henson.
You can email me atfullnessofjoybyministries at
gmailcom, and you can find ourwebsite at fullnessofjoycom.
Jemese (49:16):
Wonderful, and I will have all of these links in the
show notes or description foreverybody to click on.
Thank you so much, nicole.
This was so beautiful.
What a beautiful testimony.
Nichole (49:28):
Thank you.
I love getting to tell aboutthe Lord.
Jemese (49:31):
Yes, and of his freedom and of the life that's available
in him.
Praise God.
That's a wrap for this episode.
Thank you all so much fortuning in, as always.
And hey, if you want to keep up, go head over to my Instagram
at Janice Lachelle.
That's where you'll findinformation on this podcast.
(49:52):
You'll find information on myprivate practice where I am
helping women with Christiantrauma therapy and all that kind
of good stuff.
I will catch you on the flipside.
I love you so much.
I pray that the Lord blessesyou and keeps you until we meet
again.
There is a side to mental health that is more than
just disease or medical.
Sometimes the mental healthdisorder is actually a demonic
influence, and how do youdiscern the difference?
How do you know when it is morethan just a chemical imbalance
or something like this thatshould be addressed medically
versus something that is beingdemonically influenced?
(00:23):
When we don't talk about this,we are leaving people exposed to
suffering and torment thatJesus came to make us all free
from.
If you have ever suffered withan undiagnosable mental health
disorder or if you have everbeen told by doctors I don't
know what the matter is, youdefinitely want to listen to
(00:47):
this episode and hear how ourguest, Nicole Henson, got free.
Here's a content warning.
This episode speaks candidlyabout experiences of childhood
sexual abuse, about self-harmand cutting about suicide.
Please utilize discernmentbefore you listen to this
(01:09):
episode.
This is a new creation podcastwhere we are pointing women
towards victory in Christ, oneJesus story at a time.
My name is Janice Lachelle.
I'm a licensed clinical socialworker and a Christian trauma
therapist.
I'm so happy that you're herewith us.
(01:30):
Let's dive right in, All right.
Well, welcome back, friends, tothe podcast.
I am very excited to introduceto you today Nicole.
She's an author, a biblicalteacher, minister and a public
speaker, but she would tell youthat the most important thing
about her is that she's afollower of Jesus Christ.
(01:52):
He miraculously set her freefrom years of torment that
resulted from childhood abuse,and he's commissioned her to
help others walk in victory.
Welcome to the show, Nicole.
Nichole (02:04):
Thank you so much for the invite.
I'm happy to be here.
Jemese (02:07):
There's so many women who have a background of very
hard things child abuse and justvery ugly things and the
opportunity to talk about ittransparently is so beautiful.
I want to hear, we want to hearall about how the Lord let you
through that to the point wherenow you're able to help other
(02:28):
people.
Nichole (02:29):
Amen, I'm happy to share.
You know, early on God saidyou're going to be very
transparent in your ministry andI didn't know exactly what that
meant.
Now, four years into it, I'mlike oh, he means I'm going to
share about pretty mucheverything, so I'm ready to
share as transparently aspossible about pretty much
everything, so I'm ready toshare as transparently as
possible.
Jemese (02:48):
Amen, praise God.
So before we get into that, wealways like to pray before we
get started.
Would you please pray for ourlistener today?
Nichole (02:55):
Absolutely so.
Father, right now I just praiseyou and I bless you and I thank
you for your goodness God.
I thank you for this podcastand for this opportunity to talk
about your goodness God.
I pray for each lady andgentleman listening.
God, I pray that you wouldtouch their heart.
I pray that we would speaksomething that would minister to
each and every person, thatevery person would walk away
(03:16):
knowing you more deeply and alsohaving a desire to get closer
to you and having a desire tolearn about you on a personal
level, to where they want tohave a personal relationship
with you, not just where someonetells them about you, but where
they really learn about you forthemselves.
God, I pray that you would toucheach heart that is broken and
hurting.
I pray that you would bringyour healing.
(03:37):
You are the healer, you're theonly one who can heal perfectly
and, god, I pray that you wouldbring each person on their
journey of discovery and journeyof healing to you, and I pray
that you would bring each personon their journey of discovery
and journey of healing to you,and I pray that you would be
more real to them than you'veever been in their entire life.
In Jesus name, I pray, amenamen.
Jemese (03:55):
So I always like to ask, to start out with this what is
your Jesus story?
Tell us how you found yourfaith.
Nichole (04:03):
I to kind of take you back a little ways, because I've
been a Christian.
I was trying to figure this outyesterday and I forgot to do
the math.
I'm 45 or 46.
When you get my age, it justreally doesn't matter that much
anymore.
And so I got saved when I was18.
And I grew up in a house wheremy family was Christians, like
my grandparents house where myfamily was Christians, like my
(04:27):
grandparents, my aunts, myuncles, but my mom wasn't, and
it took me a while to find theLord.
You know he was always there,but it took me a while to come
to him.
I was born into a home that wasfull of domestic violence.
My mom and dad were very youngwhen they got married and my
biological dad was verynarcissistic.
He was the type of abuser thatthe entire world had to revolve
(04:47):
around him and if it didn't, hethrew a fit.
He was horrifically abusivetoward my mom and when I was
around three years old they gotdivorced and he stayed in
Florida with his family and shemoved back to Indiana with her
family and she took me with her.
But he had visitation every,every other Christmas and every
(05:08):
summer I spent with him, and soI spent a lot of time with him.
You know way too much time whenthe person is abusive.
He did not physically abuse meas far as hitting me and those
types of things.
Years old he met a new woman.
(05:28):
He was never alone.
He was very codependent andwhen I went for a visit I could
tell things were very, verydifferent and he had gotten
involved in the occult.
He had gotten involved inSatanism.
He was into very deep, dark,scary things, especially as a
child who had never been exposedto that Because my mom's family
were all Christians.
You know I was going to churchon Sundays.
I was going on Wednesdays.
My grandparents cleaned thechurch, so we were there
(05:51):
throughout the week and then tobe thrown into the exact
opposite where there waswitchcraft, crystals, magic
killing animals for sacrifices.
You know all of that.
It was traumatizing.
I mean, that's probably noteven the right word.
It was horrific.
And then that's when the sexualabuse, I know for sure, started
(06:11):
.
I think I have memories priorto that, but I know for sure it
started then.
That led me on a road very farfrom God.
For many, many years I wastrying to fill the void in my
heart with all kinds of thingsand they all led to nothingness.
I got involved with older men ata very young age.
(06:33):
When I was around 13 or 14, Istarted seeking out men who were
24, 25.
And you know, sexual activitywith them.
I was very depressed.
I had eating disorders,disorder going on, I had
clinical depression, ptsd, and Ijust never felt comfortable in
(06:55):
my own skin.
I never felt wanted in anysetting.
I hated myself.
I hated everything, everybody.
I was very rebellious but I wasalso very moody.
My moods were all over theplace.
At school I hated going becauseI didn't have many friends.
(07:16):
I didn't fit in there.
If the teacher would call on me, I would lie and say I didn't
know the answer.
Even if I did, just because Idid not want to talk in front of
people.
The thought of talking in frontof people just about made me
vomit.
So that's kind of where lifewas.
And when I was 16, I met myfirst husband and in my family
it was very common for the womento get married young.
(07:38):
It was just our culture in ourfamily, our culture and our
family, and I think my grandmawas like 15.
My mom was 17.
I think one of my aunts was inthere they were in their teens.
It was very rare for us to hit20 and not be married.
You know you was an old maid ifyou made it to 20.
And so at 16, I got married forthe first time.
(07:59):
Don't recommend that to anybody.
There was a lot of violence inthat marriage.
Domestic violence startedwithin weeks and it was very,
very difficult.
We both were very toxic foreach other and we brought out
the worst in each other.
But I have been trained by mybiological dad to not tell.
You know, love hurts and thosethat love you most they hurt you
the most.
And that was normal.
(08:20):
It was natural.
It was comfortable.
The chaos was comfortable.
But what happened in that is?
In the meantime, my mom andstepdad.
They started going to churchand my mom had never really went
before, but my brother startedhaving seizures and she went to
pray and she knew she didn'twant to pray because she wasn't
serving God.
She knew enough to know thatshe was going to ask from him
(08:42):
without giving anything to him.
So she got saved pretty muchimmediately and they started
going to church.
Well, they invited my husbandat the time and I to go and we
went and we met with the pastorone on one and he walked us
through like the plan ofsalvation and I knew my whole
life.
I knew because I'd been raisedaround the church.
I knew I was running from God.
(09:03):
I knew that my life would neverbe better unless I surrendered
to God.
And I also had really weirdthings happen as a teenager,
like I would be laying in bedand I would hear somebody walk
in my room and nobody would bethere.
I'd turn around and nobodywould be there.
I would hear things scratchingon the walls.
I would have like jewelry.
I would go to sleep and jewelrywould be missing off my body
(09:25):
and then I would wake up thenext day looking for it,
couldn't find it and then thenext day it would be laying on
my pillow, like here I am, or itwould be laying on my dresser
and I just always felt likethere was something on my back
like looking at me, chasing me.
There were times I was chasedout of my bedroom because I
thought a presence in there andin those times I would take a
Bible and put it under my pillow.
So it's like I always knew thatGod was there and I also knew I
(09:50):
wasn't surrendered to him.
I can remember praying Lord,please don't let me die, because
if I do I know I'm going tohell.
So it wasn't ever that Ithought, oh, I'm okay.
I knew I wasn't okay, but Iwasn't ready to surrender.
But when we met with him, I waslike at a place in my life
(10:14):
where I was on my last straw.
I was being beaten by myhusband.
I just had a new baby.
We were very desperatefinancially.
The depression was horrific,and so I gave my heart to the
Lord, and that was when I was 18.
And I immediately got veryheavily involved in the church.
So that's my salvation story.
Jemese (10:28):
Praise God for that.
What a journey to get there.
And I wonder if, looking back,can you I mean, you've kind of
touched on this Looking back,you can see that God, he was
there, he was with you.
You can say, you know howscripture tells us he doesn't
leave us or forsake us.
Looking back, you can see thesemoments where he was leading
(10:49):
you enough to know that, okay,the bible.
There's something in here forme.
I'm going to put this under mypillow, or you know, you hadn't.
You had gotten far from him, butnot so far that he couldn't
reach you.
Nichole (11:01):
Yeah, yeah, and I mean I always knew because, like
there was a time that I gotreally curious what all I had
been exposed to in the occultand I never practiced witchcraft
myself, but I got reallycurious about it, like what is
this all about?
What's going on?
And I went to the library and Ichecked out the satanic Bible
(11:24):
and I brought it home and I had,from the time of a young kid,
felt presence like dark presencein my, in my room and those
types of things.
But when I brought that home,it was something I had never
experienced before.
It was so dark and I knew.
I knew that I needed to get it.
Like I just innately knew, okay, that's got to go.
And I knew that I needed to puta Bible under my bed and under
(11:47):
my pillow.
But I wasn't serving God and Ididn't understand.
Even after getting saved, Ididn't understand my authority
in Christ.
I spent many, many years inbondage because I did not
understand my identity or myauthority in Christ.
Once I got saved, I thought, oh, you know what?
Everything is going to bebeautiful, everything's going to
be amazing, everything is justgoing to be fixed.
(12:09):
I'm going to get saved and it'sgoing to automatically just fix
.
And that didn't happen and Iwas saved and I was going to
heaven, which is an amazingthing, and I'm not minimizing
that whatsoever.
I had amazing community aroundme.
I had Bible study to go to.
I had amazing community aroundme.
I had Bible study to go to.
I had people to learn from.
I could hear God's voice.
I could hear him speak into me,laying things on my heart.
(12:31):
So that was amazing.
But I still struggled so badwith depression and anxiety and
fear and worry and physicalsickness.
It took years, years, years,from 18 till my early 40s, to
get free, because I just didn'tunderstand how to walk in that
freedom.
Jemese (12:52):
Yeah, the believer's authority.
That is something that thechurch Big C.
I feel like that is somethingthat we miss it sometimes.
I feel like a lot of timespeople come into the faith
understanding and knowing that,yes, jesus is the way I know,
that I need him, and I mean, Ihave that same kind of naive
(13:16):
thought all my problemsdisappear now.
But the reality is that youstill have to walk out your
authority and your identity.
Like that was a whole newballgame for me.
I had no idea.
What do you mean?
Jesus says that, what do youmean?
I pick up the Bible and ittells me who God says that I am.
(13:39):
I had no idea about that.
And so, if you don't know that,right, if you, if you don't
know that, yeah, it will feellike you are still living in
bondage.
And so tell us, how did thatcome about you even learning
these terms authority in Christand how did that come about?
How did he lead you throughthat journey?
Nichole (14:01):
Well, when I very first got saved, like I said, I was
18 and people startedprophesying over me and I
started feeling the Lord lay onmy heart that he was going to
use me to help heal other peopleNot that I would be doing it,
but that he was going to use mein a ministry to help facilitate
that and I'm like, okay, Lord,let's do it.
And then you know it never.
You're not usually toldsomething one day and then you
(14:23):
step into it day two thatthere's usually a process and it
just was not happening.
And I was getting sicker andsicker, emotionally and
physically.
I stayed with my first husbandfor about six years and then I
saw the damage it was doing toour child the last time that he
had really exploded and it wasbad.
I saw the look on my son's faceand I'm like I can't do this to
(14:53):
him anymore, and so I left himand I moved back in with my
parents, but I still hadcodependency.
I still was not able to standon my own.
I never wanted to be alone.
So I was married again within ayear because I never wanted to
be by myself.
Thankfully, he was a very goodman.
He is a very good man.
I'm married to him now.
We've been married 20 plusyears.
Very godly man, very good man.
And when I married him,everybody in my life thought,
(15:18):
okay, now you're in a safe spot,Now things are going to just be
great.
You're saved, You're involvedin the church, you have a good
husband, he's a good provider.
And my whole world fell apartbecause I think for the first
time, I wasn't in chaos.
I didn't know what to dooutside of chaos.
I didn't know how to function.
Chaos was my norm.
(15:39):
Covering up abuse was my norm.
Feeling afraid all the time wasmy norm.
I didn't know how to be safe.
I didn't know how to be in arelationship where if I pushed
him he wouldn't hit me and Itried, I pushed and pushed and
pushed and he would not fightback.
I didn't know how to be healthyand non-toxic.
Also, I started getting sickphysically.
(16:00):
I started having like just theweirdest things happen.
I would get diagnosis thatwhere I would hear things like
chronic.
It will never get better, youjust have to manage the symptoms
like.
My diagnosis felt like therewas a mile long and I started
having surgeries and proceduresand just I was getting sicker
physically.
So I went back to school to bea family therapist because I
(16:21):
thought, okay, well, maybethat's how God's going to use me
.
Family therapist because Ithought, okay, well, maybe
that's how God's going to use me.
And I started practicing and Ipracticed for about.
I practiced two different timesfor a year each and it was
horrific because I was nothealed at all and I was going
and listening to children tellme all day long about their
sexual abuse.
So I would go home in theevening and have to cut just to
make it through the evening withmy family.
(16:43):
And it was getting worse andworse and worse.
So I started back into therapyfor myself.
When I was in therapy, shediagnosed me, of course, with
the clinical depression and thePTSD, but she also diagnosed me
with DID and it was not a shockto me Dissociative identity
disorder.
For anyone that doesn'trecognize that is, the idea
(17:04):
behind it is that whenever yougo through trauma, especially as
a young child, you can splitinto different personalities,
different parts of yourself, andyou all live in the same body.
And I knew, like I knew thatbecause I'd heard voices for
years.
I recognized them, I knew theirnames, they talked to me, I
talked to them.
But to have that diagnosisreally was like a huge wake up
(17:25):
call to me that I was really,really sick, and so I stopped
practicing.
I walked away from mentalhealth and I'm like you know
it's not ethical at all BecauseI was in such a bad place.
Part of my therapy was learningto coexist with all of the
voices in my head and tointegrate, and so I started
letting them write through me.
I let them talk through me, Ilet them express their emotions
(17:47):
through me, and they wouldalways try to get me to give
them the driver's seat and theywould always want me to step
back and just let them be incontrol.
They would say I'll let yourest, it will be better, and I
never would completely turn overanything my body to them.
But I gave them a lot, of, lotof leeway.
I was very protective of thembecause the idea in my mind was
(18:10):
this happened because I'm abused, so I'm accepting them and
everybody in my life betteraccept them.
But they hated everybody.
They hated my son, they hatedmy husband, they hated my
children or my family, my momand dad.
They hated God, because theywould always say God let you
down, he didn't keep you safe.
We'll keep you safe, but hedidn't keep you safe.
(18:32):
If he loves you, why did he letyou go through that?
Your family is just out to getyou.
It was like just that constantparanoia.
So life went on like that formany years.
Around 2019, my son messaged meand he said Mom, I think this
minister may have something thatwould be interesting to you.
Now, mind you, I've been in thechurch.
(18:53):
It wasn't like I wasn't in thechurch, but I wasn't in churches
that ever taught anything aboutspiritual warfare.
We believed in laying hands onthe sick and that God could heal
, that he would bring miracles,signs and wonders, but I was
never exposed to anything aboutspiritual warfare, which is very
interesting to me looking back,like what we did believe but
what we never touched.
It's just an odd thing to me,but anyway.
(19:17):
So whenever he told me that Ilistened to the message and the
very first message I listened towas about deliverance and when
I say deliverance I mean closingdoors to demons, verbally,
casting them out in the name ofJesus, and then maintaining that
freedom afterwards and I'm likethat's me, that's exactly what
I need.
I just knew in my spirit I'mlike that, that's exactly what I
need.
And so I reached out to thatminister and I asked him if he
(19:39):
recommended any books or anyliterature or anything.
And he did.
He recommended a few books.
I bought them but then I didn'tread them.
I lost like a year and I can'treally tell you what all I was
doing in that year.
I know I was going back andforth to the Mayo Clinic because
I had something with my excuseme my breathing going on.
They couldn't get it diagnosed.
(20:00):
We was doing all kinds oftesting.
There were times I thought Iwas going to be choked to death,
that I just couldn't breathe.
There were times I thought Iwas going to be choked to death,
that I just couldn't breathe.
There were times I was almostrushed to the hospital because I
just could not breathe.
I was on breathing treatments,breathing machines.
My mental health was getting sobad that I was fighting
suicidal ideation pretty muchevery day.
There were times that I wouldjust have to tell my husband you
(20:22):
know you're going to have tohide the weapon any weapons in
the house, because it's gettingso strong.
It was bad.
It was bad PTSD, hundreds oftriggers, and so towards the end
of that year we're up to 2020.
God told me to set aside a weekfor fasting and prayer and I
said okay, I can do that.
You know I was right.
(20:42):
I was like at that point therewere nights I would go to sleep
not knowing if I was going towake up, Like I literally didn't
know if I was going to wake up.
And then he said make it public.
And I'm like Lord, don't,nobody care if I'm praying,
Nobody's going to pray for me,Nobody needs to pray for me.
Because I felt so worthless.
I'm like why would I put it onsocial media for people to feel
sorry for me?
Because I also wanted to lookstrong and be strong and not be
(21:04):
weak, and I didn't think anybodywould care.
And so I put it on social mediaand people from all over
started just messaging me.
I had people send me cards,tell me they were thinking of me
, people sending me words fromGod that he had scriptures he
had given for me.
The outpouring was justabsolutely amazing and I knew it
was him showing me his love.
He also told me to have myparents come over, and when I
(21:27):
say parents, that's my mom andstepdad, not biological dad.
He's deceased and I said, God,they live two hours away.
I don't want to ask them tohave to drive all this way, Will
you please tell them?
And then my mom called just afew minutes later and she said
you know, I just really feellike God's saying we need to
come over and lay hands on youand pray, and I'm like okay.
So I sent them a little bit ofinformation about deliverance
(21:48):
ministry.
Mind you, we had not been.
This was not our our thing, wehad not been around this.
It wasn't that we doubted, itjust wasn't even on our radar.
And so I sent them a little bitof information.
So we knew, going in, thatthere was some demonic activity.
We had no idea how much, ifmaybe it was 50-50, you know, 50
mental illness from abuse, 50%demonic.
(22:10):
We had no idea.
And so, leading up to that, Godreally was working on my heart
in a lot of areas.
One was to stop questioning himwhy the abuse happened.
And I had always held on tothat and I'd always told him if
you would just give me thatanswer, I know I can be healed.
So I was dictating to him youknow how I needed to be healed.
Of course we know that alwaysworks out.
(22:32):
And so I just kept telling himGod, I need that answer, I need
to know why it happened, Becausethe voices in my head were
constantly saying if God lovedyou, that wouldn't have happened
.
Something's wrong with you.
He can't love you, You're wrong, You'll never be good enough,
you are full of, you know,dirtiness.
And so I just felt like Ineeded that answer.
(22:53):
And he showed me a vision and Isaw two paths, and on one path
it was continuing to hold myquestion and basically demanding
please give me an answer.
And the other one wascompletely releasing it and
laying it down.
And that was a new path, a newway, and it was the path to
healing.
And so I released that.
That was something major that Icompletely and totally released
(23:16):
.
He also told me in that weekthat I had not honored my
biological dad.
That was very, very difficultwhen he told me that, Not gonna
lie, I had a little bit ofproblem with that and it took me
a little while to pray throughthat and I did, and I sat with
him and then I really got honestand I'm like OK, Lord, I'm
really ready for you to show mewhat you mean.
And what he was saying was isthat I spoke badly about him.
(23:38):
I didn't care if he was savedor not.
I didn't care if he went toheaven or hell.
I didn't necessarily want himto go to hell, but I didn't care
if he did.
I didn't care.
I didn't look at him with anyredeeming qualities.
I didn't look at him as someonethat God would want to redeem.
And so I asked the Lord you know, I repented for it, of course
and then I asked the Lord wouldI have had to have had a
(23:58):
relationship with him, Becausehe was already deceased at the
time?
And it wasn't aboutrelationship, it was about
keeping my mouth shut and notdishonoring him with my words
and then praying for his soul.
And so that was a huge lesson.
But after I did that, I wasable not pray for his soul he
was already gone but repent forit.
I was able then to fully andcompletely and totally forgive,
and so he just kept leading methrough deeper levels of
(24:21):
repentance and cleansing.
So when my mom and dad came,they walked in and immediately I
wanted to physically claw mydad's eyes out, Like there was
something in me that just wantedto physically attack him, and I
knew it was on.
I'm like I don't know what'sgoing on, but there's something
going on and it took four and ahalf hours of commanding demons
(24:42):
to leave, commanding them torelease me, asking them, you
know, do they have a legal rightleft to my life?
And four and a half hours later, between 45 and 60 demons were
cast out and I had zero mentalillness and I've not had any
mental illness symptoms sinceMay 24th 2020.
So in my case, it was 100%demonic torment and that was a
(25:04):
long answer to your question,but that was my journey to
freedom for the mental illness.
Jemese (25:10):
That's the perfect answer.
That's what people want to hear, because it just needs to be
talked about more.
It really does so.
The Lord has positioned me inthe marketplace as a counselor
and therapist, filled with thespirit of God, to offer
solutions to people who areexperiencing.
(25:32):
Yes, mental health does exist.
Yes, but there's also anotherside there.
There's demonic influence andwe need to be talking about that
.
People need freedom, becausewhere do you go?
You know, what stood out to meis um, as you were sharing is,
(25:52):
you said that deliverance,spiritual warfare, that was not
something that your mom andstepdad or yourself had a
background in, but yet they came, they followed the, they
followed the leading of the lordand were able, by the power of
god within them, to cast outthese demons.
(26:15):
How incredible.
What tell us about that?
Because I think sometimespeople feel like they have to be
like expert bible scholars.
Or you know it's only thepastor, or you know, know only a
special person.
But you're, you're literallysaying that the Lord, he
organized this, he had mom callyou and say God told me I'm
supposed to come and then, boom,you got your freedom.
Nichole (26:40):
We honestly had no idea what we was going into Like
like we did not know.
We learned so much that daywhen I talk about cause.
I went in, I started doingdeliverance ministry.
After that I started doingone-on-one sessions with people
a lot of them and I'm like Godjust threw us in the deep end,
because that's how we learned.
What we did was 100% relied onthe Holy spirit, because when my
(27:02):
parents came in so immediatelyI felt like that, physically
wanting to attack my dad, I hadto sit on my hands.
I was sitting on my handsbecause it was manifesting that
bad.
I started laughing and a voicethat wasn't mine started coming
out and talking and saying lookat him, who does he think he is?
(27:23):
He's so stupid, he thinks he'ssomebody.
And so they knew immediatelythat that wasn't me and my dad.
Just he said, ok, lord, what doI do?
You know?
In his mind he was praying God,what do I do?
And he just said I command you,in the name of Jesus, to get
out.
I command you to leave.
And that worked for that one.
It left.
(27:43):
That one went pretty easy.
For that one, it left.
That one went pretty easy.
There was another one that hewas commanding and commanding to
go.
I mean just that.
In the name of Jesus, I commandyou to leave, I command you to
release her, I command you toget out.
You have no power here.
And it was not going.
And I felt in my spirit thatthe Lord saying to me it's
because I had accepted it aspart of myself, saying to me
(28:08):
it's because I had accepted itas part of myself, it was one of
the altars that I accepted as,or it was what I thought was an
altar and I had.
I could see our identity wasintertwined around each other
because I had so accepted it andI had to verbally tell it you
are not part of me and I'm notpart of you.
You are not welcome hereanymore and I break agreement
with you.
When I did that, thenimmediately it left.
(28:30):
There was another one that theycouldn't see my face because it
was in the trash can.
Sometimes I mean I was vomiting, I was screaming, yelling,
spitting.
I was sitting across the roomfrom my dad and it's not humanly
impossible, but I literallyspit on him and it landed in his
face.
It shouldn't have been possible.
At one point I picked up atrash can to throw at him and it
(28:53):
just landed flat in front of meLike there was a hand that just
put it down in front of me.
I couldn't get up off my seat.
I would try and I couldn't.
It was like there was a handholding me down.
At one point I felt beingchoked on my neck Because, you
know, back then again, we didn'tknow, we didn't know to go in
and bind all that first.
We learned, you bind up all thatfirst, but we didn't know that.
(29:15):
And so there was like a handaround my throat choking me, and
so I whispered I can't breathe,and so my dad bound that,
commanded it to stop.
And then the strongest one thatdid not want to let go at all
was one that said I had beendedicated to it in a blood
ritual.
And I don't know why this wasasked and I don't even remember
(29:39):
who asked it.
But they said somebody saidwhat do you mean a blood ritual?
And it innocent blood wasspilled and she was given to me
by her dad.
And so the Lord just told mydad plead the blood of Jesus
over that.
Tell it.
Nothing is stronger than theblood of Jesus, and I mean he
really was being led by the HolySpirit with every word he was
(29:59):
saying.
He didn't have a script, hedidn't know what to say.
God was telling him, the HolySpirit was telling him.
And there was another partwhere and my dad doesn't he's
not one who sees visions, butduring this he was seeing
visions and God was showing himwhat to do.
He saw a demon that had a pouchand in that pouch was seeds,
and he knew it was seeds to mylife, like seeds to my health,
(30:20):
seeds to my calling, seeds toministry, seeds to finances.
And he commanded that demon tolet go of my seed and return the
seed to my life.
And he saw the pouch open andit returned it to me.
Trying to think of some of theothers oh, there was another one
that it spoke through me and itstarted laughing and it said I
make her fat, I make her eat andeat and eat and she's never
(30:42):
full.
And at that point I was almost300 pounds.
I was heavily, heavily addictedto sugar and food in general.
And before I went through thatdeliverance, god told me, about
four days prior, to stopconsuming sugar.
And that felt impossiblebecause I every drug behavior,
(31:02):
drug addiction behavior youcould have I had towards sugar.
That's how bad it was, and Idon't say that lightly, like I'm
not making fun, I'm serious.
I had sugar addiction and so Ihad stopped and then whenever we
went through that, I knew thatwas removing its legal right to
my life.
Had I not stopped and fastedsugar, it still would have had a
stronghold in my life.
So that one came out andimmediately the food addiction
(31:24):
was broken.
Now what I still have is meworking on being healthy and
going to the gym consistentlyand eating right, but the food
addiction is gone.
So there was a lot and Iremember some of it.
Some of it I don't remembersome of it.
They've told me a lot of voices, a lot of screaming.
I could feel them.
When they would come out, Iwould feel their personality.
(31:47):
So I would recognize which oneit was, because I would feel
their personality and theiremotions, because when they were
in me I operated my life ontheir emotions.
So once they came out, Ithought that I was.
I always thought I was an angryperson.
I thought I'm a type of personthat you don't want to cross,
even as a Christian.
(32:08):
I was ready to fight and I wasready to get an attitude.
I loved getting on social mediaand stirring up drama, fighting
, arguing, going back and forthwith each other.
I loved confrontation didn'tbother me a bit and I just
thought that was my part of mypersonality.
I thought, well, I went throughdomestic violence and it
(32:33):
flipped a switch in me and nowI'm I don't mind confrontation.
Once I got the spirits of angerout, I found I'm not even an
angry person.
Like it takes a lot to get meangry.
I've never lost control sincethen.
I've never like even yelled.
Since then I'm a very sensitiveperson.
I cry at the drop of a hat andprior to that I never cried.
If I cried you better run,because that meant I was mad and
(32:54):
I was ready to go into ablackout rage.
Now I'm super sensitive.
I cry over everything, not in abad way, like I'm not like my
emotions all over the place, butjust I can feel.
Before it was like I was numbed.
I could not feel I went throughmy grandmother passing away and
barely responding to thatbecause I just had such muted
(33:14):
emotions.
So life changed in a lot ofways.
Jemese (33:18):
Empathically yeah, it's praise God, praise God, and it's
like you got your.
You got the life that you weresupposed to have.
You got that back.
And so I think I'm alwayshearing, I'm always listening
for the hope.
And so what I'm hearing in yourstory is that, even though,
(33:40):
even though the devil meant harmfor you, even though you were
involved with um, just living inan atmosphere full of occultic
activity, even though the lord'shand was still so mighty to
save and like that was not therewas nothing that your
(34:04):
biological father could havedone to have stopped the Lord,
god Almighty, from stepping inand saving his daughter.
You are his daughter and sothere is hope there for those
who are living in secrecy, forum.
(34:27):
For those who are living in insecrecy, you know there's like
the occult comes in, all thosekinds of things new age, that
kind of stuff and it's like ashroud of secrecy wants to come
in with that and you don't wantto talk about it.
I'm gonna keep it to yourself,don't let people know, they're
gonna think you're're crazy,that kind of thing and so it's
just a miracle that you camefrom that background and God was
(34:52):
able to use you know thatscripture that says he uses the
foolish things to confound thewise.
You know your mom and stepdad.
They didn't as long as theywere like trained deliverance
ministers, but he used them.
And now look at you.
Today you've got a ministry andyou're helping others.
Get free, tell us a little bitabout that um, let me go back
just a little bit.
Nichole (35:12):
I know my answers are always so long, but I feel like,
without background, it justdoesn't.
It doesn't, um, explain itfully.
Whenever I was going throughthat process, I had started
looking into a few differentdeliverance ministers and it was
like God just closed the door.
One was like $400.
And I'm like I don't have $400.
(35:32):
Others you had to fly to, youhad to get a place to stay and
then you had to pay them moneyand I'm like we're on a fixed
income, like that was not.
And I just kept thinking Lord,why are you closing the doors?
I know this is what's wrongwith me.
Why are you closing the door?
Well, I realized why.
He was training us, he wasraising us up and it was for a
very specific reason.
And I didn't look that much.
(35:53):
I just kind of casually lookedaround to see what there was.
And then I realized quickly ohno, that's not the way it's
going to be.
Whenever we went through thatsession, he spoke to me.
I think I sat on the couch forlike four hours just staring
into nothing, because I was notused to my mind being quiet.
But then he spoke to me and hesaid I set you free and I gave
(36:16):
you the blueprint to get free.
Now go help others get free.
I said, ok, lord, you know, atthat point I was really, I was
willing to do anything still am.
That's not changed.
But after witnessing somethinglike that and feeling that, like
I can't describe to you thelevel of torment in my mind that
(36:37):
I had, I try to even just goback there.
You know, I wrote my testimonyin a book and just trying to go
back there and visit it doesn'tdo it justice.
Like I just can't even describeto you what it was like.
And then to go from that tobeing 100 percent free in my
mind I was ready to give Godanything Still am.
And so when he said that and healso said your ministry is
(36:58):
going to be very transparent,you're going to be sharing a lot
about your life I was like, ok,lord, and once he said that I
didn't know exactly what thatmeant.
But then a few days later hesaid I want you to share your
testimony.
I said, okay, lord, they'regoing to think I'm crazy.
People already thought I'mcrazy, but here we go.
And so I shared it the firsttime on social media.
I didn't know what was going tohappen first time and so I did
(37:33):
it and I mean, it got likehundreds of hits immediately and
I could not believe the numberof people that were reaching out
to me saying I need that, Ineed you to help me, and I'm
thinking, okay, I guess this iswhat the Lord was talking about,
and so I did.
I started taking people throughthe same process that he took me
through.
The part that he had shown mewas closing doors through
repentance, fasting prayer andthen verbally commanding
(37:57):
everything to leave.
So I started doing that.
I was doing a lot of one-on-onesessions with people from all
around the world because theycouldn't find help in their own
area.
I also was learning more.
I did find some people that Ibought books, learned a lot from
and those types of things.
Within that I wrote a manual andit ended up being like that
(38:18):
thick to teach how to dodeliverance ministry, because I
felt him laying that on my heartand I started teaching that
because I thought that there wassome gaps in what I was seeing
in the ministry and I'm notsaying that nobody gets it right
but me.
That's absolutely not what I'msaying at all, but I think that
there are some overreaching gapsin some of the areas and not
(38:39):
everybody.
There's a lot of people that doit and meet every area, but
there's also some mainstreamfolks out there that don't teach
a lot about closing doors andthen walking to maintain the
freedom.
They just kind of get peoplefree and then they leave them on
their own and there's not a lotof follow up on maintaining
their freedom, and that there'san issue in that.
But anyway, and then I feltlike he was laying it on my
(38:59):
heart to start teaching aboutother subjects.
So I started doing a lot ofteaching and then I wrote a book
, and then I wrote another bookabout my testimony, and then he
started leading me to a seasonof where I knew I was not going
to be doing deliverance ministryanymore.
And that was kind of really hardfor me because at the beginning
I thought, okay, this is my, my, my home, this is where I'm
going to be.
I'm going to be doingdeliverance ministry for years
(39:20):
and years and years, but hewould never let me build a team.
I kept trying, and not becauseI was doing it by myself, I was
doing it all online, all bymyself.
Well, I had a few sessions inperson, but I would always have
a prayer partner come wheneverit was in person and it was
really difficult because I cannever build a team, but he would
not let me.
And then I realized, oh, I'vejust been doing this to train.
(39:42):
I've been training to teachothers what he's taught me, and
so I started doing like onlineconferences.
I did a few in person and nowI'm really just in a season of
teaching, teaching, teaching.
Jemese (39:55):
So that's kind of where I'm at now.
Oh, I love that incredible.
He's the best teacher he is.
He teaches us in ways that wewould not have.
There's no way that we couldfathom learning the lesson that
way, but it ends up being soperfect and he's just the best
teacher.
I love that.
Praise God.
Nichole (40:15):
It's been an amazing journey and he's been so
faithful every step of the way.
You know, he just taught me.
So I've been walking through aseason of kind of just waiting
to see where I go next.
He had told me a while back,whenever I knew he was leading
me away from doing thedeliverance ministry, the way
that I had been and was leadingme into more of a teaching, and
(40:37):
I'm like, ok, lord, I'll let goof that whenever the next door
opens, because I'm picturing I'mgoing straight out of one door
into the next.
You know, boom, boom, and heshowed me you're never going to
get to that if you don't let goof this.
And that's when I'm like, oh,and then he showed me what it
really looked like.
There was a door at this end anda door at, and then a hallway
(40:58):
and then a door at that end.
I needed to move into thehallway and completely shut that
door before I was ready for thenext door, because there was
some things he needed to teachme and some areas he needed to
grow me and some things heneeded to change about me.
So I've been in the hallway inthe preparation, but he's so
faithful to show us that hedoesn't leave us just wondering,
like Lord what's going on?
Where am I at?
You know he?
Just he teaches us.
Jemese (41:20):
And I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that visual about thehallway.
I love that.
So my question is what wouldyou tell someone who didn't know
Jesus as a person and I guesswhat I mean by that is before we
come into the faith notspeaking for everybody, but a
lot of times it's like you knowthat, you know God is good,
(41:47):
devil, bad but there could be adisconnect between the fact that
Jesus is a real person, hereally is alive today, he really
does love you, and so whatwould you tell someone who is
maybe suffering through tormentor isolation and they don't know
(42:07):
Jesus for themselves?
Nichole (42:10):
Well, I would kind of give this analogy.
So, whatever area you'resuffering in, say that there was
a doctor that could give youthe cure.
The doctor had the pill thatwould cure you.
You could do one of two thingsyou could read about him, you
could ask other people about him, you could casually kind of
glance at him in passing, or youcould go up to him and talk to
(42:34):
him and get to know him as aperson and really seek him out
so that you can get help fromhim.
It's the same thing with Jesus.
We can learn about him, we cankind of know about him in
passing and casually.
But until you get to know himas Savior and Lord and Master
and friend and brother and youreverything, his healing doesn't
(42:56):
come.
His healing flows fromrelationship with him and his
freedom comes from relationshipwith him.
You can know about him, butthat's different than knowing
him.
You need to know him and be inrelationship with him.
It's all about relationship.
Jemese (43:12):
It is.
It's all about relationship.
Growing up, I was in theBaptist church as a kid and I
always would hear about thispersonal relationship with Jesus
and it just did not make senseto me.
I didn't know what that, Ididn't know what it meant.
But sometimes we overcomplicatethings.
You know, it really is assimple as the Lord Jesus is
(43:36):
alive, he's real, he's a person.
And how would you maintain arelationship with any person?
How would you maintain yourrelationship with your husband,
with your you know sister, yourbrother?
You would spend time with them,you would go and sit with them,
you would hang out together,you would, you know, you would
pursue and that kind of thing.
(43:58):
And so, yeah, there's just aninvitation to do that.
Nichole (44:02):
He extends that invitation to us there's just an
invitation to to do that, heextends that invitation to us.
And I think too, you know, ifyou say, well, I don't know him,
I'm not sure.
Get in the bible, start in thenew testament, matthew, mark,
luke and john.
Read all about him, learn abouthim, see who he is, let him
introduce himself to you throughhis word and fall in love with
him based on who he is and basedon his character.
(44:25):
Once you know him, there's nogoing back.
Once you see his goodness there, there's no going back amen,
that is so true.
Jemese (44:33):
So, um, before we wrap up, I am just so led right now.
Would you be willing to pray?
I know we prayed already, butfor the listener who is living
in the secrecy of their tormentwhere they've taken that
identity on.
(44:54):
I'm just so strongly led thatsomebody out there there's a cry
for help.
Would you be willing to gothere and just pray as you're
led?
Nichole (45:08):
Sure, father, god, right now I bless you and I
thank you and I praise you,because you see every heart.
You see into the hidden places,god.
Sometimes it's so easy to put asmile on our face and just
pretend like everything is okay,but, god, you see every tear
that is shed in private.
God, I pray that you would goto that person right now.
I pray that you would wrap yourlove around them.
(45:29):
I pray that they wouldphysically feel your love being
wrapped around them.
I pray that they wouldsurrender their pain and their
hurt and their torment to you,father God, I pray that in this
moment they would cry out to youand let it out and stop holding
it back.
I pray that that dam ofemotions would break in the name
of Jesus and that they would beable to pour it out at your
(45:52):
feet and that you would bringyour healing and your peace and
your joy and your hope.
Father God, I also pray youwould bring people into their
life.
I pray you would bringunderstanding people who can
support them and love them.
I pray you would bring peoplethat would pray for them, god,
people that I'm reminded of thefriends in the Bible that tore
off the roof to lower theirfriend down to the feet of Jesus
(46:16):
.
God, I pray that you wouldbring that type of person into
their life that would do war ontheir behalf.
God, I pray that, if they feellike giving up, that you would
offer your hope, father God,your tangible hope that would
pull them back from the brink ofgiving up.
God, I pray that if they feellike that they're losing control
or they're losing their sanity,or they feel like they just
(46:36):
want to lose their life, god, Ipray that you would get a hold
of them and draw them back toyou.
I pray that you would give themdreams and visions and
scripture to speak your word andyour life into them and over
them.
I pray that they would breakoff the lies of the enemy that
says that it will never getbetter.
God, that is a lie and we callit a lie.
In the name of Jesus, I prayyou would break off the lies
(46:58):
that have attached to them, thelies that have attached to their
identity.
I pray they would be exactlywho you created them to be, that
they would break out of everyfalse identity that the trauma
has tried to place on them.
I pray that you would bringclarity where there is confusion
in their mind and racingthoughts.
I pray you would comment.
I pray you would speak.
Peace be still to their mindand that you would bring peace
(47:20):
and clarity.
I pray you would rebuke chaos.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray that they would find a safe
place where they could go,where they could be accepted,
where they could be loved andwhere they could be heard.
I pray that they would findsafety.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray if they're in a place where
they feel like they can't sharebecause of the position that
(47:41):
they have, that it would beembarrassing or that it would
cause people to look at them acertain way.
God, I pray that you would givethem peace to share their story
, because they're not the onlyone walking through this God.
So many are hurting andsuffering and they're isolated
because they're scared to talk,they're scared to bring it
forward, they're scared of beingjudged.
God, I pray, in the name ofJesus, that you would give them
(48:04):
strength to share their story.
We have to start talking aboutthese things.
We have to bring them to thelight in order for them to be
healed.
God, I pray that everythingthat's done in the dark will be
brought to the light, so thatthere can be healing and freedom
and restoration.
In the name of Jesus, god, Ipray that you would speak your
truth over their life and breakthe chains of the enemy.
(48:25):
In Jesus name, amen.
Jemese (48:28):
Praise God.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Tell us where we can find you.
If there's somebody listeningtoday who wants to connect with
your ministry, where can we findyou online?
Nichole (48:42):
Absolutely so.
I'm on Facebook.
You can follow my personal page, nicole Hensley Henson.
You can also find our ministrygroup.
It's fullness of joy ministrythe one that is ours, because,
it's recently been brought to myattention, there's another
group on Facebook now with thesame name.
Ours is the one with the greensucculents, like the green
flowers across the banner.
So if you see the green, that'sus.
(49:02):
You can also find me on YouTubejust under my name, nicole
Henson.
You can email me atfullnessofjoybyministries at
gmailcom, and you can find ourwebsite at fullnessofjoycom.
Jemese (49:16):
Wonderful, and I will have all of these links in the
show notes or description foreverybody to click on.
Thank you so much, nicole.
This was so beautiful.
What a beautiful testimony.
Nichole (49:28):
Thank you.
I love getting to tell aboutthe Lord.
Jemese (49:31):
Yes, and of his freedom and of the life that's available
in him.
Praise God.
That's a wrap for this episode.
Thank you all so much fortuning in, as always.
And hey, if you want to keep up, go head over to my Instagram
at Janice Lachelle.
That's where you'll findinformation on this podcast.
(49:52):
You'll find information on myprivate practice where I am
helping women with Christiantrauma therapy and all that kind
of good stuff.
I will catch you on the flipside.
I love you so much.
I pray that the Lord blessesyou and keeps you until we meet
again.
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