September 7, 2024 • 16 mins
Join me in this candid episode where I offer practical tips for maintaining your financial well-being while still being a supportive friend or family member. Whether you’ve been caught in the cycle of lending money or you’re curious about how to approach a loved one who’s always in need, this episode is a must-listen. We’ll discuss the importance of offering advice with empathy, understanding emotional triggers, and finding that delicate balance between helping and enabling. Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that aims to strengthen your relationships and provide actionable solutions to common financial challenges.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
the views and opinions expressed on this
podcast or website are those ofthe authors and do not
necessarily reflect the officialpolicy or position of a queen's
opinion.
Any content provided by ourbloggers or authors are their
opinion and are not intended tomalign any religion, ethnic
group, club, organization,company, individual or anyone or
(00:26):
anything.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to a Queen's Opinion.
My name is Queen, my voice, myopinion and your listening ears.
Hello everyone.
I want to start off by sayinghow sorry I am for missing our
episodes during AugustSummertime.
Fun and vacation travel justtook over the month.
(01:03):
Fun and vacation travel justtook over the month, but
everyone here at A Queen'sOpinion is back from vacation
and we are ready and geared upfor the next few months.
We are ready to offer ouropinions on many great topics
that we have in store for you.
Thank you for staying faithfullisteners of the podcast.
(01:23):
Don't forget you can alwayssend me your feedback about this
episode or any episode.
Now let's get this episodestarted.
This episode is called Family,friends and Money.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
(01:43):
Family, friends and money.
How does money affect theserelationships?
Can money ruin a friendship?
Can money ruin a family?
Let's explore these questions.
We have friends that we trulylove, just like family, and we
(02:07):
will ride and die for them.
We feel that if they are inneed of anything, we are going
to be there to support them anyway that we can.
So when they call us and needhelp with car repairs or car
payments, we help the sister out.
Of course she says I'll pay youback as soon as I can.
(02:31):
You don't question it, becauseshe is your friend and she keeps
her word.
Mm-hmm.
Well, she needs you again.
Three months later she calls youup, she tells you what her
dilemma is and of course, justlike a good friend, you help her
(02:53):
out, you make sure that shegets what she needs to make it
through and once again she saysI'll hit you up as soon as I can
.
Now she always pays the moneyback, as she said she would.
The relationship is good, noproblems.
Then here we go again.
(03:14):
This time she needs a littlehelp with the rent.
So now you begin to ask acouple of questions of your
friend.
What's going on with yourfinances?
Do you need me to help you witha budget or recommend a
financial planner?
What can we do to make sure thatyou can manage all your
(03:37):
finances.
Make a few suggestions or givea little advice to your friend,
saying that maybe she should cutsome things back.
Well, this didn't go as planned.
She is offended and says eitheryou're going to help her or
(03:59):
you're not.
She doesn't need you gettingall up in her business.
She doesn't need you gettingall up in her business.
You just freeze and think toyourself I wouldn't be in your
business if you didn't ask forhelp.
You replied I am trying to bethat good friend and offer good
(04:20):
advice to fix the issue longterm.
She did not see it in that way.
These situations always make mewant to ask people why do you
get mad when your friend triesto offer you advice?
Now, the thing about advice isjust like the queen's opinion
(04:43):
Everyone has an opinion,Everyone has advice, and that
doesn't mean you have to takethe advice.
When I am given advice oropinions, I am going to listen
to what the person has to say.
I'm going to determine if theadvice fits my situation and
(05:05):
make a determination if that'ssomething I want to do.
If I choose to take the adviceor opinion, I will look further
into the information or justpass on it all together.
But there's no need in gettingmad when you ask for help from a
(05:25):
friend and they offer advice.
It's not fair to yourrelationship, it's not fair to
your friend who is trying to behelpful.
It's not fair to your friendwho is trying to be helpful.
It's okay if you need a littlehelp every now and then, but
when you have a repeated patternevery other month, Then it
(05:46):
calls into question how you arehandling your money.
This repeating pattern callsinto question many money
situations, Like do you have aman in your life?
Is he aware of your needs?
Is he trying to help you?
Is he staying with you?
If yes, what is he bringing tothe table besides running up
(06:10):
bills?
What is he doing to help youand your family?
You see, we women sometimesfall head over heels in love or
strong light with our boo thingand we forget that old saying
from grandma.
My grandma taught me that youmust pay where you lay.
(06:33):
I'll let that sink in for someof you listeners.
So what is the man bringing tothe table to assist you?
Because he should have been thefirst person you called to seek
assistance If he was unable tohelp you in your time of need
(06:55):
baby.
We need to think about levelingup.
We need to think about how youand he can create a plan
together so that his bills getpaid, your bills get paid and
there isn't a need to borrow orask for help from your friends
(07:16):
so often because y'all got itcovered Now.
Don't get me wrong.
Everybody, we all, will runinto a need situation and
there's nothing wrong withasking for help.
The whole purpose of thisepisode is to tell you don't
create a pattern of financialneed all the time and don't put
(07:39):
yourself in a situation youcan't manage alone.
If you can't pay your bills andsupport yourself and your
family, you have your prioritiesall mixed up.
Think about what is going awryin your financial life that
keeps happening.
Don't let money ruin a goodfriendship.
(08:01):
Next family, family, family,Mm-hmm.
They say you can't choose thefamily you're born into.
That's so true.
That's so true.
But what I can choose to do isnot give you my money.
(08:23):
Oh my goodness, how many of ushave those family members who
borrow money and never pay itback.
Did you hear me?
Never pay it back?
We all have family members whoborrow money for so many
different things and reasonsevery week, every month, every
(08:43):
quarter and year, and they feelfamily is supposed to give them
financial support.
Every time they ask, they tellus I will pay the money back in
two weeks, by the end of themonth or the end of the quarter.
We give them that stern talkabout getting financial advice
(09:07):
from a professional, but thatinformation goes on deaf ears,
hence why they keep coming backinstead of taking the advice.
We hear the same story thatthey are a little short this
month because they didn't expectthe light bill to be so high,
(09:28):
so they had to take from Peterto pay Paul.
Now, some of you may notunderstand that analogy, but it
basically means you took moneyfrom one bill to pay another
bill.
The family member tells youthey are helping another family
(09:49):
member who didn't pay them backin time to pay their bills.
So they're a little short andneed a little help.
The cycle is real.
What should you do?
Do we continue to allow thosefamily members to borrow money
from us?
Do we even ask them to pay itback, Because we know the
(10:13):
chances are slim of getting themoney returned?
If they do repay the money,well, it's just a temporary
repayment, because they will beback next month to borrow the
money again for a different bill.
Grandma, mama, auntie and uncle, listen carefully.
(10:41):
We all have to stop allowingthese grown folks your children
to borrow money, these grownfolks your children to borrow
money repetitively from us.
You see, they know if you areshort on your bills, that
someone is going to bail themout and they won't have to worry
(11:02):
about repayment.
The cycle is real.
What do we do?
Do we allow grandma, mama,auntie and uncle to fall into
financial hardships?
We love them and don't want tosee them in that type of
situation.
This is going to sound awful tomany people, but yes, we must
(11:29):
allow them to fall softly.
Well, what does that mean?
Falling softly, that means, ifthey are just one month behind
on the bill, let it ride onemonth behind.
We need to teach that chronicborrowing family member a lesson
.
Well, what's the lesson?
(11:50):
Borrowing family member alesson?
Well, what's the lesson, queen?
Well, they need to understandthat paying the money back to
grandma, mama, auntie and uncleis critical, but family
borrowers are now impacting thelivelihood of their other family
members.
We should never put our familyin jeopardy like that.
(12:11):
Here is what I say about familymembers and money.
When you give, the money isgone.
Give it in love andunderstanding that getting it
back is not an option.
You're not getting the moneyback boo, wake up.
(12:37):
You're not getting the moneyback, boo, wake up.
You're not getting the moneyback, boo.
Count it all as love and joythat you are able to help.
I always say expect nothingfrom no one.
Don't go in with expectations.
That's one of the Queen'sguidelines Expecting nothing
from no one.
So when you give it, you knowyou've given it in love and
(13:02):
don't expect it back.
If you need it back or you wantit back, then don't give it,
because you're not going to getit back.
It's a gift.
What I have a problem with isfamily members that I give money
to on a bi-monthly situationbasis, just like the friends.
(13:26):
What's going on with yourfinances?
What's going on that you arealways in need of my money?
Elders of the family, if yoursons or daughters cannot support
their lifestyle, then you don'tneed to support it either.
(13:46):
Sometimes, tough love isrequired.
We need to let them fall sothat they can learn how to get
up.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
Yes, we need to practice toughlove, strong listening skills
(14:09):
and resolutions so we can rootout the problem rather than
giving money out of our pocketsevery single time.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, here at A Queen's Opinion.
We're always asking ourlisteners to contact us by going
to our website,wwwaqueen'sopinioncom and
clicking on Get In Touch toleave your feedback or leave a
question for the Queen.
We realized that many of youare on the go and listen to
(14:50):
podcasts through your phones orin the car, so we wanted to make
contacting the Queen easier.
You can now send a text.
Yes, you can text the showright from your phone.
Try it right now, today.
Send your feedback about thisepisode or any episode that you
have listened to over the months.
We can't wait to hear back fromyou.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
A Queen's Opinion is a podcast that allows people,
especially women, to think outloud about life situations and
seek an opinion without beingjudged.
This podcast is supposed tolift you up, encourage you to be
the best person you can be, toinspire you to step out of your
(15:33):
comfort zone and into your queenzone.
I didn't say my opinion willsolve your problems.
I am not saying that I am right, but what I am saying is I'm
going to give you another viewof the situation from a distance
.
No more thinking or questioninga situation by yourself.
(15:55):
Ask the Queen.
Go to our website,wwwaquingsopinioncom and click
on Get In Touch to leave yourfeedback or leave a question for
the Queen.
Don't forget to like uswherever you get your podcasts.
Thank you for taking time outof your day.
(16:17):
I hope you join me for our nextepisode.
Until then, goodbye.
the views and opinions expressed on this
podcast or website are those ofthe authors and do not
necessarily reflect the officialpolicy or position of a queen's
opinion.
Any content provided by ourbloggers or authors are their
opinion and are not intended tomalign any religion, ethnic
group, club, organization,company, individual or anyone or
(00:26):
anything.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to a Queen's Opinion.
My name is Queen, my voice, myopinion and your listening ears.
Hello everyone.
I want to start off by sayinghow sorry I am for missing our
episodes during AugustSummertime.
Fun and vacation travel justtook over the month.
(01:03):
Fun and vacation travel justtook over the month, but
everyone here at A Queen'sOpinion is back from vacation
and we are ready and geared upfor the next few months.
We are ready to offer ouropinions on many great topics
that we have in store for you.
Thank you for staying faithfullisteners of the podcast.
(01:23):
Don't forget you can alwayssend me your feedback about this
episode or any episode.
Now let's get this episodestarted.
This episode is called Family,friends and Money.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
(01:43):
Family, friends and money.
How does money affect theserelationships?
Can money ruin a friendship?
Can money ruin a family?
Let's explore these questions.
We have friends that we trulylove, just like family, and we
(02:07):
will ride and die for them.
We feel that if they are inneed of anything, we are going
to be there to support them anyway that we can.
So when they call us and needhelp with car repairs or car
payments, we help the sister out.
Of course she says I'll pay youback as soon as I can.
(02:31):
You don't question it, becauseshe is your friend and she keeps
her word.
Mm-hmm.
Well, she needs you again.
Three months later she calls youup, she tells you what her
dilemma is and of course, justlike a good friend, you help her
(02:53):
out, you make sure that shegets what she needs to make it
through and once again she saysI'll hit you up as soon as I can
.
Now she always pays the moneyback, as she said she would.
The relationship is good, noproblems.
Then here we go again.
(03:14):
This time she needs a littlehelp with the rent.
So now you begin to ask acouple of questions of your
friend.
What's going on with yourfinances?
Do you need me to help you witha budget or recommend a
financial planner?
What can we do to make sure thatyou can manage all your
(03:37):
finances.
Make a few suggestions or givea little advice to your friend,
saying that maybe she should cutsome things back.
Well, this didn't go as planned.
She is offended and says eitheryou're going to help her or
(03:59):
you're not.
She doesn't need you gettingall up in her business.
She doesn't need you gettingall up in her business.
You just freeze and think toyourself I wouldn't be in your
business if you didn't ask forhelp.
You replied I am trying to bethat good friend and offer good
(04:20):
advice to fix the issue longterm.
She did not see it in that way.
These situations always make mewant to ask people why do you
get mad when your friend triesto offer you advice?
Now, the thing about advice isjust like the queen's opinion
(04:43):
Everyone has an opinion,Everyone has advice, and that
doesn't mean you have to takethe advice.
When I am given advice oropinions, I am going to listen
to what the person has to say.
I'm going to determine if theadvice fits my situation and
(05:05):
make a determination if that'ssomething I want to do.
If I choose to take the adviceor opinion, I will look further
into the information or justpass on it all together.
But there's no need in gettingmad when you ask for help from a
(05:25):
friend and they offer advice.
It's not fair to yourrelationship, it's not fair to
your friend who is trying to behelpful.
It's not fair to your friendwho is trying to be helpful.
It's okay if you need a littlehelp every now and then, but
when you have a repeated patternevery other month, Then it
(05:46):
calls into question how you arehandling your money.
This repeating pattern callsinto question many money
situations, Like do you have aman in your life?
Is he aware of your needs?
Is he trying to help you?
Is he staying with you?
If yes, what is he bringing tothe table besides running up
(06:10):
bills?
What is he doing to help youand your family?
You see, we women sometimesfall head over heels in love or
strong light with our boo thingand we forget that old saying
from grandma.
My grandma taught me that youmust pay where you lay.
(06:33):
I'll let that sink in for someof you listeners.
So what is the man bringing tothe table to assist you?
Because he should have been thefirst person you called to seek
assistance If he was unable tohelp you in your time of need
(06:55):
baby.
We need to think about levelingup.
We need to think about how youand he can create a plan
together so that his bills getpaid, your bills get paid and
there isn't a need to borrow orask for help from your friends
(07:16):
so often because y'all got itcovered Now.
Don't get me wrong.
Everybody, we all, will runinto a need situation and
there's nothing wrong withasking for help.
The whole purpose of thisepisode is to tell you don't
create a pattern of financialneed all the time and don't put
(07:39):
yourself in a situation youcan't manage alone.
If you can't pay your bills andsupport yourself and your
family, you have your prioritiesall mixed up.
Think about what is going awryin your financial life that
keeps happening.
Don't let money ruin a goodfriendship.
(08:01):
Next family, family, family,Mm-hmm.
They say you can't choose thefamily you're born into.
That's so true.
That's so true.
But what I can choose to do isnot give you my money.
(08:23):
Oh my goodness, how many of ushave those family members who
borrow money and never pay itback.
Did you hear me?
Never pay it back?
We all have family members whoborrow money for so many
different things and reasonsevery week, every month, every
(08:43):
quarter and year, and they feelfamily is supposed to give them
financial support.
Every time they ask, they tellus I will pay the money back in
two weeks, by the end of themonth or the end of the quarter.
We give them that stern talkabout getting financial advice
(09:07):
from a professional, but thatinformation goes on deaf ears,
hence why they keep coming backinstead of taking the advice.
We hear the same story thatthey are a little short this
month because they didn't expectthe light bill to be so high,
(09:28):
so they had to take from Peterto pay Paul.
Now, some of you may notunderstand that analogy, but it
basically means you took moneyfrom one bill to pay another
bill.
The family member tells youthey are helping another family
(09:49):
member who didn't pay them backin time to pay their bills.
So they're a little short andneed a little help.
The cycle is real.
What should you do?
Do we continue to allow thosefamily members to borrow money
from us?
Do we even ask them to pay itback, Because we know the
(10:13):
chances are slim of getting themoney returned?
If they do repay the money,well, it's just a temporary
repayment, because they will beback next month to borrow the
money again for a different bill.
Grandma, mama, auntie and uncle, listen carefully.
(10:41):
We all have to stop allowingthese grown folks your children
to borrow money, these grownfolks your children to borrow
money repetitively from us.
You see, they know if you areshort on your bills, that
someone is going to bail themout and they won't have to worry
(11:02):
about repayment.
The cycle is real.
What do we do?
Do we allow grandma, mama,auntie and uncle to fall into
financial hardships?
We love them and don't want tosee them in that type of
situation.
This is going to sound awful tomany people, but yes, we must
(11:29):
allow them to fall softly.
Well, what does that mean?
Falling softly, that means, ifthey are just one month behind
on the bill, let it ride onemonth behind.
We need to teach that chronicborrowing family member a lesson
.
Well, what's the lesson?
(11:50):
Borrowing family member alesson?
Well, what's the lesson, queen?
Well, they need to understandthat paying the money back to
grandma, mama, auntie and uncleis critical, but family
borrowers are now impacting thelivelihood of their other family
members.
We should never put our familyin jeopardy like that.
(12:11):
Here is what I say about familymembers and money.
When you give, the money isgone.
Give it in love andunderstanding that getting it
back is not an option.
You're not getting the moneyback boo, wake up.
(12:37):
You're not getting the moneyback, boo, wake up.
You're not getting the moneyback, boo.
Count it all as love and joythat you are able to help.
I always say expect nothingfrom no one.
Don't go in with expectations.
That's one of the Queen'sguidelines Expecting nothing
from no one.
So when you give it, you knowyou've given it in love and
(13:02):
don't expect it back.
If you need it back or you wantit back, then don't give it,
because you're not going to getit back.
It's a gift.
What I have a problem with isfamily members that I give money
to on a bi-monthly situationbasis, just like the friends.
(13:26):
What's going on with yourfinances?
What's going on that you arealways in need of my money?
Elders of the family, if yoursons or daughters cannot support
their lifestyle, then you don'tneed to support it either.
(13:46):
Sometimes, tough love isrequired.
We need to let them fall sothat they can learn how to get
up.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
Yes, we need to practice toughlove, strong listening skills
(14:09):
and resolutions so we can rootout the problem rather than
giving money out of our pocketsevery single time.
Can money ruin friend andfamily relationships?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, here at A Queen's Opinion.
We're always asking ourlisteners to contact us by going
to our website,wwwaqueen'sopinioncom and
clicking on Get In Touch toleave your feedback or leave a
question for the Queen.
We realized that many of youare on the go and listen to
(14:50):
podcasts through your phones orin the car, so we wanted to make
contacting the Queen easier.
You can now send a text.
Yes, you can text the showright from your phone.
Try it right now, today.
Send your feedback about thisepisode or any episode that you
have listened to over the months.
We can't wait to hear back fromyou.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
A Queen's Opinion is a podcast that allows people,
especially women, to think outloud about life situations and
seek an opinion without beingjudged.
This podcast is supposed tolift you up, encourage you to be
the best person you can be, toinspire you to step out of your
(15:33):
comfort zone and into your queenzone.
I didn't say my opinion willsolve your problems.
I am not saying that I am right, but what I am saying is I'm
going to give you another viewof the situation from a distance
.
No more thinking or questioninga situation by yourself.
(15:55):
Ask the Queen.
Go to our website,wwwaquingsopinioncom and click
on Get In Touch to leave yourfeedback or leave a question for
the Queen.
Don't forget to like uswherever you get your podcasts.
Thank you for taking time outof your day.
(16:17):
I hope you join me for our nextepisode.
Until then, goodbye.
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