Episode 5: Mental Health & The Holidays

In Episode 5 of A Way Forward: Conversations on Mental Health, presented by Beem Credit Union, host Jessica Samuels is joined by Mike Gawliuk, CEO of CMHA Kelowna for a conversation on Mental Health & The Holidays. The holiday season brings unique joys and challenges. In this episode, we dive into practical strategies for managing mental health and well-being during a time of heightened expectations, consumerism, and emotional triggers.

 Key Topics Covered:

1. High Expectations During the Holidays

• The "perfect holiday" narrative: Balancing societal pressure and personal priorities.
• Strategies for managing expectations:
  • Focus on what the holidays mean to you.
  • Delegate responsibilities when hosting.
  • Accept imperfection: It’s okay if the ornaments aren’t perfectly placed.

2. Setting Boundaries

• Healthy boundaries ensure you protect your mental well-being.
• Tips for effective boundary-setting:
  • Be clear and kind in communication.
  • Examples: "I can join for dinner but not stay the whole evening."
  • Remember, boundaries aren’t inherently negative—they’re a tool for self-care.

3. Overindulgence: Food, Alcohol, and Spending

• Awareness and moderation are key to avoiding post-holiday regret:
  • Spending: Set a budget and stick to it. Consider alternative gifting options, like Secret Santa or giving your time.
  • Eating & Drinking: Stay mindful of consumption and its impact on mental health.
  • Maintain routines, like exercise, to balance indulgences.

4. Loneliness and Grief During the Holidays

• Loneliness is common during the season, especially when facing grief or being away from loved ones.
• Ideas to combat loneliness:
  • Volunteer in your community.
  • Reach out to friends or family through calls or cards.
  • Plan small traditions for yourself, like a Christmas Day walk.
• Managing grief during the holidays:
  • Allow yourself to feel emotions and reflect on positive memories.
  • Share your thoughts with a trusted friend or loved one.
  • Have a plan for anniversaries or milestones that may trigger grief.

5. Consumerism and Financial Stress

• The holiday season amplifies the pressure to spend, especially with Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and gift-giving traditions.
• Strategies to manage financial stress:
  • Be mindful of spending limits.
  • Focus on meaningful, non-monetary gifts (e.g., quality time).
  • Prepare for post-holiday realities to avoid the "holiday hangover."

Key Takeaways:

• Manage expectations and focus on what truly matters to you during the holidays.
• Set boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being.
• Moderation in spending, eating, and drinking can prevent regrets later.
• Combat loneliness through connection, volunteering, and small personal rituals.
• Grief can be heightened during holidays—acknowledge it and seek support when needed.

**Resources:
https://www.interiorhealth.ca/stories/10-ways-focus-your-mental-wellness-during-holidays

https://cmha.ca/news/five-ways-to-protect-your-mental-health-this-holiday/   

**General Mental Health Resources:**
If you or someone you know is struggling, CMHA Kelowna's Find Help Now page has a list of emergency and non-emergency resources for individuals of any age. .css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}

Episode Transcript

Jessica Samuels (00:00):
Hello. I'm Jessica Samuels, and welcome to
episode 5 of a way forwardpodcast presented by Beam Credit
Union. As we get started, I'dlike to acknowledge that we are
here on the ancestral,traditional, and unceded lands
of the Okanagan Sillix people.Today's topic is mental health
and the holidays and thedisparity between the music,

(00:22):
enjoyment, the commercials, thepresence, what we should be
doing and feeling and thereality that many people simply
are not. Mike, when we get intothe last few months of the year,
this is where we start thinkingabout holiday season.
And actually, there's quite afew backgrounds and cultures

(00:45):
that celebrate this time ofyear, we have winter solstice,
we have Hanukkah, we haveKwanzaa, and we have Christmas,
which is probably in our cultureat this time, what we
predominantly see the most. Sowe're going to talk about the
mental health stressors, as theykind of relate to what you and I
know. And in reference toChristmas, acknowledging,

(01:07):
though, that holidays, no matterwhere folks are from, and any
time of the year, can also havesome of these similar stressors.
And we're gonna get into thatfirst. What I want to know is,
what does Christmas mean to you?
And what are the stressors thatyou have experienced or do
experience?

Mike Gawliuk (01:27):
Well, I mean it's it's really interesting because
it's, I mean I look back on mylife. Right? And so, when I was
young, we celebrated Christmasas a family. So it was, you
know, rather, you know,traditional, the tree and
presents and hanging out withfamily and playing games and and

(01:52):
and just having an opportunityto be together. You know, as
life goes on, things change.
And how Christmas looks now thanit did before has changed
because of some things that havehappened in my life. So, I lost

(02:13):
both of my parents. My dadpassed away 2 years ago just
after Christmas. And so it looksa little bit different that, you
know, there's there's that senseof loss which, gets heightened,
during the holiday season.Obviously, who who I spend time

(02:33):
with, around the holidays looksdifferent.
Me and my son, we spend a lot oftime together, have friends and
and that but, you know, for methe meaning is around being
together, sharing, and andhaving having those connections.
What that's looked like againacross the lifespan has has

(02:56):
changed over the course of time.So the stressors, that may have
existed when I was younger, Imean, look very different than
they do today. Mhmm. So when Ireflected on that that question
that's that's really how I, howI frame it up.

(03:17):
Mhmm. What about yourexperience?

Jessica Samuels (03:20):
Natural. Next question. Very similar. You
know, growing up, Christmas wasthe excitement in the air and
the buying of the presents andputting up the Christmas tree
and the food and the time withfamily and each part of
Christmas, you know, the time,the rituals that I had with with

(03:43):
my parents in even putting upthe Christmas tree and all of
those things. And, and, I waswhen I was growing up, I was
very blessed to have a largefamily around me, extended
family around me.
So, you know, Christmas was likea week long affair. And I don't
mean the presents part of it andthe gifts part of it. Certainly

(04:04):
the food. But that time togetheras family, like we just you just
did so many things together. Andthat's part of what I knew, what
I thought I knew to beChristmas.
And then you're right, as youadult and, you know, your
situation changes and you getmarried or you get in serious

(04:26):
relationships, recognizing thattheir Christmas experience is
different and really makingChristmas your own. So you take
a little bit from here and alittle bit from there and you
really want to make it your own.And, and then also coming to the
realization that that some ofthose things, that I really
enjoy, maybe not everybody elseenjoys. And, you know, and we're

(04:49):
going to get to it. But eventhat, like that togetherness
piece, because it's not even forme, it's not even just the the
like, yeah, I mean, I can alwaysbudget, you know, and I can
spend a little bit less or alittle bit more on groceries or
what have you.
And and but one of the thingsthat really does is meaningful

(05:09):
to me for Christmas is time withfamily and friends. And I could
literally pack like that whole 2weeks, the week leading up in
the week in between, just like,let's go do this and let's go do
this. And that's simply not foreverybody. Nope. And admittedly,
so it's getting less and lessfor me as

Mike Gawliuk (05:27):
I get

Jessica Samuels (05:27):
older. So the realization, so this will get
interesting as we talk aboutthis, not only the expectations
that I have on myself, but theimplied expectations that I
have, I'm putting on otherpeople for their time and energy
was a real, eye opener for me inthe last few years, probably

(05:52):
just maybe just around whenCOVID started. Because, you
know, are thinking, no, it'sokay. You know, you don't have
to buy me any presents. No.
I'll make Christmas dinner. Butthen there's these other
expectations that I was puttingon because I get caught up in
the hype. I love it all. And so,that's a little bit of insight.
So then, the net and we'll justtalk about this is how do I make

(06:16):
sure that my hopes and dreamsand needs are met for Christmas,
and making sure that the peoplearound me have the same.
So this is these are some of thethings that that we can all
consider during the Christmasholidays. And of course, then
there's the conflict piece. Andconflict, it's these times when

(06:39):
we get together, family conflictis high during these times. I
mean, I'm sure you might havesome experiences or you know, I
think we all could haveexperiences of conflict during
times that are supposed to beset up as celebration.

Mike Gawliuk (06:56):
Yeah. Well, I mean, you talk about family.
And, you know, when when when welook we look at family, we look
at the context of of holidays,there there absolutely can be
conflict. We look at variouspopulation groups. Right?

(07:20):
LGBTQIA populations whose familymay, you know, have rejected
them or disapproved them of andand ultimately like ostracize
people from from their ownfamily.

Jessica Samuels (07:36):
Mhmm.

Mike Gawliuk (07:37):
So I mean, the context of family, what goes on
conflict can look verydifferent.

Jessica Samuels (07:42):
Right. Or even if you're in that group and you
are not necessarily out to yourfamily because you're concerned
about you're trying to like kindof subvert the conflict. I mean,
there's that that element ofthat as well. And you identify
that group and other groups orpeople who views and values may
differ from maybe their familymembers.

Mike Gawliuk (08:02):
Yeah. Well, and I think for myself, I mean, when I
think about extended family, Ithink the more that gets into
the mix, that's where I wouldhave seen a little bit of
conflict. And I mean, it waswrapped up in in various things.
Part of it within my my familyhistory was I'd say, a little

(08:26):
bit of alcoholism that existed.And we talked and we'll talk a
little bit more about holidaymerriment, the things that can
exacerbate, you know preexisting wounds that exist
right?
On the one hand like you talkabout spending, wanting to spend
as much time together aspossible. For some families too

(08:52):
much time together can actuallybe destructive.

Jessica Samuels (08:55):
Right. Toxic almost. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike Gawliuk (08:57):
Yeah. So I I mean it's it's it's important to be
you know super mindful aboutthat and and certainly have a
level of awareness in regards toyourself and what ultimately is
most important and what whatholiday means to you.

Jessica Samuels (09:20):
Mhmm. And we talking about and kind of the
flip side of that, right? Sothat idea of of if you too much
merriment or too muchtogetherness, choosing to be
with family, if it's not anaccepting environment, either
because they are aware of, orthey disagree with, who you are

(09:43):
or your lifestyle choice, oryour political views, or what
have you, there's a myriad ofreasons why. So the flip side of
that can be the lonelinessfactor during the holiday
season, where there is the arethese images of togetherness and

(10:04):
jubilant families who seem toall be like minded and all doing
the same thing and enjoying eachother's company, but that simply
is can it can make things youfeel more lonely because you
feel like you have to make achoice between yourself and your
family and it can put you in theposition of feeling you have to

(10:26):
conform to others in order tocelebrate.

Mike Gawliuk (10:29):
Oh, oh, for sure. And I think I mean, I mean, I
was just, in the US, like, aweek ago and it's already
started. Right? Like, the theChristmas stuff is going up and
you can just you can justultimately, tell that, like,

(10:51):
it's it's moving forward. And sothere's sort of this idyllic
perspective that is shown,right, about what, you know a
traditional happy holiday wouldbe.
And I think the pressure toconform but ultimately to live

(11:12):
up to that. And I think one ofthe things that definitely can
be impactful as far as mentalhealth goes is comparison. So
when you're when you look atyour experience, generally,
you're looking your perspectiveis what you perceive to be the

(11:32):
not so great things about yourexperience, comparing it to an
ideal or a model that is shownas sort of the ideal scenario.

Jessica Samuels (11:41):
Mhmm.

Mike Gawliuk (11:42):
And I think I think that comparison piece can
can be a significant challengeas well. Trying to trying to
create or conform or build thisthis this ideal holiday
scenario.

Jessica Samuels (11:56):
Mhmm. Right. And create even maybe that that,
you know, that gap or that giantsense of loneliness of, I think
I think what it is is it leadsto other questions. You know, am
I good enough? Is my family goodenough?
Do I have enough money to givepeople the things that they

(12:17):
should have over Christmas?Because we're associating
Christmas and the holidayseason, you know, again, from
what speaking from which weknow, is more is better. More
gifts, more food, more drinking,more time together.

Mike Gawliuk (12:35):
Yeah.

Jessica Samuels (12:35):
And that is how we're supposed to celebrate.

Mike Gawliuk (12:38):
Yeah. Yeah. And and that that creates certainly
tons of pressure and when you,when you can't or when you can't
or choose not to, live up tothat. On the one hand that can
be very empowering

Jessica Samuels (12:54):
Mhmm.

Mike Gawliuk (12:54):
To make the decision to say listen I'm going
to choose to to you know,experience the holidays in the
way that's most meaningful andimpactful, for me. And I think
that's one of the one of the keypieces around being able to
enjoy the holidays and notnecessarily falling into the
traps or the pressures of more,more, more, more presence, more

(13:17):
food, more drinks, all of thosethings that that can come come
along with that.

Jessica Samuels (13:22):
And we're gonna give some tips of how people can
do those Yeah. Manage thoseelements because we sometimes
can be easier said than done.Certainly not, not alone in that
assessment when it comes tothings for mental health, but I
just want to do the more andmore and more, you know, it's
and also to driving thisconsumerism piece, like I'm
thinking about we just we justtalked about the impact of the

(13:46):
cost of living on our mentalhealth and we are going into a
season, like, I've been gettingBlack Friday emails for, like, 2
weeks and I think it's still aweek away.

Mike Gawliuk (13:56):
Oh, yeah.

Jessica Samuels (13:56):
And then you've got Cyber Monday and then you've
got Christmas and this and thethe amount of pressure. So we
already know, you know, thatthat folks are feeling the
weight of the cost of living,and we're going into high
consumer season. I mean, this isstressful.

Mike Gawliuk (14:12):
It's stressful. And, again, linking it back,
there was a, an article that wasreleased not long after we did,
the, you know, the cost ofliving in mental health episode
that spoke specifically to debt.And oftentimes what you see is
that holiday hangover right? Theconsumerism that takes place

(14:34):
during the holiday the rest ofit come January when that credit
card bill comes that's when ithits you.

Jessica Samuels (14:42):
Mhmm.

Mike Gawliuk (14:43):
And, and and and you realize that, woah, I've
I've overdone this. And and insome cases, gone beyond your
means ultimately. Mhmm.

Jessica Samuels (14:52):
Well, an interesting fact about, you
know, about that and a commonlyheld phrase, which is the blue
Monday, which I did I did do airquotes there, not because, you
know, you can folks can feelblue before or after Christmas,
any time of the year. And youjust pointed out a reason why.

(15:12):
But it is actually along thelines of that reasoning why that
tends to be one of the bluestdays of the year or the bluest
weeks. It's because those creditcard bills start coming in. And
then you have the other things.
You're feeling the hangover ofmaybe not being around family or

(15:33):
overexerting yourself oroverindulging. And that
overindulging piece is the nextpart I want to talk about. You
talked about your own familyexperience. I know as an adult,
I'm trying to be more mindful ofmy consuming of not only
calories, but of alcohol, andunderstanding my relationship

(15:54):
with alcohol around that. But,there's these in the moment
celebrations.
And there is that, again, I feelthat expectation to conform and
to partake and literally theidea of being Mary is
demonstrated as well, you can'tbe Mary unless you've got a

(16:17):
drink in your hand and if you'regoing to all the different
celebrations and then you haveyour family celebration. I mean,
these are times when, it reallyputs the pressure on our mental
health to drink, which of coursehas its impact, and to, I guess,

(16:39):
I guess there's no other wordother than just to conform and
do as others are doing. In fact,we had seen one study that came
through that says 52 percent ofCanadians are feeling an
increase of stress, anxiety anddepression and isolation over
the holidays. And so we knowthrough this podcast that people

(17:03):
are already feeling the stressand we are going into a time
when that's going to increase.So I'm going to go back to you
talking about, some of yourstressors.
So how do you manage?

Mike Gawliuk (17:18):
I try to, how would I say, moderate my
indulgences. I think when itcomes to you know, first of all
spending money those piecescertainly setting a budget and
then sticking to it, is it is isultimately something that's

(17:39):
that's super important I thinkagain when it comes to you know
whether it's eating or drinkinghaving a certain level of
awareness that you know, well,that experience tonight may feel
good tomorrow morning, it maynot be as great for mental

(18:01):
health. Mhmm. So that level ofawareness, you know, trying to
moderate ultimately then, youknow, what you what you do do. I
think it's I think it's superlike you say social and there's
all this going on and and thesethese things taking place trying
to stay within some routine.

Jessica Samuels (18:24):
Mhmm.

Mike Gawliuk (18:24):
Right? And that is again, sleeping and and and, you
know, getting getting someexercise especially if there's
some, caloric overindulgence isso important. You know, one of
one of the things I certainly asa as a teenager, I did was, ski.
So I grew up in Vernon. So it'dbe go up to Silver Star and and

(18:47):
those kinds of things.
So it's I mean those are some ofthe things that I look at and do
to try and to manage within thatthat overindulgence. Sometimes
it works, Sometimes it workswell. Other times not as much.

(19:07):
But certainly those are some ofthe things that I do to try and
manage within that context.

Jessica Samuels (19:12):
Right.

Mike Gawliuk (19:13):
Yeah. And

Jessica Samuels (19:13):
we're gonna dig a little bit more. I want you to
say a bit more about some ofthose elements, but just going
to that overindulgence piece andyou were talking about, you
know, getting outside andgetting active, especially about
the Kellarick piece. You know,one of the things that, I've
I've done recently in the lastfew years is I kind of have this

(19:35):
routine where sometimes it'swith a friend, sometimes I'm by
myself, sometimes I have my dog,sometimes I have a family member
and I just get outside onChristmas Day. So what's
interesting to me is I'm aperson who likes to get outside
most of the time, the rest ofthe year, but actually, for a
number of reasons during theholiday season, a little bit

(19:58):
because of weather, but alsobecause it's the holiday season
and I'm too busy doing all theseother things that I've set
expectations for myself, I kindof that part of my routine
breaks down. And so actually, Imake sure that I get outside on
Christmas Day and it has turnedinto its own Christmas routine
and I cannot stress enough, youknow, getting outside and being

(20:24):
active, is not going to cure amental illness.
We've talked about thedifference between mental health
and mental illness, but it doeswonders for your mental health.

Mike Gawliuk (20:33):
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Jessica Samuels (20:35):
If if only just because it's minus 12 degrees
out and it's cold and you kindof no. But but all joking aside,
and so sometimes those littlethings, and it's not long. I'm
not going up and hiking, youknow, Knox Mountain or anything
like that. I'm going for a walk.Getting out of that that new
normal that you're in because ofthe holidays and getting back
into your routine is a reallygood thing.

Mike Gawliuk (20:57):
Yeah. It's, I I mean, it's it's like you say,
absolutely. It it it makes ahuge difference. It's not going
to be the thing that's going toto cure mental illness, but it
is absolutely one of the thingsthat is necessary in order to,
manage your mental health.

Jessica Samuels (21:13):
Mhmm. Mhmm. Which we have to do all the time
and this time of year. Okay.Let's start talking about some
of the other things that wewanna manage.
Let's start with theoverarching. What I really see
is the overarching one, andmaybe that's just my own
personal overarching, is thathigh expectations. So the 2
grade of expectations overall,the perfect holiday. So I feel

(21:36):
like if we if we start there, ifwe go into with managing our
expectations, maybe we can startoff right. So how do we manage
that as we go into the season?

Mike Gawliuk (21:46):
I mean I think that's a I mean it's a really
interesting question, especiallyif that's that's where your
where your inclination is. Youknow in in preparing for this
one of the things you hadidentified is like being the
perfect host. And how do youwork through that? Well I'm not

(22:08):
a great host so I don'tparticularly excel at that. But
what I would say within in thoseregards is like delegating,
right?
You ultimately don't have to doit all yourself.

Jessica Samuels (22:23):
But what if they don't put the ornament on
the tree in the right spot?

Mike Gawliuk (22:28):
Go outside and get some fresh air.

Jessica Samuels (22:32):
Thank you. Thank you.

Mike Gawliuk (22:35):
I mean, I think that's important. I think it's
also okay to to take a step backand maybe 1 year someone else
takes that on. Right? And andand so you don't have to be the
the center of it all and andallow you to to to play a
different role within that.Mhmm.
I mean, I think those are, thoseare a couple of good good

(22:57):
things.

Jessica Samuels (22:58):
Some key factors.

Mike Gawliuk (22:59):
And then be clear on boundaries. I do think
through all of this, like,certainly being aware of
boundaries and settingboundaries is going to be
important. Right? Like, we talkabout family and maybe where
there's challenges and issueswith family, the rest of it. It
can be well, it's important andnecessary to set boundaries, and

(23:21):
that can be things like, youknow, where there's historical
conflict within families, thatkind of thing is making the
decision that maybe this year Iam gonna sit it out and that's
okay.
And or I'm gonna come over fordinner and that's gonna be the
line and then I'm gonna leave.I'm not gonna stick around for

(23:42):
the merriment because I knowthat it might not end up in a in
a great direction. So I think Ithink being aware of, being
clear of, and setting thoseboundaries, is is a is a big
part of things as well.

Jessica Samuels (23:55):
I'm I'm just gonna ask a couple more
questions about that because Ijust realized, you know, in in
can you teach us how to setboundaries? I wonder if there's
folks who think a boundarysetting is kind of, like, a
negative thing and has to bewrapped up in a kind of, and

(24:18):
like an acrimoniousconversation. But boundary
setting could just be as simpleas, you know, well, I can only
come over after dinner or I canonly come over for dinner or I
won't see you Christmas Eve, butI'm happy to be there Christmas
Day. Like, is is that correct?Like, boundaries doesn't have to
be, like, don't tell me what todo.

(24:39):
Like, it's kind of that the theconnotation of the language.

Mike Gawliuk (24:42):
Yeah. No. And I I mean, I think I think, again,
that's a that's a great point.Certainly. And this comes from
our experience, family oforigin, all of those those
pieces that come with it.
So sometimes it can be perceivedas being conflict laden or
there's stuff that you're goingto be dealing with. Like, if you

(25:05):
set a boundary, what's thatwhat's the impact gonna be on
the other person? To me, settinga boundary is just being clear.
Right? It's it's it's not aboutconflict and strife.
The rest of it is being aware ofwhere you're comfortable Mhmm.
And, you know, being very clearon this is what what you're

(25:29):
going to do and this is whatyou're not going to do. Mhmm.
It's not it's it certainly isn'tdoesn't need to be nor should it
be cruel or kind. It's it's away to take care of yourself
when you're facing some of thepotential stressors that comes
with and and through the holidayseason.

Jessica Samuels (25:47):
Right.

Mike Gawliuk (25:47):
Yeah. It's extremely difficult though
because people have varyingrelationship with boundaries and
what that means and what does itmean to set them and the rest of
it. So it's essential. Canboundaries be learned? Yeah.
There's tons of courses. We dotraining around boundaries here
at CMHA. So absolutely, they canbe learned.

Jessica Samuels (26:11):
And to use a bit of maybe a cheesy line that
we'll see in some of thoseholiday movies or hear them in
the songs is understanding whatChristmas means to you, what are
the important parts ofChristmas. And I feel like that
and really having a solid lookat that because I think that
will help you set thoseboundaries.

Mike Gawliuk (26:32):
Absolutely. And again, I would move it from from
Christmas to holidays.

Jessica Samuels (26:37):
Definitely.

Mike Gawliuk (26:37):
Right? Ultimately, as you identify, there's there's
a number of different religiousand cultural holidays that
exist. You know, meaning isimportant. Right? And and and so
understanding what that meaningis, what's most important to
you, hopefully, is going tocreate some consideration and

(26:58):
some self awareness around whatit is that you're prepared to to
to do and and where you're gonnadraw certain lines, to be able
to take care of your own, youknow, mental health and
well-being.
Mhmm.

Jessica Samuels (27:12):
Okay. And we're and then when we talked about,
the overindulgent, we we talkedabout the the eating and and the
drinking and and other things.You mentioned something with
overspending and you we talkedabout setting a budget again,
just being mindful of the stateof mind or the cost of living
right now. That is a way tomanage it. Maybe try not to use
the credit card as much orunderstand that there's going to

(27:35):
be some implications after that.
I say that like I don't pull mycredit card out at any given
turn. But I think there's othersome options some other options.
So unique gift ideas, giftexchanges, the secret Santas,
even within the family, right?Or other things, you know, you

(27:55):
know, I know in the time goingback to the loneliness,
sometimes the gift of time, oneon one time with a family member
is an incredible gift to give.

Mike Gawliuk (28:05):
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica Samuels (28:07):
And then speaking of loneliness,
loneliness as it pertains to,perhaps grief or significant
events in life. You shared, youknow, the passing of your
father, you know, a couple ofyears ago. You know, that is do

(28:27):
you have tips on how to managethat from your own experience as
well from a broader because Ithink that you've, you've this
is an anniversary thing, right?So as we express this, it's the
understanding that this issomething that you're feeling
year over year over year.Certainly, you don't only miss
your father around Christmas,but it's heightened around

(28:49):
Christmas.
How has working through thatevolved for you?

Mike Gawliuk (28:54):
I mean, I think it's been a I mean, it's been a
challenge. Right? I think one ofthe things is that there's
emotions that are gonna come up.I mean, you have to allow
yourself to to feel thoseemotions and and work through
that. Part of it is maybe to todo some, some, you know,

(29:18):
Christmas traditions that we, weused to do.
It might be to throw on a pieceof music. Right? There's some
sadness that can come with that,but also helps me to reflect on
some of the good timesultimately that we had. So I I
mean, I I I look at thosethings. But, I mean, it's a

(29:43):
challenge, I think.
Also, what's important in andwe've talked about this through
the course of, a number ofthese, podcasts is is the
ability to have the conversationto talk about it. Right? To
reach out to someone close toyou, that kind of thing. They
may be sharing and that thatgrief as well. Mhmm.

(30:05):
Right? And to to share that thisis what's going on for you and,
you know, we've talked about it.Ultimately, community and
connection are 2 of the keythings that help, people when
they're when they're struggling.And so it's it's also a part
where, you know, I'll I'll I'lltalk about it. And I think for

(30:29):
other people that haveexperienced the same things,
there's a shared understandingof what that might look like.
You know, but it's difficult.Like when I think I think of my
dad and I think about theloneliness piece, like, my
parents were married for 50years, and and my mom passed on
before, you know, my dad did andI remember being, taking him

(30:56):
into the hospital for somephysical health concerns and one
of the questions that was askedof him are, you know, how are
you doing mentally? Are youdepressed? That kind of thing.
And he said, yeah, I mean, Ilost my best friend of 50 years.
I've been depressed. There's nodoubt about that. And I think
about that in in in theholidays. We talk about this

(31:16):
issue of loneliness, Right? Youknow, we know 1 in 10 people
experience profound loneliness.
We know for for half of thatgroup, there's a higher risk of
developing a mental illness. Andso so it becomes then what are
some of the things that you knowduring the holidays? You know,

(31:36):
if you're alone either by choiceor by circumstances, you know,
what are some of the things thatyou can do to cope and manage
with that? Right? And andthere's a number of things like
to treat yourself, ultimatelycook a meal for yourself, go out

(31:57):
and see a movie, serve in thecommunity.
Yep. Right? Whether that's to goand and say volunteer at the
food bank or, you know, helpserve a Christmas dinner for for
those that are less fortunate.Like those are things that you
can do to to manage some ofthat. Right?

(32:22):
And and there are lots of peoplethat are looking for social
connection and, there'sopportunities to to reach out
and and either through theInternet or, I think as you had
said, the old school method,which is cards and a phone call
reaching out and potentiallythen trying to ultimately give

(32:44):
that gift of time theopportunity to spend time
together.

Jessica Samuels (32:48):
Yeah, exactly. And thank you for touching upon
that loneliness piece. We aregoing to dig a bit deeper on
that in a in a podcast and,discuss those elements. And
going back to the to thebeginning part of this question,
that grief piece, I mean,certainly, managing your grief,
grief doesn't, you know, griefcan come up any time of the

(33:11):
year.

Mike Gawliuk (33:12):
And

Jessica Samuels (33:12):
so I think part part of that is also going
ensuring that your grief, you'remanaging your grief year round,
and kind of that earlyintervention or that prevention
piece so that it's not somethingthat gets socked away. And when
you have an anniversary of aholiday or what have you, or a
special day, it comes up on you.So I think that's an important

(33:33):
factor as well.

Mike Gawliuk (33:34):
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, those
are all times when you're morelikely to experience that grief.
Right? And so ultimately havinga plan and and and I think
reaching out when when thatcomes up is is ultimately

(33:56):
important. And if it it getspast the point of a conversation
with a friend and there's morewe look at again some of those
resources that are available ifwe're looking to or if there's a
need for for counseling.

Jessica Samuels (34:09):
Right.

Mike Gawliuk (34:10):
And then I think the other thing, you know, we've
touched on before and certainlythis is aligned with loneliness
and sadness is the reality of,that being heightened during the
holidays and what that does asfar as the risk of suicide. And
I think if that's happening foranybody, that's a text or a call

(34:31):
to 988 and there's servicesavailable 247 to have somebody
to talk to if you're really,really struggling.

Jessica Samuels (34:38):
Great. Thank you for that. I I I were talking
about I think the way that thiswe've done this podcast is has
helped to kind of break downthat idea of the expectations of
Christmas because I don't thinkor the holiday season, we mostly
spoke about Christmas, istalking about the grief, the
loneliness, the significantstruggles that folks can have

(34:58):
this time of year. Again,there's that expectation that
it's supposed to be married,it's supposed to be jubilant and
it can be

Mike Gawliuk (35:05):
and it

Jessica Samuels (35:05):
is for some. It doesn't have to be an either or.
Sometimes it's combined. It's ahigh emotion time. Yeah.
So thank you for ending on thatnote. We had tons of
information, including theinformation you just shared.
Some of the tips as well, wewill compile and we'll put on
the A Way Forward podcastpresented by Beam Credit Union
that is going to be on thewebsite at cmhacolona.org, as

(35:28):
you well know. Thank you somuch, Mike.

Mike Gawliuk (35:30):
Thank you.

Jessica Samuels (35:31):
Beam Credit Union is proud to be a part of
communities all across BC withover 50 branches and insurance
offices dedicated to supportingyour financial journey. Beam
understands financial wellnessmeans something different to
everyone, and they're here tohelp you achieve your unique
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big step, or just looking forpeace of mind, Beam Credit Union

(35:53):
is by your side. GFCU Savings,Gulf and Fraser, Interior
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