The Power and Illusion of Control

Send us a text

We explore the complex balance between personal autonomy and partnership in marriage, examining how control, boundaries, and mutual respect shape our daily happiness.

• Keeping certain purchases private from your spouse can sometimes maintain peace
• Late-night conversations when you're tired often lead to saying things you'll regret
• The concept of "provider" means different things in different relationships
• Step-parenting creates unique challenges when authority is undermined
• Men and women may approach unconditional love differently
• Setting boundaries with family members, including handling unexpected visits
• Finding happiness requires accepting which aspects of life you can and cannot control

If you want to control what you can to be happy and successful, focus on setting healthy boundaries while respecting your relationships. Remember that happiness comes from within but thrives with mutual respect.

Episode Transcript

Wes (00:00):
Everybody.
Welcome to another episode ofthe According to Wes podcast,
where we have the power tocontrol our own lives, to
determine our own happiness andsuccess, which is why I don't
mention my hobby purchases to mywife.
As always, that sounds positive.

(00:21):
I'm like, wait a minute, thissounds really really positive.
That ain't positive, it's toxic.
As always, we got D reallyreally positive.
It's not positive, it's toxic.
As always, we got D-Law.
And I'll tell you why it'stoxic.

DeLaw (00:29):
Yeah, you're going to have to tell me why it's toxic,
because that sounded verypositive.
Except for that, you don't tellyour wife of your business.
I have the power to control.

Wes (00:40):
We have the power to control our own lives.
We determine our happiness andsuccess.
We have the power to controlour own lives.
We determine our happiness andsuccess.
Why do you think thatcorrelates with telling my wife
what I purchased and how much Ispent?

DeLaw (00:51):
Because you purchased it on your own with your money.
Why the fuck it matter All?

Wes (00:55):
right, we have D-Law.
I'll explain.

DeLaw (00:58):
You have D-Law, possibly getting worked in 2K.
No, you're getting worked, I'mgetting worked in 2k.
No, you're getting worked, I'mgetting worked.
You put up 31 on me and we thelast minute of the fourth
quarter.
He put up 31 on 7 threes andyou got me.

Wes (01:18):
Wes currently not getting worked, but getting worked he
doesn't want to be Tim Duncanand David Robinson with me.
You have you.
If you are available, and I am,you have my word.
I will play later on today.

DeLaw (01:34):
All right, I'm gonna hold you to me like Wes.

Wes (01:37):
It's as long as you ain't telling me like all right, it's
10 o'clock, like let's play youalready know I can't get on
there on 10 o'clock.
You got me worse.
I ain't even gonna introducemyself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What time is it?
Like around 4 or 5.
Let's see I can do 4 or 5.

(01:58):
But here's the reason why thatshit is toxic in my particular
situation.
Here's the reason why that shitis toxic in my particular
situation.
My wife has more bills than me.
Sometimes she was like damn, Iwish I can get this, this, this
and this.
I don't want to show her that Ishe knows I got it, got it.

(02:22):
But I don't want to show herthat I got it, got it, that I
could just buy whatever the fuckI want at any time, that I want
to buy, I got it.
But I don't want to show herthat I got it, got it, that I
can just buy whatever the fuck Iwant at any time, that I want
to buy and maintain the bills,because you know what that's
going to turn into.
I like nice things.
You don't ever help me out inthis, this, this and that and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't even want to have thatconversation.
So, nah, so nah, I don't sellit.

(02:43):
I think I'm gonna tell her Ijust spent $600 on something.
No, I wouldn't.
I told my wife because I hadjust paid the mortgage and paid
for some groceries and shit, andshe was about to ask you.
I was like, look, we ain'tdoing a lot, we ain't doing
nothing expensive.
That's when I had told you wewas out and about yesterday.

(03:04):
I was like we ain't doingnothing expensive.
That's when I had told you thatwe was out in the ball
yesterday.
I was like we ain't doingnothing expensive, I just paid
in the mortgage.
I just uh, wasn't real sweetfor real for a week down.
But we out.
She was like okay, she ain'thad nothing to say.
I'm like what could you say?
Paid them, I paid the mortgage.
I was like i't going to saywhat, I say, go.

DeLaw (03:22):
But I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.

Wes (03:27):
And in that instance, whatever you say is good.

DeLaw (03:30):
Own up to it.
Whatever you say is good.

Wes (03:34):
I'm saying in that particular situation that's like
a guy, you sure about that.
Some people will be like, yeah,you paid that, but I want this,
and it's just like, well, shit,I don't know how that's going
to work.

DeLaw (03:49):
And I wouldn't have held back, but I also would have said
it under my breath, where shecouldn't hear it either.
You know what I'm saying, likeyeah.

Wes (03:59):
But no, here's the thing Even if it's unwritten, not
unwritten, Even if it'sunwritten, not unwritten, but
even if it's a secret quietthat's kept or like it don't
need to be said, I ain't gonnanever say that shit to my wife
because at that point she won'tfeel like I don't respect her.
I don't want to have thatconversation either.

DeLaw (04:17):
Well, you know, sometimes you gotta have the hard combos,
no.

Wes (04:21):
She knows what it is.
I know what it is.
Yeah, she knows what it is, Iknow what it is.
Yeah, you said you thought Ihad a hard combo.
Why would I shake the table?

DeLaw (04:29):
you ain't playing that game with her, yeah alright, you
don't understand.

Wes (04:34):
You do understand.
I understand.
I was trying to get you to sayyou ain't had, okay.
Do you like having thoseconversations at 2 o'clock in
the morning when you sleep?
No, okay.
So my wife is notorious formine too.
Do you like having thoseconversations at 2 o'clock in
the morning when you're sleeping?
No, okay.

DeLaw (04:45):
My wife is notorious for Mine too she can't sleep.

Wes (04:51):
I find it funny now.
I'm just like yo, I'm asleep,man, I can't do this.
I find it funny now.

DeLaw (04:56):
Before some in the morning, I barely cracked open
one eye and I couldn't sleepbecause this is my mom.
I get it.
Yeah, I get it.
I don't want to do that.
I haven't had thoseconversations me either.

Wes (05:12):
I feel better the crazy thing about those conversations
for me.
I can't defend myself the rightway because I'm sleepy.
So in my head I'm like, alright, that's like a what do you call
it?
A circuit breakers go off in myhead.
I'm like, alright, that's likea what do you call it?
A circle breakers go off in mybrain like yo, she might be
trying to trick bag you.
You are sleepy, don't say shitand let's just say can we do

(05:35):
this in the morning?
Because you're going to saysomething out of sleepiness and
you might say something out ofanger because she's keeping you
up or she woke you up.
Just push this shit off so youcan go to bed.

DeLaw (05:48):
What's it?
Say that anything you don't sayor anything you say won't make
a man you could do like bed.
Can we talk about this later?
It could make it.

Wes (05:55):
No, I get that, but it's two o'clock in the morning.

DeLaw (05:59):
It ain't two o'clock in the morning.
Yeah, it is seven.
Am am the afternoon becausethey still up.
Therefore they're.
You need to listen to whatthey're saying, regardless of
what you gotta do the next day.

Wes (06:12):
I remember one time I was just uh, wow, a long time back
that uh, one of my uhex-girlfriends I was in shit,
like that, I'm sleeping in shitand she tried to bring up
something that happened likemonths ago, but at like three
o'clock in the morning and in myhead I'm like this is a trick.

(06:32):
You don't even remember whatlie you told her.
So so tomorrow morning,tomorrow morning, I'm just like
geez, louise, man, nah, we allbeen there.
Like sometimes it's not evenlike a a major lie that you done

(06:55):
told her.
It's just like yo now I got thatwoman was clingy, so it was
times that I was lying to herabout certain things because she
would get mad that I didn'tspend the time with her, or she
was like you don't ever spendtime with this, this and that.
So it's kind of like, nah, I'mnot going to lie, like, yeah, I
went to go help my mom dosomething, but for real, for

(07:16):
real, I sat in front of my mom'shouse and we was eating Lito's
pizza and fucking and drinkingbeer.
So I'm not going to go say thatyou kind of dig what I'm saying
.
You can't say that.

DeLaw (07:27):
No, I cannot say that Look, your time and money are
the same thing to them.
Their time and their money istheir money, and your money is
our money.

Wes (07:36):
Yeah, it's like stupid shit like that, so it's just like
I'm not doing it.

DeLaw (07:43):
I knew exactly what to do , but in a much more real sense,
I had no idea what to do.

Wes (07:50):
You know, I was talking to somebody yesterday.
I bought some wine and shedidn't like the wine and shit.
She was like I'm going to justput some lemonade in it.
I said what, what the fuck areyou doing?

DeLaw (08:02):
I said put vodka in it.

Wes (08:04):
I said anything.
Put vodka in it, don't putlemon in it don't put no wine in
it, put more.

DeLaw (08:12):
Put more liquor in it yeah, that was look, just cause
you didn't get a fruity winedoesn't mean that you can't get
drunk.
It's the sourest fruit lemon,of course, yeah man that you
can't get drunk.

Wes (08:22):
It's the sourest fruit Lemon.

DeLaw (08:27):
Of course.

Wes (08:29):
Yeah, man, sometimes you gotta lie.
I said sometimes you gotta lie.

DeLaw (08:35):
Shit, I ain't lying about nothing, no more.

Wes (08:41):
That was a lie, we all know .
Wait till you hear me.
Sometimes you gotta lie.
What can you do?
Yeah yo, what are some?
What are some aspects of yourlife that you feel like you have
control over and will alwayshave control over, to ensure

(09:04):
your happiness and success?

DeLaw (09:06):
Since I got married nothing.

Wes (09:09):
Damn.
That was not what I thought youwas going to say.
You don't have control overnothing in your life.
I got control over nothing yourpersonal life, your law's life.

DeLaw (09:17):
I thought I had control over playing video games.
You don't want that goddamnvideo game.
Why don't you fuck it?

Wes (09:24):
Are you?

DeLaw (09:25):
recording today.
Here you go.
You ain't got no time for me,nigga.
I ain't got no control overnothing, no more.
I'm literally a fly on my ownhouse.
I'm a fly on the wall of my ownhouse.

Wes (09:38):
I think you're looking at this surface level.
Of course I am Outside of younot having control in your house
.
What do you have control overin your life?
In my life, I guess?

DeLaw (09:52):
everybody tells me what to do.

Wes (09:54):
What do you know, what the law is?

DeLaw (09:58):
My car tells me it needs maintenance and gas.
I don't have no control overnothing.
I'll just be responding to shitlike, well, damn nigga, you
need gas, Fuck.
All right, let's take it to thegas station.

Wes (10:10):
So if you have control over nothing, are you truly happy.

DeLaw (10:18):
I feel like that's a trick question.

Wes (10:21):
It's just, I'm asking you a question.
There's no gotcha.

DeLaw (10:24):
It's all in how it makes you feel I have no you a
question, there's no gotcha.
It's only how it makes you feelI have no control over anything
.
And as long as I don't feellike I don't have control over
anything, I guess I'm happy.

Wes (10:34):
What?
Okay, I guess what I'm hearingyou say is you definitively feel
like you have no control overanything, but you know you don't
.
And you have come to overanything, but you know you don't
and you have come to terms withthat, so you're happy about it
Like it ain't like.
It ain't a grand mystery itain't a grand mystery at all.

DeLaw (10:54):
Now, now, when I, now, when I say this, now, I know
there's some things I do havecontrol over.
That's what.
I just speak of conversation.
You know I'm saying as anaspect of how normally someone
would see it is.
You know I get up, I gotta goto work.
The policy says I gotta showerand you know everything else.

(11:15):
So that means there's things.
Even though I control how Ishower, it's still required of
me to shower to go to work and Igot things I gotta do at work.
Then if I didn't have to tutorafter I got off work, then
there's the.
I could go out.
But then I still had to be homeat a certain time, because then
I don't want my wife to bebothered by.
So eventually I still have tocome home.

(11:37):
I can't just stay out all nightand come home at 2 am after
having a good old time.
And when I get home, you know Igot tutored.
So now I'm obligated to theparents that pay me money to do
the tutoring and the kids ask mequestions and then it's hit or
miss whether or not we're goingto cook dinner.
So it might be well, babe,what's for dinner?
I don't know.
I thought you were cooking.

(11:57):
How the hell am I going to becooking?
You was home.
So now it turns into.
Well, now I got to figure outwhat we're going to eat.
So now we have to eat.
So I'm not necessarily I'll sayabout 90 percent of the time I'm
not in control of my own day.
Everything is who what to do tome, until I get on video games

(12:27):
and that's a 10 percent of mylife where, even on a video game
, you't gonna hear it tells mewhat to do.
Because I played basketball forso long, I know my role and I
played my role.
So now I'm still being toldmentally from past experiences
what to do.
Hence why I was sitting therelistening to the dudes who
complained that my guy put up 33and in my head I'm like he
could have put up less if y'allcovered your guys.
You know it's, it's it turnsinto.
Am I really the master of myown destiny?

(12:49):
Not really, and the only thingI can control is applying to
jobs, is, from my perspective,applying to jobs, and then once
I get to the interview, that'sno longer in my control, because
they might just not like mebecause I'm black.
You know my resume don't soundlike oh well, you know.
Oh, this is going to be a whiteguy.
He got such credentials.

(13:09):
You see, a young black nigga islike well damn, I thought this
had been a white motherfucker.
Let's see what this nigga gotto say.
You know what I'm saying.

Wes (13:19):
Yeah.

DeLaw (13:21):
Just to you know, just just to just for the
conversation I got you.
But do I personally think youcan do whatever you want to do
and have and you can controlwhat you want to control?
Yes, you can, but you also gotto be willing to deal with those
consequences that come with it.
I'm so happy to to take theroad that the consequences are a
whole lot easier to deal with,like staying married, keeping

(13:44):
the job, you know, not losingclients.
I choose the consequences thatwill benefit me versus doing
what I want to do and possiblynot be married, lose my job,
lose clients.
You know what I'm saying, soI've used, I use my best
judgment.
In that case, if that helps outwith filtering out where you

(14:08):
were going with, this.

Wes (14:10):
Nope, I'm saying I did, I get what you're saying, even
with me.
It's like yo, knowing what youcan't control gives you
perspective on what you can'tcontrol.
It's kind of like yo yo,everybody's in their own,
everybody's in the game of life,but everybody's a different.

(14:31):
You know a different player, ordifferent character, if you
will.
Yeah, different attributes andshit like that.
So, um, outside of that andlearning how to maneuver in
between that, um, you know,controlling your life becomes a
lot easier.
Like, we know what comes with,uh, being black.
We know what comes with beingmen.

(14:52):
So it was like there's going tobe those things of being black
and being a man, certain thingsyou ain't going to be able to
control.
But it's some things you can'tcontrol, like crashing out, yeah
, like I was saying.
Like getting in random fuckingfights.
You know how we was justtalking about.
Like me, some dude stepped upto me at the gym over something,

(15:12):
over a barbell or stupid shitlike that.
So I was like hell yeah thatdoesn't make any sense to me.
There has to be some type ofcontrol in your life in order
for you to be happy.
Because let's just say that,for instance, you'll always be
crashing out, you might alwaysbe losing jobs, you might always

(15:33):
be losing loved ones becauseyou can't control your goddamn
self.
But that's how I see, that'swhat I get from that, like yo
having the power to control yourown life, like you do, within
the constructs of the rules, andyou know laws of nature and all
that other good stuff.
So, but um, yeah yeah, like Iwas saying earlier, that's why I

(15:57):
don't.
Um, it's not wise.
If I want to be happy, I don'ttell my wife about the purchases
, she'll be like yo, we couldput money over here and I don't
want to be happy.
I don't tell my wife about thepurchases, she'll be like yo, we
can put money over there and Idon't want to put money over
there.

DeLaw (16:07):
I tell my wife I want to purchase this.
This is what I brought.
Babe, Why'd you buy that?
Because I wanted to.
No, what's the issue with youbuying that?
Nope?
Well, you know we could havedid that.
That ain't my problem.

Wes (16:25):
Me having that.
Like I said before me, havingthat conversation doesn't make
me happy.
So if I'm controlling my lifefor happiness and success, I
don't need to have theconversation.
Bills are paid.

DeLaw (16:36):
Bills are paid, everything's taken care of.

Wes (16:39):
Fuck yeah, why is that needed?

DeLaw (16:43):
I want to thank me for believing in me.
I want to thank me forbelieving in me.
I want to thank me for doingall this hard work.
I think we got an argument theother day and she was like well,
you know, I always take care of.
It was about the cat.
So the cat has been scratchingoff his hair.
We found out, you know.
She's like well, when we cameback from Panama, he had a patch

(17:03):
of hair missing off his chest.
When we came back from Panama,he had a patch of hair missing
off his chest.
He came back from Manhattan, hehad a patch missing off his
face and gradually well, that'swhat I thought and then it
started being that he startedscratching at his hair like,
really scratching like andgetting scabs and the hair

(17:23):
coming out, like he'spractically bald and heartless.
I'm like, okay, we need to goto the vet.
I get it, he's a cat, but weneed to go to a vet because we
about to have a half-headedzombie-looking cat in this
motherfucker.
It got to a point she wascalling that motherfucker zombie

(17:44):
.
I'm like, yeah, she was callingthat motherfucker zombie.
You call the cat zombie.
But I was like alright, well,you know, I give you the money
and set the appointment, the catto his appointment and she was
like alright, cool, she callsback.

(18:06):
Well, did you think about mytime and what I had planned for?
I'm like you literally justtold me as long as it's on
Tuesday and Friday, it's fine.
So what are we talking about?
I said so, can you take one?
Can you not take one?
When I say the conversationwent from being on the phone
with her to she got home and shewas like oh well, you know you

(18:29):
didn't think of my time.
You think I just don't donothing at home on my telework
days and you know like I betrying to relax and this and
this.
Did you ever think aboutlooking at your schedule,
possibly taking time off to godo it?
So I'm like, um, so is this ano, you're not doing it.
Or you know, if you're notgoing to do it, that's fine, I
can figure something out, right?

(18:50):
Well, no, I'm not saying no,but I want you, I want to know
if you thought about this.

Wes (18:56):
In my head.
I really want to be like no.

DeLaw (18:58):
I just need to know if you're going to do it or not, so
I know what the next steps areLike.
At some point I get it.
You want to prove a point?

Wes (19:09):
It's like proving a point that it didn't need to be proven
.

DeLaw (19:12):
If you're like nah, I can't do it, okay, cool, I'll
figure out something, you shouldhave just lied.
That's what I would have did.
I thought about it.
She should have lied.
What I'm saying is she shouldhave been like nah, I'm not, she
didn't have to lie.
Nah, I ain't going to do it.
No, because I tell her workdays.
I got to work.
I don't want to take the timeoff.

(19:33):
Or like I don't feel comfortabledoing it.
That's happening.
And, like I told her, all youhad to do is say no.
If you didn't really want to doit, just say no.
Period, yeah, because in a wewasted 30 to 45 minutes of our
day that we could have beentalking about something
productive or anything else,just for you to tell me.
For one, tell me, well, youknow what, you know.

(19:55):
You leave me hanging on thisand I got to figure this out.
And you know you, you don't.
You know when.
You know you never asked totake David here.
You never do this, this andthis.
I'm like well, one, you neverasked.
And two, you told me you got it.
So if you had asked me to doany of these things, I'd be like
all right, that's fine.
Just like when he was playingfootball.
She'd be like can you pick himup from football practice?

(20:17):
Okay, like it was no fight, noargument about it.
Do you mind picking him up fromhere?
Know, that's fine, I'll do that.
You want to rob me?
Okay, fine, we can do that.
But now you, oh, I asked you.
It's like well, did I reallyask you for anything that is out
the realm of a cat that youwanted.

(20:38):
I said we can go back andfigure out who asked for this
cat.
It wasn't me, wasn't me?
I didn't ask for the cat.
You want to argue or get yourcoochie ate?
Come on, I don't play with it.
I said when do I ever tell youno?
My whole thing is when do Itell you no?

(21:01):
Tell me when I tell you no.
You told me no when.

Wes (21:05):
That's because financially.

DeLaw (21:06):
It wasn't right.
You told me, no, you didn'twant to go.
I said wait a minute.
So the situation she broughttwo situations One was some
financial shit.
The other one was about shesaid she was tired, she didn't
want to go pick up her son fromthe train station.
No, no, we not even want topull that one, because at the

(21:27):
end of the day, you're exactlywhat it should be.

Wes (21:28):
He wasn't supposed to be where he was supposed to be.

DeLaw (21:30):
Well, no, not even that it was.
She said I would never ask youto pick up my son because he's
my responsibility.
So then why are you asking meto go pick up your son?
So make up your mind.
Do you want him to becollectively our responsibility,
or do you want him to becollectively our responsibility,
or do you want him to be solelyyours?
Because all of our argumentshave come from stemming from him

(21:55):
, of me trying to be the fatherfigure and then you saying that
I'm too strict, I'm too this,you act like your stepfather,
blah, blah, blah.
And then it turns to well, youknow your stepfather, you don't
help with anything with him.
So which one do you want?
Do you want me to want me?
You don't.
You don't want me to help, yougot you can't be.

Wes (22:17):
You can't pick and choose what makes you feel good.
Not only that, uh, we'reraising a young man.
You just that statement alone.
You can't pick and choose whatmakes you feel good.
Men can't pick and choose whatmakes them feel good.
Unfortunately, some of thedecisions, the only decisions
that we should take, are thehardest decisions.
Women they can kind of get awaywith like not making the
hardest decision, but we can't.

(22:37):
So it's kind of like we'reraising a young man.
I would assume that, like yo,it's going to seem like I'm
being strict, but there's a lotmore, you know.
I mean, it could be a lot moreharder for him with someone else
.

DeLaw (22:53):
All I ever do is try to prepare him for how hard it's
going to be to be with a woman.
You know what I'm saying.

Wes (23:00):
True indeed.

DeLaw (23:01):
You know what I'm saying?
It's like like he, uh, he hadthis notion in his head, so his
mother brought him some of thoseminute rice things and, uh, he
didn't want him.
So he took one of the ready and,mind you, the stuff on our side
of the cabinet is generally forme and her, but certain things

(23:22):
are for all of us, yeah, so sohe was like, oh well, I'm gonna
just take the one pack of readyrice.
Now, the ready rice okay, it'sa little bit more than the
minute rice you got.
Maybe two, three of those up toget was in the thing.
So my wife was like, why arethese over here?
Oh well, you didn't see whathappened.
No, I took that one over hereand I gave you all this.

(23:42):
And so I look at her.
I'm like didn't you buy himshit for him to eat, for him to
still come over to our side ofthe cabinet and take some shit
of ours?
I know we're not doing that.
So well, you know, I just wantto make sure he eats.
The little nigga eats.
Anyway, he got a job.
He can go get his own fuckingfood.

(24:03):
I don't give a shit about that.
No, it either.
Set the tone, if you, if youwant to be like I'm going to be
the sole disciplinarian.
Set the real tone.
Yeah, set the real tone, likeno, that's not acceptable.
Why are you in our bedroom?
Why the door open?
Why our bedroom door open if weknow we close the shit?
Why are you in our bedroom?

(24:24):
Why are you?
Why are you eating shit?
That's not yours?
You've got a whole cabinet onyour side.
You can go, you know.
Like, set the real tone, don'tset this mock tone.
Oh, I'm just glad he's eating.
No bitch, I don't give a shitif that motherfucker eat it.
If he ate all his food in twodays, then nigga, he'll be
hungry for six or five.
You're like I don't give a shit.
But that's the reality of if Iwas, if she let me be involved

(24:55):
and we could have thatconversation.
The conversation would turninto that she's going to always
choose a son over me and that'swhy, when her uncle asked me one
time, he was like, well, youknow, I said, well, you know,
honestly, I've already come toterms that I'm not the most
important thing in our life, youknow, or most important person
in our life.
I come maybe fifth or sixth.

Wes (25:10):
You should not come fifth or sixth.

DeLaw (25:12):
Well, but see, but mind you, it's from I understand.

Wes (25:15):
second, maybe even third.

DeLaw (25:18):
He was like oh well, you know, you know, I think you're
definitely high up there.
I said, but I'm not the firstone, I'm not.
I'm not what the Bible says I'msupposed to be, I'm not her
most important thing because,when it comes down to it, she's
the most important person to me.
That I will bend over backwardsto take care of her.
But when it comes down to it, Icome behind her son, I come

(25:41):
behind her sister, I come behindher father, I come behind her
aunt and uncle.
So I'm about number six, well,maybe just her aunt.
So I might be like number five,number six, give or take, you
know.
So it's like I'm not the mostimportant thing.
I mean, I don't think it's likeI said, no, it's like that.

Wes (26:01):
He was trying to give you a little.
He tried to ease the blow foryou yeah, give you a little bit
of hope.
Sometimes the he tried to easethe blow for you yeah, get you a
little bit old.
But sometimes the reality isthe reality.

DeLaw (26:10):
The reality is the reality and I told her I was
like I already know I'm not themost important thing.
I knew you had a child.
When I met you I already knewthat he was going to be the most
important thing.
Like anytime you tell somebodyif you want to be with me, you
had to deal with my son.
We're a package deal, that thatmeans it don't matter what the
hell that little nigga do.
He could go rob a bank.
You're gonna find a way to belike well, why did he rob the

(26:30):
bank?
Because he wanted to?
Motherfucker?
Well?
No, maybe he just felt heneeded the money.
No, because he wanted he wantedto he wanted to.
that's why we're in a situation.
We are now with him and I mean,obviously we can't tell a bunch
of other shit.
That's that's.
That's an off record I got you.
But it's like one thing.

(26:51):
It's like come on, at somepoint, either let me raise him
or send him with his father.
Yeah, you don't want to sendhim with his father because his
father, he's going to be worseoff with his father.
So if that's, if you trust meenough to be in your bed, build
a life with you, then you shouldtrust me enough to help you

(27:13):
raise him and raise him to bewhat it is Now.
If you have gone through thiswhole thing of not giving him a
set rules and now he justdoesn't like the structure, oh,
I don't like him because he hastoo many rules.
Guess what?
He don't like his job nowbecause they got too many rules.
Think of how this istranslating over.

Wes (27:30):
Yo, I'm a firm believer.
I don't have children, not astepdad or anything like that,
but I'm a firm believer in likeyo, like especially women.
Boys 13, they got to go withtheir dad man, I'm sorry,
because women do a good job.
I'm not going to say that theydon't do a good job, but they

(27:50):
can't do.
Sometimes they can't do the jobthat's needed.
You know what I?

DeLaw (27:54):
mean I'm not going to say they don't do a good job.

Wes (27:59):
They don't do the job that's needed.

DeLaw (28:01):
They do a good job as far as the nurturing part, but when
it comes to that hard truth,that hard you know being being,
it'll be like not even hard it's.

Wes (28:11):
It's hard because you've been nurtured.
Now you need to understand whatlife is and how it's going to
be right.
I'm going to be for a man.
You know what I mean, becausethat's what you're growing up to
be.

DeLaw (28:19):
That's what you're growing up to be and and women
don't know what it is to be aman.
They just know.
And I think we had thisconversation before when I would
say, like women that raisethese single boys, try to teach
them to be the man that theywant, but yet you can't even
find that nigga in the streetfor real.
So now you created thisfictitious ass nigga that you

(28:40):
can't even get in your bed andnow you got this soft ass son
out here just bending overbackwards for these chicks, just
getting the pussy and trying tobe everything that.
You got this soft ass son outhere just bending over backwards
for these chicks just gettingthe pussy and trying to be
everything that they mother toldthem to be, and these bitches
running them over easy.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, you know.
You think about it, think ofall the chicks.

(29:00):
That was like.
You know what it's.
Not that you're not a good guy,you're just too nice and I feel
like I could run over you oryou don't have that, uh they
want some nigga.
That's gonna be rough and toughwith the afro puff out here.
You know, that's what they said.

Wes (29:16):
Me and my wife was just talking about that yesterday and
I was just like women that saythat they don't do themselves a
disservice.
It's not, you don't like him,that's all it is, and then
that's fine.
You're not attracted to whatyou getting in that.
But because we were talkingabout something and she was like
, um, you know, woman, uh, itkills her when women say, oh, um

(29:39):
, I'm not with, I don't nobodywant a guy that's always nice,
don't want to buy, you want aguy that's kind of always clean
and always calling me andchecking up on me.
I'm like, no, that's a lie, shewants that.
She wants that from the guythat's kind of always cleaning
and always calling me andchecking up on me.
I'm like, no, that's a lie, shewants that.
She wants that from the guythat she likes.
I ain't never heard a womanthat said I don't want a.
I never heard a woman thatmeant I don't want a guy that's
nice, all y'all want a guy.

DeLaw (30:00):
They want a nigga who they like.

Wes (30:03):
To be nice to them.

DeLaw (30:04):
Yeah, you don't like them , you're using them.
You see it all the time onsocial media and the Pop, the
Balloon Challenge.
Well yeah, you see it all thetime when you really look at
what they deny.
Now, mind you, yes, you haveall of maybe four or five
minutes up there to pick who youmight have a love connection
with and whatever.

(30:25):
That's what a lot of answersare.
I didn't see the instantphysical attraction.

Wes (30:30):
I didn't feel the vibes.

DeLaw (30:32):
Right, but yet you know you get something that come with
it.
Come with it, ratchet, like youknow I want someone to provide.
Like that, when they get askedthe question, well, what do you
mean provide?
I mean you know like provide,provide what?

(30:54):
So you know like five, uh, whatwhich?
So you know there's way.
You know, like someone lookingout on the outside into my, me
and my wife's relationship, youknow you can make the argument
that he doesn't provide for her.
But it all depends on what youwant provided, in my opinion.
You know I mean so yeah, for meand my wife.
My wife might just reallybecause my wife, you know she

(31:14):
make more than me and she's beenon her own for a while she
might just need me to providewhat she doesn't have or provide
space for her, freely use hermoney.
So that might just be me buyingthe toiletries and the
commodities for the house, sothat's like the toilet paper,
the laundry detergent, all thatshit that stacks up to be like
$80.
You know what I'm saying andthat's non-grocery.

(31:36):
You know what I'm saying.
And then just fill up the, youknow, and then help fill up the
groceries.
You know what I'm saying.
Like it might be that she wantsthat, and then you know,
changing the filter, stuff likethat, things around the house,
that could be all she needs meto provide, but that's still me
providing.
I don't got to take care of allthe bills because that's not

(31:58):
what she needs me to provide.
So provider means differentthings to everybody.
You got some guys.
They're like well, they'regoing there to sue you.
You know, I want someone whobelieves in 50-50.
You can, eight of them poptheir balloons on you.
Now, mind you I think I've saidthis before too is, if you

(32:20):
can't even provide that life foryou, why would you expect me to
do it?

Wes (32:24):
Not only that, just that, for an example, what women fail
to realize when a man speaks ofthat, he wants her to be okay
with the idea of it.
That might not even be yourreality.
He might actually just be ableto pay 100.
But as I I know as a man myself, and you probably feel this way
too like if I was ever in asituation where I was doing

(32:48):
everything, it's a, it's areally it's a nerve-wracking
situation to be in, because ify'all live in a certain
lifestyle and then y'all can'tbecause something happened to
you, then the whole house kindof falls apart.
I would, um, to be honest, Iwould want my wife to be able to
earn.
Let's just say she didpart-time shit.
If something happened that shecan kind of go in full-time and

(33:10):
and kind of, we can kind of beat another baseline.
We ain't got to lose everything.
Might have to cut back on somethings, but we ain't got to lose
everything.
But if something happened tothe husband or the father, the
man or whatever, somethinghappened to him and she ain't
doing I know she has no skills,he has nothing like that y'all
lost everything.
Y'all will lose everything thatwill lose everything until he
gets back on his feet.
Hopefully he does.
So my whole thing is with thatis like they don't have to be 50

(33:33):
, 50 like right now with me andmy wife is like 70, 30 maybe,
maybe not even that it might be80, 20.
Now I'm thinking about it.

DeLaw (33:42):
When it comes to me and my wife, it might be more of
like a 60-40 her way versus.

Wes (33:49):
It's literally 70-20, 70-30 .
My way, your way, yeah.

DeLaw (33:54):
But you know, the one thing and this is why I love my
wife is she went in knowing shewent to the chemist knowing I
didn't make what she makes andshe knew that I had to hustle
just to get close.
And I'm still not close to whatshe makes.
And she knew that I had tohustle just to get close and I'm
still that close to what shemakes.
Now, mind you, let's say I getthis promotion, I can negotiate
70 grand a year or whatever.

(34:14):
You know what I'm saying.
I make 10 grand, I'll becatching up to her.
Then we could maybe go 50-50 onshit.
But she went into this knowingI didn't make it and she kind of
going well, we know, if we'regoing to do this, I'll pay this
as long as you're payingsomething, because she knows

(34:35):
that on the back end of it I gotit, I got it, or even just that
she knows I'll still take herroute, I'll do this, I'll do
that, so she doesn't have towaste money or like certain
things she would have to do justto hamper her.
Do things for herself.

Wes (34:49):
She understands that paying 100 percent of the bills is a
no go, so she'll rather havesome extra money in her goddamn
pocket.
But a lot of women, they likeno 100 percent or or or nothing
at all.
Someone will even take 50.
I'm like you got 50 percent ofyour money back in your pocket
and you still like, nah, theydon't like those, they don't

(35:12):
like those men, that's what I'msaying like, if you really like
the guy, if they really like theguy, they do.
Whatever they need.
They'll do it.

DeLaw (35:19):
Yeah, okay, I'm here to help you and you know, like you
know whatever you need andthat's you know, I mean my boy
be always talking about it.
It was you know, was you know awoman is willing to do and how
they perceive shit is almost100% attraction yeah, or dick,
or dick, or dick.

(35:39):
Yeah.
If they see you out hereballing for real and they don't
really like you but they see yougot money, you already knew
that.
You know my money's my money,your money's our money, Like
what Hold up.
But then if they see a niggawho's struggling, oh yeah, I'm
just trying to build their tonechanges based on what they know

(36:01):
you have.
So if you got good dick and nomoney, they willing to build
with you, but you got averagedick and money, they want you to
front the bill to keep themthere.
But, they still gonna probablycheat.
You never know.

Wes (36:15):
Just gotta find good people in your life.
That's all that comes to that.

DeLaw (36:21):
To have and to hold.
Nigga, do sickness and health.
My boy, remember when I toldyou I went to the alpha thing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the chick that was there,she had overheard it and how did
you get yourself old?
So she at first, she was coolyou got yourself in trouble.

Wes (36:43):
The episode ain't even come out yet.

DeLaw (36:45):
Yeah, I know, right now I don't even know if yet, yeah, I
know right, and so she's likeyeah you know, I don't even know
if I should put themotherfucker out.
We talked.

Wes (36:53):
Oh gosh bro.

DeLaw (36:55):
She was like well, I just want you to know that you know
you ain't the only one out herethat can see shit, and you know,
you know like you know, butsorority events.
We got the other fraternitiesthere that I could walk out with
five numbers.
But I do, with our respect forour marriage, that I First of
all.

Wes (37:13):
First of all, you coming at me over something that, like I
told you verbatim, you overheardby snooping and eavesdropping,
respectfully, because I've beenin this situation too, and I
told my wife it's a very similarsituation And'm like that is
guy talk.
You weren't even supposed tohear that.
And this is why men and womenneed their separate time with

(37:33):
whoever they, whatever, whatever, whatever because this is talk
that just comes out but I neveract on it, just like I'm sure
you say things and you never acton it.
Because I remember one time mywife was like well, why won't
you let me see your phone andthis, this?
And I said look, I have a groupchat.
That's kind of crazy.
I say things.
I don't want you looking at meweird or getting mad at stuff.

(37:57):
That I think is funny.
You don't need to see that.
It's big booty.
I said it's big joints in thereI'm saying crazy shit, I am
being disrespectful and this,this and that, but you have
never known me to disrespect you, any woman or anything like
that.
And when I explained that shitto her she was like all right,

(38:18):
and that's why she don't listento the podcast now, but I
explained that to her, but whenwe were talking to her.

DeLaw (38:29):
I said well, you got to understand.
I was talking to my mom.
She said I heard it more thanonce.
You were doing it on thepodcast and you talked about it
with your boy.
I was like.
But they asked.
I told them you don't gooutside to have conversations
Never mind, that was the gooutside to have a conversation.

Wes (38:48):
Oh, you know, that was the wrong thing to say.
That is where I was.
Like you're cheating now, likeI mean, sorry, I caught myself
when we had a conversation thatnight.

DeLaw (39:02):
We didn't have a conversation about that.
I was, like you know, it ledinto, okay, all this other stuff
and, like I said to you, I saidmy initial thing wasn't oh, she
bad as shit, it was, why is shesingle?

Wes (39:16):
Yeah, that is what we talked about.
You were like why is she single?
Why is?

DeLaw (39:19):
she single.
If you got this body, you gotthis and you got all this going
for you, why are you single?
You know what I'm saying.
And my boy was like well, youknow, and not that me and my boy
will be getting into argumentsabout my wife.
My boy he is like some of thewomen, and not that he's a woman
, but some of the women is.

(39:40):
As soon as it ain't going hisway, fuck that bitch, I'm out.
You know what I'm saying and Iget it.

Wes (39:47):
My homie.
I got a homie, that's like thattoo, but he's like that because
he's out there.
You know what I mean.

DeLaw (39:53):
And it's kind of like yo I'm not.

Wes (39:56):
I'm not.
Yeah, my homie too.
Yo, he told me the other day.
Side note, my homie told me twodays ago.
He was like he's messing withthis joint.
That was like 40-something andhe's spending the night over at
the house and this is me talkingto him.
She's texting him, telling himsomething.
Well, my son wasn't home.
I just thought you would have.
We would have been fucking allnight.

(40:17):
He caught offense to that.
Like yo, don't be telling me.
Like what I should be doing toyou.
Like you, I came over to dropdick and spend the night If I
wanted to bust one quick jointoff or whatever, have you and
chill for the rest of the night,that's my prerogative.
That's what he was getting at.
You should have said somethingright then and there, Not like a
couple of days later makingthis thing like I'm your sex toy

(40:41):
.

DeLaw (40:41):
If you want to do the whole night, bitch, say
something.

Wes (40:44):
I get like I'm your hair.
Say something he said I couldlike own you her sex toy and
shit.
He was like that's not even mygirl, I don't go all night for
he's like you.
Lucky.
I spent the night and I'm justlike.

DeLaw (40:56):
It baffles me sometimes.
Me and my boy were talking andI was like, and I'm talking to
my wife because you're like,well, you know.
I said, well, at the end of theday he was, he was someone
where he felt was high value.
I said, well, I have, you know,I have a woman.
It's subjective to the guy.

Wes (41:15):
I said to me, my wife, my about is what I have, what I
hold value to, my lifestyle,Like are you, what am I going to
?
Are you going to be able to fitin my program?
Am I going to be able to fitinto yours?

DeLaw (41:24):
That's simple as that I would never say I want you to be
like my mother, because I don'twant you to be like my mother.

Wes (41:30):
You know what I'm saying.

DeLaw (41:31):
Because I don't want to feel like I'm being parented by
my wife.
But, like I told you and Ibroke it down to what I thought
was high value and you checkedoff all those boxes of being
high value, and then that's onSunday, then on Monday, that's
when she was like well, I justwant to let you know that this
is and this is blah, blah, blah,and I kind of feel something.

(41:54):
I'm not saying I'm jealous thatyou saw other women, but don't
think that I don't see theseother guys out there.
I just know.

Wes (42:00):
Your wife be coming to you like a thug man, Because there's
no way, there's no way, there'sno way.
There's no way I'm hoping I'mhaving this conversation over
something that you overheard,that you weren't even supposed
to be listening to.
And here's the respectfullymorally part to that.
Anyone can find someoneattractive, right, like I see

(42:21):
why that person is attractive.
Am I attracted?
No, it's Really simple.

DeLaw (42:28):
Put it this way If I was and I pursued it, me and you
wouldn't be having thisconversation, exactly Because I
wouldn't have said it out loud.

Wes (42:36):
Here's the thing Even if I were Right that too, y'all
wouldn't be having thatconversation.

DeLaw (42:41):
We wouldn't be having that conversation.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's one of those things.
I know you're thinking aboutpledging alpha and you know,
with all the sororities wantalphas and blahs and blahs.
And I was like who said I wasthinking about pledging alpha?
I said I considered it but Iain't got that type of money to

(43:02):
be pledging alpha.
I ain't got that type of timeto be and I ain't got that type
of money to be going to a visit.
Okay, everybody got to buy twotickets.
I mean I'll be calling hey, wes, we got a crowd fees out here
in Anne Arundel County.
It's $75 per person.
You think you and your wifewould come.
$75 per person.
Hell, nah, like, nah, nigga thefuck.

(43:27):
You mean it's one of thosethings where it's like, as much
as I would want to do it if Iwas single, not unmarried, and
everything else, I would take areal run at it only because of
what I saw that day.
But it ain't worth my time if Iknow that it's going to put

(43:47):
ain't worth my time for her, ifI know that it's going to put a
strain on my marriage.
I shot it with a target.
You know Mike wants me to do it, but I think she really wants
me to go signal because she'shis agent and they're actually
contracts.
When you bow to each other inGreek life, yeah, I know, right,
it's some crazy shit, butnonetheless, we had that

(44:10):
conversation, um, and she's like, well, you know, like I feel
like your boy.
I was like, nah, well, he is.
That's why I never take advicefor single people.
In his head, me and you shouldhave been divorced two years,
two days ago, three days ago,when he first started
reconnecting with me, we shouldhave been divorced.
Then, if you go into life insituations thinking this ain't

(44:35):
for me and you drop out, did youeven really give it a shot?
And say oh well when I hearpeople that say they got
divorced, that they still lovethe person who they married to.
They just weren't happy inmarriage.
Well, why weren't you happy?
I mean, I just wasn't happy.
So you don't even know why youweren't happy, you just know you
weren't happy.

Wes (44:55):
That's the shit.
That's the shit that pisses meoff, because, chances are, you
was the reason why you weren'thappy.
Right, you, you, you know,sometimes I only think is that I
I talked to my homeboy because,about this particular statement
I'm about to make, because I'veheard so many women out their
mouth right next to me saystupid shit, like I got back

(45:16):
with my ex because I was bored,stupid shit like that.
And I think usually inmarriages sometimes not all the
time, but more likely, uh, if awoman is, you know, pro-divorce
because she ain't happy this,this and that, I'm gonna say,
yeah, there's probably somethings the man could improve
upon, but usually they're nothappy because they feel like

(45:37):
their life is stagnant, theydon't have any hobbies or
they're not growing and they arebored I look, I.

DeLaw (45:46):
Oh.
Yeah, I took on me and Martin'son August when we left West
Coast last night.

Wes (45:53):
And I was like you know.

DeLaw (45:55):
I feel like you always talk to me like a dog to your
friends.

Wes (45:59):
You don't, no, you don't.
I said no I don't.

DeLaw (46:02):
Specifically to this friend.
I said no.
I said he's the one who told meto stay out the bars.
He's the one that said he needsto spend more time with his
wife.
He's the one that told me to doall this and this and this.
Now, his views on marriage andrelationships might be real
fucked up, but he's the onethat's like look, you're married
, you got a wife.
Why the hell are you at the bar?

(46:24):
A lot of times he's the onethat I said that too.
You said that too, but you'remarried Either way.
To put it in perspective, whenme and her were going through
this stuff, when we were aboutto get divorced, he's like if
you don't want to be in arelationship, then leave.
Why are you at the bar?
Why are you doing this?

(46:44):
If I had that opportunity to bewith somebody and everything
was going fine, I would work ashard as I could to keep that
shit together and I'm like Ithink I think homie just
misunderstood, like my homie is.

Wes (46:56):
All he's saying is he knows exactly what he wants.
If he finds it, he's lockingthat shit down.
He don't want no distractionsof not being able to get to that
.

DeLaw (47:05):
I get that all he's saying is don't get distracted
by all this other pussy outthere.

Wes (47:09):
I get it.

DeLaw (47:11):
I told him.
I said look, when I go to thebar it ain't to go see the
bitches, it's to see the niggas,Because my niggas I'm sorry,
Let me rephrase that it's to seemy niggas Because we all marry.
We all marry.
We go to the bar just to getaway from the wife.

(47:31):
That's 2% of my life of freedomthat I might have.
That's true.
It's 2% because they're likeman, you got the old, old, old,
high 50s, 60s.

Wes (47:44):
I'm about to go.

DeLaw (47:45):
Well, if you don't like it, you can leave.
But these are niggas that aremaking enough money to be like
all right, that bitch left yeah,she left.
They can do that.
You got some of them that arelike.
You know, I've been together.
I was like, ah, you know shewant me to do this, you do this.
I'm in a very unique situation.
My wife is kind of a tweener.
She doesn't mind me going out,but she minds me going out.

(48:09):
She doesn't mind me going outjust periodically, but she minds
me being out of this every day.
She doesn't mind if I drink,but she minds if I drink too
much.
If I'm drinking when she drinks, it's cool.
If I'm drinking just because Iwant to drink, it's a problem.
So I'm in a very different,unique situation and I was
trying to no, you're not.

Wes (48:30):
That's called marriage.
What you're saying ain'tnothing.
It's nothing foreign to me.
What you're saying.

DeLaw (48:37):
I told her yesterday.
I was like you know.

Wes (48:40):
I said nothing she just wants to feel and know that,
like yo, you are still.
Yeah, because you being out allthe time means that to feel and
know that, like yo, you arestill with her.
Because you being out all thetime means that you don't want
to be with her.
You drinking all the time meansyou drinking because of her,
all that stupid, dumb shit thatwe don't even think about.
You know what I mean.
It's just kind of like I'mdrinking because I like to drink

(49:03):
, right.

DeLaw (49:05):
I mean I was telling her.
I said, you know, I said Idon't listen to some stuff I
listen to because he does makegood points.
But I told her, I said if Iwasn't listening to him, me and
you would have been divorcedalmost four months ago.
Yeah, maybe six months ago,because you know you can leave
her and find a little gent outhere and I can get that you.

(49:27):
But you're like, nah like, andlike I like.
I said I don't take advice fromsingle people because they're
going to give you sick advice.
They're going to give youadvice.
Well, I wouldn't have did that,I wouldn't have did.
Well, you're not in a wholerelationship where you're bound
to a person legally along withspiritually you know what I'm
saying the eyes of god, as youwent through the whole ceremony.

(49:49):
So you're looking at it fromall right.
Well, spiritually I'm bouncingthe neck because I fuck them,
but we ain't legally married soI can just dip off and you know
whatever.
But you're looking at it from aperspective of I can just up
and leave.
I can't just up and leave.
If I owned this house myself,oh, babe, if you wanted to get

(50:11):
divorced.
See you, I own this house.
Now we got to go through allright.
Well, we own this housetogether and I want to stay here
, but now I got to buy you outof your portion of the house,
and that's just what the houseis afraid for.

Wes (50:27):
So let's say the house will pray for it you ain't really
gotta do that for real.
For real.
I'm not this is not a me tryingto get you to do this it's just
the loan, y'all y'all on theloan together.
So it's one of those thingswhere it's like we need to
satisfy the loan.
If I sell the house is when youget the equity.
If I do that now, we can stayin contact with this, this and
that.

(50:47):
Because both of our names areon the deed of the house, you
will know it gets sold.

DeLaw (50:52):
Well, if she wants to sell, I would look at it as a
I'm not saying that that's whatyou should be looking forward to
.

Wes (50:58):
I'm just saying that will be the process.

DeLaw (51:02):
What I found was, if I want to stay let's say, you know
, worse comes to worse and Iwant to stay my best scenario is
to buy her out of her portionof the house, and that's buying
her out of what equity ispossibly in the house.
So let's say there's $90,000 ofequity in the house.

(51:25):
I would need to provide $45,000to her to buy a round of her
portion of the house, becausebuying a round just means if I
sold the house, what would youget at this point?

Wes (51:42):
And so I was like but her name, so does that mean her name
comes off the deed and all that?
Because if not you ain't got topay the 45 right away.

DeLaw (51:51):
Well, we can buy them out .
I think it does.

Wes (51:54):
Okay, and I told her you know.

DeLaw (51:55):
I said, like what's your plan?
You know, because I'm leavingin six months and this bad move
really entrenched me, of like,of course.
And she's like, what are yougoing to do?
I said, well, I don't want toleave.
We can make it a range where Iknow I can still afford a house
on my own.
It'd be tough, it'd be tight, Imight not have shit in my

(52:19):
motherfucking refrigerator, butI can afford to still live here.
Worst comes to worst.
As an agreement, I can give youwhatever I paid on the house.
You can take it and put it onyour taxes.
That way, you know it is whatit is.
You know what I'm saying.
And she's like I don't know.
I want to tell you.
You know, whatever we get fromit, it should be enough to start

(52:42):
up a new life for you.
So you're telling me.
So you're telling me thatinstead of owning a house, that
you get tax benefits all overand I heard this when she gave
me taxes.
Like the reason that you didn'towe a shit ton of taxes or
whatever, is because of thishouse and because of the
timeshare, because of all thatshit that we pay.

(53:03):
You're telling me you'rewilling to just throw that away
because you're mad at a moment.
I said happiness and sadness isa temporary emotion.
Love is something that youchoose to do, like especially
you know.
Hey, well, you know I love you.
It's action.
But when you, when you go intothe unconditional love, that is

(53:26):
a choice you make every day tolove somebody.
That is what unconditional loveis.
Regardless of what they do toyou, whatever what they say to
you, that you still love them.
That is a choice to make andthat's how you end up in the
realm of unconditional love.
It's not based off of how Ifeel that day.
It's based off of regardless ofwhat my wife said to me that

(53:49):
day and I might be a littlebothered by it I still love her.
And women have a harder time ofgetting across with
unconditional love than men doMen.
Once they realize they love youand they want to take care of
you, they unconditionally loveyou.
Even even and we're saying this, know you're gonna have
something to say about it eventhe men that cheat on a, on a

(54:12):
wise I ain't gonna say aboutthat, you know even the men that
cheat on their wives and theystill go home.
They still will do everythingabove me on to make sure they
take care of their wife and theystill love their wives and I'm
not gonna say that is the bestunconditional love, but let
anything happen to their wife,they will go above and beyond

(54:34):
like they, men, we, we chooseand we really do unconditionally
love easier than women do,because a lot of times when
women their love is conditional,like even the ones on social
media, well well, you know myhusband, he takes care of
everything.
So I cook, I clean, I fuck, Ishut up.

Wes (54:54):
So how do you explain the women that repeatedly take a
nigga back for cheating, knowingthat that is a condition for
them to stay with thatmotherfucker?

DeLaw (55:04):
Because they take care of them.

Wes (55:07):
Not because they love them.

DeLaw (55:08):
No.

Wes (55:10):
Women, you don't think women take men back after they
cheat and do all this fuck shitbecause they love them.
No, no.

DeLaw (55:21):
Now check out my logic.

Wes (55:22):
I'm not going to say I'm not saying all.

DeLaw (55:27):
I'm talking about the ones that I know, the ones that
I know the ones that I know Iain't going to put nobody out
there.

Wes (55:36):
Don't worry about it.

DeLaw (55:39):
The ones that I know and what I've seen and everything
else.
A lot of times is it becausethey love them?
That's what they'll say.
But a lot of times either theygot a really good dick and they
don't think they'll find anybetter dick or they get taken
care of financially from thisdude, I mean that's.
I've heard Chase like oh youknow, like we broke up because

(56:03):
he cheated on me and I wasmessing with this other guy, but
like he didn't satisfy me theway the other dude did and I
kind of went back and we got akid together.
So I figured it was better forthe kid.
Like a lot of times women make alot of excuses to go back to a
nigga that they know ain't goodfor, based on other shit that's

(56:26):
irrelevant to anything, likeeven my wife.
My wife is one of where shestayed with her baby father out
there.
He done cheated on her.
They done gotten a full fistfight.
Well, you know, I needed himbecause I couldn't take care of
these two kids on my own andblah, blah, blah.
They come up with everyscenario to stay with something

(56:46):
because they don't know ifthey'll find someone better, or
that's like for guys like wedon't know, we'll go back to a
chick.
That's a pain in our assbecause we're like is it easier
to get this pussy or to find anew pussy?
You know what I'm saying.

Wes (57:03):
It represents that listen as.
I got older, I now see I'malready married, so I don't even
count that.
I know this.
It's all the same.
It's the same type ofdifficulty.
Yeah, I should have leftnothing as bitches when I was
dealing with them, long before Iactually left them.

DeLaw (57:23):
I mean, I get why some people do the.
When it comes down to it and Icould only speak from a man's
point of view a good man's pointof view we might not be, we

(57:51):
might not know how you want tobe loved or how or how to love
you the way you want to be loved, but we will love you and we'll
do everything we can to loveyou the best way we know how to
and learn how you want to beloved.
We'll do that.
That's why I say for men it'salways it's for men it's easier
to love unconditionally becausewe wake up in the morning and,
knowing that we ain't got nokids, we're a hot commodity.

(58:12):
We can step out and find a jankthat's like, oh, he ain't got
no kids, he ain't got this, heain't got no big mother,
whatever, whatever.
It's easy for us to step out andstumble into pussy.
But we choose to still love youand honor our marriage.
So we choose to still love youand honor our marriage.
So we choose in my head to loveyou unconditional, regardless

(58:33):
of what foolishness you mightcome up with, regardless of what
dreams you might have that Iwas cheating on you.
But knowing I wasn't cheatingon you, like we still choose to
wake up very morning and andreassure you that we ain't going
away.
You know what I'm saying if Iwoke up in the morning and said,
babe, I'm mad because, you know, in my dream you cheated on me.
So you know, I mean that's cooland all, but are you cheating

(58:58):
on me?
Because the only person youonly feel guilty if you're
cheating on me and that's whyyou think I'm cheating, like it
would be some way to turn that?
And it's like women I'm notsaying women don't have the
capability of lovingunconditionally.

Wes (59:15):
I don't think it's as easy for them because of how the
majority of them have beenraised, going forward versus so
that that that that I, that Ican agree with, yeah Me.

DeLaw (59:27):
Ignoring you.
Yes, yes, I am bitch.

Wes (59:34):
Speaking of being in control of your life, or your
life or your day-to-day forhappiness and success.
Do you personally if a familymember success?
Do you personally if a familymember came to your house
unannounced?
Do you let them in?

DeLaw (59:55):
Yeah.

Wes (59:57):
You do All the time, you would at all times.

DeLaw (01:00:01):
At all times.

Wes (01:00:04):
I'm not, and neither is this guy, so listen to this.

DeLaw (01:00:08):
What kind of question.

Wes (01:00:10):
You just asked me where I'm from people visit each other
without any previouscommunication, the host uh, the
host then has to stop everythingthey're doing and receive them,
especially if they are from thefamily.
I believe it's disrespectful tovisit someone without

(01:00:31):
justification and or previousagreement.
I know it's a culture of thecountry, but for me it's like
the visitor is saying I know youhave nothing better to do, so
just drop it all and tend to me,disregarding my work or chore I
may be doing.
I've made it clear to my familythat I am strict with this and

(01:00:52):
even if I'm just watching amovie, playing video games or
looking at my cat, if you didn'ttake the consideration of
notifying me in advance, itdoesn't matter to me.
You're a few blocks away,coming from a different country
or from Mars.
If you didn't tell or call, ifyou didn't text or call me in
preparation to your arrival, youwill be left outside, door shut

(01:01:16):
.
A few days ago, my mother toldme a cousin of mine came from a
very came from a very far awaycountry and he was going to my
house in two days.
I warned her that I wouldn't beable to receive them because I
would be working.
I work from home Plus.
I didn't wish to dedicate mytime to them, because my cousin

(01:01:37):
didn't give me the dignity ofknowing he was coming to the
country beforehand.
I didn't even know he had beenaround for like one week.
I told my mother do not come, Iwill not open the door.
I'm really sorry, but no Longstory short.
They came to my door anyway.
I saw my mother, father andcousin in the security cam and

(01:02:01):
heard them calling me.
I let them sit there under thesun for half an hour until they
gave up and left.
It's incredibly important forme that my word is respected.
If I said don't come, my wishesneed to be respected or you'll
be left outside.
I love my family and friends,but they need to respect me.
This.

(01:02:23):
I show up first and tell youlater.
Culture is way beneath me.

DeLaw (01:02:28):
This I show up first and tell you later.

Wes (01:02:33):
Culture is way beneath me.
Before this, some familymembers also came from abroad
and surprised me with a callsaying they were on the beach
and for me to go.
I am not nine years old, thus Ididn't even know they were
nearby.
You can't just ask me to go tothe beach on a weekday in the
afternoon.
Please dignify me by planningin advance.

(01:02:55):
It's not that hard, of course.
I declined the invitation andpolitely let them know I won't
just drop everything and go tothe beach with them.
So you're telling me I knowthis is drastic.
Listen, this person that's meall day, every day.

(01:03:16):
I don't open the door forfamily to just pop up, because
it is one of those things whereit's like oh, I got to get you a
water.
My house might not be what it'ssupposed to be, I might be in
my drawers.
So it's just kind of like nah,tell me you won't come so I can
say, yeah, come through.
Nah, it's not a good time.
But you saying that you nomatter what, you letting them in

(01:03:36):
, no matter what.

DeLaw (01:03:39):
No matter what I mean because it's my people's.
No, I get that.
The way I see it, it might bethat one night I was just too
fucked up to get home and Idon't want you to turn me away.

Wes (01:03:56):
I understand.

DeLaw (01:03:56):
I don't want you to.
The fuck is wrong with you.
You drunk, my family ain't here.
I ain't answering the door, I'mnot for the door, I just need
some more to crash for a coupleof hours.
You know what I'm saying.
It's one of those things whereyou know family's family and I
don't ever want to have that,that mentality of like my cousin

(01:04:18):
.
He done crashed two cars,wrapped them both around trees
because he was too drunk.
Both times he said he wasaround the corner from my house.
Why didn't you just, why didn'tyou just, why didn't you just
knock and ring the doorbell?
And I'd have seen it on my like?
Well, that's Thursday, that'smy, that's my family.
You know what I'm saying.
Hey, what's going on, fam, Ijust need a crash, all right.

(01:04:40):
You need a bucket too, allright.
Well, here's a sofa, here's ablanket.
You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying,whatever, you know what.
I'm saying it's one of thosethings I would never want that
to happen.
You know what I'm saying.
And like in this case he soundlike somebody who is, who wasn't
.
He felt he wasn't appreciatedby the family and so now that

(01:05:04):
he's got his life together,everybody wants him to.
You just admit to his brotherand sister and family and
whatever he's like.
Nah, I don't want to do thatbecause y'all ain't love me back
and that's why I say it's themotherfucker white.

Wes (01:05:16):
That's what that whole thing sound like to you.

DeLaw (01:05:17):
That's what it sound like to me.
No, no, don't get me wrong.
Black people do the same shit.
I'm not saying they don't, butwhat when it comes to like real
black community?
You know, everybody alwaystexts when they come home.
Right, if someone pulls up atthe house because of whatever,

(01:05:39):
oh you drunk, I was such an asshit.

Wes (01:05:43):
Okay.
So when you put it, when youput it that way, right, I didn't
, I didn't think about theperson might need some
assistance, All right.
So in that case it's kind oflike yo, yeah, you should not
turn family away.
Now I feel bad, but no one hasever came to my house.

DeLaw (01:05:59):
No one's ever come to my house like that either.
But I mean just, it's just oneof those things where I tell If
I tell you no, though, you won'trespect me.

Wes (01:06:08):
That part I agree with.
It's like yo.

DeLaw (01:06:11):
I can't If it's pre-planned and I don't want to
house nobody.
That's something totallydifferent.
So here's the thing If youstill pull up in my house and I
say I'm not housing amotherfucker, it wasn't even
housing, it was just a visit.
Oh, it was just a visit, oh itwas just a visit.

Wes (01:06:31):
Yeah, fuck the mother niggas, it was just a visit.
It wasn't like to house, it wasjust like yo, like if I tell
your mom's like, nah, it's gonnabe a no, and your mom come over
there anyway, to which the momwas hoping, it was like, well,
if I come with him or if I comewith them, my kid ain't gonna
leave me out there.
So if it was my mom, well, if Icome with him or if I come with
them, my kid ain't going toleave me out there.
So if it was my mom by herself,yeah, I ain't going to leave

(01:06:53):
her out there.
No, because he told her.
He told her, like yo don'tbring this nigga, you bought the
nigga.
Y'all not getting that.

DeLaw (01:07:01):
You know, what's funny Is my stepfather would have pulled
up at my house and be like thefuck you leave your mother out
there, for that's when yourdaddy come out there,
motherfucker, I get it.
What the fuck wrong with you?

Wes (01:07:11):
Let's just say hypothetically my dad being the
man that I think he would be itwas like yo, respect this man's
house.
He's a man.
Now he said I'm not takingvisitors.
You could have some pussy up inthere.
That's the day you clappingcheeks, yeah, like you clapping
cheeks all night, all day, orwhatever have you.

(01:07:32):
I'm like it's not a good timebecause I'm clapping cheeks.
Y'all respect them.
You gotta respect that person'swishes, man.
But yeah, especially if I tellyou nah, nah, but like yo, you
should be dropping by, likeespecially if it's family.
I guess it's different for me,cause I don't really be talking
to family like that.
There's like five or six peopleI'll be talking to.
So, like my sister showed up,yeah, my, my brother showed up,

(01:07:56):
yeah, my mom showed up, yeah,anybody outside.
So the fact that you show up,it's something going on.
I don't think I want to be apart of this.
You can see all the carsoutside and the windows up.
I'm not fucking holding thatdoor.
So I don't know.

(01:08:18):
I'm on the fence with that one.
It was up until you said ifthey drunk or they need some
help.
I was like, damn you right.
Usually I try to avoid the.
You said if they're drunk or ifthey need some help, I was like
, damn, you're right.
Usually I try to avoid the can Iborrow some money, type shit?
I guess that's what I'mthinking from.

DeLaw (01:08:37):
If they just pull it up just because they want to pull
it up and they ain't got nothingelse to do with their life,
that's a different story, butyou don't know why they pull it
up.
No, I don't why they pulled up.
No, I don't I mean, but in thiscase it sounded like he knew
what he pulled up for theywanted.
He told his mom no she did itanyway then you said a ton, what
?
That's why I said it's a whiteblack you know what it could be,

(01:08:58):
no, I could.

Wes (01:08:59):
No, they could be nigerian or they could be african only
because that is the culture likeyo yo, when you have a guest,
you give that guest whateverthey need and want.
They are your guests.
That's any culture.
But Western culture, like ourculture and all the Western
countries and shit like that,that's not our culture.
So that could be anybody.

DeLaw (01:09:22):
That's true.

Wes (01:09:23):
Anybody.
But yeah, man, hey, listen,that person chose happiness in
that situation.
Yo, somebody won't respect meand I won't be happy that I
stood up for myself.
They control their situation.
That was one aspect in theirlife that they know that they
can control, which is peoplecoming in and dropping an

(01:09:44):
unannounced disrupt in my day.
I agree with it now.

DeLaw (01:09:54):
I mean, I've heard worse.
I've heard worse too, but I getit.
You know it is what it is.
It is what it is at that point.
You know what I'm saying, butwhat it is at that point.
You know what I'm saying.
But you know what you gotyourself into when you were born

(01:10:14):
with your parents.

Wes (01:10:16):
Yeah, funny as shit.
You know what you got yourselfinto when they birthed you, when
she birthed you.
I swear some parents.
It's just like yo, like I couldtalk to you any time because I
birthed you.
I can be unreasonable andirrational and shit like that,
because I birthed you.
You just got to deal with it,and it's just like the moment

(01:10:39):
that adult child or kid standsup for themselves.
You'll think you hit thatmotherfucker Like how dare you
stand up for yourself?
And try to treat yourself likethat In my face, in my face.

DeLaw (01:10:50):
In my face, nigga, I'm supposed to continue to do what
I want to do, Right?

Wes (01:10:55):
I don't ever want to be in no situation like that Shit.
On that note, even though D-Lawfeels like he's not in control
in his life, I know he is andeveryone.
Please continue to control whatyou can control to be happy and
to be better.
And thank you guys forlistening.