January 17, 2024 • 36 mins
This one we discuss how words hurt you and sticks and stones might be less painful. To ourselves and others! Find your word for 2024, Ashton is discover, Gene is Connect, Gideon is Consistency and Dad is flow. We spend a lot of time on personal talk and trying to keep things positive and uplifting when you visit with others. Find this and many other episodes by category on our website! https://adultingdecrypted.com/episode-search/
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Episode Transcript
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Dad (00:00):
All right.
(00:00):
Today we get an opportunity tosit down and visit a little bit
about the power of words.
It's interesting to me that wereally realized this on our trip
here in Cabo.
How many people are fluent inSpanish in this group?
Oh yeah.
Which would be an astoundingzero.
Yeah, none of us.
Right.
So we've had to rely on a coupleof cool things.
I think Google translate, wewere able to use that today.
(00:22):
That was kind of fun.
There's some mistranslations.
It was kind of interesting, howdid it do, Gene?
You did it.
I watched a little bit of it aswell.
Yeah, so I used the
Welcome to Adulting Decrypted.
We are your hosts.
I'm Gene, and I'm starting myfirst year of college.
I'm Ashton.
I'm a music performer, composer,and educator.
I'm Dean, a high school senior.
(00:44):
I'm Roscoe, the dad.
Those are my three sons, andthis is Adulting Decrypted,
where we discuss ways to becomeadults and the things we need to
know to be successful in life.
Gene (00:56):
Google Transcribe and Google Translate.
And it worked decently well.
For the most part, you couldcatch up on what the gist of
what they were trying to saywas.
But sometimes the grammar wasjust weird.
The words were just wrongaltogether.
Because you knew that that's not
Dad (01:12):
what it was supposed to say.
Yeah, just based on the contextof Of the nomenclature of what's
normally used.
I know I've relied on Ashtonmultiple times.
He's one with cell service andthe Google translate camera
feature.
Is that what it is?
It's under
Ashton (01:28):
translate.
Yeah.
You just throw through yourcamera on something and it.
It's pretty cool actually, itreplaces the words on signs and
boxes and stuff with thelanguage you're translating to,
in our case English, and it'skind of fun.
Obviously it's not perfectthere's a lot of things that
don't make sense, but you getabout 70 percent more
Dad (01:52):
than you would have without it, so.
Yeah, and to me, maybe 100percent more, you've got a basis
in Spanish a couple years inhigh school.
Gideon, did you take anylanguage in school?
Gid (02:01):
Nope.
Okay.
I did not take
Dad (02:03):
any language.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Well, the old adage, have youever heard, sticks and stones
will break my bones, but wordswill never hurt me?
You guys ever heard that?
I have.
Many a time.
And is it something you guyshave said amongst your friends
or is that stuff that I've saidor where'd you hear it from?
Do you think I don't I
Ashton (02:22):
don't know the first place.
I heard it.
I normally use it as a joke Butyeah, I mean I've said it a
couple times
Gid (02:29):
I think I've heard it from like media like songs or Maybe
movies or something.
I would never use it I don'tthink in a conversation unless
like Ashton said for a joke
Dad (02:40):
yeah, I think the first time I ever heard
Gene (02:41):
it was, it's probably in a song.
Couldn't tell you which one itwas or where it was, but
Dad (02:46):
I like heard it.
I
Gene (02:47):
was like, okay, I guess that.
I mean, sure.
And then I know that we talkedabout it later on outside of the
podcast and I was like, Oh yeah,it doesn't make sense at all.
Dad (03:00):
And we might've talked about the power of words before,
but it's one is worth repeating.
Coming into 2024.
And, and there's two types.
I think there's two types ofwords.
We need to pay attention to oneis self dialogue and positive
talk.
And then there's obviously theouter talk that we talk to
(03:20):
others, but mostly today,probably the power of words in
as it pertains to positive selftalk and as it pertains to our
own self talk, you know, as faras it's a positive self talk
and, and optimistic self talk.
(03:40):
Do
you
Gid (03:41):
mean like self affirmations?
Dad (03:43):
Yeah, they can be affirmations.
Absolutely.
Affirmations are one part ofthat.
And for the listener getting,can you tell me a little bit
about affirmations?
Yeah, of course.
Gid (03:52):
So I know in some like self help classes or stuff like that,
they'll be like, you got to do10 self affirmations in the
morning.
And what that kind of means.
So you could look at yourself inthe mirror and be like, I am
beautiful, I am powerful, I amindependent.
And just like, an affirmation isa positive thing about yourself.
Dad (04:16):
Yeah, is it always though?
And I'm not trying to be dumb.
To do it as an exercise, it'salways positive.
But do you think we giveourselves negative affirmations?
Yeah,
Gid (04:29):
I mean just like affirming a belief, technically.
So it's like positiveaffirmations is how it's often
stated.
So it's not like anyaffirmation, but a positive
affirmation.
Dad (04:41):
Yeah, I guess my point was is that I think we give
ourselves negative affirmationsall day long.
There's times we go, Oh, I knewI couldn't do that.
Oh, I knew that was going tocome up.
Oh, I, I, I was gonna forgetthat anyways.
Is there, is there any otherones that we probably do or that
we share?
(05:01):
Yeah,
Gene (05:02):
I knew that was a bad question, or, oh, I knew the
answer was wrong, I just didn'tknow the right one.
I knew I wouldn't make it in thejob, I knew I wouldn't get that
part, or
Dad (05:13):
any of those things.
I
Gid (05:14):
know, like, sometimes I make a mistake of it, ah, I'm
stupid.
Yeah.
It's not like, that decisioncould have been stupid, but
like, ah, I'm
Dad (05:22):
stupid.
You know, I do, I do.
I think that's an interestingone.
The one I catch myself sayingthat I don't even realize it.
And it's like, I quit, I'm done.
I'm frustrated.
I'm angry.
I'm whatever.
Right.
And I'm going, I'm done insteadof saying it it's time to be
done.
Right.
Or I can't do it.
I quit, you know, I think we alldo that if we're really honest
(05:46):
with ourself and as a listener,hope you think as we go through
this list and we think throughthis, there's going to be a
challenge at the end and just toput it out there and you're To
get you prepped for it and getit in your thoughts.
The challenge is going to becoming up with a word that we
strive to live 2024 by for me,2023 was a year of mobility.
(06:08):
And what that meant to me wasthat I needed to be willing to
be mobile.
In my job, you know, it wasmobility for me personally on my
exercise goals.
I wanted to be able to do morethings, be able to get up and
down easier.
You know, and I accomplished alittle bit of all of it.
I I'm not perfect at it by anystretch, but at least it got it
in my head and got me thinkingabout it.
(06:31):
the first reason why we want todo this, boosts confidence.
Those daily affirmations, do youstill feel pretty silly doing
those in the mirror in themorning I don't know
Gid (06:40):
if I've ever done one of those.
So I mean
Dad (06:44):
I can imagine I almost gave myself a negative affirmation I
keep turning this mic.
We're not using our stands.
I'm like that is so dumb.
I'm so dumb Why do I keep doingthat?
Anyways, but I didn't say thoseout loud, right?
Those are internal So I think aninternal, positive self
affirmation probably adds valueas well.
Gene (07:03):
I know for me, whenever I've like been told to like, Oh
yeah, write down like ten thingsthat you're good at right now.
And I'm just like I don't know.
And so it takes a long time andthen like.
It's a slow process for me inthis
Dad (07:17):
regard.
Yeah.
So I think if you have those tolook at on a quick at hand,
here's where I think we get introuble is that we can at times
take away from our selfconfidence as we, as we do an
affirmation.
If I look in the mirror and say,you have the most beautiful
thick head of hair I've everseen.
(07:39):
You're, you have Fabio typehair.
Is that.
What is that gonna do to me?
Do I believe it?
It's sending you an unrealisticexpectation.
Gene (07:51):
Yeah, and you're just like basically being sarcastic to
yourself, which is sometimesworse than just saying it flat
out.
It's like, yeah, this is notsomething I
Dad (08:00):
enjoy.
Right, right.
So I think, I think what we cando though, let's say that it's a
trait that I'm working on.
Let's say I choose to be kind topeople.
If I look in the mirror and sayI choose to be kind, I choose to
be nice.
I do my best to see the good inothers.
Would that be just as powerfulas saying, I see good in others?
(08:20):
I
Gid (08:20):
think that it could be more powerful than you saying, I see
the good in others.
Because then, you know, like yousaid, it gives you the choice.
Like I choose to see the goodwhen I see the good makes it
feel like that's just somethingthat happens.
And something that you were bornwith and so it's not as
important as maybe an acquiredskill of choosing.
Dad (08:40):
Yeah, and I think you're right, and I think the other
part of that is, it lets me makemistakes.
It lets me, with my own personalself talk, realize, oh, so if
I'm not nice to somebody, if Icut somebody off and I don't
flip them off, what do we do inthis group?
We change it from a flip off toThumbs down.
(09:01):
I thought it was the loser sign,right?
You could do that too.
But you know, instead of medoing that, if I could think,
okay, I'm not that person, I'mnot always kind to somebody if
it says I choose to be kind or Isee the good in others, trying
to see that allows me thatgrowth opportunity.
It doesn't fix it.
(09:21):
Yeah, so I think it's good tobuild those strengths.
So I'd make a list of thoseGene.
Make them now and make themoften.
That way when somebody asks you,you don't have to step back and
think, okay, what were theyagain?
And it might be one of thosewords that you work on.
The other put down is itenhances motivation.
Positive self dialogue serves asa powerful motivation.
(09:41):
Motivator.
Encouraging words can inspireand propel you forward to where
you want to be.
It also gives you that sense ofenthusiasm and motivation to
pursue your goals with vigor.
What do you think of that?
Positive self talk as it goes tothose.
Gene, you missed out on our lastepisode in Season 6, we set some
goals.
How did we do on those goals
Ashton (10:03):
we didn't.
But
Dad (10:04):
that's okay.
We did it?
We didn't.
We did not.
That's right.
Yeah, I think we, we lacked onthose a little bit.
Had we had some positive wordsbehind those.
And turned to ourselves andlooked ourselves in the mirror
and said, I'm choosing to followthis goal, or I'm choosing to be
more proactive.
It probably would have given ussome enthusiasm, right?
(10:25):
The other thing it, and I thinkthis is a big one.
It fosters resilience what doesresilience mean to this group
around this table?
To me, I think
Gene (10:36):
resilience is being able to push past the negative things
that will come and are comingand being able to be like.
You know what?
I know that these things arehappening, but being able to
push past them and not lettingthem set you back as much.
Dad (10:53):
I like that.
I like
Ashton (10:55):
the Dictionary definition as I, as I most often
do.
But the second definition it hashere is resilience is a noun, Is
the ability of a substance orobject to spring back into shape
or have elasticity.
So I think of resilience as,Like that that Rocky quote.
(11:16):
It's like, it's not about, youknow, what does he say?
It's not about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can gethit and get back up and keep
going and whatever.
So I think of that a lotprobably.
It's just like How much can youtake and spring back in the
effort of
Dad (11:34):
something you want to achieve?
Yeah, totally agree.
And with that positive selftalk, I believe it's going to
help you build up thatresilience, Sylvester Stallone
personally went through when hewas creating Rocky, right?
He'd been knocked down.
He got knocked down hard and hewas able to get back up from it.
Totally agree with you.
And I think knowing that, andknowing where you want to go in
the words you choose lets youback balance and get more
(11:57):
resilience faster.
It also improves focus andproductivity.
You know, words have a power ofshaping your mindset during any
given situation or any giventask.
Using positive language whenengaging in these activities
will help you improve focus andproductivity.
(12:20):
Positive self dialogue duringprojects can and will lead to
more optimistic and efficientapproaches.
Do you guys buy into that?
I
Ashton (12:28):
think so.
I think so.
Like being optimistic alwaysadds a little bit of energy for
me, I think.
When I can.
I find I'm better at it.
When I am like in a group thatneeds optimism versus I am the
(12:49):
one being pessimistic If there'sa situation where I know I need
to be the optimist, I know I Itry and use it to help I think
it's good
Dad (12:59):
Yeah And this goes back to that first saying sticks and
stones can break my bones butBut words will never hurt me I
think they do hurt right Ashtonespecially in that example of
saying where I need to be theoptimistic person I can be, you
know, and I'll get somebody go,Oh yeah, I'm positive.
I'm a positive person.
I'm positive.
We're going to fail.
Well, wait, hold on.
That's not what we need here.
(13:20):
We, we need to step back and bewilling to look at ourselves and
be honest.
Where's our shortcomings.
Right.
I'm not saying.
Hey, let's let's fake it tillyou make of it.
Where's my shortcoming?
Let me find that person.
I'm in a bad place I need anAshton to lean on Ashton.
Can you be the positive sourcehere?
Can you help us get through thisor I need to leverage other
people's skills?
(13:40):
How many times did I leverageyour skill in your translation
this week a couple?
Yeah, because I was frustrated Iwas going look I don't
understand any of this and I'mtired and cranky, you know So it
but it wasn't helping anybody SoI, I think that improving focus
and productivity, reduces stressand anxiety.
(14:02):
How can I have a positive orlet's even do the reverse of
that?
Because we've talked so muchabout positive negative thought.
How does that?
Increase your stress or anxiety.
Gene (14:13):
One reason that I see is when you're telling yourself all
these bad things that arehappening or could happen,
you're more worried about them.
Cause you're like, oh, I, I knowsometimes I'll just be walking
with a plate from like thecounter to the table.
And my brain will be like, whathappened if you dropped this
right now?
And like it shattered everyone.
Like, wow, I could be bad.
(14:34):
But if I'm like constantlythinking about that and be like,
oh no, I could drop this.
It's like pushes off the table.
Oh no, like I could do this andthen these people would be
embarrassed with me like it justleads and builds upon itself It
becomes a vicious spiraldownwards
Gid (14:49):
I think something interesting along that line is
what we talk a lot about inskiing where it's look where you
want to go because that samething if you're thinking about I
cannot hit that tree and you'restaring right at the tree and
like that's the only thing youfocus on is that negative
(15:10):
Outcome of you slamming intothat tree.
You're gonna hit the tree, butinstead if you're facing right
toward the tree and you likeLook out to the middle of the
run where you probably should beskiing, then it'll most likely
lead you to where you're lookingthat positive outcome instead of
the negative of staring downthat huge tree.
(15:32):
And even
Gene (15:32):
if you do hit the tree, it'll be less hurtful.
Yeah,
Gid (15:36):
if you're looking away from the tree.
Dad (15:37):
Speaking of personal experience, right, Gene?
Yes, speaking
Gene (15:41):
from direct personal experience, skiing down a hill,
going through the trees like,man, I want to hit that big
jump.
And then, because of the jump,like, went into the trees and
came back out, and I looked atthe jump and I, I saw the jump
pass me, like, Oh, I missed aturn.
I look forward, I see a tree,and I'm like, oh.
But as soon as I was able tolook away and get most of my
body weight away from the tree,it didn't hurt as much as it
(16:02):
could have if I just stared atthe tree and hit
Dad (16:04):
it straight on.
I agree.
And those positive words isyou're, you're going to that.
And it's that practice, thatmental practice., I don't know
how many things went wrong onthis trip in my mind.
The one we got here were nonissues.
What happens if the lady's notthere at the airport?
What happens if the hotel's notready?
What happens if.
You know, I'm going through allthese things and finally been
out of work for, for fivemonths, And I've set the money
(16:27):
aside.
We prepaid for it.
All this stuff is already done.
So I need to change my, my selftalk to say I can make more
money.
Where I'm at now doesn't meanthat's where I'm going to be
next week, next month, nextyear.
And because I have that itreduces that stress and anxiety,
I love the skiing example I likethe real sharing of it.
(16:48):
And now as we think positive inother areas, it does reduce
stress.
I believe that Strength and goalachievement.
Positive self talk aligns yourthoughts with your goals can you
say that one more time?
Yeah.
Strength and goal achievement bypositive self talk aligns your
thoughts with your goals.
Do you believe that?
I do.
And here, and yeah, and here'swhy.
(17:09):
Is because I think as we tellourselves, this is, I'm trying
to be, or I'm going to be, andI'm working on, and I'm, I
strive for, It helps me getcloser to my goals than saying,
man, I'm so tense, man.
I'm not limber.
Wow.
I I'm so rigid.
(17:29):
No, I can't adopt new things anddifferent things.
I think by having positive selftalk, it helps me get to my
goals and achieve them better.
The other thing I want to talkabout is shapes, behaviors, and
habits.
What negative self talk have wedone?
Well, that's probably not fair.
That's a dangerous question toask.
But I think if we were honestwith ourselves.
(17:52):
If we think of negative selftalk that we do that leads to
bad behavior, I think we canthink of quite a few.
So therefore then we have tolook at the flip side of that.
What positive self talk can wegive ourselves to help us
develop better habits andcontinue doing those?
Something
Gid (18:12):
I find interesting about that statement, and like, what
popped into my mind, is there'sa book, and I'm not quite sure
the title, but it was a bookdesigned to help smokers stop
smoking.
And the whole thing was like,after you read it, you won't
even want to smoke.
And a big point was alwaysremembering, like always
(18:36):
thinking about, what would a nonsmoker do?
And thinking like, Non smoker,so it's like that could be the
same for our goals like if yourgoal was to stop smoking and You
think about that or like maybeanother bad habit and like well
What would somebody that doesn'thave this bad habit do not what
(19:01):
would somebody with the badhabit do that wants to stop?
What would somebody who's tryingto not smoke do right now?
It's, what would a non smoker doright now?
I think that could be aninteresting side to
Dad (19:12):
look at it from.
You know, I like that you saidthat.
There's plenty of times Over thelast month of December because I
got really busy with the companyI'm doing the consulting work
for like really busy.
I would drive home and go.
I'm just too tired I've got my10, 000 steps in or my 20, 000
steps in but I thought GideonWhat would a physically fit
(19:32):
person do right?
What would they do?
Like well, they'd still go tothe gym They missed it in the
morning.
They're gonna go at night, youknow So I'd drive over and I
worked out a couple times atnight and I worked out on a
Saturday So that I could hit mygoal, right?
So I love that you mentionedthat by thinking positive and
thinking of ourself as thatphysically fit person or that
(19:56):
mobile person What would I donot?
What's everybody else doing?
What's the the other the otherchunky monkey doing, you know?
What is a big person doing?
I like that Cultivate a positiveoutlook.
It's interesting because it'skind of along the same lines.
Is improved focus andproductivity right or even helps
(20:19):
us achieve our goal But it'seven more than that by focusing
on the positive aspects of asituation you cultivate a an
optimistic outlook that canEnhance your overall well being
what I mean by that is like Itruly believe that all these
things will work together forour good It's a hard one to
believe all the time except it'sone of my core beliefs, but I
(20:43):
find it hard to believe How isthat possible?
Cultivating a positive outlookby focusing on the positive
aspects of the situation youcultivate an optimistic outlook
that can enhance your overallwell being.
Therefore, all these things canwork together for our good.
And if we remember that in anygiven situation that we're going
(21:06):
to learn from it, it does worktowards our good.
Yeah,
Gid (21:11):
I agree.
I agree.
Like you said, it's a big partof your core belief and as so
mine.
Like not just it's a part of ourreligion, but I truly believe
that everything will be okay inthe end, no matter what it'll
be.
Okay.
And you can look at it from asmall situation because I like
gene example of, of dropping aplate.
(21:32):
Cause I, I did that accidentallywhile we were here.
I did it to this, the place thatwe're renting.
I actually dropped a ceramicplate on the floor and it
shattered everywhere, but.
You think about it right afteryou, like the plate slipped out
of my hand as like, Oh, garbage,this is bad.
Like I'm going to, this isawful.
Everything's awful.
It's horrible.
(21:52):
And then you look at it and Ithink about in a year, I
probably won't even remember Idropped that plate.
We'll remind you.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
That's what
Dad (22:03):
families are for.
But that's not the point.
Oh, that's
Gid (22:05):
right.
When something bad happens, youthink about it in a long term, a
long term scale, it doesn'tmatter as much as you think it
would.
And it might be like me throwingstuff under the rug, because
that's a really small example.
And stuff really bad can happento a lot of people.
But no matter what happens.
So I think that focusing on thepositive mindset can help make
(22:28):
any problem easier and seem lessstressful.
Gene (22:33):
Yeah, and I think some of the, one of the things that like
work together for your good, soto speak, would be like, Oh
yeah, I learned where to placemy hands to better balance a
plate or how I can sweep up amess made of glass or ceramic.
You learn things no matterwhether the outcome was good or
bad and I've heard a lot ofthings that say like hey You
(22:58):
actually remember the thingsthat you learned from when you
did things wrong More often thanyou remember the things you
learn when you did it
Dad (23:07):
right the first time.
Great great Points.
Thank you.
And then number nine, I thinkgetting goes right with where
you're going.
It encourages self compassion,right?
You didn't beat yourself up forit.
Like yeah, that sucked.
I got pretty quick feedback.
The plate broke dad or mom saidWhat were you thinking?
I wasn't just slipped out of myhands.
(23:28):
You got the feedback alreadyIt's already done the negatives
already happened but if you canlook at it going look at really
in six weeks six months A year,this isn't going to matter.
It encourages that selfcompassion and positive talk
will then also allow you to havethose bad times, those bad
moments, those bad decisions,but if we're kind to ourself
(23:50):
during those.
Would you have yelled atsomebody else had they dropped
that plate?
I don't think I would haveyelled at somebody.
Then why would you yell atyourself?
Right, why would you be mad atyourself?
Why, you know, would you take itout?
Would you say, you're an idiot,you're so dumb, you know, why
did you do that?
Probably not in a lot ofsituations where we turn to
(24:12):
ourselves and say, Oh, you're anidiot, you're so dumb, why did I
do that?
Ashton (24:15):
One thing I tell students a lot when I'm teaching
them, At band is to make largemistakes.
So when someone's learning a newskill in the percussion space.
We often teach them to ignorethe notes if they're really new,
(24:35):
ignore the right everything, andjust swing as hard as they can,
so we can get the motionsworking right, and then we'll
refine the specifics later.
It goes back to something Genewas talking about a little bit
earlier, about how we learnbetter from larger mistakes.
We remember those lessons.
Because a lot of students willget lost in themselves,
(24:56):
wondering like if they'rehitting the right notes, or if
they're playing the rightrhythms, and whatever.
And it's like, hey, if you'rereally new, we don't really
care.
We're just trying to get you to,to move right.
And then once you move right,then it's like, okay, well, if
you're not playing loud enoughto hear yourself, how are you
going to know if you're hittingthe right or wrong notes?
Because hitting it loud enoughallows you to associate whether
or not something's right orwrong.
(25:17):
So, just
Dad (25:19):
stuff like that.
Yeah, I like that.
I, you know, I think of that inchoir and how many times I've
sung softly and then instead ofperformance you want to belt it
out, you know.
They're like, sing loud, andyou're like, whoa, who is
messing up?
You know, but if we would havehad that whole time to work on
it.
I like that Ashton miss big missearly right gives you longer to
fix it.
(25:39):
Yep The last thing I it createsa positive feedback loop, right
and we need that in this life Weneed to have more positivity
positive self dialogue creates apositive feedback loop and then
reinforces those things thatyou're looking for Reinforces
looking for the good in a badsituation I know mom and I you
know laying down in October whenwe're going through all that
(26:01):
garbage that we talked about Welaid down one night and I said,
you know, at least we have eachother and we're relatively
healthy.
And then the next day my toothbroke.
I said, well, at least we haveeach other and I'm going to lose
some weight, but it, you know,that positive thinking, that
positive feedback loop allows usto go through those other
(26:22):
things, keeping a positiveoutlook, looking at things
better., We're in 2024.
If you haven't done so, we'dencourage you to pick a word.
We at Adulting Decrypted, we'veall picked different words.
Gideon, would you like to gofirst?
Share your word for the year andkind of a thought about it.
Gid (26:40):
So, the word I chose is consistency.
And if you've listened to theprevious episode or couple, I'm
not sure when it was, but we didmention that as a group.
And I wanted to choose somethingelse because, you know, we
haven't talked about it yet, butthis one really resonates with
me and like the struggles that Ihave in the stuff that I'm like
(27:04):
trying to work through.
Consistency is a large.
Roadblock in the way, so I thinkthat being consistent with all
of my different things will bemy main goal for 2024 and maybe
the word that I put up on mywall or
Dad (27:20):
something great.
Thank you good gene Would youlike to share yours?
Yeah
Gene (27:27):
Actually before this podcast I went through and I
looked through a giant list ofwords that I saw on Pinterest
because I was like, oh yeah, Igotta think of a new word, and
so I was going through them.
And one that really stuck out tome, especially as I start this
going to a, to a new school in anew city that I've never really
lived a long time at the word Iwas wanting to focus on was
(27:49):
connect.
I want to focus on connectingwith my peers, connecting with
my teachers and my roommates.
Even Y'all might my familybecause I'll be further away And
so I need to remember to connectand stay connected you've been
with the friends that I've hadall throughout high school that
are now also going out todifferent colleges and different
(28:11):
spots of the The world I need toremember to connect.
So that's going to be the one ofthe word I'm going
Dad (28:16):
to focus on.
I like it.
So, so far we're, we've got twoC words, consistency and
connect.
And I hope you listeners, youhear this.
We were not going like superstrict on this one word and what
it means, right?
Connect means something to Jeanand it might be different to get
in, right?
Consistency and what that meansto, to get in.
(28:37):
Might be a little bit differentthan what Ashton has.
Ashton, did you have a wordyou'd like to share with us?
The word that I'm going
Ashton (28:43):
to do is discover.
I think that's fun.
The original word I was thinkingof was seek, but everything
about seek was like an attemptto find something.
Whereas discover implies asearch but also includes getting
somewhere.
Dad (29:00):
I like that.
I figured discover was a goodone Yeah, kind of fun And I like
that you explained to thelistener a little bit of the
difference between seek anddiscover Right and as you the
fun thing is is discover you'reable to discover even more
right?
It's not like there's somethingthat you're truly trying to find
You're trying to discoversomething new and you can't
approach your career likeanybody else has ever done
(29:24):
That's the hard part to me aboutadulting We would like to look
at a roadmap and be like, okayif I get on this roadmap if I
get if I follow this Exact pathI'm gonna end up here so many
things change in this world, youknow, you can't compare yourself
to anybody else So I really likediscover action My word for the
(29:44):
year is going to be flow andflow and consistency are very
similar in nature.
And some of it, you know, someof it is that, Hey, we're doing
the same thing.
We're, we're getting into thegroove of doing the same thing.
Mine I chose flow becauseconsistency to me sometimes
feels very rigid and with whatI've got going on over the next
(30:06):
year I don't know where I'mgonna be at, you know to me I
put consistency like I'm up at630 and I'm a bed at 1030 more
like a missionary rule Butknowing where I'm gonna be at in
my life.
I want that flow Saying, Hey, Ineed to do these five things,
four things every day to feellike I've won the day.
And so I'm going to let thatflow around everything else that
(30:29):
I've got going on.
But flow also talks about beinga steady stream, a steady
movement, steady progress.
And that's what I need to makesure that I do this year.
So that's why I chose flow.
So listener, as you think aboutyour 2024 and beyond, we
challenge you to think of aword, think of something that's
(30:50):
going to drive you to bigger,meaningful self talk and help
you be positive in thosepowerful words that you choose.
To describe yourself right as webuild our affirmations we build
our positive outlook I didn'tchallenge each one of you as
adulting decrypted Team membersthat you think of how am I being
(31:10):
positive in myself?
And as you listen are puttingthis in place do the same thing
and we'll see a great 2024
Gid (31:17):
Yep, make sure to choose your word, but also I would love
to hear, and I know that theadult and decrypted family in
general All of us.
You're also part of the family,so we would all love to hear it.
So, you know, post about yourword, tell us what it means
either in our DMS, tell us aboutit or post about it, tag us in
it, use the hashtag like anadult, and we would love so much
(31:40):
to hear from you guys.
Dad (31:40):
give us your definitions of them.
Right.
Going along that same line.
Yep, everything is appreciated.
Gene (31:47):
Like an adult.
Hey! Making words for 2024.
Ashton (31:54):
Like
Gene (31:55):
an adult.
Dad (32:03):
Gideon, did you ever take language in school?
Gid (32:06):
I haven't.
Oh, there you go.
Nope.
Dad (32:14):
I assume I was holding 100 percent backwards.
Do we need to start over?
Cultivates a positive lookout.
Out lookout.
Okay.
(32:35):
Cultivates a positive outlook.
This one's a little bitinteresting because it's kind of
in the same vine vein.
Okay.
This kind of feels like one ofthose riddles, right?
The user doesn't use it No,wait, they use never mind.
Yeah, that riddle is alwayssuper confusing.
(32:56):
It is I agree.
Can you restate your questionagain?
There's no question it was moreof a statement is is an
cultivated an optimist
All right.
(00:00):
Today we get an opportunity tosit down and visit a little bit
about the power of words.
It's interesting to me that wereally realized this on our trip
here in Cabo.
How many people are fluent inSpanish in this group?
Oh yeah.
Which would be an astoundingzero.
Yeah, none of us.
Right.
So we've had to rely on a coupleof cool things.
I think Google translate, wewere able to use that today.
(00:22):
That was kind of fun.
There's some mistranslations.
It was kind of interesting, howdid it do, Gene?
You did it.
I watched a little bit of it aswell.
Yeah, so I used the
Welcome to Adulting Decrypted.
We are your hosts.
I'm Gene, and I'm starting myfirst year of college.
I'm Ashton.
I'm a music performer, composer,and educator.
I'm Dean, a high school senior.
(00:44):
I'm Roscoe, the dad.
Those are my three sons, andthis is Adulting Decrypted,
where we discuss ways to becomeadults and the things we need to
know to be successful in life.
Gene (00:56):
Google Transcribe and Google Translate.
And it worked decently well.
For the most part, you couldcatch up on what the gist of
what they were trying to saywas.
But sometimes the grammar wasjust weird.
The words were just wrongaltogether.
Because you knew that that's not
Dad (01:12):
what it was supposed to say.
Yeah, just based on the contextof Of the nomenclature of what's
normally used.
I know I've relied on Ashtonmultiple times.
He's one with cell service andthe Google translate camera
feature.
Is that what it is?
It's under
Ashton (01:28):
translate.
Yeah.
You just throw through yourcamera on something and it.
It's pretty cool actually, itreplaces the words on signs and
boxes and stuff with thelanguage you're translating to,
in our case English, and it'skind of fun.
Obviously it's not perfectthere's a lot of things that
don't make sense, but you getabout 70 percent more
Dad (01:52):
than you would have without it, so.
Yeah, and to me, maybe 100percent more, you've got a basis
in Spanish a couple years inhigh school.
Gideon, did you take anylanguage in school?
Gid (02:01):
Nope.
Okay.
I did not take
Dad (02:03):
any language.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Well, the old adage, have youever heard, sticks and stones
will break my bones, but wordswill never hurt me?
You guys ever heard that?
I have.
Many a time.
And is it something you guyshave said amongst your friends
or is that stuff that I've saidor where'd you hear it from?
Do you think I don't I
Ashton (02:22):
don't know the first place.
I heard it.
I normally use it as a joke Butyeah, I mean I've said it a
couple times
Gid (02:29):
I think I've heard it from like media like songs or Maybe
movies or something.
I would never use it I don'tthink in a conversation unless
like Ashton said for a joke
Dad (02:40):
yeah, I think the first time I ever heard
Gene (02:41):
it was, it's probably in a song.
Couldn't tell you which one itwas or where it was, but
Dad (02:46):
I like heard it.
I
Gene (02:47):
was like, okay, I guess that.
I mean, sure.
And then I know that we talkedabout it later on outside of the
podcast and I was like, Oh yeah,it doesn't make sense at all.
Dad (03:00):
And we might've talked about the power of words before,
but it's one is worth repeating.
Coming into 2024.
And, and there's two types.
I think there's two types ofwords.
We need to pay attention to oneis self dialogue and positive
talk.
And then there's obviously theouter talk that we talk to
(03:20):
others, but mostly today,probably the power of words in
as it pertains to positive selftalk and as it pertains to our
own self talk, you know, as faras it's a positive self talk
and, and optimistic self talk.
(03:40):
Do
you
Gid (03:41):
mean like self affirmations?
Dad (03:43):
Yeah, they can be affirmations.
Absolutely.
Affirmations are one part ofthat.
And for the listener getting,can you tell me a little bit
about affirmations?
Yeah, of course.
Gid (03:52):
So I know in some like self help classes or stuff like that,
they'll be like, you got to do10 self affirmations in the
morning.
And what that kind of means.
So you could look at yourself inthe mirror and be like, I am
beautiful, I am powerful, I amindependent.
And just like, an affirmation isa positive thing about yourself.
Dad (04:16):
Yeah, is it always though?
And I'm not trying to be dumb.
To do it as an exercise, it'salways positive.
But do you think we giveourselves negative affirmations?
Yeah,
Gid (04:29):
I mean just like affirming a belief, technically.
So it's like positiveaffirmations is how it's often
stated.
So it's not like anyaffirmation, but a positive
affirmation.
Dad (04:41):
Yeah, I guess my point was is that I think we give
ourselves negative affirmationsall day long.
There's times we go, Oh, I knewI couldn't do that.
Oh, I knew that was going tocome up.
Oh, I, I, I was gonna forgetthat anyways.
Is there, is there any otherones that we probably do or that
we share?
(05:01):
Yeah,
Gene (05:02):
I knew that was a bad question, or, oh, I knew the
answer was wrong, I just didn'tknow the right one.
I knew I wouldn't make it in thejob, I knew I wouldn't get that
part, or
Dad (05:13):
any of those things.
I
Gid (05:14):
know, like, sometimes I make a mistake of it, ah, I'm
stupid.
Yeah.
It's not like, that decisioncould have been stupid, but
like, ah, I'm
Dad (05:22):
stupid.
You know, I do, I do.
I think that's an interestingone.
The one I catch myself sayingthat I don't even realize it.
And it's like, I quit, I'm done.
I'm frustrated.
I'm angry.
I'm whatever.
Right.
And I'm going, I'm done insteadof saying it it's time to be
done.
Right.
Or I can't do it.
I quit, you know, I think we alldo that if we're really honest
(05:46):
with ourself and as a listener,hope you think as we go through
this list and we think throughthis, there's going to be a
challenge at the end and just toput it out there and you're To
get you prepped for it and getit in your thoughts.
The challenge is going to becoming up with a word that we
strive to live 2024 by for me,2023 was a year of mobility.
(06:08):
And what that meant to me wasthat I needed to be willing to
be mobile.
In my job, you know, it wasmobility for me personally on my
exercise goals.
I wanted to be able to do morethings, be able to get up and
down easier.
You know, and I accomplished alittle bit of all of it.
I I'm not perfect at it by anystretch, but at least it got it
in my head and got me thinkingabout it.
(06:31):
the first reason why we want todo this, boosts confidence.
Those daily affirmations, do youstill feel pretty silly doing
those in the mirror in themorning I don't know
Gid (06:40):
if I've ever done one of those.
So I mean
Dad (06:44):
I can imagine I almost gave myself a negative affirmation I
keep turning this mic.
We're not using our stands.
I'm like that is so dumb.
I'm so dumb Why do I keep doingthat?
Anyways, but I didn't say thoseout loud, right?
Those are internal So I think aninternal, positive self
affirmation probably adds valueas well.
Gene (07:03):
I know for me, whenever I've like been told to like, Oh
yeah, write down like ten thingsthat you're good at right now.
And I'm just like I don't know.
And so it takes a long time andthen like.
It's a slow process for me inthis
Dad (07:17):
regard.
Yeah.
So I think if you have those tolook at on a quick at hand,
here's where I think we get introuble is that we can at times
take away from our selfconfidence as we, as we do an
affirmation.
If I look in the mirror and say,you have the most beautiful
thick head of hair I've everseen.
(07:39):
You're, you have Fabio typehair.
Is that.
What is that gonna do to me?
Do I believe it?
It's sending you an unrealisticexpectation.
Gene (07:51):
Yeah, and you're just like basically being sarcastic to
yourself, which is sometimesworse than just saying it flat
out.
It's like, yeah, this is notsomething I
Dad (08:00):
enjoy.
Right, right.
So I think, I think what we cando though, let's say that it's a
trait that I'm working on.
Let's say I choose to be kind topeople.
If I look in the mirror and sayI choose to be kind, I choose to
be nice.
I do my best to see the good inothers.
Would that be just as powerfulas saying, I see good in others?
(08:20):
I
Gid (08:20):
think that it could be more powerful than you saying, I see
the good in others.
Because then, you know, like yousaid, it gives you the choice.
Like I choose to see the goodwhen I see the good makes it
feel like that's just somethingthat happens.
And something that you were bornwith and so it's not as
important as maybe an acquiredskill of choosing.
Dad (08:40):
Yeah, and I think you're right, and I think the other
part of that is, it lets me makemistakes.
It lets me, with my own personalself talk, realize, oh, so if
I'm not nice to somebody, if Icut somebody off and I don't
flip them off, what do we do inthis group?
We change it from a flip off toThumbs down.
(09:01):
I thought it was the loser sign,right?
You could do that too.
But you know, instead of medoing that, if I could think,
okay, I'm not that person, I'mnot always kind to somebody if
it says I choose to be kind or Isee the good in others, trying
to see that allows me thatgrowth opportunity.
It doesn't fix it.
(09:21):
Yeah, so I think it's good tobuild those strengths.
So I'd make a list of thoseGene.
Make them now and make themoften.
That way when somebody asks you,you don't have to step back and
think, okay, what were theyagain?
And it might be one of thosewords that you work on.
The other put down is itenhances motivation.
Positive self dialogue serves asa powerful motivation.
(09:41):
Motivator.
Encouraging words can inspireand propel you forward to where
you want to be.
It also gives you that sense ofenthusiasm and motivation to
pursue your goals with vigor.
What do you think of that?
Positive self talk as it goes tothose.
Gene, you missed out on our lastepisode in Season 6, we set some
goals.
How did we do on those goals
Ashton (10:03):
we didn't.
But
Dad (10:04):
that's okay.
We did it?
We didn't.
We did not.
That's right.
Yeah, I think we, we lacked onthose a little bit.
Had we had some positive wordsbehind those.
And turned to ourselves andlooked ourselves in the mirror
and said, I'm choosing to followthis goal, or I'm choosing to be
more proactive.
It probably would have given ussome enthusiasm, right?
(10:25):
The other thing it, and I thinkthis is a big one.
It fosters resilience what doesresilience mean to this group
around this table?
To me, I think
Gene (10:36):
resilience is being able to push past the negative things
that will come and are comingand being able to be like.
You know what?
I know that these things arehappening, but being able to
push past them and not lettingthem set you back as much.
Dad (10:53):
I like that.
I like
Ashton (10:55):
the Dictionary definition as I, as I most often
do.
But the second definition it hashere is resilience is a noun, Is
the ability of a substance orobject to spring back into shape
or have elasticity.
So I think of resilience as,Like that that Rocky quote.
(11:16):
It's like, it's not about, youknow, what does he say?
It's not about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can gethit and get back up and keep
going and whatever.
So I think of that a lotprobably.
It's just like How much can youtake and spring back in the
effort of
Dad (11:34):
something you want to achieve?
Yeah, totally agree.
And with that positive selftalk, I believe it's going to
help you build up thatresilience, Sylvester Stallone
personally went through when hewas creating Rocky, right?
He'd been knocked down.
He got knocked down hard and hewas able to get back up from it.
Totally agree with you.
And I think knowing that, andknowing where you want to go in
the words you choose lets youback balance and get more
(11:57):
resilience faster.
It also improves focus andproductivity.
You know, words have a power ofshaping your mindset during any
given situation or any giventask.
Using positive language whenengaging in these activities
will help you improve focus andproductivity.
(12:20):
Positive self dialogue duringprojects can and will lead to
more optimistic and efficientapproaches.
Do you guys buy into that?
I
Ashton (12:28):
think so.
I think so.
Like being optimistic alwaysadds a little bit of energy for
me, I think.
When I can.
I find I'm better at it.
When I am like in a group thatneeds optimism versus I am the
(12:49):
one being pessimistic If there'sa situation where I know I need
to be the optimist, I know I Itry and use it to help I think
it's good
Dad (12:59):
Yeah And this goes back to that first saying sticks and
stones can break my bones butBut words will never hurt me I
think they do hurt right Ashtonespecially in that example of
saying where I need to be theoptimistic person I can be, you
know, and I'll get somebody go,Oh yeah, I'm positive.
I'm a positive person.
I'm positive.
We're going to fail.
Well, wait, hold on.
That's not what we need here.
(13:20):
We, we need to step back and bewilling to look at ourselves and
be honest.
Where's our shortcomings.
Right.
I'm not saying.
Hey, let's let's fake it tillyou make of it.
Where's my shortcoming?
Let me find that person.
I'm in a bad place I need anAshton to lean on Ashton.
Can you be the positive sourcehere?
Can you help us get through thisor I need to leverage other
people's skills?
(13:40):
How many times did I leverageyour skill in your translation
this week a couple?
Yeah, because I was frustrated Iwas going look I don't
understand any of this and I'mtired and cranky, you know So it
but it wasn't helping anybody SoI, I think that improving focus
and productivity, reduces stressand anxiety.
(14:02):
How can I have a positive orlet's even do the reverse of
that?
Because we've talked so muchabout positive negative thought.
How does that?
Increase your stress or anxiety.
Gene (14:13):
One reason that I see is when you're telling yourself all
these bad things that arehappening or could happen,
you're more worried about them.
Cause you're like, oh, I, I knowsometimes I'll just be walking
with a plate from like thecounter to the table.
And my brain will be like, whathappened if you dropped this
right now?
And like it shattered everyone.
Like, wow, I could be bad.
(14:34):
But if I'm like constantlythinking about that and be like,
oh no, I could drop this.
It's like pushes off the table.
Oh no, like I could do this andthen these people would be
embarrassed with me like it justleads and builds upon itself It
becomes a vicious spiraldownwards
Gid (14:49):
I think something interesting along that line is
what we talk a lot about inskiing where it's look where you
want to go because that samething if you're thinking about I
cannot hit that tree and you'restaring right at the tree and
like that's the only thing youfocus on is that negative
(15:10):
Outcome of you slamming intothat tree.
You're gonna hit the tree, butinstead if you're facing right
toward the tree and you likeLook out to the middle of the
run where you probably should beskiing, then it'll most likely
lead you to where you're lookingthat positive outcome instead of
the negative of staring downthat huge tree.
(15:32):
And even
Gene (15:32):
if you do hit the tree, it'll be less hurtful.
Yeah,
Gid (15:36):
if you're looking away from the tree.
Dad (15:37):
Speaking of personal experience, right, Gene?
Yes, speaking
Gene (15:41):
from direct personal experience, skiing down a hill,
going through the trees like,man, I want to hit that big
jump.
And then, because of the jump,like, went into the trees and
came back out, and I looked atthe jump and I, I saw the jump
pass me, like, Oh, I missed aturn.
I look forward, I see a tree,and I'm like, oh.
But as soon as I was able tolook away and get most of my
body weight away from the tree,it didn't hurt as much as it
(16:02):
could have if I just stared atthe tree and hit
Dad (16:04):
it straight on.
I agree.
And those positive words isyou're, you're going to that.
And it's that practice, thatmental practice., I don't know
how many things went wrong onthis trip in my mind.
The one we got here were nonissues.
What happens if the lady's notthere at the airport?
What happens if the hotel's notready?
What happens if.
You know, I'm going through allthese things and finally been
out of work for, for fivemonths, And I've set the money
(16:27):
aside.
We prepaid for it.
All this stuff is already done.
So I need to change my, my selftalk to say I can make more
money.
Where I'm at now doesn't meanthat's where I'm going to be
next week, next month, nextyear.
And because I have that itreduces that stress and anxiety,
I love the skiing example I likethe real sharing of it.
(16:48):
And now as we think positive inother areas, it does reduce
stress.
I believe that Strength and goalachievement.
Positive self talk aligns yourthoughts with your goals can you
say that one more time?
Yeah.
Strength and goal achievement bypositive self talk aligns your
thoughts with your goals.
Do you believe that?
I do.
And here, and yeah, and here'swhy.
(17:09):
Is because I think as we tellourselves, this is, I'm trying
to be, or I'm going to be, andI'm working on, and I'm, I
strive for, It helps me getcloser to my goals than saying,
man, I'm so tense, man.
I'm not limber.
Wow.
I I'm so rigid.
(17:29):
No, I can't adopt new things anddifferent things.
I think by having positive selftalk, it helps me get to my
goals and achieve them better.
The other thing I want to talkabout is shapes, behaviors, and
habits.
What negative self talk have wedone?
Well, that's probably not fair.
That's a dangerous question toask.
But I think if we were honestwith ourselves.
(17:52):
If we think of negative selftalk that we do that leads to
bad behavior, I think we canthink of quite a few.
So therefore then we have tolook at the flip side of that.
What positive self talk can wegive ourselves to help us
develop better habits andcontinue doing those?
Something
Gid (18:12):
I find interesting about that statement, and like, what
popped into my mind, is there'sa book, and I'm not quite sure
the title, but it was a bookdesigned to help smokers stop
smoking.
And the whole thing was like,after you read it, you won't
even want to smoke.
And a big point was alwaysremembering, like always
(18:36):
thinking about, what would a nonsmoker do?
And thinking like, Non smoker,so it's like that could be the
same for our goals like if yourgoal was to stop smoking and You
think about that or like maybeanother bad habit and like well
What would somebody that doesn'thave this bad habit do not what
(19:01):
would somebody with the badhabit do that wants to stop?
What would somebody who's tryingto not smoke do right now?
It's, what would a non smoker doright now?
I think that could be aninteresting side to
Dad (19:12):
look at it from.
You know, I like that you saidthat.
There's plenty of times Over thelast month of December because I
got really busy with the companyI'm doing the consulting work
for like really busy.
I would drive home and go.
I'm just too tired I've got my10, 000 steps in or my 20, 000
steps in but I thought GideonWhat would a physically fit
(19:32):
person do right?
What would they do?
Like well, they'd still go tothe gym They missed it in the
morning.
They're gonna go at night, youknow So I'd drive over and I
worked out a couple times atnight and I worked out on a
Saturday So that I could hit mygoal, right?
So I love that you mentionedthat by thinking positive and
thinking of ourself as thatphysically fit person or that
(19:56):
mobile person What would I donot?
What's everybody else doing?
What's the the other the otherchunky monkey doing, you know?
What is a big person doing?
I like that Cultivate a positiveoutlook.
It's interesting because it'skind of along the same lines.
Is improved focus andproductivity right or even helps
(20:19):
us achieve our goal But it'seven more than that by focusing
on the positive aspects of asituation you cultivate a an
optimistic outlook that canEnhance your overall well being
what I mean by that is like Itruly believe that all these
things will work together forour good It's a hard one to
believe all the time except it'sone of my core beliefs, but I
(20:43):
find it hard to believe How isthat possible?
Cultivating a positive outlookby focusing on the positive
aspects of the situation youcultivate an optimistic outlook
that can enhance your overallwell being.
Therefore, all these things canwork together for our good.
And if we remember that in anygiven situation that we're going
(21:06):
to learn from it, it does worktowards our good.
Yeah,
Gid (21:11):
I agree.
I agree.
Like you said, it's a big partof your core belief and as so
mine.
Like not just it's a part of ourreligion, but I truly believe
that everything will be okay inthe end, no matter what it'll
be.
Okay.
And you can look at it from asmall situation because I like
gene example of, of dropping aplate.
(21:32):
Cause I, I did that accidentallywhile we were here.
I did it to this, the place thatwe're renting.
I actually dropped a ceramicplate on the floor and it
shattered everywhere, but.
You think about it right afteryou, like the plate slipped out
of my hand as like, Oh, garbage,this is bad.
Like I'm going to, this isawful.
Everything's awful.
It's horrible.
(21:52):
And then you look at it and Ithink about in a year, I
probably won't even remember Idropped that plate.
We'll remind you.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
That's what
Dad (22:03):
families are for.
But that's not the point.
Oh, that's
Gid (22:05):
right.
When something bad happens, youthink about it in a long term, a
long term scale, it doesn'tmatter as much as you think it
would.
And it might be like me throwingstuff under the rug, because
that's a really small example.
And stuff really bad can happento a lot of people.
But no matter what happens.
So I think that focusing on thepositive mindset can help make
(22:28):
any problem easier and seem lessstressful.
Gene (22:33):
Yeah, and I think some of the, one of the things that like
work together for your good, soto speak, would be like, Oh
yeah, I learned where to placemy hands to better balance a
plate or how I can sweep up amess made of glass or ceramic.
You learn things no matterwhether the outcome was good or
bad and I've heard a lot ofthings that say like hey You
(22:58):
actually remember the thingsthat you learned from when you
did things wrong More often thanyou remember the things you
learn when you did it
Dad (23:07):
right the first time.
Great great Points.
Thank you.
And then number nine, I thinkgetting goes right with where
you're going.
It encourages self compassion,right?
You didn't beat yourself up forit.
Like yeah, that sucked.
I got pretty quick feedback.
The plate broke dad or mom saidWhat were you thinking?
I wasn't just slipped out of myhands.
(23:28):
You got the feedback alreadyIt's already done the negatives
already happened but if you canlook at it going look at really
in six weeks six months A year,this isn't going to matter.
It encourages that selfcompassion and positive talk
will then also allow you to havethose bad times, those bad
moments, those bad decisions,but if we're kind to ourself
(23:50):
during those.
Would you have yelled atsomebody else had they dropped
that plate?
I don't think I would haveyelled at somebody.
Then why would you yell atyourself?
Right, why would you be mad atyourself?
Why, you know, would you take itout?
Would you say, you're an idiot,you're so dumb, you know, why
did you do that?
Probably not in a lot ofsituations where we turn to
(24:12):
ourselves and say, Oh, you're anidiot, you're so dumb, why did I
do that?
Ashton (24:15):
One thing I tell students a lot when I'm teaching
them, At band is to make largemistakes.
So when someone's learning a newskill in the percussion space.
We often teach them to ignorethe notes if they're really new,
(24:35):
ignore the right everything, andjust swing as hard as they can,
so we can get the motionsworking right, and then we'll
refine the specifics later.
It goes back to something Genewas talking about a little bit
earlier, about how we learnbetter from larger mistakes.
We remember those lessons.
Because a lot of students willget lost in themselves,
(24:56):
wondering like if they'rehitting the right notes, or if
they're playing the rightrhythms, and whatever.
And it's like, hey, if you'rereally new, we don't really
care.
We're just trying to get you to,to move right.
And then once you move right,then it's like, okay, well, if
you're not playing loud enoughto hear yourself, how are you
going to know if you're hittingthe right or wrong notes?
Because hitting it loud enoughallows you to associate whether
or not something's right orwrong.
(25:17):
So, just
Dad (25:19):
stuff like that.
Yeah, I like that.
I, you know, I think of that inchoir and how many times I've
sung softly and then instead ofperformance you want to belt it
out, you know.
They're like, sing loud, andyou're like, whoa, who is
messing up?
You know, but if we would havehad that whole time to work on
it.
I like that Ashton miss big missearly right gives you longer to
fix it.
(25:39):
Yep The last thing I it createsa positive feedback loop, right
and we need that in this life Weneed to have more positivity
positive self dialogue creates apositive feedback loop and then
reinforces those things thatyou're looking for Reinforces
looking for the good in a badsituation I know mom and I you
know laying down in October whenwe're going through all that
(26:01):
garbage that we talked about Welaid down one night and I said,
you know, at least we have eachother and we're relatively
healthy.
And then the next day my toothbroke.
I said, well, at least we haveeach other and I'm going to lose
some weight, but it, you know,that positive thinking, that
positive feedback loop allows usto go through those other
(26:22):
things, keeping a positiveoutlook, looking at things
better., We're in 2024.
If you haven't done so, we'dencourage you to pick a word.
We at Adulting Decrypted, we'veall picked different words.
Gideon, would you like to gofirst?
Share your word for the year andkind of a thought about it.
Gid (26:40):
So, the word I chose is consistency.
And if you've listened to theprevious episode or couple, I'm
not sure when it was, but we didmention that as a group.
And I wanted to choose somethingelse because, you know, we
haven't talked about it yet, butthis one really resonates with
me and like the struggles that Ihave in the stuff that I'm like
(27:04):
trying to work through.
Consistency is a large.
Roadblock in the way, so I thinkthat being consistent with all
of my different things will bemy main goal for 2024 and maybe
the word that I put up on mywall or
Dad (27:20):
something great.
Thank you good gene Would youlike to share yours?
Yeah
Gene (27:27):
Actually before this podcast I went through and I
looked through a giant list ofwords that I saw on Pinterest
because I was like, oh yeah, Igotta think of a new word, and
so I was going through them.
And one that really stuck out tome, especially as I start this
going to a, to a new school in anew city that I've never really
lived a long time at the word Iwas wanting to focus on was
(27:49):
connect.
I want to focus on connectingwith my peers, connecting with
my teachers and my roommates.
Even Y'all might my familybecause I'll be further away And
so I need to remember to connectand stay connected you've been
with the friends that I've hadall throughout high school that
are now also going out todifferent colleges and different
(28:11):
spots of the The world I need toremember to connect.
So that's going to be the one ofthe word I'm going
Dad (28:16):
to focus on.
I like it.
So, so far we're, we've got twoC words, consistency and
connect.
And I hope you listeners, youhear this.
We were not going like superstrict on this one word and what
it means, right?
Connect means something to Jeanand it might be different to get
in, right?
Consistency and what that meansto, to get in.
(28:37):
Might be a little bit differentthan what Ashton has.
Ashton, did you have a wordyou'd like to share with us?
The word that I'm going
Ashton (28:43):
to do is discover.
I think that's fun.
The original word I was thinkingof was seek, but everything
about seek was like an attemptto find something.
Whereas discover implies asearch but also includes getting
somewhere.
Dad (29:00):
I like that.
I figured discover was a goodone Yeah, kind of fun And I like
that you explained to thelistener a little bit of the
difference between seek anddiscover Right and as you the
fun thing is is discover you'reable to discover even more
right?
It's not like there's somethingthat you're truly trying to find
You're trying to discoversomething new and you can't
approach your career likeanybody else has ever done
(29:24):
That's the hard part to me aboutadulting We would like to look
at a roadmap and be like, okayif I get on this roadmap if I
get if I follow this Exact pathI'm gonna end up here so many
things change in this world, youknow, you can't compare yourself
to anybody else So I really likediscover action My word for the
(29:44):
year is going to be flow andflow and consistency are very
similar in nature.
And some of it, you know, someof it is that, Hey, we're doing
the same thing.
We're, we're getting into thegroove of doing the same thing.
Mine I chose flow becauseconsistency to me sometimes
feels very rigid and with whatI've got going on over the next
(30:06):
year I don't know where I'mgonna be at, you know to me I
put consistency like I'm up at630 and I'm a bed at 1030 more
like a missionary rule Butknowing where I'm gonna be at in
my life.
I want that flow Saying, Hey, Ineed to do these five things,
four things every day to feellike I've won the day.
And so I'm going to let thatflow around everything else that
(30:29):
I've got going on.
But flow also talks about beinga steady stream, a steady
movement, steady progress.
And that's what I need to makesure that I do this year.
So that's why I chose flow.
So listener, as you think aboutyour 2024 and beyond, we
challenge you to think of aword, think of something that's
(30:50):
going to drive you to bigger,meaningful self talk and help
you be positive in thosepowerful words that you choose.
To describe yourself right as webuild our affirmations we build
our positive outlook I didn'tchallenge each one of you as
adulting decrypted Team membersthat you think of how am I being
(31:10):
positive in myself?
And as you listen are puttingthis in place do the same thing
and we'll see a great 2024
Gid (31:17):
Yep, make sure to choose your word, but also I would love
to hear, and I know that theadult and decrypted family in
general All of us.
You're also part of the family,so we would all love to hear it.
So, you know, post about yourword, tell us what it means
either in our DMS, tell us aboutit or post about it, tag us in
it, use the hashtag like anadult, and we would love so much
(31:40):
to hear from you guys.
Dad (31:40):
give us your definitions of them.
Right.
Going along that same line.
Yep, everything is appreciated.
Gene (31:47):
Like an adult.
Hey! Making words for 2024.
Ashton (31:54):
Like
Gene (31:55):
an adult.
Dad (32:03):
Gideon, did you ever take language in school?
Gid (32:06):
I haven't.
Oh, there you go.
Nope.
Dad (32:14):
I assume I was holding 100 percent backwards.
Do we need to start over?
Cultivates a positive lookout.
Out lookout.
Okay.
(32:35):
Cultivates a positive outlook.
This one's a little bitinteresting because it's kind of
in the same vine vein.
Okay.
This kind of feels like one ofthose riddles, right?
The user doesn't use it No,wait, they use never mind.
Yeah, that riddle is alwayssuper confusing.
(32:56):
It is I agree.
Can you restate your questionagain?
There's no question it was moreof a statement is is an
cultivated an optimist
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