January 31, 2024 • 36 mins
We discuss running from Bears, Avoiding Rattle Snakes and the occasional heigh story. We had a fun time discussing Fears and how to overcome them and to realize what we need to do to improve our chances of feeling Brave! Find this and many other episodes by category on our website! https://adultingdecrypted.com/episode-search/
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Episode Transcript
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Dad (00:00):
This episode we're gonna talk about fear, a question has
(00:03):
anything scared you in the lastcouple weeks?
Nope.
Ashton (00:10):
I'm fearless.
Dad (00:11):
That's awesome.
Gid (00:15):
Yeah.
Ashton (00:15):
Yeah.
You're fearless.
Straight up.
No unshakable.
I'm also above fear unlessthere's a
Dad (00:22):
loud noise, in which case I get very, very
Gid (00:24):
spooked.
Welcome to Adulting Decrypted.
We are your hosts.
I'm Gene and I'm starting myfirst year of college.
I'm Ashton.
I'm a music performer, composer,and educator.
I'm Gene a high school senior.
I'm Roscoe the dad.
Those are my three sons, andthis is Adulting Decrypted where
we discuss ways to become adultsand the things we need to know
(00:47):
to be successful at life.
oh my gosh.
I actually had something happenlast night that freaked me out.
Okay.
Okay.
Please hear.
So yeah, I was Okay.
Just for the listener's sake, weare not at our home right now.
Not where normally hang out.
We're in Cabo, Mexico, and I hadto get up at like three A.M.
(01:10):
to go to the bathroom and I getback out.
I turn to go back to the bedroomthat I'm sleeping in and I see a
shadow of a person just staringright back at me.
Unmoving.
I was like, this is freakingterrifying.
I was like, somebody's in thisplace, and I like, I slowly
(01:31):
moved and I realized that it wasa mirror on the wall that I
forgot was there.
That was awesome.
Terrifying.
You're really
Dad (01:37):
spooky.
So, you know, that is, I've, Ihad a stuff bear one time at
Paul's.
House, Paul Allen's house scaredme pretty good because I
couldn't figure out why therewas a monster in the room.
Mm.
That
would
Ashton (01:50):
be spooky.
Gene (01:51):
Yeah, I remember that.
There's been a time where I'vebeen at the cabin well, Paul's
Cabin used to be, I think.
But like down in their basement,they have a bunch of mounts of
these different tears and likeI'd fall asleep watching the tv,
which
Dad (02:06):
is in the
Gene (02:06):
same room, and I don't know why, but my brain would
always be like.
These animals are gonna justturn and start talking to you.
And I'm like, that's
Ashton (02:13):
creepy.
Dad (02:14):
Why is this happening?
Yep.
Ashton (02:17):
That's, that's scary.
I can
Dad (02:19):
confirm., Good intro there to fear.
Now this came up with me as, wewere getting ready to come to
Cabo, you know, and the fear ofthe unknown and, and what was
gonna happen.
And then I was thinking aboutwhat you guys are trying to take
this year.
Gene, you're at school.
(02:39):
For all intents and purposes,you're gonna have to start
talking to girls.
A little scary.
Super scary.
Yep.
Ashton's off.
launched a new program up at theschool you're working at, and it
comes with its elements.
You're always a little bitnervous about what's going on
with, other leadership at at theschools.
(03:02):
little bit of fear around that,as well as starting to do a
budget and some of those thingsyou haven't done before on a
district level or, Gideon,you're obviously senior in high
school.
You're gonna have some bigchanges coming up here.
You're gonna start growing hair.
No, I'm just kidding.
Yep.
No, it's true.
(03:22):
There's, you're gonna have otherchanges, right?
You're gonna get ready to takeoff potentially do a mission,
get ready for college, you know,those different things.
So I really wanted to take a fewminutes and talk about fear.
And the concepts of fear.
I think the first one that we'vealready identified is that, is
(03:43):
that protective fear, right?
Gideon, when he got up outta bedlast night, it's a survival
mechanism, right?
To almost stare down that animalor that person, or whatever it
is that's right there in frontof you.
Right.
And then you have to get inthat, what's, what's that often
called?
(04:03):
Fight or flight.
Or freeze.
Yeah.
Fight, flight or freeze.
I, I'm glad they added that lastone in there.
'cause normally we used to justcall it fight or f fight or
flight.
But as we watch differentanimals, some do freeze and hope
that the, the situation, theydon't, they don't see them take
a deer in the headlights.
Yep.
I love that.
(04:23):
Yep.
Fight or flight or freeze.
So, because it's, it's really apreparation for the body right.
To, to react.
What, what's are some of thesereal fears, right?
Right.
Besides being caught in themirror.
What are some other fears likethat, that are real?
Gene (04:41):
Somebody like Suspiciously following you either from work
or from school or anywhere.
Okay.
Just feel like you're in asketchy part of town where you
feel like it, like somethingsuspicious is going on.
Dad (04:57):
Something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
For another example I wasthinking of is a fear for me is
of heights.
Mm-Hmm.
Right.
There's times that it, it reallyis there to protect me.
It, its whole intent is to helpme so that I don't fall off a
building.
Right.
It keeps me from going up in anairplane and jumping without a
parachute, you know, that's,that, that's really there to
(05:20):
help protect you from realphysical harm, and, and it's
built there for a reason.
I mean, it's helped us as, as aspecies evolve and become who we
are.
With that being said, you knowthat protective fear can, can be
out of line, right?
There's times that we have tocheck that fear of heights.
(05:41):
Can that get outta control?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, like you could just
Gene (05:47):
go up two flight, like go up a flight of stairs and look
down the set of stairs and getpetrified collapse onto the
floor.
Probably not
Dad (05:56):
a proper response to that.
Yeah.
And, and I think that's our, oursecond type of fear that we
wanna talk about is falseevidence appearing real.
And that's, that's that wherewe're seeking for a bigger fear
isn't gonna come to pass So theprotective fear is something
that, that we all have torealize is there.
(06:17):
It protects us, it helps us, butthen once, and that doesn't
happen really that often, itshouldn't happen that often.
How many times are youencountered by a, a wild animal?
Not very often, I would say.
Yeah, it's a little spooky whenit happens.
(06:37):
It is, but not very often.
Yeah, but, and it per, per,perhaps you for that
fight-or-flight.
Right.
There's an, an emotionalresponse, but then me, the other
day when we're walking throughtown here, a cat jumped out.
My initial response was to jumpback, didn't know if it was a
dog coming out in the street,didn't know what it was.
Then as soon as I realized whatit was, I was able to calm my
fear, get right back down to arational level and say, okay,
(07:00):
it's gonna be fine.
Because we're not in thatfight-or-flight scenario very
often in, in our day to day.
Now, if you're a firstresponder, you know, if you're a
police officer, you might havemore of that and there might be
a reason for that.
But a lot of times this fearthat we have is just that false
evidence appearing real.
And that's around a lot of whatI wanted to talk about today.
Gid (07:23):
Just a quick question.
Can we add on maybe like.
Emotional fears.
So maybe like, I know just a, anexample that I have is like a
fear of not having enough moneyit's not necessarily a physical
threat.
It could be eventually, youknow, don't have enough money to
(07:43):
have a place to live orsomething to eat, but there's,
there's that fear as well.
More of a psychological
Dad (07:49):
fear.
Yeah.
I love it.
That's what I really want totalk about on this fear section.
Because this fear is somethingthat we need to think about and
that we need to process andunderstand why we're going
through it.
Gideon, I think you and I had aconversation a couple weeks ago,
about that fear because ofeverything else that was going
(08:10):
on, right?
I'm going, look, I haven'tworked for six months.
I go to this cycle of where I'mgoing, oh, there's not gonna be
enough money and I can getmyself in this downward spiral.
That fear is where you have toreally start evaluating, where's
it coming from?
What's the root cause of that,right?
An animal, you know, where theroot cause you're like, Hey, I
(08:30):
need to survive, but these otherthings you need to really start
to dig into.
So yeah, that's what I want totalk about today.
And then a couple ways to, tocombat that fear and to overcome
that fear, because that's.
That's a real obstacle.
It's one thing to identify it,but it's another thing to say,
how do I overcome that?
So, did I know some of yourfears correctly, or are there
(08:51):
other fears that you have thatare going into this year about
what's coming up that, that wecould use as an example for the
listener?
I,
Gene (09:00):
I know like with school, it's a lot of, making sure to
get homework in on time.
Scheduling out my time correctlygetting to places I need to be
without a car and just meeting abunch of new people.
At least those are some extrathings for me.
Dad (09:16):
Thank you for being so candid.
Jean, Ashton, getting anythingon your guys's end.
Gid (09:24):
I think we've already hit most of my main fees.
Dad (09:27):
Perfect.
Any concern about track thisyear?
Gid (09:31):
For the listener who might not know?
Track and field?
Not necessarily.
Okay.
Just mostly planning to have fun
Dad (09:39):
because you've done it.
Been there, done that, I guess.
Yeah.
Ashley
Ashton (09:43):
No, I think you about covered
Dad (09:44):
it.
Awesome.
Okay, good.
So, so I think the first thingis to really evaluate what it is
that's, that's bothering you onthat topic.
So for me, the, the financialone is I have to monthly because
of where I'm at, I write downthe list of my assets.
I take my assets, I take myliabilities, and I take a real
(10:06):
look at where I'm at, right?
So part of that is to be honestwith yourself and honest with
where you're at on thattrajectory and on that plane,
and then say, okay, this iswhere I'm at now.
How do I improve upon it?
Right?
So to get into your point, yousay, oh, not enough money to
feed the family or to have ahouse, or, you know, all I have
(10:27):
to do is look at that sheet andgo, okay, that fear is not
really that valid.
The fear might have other rootcauses that then it's okay to go
to therapy on some of those,right?
Because I can, if I can't handleit, if I get so wrapped up or
there's, there's you know,prescriptions that you can get
(10:48):
to help you calm down and, andthink through some of those
safer because really thepsychological and emotional
fear.
Is is real.
Right?
That's the bigger thing is thatwe, we wanna say appearing real,
but it is real to us.
(11:10):
Right.
When we're getting ready forthis trip, what are some of the
fears I had?
Well, some of the fears I hadwere, oh, what if the lady's not
at the airport with the car?
Do you think that'd be scary toshow up and be like, Hey,
family, here we are on vacation.
I rented a car from somebodyI've never met.
I've already given them half themoney and then they don't show
(11:31):
up.
Is that a real fear?
Yeah.
Yeah, it absolutely is real.
But is it one that's a fight,flight or freeze?
No, it's something I can planfor.
I said, okay, if this happens,then we've got a backup.
We can get a shuttle even onChristmas day, last minute.
'cause I reached out to a coupleother people that said, yeah,
shuttle services will berunning.
(11:52):
This is how much they are.
And you can book same day.
Right.
So, so that's, I, I came up witha, a secondary plan.
So, Gene on yours, you know,getting your homework done.
What, what are some ideas aroundthat?
Gene (12:09):
Scheduling out the time making sure I know how much it's
gonna take me or just beinglike, Hey, I have enough time
right now.
I'll just try to get it doneearly.
And then that way if I need todo
Dad (12:21):
it later on, I can.
Yeah, so you made a plan, right?
So you look at it and you go,okay, logically how do I make a
plan?
Great.
Gideon, what about you Witheverything you've got going on?
Gid (12:33):
I know especially with the new year just coming around when
it comes out, it'll be a coupleweeks.
But the whole goal settingorientation of like New Year's
resolutions and stuff, that's areally good way, at least for me
personally, to deal with fearsaround stuff like that.
'cause a lot of my fears.
Come around with the idea of mygoals not being achieved.
(12:57):
So just regularly checking up onthose goals can really help
diminish that
Dad (13:05):
fear.
I love it.
Yeah.
So you're taking a long termapproach, so you're looking at
it saying, okay, what's my longterm approach?
What, what actions do I need toput in place for the long term?
Yep, exactly.
Great.
You know, there are, with usbeing on that topic, there are
long-term consequences of ourgoals.
If we don't put those in check,right?
(13:27):
If we don't say, okay, that is avalid fear that I, that I'm
feeling, but then we also haveto put it into check.
A lot of times I think thoselong-term consequences are ego
talking.
Have you guys thought much aboutyour ego?
A little bit, but I've normally,
Gene (13:49):
when I've heard of the word ego, it's always been in a
negative connotation.
But I don't think that's the
Dad (13:54):
way you're using it right now.
No, it is.
It is negative probably.
Because your ego is your onethat's trying to protect you
from that fear.
Doesn't want you to go in thereand be like, oh no, if I go ask
this girl out, I'm gonna beembarrassed.
It's your ego.
Mm-Hmm.
Okay.
Right.
If it's saying, Hey, I'm, Ican't set this goal because what
(14:14):
if I don't do it?
What if I fail?
We're almost talkPsychologically, talking
ourselves out of, of trying hardthings because we get so worried
about failure, rejection,embarrassment.
Instead of saying, okay, look,that's okay if that happens.
I will get over it.
We talked about it last episode,that all these things will work
(14:35):
together for my good, even ifI'm embarrassed, even if this
doesn't work out, even if I fallflat on my face.
Yeah.
I'm gonna learn something andit's gonna be better Gideon, I
think today you're doing someback flips.
I was on the beach.
Yeah.
What were they called?
Gid (14:52):
So there's the normal backflip and then I was doing.
Round off backflips as well as jbackflips is what I like to call
Dad (15:00):
them.
Yeah.
Very cool.
And what's the risk on, on oneof those going south?
Gid (15:06):
The ultimate risk, I guess would be like breaking your neck
or
Dad (15:09):
your spine.
Yeah.
So there's real, there, therecould be a risk in there,
there's, there's really a riskthat has kept me from trying
Because I'm going, oh, the riskis too high.
Because I'm afraid of not beingable to come around.
Correct.
But then I watch you with thislittle kid and you're able to
help him work through some ofthat risk aversion, you're like,
(15:30):
okay, how do we take some ofthis risk out of it?
Did he listen?
Gid (15:35):
Not particularly.
No.
No.
He didn't quite
Dad (15:38):
listen.
But because he was little, he'smade a rubber.
He's like, look, I got no risk.
I'm not scared of nothing.
Going back to Ashton's earlierstatement that kid's not afraid
of nothing.
Ashton (15:48):
He was more than happy to spin himself as many times as
he wanted and land as poorly ashe wanted.
Dad (15:55):
Yep.
Hey.
But he did
Ashton (15:56):
it.
I credit, I can't.
No, that's fine.
I.
That's
Dad (15:59):
true.
He could do it.
Yeah.
But he was willing to throwhimself out there, because his
risk aversion was so low.
Now at 50, I look at that andgo, man, if I screw that up, I
won't walk for months.
You know?
Now if I broke my spine or myneck, it'd be different.
But if I landed like this littleguy did, which was never really,
he was never in danger, but theway he hit his knees and his
(16:22):
back and his head, I would'vebeen like, oh man, that would've
jacked me up.
The way he is sticking thoselandings or not sticking those
landings.
Gid (16:32):
Yeah, that's fair.
Dad (16:33):
The way he was landing.
There you go.
I like it.
So, so then we say, okay, wellif I wanna avoid these risks how
do we still I'm trying to thinkof how to ask this question.
That doesn't soundcondescending, but if we're
trying to avoid.
Risk aversion, right?
And we're trying to, trying tonot do that.
How do we still step out and,and try new things if we know
(16:56):
there's not a physical dangerthat's gonna happen
Ashton (16:59):
well something that I think about a lot, and I think
I've talked about on thispodcast before was how when I
was younger I needed to walk thedog and I liked walking in the
mountains, but I was really,really scared of snakes,
specifically rattlesnakes, whichwe get near our home.
And and I remember youmentioning once you're like, Hey
it's okay to be scared ofsomething, but you can't let
(17:20):
that fear stop you from doingthat thing.
And something that you suggestedthen something that I approach a
lot as a solution is planning onwhat to do when that thing is
encountered.
I mean so like.
The Snakes are in the mountains,they're gonna be there.
If you hear a rattlesnake, youjust step back and you move the
(17:43):
other way.
Really quite simple.
But as long as you know what todo versus freaking out, that's,
I mean, that's enough.
So like when it comes to commonfears day-to-day fears.
Something as simple as just, youknow, a little plan of action
when, when something occurs cangive you enough of a backdrop
(18:05):
and motivation to try a thing.
So like when you're jumpingbikes or you're jumping.
Or like for me, like I like toplay football and if you ever
dive for a catch, you know, youknow you shouldn't land with
your hands flat or else youmight bust a wrist or like
skiing.
You've gotta land a proper way.
(18:25):
So just
Dad (18:26):
thinking about those sorts of things.
Yeah.
Which would really jeopardizeyour career, if you landed flat
goofing around and and bustedboth your wrists, that would
suck.
Yeah, it would, it would, youspend quite a bit of time with
your hands, I mean Yep.
Pretty valuable to yourprofession?
Yep.
They're a
Ashton (18:41):
constant tool that I
Dad (18:43):
use, so Yep.
Breaking them would not begreat.
You know, it's, it's interestingwe have friends who are oral
surgeons and dentists and theystopped playing pickup football
'cause they're going, man, if Ibroke a hand, you know, would,
it would jeopardize my businesssubstantially.
They look at the math on thatand say, okay, that's not worth
(19:04):
the risk because it's so great.
But to your point, Ash is whenyou look at a risk and go, okay,
now I know how to avoid thatdamage of that.
Yep.
And I'm, and I'm planning ahead.
The risk is minimized, but itmight not ever go away
completely.
Right.
You could still jam a finger,you could still hurt a wrist,
(19:25):
but you've done everything youcan to make it less impactful.
So now when our ego's involved,how do you do that?
I mean, any thoughts on how wekeep our ego in check?
Well, it
Ashton (19:35):
depends on how you think about ego.
Because if you think about itthrough like the Freud, the
Freudian lens of the ego-ID andthe super ego, like ego is just
based in reality.
Whereas the ID is all yourinstincts and then the superego
is based on morality.
(19:56):
So like you, just balancingthose three characteristics
Dad (20:01):
entirely, but No, that's interesting.
I, I hadn't thought about thesuperego and the ID and the ego.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah, I hadn't thought aboutthose.
When I, when I was thinking ofego as I was thinking, I don't
want to be embarrassed.
I don't want people to look atme like I'm dumb or I'm silly.
I guess that's what I'm askingis how do you, how do you
prepare yourself for beingwilling to look silly?
(20:25):
You know, or, or look, I don'tknow that silly's a bit
embarrassed maybe.
And, and can you, and shouldyou, so more of the,
Gene (20:34):
the pride aspect.
Of like, like this is how Iwanna see myself and so I don't
want others to see itdifferently.
Hmm.
I know for me, one thing thathelps is starting on a smaller
scale.
So like, say you don't likeheights.
But you want to be able to standon the glass box on the outside
(20:57):
of Willis
Dad (20:58):
Tower.
You could.
I feel like that was a littlepersonal there, dude.
Hey, it scared me too.
I,
Gene (21:05):
it freaked me out.
But say that's just one of thethings you want to do.
One way to help overcome thatfear would be to start maybe at
the lower levels and lookingdown from that spot and so you
get more comfortable and moresturdy with that glass and so
you know that you won't feel.
Embarrassed or when?
(21:26):
When you do that or Hey, I wantto ask someone else.
You do like a roleplay of askingsomebody out and roleplay the
different situations.
Well, what would happen?
So it's not as detrimental'causeit's not in that situation, but
it's in a situation like it, soyou can see like, Hey look, I'm
okay.
I like that.
(21:46):
More of like a
Dad (21:47):
model scale I guess.
Yeah.
And that's what you did on boththose, right?
On a height you did a modelscale, and then on the, on the.
Which is a real fear, not, notsaying they're not real fears,
but a, an imminent danger thatit's trying to protect you from
versus an emotional danger thatyou're trying to protect
yourself from.
And maybe that's a better wordthan ego is an emotional fear,
(22:10):
because now you're saying, okay,in that emotional one, I can set
there and go, okay, I'm gonnaroleplay this and it can end, in
a variety of ways, and I'mprepared for any of those
outcomes.
And realize it's not me, it'sthe situation.
Or maybe it is me.
They don't like me for who I am,but that's not the right person
for me to be with anyways.
Gid (22:28):
I like that.
And another thing just to addon, like with the Willis Tower
example.
So for people who don't know,it's a really tall building and
this glass box sticks out theside, so the forest glass, so
you can just see through.
But.
Not just think of every singlepossibility.
'cause then your brain could goto, well, the glass is gonna
(22:51):
break and I'm gonna fall.
But also tie in the rationalityof like, what could rationally
happen?
Like I could step in that boxand rationally nothing is gonna
happen.
I'm just going to feel somebutterflies in my stomach.
And that sort of aspect.
And I also.
For the listeners information, Ilike to ride BMX bikes, which is
(23:15):
a little bike at a skate park.
So on concrete, whatever, doingtricks.
And when learning a new trick,say the bar spin, which is where
you jump and you spin yourhandlebars around, you catch'em
again and you land all in theair.
It is a really scary trick totry,'cause you're letting go of
your handlebars in the air.
And there's so many differentoutcomes if they land halfway or
(23:36):
whatever.
And there's a lot of ways thatcould turn out painful.
You on concrete.
But stepping back and thinkingabout that rationality of what
rationally can happen.
'cause if you think about what,like what could possibly happen,
I mean, you could land on yourhandlebars and it's gonna
puncture your stomach that.
(23:56):
Technically it could happen ifyou land super wrong and you
don't have like a bar end orsomething, like people get cut
stabbed, but rationally it'sgonna like poke your stomach and
it's gonna hurt for like maybe aday.
You're gonna be like, have atummy ache.
So it's like the rationalityversus what could happen.
Dad (24:15):
Well, I like that Gideon, because you talked about there
are some serious consequences,you know, but then you modeled
it out and said, okay, well it'sgonna gimme a little tummy ache.
It could bruise me, could hurtme.
But I've still prepared foremotionally for that to happen
as well as physically.
Yeah.
To tell the listener.
Gideon likes to do big air andbig tricks, but what's very
(24:35):
interesting to watch is whenhe's not comfortable with
something, he pulls out.
He's like, no, that's, that riskis too big for the reward or for
that payout.
So is that you, are you lettingfear dominate you on that?
Gid (24:52):
I don't think so.
I think the reason why Ihaven't.
Broken a bone since my wrist inkindergarten is I determine what
my confidence can allow me to,to do.
So like that on the BMX bike, ifI'm, there's like a huge air,
I'm gonna do a backflip 360 andit's like I don't have this
(25:17):
skill set to try that.
Dad (25:19):
Right?
But, but you did start, and youfinally did do the back flip.
Right into a foam pit.
Yeah.
As a protection and to say,okay, at least I did it.
So I didn't let my fear Conquerme.
But I have, you have let yourfear hold you back, like getting
on a horse and going for a rideor, or something like that.
But the, the, the question is,you hadn't modeled that you
(25:41):
hadn't been able to have thatchance to go, okay, how do I
model that?
How do I scale that?
How do I prep for that?
Gid (25:47):
Yeah.
And I look at like.
What's worth it to me.
'cause if I like wanted to learna backflip three-sixty, so, so
bad on a bike, I would look backand I'd take the different
steps.
Like I'm gonna land a backflipon concrete.
I'm gonna land a backflipthree-sixty into the foam pit.
And all these different stepsthat I would take to eventually
(26:07):
be able to with rationaloutcomes, like for Barspin, Hey,
I'm gonna do an X Up, which is.
A half a bar spin, but you keepyour hands on the bar so you
like just twist it and you takethese steps instead of, Hey, I
just got on a bike for the firsttime, I gotta try a bar spin.
That is not rational.
Like it's not happening withoutyou getting hurt.
(26:29):
So just the steps
Dad (26:30):
involved.
Yep.
I like that.
And really, didn't we all dothat when we were packing for
this trip?
I took and made copies of ourpassports and put'em in a safe.
I took extra cash and Idistributed out to the, to the
kids so that we all hademergency and we could all take
care of ourselves if.
If we needed to right enoughmoney to get somewhere, I went
(26:52):
and added international callingon our phones in case if we got
lost and we needed to use them,you know, so I took all the
precautionary, I built all my,my rational steps out that I
could, and then still the nightbefore I had to lay in bed and
say, I've done all that I can donow.
(27:12):
Put that fear to bed and moveon.
Right.
Still jump off that ledge, takethat leap of faith.
Try that new thing that you'vebeen wanting to do, right?
So even after you've done allthe role, play all this, all the
modeling, all the prep, all theplanning, and then are things
gonna go wrong?
(27:34):
Yes, they could.
And then what do you do?
You improvise, right?
You go to plan B.
Or you?
Or you change the plans alltogether Because we've talked
about plan B plenty of times andwe have a difference of opinion
around this table.
So we say, Hey, you improvise.
Or you punt, I guess is whatwe'd call it in football.
(27:56):
Yeah.
All right.
Any other thoughts on fear,physical or emotional fear?
I think that's a better way toclassify those two really not
just that they're there, butthen how to overcome them.
Yeah, it all, it all comes downto actually doing the thing.
You still gotta
Gene (28:12):
take that step.
'cause even if you figure outeverything there is to be about
a ladder, you figure out theexact weight it can carry, you
still need to take the step,step on the ladder to be able
to, to do what you want to getout of it.
Dad (28:28):
That's good.
Thank you.
Sometimes you need to know whatyou want to get out of it.
Right.
So but on the sky deck at WillWillis Tower that we talked
about, 1300 fifty-three feetabove ground, and it's a four,
four and a half foot ledges ofglass that you're stepping out
on.
And I didn't.
I cannot still see the logicalreason why I need to be that
(28:48):
high above the ground lookingdown at, at the city of Chicago.
So I still have not probablyovercome that fear.
I'd go up there again with you,but no value for me on that.
Conquering that fear completelybecause my bigger goals don't,
don't coincide with it.
But if you told me to bungeejump from there, I think that
sounds like a fun try.
Let's do it.
(29:08):
I really would jump from thathigh.
You'd have to push me.
Gid (29:12):
Yeah.
So in all, I think likesomething to take away for the
listener was to Rationalizethose fears that you have grow
from all your differentopportunities.
And with saying that, we wouldlove to hear all your different
growing and challenges.
So if you would please post themsomewhere, tag us in the
(29:35):
comments.
Post your story.
Hey, this happened to me.
You're like a fun picture.
Like, I was scared, but I didthis thing and tag us.
We would love to see it.
DM us on, you know, whateversocial media Hashtag like an
adult.
We do that too.
Love all of all of your feedbackso much.
So thank you guys.
I,
(29:56):
thank you for listening to thisweek's episode of Adulting
Decrypted.
We really enjoyed having thisweek's conversation, and we hope
you did as well.
If you ever want to comment on atopic, you can send us a message
to our websiteAdultingdecrypted.com, our email
adultingdecrypted.gmail.com, orthrough our Instagram, Facebook,
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(30:19):
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(30:40):
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Lastly, if you enjoyed the show,please consider supporting us on
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(31:02):
some pretty good ones in there.
You will not only be helping uscontinue in the effort to make
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We appreciate you listening.
Enjoying and leaving yourpositive reviews.
Now, the special song from Geneand Gideon.
Dad (31:30):
well, I loved it.
Can you I think you're going toget grounded out by that
motorcycle.
What do you think, Ashton?
So maybe.
Gid (31:38):
And while saying that, I want to challenge you guys,
everybody listening to dosomething that scares you.
Face those fears and post aboutit on social media.
We would love to get tagged andbe able to see all of the people
that we can influence and makesure to share to help others
around you learn as well.
(31:59):
So tag us adults and encryptedFacebook, Instagram, whatever
the MS.
We would also love to hear andhashtag like an adult.
Wanna make sure we see it.
So thank you so much.
Dad (32:14):
Or that keeps us from another way to think of it is
Inhibit a in, I can't say thatbig word.
I want to say Inhibiting.
Yeah.
Another way to say that is fearthat keeps you from doing
something you know you should door could do.
This episode we're gonna talk about fear, a question has
(00:03):
anything scared you in the lastcouple weeks?
Nope.
Ashton (00:10):
I'm fearless.
Dad (00:11):
That's awesome.
Gid (00:15):
Yeah.
Ashton (00:15):
Yeah.
You're fearless.
Straight up.
No unshakable.
I'm also above fear unlessthere's a
Dad (00:22):
loud noise, in which case I get very, very
Gid (00:24):
spooked.
Welcome to Adulting Decrypted.
We are your hosts.
I'm Gene and I'm starting myfirst year of college.
I'm Ashton.
I'm a music performer, composer,and educator.
I'm Gene a high school senior.
I'm Roscoe the dad.
Those are my three sons, andthis is Adulting Decrypted where
we discuss ways to become adultsand the things we need to know
(00:47):
to be successful at life.
oh my gosh.
I actually had something happenlast night that freaked me out.
Okay.
Okay.
Please hear.
So yeah, I was Okay.
Just for the listener's sake, weare not at our home right now.
Not where normally hang out.
We're in Cabo, Mexico, and I hadto get up at like three A.M.
(01:10):
to go to the bathroom and I getback out.
I turn to go back to the bedroomthat I'm sleeping in and I see a
shadow of a person just staringright back at me.
Unmoving.
I was like, this is freakingterrifying.
I was like, somebody's in thisplace, and I like, I slowly
(01:31):
moved and I realized that it wasa mirror on the wall that I
forgot was there.
That was awesome.
Terrifying.
You're really
Dad (01:37):
spooky.
So, you know, that is, I've, Ihad a stuff bear one time at
Paul's.
House, Paul Allen's house scaredme pretty good because I
couldn't figure out why therewas a monster in the room.
Mm.
That
would
Ashton (01:50):
be spooky.
Gene (01:51):
Yeah, I remember that.
There's been a time where I'vebeen at the cabin well, Paul's
Cabin used to be, I think.
But like down in their basement,they have a bunch of mounts of
these different tears and likeI'd fall asleep watching the tv,
which
Dad (02:06):
is in the
Gene (02:06):
same room, and I don't know why, but my brain would
always be like.
These animals are gonna justturn and start talking to you.
And I'm like, that's
Ashton (02:13):
creepy.
Dad (02:14):
Why is this happening?
Yep.
Ashton (02:17):
That's, that's scary.
I can
Dad (02:19):
confirm., Good intro there to fear.
Now this came up with me as, wewere getting ready to come to
Cabo, you know, and the fear ofthe unknown and, and what was
gonna happen.
And then I was thinking aboutwhat you guys are trying to take
this year.
Gene, you're at school.
(02:39):
For all intents and purposes,you're gonna have to start
talking to girls.
A little scary.
Super scary.
Yep.
Ashton's off.
launched a new program up at theschool you're working at, and it
comes with its elements.
You're always a little bitnervous about what's going on
with, other leadership at at theschools.
(03:02):
little bit of fear around that,as well as starting to do a
budget and some of those thingsyou haven't done before on a
district level or, Gideon,you're obviously senior in high
school.
You're gonna have some bigchanges coming up here.
You're gonna start growing hair.
No, I'm just kidding.
Yep.
No, it's true.
(03:22):
There's, you're gonna have otherchanges, right?
You're gonna get ready to takeoff potentially do a mission,
get ready for college, you know,those different things.
So I really wanted to take a fewminutes and talk about fear.
And the concepts of fear.
I think the first one that we'vealready identified is that, is
(03:43):
that protective fear, right?
Gideon, when he got up outta bedlast night, it's a survival
mechanism, right?
To almost stare down that animalor that person, or whatever it
is that's right there in frontof you.
Right.
And then you have to get inthat, what's, what's that often
called?
(04:03):
Fight or flight.
Or freeze.
Yeah.
Fight, flight or freeze.
I, I'm glad they added that lastone in there.
'cause normally we used to justcall it fight or f fight or
flight.
But as we watch differentanimals, some do freeze and hope
that the, the situation, theydon't, they don't see them take
a deer in the headlights.
Yep.
I love that.
(04:23):
Yep.
Fight or flight or freeze.
So, because it's, it's really apreparation for the body right.
To, to react.
What, what's are some of thesereal fears, right?
Right.
Besides being caught in themirror.
What are some other fears likethat, that are real?
Gene (04:41):
Somebody like Suspiciously following you either from work
or from school or anywhere.
Okay.
Just feel like you're in asketchy part of town where you
feel like it, like somethingsuspicious is going on.
Dad (04:57):
Something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
For another example I wasthinking of is a fear for me is
of heights.
Mm-Hmm.
Right.
There's times that it, it reallyis there to protect me.
It, its whole intent is to helpme so that I don't fall off a
building.
Right.
It keeps me from going up in anairplane and jumping without a
parachute, you know, that's,that, that's really there to
(05:20):
help protect you from realphysical harm, and, and it's
built there for a reason.
I mean, it's helped us as, as aspecies evolve and become who we
are.
With that being said, you knowthat protective fear can, can be
out of line, right?
There's times that we have tocheck that fear of heights.
(05:41):
Can that get outta control?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, like you could just
Gene (05:47):
go up two flight, like go up a flight of stairs and look
down the set of stairs and getpetrified collapse onto the
floor.
Probably not
Dad (05:56):
a proper response to that.
Yeah.
And, and I think that's our, oursecond type of fear that we
wanna talk about is falseevidence appearing real.
And that's, that's that wherewe're seeking for a bigger fear
isn't gonna come to pass So theprotective fear is something
that, that we all have torealize is there.
(06:17):
It protects us, it helps us, butthen once, and that doesn't
happen really that often, itshouldn't happen that often.
How many times are youencountered by a, a wild animal?
Not very often, I would say.
Yeah, it's a little spooky whenit happens.
(06:37):
It is, but not very often.
Yeah, but, and it per, per,perhaps you for that
fight-or-flight.
Right.
There's an, an emotionalresponse, but then me, the other
day when we're walking throughtown here, a cat jumped out.
My initial response was to jumpback, didn't know if it was a
dog coming out in the street,didn't know what it was.
Then as soon as I realized whatit was, I was able to calm my
fear, get right back down to arational level and say, okay,
(07:00):
it's gonna be fine.
Because we're not in thatfight-or-flight scenario very
often in, in our day to day.
Now, if you're a firstresponder, you know, if you're a
police officer, you might havemore of that and there might be
a reason for that.
But a lot of times this fearthat we have is just that false
evidence appearing real.
And that's around a lot of whatI wanted to talk about today.
Gid (07:23):
Just a quick question.
Can we add on maybe like.
Emotional fears.
So maybe like, I know just a, anexample that I have is like a
fear of not having enough moneyit's not necessarily a physical
threat.
It could be eventually, youknow, don't have enough money to
(07:43):
have a place to live orsomething to eat, but there's,
there's that fear as well.
More of a psychological
Dad (07:49):
fear.
Yeah.
I love it.
That's what I really want totalk about on this fear section.
Because this fear is somethingthat we need to think about and
that we need to process andunderstand why we're going
through it.
Gideon, I think you and I had aconversation a couple weeks ago,
about that fear because ofeverything else that was going
(08:10):
on, right?
I'm going, look, I haven'tworked for six months.
I go to this cycle of where I'mgoing, oh, there's not gonna be
enough money and I can getmyself in this downward spiral.
That fear is where you have toreally start evaluating, where's
it coming from?
What's the root cause of that,right?
An animal, you know, where theroot cause you're like, Hey, I
(08:30):
need to survive, but these otherthings you need to really start
to dig into.
So yeah, that's what I want totalk about today.
And then a couple ways to, tocombat that fear and to overcome
that fear, because that's.
That's a real obstacle.
It's one thing to identify it,but it's another thing to say,
how do I overcome that?
So, did I know some of yourfears correctly, or are there
(08:51):
other fears that you have thatare going into this year about
what's coming up that, that wecould use as an example for the
listener?
I,
Gene (09:00):
I know like with school, it's a lot of, making sure to
get homework in on time.
Scheduling out my time correctlygetting to places I need to be
without a car and just meeting abunch of new people.
At least those are some extrathings for me.
Dad (09:16):
Thank you for being so candid.
Jean, Ashton, getting anythingon your guys's end.
Gid (09:24):
I think we've already hit most of my main fees.
Dad (09:27):
Perfect.
Any concern about track thisyear?
Gid (09:31):
For the listener who might not know?
Track and field?
Not necessarily.
Okay.
Just mostly planning to have fun
Dad (09:39):
because you've done it.
Been there, done that, I guess.
Yeah.
Ashley
Ashton (09:43):
No, I think you about covered
Dad (09:44):
it.
Awesome.
Okay, good.
So, so I think the first thingis to really evaluate what it is
that's, that's bothering you onthat topic.
So for me, the, the financialone is I have to monthly because
of where I'm at, I write downthe list of my assets.
I take my assets, I take myliabilities, and I take a real
(10:06):
look at where I'm at, right?
So part of that is to be honestwith yourself and honest with
where you're at on thattrajectory and on that plane,
and then say, okay, this iswhere I'm at now.
How do I improve upon it?
Right?
So to get into your point, yousay, oh, not enough money to
feed the family or to have ahouse, or, you know, all I have
(10:27):
to do is look at that sheet andgo, okay, that fear is not
really that valid.
The fear might have other rootcauses that then it's okay to go
to therapy on some of those,right?
Because I can, if I can't handleit, if I get so wrapped up or
there's, there's you know,prescriptions that you can get
(10:48):
to help you calm down and, andthink through some of those
safer because really thepsychological and emotional
fear.
Is is real.
Right?
That's the bigger thing is thatwe, we wanna say appearing real,
but it is real to us.
(11:10):
Right.
When we're getting ready forthis trip, what are some of the
fears I had?
Well, some of the fears I hadwere, oh, what if the lady's not
at the airport with the car?
Do you think that'd be scary toshow up and be like, Hey,
family, here we are on vacation.
I rented a car from somebodyI've never met.
I've already given them half themoney and then they don't show
(11:31):
up.
Is that a real fear?
Yeah.
Yeah, it absolutely is real.
But is it one that's a fight,flight or freeze?
No, it's something I can planfor.
I said, okay, if this happens,then we've got a backup.
We can get a shuttle even onChristmas day, last minute.
'cause I reached out to a coupleother people that said, yeah,
shuttle services will berunning.
(11:52):
This is how much they are.
And you can book same day.
Right.
So, so that's, I, I came up witha, a secondary plan.
So, Gene on yours, you know,getting your homework done.
What, what are some ideas aroundthat?
Gene (12:09):
Scheduling out the time making sure I know how much it's
gonna take me or just beinglike, Hey, I have enough time
right now.
I'll just try to get it doneearly.
And then that way if I need todo
Dad (12:21):
it later on, I can.
Yeah, so you made a plan, right?
So you look at it and you go,okay, logically how do I make a
plan?
Great.
Gideon, what about you Witheverything you've got going on?
Gid (12:33):
I know especially with the new year just coming around when
it comes out, it'll be a coupleweeks.
But the whole goal settingorientation of like New Year's
resolutions and stuff, that's areally good way, at least for me
personally, to deal with fearsaround stuff like that.
'cause a lot of my fears.
Come around with the idea of mygoals not being achieved.
(12:57):
So just regularly checking up onthose goals can really help
diminish that
Dad (13:05):
fear.
I love it.
Yeah.
So you're taking a long termapproach, so you're looking at
it saying, okay, what's my longterm approach?
What, what actions do I need toput in place for the long term?
Yep, exactly.
Great.
You know, there are, with usbeing on that topic, there are
long-term consequences of ourgoals.
If we don't put those in check,right?
(13:27):
If we don't say, okay, that is avalid fear that I, that I'm
feeling, but then we also haveto put it into check.
A lot of times I think thoselong-term consequences are ego
talking.
Have you guys thought much aboutyour ego?
A little bit, but I've normally,
Gene (13:49):
when I've heard of the word ego, it's always been in a
negative connotation.
But I don't think that's the
Dad (13:54):
way you're using it right now.
No, it is.
It is negative probably.
Because your ego is your onethat's trying to protect you
from that fear.
Doesn't want you to go in thereand be like, oh no, if I go ask
this girl out, I'm gonna beembarrassed.
It's your ego.
Mm-Hmm.
Okay.
Right.
If it's saying, Hey, I'm, Ican't set this goal because what
(14:14):
if I don't do it?
What if I fail?
We're almost talkPsychologically, talking
ourselves out of, of trying hardthings because we get so worried
about failure, rejection,embarrassment.
Instead of saying, okay, look,that's okay if that happens.
I will get over it.
We talked about it last episode,that all these things will work
(14:35):
together for my good, even ifI'm embarrassed, even if this
doesn't work out, even if I fallflat on my face.
Yeah.
I'm gonna learn something andit's gonna be better Gideon, I
think today you're doing someback flips.
I was on the beach.
Yeah.
What were they called?
Gid (14:52):
So there's the normal backflip and then I was doing.
Round off backflips as well as jbackflips is what I like to call
Dad (15:00):
them.
Yeah.
Very cool.
And what's the risk on, on oneof those going south?
Gid (15:06):
The ultimate risk, I guess would be like breaking your neck
or
Dad (15:09):
your spine.
Yeah.
So there's real, there, therecould be a risk in there,
there's, there's really a riskthat has kept me from trying
Because I'm going, oh, the riskis too high.
Because I'm afraid of not beingable to come around.
Correct.
But then I watch you with thislittle kid and you're able to
help him work through some ofthat risk aversion, you're like,
(15:30):
okay, how do we take some ofthis risk out of it?
Did he listen?
Gid (15:35):
Not particularly.
No.
No.
He didn't quite
Dad (15:38):
listen.
But because he was little, he'smade a rubber.
He's like, look, I got no risk.
I'm not scared of nothing.
Going back to Ashton's earlierstatement that kid's not afraid
of nothing.
Ashton (15:48):
He was more than happy to spin himself as many times as
he wanted and land as poorly ashe wanted.
Dad (15:55):
Yep.
Hey.
But he did
Ashton (15:56):
it.
I credit, I can't.
No, that's fine.
I.
That's
Dad (15:59):
true.
He could do it.
Yeah.
But he was willing to throwhimself out there, because his
risk aversion was so low.
Now at 50, I look at that andgo, man, if I screw that up, I
won't walk for months.
You know?
Now if I broke my spine or myneck, it'd be different.
But if I landed like this littleguy did, which was never really,
he was never in danger, but theway he hit his knees and his
(16:22):
back and his head, I would'vebeen like, oh man, that would've
jacked me up.
The way he is sticking thoselandings or not sticking those
landings.
Gid (16:32):
Yeah, that's fair.
Dad (16:33):
The way he was landing.
There you go.
I like it.
So, so then we say, okay, wellif I wanna avoid these risks how
do we still I'm trying to thinkof how to ask this question.
That doesn't soundcondescending, but if we're
trying to avoid.
Risk aversion, right?
And we're trying to, trying tonot do that.
How do we still step out and,and try new things if we know
(16:56):
there's not a physical dangerthat's gonna happen
Ashton (16:59):
well something that I think about a lot, and I think
I've talked about on thispodcast before was how when I
was younger I needed to walk thedog and I liked walking in the
mountains, but I was really,really scared of snakes,
specifically rattlesnakes, whichwe get near our home.
And and I remember youmentioning once you're like, Hey
it's okay to be scared ofsomething, but you can't let
(17:20):
that fear stop you from doingthat thing.
And something that you suggestedthen something that I approach a
lot as a solution is planning onwhat to do when that thing is
encountered.
I mean so like.
The Snakes are in the mountains,they're gonna be there.
If you hear a rattlesnake, youjust step back and you move the
(17:43):
other way.
Really quite simple.
But as long as you know what todo versus freaking out, that's,
I mean, that's enough.
So like when it comes to commonfears day-to-day fears.
Something as simple as just, youknow, a little plan of action
when, when something occurs cangive you enough of a backdrop
(18:05):
and motivation to try a thing.
So like when you're jumpingbikes or you're jumping.
Or like for me, like I like toplay football and if you ever
dive for a catch, you know, youknow you shouldn't land with
your hands flat or else youmight bust a wrist or like
skiing.
You've gotta land a proper way.
(18:25):
So just
Dad (18:26):
thinking about those sorts of things.
Yeah.
Which would really jeopardizeyour career, if you landed flat
goofing around and and bustedboth your wrists, that would
suck.
Yeah, it would, it would, youspend quite a bit of time with
your hands, I mean Yep.
Pretty valuable to yourprofession?
Yep.
They're a
Ashton (18:41):
constant tool that I
Dad (18:43):
use, so Yep.
Breaking them would not begreat.
You know, it's, it's interestingwe have friends who are oral
surgeons and dentists and theystopped playing pickup football
'cause they're going, man, if Ibroke a hand, you know, would,
it would jeopardize my businesssubstantially.
They look at the math on thatand say, okay, that's not worth
(19:04):
the risk because it's so great.
But to your point, Ash is whenyou look at a risk and go, okay,
now I know how to avoid thatdamage of that.
Yep.
And I'm, and I'm planning ahead.
The risk is minimized, but itmight not ever go away
completely.
Right.
You could still jam a finger,you could still hurt a wrist,
(19:25):
but you've done everything youcan to make it less impactful.
So now when our ego's involved,how do you do that?
I mean, any thoughts on how wekeep our ego in check?
Well, it
Ashton (19:35):
depends on how you think about ego.
Because if you think about itthrough like the Freud, the
Freudian lens of the ego-ID andthe super ego, like ego is just
based in reality.
Whereas the ID is all yourinstincts and then the superego
is based on morality.
(19:56):
So like you, just balancingthose three characteristics
Dad (20:01):
entirely, but No, that's interesting.
I, I hadn't thought about thesuperego and the ID and the ego.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah, I hadn't thought aboutthose.
When I, when I was thinking ofego as I was thinking, I don't
want to be embarrassed.
I don't want people to look atme like I'm dumb or I'm silly.
I guess that's what I'm askingis how do you, how do you
prepare yourself for beingwilling to look silly?
(20:25):
You know, or, or look, I don'tknow that silly's a bit
embarrassed maybe.
And, and can you, and shouldyou, so more of the,
Gene (20:34):
the pride aspect.
Of like, like this is how Iwanna see myself and so I don't
want others to see itdifferently.
Hmm.
I know for me, one thing thathelps is starting on a smaller
scale.
So like, say you don't likeheights.
But you want to be able to standon the glass box on the outside
(20:57):
of Willis
Dad (20:58):
Tower.
You could.
I feel like that was a littlepersonal there, dude.
Hey, it scared me too.
I,
Gene (21:05):
it freaked me out.
But say that's just one of thethings you want to do.
One way to help overcome thatfear would be to start maybe at
the lower levels and lookingdown from that spot and so you
get more comfortable and moresturdy with that glass and so
you know that you won't feel.
Embarrassed or when?
(21:26):
When you do that or Hey, I wantto ask someone else.
You do like a roleplay of askingsomebody out and roleplay the
different situations.
Well, what would happen?
So it's not as detrimental'causeit's not in that situation, but
it's in a situation like it, soyou can see like, Hey look, I'm
okay.
I like that.
(21:46):
More of like a
Dad (21:47):
model scale I guess.
Yeah.
And that's what you did on boththose, right?
On a height you did a modelscale, and then on the, on the.
Which is a real fear, not, notsaying they're not real fears,
but a, an imminent danger thatit's trying to protect you from
versus an emotional danger thatyou're trying to protect
yourself from.
And maybe that's a better wordthan ego is an emotional fear,
(22:10):
because now you're saying, okay,in that emotional one, I can set
there and go, okay, I'm gonnaroleplay this and it can end, in
a variety of ways, and I'mprepared for any of those
outcomes.
And realize it's not me, it'sthe situation.
Or maybe it is me.
They don't like me for who I am,but that's not the right person
for me to be with anyways.
Gid (22:28):
I like that.
And another thing just to addon, like with the Willis Tower
example.
So for people who don't know,it's a really tall building and
this glass box sticks out theside, so the forest glass, so
you can just see through.
But.
Not just think of every singlepossibility.
'cause then your brain could goto, well, the glass is gonna
(22:51):
break and I'm gonna fall.
But also tie in the rationalityof like, what could rationally
happen?
Like I could step in that boxand rationally nothing is gonna
happen.
I'm just going to feel somebutterflies in my stomach.
And that sort of aspect.
And I also.
For the listeners information, Ilike to ride BMX bikes, which is
(23:15):
a little bike at a skate park.
So on concrete, whatever, doingtricks.
And when learning a new trick,say the bar spin, which is where
you jump and you spin yourhandlebars around, you catch'em
again and you land all in theair.
It is a really scary trick totry,'cause you're letting go of
your handlebars in the air.
And there's so many differentoutcomes if they land halfway or
(23:36):
whatever.
And there's a lot of ways thatcould turn out painful.
You on concrete.
But stepping back and thinkingabout that rationality of what
rationally can happen.
'cause if you think about what,like what could possibly happen,
I mean, you could land on yourhandlebars and it's gonna
puncture your stomach that.
(23:56):
Technically it could happen ifyou land super wrong and you
don't have like a bar end orsomething, like people get cut
stabbed, but rationally it'sgonna like poke your stomach and
it's gonna hurt for like maybe aday.
You're gonna be like, have atummy ache.
So it's like the rationalityversus what could happen.
Dad (24:15):
Well, I like that Gideon, because you talked about there
are some serious consequences,you know, but then you modeled
it out and said, okay, well it'sgonna gimme a little tummy ache.
It could bruise me, could hurtme.
But I've still prepared foremotionally for that to happen
as well as physically.
Yeah.
To tell the listener.
Gideon likes to do big air andbig tricks, but what's very
(24:35):
interesting to watch is whenhe's not comfortable with
something, he pulls out.
He's like, no, that's, that riskis too big for the reward or for
that payout.
So is that you, are you lettingfear dominate you on that?
Gid (24:52):
I don't think so.
I think the reason why Ihaven't.
Broken a bone since my wrist inkindergarten is I determine what
my confidence can allow me to,to do.
So like that on the BMX bike, ifI'm, there's like a huge air,
I'm gonna do a backflip 360 andit's like I don't have this
(25:17):
skill set to try that.
Dad (25:19):
Right?
But, but you did start, and youfinally did do the back flip.
Right into a foam pit.
Yeah.
As a protection and to say,okay, at least I did it.
So I didn't let my fear Conquerme.
But I have, you have let yourfear hold you back, like getting
on a horse and going for a rideor, or something like that.
But the, the, the question is,you hadn't modeled that you
(25:41):
hadn't been able to have thatchance to go, okay, how do I
model that?
How do I scale that?
How do I prep for that?
Gid (25:47):
Yeah.
And I look at like.
What's worth it to me.
'cause if I like wanted to learna backflip three-sixty, so, so
bad on a bike, I would look backand I'd take the different
steps.
Like I'm gonna land a backflipon concrete.
I'm gonna land a backflipthree-sixty into the foam pit.
And all these different stepsthat I would take to eventually
(26:07):
be able to with rationaloutcomes, like for Barspin, Hey,
I'm gonna do an X Up, which is.
A half a bar spin, but you keepyour hands on the bar so you
like just twist it and you takethese steps instead of, Hey, I
just got on a bike for the firsttime, I gotta try a bar spin.
That is not rational.
Like it's not happening withoutyou getting hurt.
(26:29):
So just the steps
Dad (26:30):
involved.
Yep.
I like that.
And really, didn't we all dothat when we were packing for
this trip?
I took and made copies of ourpassports and put'em in a safe.
I took extra cash and Idistributed out to the, to the
kids so that we all hademergency and we could all take
care of ourselves if.
If we needed to right enoughmoney to get somewhere, I went
(26:52):
and added international callingon our phones in case if we got
lost and we needed to use them,you know, so I took all the
precautionary, I built all my,my rational steps out that I
could, and then still the nightbefore I had to lay in bed and
say, I've done all that I can donow.
(27:12):
Put that fear to bed and moveon.
Right.
Still jump off that ledge, takethat leap of faith.
Try that new thing that you'vebeen wanting to do, right?
So even after you've done allthe role, play all this, all the
modeling, all the prep, all theplanning, and then are things
gonna go wrong?
(27:34):
Yes, they could.
And then what do you do?
You improvise, right?
You go to plan B.
Or you?
Or you change the plans alltogether Because we've talked
about plan B plenty of times andwe have a difference of opinion
around this table.
So we say, Hey, you improvise.
Or you punt, I guess is whatwe'd call it in football.
(27:56):
Yeah.
All right.
Any other thoughts on fear,physical or emotional fear?
I think that's a better way toclassify those two really not
just that they're there, butthen how to overcome them.
Yeah, it all, it all comes downto actually doing the thing.
You still gotta
Gene (28:12):
take that step.
'cause even if you figure outeverything there is to be about
a ladder, you figure out theexact weight it can carry, you
still need to take the step,step on the ladder to be able
to, to do what you want to getout of it.
Dad (28:28):
That's good.
Thank you.
Sometimes you need to know whatyou want to get out of it.
Right.
So but on the sky deck at WillWillis Tower that we talked
about, 1300 fifty-three feetabove ground, and it's a four,
four and a half foot ledges ofglass that you're stepping out
on.
And I didn't.
I cannot still see the logicalreason why I need to be that
(28:48):
high above the ground lookingdown at, at the city of Chicago.
So I still have not probablyovercome that fear.
I'd go up there again with you,but no value for me on that.
Conquering that fear completelybecause my bigger goals don't,
don't coincide with it.
But if you told me to bungeejump from there, I think that
sounds like a fun try.
Let's do it.
(29:08):
I really would jump from thathigh.
You'd have to push me.
Gid (29:12):
Yeah.
So in all, I think likesomething to take away for the
listener was to Rationalizethose fears that you have grow
from all your differentopportunities.
And with saying that, we wouldlove to hear all your different
growing and challenges.
So if you would please post themsomewhere, tag us in the
(29:35):
comments.
Post your story.
Hey, this happened to me.
You're like a fun picture.
Like, I was scared, but I didthis thing and tag us.
We would love to see it.
DM us on, you know, whateversocial media Hashtag like an
adult.
We do that too.
Love all of all of your feedbackso much.
So thank you guys.
I,
(29:56):
thank you for listening to thisweek's episode of Adulting
Decrypted.
We really enjoyed having thisweek's conversation, and we hope
you did as well.
If you ever want to comment on atopic, you can send us a message
to our websiteAdultingdecrypted.com, our email
adultingdecrypted.gmail.com, orthrough our Instagram, Facebook,
and LinkedIn accounts atAdultingdecrypted.
(30:19):
If you have any topics for theshow that you would like us to.
Talk about, or if you are aparent and want us to talk about
something your kid should know,send us a message on any of the
accounts mentioned.
If you'd like to be a guest orhave an idea for someone you
think we should have on ourshow, feel free to send us an
email detailing your thoughts toadultingdecrypted.gmail.com.
Adulting is teamwork.
We have merch.
(30:40):
If you wanna show off yourAdulting Decrypted Pride, check
out our website,adultingdecrypted.com, or our
partner website.
With shop.spreadshirt.comforward slash adulting dash
decrypted.
Lastly, if you enjoyed the show,please consider supporting us on
our Patreon at Adultingdecrypted, along with the
benefits that come with ourPatreon and trust us, there are
(31:02):
some pretty good ones in there.
You will not only be helping uscontinue in the effort to make
great content, but you will bepart of a community of
individuals all trying theirbest to adults.
We appreciate you listening.
Enjoying and leaving yourpositive reviews.
Now, the special song from Geneand Gideon.
Dad (31:30):
well, I loved it.
Can you I think you're going toget grounded out by that
motorcycle.
What do you think, Ashton?
So maybe.
Gid (31:38):
And while saying that, I want to challenge you guys,
everybody listening to dosomething that scares you.
Face those fears and post aboutit on social media.
We would love to get tagged andbe able to see all of the people
that we can influence and makesure to share to help others
around you learn as well.
(31:59):
So tag us adults and encryptedFacebook, Instagram, whatever
the MS.
We would also love to hear andhashtag like an adult.
Wanna make sure we see it.
So thank you so much.
Dad (32:14):
Or that keeps us from another way to think of it is
Inhibit a in, I can't say thatbig word.
I want to say Inhibiting.
Yeah.
Another way to say that is fearthat keeps you from doing
something you know you should door could do.
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