November 15, 2024 • 17 mins
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What if the secret to a joyous and inclusive holiday celebration lies in the smallest details? Join me, Esther Kane, a retired occupational therapist and certified dementia care specialist, as we unlock practical strategies to transform your holiday gatherings into magical experiences for everyone, especially our cherished older relatives. From simple home adjustments like decluttering and improved lighting to accommodating sensitivities with a warmer ambiance, these thoughtful actions can make a world of difference. Explore engaging activities that bring the family together, such as storytelling and capturing life stories through interviews, to create lasting memories.
As the festive season approaches, let's focus on enhancing the experience for our loved ones. I'm eager to hear your ideas and experiences in holiday planning—your insights could inspire future podcast episodes and videos. Together, we'll create opportunities for meaningful interactions and ensure each family member feels included and valued. Subscribe to our podcast and YouTube channel for more insightful content, and leave your comments and suggestions. Here's to a memorable and joyous celebration for all!
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Aging in
Place Directory podcast.
I'm your host, esther Kane.
I am a retired occupationaltherapist, certified aging in
place specialist and a certifieddementia care specialist,
(00:29):
majority of my career workingwith older adults and family
caregivers, and I really am verypassionate about that entire
niche.
Anyway, today it is November15th, I believe 2024, and the
holidays are just around thecorner.
So I wanted to talk today abouthow to manage the holidays if
(00:50):
you're going to be spending themwith an aging parent, you know,
an older relatives, anythinglike that.
I know that when my husband wasalive, we would often host his
family to come over for holidayevents.
Most of them were well intotheir 80s, 90s plus, and, of
(01:15):
course, we had to makeaccommodations for them, not
only mobility wise, but activitywise, food wise.
You know everything like that.
And and as a as a trainedoccupational therapist, it
wasn't that difficult for me,because that's what I would
normally do for my patientsanyway.
But I, you know, listening tomy friends as they're going
(01:39):
through this process now withtheir relatives, I realized not
everyone has that, obviously hasthat training, but not everyone
can, you know, think that way.
So I thought I would make thispodcast about tips on how to
manage the holidays with olderadults.
So one of the first things youwant to do, obviously, I think,
(02:02):
think, obviously is to make surethat the environment is safe
enough for them.
So, in other words, things like, you know, removing any kind of
hazards that they may bump into, trip over, especially if
they're using a walker or caneor they may have low vision, any
, you know, remove any clutter,make a nice clear pathway.
(02:25):
If they have trouble getting uponto your steps, if you have
multiple steps to get into yourfront door, is that, if there's
no other alternative way to getin, you may want to think about?
Perhaps, you know, considerusing a renting a ramp to put up
(02:45):
those steps, or maybe justrenting or borrowing a
wheelchair and the person cansit in the wheelchair and others
can lift that person up, youknow, depending on how difficult
it is for that person.
Hopefully you have banisters onthose stairs which can really
help anybody to stay safe andwalk up and down those steps.
(03:08):
You want to make sure thatthere's enough lighting.
I know a lot of people like tohave low lighting during holiday
time.
You know, the dinner they setout candles, they make it look
all pretty.
And it does look beautiful andpretty and it does look
beautiful and pretty.
But if you have low vision andas we all get older, our vision
you know we need more and morelight then you're it's going to
(03:31):
be difficult to tell thedifference between the mashed
potato and the stuffing and youknow the turkey or anything else
.
So you want to make sure thatthere's enough lighting.
I would put a motion light inthe bathroom so that when they
do go to the bathroom they can,you know the light automatically
(03:53):
comes on a little nightlight.
They even have these beautifullittle lights that you can put
in the toilet.
It hangs on the bowl and itlights up the inside of the
toilet, anything like that.
If you want to put up little,those little light christmas
lights around to make it lookeven prettier, and have lights
as long as there's no glare,because glare is very difficult,
(04:17):
especially if you havecataracts or macular
degeneration or glaucoma.
Glare can be, can can makethings very difficult to see,
but lighting decluttering, ofcourse.
Comfortable seating, you know,maybe that you know, remember my
husband's uncle had a very hardtime getting up from low
(04:39):
seating so we had to make surethat one that he used a chair
that had arms where he couldhelp to lift himself up.
We would, of course, help himget up, put cushions on that
chair to make him sit up alittle higher, anything to make
it easier for them to get in andout, do whatever it is they
(04:59):
need to do, and as independentlyas possible.
You know, no one wants to looklike they're old, but so the
more help they end up, getting,the more it may seem, you know,
makes them feel like.
It can make them feel like theyare, you know, disabled in some
way, which they don't have tobe.
(05:20):
It's just the equipment canhelp them.
And then, of course,temperature control.
I personally like my home alittle bit cooler than some, and
as you get older, people tendto be affected more by colder
weather, so they like things abit warmer.
So if that's the case, you, asthe host, hostess, you, may want
(05:44):
to dress cooler so that you cankeep the temperature warmer for
them or at the very least, youknow, provide sweaters, blankets
, help them to be as comfortableas possible in your home in the
temperature that you like.
And then, when it comes toactivities now every family has
(06:07):
cannot think of something thatyou can do together.
(06:31):
You know, if your husband wantsto sit and watch the football
game, that's fine, but grandpacan't hear it or isn't into
sports.
Maybe there's something you cando with the grandfather, maybe
looking through photo albums,maybe, you know.
You know beginning the holidaydecorations for trees or
(06:51):
Hanukkah anything at all thatyou can do together, maybe even
storytelling, you know, askingthem to share stories.
You can write them down.
One thing my husband did that Ithought was awesome is he
videotaped his mother and father.
He basically interviewed themand was asking them all kinds of
(07:12):
questions.
How did they meet?
You know?
What was their life like?
What was it like to beseparated during World War II,
all kinds of things.
And now we have that interview,now that they're both gone.
It's just a wonderful way toget to know your elder parent
and you may end up findingsomething new that you never
(07:33):
knew about the family or aboutthem or maybe about yourself.
Then there's also, you know,relaxing type of options.
You don't want to be inconstant um, you know, busy,
busy, busy.
You also want to allow sometime to just relax, take a nap,
because often as we get older,especially elderly, you know
(07:56):
they tend to rest a bit more.
My mom-in-law would fall asleepin the middle of a party when
she was in her mid 90s.
So, you, it breaks up theirschedule and they normally end
up taking naps during the dayanyway.
So you want to try toincorporate that and, if that's
the case, have some placecomfortable for them to rest be
(08:18):
it a, you know, a lounge chair,recliner, bed, whatever that
they can relax and that they canrelax and rejuvenate, you know,
for the rest of the day youwant my, my husband's aunt was
very, was a great cook and shewanted to help very much in the
(08:40):
kitchen, which was wonderful.
But we had to make sure that orat least I had to make sure as I
was in the kitchen I had tomake sure that she wasn't going
to hurt herself with any of thetools, because she had some
dementia and I just wanted tomake sure that she was going to
be okay.
So I gave her activities thatdidn't necessarily require
(09:02):
chopping or cutting, but she dida lot as far as mixing and
rearranging and I mean she wouldlay out these beautiful you
know platters.
So she really helped me a lotin putting together all kinds of
things, the hors d'oeuvres, andthen the setting of the table
and all of that, and it gave her.
(09:23):
You know she was part of theactivities.
So anything that you have thatyou can, you know she was part
of the activities.
So anything that you have thatyou can, you know, don't do
ahead of time that you can letthem do.
I think that's a wonderfulthing.
I remember one Thanksgiving Iinvited an entire family over
and it was my friends, thehusband and wife, their children
(09:46):
, and then their parents, andthe parents were in their mid to
late 80s.
And then what?
Sorry about that.
And then what ended up, what Idid was is I created stations
throughout the house and I had.
I went to Goodwill and I boughtaprons for everybody.
So everyone had an apron andeveryone had a station, and at
(10:07):
each station was a recipe cardof what they had to make.
So somebody was making theapple pie, somebody was making
the salad, somebody was makingthe you know, the sweet potato
souffle, somebody was makingeverything, and so everyone had
to participate and do something,and then, of course, I had my
(10:29):
tasks as well.
So everything, the only thingthat was already in the oven was
the turkey, because of course,that takes quite a while, so
that was already in the oven,but everybody had an activity to
do for something else.
And at the end, when we satdown to have dinner, it was
wonderful, because when someonesaid, wow, the stuffing is
(10:50):
really good, we can say, well,thank you know, thank John, for
doing that, or, you know, thankKaren for making that.
So that was a great way, andthey still talk about that
particular day.
It's a fun way to incorporatepeople and also it's less
stressful on you.
You don't have to makeeverything, although you do have
(11:10):
to create the stations foreveryone.
That did take a little bit ofwork, but it was fun having all
those, and then they got to taketheir aprons home with them,
(11:45):
along with leftover goodie bags,of course.
The other thing that I thinkthat is puzzles, word games,
sudoku.
My mother used to love Sudoku.
She was very good at thatAnything that they can do as a
solo activity or with just oneother person, if they're not the
type of person that is, youknow, very comfortable with
(12:08):
crowds or with the family.
It's just a way to keep givesomeone something to do while
they are there instead ofsitting in the corner mulling,
wishing that they could go homeat any moment, because there are
those in almost every familythere's at least one if you have
enough people over.
(12:31):
The other thing, you want tomake the entire day as
stress-free for you as possible,so giving others tasks to do is
one way to do that.
If you are not able to do that,then plan your activities, plan
your meals three, four daysahead.
I used to make Thanksgivingdinner for 20, 25 people and I
(12:53):
would always start a week before, not necessarily making the
food a week before.
The food was made, three daysbefore some of it, like the
cranberry sauce I love the freshcranberry sauce I would make
that three days ahead.
You know, for all the otheritems that needed a lot of
chopping, I would chopeverything up the day, the day
(13:14):
before, and I would put it allin containers so that when it
came to actually doing it, itwas just a matter of mixing
things up and putting ittogether in the oven or on the
stove or whatever anything thatyou can do to break up so that
you don't have to do everythingall in one day.
(13:34):
It's much easier that way ifyou make something and you can
freeze it.
I've never done that.
So I'm not quite sure how to dothat, but if you, if that's
something you can do with yourrecipes, then do that.
You want to make it as easy aspossible for yourself.
Another option is to orderThanksgiving dinner.
A few years ago I had my familyover.
(13:56):
We had a very, very busyschedule the day before.
It was going to be verydifficult to cook everything, so
we just made a few things.
We made our pies supermarkethere called Fresh Market, but I
think you can order from a lotof different grocery stores and
(14:18):
it was a wonderful dinner,except the stuffing.
It wasn't that great about thestuffing, so if I ever do that
again, I'll make my own stuffing.
But everything else wasdelicious and all we had to do
was go there in the morning,pick it up, bring it home, lay
it out and there was our dinner.
So we got the dinner, we gotleftovers and we were able to
(14:39):
relax and enjoy each other'scompany and not be so stressed
out about trying to doeverything, although we did have
a few of the best ways that youcan create an easy holiday, be
(15:02):
it Christmas, be it Hanukkah, beit New Year's, be it
Thanksgiving, you know, whateverholiday, because the holidays
are all coming up pretty soon.
So, whatever holidays they theyare, consider all the people
that are coming to your event.
Accommodate them so that theycan feel comfortable, so that
you can feel good that you were,that you had a wonderful time.
(15:26):
Because you know, for somefamilies it's very difficult to
get together.
Usually every you know thereare people that have different,
whatever different views on justabout everything, and now
you're throwing them alltogether and expecting them to
have a Norman Rockwell kind ofdinner.
It doesn't always work that way, so you want to do all that you
(15:48):
can to accommodate as manypeople as you can, including the
older adults in your group.
All right, I hope these tipshelp you.
I hope that it will give you abeautiful holiday season with
everyone, family and friends.
Don't forget to subscribe toour podcast if you're watching
(16:12):
this on YouTube, to subscribe toour YouTube channel.
Give us your comments, let meknow what you think.
What ideas do you have for yourholidays with older adults?
I'd love to know, and maybewe'll do another podcast and
video about that.
All right, take care and havean awesome day.
Thank you.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Aging in
Place Directory podcast.
I'm your host, esther Kane.
I am a retired occupationaltherapist, certified aging in
place specialist and a certifieddementia care specialist,
(00:29):
majority of my career workingwith older adults and family
caregivers, and I really am verypassionate about that entire
niche.
Anyway, today it is November15th, I believe 2024, and the
holidays are just around thecorner.
So I wanted to talk today abouthow to manage the holidays if
(00:50):
you're going to be spending themwith an aging parent, you know,
an older relatives, anythinglike that.
I know that when my husband wasalive, we would often host his
family to come over for holidayevents.
Most of them were well intotheir 80s, 90s plus, and, of
(01:15):
course, we had to makeaccommodations for them, not
only mobility wise, but activitywise, food wise.
You know everything like that.
And and as a as a trainedoccupational therapist, it
wasn't that difficult for me,because that's what I would
normally do for my patientsanyway.
But I, you know, listening tomy friends as they're going
(01:39):
through this process now withtheir relatives, I realized not
everyone has that, obviously hasthat training, but not everyone
can, you know, think that way.
So I thought I would make thispodcast about tips on how to
manage the holidays with olderadults.
So one of the first things youwant to do, obviously, I think,
(02:02):
think, obviously is to make surethat the environment is safe
enough for them.
So, in other words, things like, you know, removing any kind of
hazards that they may bump into, trip over, especially if
they're using a walker or caneor they may have low vision, any
, you know, remove any clutter,make a nice clear pathway.
(02:25):
If they have trouble getting uponto your steps, if you have
multiple steps to get into yourfront door, is that, if there's
no other alternative way to getin, you may want to think about?
Perhaps, you know, considerusing a renting a ramp to put up
(02:45):
those steps, or maybe justrenting or borrowing a
wheelchair and the person cansit in the wheelchair and others
can lift that person up, youknow, depending on how difficult
it is for that person.
Hopefully you have banisters onthose stairs which can really
help anybody to stay safe andwalk up and down those steps.
(03:08):
You want to make sure thatthere's enough lighting.
I know a lot of people like tohave low lighting during holiday
time.
You know, the dinner they setout candles, they make it look
all pretty.
And it does look beautiful andpretty and it does look
beautiful and pretty.
But if you have low vision andas we all get older, our vision
you know we need more and morelight then you're it's going to
(03:31):
be difficult to tell thedifference between the mashed
potato and the stuffing and youknow the turkey or anything else
.
So you want to make sure thatthere's enough lighting.
I would put a motion light inthe bathroom so that when they
do go to the bathroom they can,you know the light automatically
(03:53):
comes on a little nightlight.
They even have these beautifullittle lights that you can put
in the toilet.
It hangs on the bowl and itlights up the inside of the
toilet, anything like that.
If you want to put up little,those little light christmas
lights around to make it lookeven prettier, and have lights
as long as there's no glare,because glare is very difficult,
(04:17):
especially if you havecataracts or macular
degeneration or glaucoma.
Glare can be, can can makethings very difficult to see,
but lighting decluttering, ofcourse.
Comfortable seating, you know,maybe that you know, remember my
husband's uncle had a very hardtime getting up from low
(04:39):
seating so we had to make surethat one that he used a chair
that had arms where he couldhelp to lift himself up.
We would, of course, help himget up, put cushions on that
chair to make him sit up alittle higher, anything to make
it easier for them to get in andout, do whatever it is they
(04:59):
need to do, and as independentlyas possible.
You know, no one wants to looklike they're old, but so the
more help they end up, getting,the more it may seem, you know,
makes them feel like.
It can make them feel like theyare, you know, disabled in some
way, which they don't have tobe.
(05:20):
It's just the equipment canhelp them.
And then, of course,temperature control.
I personally like my home alittle bit cooler than some, and
as you get older, people tendto be affected more by colder
weather, so they like things abit warmer.
So if that's the case, you, asthe host, hostess, you, may want
(05:44):
to dress cooler so that you cankeep the temperature warmer for
them or at the very least, youknow, provide sweaters, blankets
, help them to be as comfortableas possible in your home in the
temperature that you like.
And then, when it comes toactivities now every family has
(06:07):
cannot think of something thatyou can do together.
(06:31):
You know, if your husband wantsto sit and watch the football
game, that's fine, but grandpacan't hear it or isn't into
sports.
Maybe there's something you cando with the grandfather, maybe
looking through photo albums,maybe, you know.
You know beginning the holidaydecorations for trees or
(06:51):
Hanukkah anything at all thatyou can do together, maybe even
storytelling, you know, askingthem to share stories.
You can write them down.
One thing my husband did that Ithought was awesome is he
videotaped his mother and father.
He basically interviewed themand was asking them all kinds of
(07:12):
questions.
How did they meet?
You know?
What was their life like?
What was it like to beseparated during World War II,
all kinds of things.
And now we have that interview,now that they're both gone.
It's just a wonderful way toget to know your elder parent
and you may end up findingsomething new that you never
(07:33):
knew about the family or aboutthem or maybe about yourself.
Then there's also, you know,relaxing type of options.
You don't want to be inconstant um, you know, busy,
busy, busy.
You also want to allow sometime to just relax, take a nap,
because often as we get older,especially elderly, you know
(07:56):
they tend to rest a bit more.
My mom-in-law would fall asleepin the middle of a party when
she was in her mid 90s.
So, you, it breaks up theirschedule and they normally end
up taking naps during the dayanyway.
So you want to try toincorporate that and, if that's
the case, have some placecomfortable for them to rest be
(08:18):
it a, you know, a lounge chair,recliner, bed, whatever that
they can relax and that they canrelax and rejuvenate, you know,
for the rest of the day youwant my, my husband's aunt was
very, was a great cook and shewanted to help very much in the
(08:40):
kitchen, which was wonderful.
But we had to make sure that orat least I had to make sure as I
was in the kitchen I had tomake sure that she wasn't going
to hurt herself with any of thetools, because she had some
dementia and I just wanted tomake sure that she was going to
be okay.
So I gave her activities thatdidn't necessarily require
(09:02):
chopping or cutting, but she dida lot as far as mixing and
rearranging and I mean she wouldlay out these beautiful you
know platters.
So she really helped me a lotin putting together all kinds of
things, the hors d'oeuvres, andthen the setting of the table
and all of that, and it gave her.
(09:23):
You know she was part of theactivities.
So anything that you have thatyou can, you know she was part
of the activities.
So anything that you have thatyou can, you know, don't do
ahead of time that you can letthem do.
I think that's a wonderfulthing.
I remember one Thanksgiving Iinvited an entire family over
and it was my friends, thehusband and wife, their children
(09:46):
, and then their parents, andthe parents were in their mid to
late 80s.
And then what?
Sorry about that.
And then what ended up, what Idid was is I created stations
throughout the house and I had.
I went to Goodwill and I boughtaprons for everybody.
So everyone had an apron andeveryone had a station, and at
(10:07):
each station was a recipe cardof what they had to make.
So somebody was making theapple pie, somebody was making
the salad, somebody was makingthe you know, the sweet potato
souffle, somebody was makingeverything, and so everyone had
to participate and do something,and then, of course, I had my
(10:29):
tasks as well.
So everything, the only thingthat was already in the oven was
the turkey, because of course,that takes quite a while, so
that was already in the oven,but everybody had an activity to
do for something else.
And at the end, when we satdown to have dinner, it was
wonderful, because when someonesaid, wow, the stuffing is
(10:50):
really good, we can say, well,thank you know, thank John, for
doing that, or, you know, thankKaren for making that.
So that was a great way, andthey still talk about that
particular day.
It's a fun way to incorporatepeople and also it's less
stressful on you.
You don't have to makeeverything, although you do have
(11:10):
to create the stations foreveryone.
That did take a little bit ofwork, but it was fun having all
those, and then they got to taketheir aprons home with them,
(11:45):
along with leftover goodie bags,of course.
The other thing that I thinkthat is puzzles, word games,
sudoku.
My mother used to love Sudoku.
She was very good at thatAnything that they can do as a
solo activity or with just oneother person, if they're not the
type of person that is, youknow, very comfortable with
(12:08):
crowds or with the family.
It's just a way to keep givesomeone something to do while
they are there instead ofsitting in the corner mulling,
wishing that they could go homeat any moment, because there are
those in almost every familythere's at least one if you have
enough people over.
(12:31):
The other thing, you want tomake the entire day as
stress-free for you as possible,so giving others tasks to do is
one way to do that.
If you are not able to do that,then plan your activities, plan
your meals three, four daysahead.
I used to make Thanksgivingdinner for 20, 25 people and I
(12:53):
would always start a week before, not necessarily making the
food a week before.
The food was made, three daysbefore some of it, like the
cranberry sauce I love the freshcranberry sauce I would make
that three days ahead.
You know, for all the otheritems that needed a lot of
chopping, I would chopeverything up the day, the day
(13:14):
before, and I would put it allin containers so that when it
came to actually doing it, itwas just a matter of mixing
things up and putting ittogether in the oven or on the
stove or whatever anything thatyou can do to break up so that
you don't have to do everythingall in one day.
(13:34):
It's much easier that way ifyou make something and you can
freeze it.
I've never done that.
So I'm not quite sure how to dothat, but if you, if that's
something you can do with yourrecipes, then do that.
You want to make it as easy aspossible for yourself.
Another option is to orderThanksgiving dinner.
A few years ago I had my familyover.
(13:56):
We had a very, very busyschedule the day before.
It was going to be verydifficult to cook everything, so
we just made a few things.
We made our pies supermarkethere called Fresh Market, but I
think you can order from a lotof different grocery stores and
(14:18):
it was a wonderful dinner,except the stuffing.
It wasn't that great about thestuffing, so if I ever do that
again, I'll make my own stuffing.
But everything else wasdelicious and all we had to do
was go there in the morning,pick it up, bring it home, lay
it out and there was our dinner.
So we got the dinner, we gotleftovers and we were able to
(14:39):
relax and enjoy each other'scompany and not be so stressed
out about trying to doeverything, although we did have
a few of the best ways that youcan create an easy holiday, be
(15:02):
it Christmas, be it Hanukkah, beit New Year's, be it
Thanksgiving, you know, whateverholiday, because the holidays
are all coming up pretty soon.
So, whatever holidays they theyare, consider all the people
that are coming to your event.
Accommodate them so that theycan feel comfortable, so that
you can feel good that you were,that you had a wonderful time.
(15:26):
Because you know, for somefamilies it's very difficult to
get together.
Usually every you know thereare people that have different,
whatever different views on justabout everything, and now
you're throwing them alltogether and expecting them to
have a Norman Rockwell kind ofdinner.
It doesn't always work that way, so you want to do all that you
(15:48):
can to accommodate as manypeople as you can, including the
older adults in your group.
All right, I hope these tipshelp you.
I hope that it will give you abeautiful holiday season with
everyone, family and friends.
Don't forget to subscribe toour podcast if you're watching
(16:12):
this on YouTube, to subscribe toour YouTube channel.
Give us your comments, let meknow what you think.
What ideas do you have for yourholidays with older adults?
I'd love to know, and maybewe'll do another podcast and
video about that.
All right, take care and havean awesome day.
Thank you.
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Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!