February 13, 2025 • 26 mins
Have you ever wondered how friendships can be a lifeline as life evolves? We dive into the powerful impact social connections have on our well-being, especially as we transition through different life stages. Whether you're navigating marriage, parenthood, or middle age, maintaining these bonds is crucial for a longer, healthier, and happier life. With insights from Mel Robbins and stories of personal experiences, we highlight practical steps to nurture meaningful relationships, even when life gets chaotic. Prioritizing friendships can transform your journey, offering much-needed support and joy.
Building a strong social circle isn't just a goal; it's a necessity. I share actionable strategies to foster meaningful connections, from reaching out to old friends to stepping out of comfort zones in new communities. Discover the tools available, like our downloadable workbook, to guide you on this path. I invite you to contribute your ideas for future episodes and join our thriving community by subscribing to our YouTube channel. Let's continue learning, spreading positivity, and supporting each other as we embrace life after 50 with open hearts.
Get your FREE PDF for navigating Adult Friendships here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to All About Hair and so much more.
I'm your host, denise Kylitz,and I'm so excited to have you
here.
If you love hair, beauty andall the ways to feel amazing
inside and out, you're in theright place.
But here's the twist we're notjust talking hair anymore.
We'll dive into everything LifeAfter 50 brings Health,
(00:27):
hormones, relationships, fitnessand so much more.
This is a space for women whoare embracing change, building
confidence and living withcreativity all about hair and so
much more.
I really want to thank you guysfor joining me as we pivot to
(00:56):
cause.
We are going to discusseverything about hair, but also
everything that life changeswhen we get over the age of 50,
because you know, I'm 57 and alot of my friends are in their
fifties and we have a lot to sayand we're going through a lot
of different things.
I don't know about you, but ifyou can just maintain your sense
(01:18):
of humor about things, I thinkit gets you a long way.
You know I started this podcast,my goodness, like four years
ago, and the reason why Istarted it really was when I
owned my salons.
I was going to use it as arecruiting resource for new
stylists, because it started asthe little things for stylists,
(01:43):
that's what it was called.
Started as the little thingsfor stylists, that's what it was
called, and we talked about allthe little things it takes to
become successful in thehairstyling world.
Well, after I sold my salons, Istill kind of wanted to
maintain some kind ofconversation.
So I thought, you know, withall my experience of owning a
(02:04):
salon, my next thing would bemaybe teaching how to own a
salon.
So I changed it to salonownership, made easy, and, yes,
I had in my mind that I wasgoing to create these wonderful
courses and, to tell you thetruth, I've created four courses
.
Yes, I put in all the work, allthe hours, all the research
(02:28):
actually created the courses,recorded them, have the PDF
workbooks and I never put themout there, do you?
Sad, I know, but do you know why?
Is because I just found that Ididn't have the passion for it.
Um, I wasn't in the industryanymore.
I wasn't out there, you know,in the trenches, if you will,
(02:51):
and it's been a while, and Ikind of was losing my passion
for it.
And so I was thinking to myselfdo I really want to continue
down this path, you down thispath of salon ownership,
teaching people, even eventeaching hairstylists.
I don't not that there'sanything wrong with that,
(03:12):
because, trust me, I love hairand I love talking about hair.
Anybody who knows me knows I'mvery, very passionate about it.
However, I also like a lot ofother things, and so that's why
I've changed my podcast oncemore, and really I think this
this time I I I'm on the rightroad.
(03:34):
I have probably a list of overat least 50 ideas for podcasts
and videos.
If you guys have any ideas thatyou would like to hear, um,
please reach out to me.
You can either respond to thisum podcast by leaving me a text,
you can shoot me an email, youcan go to my website, you can go
(03:55):
to my Instagram, however youwant.
I would love to get yourfeedback.
I'd love to to hear what youwould like to hear about,
because we're going to talkabout everything.
Uh, you know, hormones, health,exercise, relationships,
children, pets, vitamins, hairloss, no sleep, that dreaded
(04:17):
tummy that just keeps gettingbigger and bigger for some
reason.
You know all the things.
So, if you have something thatyou'd really like to talk about
or, heck, if you'd like to be onthe show, maybe you've
experienced something and youwould like to have a
conversation with me, please doreach out.
I would love to have you as aguest on my show.
So thank you so much forhanging in there with me through
(04:41):
all these changes.
I'm really glad that you'restill here.
If you happen to know anybodywho you think would like this
podcast any woman over the ageof 50 probably would like this
conversation Please share thepodcast with them and let them
know that there is a communityout there for them.
(05:02):
Okay, so in today's episode,we're going to dive into the
importance of friendships.
You know, I don't know aboutyou, but as an adult, don't you
feel like, um, you, if you havea lot of friends, consider
yourself super, super lucky?
But I know, as we go throughlife, that our relationships
(05:26):
change with with our friends.
Okay, let's, let's think aboutwhy that would be.
When we're in, you know, highschool and college, we're
surrounded by people goingthrough the same life
experiences that we're goingthrough, and they're in like
within arms length away, right,so we're almost forced to have
(05:48):
friends or some kind of socialnetwork, right?
And then, after college, or, ifyou didn't go to college, when
you get back, get into theworkplace, our.
We start getting busy and ourfriends turn more into
acquaintances, because they'recoworkers and you might be
friends with them, might go outfor a drink, whatever, which is
(06:08):
wonderful.
I've had friends like that.
However, they don't tend tolast more than so.
Say, if you switch jobs orswitch to your career, would
they still be your friends?
I don't know.
Sometimes, sometimes notSometimes we try to hang on to
them, but for some situationalexperience, maybe that
(06:30):
friendship wasn't strong enoughto hang on.
I know myself I've had one,maybe two friendships that have
sustained my since I was in mytwenties, and that is I'm very,
very lucky, but it takes work.
But I do know that with thesefew friends that I could pick up
the phone anytime and we couldjust start a conversation, like
(06:54):
we just talked last week, and itmight've been a few months.
So I guess what I'm just sayingis friendships they go through
cycles.
Okay, so get back to that.
In our twenties we're in a highschool, we're in college,
friends are everywhere.
Then what happens?
We get married, right, webecome, we make friends with
(07:17):
maybe our, our significantother's friends.
Okay, so our friendship groupis changing a smidgen and then
maybe we have children and, wow,our lives get really busy and
maybe our friendships changeagain.
Maybe you belong to a mom'sgroup or because think about it
I remember my mom's group whenI'm, when I first had my son.
(07:39):
It was a oh my gosh.
It was like a lifesaver,because you're going through
something that is extremelywonderful, right A child.
However, it can also be well.
First it's very tiring becauseno sleep, but it can also be
very lonely because maybe yourspouse, they go on to work,
(08:04):
right, but you're at home with alittle baby and, yes, you might
just love the smell and thefeedings and all that, but
you're also exhausted.
You're not getting sleep.
You might not have taken ashower.
You look around the house andmaybe it's a mess.
We've all been there.
Come on, and what is your lifesupport?
(08:28):
Maybe it's that mom's group.
They're going through the sameexact thing and you guys can
laugh about it together.
Okay, those were some of themost special bonds that I had
was with my mom's group, becausewe were all going through the
dirty diapers and the disrespectand the lonely days and the
long days and the how many dayshas it been since you've washed
(08:51):
your hair or even taken a showerkind of conversations, right,
or when, when did you go to thegrocery store and tuck the
baggers head off?
And when you can laugh about itwith your mom's group.
However, then when your kids getolder and they start school,
your life changes again andmaybe your friendships change,
(09:15):
shift again, because you don'thave that special bond.
Nothing wrong with that.
I mean, friendships come and goand they serve you.
What?
What is that saying?
Um, uh, some people come intoyour life for a reason and some
people come into your life for aseason, and you know we all
(09:40):
have friends like that.
So let's think about that now.
So, now that if you're like meand you're over 50, right, maybe
you're not working outside thehouse anymore what do you do
then?
How do you find friends?
How do you get out of yourhouse?
How do you put yourself outthere?
(10:01):
You know, how do you have thecourage?
Because, I don't know,sometimes some days, it's a lot
easier to just to stay in yourhouse, right, stay in your
sweats, but let me tell you youcan't do that.
You've got to put in a littlebit of effort.
You know and it was talkingabout blue zones and what they
eat and stuff, but one of thethings that they really said was
(10:23):
super supertoeing on thehardwood floor.
Sorry about that, but peoplewho have friendships or a social
(10:53):
circle actually live longer.
I know it's sad.
Think about all those peoplewho and maybe you, are lonely
and you would love it ifsomebody would knock on your
door and be your friend.
So let's talk about how vitalthese social connections are to
(11:13):
our mental well-being and ourphysical well-being, because it
really does link you to a longerand healthier life.
Let me ask you a question Doyou make building friendships a
priority in your life?
I have to confess that there'sbeen many, many times that I
haven't.
If you want to build a strongfriendship, you need to take
(11:36):
steps to prioritize yourrelationships.
For example, make sure youpencil in a monthly meetup
that's non-negotiable with yourfriend.
Yes, make it a priority.
Make your friendship a priority.
Any relationship takes effort.
Doesn't your marriage takeeffort?
(11:57):
Doesn't your relationship evenwith your siblings or your your
parents take effort?
Yeah, it takes effort.
So, friendships you have tocarve out some time for them,
even when life gets busy.
There's been many times that,um, my husband and I have been
invited to go, maybe to dinnerwith someone, or just meet up
(12:18):
with somebody and at the timeyou're just like, oh my gosh, I
just don't feel like gettingready to go.
Or it's the end of you know,it's Friday night and you just
ended a week and you'reexhausted and you're just like,
oh, the last thing I feel likedoing is getting in the car,
going to dinner.
But you know what?
You never regret it.
You really don't.
Once you get there and youstart talking, you know, and
(12:41):
it's like you know that's reallynice, that's nice to hook up
with your friends, to see what'sgoing on, to have conversations
with your friends, to seewhat's going on, to have
conversations, to startconversations.
It's, it's good.
I'm not saying you have to havea ton of friends.
In fact, I think you should bechoosy with who are your friends
(13:03):
, because you want your friends,you want those people around
you, you want them to encourageyou, be honest with you, laugh
with you and even cry with you.
You don't really want a circleof friends that and I'm saying
friends in quotes that are justfair weather.
You know those, those areacquaintances.
(13:24):
Yes, there's going to be timesthat I don't know you'll have
people like that.
But as we get older, we getpretty picky because we don't
take it anymore right, we don'thave time for that.
So time's precious and so youneed to nurture a tighter
actually a smaller circle offriends.
(13:46):
Find a few people you justreally connect with and really
cherish them.
Make time to grow yourfriendships.
We already discussed that.
It does take effort, but it alsotakes time.
Don't put it on the back burner.
Don't put your friendship onthe back burner and go oh yeah,
we'll get around to it.
Oh, I just don't have time thisweek.
No, no, no, no.
(14:07):
Put them in your scheduleschedule coffee schedule, lunch
schedule, going to a movie.
But if you're like me, if it'snot on your schedule, it's not
going to get done.
So schedule those, those dateswith your friends so you can
still be connected.
That's a great, great tip.
(14:29):
And remember to always be thekind of friend you want to have.
Friendship's a two-way streetand sometimes that means you
have to extend yourself firstand be the kind of friend you
want to have.
If you want somebody to bethere at 3am because your house
is on fire, be that type offriend for them.
Now you also want to be veryopen and honest with your
(14:53):
friends and you know sometimesbeing vulnerable.
It could be the mostchallenging part of building an
adult friendship, because ourpast may dictate how we
participate in new relationships.
So just let yourself be open,be honest with friends.
It's refreshing and it can leadto deeper, more profound
relationships that last a longtime.
(15:14):
You also want to be a safeplace for your friend.
You remember that one friendfrom high school that you could
share everything with, knowingthat they would never tell a
soul.
Aim to be that friend.
Be known as the one they cancome to with their deepest
thoughts and hurts, the one thatwill keep things to themselves
(15:35):
instead of passing on gossip orjudging them.
Have you ever told somebody astory in confidence and then you
hear that they have beentalking behind your back?
How do you feel about that?
That they've told other people?
How does that make you feel?
Yeah, don't do that to yourfriends.
If somebody tells you somethingin confidence, do not Tell
(16:01):
anybody.
That's what friendship's about.
Another tip is become theirpositive voice If they're going
through challenges maybe theyhave needy children or demanding
spouses be the person yourfriend can turn to when they
just need a little bit ofpositivity or encouragement and
strength.
(16:22):
Maybe be their laughter whenthey can't find any.
Sometimes my sister I have atwin sister and you guys know
that or you know it now and we,we maybe see each other twice a
year.
I know that's sad, but we livein different States, but we
probably probably talk to eachother every single day, if not
every day, at least every otherday.
(16:42):
And there's some days that youknow, one of us or or both of us
are just kind of like blah, youknow, just a ball humbug.
But so we need to find laughter, we need to find encouragement,
just to get on with the day.
You know we've all had dayslike that and you know what we
do.
This is kind of funny.
We get on Pinterest and we lookup funny quotes or snarky
(17:08):
quotes or quotes, I don't know.
Go to Pinterest, look up funnyquotes or snarky quotes and see
if that doesn't make you laughout loud.
I mean, my goodness, we werejust dying laughing the other
day.
It was great.
(17:28):
And so then you end yourconversation on a positive note
and then you can go on with yourday and on that note.
Sometimes you do need to beuplifting for one another, but
you also need to have meaningfulconversations.
So when you meet up with yourfriend, like maybe for coffee or
something encourage them to Idon't know, ask them some tough
(17:52):
questions and then engage inreally listening to them.
Maybe as you're listening youcan take mental notes of what
they like or dislike and thatcould be used later, like when
you're wanting to get them agift or something.
If you are just an activelistener and you're actually
listening to your friends, itjust really does strengthen
(18:13):
those emotional bonds and itreally shows that you care about
them.
Have you ever heard that sayingor advice?
I guess it would be that if youare going like to a networking
thing or a group party orsomething and you want to be the
most like, most rememberedperson from the party, don't
(18:34):
talk about yourself.
Ask questions.
Let other people talk aboutthemselves, because people like
to talk about themselves.
If you're trying to strengthenyour relationships, here's some
practical action steps that youcan take this week.
Maybe jot these down and makeit a challenge for yourself.
Okay, so this week.
(18:54):
Step one carve out some time toreconnect with a friend you
haven't seen in a while.
Just reach out to them.
Suggest you guys go to coffeeor lunch and just reconnect.
You might find a reconnection.
You might find a special friendor not, and the reason why I
say or not is because we allchange.
I'm not the same person I wasfive years ago.
I'm not.
(19:15):
You might not be either, butguess what?
Maybe your friend that you'rereaching out to would like to
reach out to you, and they justhaven't reached out.
Another thing you can doexplore new ways to engage with
your friends.
So maybe, instead of lunch, youmeet for breakfast before work,
(19:35):
or maybe you walk your dogstogether, or maybe you pack a
sack lunch and you meet up attheir workplace.
I mean, it doesn't have to becocktails at happy hour.
You know we're not all intothat either.
Another step you should try totake this week is strengthen
your existing friendships byidentifying one or two people
(19:59):
you'd like to build a deeperrelationship with and then take
the initiative to go to coffeeor lunch to get to know them
better.
Like I, have a neighbor thatevery time we see each other,
heck yeah.
We say hi, hi, neighbor, howare you?
And we keep saying, girl, wegot to go do something, we got
to go have coffee.
(20:20):
I've lived in this house fortwo years and I still have not
invited her for coffee.
I mean, invited her over to myhouse to have coffee, and that's
just my house.
She lives next door and I keepthinking I'm going to, why don't
, why don't I do that?
I'm not that busy, you know.
I think it's because we in ourminds think we are that busy, or
(20:41):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I do know that the older we getmy husband and I both say that
the one thing we've both areguilty of this We've raised our
kids.
They're adults, but we've bothput our career first before our
friendships, which is sad.
And as we were getting older,we'd really like to develop
(21:02):
better friendships and a socialcircle, and so we've really been
trying to step out of ourcomfort zone, get out of that
box, get out of watching Netflixevery night and actually reach
out to people that we'd like toknow better.
So maybe you can do that too.
So I'm just going to close thiswith a few thoughts.
(21:24):
Making friends and maintainingand nourishing adult friendships
is all part of living afulfilling life.
Especially as we age, the lastthing you want is to I don't
know retire.
Maybe your spouse dies, maybe,I don't know, you wake up one
day and you find yourself allalone and that you don't have
(21:44):
friends.
You don't want that.
You don't want that.
That's not a fun life to live.
So why you're still capable,pick up the phone and call that
neighbor, walk over and knock onthe neighbor's door Heck, I was
listening to Mel Robbinspodcast and if you haven't
listened to her, she's amazing.
So that's another podcast.
You could look up Mel Robbinspodcast.
(22:05):
Amazing, so that's anotherpodcast.
You could look up Mel Robbinspodcast.
She had recently moved fromBoston to Vermont and same thing
happened to her.
You know, she was in herfifties and she moved to a new
town, didn't know a single souland was just kind of told a
story of how she was just kindof moping around a house.
Woe is me.
Woe is me Because we do that.
We do that to ourselves.
(22:26):
And her daughters actually hadto.
They were out walking and theyactually said well, have you
actually met your neighbors?
Have you actually knocked ontheir doors and invited them to
do anything?
No, and so they made her go upto her neighbor's house and
knock on the door, and they'rereally good friends ever since.
(22:47):
So who knows where that'll takeyou.
I also encourage you to takethose steps for building those
connections.
I hope you wrote down thosesteps that we were talking about
to reconnect with friends youhaven't seen in a while reaching
out, think about new ways toengage with your friends and
also strengthen your existingfriendships.
Engage with your friends andalso strengthen your existing
(23:08):
friendships.
And I also want to just thankyou for being here and tuning in
and hopefully you're enjoyingthis new format where we can
expand our conversations to justmore than just hair, and I
think this is a really goodstart for our conversation and
adult friendships.
Please, if you haven't makesure you are subscribing to our
podcast, share this podcast withanybody over 50 who you think
(23:31):
this conversation would be ofsome value in their life.
Like I said, if you have anysuggestions for any topic that
you would like to hear, trust me, I have a ton of them, but who
knows, there might be somethingout there.
Or if you would like to be onthe podcast, reach out, I am
here.
If you'd like a workbook onwhat we discussed today,
(23:53):
step-by-step, on how to developadult friendships, make sure you
click on the link in the shownotes and head over to my
website and grab your copy ofthe PDF that follows along with
this podcast, and I just really,really thank you for listening
today and hope you go out andmake it a great day and always
(24:14):
remember, when you know better,you do better.
Thanks for tuning in to AllAbout Hair and so much more.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to subscribe to our
YouTube channel so you nevermiss a new one, and if you think
someone else would love it too,share the episode.
Let's keep spreading the loveand learning together.
See you next time.
Welcome to All About Hair and so much more.
I'm your host, denise Kylitz,and I'm so excited to have you
here.
If you love hair, beauty andall the ways to feel amazing
inside and out, you're in theright place.
But here's the twist we're notjust talking hair anymore.
We'll dive into everything LifeAfter 50 brings Health,
(00:27):
hormones, relationships, fitnessand so much more.
This is a space for women whoare embracing change, building
confidence and living withcreativity all about hair and so
much more.
I really want to thank you guysfor joining me as we pivot to
(00:56):
cause.
We are going to discusseverything about hair, but also
everything that life changeswhen we get over the age of 50,
because you know, I'm 57 and alot of my friends are in their
fifties and we have a lot to sayand we're going through a lot
of different things.
I don't know about you, but ifyou can just maintain your sense
(01:18):
of humor about things, I thinkit gets you a long way.
You know I started this podcast,my goodness, like four years
ago, and the reason why Istarted it really was when I
owned my salons.
I was going to use it as arecruiting resource for new
stylists, because it started asthe little things for stylists,
(01:43):
that's what it was called.
Started as the little thingsfor stylists, that's what it was
called, and we talked about allthe little things it takes to
become successful in thehairstyling world.
Well, after I sold my salons, Istill kind of wanted to
maintain some kind ofconversation.
So I thought, you know, withall my experience of owning a
(02:04):
salon, my next thing would bemaybe teaching how to own a
salon.
So I changed it to salonownership, made easy, and, yes,
I had in my mind that I wasgoing to create these wonderful
courses and, to tell you thetruth, I've created four courses
.
Yes, I put in all the work, allthe hours, all the research
(02:28):
actually created the courses,recorded them, have the PDF
workbooks and I never put themout there, do you?
Sad, I know, but do you know why?
Is because I just found that Ididn't have the passion for it.
Um, I wasn't in the industryanymore.
I wasn't out there, you know,in the trenches, if you will,
(02:51):
and it's been a while, and Ikind of was losing my passion
for it.
And so I was thinking to myselfdo I really want to continue
down this path, you down thispath of salon ownership,
teaching people, even eventeaching hairstylists.
I don't not that there'sanything wrong with that,
(03:12):
because, trust me, I love hairand I love talking about hair.
Anybody who knows me knows I'mvery, very passionate about it.
However, I also like a lot ofother things, and so that's why
I've changed my podcast oncemore, and really I think this
this time I I I'm on the rightroad.
(03:34):
I have probably a list of overat least 50 ideas for podcasts
and videos.
If you guys have any ideas thatyou would like to hear, um,
please reach out to me.
You can either respond to thisum podcast by leaving me a text,
you can shoot me an email, youcan go to my website, you can go
(03:55):
to my Instagram, however youwant.
I would love to get yourfeedback.
I'd love to to hear what youwould like to hear about,
because we're going to talkabout everything.
Uh, you know, hormones, health,exercise, relationships,
children, pets, vitamins, hairloss, no sleep, that dreaded
(04:17):
tummy that just keeps gettingbigger and bigger for some
reason.
You know all the things.
So, if you have something thatyou'd really like to talk about
or, heck, if you'd like to be onthe show, maybe you've
experienced something and youwould like to have a
conversation with me, please doreach out.
I would love to have you as aguest on my show.
So thank you so much forhanging in there with me through
(04:41):
all these changes.
I'm really glad that you'restill here.
If you happen to know anybodywho you think would like this
podcast any woman over the ageof 50 probably would like this
conversation Please share thepodcast with them and let them
know that there is a communityout there for them.
(05:02):
Okay, so in today's episode,we're going to dive into the
importance of friendships.
You know, I don't know aboutyou, but as an adult, don't you
feel like, um, you, if you havea lot of friends, consider
yourself super, super lucky?
But I know, as we go throughlife, that our relationships
(05:26):
change with with our friends.
Okay, let's, let's think aboutwhy that would be.
When we're in, you know, highschool and college, we're
surrounded by people goingthrough the same life
experiences that we're goingthrough, and they're in like
within arms length away, right,so we're almost forced to have
(05:48):
friends or some kind of socialnetwork, right?
And then, after college, or, ifyou didn't go to college, when
you get back, get into theworkplace, our.
We start getting busy and ourfriends turn more into
acquaintances, because they'recoworkers and you might be
friends with them, might go outfor a drink, whatever, which is
(06:08):
wonderful.
I've had friends like that.
However, they don't tend tolast more than so.
Say, if you switch jobs orswitch to your career, would
they still be your friends?
I don't know.
Sometimes, sometimes notSometimes we try to hang on to
them, but for some situationalexperience, maybe that
(06:30):
friendship wasn't strong enoughto hang on.
I know myself I've had one,maybe two friendships that have
sustained my since I was in mytwenties, and that is I'm very,
very lucky, but it takes work.
But I do know that with thesefew friends that I could pick up
the phone anytime and we couldjust start a conversation, like
(06:54):
we just talked last week, and itmight've been a few months.
So I guess what I'm just sayingis friendships they go through
cycles.
Okay, so get back to that.
In our twenties we're in a highschool, we're in college,
friends are everywhere.
Then what happens?
We get married, right, webecome, we make friends with
(07:17):
maybe our, our significantother's friends.
Okay, so our friendship groupis changing a smidgen and then
maybe we have children and, wow,our lives get really busy and
maybe our friendships changeagain.
Maybe you belong to a mom'sgroup or because think about it
I remember my mom's group whenI'm, when I first had my son.
(07:39):
It was a oh my gosh.
It was like a lifesaver,because you're going through
something that is extremelywonderful, right A child.
However, it can also be well.
First it's very tiring becauseno sleep, but it can also be
very lonely because maybe yourspouse, they go on to work,
(08:04):
right, but you're at home with alittle baby and, yes, you might
just love the smell and thefeedings and all that, but
you're also exhausted.
You're not getting sleep.
You might not have taken ashower.
You look around the house andmaybe it's a mess.
We've all been there.
Come on, and what is your lifesupport?
(08:28):
Maybe it's that mom's group.
They're going through the sameexact thing and you guys can
laugh about it together.
Okay, those were some of themost special bonds that I had
was with my mom's group, becausewe were all going through the
dirty diapers and the disrespectand the lonely days and the
long days and the how many dayshas it been since you've washed
(08:51):
your hair or even taken a showerkind of conversations, right,
or when, when did you go to thegrocery store and tuck the
baggers head off?
And when you can laugh about itwith your mom's group.
However, then when your kids getolder and they start school,
your life changes again andmaybe your friendships change,
(09:15):
shift again, because you don'thave that special bond.
Nothing wrong with that.
I mean, friendships come and goand they serve you.
What?
What is that saying?
Um, uh, some people come intoyour life for a reason and some
people come into your life for aseason, and you know we all
(09:40):
have friends like that.
So let's think about that now.
So, now that if you're like meand you're over 50, right, maybe
you're not working outside thehouse anymore what do you do
then?
How do you find friends?
How do you get out of yourhouse?
How do you put yourself outthere?
(10:01):
You know, how do you have thecourage?
Because, I don't know,sometimes some days, it's a lot
easier to just to stay in yourhouse, right, stay in your
sweats, but let me tell you youcan't do that.
You've got to put in a littlebit of effort.
You know and it was talkingabout blue zones and what they
eat and stuff, but one of thethings that they really said was
(10:23):
super supertoeing on thehardwood floor.
Sorry about that, but peoplewho have friendships or a social
(10:53):
circle actually live longer.
I know it's sad.
Think about all those peoplewho and maybe you, are lonely
and you would love it ifsomebody would knock on your
door and be your friend.
So let's talk about how vitalthese social connections are to
(11:13):
our mental well-being and ourphysical well-being, because it
really does link you to a longerand healthier life.
Let me ask you a question Doyou make building friendships a
priority in your life?
I have to confess that there'sbeen many, many times that I
haven't.
If you want to build a strongfriendship, you need to take
(11:36):
steps to prioritize yourrelationships.
For example, make sure youpencil in a monthly meetup
that's non-negotiable with yourfriend.
Yes, make it a priority.
Make your friendship a priority.
Any relationship takes effort.
Doesn't your marriage takeeffort?
(11:57):
Doesn't your relationship evenwith your siblings or your your
parents take effort?
Yeah, it takes effort.
So, friendships you have tocarve out some time for them,
even when life gets busy.
There's been many times that,um, my husband and I have been
invited to go, maybe to dinnerwith someone, or just meet up
(12:18):
with somebody and at the timeyou're just like, oh my gosh, I
just don't feel like gettingready to go.
Or it's the end of you know,it's Friday night and you just
ended a week and you'reexhausted and you're just like,
oh, the last thing I feel likedoing is getting in the car,
going to dinner.
But you know what?
You never regret it.
You really don't.
Once you get there and youstart talking, you know, and
(12:41):
it's like you know that's reallynice, that's nice to hook up
with your friends, to see what'sgoing on, to have conversations
with your friends, to seewhat's going on, to have
conversations, to startconversations.
It's, it's good.
I'm not saying you have to havea ton of friends.
In fact, I think you should bechoosy with who are your friends
(13:03):
, because you want your friends,you want those people around
you, you want them to encourageyou, be honest with you, laugh
with you and even cry with you.
You don't really want a circleof friends that and I'm saying
friends in quotes that are justfair weather.
You know those, those areacquaintances.
(13:24):
Yes, there's going to be timesthat I don't know you'll have
people like that.
But as we get older, we getpretty picky because we don't
take it anymore right, we don'thave time for that.
So time's precious and so youneed to nurture a tighter
actually a smaller circle offriends.
(13:46):
Find a few people you justreally connect with and really
cherish them.
Make time to grow yourfriendships.
We already discussed that.
It does take effort, but it alsotakes time.
Don't put it on the back burner.
Don't put your friendship onthe back burner and go oh yeah,
we'll get around to it.
Oh, I just don't have time thisweek.
No, no, no, no.
(14:07):
Put them in your scheduleschedule coffee schedule, lunch
schedule, going to a movie.
But if you're like me, if it'snot on your schedule, it's not
going to get done.
So schedule those, those dateswith your friends so you can
still be connected.
That's a great, great tip.
(14:29):
And remember to always be thekind of friend you want to have.
Friendship's a two-way streetand sometimes that means you
have to extend yourself firstand be the kind of friend you
want to have.
If you want somebody to bethere at 3am because your house
is on fire, be that type offriend for them.
Now you also want to be veryopen and honest with your
(14:53):
friends and you know sometimesbeing vulnerable.
It could be the mostchallenging part of building an
adult friendship, because ourpast may dictate how we
participate in new relationships.
So just let yourself be open,be honest with friends.
It's refreshing and it can leadto deeper, more profound
relationships that last a longtime.
(15:14):
You also want to be a safeplace for your friend.
You remember that one friendfrom high school that you could
share everything with, knowingthat they would never tell a
soul.
Aim to be that friend.
Be known as the one they cancome to with their deepest
thoughts and hurts, the one thatwill keep things to themselves
(15:35):
instead of passing on gossip orjudging them.
Have you ever told somebody astory in confidence and then you
hear that they have beentalking behind your back?
How do you feel about that?
That they've told other people?
How does that make you feel?
Yeah, don't do that to yourfriends.
If somebody tells you somethingin confidence, do not Tell
(16:01):
anybody.
That's what friendship's about.
Another tip is become theirpositive voice If they're going
through challenges maybe theyhave needy children or demanding
spouses be the person yourfriend can turn to when they
just need a little bit ofpositivity or encouragement and
strength.
(16:22):
Maybe be their laughter whenthey can't find any.
Sometimes my sister I have atwin sister and you guys know
that or you know it now and we,we maybe see each other twice a
year.
I know that's sad, but we livein different States, but we
probably probably talk to eachother every single day, if not
every day, at least every otherday.
(16:42):
And there's some days that youknow, one of us or or both of us
are just kind of like blah, youknow, just a ball humbug.
But so we need to find laughter, we need to find encouragement,
just to get on with the day.
You know we've all had dayslike that and you know what we
do.
This is kind of funny.
We get on Pinterest and we lookup funny quotes or snarky
(17:08):
quotes or quotes, I don't know.
Go to Pinterest, look up funnyquotes or snarky quotes and see
if that doesn't make you laughout loud.
I mean, my goodness, we werejust dying laughing the other
day.
It was great.
(17:28):
And so then you end yourconversation on a positive note
and then you can go on with yourday and on that note.
Sometimes you do need to beuplifting for one another, but
you also need to have meaningfulconversations.
So when you meet up with yourfriend, like maybe for coffee or
something encourage them to Idon't know, ask them some tough
(17:52):
questions and then engage inreally listening to them.
Maybe as you're listening youcan take mental notes of what
they like or dislike and thatcould be used later, like when
you're wanting to get them agift or something.
If you are just an activelistener and you're actually
listening to your friends, itjust really does strengthen
(18:13):
those emotional bonds and itreally shows that you care about
them.
Have you ever heard that sayingor advice?
I guess it would be that if youare going like to a networking
thing or a group party orsomething and you want to be the
most like, most rememberedperson from the party, don't
(18:34):
talk about yourself.
Ask questions.
Let other people talk aboutthemselves, because people like
to talk about themselves.
If you're trying to strengthenyour relationships, here's some
practical action steps that youcan take this week.
Maybe jot these down and makeit a challenge for yourself.
Okay, so this week.
(18:54):
Step one carve out some time toreconnect with a friend you
haven't seen in a while.
Just reach out to them.
Suggest you guys go to coffeeor lunch and just reconnect.
You might find a reconnection.
You might find a special friendor not, and the reason why I
say or not is because we allchange.
I'm not the same person I wasfive years ago.
I'm not.
(19:15):
You might not be either, butguess what?
Maybe your friend that you'rereaching out to would like to
reach out to you, and they justhaven't reached out.
Another thing you can doexplore new ways to engage with
your friends.
So maybe, instead of lunch, youmeet for breakfast before work,
(19:35):
or maybe you walk your dogstogether, or maybe you pack a
sack lunch and you meet up attheir workplace.
I mean, it doesn't have to becocktails at happy hour.
You know we're not all intothat either.
Another step you should try totake this week is strengthen
your existing friendships byidentifying one or two people
(19:59):
you'd like to build a deeperrelationship with and then take
the initiative to go to coffeeor lunch to get to know them
better.
Like I, have a neighbor thatevery time we see each other,
heck yeah.
We say hi, hi, neighbor, howare you?
And we keep saying, girl, wegot to go do something, we got
to go have coffee.
(20:20):
I've lived in this house fortwo years and I still have not
invited her for coffee.
I mean, invited her over to myhouse to have coffee, and that's
just my house.
She lives next door and I keepthinking I'm going to, why don't
, why don't I do that?
I'm not that busy, you know.
I think it's because we in ourminds think we are that busy, or
(20:41):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I do know that the older we getmy husband and I both say that
the one thing we've both areguilty of this We've raised our
kids.
They're adults, but we've bothput our career first before our
friendships, which is sad.
And as we were getting older,we'd really like to develop
(21:02):
better friendships and a socialcircle, and so we've really been
trying to step out of ourcomfort zone, get out of that
box, get out of watching Netflixevery night and actually reach
out to people that we'd like toknow better.
So maybe you can do that too.
So I'm just going to close thiswith a few thoughts.
(21:24):
Making friends and maintainingand nourishing adult friendships
is all part of living afulfilling life.
Especially as we age, the lastthing you want is to I don't
know retire.
Maybe your spouse dies, maybe,I don't know, you wake up one
day and you find yourself allalone and that you don't have
(21:44):
friends.
You don't want that.
You don't want that.
That's not a fun life to live.
So why you're still capable,pick up the phone and call that
neighbor, walk over and knock onthe neighbor's door Heck, I was
listening to Mel Robbinspodcast and if you haven't
listened to her, she's amazing.
So that's another podcast.
You could look up Mel Robbinspodcast.
(22:05):
Amazing, so that's anotherpodcast.
You could look up Mel Robbinspodcast.
She had recently moved fromBoston to Vermont and same thing
happened to her.
You know, she was in herfifties and she moved to a new
town, didn't know a single souland was just kind of told a
story of how she was just kindof moping around a house.
Woe is me.
Woe is me Because we do that.
We do that to ourselves.
(22:26):
And her daughters actually hadto.
They were out walking and theyactually said well, have you
actually met your neighbors?
Have you actually knocked ontheir doors and invited them to
do anything?
No, and so they made her go upto her neighbor's house and
knock on the door, and they'rereally good friends ever since.
(22:47):
So who knows where that'll takeyou.
I also encourage you to takethose steps for building those
connections.
I hope you wrote down thosesteps that we were talking about
to reconnect with friends youhaven't seen in a while reaching
out, think about new ways toengage with your friends and
also strengthen your existingfriendships.
Engage with your friends andalso strengthen your existing
(23:08):
friendships.
And I also want to just thankyou for being here and tuning in
and hopefully you're enjoyingthis new format where we can
expand our conversations to justmore than just hair, and I
think this is a really goodstart for our conversation and
adult friendships.
Please, if you haven't makesure you are subscribing to our
podcast, share this podcast withanybody over 50 who you think
(23:31):
this conversation would be ofsome value in their life.
Like I said, if you have anysuggestions for any topic that
you would like to hear, trust me, I have a ton of them, but who
knows, there might be somethingout there.
Or if you would like to be onthe podcast, reach out, I am
here.
If you'd like a workbook onwhat we discussed today,
(23:53):
step-by-step, on how to developadult friendships, make sure you
click on the link in the shownotes and head over to my
website and grab your copy ofthe PDF that follows along with
this podcast, and I just really,really thank you for listening
today and hope you go out andmake it a great day and always
(24:14):
remember, when you know better,you do better.
Thanks for tuning in to AllAbout Hair and so much more.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to subscribe to our
YouTube channel so you nevermiss a new one, and if you think
someone else would love it too,share the episode.
Let's keep spreading the loveand learning together.
See you next time.
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