February 23, 2025 • 62 mins
What happens when the weight of everyday life feels too heavy to bear? Join us for an insightful and heartfelt conversation with our special guests, Rick Costa and Cynthia Ruiz Lopez, as we unpack the complexities of emotional struggles in our fast-paced world. With a quick-witted story about the word "joy," Rick sets the stage for a deeper dialogue about workplace stress, personal challenges, and the blurred line between sadness and depression. Together, we explore how therapy, family, and self-care can be lifelines and the importance of acknowledging when it's time to seek help.
From the hustle of serving fries at McDonald's to the pressure of political climates, we dissect how these experiences impact mental health and self-care practices. Our discussion highlights the emotional toll of high-pressure jobs and the quiet spaces employees carve out to manage stress. With personal anecdotes and societal observations, we reflect on the changing seasons' influence on routines and mental well-being, particularly for older adults. By sharing our stories, we aim to open a dialogue about mental health, offering insights into finding balance amidst life's chaos.
Finally, we confront deep-seated traumas and the path to healing, reflecting on personal battles with PTSD and unresolved grief. With raw honesty, we share stories of loss and healing, emphasizing that the journey is neither quick nor easy. Our conversation underscores the significance of seeking therapy, building supportive networks, and the transformative power of forgiveness. Through humor and gravity, we remind our listeners of the importance of finding joy and connecting with others, even in difficult times. Tune in for a blend of compassion, wisdom, and laughter that aims to provide comfort and guidance on your mental health journey.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:05):
okay, hi everyone, welcome to all about
the joy, the private lounge.
We have rick costa in the househow you doing, rick?
And we have, as always, cynthiaruiz lopez I don't know why I
like to say your name like that.
How you guys doing?
I know we're gonna have, uh, akind of I don't want to say deep
conversation, but, rick, youcame in hot into the green room,
(00:26):
so say your piece, brother, goahead.
Rick Costa (00:30):
So on my broadcast I do two games.
One of them is called Heads UpGame and I hold up my phone away
from my eyes so I can't see aword on the screen, and you guys
have to give me clues to helpme guess what it says on the
screen.
The word was joy and nobodysaid all about the joy.
(00:53):
Nobody said all about the.
Carmen Lezeth (00:56):
Seriously Nobody .
Rick Costa (01:00):
After I said it, I typed it in quick I'm like, oh
yeah, it's too late now.
Carmen Lezeth (01:03):
That's okay.
Did you guess the word?
Rick Costa (01:05):
Oh, that's I did, I did guess it.
Carmen Lezeth (01:07):
Why did you have ?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (01:08):
it like right behind you.
Carmen Lezeth (01:10):
I know it's right there.
It's okay.
Not everyone from your showwatches our show, but someone I
know was there.
She should have said it.
Yeah, Well, I mean that's socool that you got a little upset
about that.
I thought it was somethingreally, really juicy.
Rick Costa (01:27):
No, nothing juicy.
Carmen Lezeth (01:28):
Boring.
No, I'm kidding.
That's a great.
I love that.
You think they would do that,but you know what's so funny?
Like people now will say joy orsomething and like it'll hit me
like that's the name of my show.
You know it's my show.
So well, I wanted to talk alittle bit about.
I mean, I I'll just saystraight up Cynthia already
(01:53):
knows part of what happened, butI'm going to talk about a
couple other things, and youknow, this is kind of me having
a venting session, but I alsojust thought it might be helpful
for other people.
So on Wednesdays I work in themorning with one client and then
I work with another client inthe afternoon, so it's two
separate clients.
None of the staff know eachother, two different entities
entirely.
And on Wednesday, in bothseparate offices, I had one of
(02:19):
the staff members I'll say callme.
One of them called me.
One of them came into the officeand both of them were so upset
about an incident that happenedand they were spoken too badly,
they have too much work and theywere both crying their eyes out
.
And it's been an ongoing thingfor a while.
(02:41):
Right, they're just so sad andupset, or whatever thing for a
while, right, they're just sosad and upset or whatever.
But it happened on the same day.
Both of these staff people arereally great at what they do,
they're good people and it'sjust really hard for them, I
guess, to function right now andthey can't take any criticism.
(03:02):
They can't take what our bossis telling them and, by the way,
our boss or the other peopleare wrong.
They shouldn't be treating themthe way they're treating them.
You know what I mean.
But it's the emotional kind ofdisintegration of being able to
function that I was concernedabout.
And then the other day andCynthia knows because I called
her I had an incident with amutual friend and it just it got
(03:27):
me so upset and I waited a daybecause I knew Cynthia had just
gotten back from traveling.
But I was like this I was soangst about it, I was so upset
about it and I knew I wanted totalk to Cynthia.
And so the following day Icalled her and I talked to her
and it was such a relief.
And the reason why I want totalk about this is because I I
(03:49):
don't know if either of you Iknow you do, but I just want to
know if you want to talk aboutit For me.
The two individuals at work Iknow I spoke to both of them.
I think they're really in astate of depression and I told
them I'm not a therapist, andone of them always says to me I
(04:11):
just need to vent.
And I always like I know youwant to vent, but I'm not the
person to vent it.
Like I'm not your girlfriendand I'm also I can't take it all
in.
You know what I mean?
Like I can't.
I know you're sad and miserable,but I don't know what else to
do, and so I just feel likethere's so much going on in the
(04:33):
world right now, regardless ofyour political leanings, whether
you are for Trump or not.
Even people who are for Trumpare also dealing with the
outside part of this, which isthe constant drama that's
happening in our politicalatmosphere.
I think that's very heavyHearing about plane crashes
every day, hearing about peoplegoing to Guantanamo, what is it
(04:59):
to Gitmo?
People being fearful, peoplebeing sad, and then you like,
and then then you have your ownpersonal stuffage.
So I've been really stressedand sad and I just wanted to
talk about that a little bit andsee how you guys are doing, how
you deal with sadness and, moreimportantly, when does it
transfer over to depression?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (05:24):
So just your thoughts.
I think it's different foreveryone.
I think at some point everyonedoes go through some form of
depression, but, like I said,it's different for everybody.
Some people really know how tokind of deal with it.
Some people go to therapy.
Some people may just kind ofisolate themselves and just kind
(05:45):
of deal with it.
Like some people go to therapy,Some people may just kind of
isolate themselves and just kindof deal with it.
Some may go to their familymembers you know things like
that and talk about it.
It's kind of hard to pinpointcertain things when it's just a
very broad, you know, kind ofspectrum.
Carmen Lezeth (06:04):
There is a clinical definition.
I have a clinical definitionbetween sadness and depression.
But I think you're right, it'sdifferent for everyone.
Because you said something tome that not only pissed me off
but it was factual.
You said that is part of yourPTSD.
Remember, you said that part ofyour, and I, you know cause,
(06:25):
I'm still in denial, cause I,when I think of PTSD, I think of
military and I think of, likequote unquote, real, real
depression.
Right, cause that's what we do,like I can't equate to what
someone went through in war.
You know what I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (06:43):
It's what I mean horrible thing well,
that's what I mean, though, likeI mean, it's different for
everyone.
Like to us, a PTSD, like yousaid, is something that people
deal with who are in themilitary, but there are
different forms of it well, myunderstanding is everyone can
have uh PTSD, but it's triggeredby something different for
(07:04):
everyone, right?
Carmen Lezeth (07:05):
and then there's different levels, which is what
you're talking about.
Absolutely yeah, let me justgive the definition, before we
go down this road, of whatsadness is versus uh depression,
just as a you know whateverlike a webmd definition.
Uh, sadness is a naturalemotion that everyone
experiences in response to aspecific situation or events.
(07:28):
It's typically triggered by aloss, disappointment or other
challenging circumstances.
The characteristics are feelingdown or blue, tearfulness and
temporary drop in mood.
The duration can be short-livedand it can be tied to a
particular situation or event.
And then depression.
(07:50):
The definition for depressionis a mental health disorder
characterized by persistent andintense feelings of sadness,
hopelessness and a lack ofinterest or pleasure in
activities.
It goes beyond the normalfluctuations in mood.
Characteristics are prolongedsadness or low mood, changes in
(08:11):
appetite, sleep patterns,fatigue, difficulty
concentrating, feelings ofworthlessness or guilt and
sometimes thoughts of self-harmor suicide.
It can last for weeks, monthsor even years, and is not
necessarily linked to a specificevent or situation.
So there is some differences init.
I think the two people that Iworked with are they're not just
(08:36):
extremely sad, they're on theroad If they like.
I said to them both I can'tbelieve I said it in the same
day because I always try to saythis part, because I'm not a
doctor or whatever.
I always try to say somethingin front of somebody else, not
to embarrass them but to havelike a witness.
You know what I mean, like, butI said it.
It might be a good idea tothink about getting a therapist,
(08:59):
like to talk you through notthe work part, but how you're
dealing with it, like maybe thisisn't for you.
Yeah, you know, I don't know,rick.
Rick Costa (09:12):
Yeah, to me, like sadness is kind of temporary.
You pretty much get over it.
Something happened and you knowyou're kind of bummed about it.
But depression is usually along, long thing, a lot longer
lasting.
It affects you, it starts toaffect your life.
You don't like a lot of thesymptoms.
You said you don't even careabout if you eat or not,
whatever, because you just don'tcare about anything Like been
(09:34):
there, done that.
So yeah, it's tough.
It's tough and if you don'thave anybody to talk to it's
very hard to get out of it.
Very hard to get out of it.
Very hard to get out of it.
Carmen Lezeth (09:43):
Oh, that's a good point, cause I was talking
about isolating.
I was saying that, uh, I knowthat I'm dropping friends, like
I'm, I'm done.
Like, if somebody pisses me off, now I'm done.
Like I'm done, just, I get.
Well, actually, that's not.
I think I've always been likethat actually.
So I'm trying to think aboutthat right now.
Let me think, um, I think I'vealways been like that actually.
(10:04):
Sorry, I'm trying to thinkabout that right now.
Let me think I've always beenlike that, but I guess I've
given some people more leewaythan not, I'll put it that way
and I just, yeah, I can't takeon people's bad energy anymore.
Even if I think you're a worthyperson and that I I feel
(10:26):
indebted to you somehow, orwhatever, I'm now cutting off
those people, like because Idon't owe anybody anything.
You know what I mean, and Ithink that's what I was talking
about with these two uh people,these two staff people too.
Like this is this might not befor you, that's okay, but going
down the rabbit hole whereyou're that uncontrollably
(10:47):
crying at work.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (10:51):
I think there's something else though.
That could have just been thatone little piece that just made
them snap, kind of thing.
Carmen Lezeth (11:02):
Let me tell you, though one of them is valid.
This is an ongoing problem andI get it.
I understand why they're upset,but I'm not okay with how
they're handling it.
You know what I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (11:18):
That's why they do need to see a therapist,
because a therapist will helpthem and guide them on how to
deal with it, if you find theright therapist, though.
Carmen Lezeth (11:27):
Right that's the other part.
It's always better to find atherapist when you don't need
one because you're clear-headed.
I know that's weird, but it'sone of those things like, even
if you don't need a therapist,you should know where you could
find one and maybe have a freeconsultation or whatever.
(11:47):
Uh, yeah, I don't know, becauseI I think it's a tough one when
you're that desperate to findthe right person and now you can
literally get them online.
Rick Costa (11:56):
You don't even have to go anywhere like don't they
have?
Like you could do a zoom orwhatever virtual yeah and I've
seen services where it's like if, if you start with somebody you
don't like, them switch tosomebody else.
It's no big deal until you findsomebody you like.
Carmen Lezeth (12:10):
But the problem with that is when you're in
crisis mode.
That's when it's harder to findthe right person.
But when you're in crisis modeyou should find somebody anyways
, right, because you're incrisis mode.
So that's good.
But eventually you start torealize like, oh, maybe this
isn't the right person for me,you know um, but yeah, I've
never met my therapist in person, never.
(12:31):
We're always we always do azoom call, huh it's nice to have
somebody.
Rick Costa (12:36):
That's objective too .
That's not part of thesituation.
You know.
They can look at it withdifferent eyes and stuff.
Because if you know, say, yougo to your mom or something,
your mom's gonna be likedefending you and, yeah, you
must be right and they're wrong,you know, and you're not gonna
really get anywhere.
But with somebody who's, youknow, not involved at all,
they're like, okay, I can seeyour side, but I can see their
(12:56):
side too, and maybe we couldfigure out how we can make this
better somehow and not just beabout sides, you know, but let's
figure out I think what wasinteresting was when I spoke to
Cynthia, I thought for sure shewas going to be like Carmen you
know how they are and she wasn't.
Carmen Lezeth (13:11):
She was like you know what?
It's okay, you do what you gotto do.
This is where you are.
She was very therapy like.
But you're right, you wantsomebody who's objective, or
somebody who can see it from adifferent perspective, or
somebody who is fully alert andjust thinking about you.
(13:34):
I mean, I think that's anotherthing too.
Like in my head when one ofthem was crying in my face, I'm
like bitch, do you think I don'thave a life?
Like, do you think I'm notgoing through something?
Right?
yeah, we're all dealing with thesame shit.
You know, like that's the otherpart, like we're all dealing
with this same person thatthey're dealing with.
You know what I mean, and so,but I'm trying to keep it all
(13:55):
inside, but I'm not evenfocusing, because I'm in that
space too.
Rick Costa (14:01):
Yeah, and we and we're, we're stronger on some
days than others, you know, andwe're stressed out on other days
than we are more.
And just be that one day whereyou got that combination of you
don't feel that strong andyou're stressed out and then you
just burst Like that's it.
Like.
Then you're like you look atyourself like I can't believe I
did that.
Carmen Lezeth (14:28):
Oh my gosh.
But then it's because you justthe damn broke the water bust
through and it's like you knowit's tough, can be tough.
How do you deal with it?
Because I know there was oneday where you had an incident
where you were upset or whateverand I wondered like and I'm not
trying to ask if you have atherapist, what, I'm not trying
to get all up on your business,but how do you deal with it?
Because it's really hard foryou to get out there and go like
like I think I go and take awalk, I listen to music.
You know what I mean.
I guess you can listen to music.
(14:49):
It's like I can go take a bathand put candles and whatever,
and try to relax and whatever.
And I was thinking about youtoday, cause I was like poor
Rick, what does he do when hehas like a mental breakdown with
like whatever's going on?
How do you handle it?
Rick Costa (15:07):
I mean, one thing that's cool is I like to escape
into fantasy, movies, shows,whatever, and I can, like you
know, forget about my life, putit on the shelf for a little
while and then focus on that fora while and it's like I don't
Scream into a pillow.
Scream into a pillow, not thatmuch into a pillow, not that
(15:28):
much I have.
When I worked my first jobmcdonald's, they tell you if you
really really ticked off, go tothe walk-in freezer and throw
boxes of french fries around.
I've done that.
Customers, man, let me tell youlike, because when you work for
them there's people that thinklike they're better than you and
they just treat you like crapand I'm like can you finish
taking care of them because I'llbe right back you know, like
(15:50):
wait, I have to back up for amoment.
Carmen Lezeth (15:52):
Why would somebody going into mcdonald's
to eat think they're better thanthe people working at
mcdonald's?
I, just you, would be surprisedyou would be be surprised
You're going to McDonald's.
Rick Costa (16:11):
I am about to give you food.
I'm confused.
You really want me to spit init?
That's never happened.
Carmen Lezeth (16:18):
Just like Jesus would do.
Huh Rick.
Rick Costa (16:21):
I've never seen that happen.
People ask me would I doanything nasty?
I was like I've never seen thathappen.
People ask people to ask me.
I was like would I do anythingnasty?
I was like I've never.
No, I worked seven years.
I've never seen anybody doanything, nothing nasty, nothing
like that retaliation wise orwhatever I would never.
Carmen Lezeth (16:34):
I would never even suspect that, because I
believe in the best in people.
Rick Costa (16:36):
But yeah, if I'm literally serving you, why would
you treat me bad like doesn'tmake sense.
To me that doesn't compute.
Carmen Lezeth (16:47):
I think people just again, it's like if you're
not dealing with your own issues, if you're not doing self-care,
what I called self-preservation, so that's kind of the
difference.
I do want to talk about that.
But if you're not really takingcare of yourself on a regular
basis and you don't knowyourself well enough, I think
you turn around and take thingsout on other people and I mean,
(17:10):
I have, you know, clients andI've gotten rid of clients for
doing this, but they would allthe time just they talk badly to
their staff, like they talkdown to them, kind of like the
same thing you're saying, and Iwas like yeah, I'm out, I'm not
doing this because you actuallythink it's okay for you to talk
badly about people.
(17:32):
I think there's two differentthings, though.
I think there's self-care, whichis kind of what we're talking
about taking moments to maybewatch a movie or take a walk or
whatever it is, get a massage orwhatever.
Do these little things?
Listen to music, I can kind of.
But it's also about, likeself-preservation, knowing when
you just can't take any morelike I can't take any more
(17:56):
energy from other people beingupset about something else, like
go deal with that somewhereelse, cause I can't help you and
I don't think people ever wantto put that line down.
You know like if Cynthia hadsaid, carmen, I can't talk to
you tonight, I'd be like, okay,but right, I text you.
I asked you whatever and I wasjust like are you okay?
(18:17):
What?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (18:22):
are you doing?
Are you all?
Carmen Lezeth (18:24):
right.
I was like everything is notokay.
Do you have a minute?
Well, I mean because, becausethat's what a good friend does,
though, right, you, you got it,you know.
But today I was talking toAndrea.
Actually she says hi, but youknow, just also understanding
that it's not just that we'reall going through something
(18:45):
personally, there's alsosomething in the air right now
you know what I mean.
Like it is just really a toughtime, especially here in the
United States.
It's just a tough time becausethere's so much going on and
that, whether you're in like,whether you're in tune with
politics or not, it is affectingeveryone, it is seeping through
(19:08):
, and so doing things like notwatching or listening to the
news all day you know, I startedonly getting news like I don't
get any news on my phone.
I don't get any headlines, Idon't get any of that.
I just get five minutes in themorning from an independent
journalist that I really respect, and then I get five minutes in
the evening from anotherindependent journalist, because
(19:29):
they post at different times,and so that's it, five minutes
of news.
I just want the headlines,that's it.
And then, like trying to not doit at all on Sunday, like why
is there news on Sunday?
Why, why?
Why you know what I mean Likethere should be no news on
Sunday.
So even doing that, trying tounderstanding that there's other
stuff happening that isaffecting you as well, and even
(19:54):
if it's not politics, it'sfamily or whatever.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (19:57):
Yeah, and then there's also seasonal
depression that people gothrough and you know, and that's
hard too, because it's likewhat do you do in the winter
time?
Carmen Lezeth (20:08):
That was a made up thing.
Is that a real thing?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:10):
I'm not saying it is.
Carmen Lezeth (20:11):
Is it a real thing?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:13):
It is a real thing, you know, especially
in the winter time, you knowyou're stuck in the house, you
really can't go anywhere,Especially you know older people
who can't travel on them?
Carmen Lezeth (20:23):
Yeah, Look at me , I'm like what the sun is
shining here.
What are you talking?
It is a little chilly though inCalifornia.
Well, it's like 18 degrees inBoston.
Is it really 18 degrees?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:39):
Yeah, oh yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (20:40):
Yeah, I don't know, okay.
So seasonal depression is alsoseeping in, and a lot of people
is that a.
Is that a diagnosing thing?
Though that's a real thing.
Yeah, I'm not trying to dismissit, I just never knew what it
was.
What.
Rick Costa (20:53):
Especially older people.
Yeah, Senior citizensespecially yeah.
Like going back to McDonald'sagain every morning we had this
you were mcdonald's right now.
The group of elderly peoplewould come in every morning like
clockwork, and I knew all thesame things.
I knew what they wanted, thatthey don't say nothing.
But when winter came, a lot ofthem didn't show up.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (21:16):
And the summer came, we're back because
they get depressed yeah, and alot of them do mall walking to
get their exercise.
You know, during the summer andthe spring and winter time they
don't go out, so they do getdepressed.
Carmen Lezeth (21:32):
Okay, but we don't want to blanket all older
people Like old people depressedall the time.
We're old too, so too.
So for yourself on it now.
So do you, do you guys haveanything to share?
Or I mean, I'm not trying topressure you, but how are you
(21:52):
guys feeling now with everythingthat's going on?
I mean, inspire me, make mefeel better.
Things are going to be bettertomorrow.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (22:01):
I mean, after you read the definition of
sadness and depression, I don'tthink I've really ever had
depression.
Sadness yes, you know,everybody goes through their ups
and downs of emotionsthroughout the day, um, but I
think you just kind of roll withthe punches and just kind of
you know, kind of be, try to bepositive and I think I think
(22:27):
that depression is more of aclinical diagnosis.
Carmen Lezeth (22:31):
Right, I think a lot of people self describe as
being depressed, and I think youcan do that, but it is kind of
more of a lengthier you can't,like Rick was saying, like you
really can't, you don't get outof bed, you don't want to eat,
you.
You know like it's differentfor everyone, but I do think
that's something I don't know ifI've ever been.
I don't.
(22:52):
I still am in denial about PTSDand I there are waves of PTSD.
So I was diagnosed and I don'tmind sharing this Cause.
That's the whole point ofhaving this conversation.
I was diagnosed when I had itwas during COVID.
I really couldn't walk my hip.
That had always had had aninjury and is the reason why I
(23:13):
couldn't dance really kind ofgot bad Not kind of, but it did.
It was so bad I couldn't walkat all.
It was very painful and I endedup having surgery which before
I had surgery, I had to go totherapy, not just physical
therapy, but it was highlyrecommended that I go to like
mental health therapy, which Ithought was kind of a cool thing
(23:38):
that my doctors were havingthese conversations.
But I was also like who are youto tell me?
You know what I mean?
But I did, and it was a greatthing, because what I didn't
understand was that I had neverdealt with the loss of dancing.
And what I like to explain topeople now is, you know, losing
(23:58):
my mom at 11 was one thing.
Not knowing my father my youfather I still don't know
anything about my father wasalways a thing, so that's like
the second thing.
But dancing was my thing and Ididn't realize and I didn't
grieve that loss performing.
I didn't grieve that loss.
(24:19):
And so it's just an interestingthing that that is what ended
up becoming a part of uh goingto therapy and then learning
that, because of my childhoodand how I grew up and what I
went through as a kid, thatthere were certain triggers that
were uh diagnosing, that wereable to diagnose me to have PTSD
(24:44):
, which, as you all know, I'mstill resisting today because I
don't even like to talk about it.
But but it, but it.
But it's not because of the hipsurgery, it was because in the
conversation of all of that, youknow what I mean, I, I, I don't
know if depression and PTSD areconnected, because I don't
think I was ever depressed, Ijust never dealt with it.
(25:07):
I never dealt with a lot ofthings that happened to me as a
kid because I always liked tosee the silver lining, right,
all about the joy, always seethe positive.
But in sometimes doing that youdeny the reality of some of the
things that did happen Right.
And it's not really denial onpurpose, it's because you choose
(25:28):
to see the positive.
But if you don't deal with mylosing, you guys here no yeah.
So if you don't deal with it,then it triggers.
And that's what was happeningwas I was being triggered and I
couldn't really like I, you know.
So I okay, I haven't sharedthis with anyone.
I mean, cynthia you might know,I know, andrea knows, but like
(25:49):
I, I don't go to the doctor'soffice and just park my car and
go into the doctor's office.
I have to go like two hoursbefore and it takes me a long
time to convince myself to gointo the doctor's office.
Now, I never thought, thoughtthat was now.
I'm in my 50s, I never thoughtthat was an odd thing.
I really have to, I have totake my time, I have to and you
(26:09):
know, and it was easier to coverit with like, oh well, because
of COVID, I have to, I want tomake sure I'm protected and
whatever.
And but it wasn't that it'sbecause I have this amazingly
fearful thing of hospitals anddoctors, but I've never, I never
shared that, I never talkedabout that, and so going down
(26:30):
that that rabbit hole is how youend up figuring out that you
haven't dealt with a lot ofstuff, you know.
So, yeah, but I don't.
And I say all that knowing thatI don't think I was ever
depressed because I never knewthat I wasn't dealing with that
stuff, but because I didn't dealwith the stuff, I had the
(26:53):
triggers that put me down therabbit hole of I don't know what
the right terminology is, butPTSD.
I'm in such denial, I'm like,oh, ptsd.
But yeah, andrea was here whenan incident happened because she
stayed with me for two weeksafterwards.
(27:14):
So she was here where I wasuncontrollably in a fetal
position and crying and couldnot like.
It scared her.
You know what I mean, thatposition and crying and could
not like it scared her.
You know what I mean that sheended up calling my therapist at
like two in the morning,whatever, and we almost went to
the hospital.
And so I've had those incidentshappen many times but I never
(27:36):
knew.
I'm not saying that I thoughtthey were normal, but I thought
they were like my normal.
Is that weird?
I'm sure you guys are here, notweird.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (27:50):
I also see like.
I also see like depression askind of a chemical imbalance.
Carmen Lezeth (27:58):
Oh, I think it can be right.
That's why people will takemedication.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (28:02):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I mean you said you neverreally felt like you were
depressed.
Carmen Lezeth (28:07):
Same here Like yes, I've been sad, but you have
gone through, whatevertraumatic issues you've gone
through which cause you to havethese little triggers.
I like calling them littletriggers instead.
I'm sorry, we don't like theterm PTSD.
(28:34):
The only reason why is notbecause to deny it, it's because
I feel like I'm beingdisrespectful to military people
.
I don't know, it's in my head.
I know my therapist if she'slistening now, which she might
be explain to me that PTSD isnot just about being at war, but
for me, for some reason, I feellike it's fake for me to say it
.
You know what I mean.
Like it feels, like it's not,you know, but but but here but
(28:57):
I'm not trying to be funny PTSDis a real thing and a lot of
people suffer from PTSD.
That's nothing to beembarrassed about.
It's why I'm sharing it.
It's why I want to talk aboutthis today, um, because I think
we have to help, uh, normalizebeing human.
You know, like we're all human,you know.
Go ahead, rick.
What were you going to say?
Rick Costa (29:18):
because we hear PTSD associated so much with
military.
My brother actually suffersfrom that.
He was in the military, butit's not just for that.
People that have been sexuallyabused or mentally, verbally,
abused or all kinds of differentthings can make you have PTSD.
And if you say to somebody thathas that and suffers with it,
(29:40):
oh, just get over it, youclearly don't get it.
You don't just get over atraumatic thing that happened to
you, you just can't.
Carmen Lezeth (29:48):
so yeah, it's very insensitive to say just get
over it like no yeah, I don'tknow, I, I, yeah, I feel like,
uh, ptsd for me is somethingthat I've been able to kind of
work through, I think I still, Ithink that's part of why I also
feel bad about claiming it.
But you're right, you'reabsolutely right, and I'm not
(30:10):
trying to dismiss it or bedisrespectful.
I actually I'm doing theopposite.
I'm trying to be veryrespectful of the term.
But I think, like everythingelse, there's different levels
of it, and one of the reasonsthat I love my therapist is
because at one point she waslike we don't need to, we don't
need to talk, you know, twice aweek anymore.
We can do once a week.
And then it was like let's justdo once every other week.
(30:31):
And then we were tapering itdown, you know, and to the point
where it's just like if I needher, I reach out to her and we
make an appointment and it's,you know, or if I, or if I have
an issue, we'll deal with it inthree weeks, whatever.
And that's kind of what youwant.
You want to be able to manageit and have somebody that you
can talk to.
And there's there's differentlevels of it.
So you're, you're absolutelyright.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (30:53):
I mean it's , it's in the word
post-traumatic stress disorder.
No, it's any type of traumathat you've had is going to
cause you stress.
Rick Costa (31:04):
I was saying earlier , my whole childhood was
probably PTSD because of my veryabusive father, very physically
and verbally, mentally abusive,and I think it only calmed down
when I had my back surgery.
Then, you know, I was very, youknow, fragile, I guess you
(31:26):
could say, cause I wasn't just Icouldn't.
It took me a long time to evenget my driver's license because
I was still going through like Ican't turn my neck all the way,
whatever, and it was like, uh,it was a big deal.
He changed a lot once, butbefore if you just looked at him
wrong bam, you just would getit.
Carmen Lezeth (31:42):
Wait, he physically hit you.
Rick Costa (31:45):
Oh my gosh, like a bar fight and I had to just take
it.
My whole childhood was trauma.
I literally think oh, forexample, you're not listening.
I think I literally blockthings out.
I don't remember them.
I think from my own mentalhealth I probably block things
out literally.
Things that happen that I, Idon't remember them.
I think from my own mentalhealth I probably blocked things
(32:05):
out Literally.
Carmen Lezeth (32:05):
things that happened that I just don't
remember.
It's a survival mechanism.
Yeah.
Rick Costa (32:09):
Yeah, so it was tough.
And then the only other time,like I said, I really went
through something crazy was whenI got divorced, because I had
no clue that it was happening,so, blindsided by it, completely
Got a phone call.
Carmen Lezeth (32:30):
Hey, we're getting divorced Sheriff's
coming to your house on Friday.
What Do you think you've dealtwith your father's, with that
situation?
I mean you talk about itnonchalantly so it sounds like
you've come to somereconciliation with, because
that physical abuse is so.
Forgive me for saying it thisway.
Physical abuse is the easy part.
It's the emotional abuse thatcomes with that that is
heart-wrenching.
And I'm not saying it's okay tohit people.
(32:50):
I'm not.
I'm saying you talk to any kidthat's been abused physically
and they will always tell youthe hardest part is that that
was my mom or that was my dad,you know, and it's the
psychological warfare that thathappened.
So have you, do you thinkyou've dealt with it?
Rick Costa (33:07):
I mean, For the most part.
You know, like you said, justmy dad's mom.
You expect that's the personthat's supposed to be protecting
you, not to do it to you butpreventing the hurt.
But they're actually the onedoing it to you.
But again, no-transcript.
But again, I've said thisbefore he was a very bad
alcoholic and that's when it gotreally bad was when he was
really really drunk, which wasmost of the time.
(33:28):
Like most people have coffee inthe morning, he'd have beer in
the morning.
I'm like, oh, here we go.
Carmen Lezeth (33:34):
So yeah, you kind of forgiven?
I mean, I've heard you talkabout him and you've talked
about like how you've forgivenhim because you understand now
that it was the alcohol and nothim, and that I mean, I'm not
trying to put words in yourmouth, but you've, yeah.
Rick Costa (33:50):
Yeah, because there was a period of time where his
health was bad.
My father, my father, passedaway, just in case somebody's
wondering, but he's had in his,in his entire life, five heart
attacks and two strokes.
Most people, a lot of people,die from one heart attack.
Dude had five heart attacks,two strokes.
He got better over every singleone of them except for the last
stroke, but at one point he wasreally, really bad.
(34:13):
Circulation was bad, blah blahblah.
He smoked since he was 12 yearsold and of course we had the
alcohol on top of that.
So his body I don't even knowhow I mean, mean, he had to be
strong as an ox.
He really was.
But the doctor said you know,you're, you're, I think it was
the left leg.
If you don't stop, if you don'tchange, if you don't stop
smoking and drinking, your legis really messed up and we might
(34:34):
have to amputate it.
Well, that got his attentionquick, because his father did
have his leg amputated same way,right.
So he, cold turkey, stopped,everything like just stopped,
and the change was astounding.
I was like are you telling methat if you didn't drink, this
is the dad I could have?
(34:55):
This whole time it was a nightand day difference.
It was like a whole differentperson got along with him.
Fine, would joke with him.
Carmen Lezeth (35:02):
Did he know he was a completely different
person, not drinking?
Rick Costa (35:06):
No, I don't think he really realized it.
Carmen Lezeth (35:08):
No, did he apologize to you?
Rick Costa (35:12):
He wasn't a big apologizer.
Carmen Lezeth (35:16):
I'm so sorry you went through that because, no
matter his part in it, you stillwere abused.
Rick Costa (35:25):
Yeah, and like you were saying, the physical
definitely sucks, but the longerlasting effect is the mental
abuse, because he always made mefeel like I was an idiot, I
didn't know how to do anythingright.
He would say really stupid,gross things.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (35:41):
If you ever get married.
Rick Costa (35:43):
You ain't even't gonna know what to do, like
that's his way of saying what hesaid, just how he would talk to
me and I was like, wow, reallydude.
And but then he like if he hitme, whatever, he would justify
it.
But like, well, when my fatherhit me, I flew across the room
and there was blood everywhereand I'm like you should
understand.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (36:04):
I'm just.
I'm just like.
Carmen Lezeth (36:10):
I wish I was there to give you a hug.
I just cause I can tell likeyou you have dealt with it to
the best of your ability, butyou're also protecting yourself
and you, just you.
You were a child and even if itdoesn't matter, no one should
be hit for being themselves andfor doing the best they can, and
I'm just so sorry you wentthrough that.
Rick Costa (36:31):
Yeah, and with my kid I never, never, hit him,
never, never.
I never had to Like he was sucha good kid mostly.
Carmen Lezeth (36:39):
Well, you were a good kid too, Rick.
Rick Costa (36:45):
That's the thing that baffled me.
Carmen Lezeth (36:46):
I'm like, I'm trying my best not to do
anything.
It wasn't you, you understand,it wasn't you.
Rick Costa (36:49):
I didn't know.
I was like maybe it's mebecause you're your kid you
don't know.
Carmen Lezeth (36:52):
But and by the way, uh, I'm gonna say something
that's not gonna be nice.
The alcohol was problematic,but it it also.
You know, like I'm pissed thathe was drunk and did that.
I'm just pissed about it andthat's.
I don't care that he was analcoholic, I care that you were
(37:15):
hit.
You see what I mean, like I youwere.
You were hurt and abused.
Like I don't forgive him.
I don't forgive him and I don'tknow him, but I don't forgive
him for what he did to youbecause you did not deserve that
.
Yeah, and I'm sure you were agood kid.
Rick Costa (37:31):
I was not the bad kid.
I did everything right as bestas I could, tried to do good in
school, obeyed them to the bestof my ability, tried to make
them happy.
Carmen Lezeth (37:40):
But if you know, it's not about that, because,
and even in when, when I wasgrowing up like people were mean
to me, people that supposedlyloved me and were supposed to
take care of me and it wasn't,it was never about me.
I was such a good kid, I wasalways a good kid and I was like
I was performing, I was incolor guard drum corps, I was
like dancing.
I was always active, I was inschool, I was doing all the
(38:02):
things.
I was even working.
I was even working at 12 yearsold, at little peach like, and I
was beloved by everyone else.
But the people that supposedlyare supposed to love you and
take care of you are the peoplethat are hurting you the most.
It's not.
It was never about you, neverabout you, never about you?
Rick Costa (38:22):
Yeah, for sure.
But you know, tell the littlekid that.
Carmen Lezeth (38:27):
I am telling the little kid that right now I'm
trying to tell him that I'm justsaying like that's, I mean
that's part of it, right, like,how do you tell your 12-year-old
self that you didn't doanything wrong?
I mean that's part of thetherapy, right, that's part of.
Again, I'm not a therapist, I'mnot trying to, but I'm just
(38:50):
saying what I've had to workthrough is talking to the 12
year old kid, the 13 year oldkid, the 15 year old kid, the 17
year old kid, like the kid thatkept not understanding why the
world was so like fucked up.
Well, no, abundance, abundance.
And then at home was fucked up,like the world was like, okay,
I'm ready, you know what I mean.
(39:11):
And then at home, and it'd belike what did I do?
Rick Costa (39:17):
and it was like the surgery I had was like it was.
It's a horrible thing to gothrough because like it was bad,
but it was a blessing indisguise, because after that he
never hit me again.
He never hit me again.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (39:27):
How old were you when you had the
surgery?
Rick Costa (39:30):
15.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (39:31):
Jesus Wow.
Carmen Lezeth (39:33):
Okay, so you had to have surgery in order to not
be hit, but did the emotionalabuse continue anyways?
Oh yeah yeah, yeah, so I stillthink that's worse.
Yeah, yeah, but you turned outbrilliant.
(39:54):
Not because of that, but inspite of it yes you became a
loving, kind, beautiful soul anda wonderful energy anyways, and
that is an amazing thing.
That's a beautiful thing andthat's what I always try to hold
on to, that it doesn't matterwhat I went through as a kid.
I'm here now and I'm prettyfucking amazing.
(40:16):
I'm just saying I know, I mean,I have my little flaws.
You know, ultimately, I think Imay be Black, I may be American
, oh, but I'm here.
Cynthia, were you abused at all?
No, I'm just kidding.
You want to join in?
(40:37):
That's so sad.
Cynthia had the perfect life.
Yeah, no, I'm kidding, I know,I know you had your thing.
You had your issues, but wedon't have to bring them up.
Yeah, yeah, how do you guys getthrough work when you're in a
(41:00):
situation that is really toohard to deal with, whether it's
a coworker, whether it's a boss?
I mean, rick, I know you've hadissues with your boss, like you
know, and you haven't given usthe update on the camera hands.
You know watching your handswork and he's never brought it
up again.
So you just ignore hisbullshittery.
That's what I'm feeling again.
(41:22):
Nope, so you just ignore hisbullshittery.
That's what I'm feeling.
In a way, it's good becausethey work.
You work from home and they'rein where?
New Jersey.
Where are they?
Florida, they're in Florida.
So in a way, there is somedisconnect.
So you can sometimes just blackout the screen or whatever and
be like ah.
Rick Costa (41:42):
You know what I was thinking though today?
This guy that he's got to kindof treat him with kid gloves
because he gets.
Who do you think you are kindof person sometimes when he
doesn't get his way and hestarts yelling.
But he brings us a lot of money, so we're trying to keep him
happy because he gives us money.
Carmen Lezeth (42:02):
It's a tough one .
Rick Costa (42:04):
But one time he just went off and I told my boss.
I said, listen, this guy justcussed me out left, right, up
and down like he thought he wasmy father and I'm like, no, I my
dad's dead, I ain't dealingwith that, no more.
So shockingly he called him.
Carmen Lezeth (42:19):
He says you will never talk to my employees that
way again yeah, okay okay, wow,okay, so that's good yeah I was
shocked, I was like wow how doyou, how did you deal with I
mean, I know how you dealt withsome people at your other jobs
and then not to put them on thespot, but just in general, when
(42:43):
people are just really likeyou're at your limit and you're,
you know you're getting, you'resad but you're angry and it's
gonna bring you down oh, let'ssee you.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (42:53):
ignore, rick, ignore.
Oh, I don't, I try not toignore it, I will like.
Whatever energy they're givingme, I, I'm going to give it back
.
Okay, so you already know, ifsomebody's snapping at me, I'm
going to snap right back at them.
You know, I've had a fewpatients do that to me and
(43:16):
sometimes I'll just look at themand I'll just give them a smile
and I'm just like are we done?
Are we done?
I said to a patient and I'mjust like are we done?
Are we done?
I said.
I said to a patient one daycause she just kept yelling.
I said look.
I said, um, I'm trying to helpyou.
Are you going to stop yelling?
Because if you're not, then I'mnot helping you anymore.
I had another lady on the phoneshe's just going on and on and
(43:38):
I said you need to stop talkingso that I can help you.
And my big boss was standingright behind me.
She just looked like, okay,like I wasn't rude about it, but
you just have to like, makeyour point.
Carmen Lezeth (43:52):
You know what?
I'm actually really bad becauseI fight back with my clients
too much.
Like I mean it's not even thesame energy Like I.
Just I know that I'm I'm reallyin a difficult situation
because my patience is gone withthem.
You know what I mean?
Like it's really just untenableat this point.
But I'm trying to remember thatpart of my job is to be the
(44:15):
kind of center of reasonableness.
My job is to actually helpeveryone Keep the equilibrium.
It's really bad when I'm likeat this place like this.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (44:27):
You know that's because you're not happy
there.
I think if you were happy thereIt'd be different.
You'd have no problem doingthat.
Because you're not happy.
Carmen Lezeth (44:39):
Well, it's not there, let's not say there,
because it's four differentcompanies.
I don't love what I do, but Idon't know if I'm not happy.
Well, it's not there, let's notsay there, because it's four
different companies.
Right, so it's four different.
I don't love what I do, but Idon't know if that I'm not happy
because, look, I make a decentliving, right?
I mean, I don't know how manypeople are happy doing their
jobs.
You and Rick may be, but youknow, I just spoke to Andrea
(44:59):
today and if we won the lotterytomorrow, we'd be out so happy
that your job would be likeyou're working a job you love,
and even if you won money, you'dstill be doing it, right?
I'm just I'm just throwing thatout there as a thing, like if
Andrea could cook and travel, Ithink that would be her happy
space and even though she lovesher job, if she won the lottery
(45:20):
she wouldn't do it anymore.
You know what I mean.
So I'm kind of in that sameboat what I don't like, but
you're right, I'm not happybecause I hate what I do.
It's not them, it's just like I.
I still have the dream.
It's kind of going back to the.
You know the triggers and thePTSD and the going back to that
(45:40):
it's.
I was supposed to be aperformer and a dancer and
whatever, and that was takenaway from well, you know, taken
away from me, and I had tochange the trajectory of where I
was supposed to go, with noguidance, with no help.
You know what I mean.
So I went to college, I didwhat I had to do, but it's kind
of like not healing that, notgrieving that I lost that or
(46:02):
finding another way to do it isprobably the problem.
That's why we do this show.
I mean, that's why I createdAll About the Joy, right,
because it kind of helps with medoing something that I love to
do, which is kind of having alittle talk show or having
friends that you can hang outwith and find the joy in things
(46:23):
anyway, right.
But I mean, you're not wrong, Ihate what I do because it's not
what I'm supposed to be doing.
I can already hear like GaryVee right now.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (46:38):
So do you feel like you act a certain way
because of that, because you'renot doing what you want to do?
Carmen Lezeth (46:48):
I mean when I'm in the office.
Yeah, what do you mean?
Act a certain way, like I puton a mask and I'm acting.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (46:56):
No, like you're frustrated with the staff
or your, your boss or whoever,and it's not necessarily because
of them.
It may be.
Carmen Lezeth (47:04):
Oh, no, it's them, it's them.
Yeah, I understand what you'reasking.
No, no, no, cause, here's thething I'm really good.
No, I'll be, I'll be so totallystraight up.
The thing that I there's a lotof things I'm good at and
there's a lot of things I suckat, and I'm happy to discuss
what I suck at.
But in this case, when I haveto do something and this is this
is evident within my entirelife I do it 110%.
(47:27):
So if I'm being paid a job todo a job, whatever it is, I'm
going to do it 110% and I'mgoing to be happy.
I think, okay, I'm not going tobe happy, but I'm going to do
the job well you know what Imean and I'm going to do
whatever.
I think what's actuallyhappening is yeah, I don't love
doing this, but I've never loveddoing this.
(47:47):
But I think people are abusiveof my kindness.
People are abusive because I amsomebody that is approachable
and because I am in charge, orbecause I'm the person.
Then people like, peopleconfuse, like I'm not your
friend, like I don't care, likeone of my clients and I love her
(48:08):
and she knows who she is and ifshe listens to this show, she'd
go.
No, I'm not going to say hername, but she's always.
Like we're going to go for adrink.
No, we're not, we are never.
And she's like, yes, we are.
I'm like we are not going for adrink.
She's like, if we go to thisplace, so-and-so, because she
wants me to travel with her, togo deal with one of the other
issues we have in another state.
She's like we're going to haveto.
(48:28):
What are you going to do atnight?
Like she'll, she's adorable andshe's funny.
I'm like it's never going tohappen.
I will be in my hotel room.
She's like you're not going tostay at a clear about the
boundaries that I have with myclients.
You know what I mean and eventhough I love that they think we
(48:50):
can have a friendship, I makeit very clear we do not have a
friendship.
So one of my clients just foundout the other day because he
asked me how did he?
Oh, oh, because I had my nailsdone.
I had my nails done.
I had my nails done and he waslike, let me see your nails or
whatever, and I'm like it was soawkward and I have like polka
(49:12):
dots on some of them, whatever.
It's like I.
I went, I was with my niece,whatever.
He's like your niece, like abrother, a I'm like, oh, my gosh
.
So I had to explain, cause allthis time, all these years, no
idea like anything about mybackground you have a book.
Wait, I don't have a copy ofyour book.
(49:34):
I'm like your wife read my book.
You know what I mean.
Can I get a copy of the book?
I was like, and that's what I.
You know what I mean, like itwas funny, but it also I mean
I've, I've known him what six,seven years.
(49:57):
So that's kind of like I'mreally good at putting that
boundary, but I think peoplethen abuse that.
So in the next breath, he willnext week, start screaming and
yelling at me or other people onthe staff on the staff that I
supervise, or whatever and beupset about something and talk
down to people and be cruel andmean and there's no need for any
of that.
You can be upset aboutwhatever's happening, but you
(50:18):
can talk to people and be like,okay, you know what this didn't
work out, what happened toeveryone.
There's that way of doing it,or like I can't believe you
people, what's wrong, and havinga temper tantrum.
I can't believe, I pay all youpeople, this money for this, for
this, it's like people feelthis big.
Rick Costa (50:41):
Would it be fair to say that what you do for people
that have no clue is kind of tryto bring order out of chaos?
Carmen Lezeth (50:50):
Sure, yeah, yeah , I do consulting work and
basically I manage teams.
So, yeah, I mean, it goes likeone of the people I work for, I
want to shoot myself as I'mdoing something as simple as
bookkeeping, like here's how wedo the bookkeeping and here's
how we file stuff.
And here's like just setting upthe office, so it's, and
(51:13):
there's like no procedures,right, there's no.
So setting up procedures inoffices so people know, okay,
the mail comes in, who's openingthe mail?
Because, if not, the mail issitting in a bin, in a mail bin,
for weeks.
And then people like, why isthe gas turned off?
You didn't pay the bill, youknow what I mean.
Like it could be something likethat, you know.
(51:37):
And no, I don't enjoy doing this.
I'm good at it because I'm veryorganized and whatever.
And then, and then there's likethe other clients they're the
same clients I deal with Likethey don't want to deal with
talking to their lawyers ortheir CPAs, so I will talk to
them and then relay information.
Or if we have to transfer, likeyou know, a million dollars
(51:58):
from this account to anotheraccount because they're building
a house or whatever, I'llhandle that with their financial
people.
So it's a big swath, but it'sbasically being somebody's
liaison between them and theirstaff or them and their other
entities.
Do you see why I hate the job?
Rick Costa (52:22):
It cracks me up because I would say, for the
company I work for now, I thinkin their mind they think like,
even though we are a smallcompany, but in their mind they
think like, yeah, we run like abig company.
I'm like no, no, no, no, no.
I've worked for GE, I've workedfor big companies And'm like no
, no, no, no, no.
I've worked for GE, I've workedfor big companies, and the way
I'll do stuff, no, this is liketotally mom and pop, like what
(52:43):
are y'all doing?
Like really, that can befrustrating, first because for
somebody that likes order andlikes to be done correctly, the
right way and makes sense, andthen I have to deal with this.
Carmen Lezeth (52:56):
It's like yeah, I think my clients yeah, I'm not
blaming them for everything.
I mean, cynthia, it's not wrongwhat you're saying.
I mean I don't love what I do,but I don't love people who are
cruel to other people.
It doesn't matter what partlike you, show me who you are
(53:18):
when things are bad and whenthings are wrong.
And the reason why I love oneof my clients is it doesn't
matter what the If somebodymakes a mistake, you punching
down on them and making themfeel like shit isn't going to
make them not make a mistakeever again.
(53:43):
It's going to make them.
It's verbal abuse.
It's verbal abuse and they'regoing to make the same mistake
over and over again.
They're probably going to be sonervous and frustrated and it's
like people don't.
And that's part, part of my jobtelling the people that hire me
that the reason why your peopleare making mistakes because
they all fear you and becauseyou talk like shit to them.
Anyway, people don't listen.
(54:06):
But when you can, when someonemakes a mistake an honest
mistake, not a careless mistake.
There is a difference.
A careless mistake is themistake you keep making over and
over and over again because youhaven't learned your lesson,
you haven't changed somethingRight, I'm not OK with careless
mistakes.
You can make a mistake, butdon't make that same mistake
over and over and over again,because then I'm like, okay,
cool, you know, and when you cando that, you help people grow,
(54:39):
you help people feel good aboutthemselves.
They're human, you're humanCause, by the way, all of my
clients make mistakes all daylong and you know what they do.
They never take responsibilityfor it.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (54:50):
Never, of course, yep, of course.
Carmen Lezeth (54:54):
And I'm gonna call that shit out every time,
every single time, and I do, youknow.
But I think that's what adds tothe sadness and frustration,
because I resent Okay, I'll sayit that way I resent the work I
do.
I will do it a hundred percent.
(55:16):
I go in with a good attitudeand I never bring my shit into
work.
I don't, but would I rather bedoing something else?
Yes, yes, in case you didn'thear me.
I mean, would you want to bedoing something else?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (55:40):
Yes.
Carmen Lezeth (55:41):
I'm sorry.
What's Cynthia?
Yeah, yes, Do you think itfrustrates you that you do the
work that you do?
And maybe sometimes I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (55:58):
I don't think you bring stuff to work,
do you?
Oh God, no, oh, no, no, no.
Like I know, I do my job verywell, I came back and I had to
do all this work that the otherone did not do and I did it this
whole week, in three daysactually.
Carmen Lezeth (56:12):
But this is what I'm talking about.
We have our own stuff we'redealing with, right, like having
to deal with even my client notknowing that I wrote a book or
whatever, and him wanting toknow and me not feeling
comfortable with him.
No, yeah, I don't know.
You know what I mean.
It was just like a weird thing,but then it was adorable, like
he was trying.
You know what I mean, but afterlike what?
(56:35):
Six years?
But there's no reason why hewould know because I have that
lineup, you know.
No, I don't think him and hiswife are talking about my book
like I don't think it's thatkind of thing like, oh my god, I
read such a great book, but Idon't think it's that, I'm just
saying like it.
You know, like we have our ownstuff too.
You know, like I came home andI was like I don't know how I
(56:57):
felt about that, and what doordid I just open?
And now I have to bring him adamn book.
He could just buy themotherfucking book.
Like he could afford to buy 20of them.
Why, why haven't I?
And then I go down the rabbithole.
Why am I still doing this job Idon't like to do.
You know what I mean?
Like he's.
So, rick, if you were, if youbecame a millionaire tomorrow,
(57:18):
you would still be working forthis man.
No, he's like millionaire shoot.
You know what would be great Ifwe could do this on a more
(57:39):
regular basis and get paid forit?
Rick Costa (57:40):
Yes, that would be cool.
We do do this and get paid forit so why not dream?
Carmen Lezeth (57:48):
Yeah, we do this and we don't get paid for it,
so it would be perfect.
We're trying, we're working onit, and I think that brings me
joy.
Before we end, i're going to,we're working on it and I think
that would.
That brings me joy, you know.
But before we end, I just wantto ask a few questions.
I know I already talked about alittle bit, but I want to talk
about things people shouldn't doif they're feeling like they're
(58:08):
sad or going down the road ofdepression.
We always talk about things youshould do, right, but I want to
bring up a couple of things.
Drinking alcohol If you're sadand depressed.
I would stay away from thealcohol and the drugging because
that is a momentary thing thatyou think might make you feel
(58:29):
good, but inevitably it's notgoing to help and it could lead
to a very dangerous habit.
Mm-hmm, lead to a verydangerous habit.
My favorite downfall eatingsweets, chocolate cake in
particular, I would stay awayfrom.
But eating, emotional eating,being sad and eating.
Rick Costa (58:50):
And not only the eating.
You're more likely than not toeat junk and crap food and now
you're putting that in your bodyand you feel sluggish.
Now you have no energy, whichis already an issue, because you
don't feel like doing that,because you're fat and depressed
.
You're just compounding.
It's making it way worse.
Carmen Lezeth (59:05):
Yeah, so staying away from those things too, but
passive doom scrolling orpassive TV watching.
Rick Costa (59:13):
The danger of doom scrolling is you don't
necessarily know what you'regoing to see.
You might see something that'sgoing to take you off even more,
because you don't know.
Yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (59:21):
And you can be on doing that for hours,
especially when you're upset andangry.
Cynthia, you have anything elseyou want to say?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (59:30):
Yeah, just anyone who's feeling down.
Don't isolate yourself.
Force yourself to either getout of bed, go for a walk, like
you said, listen to music Likesometimes when I'm upset and I'm
coming home from work.
I won't put on, like you know,soft music.
No, I'll put on some rock orsomething and, just like, let it
(59:53):
out that way, sing the song youknow and then afterwards you
feel better.
Then you can change the music.
Carmen Lezeth (59:59):
There's something a little more soothing
, you know, um I think that'sgood, but you know what I was
listening to this week?
I was like, hey, drake, I hearyou like him.
I couldn't get the whole superbowl halftime out of my head.
It's so funny, it keeps makingme laugh because that face, la
cara that he makes you know whenhe's walking by.
(01:00:21):
It's so funny, it's so cheesy,it's hilarious, rick.
Any last words?
Rick Costa (01:00:27):
Another thing I don't know if we really brought
it up was exercise can also helpa lot because it really
releases endorphins in your bodythat makes you feel in a good
mood.
I do agree with Cynthia, thoughProbably the most important
thing is that isolation thing.
That's the last thing.
Carmen Lezeth (01:00:43):
I mean for a minute.
Rick Costa (01:00:44):
Okay, but you need to talk to somebody.
If you don't want to talk to atherapist, you know, if you're a
church person, pastors kind ofdo that too.
Talk to a pastor, somebody,maybe elderly, you know that's
not fair and you know somebody,somebody will listen.
Carmen Lezeth (01:01:01):
Somebody will listen.
You got to talk to somebody,it's true, all right.
Well, thank you so much.
I appreciate you guys chimingin.
I know this is a little bitheavier of a subject that we
usually do, but I love that wekind of brought it back to joy.
You know what I mean Findingways through things, and that's
a good point.
Don't isolate yourself, and youcan always come and hang out on
(01:01:23):
Friday nights on the show.
We are here Friday nights, 6 pmPacific, 9 pm Eastern.
All about the joy.
We're always going to have agame, we're always going to try
to laugh and chuckle and at thevery least, you can maybe find
some happiness and laughter inour buffoonery.
I don't know, that's my newtagline in our buffoonery, but
(01:01:45):
so check us out on Friday nightsand, yeah, thank you everyone
for joining us and remember, atthe end of the day, it really is
all about the joy.
Bye everyone, thanks forstopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
(01:02:06):
Have a sweet day.
okay, hi everyone, welcome to all about
the joy, the private lounge.
We have rick costa in the househow you doing, rick?
And we have, as always, cynthiaruiz lopez I don't know why I
like to say your name like that.
How you guys doing?
I know we're gonna have, uh, akind of I don't want to say deep
conversation, but, rick, youcame in hot into the green room,
(00:26):
so say your piece, brother, goahead.
Rick Costa (00:30):
So on my broadcast I do two games.
One of them is called Heads UpGame and I hold up my phone away
from my eyes so I can't see aword on the screen, and you guys
have to give me clues to helpme guess what it says on the
screen.
The word was joy and nobodysaid all about the joy.
(00:53):
Nobody said all about the.
Carmen Lezeth (00:56):
Seriously Nobody .
Rick Costa (01:00):
After I said it, I typed it in quick I'm like, oh
yeah, it's too late now.
Carmen Lezeth (01:03):
That's okay.
Did you guess the word?
Rick Costa (01:05):
Oh, that's I did, I did guess it.
Carmen Lezeth (01:07):
Why did you have ?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (01:08):
it like right behind you.
Carmen Lezeth (01:10):
I know it's right there.
It's okay.
Not everyone from your showwatches our show, but someone I
know was there.
She should have said it.
Yeah, Well, I mean that's socool that you got a little upset
about that.
I thought it was somethingreally, really juicy.
Rick Costa (01:27):
No, nothing juicy.
Carmen Lezeth (01:28):
Boring.
No, I'm kidding.
That's a great.
I love that.
You think they would do that,but you know what's so funny?
Like people now will say joy orsomething and like it'll hit me
like that's the name of my show.
You know it's my show.
So well, I wanted to talk alittle bit about.
I mean, I I'll just saystraight up Cynthia already
(01:53):
knows part of what happened, butI'm going to talk about a
couple other things, and youknow, this is kind of me having
a venting session, but I alsojust thought it might be helpful
for other people.
So on Wednesdays I work in themorning with one client and then
I work with another client inthe afternoon, so it's two
separate clients.
None of the staff know eachother, two different entities
entirely.
And on Wednesday, in bothseparate offices, I had one of
(02:19):
the staff members I'll say callme.
One of them called me.
One of them came into the officeand both of them were so upset
about an incident that happenedand they were spoken too badly,
they have too much work and theywere both crying their eyes out
.
And it's been an ongoing thingfor a while.
(02:41):
Right, they're just so sad andupset, or whatever thing for a
while, right, they're just sosad and upset or whatever.
But it happened on the same day.
Both of these staff people arereally great at what they do,
they're good people and it'sjust really hard for them, I
guess, to function right now andthey can't take any criticism.
(03:02):
They can't take what our bossis telling them and, by the way,
our boss or the other peopleare wrong.
They shouldn't be treating themthe way they're treating them.
You know what I mean.
But it's the emotional kind ofdisintegration of being able to
function that I was concernedabout.
And then the other day andCynthia knows because I called
her I had an incident with amutual friend and it just it got
(03:27):
me so upset and I waited a daybecause I knew Cynthia had just
gotten back from traveling.
But I was like this I was soangst about it, I was so upset
about it and I knew I wanted totalk to Cynthia.
And so the following day Icalled her and I talked to her
and it was such a relief.
And the reason why I want totalk about this is because I I
(03:49):
don't know if either of you Iknow you do, but I just want to
know if you want to talk aboutit For me.
The two individuals at work Iknow I spoke to both of them.
I think they're really in astate of depression and I told
them I'm not a therapist, andone of them always says to me I
(04:11):
just need to vent.
And I always like I know youwant to vent, but I'm not the
person to vent it.
Like I'm not your girlfriendand I'm also I can't take it all
in.
You know what I mean?
Like I can't.
I know you're sad and miserable,but I don't know what else to
do, and so I just feel likethere's so much going on in the
(04:33):
world right now, regardless ofyour political leanings, whether
you are for Trump or not.
Even people who are for Trumpare also dealing with the
outside part of this, which isthe constant drama that's
happening in our politicalatmosphere.
I think that's very heavyHearing about plane crashes
every day, hearing about peoplegoing to Guantanamo, what is it
(04:59):
to Gitmo?
People being fearful, peoplebeing sad, and then you like,
and then then you have your ownpersonal stuffage.
So I've been really stressedand sad and I just wanted to
talk about that a little bit andsee how you guys are doing, how
you deal with sadness and, moreimportantly, when does it
transfer over to depression?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (05:24):
So just your thoughts.
I think it's different foreveryone.
I think at some point everyonedoes go through some form of
depression, but, like I said,it's different for everybody.
Some people really know how tokind of deal with it.
Some people go to therapy.
Some people may just kind ofisolate themselves and just kind
(05:45):
of deal with it.
Like some people go to therapy,Some people may just kind of
isolate themselves and just kindof deal with it.
Some may go to their familymembers you know things like
that and talk about it.
It's kind of hard to pinpointcertain things when it's just a
very broad, you know, kind ofspectrum.
Carmen Lezeth (06:04):
There is a clinical definition.
I have a clinical definitionbetween sadness and depression.
But I think you're right, it'sdifferent for everyone.
Because you said something tome that not only pissed me off
but it was factual.
You said that is part of yourPTSD.
Remember, you said that part ofyour, and I, you know cause,
(06:25):
I'm still in denial, cause I,when I think of PTSD, I think of
military and I think of, likequote unquote, real, real
depression.
Right, cause that's what we do,like I can't equate to what
someone went through in war.
You know what I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (06:43):
It's what I mean horrible thing well,
that's what I mean, though, likeI mean, it's different for
everyone.
Like to us, a PTSD, like yousaid, is something that people
deal with who are in themilitary, but there are
different forms of it well, myunderstanding is everyone can
have uh PTSD, but it's triggeredby something different for
(07:04):
everyone, right?
Carmen Lezeth (07:05):
and then there's different levels, which is what
you're talking about.
Absolutely yeah, let me justgive the definition, before we
go down this road, of whatsadness is versus uh depression,
just as a you know whateverlike a webmd definition.
Uh, sadness is a naturalemotion that everyone
experiences in response to aspecific situation or events.
(07:28):
It's typically triggered by aloss, disappointment or other
challenging circumstances.
The characteristics are feelingdown or blue, tearfulness and
temporary drop in mood.
The duration can be short-livedand it can be tied to a
particular situation or event.
And then depression.
(07:50):
The definition for depressionis a mental health disorder
characterized by persistent andintense feelings of sadness,
hopelessness and a lack ofinterest or pleasure in
activities.
It goes beyond the normalfluctuations in mood.
Characteristics are prolongedsadness or low mood, changes in
(08:11):
appetite, sleep patterns,fatigue, difficulty
concentrating, feelings ofworthlessness or guilt and
sometimes thoughts of self-harmor suicide.
It can last for weeks, monthsor even years, and is not
necessarily linked to a specificevent or situation.
So there is some differences init.
I think the two people that Iworked with are they're not just
(08:36):
extremely sad, they're on theroad If they like.
I said to them both I can'tbelieve I said it in the same
day because I always try to saythis part, because I'm not a
doctor or whatever.
I always try to say somethingin front of somebody else, not
to embarrass them but to havelike a witness.
You know what I mean, like, butI said it.
It might be a good idea tothink about getting a therapist,
(08:59):
like to talk you through notthe work part, but how you're
dealing with it, like maybe thisisn't for you.
Yeah, you know, I don't know,rick.
Rick Costa (09:12):
Yeah, to me, like sadness is kind of temporary.
You pretty much get over it.
Something happened and you knowyou're kind of bummed about it.
But depression is usually along, long thing, a lot longer
lasting.
It affects you, it starts toaffect your life.
You don't like a lot of thesymptoms.
You said you don't even careabout if you eat or not,
whatever, because you just don'tcare about anything Like been
(09:34):
there, done that.
So yeah, it's tough.
It's tough and if you don'thave anybody to talk to it's
very hard to get out of it.
Very hard to get out of it.
Very hard to get out of it.
Carmen Lezeth (09:43):
Oh, that's a good point, cause I was talking
about isolating.
I was saying that, uh, I knowthat I'm dropping friends, like
I'm, I'm done.
Like, if somebody pisses me off, now I'm done.
Like I'm done, just, I get.
Well, actually, that's not.
I think I've always been likethat actually.
So I'm trying to think aboutthat right now.
Let me think, um, I think I'vealways been like that actually.
(10:04):
Sorry, I'm trying to thinkabout that right now.
Let me think I've always beenlike that, but I guess I've
given some people more leewaythan not, I'll put it that way
and I just, yeah, I can't takeon people's bad energy anymore.
Even if I think you're a worthyperson and that I I feel
(10:26):
indebted to you somehow, orwhatever, I'm now cutting off
those people, like because Idon't owe anybody anything.
You know what I mean, and Ithink that's what I was talking
about with these two uh people,these two staff people too.
Like this is this might not befor you, that's okay, but going
down the rabbit hole whereyou're that uncontrollably
(10:47):
crying at work.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (10:51):
I think there's something else though.
That could have just been thatone little piece that just made
them snap, kind of thing.
Carmen Lezeth (11:02):
Let me tell you, though one of them is valid.
This is an ongoing problem andI get it.
I understand why they're upset,but I'm not okay with how
they're handling it.
You know what I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (11:18):
That's why they do need to see a therapist,
because a therapist will helpthem and guide them on how to
deal with it, if you find theright therapist, though.
Carmen Lezeth (11:27):
Right that's the other part.
It's always better to find atherapist when you don't need
one because you're clear-headed.
I know that's weird, but it'sone of those things like, even
if you don't need a therapist,you should know where you could
find one and maybe have a freeconsultation or whatever.
(11:47):
Uh, yeah, I don't know, becauseI I think it's a tough one when
you're that desperate to findthe right person and now you can
literally get them online.
Rick Costa (11:56):
You don't even have to go anywhere like don't they
have?
Like you could do a zoom orwhatever virtual yeah and I've
seen services where it's like if, if you start with somebody you
don't like, them switch tosomebody else.
It's no big deal until you findsomebody you like.
Carmen Lezeth (12:10):
But the problem with that is when you're in
crisis mode.
That's when it's harder to findthe right person.
But when you're in crisis modeyou should find somebody anyways
, right, because you're incrisis mode.
So that's good.
But eventually you start torealize like, oh, maybe this
isn't the right person for me,you know um, but yeah, I've
never met my therapist in person, never.
(12:31):
We're always we always do azoom call, huh it's nice to have
somebody.
Rick Costa (12:36):
That's objective too .
That's not part of thesituation.
You know.
They can look at it withdifferent eyes and stuff.
Because if you know, say, yougo to your mom or something,
your mom's gonna be likedefending you and, yeah, you
must be right and they're wrong,you know, and you're not gonna
really get anywhere.
But with somebody who's, youknow, not involved at all,
they're like, okay, I can seeyour side, but I can see their
(12:56):
side too, and maybe we couldfigure out how we can make this
better somehow and not just beabout sides, you know, but let's
figure out I think what wasinteresting was when I spoke to
Cynthia, I thought for sure shewas going to be like Carmen you
know how they are and she wasn't.
Carmen Lezeth (13:11):
She was like you know what?
It's okay, you do what you gotto do.
This is where you are.
She was very therapy like.
But you're right, you wantsomebody who's objective, or
somebody who can see it from adifferent perspective, or
somebody who is fully alert andjust thinking about you.
(13:34):
I mean, I think that's anotherthing too.
Like in my head when one ofthem was crying in my face, I'm
like bitch, do you think I don'thave a life?
Like, do you think I'm notgoing through something?
Right?
yeah, we're all dealing with thesame shit.
You know, like that's the otherpart, like we're all dealing
with this same person thatthey're dealing with.
You know what I mean, and so,but I'm trying to keep it all
(13:55):
inside, but I'm not evenfocusing, because I'm in that
space too.
Rick Costa (14:01):
Yeah, and we and we're, we're stronger on some
days than others, you know, andwe're stressed out on other days
than we are more.
And just be that one day whereyou got that combination of you
don't feel that strong andyou're stressed out and then you
just burst Like that's it.
Like.
Then you're like you look atyourself like I can't believe I
did that.
Carmen Lezeth (14:28):
Oh my gosh.
But then it's because you justthe damn broke the water bust
through and it's like you knowit's tough, can be tough.
How do you deal with it?
Because I know there was oneday where you had an incident
where you were upset or whateverand I wondered like and I'm not
trying to ask if you have atherapist, what, I'm not trying
to get all up on your business,but how do you deal with it?
Because it's really hard foryou to get out there and go like
like I think I go and take awalk, I listen to music.
You know what I mean.
I guess you can listen to music.
(14:49):
It's like I can go take a bathand put candles and whatever,
and try to relax and whatever.
And I was thinking about youtoday, cause I was like poor
Rick, what does he do when hehas like a mental breakdown with
like whatever's going on?
How do you handle it?
Rick Costa (15:07):
I mean, one thing that's cool is I like to escape
into fantasy, movies, shows,whatever, and I can, like you
know, forget about my life, putit on the shelf for a little
while and then focus on that fora while and it's like I don't
Scream into a pillow.
Scream into a pillow, not thatmuch into a pillow, not that
(15:28):
much I have.
When I worked my first jobmcdonald's, they tell you if you
really really ticked off, go tothe walk-in freezer and throw
boxes of french fries around.
I've done that.
Customers, man, let me tell youlike, because when you work for
them there's people that thinklike they're better than you and
they just treat you like crapand I'm like can you finish
taking care of them because I'llbe right back you know, like
(15:50):
wait, I have to back up for amoment.
Carmen Lezeth (15:52):
Why would somebody going into mcdonald's
to eat think they're better thanthe people working at
mcdonald's?
I, just you, would be surprisedyou would be be surprised
You're going to McDonald's.
Rick Costa (16:11):
I am about to give you food.
I'm confused.
You really want me to spit init?
That's never happened.
Carmen Lezeth (16:18):
Just like Jesus would do.
Huh Rick.
Rick Costa (16:21):
I've never seen that happen.
People ask me would I doanything nasty?
I was like I've never seen thathappen.
People ask people to ask me.
I was like would I do anythingnasty?
I was like I've never.
No, I worked seven years.
I've never seen anybody doanything, nothing nasty, nothing
like that retaliation wise orwhatever I would never.
Carmen Lezeth (16:34):
I would never even suspect that, because I
believe in the best in people.
Rick Costa (16:36):
But yeah, if I'm literally serving you, why would
you treat me bad like doesn'tmake sense.
To me that doesn't compute.
Carmen Lezeth (16:47):
I think people just again, it's like if you're
not dealing with your own issues, if you're not doing self-care,
what I called self-preservation, so that's kind of the
difference.
I do want to talk about that.
But if you're not really takingcare of yourself on a regular
basis and you don't knowyourself well enough, I think
you turn around and take thingsout on other people and I mean,
(17:10):
I have, you know, clients andI've gotten rid of clients for
doing this, but they would allthe time just they talk badly to
their staff, like they talkdown to them, kind of like the
same thing you're saying, and Iwas like yeah, I'm out, I'm not
doing this because you actuallythink it's okay for you to talk
badly about people.
(17:32):
I think there's two differentthings, though.
I think there's self-care, whichis kind of what we're talking
about taking moments to maybewatch a movie or take a walk or
whatever it is, get a massage orwhatever.
Do these little things?
Listen to music, I can kind of.
But it's also about, likeself-preservation, knowing when
you just can't take any morelike I can't take any more
(17:56):
energy from other people beingupset about something else, like
go deal with that somewhereelse, cause I can't help you and
I don't think people ever wantto put that line down.
You know like if Cynthia hadsaid, carmen, I can't talk to
you tonight, I'd be like, okay,but right, I text you.
I asked you whatever and I wasjust like are you okay?
(18:17):
What?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (18:22):
are you doing?
Are you all?
Carmen Lezeth (18:24):
right.
I was like everything is notokay.
Do you have a minute?
Well, I mean because, becausethat's what a good friend does,
though, right, you, you got it,you know.
But today I was talking toAndrea.
Actually she says hi, but youknow, just also understanding
that it's not just that we'reall going through something
(18:45):
personally, there's alsosomething in the air right now
you know what I mean.
Like it is just really a toughtime, especially here in the
United States.
It's just a tough time becausethere's so much going on and
that, whether you're in like,whether you're in tune with
politics or not, it is affectingeveryone, it is seeping through
(19:08):
, and so doing things like notwatching or listening to the
news all day you know, I startedonly getting news like I don't
get any news on my phone.
I don't get any headlines, Idon't get any of that.
I just get five minutes in themorning from an independent
journalist that I really respect, and then I get five minutes in
the evening from anotherindependent journalist, because
(19:29):
they post at different times,and so that's it, five minutes
of news.
I just want the headlines,that's it.
And then, like trying to not doit at all on Sunday, like why
is there news on Sunday?
Why, why?
Why you know what I mean Likethere should be no news on
Sunday.
So even doing that, trying tounderstanding that there's other
stuff happening that isaffecting you as well, and even
(19:54):
if it's not politics, it'sfamily or whatever.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (19:57):
Yeah, and then there's also seasonal
depression that people gothrough and you know, and that's
hard too, because it's likewhat do you do in the winter
time?
Carmen Lezeth (20:08):
That was a made up thing.
Is that a real thing?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:10):
I'm not saying it is.
Carmen Lezeth (20:11):
Is it a real thing?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:13):
It is a real thing, you know, especially
in the winter time, you knowyou're stuck in the house, you
really can't go anywhere,Especially you know older people
who can't travel on them?
Carmen Lezeth (20:23):
Yeah, Look at me , I'm like what the sun is
shining here.
What are you talking?
It is a little chilly though inCalifornia.
Well, it's like 18 degrees inBoston.
Is it really 18 degrees?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (20:39):
Yeah, oh yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (20:40):
Yeah, I don't know, okay.
So seasonal depression is alsoseeping in, and a lot of people
is that a.
Is that a diagnosing thing?
Though that's a real thing.
Yeah, I'm not trying to dismissit, I just never knew what it
was.
What.
Rick Costa (20:53):
Especially older people.
Yeah, Senior citizensespecially yeah.
Like going back to McDonald'sagain every morning we had this
you were mcdonald's right now.
The group of elderly peoplewould come in every morning like
clockwork, and I knew all thesame things.
I knew what they wanted, thatthey don't say nothing.
But when winter came, a lot ofthem didn't show up.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (21:16):
And the summer came, we're back because
they get depressed yeah, and alot of them do mall walking to
get their exercise.
You know, during the summer andthe spring and winter time they
don't go out, so they do getdepressed.
Carmen Lezeth (21:32):
Okay, but we don't want to blanket all older
people Like old people depressedall the time.
We're old too, so too.
So for yourself on it now.
So do you, do you guys haveanything to share?
Or I mean, I'm not trying topressure you, but how are you
(21:52):
guys feeling now with everythingthat's going on?
I mean, inspire me, make mefeel better.
Things are going to be bettertomorrow.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (22:01):
I mean, after you read the definition of
sadness and depression, I don'tthink I've really ever had
depression.
Sadness yes, you know,everybody goes through their ups
and downs of emotionsthroughout the day, um, but I
think you just kind of roll withthe punches and just kind of
you know, kind of be, try to bepositive and I think I think
(22:27):
that depression is more of aclinical diagnosis.
Carmen Lezeth (22:31):
Right, I think a lot of people self describe as
being depressed, and I think youcan do that, but it is kind of
more of a lengthier you can't,like Rick was saying, like you
really can't, you don't get outof bed, you don't want to eat,
you.
You know like it's differentfor everyone, but I do think
that's something I don't know ifI've ever been.
I don't.
(22:52):
I still am in denial about PTSDand I there are waves of PTSD.
So I was diagnosed and I don'tmind sharing this Cause.
That's the whole point ofhaving this conversation.
I was diagnosed when I had itwas during COVID.
I really couldn't walk my hip.
That had always had had aninjury and is the reason why I
(23:13):
couldn't dance really kind ofgot bad Not kind of, but it did.
It was so bad I couldn't walkat all.
It was very painful and I endedup having surgery which before
I had surgery, I had to go totherapy, not just physical
therapy, but it was highlyrecommended that I go to like
mental health therapy, which Ithought was kind of a cool thing
(23:38):
that my doctors were havingthese conversations.
But I was also like who are youto tell me?
You know what I mean?
But I did, and it was a greatthing, because what I didn't
understand was that I had neverdealt with the loss of dancing.
And what I like to explain topeople now is, you know, losing
(23:58):
my mom at 11 was one thing.
Not knowing my father my youfather I still don't know
anything about my father wasalways a thing, so that's like
the second thing.
But dancing was my thing and Ididn't realize and I didn't
grieve that loss performing.
I didn't grieve that loss.
(24:19):
And so it's just an interestingthing that that is what ended
up becoming a part of uh goingto therapy and then learning
that, because of my childhoodand how I grew up and what I
went through as a kid, thatthere were certain triggers that
were uh diagnosing, that wereable to diagnose me to have PTSD
(24:44):
, which, as you all know, I'mstill resisting today because I
don't even like to talk about it.
But but it, but it.
But it's not because of the hipsurgery, it was because in the
conversation of all of that, youknow what I mean, I, I, I don't
know if depression and PTSD areconnected, because I don't
think I was ever depressed, Ijust never dealt with it.
(25:07):
I never dealt with a lot ofthings that happened to me as a
kid because I always liked tosee the silver lining, right,
all about the joy, always seethe positive.
But in sometimes doing that youdeny the reality of some of the
things that did happen Right.
And it's not really denial onpurpose, it's because you choose
(25:28):
to see the positive.
But if you don't deal with mylosing, you guys here no yeah.
So if you don't deal with it,then it triggers.
And that's what was happeningwas I was being triggered and I
couldn't really like I, you know.
So I okay, I haven't sharedthis with anyone.
I mean, cynthia you might know,I know, andrea knows, but like
(25:49):
I, I don't go to the doctor'soffice and just park my car and
go into the doctor's office.
I have to go like two hoursbefore and it takes me a long
time to convince myself to gointo the doctor's office.
Now, I never thought, thoughtthat was now.
I'm in my 50s, I never thoughtthat was an odd thing.
I really have to, I have totake my time, I have to and you
(26:09):
know, and it was easier to coverit with like, oh well, because
of COVID, I have to, I want tomake sure I'm protected and
whatever.
And but it wasn't that it'sbecause I have this amazingly
fearful thing of hospitals anddoctors, but I've never, I never
shared that, I never talkedabout that, and so going down
(26:30):
that that rabbit hole is how youend up figuring out that you
haven't dealt with a lot ofstuff, you know.
So, yeah, but I don't.
And I say all that knowing thatI don't think I was ever
depressed because I never knewthat I wasn't dealing with that
stuff, but because I didn't dealwith the stuff, I had the
(26:53):
triggers that put me down therabbit hole of I don't know what
the right terminology is, butPTSD.
I'm in such denial, I'm like,oh, ptsd.
But yeah, andrea was here whenan incident happened because she
stayed with me for two weeksafterwards.
(27:14):
So she was here where I wasuncontrollably in a fetal
position and crying and couldnot like.
It scared her.
You know what I mean, thatposition and crying and could
not like it scared her.
You know what I mean that sheended up calling my therapist at
like two in the morning,whatever, and we almost went to
the hospital.
And so I've had those incidentshappen many times but I never
(27:36):
knew.
I'm not saying that I thoughtthey were normal, but I thought
they were like my normal.
Is that weird?
I'm sure you guys are here, notweird.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (27:50):
I also see like.
I also see like depression askind of a chemical imbalance.
Carmen Lezeth (27:58):
Oh, I think it can be right.
That's why people will takemedication.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (28:02):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I mean you said you neverreally felt like you were
depressed.
Carmen Lezeth (28:07):
Same here Like yes, I've been sad, but you have
gone through, whatevertraumatic issues you've gone
through which cause you to havethese little triggers.
I like calling them littletriggers instead.
I'm sorry, we don't like theterm PTSD.
(28:34):
The only reason why is notbecause to deny it, it's because
I feel like I'm beingdisrespectful to military people
.
I don't know, it's in my head.
I know my therapist if she'slistening now, which she might
be explain to me that PTSD isnot just about being at war, but
for me, for some reason, I feellike it's fake for me to say it
.
You know what I mean.
Like it feels, like it's not,you know, but but but here but
(28:57):
I'm not trying to be funny PTSDis a real thing and a lot of
people suffer from PTSD.
That's nothing to beembarrassed about.
It's why I'm sharing it.
It's why I want to talk aboutthis today, um, because I think
we have to help, uh, normalizebeing human.
You know, like we're all human,you know.
Go ahead, rick.
What were you going to say?
Rick Costa (29:18):
because we hear PTSD associated so much with
military.
My brother actually suffersfrom that.
He was in the military, butit's not just for that.
People that have been sexuallyabused or mentally, verbally,
abused or all kinds of differentthings can make you have PTSD.
And if you say to somebody thathas that and suffers with it,
(29:40):
oh, just get over it, youclearly don't get it.
You don't just get over atraumatic thing that happened to
you, you just can't.
Carmen Lezeth (29:48):
so yeah, it's very insensitive to say just get
over it like no yeah, I don'tknow, I, I, yeah, I feel like,
uh, ptsd for me is somethingthat I've been able to kind of
work through, I think I still, Ithink that's part of why I also
feel bad about claiming it.
But you're right, you'reabsolutely right, and I'm not
(30:10):
trying to dismiss it or bedisrespectful.
I actually I'm doing theopposite.
I'm trying to be veryrespectful of the term.
But I think, like everythingelse, there's different levels
of it, and one of the reasonsthat I love my therapist is
because at one point she waslike we don't need to, we don't
need to talk, you know, twice aweek anymore.
We can do once a week.
And then it was like let's justdo once every other week.
(30:31):
And then we were tapering itdown, you know, and to the point
where it's just like if I needher, I reach out to her and we
make an appointment and it's,you know, or if I, or if I have
an issue, we'll deal with it inthree weeks, whatever.
And that's kind of what youwant.
You want to be able to manageit and have somebody that you
can talk to.
And there's there's differentlevels of it.
So you're, you're absolutelyright.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (30:53):
I mean it's , it's in the word
post-traumatic stress disorder.
No, it's any type of traumathat you've had is going to
cause you stress.
Rick Costa (31:04):
I was saying earlier , my whole childhood was
probably PTSD because of my veryabusive father, very physically
and verbally, mentally abusive,and I think it only calmed down
when I had my back surgery.
Then, you know, I was very, youknow, fragile, I guess you
(31:26):
could say, cause I wasn't just Icouldn't.
It took me a long time to evenget my driver's license because
I was still going through like Ican't turn my neck all the way,
whatever, and it was like, uh,it was a big deal.
He changed a lot once, butbefore if you just looked at him
wrong bam, you just would getit.
Carmen Lezeth (31:42):
Wait, he physically hit you.
Rick Costa (31:45):
Oh my gosh, like a bar fight and I had to just take
it.
My whole childhood was trauma.
I literally think oh, forexample, you're not listening.
I think I literally blockthings out.
I don't remember them.
I think from my own mentalhealth I probably block things
out literally.
Things that happen that I, Idon't remember them.
I think from my own mentalhealth I probably blocked things
(32:05):
out Literally.
Carmen Lezeth (32:05):
things that happened that I just don't
remember.
It's a survival mechanism.
Yeah.
Rick Costa (32:09):
Yeah, so it was tough.
And then the only other time,like I said, I really went
through something crazy was whenI got divorced, because I had
no clue that it was happening,so, blindsided by it, completely
Got a phone call.
Carmen Lezeth (32:30):
Hey, we're getting divorced Sheriff's
coming to your house on Friday.
What Do you think you've dealtwith your father's, with that
situation?
I mean you talk about itnonchalantly so it sounds like
you've come to somereconciliation with, because
that physical abuse is so.
Forgive me for saying it thisway.
Physical abuse is the easy part.
It's the emotional abuse thatcomes with that that is
heart-wrenching.
And I'm not saying it's okay tohit people.
(32:50):
I'm not.
I'm saying you talk to any kidthat's been abused physically
and they will always tell youthe hardest part is that that
was my mom or that was my dad,you know, and it's the
psychological warfare that thathappened.
So have you, do you thinkyou've dealt with it?
Rick Costa (33:07):
I mean, For the most part.
You know, like you said, justmy dad's mom.
You expect that's the personthat's supposed to be protecting
you, not to do it to you butpreventing the hurt.
But they're actually the onedoing it to you.
But again, no-transcript.
But again, I've said thisbefore he was a very bad
alcoholic and that's when it gotreally bad was when he was
really really drunk, which wasmost of the time.
(33:28):
Like most people have coffee inthe morning, he'd have beer in
the morning.
I'm like, oh, here we go.
Carmen Lezeth (33:34):
So yeah, you kind of forgiven?
I mean, I've heard you talkabout him and you've talked
about like how you've forgivenhim because you understand now
that it was the alcohol and nothim, and that I mean, I'm not
trying to put words in yourmouth, but you've, yeah.
Rick Costa (33:50):
Yeah, because there was a period of time where his
health was bad.
My father, my father, passedaway, just in case somebody's
wondering, but he's had in his,in his entire life, five heart
attacks and two strokes.
Most people, a lot of people,die from one heart attack.
Dude had five heart attacks,two strokes.
He got better over every singleone of them except for the last
stroke, but at one point he wasreally, really bad.
(34:13):
Circulation was bad, blah blahblah.
He smoked since he was 12 yearsold and of course we had the
alcohol on top of that.
So his body I don't even knowhow I mean, mean, he had to be
strong as an ox.
He really was.
But the doctor said you know,you're, you're, I think it was
the left leg.
If you don't stop, if you don'tchange, if you don't stop
smoking and drinking, your legis really messed up and we might
(34:34):
have to amputate it.
Well, that got his attentionquick, because his father did
have his leg amputated same way,right.
So he, cold turkey, stopped,everything like just stopped,
and the change was astounding.
I was like are you telling methat if you didn't drink, this
is the dad I could have?
(34:55):
This whole time it was a nightand day difference.
It was like a whole differentperson got along with him.
Fine, would joke with him.
Carmen Lezeth (35:02):
Did he know he was a completely different
person, not drinking?
Rick Costa (35:06):
No, I don't think he really realized it.
Carmen Lezeth (35:08):
No, did he apologize to you?
Rick Costa (35:12):
He wasn't a big apologizer.
Carmen Lezeth (35:16):
I'm so sorry you went through that because, no
matter his part in it, you stillwere abused.
Rick Costa (35:25):
Yeah, and like you were saying, the physical
definitely sucks, but the longerlasting effect is the mental
abuse, because he always made mefeel like I was an idiot, I
didn't know how to do anythingright.
He would say really stupid,gross things.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (35:41):
If you ever get married.
Rick Costa (35:43):
You ain't even't gonna know what to do, like
that's his way of saying what hesaid, just how he would talk to
me and I was like, wow, reallydude.
And but then he like if he hitme, whatever, he would justify
it.
But like, well, when my fatherhit me, I flew across the room
and there was blood everywhereand I'm like you should
understand.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (36:04):
I'm just.
I'm just like.
Carmen Lezeth (36:10):
I wish I was there to give you a hug.
I just cause I can tell likeyou you have dealt with it to
the best of your ability, butyou're also protecting yourself
and you, just you.
You were a child and even if itdoesn't matter, no one should
be hit for being themselves andfor doing the best they can, and
I'm just so sorry you wentthrough that.
Rick Costa (36:31):
Yeah, and with my kid I never, never, hit him,
never, never.
I never had to Like he was sucha good kid mostly.
Carmen Lezeth (36:39):
Well, you were a good kid too, Rick.
Rick Costa (36:45):
That's the thing that baffled me.
Carmen Lezeth (36:46):
I'm like, I'm trying my best not to do
anything.
It wasn't you, you understand,it wasn't you.
Rick Costa (36:49):
I didn't know.
I was like maybe it's mebecause you're your kid you
don't know.
Carmen Lezeth (36:52):
But and by the way, uh, I'm gonna say something
that's not gonna be nice.
The alcohol was problematic,but it it also.
You know, like I'm pissed thathe was drunk and did that.
I'm just pissed about it andthat's.
I don't care that he was analcoholic, I care that you were
(37:15):
hit.
You see what I mean, like I youwere.
You were hurt and abused.
Like I don't forgive him.
I don't forgive him and I don'tknow him, but I don't forgive
him for what he did to youbecause you did not deserve that
.
Yeah, and I'm sure you were agood kid.
Rick Costa (37:31):
I was not the bad kid.
I did everything right as bestas I could, tried to do good in
school, obeyed them to the bestof my ability, tried to make
them happy.
Carmen Lezeth (37:40):
But if you know, it's not about that, because,
and even in when, when I wasgrowing up like people were mean
to me, people that supposedlyloved me and were supposed to
take care of me and it wasn't,it was never about me.
I was such a good kid, I wasalways a good kid and I was like
I was performing, I was incolor guard drum corps, I was
like dancing.
I was always active, I was inschool, I was doing all the
(38:02):
things.
I was even working.
I was even working at 12 yearsold, at little peach like, and I
was beloved by everyone else.
But the people that supposedlyare supposed to love you and
take care of you are the peoplethat are hurting you the most.
It's not.
It was never about you, neverabout you, never about you?
Rick Costa (38:22):
Yeah, for sure.
But you know, tell the littlekid that.
Carmen Lezeth (38:27):
I am telling the little kid that right now I'm
trying to tell him that I'm justsaying like that's, I mean
that's part of it, right, like,how do you tell your 12-year-old
self that you didn't doanything wrong?
I mean that's part of thetherapy, right, that's part of.
Again, I'm not a therapist, I'mnot trying to, but I'm just
(38:50):
saying what I've had to workthrough is talking to the 12
year old kid, the 13 year oldkid, the 15 year old kid, the 17
year old kid, like the kid thatkept not understanding why the
world was so like fucked up.
Well, no, abundance, abundance.
And then at home was fucked up,like the world was like, okay,
I'm ready, you know what I mean.
(39:11):
And then at home, and it'd belike what did I do?
Rick Costa (39:17):
and it was like the surgery I had was like it was.
It's a horrible thing to gothrough because like it was bad,
but it was a blessing indisguise, because after that he
never hit me again.
He never hit me again.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (39:27):
How old were you when you had the
surgery?
Rick Costa (39:30):
15.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (39:31):
Jesus Wow.
Carmen Lezeth (39:33):
Okay, so you had to have surgery in order to not
be hit, but did the emotionalabuse continue anyways?
Oh yeah yeah, yeah, so I stillthink that's worse.
Yeah, yeah, but you turned outbrilliant.
(39:54):
Not because of that, but inspite of it yes you became a
loving, kind, beautiful soul anda wonderful energy anyways, and
that is an amazing thing.
That's a beautiful thing andthat's what I always try to hold
on to, that it doesn't matterwhat I went through as a kid.
I'm here now and I'm prettyfucking amazing.
(40:16):
I'm just saying I know, I mean,I have my little flaws.
You know, ultimately, I think Imay be Black, I may be American
, oh, but I'm here.
Cynthia, were you abused at all?
No, I'm just kidding.
You want to join in?
(40:37):
That's so sad.
Cynthia had the perfect life.
Yeah, no, I'm kidding, I know,I know you had your thing.
You had your issues, but wedon't have to bring them up.
Yeah, yeah, how do you guys getthrough work when you're in a
(41:00):
situation that is really toohard to deal with, whether it's
a coworker, whether it's a boss?
I mean, rick, I know you've hadissues with your boss, like you
know, and you haven't given usthe update on the camera hands.
You know watching your handswork and he's never brought it
up again.
So you just ignore hisbullshittery.
That's what I'm feeling again.
(41:22):
Nope, so you just ignore hisbullshittery.
That's what I'm feeling.
In a way, it's good becausethey work.
You work from home and they'rein where?
New Jersey.
Where are they?
Florida, they're in Florida.
So in a way, there is somedisconnect.
So you can sometimes just blackout the screen or whatever and
be like ah.
Rick Costa (41:42):
You know what I was thinking though today?
This guy that he's got to kindof treat him with kid gloves
because he gets.
Who do you think you are kindof person sometimes when he
doesn't get his way and hestarts yelling.
But he brings us a lot of money, so we're trying to keep him
happy because he gives us money.
Carmen Lezeth (42:02):
It's a tough one .
Rick Costa (42:04):
But one time he just went off and I told my boss.
I said, listen, this guy justcussed me out left, right, up
and down like he thought he wasmy father and I'm like, no, I my
dad's dead, I ain't dealingwith that, no more.
So shockingly he called him.
Carmen Lezeth (42:19):
He says you will never talk to my employees that
way again yeah, okay okay, wow,okay, so that's good yeah I was
shocked, I was like wow how doyou, how did you deal with I
mean, I know how you dealt withsome people at your other jobs
and then not to put them on thespot, but just in general, when
(42:43):
people are just really likeyou're at your limit and you're,
you know you're getting, you'resad but you're angry and it's
gonna bring you down oh, let'ssee you.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (42:53):
ignore, rick, ignore.
Oh, I don't, I try not toignore it, I will like.
Whatever energy they're givingme, I, I'm going to give it back
.
Okay, so you already know, ifsomebody's snapping at me, I'm
going to snap right back at them.
You know, I've had a fewpatients do that to me and
(43:16):
sometimes I'll just look at themand I'll just give them a smile
and I'm just like are we done?
Are we done?
I said to a patient and I'mjust like are we done?
Are we done?
I said.
I said to a patient one daycause she just kept yelling.
I said look.
I said, um, I'm trying to helpyou.
Are you going to stop yelling?
Because if you're not, then I'mnot helping you anymore.
I had another lady on the phoneshe's just going on and on and
(43:38):
I said you need to stop talkingso that I can help you.
And my big boss was standingright behind me.
She just looked like, okay,like I wasn't rude about it, but
you just have to like, makeyour point.
Carmen Lezeth (43:52):
You know what?
I'm actually really bad becauseI fight back with my clients
too much.
Like I mean it's not even thesame energy Like I.
Just I know that I'm I'm reallyin a difficult situation
because my patience is gone withthem.
You know what I mean?
Like it's really just untenableat this point.
But I'm trying to remember thatpart of my job is to be the
(44:15):
kind of center of reasonableness.
My job is to actually helpeveryone Keep the equilibrium.
It's really bad when I'm likeat this place like this.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (44:27):
You know that's because you're not happy
there.
I think if you were happy thereIt'd be different.
You'd have no problem doingthat.
Because you're not happy.
Carmen Lezeth (44:39):
Well, it's not there, let's not say there,
because it's four differentcompanies.
I don't love what I do, but Idon't know if I'm not happy.
Well, it's not there, let's notsay there, because it's four
different companies.
Right, so it's four different.
I don't love what I do, but Idon't know if that I'm not happy
because, look, I make a decentliving, right?
I mean, I don't know how manypeople are happy doing their
jobs.
You and Rick may be, but youknow, I just spoke to Andrea
(44:59):
today and if we won the lotterytomorrow, we'd be out so happy
that your job would be likeyou're working a job you love,
and even if you won money, you'dstill be doing it, right?
I'm just I'm just throwing thatout there as a thing, like if
Andrea could cook and travel, Ithink that would be her happy
space and even though she lovesher job, if she won the lottery
(45:20):
she wouldn't do it anymore.
You know what I mean.
So I'm kind of in that sameboat what I don't like, but
you're right, I'm not happybecause I hate what I do.
It's not them, it's just like I.
I still have the dream.
It's kind of going back to the.
You know the triggers and thePTSD and the going back to that
(45:40):
it's.
I was supposed to be aperformer and a dancer and
whatever, and that was takenaway from well, you know, taken
away from me, and I had tochange the trajectory of where I
was supposed to go, with noguidance, with no help.
You know what I mean.
So I went to college, I didwhat I had to do, but it's kind
of like not healing that, notgrieving that I lost that or
(46:02):
finding another way to do it isprobably the problem.
That's why we do this show.
I mean, that's why I createdAll About the Joy, right,
because it kind of helps with medoing something that I love to
do, which is kind of having alittle talk show or having
friends that you can hang outwith and find the joy in things
(46:23):
anyway, right.
But I mean, you're not wrong, Ihate what I do because it's not
what I'm supposed to be doing.
I can already hear like GaryVee right now.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (46:38):
So do you feel like you act a certain way
because of that, because you'renot doing what you want to do?
Carmen Lezeth (46:48):
I mean when I'm in the office.
Yeah, what do you mean?
Act a certain way, like I puton a mask and I'm acting.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (46:56):
No, like you're frustrated with the staff
or your, your boss or whoever,and it's not necessarily because
of them.
It may be.
Carmen Lezeth (47:04):
Oh, no, it's them, it's them.
Yeah, I understand what you'reasking.
No, no, no, cause, here's thething I'm really good.
No, I'll be, I'll be so totallystraight up.
The thing that I there's a lotof things I'm good at and
there's a lot of things I suckat, and I'm happy to discuss
what I suck at.
But in this case, when I haveto do something and this is this
is evident within my entirelife I do it 110%.
(47:27):
So if I'm being paid a job todo a job, whatever it is, I'm
going to do it 110% and I'mgoing to be happy.
I think, okay, I'm not going tobe happy, but I'm going to do
the job well you know what Imean and I'm going to do
whatever.
I think what's actuallyhappening is yeah, I don't love
doing this, but I've never loveddoing this.
(47:47):
But I think people are abusiveof my kindness.
People are abusive because I amsomebody that is approachable
and because I am in charge, orbecause I'm the person.
Then people like, peopleconfuse, like I'm not your
friend, like I don't care, likeone of my clients and I love her
(48:08):
and she knows who she is and ifshe listens to this show, she'd
go.
No, I'm not going to say hername, but she's always.
Like we're going to go for adrink.
No, we're not, we are never.
And she's like, yes, we are.
I'm like we are not going for adrink.
She's like, if we go to thisplace, so-and-so, because she
wants me to travel with her, togo deal with one of the other
issues we have in another state.
She's like we're going to haveto.
(48:28):
What are you going to do atnight?
Like she'll, she's adorable andshe's funny.
I'm like it's never going tohappen.
I will be in my hotel room.
She's like you're not going tostay at a clear about the
boundaries that I have with myclients.
You know what I mean and eventhough I love that they think we
(48:50):
can have a friendship, I makeit very clear we do not have a
friendship.
So one of my clients just foundout the other day because he
asked me how did he?
Oh, oh, because I had my nailsdone.
I had my nails done.
I had my nails done and he waslike, let me see your nails or
whatever, and I'm like it was soawkward and I have like polka
(49:12):
dots on some of them, whatever.
It's like I.
I went, I was with my niece,whatever.
He's like your niece, like abrother, a I'm like, oh, my gosh
.
So I had to explain, cause allthis time, all these years, no
idea like anything about mybackground you have a book.
Wait, I don't have a copy ofyour book.
(49:34):
I'm like your wife read my book.
You know what I mean.
Can I get a copy of the book?
I was like, and that's what I.
You know what I mean, like itwas funny, but it also I mean
I've, I've known him what six,seven years.
(49:57):
So that's kind of like I'mreally good at putting that
boundary, but I think peoplethen abuse that.
So in the next breath, he willnext week, start screaming and
yelling at me or other people onthe staff on the staff that I
supervise, or whatever and beupset about something and talk
down to people and be cruel andmean and there's no need for any
of that.
You can be upset aboutwhatever's happening, but you
(50:18):
can talk to people and be like,okay, you know what this didn't
work out, what happened toeveryone.
There's that way of doing it,or like I can't believe you
people, what's wrong, and havinga temper tantrum.
I can't believe, I pay all youpeople, this money for this, for
this, it's like people feelthis big.
Rick Costa (50:41):
Would it be fair to say that what you do for people
that have no clue is kind of tryto bring order out of chaos?
Carmen Lezeth (50:50):
Sure, yeah, yeah , I do consulting work and
basically I manage teams.
So, yeah, I mean, it goes likeone of the people I work for, I
want to shoot myself as I'mdoing something as simple as
bookkeeping, like here's how wedo the bookkeeping and here's
how we file stuff.
And here's like just setting upthe office, so it's, and
(51:13):
there's like no procedures,right, there's no.
So setting up procedures inoffices so people know, okay,
the mail comes in, who's openingthe mail?
Because, if not, the mail issitting in a bin, in a mail bin,
for weeks.
And then people like, why isthe gas turned off?
You didn't pay the bill, youknow what I mean.
Like it could be something likethat, you know.
(51:37):
And no, I don't enjoy doing this.
I'm good at it because I'm veryorganized and whatever.
And then, and then there's likethe other clients they're the
same clients I deal with Likethey don't want to deal with
talking to their lawyers ortheir CPAs, so I will talk to
them and then relay information.
Or if we have to transfer, likeyou know, a million dollars
(51:58):
from this account to anotheraccount because they're building
a house or whatever, I'llhandle that with their financial
people.
So it's a big swath, but it'sbasically being somebody's
liaison between them and theirstaff or them and their other
entities.
Do you see why I hate the job?
Rick Costa (52:22):
It cracks me up because I would say, for the
company I work for now, I thinkin their mind they think like,
even though we are a smallcompany, but in their mind they
think like, yeah, we run like abig company.
I'm like no, no, no, no, no.
I've worked for GE, I've workedfor big companies And'm like no
, no, no, no, no.
I've worked for GE, I've workedfor big companies, and the way
I'll do stuff, no, this is liketotally mom and pop, like what
(52:43):
are y'all doing?
Like really, that can befrustrating, first because for
somebody that likes order andlikes to be done correctly, the
right way and makes sense, andthen I have to deal with this.
Carmen Lezeth (52:56):
It's like yeah, I think my clients yeah, I'm not
blaming them for everything.
I mean, cynthia, it's not wrongwhat you're saying.
I mean I don't love what I do,but I don't love people who are
cruel to other people.
It doesn't matter what partlike you, show me who you are
(53:18):
when things are bad and whenthings are wrong.
And the reason why I love oneof my clients is it doesn't
matter what the If somebodymakes a mistake, you punching
down on them and making themfeel like shit isn't going to
make them not make a mistakeever again.
(53:43):
It's going to make them.
It's verbal abuse.
It's verbal abuse and they'regoing to make the same mistake
over and over again.
They're probably going to be sonervous and frustrated and it's
like people don't.
And that's part, part of my jobtelling the people that hire me
that the reason why your peopleare making mistakes because
they all fear you and becauseyou talk like shit to them.
Anyway, people don't listen.
(54:06):
But when you can, when someonemakes a mistake an honest
mistake, not a careless mistake.
There is a difference.
A careless mistake is themistake you keep making over and
over and over again because youhaven't learned your lesson,
you haven't changed somethingRight, I'm not OK with careless
mistakes.
You can make a mistake, butdon't make that same mistake
over and over and over again,because then I'm like, okay,
cool, you know, and when you cando that, you help people grow,
(54:39):
you help people feel good aboutthemselves.
They're human, you're humanCause, by the way, all of my
clients make mistakes all daylong and you know what they do.
They never take responsibilityfor it.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (54:50):
Never, of course, yep, of course.
Carmen Lezeth (54:54):
And I'm gonna call that shit out every time,
every single time, and I do, youknow.
But I think that's what adds tothe sadness and frustration,
because I resent Okay, I'll sayit that way I resent the work I
do.
I will do it a hundred percent.
(55:16):
I go in with a good attitudeand I never bring my shit into
work.
I don't, but would I rather bedoing something else?
Yes, yes, in case you didn'thear me.
I mean, would you want to bedoing something else?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (55:40):
Yes.
Carmen Lezeth (55:41):
I'm sorry.
What's Cynthia?
Yeah, yes, Do you think itfrustrates you that you do the
work that you do?
And maybe sometimes I mean.
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (55:58):
I don't think you bring stuff to work,
do you?
Oh God, no, oh, no, no, no.
Like I know, I do my job verywell, I came back and I had to
do all this work that the otherone did not do and I did it this
whole week, in three daysactually.
Carmen Lezeth (56:12):
But this is what I'm talking about.
We have our own stuff we'redealing with, right, like having
to deal with even my client notknowing that I wrote a book or
whatever, and him wanting toknow and me not feeling
comfortable with him.
No, yeah, I don't know.
You know what I mean.
It was just like a weird thing,but then it was adorable, like
he was trying.
You know what I mean, but afterlike what?
(56:35):
Six years?
But there's no reason why hewould know because I have that
lineup, you know.
No, I don't think him and hiswife are talking about my book
like I don't think it's thatkind of thing like, oh my god, I
read such a great book, but Idon't think it's that, I'm just
saying like it.
You know, like we have our ownstuff too.
You know, like I came home andI was like I don't know how I
(56:57):
felt about that, and what doordid I just open?
And now I have to bring him adamn book.
He could just buy themotherfucking book.
Like he could afford to buy 20of them.
Why, why haven't I?
And then I go down the rabbithole.
Why am I still doing this job Idon't like to do.
You know what I mean?
Like he's.
So, rick, if you were, if youbecame a millionaire tomorrow,
(57:18):
you would still be working forthis man.
No, he's like millionaire shoot.
You know what would be great Ifwe could do this on a more
(57:39):
regular basis and get paid forit?
Rick Costa (57:40):
Yes, that would be cool.
We do do this and get paid forit so why not dream?
Carmen Lezeth (57:48):
Yeah, we do this and we don't get paid for it,
so it would be perfect.
We're trying, we're working onit, and I think that brings me
joy.
Before we end, i're going to,we're working on it and I think
that would.
That brings me joy, you know.
But before we end, I just wantto ask a few questions.
I know I already talked about alittle bit, but I want to talk
about things people shouldn't doif they're feeling like they're
(58:08):
sad or going down the road ofdepression.
We always talk about things youshould do, right, but I want to
bring up a couple of things.
Drinking alcohol If you're sadand depressed.
I would stay away from thealcohol and the drugging because
that is a momentary thing thatyou think might make you feel
(58:29):
good, but inevitably it's notgoing to help and it could lead
to a very dangerous habit.
Mm-hmm, lead to a verydangerous habit.
My favorite downfall eatingsweets, chocolate cake in
particular, I would stay awayfrom.
But eating, emotional eating,being sad and eating.
Rick Costa (58:50):
And not only the eating.
You're more likely than not toeat junk and crap food and now
you're putting that in your bodyand you feel sluggish.
Now you have no energy, whichis already an issue, because you
don't feel like doing that,because you're fat and depressed
.
You're just compounding.
It's making it way worse.
Carmen Lezeth (59:05):
Yeah, so staying away from those things too, but
passive doom scrolling orpassive TV watching.
Rick Costa (59:13):
The danger of doom scrolling is you don't
necessarily know what you'regoing to see.
You might see something that'sgoing to take you off even more,
because you don't know.
Yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (59:21):
And you can be on doing that for hours,
especially when you're upset andangry.
Cynthia, you have anything elseyou want to say?
Cynthia Ruiz Lopez (59:30):
Yeah, just anyone who's feeling down.
Don't isolate yourself.
Force yourself to either getout of bed, go for a walk, like
you said, listen to music Likesometimes when I'm upset and I'm
coming home from work.
I won't put on, like you know,soft music.
No, I'll put on some rock orsomething and, just like, let it
(59:53):
out that way, sing the song youknow and then afterwards you
feel better.
Then you can change the music.
Carmen Lezeth (59:59):
There's something a little more soothing
, you know, um I think that'sgood, but you know what I was
listening to this week?
I was like, hey, drake, I hearyou like him.
I couldn't get the whole superbowl halftime out of my head.
It's so funny, it keeps makingme laugh because that face, la
cara that he makes you know whenhe's walking by.
(01:00:21):
It's so funny, it's so cheesy,it's hilarious, rick.
Any last words?
Rick Costa (01:00:27):
Another thing I don't know if we really brought
it up was exercise can also helpa lot because it really
releases endorphins in your bodythat makes you feel in a good
mood.
I do agree with Cynthia, thoughProbably the most important
thing is that isolation thing.
That's the last thing.
Carmen Lezeth (01:00:43):
I mean for a minute.
Rick Costa (01:00:44):
Okay, but you need to talk to somebody.
If you don't want to talk to atherapist, you know, if you're a
church person, pastors kind ofdo that too.
Talk to a pastor, somebody,maybe elderly, you know that's
not fair and you know somebody,somebody will listen.
Carmen Lezeth (01:01:01):
Somebody will listen.
You got to talk to somebody,it's true, all right.
Well, thank you so much.
I appreciate you guys chimingin.
I know this is a little bitheavier of a subject that we
usually do, but I love that wekind of brought it back to joy.
You know what I mean Findingways through things, and that's
a good point.
Don't isolate yourself, and youcan always come and hang out on
(01:01:23):
Friday nights on the show.
We are here Friday nights, 6 pmPacific, 9 pm Eastern.
All about the joy.
We're always going to have agame, we're always going to try
to laugh and chuckle and at thevery least, you can maybe find
some happiness and laughter inour buffoonery.
I don't know, that's my newtagline in our buffoonery, but
(01:01:45):
so check us out on Friday nightsand, yeah, thank you everyone
for joining us and remember, atthe end of the day, it really is
all about the joy.
Bye everyone, thanks forstopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
(01:02:06):
Have a sweet day.
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