July 27, 2025 • 57 mins
The paradox of modern life hits hard in this raw, honest conversation about loneliness in a hyper-connected world. What begins with a surprising encounter - a Gen Z colleague who prefers coming to the office rather than working remotely - unfolds into a deeply relatable exploration of why we're all feeling so disconnected despite endless digital connections.
We dive into that visceral, emotional reaction when someone unexpectedly checks in on you, and why it can bring you to tears. There's something profoundly different about physical presence versus digital interaction that our bodies recognize even when our minds try to convince us otherwise. As we observe, "I think there's something about physically hanging out with your friend... it's not the same" as connecting through screens.
The conversation takes illuminating turns through personal stories of isolation, caregiving challenges, and the common misunderstandings around introversion and shyness. We challenge the popular notion that personality type determines your need for connection - the truth is, loneliness affects everyone regardless of where you fall on the social spectrum. One particularly poignant observation captures the irony of our times: "Because of this internet which has brought us together, we're more apart."
We don't just commiserate - we explore practical strategies for rebuilding connection, from community groups to Meetup.com, and simple daily practices like music, humor, and outdoor activities that can ease the ache of isolation. This episode offers both validation for what so many are feeling and pathways toward meaningful connection in a world that often keeps us apart.
Ready to feel less alone in your loneliness? Listen now, and then reach out to that friend you've been meaning to call - they might need to hear from you as much as you need to connect with them.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:04):
Hey, rick Costa, welcome to All About the Joy,
the Private Lounge, everyone.
It's just me and Rick today.
Rick Costa (00:10):
Hi, how are you?
Carmen Lezeth (00:14):
Wait, what did you just say?
Rick Costa (00:15):
How are you?
How are?
Carmen Lezeth (00:17):
you.
So you just woke up.
Let's just be honest about whatjust happened.
So you're in the perfect modefor our subject today.
Rick Costa (00:25):
Yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (00:27):
Just kidding.
Well, we can just say we can,we don't have to, we can just
chit chat, we don't have to dothe show Like it's fine.
Well, okay, Well, the topicwe're going to so I should
probably tell you why I pickedthe topic, cause I think in the
past we talked about it a littlebit, I think.
Before we've talked about it,I'll tell you two things that
(00:47):
happened this week that made merealize that I wanted to kind of
have this conversation, andalso it's something I've been
thinking about, right.
So one was one of the officesthat I work in this.
I think she's Gen Z, I don'tknow how old she is, but she's
young and and she came in, shealways meets me there at like 7,
30 in the morning, which I haveto say, the reason why I go in
(01:08):
early is because I can get somuch work done and nobody's
there, because the many peoplecome in at like 10, 11 o'clock.
It's like ridiculous.
You know what I mean.
So she comes in and I say hi toher and I'm like why are you
here so early?
She's like I love coming intothe office and just getting work
done.
Now, you know everyone's likeremote from home.
So you know I had to have aconversation with her.
(01:28):
I was like wait, what she's?
So she goes.
She's like as much as I likehaving the freedom to work from
home.
She's like there's somethingabout being around people and
just like the energy and the.
Okay, can I say again this islike a Gen Z person.
It totally threw me, but it wasa great conversation and it was
so unexpected.
I just was thrown by it and ina roundabout way, what she was
(01:53):
saying was it's really lonely tobe home by yourself, like she
was like it's you know nobody'sin my house.
Like my parents go to work andI'm the only one home and my
brother, you know, he'straveling and dah dah, dah
traveling.
And then she's like and then Isit at home all by myself, she's
like.
So I was really excited to geta job where I had to go into an
(02:16):
office.
Rick Costa (02:16):
Weird, right, because that's not the norm.
Maybe that's what it is.
Carmen Lezeth (02:18):
I would say she's not extroverted at all.
I think it's just about I thinkthere is something happening
where people this isn't reallyabout working from home or
working remotely I think therewas something deeper happening
where we're so disconnected fromeach other.
The other thing that happenedthat day which threw me for a
(02:40):
loop was I got a text from Mario, who we love.
We love Mario, and so, forpeople who don't know, mario's
usually been on the show withhis wife, alma.
They've been having a lot offamily issues and Mario has been
very ill lately and dealingwith some stuff personally and
he was in the hospital, whatever.
And he's texting me and he'slike hey, just thinking about
(03:05):
you, wanted to know how you weredoing.
Um, whatever, he's like miss,you, hope you're doing well.
And I was like and I started tocry.
I was like he's, he's worriedabout me, he's checking in with
me, and I was like, oh my God.
And here's the thing I couldn'tanswer his text because I was
at work when he sent it.
So when I got home is when Iwas able to respond, and of
(03:28):
course, I'm all choked upanswering because he did a voice
.
What is it?
Voice note Is that what we'recalling them now, sure, and I
felt like such a fool.
But I was like, oh my people,it's not the same thing.
Like I miss my friends, I misshanging out with my friends and
(03:49):
my friend Mia was supposed tocome visit for a week but
because of everything happeningin Los Angeles and the political
climate, we made the decisionit's probably not a good idea
for her to come right now.
You know what I mean With, like, ice agents and all this crap
and stuff.
But I'm really sad, like I'mreally miserable about it.
Rick Costa (04:09):
Crap and stuff but I'm really sad, like I'm really
miserable about it and I think Ithink I'm lonely.
Carmen Lezeth (04:12):
So I wanted to talk about it because I'm like I
didn't even realize that maybeI'm lonely and I'm hearing
someone else who's talking aboutit so easily and you know she's
like no, I want to come in theoffice because then I'm around
people, thoughts, what do youthink?
Rick Costa (04:29):
yeah, like for me, for example, my best friend just
moved out of state so I'm notgonna see him anymore like the
only person I really interactedwith, outside of mom, of course,
and occasional family visit.
So I'm like, hey, nobody now.
Awesome, we watched a movie umthis past sunday just so we
(04:50):
could do something together.
He had never seen a furiousseven.
I don't know how he picked thatone.
He said oh, really good movies.
So I have like um one of thoseuh projector thingies so I put
it in the basement and if youwatch it at night it looks
perfect and it's like huge and Igot big speakers right behind
your ears, whatever, and so itfeels like at the movies with um
zero gravity chairs.
(05:10):
He's like I love this chair allright, so rick is clearly
living large.
Carmen Lezeth (05:15):
Okay, I'm just kidding.
Good yeah, so um wait, why didhe move out of state for work or
something, or?
Rick Costa (05:22):
no, I think he just felt like connecticut he was
done, he was done okay, wheredid he move?
Carmen Lezeth (05:29):
like far away or north carolina oh okay, I mean
no, no, no offense in northcarolina.
I mean that's like like if youhad said you know boston, I'd be
like oh, that's not too far,you know, but okay, north
carolina's a flight, yeah, yeah.
Rick Costa (05:42):
So he's like, yeah, so well, one day when your
situation changes, wink, wink.
We know what that means Some ofus he goes, I'll fly you down
just so you can hang out with us.
I was like I may take up, takeyou up on that, you never know.
I'm like now.
I mean we talk on video, on thephone, all the time.
It's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth (06:09):
Yeah, it's not the same.
It's not the same.
So, yeah, so I'm in that kindof weird position right now
myself.
So, you know, I mean I have amom, of course, but it's not the
same as what you'll have.
Well, it's not the same because, for people who don't know,
especially people listening tothe audio, you take care of your
mom.
Who is dealing with?
I always say dementia,alzheimer's, but I don't know
which one.
It is Dementia, yeah, dementia.
You've been doing it for howmany years now?
Rick Costa (06:22):
It's at least three.
Carmen Lezeth (06:23):
Like three years, that's a lot and it's not
getting better right.
Rick Costa (06:27):
It generally does not.
Carmen Lezeth (06:35):
Does not get better.
Yeah, so you're isolated in avery different way because
you're a caretaker as well, andthat's like.
In a lot of ways it's such ablessing and so beautiful
because you are able to takecare of your mom, which is a
lovely thing.
You know what I mean.
But it's got to be draining,it's got to be painful, and then
your one friend that was in theneighborhood is that the right
way to say it In theneighborhood?
Rick Costa (06:55):
It wasn't exactly close, but I mean.
Carmen Lezeth (06:56):
Oh, you guys would hang out, you would hang
out.
Rick Costa (06:58):
For a while He'd come by after she was asleep.
Carmen Lezeth (07:11):
So make sure, sure you know we have peace and
quiet and not to do anythingcrazy going on.
But yeah so, but yeah.
So.
How do you think loneliness Imean, I don't know, I don't want
to project that on you wouldyou say that that's loneliness
or you're fearing?
Rick Costa (07:18):
it or you might, or I mean, I think one of the
reasons why I literally dobroadcast every day is to try to
still have contact with people.
Again, not the same as beingwith people, but it's better
than nothing.
If I didn't have that, I thinkI would definitely go stir crazy
, even though I am an introvertand an indoor type person.
(07:38):
There's only so much you cantake of that.
Carmen Lezeth (07:41):
Yeah, but see you and I have had this
conversation about I really hatewhen people say they're an
introvert, everybody's anintrovert, everybody wants to be
an introvert, like I don't knowwhy.
That's the thing.
I'm not taking that away fromyou, I'm just saying it's.
You never hear anyone say likeI'm an extrovert.
Rick Costa (07:58):
Oh, I definitely have.
Carmen Lezeth (08:00):
I don't hear anyone say that Everyone wants
to be an introvert.
The reason why I think thatdoesn't matter in this case
because that's not thedefinition of loneliness at all,
like it doesn't matter ifyou're an introvert or extrovert
.
Loneliness is something thathappens because we don't have
connection with people.
And I'm going to add this, andI'm no doctor or scientist or
whatever but I don't think it'sjust about connecting on social
(08:24):
media or on Zoom calls orwhatever.
I think it's about actuallybeing in person, because we're
social beings.
I was shooketh shooketh, I tellyou at my reaction when Mario
texted me, because I wasn'texpecting it, not him texting me
, but my reaction to it was sovisceral it was so I don't know
if was so visceral Like it was,so I don't know if that's the
(08:46):
right word it was so physical,you know, um, and I couldn't
contain myself and I thought,like what is wrong with me?
And then I realized I go weekswithout talking to my friends.
I go to work, I see people atwork, I see people at the
grocery store, I see, but I'mnot really talking to them.
Does that make sense?
Like I'm not hanging out withthem.
I'm doing my work and leavingor getting my groceries and
(09:08):
leaving, or going to the drycleaners or whatever it is.
I'm not hanging out andlaughing.
Rick Costa (09:16):
Yeah, it's to say you can't really have the same
kind of deep conversations youcould have as if somebody is
actually with you.
You can, but it's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth (09:25):
It's not the same .
And so one of the things I usedto love, like I used to hang
out and andrea and I live in thesame state but she's like an
hour from me, it's not likeshe's not that close, you know
what I mean.
And also she has kids and youknow they're older now and what
chickens, fucking chickens, youknow what?
I think that's the reason why Ihaven't seen her those days.
(09:45):
I forgot about the.
But one of the things I used tolove hanging out with, and jay
and I, like at least once amonth, used to go and have
dinner and hang out and laugh,whatever.
But even when she lived here,like when we lived in the same
at least area, you knowneighborhood or whatever you
know we used to hang out a lotmore often and it was just
(10:07):
easier.
I also think it might be an agething.
I think maybe as we get older,um, we detach more.
I don't know.
What do you think?
Rick Costa (10:16):
I don't know if age has as much to do with it,
because I've seen older peoplelike be attached to the hip.
I mean, I kind of think ofthink of it as a fun example.
But like the golden girls,there's some people that age.
They really are constantlytogether like that.
Carmen Lezeth (10:30):
So I agree with you, but those people live Okay,
not all of them, but a lot ofpeople.
They live in communities forthat reason, like they live in
assisted living or in you knowwhat I mean.
Like they have, like there areapartments for people over 55.
(10:56):
I'm like I don't know what thatwas about, but, um, but I
wonder if that also is part ofit too.
Like the people you're talkingabout are people that are at a
certain age where they decide tolive together or they're
retired.
They have something in incommon.
I just feel like all of myfriends who are my age, who I've
used to hang out with orwhatever.
Rick Costa (11:11):
We've just moved on could it be because most of them
are married.
So that's why, maybe you knowyeah, for sure my life.
I got stuff to do.
I can't.
I'm not single.
I can't just go out and dowhatever I want, Anytime I want
to.
I got kids, but you know it iswhat it is.
What are you going to do?
Carmen Lezeth (11:30):
Yeah, I don't do so.
I kind of have a rule and Iknow it's annoying to some of my
friends Like I don't call myfriends because they're the ones
with the kids Now, their kidsare older now, so I guess it
could be different.
But in the past what wouldhappen is I would call my
friends and they'd be like oh mygod, carmen, I can't talk to
you right now because the baby'scrying.
I'll be like oh, okay.
So then I was like you knowwhat you call me when you're
(11:51):
ready, you know what I mean, andthat just felt like a better
thing.
But now that's become kind ofthe norm.
So I don't call my friendsbecause I'm like they're the
ones with the.
You know they have to taketheir kids on their, whatever
they do I don't even know whatthey do or play dates or
whatever all those things arethat parents do.
(12:11):
That I don't do.
So I'm I always am like, but Ithink I I know for a fact too
that if I called my friends theywould call me.
But I don't.
It's not an emergency, I'm justlike hey, I just miss you, just
want to hang out, but theycan't.
You're right, it is so.
I need some more single friends.
That's what it is, I think,okay, there's a call out.
Call out to single friends inthe LA area.
Rick Costa (12:32):
We ain't got no kids no go ahead, Maybe text them
and say like hey, can you talkon the weekend and pick a time
or something.
Carmen Lezeth (12:39):
But you know what it?
It's not about talking to them.
I talk to them all the time.
It's not that I think what I'mtalking about because, like, one
of the questions I want to talkabout is mentally and
physically right.
I think there is something andagain I didn't research this or
whatever.
This is me and you chitchatting right, Like I think
there's something aboutphysically hanging out with your
friend.
Like you just said, you guyswatched a movie in your basement
(12:59):
and hung out or whatever.
Like you hung out or whatever.
Like you and I could sit hereand watch a movie on here.
We could right it's not thesame, but it's not the same.
Rick Costa (13:10):
It's not the same, that's snacking together and,
you know, looking at each otherlaughing, like that was really
funny, like it's just weird.
Carmen Lezeth (13:17):
Yeah, it's just weird, do you think?
Do you think loneliness looksdifferent today than it did
maybe 10 years ago?
Rick Costa (13:27):
I don't know if it looks different.
I think it's probably moreprevalent than ever before.
Oh, Because of this internetwhich has brought us together,
we're more apart.
Carmen Lezeth (13:39):
Isn't that?
Rick Costa (13:39):
fascinating.
People talk about it all thetime.
When I grew up, when we haddinner, we all sat at a table
and we talked, and now it's likeeverybody's eating in their own
room, or if they are together,they're on their phone, so it's
like it's a different world.
Carmen Lezeth (13:54):
I think I'm going to say something that is not
profound or anything, but Ithink social media has probably
made us less.
It's not about connectedthere's got to be a better word,
because I think we are moreconnected.
I would again.
We always talk about I wouldhave never met you if it wasn't
for social media.
I would have never.
We, we would not have our showthat we have the way we have it
(14:16):
if I hadn't met you.
You know what I mean.
So there's the great plus sidesof social media that I will not
abandon or throw under the bus.
I think social media is a greatthing, but, like a microwave,
it's not going to overtake anoven.
You know what I mean.
I don't mean to be goofy thatway, but social media doesn't
(14:36):
take over actually being inperson and hanging out with
people.
Rick Costa (14:40):
Yeah, I think another issue too is that things
are so much more expensive.
You know, people just don'thave the money to go out to the
movies, go out to therestaurants I just called you
girl, girl because, okay, let metell you, I just went to the
grocery store.
Carmen Lezeth (14:56):
I'm not even kidding, so I don't complain
about grocery store things orwhatever but today, and I went
to the same grocery store.
I don't know what happened fromlast week, I think I went to
the grocery store two weeks agotwo weeks ago because I go
pretty regularly.
Okay, so this week, my coffee,which was 9.99, I buy pete's
(15:16):
coffee, columbia coffee or, um,uh, major dickersons if people
know what pete's coffee is andthey don't sponsor us, but they
could um, it was nine, 99, twoweeks ago, and I remember cause
I bought like three bags.
I'm like I'm just going tostock up.
You know what I mean Today 15,99, 15, 99.
(15:36):
That's crazy.
Rick Costa (15:39):
That's crazy.
Carmen Lezeth (15:40):
So I came home and I was like I mean, all of it
was really expensive.
So I came home and I thoughtmaybe the other ones were.
First of all, this is likethat's my coffee.
I don't go to Starbucks orwhatever, but I make coffee here
.
So I was like maybe that wasold, but I know it's always
about like sometimes you can getthe deals like $7.99 or $9.99
and then you get the coupon orwhatever, and so that's why I
know, because I have my coupons,you know, but it wasn't, it's
(16:04):
just now 59.
All of them shook it.
It's a big jump, that's a bigjump, that's a big jump.
So yeah, I do think things aremore expensive, you're right.
Rick Costa (16:14):
I'm having to deal with that at work with like.
So we deal with so manydifferent companies.
People want to order stuff andthis company has that and that
company, and then that companyhas that, which makes my job a
headache Totally different thanwhen I first started.
And when I first started thatcompany, everything we had in
stock in our warehouse andthat's it.
It was much easier.
Now it's headaches because thisone's got that rule and that
rule and that rule and this oneand you drop ship for free.
(16:35):
You don't drop ship for free.
You don't drop ship at all.
He's like if my boss ever firesme, he's going to really find
out what a headache this jobreally is Right, but because of
the whole situation going on noweverybody's checking up their
prices and I'm like I didn'teven update all your 1,000
products on our website.
Now I've got to do it again.
Carmen Lezeth (16:57):
Yeah, it's because of the tariffs too,
because the tariffs are beingput to the consumer.
So, yeah, we all knew that waswhat was going to happen, I mean
.
But I think that's.
But even beside the wholetariffs thing and what's
happening in the political vibe,I think just also in general,
it's really difficult nowadaysto get on, you know, like to go
(17:19):
like fly to your friends now inNorth Carolina or whatever, to
say, hey, let's just hang outfor the weekend.
Like it's not even just thatit's expensive, it's also like
logistically a hard thing to do,Whereas before, like how did
you meet your friend?
What's his name?
Rick Costa (17:34):
Oh, corey, it was at church.
Carmen Lezeth (17:36):
Corey, so at church.
So it was like that's what I'msaying Like it was like a local
thing, you know, like in yourneighborhood, or like Andrea and
I lived in the same part ofWest Los Angeles when we first
met.
You know we worked together, sothen we would go out and we'd
hang out.
You know the same thing, me andI were roommates in college,
you know.
You know, there's just likejust kind of different things,
yeah.
Rick Costa (17:56):
People are like Disney world.
They're like Disney world Iain't got Disney world money
Like before.
People were like I'm just goingto save and then it's fine.
Now it's like you know howexpensive the Disney World is,
like everything's so expensive.
Carmen Lezeth (18:09):
Yeah, you know, I'm always going to say I don't
understand the Disney Worldthing.
But if that's your flavor,that's your flavor.
My brother from another motherwho I love with all my heart,
Billy.
He's huge into Disney, so I trynot to fight with people about
Disney.
I don't have Disney World money, and I'm glad I don't Even if I
did, I wouldn't be spending itthere.
I don't have Botox money that'smy new problem and I don't have
(18:31):
hair coloring money.
Rick Costa (18:34):
Yes, sorry, cynthia, and Mario and Alma, but I've
never been and I'm not in a rushto go either.
Carmen Lezeth (18:40):
Oh, you've never been to Disney?
No, but you're not a Disney fan.
Except that they bought Marvel,so that's not the same thing.
Rick Costa (18:47):
Yeah, yeah, but I do like amusement parks though.
I love that.
Carmen Lezeth (18:50):
I used to love amusement parks too, but I have
no interest in getting in aroller coaster anymore, so that
wouldn't make me happy anymore.
I used to love it, Especiallynow because they put you in
these harnesses and all theseand that would just make me
claustrophobic, you know.
But yeah, back in the day Iloved that stuff, but I saw one
the other day.
Rick Costa (19:08):
I was like y'all are insane.
It literally goes really,really high and then it goes
literally your head.
You're like waiting and thenstraight down like y'all, y'all
crazy.
Carmen Lezeth (19:17):
Yeah, they have a whole, like there's a whole
tiktok on just roller coasters.
If you just put that in thesearch engine.
And it's weird because you canactually watch it and then like
from the point of view of theperson in the seat and you can
almost feel a little like yeah,no, I'm not interested anymore,
like I've changed.
Rick Costa (19:31):
I've changed one that used to be called the mind
bender.
I'm like, I got off my.
It's the neck bender.
I'm in so much pain, right now.
Carmen Lezeth (19:38):
No, no, I would go skydiving again.
You know what that brings us.
To another Okay, wait, let'snot get off of the loneliness
thing.
What could we do?
What could we do to change up?
I think some of it we'realready doing.
We do try to connect in theways that we can, whether it's
doing your show or doing thisshow, or staying in touch with
those people that we can likeyour friend and making sure you
(20:00):
do movie nights and stuff likethat.
But are there other?
Rick Costa (20:07):
things that you try to do to make sure you stay
connected.
Yeah, I mean, I can't makepeople come to me and I treasure
when they do.
And then, like a little example, my cousin came Sunday.
She told me she was going tocome over.
I was like, hey, do you mind ifI run to the pharmacy to get my
mom's medicine?
And she turned up to like 10medicines Good Lord, that is a
lot of medicine.
And even though she would havedone it, but if she offered, I'd
(20:28):
be like, no, let me do it.
I never need it.
Let me go enjoy the cool airflowing through my head the air,
whatever Right.
In the car.
Let me enjoy going outsomewhere, even though it's like
not that far, but still Right.
Carmen Lezeth (20:49):
Any little thing I can do.
I'm going to try to do it, butare you and we've had this
conversation in the green roombefore, and I don't mean to put
you on the spot, but I mean youchoose to to take care of your,
your mom, right?
Rick Costa (20:54):
there's nobody else and I've seen how the nursing
homes are no offense if you workin a nursing home and you're
actually a good person, I'msorry.
Seven years with my father andseveral years with my
grandmother, that's not a placeyou want your parent to be.
Carmen Lezeth (21:07):
Okay, no, that's fair enough.
That's fair enough and I, Iapplaud you for what you do.
I just think it kind of sucksthat you don't have any help so
that you can like.
The one thing I do have, youknow, because I don't I'm not in
that circumstance at all Um isI I do go out to the beach and
hang out, but I'm still bymyself.
You know what I mean the fewtimes I do.
I mean I have a couple ofneighbors or whatever.
(21:28):
Sometimes we walk, not the samething.
I want my crew, I want myfriends.
I think I need to get newfriends.
Maybe that's what this show isabout.
Rick Costa (21:41):
How would you do that?
Oh, like those things where youcould join a group, like a
walking group.
Carmen Lezeth (21:45):
Meetup group like a meetup group.
So a long time ago not a longtime ago, but I met one of my
trainers back in the day becauseI did go to meetupcom Again,
they don't sponsor us but theycould and meetupcom you could go
and meet people in yourneighborhood.
You put in your zip code.
It's still a viable, reallygood website.
(22:08):
I think the thing about thatI've done like you could go
hiking, you can like there'sknitting, there's writing groups
, there's all these differentthings.
I know in the past, when I'velooked it up, like maybe a few
months ago, whatever you couldtell that some of the things
that I used to do whatever arenow dormant.
So like people like the groupis still there but they're not
really doing anything.
So you know, maybe I need tocheck it out again and be more
(22:30):
serious about it.
But I also think there'ssomething about going to your
local community.
Like every town, every city haslike a community center, you
know, and so I was thinkingabout that too.
And then I'm thinking like Iknow, back in the day that was
always all the old people.
Rick Costa (22:46):
You know you can totally hold me like oh, but you
know, maybe I gotta embracethis shit like I'm not 20,
something, I don't know Iremember and this very out of
character for me because, again,I know you said introvert, but
I would say I'm shy, ultra,super, super shy, right, um, so
I don't know if it's in Novemberand I assume they still do it
(23:08):
NaNoWriMo, I think it's called,where you try to write oh,
really, you try to write everyday, whatever a certain number
of words.
You try to do it.
If you fail, you fail.
Whatever it doesn't matter.
And I actually, because there'sa group where you can talk to
each other and encourage eachother, and I met some people
that were local to me and I waslike, not only that, but one of
the guys.
I ended up going to my first oneand only Comic-Con in New York
(23:30):
City with him and I was likethis is so not like me, cause
I'm like you know, I'm shy, Idon't get around strangers, but
I was like, no, do it Stop beinga chicken.
And I did it and being achicken, and I did it.
And I'm still proud of myselfbecause you know, again, I'm
super shy, like people don'tthink I am like when I yeah, I
don't think you're super shywhen I had meetups with my team
from the stuff I do online withpeople they were like, yeah, you
(23:52):
don't talk a lot.
I didn't believe you.
Carmen Lezeth (23:54):
We're not talking a lot.
Does it make you shy?
I'm just saying that doesn'tmake you shy, that's a stylistic
thing.
I I don't know again.
Again.
I know I'm always the personthat's fighting back with people
about being introverts andbeing shy or whatever.
Because I think people I'lltell you why not to change the
trajectory of how our show goes.
But you know, we got to do whatwe got to do.
(24:16):
I think somewhere along the waywe have been convinced that
being being humble has a certainbetterness about being on the
planet, and I think a lot of ithas to do with religion and
Christianity and Catholicism,whatever, like to be as humble
as possible.
And under the umbrella ofhumbleness comes these things of
(24:37):
oh I better be an introvert, ohI better be very quiet, oh I
better be very shy.
And I think all of that is notvery true.
I think it's something that hasbeen warped into our psyche
without us realizing.
The reason why I say I don'tthink you're shy is you know
what?
I'll put it in these terms.
(24:57):
So I'm not bashing you becausethat's the last thing I want to
do.
I don't mean to be bashing you.
Everyone's like oh my God,michael Jackson was so shy.
Oh my God, janet Jackson,they're so shy.
No, they're not shy.
You cannot be shy and jump upon stage and do what you do Now.
Are you someone who, whenyou're by yourself or when
you're not being yourextroverted self, maybe need
(25:20):
time to be introverted, or youknow, those are stylistic things
.
True, shy people don't jump upon stage, you know I mean, and
grab themselves and do 15million things.
You know what I'm saying?
Like no, no, I'm just sayinglike.
I'm just saying it's like ifyou've ever met a really shy
person, they really um, it's nota negative thing, it's just you
(25:43):
could tell it's really hard toget them comfortable, to get
them to talk, to get them tocome out of their shell, and I
think there were fewer peoplethat I know that are that shy.
Rick Costa (25:55):
When I was young, when I was a kid, I believe that
I was so shy Like if myparents' friends came over I
would try to hide anywherebecause I don't want to talk to
nobody.
Don't ask me no questions.
There was only one guy thatwould come over.
I'd be like a little bit okaywith, because he'd be like hey,
I'm going to give you a dollar.
I'm like, ooh, a dollar I'lltalk now.
Carmen Lezeth (26:16):
Right, I mean, that makes more sense.
But I mean, like you're notthat kid anymore, you know.
But I think sometimes we holdon to stuff because we, you know
, we, we learned the label andwe, you know.
But I always laugh every time Iwould hear people talk about
Michael Jackson, and you know,my God, he's so shy.
Yeah, no, you know, and nooffense.
(26:38):
I loved Michael Jackson.
Actually, right before youlogged on, I was listening to
the Jackson 5.
You and I must make a pact.
I love that song.
We must bring salvation back.
Rick Costa (26:52):
I really think.
Carmen Lezeth (26:55):
Where there is love, I'll be there.
It's such a good song, don'tyou know?
See, we're good, okay.
Rick Costa (27:05):
I mean.
Carmen Lezeth (27:05):
I can't sing for shit, but you know, at least I'm
in tune, right, I'm in tune, um, but yeah, I mean, I think I, I
I love your demeanor and yourstyle and who you are, but I
would never say that you're shyor introverted.
Those are, are not things thatwould that I would ever.
Those would not even be in mytop 100.
(27:27):
You know, do I think you'rekind?
Yes, do I think you're someonewho's more thoughtful and a
better listener than I couldever be?
Like you listen to peoplereally well or you just ignore
and make us think you'relistening.
I don't know.
But, you know what I mean.
Like, I think that's a verydifferent thing.
Rick Costa (27:49):
One thing I've always been is observe observe
everything.
And I had to because I'vetalked about this before with my
dad, who was found out at theend of his life.
He was bipolar, like I had towatch like a hawk, like his
moods, because don't say thewrong thing, you set them off
and we start World War III.
I've been here so yeah, butI've always been an observer of
(28:11):
people.
Like I love going to the, whenI used to walk to try to lose
weight and I went to the mallbecause it was rainy outside,
because I definitely prefer towalk outside, I loved watching
people, not in a stalkery way,but I was like people are just
fascinating.
Carmen Lezeth (28:27):
Right way.
But I was like people are justfascinating, right, right, yeah,
and I think I, I think thoseare the types of characteristics
I would, I would say about you.
I do know a couple people whoare extremely shy.
They're so shy I wouldn't evenmention their names, you know
like because they don't like.
They don't like the limelightat all, they don't, they always
want to be in the background.
They they're not coming on herethey're never going to come on
this show.
You know, like they're reallyshy and they're extremely
(28:51):
introverted people and I thinkthat's why I'm like, yeah,
everyone who says they'reintroverted, I'm like please
stop talking.
You know what I mean.
Like, because I have twofriends and they're they're
they're not friends to eachother, they're separate people
and so when you know someone whois that, you realize, like a
lot of people say that they areagain, you and I've had this
(29:13):
conversation.
I think we're all a little bitof that, you know.
I think we're all bothextroverted and introverted.
I think sometimes, depending onwhat's happening in our lives,
we lean a certain way or not youknow, um, you know, sometimes I
want the world to be listeningto me, I want to be on stage, I
want to be talking, and thensometimes I just want to be left
(29:34):
alone and quiet and by myself.
You know what I mean like, butI would never say I'm an
introvert.
I would never be like oh my god, and I would never say I'm shy.
I would not be like oh my God,and I would never say I'm shy.
I would never be like I'm soshy, I would never say that.
So let me see how are youfeeling today and what makes you
feel lonely, if anything at all.
Rick Costa (29:58):
Interesting, another very.
This is not trying to changethe subject, but it's kind of
tying it in Another very famousperson passed away today that a
lot of people knew and I justfound out.
I was like what, oh my gosh,and there was another very
famous person that just died theother day and that gets me
thinking, like you know.
So when I go, is anybody goingto remember me?
(30:22):
And that can make you feel alittle sad and lonely and it
feels like am I doing enough?
Am I leaving my mark on theworld?
I don't want to die and nobodyremembers me.
You know what I'm saying?
There's nothing you could doand you're dead.
You're dead, but at the sametime it's like I don't want to
have come and not left some kindof a mark in the world.
(30:44):
You know what?
Carmen Lezeth (30:44):
I mean, but what would you?
I mean?
No, I mean, I know what youmean, but what would you do
differently to leave a like?
What does that mean?
To leave a mark in the world?
Rick Costa (30:53):
I just want people to remember me that I was kind
you guys, kind you guys, kindAll the white people are like.
I don't know what you'retalking about, right?
Carmen Lezeth (31:11):
now, but um, yeah , I don't want people to.
Rick Costa (31:13):
You know, think like you know, oh, he was a jerk, he
was a horrible, this horriblethat I don't want people to be
like, oh, no.
Carmen Lezeth (31:21):
Definition of good person yeah, that was a
good person but let me ask youthis it I've thought about this
a lot too, but in a verydifferent way.
Let me ask you this Does itmatter if a lot of people
remember you or just one person?
And I'll tell you before youanswer that.
I'll give you the reason why mymom.
Nobody talks about Emma SuarezNobody.
(31:42):
She wasn't a famous person.
You know what I mean.
She was a single mom and shewas a housekeeper and then she
was a teacher's aide and shedied very young.
She died at 49 and she died ofa heart attack due to asthma,
which should have never happenedif she had good healthcare.
(32:03):
I just want to put the plug inthere, because we should have
health care in this country foreveryone.
We really should.
Even back then, that wasn't agood reason for anyone to pass
away.
But I think about this becausewhen she died, I got upset in
the church because all of asudden there were all these
people in the church at thefuneral and I was like, where
(32:24):
were you now?
Of course, I was a little kidand I was, you know, having a
moment, but I was still notwrong.
That's what I love about it.
I still wasn't wrong.
Where were you all when she wasneeding help or needing you.
But the church was filled andpacked.
And I think to myself this iswhy, when people pass away now,
I'm like.
This is why when people passaway now, I'm like, I get it.
(32:45):
Your impact is while you'rehere, because when you move on
as time passes, even if you're afamous person, I think of Paul
Newman.
Remember when Paul Newman died?
I mean we were young but PaulNewman and he was a big deal,
(33:07):
and every time I go get saladdressing or something or see a
movie, whatever I'm like, but wedon't remember Paul Newman all
the time, it's just so.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
Is, what would you dodifferently or today to feel
better about your legacy?
Rick Costa (33:24):
or does your legacy?
Matter to go back to what youwere saying, though, like that's
the whole reason.
The whole expression is givepeople their flowers now that's
right that's the.
That's why that whole expressioncame about, because people love
to go to funerals and get oh,I'm gonna get you flowers.
Uh, she ain't gonna appreciateit if you did like hello, like
what are you doing?
Like yeah, and it's like it iskind of annoying, I know.
(33:46):
That interesting thing, though,is like for my grandma and my
dad, which were the two biggestones, and my cousin.
I don't remember necessarilyhow long anybody stayed, but I
know that you came like that,stuck in my head.
Carmen Lezeth (34:00):
I know that you came.
Rick Costa (34:01):
Oh, say that again for the people in the back even
if you only came for 30 secondsI'm on my lunch break, but I had
to come and people have saidthat.
But I remember you took thetime, you took the effort to
come.
You didn't have to.
It would have changed nothing,but I remember that and that
means a lot.
It does mean a lot.
But when you got all thesepeople that are strangers, like
(34:23):
why are you here?
Why strangers like, why are youhere?
Why is it to make you feelbetter?
Like why are you weird, right?
Carmen Lezeth (34:30):
so it can be annoying right, I think I think
one of the things that'sinteresting, though, too.
Just to get back to you talkingabout your legacy or whatever
it's like, it's like what youjust said give people their
flowers now, like I posted onfacebook and I wrote like.
If you just said give peopletheir flowers now, like I posted
on Facebook and I wrote like ifyou want to support me, if you
could please follow my sub stack, right, I think you saw that.
(34:50):
Or?
Or you know people could followour YouTube channel or anything
.
Because here's the other thingPeople always say they want to
support you, but then they don't.
Your best of friends will tellyou I got you, I'm here for you,
but then they don't.
And I don't get upset about it.
I don't get angry about it,because here's what I know.
I know it's not people'sintention to not be supportive.
(35:14):
I think people, like all of us,we're just all wrapped up in
our own lives, and I'm surepeople think, well, if Carmen
really needs me, she'll call meand ask me to join my sub stack
or whatever.
Like, I'm going to call 1500people or whatever.
But but I get it because we,like, we're all connected to
each other and so we think likewell, carmen's my friend, if she
(35:35):
really needs my help, she'llcall me directly, as opposed to
just posting it on Facebook.
You see what I'm saying?
Rick Costa (35:41):
I found out real quick on Periscope, because you
know I try to be big headed, butyou know I got a little bit big
over there.
Family never showed up, friendsnever showed up.
So I'm like you're going tohave to just build up your own
tribe from scratch and they willsupport you, but you weren't
bitter.
Carmen Lezeth (36:00):
were you with the family and friends?
Did you think people were doingit?
Rick Costa (36:07):
intentionally, no, no.
The part that makes me annoyedis I'm pretty sure I would do it
for you, but I can't makepeople be like me.
Carmen Lezeth (36:16):
Right, I think okay.
So I was thinking about thistoo.
I'm like I would do anythingfor any of my friends.
I really would, but sometimes Idon't know that they have
posted something Right Like, andit's not out of being mean.
So that's why I was sayingearlier, it's like I mean again.
Maybe I'm trying to find excusesfor some of my friends because
(36:36):
I don't want to be hurt.
It's possible.
But there's the other part ofme that thinks like I know
people have called me out andhas been like well, I asked you
three months ago and I'll belike what are you talking about?
They'll be like I sent anInstagram message.
I'll be like I don't look at it, but they everyone doesn't know
, because I post on Instagramall the time but people don't
(36:57):
know that I'm posting through athird party, that I'm not
actually looking at Instagram.
You know what I mean.
So I get why sometimes peoplemight think I'm not, because if
you don't reach out to mepersonally and you think I've
seen it on some social media andit's not because I'm so busy or
whatever, it's because I'm justnot doing it.
Rick Costa (37:19):
It's very easy to miss something on social.
Somebody the other day theysaid I tried to call you on a
facebook messenger and I neededan answer quick, but you didn't
answer.
I was like I don't usemessenger on my phone, I would
have never gotten the call.
I apologize, like what you wantme to do but you see what I'm
saying.
Carmen Lezeth (37:36):
So that's why sometimes I think when we, when
we ask people in that massiveway to support us or whatever,
and then they don't, I don't getupset with people because I
realized, like, I know I'm agood person and I know I've been
there for many people and whenpeople ask me to do something,
I'm there 100% and I know thatmy friends, who I love with all
(37:59):
my heart, that I would die for,would do the same for me.
I have no question about that.
So therefore, if I ask peopleto do something on social media
and not call them directly, thenit doesn't happen.
I can't be mad at them becauseI know I've done the same thing.
Does that make sense?
Rick Costa (38:17):
Oh yeah, definitely, Definitely.
Carmen Lezeth (38:18):
Yeah.
Rick Costa (38:19):
And, like I said, we can't get mad at somebody else
because they're not like us andthey don't do things the way we
do.
They're them, you're you.
I can't get mad.
Carmen Lezeth (38:28):
Right, but you also just admitted that you
don't get certain social media.
So people are like I can'tbelieve rick ain't supporting me
.
Rick Costa (38:36):
To them, you're like I didn't get it right, that
could be the same thing that'shappening to them or maybe I'm
crazy busy and that's why Ididn't answer you the in the
within the first five minutes ofyou send me a message like calm
down, maybe you're connected tothe internet like that, right.
Carmen Lezeth (38:52):
But you see, like I mean, I think that's part of
it too is like being able tounderstand that not everybody,
not everybody, is concerned withmy life or with your life.
We're all pretty much concernedwith our own lives.
Most of the day, right, likemaybe 85% of the day, I'm
concerned with my own existenceand I think I'm doing the best I
(39:16):
can every single day, justdoing what I can do, whether
it's being sad or lonely orbeing happy or having to work or
struggle through whatever, orwhatever it is.
And then the other 15% of thetime I'm doing other things for
other people.
I hope I am, you know, and I'mnot using those percentages like
wildly, I'm just kind ofguessing Because I want to
(39:36):
believe the best in people, youknow.
And like, the other day I did a,I don't know, I did some
posting or whatever, and nobodylooked at it and I was like, wow
, what did I write?
Did I write something bad, isit not?
I don't have the right SEO.
You, did I write something bad,is it not?
I don't have the right SEO andI'm like, you know, I just got
to let it go.
I just got to let it go and letit be and people will either
(39:58):
look at it or they won't, andit's okay.
You got to just create your owntribe elsewhere and people are
either going to gravitatetowards you or not.
And it's usually going to bepeople who don't know you,
because your friends and familyknow you.
They know how to reach you.
If they want your advice onwhatever it is, you just post it
on TikTok or whatever they'regoing to call you.
(40:18):
They're not going to look onsocial media.
Rick Costa (40:21):
Yeah, it's true.
Carmen Lezeth (40:24):
Yeah, still, that also adds to the loneliness,
right, because you want yourfriends and family to see what
you're doing and you want themto be excited for you or to
comment or to say something orto give a thumbs up or any
feedback at all.
And then you're like, okay,they didn't even look at it.
Rick Costa (40:43):
Right, right, and I don't need this.
It's just another thing Ididn't get to answer yet.
I don't need a million peopleto say you were a good person,
but the ones that kind of knowme, it would be nice if they
thought like you were trying tobe a good person.
Carmen Lezeth (40:58):
Let me ask you this, because now we're going to
get into another topic Ifpeople don't think you're a good
person, do you think that meansyou weren't a good person?
Rick Costa (41:08):
No, I mean people are going to think what they're
going to think.
I mean, for example, hate tobring up the past, but when?
Carmen Lezeth (41:19):
I got divorced.
Rick Costa (41:19):
There was a lot of lies told and I'm like I can't
even believe I'm going throughthis.
I don't even want to defendthis, because this is so
outlandish and ridiculous.
Who would believe this?
And that's exactly whathappened.
The people that knew me werelike, no, no, no, what a stupid
thing is that to accuse them ofno?
And so I just laid back and I'mlike, yeah, people that know me
, they're going to know this isbull crap.
And then, yeah, in the end.
(41:41):
And then the funny thing was inthe end, years later, like, oh,
I'm so sorry I put you throughthat.
That was all lies.
I was listening to somebodythat doesn't really like you and
I believed them.
I'm like, oh my God, are we inhigh school?
What is happening?
Carmen Lezeth (41:53):
I know, but does it matter?
It seems to me okay, I say thisnicely and kindly that it
really matters to you whatpeople think about you now and
also when you pass away.
Rick Costa (42:05):
Like I said, it keeps me out of time.
Carmen Lezeth (42:08):
Your opinions don't pay my bills, it's okay,
if it matters I would like it tobe okay, but okay, but we'd all
like it.
But my question is what wouldyou do differently?
Nothing like right now.
Rick Costa (42:24):
There's nothing I could do differently than what
I'm doing right now.
I'm giving my max, but what'sthe expression burning the
candle at both ends like I'mdoing everything I can.
There's nothing else I can do Iknow.
Carmen Lezeth (42:32):
So if you were god forbid whatever to pass away
tomorrow, why would you even beworried about what people
thought of you when you passedaway?
I'm just concerned that thatmatters to you no, I'm not
worried about.
Rick Costa (42:49):
It's not like oh my gosh all day long thinking about
it like at all, maybe like ohmy gosh all day long I'm
thinking about it.
Carmen Lezeth (42:53):
Maybe you've brought it up a few times in
this conversation, and look, theonly reason why I'm asking is
because I think a lot of peoplethink this way too.
Rick Costa (43:00):
Oh yeah, a lot of people do.
Carmen Lezeth (43:01):
A lot of people think this way.
I'm going to tell you the truth.
I don't think this way at all.
I don't think this way at all.
I know I'm a bitch, I'm justkidding.
Like I look at cause, I causecause here's.
Here's what I'm going to say.
You do the best you can in themoment you can with the cards
you've been dealt, and if you dothe best you can every single
(43:24):
day to live the best life youcan and do as good as you can,
then how can you fail, Like Ican't make any other choices
than the best choices I make inthis moment, and if I make a
mistake, I will go back and fixit.
But if I'm intentionally tryingto hurt somebody, or if I'm
(43:44):
intentionally trying to swindlesomebody, or if I'm
intentionally doing things thatare bad, that's a bad person.
But if I'm intentionally tryingto do good in the world and I'm
trying to share my best talentsand skills and I'm trying to
help people and I'm trying to,with my experience, share what
it is to have joy, no matterwhat the situation is or what it
(44:08):
is to walk through things, soyou get to the other side.
If I'm doing that every singleday to the best of my ability,
no matter the circumstance, nomatter how lonely or sad I am,
no matter how much I miss myfriends.
That is the best I can do and Ithink you need to know that.
You need to feel it in yourheart.
Okay.
Rick Costa (44:28):
Preach Pastor Carmen , preach Right Right, we'll pass
the comment.
Carmen Lezeth (44:29):
I Right Preach.
I mean preach Right, right,past the comment.
I like that.
But I'm just saying, rick, it'slike you are a really unique
and wonderful human being andthe idea that you would think
you wouldn't be thought ofbrilliantly when the day comes
to me is something I want to hityou about.
You know what I mean.
(44:49):
Like I want to intentionally belike what is wrong with you,
like if people have a problemwith you that's about them.
Yeah, I just think you're a goodperson, so it bothers me when I
hear you talk in a way of lackor negatively.
You're not being negative, buteven that thought of that anyone
(45:15):
would think badly about you tome is weird, because you're a
good and decent human beingdoing the absolute best you can,
sharing your talents and skillsto the best of your ability.
With the cards you've beendealt, you know what I, what I'm
saying, and and that's all youcan do.
What would you do differently?
Rick Costa (45:36):
you know it's now is making me think of.
I wonder.
This is part of that.
Remember I told you I went toto therapy after my whole
divorce thing because thelawyer's like, yeah, do whatever
she tells you to do, and thatwas part of it.
Um, then he said you have amessianic complex which is what.
Carmen Lezeth (45:51):
I don't know what that means.
Say it again.
Rick Costa (45:52):
So, basically, you think you can save everybody and
what that really means isyou're so busy doing stuff for
other people that you're notrealizing you're letting
yourself go down the drainBecause I got to help, I got to
help, I got to do, I got to do,but I think that's a whole other
problem.
Carmen Lezeth (46:12):
That's a whole different problem.
I mean, I don't know why youthink you have to do and help
other people.
Rick Costa (46:18):
I think it's because , again, the way I was raised
and I would try to be thepeacemaker, and yeah, it's deep
Therapy recession with Ricktoday.
Carmen Lezeth (46:29):
I.
But look, I don't think I meanI can cut all this out if you
want, I don't.
I just think it might helpother people.
I think part of that problem,just from my experience, is okay
, I don't want to hurt yourfeelings at all, but I'm gonna,
but I'm gonna, I'm gonna.
(46:52):
I think sometimes, when we areconstantly worried about other
people all the time, it's somuch easier to worry about
everybody else than to actuallydeal with our own actual selves,
right?
So I don't mean that in a badway, I just mean when we are
continuously in this space oflike I have to help this person,
I have to do this, I have to dothat, I have to do that, I have
(47:12):
to do that.
What it does is it makes youavoid dealing with Rick and who
Rick is.
What Rick wants, like yousquash Okay, here goes the
hurtful part you squash I knowyou're like oh, there's more
Right you squash everything thatyou want and need in life for
(47:36):
your mom.
Now, before you say anything,you and I have had this
conversation because I alwaysstop you.
I stop you from using your momas content, right?
We've had that where I shut youdown and everyone thinks I'm
mean.
And I let them think I'm meanbecause I'm like I'm doing
something that matters in adifferent way.
You can think I'm a bitch, Idon't care.
I don't want him using his momas content, cause that's not his
(47:58):
point.
That's not what you mean to do.
You know what I mean.
So I'm stopping you as a friend, right.
But I think what you do withthat too is like you're in this
situation and you are inmartyrdom role.
Martyrdom role.
I know you don't mean to be,but it's like you don't even
allow yourself to give yourselfa break.
(48:18):
You don't even allow yourselfto be angry and upset and pissed
off about it, and even thoughyou have every right to be upset
and pissed off and angry aboutit, you know, because even
though's your duty, it's alsounfair, right.
So you, caring about everybodyelse and taking care of
(48:40):
everybody else allows you not tohave to deal with this part of
it, which is you've made achoice that is a right choice.
A good choice makes sense.
Choice May not be the bestchoice, right.
The best choice would be if youhad other people helping you.
Am I right?
Rick Costa (48:57):
You know what I mean Like if you had other people
helping you.
That would be nice, that wouldbe lovely.
Carmen Lezeth (49:00):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So that would be the bestchoice, right?
I think that's what that'sabout.
Is that when we're always Ilearned the other way.
It's so weird how you and I areso different and yet
fundamentally a lot alike.
Because I was so alone, becauseI had to take care of myself,
because I had to figure out whatwas going on around me and
(49:21):
protect myself.
I actually make sure my cup isfull before I try to give
anybody anything.
Yeah, I don't give until I amokay.
So I'm the opposite I take careof me first you have no choice
and then when my cup is full,that's when I give to everybody
(49:43):
else.
But when I have nothing, I can'tgive anything.
I I have to reserve.
I have to try to fill it upagain.
I still help other people, butI really don't help people if I
don't have to try to fill it upagain.
I still help other people, butI really don't help people if I
don't have the ability to Right.
I don't, I can't, you know.
Rick Costa (50:02):
And for more on how Carmen grew up, buy her book
Canela.
I'm available on Amazoncom.
Carmen Lezeth (50:08):
You know what's so interesting.
So I'm like halfway through thenext book that I'm writing.
I know it's been really I don'tknow if I'm ever gonna get
finished because, okay, but Ihave been working on the second
part of canela, but I don't knowwhen it's gonna be done.
Like I again, if, like, if youand I had money, we wouldn't be
lonely at all.
No, I'm just kidding, it allcomes down to money.
Rick Costa (50:31):
oh my god.
That reminds me it was atrailer of a new movie with
Keanu Reeves and he plays Angel.
But what he does is he switchestwo guys' lives One was kind of
poor and one was rich and heswitches them and then the other
Angel's confirmed.
He's like why did you do that?
I wanted to show him that justbecause you have money, it
(50:52):
doesn't solve all your problems.
But now the problem is it kindof did solve the problem.
Carmen Lezeth (50:59):
It's funny.
Is this like a comedy orsomething?
Rick Costa (51:01):
No, yeah, it's a movie.
Really that's funny KeanuReeves.
I forgot what the other guy'sname is.
Carmen Lezeth (51:07):
Oh, that's funny We've already had a conversation
about.
You know I've worked with somany wealthy people.
I actually don't think moneysolves all problems.
I think money could solve someproblems, like, if we had it
gives you more choices.
But if you're a sucky personand you have a lot of money,
you're still going to be a suckyperson.
And if you're a materialisticperson, whether you have money
(51:30):
or not, you're still going to bea materialistic person.
When you have money and you'rejust going to blow it all on
stuff and you're going to beselfish.
You know what I mean.
Like, money does give youchoices.
There's no doubt about it, and Ithink anyone who's listening to
this, who isn't wealthy orwhatever, deserves the chance to
have money and see how it goes.
You know what I mean.
Like I do, I would like to seehow I deal with a lot of money.
(51:53):
I would love to see that, but Iknow that and I stand on this
10 toes deep I will die on thishill.
There is not one wealthy personthat I know or who I have
worked for for my entire lifethat I would have changed lives
with.
It doesn't matter how bad mylife has been.
(52:14):
I would not want their money, Iwould not want their life, I
would not want anything with it,because they are not any
happier, and sometimes moremiserable, than any of my
friends or poor people or myselfthat I've ever known.
You know what I mean, yeah.
Rick Costa (52:28):
I've heard people say like that were like maybe a
nanny or even housekeepers,whatever, like would you trade
places with your boss andthey're like to be miserable,
like them, no yeah, no, no, yeah, most people that work for very
wealthy people you have.
Carmen Lezeth (52:44):
You have a different viewpoint, you know?
Um, I I think that money wouldhelp in changing our dynamic,
but I still don't think it wouldchange the issues we're talking
about.
Loneliness, you know what Imean, things like that, because
that has nothing to do withmoney.
Have your friendships and makeconnections, and you know so
(53:10):
just to wrap this up a littlebit, let's see what are small
things or small ways in whichyou do try to find joy or try to
connect with people and try notto be lonely or sad or
depressed.
Rick Costa (53:23):
Any one of those I mean right now, because I
literally can't go anywhere.
All I have is the internet.
So, you know, I I watch peopleonline.
Um, there's some people that Iwatch on a regular basis because
they just crack me up.
They're really funny and I needto laugh sometimes, especially
if, like you're in a bad mood.
I mean, put on something thatmakes me laugh, you know, and it
(53:45):
helps, it makes you laugh, youknow.
Or put on some music orwhatever.
But, um, yeah, if you're inthat position, like me, and you
just can't go anywhere, thenyeah, you got to do what you got
to do, and if that's what yougot to do, then utilize it.
Carmen Lezeth (53:59):
I think it's also kind of a blessing.
I mean I'm glad we have thatbecause, again, it's how we met.
You know what I mean, and Ithink sometimes you and I have
conversations in the green room,we're laughing, whatever, and
those are moments of joy as wellI can imagine pre-internet.
Rick Costa (54:14):
If I had to deal with this, what would I do?
Carmen Lezeth (54:17):
right I don't know well, and so many people
have done that in the past andit's really miserable, you know,
um, so I think that's kind of ablessing.
Um, I was gonna say music.
I going to say music isprobably one of the things that
when I'm really feeling lonelyor whatever, or feeling sad or
missing my friends, I'll put onmusic and it does transport you.
(54:41):
You know, sometimes it can alsomake you cry Like it got to be
even sadder.
So it depends on what you puton, you know.
Rick Costa (54:51):
I remember there was like one school year.
It was like the year that Iactually started being stopped
being so shy and I was trying tobe more outgoing and talk to
people and it was like, oh, itwas such a great year.
And then when school ended,everybody's like sad and I was
like super sad.
I was like, oh, I'm finallygetting it, now it's over, I
gotta wait till.
(55:11):
And there was a song at thattime that was like super sad.
I was like, oh, I'm finallygetting it, and now it's over.
And I got to wait.
And there was a song at thattime that was like super popular
, but it was like a sadder song.
And to this day, if I hear thatthe sadness, I can feel it
hitting me and I'm like why am I?
Carmen Lezeth (55:22):
sad.
Rick Costa (55:23):
That freaking song.
Carmen Lezeth (55:24):
No, no, no, no.
We cannot.
No, no, no.
I also think, and I know peoplearen't going to like this, but
exercise and being outside,going out for a walk.
Rick Costa (55:34):
Mood and everything.
Exercise going outside, gettingthe sun, actual vitamin D, not
just taking vitamin supplements.
Get the real vitamin D from thesun.
It all helps your mood.
Carmen Lezeth (55:45):
It does, and people should do that more often
.
All right, well, look it.
I'm glad that we had this talk.
It sounds so fake when I do itlike this, but I'm going to do
it anyways.
Rick Costa (55:54):
What's the old TV show I'm so glad we had this
time.
What's that?
Carol?
Carmen Lezeth (56:01):
Burnett, carol Burnett, yeah.
Rick Costa (56:04):
Another funny person .
Carmen Lezeth (56:06):
Another funny, awesome person.
All right, so look it, rick.
This was a really good, deepconversation.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you so much.
Rick Costa (56:14):
I hope it helps people.
Carmen Lezeth (56:16):
I think it'll help people.
It helped me.
Ain't that enough?
Rick Costa (56:20):
Yeah, sure.
Carmen Lezeth (56:21):
Ain't it enough that when you go, I will know
that you were a good man?
Rick Costa (56:28):
Now I can die in peace.
Carmen Lezeth (56:30):
You can't die yet , child.
Yet we got at least another 50years, okay, alright, everyone.
Well, thank you so much forstopping by.
We appreciate you.
Remember we're on on Fridaynights, 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern
, on our regular lives.
Everyone's invited to join andhang out and remember at the end
of the day.
It really is all about the joy.
(56:51):
Bye everyone, goodnight, goodafternoon, bye.
To join and hang out andremember at the end of the day,
it really is all about the joy.
Bye everyone, good night, goodafternoon, bye.
Thanks for stopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
Have a sweet day.
Hey, rick Costa, welcome to All About the Joy,
the Private Lounge, everyone.
It's just me and Rick today.
Rick Costa (00:10):
Hi, how are you?
Carmen Lezeth (00:14):
Wait, what did you just say?
Rick Costa (00:15):
How are you?
How are?
Carmen Lezeth (00:17):
you.
So you just woke up.
Let's just be honest about whatjust happened.
So you're in the perfect modefor our subject today.
Rick Costa (00:25):
Yeah.
Carmen Lezeth (00:27):
Just kidding.
Well, we can just say we can,we don't have to, we can just
chit chat, we don't have to dothe show Like it's fine.
Well, okay, Well, the topicwe're going to so I should
probably tell you why I pickedthe topic, cause I think in the
past we talked about it a littlebit, I think.
Before we've talked about it,I'll tell you two things that
(00:47):
happened this week that made merealize that I wanted to kind of
have this conversation, andalso it's something I've been
thinking about, right.
So one was one of the officesthat I work in this.
I think she's Gen Z, I don'tknow how old she is, but she's
young and and she came in, shealways meets me there at like 7,
30 in the morning, which I haveto say, the reason why I go in
(01:08):
early is because I can get somuch work done and nobody's
there, because the many peoplecome in at like 10, 11 o'clock.
It's like ridiculous.
You know what I mean.
So she comes in and I say hi toher and I'm like why are you
here so early?
She's like I love coming intothe office and just getting work
done.
Now, you know everyone's likeremote from home.
So you know I had to have aconversation with her.
(01:28):
I was like wait, what she's?
So she goes.
She's like as much as I likehaving the freedom to work from
home.
She's like there's somethingabout being around people and
just like the energy and the.
Okay, can I say again this islike a Gen Z person.
It totally threw me, but it wasa great conversation and it was
so unexpected.
I just was thrown by it and ina roundabout way, what she was
(01:53):
saying was it's really lonely tobe home by yourself, like she
was like it's you know nobody'sin my house.
Like my parents go to work andI'm the only one home and my
brother, you know, he'straveling and dah dah, dah
traveling.
And then she's like and then Isit at home all by myself, she's
like.
So I was really excited to geta job where I had to go into an
(02:16):
office.
Rick Costa (02:16):
Weird, right, because that's not the norm.
Maybe that's what it is.
Carmen Lezeth (02:18):
I would say she's not extroverted at all.
I think it's just about I thinkthere is something happening
where people this isn't reallyabout working from home or
working remotely I think therewas something deeper happening
where we're so disconnected fromeach other.
The other thing that happenedthat day which threw me for a
(02:40):
loop was I got a text from Mario, who we love.
We love Mario, and so, forpeople who don't know, mario's
usually been on the show withhis wife, alma.
They've been having a lot offamily issues and Mario has been
very ill lately and dealingwith some stuff personally and
he was in the hospital, whatever.
And he's texting me and he'slike hey, just thinking about
(03:05):
you, wanted to know how you weredoing.
Um, whatever, he's like miss,you, hope you're doing well.
And I was like and I started tocry.
I was like he's, he's worriedabout me, he's checking in with
me, and I was like, oh my God.
And here's the thing I couldn'tanswer his text because I was
at work when he sent it.
So when I got home is when Iwas able to respond, and of
(03:28):
course, I'm all choked upanswering because he did a voice
.
What is it?
Voice note Is that what we'recalling them now, sure, and I
felt like such a fool.
But I was like, oh my people,it's not the same thing.
Like I miss my friends, I misshanging out with my friends and
(03:49):
my friend Mia was supposed tocome visit for a week but
because of everything happeningin Los Angeles and the political
climate, we made the decisionit's probably not a good idea
for her to come right now.
You know what I mean With, like, ice agents and all this crap
and stuff.
But I'm really sad, like I'mreally miserable about it.
Rick Costa (04:09):
Crap and stuff but I'm really sad, like I'm really
miserable about it and I think Ithink I'm lonely.
Carmen Lezeth (04:12):
So I wanted to talk about it because I'm like I
didn't even realize that maybeI'm lonely and I'm hearing
someone else who's talking aboutit so easily and you know she's
like no, I want to come in theoffice because then I'm around
people, thoughts, what do youthink?
Rick Costa (04:29):
yeah, like for me, for example, my best friend just
moved out of state so I'm notgonna see him anymore like the
only person I really interactedwith, outside of mom, of course,
and occasional family visit.
So I'm like, hey, nobody now.
Awesome, we watched a movie umthis past sunday just so we
(04:50):
could do something together.
He had never seen a furiousseven.
I don't know how he picked thatone.
He said oh, really good movies.
So I have like um one of thoseuh projector thingies so I put
it in the basement and if youwatch it at night it looks
perfect and it's like huge and Igot big speakers right behind
your ears, whatever, and so itfeels like at the movies with um
zero gravity chairs.
(05:10):
He's like I love this chair allright, so rick is clearly
living large.
Carmen Lezeth (05:15):
Okay, I'm just kidding.
Good yeah, so um wait, why didhe move out of state for work or
something, or?
Rick Costa (05:22):
no, I think he just felt like connecticut he was
done, he was done okay, wheredid he move?
Carmen Lezeth (05:29):
like far away or north carolina oh okay, I mean
no, no, no offense in northcarolina.
I mean that's like like if youhad said you know boston, I'd be
like oh, that's not too far,you know, but okay, north
carolina's a flight, yeah, yeah.
Rick Costa (05:42):
So he's like, yeah, so well, one day when your
situation changes, wink, wink.
We know what that means Some ofus he goes, I'll fly you down
just so you can hang out with us.
I was like I may take up, takeyou up on that, you never know.
I'm like now.
I mean we talk on video, on thephone, all the time.
It's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth (06:09):
Yeah, it's not the same.
It's not the same.
So, yeah, so I'm in that kindof weird position right now
myself.
So, you know, I mean I have amom, of course, but it's not the
same as what you'll have.
Well, it's not the same because, for people who don't know,
especially people listening tothe audio, you take care of your
mom.
Who is dealing with?
I always say dementia,alzheimer's, but I don't know
which one.
It is Dementia, yeah, dementia.
You've been doing it for howmany years now?
Rick Costa (06:22):
It's at least three.
Carmen Lezeth (06:23):
Like three years, that's a lot and it's not
getting better right.
Rick Costa (06:27):
It generally does not.
Carmen Lezeth (06:35):
Does not get better.
Yeah, so you're isolated in avery different way because
you're a caretaker as well, andthat's like.
In a lot of ways it's such ablessing and so beautiful
because you are able to takecare of your mom, which is a
lovely thing.
You know what I mean.
But it's got to be draining,it's got to be painful, and then
your one friend that was in theneighborhood is that the right
way to say it In theneighborhood?
Rick Costa (06:55):
It wasn't exactly close, but I mean.
Carmen Lezeth (06:56):
Oh, you guys would hang out, you would hang
out.
Rick Costa (06:58):
For a while He'd come by after she was asleep.
Carmen Lezeth (07:11):
So make sure, sure you know we have peace and
quiet and not to do anythingcrazy going on.
But yeah so, but yeah.
So.
How do you think loneliness Imean, I don't know, I don't want
to project that on you wouldyou say that that's loneliness
or you're fearing?
Rick Costa (07:18):
it or you might, or I mean, I think one of the
reasons why I literally dobroadcast every day is to try to
still have contact with people.
Again, not the same as beingwith people, but it's better
than nothing.
If I didn't have that, I thinkI would definitely go stir crazy
, even though I am an introvertand an indoor type person.
(07:38):
There's only so much you cantake of that.
Carmen Lezeth (07:41):
Yeah, but see you and I have had this
conversation about I really hatewhen people say they're an
introvert, everybody's anintrovert, everybody wants to be
an introvert, like I don't knowwhy.
That's the thing.
I'm not taking that away fromyou, I'm just saying it's.
You never hear anyone say likeI'm an extrovert.
Rick Costa (07:58):
Oh, I definitely have.
Carmen Lezeth (08:00):
I don't hear anyone say that Everyone wants
to be an introvert.
The reason why I think thatdoesn't matter in this case
because that's not thedefinition of loneliness at all,
like it doesn't matter ifyou're an introvert or extrovert
.
Loneliness is something thathappens because we don't have
connection with people.
And I'm going to add this, andI'm no doctor or scientist or
whatever but I don't think it'sjust about connecting on social
(08:24):
media or on Zoom calls orwhatever.
I think it's about actuallybeing in person, because we're
social beings.
I was shooketh shooketh, I tellyou at my reaction when Mario
texted me, because I wasn'texpecting it, not him texting me
, but my reaction to it was sovisceral it was so I don't know
if was so visceral Like it was,so I don't know if that's the
(08:46):
right word it was so physical,you know, um, and I couldn't
contain myself and I thought,like what is wrong with me?
And then I realized I go weekswithout talking to my friends.
I go to work, I see people atwork, I see people at the
grocery store, I see, but I'mnot really talking to them.
Does that make sense?
Like I'm not hanging out withthem.
I'm doing my work and leavingor getting my groceries and
(09:08):
leaving, or going to the drycleaners or whatever it is.
I'm not hanging out andlaughing.
Rick Costa (09:16):
Yeah, it's to say you can't really have the same
kind of deep conversations youcould have as if somebody is
actually with you.
You can, but it's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth (09:25):
It's not the same .
And so one of the things I usedto love, like I used to hang
out and andrea and I live in thesame state but she's like an
hour from me, it's not likeshe's not that close, you know
what I mean.
And also she has kids and youknow they're older now and what
chickens, fucking chickens, youknow what?
I think that's the reason why Ihaven't seen her those days.
(09:45):
I forgot about the.
But one of the things I used tolove hanging out with, and jay
and I, like at least once amonth, used to go and have
dinner and hang out and laugh,whatever.
But even when she lived here,like when we lived in the same
at least area, you knowneighborhood or whatever you
know we used to hang out a lotmore often and it was just
(10:07):
easier.
I also think it might be an agething.
I think maybe as we get older,um, we detach more.
I don't know.
What do you think?
Rick Costa (10:16):
I don't know if age has as much to do with it,
because I've seen older peoplelike be attached to the hip.
I mean, I kind of think ofthink of it as a fun example.
But like the golden girls,there's some people that age.
They really are constantlytogether like that.
Carmen Lezeth (10:30):
So I agree with you, but those people live Okay,
not all of them, but a lot ofpeople.
They live in communities forthat reason, like they live in
assisted living or in you knowwhat I mean.
Like they have, like there areapartments for people over 55.
(10:56):
I'm like I don't know what thatwas about, but, um, but I
wonder if that also is part ofit too.
Like the people you're talkingabout are people that are at a
certain age where they decide tolive together or they're
retired.
They have something in incommon.
I just feel like all of myfriends who are my age, who I've
used to hang out with orwhatever.
Rick Costa (11:11):
We've just moved on could it be because most of them
are married.
So that's why, maybe you knowyeah, for sure my life.
I got stuff to do.
I can't.
I'm not single.
I can't just go out and dowhatever I want, Anytime I want
to.
I got kids, but you know it iswhat it is.
What are you going to do?
Carmen Lezeth (11:30):
Yeah, I don't do so.
I kind of have a rule and Iknow it's annoying to some of my
friends Like I don't call myfriends because they're the ones
with the kids Now, their kidsare older now, so I guess it
could be different.
But in the past what wouldhappen is I would call my
friends and they'd be like oh mygod, carmen, I can't talk to
you right now because the baby'scrying.
I'll be like oh, okay.
So then I was like you knowwhat you call me when you're
(11:51):
ready, you know what I mean, andthat just felt like a better
thing.
But now that's become kind ofthe norm.
So I don't call my friendsbecause I'm like they're the
ones with the.
You know they have to taketheir kids on their, whatever
they do I don't even know whatthey do or play dates or
whatever all those things arethat parents do.
(12:11):
That I don't do.
So I'm I always am like, but Ithink I I know for a fact too
that if I called my friends theywould call me.
But I don't.
It's not an emergency, I'm justlike hey, I just miss you, just
want to hang out, but theycan't.
You're right, it is so.
I need some more single friends.
That's what it is, I think,okay, there's a call out.
Call out to single friends inthe LA area.
Rick Costa (12:32):
We ain't got no kids no go ahead, Maybe text them
and say like hey, can you talkon the weekend and pick a time
or something.
Carmen Lezeth (12:39):
But you know what it?
It's not about talking to them.
I talk to them all the time.
It's not that I think what I'mtalking about because, like, one
of the questions I want to talkabout is mentally and
physically right.
I think there is something andagain I didn't research this or
whatever.
This is me and you chitchatting right, Like I think
there's something aboutphysically hanging out with your
friend.
Like you just said, you guyswatched a movie in your basement
(12:59):
and hung out or whatever.
Like you hung out or whatever.
Like you and I could sit hereand watch a movie on here.
We could right it's not thesame, but it's not the same.
Rick Costa (13:10):
It's not the same, that's snacking together and,
you know, looking at each otherlaughing, like that was really
funny, like it's just weird.
Carmen Lezeth (13:17):
Yeah, it's just weird, do you think?
Do you think loneliness looksdifferent today than it did
maybe 10 years ago?
Rick Costa (13:27):
I don't know if it looks different.
I think it's probably moreprevalent than ever before.
Oh, Because of this internetwhich has brought us together,
we're more apart.
Carmen Lezeth (13:39):
Isn't that?
Rick Costa (13:39):
fascinating.
People talk about it all thetime.
When I grew up, when we haddinner, we all sat at a table
and we talked, and now it's likeeverybody's eating in their own
room, or if they are together,they're on their phone, so it's
like it's a different world.
Carmen Lezeth (13:54):
I think I'm going to say something that is not
profound or anything, but Ithink social media has probably
made us less.
It's not about connectedthere's got to be a better word,
because I think we are moreconnected.
I would again.
We always talk about I wouldhave never met you if it wasn't
for social media.
I would have never.
We, we would not have our showthat we have the way we have it
(14:16):
if I hadn't met you.
You know what I mean.
So there's the great plus sidesof social media that I will not
abandon or throw under the bus.
I think social media is a greatthing, but, like a microwave,
it's not going to overtake anoven.
You know what I mean.
I don't mean to be goofy thatway, but social media doesn't
(14:36):
take over actually being inperson and hanging out with
people.
Rick Costa (14:40):
Yeah, I think another issue too is that things
are so much more expensive.
You know, people just don'thave the money to go out to the
movies, go out to therestaurants I just called you
girl, girl because, okay, let metell you, I just went to the
grocery store.
Carmen Lezeth (14:56):
I'm not even kidding, so I don't complain
about grocery store things orwhatever but today, and I went
to the same grocery store.
I don't know what happened fromlast week, I think I went to
the grocery store two weeks agotwo weeks ago because I go
pretty regularly.
Okay, so this week, my coffee,which was 9.99, I buy pete's
(15:16):
coffee, columbia coffee or, um,uh, major dickersons if people
know what pete's coffee is andthey don't sponsor us, but they
could um, it was nine, 99, twoweeks ago, and I remember cause
I bought like three bags.
I'm like I'm just going tostock up.
You know what I mean Today 15,99, 15, 99.
(15:36):
That's crazy.
Rick Costa (15:39):
That's crazy.
Carmen Lezeth (15:40):
So I came home and I was like I mean, all of it
was really expensive.
So I came home and I thoughtmaybe the other ones were.
First of all, this is likethat's my coffee.
I don't go to Starbucks orwhatever, but I make coffee here
.
So I was like maybe that wasold, but I know it's always
about like sometimes you can getthe deals like $7.99 or $9.99
and then you get the coupon orwhatever, and so that's why I
know, because I have my coupons,you know, but it wasn't, it's
(16:04):
just now 59.
All of them shook it.
It's a big jump, that's a bigjump, that's a big jump.
So yeah, I do think things aremore expensive, you're right.
Rick Costa (16:14):
I'm having to deal with that at work with like.
So we deal with so manydifferent companies.
People want to order stuff andthis company has that and that
company, and then that companyhas that, which makes my job a
headache Totally different thanwhen I first started.
And when I first started thatcompany, everything we had in
stock in our warehouse andthat's it.
It was much easier.
Now it's headaches because thisone's got that rule and that
rule and that rule and this oneand you drop ship for free.
(16:35):
You don't drop ship for free.
You don't drop ship at all.
He's like if my boss ever firesme, he's going to really find
out what a headache this jobreally is Right, but because of
the whole situation going on noweverybody's checking up their
prices and I'm like I didn'teven update all your 1,000
products on our website.
Now I've got to do it again.
Carmen Lezeth (16:57):
Yeah, it's because of the tariffs too,
because the tariffs are beingput to the consumer.
So, yeah, we all knew that waswhat was going to happen, I mean
.
But I think that's.
But even beside the wholetariffs thing and what's
happening in the political vibe,I think just also in general,
it's really difficult nowadaysto get on, you know, like to go
(17:19):
like fly to your friends now inNorth Carolina or whatever, to
say, hey, let's just hang outfor the weekend.
Like it's not even just thatit's expensive, it's also like
logistically a hard thing to do,Whereas before, like how did
you meet your friend?
What's his name?
Rick Costa (17:34):
Oh, corey, it was at church.
Carmen Lezeth (17:36):
Corey, so at church.
So it was like that's what I'msaying Like it was like a local
thing, you know, like in yourneighborhood, or like Andrea and
I lived in the same part ofWest Los Angeles when we first
met.
You know we worked together, sothen we would go out and we'd
hang out.
You know the same thing, me andI were roommates in college,
you know.
You know, there's just likejust kind of different things,
yeah.
Rick Costa (17:56):
People are like Disney world.
They're like Disney world Iain't got Disney world money
Like before.
People were like I'm just goingto save and then it's fine.
Now it's like you know howexpensive the Disney World is,
like everything's so expensive.
Carmen Lezeth (18:09):
Yeah, you know, I'm always going to say I don't
understand the Disney Worldthing.
But if that's your flavor,that's your flavor.
My brother from another motherwho I love with all my heart,
Billy.
He's huge into Disney, so I trynot to fight with people about
Disney.
I don't have Disney World money, and I'm glad I don't Even if I
did, I wouldn't be spending itthere.
I don't have Botox money that'smy new problem and I don't have
(18:31):
hair coloring money.
Rick Costa (18:34):
Yes, sorry, cynthia, and Mario and Alma, but I've
never been and I'm not in a rushto go either.
Carmen Lezeth (18:40):
Oh, you've never been to Disney?
No, but you're not a Disney fan.
Except that they bought Marvel,so that's not the same thing.
Rick Costa (18:47):
Yeah, yeah, but I do like amusement parks though.
I love that.
Carmen Lezeth (18:50):
I used to love amusement parks too, but I have
no interest in getting in aroller coaster anymore, so that
wouldn't make me happy anymore.
I used to love it, Especiallynow because they put you in
these harnesses and all theseand that would just make me
claustrophobic, you know.
But yeah, back in the day Iloved that stuff, but I saw one
the other day.
Rick Costa (19:08):
I was like y'all are insane.
It literally goes really,really high and then it goes
literally your head.
You're like waiting and thenstraight down like y'all, y'all
crazy.
Carmen Lezeth (19:17):
Yeah, they have a whole, like there's a whole
tiktok on just roller coasters.
If you just put that in thesearch engine.
And it's weird because you canactually watch it and then like
from the point of view of theperson in the seat and you can
almost feel a little like yeah,no, I'm not interested anymore,
like I've changed.
Rick Costa (19:31):
I've changed one that used to be called the mind
bender.
I'm like, I got off my.
It's the neck bender.
I'm in so much pain, right now.
Carmen Lezeth (19:38):
No, no, I would go skydiving again.
You know what that brings us.
To another Okay, wait, let'snot get off of the loneliness
thing.
What could we do?
What could we do to change up?
I think some of it we'realready doing.
We do try to connect in theways that we can, whether it's
doing your show or doing thisshow, or staying in touch with
those people that we can likeyour friend and making sure you
(20:00):
do movie nights and stuff likethat.
But are there other?
Rick Costa (20:07):
things that you try to do to make sure you stay
connected.
Yeah, I mean, I can't makepeople come to me and I treasure
when they do.
And then, like a little example, my cousin came Sunday.
She told me she was going tocome over.
I was like, hey, do you mind ifI run to the pharmacy to get my
mom's medicine?
And she turned up to like 10medicines Good Lord, that is a
lot of medicine.
And even though she would havedone it, but if she offered, I'd
(20:28):
be like, no, let me do it.
I never need it.
Let me go enjoy the cool airflowing through my head the air,
whatever Right.
In the car.
Let me enjoy going outsomewhere, even though it's like
not that far, but still Right.
Carmen Lezeth (20:49):
Any little thing I can do.
I'm going to try to do it, butare you and we've had this
conversation in the green roombefore, and I don't mean to put
you on the spot, but I mean youchoose to to take care of your,
your mom, right?
Rick Costa (20:54):
there's nobody else and I've seen how the nursing
homes are no offense if you workin a nursing home and you're
actually a good person, I'msorry.
Seven years with my father andseveral years with my
grandmother, that's not a placeyou want your parent to be.
Carmen Lezeth (21:07):
Okay, no, that's fair enough.
That's fair enough and I, Iapplaud you for what you do.
I just think it kind of sucksthat you don't have any help so
that you can like.
The one thing I do have, youknow, because I don't I'm not in
that circumstance at all Um isI I do go out to the beach and
hang out, but I'm still bymyself.
You know what I mean the fewtimes I do.
I mean I have a couple ofneighbors or whatever.
(21:28):
Sometimes we walk, not the samething.
I want my crew, I want myfriends.
I think I need to get newfriends.
Maybe that's what this show isabout.
Rick Costa (21:41):
How would you do that?
Oh, like those things where youcould join a group, like a
walking group.
Carmen Lezeth (21:45):
Meetup group like a meetup group.
So a long time ago not a longtime ago, but I met one of my
trainers back in the day becauseI did go to meetupcom Again,
they don't sponsor us but theycould and meetupcom you could go
and meet people in yourneighborhood.
You put in your zip code.
It's still a viable, reallygood website.
(22:08):
I think the thing about thatI've done like you could go
hiking, you can like there'sknitting, there's writing groups
, there's all these differentthings.
I know in the past, when I'velooked it up, like maybe a few
months ago, whatever you couldtell that some of the things
that I used to do whatever arenow dormant.
So like people like the groupis still there but they're not
really doing anything.
So you know, maybe I need tocheck it out again and be more
(22:30):
serious about it.
But I also think there'ssomething about going to your
local community.
Like every town, every city haslike a community center, you
know, and so I was thinkingabout that too.
And then I'm thinking like Iknow, back in the day that was
always all the old people.
Rick Costa (22:46):
You know you can totally hold me like oh, but you
know, maybe I gotta embracethis shit like I'm not 20,
something, I don't know Iremember and this very out of
character for me because, again,I know you said introvert, but
I would say I'm shy, ultra,super, super shy, right, um, so
I don't know if it's in Novemberand I assume they still do it
(23:08):
NaNoWriMo, I think it's called,where you try to write oh,
really, you try to write everyday, whatever a certain number
of words.
You try to do it.
If you fail, you fail.
Whatever it doesn't matter.
And I actually, because there'sa group where you can talk to
each other and encourage eachother, and I met some people
that were local to me and I waslike, not only that, but one of
the guys.
I ended up going to my first oneand only Comic-Con in New York
(23:30):
City with him and I was likethis is so not like me, cause
I'm like you know, I'm shy, Idon't get around strangers, but
I was like, no, do it Stop beinga chicken.
And I did it and being achicken, and I did it.
And I'm still proud of myselfbecause you know, again, I'm
super shy, like people don'tthink I am like when I yeah, I
don't think you're super shywhen I had meetups with my team
from the stuff I do online withpeople they were like, yeah, you
(23:52):
don't talk a lot.
I didn't believe you.
Carmen Lezeth (23:54):
We're not talking a lot.
Does it make you shy?
I'm just saying that doesn'tmake you shy, that's a stylistic
thing.
I I don't know again.
Again.
I know I'm always the personthat's fighting back with people
about being introverts andbeing shy or whatever.
Because I think people I'lltell you why not to change the
trajectory of how our show goes.
But you know, we got to do whatwe got to do.
(24:16):
I think somewhere along the waywe have been convinced that
being being humble has a certainbetterness about being on the
planet, and I think a lot of ithas to do with religion and
Christianity and Catholicism,whatever, like to be as humble
as possible.
And under the umbrella ofhumbleness comes these things of
(24:37):
oh I better be an introvert, ohI better be very quiet, oh I
better be very shy.
And I think all of that is notvery true.
I think it's something that hasbeen warped into our psyche
without us realizing.
The reason why I say I don'tthink you're shy is you know
what?
I'll put it in these terms.
(24:57):
So I'm not bashing you becausethat's the last thing I want to
do.
I don't mean to be bashing you.
Everyone's like oh my God,michael Jackson was so shy.
Oh my God, janet Jackson,they're so shy.
No, they're not shy.
You cannot be shy and jump upon stage and do what you do Now.
Are you someone who, whenyou're by yourself or when
you're not being yourextroverted self, maybe need
(25:20):
time to be introverted, or youknow, those are stylistic things
.
True, shy people don't jump upon stage, you know I mean, and
grab themselves and do 15million things.
You know what I'm saying?
Like no, no, I'm just sayinglike.
I'm just saying it's like ifyou've ever met a really shy
person, they really um, it's nota negative thing, it's just you
(25:43):
could tell it's really hard toget them comfortable, to get
them to talk, to get them tocome out of their shell, and I
think there were fewer peoplethat I know that are that shy.
Rick Costa (25:55):
When I was young, when I was a kid, I believe that
I was so shy Like if myparents' friends came over I
would try to hide anywherebecause I don't want to talk to
nobody.
Don't ask me no questions.
There was only one guy thatwould come over.
I'd be like a little bit okaywith, because he'd be like hey,
I'm going to give you a dollar.
I'm like, ooh, a dollar I'lltalk now.
Carmen Lezeth (26:16):
Right, I mean, that makes more sense.
But I mean, like you're notthat kid anymore, you know.
But I think sometimes we holdon to stuff because we, you know
, we, we learned the label andwe, you know.
But I always laugh every time Iwould hear people talk about
Michael Jackson, and you know,my God, he's so shy.
Yeah, no, you know, and nooffense.
(26:38):
I loved Michael Jackson.
Actually, right before youlogged on, I was listening to
the Jackson 5.
You and I must make a pact.
I love that song.
We must bring salvation back.
Rick Costa (26:52):
I really think.
Carmen Lezeth (26:55):
Where there is love, I'll be there.
It's such a good song, don'tyou know?
See, we're good, okay.
Rick Costa (27:05):
I mean.
Carmen Lezeth (27:05):
I can't sing for shit, but you know, at least I'm
in tune, right, I'm in tune, um, but yeah, I mean, I think I, I
I love your demeanor and yourstyle and who you are, but I
would never say that you're shyor introverted.
Those are, are not things thatwould that I would ever.
Those would not even be in mytop 100.
(27:27):
You know, do I think you'rekind?
Yes, do I think you're someonewho's more thoughtful and a
better listener than I couldever be?
Like you listen to peoplereally well or you just ignore
and make us think you'relistening.
I don't know.
But, you know what I mean.
Like, I think that's a verydifferent thing.
Rick Costa (27:49):
One thing I've always been is observe observe
everything.
And I had to because I'vetalked about this before with my
dad, who was found out at theend of his life.
He was bipolar, like I had towatch like a hawk, like his
moods, because don't say thewrong thing, you set them off
and we start World War III.
I've been here so yeah, butI've always been an observer of
(28:11):
people.
Like I love going to the, whenI used to walk to try to lose
weight and I went to the mallbecause it was rainy outside,
because I definitely prefer towalk outside, I loved watching
people, not in a stalkery way,but I was like people are just
fascinating.
Carmen Lezeth (28:27):
Right way.
But I was like people are justfascinating, right, right, yeah,
and I think I, I think thoseare the types of characteristics
I would, I would say about you.
I do know a couple people whoare extremely shy.
They're so shy I wouldn't evenmention their names, you know
like because they don't like.
They don't like the limelightat all, they don't, they always
want to be in the background.
They they're not coming on herethey're never going to come on
this show.
You know, like they're reallyshy and they're extremely
(28:51):
introverted people and I thinkthat's why I'm like, yeah,
everyone who says they'reintroverted, I'm like please
stop talking.
You know what I mean.
Like, because I have twofriends and they're they're
they're not friends to eachother, they're separate people
and so when you know someone whois that, you realize, like a
lot of people say that they areagain, you and I've had this
(29:13):
conversation.
I think we're all a little bitof that, you know.
I think we're all bothextroverted and introverted.
I think sometimes, depending onwhat's happening in our lives,
we lean a certain way or not youknow, um, you know, sometimes I
want the world to be listeningto me, I want to be on stage, I
want to be talking, and thensometimes I just want to be left
(29:34):
alone and quiet and by myself.
You know what I mean like, butI would never say I'm an
introvert.
I would never be like oh my god, and I would never say I'm shy.
I would not be like oh my God,and I would never say I'm shy.
I would never be like I'm soshy, I would never say that.
So let me see how are youfeeling today and what makes you
feel lonely, if anything at all.
Rick Costa (29:58):
Interesting, another very.
This is not trying to changethe subject, but it's kind of
tying it in Another very famousperson passed away today that a
lot of people knew and I justfound out.
I was like what, oh my gosh,and there was another very
famous person that just died theother day and that gets me
thinking, like you know.
So when I go, is anybody goingto remember me?
(30:22):
And that can make you feel alittle sad and lonely and it
feels like am I doing enough?
Am I leaving my mark on theworld?
I don't want to die and nobodyremembers me.
You know what I'm saying?
There's nothing you could doand you're dead.
You're dead, but at the sametime it's like I don't want to
have come and not left some kindof a mark in the world.
(30:44):
You know what?
Carmen Lezeth (30:44):
I mean, but what would you?
I mean?
No, I mean, I know what youmean, but what would you do
differently to leave a like?
What does that mean?
To leave a mark in the world?
Rick Costa (30:53):
I just want people to remember me that I was kind
you guys, kind you guys, kindAll the white people are like.
I don't know what you'retalking about, right?
Carmen Lezeth (31:11):
now, but um, yeah , I don't want people to.
Rick Costa (31:13):
You know, think like you know, oh, he was a jerk, he
was a horrible, this horriblethat I don't want people to be
like, oh, no.
Carmen Lezeth (31:21):
Definition of good person yeah, that was a
good person but let me ask youthis it I've thought about this
a lot too, but in a verydifferent way.
Let me ask you this Does itmatter if a lot of people
remember you or just one person?
And I'll tell you before youanswer that.
I'll give you the reason why mymom.
Nobody talks about Emma SuarezNobody.
(31:42):
She wasn't a famous person.
You know what I mean.
She was a single mom and shewas a housekeeper and then she
was a teacher's aide and shedied very young.
She died at 49 and she died ofa heart attack due to asthma,
which should have never happenedif she had good healthcare.
(32:03):
I just want to put the plug inthere, because we should have
health care in this country foreveryone.
We really should.
Even back then, that wasn't agood reason for anyone to pass
away.
But I think about this becausewhen she died, I got upset in
the church because all of asudden there were all these
people in the church at thefuneral and I was like, where
(32:24):
were you now?
Of course, I was a little kidand I was, you know, having a
moment, but I was still notwrong.
That's what I love about it.
I still wasn't wrong.
Where were you all when she wasneeding help or needing you.
But the church was filled andpacked.
And I think to myself this iswhy, when people pass away now,
I'm like.
This is why when people passaway now, I'm like, I get it.
(32:45):
Your impact is while you'rehere, because when you move on
as time passes, even if you're afamous person, I think of Paul
Newman.
Remember when Paul Newman died?
I mean we were young but PaulNewman and he was a big deal,
(33:07):
and every time I go get saladdressing or something or see a
movie, whatever I'm like, but wedon't remember Paul Newman all
the time, it's just so.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
Is, what would you dodifferently or today to feel
better about your legacy?
Rick Costa (33:24):
or does your legacy?
Matter to go back to what youwere saying, though, like that's
the whole reason.
The whole expression is givepeople their flowers now that's
right that's the.
That's why that whole expressioncame about, because people love
to go to funerals and get oh,I'm gonna get you flowers.
Uh, she ain't gonna appreciateit if you did like hello, like
what are you doing?
Like yeah, and it's like it iskind of annoying, I know.
(33:46):
That interesting thing, though,is like for my grandma and my
dad, which were the two biggestones, and my cousin.
I don't remember necessarilyhow long anybody stayed, but I
know that you came like that,stuck in my head.
Carmen Lezeth (34:00):
I know that you came.
Rick Costa (34:01):
Oh, say that again for the people in the back even
if you only came for 30 secondsI'm on my lunch break, but I had
to come and people have saidthat.
But I remember you took thetime, you took the effort to
come.
You didn't have to.
It would have changed nothing,but I remember that and that
means a lot.
It does mean a lot.
But when you got all thesepeople that are strangers, like
(34:23):
why are you here?
Why strangers like, why are youhere?
Why is it to make you feelbetter?
Like why are you weird, right?
Carmen Lezeth (34:30):
so it can be annoying right, I think I think
one of the things that'sinteresting, though, too.
Just to get back to you talkingabout your legacy or whatever
it's like, it's like what youjust said give people their
flowers now, like I posted onfacebook and I wrote like.
If you just said give peopletheir flowers now, like I posted
on Facebook and I wrote like ifyou want to support me, if you
could please follow my sub stack, right, I think you saw that.
(34:50):
Or?
Or you know people could followour YouTube channel or anything
.
Because here's the other thingPeople always say they want to
support you, but then they don't.
Your best of friends will tellyou I got you, I'm here for you,
but then they don't.
And I don't get upset about it.
I don't get angry about it,because here's what I know.
I know it's not people'sintention to not be supportive.
(35:14):
I think people, like all of us,we're just all wrapped up in
our own lives, and I'm surepeople think, well, if Carmen
really needs me, she'll call meand ask me to join my sub stack
or whatever.
Like, I'm going to call 1500people or whatever.
But but I get it because we,like, we're all connected to
each other and so we think likewell, carmen's my friend, if she
(35:35):
really needs my help, she'llcall me directly, as opposed to
just posting it on Facebook.
You see what I'm saying?
Rick Costa (35:41):
I found out real quick on Periscope, because you
know I try to be big headed, butyou know I got a little bit big
over there.
Family never showed up, friendsnever showed up.
So I'm like you're going tohave to just build up your own
tribe from scratch and they willsupport you, but you weren't
bitter.
Carmen Lezeth (36:00):
were you with the family and friends?
Did you think people were doingit?
Rick Costa (36:07):
intentionally, no, no.
The part that makes me annoyedis I'm pretty sure I would do it
for you, but I can't makepeople be like me.
Carmen Lezeth (36:16):
Right, I think okay.
So I was thinking about thistoo.
I'm like I would do anythingfor any of my friends.
I really would, but sometimes Idon't know that they have
posted something Right Like, andit's not out of being mean.
So that's why I was sayingearlier, it's like I mean again.
Maybe I'm trying to find excusesfor some of my friends because
(36:36):
I don't want to be hurt.
It's possible.
But there's the other part ofme that thinks like I know
people have called me out andhas been like well, I asked you
three months ago and I'll belike what are you talking about?
They'll be like I sent anInstagram message.
I'll be like I don't look at it, but they everyone doesn't know
, because I post on Instagramall the time but people don't
(36:57):
know that I'm posting through athird party, that I'm not
actually looking at Instagram.
You know what I mean.
So I get why sometimes peoplemight think I'm not, because if
you don't reach out to mepersonally and you think I've
seen it on some social media andit's not because I'm so busy or
whatever, it's because I'm justnot doing it.
Rick Costa (37:19):
It's very easy to miss something on social.
Somebody the other day theysaid I tried to call you on a
facebook messenger and I neededan answer quick, but you didn't
answer.
I was like I don't usemessenger on my phone, I would
have never gotten the call.
I apologize, like what you wantme to do but you see what I'm
saying.
Carmen Lezeth (37:36):
So that's why sometimes I think when we, when
we ask people in that massiveway to support us or whatever,
and then they don't, I don't getupset with people because I
realized, like, I know I'm agood person and I know I've been
there for many people and whenpeople ask me to do something,
I'm there 100% and I know thatmy friends, who I love with all
(37:59):
my heart, that I would die for,would do the same for me.
I have no question about that.
So therefore, if I ask peopleto do something on social media
and not call them directly, thenit doesn't happen.
I can't be mad at them becauseI know I've done the same thing.
Does that make sense?
Rick Costa (38:17):
Oh yeah, definitely, Definitely.
Carmen Lezeth (38:18):
Yeah.
Rick Costa (38:19):
And, like I said, we can't get mad at somebody else
because they're not like us andthey don't do things the way we
do.
They're them, you're you.
I can't get mad.
Carmen Lezeth (38:28):
Right, but you also just admitted that you
don't get certain social media.
So people are like I can'tbelieve rick ain't supporting me
.
Rick Costa (38:36):
To them, you're like I didn't get it right, that
could be the same thing that'shappening to them or maybe I'm
crazy busy and that's why Ididn't answer you the in the
within the first five minutes ofyou send me a message like calm
down, maybe you're connected tothe internet like that, right.
Carmen Lezeth (38:52):
But you see, like I mean, I think that's part of
it too is like being able tounderstand that not everybody,
not everybody, is concerned withmy life or with your life.
We're all pretty much concernedwith our own lives.
Most of the day, right, likemaybe 85% of the day, I'm
concerned with my own existenceand I think I'm doing the best I
(39:16):
can every single day, justdoing what I can do, whether
it's being sad or lonely orbeing happy or having to work or
struggle through whatever, orwhatever it is.
And then the other 15% of thetime I'm doing other things for
other people.
I hope I am, you know, and I'mnot using those percentages like
wildly, I'm just kind ofguessing Because I want to
(39:36):
believe the best in people, youknow.
And like, the other day I did a,I don't know, I did some
posting or whatever, and nobodylooked at it and I was like, wow
, what did I write?
Did I write something bad, isit not?
I don't have the right SEO.
You, did I write something bad,is it not?
I don't have the right SEO andI'm like, you know, I just got
to let it go.
I just got to let it go and letit be and people will either
(39:58):
look at it or they won't, andit's okay.
You got to just create your owntribe elsewhere and people are
either going to gravitatetowards you or not.
And it's usually going to bepeople who don't know you,
because your friends and familyknow you.
They know how to reach you.
If they want your advice onwhatever it is, you just post it
on TikTok or whatever they'regoing to call you.
(40:18):
They're not going to look onsocial media.
Rick Costa (40:21):
Yeah, it's true.
Carmen Lezeth (40:24):
Yeah, still, that also adds to the loneliness,
right, because you want yourfriends and family to see what
you're doing and you want themto be excited for you or to
comment or to say something orto give a thumbs up or any
feedback at all.
And then you're like, okay,they didn't even look at it.
Rick Costa (40:43):
Right, right, and I don't need this.
It's just another thing Ididn't get to answer yet.
I don't need a million peopleto say you were a good person,
but the ones that kind of knowme, it would be nice if they
thought like you were trying tobe a good person.
Carmen Lezeth (40:58):
Let me ask you this, because now we're going to
get into another topic Ifpeople don't think you're a good
person, do you think that meansyou weren't a good person?
Rick Costa (41:08):
No, I mean people are going to think what they're
going to think.
I mean, for example, hate tobring up the past, but when?
Carmen Lezeth (41:19):
I got divorced.
Rick Costa (41:19):
There was a lot of lies told and I'm like I can't
even believe I'm going throughthis.
I don't even want to defendthis, because this is so
outlandish and ridiculous.
Who would believe this?
And that's exactly whathappened.
The people that knew me werelike, no, no, no, what a stupid
thing is that to accuse them ofno?
And so I just laid back and I'mlike, yeah, people that know me
, they're going to know this isbull crap.
And then, yeah, in the end.
(41:41):
And then the funny thing was inthe end, years later, like, oh,
I'm so sorry I put you throughthat.
That was all lies.
I was listening to somebodythat doesn't really like you and
I believed them.
I'm like, oh my God, are we inhigh school?
What is happening?
Carmen Lezeth (41:53):
I know, but does it matter?
It seems to me okay, I say thisnicely and kindly that it
really matters to you whatpeople think about you now and
also when you pass away.
Rick Costa (42:05):
Like I said, it keeps me out of time.
Carmen Lezeth (42:08):
Your opinions don't pay my bills, it's okay,
if it matters I would like it tobe okay, but okay, but we'd all
like it.
But my question is what wouldyou do differently?
Nothing like right now.
Rick Costa (42:24):
There's nothing I could do differently than what
I'm doing right now.
I'm giving my max, but what'sthe expression burning the
candle at both ends like I'mdoing everything I can.
There's nothing else I can do Iknow.
Carmen Lezeth (42:32):
So if you were god forbid whatever to pass away
tomorrow, why would you even beworried about what people
thought of you when you passedaway?
I'm just concerned that thatmatters to you no, I'm not
worried about.
Rick Costa (42:49):
It's not like oh my gosh all day long thinking about
it like at all, maybe like ohmy gosh all day long I'm
thinking about it.
Carmen Lezeth (42:53):
Maybe you've brought it up a few times in
this conversation, and look, theonly reason why I'm asking is
because I think a lot of peoplethink this way too.
Rick Costa (43:00):
Oh yeah, a lot of people do.
Carmen Lezeth (43:01):
A lot of people think this way.
I'm going to tell you the truth.
I don't think this way at all.
I don't think this way at all.
I know I'm a bitch, I'm justkidding.
Like I look at cause, I causecause here's.
Here's what I'm going to say.
You do the best you can in themoment you can with the cards
you've been dealt, and if you dothe best you can every single
(43:24):
day to live the best life youcan and do as good as you can,
then how can you fail, Like Ican't make any other choices
than the best choices I make inthis moment, and if I make a
mistake, I will go back and fixit.
But if I'm intentionally tryingto hurt somebody, or if I'm
(43:44):
intentionally trying to swindlesomebody, or if I'm
intentionally doing things thatare bad, that's a bad person.
But if I'm intentionally tryingto do good in the world and I'm
trying to share my best talentsand skills and I'm trying to
help people and I'm trying to,with my experience, share what
it is to have joy, no matterwhat the situation is or what it
(44:08):
is to walk through things, soyou get to the other side.
If I'm doing that every singleday to the best of my ability,
no matter the circumstance, nomatter how lonely or sad I am,
no matter how much I miss myfriends.
That is the best I can do and Ithink you need to know that.
You need to feel it in yourheart.
Okay.
Rick Costa (44:28):
Preach Pastor Carmen , preach Right Right, we'll pass
the comment.
Carmen Lezeth (44:29):
I Right Preach.
I mean preach Right, right,past the comment.
I like that.
But I'm just saying, rick, it'slike you are a really unique
and wonderful human being andthe idea that you would think
you wouldn't be thought ofbrilliantly when the day comes
to me is something I want to hityou about.
You know what I mean.
(44:49):
Like I want to intentionally belike what is wrong with you,
like if people have a problemwith you that's about them.
Yeah, I just think you're a goodperson, so it bothers me when I
hear you talk in a way of lackor negatively.
You're not being negative, buteven that thought of that anyone
(45:15):
would think badly about you tome is weird, because you're a
good and decent human beingdoing the absolute best you can,
sharing your talents and skillsto the best of your ability.
With the cards you've beendealt, you know what I, what I'm
saying, and and that's all youcan do.
What would you do differently?
Rick Costa (45:36):
you know it's now is making me think of.
I wonder.
This is part of that.
Remember I told you I went toto therapy after my whole
divorce thing because thelawyer's like, yeah, do whatever
she tells you to do, and thatwas part of it.
Um, then he said you have amessianic complex which is what.
Carmen Lezeth (45:51):
I don't know what that means.
Say it again.
Rick Costa (45:52):
So, basically, you think you can save everybody and
what that really means isyou're so busy doing stuff for
other people that you're notrealizing you're letting
yourself go down the drainBecause I got to help, I got to
help, I got to do, I got to do,but I think that's a whole other
problem.
Carmen Lezeth (46:12):
That's a whole different problem.
I mean, I don't know why youthink you have to do and help
other people.
Rick Costa (46:18):
I think it's because , again, the way I was raised
and I would try to be thepeacemaker, and yeah, it's deep
Therapy recession with Ricktoday.
Carmen Lezeth (46:29):
I.
But look, I don't think I meanI can cut all this out if you
want, I don't.
I just think it might helpother people.
I think part of that problem,just from my experience, is okay
, I don't want to hurt yourfeelings at all, but I'm gonna,
but I'm gonna, I'm gonna.
(46:52):
I think sometimes, when we areconstantly worried about other
people all the time, it's somuch easier to worry about
everybody else than to actuallydeal with our own actual selves,
right?
So I don't mean that in a badway, I just mean when we are
continuously in this space oflike I have to help this person,
I have to do this, I have to dothat, I have to do that, I have
(47:12):
to do that.
What it does is it makes youavoid dealing with Rick and who
Rick is.
What Rick wants, like yousquash Okay, here goes the
hurtful part you squash I knowyou're like oh, there's more
Right you squash everything thatyou want and need in life for
(47:36):
your mom.
Now, before you say anything,you and I have had this
conversation because I alwaysstop you.
I stop you from using your momas content, right?
We've had that where I shut youdown and everyone thinks I'm
mean.
And I let them think I'm meanbecause I'm like I'm doing
something that matters in adifferent way.
You can think I'm a bitch, Idon't care.
I don't want him using his momas content, cause that's not his
(47:58):
point.
That's not what you mean to do.
You know what I mean.
So I'm stopping you as a friend, right.
But I think what you do withthat too is like you're in this
situation and you are inmartyrdom role.
Martyrdom role.
I know you don't mean to be,but it's like you don't even
allow yourself to give yourselfa break.
(48:18):
You don't even allow yourselfto be angry and upset and pissed
off about it, and even thoughyou have every right to be upset
and pissed off and angry aboutit, you know, because even
though's your duty, it's alsounfair, right.
So you, caring about everybodyelse and taking care of
(48:40):
everybody else allows you not tohave to deal with this part of
it, which is you've made achoice that is a right choice.
A good choice makes sense.
Choice May not be the bestchoice, right.
The best choice would be if youhad other people helping you.
Am I right?
Rick Costa (48:57):
You know what I mean Like if you had other people
helping you.
That would be nice, that wouldbe lovely.
Carmen Lezeth (49:00):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So that would be the bestchoice, right?
I think that's what that'sabout.
Is that when we're always Ilearned the other way.
It's so weird how you and I areso different and yet
fundamentally a lot alike.
Because I was so alone, becauseI had to take care of myself,
because I had to figure out whatwas going on around me and
(49:21):
protect myself.
I actually make sure my cup isfull before I try to give
anybody anything.
Yeah, I don't give until I amokay.
So I'm the opposite I take careof me first you have no choice
and then when my cup is full,that's when I give to everybody
(49:43):
else.
But when I have nothing, I can'tgive anything.
I I have to reserve.
I have to try to fill it upagain.
I still help other people, butI really don't help people if I
don't have to try to fill it upagain.
I still help other people, butI really don't help people if I
don't have the ability to Right.
I don't, I can't, you know.
Rick Costa (50:02):
And for more on how Carmen grew up, buy her book
Canela.
I'm available on Amazoncom.
Carmen Lezeth (50:08):
You know what's so interesting.
So I'm like halfway through thenext book that I'm writing.
I know it's been really I don'tknow if I'm ever gonna get
finished because, okay, but Ihave been working on the second
part of canela, but I don't knowwhen it's gonna be done.
Like I again, if, like, if youand I had money, we wouldn't be
lonely at all.
No, I'm just kidding, it allcomes down to money.
Rick Costa (50:31):
oh my god.
That reminds me it was atrailer of a new movie with
Keanu Reeves and he plays Angel.
But what he does is he switchestwo guys' lives One was kind of
poor and one was rich and heswitches them and then the other
Angel's confirmed.
He's like why did you do that?
I wanted to show him that justbecause you have money, it
(50:52):
doesn't solve all your problems.
But now the problem is it kindof did solve the problem.
Carmen Lezeth (50:59):
It's funny.
Is this like a comedy orsomething?
Rick Costa (51:01):
No, yeah, it's a movie.
Really that's funny KeanuReeves.
I forgot what the other guy'sname is.
Carmen Lezeth (51:07):
Oh, that's funny We've already had a conversation
about.
You know I've worked with somany wealthy people.
I actually don't think moneysolves all problems.
I think money could solve someproblems, like, if we had it
gives you more choices.
But if you're a sucky personand you have a lot of money,
you're still going to be a suckyperson.
And if you're a materialisticperson, whether you have money
(51:30):
or not, you're still going to bea materialistic person.
When you have money and you'rejust going to blow it all on
stuff and you're going to beselfish.
You know what I mean.
Like, money does give youchoices.
There's no doubt about it, and Ithink anyone who's listening to
this, who isn't wealthy orwhatever, deserves the chance to
have money and see how it goes.
You know what I mean.
Like I do, I would like to seehow I deal with a lot of money.
(51:53):
I would love to see that, but Iknow that and I stand on this
10 toes deep I will die on thishill.
There is not one wealthy personthat I know or who I have
worked for for my entire lifethat I would have changed lives
with.
It doesn't matter how bad mylife has been.
(52:14):
I would not want their money, Iwould not want their life, I
would not want anything with it,because they are not any
happier, and sometimes moremiserable, than any of my
friends or poor people or myselfthat I've ever known.
You know what I mean, yeah.
Rick Costa (52:28):
I've heard people say like that were like maybe a
nanny or even housekeepers,whatever, like would you trade
places with your boss andthey're like to be miserable,
like them, no yeah, no, no, yeah, most people that work for very
wealthy people you have.
Carmen Lezeth (52:44):
You have a different viewpoint, you know?
Um, I I think that money wouldhelp in changing our dynamic,
but I still don't think it wouldchange the issues we're talking
about.
Loneliness, you know what Imean, things like that, because
that has nothing to do withmoney.
Have your friendships and makeconnections, and you know so
(53:10):
just to wrap this up a littlebit, let's see what are small
things or small ways in whichyou do try to find joy or try to
connect with people and try notto be lonely or sad or
depressed.
Rick Costa (53:23):
Any one of those I mean right now, because I
literally can't go anywhere.
All I have is the internet.
So, you know, I I watch peopleonline.
Um, there's some people that Iwatch on a regular basis because
they just crack me up.
They're really funny and I needto laugh sometimes, especially
if, like you're in a bad mood.
I mean, put on something thatmakes me laugh, you know, and it
(53:45):
helps, it makes you laugh, youknow.
Or put on some music orwhatever.
But, um, yeah, if you're inthat position, like me, and you
just can't go anywhere, thenyeah, you got to do what you got
to do, and if that's what yougot to do, then utilize it.
Carmen Lezeth (53:59):
I think it's also kind of a blessing.
I mean I'm glad we have thatbecause, again, it's how we met.
You know what I mean, and Ithink sometimes you and I have
conversations in the green room,we're laughing, whatever, and
those are moments of joy as wellI can imagine pre-internet.
Rick Costa (54:14):
If I had to deal with this, what would I do?
Carmen Lezeth (54:17):
right I don't know well, and so many people
have done that in the past andit's really miserable, you know,
um, so I think that's kind of ablessing.
Um, I was gonna say music.
I going to say music isprobably one of the things that
when I'm really feeling lonelyor whatever, or feeling sad or
missing my friends, I'll put onmusic and it does transport you.
(54:41):
You know, sometimes it can alsomake you cry Like it got to be
even sadder.
So it depends on what you puton, you know.
Rick Costa (54:51):
I remember there was like one school year.
It was like the year that Iactually started being stopped
being so shy and I was trying tobe more outgoing and talk to
people and it was like, oh, itwas such a great year.
And then when school ended,everybody's like sad and I was
like super sad.
I was like, oh, I'm finallygetting it, now it's over, I
gotta wait till.
(55:11):
And there was a song at thattime that was like super sad.
I was like, oh, I'm finallygetting it, and now it's over.
And I got to wait.
And there was a song at thattime that was like super popular
, but it was like a sadder song.
And to this day, if I hear thatthe sadness, I can feel it
hitting me and I'm like why am I?
Carmen Lezeth (55:22):
sad.
Rick Costa (55:23):
That freaking song.
Carmen Lezeth (55:24):
No, no, no, no.
We cannot.
No, no, no.
I also think, and I know peoplearen't going to like this, but
exercise and being outside,going out for a walk.
Rick Costa (55:34):
Mood and everything.
Exercise going outside, gettingthe sun, actual vitamin D, not
just taking vitamin supplements.
Get the real vitamin D from thesun.
It all helps your mood.
Carmen Lezeth (55:45):
It does, and people should do that more often
.
All right, well, look it.
I'm glad that we had this talk.
It sounds so fake when I do itlike this, but I'm going to do
it anyways.
Rick Costa (55:54):
What's the old TV show I'm so glad we had this
time.
What's that?
Carol?
Carmen Lezeth (56:01):
Burnett, carol Burnett, yeah.
Rick Costa (56:04):
Another funny person .
Carmen Lezeth (56:06):
Another funny, awesome person.
All right, so look it, rick.
This was a really good, deepconversation.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you so much.
Rick Costa (56:14):
I hope it helps people.
Carmen Lezeth (56:16):
I think it'll help people.
It helped me.
Ain't that enough?
Rick Costa (56:20):
Yeah, sure.
Carmen Lezeth (56:21):
Ain't it enough that when you go, I will know
that you were a good man?
Rick Costa (56:28):
Now I can die in peace.
Carmen Lezeth (56:30):
You can't die yet , child.
Yet we got at least another 50years, okay, alright, everyone.
Well, thank you so much forstopping by.
We appreciate you.
Remember we're on on Fridaynights, 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern
, on our regular lives.
Everyone's invited to join andhang out and remember at the end
of the day.
It really is all about the joy.
(56:51):
Bye everyone, goodnight, goodafternoon, bye.
To join and hang out andremember at the end of the day,
it really is all about the joy.
Bye everyone, good night, goodafternoon, bye.
Thanks for stopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
Have a sweet day.
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