March 3, 2025 • 17 mins
Leadership is more than a title; it's a continuous journey toward self-improvement and growth. In this episode, we dissect the five detrimental traits that could be stifling your leadership effectiveness. From the deceptive comfort of people-pleasing to the alienation created by superior attitudes, these behaviors can cap your potential and adversely impact your team dynamics.
We delve into the importance of listening to your team and recognizing their efforts. Discover how failing to acknowledge success can lead to disengagement, and learn how effective leaders can foster a culture of growth and development by challenging their teams. By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with practical insights to evaluate your own leadership style and embrace the changes necessary for success.
Join us for this enlightening discussion, and take the first step towards unlocking your leadership potential. Don’t forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and leave a review! Your journey to better leadership starts here!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sometimes we don't realize that we are the cap to
our leadership.
We think it's circumstance,people not listening, but there
might be some things that you'redoing that is creating a cap on
your leadership and aseparation between you and the
people that you work with.
We're gonna talk about thistoday.
My name is James and I'm hereto have a conversation with
(00:20):
people that are designed to getbetter.
If this video gives you value,this message gives you value,
make sure you comment you like,subscribe and share it.
Share it with people that youknow that are on their path in
leadership or already haveleadership roles, and this is
important because these fivethings are absolutely toxic to
(00:42):
any organization.
Here's the first one youactually took time to learn
about how incredible you were.
Nothing would ever stop you.
The first one you're a peoplepleaser.
Nobody likes you.
If you're a people pleaser,they may be smiling at you, but
they really don't like you, andthe reason why they don't like
you is because they can't trustyou.
They can't trust you to saywhat needs to be said.
(01:03):
Let's say you have a task thatyou're supposed to do and it's
supposed to be due Monday atfive o'clock.
Monday, five o'clock rollsaround.
You didn't do that thing,whatever that thing was.
Some people's perspective is tohold your feet to the fire hey,
you didn't get that done,what's up?
But some people's perspectiveis this oh, james, I know you
(01:24):
had a tough weekend.
You okay.
Yeah, you know, just said a lotgoing on.
Okay, I got it.
Look, here's what we're gonnado.
It's okay.
It's okay, james, it's okay.
We're just gonna circle it back.
Give me another chance.
Don't you worry about it.
Okay, don't worry about it,I'll.
I'll take that on.
I'll reassign that, okay.
Okay, in that moment you'velost my respect why you didn't
(01:47):
hold me accountable.
Human beings actually have aninnate desire to be held
accountable.
We do, we do, we do.
The teachers you respect themost, the coaches you respect
the most, are the ones that laidit on you when something wasn't
done the right way or to thebest possible level.
They let you hear it.
Now.
Their approach may be harsher,their approach may be a little
(02:09):
bit softer, but it was neverjust let it go.
They gave you coaching in themoment.
Everybody has their own coachingstyle, but where there is no
accountability, there's chaos,and if you're a people pleaser,
you are highly uncomfortablewith saying what needs to be
said because you don't want tocreate conflict.
The only problem is you'recreating infinitely more
(02:30):
conflict because you're notsaying what needs to be said.
So people's behavior gets worse, their performance gets worse
and you're like I don't knowwhat happened.
I was really encouraging.
I had the everyone gets atrophy mentality.
Everyone does not get a trophy.
Everyone should not get atrophy.
If John did not perform, johnshouldn't get a trophy.
And for you to come behind John, who's clearly not rising to
(02:53):
the occasion and getting donewhat needs to be done, and
you're giving John a trophy,that is not helping John at all.
You're showing John that you'rea people pleaser, and people
pleasers are dangerous inorganizations because nobody
really knows what's really goingon.
They don't know.
Great leaders don't always haveto be loved.
(03:14):
It's great if they're loved,but they're respected.
People will respect you whenthey know where you're coming
from.
Now you don't have to be a jerkabout this.
You don't have to be a jerk inholding people accountable.
But let me tell you somethingLong term, over time, the people
pleaser is going to be hated bythe organization.
Have you ever seen someone thatreally, really spoils their
(03:36):
kids, like really spoils theirkids Like they give their kids
everything, everything they want.
100% of the time the word nodoesn't exist.
Have you ever noticed thatsometimes well, a lot of times,
these kids grow up to hate theirparents Because they blame them
for the lack of accountabilitythey never had growing up?
It's the same thing in anorganization.
When your team knows that theycannot count on you to hold them
(03:59):
accountable because you're soworried about being a people
pleaser, they will not respectyou and eventually it goes from
not respect to like realdisappointment to dislike.
Don't be a people pleaser.
Here's the second thing youdon't listen.
Have you ever had aconversation with someone that
couldn't talk fast enough?
(04:19):
In the small little gap ofbreath between their next
sentence, you're sayingsomething blah, blah, blah.
You take a breath and they jumpin because they have to make
their point.
They jump in, they got to maketheir point.
My point's the point Got to getmy point across.
Point, point, point.
Look, you may be wrong,completely wrong, but every
(04:39):
human being wants to be heardand what I find is that when you
give someone the respect oflistening, even if they're wrong
, meaning like it's obviousthey're wrong they just
appreciate being heard.
You may already have in yourmind that this is so far off.
But you don't have to sit therefor 17 hours and listen to a
(05:01):
quacky story.
It's not what you have to do.
But people appreciate someonethat's willing to listen and say
look, I appreciate what yousaid, mike, but we're not going
to be doing that.
You see, here's what I'm saying, mike, I get it.
I heard you.
We're not going to be doingthat.
You see, I'm showing you that Iwas willing to listen to what
you said, but we're also notgoing to be doing that.
That's okay.
(05:22):
What Mike doesn't want toexperience is Mike is trying to
talk to you and you've totallyshut him down.
That's what Mike does not wantto experience.
You see, people are willing togo to other companies, other
teams, other organizations, justto be heard, just to be heard,
like people are willing to takepay cuts, lose titles, just to
be heard.
(05:42):
So if people know they don'tnecessarily need you to agree by
the way, if you're the kind ofperson side note, this wasn't
even part of my message butyou're the kind of person where
you're always right you'redangerous.
You're dangerous, you'reabsolutely, you're probably one
of the most dangerous peoplebecause you won't take other
(06:03):
people's perspectives and youcan't listen.
I know somebody right now.
They just literallyfunctionally don't have the
ability to listen to anotherside.
Anything that is contrary towhat they have to say is wrong.
They just can't even hear itand they're wondering why they
aren't moving faster in theirpositions.
(06:23):
It's because people who areleaders know what it takes to be
one, and when you're the typeof person that can't listen to
other people, that is a hugecharacter flaw.
That will affect your abilityto be promoted, that will affect
your ability to recruit, thatwill affect your ability to lead
, that will affect your abilityto lead, that will affect your
(06:43):
ability to develop teams.
All of that.
People need to feel like theirvoice matters.
Even if there's not anagreement, they need to feel
like their voice matters.
This is so big Lack ofacknowledgement is the third one
Lack of acknowledgement.
You know, napoleon saidsomething very powerful.
He said give me enough medals,I can win any battle.
(07:04):
Why did he say that?
Well, it's very powerful.
He said give me enough medals,I can win any battle.
Why did he say that?
Well, it was very simple.
Napoleon understood that at adeep core that we want to be
acknowledged.
I mean.
Think about it.
When you were a kid and theywere going through all of the
best kids in school for this orthat, weren't you always
listening for your name?
Weren't you always listeningfor your name?
You were always listening foryour name as a kid.
People's listen for your name.
(07:25):
You always listen for your nameas a kid.
People's desire to beacknowledged is more than their
desire to even make money, andthis may sound crazy to you.
I've been around people who areepically wealthy.
Epically, they did they.
They didn't even know what todo with the money and they got a
.
They got a recognition.
Maybe it was a, a wreck.
You know they were this, orthey were honored by this
society and the way they justlit up like a Christmas tree.
(07:46):
Why?
Because at a basic functionalgenetic level, we love to be
acknowledged.
If you're the type of personthat cannot acknowledge when
someone does something great andit's obvious, like everyone
realizes that it's great, butseemingly you're the only one
who doesn't want to admitbecause I don't want them to get
(08:07):
a big head, okay, well, guesswhat?
You won't have to worry aboutthem having a big head for very
long because they won't bearound you very long they're
going to eventually find someonethat will acknowledge them.
By the way, same thing happensin relationships when you can't
acknowledge your partner, whenyou only see what's wrong in
your partner, like I rememberhaving this conversation about
with a friend of mine fromcollege.
(08:27):
He's talking about this dinnerhe made and this is when he knew
he was going to break up withthis girl.
All right, he made this dinnerand, like, he, like, went to the
grocery store, got the littlebooks you know little cooking
books.
Read the book.
Did those things ever go right?
Those things don't go right,but he did it anyway.
Read the cooking book, made thedinner all excited, put the
(08:49):
ingredients and the chicken cameout a little bit dry, just a
little bit dry, not overly dry,just a little bit dry.
And he knew it was dry.
So he's sitting there eating itand he feels whack because he
took the time to make this meal.
It's not perfect and thechicken's dry.
And here's what she says oh mygosh, this is so great.
The chicken's a little dry,though.
(09:11):
That was her acknowledgementfor him.
Forget the fact that you wentto the store, use your money,
bought the food, cook the meal.
Everything else that he madewas great Chicken, a little bit
dry.
He's already a little insecureabout it and instead of she
points out the chicken was dry.
Now, hey, I guess she washonest about it, but he got rid
(09:33):
of her so fast.
You see, people want to bepraised.
It's a human nature thing.
People want to be praised, andif you only acknowledge when
something is wrong, that'sterrible.
So I shouldn't just say lack ofacknowledgement, I should say
lack of positive acknowledgement.
(09:54):
If you're going to point out tome when something's not right
and if I get better at it, thenI want you to also point out to
me when something is right and Iget better at it.
Like, don't be one of thosepeople that only can, you can
over inflate when something'sbad, but somehow you disappear
when something gets better.
Don't be, be that way.
Don't be that person.
Make sure you positivelyacknowledge the people that
(10:18):
you're working with and ifsomething's not right, then you
make it happen, you communicateit.
Here's the fourth thingSuperiority posture.
Oh man, so I had this guy namedFrank I used to work for and
this guy was.
This guy was something else.
I'll just say this this guy wasbrash, he was loud and because
he had my paycheck.
He just talked to us crazy.
He would always come to me justswaggering around like, yeah,
(10:42):
I'm Frank and that I died, I, he.
He sounded like he was, like hegrew up watching Goodfellas and
he wanted to be that guy.
So he's like hey, I'm Frank,you need to do it this way.
Hey, I'm sitting, like what'she doing?
He's a manager inpharmaceutical sales, what's he
doing?
But he had the superiorityposture.
(11:04):
His whole thing was he wouldtalk down to you, was
condescending to you, he was his.
His energy was just like always, like I'm above you because I'm
your manager and I.
He was such a motivator for meto end up leaving and working
for myself.
Matter of fact, the last personthat I worked for in that
industry was Frank and I wasmotivated because I.
(11:27):
I said I will never havesomebody talk to me crazy like
this.
There's nothing worse thansomeone who gets a title and
becomes entitled.
Oh god, I just I can't take it.
People get up there, they get,they get a little little thing
on their little name plate andall of a sudden they, they're
just the, they're it and theycommunicate with you like you're
not it.
We're forgetting that at onepoint.
(11:47):
You were sharing the samepositions.
You were.
You were in the same place.
You want to take care of yourfamily.
You want to provide for yourfamily.
Superiority posture is not theway to be Superiority posture.
You'll find that the greatestleaders are the ones that get in
there with their people.
There's so many stories ofpeople that have gotten in there
(12:10):
with their business partnerspeople that have gotten in there
with their business partners,with their employees, with their
team members to get in in orderto make the thing go.
They don't want to come acrosslike they're holier than thou.
They want it like.
This is us.
We're doing this.
Yes, I have the title, butwe're doing this together.
Not I'm better than you becauseI have this title.
I make more money than you, andwhat you don't be.
(12:33):
What you don't realize withthat is that people have already
quit on you.
They just haven't left thebuilding yet.
That's all it is.
Their resume is alreadysomewhere else.
Their next opportunity.
They're already looking at theother thing.
They're just nodding at youuntil they get the next
opportunity.
Then they're out and you'relike I don't know what happened.
Well, what happened is that youwere a jerk.
(12:53):
That's what happened.
And and people don't want to bearound jerks, they want to be
around people that make themfeel better.
Which brings my last point,which is you're not growing
people where there is lack ofgrowth.
Look, think about like thisimagine that.
Imagine that you have a plant.
I know somebody that has aplant and man, this person can't
.
They can't grow, they can'tgrow the plant, the plant
doesn't grow.
So I want you to imagine thatyou have this plant that's
(13:15):
supposed to grow, you're doingeverything and it's not growing.
Well then there's probablysomething wrong with the plant.
But if you have a whole bunchof plants and none of those
plants are growing, well thenyou have to look at what are you
doing with those plants whenpeople around you aren't growing
(13:37):
, when you're not growing people, people, it doesn't matter how
much money you're paying them,eventually they have checked out
.
It doesn't matter what theirtitles are, they are checking
out.
People need to be challenged.
They need a little bit of, theyneed a little bit of pressure
on them.
Like, maybe you have Suzy andSuzy's used to this and this and
this, but you say you know what?
Suzy has this potential.
I could see her in this roleand, yes, it requires suzy to to
learn.
Maybe suzy's afraid of publicspeaking.
(13:58):
She's got to do that in thatnew role, but you know what the
the challenge of it?
That builds their self-esteem.
Everybody wants to be aroundsomeone that builds their
self-esteem.
And the way to build anotherperson's self-esteem is to
challenge them to do somethingthat's growth oriented, not just
keeping them in their comfortzone, taking them to the next
level outside of their comfortzone.
(14:18):
You see, because if you do thatwith people, people are going
to be attracted to you.
They're going to want to bearound someone that helps them
get better.
But if you're saying okay,again to go back to the
superiority complex person, whenyour posture is that you're
better than no one will ever beas good as you and so you'll
always interact with people likeyou're better, let me help you
(14:41):
out.
Let me help you out, we allfall short from the glory of God
.
So even if you're a little bittaller, a little bit prettier,
have a higher IQ, you're still afailure.
You're still a failure.
Why?
Because there's someone smarterthan you, prettier than you,
taller than you, better than you.
There's a better version of yousomewhere else.
And so if you relate to thepeople around you and you relate
(15:02):
to them like you're superior,well then you're going to have a
bunch of people rebel.
But if your focus is to helppeople around you get better, to
grow them, to show them thatthey have more inside of them
than they realize, human beingsare capable of unbelievable
things, but most people arecapped in environments that do
not allow for them to express it.
They have people in leadershiproles that don't see it.
(15:23):
I see it all the time.
I see it all the time, everysingle day.
I see it where you have someonethat has great potential and
they fall into the leadership ofan arrogant leader.
They fall into the leadershipof someone who doesn't listen,
doesn't acknowledge, or they'rea people pleasing leader and I
see that person just kind ofwither.
They're just kind of wither.
(15:44):
But when you're around peopleand you're dedicated to growing
people, lifting people, man,unbelievable things can happen
for you and your team.
So those are five things, fivethings that, if you're doing, is
definitely hurting yourleadership and it's hurting the
people around you.
All you're doing is motivatingthem out your door.
That's all you're doing.
But now that you've identifiedthese five things, here's a
(16:07):
question If any of those fivethings relate to you.
What's the action you need totake?
The total opposite.
It doesn't need to be like along-term plan.
You don't need to go to aconsultant and have the no.
You need to say, okay, I'mdoing all the I need to.
I need to get my stuff together.
I need to lead, becauseleadership is a is an honor.
It's an honor when people areunder your charge, it's an honor
(16:27):
, but that honor has to behonored.
We all have to get better.
If you're one of the people and, god forbid, you have all five,
oh my Lord, I can't evenimagine that.
No, you can't be a peoplepleaser and arrogant at the same
time.
That'd be a little weird.
But if you have multiple, it'san opportunity for you to
address it, change it and watchwhat happens to the people
around you.
(16:48):
Last quick story there'ssomeone that I know that's done
so many amazing things.
This person's awesome.
They're amazing in their job,but what?
Where they fall short is theydon't make the people around
them better, and they couldn'tunderstand why so many people
are quitting.
That's it.
(17:10):
That's it.
Get better Actually took timeto learn about how incredible
you were.
Nothing would ever stop you.
See, the definition of sight isthe faculty or power of seeing.
Sometimes we don't realize that we are the cap to
our leadership.
We think it's circumstance,people not listening, but there
might be some things that you'redoing that is creating a cap on
your leadership and aseparation between you and the
people that you work with.
We're gonna talk about thistoday.
My name is James and I'm hereto have a conversation with
(00:20):
people that are designed to getbetter.
If this video gives you value,this message gives you value,
make sure you comment you like,subscribe and share it.
Share it with people that youknow that are on their path in
leadership or already haveleadership roles, and this is
important because these fivethings are absolutely toxic to
(00:42):
any organization.
Here's the first one youactually took time to learn
about how incredible you were.
Nothing would ever stop you.
The first one you're a peoplepleaser.
Nobody likes you.
If you're a people pleaser,they may be smiling at you, but
they really don't like you, andthe reason why they don't like
you is because they can't trustyou.
They can't trust you to saywhat needs to be said.
(01:03):
Let's say you have a task thatyou're supposed to do and it's
supposed to be due Monday atfive o'clock.
Monday, five o'clock rollsaround.
You didn't do that thing,whatever that thing was.
Some people's perspective is tohold your feet to the fire hey,
you didn't get that done,what's up?
But some people's perspectiveis this oh, james, I know you
(01:24):
had a tough weekend.
You okay.
Yeah, you know, just said a lotgoing on.
Okay, I got it.
Look, here's what we're gonnado.
It's okay.
It's okay, james, it's okay.
We're just gonna circle it back.
Give me another chance.
Don't you worry about it.
Okay, don't worry about it,I'll.
I'll take that on.
I'll reassign that, okay.
Okay, in that moment you'velost my respect why you didn't
(01:47):
hold me accountable.
Human beings actually have aninnate desire to be held
accountable.
We do, we do, we do.
The teachers you respect themost, the coaches you respect
the most, are the ones that laidit on you when something wasn't
done the right way or to thebest possible level.
They let you hear it.
Now.
Their approach may be harsher,their approach may be a little
(02:09):
bit softer, but it was neverjust let it go.
They gave you coaching in themoment.
Everybody has their own coachingstyle, but where there is no
accountability, there's chaos,and if you're a people pleaser,
you are highly uncomfortablewith saying what needs to be
said because you don't want tocreate conflict.
The only problem is you'recreating infinitely more
(02:30):
conflict because you're notsaying what needs to be said.
So people's behavior gets worse, their performance gets worse
and you're like I don't knowwhat happened.
I was really encouraging.
I had the everyone gets atrophy mentality.
Everyone does not get a trophy.
Everyone should not get atrophy.
If John did not perform, johnshouldn't get a trophy.
And for you to come behind John, who's clearly not rising to
(02:53):
the occasion and getting donewhat needs to be done, and
you're giving John a trophy,that is not helping John at all.
You're showing John that you'rea people pleaser, and people
pleasers are dangerous inorganizations because nobody
really knows what's really goingon.
They don't know.
Great leaders don't always haveto be loved.
(03:14):
It's great if they're loved,but they're respected.
People will respect you whenthey know where you're coming
from.
Now you don't have to be a jerkabout this.
You don't have to be a jerk inholding people accountable.
But let me tell you somethingLong term, over time, the people
pleaser is going to be hated bythe organization.
Have you ever seen someone thatreally, really spoils their
(03:36):
kids, like really spoils theirkids Like they give their kids
everything, everything they want.
100% of the time the word nodoesn't exist.
Have you ever noticed thatsometimes well, a lot of times,
these kids grow up to hate theirparents Because they blame them
for the lack of accountabilitythey never had growing up?
It's the same thing in anorganization.
When your team knows that theycannot count on you to hold them
(03:59):
accountable because you're soworried about being a people
pleaser, they will not respectyou and eventually it goes from
not respect to like realdisappointment to dislike.
Don't be a people pleaser.
Here's the second thing youdon't listen.
Have you ever had aconversation with someone that
couldn't talk fast enough?
(04:19):
In the small little gap ofbreath between their next
sentence, you're sayingsomething blah, blah, blah.
You take a breath and they jumpin because they have to make
their point.
They jump in, they got to maketheir point.
My point's the point Got to getmy point across.
Point, point, point.
Look, you may be wrong,completely wrong, but every
(04:39):
human being wants to be heardand what I find is that when you
give someone the respect oflistening, even if they're wrong
, meaning like it's obviousthey're wrong they just
appreciate being heard.
You may already have in yourmind that this is so far off.
But you don't have to sit therefor 17 hours and listen to a
(05:01):
quacky story.
It's not what you have to do.
But people appreciate someonethat's willing to listen and say
look, I appreciate what yousaid, mike, but we're not going
to be doing that.
You see, here's what I'm saying, mike, I get it.
I heard you.
We're not going to be doingthat.
You see, I'm showing you that Iwas willing to listen to what
you said, but we're also notgoing to be doing that.
That's okay.
(05:22):
What Mike doesn't want toexperience is Mike is trying to
talk to you and you've totallyshut him down.
That's what Mike does not wantto experience.
You see, people are willing togo to other companies, other
teams, other organizations, justto be heard, just to be heard,
like people are willing to takepay cuts, lose titles, just to
be heard.
(05:42):
So if people know they don'tnecessarily need you to agree by
the way, if you're the kind ofperson side note, this wasn't
even part of my message butyou're the kind of person where
you're always right you'redangerous.
You're dangerous, you'reabsolutely, you're probably one
of the most dangerous peoplebecause you won't take other
(06:03):
people's perspectives and youcan't listen.
I know somebody right now.
They just literallyfunctionally don't have the
ability to listen to anotherside.
Anything that is contrary towhat they have to say is wrong.
They just can't even hear itand they're wondering why they
aren't moving faster in theirpositions.
(06:23):
It's because people who areleaders know what it takes to be
one, and when you're the typeof person that can't listen to
other people, that is a hugecharacter flaw.
That will affect your abilityto be promoted, that will affect
your ability to recruit, thatwill affect your ability to lead
, that will affect your abilityto lead, that will affect your
(06:43):
ability to develop teams.
All of that.
People need to feel like theirvoice matters.
Even if there's not anagreement, they need to feel
like their voice matters.
This is so big Lack ofacknowledgement is the third one
Lack of acknowledgement.
You know, napoleon saidsomething very powerful.
He said give me enough medals,I can win any battle.
(07:04):
Why did he say that?
Well, it's very powerful.
He said give me enough medals,I can win any battle.
Why did he say that?
Well, it was very simple.
Napoleon understood that at adeep core that we want to be
acknowledged.
I mean.
Think about it.
When you were a kid and theywere going through all of the
best kids in school for this orthat, weren't you always
listening for your name?
Weren't you always listeningfor your name?
You were always listening foryour name as a kid.
People's listen for your name.
(07:25):
You always listen for your nameas a kid.
People's desire to beacknowledged is more than their
desire to even make money, andthis may sound crazy to you.
I've been around people who areepically wealthy.
Epically, they did they.
They didn't even know what todo with the money and they got a
.
They got a recognition.
Maybe it was a, a wreck.
You know they were this, orthey were honored by this
society and the way they justlit up like a Christmas tree.
(07:46):
Why?
Because at a basic functionalgenetic level, we love to be
acknowledged.
If you're the type of personthat cannot acknowledge when
someone does something great andit's obvious, like everyone
realizes that it's great, butseemingly you're the only one
who doesn't want to admitbecause I don't want them to get
(08:07):
a big head, okay, well, guesswhat?
You won't have to worry aboutthem having a big head for very
long because they won't bearound you very long they're
going to eventually find someonethat will acknowledge them.
By the way, same thing happensin relationships when you can't
acknowledge your partner, whenyou only see what's wrong in
your partner, like I rememberhaving this conversation about
with a friend of mine fromcollege.
(08:27):
He's talking about this dinnerhe made and this is when he knew
he was going to break up withthis girl.
All right, he made this dinnerand, like, he, like, went to the
grocery store, got the littlebooks you know little cooking
books.
Read the book.
Did those things ever go right?
Those things don't go right,but he did it anyway.
Read the cooking book, made thedinner all excited, put the
(08:49):
ingredients and the chicken cameout a little bit dry, just a
little bit dry, not overly dry,just a little bit dry.
And he knew it was dry.
So he's sitting there eating itand he feels whack because he
took the time to make this meal.
It's not perfect and thechicken's dry.
And here's what she says oh mygosh, this is so great.
The chicken's a little dry,though.
(09:11):
That was her acknowledgementfor him.
Forget the fact that you wentto the store, use your money,
bought the food, cook the meal.
Everything else that he madewas great Chicken, a little bit
dry.
He's already a little insecureabout it and instead of she
points out the chicken was dry.
Now, hey, I guess she washonest about it, but he got rid
(09:33):
of her so fast.
You see, people want to bepraised.
It's a human nature thing.
People want to be praised, andif you only acknowledge when
something is wrong, that'sterrible.
So I shouldn't just say lack ofacknowledgement, I should say
lack of positive acknowledgement.
(09:54):
If you're going to point out tome when something's not right
and if I get better at it, thenI want you to also point out to
me when something is right and Iget better at it.
Like, don't be one of thosepeople that only can, you can
over inflate when something'sbad, but somehow you disappear
when something gets better.
Don't be, be that way.
Don't be that person.
Make sure you positivelyacknowledge the people that
(10:18):
you're working with and ifsomething's not right, then you
make it happen, you communicateit.
Here's the fourth thingSuperiority posture.
Oh man, so I had this guy namedFrank I used to work for and
this guy was.
This guy was something else.
I'll just say this this guy wasbrash, he was loud and because
he had my paycheck.
He just talked to us crazy.
He would always come to me justswaggering around like, yeah,
(10:42):
I'm Frank and that I died, I, he.
He sounded like he was, like hegrew up watching Goodfellas and
he wanted to be that guy.
So he's like hey, I'm Frank,you need to do it this way.
Hey, I'm sitting, like what'she doing?
He's a manager inpharmaceutical sales, what's he
doing?
But he had the superiorityposture.
(11:04):
His whole thing was he wouldtalk down to you, was
condescending to you, he was his.
His energy was just like always, like I'm above you because I'm
your manager and I.
He was such a motivator for meto end up leaving and working
for myself.
Matter of fact, the last personthat I worked for in that
industry was Frank and I wasmotivated because I.
(11:27):
I said I will never havesomebody talk to me crazy like
this.
There's nothing worse thansomeone who gets a title and
becomes entitled.
Oh god, I just I can't take it.
People get up there, they get,they get a little little thing
on their little name plate andall of a sudden they, they're
just the, they're it and theycommunicate with you like you're
not it.
We're forgetting that at onepoint.
(11:47):
You were sharing the samepositions.
You were.
You were in the same place.
You want to take care of yourfamily.
You want to provide for yourfamily.
Superiority posture is not theway to be Superiority posture.
You'll find that the greatestleaders are the ones that get in
there with their people.
There's so many stories ofpeople that have gotten in there
(12:10):
with their business partnerspeople that have gotten in there
with their business partners,with their employees, with their
team members to get in in orderto make the thing go.
They don't want to come acrosslike they're holier than thou.
They want it like.
This is us.
We're doing this.
Yes, I have the title, butwe're doing this together.
Not I'm better than you becauseI have this title.
I make more money than you, andwhat you don't be.
(12:33):
What you don't realize withthat is that people have already
quit on you.
They just haven't left thebuilding yet.
That's all it is.
Their resume is alreadysomewhere else.
Their next opportunity.
They're already looking at theother thing.
They're just nodding at youuntil they get the next
opportunity.
Then they're out and you'relike I don't know what happened.
Well, what happened is that youwere a jerk.
(12:53):
That's what happened.
And and people don't want to bearound jerks, they want to be
around people that make themfeel better.
Which brings my last point,which is you're not growing
people where there is lack ofgrowth.
Look, think about like thisimagine that.
Imagine that you have a plant.
I know somebody that has aplant and man, this person can't
.
They can't grow, they can'tgrow the plant, the plant
doesn't grow.
So I want you to imagine thatyou have this plant that's
(13:15):
supposed to grow, you're doingeverything and it's not growing.
Well then there's probablysomething wrong with the plant.
But if you have a whole bunchof plants and none of those
plants are growing, well thenyou have to look at what are you
doing with those plants whenpeople around you aren't growing
(13:37):
, when you're not growing people, people, it doesn't matter how
much money you're paying them,eventually they have checked out
.
It doesn't matter what theirtitles are, they are checking
out.
People need to be challenged.
They need a little bit of, theyneed a little bit of pressure
on them.
Like, maybe you have Suzy andSuzy's used to this and this and
this, but you say you know what?
Suzy has this potential.
I could see her in this roleand, yes, it requires suzy to to
learn.
Maybe suzy's afraid of publicspeaking.
(13:58):
She's got to do that in thatnew role, but you know what the
the challenge of it?
That builds their self-esteem.
Everybody wants to be aroundsomeone that builds their
self-esteem.
And the way to build anotherperson's self-esteem is to
challenge them to do somethingthat's growth oriented, not just
keeping them in their comfortzone, taking them to the next
level outside of their comfortzone.
(14:18):
You see, because if you do thatwith people, people are going
to be attracted to you.
They're going to want to bearound someone that helps them
get better.
But if you're saying okay,again to go back to the
superiority complex person, whenyour posture is that you're
better than no one will ever beas good as you and so you'll
always interact with people likeyou're better, let me help you
(14:41):
out.
Let me help you out, we allfall short from the glory of God
.
So even if you're a little bittaller, a little bit prettier,
have a higher IQ, you're still afailure.
You're still a failure.
Why?
Because there's someone smarterthan you, prettier than you,
taller than you, better than you.
There's a better version of yousomewhere else.
And so if you relate to thepeople around you and you relate
(15:02):
to them like you're superior,well then you're going to have a
bunch of people rebel.
But if your focus is to helppeople around you get better, to
grow them, to show them thatthey have more inside of them
than they realize, human beingsare capable of unbelievable
things, but most people arecapped in environments that do
not allow for them to express it.
They have people in leadershiproles that don't see it.
(15:23):
I see it all the time.
I see it all the time, everysingle day.
I see it where you have someonethat has great potential and
they fall into the leadership ofan arrogant leader.
They fall into the leadershipof someone who doesn't listen,
doesn't acknowledge, or they'rea people pleasing leader and I
see that person just kind ofwither.
They're just kind of wither.
(15:44):
But when you're around peopleand you're dedicated to growing
people, lifting people, man,unbelievable things can happen
for you and your team.
So those are five things, fivethings that, if you're doing, is
definitely hurting yourleadership and it's hurting the
people around you.
All you're doing is motivatingthem out your door.
That's all you're doing.
But now that you've identifiedthese five things, here's a
(16:07):
question If any of those fivethings relate to you.
What's the action you need totake?
The total opposite.
It doesn't need to be like along-term plan.
You don't need to go to aconsultant and have the no.
You need to say, okay, I'mdoing all the I need to.
I need to get my stuff together.
I need to lead, becauseleadership is a is an honor.
It's an honor when people areunder your charge, it's an honor
(16:27):
, but that honor has to behonored.
We all have to get better.
If you're one of the people and, god forbid, you have all five,
oh my Lord, I can't evenimagine that.
No, you can't be a peoplepleaser and arrogant at the same
time.
That'd be a little weird.
But if you have multiple, it'san opportunity for you to
address it, change it and watchwhat happens to the people
around you.
(16:48):
Last quick story there'ssomeone that I know that's done
so many amazing things.
This person's awesome.
They're amazing in their job,but what?
Where they fall short is theydon't make the people around
them better, and they couldn'tunderstand why so many people
are quitting.
That's it.
(17:10):
That's it.
Get better Actually took timeto learn about how incredible
you were.
Nothing would ever stop you.
See, the definition of sight isthe faculty or power of seeing.
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