December 4, 2023 • 32 mins
In this episode, we tackle the stress of Christmas' commercial side and the high spending it often involves, especially for families with tight budgets. We share personal stories about celebrating Christmas with our young kids when money was tight, giving you a real look at the ups and downs of those times.
We'll talk about the unrealistic idea of a perfect "Hallmark Christmas" and remind you that family and togetherness mean more than gifts. We open up about how tough financial times can affect us emotionally and how much community support can help.
This episode isn't just about reflecting; it's a helpful guide for families dealing with financial limits during the holidays. We stress that being there for each other is more important than the presents under the tree and invite you to share your own holiday experiences and challenges.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bryan (00:01):
What do you remember of your Christmases when you were a
child?
Is it all the fancy gifts, andyou made a list for your Santa
parents?
And you got everything on thatlist?
Or, do you remember the timesthat you had a special occasion
at Christmas?
You had something special happenat Christmas.
It was family time.
(00:22):
You did carols, if you likedcarols.
You ate fruitcake, if that wasyour jam with your family.
You had all those memories.
What do you remember?
There's a cultural pressureright now that we are feeling
currently.
I was doing some research andthis year in 2023 they're
expecting a 1.
(00:43):
3 trillion dollar worldwideretail Consumer amount of money
being purchased over Christmas.
There is a reason for theseason, and it isn't the gifts,
not that gifts are bad, but wehave to look at our family, and
today we want to talk aboutfinances and having small
children, finances and beingmarried, and what that looks
(01:04):
like.
Because when you're not havingthe amount of resources you
would love to have, Christmas issomething that can be quite
daunting.
Natalie (01:32):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie and I'm Brian,wherever you are, whatever
you're doing.
As you hear us say, always graba tea, grab a coffee, a snack,
get cozy and comfy.
We're so glad you're here tohave our chat
Bryan (01:44):
today.
And just for your listeningpleasure, if you happen to miss
the last well, two weeks ago, wedid an episode kind of wrapped.
up the silent strain.
We did tension, fear, and acouple others.
This last one was all about justthe misconceptions about those
relationships, misconceptionsabout tension in marriage.
And so if you get a chance, it'dbe great if you go back and
(02:05):
listen to that.
Natalie (02:08):
Today we're talking about, I don't know what topic
that's, I guess, near and dear.
To our hearts we've titled this,and perhaps this will be a
Christmas series because we're,you know, we've got three
episodes before the new year.
This is a
Bryan (02:24):
working title.
This is not like the final, youknow, don't, don't give the
title because I don't wantpeople to be like, Oh, that's
the, they didn't use that one.
Natalie (02:30):
That's right.
But you know, for us, when wehad littler kids and I mean,
we've got, you know, well, oneadult and two teenagers.
Back when we, when they wereyounger, yeah, we just struggled
incredibly with finances andespecially around Christmas time
(02:55):
and, you know, generally westruggled our kids are like, we
were poor,
Bryan (03:01):
They think when they can't get Pepsi that
Natalie (03:03):
we're poor.
And if we're, you know, definingpoverty by how much.
Christmas gifts.
I mean, you have and how muchChristmas, then yeah, we were
dirt poor.
Wow.
And it just, it got us talkingabout what are some of the
struggles with this seasoncoming in and that was just the
first thing that popped to mymind was the pressure to provide
(03:25):
a Hallmark Christmas movieChristmas for your children.
And what does that look likewhen you physically count?
Well,
Bryan (03:36):
I think that.
Like, I have a, I have reallystrong opinions about Christmas
and I think partially becausewe've had to live it with our
own kids, but also this attitudethat like, even when I said
before, the, the way we look atChristmas without with the way
(03:58):
that we, that, that nor theculture is telling us you have
to do this.
You have to have make a list isvery commercialized.
You have to put, make the giftsthat you want.
We believe in our house and wedo this.
It's all about family.
It's all about you.
We're not going to get the kidsknow that if they give us a list
of 10 or 12 things they reallywant, they're going to get a
couple, they're not getting thewhole thing.
That's been the way it has beenin our house because we don't
(04:21):
want our kids to think that wellevery Christmas they're going to
get everything they want becauseas our kids, you know, anyone
that has kids that's listeningto this.
This is you're gonna realizethat as your kids get older
their tastes get more expensiveIf I ask my 18 year old what he
wants for Christmas He's tellingme some kind of PC part that way
that that costs like 400 Yeah,my other son is a musician and
(04:43):
if I ask him what he wants forChristmas, it's some kind of 400
MIDI keyboard or plug in thingfor his guitar like that it
changes and so there's just soheavy undue pressure Unneeded
pressure on parents to providewhat you said earlier, which is
a really good way to put it ahallmark Christmas, a hallmark
Christmas that really,ultimately, in my opinion, and I
(05:06):
would say just to take thepressure off yourself, in my
opinion, it is unnecessary
Natalie (05:11):
and you know, When I was just sharing this with Brian
earlier, but back when our kidswere little, we didn't have
YouTube and Instagram and allthese, you know, you tick talk
if you're into that, which we'renot people sort of like
influencing, you know, Some ofthe videos that have come across
(05:33):
my newsfeed have been like lookat all the things We're buying
our kids for Christmas, and Iwas like well isn't that kind of
fascinating?
Because it does one of twothings and yes, you know if you
have the ability to provide aMiraculous Christmas for your
kids all the power to you.
Yeah, and this isn't this isn'ta
Bryan (05:52):
I yuck your yum Cuz
Natalie (05:54):
you can do that.
No that not at all but a lot ofpeople can't provide that for
their kids and so yes, they canchoose not to watch your video.
That is very true.
Yeah.
So we're speaking from nonsocialized or like we didn't
have the social influences thatwe have today when our kids were
(06:15):
little.
So you know, we.
And we beat ourselves up and theguilt was just as fierce, and
the shame was just as fierceback when we didn't have YouTube
and all of these platforms theintensity of the feeling of not
being able to provide Christmasas, as what you imagine
(06:38):
Christmas is supposed to be.
And yes, we know Jesus is thereason for the season, but
there's an element of blessing.
Be and being a blessing toothers and to our children and
that we just could not provide
Bryan (06:49):
also just a reality of Of what we're inundated every
single day with when it comes tochristmas Like you go on to what
you said what you go on toinstagram you watch any
commercials and we don't havecable anywhere But you watch
anything anywhere at this timeof season Everything is pushing
you to buy buy buy and get thatperfect gift or get the diamonds
for your like here We're talkingabout the strain When you have
(07:11):
little children, there's astrain, even when you're just
early married to buy the perfectgift and it has to be expensive.
And yes, unless you've had thoseconversations, that can be a
tough conversation to have ingeneral about finances when it
comes to Christmas time.
Because like, it's interestingbecause as an adult, when I need
something, I go and buy it.
Right.
(07:32):
And at Christmas time, thethings that I want, well now,
yeah, now because we have thefinances, but there's, there's
things that like, if I'mlooking, I really need to
replace my earbuds.
It's not like an end of worldthing if I don't get it right
now, right?
Like it's but as an adult I'mgonna wait until it's feasible
and then I'm gonna go out and doit Right, which is generally if
it's on sale.
(07:52):
Yeah, and and if it's one ofthose things that like but
that's just that's it That's aluxury.
That's not a necessity.
That's just a luxury exactlywhen
Natalie (07:58):
our kids were little we went without Oh, yeah.
So they did not.
And so, you know, painting apicture what that looks like.
Our kids needed boots or ourkids needed clothes or our kids
needed snow suits and winterclothes.
We lived in a northern climate,which snowed all the time.
It was cold.
And so we were duct taping ourboots because our kids needed,
(08:24):
they, they got before we got.
Yeah.
And, and it wasn't because, youknow, we weren't self caring.
No, it was legitimately so thatthey didn't freeze to death,
right?
Like,
Bryan (08:35):
yeah, we're in the north.
They need to have warm clothing.
Well, and then there's times Ijust remember where we'd eat
less or I would go without ameal because we had groceries or
two days away or we're
Natalie (08:43):
eating macaroni and cheese and they're eating the
last of the chicken and
Bryan (08:48):
rice, right?
Like Just like I remember likedoubling up on like pairs of
socks because one pair had ahole in them, but I needed not
to have holes.
I put another pair over top andI couldn't wear in the gear.
Just I need to be extra warm asyou do what you like.
Just a little little things thatyou do.
I remember always scavenginglaces from other boots to fit
(09:09):
the ones that I had.
Natalie (09:10):
Exactly.
And.
Like you had a job and we stillhad rent to pay and we still had
gas to put in the vehicle andand food to put in the fridge
and this is like 16 years ago.
It was way cheaper than it isnow.
And so like all of our rent andour bills and our hydro and our
gas and all of that was paid.
(09:31):
Which meant there was like nomoney left over for any extras.
So when we're saying, you know,we were, we providing Christmas
as far as the commercial side ofChristmas and being able to buy
our kids presents was reallychallenging because there wasn't
extra money to do that.
Bryan (09:51):
Well, I remember a time when we were early married and
even early with kids that you'relike, you can't get a coffee
today.
We have to have every That 2will be the difference between
us being able to pay off a billand not being able to pay a
bill.
Natalie (10:04):
Exactly.
Now, having said that and thisis just a plugin for finding
community.
Yeah.
At this time of the year,especially because we were
plugged into a really greatchurch and we had community.
And that wasn't to say that weleached off the community by any
stretch of the word.
We went about doing what.
What we'd always done and wewere on a very strict budget.
(10:28):
Yeah, and The Lord used thatlike the community that we were
involved to bless us and andthey did yeah, and so we never
Even when it felt like, oh,we've got our last like 1.
50 in the bank, Lord.
Somehow, by his miraculousprovision we'd get a gift card
(10:49):
for a superstore.
We'd get a gift card forWalmart.
Or we had a gentleman in ourchurch at the time.
That wasn't
Bryan (10:55):
just at Christmas.
That was No, like that
Natalie (10:57):
was throughout the year, right?
But, you know, we really, I'llspeak to me.
I really felt the guilt and thepressure to not provide.
CHristmas gifts for my kids.
And so,
Bryan (11:13):
and I, I, I didn't feel the Christmas gifts so much as
just the overall pressure as thebreadwinner of the house to be
able to look after the house.
Right.
Right.
And to be able to, as long aslike our, and it was never like
I was carrying that weightwithout you knowing about it.
It's not like that's a surpriseto you, but men carry that
weight when you're thebreadwinner of the home and
(11:34):
that's your.
And that's what you need to do.
And it's not when Natalie's notwhere Natalie's worked a lot,
like even when the kids wereyoung, she always had a part
time thing happening, cleaning,blah, blah, blah.
But there's just this weight allthe time that it's not just
Christmas, whereas you'refocused on Christmas.
I'm thinking, Lord, I need to, Ineed to pay rent every single
month.
I need to make sure that theyhave clothes and shoes and
(11:54):
school supplies.
School supplies areembarrassingly expensive, right?
Like I need, I needed uniformswhen the kids were at the
traditional school or we needto, they need teeth when the
kids get older.
Like all of these things thathappen that I'm just constantly
mulling about, like I want to beable to take them away on a
vacation.
Yeah, there was no vacation.
There was no vacation.
And like, We had people passaway in our family and we
couldn't even afford unlesssomeone helped us come down,
(12:16):
which happened a few timesbecause it was even
embarrassing.
Right.
And, and that's the thing isthat it, for us, it was less so
for me, but still embarrassingwhen someone or my mom or my
brother in law Jeremy would belike, Hey, I'm dude, I'm, I'm
here to help.
Like, what do you need?
Like, and we had that kind ofthing, right?
Like it's embarrassing.
(12:37):
But there's times that wecouldn't do trips and come down
and because someone passed awaybecause we just didn't have the
finances to be able to take itfrom Alberta all the way to BC,
which in our van back then wasstill 200, 250 there and back
just in fuel because it's a van,
Natalie (12:53):
right?
And, you know, it, it seemed asthough every time we had, we, we
got a little bit ahead, therewas some catastrophe where like
our van cost 3, 000 to fix, orall of a sudden we needed a new
tire, and like we're speakingfrom experience, this legit
happened.
Bryan (13:09):
At one, at one point, I remember me and you just, and
this was back when the van wasstill like relatively new ish,
it was only four or five years,just thinking, what's the point
of saving money if every time weget ahead, we have to blow it?
It was on like what?
They're not stupid things like,
Natalie (13:27):
well, things we don't want to have to, you know,
repair the car.
We'd like for that money to beused for something else.
Yeah,
Bryan (13:35):
like we want to.
Yeah, we like, let's get allthat we need for school or for
food.
And every time we had any kindof substantial amount of
savings, it was always ourvehicle for quite a few years.
It was our vehicle that hasburned us like it was so
annoying.
Natalie (13:46):
Yeah, but it was it was hard and it was humiliating to
have to at one ask for help andto lay our pride down and I'm
speaking to myself, lay my pridedown to receive the help as in
the food bank.
And that was a hard one that Iremember.
Bryan (14:08):
That was a hard one to swallow.
Natalie (14:09):
One year specifically when you or someone we knew had
signed us up for a food bankbecause we would not sign
ourselves up because it was soembarrassing.
And it came time to like get itand I said to Brian, Brian's
like, like, should we go?
And I'm like, well, you can go.
There's no way I'm going.
I was just so embarrassed
Bryan (14:30):
and And I, I went cause
Natalie (14:32):
I understood it And you went and I was just, I remember
like Oh, I'm getting emotional Ijust remember feeling so
discouraged Because, like, in mymind, you've reached the bottom
(14:57):
If, if we're at a food bank AndI was like, Lord, like It was
just the most humbling Yep I'mso grateful For the food bank,
but there was a lot of emotionsas you can still tell it, it put
(15:18):
an into perspective how oneblessed we were because of the
generosity of others donating tothe food bank so that they could
be a blessing to us.
And how
Bryan (15:33):
helpful the food bank was to lots of people,
Natalie (15:35):
the food bank, it was, and it wasn't, it wasn't a.
No, but your mind plays trickson you if you are in a position
where you are needing that kindof help and it was one of those
things where it was like Icould, I could hold onto my
pride and my children could gohungry or I could let go of the
(16:00):
pride and just be like, you knowwhat, this is, this isn't going
to be forever and we will be ina position one day to be able to
return the, the generosity.
Right.
So, oh, I say that to say if youfind yourself in, in the similar
(16:22):
situation, it's not always goingto be that way.
And I say for the ones who arein a position to be a blessing,
what a great time of the year.
yOu know, and we're in aposition now where we can be
that blessing and we can pay itback and we can pay it forward
(16:44):
so that other people who mightbe feeling the weight.
At this time of the year, maybethat will just ease it a
Bryan (16:51):
little.
Yeah, absolutely.
It, I remember after I came backand you saw all the food that
they were giving away and thatwasn't even the only time there
was another time.
We'll get to that in a minute,but I remember us talking about
it and then subsequent weeksafter that, the following week
or two and how it was in thatmoment that we realized that.
(17:13):
aLmost this, this, we eat thepride, we push back on it and
we're like, we're have to, we'regoing to have to ask for help
and how that in the future madeit for us so much.
It's still hard to ask for helpbecause you know, we're self
sufficient people, we'reindependent, but it also paved
the way for us to be able tolook back and be like, Hey,
(17:33):
people blessed us immensely andtook care of things.
I remember one year.
I don't know who signed this upfor this.
I suspected, but they wouldalways deny it to my face.
But the one year we get a knockon the door, I got a phone call
myself, my work cell phone.
And I'm like, hi, this is Brianbecause I worked sometimes I
worked with drug addicts andsometimes I get phone calls at
(17:53):
like eight o'clock at night andI get this phone call from
someone, Hey, this is somethingfrom a camera, the name of the
Canadian shoppers, no Canadianwholesale, Canadian wholesale.
Every year someone puts a namein.
I'd like people put names inmultiple names, like probably a
hundred names will go into thisthing and Shoppers Wholesale
will bless one or two families,right?
And so I get this phone callsaying, Hey, this is Canadian
(18:14):
Wholesale.
And I thought I had a wrongnumber.
I'm like, and I laughed on thephone.
He's like, yeah, this is Brian.
He said, no, we don't know thatyou're coming and said, Hey,
well, you redirected them to me.
It was like, yeah, no, I think Iwas like, now, did you, did you
sign up for anything?
And you're like, no, I was like,okay, what's going on?
So literally five minutes later,this truck pulls up.
No, no, no.
What do you, what do you mean,no, no,
Natalie (18:34):
no, because this was on, we were expecting our
daughter on a Tuesday and sothey had phoned on like, Oh
Bryan (18:42):
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Natalie (18:43):
pregnancy.
Yeah.
They had phoned and they said,Hey, it's, you know, we got your
name and you, you,congratulations.
You won.
And myself was like, Oh, scam.
It's a
Bryan (18:52):
scam.
Scam.
That's what I mean.
It's like,
Natalie (18:54):
did you sign up for anything?
Like, I'm going to tell youwhere I live.
Yeah.
Anyways.
They're like, they laughed onthe phone.
They're like, I know it seemshokey pokey, but it's legit.
I'm pretty sure they didn't usehokey pokey.
And so I was like, whatever,we'll see if you show up.
So Monday, the day before ourdaughter was born.
A what?
It was a five ton cube
Bryan (19:13):
van, but it was
Natalie (19:15):
big, showed up and it was just like bag and boxes
after boxes.
They
Bryan (19:21):
outfitted all of our kids with complete snowsuits, gloves,
to scarves, jackets.
Boots they gave us food to lastus like two months.
They gave us they gave us giftsthe kids gifts of the unborn
baby Gifts.
Yeah, we had they gave usdiapers
Natalie (19:38):
and wipes which you know for those who are new
parents that is blessing It's
costly.
Bryan (19:46):
Right.
And so they, they gave us allthis stuff and I just, I'm
standing in there just in awe.
Like what is happening?
And Natalie is standing in thekitchen, just kind of like
crying.
You're crying in the kitchenwhile you're about to have a
baby.
So you're like, I'm done withthis.
I'm uber emotional.
I need to have this child out ofme now.
And it was just an emotionaltime.
And they literally walked in,said, Merry Christmas, be
(20:06):
blessed and turn around andwalked out.
And that was it.
Like there was no big fanfare.
Natalie (20:11):
No.
And they had wrapped everything.
And so they had asked, so thepeople that we suspect knew our
family very well and knew thekids interest.
And so we didn't know what.
They had because everything waswrapped in Christmas wrap and so
again It was kind of like thatthat motion of like I can
(20:33):
provide for my own family YepLike I don't need a handout and
so that there was that initialthought that had come through my
mind and I was a littleperturbed of, of how it
appeared.
Oh, it's so silly in hindsight.
Yeah.
Because going through it.
Bryan (20:48):
Be it's interesting because you, you, we've have now
been on the other end of thatwith church and with friends and
family, where we've ralliedaround people in our church that
have really needed help.
And we've been on the end wherewe're going to someone's house
and we're bringing themgroceries or bringing them money
or they're bringing them.
We're on that end of it now, andwhen you're, now that we're
(21:10):
there, we're looking at themlike, not as, not What you're
trying to get to is like howthey must think that we're less
than we're not we're actuallylike you just needed a Hand up.
Yeah, and we've been there Yeahand so it you have to you have
to get to the place where youhave to eat your pride and and
this is the Thing is thatthere's an incredible amount of
pressure on families atChristmastime and it's not just
(21:33):
it's not just marriages Not justbecause when you're married now,
you're going to you're having tobuy gifts for family members
that you don't know that as wellright But I want to say this
contrary to the pressure thatthat culture puts on us.
You do not have to buyeverything on your kid's
Christmas list.
Natalie (21:51):
No.
If you can, if you can purchaseone thing, then purchase one
thing.
If you can't purchase anything,um, the thrift stores are great
at finding, and we've done it atthe thrift store.
And
Bryan (22:04):
here's, here's, here's the thing is, is that
disappointment never killedanyone.
No, I know, I know this is hardfor people to hear.
And there's something that mypastor and I say all the time is
that we have to learn how to dothe hard things better.
Being disappointed actually is agreat lesson in disappointment.
(22:24):
We've been disappointed manytimes in our life, as has
probably anyone that's listeningto this podcast.
You have experienceddisappointment.
It is hard.
It brings on lots offrustration, lots of emotion,
lots of things.
But.
Toys are, hear me when I saythis, gifts are just gifts.
Toys are just toys that they'rereally the the they will
(22:47):
remember you being together someof the best dates that Natalie
and I have ever had even whenwe've had kids have been the
ones we've had a little bit ofmoney and the only thing we
could do was go and get one iceor two ice cream cones for two
bucks.
at, at McDonald's and go for adrive.
Exactly.
The best, some of the best datesthat we've had, the most
conversation, the mostconnection, not the ones where I
dropped 200.
(23:08):
Like those are good dates.
Don't get me wrong.
Those are fun that you do oncein a while.
We do once every three years,but the ones where you're,
you're dropping big money,those, you know, what matters is
when you and your company thatyou're with.
Yeah.
Your family remembers that youmade Christmas the best that you
possibly could.
My kids aren't going to rememberthe fact that they may remember
if I mom a really great gift,but they're going to remember,
Hey, dad cared enough about meto do his best at Christmastime
(23:32):
with little to make sure that Iwas looked after.
Natalie (23:35):
Exactly.
And you know, what did we do?
We handmade
Bryan (23:38):
stuff.
Yeah.
Well, when you say we, you meanyou.
Natalie (23:42):
The kids and I, right.
And like, I didn't.
I didn't have the money to go toMichael's and I didn't have the
money to go to Walmart forChristmas decor.
So the kids and I made Christmasdecor.
And so looking for ways to ease,like a lot of times our boys had
kind of a joint gift.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we couldn't afford tobuy them separate ones, but we
could afford to buy them onegift that they would, that they
(24:05):
would enjoy playing withtogether, like a Hot Wheels
Bryan (24:07):
or something the hockey thing.
Right.
The hockey, we played that so
Natalie (24:10):
often.
Lots of Christmas baking andlike use that time of like, Hey,
we might not be able tophysically buy and fill a ton of
presents underneath the tree,but what can we do?
We can create memories with ourkids.
And even now when we ask ourkids, Hey, what do you remember?
Like, did you feel the lack?
And they're like, no, like itwas, you guys always made it
(24:31):
fun.
And so with what we had, wecreated a Christmas for our
children, whether or not, and Ihandmade.
Gifts as well, right?
So like not only crafted, butalso handmade.
I made the kids sock monkeys.
So those were awesome and notcreepy.
No, they weren't creepy, butsomething like, what do I have
(24:53):
that, that they would reallylove and they still have their
sock monkeys.
So it's not about spending a tonof money and not because we
couldn't, but what could we dowith what we had and make it
festive and make it fun.
And so we always have doneappetizers and the appetizers
(25:14):
could be chicken nuggets andfries, like remember dino
nuggets.
Yes.
And
Bryan (25:19):
it was just.
But it's, it's going to be the,the atmosphere you create, not
the gifts that you give, right?
Like the gift, the gifts are abonus in life.
They are.
But
Natalie (25:32):
if you're in a position to be able to do that,
Bryan (25:33):
then we, then we bless our kids and we always, and then
we bless others.
And that's always been thething.
But when, if you can't do that,if you're even you're early
married or even you're marriedand you're just struggling, you
got laid off.
Like I know, we know of a familyright now that got laid off the
week before December, and hewon't go back to work until
April potentially.
Right.
And so there, there's just, weknow that this happens.
(25:54):
Yeah, you were laid off.
I was laid off for Christmas.
No, that sucked.
That was really hard.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
And we are waiting on, this was,this is funny.
We were waiting on my EI to comein and then we get an email and
tell us, Oh, it was like we'veheard in the news.
They ran out of money.
So they had to wait.
And so I ended up having to waitfor an extra two and a half
weeks for my, my EI to come in.
(26:16):
And you're like, Lord, what arewe supposed to do here?
It
Natalie (26:19):
was, you know, I forgot about that.
What a dumb thing.
That that was where thegovernment ran out of money.
But that was what they had said
Bryan (26:27):
anyways.
Maybe that was just like onsomething else entirely, but I
just remember the government ranout of money.
It was
Natalie (26:32):
on that.
Was it?
On the EI.
But you know, this is to say, itisn't about the cost of the
presents that are under thetree.
Yeah.
So I really want you to likehear that and to be like well,
you know if you're in a positionof not wanting That's fantastic.
(26:57):
Yeah Right?
And, and I would never, youknow, harp on someone for being
able to provide for theirfamily.
We're speaking strictly out of aplace of not being able to.
And that there's In the way that
Bryan (27:07):
we want to.
And we want you to feel likethere's other alternative ways
to handle the pressure of theseason.
Yeah, and
Natalie (27:13):
we just we always had food in the house and for them
at least for them and you knowlike with the food hampers and
whatever, they, they're reallygood about giving a turkey or a
ham or stuff like that.
Right.
So we always had like aChristmas meal and stuff and and
I did baking and so.
(27:34):
And we always do like Christmaslights and stuff like that.
So we, we do things that didn'tcost money, but still was an
experience for the kids.
For
Bryan (27:43):
sure.
I like, I just, I had thiswritten down here.
So to run a reminder of thesimplicity and the value of
presence over presence, presencewith the C and presence with the
T, that you being there for yourkids as much as you possibly
can, you being there for yourfamily, you being there for your
wife or you being there for yourhusband, that's more important
(28:03):
than the gifts that you bring.
A hundred percent.
Absolutely.
It, I want to hear, I'm going toput you on the spot.
I know you love this.
This is your favorite thing.
What is a short 10, 15 second,maybe that's too short,
encouraging word for parentsthat are, or for families, for
couples, for families withchildren that are actually
experiencing these challenges.
Natalie (28:25):
Reach out for help.
Yeah.
And if that means needing theassistance of a food bank,
church, a church organization,charity.
Yeah.
Honestly, do it.
That's what they're there for.
And it's not a reflection of howgood of a parent you are, how
(28:45):
good or not good of a provideryou are.
Here that is not a reflection ofwho you are as a person when you
need those resources.
That is what they're there for.
I am so grateful to have beenthe recipient of those, even
though I had to work throughsome of the emotional, uh, stuff
(29:06):
that I, I felt like it, it.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And so the stigma, that's theword.
There's a stigma in my mind atthat time of, you know, if you
needed a food bank, then youknow, you must not work and you
must, right?
Like there was just this.
Exactly.
And I was like, but I just don'twant people to think.
(29:27):
differently of me because I needa food bank.
So there was an emotional.
Emotional toll that it took anda processing of that.
And I say I am so incrediblygrateful for the friends and the
family that had reached out andhad been a blessing to us over
the years.
And the food banks and, youknow, Canadian Wholesale.
(29:48):
And if there are, um, notcontests, but like, hey, we are,
we're, Looking to bless a familythis year and you know of
someone take that step and Like,they didn't ask our permission,
and we probably would have beenmortified had they said, Hey,
what are your thoughts on this?
We'd have been absolutely not.
You don't tell
Bryan (30:08):
anyone that we're even struggling.
Don't ask for
Natalie (30:10):
permission and just be that like secret blessing behind
Bryan (30:15):
the scenes.
That's, that's really like thebed.
The best way to go through theseason is with the help of
friends and family and reach out
Natalie (30:25):
for help in this climate where everything is so
expensive and inflation isthrough the roof.
You know, if we have an extraturkey in the fridge, we are
going to bless someone with itbecause we don't need two
turkeys.
So look at what you have.
What can you be a blessing?
Learn more at www.
plastics car.
com How can you be a blessingand look out for your neighbor?
Bryan (30:46):
Absolutely.
So here's what I want all of youlisteners to do.
I want you to share your story,you can share it with us on any
of our social, but I want you toshare a little bit of your story
about, and we're going to postsome things this week, but share
the story about tips that youhave that actually helped you,
maybe how you got through it.
(31:06):
Maybe there's a mental healthstruggle that you went through
that you could actually, thatwould help someone else.
And there's a few ways that youcan do it always at the end of
these episodes.
And we can, we always ask, Hey,if you like this, this is what I
want you to do.
Take that.
Answer those questions.
If you have something for us,email it to us.
You can find us on Instagram orFacebook.
You can email it atamplifiedmarriage.
gmail.
com also on our website atamplifiedmarriage.
(31:29):
ca on the bottom right handcorner.
There's also a little voicemailand you can actually click on
there and actually leave avoicemail through your computer
and it'll actually come to usand then we can actually use
that and.
Potentially feature that on thepodcast with a question or a
comment something that we can doBut this is a really great
opportunity.
We want to hear from you.
We want to hear from you fromthe way that you've Worked
(31:50):
through the budget budgetrestraints of christmas with
through the mental health ofchristmas The struggle of those
things we want to hear from youand all those things that That
might be beneficial to othersthat are listening to this
podcast.
And again, if you like it Thispodcast, it means a tremendous
amount to us when you share itand you let people know about
Amplified Marriage.
You can, again, contact us, butalso follow us on Instagram and
(32:13):
Facebook.
And you can meet, reach usthrough email at
AmplifiedMarriage at dot, atgmail.
com.
And as you have heard us saymany times, we believe that your
marriage can be reset,refreshed, recharged,
Natalie (32:26):
and restored.
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you soon.
What do you remember of your Christmases when you were a
child?
Is it all the fancy gifts, andyou made a list for your Santa
parents?
And you got everything on thatlist?
Or, do you remember the timesthat you had a special occasion
at Christmas?
You had something special happenat Christmas.
It was family time.
(00:22):
You did carols, if you likedcarols.
You ate fruitcake, if that wasyour jam with your family.
You had all those memories.
What do you remember?
There's a cultural pressureright now that we are feeling
currently.
I was doing some research andthis year in 2023 they're
expecting a 1.
(00:43):
3 trillion dollar worldwideretail Consumer amount of money
being purchased over Christmas.
There is a reason for theseason, and it isn't the gifts,
not that gifts are bad, but wehave to look at our family, and
today we want to talk aboutfinances and having small
children, finances and beingmarried, and what that looks
(01:04):
like.
Because when you're not havingthe amount of resources you
would love to have, Christmas issomething that can be quite
daunting.
Natalie (01:32):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie and I'm Brian,wherever you are, whatever
you're doing.
As you hear us say, always graba tea, grab a coffee, a snack,
get cozy and comfy.
We're so glad you're here tohave our chat
Bryan (01:44):
today.
And just for your listeningpleasure, if you happen to miss
the last well, two weeks ago, wedid an episode kind of wrapped.
up the silent strain.
We did tension, fear, and acouple others.
This last one was all about justthe misconceptions about those
relationships, misconceptionsabout tension in marriage.
And so if you get a chance, it'dbe great if you go back and
(02:05):
listen to that.
Natalie (02:08):
Today we're talking about, I don't know what topic
that's, I guess, near and dear.
To our hearts we've titled this,and perhaps this will be a
Christmas series because we're,you know, we've got three
episodes before the new year.
This is a
Bryan (02:24):
working title.
This is not like the final, youknow, don't, don't give the
title because I don't wantpeople to be like, Oh, that's
the, they didn't use that one.
Natalie (02:30):
That's right.
But you know, for us, when wehad littler kids and I mean,
we've got, you know, well, oneadult and two teenagers.
Back when we, when they wereyounger, yeah, we just struggled
incredibly with finances andespecially around Christmas time
(02:55):
and, you know, generally westruggled our kids are like, we
were poor,
Bryan (03:01):
They think when they can't get Pepsi that
Natalie (03:03):
we're poor.
And if we're, you know, definingpoverty by how much.
Christmas gifts.
I mean, you have and how muchChristmas, then yeah, we were
dirt poor.
Wow.
And it just, it got us talkingabout what are some of the
struggles with this seasoncoming in and that was just the
first thing that popped to mymind was the pressure to provide
(03:25):
a Hallmark Christmas movieChristmas for your children.
And what does that look likewhen you physically count?
Well,
Bryan (03:36):
I think that.
Like, I have a, I have reallystrong opinions about Christmas
and I think partially becausewe've had to live it with our
own kids, but also this attitudethat like, even when I said
before, the, the way we look atChristmas without with the way
(03:58):
that we, that, that nor theculture is telling us you have
to do this.
You have to have make a list isvery commercialized.
You have to put, make the giftsthat you want.
We believe in our house and wedo this.
It's all about family.
It's all about you.
We're not going to get the kidsknow that if they give us a list
of 10 or 12 things they reallywant, they're going to get a
couple, they're not getting thewhole thing.
That's been the way it has beenin our house because we don't
(04:21):
want our kids to think that wellevery Christmas they're going to
get everything they want becauseas our kids, you know, anyone
that has kids that's listeningto this.
This is you're gonna realizethat as your kids get older
their tastes get more expensiveIf I ask my 18 year old what he
wants for Christmas He's tellingme some kind of PC part that way
that that costs like 400 Yeah,my other son is a musician and
(04:43):
if I ask him what he wants forChristmas, it's some kind of 400
MIDI keyboard or plug in thingfor his guitar like that it
changes and so there's just soheavy undue pressure Unneeded
pressure on parents to providewhat you said earlier, which is
a really good way to put it ahallmark Christmas, a hallmark
Christmas that really,ultimately, in my opinion, and I
(05:06):
would say just to take thepressure off yourself, in my
opinion, it is unnecessary
Natalie (05:11):
and you know, When I was just sharing this with Brian
earlier, but back when our kidswere little, we didn't have
YouTube and Instagram and allthese, you know, you tick talk
if you're into that, which we'renot people sort of like
influencing, you know, Some ofthe videos that have come across
(05:33):
my newsfeed have been like lookat all the things We're buying
our kids for Christmas, and Iwas like well isn't that kind of
fascinating?
Because it does one of twothings and yes, you know if you
have the ability to provide aMiraculous Christmas for your
kids all the power to you.
Yeah, and this isn't this isn'ta
Bryan (05:52):
I yuck your yum Cuz
Natalie (05:54):
you can do that.
No that not at all but a lot ofpeople can't provide that for
their kids and so yes, they canchoose not to watch your video.
That is very true.
Yeah.
So we're speaking from nonsocialized or like we didn't
have the social influences thatwe have today when our kids were
(06:15):
little.
So you know, we.
And we beat ourselves up and theguilt was just as fierce, and
the shame was just as fierceback when we didn't have YouTube
and all of these platforms theintensity of the feeling of not
being able to provide Christmasas, as what you imagine
(06:38):
Christmas is supposed to be.
And yes, we know Jesus is thereason for the season, but
there's an element of blessing.
Be and being a blessing toothers and to our children and
that we just could not provide
Bryan (06:49):
also just a reality of Of what we're inundated every
single day with when it comes tochristmas Like you go on to what
you said what you go on toinstagram you watch any
commercials and we don't havecable anywhere But you watch
anything anywhere at this timeof season Everything is pushing
you to buy buy buy and get thatperfect gift or get the diamonds
for your like here We're talkingabout the strain When you have
(07:11):
little children, there's astrain, even when you're just
early married to buy the perfectgift and it has to be expensive.
And yes, unless you've had thoseconversations, that can be a
tough conversation to have ingeneral about finances when it
comes to Christmas time.
Because like, it's interestingbecause as an adult, when I need
something, I go and buy it.
Right.
(07:32):
And at Christmas time, thethings that I want, well now,
yeah, now because we have thefinances, but there's, there's
things that like, if I'mlooking, I really need to
replace my earbuds.
It's not like an end of worldthing if I don't get it right
now, right?
Like it's but as an adult I'mgonna wait until it's feasible
and then I'm gonna go out and doit Right, which is generally if
it's on sale.
(07:52):
Yeah, and and if it's one ofthose things that like but
that's just that's it That's aluxury.
That's not a necessity.
That's just a luxury exactlywhen
Natalie (07:58):
our kids were little we went without Oh, yeah.
So they did not.
And so, you know, painting apicture what that looks like.
Our kids needed boots or ourkids needed clothes or our kids
needed snow suits and winterclothes.
We lived in a northern climate,which snowed all the time.
It was cold.
And so we were duct taping ourboots because our kids needed,
(08:24):
they, they got before we got.
Yeah.
And, and it wasn't because, youknow, we weren't self caring.
No, it was legitimately so thatthey didn't freeze to death,
right?
Like,
Bryan (08:35):
yeah, we're in the north.
They need to have warm clothing.
Well, and then there's times Ijust remember where we'd eat
less or I would go without ameal because we had groceries or
two days away or we're
Natalie (08:43):
eating macaroni and cheese and they're eating the
last of the chicken and
Bryan (08:48):
rice, right?
Like Just like I remember likedoubling up on like pairs of
socks because one pair had ahole in them, but I needed not
to have holes.
I put another pair over top andI couldn't wear in the gear.
Just I need to be extra warm asyou do what you like.
Just a little little things thatyou do.
I remember always scavenginglaces from other boots to fit
(09:09):
the ones that I had.
Natalie (09:10):
Exactly.
And.
Like you had a job and we stillhad rent to pay and we still had
gas to put in the vehicle andand food to put in the fridge
and this is like 16 years ago.
It was way cheaper than it isnow.
And so like all of our rent andour bills and our hydro and our
gas and all of that was paid.
(09:31):
Which meant there was like nomoney left over for any extras.
So when we're saying, you know,we were, we providing Christmas
as far as the commercial side ofChristmas and being able to buy
our kids presents was reallychallenging because there wasn't
extra money to do that.
Bryan (09:51):
Well, I remember a time when we were early married and
even early with kids that you'relike, you can't get a coffee
today.
We have to have every That 2will be the difference between
us being able to pay off a billand not being able to pay a
bill.
Natalie (10:04):
Exactly.
Now, having said that and thisis just a plugin for finding
community.
Yeah.
At this time of the year,especially because we were
plugged into a really greatchurch and we had community.
And that wasn't to say that weleached off the community by any
stretch of the word.
We went about doing what.
What we'd always done and wewere on a very strict budget.
(10:28):
Yeah, and The Lord used thatlike the community that we were
involved to bless us and andthey did yeah, and so we never
Even when it felt like, oh,we've got our last like 1.
50 in the bank, Lord.
Somehow, by his miraculousprovision we'd get a gift card
(10:49):
for a superstore.
We'd get a gift card forWalmart.
Or we had a gentleman in ourchurch at the time.
That wasn't
Bryan (10:55):
just at Christmas.
That was No, like that
Natalie (10:57):
was throughout the year, right?
But, you know, we really, I'llspeak to me.
I really felt the guilt and thepressure to not provide.
CHristmas gifts for my kids.
And so,
Bryan (11:13):
and I, I, I didn't feel the Christmas gifts so much as
just the overall pressure as thebreadwinner of the house to be
able to look after the house.
Right.
Right.
And to be able to, as long aslike our, and it was never like
I was carrying that weightwithout you knowing about it.
It's not like that's a surpriseto you, but men carry that
weight when you're thebreadwinner of the home and
(11:34):
that's your.
And that's what you need to do.
And it's not when Natalie's notwhere Natalie's worked a lot,
like even when the kids wereyoung, she always had a part
time thing happening, cleaning,blah, blah, blah.
But there's just this weight allthe time that it's not just
Christmas, whereas you'refocused on Christmas.
I'm thinking, Lord, I need to, Ineed to pay rent every single
month.
I need to make sure that theyhave clothes and shoes and
(11:54):
school supplies.
School supplies areembarrassingly expensive, right?
Like I need, I needed uniformswhen the kids were at the
traditional school or we needto, they need teeth when the
kids get older.
Like all of these things thathappen that I'm just constantly
mulling about, like I want to beable to take them away on a
vacation.
Yeah, there was no vacation.
There was no vacation.
And like, We had people passaway in our family and we
couldn't even afford unlesssomeone helped us come down,
(12:16):
which happened a few timesbecause it was even
embarrassing.
Right.
And, and that's the thing isthat it, for us, it was less so
for me, but still embarrassingwhen someone or my mom or my
brother in law Jeremy would belike, Hey, I'm dude, I'm, I'm
here to help.
Like, what do you need?
Like, and we had that kind ofthing, right?
Like it's embarrassing.
(12:37):
But there's times that wecouldn't do trips and come down
and because someone passed awaybecause we just didn't have the
finances to be able to take itfrom Alberta all the way to BC,
which in our van back then wasstill 200, 250 there and back
just in fuel because it's a van,
Natalie (12:53):
right?
And, you know, it, it seemed asthough every time we had, we, we
got a little bit ahead, therewas some catastrophe where like
our van cost 3, 000 to fix, orall of a sudden we needed a new
tire, and like we're speakingfrom experience, this legit
happened.
Bryan (13:09):
At one, at one point, I remember me and you just, and
this was back when the van wasstill like relatively new ish,
it was only four or five years,just thinking, what's the point
of saving money if every time weget ahead, we have to blow it?
It was on like what?
They're not stupid things like,
Natalie (13:27):
well, things we don't want to have to, you know,
repair the car.
We'd like for that money to beused for something else.
Yeah,
Bryan (13:35):
like we want to.
Yeah, we like, let's get allthat we need for school or for
food.
And every time we had any kindof substantial amount of
savings, it was always ourvehicle for quite a few years.
It was our vehicle that hasburned us like it was so
annoying.
Natalie (13:46):
Yeah, but it was it was hard and it was humiliating to
have to at one ask for help andto lay our pride down and I'm
speaking to myself, lay my pridedown to receive the help as in
the food bank.
And that was a hard one that Iremember.
Bryan (14:08):
That was a hard one to swallow.
Natalie (14:09):
One year specifically when you or someone we knew had
signed us up for a food bankbecause we would not sign
ourselves up because it was soembarrassing.
And it came time to like get itand I said to Brian, Brian's
like, like, should we go?
And I'm like, well, you can go.
There's no way I'm going.
I was just so embarrassed
Bryan (14:30):
and And I, I went cause
Natalie (14:32):
I understood it And you went and I was just, I remember
like Oh, I'm getting emotional Ijust remember feeling so
discouraged Because, like, in mymind, you've reached the bottom
(14:57):
If, if we're at a food bank AndI was like, Lord, like It was
just the most humbling Yep I'mso grateful For the food bank,
but there was a lot of emotionsas you can still tell it, it put
(15:18):
an into perspective how oneblessed we were because of the
generosity of others donating tothe food bank so that they could
be a blessing to us.
And how
Bryan (15:33):
helpful the food bank was to lots of people,
Natalie (15:35):
the food bank, it was, and it wasn't, it wasn't a.
No, but your mind plays trickson you if you are in a position
where you are needing that kindof help and it was one of those
things where it was like Icould, I could hold onto my
pride and my children could gohungry or I could let go of the
(16:00):
pride and just be like, you knowwhat, this is, this isn't going
to be forever and we will be ina position one day to be able to
return the, the generosity.
Right.
So, oh, I say that to say if youfind yourself in, in the similar
(16:22):
situation, it's not always goingto be that way.
And I say for the ones who arein a position to be a blessing,
what a great time of the year.
yOu know, and we're in aposition now where we can be
that blessing and we can pay itback and we can pay it forward
(16:44):
so that other people who mightbe feeling the weight.
At this time of the year, maybethat will just ease it a
Bryan (16:51):
little.
Yeah, absolutely.
It, I remember after I came backand you saw all the food that
they were giving away and thatwasn't even the only time there
was another time.
We'll get to that in a minute,but I remember us talking about
it and then subsequent weeksafter that, the following week
or two and how it was in thatmoment that we realized that.
(17:13):
aLmost this, this, we eat thepride, we push back on it and
we're like, we're have to, we'regoing to have to ask for help
and how that in the future madeit for us so much.
It's still hard to ask for helpbecause you know, we're self
sufficient people, we'reindependent, but it also paved
the way for us to be able tolook back and be like, Hey,
(17:33):
people blessed us immensely andtook care of things.
I remember one year.
I don't know who signed this upfor this.
I suspected, but they wouldalways deny it to my face.
But the one year we get a knockon the door, I got a phone call
myself, my work cell phone.
And I'm like, hi, this is Brianbecause I worked sometimes I
worked with drug addicts andsometimes I get phone calls at
(17:53):
like eight o'clock at night andI get this phone call from
someone, Hey, this is somethingfrom a camera, the name of the
Canadian shoppers, no Canadianwholesale, Canadian wholesale.
Every year someone puts a namein.
I'd like people put names inmultiple names, like probably a
hundred names will go into thisthing and Shoppers Wholesale
will bless one or two families,right?
And so I get this phone callsaying, Hey, this is Canadian
(18:14):
Wholesale.
And I thought I had a wrongnumber.
I'm like, and I laughed on thephone.
He's like, yeah, this is Brian.
He said, no, we don't know thatyou're coming and said, Hey,
well, you redirected them to me.
It was like, yeah, no, I think Iwas like, now, did you, did you
sign up for anything?
And you're like, no, I was like,okay, what's going on?
So literally five minutes later,this truck pulls up.
No, no, no.
What do you, what do you mean,no, no,
Natalie (18:34):
no, because this was on, we were expecting our
daughter on a Tuesday and sothey had phoned on like, Oh
Bryan (18:42):
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Natalie (18:43):
pregnancy.
Yeah.
They had phoned and they said,Hey, it's, you know, we got your
name and you, you,congratulations.
You won.
And myself was like, Oh, scam.
It's a
Bryan (18:52):
scam.
Scam.
That's what I mean.
It's like,
Natalie (18:54):
did you sign up for anything?
Like, I'm going to tell youwhere I live.
Yeah.
Anyways.
They're like, they laughed onthe phone.
They're like, I know it seemshokey pokey, but it's legit.
I'm pretty sure they didn't usehokey pokey.
And so I was like, whatever,we'll see if you show up.
So Monday, the day before ourdaughter was born.
A what?
It was a five ton cube
Bryan (19:13):
van, but it was
Natalie (19:15):
big, showed up and it was just like bag and boxes
after boxes.
They
Bryan (19:21):
outfitted all of our kids with complete snowsuits, gloves,
to scarves, jackets.
Boots they gave us food to lastus like two months.
They gave us they gave us giftsthe kids gifts of the unborn
baby Gifts.
Yeah, we had they gave usdiapers
Natalie (19:38):
and wipes which you know for those who are new
parents that is blessing It's
costly.
Bryan (19:46):
Right.
And so they, they gave us allthis stuff and I just, I'm
standing in there just in awe.
Like what is happening?
And Natalie is standing in thekitchen, just kind of like
crying.
You're crying in the kitchenwhile you're about to have a
baby.
So you're like, I'm done withthis.
I'm uber emotional.
I need to have this child out ofme now.
And it was just an emotionaltime.
And they literally walked in,said, Merry Christmas, be
(20:06):
blessed and turn around andwalked out.
And that was it.
Like there was no big fanfare.
Natalie (20:11):
No.
And they had wrapped everything.
And so they had asked, so thepeople that we suspect knew our
family very well and knew thekids interest.
And so we didn't know what.
They had because everything waswrapped in Christmas wrap and so
again It was kind of like thatthat motion of like I can
(20:33):
provide for my own family YepLike I don't need a handout and
so that there was that initialthought that had come through my
mind and I was a littleperturbed of, of how it
appeared.
Oh, it's so silly in hindsight.
Yeah.
Because going through it.
Bryan (20:48):
Be it's interesting because you, you, we've have now
been on the other end of thatwith church and with friends and
family, where we've ralliedaround people in our church that
have really needed help.
And we've been on the end wherewe're going to someone's house
and we're bringing themgroceries or bringing them money
or they're bringing them.
We're on that end of it now, andwhen you're, now that we're
(21:10):
there, we're looking at themlike, not as, not What you're
trying to get to is like howthey must think that we're less
than we're not we're actuallylike you just needed a Hand up.
Yeah, and we've been there Yeahand so it you have to you have
to get to the place where youhave to eat your pride and and
this is the Thing is thatthere's an incredible amount of
pressure on families atChristmastime and it's not just
(21:33):
it's not just marriages Not justbecause when you're married now,
you're going to you're having tobuy gifts for family members
that you don't know that as wellright But I want to say this
contrary to the pressure thatthat culture puts on us.
You do not have to buyeverything on your kid's
Christmas list.
Natalie (21:51):
No.
If you can, if you can purchaseone thing, then purchase one
thing.
If you can't purchase anything,um, the thrift stores are great
at finding, and we've done it atthe thrift store.
And
Bryan (22:04):
here's, here's, here's the thing is, is that
disappointment never killedanyone.
No, I know, I know this is hardfor people to hear.
And there's something that mypastor and I say all the time is
that we have to learn how to dothe hard things better.
Being disappointed actually is agreat lesson in disappointment.
(22:24):
We've been disappointed manytimes in our life, as has
probably anyone that's listeningto this podcast.
You have experienceddisappointment.
It is hard.
It brings on lots offrustration, lots of emotion,
lots of things.
But.
Toys are, hear me when I saythis, gifts are just gifts.
Toys are just toys that they'rereally the the they will
(22:47):
remember you being together someof the best dates that Natalie
and I have ever had even whenwe've had kids have been the
ones we've had a little bit ofmoney and the only thing we
could do was go and get one iceor two ice cream cones for two
bucks.
at, at McDonald's and go for adrive.
Exactly.
The best, some of the best datesthat we've had, the most
conversation, the mostconnection, not the ones where I
dropped 200.
(23:08):
Like those are good dates.
Don't get me wrong.
Those are fun that you do oncein a while.
We do once every three years,but the ones where you're,
you're dropping big money,those, you know, what matters is
when you and your company thatyou're with.
Yeah.
Your family remembers that youmade Christmas the best that you
possibly could.
My kids aren't going to rememberthe fact that they may remember
if I mom a really great gift,but they're going to remember,
Hey, dad cared enough about meto do his best at Christmastime
(23:32):
with little to make sure that Iwas looked after.
Natalie (23:35):
Exactly.
And you know, what did we do?
We handmade
Bryan (23:38):
stuff.
Yeah.
Well, when you say we, you meanyou.
Natalie (23:42):
The kids and I, right.
And like, I didn't.
I didn't have the money to go toMichael's and I didn't have the
money to go to Walmart forChristmas decor.
So the kids and I made Christmasdecor.
And so looking for ways to ease,like a lot of times our boys had
kind of a joint gift.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we couldn't afford tobuy them separate ones, but we
could afford to buy them onegift that they would, that they
(24:05):
would enjoy playing withtogether, like a Hot Wheels
Bryan (24:07):
or something the hockey thing.
Right.
The hockey, we played that so
Natalie (24:10):
often.
Lots of Christmas baking andlike use that time of like, Hey,
we might not be able tophysically buy and fill a ton of
presents underneath the tree,but what can we do?
We can create memories with ourkids.
And even now when we ask ourkids, Hey, what do you remember?
Like, did you feel the lack?
And they're like, no, like itwas, you guys always made it
(24:31):
fun.
And so with what we had, wecreated a Christmas for our
children, whether or not, and Ihandmade.
Gifts as well, right?
So like not only crafted, butalso handmade.
I made the kids sock monkeys.
So those were awesome and notcreepy.
No, they weren't creepy, butsomething like, what do I have
(24:53):
that, that they would reallylove and they still have their
sock monkeys.
So it's not about spending a tonof money and not because we
couldn't, but what could we dowith what we had and make it
festive and make it fun.
And so we always have doneappetizers and the appetizers
(25:14):
could be chicken nuggets andfries, like remember dino
nuggets.
Yes.
And
Bryan (25:19):
it was just.
But it's, it's going to be the,the atmosphere you create, not
the gifts that you give, right?
Like the gift, the gifts are abonus in life.
They are.
But
Natalie (25:32):
if you're in a position to be able to do that,
Bryan (25:33):
then we, then we bless our kids and we always, and then
we bless others.
And that's always been thething.
But when, if you can't do that,if you're even you're early
married or even you're marriedand you're just struggling, you
got laid off.
Like I know, we know of a familyright now that got laid off the
week before December, and hewon't go back to work until
April potentially.
Right.
And so there, there's just, weknow that this happens.
(25:54):
Yeah, you were laid off.
I was laid off for Christmas.
No, that sucked.
That was really hard.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
And we are waiting on, this was,this is funny.
We were waiting on my EI to comein and then we get an email and
tell us, Oh, it was like we'veheard in the news.
They ran out of money.
So they had to wait.
And so I ended up having to waitfor an extra two and a half
weeks for my, my EI to come in.
(26:16):
And you're like, Lord, what arewe supposed to do here?
It
Natalie (26:19):
was, you know, I forgot about that.
What a dumb thing.
That that was where thegovernment ran out of money.
But that was what they had said
Bryan (26:27):
anyways.
Maybe that was just like onsomething else entirely, but I
just remember the government ranout of money.
It was
Natalie (26:32):
on that.
Was it?
On the EI.
But you know, this is to say, itisn't about the cost of the
presents that are under thetree.
Yeah.
So I really want you to likehear that and to be like well,
you know if you're in a positionof not wanting That's fantastic.
(26:57):
Yeah Right?
And, and I would never, youknow, harp on someone for being
able to provide for theirfamily.
We're speaking strictly out of aplace of not being able to.
And that there's In the way that
Bryan (27:07):
we want to.
And we want you to feel likethere's other alternative ways
to handle the pressure of theseason.
Yeah, and
Natalie (27:13):
we just we always had food in the house and for them
at least for them and you knowlike with the food hampers and
whatever, they, they're reallygood about giving a turkey or a
ham or stuff like that.
Right.
So we always had like aChristmas meal and stuff and and
I did baking and so.
(27:34):
And we always do like Christmaslights and stuff like that.
So we, we do things that didn'tcost money, but still was an
experience for the kids.
For
Bryan (27:43):
sure.
I like, I just, I had thiswritten down here.
So to run a reminder of thesimplicity and the value of
presence over presence, presencewith the C and presence with the
T, that you being there for yourkids as much as you possibly
can, you being there for yourfamily, you being there for your
wife or you being there for yourhusband, that's more important
(28:03):
than the gifts that you bring.
A hundred percent.
Absolutely.
It, I want to hear, I'm going toput you on the spot.
I know you love this.
This is your favorite thing.
What is a short 10, 15 second,maybe that's too short,
encouraging word for parentsthat are, or for families, for
couples, for families withchildren that are actually
experiencing these challenges.
Natalie (28:25):
Reach out for help.
Yeah.
And if that means needing theassistance of a food bank,
church, a church organization,charity.
Yeah.
Honestly, do it.
That's what they're there for.
And it's not a reflection of howgood of a parent you are, how
(28:45):
good or not good of a provideryou are.
Here that is not a reflection ofwho you are as a person when you
need those resources.
That is what they're there for.
I am so grateful to have beenthe recipient of those, even
though I had to work throughsome of the emotional, uh, stuff
(29:06):
that I, I felt like it, it.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And so the stigma, that's theword.
There's a stigma in my mind atthat time of, you know, if you
needed a food bank, then youknow, you must not work and you
must, right?
Like there was just this.
Exactly.
And I was like, but I just don'twant people to think.
(29:27):
differently of me because I needa food bank.
So there was an emotional.
Emotional toll that it took anda processing of that.
And I say I am so incrediblygrateful for the friends and the
family that had reached out andhad been a blessing to us over
the years.
And the food banks and, youknow, Canadian Wholesale.
(29:48):
And if there are, um, notcontests, but like, hey, we are,
we're, Looking to bless a familythis year and you know of
someone take that step and Like,they didn't ask our permission,
and we probably would have beenmortified had they said, Hey,
what are your thoughts on this?
We'd have been absolutely not.
You don't tell
Bryan (30:08):
anyone that we're even struggling.
Don't ask for
Natalie (30:10):
permission and just be that like secret blessing behind
Bryan (30:15):
the scenes.
That's, that's really like thebed.
The best way to go through theseason is with the help of
friends and family and reach out
Natalie (30:25):
for help in this climate where everything is so
expensive and inflation isthrough the roof.
You know, if we have an extraturkey in the fridge, we are
going to bless someone with itbecause we don't need two
turkeys.
So look at what you have.
What can you be a blessing?
Learn more at www.
plastics car.
com How can you be a blessingand look out for your neighbor?
Bryan (30:46):
Absolutely.
So here's what I want all of youlisteners to do.
I want you to share your story,you can share it with us on any
of our social, but I want you toshare a little bit of your story
about, and we're going to postsome things this week, but share
the story about tips that youhave that actually helped you,
maybe how you got through it.
(31:06):
Maybe there's a mental healthstruggle that you went through
that you could actually, thatwould help someone else.
And there's a few ways that youcan do it always at the end of
these episodes.
And we can, we always ask, Hey,if you like this, this is what I
want you to do.
Take that.
Answer those questions.
If you have something for us,email it to us.
You can find us on Instagram orFacebook.
You can email it atamplifiedmarriage.
gmail.
com also on our website atamplifiedmarriage.
(31:29):
ca on the bottom right handcorner.
There's also a little voicemailand you can actually click on
there and actually leave avoicemail through your computer
and it'll actually come to usand then we can actually use
that and.
Potentially feature that on thepodcast with a question or a
comment something that we can doBut this is a really great
opportunity.
We want to hear from you.
We want to hear from you fromthe way that you've Worked
(31:50):
through the budget budgetrestraints of christmas with
through the mental health ofchristmas The struggle of those
things we want to hear from youand all those things that That
might be beneficial to othersthat are listening to this
podcast.
And again, if you like it Thispodcast, it means a tremendous
amount to us when you share itand you let people know about
Amplified Marriage.
You can, again, contact us, butalso follow us on Instagram and
(32:13):
Facebook.
And you can meet, reach usthrough email at
AmplifiedMarriage at dot, atgmail.
com.
And as you have heard us saymany times, we believe that your
marriage can be reset,refreshed, recharged,
Natalie (32:26):
and restored.
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you soon.
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