March 25, 2025 • 33 mins
What happens when life's most profound losses lead to unexpected growth? Join us as we sit down with Judith Kambia Obatusa, affectionately known as JKO, to explore her incredible journey through grief and resilience. Having experienced the unimaginable with the loss of her children and sister, JKO shares how her Nigerian-Canadian heritage and the memory of her father continue to shape her mission of empowering women. She will inspire you with her commitment to finding joy and purpose amidst heartbreak.
Our conversation takes a heart-wrenching yet hopeful turn as we discuss the impact of losing a child on one's faith. Grief is a deeply personal journey, and JKO reminds us of the importance of embracing it fully. We talk about the healing power of community support, the significance of cherishing earthly relationships, and the vital role of a personal connection with a higher power. As we introduce JKO's podcast, "Messy Can't Stop Her," our discussion emphasizes the need for mothers to heal for the sake of their children and the world. We conclude with a heartfelt prayer, offering guidance and solace to listeners navigating their own paths through grief.
Contact:
www.asiliveandgrieve.com
info@asiliveandgrieve.com
Facebook: As I Live and Grieve
Instagram: @asiliveandgrieve
YouTube: asiliveandgrieve
TikTok: @asiliveandgrieve
To Reach JKO:
Podcast: https://messycantstopher.buzzsprout.com/
Blogs: www.brokenandbraced.blogspot.com
Credits:
Music by Kevin MacLeod
Copyright 2020, by As I Live and Grieve
The views expressed by guests are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to as I Live and Grieve, a podcast that tells
the truth about how hard thisis.
We're glad you joined us today.
We know how hard it is to losesomeone you love and how
well-intentioned friends andfamily try so hard to comfort us
.
We created this podcast toprovide you with comfort,
knowledge and support.
We are grief advocates, notprofessionals, not licensed
(00:23):
therapists.
We are you.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hi everyone.
Welcome back again to anotherepisode of as I Live in Grief.
I know you always hear me say Ihave a great guest, but I mean
it.
All my guests are great andtoday's guest is no exception.
She has asked me to call herJKO.
I'm going to let her share therest of the details with you, hi
, and welcome Thanks for joiningme.
(00:48):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Kathy, Such a privilege to be here.
So my name is Judith KambiaObatusa.
Kambia is my maiden name, and Iadded it to my podcast, my
books and things I do to honormy father's memory.
I'm his firstborn and my fatherwas an amazing dad, so JKO is
(01:13):
Judith Cambia Obertusa, and I'mreally, really grateful for this
opportunity.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Well, it's my privilege to have you and I have
to tell you, first of all, I amenthralled by your accent,
Absolutely mesmerized.
I would listen to you all daylong.
I just love your voice and youraccent.
Now, having said that, I wantto listen to you talk some more.
So would you tell our guests alittle bit of your background, a
(01:39):
little bit of your story?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Okay, I'm going to start with the accent.
I'm Nigerian-Canadian andNigeria has many, many cultures,
many tribes and actually insideNigeria I don't have an accent,
because if you come fromdifferent parts of Nigeria there
are accents that we can use torecognize that you're from that
place where you speak.
(02:01):
But here I hear that I have anaccent and I think here they
call it the Nigerian accent,because even my children make
more fun of the way we talk.
So that's where I'm from.
I live in Canada.
I live on the uncededterritories of the Kwikwemlum
First Nation and I am soprivileged that here in British
(02:25):
Columbia, canada, we recognizethat this land was lived on by
people before us and we are sograteful that they've kept it.
I live in one of the mostbeautiful parts of the world.
If you've heard of BritishColumbia, we have the Rockies,
we have different places thatare so beautiful world heritage
sites, and people kept thisplace, they protected this land,
(02:49):
they valued this land and I'mreally privileged that I get
this opportunity to be here.
I am a communications person,but my biggest passion is to
help women women to be theirbest, to need their best, to
leave the legacy of growth,legacy of joy for their children
(03:10):
rather than the legacy ofmisery which we carry.
We don't deal with the issuesthat affect us.
I'm also a mother.
Of God blessed me with fivegreat nations, two twins, a pair
of twins.
Well and um, sad to say, mytwins are gone.
My first twin died when theywere 10 weeks old and my second
(03:33):
twin actually died when theywere 10 weeks old.
And my first twin, my firstborn, very precious to me, died
two months to her 25th birthday,on august 1, 2023.
It's a grief, that it's a grief,that's.
You know, when I've lost hersister, I never really grieved
like I grieve now, because I hadto take care of her.
(03:55):
She was the one I looked at,she was the one who comforted me
, she was the one who didn'tallow me to know to grieve as
much.
So losing her was like losingtwo children at once, and that
is my journey.
And, sadly, as I lost my sister, my very close sister, I mean,
as I lost my daughter on august1, I lost my sister, my prayer
(04:17):
partner, a sister that loved meso much.
Well, we're only living.
We're only living from mymother's children, because my
mother died when I was sixth andI'm the first born, so you can
imagine how young my siblingswere and she was our youngest.
She died on september 29th 2023and she really, really loved my
daughter.
She was actually the one whodonated blood.
(04:39):
So in nigeria, when you want togive birth in the government
hospital, you have to.
I in the I give birth in thegovernment hospital, you have to
.
I give birth in a teachinghospital, basically a government
hospital you have to donateblood to register.
They use that as a way to as ablood drive so that they can
foil the.
They can foil the blood bank.
You may need it, you may notneed it, but even if you don't
(05:01):
need it, someone else might needit.
Someone else will, sure mayneed it, you may not need it,
but even if you don't need it,someone else might need it.
My someone else will sure.
My sister was the one whodonated the blood for me to
register for in that hospitalfor my twins.
She was the one who was therewhen I gave birth to the twins.
I gave birth to the twins atnight, where so I went?
I was signed into the hospital.
They told me to come in innigeria at that time they don't
(05:23):
tell you, and I think I don'tknow if it's.
I think it's still like that,because my sister died from
medical malpractice and so theyjust told me to come in on the
Friday.
I, on this Thursday, come andbe admitted on the Thursday.
Then on, I had read the bookSupernatural Childbirth, so I
wasn't.
I was so sure I was going togive birth like a Hebrew woman.
(05:43):
At some time in the mid nights Iwent into labor.
I thought I didn't know it waslabor.
I just had this discomfort andI had the feeling that I'd be
labeled.
So I decided to go and have mybath because I wanted to be
fresh when I give birth, right,yeah.
And on my way to the bathroomthe nurse caught me and she had
this feeling that I was walking.
(06:04):
Funny, I think she had thefeeling.
So she put me on the bed,checked me and she was like no,
no, no, no, you're not going toany bath, you're going straight
to the surgery, to the laborward.
And they took me there and whenwe got there they said my baby
was having a cord, the fosteringwas coming with her cord, so
cord collapsed and they were notgoing to let me have a baby.
(06:25):
So my sister was in the hospitaland in the hospital they treat
you, they drive you, they don'tlet you stay in the ward with
your family member.
My sister was basicallysleeping under the staircase.
So my sister really wentthrough a lot when I had those
children and she had a.
When she heard that my daughterdied, I think he did something
to her, her body, because shewas also not feeling well, sure,
(06:47):
so her immunity was impactedand she and the hospital also
messed up.
So I lost two people in lessthan two months.
I actually lost my aunt inbetween, but I talk about my
sister because my sister was soclose to me.
My mother's involved.
I died on the 22nd of september.
So that year I lost.
That's a lot of loss, that's,and of.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
September.
So that year I lost three.
That's a lot of loss.
That's a lot of loss in a veryshort period of time.
Yet when I first met you, whenwe first became connected, I
immediately felt your positivity, your optimism, your well, your
positivity, I guess, is thebest way I can describe it.
After losses like that, how doyou come back, how do you gain
(07:27):
or regain that outlook on life?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
How did you, I can't put.
My only reason, my only reasonthat I can smile, that I'm
positive, I can't even be of anyvalue to anyone today, is
because of Jesus.
I'm a born again Christian.
I'm not a church goingChristian.
I am a follower of Jesus Christand I have had to trust him.
(07:51):
Losing your child is thenightmare of any good parents.
No matter what your child isgoing through, no matter what
your child has done, a goodparent never, ever wants to lose
their child.
And, as I said the phrase goodparent, never, ever wants to
lose their child.
And as I said the word good, asI said the phrase good parent,
the devil came at me right now,say are you trying to say you're
a good parent?
Yes, I believe I'm a goodparent.
(08:12):
Yes, I did everything I could.
I believe I just so.
When my daughter died, when theI was actually in a meeting
talking about my daughter,because the day she died she
called me and she said mommy, Ilove you.
And immediately I heard her saythat, yeah, I love you, mommy.
I felt in my heart.
(08:33):
I said is this what they telltheir parents so that if they
die their parents, can youimagine?
This was the thoughts that cameinto my mind when my daughter
was struggling.
She had gotten fallen in lovewith someone who ended up being
an addict, an entrenched addictand when he went back into
addiction he took my daughterwith him and in less than two
(08:55):
years my daughter was dead andhe has been struggling with
addiction for almost threedecades and he's still here.
So that's just how life is.
So when the police came, thenwe're banging you know how they
come to you?
How's the bank?
I don't know why they do thatpolice.
And we I, they said, or theirfather, the father said the
police are here.
Then I came out immediately.
(09:17):
I saw them.
I said is my daughter dead?
This, this is the same in yourheart.
Didn, yeah, my mother?
I was six when my mother died,yeah, and when people said they
were coming to the house, Iwalked to them.
I was six years old.
I looked at the women allgathered together and I asked
them is my mother dead?
Just something in me, just.
And I was six years old.
And sadly they did not respondthe way they like haunts me or
(09:41):
something.
They just say keep quiet, youlittle child.
But that's in.
The Nigerian can be very harsh.
The Nigeria of that time waslike that and so well.
When the police when thathappened, I broke down, the
police woman couldn't talk, shenodded and I started to cry and
I kept asking God, god, youdon't answer my prayers.
(10:02):
You didn't answer my prayers,you do not answer my prayers and
I was crying and crying for thenext three days.
And on the normal day, when Ifeel sad, I listen to, I worship
, I play songs, I worship, Ilisten to messages, but mostly
worship.
I used to be a worship minister, so this is my go-to, because
(10:22):
worship songs have God's word inthem and you're just basically
repeating God's word in song tohim, reminding yourself.
And no song could comfort me.
There was no song that I knewthat comforted me.
On the third day I asked God.
I told God.
I said you know, I have noalternative to you.
I don't know what else.
I have nowhere else to go.
(10:45):
I cannot now say okay, I want togo and be doing drugs or start
drinking, start doing anything Ihave.
You are all I have.
You have to help me because Ican't even pray, because it was
like you don't answer my prayersand why, if some, some words
came into my mind, something todo with glory, and I in
particular.
Actually, it was a song I Ithought I knew I a song I knew,
(11:05):
but I couldn't remember thewords that I must remember
something glory.
But when I Googled that song,the Lord sent me the song.
Wow, the song that was going toset me free from prayerlessness
, the song that was going tocomfort me.
The song is by a man calledJonathan Grainer.
The title of the song is youGet the Glory.
(11:26):
You get the glory from this.
You get the glory from this, nomatter what I have to go
through in this world, as longas you get the glory from it.
And this song, this song hastribulation and affliction and
(11:47):
all kinds of you know.
The words were just what Ineeded.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And that song You're making me cry, you're making me
cry.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
That song was what the Lord used to reel me back
from where the devil was takingme.
Wow, Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Now I know, know, and I've heard and I've talked with
a lot of people who have beenquite faithful.
But when they lose someone,they lose their faith.
And I have heard people say Iprayed, I prayed, I prayed, my
prayers weren't answered, andthat's what they get upset with.
But someone said to me at onetime and that's what they get
(12:38):
upset with.
But someone said to me at onetime your prayer is merely a
request, a plea.
You know.
It doesn't mean that justbecause you pray, you're going
to get what you ask for.
Do you have any words of advice, if you will, for people who
may be kind of at that pointwhere they're questioning their
faith or they've given it up,they've said I'm done.
Do you have any thoughts orwords for them?
What?
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I can say is the word trust comes to my mind when you
trust someone you know.
Word trust comes to my mind.
When you trust someone you knowyou believe that they have
their best interests at heart.
If our children trust us whenwe take something from them.
For example, you've bought yourchild a video game Okay, and
like a PlayStation, for example,and they're playing with their
(13:20):
PlayStation, they're enjoyingthis PlayStation and all of that
and you ask, you notice, as aparent, that this child is
getting too basically addictedto this game and it's affecting
them.
They are not going to, they are, they are.
They are not yet failing inschool, but they are looking,
they are walking towards itbecause they are not studying.
And then you decide to takethat game away from them.
(13:42):
The big picture is that youwant their success, but they
don't know that the only thingis the pain of losing their game
.
But if they trust you, theywill just say okay, dad, I
really don't like it, but allright, since you said it, I know
you love me.
So our relationship with God isa relationship based on trust.
(14:03):
We don't always know why hedoes the things he does, but if
we trust him, we'll just leaveit in his hands.
The Bible says in the book ofRomans, 8, verse 28,.
My favorite scripture, thescripture God gave me when my
troubles in Canada started andthat scripture has proven to
(14:24):
become the scripture that I holdon to Romans 8 and 28 says that
all things work together forgood for those who love God and
are called according to hispurpose.
So the first thing I ask myselfis do I love God?
The Bible tells us in the bookof 2 Corinthians.
1 Corinthians 13 talks aboutlove.
(14:45):
Love is patient, kind,long-suffering does not keep a
record of wrongs.
Do you love God?
Take that scripture, check yourlove for God.
Is your love for God based onwhat he can give to you?
That's not love.
If some people are in marriageswhere their husband is with them
because of what he can get fromthem, I'm sure they don't feel
(15:05):
loved.
So if you love God.
So what I can say to thatperson is did you ever love God?
You say, oh, yes, I loved him.
Check yourself with the book of1 Corinthians 13.
Did you love him like that?
Did you love him in a love thathe didn't?
You don't love him for what youcan get from him.
You love him because he firstloved you.
The Bible says while we wereyet seen as Jesus died for the
(15:28):
ungodly we that did not know God.
He died for us when we hatedhim.
Jesus died for the Romansoldier who knocked that nail
into his heart.
Jesus died for all the peoplethat spat on him on his way to
Calvary.
Jesus died for those who liedand said oh, he said this just
(15:50):
so that he could be crucified.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And he asked for them all to be forgiven, right?
He said forgive them, forgivethem.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
As Christians, the love we have for God is not
human love.
We can't love like humans.
That's why, as a Christian, youlean on the Holy Spirit.
Losing someone dear to you is adifficult spirit.
Losing someone dear to you is adifficult.
It's a terrible thing, becausethe most painful thing for me is
that I will never see mydaughter on earth again.
Yes, and if you read the Bible,the Bible tells us that in
(16:19):
heaven there is no child,there's no parent, there's no
husband, there's no wife.
So even if I saw her in heaven,I wouldn't recognize her.
My time with her is endedforever.
That is the most painful thingto me and that is the painful
thing for us.
When we lose people, our timewith them is ended.
We can't go back and undothings.
We can't go back and dosomething different.
(16:42):
We can't.
We won't see them again, exceptin a dream.
Here.
We won't see them in person andthey will recognize us and we
will recognize them.
The time is gone, according towhat the Bible tells us.
But we have to trust God, evenwhen we don't understand it,
just like a good child.
When we say a well-behavedchild, it's a child that trusts
the parents, a well-behavedchild, and a child that trusts
(17:03):
the parents.
No matter what the parents say,they trust that mommy loves me.
I hate broccoli.
When she's saying broccoli isgood for me, I'm going to eat it
because mommy believes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I hate broccoli.
I will say I hate broccoli.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
First, I love your analogy of the child with the
video game, and what stood outto me, in addition to the
concept of trust, was the factthat, as a parent, your
connection to that video game isthat you gave it as a gift.
That was your connection Foryour child.
It is something that they havecome to love and need.
(17:42):
And then I kind of match thatwith the same relationship that,
for example, I have had with myhusband.
Okay, I loved him, I came tolove him, I needed him in my
life.
But from God's perspective, tomwas his gift to me for a period
of time and I just I love thatbecause it kind of I guess it
(18:05):
affirms to me first of all, thatI'm not the center of the world
, that it's not only what I feel, but everybody's relationship
is different.
So God's relationship with Tomwas different.
Tom was his gift to me for aperiod of time so that my life
would be fulfilling, I would behappy, I would be safe and
(18:26):
secure, because I felt that waywith Tom.
He was my protector, he hadbeen military and I always felt
so safe, so very safe, in hispresence.
Yet the time came that God tookhim away.
Now, you said it, you said it.
The other thing I want to askyou and I want to focus on for a
(18:47):
little bit, if you don't mindis many, many people have the
belief that when they die, theywill be reunited with their
loved one.
But you say, according to theBible, that is not true.
Can you offer a little moreclarity and information on that?
Speaker 3 (19:03):
The thing about my knowledge of the Bible.
I quote the Bible a lot becauseI have known the Bible for so
long, but I don't.
I can give you what the Biblesays, but I cannot always give
you the exact quotes, right,this woman, if I check it and
confirm.
But one thing I can tell youthe Bible says that in heaven
there is no marriage in heaven.
(19:25):
So my understanding of what theBible says is in heaven there
is no relationship.
We are all one, we are all hischildren and so, as children of
God, there's none that is morevaluable than the other.
There's none that is on earth.
Your children can't marry oneanother.
All we know is that we'refellow worshipers.
We get there and, you see, theBible tells us there'll be lots
(19:46):
of people and he'll be.
We get there and, you see, thebible tells us there will be
lots of people and he'll be onthe phone and everything.
So all of us are just one happyfamily.
Okay, I'm not.
That is my understanding, andwhen I was in university we did
talk a lot about this and that'show I formed my opinion.
And with that word where thebible is talking to us about how
(20:07):
there is no marriage in heaven.
So there's no parent in heaven,there's no child in heaven.
We are just Okay.
So that's why we're just allpeople, yeah, we're just all
people of God.
I know that people want somecomfort to say I will see them
again.
Yes, yes, even though I believethis, I have to believe God.
(20:27):
The truth is that, whatever Ibelieve based on the word of God
, some people tell me that theBible is a fairy tale, that
people lied and some people lied.
We don't know, but I believe inJesus Christ.
He died and I have proof thathe lived on earth and he did
everything he did.
If you go through the alphacourse, you will see that Jesus
died.
There is historical proof andeverything I'm.
(20:49):
You will see that jesus died.
There is historical proof andeverything.
Okay, the truth is I'm notfollowing him for what he can
give me.
If I see my daughter again,that would be, oh my goodness,
that would be so wonderful.
But right this moment, Ibelieve, according to that
scripture, which I will send toyou, I will send you after this,
after our time, so I would, Iwould like that.
Thank you for you too.
Yeah, okay, it's not going tochange the way that I feel I'm
not going to feel worse.
(21:09):
This is, this is what I'mthinking.
I'm never going to see mydaughter again.
That's the thing that brings ithere.
Yeah, never going to see mychild again.
And I and that's why now I'mnow hanging in there I really
want to tell mothers do yourbest with your children, don't.
If you need to be taking, if youhave anxiety, you need to see a
psychotherapist, you need apsychiatrist.
(21:32):
Do whatever it takes to bringyour best for your children,
because you will not, or notonly your children, your loved
ones, because life is so shortand when death happens for me, I
feel that death.
I believe that death is final.
You have no other opportunityto make up for whatever it is
you didn't do so.
Please be your best today anddo your best.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yes, I agree with that.
In fact, I'll even say amen.
One other thing I kind ofwanted to.
This kind of goes back towardthe beginning of the podcast,
when you were talking about yourChristianity, your faith.
I think you mentioned thatyou're not a church-going
Christian.
Are you a member of acongregation?
I am, I am a member of acongregation.
Okay, well, here's the reason.
(22:14):
I ask is because many peoplefeel that unless they are part
of a church and or congregation,that their Christianity, their
faith, is not validated.
They are correct.
Can you speak to that?
Can you be an independentChristian?
I guess is the question.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
So the Bible says do not forsake the gathering
together of believers, as somedo.
It is an instruction.
Being a member of acongregation is not I like a
congregation.
It's an instruction you areobeying.
I'm an obedient child of God.
So when I said I'm not achurchgoer, I go to church.
I am part of a congregation,but I don't hinge my faith on
(22:54):
the fact.
Some people, their Christianityis based on the fact that they
attend a church but theirlifestyle is not Christian.
They are not loving, they arenot obeying the word of God
because they have norelationship with the Bible,
with God's word for themselves.
If their pastor ever goesupside down, then their lives
(23:16):
become upside down because theyhave no relationship with God
themselves.
So that's what I meant.
So I tell the church I'm amember of a congregation.
I'm actually a member of twocongregations.
I attend Leon Edmund's churchonline.
Andud has been a blessing in mylife.
People say lots of trash aboutJealousy, but if they knew how
(23:37):
many lives he has saved Anyway,I mean saved literally from
killing themselves.
So I attend that online everySunday.
I attend the different programs.
I listen to him all the time.
Then I attend Eagle Ridge BibleFellowship in Mennonite Church
and I'm not.
I wasn't raised at theMennonite.
That was a church my husbandliked, so I attend that.
(23:58):
But I'm also getting myspiritual food from many other
places because it's food Food isdiverse.
You can't eat broccoli for therest of your life.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
And you know, one of my favorite topics about grief
in general and I usually closeevery podcast with mention of it
is self-care.
So actually belonging to acongregation can and is a form
of self-care, because you'resurrounding yourself with
community and it's thatcommunity that can be supportive
when you most need them.
(24:33):
Would that be a fair statement?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Oh, my goodness, you are not very fair.
My Eagle Ridge Bible Fellowship.
They surrounded us andenveloped us in love.
They just covered me with love.
That is a church.
But you know what, kathy, notevery church does that.
No, that's true.
People go through grief in somechurches and they don't get the
(24:56):
care they need, and that I'mgoing to call out Christians.
If you're a church member,you're in a church and you are
not taking care of those who arehurting in your church.
That's not Jesus.
You really need to step up,because this is how why people
fall away from faith.
This is why, sure, takedecisions, because the grief
leave them to take decisions.
(25:17):
They have no anchor.
Right during the time Icouldn't pray, I talked to my
pastor.
I just asked him to pray for me, because you are fighting.
When you lose someone, it is anopportunity for the devil to
come at you.
The devil is so good at goingafter those that are in weak
situations, the vulnerable.
The devil is like the hyena orthe vulture.
(25:39):
They look when there's someonebroken, they stand near to see
how they can get you down theylook for opportunity.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
It's all based on the week, Because that church they
showed me, they showed God inaction.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, wonderful, wonderfully said.
Well, sadly, the time has comewhere podcast is winding down.
I set that target of 30 minutes, but every time I regret it
when that 30 minutes comes.
I really do.
This is the part in my podcastwhere I actually turn the
microphone over to you.
So here's what I would like tohappen I'm going to turn the
(26:16):
microphone over to you and justyou can speak freely to our
listeners.
If you want to offer somethingto them, you're free to do that.
Otherwise, if you just have amessage you want to say After,
that is when I usually close thepodcast, but today I wonder if
I could ask you to close us inprayer.
Okay, so the microphone and thefloor are now yours.
(26:37):
You have as much time as youneed.
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Kathy, I just want to thank you listeners, everyone
that is listening or watchingthis podcast.
I want to say thank you to youfor tuning in or watching this
podcast.
I want to say thank you to youfor tuning in, for not giving up
on yourself, for wanting to getthe support that you need from
people like you who have gonethrough or are going through the
same grief journey of grief.
Grief is a very difficult thing.
(27:00):
It comes at you in ways.
It comes at you when you leastexpect it.
You just see something and itjust breaks you down.
You're just watching a moviethat has nothing to do with the
person you love and suddenly oneword is spoken and then you
just start to weep and, sadlyfor many of us, we hear people
tell us it's okay, you shouldget over it.
But I want you to know ifyou're in that situation and you
(27:23):
kind of feel pressured bypeople to get over it, know that
grief is a journey, and ajourney that is different for
every one of us.
Don't feel bad that you'restill grieving, I don't know
when I?
I don't even want to stopgrieving.
My child, my child, died at 24.
She didn't have the opportunityto live what the life, the
potential to the fullness of ourpotential on earth.
(27:45):
I want to live for her, I wantto remember her, I don't want to
forget her.
So for some of us, that's whatgrief is.
For us, we can't let go.
They say, let them go.
I can't let my child go.
If I let her go, then she'sgone forever.
She's my constant thought.
How can I live my life in a waythat I am living up to the gift
(28:07):
that she was and her name wasgifts?
If you are in this situation,don't feel bad.
I want you to learn my favoritething.
I always say listen to yourheart, because your heart is
your very own God-given GPS toguide you on the journey of your
own life.
Listen to your heart and ifthis situation has made you
(28:28):
doubt God's love, I want you toknow that he loves you.
Just the way I described aboutthat child.
That child, some children aregoing to say my daddy hates me,
that's why he's taking the videogame.
But daddy can see ahead.
I don't know what God saved mydaughter from by taking her home
, by allowing her to go homewhen she did.
I don't see the future.
I want you to realize that wedon't see the future.
(28:49):
We have to trust him that heloves us, and I really, really
encourage you.
And if you are a mother, I talkto women in the trenches of
life.
I have a podcast called MercyCan't Stop Her.
The reason I have that podcastis because our children need
mothers that are healed andwhole.
Our children deserve the bestof us.
This do mothers that are healedand whole.
(29:11):
Our children deserve the bestof us.
This world deserves the best ofus.
We may.
We are the.
We are the, the crux of thematter on earth.
We are precious and special.
That's why we were the firstevangelists in the bible.
We were the first one when godcame to.
When the angel came to mary,mary said let it be as you wish,
as whatever you desire, godjust let it happen that way.
That's who we are.
(29:32):
We are the ones God made usspecial.
He made us special.
He loves us so much.
It's man that has changed thestory.
It's human beings that havecreated these cages that they
put us in.
And if you know that God madeyou special, he made you special
for a purpose thing.
And if you know that God madeyou special, he made you special
for a purpose, and that's whatI do.
(29:52):
I want to do on Mercy Can't StopHer.
I want us to live our lives ofpurpose, heal what needs to be
healed, address what needs to beaddressed, strengthen what
needs to be strengthened andmove forward with courage and
boldness.
I invite you to listen, tocheck listening platforms, like
where you're listening to as ILive and Grieve and check out
(30:14):
Mercy Can't Stop Her with JudithCambia Obatusa At this time.
That's what I'm offering.
I just want to help other womenand if you check it out and you
like it, please leave mesubscribe, like share and you
like it, please leave mesubscribe, like share, because
we women, we deserve to live thelives of purpose that God has
given us, and I just want tothank you, kathy.
(30:36):
Thank you so much again forthis place for us that are
grieving to come and share ourheart.
It's a lot.
Grief is a lot.
Do you want me to pray now orafter you?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yeah, I'd love it if you would close in prayer.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh, father, we are so grateful.
Father, we are so grateful thatyou gave us an opportunity to
gather together to talk aboutyou.
Talk about how you are with usin the place of our pain, how
you stand by us, how, when we donot know how to pray, what to
(31:12):
pray, you send us a song.
Lord, I'm praying for my anyman, any woman that's listening
to this podcast, that God, youwill send them what they need,
the way you sent me that song.
Send them a word, send them asong, send them an article.
Send them what they need, sendthem a person to help them.
(31:34):
I pray for everyone who isliving dealing with grief.
That, father, you will help.
Fort each and every one of usand Benupos in your arms, your
loving arms, remind us how muchyou love us.
The ones that are strugglingwith their faith because this
(31:54):
tragedy, it blindsided them.
They don't understand.
I know we cannot understand itall here, but, god, I'm asking
that you will uphold them withyour right hand of righteousness
.
Uphold them in this place ofshaken, stabilize them, because
the enemy is against them.
And right now I come againstevery lie of hell, every lie of
(32:16):
hell telling you that God doesnot love you.
I silence every voice that isspeaking what God has not said
concerning you or to you.
I silence them in the name ofJesus Christ and everyone that
is listening that is beingtormented by hell because of
their loss.
Right now, I come against you.
Every spirit that is not fromGod, that is trying to torment
(32:40):
my brother, my sister.
I come against you by the powerin the name of Jesus.
I come against you and rightnow I begin to plead the blood
of Jesus.
The Bible tells us that theblood speaks better things than
the blood of Abel.
The blood of Jesus.
I come against you and rightnow I begin to plead the blood
of Jesus.
The Bible tells us that theblood speaks better things than
the blood of Abel.
The blood of Jesus speaks peaceto you right now.
The blood of Jesus speakscomfort to you right now.
In Jesus' mighty name, I prayAmen.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Amen.
Listeners, let's all to takecare of ourselves as we continue
to live and grieve.
Judith Cambia Obitusa.
Thank you so very, very much.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Thank you so much for listening with us today.
Do you have a topic that you'dlike us to cover or do you have
a question from one of ourepisodes?
Please email us at info atasilive and grievecom and let us
know.
We hope you will find a momentto leave a review, send an email
and share with others.
Join us next time as wecontinue to live and grieve
(33:37):
together.
Welcome to as I Live and Grieve, a podcast that tells
the truth about how hard thisis.
We're glad you joined us today.
We know how hard it is to losesomeone you love and how
well-intentioned friends andfamily try so hard to comfort us
.
We created this podcast toprovide you with comfort,
knowledge and support.
We are grief advocates, notprofessionals, not licensed
(00:23):
therapists.
We are you.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hi everyone.
Welcome back again to anotherepisode of as I Live in Grief.
I know you always hear me say Ihave a great guest, but I mean
it.
All my guests are great andtoday's guest is no exception.
She has asked me to call herJKO.
I'm going to let her share therest of the details with you, hi
, and welcome Thanks for joiningme.
(00:48):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Kathy, Such a privilege to be here.
So my name is Judith KambiaObatusa.
Kambia is my maiden name, and Iadded it to my podcast, my
books and things I do to honormy father's memory.
I'm his firstborn and my fatherwas an amazing dad, so JKO is
(01:13):
Judith Cambia Obertusa, and I'mreally, really grateful for this
opportunity.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Well, it's my privilege to have you and I have
to tell you, first of all, I amenthralled by your accent,
Absolutely mesmerized.
I would listen to you all daylong.
I just love your voice and youraccent.
Now, having said that, I wantto listen to you talk some more.
So would you tell our guests alittle bit of your background, a
(01:39):
little bit of your story?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Okay, I'm going to start with the accent.
I'm Nigerian-Canadian andNigeria has many, many cultures,
many tribes and actually insideNigeria I don't have an accent,
because if you come fromdifferent parts of Nigeria there
are accents that we can use torecognize that you're from that
place where you speak.
(02:01):
But here I hear that I have anaccent and I think here they
call it the Nigerian accent,because even my children make
more fun of the way we talk.
So that's where I'm from.
I live in Canada.
I live on the uncededterritories of the Kwikwemlum
First Nation and I am soprivileged that here in British
(02:25):
Columbia, canada, we recognizethat this land was lived on by
people before us and we are sograteful that they've kept it.
I live in one of the mostbeautiful parts of the world.
If you've heard of BritishColumbia, we have the Rockies,
we have different places thatare so beautiful world heritage
sites, and people kept thisplace, they protected this land,
(02:49):
they valued this land and I'mreally privileged that I get
this opportunity to be here.
I am a communications person,but my biggest passion is to
help women women to be theirbest, to need their best, to
leave the legacy of growth,legacy of joy for their children
(03:10):
rather than the legacy ofmisery which we carry.
We don't deal with the issuesthat affect us.
I'm also a mother.
Of God blessed me with fivegreat nations, two twins, a pair
of twins.
Well and um, sad to say, mytwins are gone.
My first twin died when theywere 10 weeks old and my second
(03:33):
twin actually died when theywere 10 weeks old.
And my first twin, my firstborn, very precious to me, died
two months to her 25th birthday,on august 1, 2023.
It's a grief, that it's a grief,that's.
You know, when I've lost hersister, I never really grieved
like I grieve now, because I hadto take care of her.
(03:55):
She was the one I looked at,she was the one who comforted me
, she was the one who didn'tallow me to know to grieve as
much.
So losing her was like losingtwo children at once, and that
is my journey.
And, sadly, as I lost my sister, my very close sister, I mean,
as I lost my daughter on august1, I lost my sister, my prayer
(04:17):
partner, a sister that loved meso much.
Well, we're only living.
We're only living from mymother's children, because my
mother died when I was sixth andI'm the first born, so you can
imagine how young my siblingswere and she was our youngest.
She died on september 29th 2023and she really, really loved my
daughter.
She was actually the one whodonated blood.
(04:39):
So in nigeria, when you want togive birth in the government
hospital, you have to.
I in the I give birth in thegovernment hospital, you have to
.
I give birth in a teachinghospital, basically a government
hospital you have to donateblood to register.
They use that as a way to as ablood drive so that they can
foil the.
They can foil the blood bank.
You may need it, you may notneed it, but even if you don't
(05:01):
need it, someone else might needit.
Someone else will, sure mayneed it, you may not need it,
but even if you don't need it,someone else might need it.
My someone else will sure.
My sister was the one whodonated the blood for me to
register for in that hospitalfor my twins.
She was the one who was therewhen I gave birth to the twins.
I gave birth to the twins atnight, where so I went?
I was signed into the hospital.
They told me to come in innigeria at that time they don't
(05:23):
tell you, and I think I don'tknow if it's.
I think it's still like that,because my sister died from
medical malpractice and so theyjust told me to come in on the
Friday.
I, on this Thursday, come andbe admitted on the Thursday.
Then on, I had read the bookSupernatural Childbirth, so I
wasn't.
I was so sure I was going togive birth like a Hebrew woman.
(05:43):
At some time in the mid nights Iwent into labor.
I thought I didn't know it waslabor.
I just had this discomfort andI had the feeling that I'd be
labeled.
So I decided to go and have mybath because I wanted to be
fresh when I give birth, right,yeah.
And on my way to the bathroomthe nurse caught me and she had
this feeling that I was walking.
(06:04):
Funny, I think she had thefeeling.
So she put me on the bed,checked me and she was like no,
no, no, no, you're not going toany bath, you're going straight
to the surgery, to the laborward.
And they took me there and whenwe got there they said my baby
was having a cord, the fosteringwas coming with her cord, so
cord collapsed and they were notgoing to let me have a baby.
(06:25):
So my sister was in the hospitaland in the hospital they treat
you, they drive you, they don'tlet you stay in the ward with
your family member.
My sister was basicallysleeping under the staircase.
So my sister really wentthrough a lot when I had those
children and she had a.
When she heard that my daughterdied, I think he did something
to her, her body, because shewas also not feeling well, sure,
(06:47):
so her immunity was impactedand she and the hospital also
messed up.
So I lost two people in lessthan two months.
I actually lost my aunt inbetween, but I talk about my
sister because my sister was soclose to me.
My mother's involved.
I died on the 22nd of september.
So that year I lost.
That's a lot of loss, that's,and of.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
September.
So that year I lost three.
That's a lot of loss.
That's a lot of loss in a veryshort period of time.
Yet when I first met you, whenwe first became connected, I
immediately felt your positivity, your optimism, your well, your
positivity, I guess, is thebest way I can describe it.
After losses like that, how doyou come back, how do you gain
(07:27):
or regain that outlook on life?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
How did you, I can't put.
My only reason, my only reasonthat I can smile, that I'm
positive, I can't even be of anyvalue to anyone today, is
because of Jesus.
I'm a born again Christian.
I'm not a church goingChristian.
I am a follower of Jesus Christand I have had to trust him.
(07:51):
Losing your child is thenightmare of any good parents.
No matter what your child isgoing through, no matter what
your child has done, a goodparent never, ever wants to lose
their child.
And, as I said the phrase goodparent, never, ever wants to
lose their child.
And as I said the word good, asI said the phrase good parent,
the devil came at me right now,say are you trying to say you're
a good parent?
Yes, I believe I'm a goodparent.
(08:12):
Yes, I did everything I could.
I believe I just so.
When my daughter died, when theI was actually in a meeting
talking about my daughter,because the day she died she
called me and she said mommy, Ilove you.
And immediately I heard her saythat, yeah, I love you, mommy.
I felt in my heart.
(08:33):
I said is this what they telltheir parents so that if they
die their parents, can youimagine?
This was the thoughts that cameinto my mind when my daughter
was struggling.
She had gotten fallen in lovewith someone who ended up being
an addict, an entrenched addictand when he went back into
addiction he took my daughterwith him and in less than two
(08:55):
years my daughter was dead andhe has been struggling with
addiction for almost threedecades and he's still here.
So that's just how life is.
So when the police came, thenwe're banging you know how they
come to you?
How's the bank?
I don't know why they do thatpolice.
And we I, they said, or theirfather, the father said the
police are here.
Then I came out immediately.
(09:17):
I saw them.
I said is my daughter dead?
This, this is the same in yourheart.
Didn, yeah, my mother?
I was six when my mother died,yeah, and when people said they
were coming to the house, Iwalked to them.
I was six years old.
I looked at the women allgathered together and I asked
them is my mother dead?
Just something in me, just.
And I was six years old.
And sadly they did not respondthe way they like haunts me or
(09:41):
something.
They just say keep quiet, youlittle child.
But that's in.
The Nigerian can be very harsh.
The Nigeria of that time waslike that and so well.
When the police when thathappened, I broke down, the
police woman couldn't talk, shenodded and I started to cry and
I kept asking God, god, youdon't answer my prayers.
(10:02):
You didn't answer my prayers,you do not answer my prayers and
I was crying and crying for thenext three days.
And on the normal day, when Ifeel sad, I listen to, I worship
, I play songs, I worship, Ilisten to messages, but mostly
worship.
I used to be a worship minister, so this is my go-to, because
(10:22):
worship songs have God's word inthem and you're just basically
repeating God's word in song tohim, reminding yourself.
And no song could comfort me.
There was no song that I knewthat comforted me.
On the third day I asked God.
I told God.
I said you know, I have noalternative to you.
I don't know what else.
I have nowhere else to go.
(10:45):
I cannot now say okay, I want togo and be doing drugs or start
drinking, start doing anything Ihave.
You are all I have.
You have to help me because Ican't even pray, because it was
like you don't answer my prayersand why, if some, some words
came into my mind, something todo with glory, and I in
particular.
Actually, it was a song I Ithought I knew I a song I knew,
(11:05):
but I couldn't remember thewords that I must remember
something glory.
But when I Googled that song,the Lord sent me the song.
Wow, the song that was going toset me free from prayerlessness
, the song that was going tocomfort me.
The song is by a man calledJonathan Grainer.
The title of the song is youGet the Glory.
(11:26):
You get the glory from this.
You get the glory from this, nomatter what I have to go
through in this world, as longas you get the glory from it.
And this song, this song hastribulation and affliction and
(11:47):
all kinds of you know.
The words were just what Ineeded.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And that song You're making me cry, you're making me
cry.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
That song was what the Lord used to reel me back
from where the devil was takingme.
Wow, Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Now I know, know, and I've heard and I've talked with
a lot of people who have beenquite faithful.
But when they lose someone,they lose their faith.
And I have heard people say Iprayed, I prayed, I prayed, my
prayers weren't answered, andthat's what they get upset with.
But someone said to me at onetime and that's what they get
(12:38):
upset with.
But someone said to me at onetime your prayer is merely a
request, a plea.
You know.
It doesn't mean that justbecause you pray, you're going
to get what you ask for.
Do you have any words of advice, if you will, for people who
may be kind of at that pointwhere they're questioning their
faith or they've given it up,they've said I'm done.
Do you have any thoughts orwords for them?
What?
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I can say is the word trust comes to my mind when you
trust someone you know.
Word trust comes to my mind.
When you trust someone you knowyou believe that they have
their best interests at heart.
If our children trust us whenwe take something from them.
For example, you've bought yourchild a video game Okay, and
like a PlayStation, for example,and they're playing with their
(13:20):
PlayStation, they're enjoyingthis PlayStation and all of that
and you ask, you notice, as aparent, that this child is
getting too basically addictedto this game and it's affecting
them.
They are not going to, they are, they are.
They are not yet failing inschool, but they are looking,
they are walking towards itbecause they are not studying.
And then you decide to takethat game away from them.
(13:42):
The big picture is that youwant their success, but they
don't know that the only thingis the pain of losing their game
.
But if they trust you, theywill just say okay, dad, I
really don't like it, but allright, since you said it, I know
you love me.
So our relationship with God isa relationship based on trust.
(14:03):
We don't always know why hedoes the things he does, but if
we trust him, we'll just leaveit in his hands.
The Bible says in the book ofRomans, 8, verse 28,.
My favorite scripture, thescripture God gave me when my
troubles in Canada started andthat scripture has proven to
(14:24):
become the scripture that I holdon to Romans 8 and 28 says that
all things work together forgood for those who love God and
are called according to hispurpose.
So the first thing I ask myselfis do I love God?
The Bible tells us in the bookof 2 Corinthians.
1 Corinthians 13 talks aboutlove.
(14:45):
Love is patient, kind,long-suffering does not keep a
record of wrongs.
Do you love God?
Take that scripture, check yourlove for God.
Is your love for God based onwhat he can give to you?
That's not love.
If some people are in marriageswhere their husband is with them
because of what he can get fromthem, I'm sure they don't feel
(15:05):
loved.
So if you love God.
So what I can say to thatperson is did you ever love God?
You say, oh, yes, I loved him.
Check yourself with the book of1 Corinthians 13.
Did you love him like that?
Did you love him in a love thathe didn't?
You don't love him for what youcan get from him.
You love him because he firstloved you.
The Bible says while we wereyet seen as Jesus died for the
(15:28):
ungodly we that did not know God.
He died for us when we hatedhim.
Jesus died for the Romansoldier who knocked that nail
into his heart.
Jesus died for all the peoplethat spat on him on his way to
Calvary.
Jesus died for those who liedand said oh, he said this just
(15:50):
so that he could be crucified.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And he asked for them all to be forgiven, right?
He said forgive them, forgivethem.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
As Christians, the love we have for God is not
human love.
We can't love like humans.
That's why, as a Christian, youlean on the Holy Spirit.
Losing someone dear to you is adifficult spirit.
Losing someone dear to you is adifficult.
It's a terrible thing, becausethe most painful thing for me is
that I will never see mydaughter on earth again.
Yes, and if you read the Bible,the Bible tells us that in
(16:19):
heaven there is no child,there's no parent, there's no
husband, there's no wife.
So even if I saw her in heaven,I wouldn't recognize her.
My time with her is endedforever.
That is the most painful thingto me and that is the painful
thing for us.
When we lose people, our timewith them is ended.
We can't go back and undothings.
We can't go back and dosomething different.
(16:42):
We can't.
We won't see them again, exceptin a dream.
Here.
We won't see them in person andthey will recognize us and we
will recognize them.
The time is gone, according towhat the Bible tells us.
But we have to trust God, evenwhen we don't understand it,
just like a good child.
When we say a well-behavedchild, it's a child that trusts
the parents, a well-behavedchild, and a child that trusts
(17:03):
the parents.
No matter what the parents say,they trust that mommy loves me.
I hate broccoli.
When she's saying broccoli isgood for me, I'm going to eat it
because mommy believes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I hate broccoli.
I will say I hate broccoli.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
First, I love your analogy of the child with the
video game, and what stood outto me, in addition to the
concept of trust, was the factthat, as a parent, your
connection to that video game isthat you gave it as a gift.
That was your connection Foryour child.
It is something that they havecome to love and need.
(17:42):
And then I kind of match thatwith the same relationship that,
for example, I have had with myhusband.
Okay, I loved him, I came tolove him, I needed him in my
life.
But from God's perspective, tomwas his gift to me for a period
of time and I just I love thatbecause it kind of I guess it
(18:05):
affirms to me first of all, thatI'm not the center of the world
, that it's not only what I feel, but everybody's relationship
is different.
So God's relationship with Tomwas different.
Tom was his gift to me for aperiod of time so that my life
would be fulfilling, I would behappy, I would be safe and
(18:26):
secure, because I felt that waywith Tom.
He was my protector, he hadbeen military and I always felt
so safe, so very safe, in hispresence.
Yet the time came that God tookhim away.
Now, you said it, you said it.
The other thing I want to askyou and I want to focus on for a
(18:47):
little bit, if you don't mindis many, many people have the
belief that when they die, theywill be reunited with their
loved one.
But you say, according to theBible, that is not true.
Can you offer a little moreclarity and information on that?
Speaker 3 (19:03):
The thing about my knowledge of the Bible.
I quote the Bible a lot becauseI have known the Bible for so
long, but I don't.
I can give you what the Biblesays, but I cannot always give
you the exact quotes, right,this woman, if I check it and
confirm.
But one thing I can tell youthe Bible says that in heaven
there is no marriage in heaven.
(19:25):
So my understanding of what theBible says is in heaven there
is no relationship.
We are all one, we are all hischildren and so, as children of
God, there's none that is morevaluable than the other.
There's none that is on earth.
Your children can't marry oneanother.
All we know is that we'refellow worshipers.
We get there and, you see, theBible tells us there'll be lots
(19:46):
of people and he'll be.
We get there and, you see, thebible tells us there will be
lots of people and he'll be onthe phone and everything.
So all of us are just one happyfamily.
Okay, I'm not.
That is my understanding, andwhen I was in university we did
talk a lot about this and that'show I formed my opinion.
And with that word where thebible is talking to us about how
(20:07):
there is no marriage in heaven.
So there's no parent in heaven,there's no child in heaven.
We are just Okay.
So that's why we're just allpeople, yeah, we're just all
people of God.
I know that people want somecomfort to say I will see them
again.
Yes, yes, even though I believethis, I have to believe God.
(20:27):
The truth is that, whatever Ibelieve based on the word of God
, some people tell me that theBible is a fairy tale, that
people lied and some people lied.
We don't know, but I believe inJesus Christ.
He died and I have proof thathe lived on earth and he did
everything he did.
If you go through the alphacourse, you will see that Jesus
died.
There is historical proof andeverything I'm.
(20:49):
You will see that jesus died.
There is historical proof andeverything.
Okay, the truth is I'm notfollowing him for what he can
give me.
If I see my daughter again,that would be, oh my goodness,
that would be so wonderful.
But right this moment, Ibelieve, according to that
scripture, which I will send toyou, I will send you after this,
after our time, so I would, Iwould like that.
Thank you for you too.
Yeah, okay, it's not going tochange the way that I feel I'm
not going to feel worse.
(21:09):
This is, this is what I'mthinking.
I'm never going to see mydaughter again.
That's the thing that brings ithere.
Yeah, never going to see mychild again.
And I and that's why now I'mnow hanging in there I really
want to tell mothers do yourbest with your children, don't.
If you need to be taking, if youhave anxiety, you need to see a
psychotherapist, you need apsychiatrist.
(21:32):
Do whatever it takes to bringyour best for your children,
because you will not, or notonly your children, your loved
ones, because life is so shortand when death happens for me, I
feel that death.
I believe that death is final.
You have no other opportunityto make up for whatever it is
you didn't do so.
Please be your best today anddo your best.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yes, I agree with that.
In fact, I'll even say amen.
One other thing I kind ofwanted to.
This kind of goes back towardthe beginning of the podcast,
when you were talking about yourChristianity, your faith.
I think you mentioned thatyou're not a church-going
Christian.
Are you a member of acongregation?
I am, I am a member of acongregation.
Okay, well, here's the reason.
(22:14):
I ask is because many peoplefeel that unless they are part
of a church and or congregation,that their Christianity, their
faith, is not validated.
They are correct.
Can you speak to that?
Can you be an independentChristian?
I guess is the question.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
So the Bible says do not forsake the gathering
together of believers, as somedo.
It is an instruction.
Being a member of acongregation is not I like a
congregation.
It's an instruction you areobeying.
I'm an obedient child of God.
So when I said I'm not achurchgoer, I go to church.
I am part of a congregation,but I don't hinge my faith on
(22:54):
the fact.
Some people, their Christianityis based on the fact that they
attend a church but theirlifestyle is not Christian.
They are not loving, they arenot obeying the word of God
because they have norelationship with the Bible,
with God's word for themselves.
If their pastor ever goesupside down, then their lives
(23:16):
become upside down because theyhave no relationship with God
themselves.
So that's what I meant.
So I tell the church I'm amember of a congregation.
I'm actually a member of twocongregations.
I attend Leon Edmund's churchonline.
Andud has been a blessing in mylife.
People say lots of trash aboutJealousy, but if they knew how
(23:37):
many lives he has saved Anyway,I mean saved literally from
killing themselves.
So I attend that online everySunday.
I attend the different programs.
I listen to him all the time.
Then I attend Eagle Ridge BibleFellowship in Mennonite Church
and I'm not.
I wasn't raised at theMennonite.
That was a church my husbandliked, so I attend that.
(23:58):
But I'm also getting myspiritual food from many other
places because it's food Food isdiverse.
You can't eat broccoli for therest of your life.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
And you know, one of my favorite topics about grief
in general and I usually closeevery podcast with mention of it
is self-care.
So actually belonging to acongregation can and is a form
of self-care, because you'resurrounding yourself with
community and it's thatcommunity that can be supportive
when you most need them.
(24:33):
Would that be a fair statement?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Oh, my goodness, you are not very fair.
My Eagle Ridge Bible Fellowship.
They surrounded us andenveloped us in love.
They just covered me with love.
That is a church.
But you know what, kathy, notevery church does that.
No, that's true.
People go through grief in somechurches and they don't get the
(24:56):
care they need, and that I'mgoing to call out Christians.
If you're a church member,you're in a church and you are
not taking care of those who arehurting in your church.
That's not Jesus.
You really need to step up,because this is how why people
fall away from faith.
This is why, sure, takedecisions, because the grief
leave them to take decisions.
(25:17):
They have no anchor.
Right during the time Icouldn't pray, I talked to my
pastor.
I just asked him to pray for me, because you are fighting.
When you lose someone, it is anopportunity for the devil to
come at you.
The devil is so good at goingafter those that are in weak
situations, the vulnerable.
The devil is like the hyena orthe vulture.
(25:39):
They look when there's someonebroken, they stand near to see
how they can get you down theylook for opportunity.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
It's all based on the week, Because that church they
showed me, they showed God inaction.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, wonderful, wonderfully said.
Well, sadly, the time has comewhere podcast is winding down.
I set that target of 30 minutes, but every time I regret it
when that 30 minutes comes.
I really do.
This is the part in my podcastwhere I actually turn the
microphone over to you.
So here's what I would like tohappen I'm going to turn the
(26:16):
microphone over to you and justyou can speak freely to our
listeners.
If you want to offer somethingto them, you're free to do that.
Otherwise, if you just have amessage you want to say After,
that is when I usually close thepodcast, but today I wonder if
I could ask you to close us inprayer.
Okay, so the microphone and thefloor are now yours.
(26:37):
You have as much time as youneed.
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Kathy, I just want to thank you listeners, everyone
that is listening or watchingthis podcast.
I want to say thank you to youfor tuning in or watching this
podcast.
I want to say thank you to youfor tuning in, for not giving up
on yourself, for wanting to getthe support that you need from
people like you who have gonethrough or are going through the
same grief journey of grief.
Grief is a very difficult thing.
(27:00):
It comes at you in ways.
It comes at you when you leastexpect it.
You just see something and itjust breaks you down.
You're just watching a moviethat has nothing to do with the
person you love and suddenly oneword is spoken and then you
just start to weep and, sadlyfor many of us, we hear people
tell us it's okay, you shouldget over it.
But I want you to know ifyou're in that situation and you
(27:23):
kind of feel pressured bypeople to get over it, know that
grief is a journey, and ajourney that is different for
every one of us.
Don't feel bad that you'restill grieving, I don't know
when I?
I don't even want to stopgrieving.
My child, my child, died at 24.
She didn't have the opportunityto live what the life, the
potential to the fullness of ourpotential on earth.
(27:45):
I want to live for her, I wantto remember her, I don't want to
forget her.
So for some of us, that's whatgrief is.
For us, we can't let go.
They say, let them go.
I can't let my child go.
If I let her go, then she'sgone forever.
She's my constant thought.
How can I live my life in a waythat I am living up to the gift
(28:07):
that she was and her name wasgifts?
If you are in this situation,don't feel bad.
I want you to learn my favoritething.
I always say listen to yourheart, because your heart is
your very own God-given GPS toguide you on the journey of your
own life.
Listen to your heart and ifthis situation has made you
(28:28):
doubt God's love, I want you toknow that he loves you.
Just the way I described aboutthat child.
That child, some children aregoing to say my daddy hates me,
that's why he's taking the videogame.
But daddy can see ahead.
I don't know what God saved mydaughter from by taking her home
, by allowing her to go homewhen she did.
I don't see the future.
I want you to realize that wedon't see the future.
(28:49):
We have to trust him that heloves us, and I really, really
encourage you.
And if you are a mother, I talkto women in the trenches of
life.
I have a podcast called MercyCan't Stop Her.
The reason I have that podcastis because our children need
mothers that are healed andwhole.
Our children deserve the bestof us.
This do mothers that are healedand whole.
(29:11):
Our children deserve the bestof us.
This world deserves the best ofus.
We may.
We are the.
We are the, the crux of thematter on earth.
We are precious and special.
That's why we were the firstevangelists in the bible.
We were the first one when godcame to.
When the angel came to mary,mary said let it be as you wish,
as whatever you desire, godjust let it happen that way.
That's who we are.
(29:32):
We are the ones God made usspecial.
He made us special.
He loves us so much.
It's man that has changed thestory.
It's human beings that havecreated these cages that they
put us in.
And if you know that God madeyou special, he made you special
for a purpose thing.
And if you know that God madeyou special, he made you special
for a purpose, and that's whatI do.
(29:52):
I want to do on Mercy Can't StopHer.
I want us to live our lives ofpurpose, heal what needs to be
healed, address what needs to beaddressed, strengthen what
needs to be strengthened andmove forward with courage and
boldness.
I invite you to listen, tocheck listening platforms, like
where you're listening to as ILive and Grieve and check out
(30:14):
Mercy Can't Stop Her with JudithCambia Obatusa At this time.
That's what I'm offering.
I just want to help other womenand if you check it out and you
like it, please leave mesubscribe, like share and you
like it, please leave mesubscribe, like share, because
we women, we deserve to live thelives of purpose that God has
given us, and I just want tothank you, kathy.
(30:36):
Thank you so much again forthis place for us that are
grieving to come and share ourheart.
It's a lot.
Grief is a lot.
Do you want me to pray now orafter you?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yeah, I'd love it if you would close in prayer.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh, father, we are so grateful.
Father, we are so grateful thatyou gave us an opportunity to
gather together to talk aboutyou.
Talk about how you are with usin the place of our pain, how
you stand by us, how, when we donot know how to pray, what to
(31:12):
pray, you send us a song.
Lord, I'm praying for my anyman, any woman that's listening
to this podcast, that God, youwill send them what they need,
the way you sent me that song.
Send them a word, send them asong, send them an article.
Send them what they need, sendthem a person to help them.
(31:34):
I pray for everyone who isliving dealing with grief.
That, father, you will help.
Fort each and every one of usand Benupos in your arms, your
loving arms, remind us how muchyou love us.
The ones that are strugglingwith their faith because this
(31:54):
tragedy, it blindsided them.
They don't understand.
I know we cannot understand itall here, but, god, I'm asking
that you will uphold them withyour right hand of righteousness
.
Uphold them in this place ofshaken, stabilize them, because
the enemy is against them.
And right now I come againstevery lie of hell, every lie of
(32:16):
hell telling you that God doesnot love you.
I silence every voice that isspeaking what God has not said
concerning you or to you.
I silence them in the name ofJesus Christ and everyone that
is listening that is beingtormented by hell because of
their loss.
Right now, I come against you.
Every spirit that is not fromGod, that is trying to torment
(32:40):
my brother, my sister.
I come against you by the powerin the name of Jesus.
I come against you and rightnow I begin to plead the blood
of Jesus.
The Bible tells us that theblood speaks better things than
the blood of Abel.
The blood of Jesus.
I come against you and rightnow I begin to plead the blood
of Jesus.
The Bible tells us that theblood speaks better things than
the blood of Abel.
The blood of Jesus speaks peaceto you right now.
The blood of Jesus speakscomfort to you right now.
In Jesus' mighty name, I prayAmen.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Amen.
Listeners, let's all to takecare of ourselves as we continue
to live and grieve.
Judith Cambia Obitusa.
Thank you so very, very much.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Thank you so much for listening with us today.
Do you have a topic that you'dlike us to cover or do you have
a question from one of ourepisodes?
Please email us at info atasilive and grievecom and let us
know.
We hope you will find a momentto leave a review, send an email
and share with others.
Join us next time as wecontinue to live and grieve
(33:37):
together.
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