Ask Arlo

Ask Arlo

I am a couples therapist and believe deeply in the healing power of relationships. I believe that we repeat our childhood trauma with the person we connect to and love, and that if we learn to manage our reactions differently, we can begin to heal that trauma. To do this, we have to hear our partner's side, instead of instinctively defending ourselves and fighting for our side. Of course, this has to go both ways, and we then heal when we mutually experience the generosity of the other. Ask Arlo releases new episodes every month on the VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness Channel.

Episodes

When Baby Makes Three

October 21, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Kelly Intriligator and I talk about the impact of a child on an existing romantic and dyadic relationship, where the partners were once free to focus only on each other. The birth of a child is a source of great joy, but also enormous stress, and we will discuss ways we can both multiply the joy, and mitigate the stress.
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Owning Our Projections

September 15, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Michael O'Brien will discuss how our projections, if acted upon without awareness, can negatively affect and incorrectly define our partner's intentions in a relationship. We will discuss the importance of becoming aware of our projections and their connection to our childhood developmental history, and how we can then begin to expand the possibilities of our partner’s intentions in any given interaction...
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Surviving An Affair

August 15, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Emma Viglucci and I discuss how couples can understand the reasons an affair may have occurred in a relationship, and how those issues, and the feelings related to an affair, can be addressed going forward. We discuss the importance of taking responsibility for both the affair and the relationship issues that may have led to the affair, and how this can ultimately create a stronger and more enduring relat...
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Movement Patterns in Relationship

July 15, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Ruella Frank and I will discuss the importance of Movement Patterns in Relationship, and how we continuously interact with each other in dynamic, relational, and contextual patterns. We will discuss how movement can subtly but powerfully create the ground for openness and connection, or conversely, the ground for defensiveness and distance; how different movement patterns can create frustration and lack o...
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Keeping Sex Alive

June 27, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode my guest Jack Worthy and I will discuss how we can keep the novelty and excitement of sex alive as we develop more secure, enduring relationships.
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The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

May 23, 2022 • 60 mins
In this podcast, my guest Jennifer Tantia and I will discuss the power of non-verbal communication between couples, and the ways we can communicate with facial expressions, body gestures, and body posture. We will discuss the importance of bringing awareness to these embodied experiences in the present moment, both for ourselves and for our partners, and also the importance of being aware of our instinctive reactions and checking ...
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Dealing with Addiction

April 8, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Robin Handburg and I will deal with the impact of addiction on an individual, a couple, and a family. We will discuss the different roles adopted by members of a family that is dealing with addiction and how these roles are passed down intergenerationally. We'll also discuss the stages of change that can lead to a person's recovery, and resources available to individuals, couples, and families.
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Children and Divorce

March 3, 2022 • 60 mins
In this podcast, my guest, Roberta Samet, and I discuss the impact of divorce on children, when they are used by one ex-partner to gain power over, or punish, the other. When this happens, children are put into an impossible bind, in which they must align with one parent and reject the other. Often, they take responsibility for the pain they have caused the marginalized parent, and experience intense guilt and remorse in adulthoo...
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Attachment Styles

February 2, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode my Guest, Karen Ginsburg, and I will examine the Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant Attachment Styles, and their implications both for choosing a partner and being in a relationship.
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Creating Effective Communication

January 4, 2022 • 60 mins
In this episode my guest Jordan Dann and I will focus on the System for Analyzing Verbal Communication, or SAVI, developed by Yvonne Agazarian and Anita Simon. SAVi is a communication tool that provides a systematic, objective analysis of what makes conversations succeed or fail. It focuses not on what we say, but on how we say it. SAVI uses a Red/Yellow/Green schema to pinpoint patterns of interaction that will either create th...
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Creating Empathic Connection

November 24, 2021 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest David B. Alexander and I will discuss the essential elements of empathic communication, specifically focusing on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication approach, and Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt's Imago Relationship Therapy. Topics include Mirroring and Observations, Validation and Needs, Empathy and Feelings, and Behavior Change Requests, principles that apply to all of our relationships.
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The Importance of an Apology

October 27, 2021 • 60 mins
In this episode, my guest Michele Frimmer and I will discuss the importance and the power of an apology to heal a difficult relational moment but also how difficult it often is to use this powerful tool, because, depending on your point of view, an apology is either a heartfelt recognition of the hurt our partner is experiencing, or a completely undeserved criticism that must be defended against at any cost. We will discuss how to...
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