February 20, 2025 • 40 mins
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The Power of Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace and Enhancing Leadership
In this episode, we explore the essential role of boundaries in achieving sustainable success and effective leadership. Discussing why boundaries are crucial, Erin shares personal experiences and relatable anecdotes to underline the importance of protecting one’s time, energy, and peace. The episode covers practical steps for setting and communicating boundaries, and discusses how this can prevent burnout, enhance productivity, and foster a healthier work-life balance. Listeners are encouraged to define and enforce their boundaries to achieve clarity, empowerment, and long-term success in both personal and professional life.
00:00 Introduction to Boundaries
00:55 Personal Story: Learning Boundaries
02:39 The Importance of Boundaries in Leadership
04:17 Case Study: The Efficient Nurse
10:08 Practical Steps for Setting Boundaries
18:46 The Power of Clarity and Empowerment
37:26 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mic (00:00):
You don't have to light yourself on
fire to keep everyone warm.
Boundaries, they are notbarriers.
They are bridges and they arehere to protect your peace.
We talk a lot about leadership,resilience and success, but the
(00:20):
truth is none of that matters.
Is possible without one keyskill and that's boundaries.
If you're feeling overworked,overwhelmed, or resentful, it's
time to take a step back and askyourself, Am I protecting my
time, my energy, and my peace?
(00:42):
In today's episode, we arediving deep into the power of
boundaries and what they are,why they're so hard to set, and
how they can transform the wayyou lead and live.
Okay, let me just tell you, mynine year old daughter has
better boundaries than me.
(01:03):
There, I said it.
What that tells you is, I am amuch better teacher than a
person who lived it out herentire life.
Although, I am very proud of theprogress that I have made
because as a person who, likesto be heroes and problem solvers
(01:23):
and the sister in Encanto thatcan carry the load because
that's her strength and that wasthe normal pace of my life for
the majority of my life.
People pleaser, problem fixer,people fixer, people fixer.
Codependent, caregiving was away to hide some of the hurts
(01:43):
that I was not wanting to dealwith.
being a top performer, earningmy worth through achievement.
Those were all things that mademe, me, right?
So when I started learning aboutboundaries, I started
understanding that there's adifferent way to live.
(02:05):
And I think I want to live thatway.
Right?
so I started diving in toboundaries and I started
actually changing things for thebetter, while I was inside of a
community, but I am a lot betternow, although sometimes I fall
(02:28):
off the wagon, but I, I'm doingmuch better and so I wanted to
bring some of the.
stuff that I learned and I'musing and I'm teaching people to
you on this podcast.
One thing that I realized whenwe are a people pleaser and a
fixer and, wanting to bepeople's heroes and then feel
resentment about it, we areactually being enablers.
(02:52):
When we want to hide people,shelter them from hurt, from
dealing with life's hardconsequences of their choices,
we are doing them an injustice.
Because struggle equalsstrength, if you can build the
skill of resiliency.
And if people can't build theskill of resiliency, they're
(03:15):
always going to be stuck.
Because of the struggle, but ifwe allow them to walk through
the pain of learning Then weallow them to build the skill of
resiliency, and I think thatmindset has helped Especially if
I'm a leader inside of acommunity, and I want more
freedom, and I need my managersto be more Accountable and I be
(03:38):
accountable because if they'reaccountable and I'm accountable
each of us have more freedom Ifwe learn the patterns of what to
avoid we create a better worldBoundaries and pattern
recognition to solve problems,which equals more freedom
because we're being proactive,but we have to be able to view
(03:59):
that boundaries are our friend.
And that a little discomfortbuilds skills to be sustainably
successful throughout thecareer.
Long term success.
So it's really, reallyimportant.
Okay.
I here's where I learned aboutboundaries the most.
I had a nurse.
(04:20):
She was a great nurse.
Actually, one of the best nursesI've ever worked with.
She was a single mother.
She had a daughter.
She was going through a divorce.
And she was the only are in fora 64 apartment memory care
community.
Now, in the state of Alabama,and our end has the biggest job,
the biggest job, because theycan, they are the ones that can
(04:43):
do certain things.
They, they hold a big amount ofthe regs inside of their,
actions based on the fact ofassessments, monthly
assessments.
Assessments, care plans andcomprehensive assessments that
at the time only our ends coulddo 64 apartments.
Okay.
And we were pretty much full allthe time.
(05:04):
So, I am struggling at the timecoming back being the executive
director over memory care andassisted living, which was a
total of 124 residents occupancywasn't great operational success
wasn't great.
And I'm trying to be everythingto everyone and that was.
(05:27):
my struggle at the point tryingto turn this community around
because that was really, reallyimportant to me, but she, this
RN was able to get the majorityof her work done from 745 to
445.
I mean, like, a hard cut off at445 now, every nurse before her
(05:49):
and every nurse after hercouldn't get half of the work
that she could get done.
Inside a nine hour day.
And every day she left at 4.
45, every day.
And I was leaving at 8.
45, 7.
45, somewhere around thosetimes.
And let me tell you something, Istarted getting really
resentful.
And in fact, I had a nurse in aprevious life that got very
(06:12):
resentful of me being able toleave at 5 and her having to
stay late, but that's anotherstory that we'll talk about
later.
Anyways, I find myself in thesame position because it's like,
if I'm staying late, you shouldbe staying late.
Which is an unhealthy thoughtpattern.
Or, are you sure you're doingyour job since you can leave
everyday at 4.
45?
(06:33):
But what I realized, aftertaking some time and looking
into her work, I valued herability to actually be
consistent, be proactive, lookat patterns, solve them, get
them done, and then take whatwork she could home.
(06:54):
She was able to identify whatcould be done at home and what
had to be done here.
She had a system and she knewwhat not to work on.
And get her attention away toand her energy to in the
community and what to keep herenergy on.
She built relationships with theLPNs in the community.
She gave them delegated, youknow, authority and tasks to
(07:18):
them.
They got it done.
She helped with certain keyareas.
Like she knew the flow and whatto be successful.
That is power.
That is power.
We had some of the best memorycare surveys while she was in
the community.
She was on vacation even oncewhen the survey happened and she
(07:38):
was able to answer a questionoff the cuff to the surveyor,
which was amazing.
And it was the power ofboundaries.
It was also the power of, I haveto go pick up my daughter and
nothing, I have no one to helpme, right?
So necessity certainly doeshelp.
And so here's what I took away.
(07:59):
She defined what success lookedlike to her.
I have to pick.
I have to leave this communityat 445 every day to pick up my
daughter from after school care.
There was an end point.
And so every part of the day.
Was viewed knowing where her endpoint was and why.
Which is powerful how many ofus, me included have an end
(08:22):
point that pushes back becausewe don't value our time enough
because we think.
That what we need to do may notbe that important.
Now, some of us have no problemsetting boundaries and
congratulations.
If that's you, just use this asa reinforcement of how good you
are, right?
But some of us have tounderstand, if I have to leave
(08:44):
this community at 530, I have toleave this community at 530, and
I am the one that's responsiblefor my time throughout the day.
No one else, because I'm incontrol of where I give my time,
my energy, and what tasks I getdone to ensure success for the
next day, right?
If we don't value our time,we're never going to insert
(09:06):
those boundaries because otherpeople will always be more
important.
Their needs, their problems, orwe will think that we have to
solve every problem, right?
Because that's the only way thatthings are going to get done.
Toxic thought number one.
It may take time to build peopleto solve their problems.
But you have to start investingin that time now.
(09:29):
Start saying, I have to leave at530 today.
I need you to do whatever it isto help me be able to leave
that.
And then to reciprocate thatsame trust and respect to them
when they need to do that.
I started telling my concierge,who was really my administrative
assistant or even assistantadministrator, if you want to be
(09:50):
honest, I have to leave today at3 30 or I have this kid party
that I have to go to and shewould ensure.
And she would help me protect mytime.
And if you have that person,utilize that person.
And then do the same thing forthat person and you build that
relationship.
It's really, really important.
So, the first step is you haveto value your time.
(10:11):
You have to value your energy.
You have to value your peace.
You have to value what you giveto others.
And how to protect that so youcan continue to give that to
others.
Okay, so let's talk a little bitmore about why boundaries matter
more than ever.
(10:32):
Most of us were never taught howto set boundaries.
I wasn't.
In fact, I was taught to behelpful, to be agreeable, to
push through.
And all that's important becausethat is certainly resilience
building in those really, reallytough times define who we are.
no one told me that withoutboundaries that success turns
(10:53):
into stress passion turns intoexhaustion and leadership
becomes a burden instead of aprivilege.
And that is really, reallyimportant.
We work in a 24 hour a day,seven day a week, 365 day a year
business.
(11:13):
Okay.
We are passionate, purposeful,people centered leaders, and
that passion can turn intoexhaustion very quickly if we're
not careful.
Leadership, when it startsbecoming a burden, instead of a
privilege, these are red flagsthat we need to start looking
into what is going on and why.
(11:37):
And this is why boundaries areimportant.
And again, there are people whoset amazing boundaries, right?
And then there are people whocreate barriers.
Feel as if they're not workinghard enough unless they are
exhausted, right?
Unless they solve all theproblems today, and that is not
the point of being a leaderinside of a senior living
(11:59):
community.
In fact, you can't doeverything.
Let me just tell you that.
You can't do everything.
You are too valuable to you.
To do everything to solve everyproblem.
The true test of greatleadership inside of the
community is if you don't haveto solve any problems.
(12:23):
Wouldn't that be great?
That comes over time and part ofthat's part of those steps is
boundaries because we know thatboundaries Keep the good in and
keep the bad out, right?
What do you like to do best?
(12:43):
What do you need today?
How am I feeling today?
Because I can't do X, Y, and Zif I am this tired, exhausted.
I certainly can't have hardconversations.
And I don't have a lot ofempathy and compassion today.
Boom! Awareness.
Now, boundaries.
Somebody's gonna have to step infor me.
Transparency, vulnerability, youdon't have to go into why, you
(13:06):
just have to say, I can't.
And that's okay.
Because you're setting anexample for other people to do
the same thing.
Because why do something thatyou know you can?
Why make something worse when itcould be better?
Or it could get better withsomeone else handling it, right?
Boundaries are not barriers.
And I think that's the biggestlesson to learn.
(13:27):
They are bridges to a healthierleadership.
Period.
But you have to be aware.
You can't fix what you're notaware that is broken.
You have to value yourself, yourenergy, your peace, your time,
and the value of what successlooks like today, in this
moment, right?
The more successful that you areand the more boundaries that you
(13:51):
need, which I think is really,really important.
Sometimes when our communitiesare low occupancy, we're
fighting to grow the occupancyand we're fighting to keep
residents from moving out.
And we're trying to problemsolve.
But the problem with that isthere's fewer residents.
(14:12):
And now as you grow youroccupancy, there's more
residents.
There's more dynamics.
And I think that you have to beprepared to figure out how to
manage the growth effectively.
For yourself.
Valuing your time, your peace,your energy, and your mindset.
And burnout isn't from workinghard.
(14:32):
Because we're all hard workers.
For the most part, right, thatwork in senior living, it's more
from over functioning withoutprotection.
I'll do it.
Nevermind.
I'll just do it.
It's not going to get done.
Right?
If I don't do it, I'll handlethis and I'll handle that
because somebody else is tellingyou their boundary, right?
(14:54):
If we are not training people onhow to problem solve, seeing the
patterns, understanding why wedo certain things.
The, the policies, procedures,the regulations, all the things,
and how to apply that to reallife scenarios.
We will over function withoutprotection.
(15:15):
We will believe we are the onlyones that can do that.
And if we don't give people theopportunity to be better, do
better, grow better, then wewill never get out of the
vicious cycle that we are in.
Burnout isn't about the hoursthat we put in the day.
(15:36):
It's about the energy that weare extending, that we are like
churning through, that we areforcing ourselves to do in areas
that we don't want to do, otherpeople should be doing, right?
When we live in this pool ofresentment because we say that
we will solve the problems, whensomebody else is probably
(15:58):
capable.
For years, I thought the problemwas the industry, the workload,
the constant demands, but itwasn't entirely the profession
of senior living's fault, right?
It was my inability to protectmyself.
I was chasing significance.
(16:19):
By trying to fix everything,grow occupancy, be at the top of
the list, overachieve.
I put my worth in the outcomesand it wasn't until I realized
the power of the group of peoplethat I had with me, the
(16:40):
influence that I had with them,the purposeful driven leaders
that I had with that they werethat were on my team.
And I realized they werecapable.
And they were following my lead.
And what's interesting is Iwanted more for them than I
wanted for myself, which isclassic, right?
(17:05):
But problematic.
And I realized if I protecttheir time from manager on duty,
Like if I'm a manager on dutyand I can protect their time,
then they will start protectingmy time, and they did.
And one of the ways that I wasable to set some boundaries and
not try to call them if I wasmanager on duty, and to protect
(17:29):
my time when I was off, is tofigure out what everybody needed
from me before I took the timeoff, and then what I needed from
everybody else before I becamethe manager on duty.
Because then that protectedtheir time.
Like on Thursday, I'm gonnastart talking about Saturday
(17:51):
when I'm manager on duty.
What's the schedule?
What are we thinking about?
Who's actually gonna come towork and who's not?
Who's, who's iffy?
Right?
what's on the menu?
Do we have everything that weneed for the menu?
I mean, you have to think aboutthe problem areas in your
community and really startlooking at the weekend on
Thursday to look about staffing,logistics, all these things,
(18:12):
because the more, you know, themore that you can protect.
And you can say to them, I wantto make sure that I don't have
to call you this weekend, orthat anyone doesn't have to call
you because I'll be manager onduty and I'll be able to handle
it.
And the same thing goes for ifyou take a PTO day or a
vacation, you start settingpeople up, because if we just
aren't aware and then we don'tmake any plans and then we get a
(18:36):
call and then we get frustrated.
But what didn't we do?
We did not protect what wasimportant to us, because we
didn't know.
And I think it's really, reallyimportant for us to be aware,
because boundaries aren't justabout saying no, right?
That's not what boundaries are.
(18:57):
Boundaries are about protection.
of what we value most, of whatwe need most at this moment,
right?
They determine what in your lifebecomes a blessing and what
becomes a curse.
And if you're constantlyfrustrated, exhausted, and
(19:18):
resentful, this is a sign thatwe have to check your
boundaries.
If you feel like you can't takea day off without getting a
call, we're feeling frustrated,exhausted, or resentful, right?
We gotta do something different.
This is the accountabilitypiece.
You are accountable.
You are responsible forprotecting your boundaries.
(19:40):
What can you do?
You cannot expect people to dowhat they don't know, do what
they don't see, Right?
They mirror the actions of theleaders.
So, if you feel resentfulbecause people keep asking for
more or they keep calling, thenwe gotta work on what they need
from you before you take thetime off.
(20:03):
Right?
If you feel exhausted becauseyou're doing more than your fair
share, we gotta realize whatpeople don't know.
We have to become aware so wecan fix it.
Education equals empowerment.
Right?
Empowerment is a skill thatpeople will learn by messing up.
What can you give people to doto build the skill of handling
(20:26):
problem solving?
Right?
If you feel angry and haven'tcommunicated what you need, that
again falls in your lap.
Right?
And then if you feel guilty forprioritizing yourself, That is a
mindset concern because if youwant other people to be their
(20:48):
best versions of their self,right?
On the A game when they come towork, they need to prioritize
themselves.
When they're on their A game,then it's better for you, right?
When you're on your A game, it'sbetter for them.
Resentment isn't about whatothers are doing.
Okay?
That's what we have tounderstand.
(21:09):
It's about the boundaries thatwe haven't set or that we
haven't communicated.
Okay?
We are the ones that have set inour heads these ideas, but never
communicated to anyone.
And if you're tired, frustrated,or overworked, your body is
(21:29):
telling you something.
You gotta listen, which is, it'stime to set or adjust a
boundary.
I have been tired, overworked,and very, very frustrated, and
I've had to, and I have workedthrough those feelings, and I've
become very, very, veryresentful.
Created such negative energy inmy life, which then attracted
(21:50):
negative energy in my life.
It wasn't until I realized thatthe scale was off, when I
started feeling a lot ofanxiety, I mean, a lot of
anxiety, I realized that thescale in my life was off.
was off.
I either spent too much time inthe community and not enough
time at home with the kids, orI've spent too much time at home
(22:14):
with the kids on vacation oraway, and I wasn't aware of the
pulse of the community.
And when I started feeling thatlevel of anxiety, I knew that I
needed to figure out where thescale was that I could tip it
back.
And if you can become aware likethat.
Then you can make the necessarychanges for yourself, right?
(22:38):
So sit with the anxiety for alittle bit sit with that
resentment for a little bit andfigure out What it is Sometimes
it's just sadness Right.
I mean we lost somebody orsomething We didn't make it to
an event and so it could beelements of grief.
(22:59):
I think it's important to notethat There's a lot of people
inside the senior livingprofession that have had some
hard, hard, hard lives.
Hard personal situations thatthey've had to overcome, or
maybe they haven't.
I know for me, being a caregiverand being a problem solver,
(23:24):
those dopamine hits.
I mean, those are powerfulwalking down the hall, being
told I looked good today.
Thanking me for solving aproblem.
I love the meal today, you know,helping somebody move in,
helping them solve the problemsin the, you know, during
discovery on a tour.
Like, I loved those things.
(23:46):
It made me feel very, very, veryimportant, happy, but it also
hit a lot.
of wounds that I wasn't evenaware of.
You know, people become addictedto all kinds of things and
caregiving is one of thembecause you're so busy helping
(24:08):
other people that you don'trealize that you're running
yourself into the ground.
And when we become aware of whywe're angry, why we're
exhausted, and why we feelguilty with putting ourselves
first.
Or giving ourselves time.
We realize we don't have to setourselves on fire to keep other
(24:33):
people warm.
It's their responsibility to dotheir job, to build their
skills, to learn how to problemsolve, and to ask for help when
they need it.
And it's our responsibility tofollow up, follow through,
inspect what we expect, buildrelationships, and watch our
teams grow.
Any good leader is going to wantleaders underneath them because
(24:57):
leaders underneath them multiplysuccess.
You're not be scared to haveyour director of nursing or your
sales director be so successful.
Because when they're sosuccessful you have more
freedom.
And freedom is good.
Freedom is what we want.
Freedom is how we becomesustainable.
(25:18):
In fact, freedom is whateverybody is looking for now.
And if you want freedom, youhave to have boundaries.
You And you have to grow leadersinside of your community.
So how do we set and communicateboundaries?
Ooh, one of the biggest problemsis that we set boundaries.
(25:39):
One of the biggest problems isthat we set boundaries and we
don't communicate them.
That is a communication problem.
It's not a person problem.
It's not an outside personproblem.
It's an inside communication.
Here's what I need today, andthen not reinforcing them,
right?
So, one of the biggest fearsabout setting boundaries is
(26:00):
this.
If I set a boundary, peoplewon't like me.
Yep, maybe.
Not entirely.
here's the irony in that piece,because I certainly felt that
way.
Boundaries actually strengthenrelationships.
Because they create clarity.
(26:21):
And as Brene Brown says, clearis kind.
But really, going from chaos toclarity is a journey that will
always be a journey.
Beneficial to everybody.
I think some of the biggestproblems inside communities is
the lack of communication fromlayer to layer.
(26:43):
The more you communicate what,why and how the more we reduce
gossip, we create empowermentand we create leaders and
synergy inside our community.
So, here's some practical stepsfor setting boundaries.
Number 1, set a boundary andcommunicate it.
(27:04):
People cannot read your mind.
I cannot read your mind, right?
Feedback is important.
Understanding that people needto know what you want from them.
And then you give them theopportunity to live up to that
or to not hit the mark, which isa right that they have.
(27:30):
And then you follow up, followthrough, and mentor and work
through the process.
And ask for what you need.
And believe the answer when youget it.
Right.
Number one, set a boundary andcommunicate it.
Number two, ask for what youneed.
And if you don't get it, it'snot your fault.
(27:56):
And then you have to startbelieving who people are by the
actions that they show youconsistently.
Right.
And this is where you have toenforce your boundaries.
Which takes process, right, toget that strong.
Because if somebody doesn'trespect your boundaries, then I
(28:19):
think that then boundaries dobecome barriers because they're
keeping the bad out and they'reallowing the bad in.
Because all of a sudden you'regoing to start creating more
positive energy and you're goingto attract the people with that
positive energy.
Number three, be okay withpeople falling away.
Here we go.
If you ask for what you need andyou see who's giving it to you
(28:43):
or not, who's not respectingyour boundaries, you have to be
okay with people who cannotrespect boundaries, who cannot
grow in their leadership skills,who cannot handle their
department, who cannot handlethe tasks, who don't respect you
enough.
(29:04):
To give you your peace.
And those are important.
Those are important lessons tolearn.
when people fall away, you haveto let them, you have to believe
them.
And you have to tell yourself,let me live the best life that I
can.
(29:25):
Let me do what I need tosucceed.
Let me take care of myself so Ican be a leader and grow the way
that I want.
I have lost some amazing peoplein my life and I realized that
where I was going in my life,they couldn't go for whatever
(29:48):
reason.
It was theirs.
I mean, when I had my son at 28weeks, I lost one of the most
important people in my life andit was because she couldn't
handle the Seeing me hurt with achild with a physical need, like
(30:08):
a trick.
That loss hurt.
I mean like, deeply hurt.
Rejection is a core wound ofmine.
That loss hurt.
I poured a lot of my life intoher.
But she couldn't handle thepain.
And so she had to leave.
And I couldn't chase after her.
(30:30):
Because I had more importantthings that I had to take care
of.
And I didn't create thatboundary or enforce that
boundary.
That boundary was clearly madefor me and there was nothing I
could do to change it.
And other people entered my lifeand gave me exactly what I
(30:52):
needed.
I couldn't be who I was for myfriend because I was a caregiver
to my grandmother and now acaregiver to a son who had some
really, really unique andpowerful needs for me.
And I had to be okay.
I had to work through the hurt Ihad to.
(31:14):
And even now, you know, living alife, having a podcast and all,
you know, all these otherthings, you have to be aware of
who is here to serve you and whois here to hurt you.
And inside of a community or inany level that you're in, you
have to be aware of that.
(31:34):
and be okay with people notbeing able to go where you're
going because of skill.
And then to say, if I want morefreedom and more peace and to
protect my time, because I'mworth it, then I need more
people who can do X, Y, and Z.
You set the boundaries.
You say, this is what I need.
They either do it or they can't,and you see it and you make
(31:57):
decisions.
And then, Be brave.
Number four, be brave andenforce it.
People will, people will eitheraccept boundaries, need
clarification, or resist becausethey struggle with boundaries
themselves.
You got to be brave.
You have to be courageous.
(32:18):
This is you.
You're important.
Because if you're not there,someone else will be.
You know, if you're a mother, ifyou're not here for your kids,
they're not going to have you,which is really, really
important.
So number five, stop abandoningyourself.
You The validation that I alwayscraved from certain people was
(32:41):
just a projection of thevalidation that I craved for me.
When you start showing up foryourself based on what you want
and what you need, you're goingto start seeing, Oh my gosh,
this is what I needed all, allalong, right?
So saying I don't want to is apowerful phrase in setting
(33:03):
boundaries.
Now that may be more of apersonal phrase.
Right, but I don't want to is animportant phrase that you can
say you don't need to justify itwith a why You need space time
or limits that doesn't matter.
It's just that I don't want tothat's not something that I can
(33:24):
do right now Inside of acommunity or as a leader in a
professional sense you can sayat this time I don't have the
capacity to do that, but I canhelp you By giving you an
outline of how to do it.
I'll be more than happy tosupport you, but I can't do
that, or I'm not going to beable to make the meeting at 5 30
(33:47):
today.
If we can reschedule for in themorning at 9 0.
A.
M.
that will be great.
And here's the boundary that Ilearned from my sales and
marketing director.
Actually, I used to say, you cancontact me anytime.
I'll have my cell phone with meall the time.
I would say that to familymembers.
All the time.
(34:09):
Now, there are zero boundariesin that comment.
Zero.
But I heard her say, I'm in theoffice between 8 and 5 p.
m.
every day.
You can reach me during any timeduring those hours.
And I heard her say that a lot,and I didn't, I didn't really
think anything of it.
(34:29):
But then I realized, oh my gosh.
You know, she's setting theboundaries to everybody.
Now, she's still got phone callson the weekends and after hours,
and those were unique calls, butshe wasn't, she didn't give
someone an open invitation tocall her anytime.
That was powerful.
And she was still highly valuedin the community.
(34:51):
She was telling people how totreat her time.
And I started following in herfootsteps, right?
So, to me, clarity isempowerment, right?
You cannot fix what you are notaware of that's broken.
And empowerment gives youstrength.
(35:13):
Empowerment gives your leadersstrength.
Boundaries do not make youselfish.
They make you a strong leaderand you influence other leaders
to do the same thing becausewe're losing nurses.
We're losing sales and marketingdirectors.
We're losing key people becausewe want them to sacrifice
everything and we don't have to.
(35:33):
We just have to do better in thetime allotted.
The ultimate leadership skill isnot just setting boundaries,
it's getting clear on what youactually need.
Because when you are clear, yougain control and control leads
to confidence.
(35:54):
And I say control very looselybecause let me tell you
something, you're not incontrol.
Control is the biggest lie thatis ever told.
I believe you control what you,you become.
Aware of what you can controland what you can't and you stop
trying to control the thingsthat you can't you become wise.
(36:15):
Right influence is more powerfulthan control, but you can
actually influence in a powerfulway by identifying what you can
control and what you can'tcontrol and you put all of your
energy on what you can.
And then you be able tocommunicate well, these are the
things that I can't control.
But over here is what we can toinfluence this situation, and
(36:37):
that's clarity.
Clarity equals empowerment.
Empowerment equals strength.
Strength equals boundaries.
And all of that equals success.
So when you have clarity, you'regoing to reduce the chaos.
And when you have boundaries,you set the standard for how you
are treated.
How you are to be treated is whythe boundaries are important,
(37:01):
because you're giving people theremote control.
You're giving people the manualon how to treat you, which is
really, really important, butyou have to be aware of what you
want and your own value first.
Right?
When you have boundaries, youprotect your energy and you show
(37:21):
up for your, your family andyourself.
So, I'm going to leave you witha final thought.
You can't control what othersdo, but you can control your
response.
your boundaries, and what youallow to influence you.
The more clarity you gain, themore boundaries you can set, and
(37:46):
the more freedom you create inyour life and your leadership.
You are not your struggle.
You are the strength andresilience that your struggle
brought you, number one.
Number two, you have to definesuccess.
For yourself and family,friends, spiritual, emotional,
(38:11):
and physical components in yourlife.
Family, friends, spiritual,emotional, and the physical
aspects of your life.
What does success look like inthose areas?
Right?
And then answer these questions.
Where do I feel the mostresentment?
(38:32):
Am I not getting enough timewith the kids?
Am I not getting enough timewith the husband?
Am I not being able to You know,do the things, work out, go to
church, meditate, whatever it isthat you're feeling resentful
for.
Getting my hair cut, going onvacation, whatever it is, right?
And then what boundary do I needto set or adjust to make more of
(38:54):
that happen?
And then what's one thing that Ican do today to reclaim my time
and energy?
And it may be just taking alunch or leaving at five
o'clock, right?
Awareness creates intention andintention creates success.
If you focus on the rightthings.
(39:16):
So set your boundaries.
And if you have somebody whoneeds to listen to this, share
this episode.
It's really, really important.
It's life changing.
It is a practice that I practiceevery day and I'm getting better
and I don't let people intrudeor walk through the boundaries
that I have set for myself.
What success is to me, I have tovalue.
(39:41):
And it's the same thing for you.
I hope this helps.
Begin setting your boundariestoday, because burnout can be
turned into rebuilding if youfocus on the right things.
So, as always, aspire for morefor you.
And thank you for your time.
You don't have to light yourself on
fire to keep everyone warm.
Boundaries, they are notbarriers.
They are bridges and they arehere to protect your peace.
We talk a lot about leadership,resilience and success, but the
(00:20):
truth is none of that matters.
Is possible without one keyskill and that's boundaries.
If you're feeling overworked,overwhelmed, or resentful, it's
time to take a step back and askyourself, Am I protecting my
time, my energy, and my peace?
(00:42):
In today's episode, we arediving deep into the power of
boundaries and what they are,why they're so hard to set, and
how they can transform the wayyou lead and live.
Okay, let me just tell you, mynine year old daughter has
better boundaries than me.
(01:03):
There, I said it.
What that tells you is, I am amuch better teacher than a
person who lived it out herentire life.
Although, I am very proud of theprogress that I have made
because as a person who, likesto be heroes and problem solvers
(01:23):
and the sister in Encanto thatcan carry the load because
that's her strength and that wasthe normal pace of my life for
the majority of my life.
People pleaser, problem fixer,people fixer, people fixer.
Codependent, caregiving was away to hide some of the hurts
(01:43):
that I was not wanting to dealwith.
being a top performer, earningmy worth through achievement.
Those were all things that mademe, me, right?
So when I started learning aboutboundaries, I started
understanding that there's adifferent way to live.
(02:05):
And I think I want to live thatway.
Right?
so I started diving in toboundaries and I started
actually changing things for thebetter, while I was inside of a
community, but I am a lot betternow, although sometimes I fall
(02:28):
off the wagon, but I, I'm doingmuch better and so I wanted to
bring some of the.
stuff that I learned and I'musing and I'm teaching people to
you on this podcast.
One thing that I realized whenwe are a people pleaser and a
fixer and, wanting to bepeople's heroes and then feel
resentment about it, we areactually being enablers.
(02:52):
When we want to hide people,shelter them from hurt, from
dealing with life's hardconsequences of their choices,
we are doing them an injustice.
Because struggle equalsstrength, if you can build the
skill of resiliency.
And if people can't build theskill of resiliency, they're
(03:15):
always going to be stuck.
Because of the struggle, but ifwe allow them to walk through
the pain of learning Then weallow them to build the skill of
resiliency, and I think thatmindset has helped Especially if
I'm a leader inside of acommunity, and I want more
freedom, and I need my managersto be more Accountable and I be
(03:38):
accountable because if they'reaccountable and I'm accountable
each of us have more freedom Ifwe learn the patterns of what to
avoid we create a better worldBoundaries and pattern
recognition to solve problems,which equals more freedom
because we're being proactive,but we have to be able to view
(03:59):
that boundaries are our friend.
And that a little discomfortbuilds skills to be sustainably
successful throughout thecareer.
Long term success.
So it's really, reallyimportant.
Okay.
I here's where I learned aboutboundaries the most.
I had a nurse.
(04:20):
She was a great nurse.
Actually, one of the best nursesI've ever worked with.
She was a single mother.
She had a daughter.
She was going through a divorce.
And she was the only are in fora 64 apartment memory care
community.
Now, in the state of Alabama,and our end has the biggest job,
the biggest job, because theycan, they are the ones that can
(04:43):
do certain things.
They, they hold a big amount ofthe regs inside of their,
actions based on the fact ofassessments, monthly
assessments.
Assessments, care plans andcomprehensive assessments that
at the time only our ends coulddo 64 apartments.
Okay.
And we were pretty much full allthe time.
(05:04):
So, I am struggling at the timecoming back being the executive
director over memory care andassisted living, which was a
total of 124 residents occupancywasn't great operational success
wasn't great.
And I'm trying to be everythingto everyone and that was.
(05:27):
my struggle at the point tryingto turn this community around
because that was really, reallyimportant to me, but she, this
RN was able to get the majorityof her work done from 745 to
445.
I mean, like, a hard cut off at445 now, every nurse before her
(05:49):
and every nurse after hercouldn't get half of the work
that she could get done.
Inside a nine hour day.
And every day she left at 4.
45, every day.
And I was leaving at 8.
45, 7.
45, somewhere around thosetimes.
And let me tell you something, Istarted getting really
resentful.
And in fact, I had a nurse in aprevious life that got very
(06:12):
resentful of me being able toleave at 5 and her having to
stay late, but that's anotherstory that we'll talk about
later.
Anyways, I find myself in thesame position because it's like,
if I'm staying late, you shouldbe staying late.
Which is an unhealthy thoughtpattern.
Or, are you sure you're doingyour job since you can leave
everyday at 4.
45?
(06:33):
But what I realized, aftertaking some time and looking
into her work, I valued herability to actually be
consistent, be proactive, lookat patterns, solve them, get
them done, and then take whatwork she could home.
(06:54):
She was able to identify whatcould be done at home and what
had to be done here.
She had a system and she knewwhat not to work on.
And get her attention away toand her energy to in the
community and what to keep herenergy on.
She built relationships with theLPNs in the community.
She gave them delegated, youknow, authority and tasks to
(07:18):
them.
They got it done.
She helped with certain keyareas.
Like she knew the flow and whatto be successful.
That is power.
That is power.
We had some of the best memorycare surveys while she was in
the community.
She was on vacation even oncewhen the survey happened and she
(07:38):
was able to answer a questionoff the cuff to the surveyor,
which was amazing.
And it was the power ofboundaries.
It was also the power of, I haveto go pick up my daughter and
nothing, I have no one to helpme, right?
So necessity certainly doeshelp.
And so here's what I took away.
(07:59):
She defined what success lookedlike to her.
I have to pick.
I have to leave this communityat 445 every day to pick up my
daughter from after school care.
There was an end point.
And so every part of the day.
Was viewed knowing where her endpoint was and why.
Which is powerful how many ofus, me included have an end
(08:22):
point that pushes back becausewe don't value our time enough
because we think.
That what we need to do may notbe that important.
Now, some of us have no problemsetting boundaries and
congratulations.
If that's you, just use this asa reinforcement of how good you
are, right?
But some of us have tounderstand, if I have to leave
(08:44):
this community at 530, I have toleave this community at 530, and
I am the one that's responsiblefor my time throughout the day.
No one else, because I'm incontrol of where I give my time,
my energy, and what tasks I getdone to ensure success for the
next day, right?
If we don't value our time,we're never going to insert
(09:06):
those boundaries because otherpeople will always be more
important.
Their needs, their problems, orwe will think that we have to
solve every problem, right?
Because that's the only way thatthings are going to get done.
Toxic thought number one.
It may take time to build peopleto solve their problems.
But you have to start investingin that time now.
(09:29):
Start saying, I have to leave at530 today.
I need you to do whatever it isto help me be able to leave
that.
And then to reciprocate thatsame trust and respect to them
when they need to do that.
I started telling my concierge,who was really my administrative
assistant or even assistantadministrator, if you want to be
(09:50):
honest, I have to leave today at3 30 or I have this kid party
that I have to go to and shewould ensure.
And she would help me protect mytime.
And if you have that person,utilize that person.
And then do the same thing forthat person and you build that
relationship.
It's really, really important.
So, the first step is you haveto value your time.
(10:11):
You have to value your energy.
You have to value your peace.
You have to value what you giveto others.
And how to protect that so youcan continue to give that to
others.
Okay, so let's talk a little bitmore about why boundaries matter
more than ever.
(10:32):
Most of us were never taught howto set boundaries.
I wasn't.
In fact, I was taught to behelpful, to be agreeable, to
push through.
And all that's important becausethat is certainly resilience
building in those really, reallytough times define who we are.
no one told me that withoutboundaries that success turns
(10:53):
into stress passion turns intoexhaustion and leadership
becomes a burden instead of aprivilege.
And that is really, reallyimportant.
We work in a 24 hour a day,seven day a week, 365 day a year
business.
(11:13):
Okay.
We are passionate, purposeful,people centered leaders, and
that passion can turn intoexhaustion very quickly if we're
not careful.
Leadership, when it startsbecoming a burden, instead of a
privilege, these are red flagsthat we need to start looking
into what is going on and why.
(11:37):
And this is why boundaries areimportant.
And again, there are people whoset amazing boundaries, right?
And then there are people whocreate barriers.
Feel as if they're not workinghard enough unless they are
exhausted, right?
Unless they solve all theproblems today, and that is not
the point of being a leaderinside of a senior living
(11:59):
community.
In fact, you can't doeverything.
Let me just tell you that.
You can't do everything.
You are too valuable to you.
To do everything to solve everyproblem.
The true test of greatleadership inside of the
community is if you don't haveto solve any problems.
(12:23):
Wouldn't that be great?
That comes over time and part ofthat's part of those steps is
boundaries because we know thatboundaries Keep the good in and
keep the bad out, right?
What do you like to do best?
(12:43):
What do you need today?
How am I feeling today?
Because I can't do X, Y, and Zif I am this tired, exhausted.
I certainly can't have hardconversations.
And I don't have a lot ofempathy and compassion today.
Boom! Awareness.
Now, boundaries.
Somebody's gonna have to step infor me.
Transparency, vulnerability, youdon't have to go into why, you
(13:06):
just have to say, I can't.
And that's okay.
Because you're setting anexample for other people to do
the same thing.
Because why do something thatyou know you can?
Why make something worse when itcould be better?
Or it could get better withsomeone else handling it, right?
Boundaries are not barriers.
And I think that's the biggestlesson to learn.
(13:27):
They are bridges to a healthierleadership.
Period.
But you have to be aware.
You can't fix what you're notaware that is broken.
You have to value yourself, yourenergy, your peace, your time,
and the value of what successlooks like today, in this
moment, right?
The more successful that you areand the more boundaries that you
(13:51):
need, which I think is really,really important.
Sometimes when our communitiesare low occupancy, we're
fighting to grow the occupancyand we're fighting to keep
residents from moving out.
And we're trying to problemsolve.
But the problem with that isthere's fewer residents.
(14:12):
And now as you grow youroccupancy, there's more
residents.
There's more dynamics.
And I think that you have to beprepared to figure out how to
manage the growth effectively.
For yourself.
Valuing your time, your peace,your energy, and your mindset.
And burnout isn't from workinghard.
(14:32):
Because we're all hard workers.
For the most part, right, thatwork in senior living, it's more
from over functioning withoutprotection.
I'll do it.
Nevermind.
I'll just do it.
It's not going to get done.
Right?
If I don't do it, I'll handlethis and I'll handle that
because somebody else is tellingyou their boundary, right?
(14:54):
If we are not training people onhow to problem solve, seeing the
patterns, understanding why wedo certain things.
The, the policies, procedures,the regulations, all the things,
and how to apply that to reallife scenarios.
We will over function withoutprotection.
(15:15):
We will believe we are the onlyones that can do that.
And if we don't give people theopportunity to be better, do
better, grow better, then wewill never get out of the
vicious cycle that we are in.
Burnout isn't about the hoursthat we put in the day.
(15:36):
It's about the energy that weare extending, that we are like
churning through, that we areforcing ourselves to do in areas
that we don't want to do, otherpeople should be doing, right?
When we live in this pool ofresentment because we say that
we will solve the problems, whensomebody else is probably
(15:58):
capable.
For years, I thought the problemwas the industry, the workload,
the constant demands, but itwasn't entirely the profession
of senior living's fault, right?
It was my inability to protectmyself.
I was chasing significance.
(16:19):
By trying to fix everything,grow occupancy, be at the top of
the list, overachieve.
I put my worth in the outcomesand it wasn't until I realized
the power of the group of peoplethat I had with me, the
(16:40):
influence that I had with them,the purposeful driven leaders
that I had with that they werethat were on my team.
And I realized they werecapable.
And they were following my lead.
And what's interesting is Iwanted more for them than I
wanted for myself, which isclassic, right?
(17:05):
But problematic.
And I realized if I protecttheir time from manager on duty,
Like if I'm a manager on dutyand I can protect their time,
then they will start protectingmy time, and they did.
And one of the ways that I wasable to set some boundaries and
not try to call them if I wasmanager on duty, and to protect
(17:29):
my time when I was off, is tofigure out what everybody needed
from me before I took the timeoff, and then what I needed from
everybody else before I becamethe manager on duty.
Because then that protectedtheir time.
Like on Thursday, I'm gonnastart talking about Saturday
(17:51):
when I'm manager on duty.
What's the schedule?
What are we thinking about?
Who's actually gonna come towork and who's not?
Who's, who's iffy?
Right?
what's on the menu?
Do we have everything that weneed for the menu?
I mean, you have to think aboutthe problem areas in your
community and really startlooking at the weekend on
Thursday to look about staffing,logistics, all these things,
(18:12):
because the more, you know, themore that you can protect.
And you can say to them, I wantto make sure that I don't have
to call you this weekend, orthat anyone doesn't have to call
you because I'll be manager onduty and I'll be able to handle
it.
And the same thing goes for ifyou take a PTO day or a
vacation, you start settingpeople up, because if we just
aren't aware and then we don'tmake any plans and then we get a
(18:36):
call and then we get frustrated.
But what didn't we do?
We did not protect what wasimportant to us, because we
didn't know.
And I think it's really, reallyimportant for us to be aware,
because boundaries aren't justabout saying no, right?
That's not what boundaries are.
(18:57):
Boundaries are about protection.
of what we value most, of whatwe need most at this moment,
right?
They determine what in your lifebecomes a blessing and what
becomes a curse.
And if you're constantlyfrustrated, exhausted, and
(19:18):
resentful, this is a sign thatwe have to check your
boundaries.
If you feel like you can't takea day off without getting a
call, we're feeling frustrated,exhausted, or resentful, right?
We gotta do something different.
This is the accountabilitypiece.
You are accountable.
You are responsible forprotecting your boundaries.
(19:40):
What can you do?
You cannot expect people to dowhat they don't know, do what
they don't see, Right?
They mirror the actions of theleaders.
So, if you feel resentfulbecause people keep asking for
more or they keep calling, thenwe gotta work on what they need
from you before you take thetime off.
(20:03):
Right?
If you feel exhausted becauseyou're doing more than your fair
share, we gotta realize whatpeople don't know.
We have to become aware so wecan fix it.
Education equals empowerment.
Right?
Empowerment is a skill thatpeople will learn by messing up.
What can you give people to doto build the skill of handling
(20:26):
problem solving?
Right?
If you feel angry and haven'tcommunicated what you need, that
again falls in your lap.
Right?
And then if you feel guilty forprioritizing yourself, That is a
mindset concern because if youwant other people to be their
(20:48):
best versions of their self,right?
On the A game when they come towork, they need to prioritize
themselves.
When they're on their A game,then it's better for you, right?
When you're on your A game, it'sbetter for them.
Resentment isn't about whatothers are doing.
Okay?
That's what we have tounderstand.
(21:09):
It's about the boundaries thatwe haven't set or that we
haven't communicated.
Okay?
We are the ones that have set inour heads these ideas, but never
communicated to anyone.
And if you're tired, frustrated,or overworked, your body is
(21:29):
telling you something.
You gotta listen, which is, it'stime to set or adjust a
boundary.
I have been tired, overworked,and very, very frustrated, and
I've had to, and I have workedthrough those feelings, and I've
become very, very, veryresentful.
Created such negative energy inmy life, which then attracted
(21:50):
negative energy in my life.
It wasn't until I realized thatthe scale was off, when I
started feeling a lot ofanxiety, I mean, a lot of
anxiety, I realized that thescale in my life was off.
was off.
I either spent too much time inthe community and not enough
time at home with the kids, orI've spent too much time at home
(22:14):
with the kids on vacation oraway, and I wasn't aware of the
pulse of the community.
And when I started feeling thatlevel of anxiety, I knew that I
needed to figure out where thescale was that I could tip it
back.
And if you can become aware likethat.
Then you can make the necessarychanges for yourself, right?
(22:38):
So sit with the anxiety for alittle bit sit with that
resentment for a little bit andfigure out What it is Sometimes
it's just sadness Right.
I mean we lost somebody orsomething We didn't make it to
an event and so it could beelements of grief.
(22:59):
I think it's important to notethat There's a lot of people
inside the senior livingprofession that have had some
hard, hard, hard lives.
Hard personal situations thatthey've had to overcome, or
maybe they haven't.
I know for me, being a caregiverand being a problem solver,
(23:24):
those dopamine hits.
I mean, those are powerfulwalking down the hall, being
told I looked good today.
Thanking me for solving aproblem.
I love the meal today, you know,helping somebody move in,
helping them solve the problemsin the, you know, during
discovery on a tour.
Like, I loved those things.
(23:46):
It made me feel very, very, veryimportant, happy, but it also
hit a lot.
of wounds that I wasn't evenaware of.
You know, people become addictedto all kinds of things and
caregiving is one of thembecause you're so busy helping
(24:08):
other people that you don'trealize that you're running
yourself into the ground.
And when we become aware of whywe're angry, why we're
exhausted, and why we feelguilty with putting ourselves
first.
Or giving ourselves time.
We realize we don't have to setourselves on fire to keep other
(24:33):
people warm.
It's their responsibility to dotheir job, to build their
skills, to learn how to problemsolve, and to ask for help when
they need it.
And it's our responsibility tofollow up, follow through,
inspect what we expect, buildrelationships, and watch our
teams grow.
Any good leader is going to wantleaders underneath them because
(24:57):
leaders underneath them multiplysuccess.
You're not be scared to haveyour director of nursing or your
sales director be so successful.
Because when they're sosuccessful you have more
freedom.
And freedom is good.
Freedom is what we want.
Freedom is how we becomesustainable.
(25:18):
In fact, freedom is whateverybody is looking for now.
And if you want freedom, youhave to have boundaries.
You And you have to grow leadersinside of your community.
So how do we set and communicateboundaries?
Ooh, one of the biggest problemsis that we set boundaries.
(25:39):
One of the biggest problems isthat we set boundaries and we
don't communicate them.
That is a communication problem.
It's not a person problem.
It's not an outside personproblem.
It's an inside communication.
Here's what I need today, andthen not reinforcing them,
right?
So, one of the biggest fearsabout setting boundaries is
(26:00):
this.
If I set a boundary, peoplewon't like me.
Yep, maybe.
Not entirely.
here's the irony in that piece,because I certainly felt that
way.
Boundaries actually strengthenrelationships.
Because they create clarity.
(26:21):
And as Brene Brown says, clearis kind.
But really, going from chaos toclarity is a journey that will
always be a journey.
Beneficial to everybody.
I think some of the biggestproblems inside communities is
the lack of communication fromlayer to layer.
(26:43):
The more you communicate what,why and how the more we reduce
gossip, we create empowermentand we create leaders and
synergy inside our community.
So, here's some practical stepsfor setting boundaries.
Number 1, set a boundary andcommunicate it.
(27:04):
People cannot read your mind.
I cannot read your mind, right?
Feedback is important.
Understanding that people needto know what you want from them.
And then you give them theopportunity to live up to that
or to not hit the mark, which isa right that they have.
(27:30):
And then you follow up, followthrough, and mentor and work
through the process.
And ask for what you need.
And believe the answer when youget it.
Right.
Number one, set a boundary andcommunicate it.
Number two, ask for what youneed.
And if you don't get it, it'snot your fault.
(27:56):
And then you have to startbelieving who people are by the
actions that they show youconsistently.
Right.
And this is where you have toenforce your boundaries.
Which takes process, right, toget that strong.
Because if somebody doesn'trespect your boundaries, then I
(28:19):
think that then boundaries dobecome barriers because they're
keeping the bad out and they'reallowing the bad in.
Because all of a sudden you'regoing to start creating more
positive energy and you're goingto attract the people with that
positive energy.
Number three, be okay withpeople falling away.
Here we go.
If you ask for what you need andyou see who's giving it to you
(28:43):
or not, who's not respectingyour boundaries, you have to be
okay with people who cannotrespect boundaries, who cannot
grow in their leadership skills,who cannot handle their
department, who cannot handlethe tasks, who don't respect you
enough.
(29:04):
To give you your peace.
And those are important.
Those are important lessons tolearn.
when people fall away, you haveto let them, you have to believe
them.
And you have to tell yourself,let me live the best life that I
can.
(29:25):
Let me do what I need tosucceed.
Let me take care of myself so Ican be a leader and grow the way
that I want.
I have lost some amazing peoplein my life and I realized that
where I was going in my life,they couldn't go for whatever
(29:48):
reason.
It was theirs.
I mean, when I had my son at 28weeks, I lost one of the most
important people in my life andit was because she couldn't
handle the Seeing me hurt with achild with a physical need, like
(30:08):
a trick.
That loss hurt.
I mean like, deeply hurt.
Rejection is a core wound ofmine.
That loss hurt.
I poured a lot of my life intoher.
But she couldn't handle thepain.
And so she had to leave.
And I couldn't chase after her.
(30:30):
Because I had more importantthings that I had to take care
of.
And I didn't create thatboundary or enforce that
boundary.
That boundary was clearly madefor me and there was nothing I
could do to change it.
And other people entered my lifeand gave me exactly what I
(30:52):
needed.
I couldn't be who I was for myfriend because I was a caregiver
to my grandmother and now acaregiver to a son who had some
really, really unique andpowerful needs for me.
And I had to be okay.
I had to work through the hurt Ihad to.
(31:14):
And even now, you know, living alife, having a podcast and all,
you know, all these otherthings, you have to be aware of
who is here to serve you and whois here to hurt you.
And inside of a community or inany level that you're in, you
have to be aware of that.
(31:34):
and be okay with people notbeing able to go where you're
going because of skill.
And then to say, if I want morefreedom and more peace and to
protect my time, because I'mworth it, then I need more
people who can do X, Y, and Z.
You set the boundaries.
You say, this is what I need.
They either do it or they can't,and you see it and you make
(31:57):
decisions.
And then, Be brave.
Number four, be brave andenforce it.
People will, people will eitheraccept boundaries, need
clarification, or resist becausethey struggle with boundaries
themselves.
You got to be brave.
You have to be courageous.
(32:18):
This is you.
You're important.
Because if you're not there,someone else will be.
You know, if you're a mother, ifyou're not here for your kids,
they're not going to have you,which is really, really
important.
So number five, stop abandoningyourself.
You The validation that I alwayscraved from certain people was
(32:41):
just a projection of thevalidation that I craved for me.
When you start showing up foryourself based on what you want
and what you need, you're goingto start seeing, Oh my gosh,
this is what I needed all, allalong, right?
So saying I don't want to is apowerful phrase in setting
(33:03):
boundaries.
Now that may be more of apersonal phrase.
Right, but I don't want to is animportant phrase that you can
say you don't need to justify itwith a why You need space time
or limits that doesn't matter.
It's just that I don't want tothat's not something that I can
(33:24):
do right now Inside of acommunity or as a leader in a
professional sense you can sayat this time I don't have the
capacity to do that, but I canhelp you By giving you an
outline of how to do it.
I'll be more than happy tosupport you, but I can't do
that, or I'm not going to beable to make the meeting at 5 30
(33:47):
today.
If we can reschedule for in themorning at 9 0.
A.
M.
that will be great.
And here's the boundary that Ilearned from my sales and
marketing director.
Actually, I used to say, you cancontact me anytime.
I'll have my cell phone with meall the time.
I would say that to familymembers.
All the time.
(34:09):
Now, there are zero boundariesin that comment.
Zero.
But I heard her say, I'm in theoffice between 8 and 5 p.
m.
every day.
You can reach me during any timeduring those hours.
And I heard her say that a lot,and I didn't, I didn't really
think anything of it.
(34:29):
But then I realized, oh my gosh.
You know, she's setting theboundaries to everybody.
Now, she's still got phone callson the weekends and after hours,
and those were unique calls, butshe wasn't, she didn't give
someone an open invitation tocall her anytime.
That was powerful.
And she was still highly valuedin the community.
(34:51):
She was telling people how totreat her time.
And I started following in herfootsteps, right?
So, to me, clarity isempowerment, right?
You cannot fix what you are notaware of that's broken.
And empowerment gives youstrength.
(35:13):
Empowerment gives your leadersstrength.
Boundaries do not make youselfish.
They make you a strong leaderand you influence other leaders
to do the same thing becausewe're losing nurses.
We're losing sales and marketingdirectors.
We're losing key people becausewe want them to sacrifice
everything and we don't have to.
(35:33):
We just have to do better in thetime allotted.
The ultimate leadership skill isnot just setting boundaries,
it's getting clear on what youactually need.
Because when you are clear, yougain control and control leads
to confidence.
(35:54):
And I say control very looselybecause let me tell you
something, you're not incontrol.
Control is the biggest lie thatis ever told.
I believe you control what you,you become.
Aware of what you can controland what you can't and you stop
trying to control the thingsthat you can't you become wise.
(36:15):
Right influence is more powerfulthan control, but you can
actually influence in a powerfulway by identifying what you can
control and what you can'tcontrol and you put all of your
energy on what you can.
And then you be able tocommunicate well, these are the
things that I can't control.
But over here is what we can toinfluence this situation, and
(36:37):
that's clarity.
Clarity equals empowerment.
Empowerment equals strength.
Strength equals boundaries.
And all of that equals success.
So when you have clarity, you'regoing to reduce the chaos.
And when you have boundaries,you set the standard for how you
are treated.
How you are to be treated is whythe boundaries are important,
(37:01):
because you're giving people theremote control.
You're giving people the manualon how to treat you, which is
really, really important, butyou have to be aware of what you
want and your own value first.
Right?
When you have boundaries, youprotect your energy and you show
(37:21):
up for your, your family andyourself.
So, I'm going to leave you witha final thought.
You can't control what othersdo, but you can control your
response.
your boundaries, and what youallow to influence you.
The more clarity you gain, themore boundaries you can set, and
(37:46):
the more freedom you create inyour life and your leadership.
You are not your struggle.
You are the strength andresilience that your struggle
brought you, number one.
Number two, you have to definesuccess.
For yourself and family,friends, spiritual, emotional,
(38:11):
and physical components in yourlife.
Family, friends, spiritual,emotional, and the physical
aspects of your life.
What does success look like inthose areas?
Right?
And then answer these questions.
Where do I feel the mostresentment?
(38:32):
Am I not getting enough timewith the kids?
Am I not getting enough timewith the husband?
Am I not being able to You know,do the things, work out, go to
church, meditate, whatever it isthat you're feeling resentful
for.
Getting my hair cut, going onvacation, whatever it is, right?
And then what boundary do I needto set or adjust to make more of
(38:54):
that happen?
And then what's one thing that Ican do today to reclaim my time
and energy?
And it may be just taking alunch or leaving at five
o'clock, right?
Awareness creates intention andintention creates success.
If you focus on the rightthings.
(39:16):
So set your boundaries.
And if you have somebody whoneeds to listen to this, share
this episode.
It's really, really important.
It's life changing.
It is a practice that I practiceevery day and I'm getting better
and I don't let people intrudeor walk through the boundaries
that I have set for myself.
What success is to me, I have tovalue.
(39:41):
And it's the same thing for you.
I hope this helps.
Begin setting your boundariestoday, because burnout can be
turned into rebuilding if youfocus on the right things.
So, as always, aspire for morefor you.
And thank you for your time.
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