April 17, 2025 • 41 mins
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In this episode, we explore the struggles of perfectionism, identity, and comparison, and how they can keep us feeling stuck and inadequate as leaders and in our personal lives. The speaker shares a personal journey of overcoming these challenges, focusing on the importance of building momentum through small, consistent actions, maintaining a positive atmosphere, and celebrating accomplishments. Additionally, the speaker emphasizes the power of understanding one's identity and leveraging comparison as a tool for growth rather than defeat. Real-life examples and experiences are used to illustrate these points, culminating in the launch of a new leadership course designed to inspire and equip new leaders in their journey.
00:00 Introduction: The Struggle of Falling Behind
01:05 Understanding Momentum: The Key to Progress
03:56 The Momentum Formula: Actions, Atmosphere, and Accomplishments
12:37 The Role of Identity in Building Momentum
16:32 Comparison: A Double-Edged Sword
29:38 Personal Story: Overcoming Vulnerability and Imperfection
39:33 Conclusion: Embrace the Messy Middle
Learn more about the The New EDs Playbook: Creating an Impactful Community Culture course here: The New EDs Playbook: Creating an Impactful Community Culture
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Have you ever felt like you werefalling behind while everyone
else was winning?
Like their success was proofthat you, that I am not doing
enough or even worse beingenough.
I have been there, not once, nottwice, maybe 12 dozen times in
(00:22):
my life, and especially in theselast few years.
today we're gonna talk aboutperfectionism, identity and
comparison, and how theseinvisible forces keep us stuck,
silent and small as leaders andin our life.
(00:42):
Come on, join me in thisvulnerable, transparent, and
hopefully inspiring episode tohelp you see you are not alone,
and that probably your biggestenemy is you and no one else.
(01:02):
We are gonna start talkingabout.
Momentum here in this moment,and I want to introduce you to
my momentum formula.
And I have to say in mostpresentations that I do, I try
to have a formula or a frameworkor something that helps me
decide or helps me help you takesomething away that's like
(01:26):
tangible for you and.
One of the things that I hopethat I give you in every single
episode is real experience foryou to draw upon.
And so when you are like in thatreally uncomfortable part of
learning and growing or in thatreally messy middle part of, is
(01:50):
it worth it?
Is it not worth it?
That you have something to takeaway that you have my experience
that.
And in this episode, I hope it'sthat you take away from it.
The messy middle is where themagic is, and that messy middle
is where we can build momentumto get us out because I think
(02:14):
that it requires that messymiddle, that really rough time.
For us to build resiliency,confidence, strength, and to
realize we cannot give up.
We cannot give up at the dip,right?
The dip, which is that reallymessy middle, that really bottom
(02:35):
rock, bottom place is not thepoint to give up because you
don't know what's gonna happen.
Never give up.
At the rock bottom place becausethere's a lot of gold.
there's a, at the end of therainbow, right?
When you rise up from the ashes,there is beauty.
(02:58):
Golden nuggets of treasure atthe bottom of every failure,
every opportunity comes in aform of a problem.
And sometimes the biggest feellike failures we have give us
the biggest opportunities torise.
So if you are in that reallyuncomfortable point where you're
(03:20):
not knowing what to do, or itdoesn't feel very good where you
are.
Don't quit.
Keep going.
Actually, find support, find apodcast.
Find people who can help you inthat area because it's not a
time for you to quit.
It's a time for you to buckle upand keep going because you can
(03:41):
create momentum in the messymiddle you can, and that's where
momentum is created.
Honestly, it is in these momentsbecause momentum is not just one
big push.
It is the little consistenthabits.
Here's the formula.
Momentum equals actions.
(04:01):
Atmosphere and accomplishments,right?
Actions are those littleconsistent habits.
If you're a new leader inside ofa community, there are a lot of
people who are going to figureout where you stand.
Where are your boundaries?
What are you gonna tolerate?
What are you not?
That is an uncomfortable placeto be.
(04:24):
But your actions are gonna becommunicating to them that their
actions stop or gain power,right?
Actions can build momentum in apositive way, and actions can
build momentum in a negativeway.
And you, as a leader have theability to who help or hurt,
(04:46):
right?
Whichever way the momentumflows.
So actions, your consistentactions.
Having standup every day, beingable to connect the dots, giving
value to everybody inside those15, 20 minutes, that's action.
That's also creating anatmosphere.
It is an atmosphere that theculture that you build and the
(05:07):
attitude that you create everyday inside of your community or
inside of your company, thatbuilds momentum.
Now, is it momentum that ishurting you or is it momentum
that is helping you?
That's what you have to payattention to because your
actions and your atmosphere.
Are creating momentum, eithernegative or positive, up to you.
(05:31):
And then you have to look atyour accomplishments.
What are you tracking andcelebrating and using fuel to
add progress, to keep progressmoving.
So a lot of us fall into thetrap of not.
Keeping track of every small winof really honoring the wins that
(05:54):
we've done.
If you don't keep track of yoursmall wins, you're not gonna
feel any momentum.
But if you do keep track, if yousee a smile on somebody's face
that normally doesn't have asmile on their face, if somebody
solves a problem that theynormally.
Give to you if you have fivemove-ins instead of three
(06:16):
move-ins.
All of these are wins, and itdoesn't really matter how small
or how big these winds are.
They are still wins.
Are you acknowledging them orare you allowing yourself to
believe all the things that youhaven't done yet?
(06:36):
That gets into comparison, whichis later on in this episode, but
momentum, which is what we'retalking about now, you need to
know what you are winning at,not your sales director, not
your director of nursing, andnot the community that you're
being compared to on all thecalls or a competitor down the
(06:58):
street.
What are you winning at?
Because when you can createmomentum for yourself,
comparison doesn't matter.
What are you winning?
What are you tracking?
More importantly, what are youcelebrating and what are you
using to fuel your progress?
(07:19):
What do you use to fuel theenergy that's needed to fulfill
the task?
What do you use to motivateyourself?
It's really important.
Is it a chip on your shoulder?
Is it a desire to prove somebodyto something?
(07:39):
Is a desire to prove your worth,or is it a desire to make a
community that brings life tothe people that we serve?
Because too much negative fuel,too much negative energy will
get you a long way, but then youwill.
Cease to exist because it's nothealthy.
(08:02):
Comparison is a good tool formomentum in creating momentum,
but it's not a consistent,sustainable tool.
I said in a presentationrecently about the chip on the
shoulder, which is somethingthat I used on a consistent
basis.
Sports teams use it and coachesuse it for a game or two, right?
(08:26):
Or maybe for a season.
But it's not something that canbe used all the time because it
creates such negative emotion.
Think about it, sometimes if youhave teams who hate each other
or last season said somethingnegative about a team, and they
create so much negative emotionthat when they get on the field
(08:48):
you can see fights happening.
And then potentially an all out.
Brawl that's on the field or onthe court, that's too much
negative emotion.
And when you have too muchnegative emotion, defensiveness
comes in, ready to defendsomebody at the drop of a hat,
and you just have to release allthat negative emotion.
(09:08):
Momentum starts in a positiveway when you celebrate your
wins, when you keep track ofwhat you're doing right, the
growth.
Of what you're doing right andallowing that feeling to be what
fuels your progress.
You need a little negativeemotion, okay?
You need a little bit of, I'mgonna prove you wrong and here's
(09:31):
why you do need that.
You don't want that to be theonly fuel that you use, okay?
So remember, actions, yourconsistent actions, the
atmosphere that you create withyour actions, with your
attitude, with your culture,what you decide to let go and
what you decide to really focuson, what you decide to allow and
(09:57):
what you decide not to allow.
It's very important becausethat's the culture that you
create inside of your community.
And then really being aware ofthe accomplishments you need to
be telling somebody.
Tying your care team, yourhousekeeping team, your
management team, actions intotheir results.
(10:18):
Look what you did here.
You really made this residenceor this family's day because you
did this.
You are creating an identity, adopamine hit, a connection point
for you and a team.
It's a momentum starter.
You're tying in actions.
You're creating a positiveatmosphere in that moment, and
you are highlighting anaccomplishment.
(10:41):
You just created momentum inthat person's life and in yours.
Momentum doesn't come from onebig push.
You're not gonna create momentumbecause you had six move-ins.
Now that's an excellent monthfor most people, but it's not
gonna move you over into thenext month.
(11:01):
Momentum is.
The force is the energy of a lotof compounding efforts.
Little tiny actions, smallpushes, repeated consistently
over and over again.
I liken it to having a salesdirector that I say, you're
going to have to call every pastdue, every lead, every
(11:24):
everything inside, every personinside of your.
Database because that'simportant for you to know.
I heard Tony Robbins say oncethat the rocket doesn't come,
shoot up to the sky with onepress of the button, it builds a
lot of momentum while it'sstaying in place.
(11:47):
And that's what it's likebuilding momentum inside of your
community.
Success has to happen.
All these moving parts has tohappen for a long time before
influence and momentum isearned.
It feels like you're sittingstill.
But really you are just gettingall the parts going.
(12:08):
So when it's ready, that yoursuccess can skyrocket your
success and your influence,because success and influence,
it's not always flashy.
There are moments of flashiness,but it's a cumulative effort.
Of your actions, youratmosphere, and the honoring of
(12:29):
the accomplishments that you doas a leader and your team does
inside of a community.
And why we talk about momentumfirst is because sometimes we
allow outside forces andinvisible forces to keep us
stuck.
And being aware of what thoseforces are is really important.
(12:53):
And then also being aware thatthose forces start screaming to
us, like our thoughts and thestories that we tell ourself as
to why we may not be whereeverybody wants us to be or
where we even wanna be can causemomentum to stall because we
lost the identity of who we are.
(13:13):
Because we're circling aroundthis thought of I'm not enough
because we're comparing ourselfto others and we're losing sight
of the things that we cancontrol, right?
Which is our cumulative actions,the atmosphere that we are
creating and theaccomplishments.
This is how momentum and magic.
(13:35):
Are created in that messy,middle parts.
And we're gonna talk about lotsof examples that I can give you
in the last few weeks, months,and years, as well as inside the
community.
I think one of the things that'smost important is that what I
(13:56):
have learned, honestly, what Ibelieve now more than ever, is.
We gain momentum or the firststages of momentum and
leadership, legacy and buildingculture inside of our community
is really understanding ouridentity.
And it's not identity politicsor titles.
(14:21):
It is literally what is.
My values, what is my purpose?
What makes me feel strong,smart, capable, and consistent.
(14:41):
when we get tired, when we gettoo hungry, too lonely, too
tired, too angry, resentful, welose identity.
There was a time, I lostidentity and I think I was so
resentful and tired, that, thatkind of became my identity in
(15:07):
some regards.
I used to say high shoe, highheel, Aaron and Tennis Shoe,
Aaron.
I'm just going to say it, insidethe senior living profession,
there's a lot of opportunity tocompare ourselves.
I know that most of us have beenon these calls where we're all
(15:28):
talking about our move-ins andour move outs and what we're
doing, and somebody's beinghighlighted for something
amazing that's going on, andyou're struggling that month.
Right, and we can get lost whenwe forget who we are, right?
When comparison creeps in, whenresults don't come as fast as we
(15:52):
want, when we forget our story,everything we've overcome,
everything that we haveaccomplished, the culture that
we've created, because for thismonth or this stretch, we have
lost momentum.
But we lose momentum when weforget our story and when we
(16:13):
start trying to live someoneelse's or when we stop the tiny
pushes that it took to get themost amazing month we had,
right?
When we forget our own story, weallow other people to create a
story'cause we're not true towho we are.
Comparison, yes, it's the thiefof joy, but I also believe
(16:39):
comparison is.
A gift if we allow it to be usedin an appropriate way.
I was listening recently to, MelRobbins book, the Let Them
Theory and there's a chapterabout comparison.
And I just wanna say it reallyhit home for me and we, she
(17:03):
said, Mel said that we can allowcomparison to be a teacher.
Or to torture us and thatsomeone else's success is not
your failure, and that theirgifts are not your deficit and
(17:24):
their journey is not yourtimeline.
We need to let them besuccessful and we need to see
what is possible.
Because what is possible isbuilt on what you are willing to
do.
Many years ago, I was in acounseling session with a
(17:48):
therapist and I was talkingabout, control issues.
I didn't think I was that big ofa control freak.
I'm sure people will laugh.
But I was just talking about howI am not that controlling
because I'm not the besthousekeeper in the world and I
can ignore certain things when Iam highly hyper-focused on
(18:09):
something else.
And I don't care if things in myrefrigerator don't face a
certain way.
I was comparing myself.
To somebody who had obsessivecompulsive controlling needs,
not normal, run of the millcontrol issues.
I also don't care about thelittle things that some people
(18:32):
do care about, but, and I do.
Control or try to controloutcomes of other people to help
control timelines and differentthings in my life.
And what I was focusing on werethings that I could not control.
(18:54):
And that was a reallyeye-opening experience for me
because.
When we lose our identity and weforget our story, and we start
comparing other people to oursituations, and you're comparing
people's gifts or naturaltendencies or amenities inside
of communities or comparingthings that we don't even know
(19:15):
the facts about office, all of asudden we are stuck and the
energy that we have to fuelourselves.
Now is being spun and focused onareas that we can't control.
What is it that you arecomparing in your life right now
(19:36):
to other people that you can'tcontrol?
we can go into why some peoplecan lose weight and other people
can't.
Why some people don't likechocolate and won't eat sweets
and other people do.
All of these things could begifts that they have that you
don't have, but then you havegifts that they don't have.
(20:02):
And when you spend your timefocusing on things that you
cannot control, that you cannotaffect change over, like
apartment sizes, location ofyour community, any other
uncontrollable thing that youmay be having a problem with,
you are losing necessary energyfor sustainability of long time
(20:28):
leadership legacy.
This is where burnout happens.
This is where all that negativeenergy and resentment happens.
This is when you lose youridentity because you compare to
others, you lose momentum.
Just because somebody else iscomparing you or your community
doesn't mean that you arefailing and they are winning,
(20:53):
and it doesn't mean that youwon't win.
It just means that there'ssomething to look at that maybe
you're not seeing, or maybeyou're focusing on all the
things that you can't control,but what are the things that you
can, that question changeseverything.
(21:13):
I say this a lot.
I worked in a memory carecommunity that was a 64
apartment memory care community.
We had a 57 state survey on thewall, and our apartments were
290 square feet.
Now, all those things I couldnot control because I was not
the community leader at thattime of the survey.
I did not build that communityand those apartment sizes, I
(21:35):
could not expand, and I heardthe same complaint over and over
again.
Every time I toured and I sawthe family's reaction when they
saw the apartment size.
And when I focused on that, Isaid, we're never going to fill
this community.
We're 55%.
We have a 57 on the wall.
(21:56):
It's never going to happen.
If I stayed there, it would'venever been filled, but instead
What I saw was there was 35people that chose to stay, that
appreciated living there and whyI can focus on those people, and
(22:22):
then I figured out the story ofwhy we were built and who helped
build the community.
And so all of a sudden, myidentity as a leader of this
community shifted from all thethings that were wrong with it,
to all the things that wereright for the right people.
(22:46):
That was the area that I couldcontrol.
I expected the awe and the shockof a family member looking at
the apartment, but I knew whatwas valuable about it.
And that was my talking points.
And it was true.
It was all true.
So when you are lost in youridentity as a human being or as
(23:11):
a leader inside of a communitybecause you are stuck in that
messy middle, you have lostmomentum and you don't know what
to do, focus on your identity,not what you cannot control, but
on who you are as a community.
Or as a leader, what are yourstrengths?
Don't compare up and allow it totorture you.
(23:35):
Compare up and allow it to teachyou what's possible and to be
really focused in on doing theboring work so you can do the
big work later.
And remember that someone else'ssuccess is not your failure.
Their gifts are not yourdeficits because your gifts
(23:59):
could be different, right?
And their journey is not yourtimeline.
It's really important.
Now, believe me, I wish successcould happen faster for me in
several different areas, butwhen I look back at my life,
every success and every failure.
(24:20):
Led me to the next level of mylife.
Every single one I could giveyou a book about how each
failure, huge failure in mylife, one that I carried shame
and burden with for a long time,actually led me to the next
(24:45):
phase of my life.
And if you really wanna know,like what I believe now more
than anything, is I never knewhow to let go of things that did
not serve me because my identitywas to make it happen no matter
what.
(25:05):
And I just want you to know thatis a brutal way to live.
And now that I know my worth andI know that it's okay to let go
of things that don't serve me.
I understand how to identifywhat serves me and what doesn't,
and why I need to stay or why Ineed to go.
(25:26):
And that quitting is not alwaysfailing.
It's actually, it can besucceeding in the bigger
picture.
But until you learn that lesson,you realize, looking back in
life is the only way to connectthe dots.
Of the future at the presentreally, and what you learned
(25:50):
through all those failures oflosing your identity and then
getting it back, and then losingagain, and then getting it back
and getting back on track is,are we in the comparison trap?
There's a lot of opportunity todo that inside senior living.
Don't make it torture.
You help.
(26:10):
Let it help you and teach you ofwhat's possible if you keep
trying.
Let them be successful and letyou learn from it.
That is the Let Them theoryright here.
Comparison is, a big deal whenwe talk about these community
(26:31):
calls.
I really want you to go intothese management calls.
and being aware, when we go intothese operations calls or these
sales calls and we're beingcalled out for the numbers and
the metrics and all the thingsthat happen, are you shrinking
or are you going into it knowingwhat happened in the month and
(26:57):
going into it with, here's whathappened, here's what we
learned, here's what we'redoing.
Because if you shrink, you can'tanswer those questions.
Perceptions are being made thatyou can't control.
And if you're going into ameeting and you're shrinking due
to comparison or questioningyour own success and your
experience, then you are notfocusing on what you can
(27:22):
control.
But you can control the story,which is, here's what I learned,
here's what we've done, andhere's what we're going to do
because of what we learned.
You cannot compare your realityto someone else's highlight
reel, like social media hastaught us that if it's taught us
(27:45):
anything, But their occupancy,their team, their amenities, or
even their regulations, and theyare the ones that you're
comparing yourself to aredifferent.
They're different from yours,different regs, if they're in
different states, differentcommunities, even when people
try to compare a community ofmine and another community that
was nine miles down the road, wewere completely different.
(28:09):
There was no comparison.
Absolutely none.
So don't shrink, don't compare.
Do not question your ownsuccess.
Take action.
Focus on the accomplishments.
What we did do, what we couldhave done better, what we are
going to do better.
And focus on creating anatmosphere that allows you to
(28:32):
learn and grow and lead.
Into the next month, you teachpeople how to respond to you.
Your story that you communicatetells people what to think about
situations.
Do not go into a meetingshrinking and allowing somebody
(28:55):
else to narrate your story.
Know your story.
Don't get lost in your identity,and learn how to answer the
questions.
This is what we did.
Here's what we learned, andhere's what we're doing moving
forward and learn from otherpeople's successes, it's not
what's missing, it's what'spossible when you focus on the
(29:18):
things that you can control.
It's really important.
Comparison gets us in all thesereal shady areas that mess with
us, and the more we can controlthat, the better it is.
For everyone, especially increating an atmosphere of growth
and learning.
So let me get real with you fora few minutes.
(29:42):
For the recent story actually,and not just a community story.
I have just recently launched mynew executive director's
playbook, a course in creatingan impactful culture.
Of course, yes.
I want everybody to buy it.
But it is a course for newleaders inside of a community,
(30:04):
and I think leaders probablywithin their first three years,
and I think there's a lot ofgood nuggets that every leader
can take away from this course.
And I'm very proud of it.
and it almost didn't happen.
If you really want my honesttruth, I've had this idea of
creating a course for a verylong time, and actually my
(30:27):
bigger idea is to create theseleadership accelerators and to
have this community of newleaders and a leader in every
phase of leadership and reallycreating community that keeps
people rooted in their identityand their purpose.
It gives'em perspective, which Ithink is a huge gift, but making
(30:48):
that dream a reality, was a lotharder than I could have
realized.
There's a lot of vulnerabilityand work that has to be done,
honestly, just when you make asocial media post, let alone.
Making a course and wanting itto be successful.
(31:13):
you hear singers and artiststhat get very vulnerable about
when they put their workout,like a music artist or a movie,
there is something reallyvulnerable about creating art,
about creating a podcast, aboutcreating a course, about a
social media post.
That when you put yourself outthere for the world to judge, it
(31:35):
does make you shrink a littlebit.
at least it did.
Me and I finally got the nerve.
To move forward with the projectwith my partner, Erin, and we
started writing it, which takesa very long time.
And then you start thinking toyourself, who am I to create
(31:55):
this course?
Or how do I know if anybody'sgoing to this or maybe this
perspective is wrong?
And I really went through thisphase where it was right versus
wrong until I realized it's notabout right and wrong.
It's about perspective.
And that maybe some peoplealready know and do this, but it
(32:15):
gives them a perspective.
But if these people are alreadydoing this and they're probably,
five, six years in and theymight not even want the course,
right?
And so I'm just letting you inthrough all of my stories that I
tell myself.
So I finally got the nerve withmy partner Aaron Fish, to record
the course.
And I just want you to know if Ididn't have a partner.
(32:38):
I probably would've neverrecorded it.
I could have written it and Idid, and I would have, but
recording it is a differentbeast.
I had to rerecord it three timesdue to some tech issues.
There are people out there thatinvest a lot of money in tech
companies to do the editing, thelighting, all the things.
(32:59):
I did that all myself, and Ijust want you to know I'm not
good at it.
I'm not good at it.
And so I had to record thisthing three times.
After the first time, I don'tthink if I didn't have a
partner, I would've everrerecorded it.
And then the second time I wasso mad that I'd recorded it just
to get it over with.
(33:21):
That is the messy middle.
That is the discomfort offreaking figuring it out.
That's it.
I wish I could tell you thethoughts that were in my mind,
all the negative things that Iwas thinking, all the reasons
why I should not be doing this,but I would've walked away never
(33:44):
knowing what it was like tosucceed at it, to just finishing
it.
And I want you to know that eventhough I'm so proud of it, it's
not perfect.
I have a lot more maturing to goin this area, but of the people
who are watching it, it's givingthem a perspective, a positive
one.
(34:05):
They really enjoy the content.
It's not about right versuswrong because leadership is very
authentic, but it is givingpeople the space and the
conversation.
And the ability to think abouthow they would do it their way,
but I almost let my lack ofexperience dictate my future.
(34:28):
But I knew that I have bigplans, that this industry needs
big support, and that if I wannaget to where I wanna go, I have
to lean in to the messy middle.
And I am more proud of meOvercoming such frustration and
(34:50):
discomfort and that I didn'ttake the easy way out.
Now, I don't plan on spending alot of time on tech stuff.
I hope to one day to be able togo to a place and have people do
that, but I know that I can, andthere's value in that.
that messy middle.
(35:10):
This is what I want you to hear.
The magic, the confidence, theresiliency, the influence, the
success, the pride lies in themessy middle.
It lies in not quitting, in thedip and letting you move
(35:31):
forward.
Creating momentum with actions,atmosphere, and accomplishments.
To get to the top, the messymiddle is where you need to lean
into.
You cannot outrun negativeemotion.
You cannot outwork negativeemotion.
You have to feel it, you have toassess it, and you have to
(35:52):
reframe it.
Most of the successful peoplethat you are consistently
comparing yourself to are betteror more willing in the boring
work.
The unglamorous things that youmay not be willing to do or that
you might not even know that youhave to do, right?
Don't let the discomfort stopyou.
(36:13):
Lean into it.
Get to doing the boring work.
The boring work is where successlies.
When you know your story, yourstrengths and your purpose, you
will stop chasing and running inthe wrong race.
And you will say to yourselfthat I will do the boring work
(36:37):
so I can get better, so I canunderstand what's going on in
that department so I can bettersupport somebody when they come
into that department.
So I can see at operation atevery level in my community.
And when you do that, when youbecome good at the boring work,
when you know your story, whenyou get back on track with your
(36:58):
identity and your strengths andyour purpose.
You attract the people and thesuccess that was meant for you.
But when you stay stuck incomparing yourself to other
people and you use it to tortureyourself, you're running in a
race that was never meant foryou and you will never win
(37:19):
because it wasn't your race.
Your race is against you old,you present you and knew you and
that relationship.
Between all different versionsof you is very important.
When we compete with others, welose, but when we enhance our
own gifts and celebrate others,everyone wins.
(37:41):
Let people win and let you feeltheir wins and the hope.
For your wins in the future, Ireally want you to think about
three strengths that you have,that you bring to your
community, that people havethanked you for, that people
have said over and over againhow grateful they are for you.
(38:04):
Write those three things down.
Focus on those three things, andthen, go celebrate someone
else's wins this week without itturning into self-judgment.
So if you have a community thatyou're competing against or that
you're comparing yourselfagainst, write down your three
strengths, your three wins, andthen send that ed and email and
(38:28):
congratulate them on theirs.
And you realize we're in thistogether.
When we celebrate others,everyone wins.
And when we compete with others,we all lose.
Let people successes teach usrather than torture us.
So as we end this, what storyare you telling yourself that
(38:51):
keeps you small?
What are you shrinking?
What about you?
Are you shrinking?
What successes are youoverlooking?
And what failures do you need toturn into?
Learnings.
Lessons learned, not failures.
What story are you tellingyourself that is keeping you
small?
What action have you beenavoiding out of fear that it
(39:14):
won't be perfect like my course,right?
What are you avoiding?
Because perfection is standingin the way, and what would be
different if you believed thatmomentum comes from many small
pushes.
Not one big push.
(39:36):
If this episode helped you inany way, I hope that you pay it
forward, and give it to somebodyto listen to somebody on your
team, somebody within yourcommunity.
Because the more we learn andgrow together, the better that
we are.
So if you know somebody who isstruggling, give them this
episode.
(39:57):
And let them hear my story andhow perfection is what keeps us
all small and what are we scaredof losing if we actually don't
try?
Or what are we scared of losingif we do try and it doesn't work
out because honestly experienceis the only way we're going to
(40:17):
get better.
And if failure is out of thequestion, so is success, period.
Here's my final thought to you.
You are not behind.
You are not too late.
You are just potentially in themessy middle.
And my friend, that is where theaction, and that is where the
(40:41):
magic happens.
So get comfortable in thediscomfort and as always.
Aspire for more for you.
And if you want to learn moreinformation about my coaching,
my leadership accelerators andthe course that just came out,
click the link in the show notesor message me or email me.
(41:05):
I value your time.
I thank you for being here andas always, aspire for more for
you.
Have you ever felt like you werefalling behind while everyone
else was winning?
Like their success was proofthat you, that I am not doing
enough or even worse beingenough.
I have been there, not once, nottwice, maybe 12 dozen times in
(00:22):
my life, and especially in theselast few years.
today we're gonna talk aboutperfectionism, identity and
comparison, and how theseinvisible forces keep us stuck,
silent and small as leaders andin our life.
(00:42):
Come on, join me in thisvulnerable, transparent, and
hopefully inspiring episode tohelp you see you are not alone,
and that probably your biggestenemy is you and no one else.
(01:02):
We are gonna start talkingabout.
Momentum here in this moment,and I want to introduce you to
my momentum formula.
And I have to say in mostpresentations that I do, I try
to have a formula or a frameworkor something that helps me
decide or helps me help you takesomething away that's like
(01:26):
tangible for you and.
One of the things that I hopethat I give you in every single
episode is real experience foryou to draw upon.
And so when you are like in thatreally uncomfortable part of
learning and growing or in thatreally messy middle part of, is
(01:50):
it worth it?
Is it not worth it?
That you have something to takeaway that you have my experience
that.
And in this episode, I hope it'sthat you take away from it.
The messy middle is where themagic is, and that messy middle
is where we can build momentumto get us out because I think
(02:14):
that it requires that messymiddle, that really rough time.
For us to build resiliency,confidence, strength, and to
realize we cannot give up.
We cannot give up at the dip,right?
The dip, which is that reallymessy middle, that really bottom
(02:35):
rock, bottom place is not thepoint to give up because you
don't know what's gonna happen.
Never give up.
At the rock bottom place becausethere's a lot of gold.
there's a, at the end of therainbow, right?
When you rise up from the ashes,there is beauty.
(02:58):
Golden nuggets of treasure atthe bottom of every failure,
every opportunity comes in aform of a problem.
And sometimes the biggest feellike failures we have give us
the biggest opportunities torise.
So if you are in that reallyuncomfortable point where you're
(03:20):
not knowing what to do, or itdoesn't feel very good where you
are.
Don't quit.
Keep going.
Actually, find support, find apodcast.
Find people who can help you inthat area because it's not a
time for you to quit.
It's a time for you to buckle upand keep going because you can
(03:41):
create momentum in the messymiddle you can, and that's where
momentum is created.
Honestly, it is in these momentsbecause momentum is not just one
big push.
It is the little consistenthabits.
Here's the formula.
Momentum equals actions.
(04:01):
Atmosphere and accomplishments,right?
Actions are those littleconsistent habits.
If you're a new leader inside ofa community, there are a lot of
people who are going to figureout where you stand.
Where are your boundaries?
What are you gonna tolerate?
What are you not?
That is an uncomfortable placeto be.
(04:24):
But your actions are gonna becommunicating to them that their
actions stop or gain power,right?
Actions can build momentum in apositive way, and actions can
build momentum in a negativeway.
And you, as a leader have theability to who help or hurt,
(04:46):
right?
Whichever way the momentumflows.
So actions, your consistentactions.
Having standup every day, beingable to connect the dots, giving
value to everybody inside those15, 20 minutes, that's action.
That's also creating anatmosphere.
It is an atmosphere that theculture that you build and the
(05:07):
attitude that you create everyday inside of your community or
inside of your company, thatbuilds momentum.
Now, is it momentum that ishurting you or is it momentum
that is helping you?
That's what you have to payattention to because your
actions and your atmosphere.
Are creating momentum, eithernegative or positive, up to you.
(05:31):
And then you have to look atyour accomplishments.
What are you tracking andcelebrating and using fuel to
add progress, to keep progressmoving.
So a lot of us fall into thetrap of not.
Keeping track of every small winof really honoring the wins that
(05:54):
we've done.
If you don't keep track of yoursmall wins, you're not gonna
feel any momentum.
But if you do keep track, if yousee a smile on somebody's face
that normally doesn't have asmile on their face, if somebody
solves a problem that theynormally.
Give to you if you have fivemove-ins instead of three
(06:16):
move-ins.
All of these are wins, and itdoesn't really matter how small
or how big these winds are.
They are still wins.
Are you acknowledging them orare you allowing yourself to
believe all the things that youhaven't done yet?
(06:36):
That gets into comparison, whichis later on in this episode, but
momentum, which is what we'retalking about now, you need to
know what you are winning at,not your sales director, not
your director of nursing, andnot the community that you're
being compared to on all thecalls or a competitor down the
(06:58):
street.
What are you winning at?
Because when you can createmomentum for yourself,
comparison doesn't matter.
What are you winning?
What are you tracking?
More importantly, what are youcelebrating and what are you
using to fuel your progress?
(07:19):
What do you use to fuel theenergy that's needed to fulfill
the task?
What do you use to motivateyourself?
It's really important.
Is it a chip on your shoulder?
Is it a desire to prove somebodyto something?
(07:39):
Is a desire to prove your worth,or is it a desire to make a
community that brings life tothe people that we serve?
Because too much negative fuel,too much negative energy will
get you a long way, but then youwill.
Cease to exist because it's nothealthy.
(08:02):
Comparison is a good tool formomentum in creating momentum,
but it's not a consistent,sustainable tool.
I said in a presentationrecently about the chip on the
shoulder, which is somethingthat I used on a consistent
basis.
Sports teams use it and coachesuse it for a game or two, right?
(08:26):
Or maybe for a season.
But it's not something that canbe used all the time because it
creates such negative emotion.
Think about it, sometimes if youhave teams who hate each other
or last season said somethingnegative about a team, and they
create so much negative emotionthat when they get on the field
(08:48):
you can see fights happening.
And then potentially an all out.
Brawl that's on the field or onthe court, that's too much
negative emotion.
And when you have too muchnegative emotion, defensiveness
comes in, ready to defendsomebody at the drop of a hat,
and you just have to release allthat negative emotion.
(09:08):
Momentum starts in a positiveway when you celebrate your
wins, when you keep track ofwhat you're doing right, the
growth.
Of what you're doing right andallowing that feeling to be what
fuels your progress.
You need a little negativeemotion, okay?
You need a little bit of, I'mgonna prove you wrong and here's
(09:31):
why you do need that.
You don't want that to be theonly fuel that you use, okay?
So remember, actions, yourconsistent actions, the
atmosphere that you create withyour actions, with your
attitude, with your culture,what you decide to let go and
what you decide to really focuson, what you decide to allow and
(09:57):
what you decide not to allow.
It's very important becausethat's the culture that you
create inside of your community.
And then really being aware ofthe accomplishments you need to
be telling somebody.
Tying your care team, yourhousekeeping team, your
management team, actions intotheir results.
(10:18):
Look what you did here.
You really made this residenceor this family's day because you
did this.
You are creating an identity, adopamine hit, a connection point
for you and a team.
It's a momentum starter.
You're tying in actions.
You're creating a positiveatmosphere in that moment, and
you are highlighting anaccomplishment.
(10:41):
You just created momentum inthat person's life and in yours.
Momentum doesn't come from onebig push.
You're not gonna create momentumbecause you had six move-ins.
Now that's an excellent monthfor most people, but it's not
gonna move you over into thenext month.
(11:01):
Momentum is.
The force is the energy of a lotof compounding efforts.
Little tiny actions, smallpushes, repeated consistently
over and over again.
I liken it to having a salesdirector that I say, you're
going to have to call every pastdue, every lead, every
(11:24):
everything inside, every personinside of your.
Database because that'simportant for you to know.
I heard Tony Robbins say oncethat the rocket doesn't come,
shoot up to the sky with onepress of the button, it builds a
lot of momentum while it'sstaying in place.
(11:47):
And that's what it's likebuilding momentum inside of your
community.
Success has to happen.
All these moving parts has tohappen for a long time before
influence and momentum isearned.
It feels like you're sittingstill.
But really you are just gettingall the parts going.
(12:08):
So when it's ready, that yoursuccess can skyrocket your
success and your influence,because success and influence,
it's not always flashy.
There are moments of flashiness,but it's a cumulative effort.
Of your actions, youratmosphere, and the honoring of
(12:29):
the accomplishments that you doas a leader and your team does
inside of a community.
And why we talk about momentumfirst is because sometimes we
allow outside forces andinvisible forces to keep us
stuck.
And being aware of what thoseforces are is really important.
(12:53):
And then also being aware thatthose forces start screaming to
us, like our thoughts and thestories that we tell ourself as
to why we may not be whereeverybody wants us to be or
where we even wanna be can causemomentum to stall because we
lost the identity of who we are.
(13:13):
Because we're circling aroundthis thought of I'm not enough
because we're comparing ourselfto others and we're losing sight
of the things that we cancontrol, right?
Which is our cumulative actions,the atmosphere that we are
creating and theaccomplishments.
This is how momentum and magic.
(13:35):
Are created in that messy,middle parts.
And we're gonna talk about lotsof examples that I can give you
in the last few weeks, months,and years, as well as inside the
community.
I think one of the things that'smost important is that what I
(13:56):
have learned, honestly, what Ibelieve now more than ever, is.
We gain momentum or the firststages of momentum and
leadership, legacy and buildingculture inside of our community
is really understanding ouridentity.
And it's not identity politicsor titles.
(14:21):
It is literally what is.
My values, what is my purpose?
What makes me feel strong,smart, capable, and consistent.
(14:41):
when we get tired, when we gettoo hungry, too lonely, too
tired, too angry, resentful, welose identity.
There was a time, I lostidentity and I think I was so
resentful and tired, that, thatkind of became my identity in
(15:07):
some regards.
I used to say high shoe, highheel, Aaron and Tennis Shoe,
Aaron.
I'm just going to say it, insidethe senior living profession,
there's a lot of opportunity tocompare ourselves.
I know that most of us have beenon these calls where we're all
(15:28):
talking about our move-ins andour move outs and what we're
doing, and somebody's beinghighlighted for something
amazing that's going on, andyou're struggling that month.
Right, and we can get lost whenwe forget who we are, right?
When comparison creeps in, whenresults don't come as fast as we
(15:52):
want, when we forget our story,everything we've overcome,
everything that we haveaccomplished, the culture that
we've created, because for thismonth or this stretch, we have
lost momentum.
But we lose momentum when weforget our story and when we
(16:13):
start trying to live someoneelse's or when we stop the tiny
pushes that it took to get themost amazing month we had,
right?
When we forget our own story, weallow other people to create a
story'cause we're not true towho we are.
Comparison, yes, it's the thiefof joy, but I also believe
(16:39):
comparison is.
A gift if we allow it to be usedin an appropriate way.
I was listening recently to, MelRobbins book, the Let Them
Theory and there's a chapterabout comparison.
And I just wanna say it reallyhit home for me and we, she
(17:03):
said, Mel said that we can allowcomparison to be a teacher.
Or to torture us and thatsomeone else's success is not
your failure, and that theirgifts are not your deficit and
(17:24):
their journey is not yourtimeline.
We need to let them besuccessful and we need to see
what is possible.
Because what is possible isbuilt on what you are willing to
do.
Many years ago, I was in acounseling session with a
(17:48):
therapist and I was talkingabout, control issues.
I didn't think I was that big ofa control freak.
I'm sure people will laugh.
But I was just talking about howI am not that controlling
because I'm not the besthousekeeper in the world and I
can ignore certain things when Iam highly hyper-focused on
(18:09):
something else.
And I don't care if things in myrefrigerator don't face a
certain way.
I was comparing myself.
To somebody who had obsessivecompulsive controlling needs,
not normal, run of the millcontrol issues.
I also don't care about thelittle things that some people
(18:32):
do care about, but, and I do.
Control or try to controloutcomes of other people to help
control timelines and differentthings in my life.
And what I was focusing on werethings that I could not control.
(18:54):
And that was a reallyeye-opening experience for me
because.
When we lose our identity and weforget our story, and we start
comparing other people to oursituations, and you're comparing
people's gifts or naturaltendencies or amenities inside
of communities or comparingthings that we don't even know
(19:15):
the facts about office, all of asudden we are stuck and the
energy that we have to fuelourselves.
Now is being spun and focused onareas that we can't control.
What is it that you arecomparing in your life right now
(19:36):
to other people that you can'tcontrol?
we can go into why some peoplecan lose weight and other people
can't.
Why some people don't likechocolate and won't eat sweets
and other people do.
All of these things could begifts that they have that you
don't have, but then you havegifts that they don't have.
(20:02):
And when you spend your timefocusing on things that you
cannot control, that you cannotaffect change over, like
apartment sizes, location ofyour community, any other
uncontrollable thing that youmay be having a problem with,
you are losing necessary energyfor sustainability of long time
(20:28):
leadership legacy.
This is where burnout happens.
This is where all that negativeenergy and resentment happens.
This is when you lose youridentity because you compare to
others, you lose momentum.
Just because somebody else iscomparing you or your community
doesn't mean that you arefailing and they are winning,
(20:53):
and it doesn't mean that youwon't win.
It just means that there'ssomething to look at that maybe
you're not seeing, or maybeyou're focusing on all the
things that you can't control,but what are the things that you
can, that question changeseverything.
(21:13):
I say this a lot.
I worked in a memory carecommunity that was a 64
apartment memory care community.
We had a 57 state survey on thewall, and our apartments were
290 square feet.
Now, all those things I couldnot control because I was not
the community leader at thattime of the survey.
I did not build that communityand those apartment sizes, I
(21:35):
could not expand, and I heardthe same complaint over and over
again.
Every time I toured and I sawthe family's reaction when they
saw the apartment size.
And when I focused on that, Isaid, we're never going to fill
this community.
We're 55%.
We have a 57 on the wall.
(21:56):
It's never going to happen.
If I stayed there, it would'venever been filled, but instead
What I saw was there was 35people that chose to stay, that
appreciated living there and whyI can focus on those people, and
(22:22):
then I figured out the story ofwhy we were built and who helped
build the community.
And so all of a sudden, myidentity as a leader of this
community shifted from all thethings that were wrong with it,
to all the things that wereright for the right people.
(22:46):
That was the area that I couldcontrol.
I expected the awe and the shockof a family member looking at
the apartment, but I knew whatwas valuable about it.
And that was my talking points.
And it was true.
It was all true.
So when you are lost in youridentity as a human being or as
(23:11):
a leader inside of a communitybecause you are stuck in that
messy middle, you have lostmomentum and you don't know what
to do, focus on your identity,not what you cannot control, but
on who you are as a community.
Or as a leader, what are yourstrengths?
Don't compare up and allow it totorture you.
(23:35):
Compare up and allow it to teachyou what's possible and to be
really focused in on doing theboring work so you can do the
big work later.
And remember that someone else'ssuccess is not your failure.
Their gifts are not yourdeficits because your gifts
(23:59):
could be different, right?
And their journey is not yourtimeline.
It's really important.
Now, believe me, I wish successcould happen faster for me in
several different areas, butwhen I look back at my life,
every success and every failure.
(24:20):
Led me to the next level of mylife.
Every single one I could giveyou a book about how each
failure, huge failure in mylife, one that I carried shame
and burden with for a long time,actually led me to the next
(24:45):
phase of my life.
And if you really wanna know,like what I believe now more
than anything, is I never knewhow to let go of things that did
not serve me because my identitywas to make it happen no matter
what.
(25:05):
And I just want you to know thatis a brutal way to live.
And now that I know my worth andI know that it's okay to let go
of things that don't serve me.
I understand how to identifywhat serves me and what doesn't,
and why I need to stay or why Ineed to go.
(25:26):
And that quitting is not alwaysfailing.
It's actually, it can besucceeding in the bigger
picture.
But until you learn that lesson,you realize, looking back in
life is the only way to connectthe dots.
Of the future at the presentreally, and what you learned
(25:50):
through all those failures oflosing your identity and then
getting it back, and then losingagain, and then getting it back
and getting back on track is,are we in the comparison trap?
There's a lot of opportunity todo that inside senior living.
Don't make it torture.
You help.
(26:10):
Let it help you and teach you ofwhat's possible if you keep
trying.
Let them be successful and letyou learn from it.
That is the Let Them theoryright here.
Comparison is, a big deal whenwe talk about these community
(26:31):
calls.
I really want you to go intothese management calls.
and being aware, when we go intothese operations calls or these
sales calls and we're beingcalled out for the numbers and
the metrics and all the thingsthat happen, are you shrinking
or are you going into it knowingwhat happened in the month and
(26:57):
going into it with, here's whathappened, here's what we
learned, here's what we'redoing.
Because if you shrink, you can'tanswer those questions.
Perceptions are being made thatyou can't control.
And if you're going into ameeting and you're shrinking due
to comparison or questioningyour own success and your
experience, then you are notfocusing on what you can
(27:22):
control.
But you can control the story,which is, here's what I learned,
here's what we've done, andhere's what we're going to do
because of what we learned.
You cannot compare your realityto someone else's highlight
reel, like social media hastaught us that if it's taught us
(27:45):
anything, But their occupancy,their team, their amenities, or
even their regulations, and theyare the ones that you're
comparing yourself to aredifferent.
They're different from yours,different regs, if they're in
different states, differentcommunities, even when people
try to compare a community ofmine and another community that
was nine miles down the road, wewere completely different.
(28:09):
There was no comparison.
Absolutely none.
So don't shrink, don't compare.
Do not question your ownsuccess.
Take action.
Focus on the accomplishments.
What we did do, what we couldhave done better, what we are
going to do better.
And focus on creating anatmosphere that allows you to
(28:32):
learn and grow and lead.
Into the next month, you teachpeople how to respond to you.
Your story that you communicatetells people what to think about
situations.
Do not go into a meetingshrinking and allowing somebody
(28:55):
else to narrate your story.
Know your story.
Don't get lost in your identity,and learn how to answer the
questions.
This is what we did.
Here's what we learned, andhere's what we're doing moving
forward and learn from otherpeople's successes, it's not
what's missing, it's what'spossible when you focus on the
(29:18):
things that you can control.
It's really important.
Comparison gets us in all thesereal shady areas that mess with
us, and the more we can controlthat, the better it is.
For everyone, especially increating an atmosphere of growth
and learning.
So let me get real with you fora few minutes.
(29:42):
For the recent story actually,and not just a community story.
I have just recently launched mynew executive director's
playbook, a course in creatingan impactful culture.
Of course, yes.
I want everybody to buy it.
But it is a course for newleaders inside of a community,
(30:04):
and I think leaders probablywithin their first three years,
and I think there's a lot ofgood nuggets that every leader
can take away from this course.
And I'm very proud of it.
and it almost didn't happen.
If you really want my honesttruth, I've had this idea of
creating a course for a verylong time, and actually my
(30:27):
bigger idea is to create theseleadership accelerators and to
have this community of newleaders and a leader in every
phase of leadership and reallycreating community that keeps
people rooted in their identityand their purpose.
It gives'em perspective, which Ithink is a huge gift, but making
(30:48):
that dream a reality, was a lotharder than I could have
realized.
There's a lot of vulnerabilityand work that has to be done,
honestly, just when you make asocial media post, let alone.
Making a course and wanting itto be successful.
(31:13):
you hear singers and artiststhat get very vulnerable about
when they put their workout,like a music artist or a movie,
there is something reallyvulnerable about creating art,
about creating a podcast, aboutcreating a course, about a
social media post.
That when you put yourself outthere for the world to judge, it
(31:35):
does make you shrink a littlebit.
at least it did.
Me and I finally got the nerve.
To move forward with the projectwith my partner, Erin, and we
started writing it, which takesa very long time.
And then you start thinking toyourself, who am I to create
(31:55):
this course?
Or how do I know if anybody'sgoing to this or maybe this
perspective is wrong?
And I really went through thisphase where it was right versus
wrong until I realized it's notabout right and wrong.
It's about perspective.
And that maybe some peoplealready know and do this, but it
(32:15):
gives them a perspective.
But if these people are alreadydoing this and they're probably,
five, six years in and theymight not even want the course,
right?
And so I'm just letting you inthrough all of my stories that I
tell myself.
So I finally got the nerve withmy partner Aaron Fish, to record
the course.
And I just want you to know if Ididn't have a partner.
(32:38):
I probably would've neverrecorded it.
I could have written it and Idid, and I would have, but
recording it is a differentbeast.
I had to rerecord it three timesdue to some tech issues.
There are people out there thatinvest a lot of money in tech
companies to do the editing, thelighting, all the things.
(32:59):
I did that all myself, and Ijust want you to know I'm not
good at it.
I'm not good at it.
And so I had to record thisthing three times.
After the first time, I don'tthink if I didn't have a
partner, I would've everrerecorded it.
And then the second time I wasso mad that I'd recorded it just
to get it over with.
(33:21):
That is the messy middle.
That is the discomfort offreaking figuring it out.
That's it.
I wish I could tell you thethoughts that were in my mind,
all the negative things that Iwas thinking, all the reasons
why I should not be doing this,but I would've walked away never
(33:44):
knowing what it was like tosucceed at it, to just finishing
it.
And I want you to know that eventhough I'm so proud of it, it's
not perfect.
I have a lot more maturing to goin this area, but of the people
who are watching it, it's givingthem a perspective, a positive
one.
(34:05):
They really enjoy the content.
It's not about right versuswrong because leadership is very
authentic, but it is givingpeople the space and the
conversation.
And the ability to think abouthow they would do it their way,
but I almost let my lack ofexperience dictate my future.
(34:28):
But I knew that I have bigplans, that this industry needs
big support, and that if I wannaget to where I wanna go, I have
to lean in to the messy middle.
And I am more proud of meOvercoming such frustration and
(34:50):
discomfort and that I didn'ttake the easy way out.
Now, I don't plan on spending alot of time on tech stuff.
I hope to one day to be able togo to a place and have people do
that, but I know that I can, andthere's value in that.
that messy middle.
(35:10):
This is what I want you to hear.
The magic, the confidence, theresiliency, the influence, the
success, the pride lies in themessy middle.
It lies in not quitting, in thedip and letting you move
(35:31):
forward.
Creating momentum with actions,atmosphere, and accomplishments.
To get to the top, the messymiddle is where you need to lean
into.
You cannot outrun negativeemotion.
You cannot outwork negativeemotion.
You have to feel it, you have toassess it, and you have to
(35:52):
reframe it.
Most of the successful peoplethat you are consistently
comparing yourself to are betteror more willing in the boring
work.
The unglamorous things that youmay not be willing to do or that
you might not even know that youhave to do, right?
Don't let the discomfort stopyou.
(36:13):
Lean into it.
Get to doing the boring work.
The boring work is where successlies.
When you know your story, yourstrengths and your purpose, you
will stop chasing and running inthe wrong race.
And you will say to yourselfthat I will do the boring work
(36:37):
so I can get better, so I canunderstand what's going on in
that department so I can bettersupport somebody when they come
into that department.
So I can see at operation atevery level in my community.
And when you do that, when youbecome good at the boring work,
when you know your story, whenyou get back on track with your
(36:58):
identity and your strengths andyour purpose.
You attract the people and thesuccess that was meant for you.
But when you stay stuck incomparing yourself to other
people and you use it to tortureyourself, you're running in a
race that was never meant foryou and you will never win
(37:19):
because it wasn't your race.
Your race is against you old,you present you and knew you and
that relationship.
Between all different versionsof you is very important.
When we compete with others, welose, but when we enhance our
own gifts and celebrate others,everyone wins.
(37:41):
Let people win and let you feeltheir wins and the hope.
For your wins in the future, Ireally want you to think about
three strengths that you have,that you bring to your
community, that people havethanked you for, that people
have said over and over againhow grateful they are for you.
(38:04):
Write those three things down.
Focus on those three things, andthen, go celebrate someone
else's wins this week without itturning into self-judgment.
So if you have a community thatyou're competing against or that
you're comparing yourselfagainst, write down your three
strengths, your three wins, andthen send that ed and email and
(38:28):
congratulate them on theirs.
And you realize we're in thistogether.
When we celebrate others,everyone wins.
And when we compete with others,we all lose.
Let people successes teach usrather than torture us.
So as we end this, what storyare you telling yourself that
(38:51):
keeps you small?
What are you shrinking?
What about you?
Are you shrinking?
What successes are youoverlooking?
And what failures do you need toturn into?
Learnings.
Lessons learned, not failures.
What story are you tellingyourself that is keeping you
small?
What action have you beenavoiding out of fear that it
(39:14):
won't be perfect like my course,right?
What are you avoiding?
Because perfection is standingin the way, and what would be
different if you believed thatmomentum comes from many small
pushes.
Not one big push.
(39:36):
If this episode helped you inany way, I hope that you pay it
forward, and give it to somebodyto listen to somebody on your
team, somebody within yourcommunity.
Because the more we learn andgrow together, the better that
we are.
So if you know somebody who isstruggling, give them this
episode.
(39:57):
And let them hear my story andhow perfection is what keeps us
all small and what are we scaredof losing if we actually don't
try?
Or what are we scared of losingif we do try and it doesn't work
out because honestly experienceis the only way we're going to
(40:17):
get better.
And if failure is out of thequestion, so is success, period.
Here's my final thought to you.
You are not behind.
You are not too late.
You are just potentially in themessy middle.
And my friend, that is where theaction, and that is where the
(40:41):
magic happens.
So get comfortable in thediscomfort and as always.
Aspire for more for you.
And if you want to learn moreinformation about my coaching,
my leadership accelerators andthe course that just came out,
click the link in the show notesor message me or email me.
(41:05):
I value your time.
I thank you for being here andas always, aspire for more for
you.
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