January 16, 2025 • 39 mins
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Mastering Your Mindset: Transforming Obstacles into Opportunities
In this episode, the Erin dives into the power of mindset and the stories we tell ourselves, examining how these inner narratives shape our reality. Through personal anecdotes and insightful reflections, the episode highlights the importance of recognizing and reframing negative thought patterns into growth-oriented habits.
Three critical questions are introduced to help listeners and leaders alike gain clarity and control over their lives:
What do you really want?
How do you want to feel?
What are you trying to control?
Listeners are encouraged to embrace discomfort, acknowledge their achievements, and harness the power of influence over control.
This episode is a motivational guide to overcoming mindset traps, fostering self-awareness, and ultimately building a life and career that aligns with one's true potential.
00:00 Introduction: The Power of Your Thoughts
01:09 Recognizing and Reframing Negative Patterns
01:40 Three Game-Changing Questions for Leaders
02:35 Personal Journey and Podcasting Insights
04:29 Mindset Struggles and Overcoming Self-Doubt
05:29 The Impact of Thoughts on Emotions and Actions
06:25 Facing and Rewriting Your Origin Story
09:17 The Importance of Self-Validation
13:29 Leadership and Influence Over Control
15:37 Sacrifice and the Path to Success
18:09 Basketball Lessons: Mindset in Action
24:23 Embracing Discomfort and Growth
36:43 Conclusion: Owning Your Story and Future
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Mi (00:00):
Have you ever felt like your own
thoughts are working againstyou?
Like you're stuck in thishorrific thought loop of doubt,
frustration, anger, resentment,or fear, and you can't seem to
just let it go, break free, cutthe loop?
(00:22):
I know I have, that's for sure.
What if I told you that thestories that you tell yourself,
the ones you don't even realizeare running in the background,
are Really, what is shaping yourreality?
I hope that this episode helpsyou recognize That you probably
(00:45):
have more influence over yourlife than anyone else.
I know that's what I haverealized in my life.
And by shifting your mindset andreframing your thoughts and
turning obstacles intoopportunities, adversity into
your advantage, you canradically shift your reality
(01:08):
very quickly.
It isn't just about thinkingpositively because It's a lot
more than that.
It's about recognizing thehidden patterns that hold you
back and replacing them withpowerful growth oriented habits
or even reminders that you'renot stuck.
(01:33):
You can do anything you want todo.
You just have to.
To do it, right?
We're gonna unpack three gamechanging questions that I feel
like every person needs to askthemselves, but specifically
every leader needs to askthemselves.
And they are, What do you reallywant?
(01:54):
How do you want to feel?
And what are you trying tocontrol?
Is it even controllable?
Stick with me, because by theend of this episode, I believe
you're going to have a littlebit more guidance on the tools
to help you rewrite your ownstory.
(02:15):
To embrace your true potential,and honestly, to start building
the life you want.
And the leadership that you wantthat I believe will help
influence others inside of yourcommunity, your job, your
family.
Whatever it is that you areleading and let's get started.
I'm really excited about this,mindset boundaries and energy
(02:38):
are just.
My, my focus in my life, theyhave been my focus on my life,
really, since 2020, when it hitinside the community, but
honestly, a real focus.
Deep dive.
I want to change my life kind offocus starting in 2023,
(03:02):
actually, when I started thispodcast, this podcast is a huge,
example of doing something, eventhough you feel not qualified.
Scared less than or askyourself, who's going to listen
to this anyways?
Why are you doing this?
(03:23):
So every time I put a podcast orstart a podcast on, I ask
myself.
These questions and then I haveto remind myself you're doing
this for the one person thatlistens.
That's who you're doing thisfor.
and I promised myself at thevery beginning that it wasn't
(03:46):
about the number of people wholistens.
It's about the one person thatyou help when you tell your
story.
And that sounds so cheesy.
Because we hear it a lot, but Iwant to tell you, if you
actually believe it, it is theglimmer of hope to keep you
going.
(04:07):
Turns out, more than one personlistened to it, and more than
one person listens to all myepisodes, and so therefore I
keep going.
Because if one person listens, Iwill create another episode.
That's what I tell myself.
Even on the darkest days, whenan episode didn't get as much of
a listen as a previous episode,1 person listened to it, and
(04:28):
that's all that matters.
So we all have, I have bigmindset traps inside my mind,
big mindset traps.
So I want to dive into, and Ifeel like I have been very
honest on multiple differentepisodes about my struggle with
mindset and how honestly, ifthere is 1 problem that I could
(04:53):
say, it was.
and is the biggest hurdle in mylife.
It's my mindset.
It is the story that I tellmyself over and over again.
And no matter how much work I doto exercise the skill of
(05:13):
changing the story, rewritingthe story, ignoring the story,
reminding myself of differentaccomplishments.
It is still a battle I fightevery single day.
Cause the truth is, I know thatmy thoughts create my reality.
(05:34):
They just do.
My thoughts, the way I thinkabout every situation, controls
my emotions, controls myactions, and controls my
outcomes.
I know that my thoughts about aspecific situation will control
my emotions, and I know myemotions will control my actions
(05:55):
and reactions.
And then my actions control theoutcome.
I know that, and on a visceral,full body level, I understand
when you look back at my lifeand different decisions that I
made and reactions that were notgood, it all started with a
thought.
And that thought, that deeprooted thought is, it's never
(06:17):
going to be enough.
I'm never going to be enough.
And that there's a lot of shamewrapped in that sentence.
I took a lot of time to find theroot cause of that sentence.
I know the root cause of thatsentence.
And honestly, I faced thatsentence head on.
(06:38):
And so therefore it no longerhas control over me.
It got in my way in every aspectof my life.
And I decided to face it headon, and the many different
scenarios that play into that.
And I did, and it was scary, andit hurt, and it was amazing and
(07:00):
wonderful, and now I know, in mylife, that I chose to look at
the wrong side of the story.
Because there are two sides toevery story.
So if I wasn't enough and Iwasn't chosen or it's never
gonna be enough the oppositeside of that story is I was
(07:22):
chosen.
But I never looked at it fromthat perspective, right?
And so I have to choose myselfover and over again.
What do you want, Erin?
How do you want to feel, Erin?
What are you trying to control,Erin, right?
(07:42):
No one has power over me anymoreunless I give them power over
me.
And when I give them power overme, it's because I have given
the power of my thoughts.
Away.
I know that now.
That's the power of the mindset.
I can do something wrong, and Ido a lot, and I can make someone
(08:04):
mad or I can make a bad decisionand a bad outcome comes of that
and I can learn from it and itno longer, pierces me to my soul
my worth is not tied into thatoutcome, right?
Bringing awareness to thatsentence, to that feeling, to
that origin story of that allowsme to regain power over my life.
(08:31):
In my people pleasing days, Ineeded people to validate me,
unfortunately.
I needed them to tell me that Iwas doing a good job, not in a
desperate way, but in I justneed it to be reminded.
Now, a good leader would do thatanyways.
A good company that you work forwould do that anyways.
(08:52):
But we don't always have that inour life.
But what we do have when we workinside of a community are a lot
of family members and residentswho tell you're doing a great
job.
And when you have that, it'sconstantly feeding me and giving
me the energy that I need.
But when I allow myself to needthat kind of validation, I give
(09:15):
away my own power to somedegree.
I don't realize that the, allthe validation that I ever
wanted was from me.
I needed to be aware of my ownamazingness.
My own awesomeness, even in poordecisions, even in emotional
reactions, even in not hittingthe mark, I needed to know that
(09:39):
I was going to learn from it andbe okay and not be the one to
destroy myself and then defendmyself with other people because
I have already done the negativeself talk to myself over and
over again.
Because I'm just going to tellyou, the power of the mind, when
it does it, when you're negativeto yourself or you're telling
(10:00):
yourself negative stories andyou're believing those stories
and you're beating yourself upwith all the things that you did
wrong, when somebody comes toyou like a boss or supervisor or
a family member or a, whateverthat person is for you and your
industry.
They're coming to you, butyou've already beat yourself up
to such a point to where youcan't take it anymore, and
(10:23):
you're scared, and what do youdo?
You start defending yourself.
And when that defensive layercomes up, You're in self
protection and you don't allowconstructive criticism,
constructive feedback, earnedfeedback or earned criticism to
come near you and you becomepotentially unteachable.
(10:45):
I have felt like there wereseveral people that, I was never
going to penetrate that wall tohelp them understand and bring
awareness to what they weredoing.
And I am sure.
There are a few people thatthought the same way about me.
I could tell you my parents did.
As a kid, as a teenager.
But, as an adult, in my forties,I learned that what protected me
(11:13):
as a younger version of Erin,and in other different facets of
my life, that protected me in apositive way, that helped me,
There comes a point in your lifewhere carrying that shield, that
protective armor, becomes toomuch to carry.
And that's what I felt like itwas for me.
(11:34):
2022 happened, and I left acommunity that I loved.
The relationship with thecorporate office just died a
very slow and torturous death.
And When I look in to takeaccountability for that, there
was a lot of defensiveness frommy side, a lot of resentment
(11:59):
that I had, this negative energythat was just stirring inside of
me.
And a lot of it came from me,the stories that I told myself.
They could have been true, and Ithink a lot of them were true,
but it didn't serve me.
Instead of being content withthe people that I loved and
(12:20):
served inside the community, Ibecame.
angry and resentful that ahundred percent wasn't good
enough or a near perfect surveywasn't good enough or, a good
and a lie wasn't good enough.
I started telling myself allthese things that I believed to
(12:40):
be true and I started puttingall these old wounds on people
that did not hurt me.
They didn't necessarily treat methe way that I wanted to be
treated, but they didn't hurt methe way that I acted towards
them, right?
I now know, because hindsight's20 20, and I look back and I
(13:01):
look at all the work that I'vedone, that my thoughts about
everything affected me more thananyone on the outside affected
me.
Anyone.
And they had no idea.
That I was struggling with selfworth and value and needed
(13:23):
things that they didn't have thecapacity to do.
And that wasn't their fault,right?
It wasn't their fault.
I was just drowning in my ownvery poor mindset and what I
wish I would have known then,which is really what my mission
is for senior living leaders,because we give so much.
There's so much of us that wehave to give away.
(13:46):
It is we have to be on call 24hours a day, 7 days a week.
365 days a year.
We have to solve problemsconstantly.
We have to hire people.
We have to find the rightpeople.
We have to give so much ofourselves that we lose some of
us, lose the ability tounderstand or define what do we
(14:11):
want?
What do we need?
How are we treating ourselves?
And what are we trying tocontrol that we cannot control?
Because you don't have control.
What you have is anxiety.
The only thing that you cancontrol is the way that you
(14:33):
think about a situation, the waythat you react about a
situation, and the effort thatyou put in, and the education
that you gain from outsidesources, through experiences,
and how you implement it.
That's it.
I cannot control other people.
I cannot control, no matter howmuch I You expect people to be a
(14:54):
certain way.
You cannot control them, cannotenable them enough to change.
You cannot want them enough tochange.
All you can do is control whatyou will accept and what you
will no longer accept.
you can put every interventionin place to keep someone safe,
but you can't always control theuncontrollable or the
(15:19):
inevitable, right?
when I think about mindsetshifts, I think about what do
you want?
What do you want out of this onelife that you have, this one
career, out of your community,out of the effort that you give?
Because when you decide what youwant, you get to make a plan,
(15:43):
and you get to determine whatyou're willing to sacrifice to
get it, because it takessacrifice.
Sacrifice is required to getanything.
To never work again wouldsacrifice a consistent paycheck,
right?
Work all the time to reach thenumbers and the goals and to
(16:03):
exceed every expectation wouldsacrifice a lot of downtime to
Run a marathon Would sacrifice alot of time at home and you
would be in a lot of pain as youwere earning your as you were
earning growing in yourendurance.
It takes sacrifice.
(16:24):
Creating a podcast like this isa lot of sacrifice because you
have to learn how to do it.
You have to feel silly sittinghere talking to yourself.
You have to put yourself outthere in a vulnerable way.
You have to do the researchabout the topics that you want
to talk about.
You have to ask people if theywant to be on it.
You have to learn how to editit.
Then you have to post it.
(16:45):
There's just a lot of sacrifice.
Nothing is free.
what do you want?
What do you want?
Not what somebody wants you towant, not what somebody's
telling you to want.
What do you want?
This self awareness will takeyou a long way if you take the
time and write it down.
Do you want weekends with lessinterruptions?
Do you want a good night'ssleep?
(17:08):
Do you want to lose 25 pounds?
Do you want a better marriage?
Do you want a betterrelationship with the corporate
office?
Whatever it is, You have thepower.
You have the power to change it.
You just have to become aware ofit first.
Which is the first step, right?
And the next question is, how doyou want to feel?
(17:28):
And I think to me, what I wantwas a big question.
Yes.
Because I, I had to decide,because I was I thought I wanted
something and I didn't know howto get it.
I didn't even know if I could doit, but I don't know if I really
wanted that, right?
So I really had to dig deep tofigure out, what do I want?
(17:51):
And then the next one, which Ithink is even bigger, is how do
I want to feel?
Because again, going after whatyou want is going to require
sacrifice.
And then when you're sacrificingand starting from the beginning,
you're going to feel some veryuncomfortable feelings.
story.
My daughter is playingbasketball for the first time.
(18:12):
She's nine years old, so she'sin the third and fourth grade
basketball.
Team and this is my first likemy son does dance without
limits, but he's never played asport My daughter is in
gymnastics Although gymnasticsis very much a sport.
I am NOT emotionally tied togymnastics I am on the other
(18:34):
hand emotionally tied tobasketball because I was a
basketball player and I had anopportunity to be very good in
basketball, but what stood in myway?
You Was my mindset and I see itin my daughter, which is
fascinating to me and itmanifests itself.
It shows itself in a way of.
(18:56):
I'm not good at shooting.
I'm good at defense, but I'm notgood at shooting.
And I mean, listen, think of it,listen to your kids and see how
early this starts.
She is nine years old and she'stelling herself this story and
thank God she's telling me thisstory too.
And I'm like, what do you meanyou're not good at shooting?
(19:17):
and she's just I just can'tshoot.
And I'm like, okay, why are youscared of shooting?
Does it make you nervous?
I mean, When you think aboutoffense and defense, defense
comes naturally.
You just take the ball, you getaggressive, you're defending
people, you're not having to doanything that's vulnerable.
But when you take a shot, abasketball shot, that is
(19:39):
vulnerable because you eithermake it or you don't.
And if you don't make it, how doyou feel afterwards?
And if you shoot the ball seventimes and you don't make it
seven times, how do you feelafterwards?
And then imagine being a nineyear old girl who has never
played basketball before andwe're trying and we're shooting
(20:00):
the ball and we're not makingit.
And in my experience, we'll talkabout free throws.
My, I was a really gooddefensive player, but I am
naturally a defensive person, sodefense comes very natural to
me.
Offense, I was decent at.
Free throws, I was awful at.
And I can tell you, I feel iteven now as I'm sitting here
(20:21):
talking about it.
If it was in the middle of thegame, and I was fouled, and the
gym was packed, and I'm on thefree throw line, I'm thinking
about, are my socks, Up.
What do I look like?
Everybody's watching me.
God, I hope I make this.
This is going to be reallyembarrassing if I don't make it.
These are things that arerunning through my mind.
This is crazy.
(20:42):
I need to be focusing on makingthe shot.
I dribble three times.
I make sure my fingers are onthe black line.
I bend my knees.
I shoot the ball.
And I'm thinking abouteverything else except for what
I need to be.
Because everybody's staring atme and I don't like that.
Now, because I'm not that greatat free throws, I get fouled at
(21:04):
the end of the game.
Because I have the least, freethrow percentage.
But what happens if the game ison the line?
What happens to me when the gameis on the line is I realize
people are depending on me.
And I'm going to make this shot,because I want to win this game.
All of a sudden, the gym isempty, my socks don't matter, I
(21:25):
dribble the ball three times, Iput my fingers on the black
line, and I shoot, and I makethem.
That is how powerful yourmindset is.
I want to feel like I helpedpeople win the game, so
everything else goes away and Iam in the zone.
And I look back at that now andI realize I just needed a
(21:47):
mindset speech when it comes tofree throws.
And I look at my daughter who'ssitting here telling me that she
cannot shoot and I say, Okay,we're going to prove you right
or we're going to prove youwrong.
Let's go.
And we just shoot.
the ball.
It doesn't matter if we makethem, it doesn't matter if we
(22:08):
lose them, but we need to findthe rhythm.
We need to find the pattern.
We need to feel confident thatwe make a few shots.
Fast forward to game numberthree, which was this past
weekend.
And, actually, game number two,she made her first shot.
She scored it in the game.
And then game number three, shescored another one.
(22:29):
Now, I am a very proud mom.
I'm also a very realistic mom.
The score of the game was eightto six, which means that one
team had four shots that wentin, and the other team, our
team, had three.
But Olivia scored in both games,and the coach came up to me and
said, Have you been working withOlivia on her shot?
(22:51):
And I said, yeah, I have.
And he's like, she's becomingone of our better shooters.
And now we just have to get herto be more aggressive.
And I'm like, it's what we tellourselves, right?
You have the opportunity toprove yourself right or to prove
(23:12):
yourself wrong.
Are you willing to do it?
Are you willing to put in theeffort?
Are you willing to sacrificetime, attention, money to get
what you need to do it?
But even more, are you willingto feel like a failure?
Like a beginner?
(23:33):
Because watching my daughter bea beginner is hard and exciting
and fun.
And seeing her practice And getbetter shows me that I can do
the same thing, but we don'twant to feel silly and we don't
(23:54):
want to feel like a beginnerbecause God feeling like a
beginner is such a struggle, butthere's something about the
coach telling you that you arehelping your daughter become one
of the best shooters on theteam.
Again, a team that scores sixpoints, okay?
(24:15):
But it's something about seeingthe end result when you worked
really hard to do it, despite ofhow you want to feel.
If I want to feel like MelRobbins on a podcast, or Ed
Milet on a podcast, or a greatspeaker on the stage, guess what
I have to do?
I have to put the reps in.
(24:36):
I have to do webinar afterwebinar, podcast after podcast,
social media post after socialmedia post, not to get likes,
shares, hopefully to getbusiness, but to get experience.
That's what I have to do.
I have to feel like a nine yearold girl on a basketball team
who can't make a shot.
(24:57):
Until I can make a shot, right?
Good leadership starts withknowing who you are, what you
want, and what you are willingto sacrifice.
Because success takes sacrifice.
It just does.
And that's really important tonote.
And if you're starting over, ifyou're starting something new,
(25:19):
it's not the most fun.
And you want to avoid it.
But don't lean into it becausewhat gets in the way Becomes the
way.
Promise.
I promise you.
I promise you.
I promise you.
What gets in the way Becomes theway.
So lean into the discomfort aslong as you can learn from it
(25:41):
and apply it.
And own the fact that it's brandnew.
I think one of the biggestreasons why I had influence
inside of my community is that Iactually did what was important
to me and I talked about how itwas uncomfortable and I did the
hard work.
If the room wasn't clean, Icleaned it and people saw it.
(26:04):
If there was a server thatwasn't there, I was in there.
And it influences people.
I was never the best atanything.
Always had to work hard.
And when you work hard, youinfluence people.
And when you can prove yourselfright or wrong, you influence
(26:27):
yourself.
And you, not anyone else, butyou are the biggest influence in
your life.
Your mindset.
What do you want?
How do you want to feel?
And what are you trying tocontrol?
Let me tell you.
I want my daughter to playbasketball from here on out
(26:48):
every year and it will be soexciting.
I want her to start.
I want her to do all thesethings.
I don't know if she wants thatand I am okay if she doesn't.
And I tell her that over andover again.
When I was in the community,when I first became an executive
director, I thought everyonethought like me.
I thought everyone was motivatedlike me.
(27:08):
I thought all these things thatwere absolutely untrue.
You do realize how hard it is tolearn that no one in your
community thinks like you.
Maybe some people do, but noteveryone does.
And you have to understand howto motivate them.
I learned through having anautistic son that you don't get
to control your children.
(27:28):
No matter how you try, I was avery judgmental new parent.
I was someone who thought thatmy kids were going to do exactly
what they said, but that's notthe case.
I do not have control like Ithought I would.
You don't either.
Control is an illusion.
And when you realize that, Theworld opens up.
(27:51):
You have to let it go.
What you can do is control howyou educate people.
What you can do is to controlhow you want to show up and
feel.
What you can do is for you tosay, I know what I want and
that's going to influence me.
You've got to replace controlwith influence.
(28:13):
Because influence is the modernday leadership tool that
everyone needs.
It's not control.
It's not.
Control is impossible.
You don't have control, you haveanxiety.
When you try to controleverything, you get so lost in
what you have to do that younever, ever get done what needs
(28:36):
to get done to move the needleforward to success.
If you can figure out the leversof influence inside your
community, inside your life,then you can figure out how to
create the success.
You need the buy in of yourteam.
You need to educate your team.
You need to identify who is onyour team that needs to be on
(28:58):
there and that doesn't need tobe on there.
And you need to be able toidentify what you need as a
leader to grow in influence andin skill for yourself.
There's a lot of humility thathas to come when we have to let
go of control.
(29:18):
And turn our energy intoinfluence and growth.
There's a lot of humility andtransparency and vulnerability.
And I believe there's a lot ofhumility in influence.
Because people want to followpeople that they like and relate
(29:39):
to.
And not necessarily who is justthe boss.
Thanks.
I have given my fair share oftrying to tell people what to
do, and yes, there are parts ofour jobs that we get to do that,
but that doesn't mean that theydo it.
There's more power andempowerment than overpowering
(30:04):
people.
So your mindset of feeling likeyou have to control everything
in order to be successful iswrong.
Of not wanting to be vulnerable,transparent, and eating a piece
of humble pie when you're notable to answer the questions
appropriately from yoursupervisor, your regional
(30:25):
director or whatever, it's whatgets in the way.
But if you can answer a questionwith, we didn't do X, Y, Z, but
we did do A, B, C, and here'swhat we learned and we're going
to implement next.
That's impressive.
And it all started with youknowing what you want, how you
(30:46):
want it to feel, and realizingthat you can't control the
outcome.
Now, I am a person who loves tocontrol outcomes, and I have to
say I was pretty good at it.
But the reason why I was good atit is because I asked a bunch of
questions.
I didn't control the outcome, Iinfluenced the outcome and
there's two, that's two totallydifferent things.
(31:08):
I realized I was trying tocontrol the outcome and you
can't control people.
People influence outcomes, theydon't control them.
those three questions, what doyou want, how do I want to feel,
and what are you trying tocontrol, will influence your own
mindset and will turn yourstory, if it's negative, into a
(31:31):
friend of yours.
And when you are having thesenegative mindset moments, asking
yourself three questions willhelp you rewrite the story.
Because most people have a verynegative first impression.
version of the story that wetell ourselves.
That doesn't mean it's true.
(31:52):
And you got to stop listening toyourself and start telling
yourself the truth.
What do I want?
How do I want to feel?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
And what am I trying to controlthat I need to influence rather
than control?
So a framework that I like touse is acknowledge and recognize
(32:13):
the negative thoughts andemotions.
Stop trying to stuff them down.
Acknowledge them.
They're there.
We all have them to some degree.
Acknowledge them and thenreflect.
Examine them on whether thosethoughts are true or helpful.
Okay, and then reframe them,shift the perspective to focus
(32:33):
on growth and learning.
It's not about the outcome.
Your worth is not tied to theoutcome.
Your worth is in the process,look at me, right?
I'm 78 episodes in, or look ather.
She shot two, she made twobaskets in two games, right?
It's not about they only scoredsix points, right?
(32:57):
It's the fact that she made twopoints.
And she's proving to herselfevery day that she could shoot
and score in a game.
And that's a huge thing.
And so what are you doing foryou?
Are you taking down the notes ofeverything that you haven't done
and focusing on those?
Or are you taking down the notesof what you actually have done?
(33:19):
And being proud of that andletting that boost your forward
momentum.
That is a big deal.
ask yourself this.
And this is something that I askmyself.
Who do you want to be a yearfrom now, five years from now?
I would say approximately a yearand a half ago, I wanted to be a
podcast host that had 100episodes and who had, active
(33:43):
listeners.
I'm on my way.
This is, I think, my 79thepisode.
But in order to get here, wherehonestly the most people have
downloaded just a solo episodefrom me, I am getting consistent
downloads of numbers that I havenot seen before.
It took 78 episodes to getthere.
(34:05):
And I would never have gottenhere if I didn't start with
episode number one.
Or had episodes that only had 19listeners.
And been really happy when I had50 listeners.
So We all start somewhere andthe goal is not the number of
listeners.
The goal is how I grow throughthe process, how I show up being
(34:27):
the best version of myself, howI structure podcasts better, or
how I get on the stage andconnect with people speaking, or
how I help coach people in, tothe best versions of themselves.
And I can say to them, you'rethinking poorly right now.
Let's look at the other side ofthat story because remember
(34:49):
there are two sides to everystory and you have a choice as
to which one you want tobelieve.
Okay.
My story, two sides.
I wasn't chosen, but in allactuality I was, but I never
told the story to anybody abouthow I felt.
And so I just had myself tolisten to.
(35:10):
And when I faced that story headon, I realized I was chosen my
entire life.
I just looked at the wrong sideof the story.
There's two sides to everystory.
So, who do you want to be?
What do you want?
How do you want to feel?
Because you can change the wayyou feel, too, by the way that
(35:31):
you think about it.
Because that's The selfreflection piece, right?
Our values, what we want, itdrives our behaviors.
And if we feel stuck and we'renot getting what we want, we act
out negatively.
We react negatively, but thepower to unstuck yourself is
(35:51):
within you.
You just have to change yourthought process, change your
actions and be willing to beuncomfortable while you change.
And it's worth it.
It's worth it.
I promise.
It's worth it.
When you know yourself, you canbetter serve your teams, your
communities, your families, andcreate the environment.
(36:12):
Where you thrive along witheveryone else.
look at your core values from apersonal standpoint.
Look at your core values from acompany standpoint.
And how do you, as a person,personify those to your team?
How do your behaviors, youractions, your reactions, the
proactive way that you live yourlife, how do they look for
(36:35):
someone to see them?
Do you know?
And can you show them and tellthem, right?
Ask yourself those questions.
Remember, more than anything,what gets in the way becomes the
way.
Every challenge is anopportunity to grow and become
the person that you're meant tobe.
(36:57):
I believe that my adversity ismy advantage, and that when I
own my story, that I will createmy future.
And every day, I try to take onestep forward in that direction.
Every day, I fight the negativethoughts in my mind.
And every day, I prove myselfright or wrong.
(37:20):
And that's all we can do.
You have the power.
Let people be angry.
Let people reject you.
Let people go that are holdingyou back and Start creating the
story that serves you.
We all have worked incommunities that need better
staffing, that need morestaffing, that need more
(37:41):
education.
It starts with you.
We can listen to everything orwe can do something about it.
When you own your communitystory, you'll find the people
who want to be a part of thatstory.
You're not for everybody.
You're for specific people.
Who are they?
When you know, you will attractthem.
When you know who you want tobe, you will become that.
(38:04):
And when you know where you wantto go, you can start taking
steps.
In that direction.
Thank you for being here andlistening to me today.
we're going to start talkingabout energy and boundaries next
because your mindset, yourboundaries, your energy help you
become the leader and the personyou want to be.
(38:25):
If this has helped you forwardit to somebody, leave me a
review, a comment, leave me amessage on LinkedIn.
I love getting those.
Thank you so much.
And as always, aspire for morefor you.
Silence.
Have you ever felt like your own
thoughts are working againstyou?
Like you're stuck in thishorrific thought loop of doubt,
frustration, anger, resentment,or fear, and you can't seem to
just let it go, break free, cutthe loop?
(00:22):
I know I have, that's for sure.
What if I told you that thestories that you tell yourself,
the ones you don't even realizeare running in the background,
are Really, what is shaping yourreality?
I hope that this episode helpsyou recognize That you probably
(00:45):
have more influence over yourlife than anyone else.
I know that's what I haverealized in my life.
And by shifting your mindset andreframing your thoughts and
turning obstacles intoopportunities, adversity into
your advantage, you canradically shift your reality
(01:08):
very quickly.
It isn't just about thinkingpositively because It's a lot
more than that.
It's about recognizing thehidden patterns that hold you
back and replacing them withpowerful growth oriented habits
or even reminders that you'renot stuck.
(01:33):
You can do anything you want todo.
You just have to.
To do it, right?
We're gonna unpack three gamechanging questions that I feel
like every person needs to askthemselves, but specifically
every leader needs to askthemselves.
And they are, What do you reallywant?
(01:54):
How do you want to feel?
And what are you trying tocontrol?
Is it even controllable?
Stick with me, because by theend of this episode, I believe
you're going to have a littlebit more guidance on the tools
to help you rewrite your ownstory.
(02:15):
To embrace your true potential,and honestly, to start building
the life you want.
And the leadership that you wantthat I believe will help
influence others inside of yourcommunity, your job, your
family.
Whatever it is that you areleading and let's get started.
I'm really excited about this,mindset boundaries and energy
(02:38):
are just.
My, my focus in my life, theyhave been my focus on my life,
really, since 2020, when it hitinside the community, but
honestly, a real focus.
Deep dive.
I want to change my life kind offocus starting in 2023,
(03:02):
actually, when I started thispodcast, this podcast is a huge,
example of doing something, eventhough you feel not qualified.
Scared less than or askyourself, who's going to listen
to this anyways?
Why are you doing this?
(03:23):
So every time I put a podcast orstart a podcast on, I ask
myself.
These questions and then I haveto remind myself you're doing
this for the one person thatlistens.
That's who you're doing thisfor.
and I promised myself at thevery beginning that it wasn't
(03:46):
about the number of people wholistens.
It's about the one person thatyou help when you tell your
story.
And that sounds so cheesy.
Because we hear it a lot, but Iwant to tell you, if you
actually believe it, it is theglimmer of hope to keep you
going.
(04:07):
Turns out, more than one personlistened to it, and more than
one person listens to all myepisodes, and so therefore I
keep going.
Because if one person listens, Iwill create another episode.
That's what I tell myself.
Even on the darkest days, whenan episode didn't get as much of
a listen as a previous episode,1 person listened to it, and
(04:28):
that's all that matters.
So we all have, I have bigmindset traps inside my mind,
big mindset traps.
So I want to dive into, and Ifeel like I have been very
honest on multiple differentepisodes about my struggle with
mindset and how honestly, ifthere is 1 problem that I could
(04:53):
say, it was.
and is the biggest hurdle in mylife.
It's my mindset.
It is the story that I tellmyself over and over again.
And no matter how much work I doto exercise the skill of
(05:13):
changing the story, rewritingthe story, ignoring the story,
reminding myself of differentaccomplishments.
It is still a battle I fightevery single day.
Cause the truth is, I know thatmy thoughts create my reality.
(05:34):
They just do.
My thoughts, the way I thinkabout every situation, controls
my emotions, controls myactions, and controls my
outcomes.
I know that my thoughts about aspecific situation will control
my emotions, and I know myemotions will control my actions
(05:55):
and reactions.
And then my actions control theoutcome.
I know that, and on a visceral,full body level, I understand
when you look back at my lifeand different decisions that I
made and reactions that were notgood, it all started with a
thought.
And that thought, that deeprooted thought is, it's never
(06:17):
going to be enough.
I'm never going to be enough.
And that there's a lot of shamewrapped in that sentence.
I took a lot of time to find theroot cause of that sentence.
I know the root cause of thatsentence.
And honestly, I faced thatsentence head on.
(06:38):
And so therefore it no longerhas control over me.
It got in my way in every aspectof my life.
And I decided to face it headon, and the many different
scenarios that play into that.
And I did, and it was scary, andit hurt, and it was amazing and
(07:00):
wonderful, and now I know, in mylife, that I chose to look at
the wrong side of the story.
Because there are two sides toevery story.
So if I wasn't enough and Iwasn't chosen or it's never
gonna be enough the oppositeside of that story is I was
(07:22):
chosen.
But I never looked at it fromthat perspective, right?
And so I have to choose myselfover and over again.
What do you want, Erin?
How do you want to feel, Erin?
What are you trying to control,Erin, right?
(07:42):
No one has power over me anymoreunless I give them power over
me.
And when I give them power overme, it's because I have given
the power of my thoughts.
Away.
I know that now.
That's the power of the mindset.
I can do something wrong, and Ido a lot, and I can make someone
(08:04):
mad or I can make a bad decisionand a bad outcome comes of that
and I can learn from it and itno longer, pierces me to my soul
my worth is not tied into thatoutcome, right?
Bringing awareness to thatsentence, to that feeling, to
that origin story of that allowsme to regain power over my life.
(08:31):
In my people pleasing days, Ineeded people to validate me,
unfortunately.
I needed them to tell me that Iwas doing a good job, not in a
desperate way, but in I justneed it to be reminded.
Now, a good leader would do thatanyways.
A good company that you work forwould do that anyways.
(08:52):
But we don't always have that inour life.
But what we do have when we workinside of a community are a lot
of family members and residentswho tell you're doing a great
job.
And when you have that, it'sconstantly feeding me and giving
me the energy that I need.
But when I allow myself to needthat kind of validation, I give
(09:15):
away my own power to somedegree.
I don't realize that the, allthe validation that I ever
wanted was from me.
I needed to be aware of my ownamazingness.
My own awesomeness, even in poordecisions, even in emotional
reactions, even in not hittingthe mark, I needed to know that
(09:39):
I was going to learn from it andbe okay and not be the one to
destroy myself and then defendmyself with other people because
I have already done the negativeself talk to myself over and
over again.
Because I'm just going to tellyou, the power of the mind, when
it does it, when you're negativeto yourself or you're telling
(10:00):
yourself negative stories andyou're believing those stories
and you're beating yourself upwith all the things that you did
wrong, when somebody comes toyou like a boss or supervisor or
a family member or a, whateverthat person is for you and your
industry.
They're coming to you, butyou've already beat yourself up
to such a point to where youcan't take it anymore, and
(10:23):
you're scared, and what do youdo?
You start defending yourself.
And when that defensive layercomes up, You're in self
protection and you don't allowconstructive criticism,
constructive feedback, earnedfeedback or earned criticism to
come near you and you becomepotentially unteachable.
(10:45):
I have felt like there wereseveral people that, I was never
going to penetrate that wall tohelp them understand and bring
awareness to what they weredoing.
And I am sure.
There are a few people thatthought the same way about me.
I could tell you my parents did.
As a kid, as a teenager.
But, as an adult, in my forties,I learned that what protected me
(11:13):
as a younger version of Erin,and in other different facets of
my life, that protected me in apositive way, that helped me,
There comes a point in your lifewhere carrying that shield, that
protective armor, becomes toomuch to carry.
And that's what I felt like itwas for me.
(11:34):
2022 happened, and I left acommunity that I loved.
The relationship with thecorporate office just died a
very slow and torturous death.
And When I look in to takeaccountability for that, there
was a lot of defensiveness frommy side, a lot of resentment
(11:59):
that I had, this negative energythat was just stirring inside of
me.
And a lot of it came from me,the stories that I told myself.
They could have been true, and Ithink a lot of them were true,
but it didn't serve me.
Instead of being content withthe people that I loved and
(12:20):
served inside the community, Ibecame.
angry and resentful that ahundred percent wasn't good
enough or a near perfect surveywasn't good enough or, a good
and a lie wasn't good enough.
I started telling myself allthese things that I believed to
(12:40):
be true and I started puttingall these old wounds on people
that did not hurt me.
They didn't necessarily treat methe way that I wanted to be
treated, but they didn't hurt methe way that I acted towards
them, right?
I now know, because hindsight's20 20, and I look back and I
(13:01):
look at all the work that I'vedone, that my thoughts about
everything affected me more thananyone on the outside affected
me.
Anyone.
And they had no idea.
That I was struggling with selfworth and value and needed
(13:23):
things that they didn't have thecapacity to do.
And that wasn't their fault,right?
It wasn't their fault.
I was just drowning in my ownvery poor mindset and what I
wish I would have known then,which is really what my mission
is for senior living leaders,because we give so much.
There's so much of us that wehave to give away.
(13:46):
It is we have to be on call 24hours a day, 7 days a week.
365 days a year.
We have to solve problemsconstantly.
We have to hire people.
We have to find the rightpeople.
We have to give so much ofourselves that we lose some of
us, lose the ability tounderstand or define what do we
(14:11):
want?
What do we need?
How are we treating ourselves?
And what are we trying tocontrol that we cannot control?
Because you don't have control.
What you have is anxiety.
The only thing that you cancontrol is the way that you
(14:33):
think about a situation, the waythat you react about a
situation, and the effort thatyou put in, and the education
that you gain from outsidesources, through experiences,
and how you implement it.
That's it.
I cannot control other people.
I cannot control, no matter howmuch I You expect people to be a
(14:54):
certain way.
You cannot control them, cannotenable them enough to change.
You cannot want them enough tochange.
All you can do is control whatyou will accept and what you
will no longer accept.
you can put every interventionin place to keep someone safe,
but you can't always control theuncontrollable or the
(15:19):
inevitable, right?
when I think about mindsetshifts, I think about what do
you want?
What do you want out of this onelife that you have, this one
career, out of your community,out of the effort that you give?
Because when you decide what youwant, you get to make a plan,
(15:43):
and you get to determine whatyou're willing to sacrifice to
get it, because it takessacrifice.
Sacrifice is required to getanything.
To never work again wouldsacrifice a consistent paycheck,
right?
Work all the time to reach thenumbers and the goals and to
(16:03):
exceed every expectation wouldsacrifice a lot of downtime to
Run a marathon Would sacrifice alot of time at home and you
would be in a lot of pain as youwere earning your as you were
earning growing in yourendurance.
It takes sacrifice.
(16:24):
Creating a podcast like this isa lot of sacrifice because you
have to learn how to do it.
You have to feel silly sittinghere talking to yourself.
You have to put yourself outthere in a vulnerable way.
You have to do the researchabout the topics that you want
to talk about.
You have to ask people if theywant to be on it.
You have to learn how to editit.
Then you have to post it.
(16:45):
There's just a lot of sacrifice.
Nothing is free.
what do you want?
What do you want?
Not what somebody wants you towant, not what somebody's
telling you to want.
What do you want?
This self awareness will takeyou a long way if you take the
time and write it down.
Do you want weekends with lessinterruptions?
Do you want a good night'ssleep?
(17:08):
Do you want to lose 25 pounds?
Do you want a better marriage?
Do you want a betterrelationship with the corporate
office?
Whatever it is, You have thepower.
You have the power to change it.
You just have to become aware ofit first.
Which is the first step, right?
And the next question is, how doyou want to feel?
(17:28):
And I think to me, what I wantwas a big question.
Yes.
Because I, I had to decide,because I was I thought I wanted
something and I didn't know howto get it.
I didn't even know if I could doit, but I don't know if I really
wanted that, right?
So I really had to dig deep tofigure out, what do I want?
(17:51):
And then the next one, which Ithink is even bigger, is how do
I want to feel?
Because again, going after whatyou want is going to require
sacrifice.
And then when you're sacrificingand starting from the beginning,
you're going to feel some veryuncomfortable feelings.
story.
My daughter is playingbasketball for the first time.
(18:12):
She's nine years old, so she'sin the third and fourth grade
basketball.
Team and this is my first likemy son does dance without
limits, but he's never played asport My daughter is in
gymnastics Although gymnasticsis very much a sport.
I am NOT emotionally tied togymnastics I am on the other
(18:34):
hand emotionally tied tobasketball because I was a
basketball player and I had anopportunity to be very good in
basketball, but what stood in myway?
You Was my mindset and I see itin my daughter, which is
fascinating to me and itmanifests itself.
It shows itself in a way of.
(18:56):
I'm not good at shooting.
I'm good at defense, but I'm notgood at shooting.
And I mean, listen, think of it,listen to your kids and see how
early this starts.
She is nine years old and she'stelling herself this story and
thank God she's telling me thisstory too.
And I'm like, what do you meanyou're not good at shooting?
(19:17):
and she's just I just can'tshoot.
And I'm like, okay, why are youscared of shooting?
Does it make you nervous?
I mean, When you think aboutoffense and defense, defense
comes naturally.
You just take the ball, you getaggressive, you're defending
people, you're not having to doanything that's vulnerable.
But when you take a shot, abasketball shot, that is
(19:39):
vulnerable because you eithermake it or you don't.
And if you don't make it, how doyou feel afterwards?
And if you shoot the ball seventimes and you don't make it
seven times, how do you feelafterwards?
And then imagine being a nineyear old girl who has never
played basketball before andwe're trying and we're shooting
(20:00):
the ball and we're not makingit.
And in my experience, we'll talkabout free throws.
My, I was a really gooddefensive player, but I am
naturally a defensive person, sodefense comes very natural to
me.
Offense, I was decent at.
Free throws, I was awful at.
And I can tell you, I feel iteven now as I'm sitting here
(20:21):
talking about it.
If it was in the middle of thegame, and I was fouled, and the
gym was packed, and I'm on thefree throw line, I'm thinking
about, are my socks, Up.
What do I look like?
Everybody's watching me.
God, I hope I make this.
This is going to be reallyembarrassing if I don't make it.
These are things that arerunning through my mind.
This is crazy.
(20:42):
I need to be focusing on makingthe shot.
I dribble three times.
I make sure my fingers are onthe black line.
I bend my knees.
I shoot the ball.
And I'm thinking abouteverything else except for what
I need to be.
Because everybody's staring atme and I don't like that.
Now, because I'm not that greatat free throws, I get fouled at
(21:04):
the end of the game.
Because I have the least, freethrow percentage.
But what happens if the game ison the line?
What happens to me when the gameis on the line is I realize
people are depending on me.
And I'm going to make this shot,because I want to win this game.
All of a sudden, the gym isempty, my socks don't matter, I
(21:25):
dribble the ball three times, Iput my fingers on the black
line, and I shoot, and I makethem.
That is how powerful yourmindset is.
I want to feel like I helpedpeople win the game, so
everything else goes away and Iam in the zone.
And I look back at that now andI realize I just needed a
(21:47):
mindset speech when it comes tofree throws.
And I look at my daughter who'ssitting here telling me that she
cannot shoot and I say, Okay,we're going to prove you right
or we're going to prove youwrong.
Let's go.
And we just shoot.
the ball.
It doesn't matter if we makethem, it doesn't matter if we
(22:08):
lose them, but we need to findthe rhythm.
We need to find the pattern.
We need to feel confident thatwe make a few shots.
Fast forward to game numberthree, which was this past
weekend.
And, actually, game number two,she made her first shot.
She scored it in the game.
And then game number three, shescored another one.
(22:29):
Now, I am a very proud mom.
I'm also a very realistic mom.
The score of the game was eightto six, which means that one
team had four shots that wentin, and the other team, our
team, had three.
But Olivia scored in both games,and the coach came up to me and
said, Have you been working withOlivia on her shot?
(22:51):
And I said, yeah, I have.
And he's like, she's becomingone of our better shooters.
And now we just have to get herto be more aggressive.
And I'm like, it's what we tellourselves, right?
You have the opportunity toprove yourself right or to prove
(23:12):
yourself wrong.
Are you willing to do it?
Are you willing to put in theeffort?
Are you willing to sacrificetime, attention, money to get
what you need to do it?
But even more, are you willingto feel like a failure?
Like a beginner?
(23:33):
Because watching my daughter bea beginner is hard and exciting
and fun.
And seeing her practice And getbetter shows me that I can do
the same thing, but we don'twant to feel silly and we don't
(23:54):
want to feel like a beginnerbecause God feeling like a
beginner is such a struggle, butthere's something about the
coach telling you that you arehelping your daughter become one
of the best shooters on theteam.
Again, a team that scores sixpoints, okay?
(24:15):
But it's something about seeingthe end result when you worked
really hard to do it, despite ofhow you want to feel.
If I want to feel like MelRobbins on a podcast, or Ed
Milet on a podcast, or a greatspeaker on the stage, guess what
I have to do?
I have to put the reps in.
(24:36):
I have to do webinar afterwebinar, podcast after podcast,
social media post after socialmedia post, not to get likes,
shares, hopefully to getbusiness, but to get experience.
That's what I have to do.
I have to feel like a nine yearold girl on a basketball team
who can't make a shot.
(24:57):
Until I can make a shot, right?
Good leadership starts withknowing who you are, what you
want, and what you are willingto sacrifice.
Because success takes sacrifice.
It just does.
And that's really important tonote.
And if you're starting over, ifyou're starting something new,
(25:19):
it's not the most fun.
And you want to avoid it.
But don't lean into it becausewhat gets in the way Becomes the
way.
Promise.
I promise you.
I promise you.
I promise you.
What gets in the way Becomes theway.
So lean into the discomfort aslong as you can learn from it
(25:41):
and apply it.
And own the fact that it's brandnew.
I think one of the biggestreasons why I had influence
inside of my community is that Iactually did what was important
to me and I talked about how itwas uncomfortable and I did the
hard work.
If the room wasn't clean, Icleaned it and people saw it.
(26:04):
If there was a server thatwasn't there, I was in there.
And it influences people.
I was never the best atanything.
Always had to work hard.
And when you work hard, youinfluence people.
And when you can prove yourselfright or wrong, you influence
(26:27):
yourself.
And you, not anyone else, butyou are the biggest influence in
your life.
Your mindset.
What do you want?
How do you want to feel?
And what are you trying tocontrol?
Let me tell you.
I want my daughter to playbasketball from here on out
(26:48):
every year and it will be soexciting.
I want her to start.
I want her to do all thesethings.
I don't know if she wants thatand I am okay if she doesn't.
And I tell her that over andover again.
When I was in the community,when I first became an executive
director, I thought everyonethought like me.
I thought everyone was motivatedlike me.
(27:08):
I thought all these things thatwere absolutely untrue.
You do realize how hard it is tolearn that no one in your
community thinks like you.
Maybe some people do, but noteveryone does.
And you have to understand howto motivate them.
I learned through having anautistic son that you don't get
to control your children.
(27:28):
No matter how you try, I was avery judgmental new parent.
I was someone who thought thatmy kids were going to do exactly
what they said, but that's notthe case.
I do not have control like Ithought I would.
You don't either.
Control is an illusion.
And when you realize that, Theworld opens up.
(27:51):
You have to let it go.
What you can do is control howyou educate people.
What you can do is to controlhow you want to show up and
feel.
What you can do is for you tosay, I know what I want and
that's going to influence me.
You've got to replace controlwith influence.
(28:13):
Because influence is the modernday leadership tool that
everyone needs.
It's not control.
It's not.
Control is impossible.
You don't have control, you haveanxiety.
When you try to controleverything, you get so lost in
what you have to do that younever, ever get done what needs
(28:36):
to get done to move the needleforward to success.
If you can figure out the leversof influence inside your
community, inside your life,then you can figure out how to
create the success.
You need the buy in of yourteam.
You need to educate your team.
You need to identify who is onyour team that needs to be on
(28:58):
there and that doesn't need tobe on there.
And you need to be able toidentify what you need as a
leader to grow in influence andin skill for yourself.
There's a lot of humility thathas to come when we have to let
go of control.
(29:18):
And turn our energy intoinfluence and growth.
There's a lot of humility andtransparency and vulnerability.
And I believe there's a lot ofhumility in influence.
Because people want to followpeople that they like and relate
(29:39):
to.
And not necessarily who is justthe boss.
Thanks.
I have given my fair share oftrying to tell people what to
do, and yes, there are parts ofour jobs that we get to do that,
but that doesn't mean that theydo it.
There's more power andempowerment than overpowering
(30:04):
people.
So your mindset of feeling likeyou have to control everything
in order to be successful iswrong.
Of not wanting to be vulnerable,transparent, and eating a piece
of humble pie when you're notable to answer the questions
appropriately from yoursupervisor, your regional
(30:25):
director or whatever, it's whatgets in the way.
But if you can answer a questionwith, we didn't do X, Y, Z, but
we did do A, B, C, and here'swhat we learned and we're going
to implement next.
That's impressive.
And it all started with youknowing what you want, how you
(30:46):
want it to feel, and realizingthat you can't control the
outcome.
Now, I am a person who loves tocontrol outcomes, and I have to
say I was pretty good at it.
But the reason why I was good atit is because I asked a bunch of
questions.
I didn't control the outcome, Iinfluenced the outcome and
there's two, that's two totallydifferent things.
(31:08):
I realized I was trying tocontrol the outcome and you
can't control people.
People influence outcomes, theydon't control them.
those three questions, what doyou want, how do I want to feel,
and what are you trying tocontrol, will influence your own
mindset and will turn yourstory, if it's negative, into a
(31:31):
friend of yours.
And when you are having thesenegative mindset moments, asking
yourself three questions willhelp you rewrite the story.
Because most people have a verynegative first impression.
version of the story that wetell ourselves.
That doesn't mean it's true.
(31:52):
And you got to stop listening toyourself and start telling
yourself the truth.
What do I want?
How do I want to feel?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
And what am I trying to controlthat I need to influence rather
than control?
So a framework that I like touse is acknowledge and recognize
(32:13):
the negative thoughts andemotions.
Stop trying to stuff them down.
Acknowledge them.
They're there.
We all have them to some degree.
Acknowledge them and thenreflect.
Examine them on whether thosethoughts are true or helpful.
Okay, and then reframe them,shift the perspective to focus
(32:33):
on growth and learning.
It's not about the outcome.
Your worth is not tied to theoutcome.
Your worth is in the process,look at me, right?
I'm 78 episodes in, or look ather.
She shot two, she made twobaskets in two games, right?
It's not about they only scoredsix points, right?
(32:57):
It's the fact that she made twopoints.
And she's proving to herselfevery day that she could shoot
and score in a game.
And that's a huge thing.
And so what are you doing foryou?
Are you taking down the notes ofeverything that you haven't done
and focusing on those?
Or are you taking down the notesof what you actually have done?
(33:19):
And being proud of that andletting that boost your forward
momentum.
That is a big deal.
ask yourself this.
And this is something that I askmyself.
Who do you want to be a yearfrom now, five years from now?
I would say approximately a yearand a half ago, I wanted to be a
podcast host that had 100episodes and who had, active
(33:43):
listeners.
I'm on my way.
This is, I think, my 79thepisode.
But in order to get here, wherehonestly the most people have
downloaded just a solo episodefrom me, I am getting consistent
downloads of numbers that I havenot seen before.
It took 78 episodes to getthere.
(34:05):
And I would never have gottenhere if I didn't start with
episode number one.
Or had episodes that only had 19listeners.
And been really happy when I had50 listeners.
So We all start somewhere andthe goal is not the number of
listeners.
The goal is how I grow throughthe process, how I show up being
(34:27):
the best version of myself, howI structure podcasts better, or
how I get on the stage andconnect with people speaking, or
how I help coach people in, tothe best versions of themselves.
And I can say to them, you'rethinking poorly right now.
Let's look at the other side ofthat story because remember
(34:49):
there are two sides to everystory and you have a choice as
to which one you want tobelieve.
Okay.
My story, two sides.
I wasn't chosen, but in allactuality I was, but I never
told the story to anybody abouthow I felt.
And so I just had myself tolisten to.
(35:10):
And when I faced that story headon, I realized I was chosen my
entire life.
I just looked at the wrong sideof the story.
There's two sides to everystory.
So, who do you want to be?
What do you want?
How do you want to feel?
Because you can change the wayyou feel, too, by the way that
(35:31):
you think about it.
Because that's The selfreflection piece, right?
Our values, what we want, itdrives our behaviors.
And if we feel stuck and we'renot getting what we want, we act
out negatively.
We react negatively, but thepower to unstuck yourself is
(35:51):
within you.
You just have to change yourthought process, change your
actions and be willing to beuncomfortable while you change.
And it's worth it.
It's worth it.
I promise.
It's worth it.
When you know yourself, you canbetter serve your teams, your
communities, your families, andcreate the environment.
(36:12):
Where you thrive along witheveryone else.
look at your core values from apersonal standpoint.
Look at your core values from acompany standpoint.
And how do you, as a person,personify those to your team?
How do your behaviors, youractions, your reactions, the
proactive way that you live yourlife, how do they look for
(36:35):
someone to see them?
Do you know?
And can you show them and tellthem, right?
Ask yourself those questions.
Remember, more than anything,what gets in the way becomes the
way.
Every challenge is anopportunity to grow and become
the person that you're meant tobe.
(36:57):
I believe that my adversity ismy advantage, and that when I
own my story, that I will createmy future.
And every day, I try to take onestep forward in that direction.
Every day, I fight the negativethoughts in my mind.
And every day, I prove myselfright or wrong.
(37:20):
And that's all we can do.
You have the power.
Let people be angry.
Let people reject you.
Let people go that are holdingyou back and Start creating the
story that serves you.
We all have worked incommunities that need better
staffing, that need morestaffing, that need more
(37:41):
education.
It starts with you.
We can listen to everything orwe can do something about it.
When you own your communitystory, you'll find the people
who want to be a part of thatstory.
You're not for everybody.
You're for specific people.
Who are they?
When you know, you will attractthem.
When you know who you want tobe, you will become that.
(38:04):
And when you know where you wantto go, you can start taking
steps.
In that direction.
Thank you for being here andlistening to me today.
we're going to start talkingabout energy and boundaries next
because your mindset, yourboundaries, your energy help you
become the leader and the personyou want to be.
(38:25):
If this has helped you forwardit to somebody, leave me a
review, a comment, leave me amessage on LinkedIn.
I love getting those.
Thank you so much.
And as always, aspire for morefor you.
Silence.
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