Do you overuse the word sorry? (63)

Selina Iddon opens the episode with a discussion on the word "sorry," prompting listeners to rethink its usage. She delves into the impact and psychology behind frequent apologies, exploring how they can undermine self-confidence and communication. The episode provides training on using apologies effectively, ensuring they carry genuine meaning and intention. Selina emphasizes the importance of honoring the word "sorry," encouraging a mindful approach to its use. The episode concludes with reflections on maintaining the integrity of apologies and fostering healthier interactions.

Episode Transcript

(00:09):
Good morning, and welcome back to the AussieMindset Mentor.
I was speaking with someone this morning, and Istarted with the word sorry.
Now I looked at it afterwards, and I thought,am I really sorry?
I wasn't.
Why did I say that?
Who else out there is like an automatic sorry?

(00:30):
Like, it just rolls off the tongue.
It's almost like saying good morning or how areyou?
Sorry.
Why do we use that?
I know for myself and a lot of other peoplethat sorry is a way of introducing something
almost to say, I'm going to ask for yourunderstanding here, or, oh, this is something

(00:53):
I'm uncomfortable saying, or it might even beabout to change an agreement that we already
had.
So it becomes a way of softening the ground tobe non confrontational.
Basically, there's no power in it.
For starters, by starting on the foot ofsaying, I'm sorry, you're already putting

(01:16):
yourself not even as equal, but in a lowerposition to the person you're speaking to.
Like, you're answering to them, you'reapologizing to them.
Yeah.
This may be appropriate if you truly have donesomething that you're sorry for, but I'm
talking about the times where we just say sorryand it just rolls off the tongue.

(01:37):
Now, really.
What for?
When we use sorry, a really good method is toask yourself, for what?
Sorry for what?
If you wanna get out of the habit of justsaying sorry, like, seriously, being a walking
apology.
Because I know when I was younger, I was sorryfor everything.

(01:59):
I could be saying sorry, oh, a dozen times aday when I was speaking to someone.
Simply to appease myself because it meantnothing to the other person.
In the end, me saying sorry, a word that couldreally carry a lot of weight if it was genuine,
was something that I was just trashing andusing to comfort myself.

(02:24):
Like, really, no power in that at all.
Now remembering, I'm talking about thesituations where truly there is nothing to be
sorry for.
So when the best way to start in not using theword sorry is get in the habit of linking it
into what it is you're saying sorry about.

(02:48):
And then it'll bring an awareness like, sorry.
I'm about to change an agreement we have.
And then you go, hang on.
That's just dumb.
Or you might say, oh, someone sort of calls outto you.
Sorry.
Like then you gotta stop and think.
Oh, what am I sorry for?

(03:11):
That's gonna sound really weird if I actuallysay that out loud because it's not something to
be sorry for.
Or you realize just how ridiculous it is thatyou would apologize for it at all.
And in fact, it would probably make the otherperson feel uncomfortable.
It would get the conversation off track.

(03:34):
So that's a great way to start trainingyourself to cut the word sorry out and respect
the word.
Just use it when it truly counts.
And when it does truly count, don't be afraidto use it.
Just use it with respect.
Now this sounds like a little thing, butimagine every time you're saying sorry and

(03:59):
there's no reason to be sorry, you're tellingyour brain and you're reconfirming that you are
not at a higher position as the other person.
You have something to be sorry for.
You're stuffing up.
You make people uncomfortable.
You're trying to, you know, smooth the ways.

(04:22):
You're non confrontational.
You can't speak up.
Whatever it is, there'll be a theme for you insaying the word sorry.
And maybe it's just a cop out.
Who knows?
But whatever it is, you really wanna disappearit.
It doesn't honor you or the other person.
Sorry is a beautiful, wonderful word.

(04:45):
It's meant to be a word for healing.
And when we use it mindlessly, it's actuallywounding.
So that's it for today.
Cut out the word sorry when you don't need touse it.
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to others.
Bye for now.