November 10, 2021 • 15 mins
Selina Iddon begins by recapping the importance of habits and their impact on mindset. She explores how language shapes our mindset and the significance of achieving win-win outcomes. The discussion includes maintaining an ideal weight through mindset strategies and the influences of marketing, culture, and environment. Selina emphasizes the importance of building a supportive tribe to foster success. She highlights the role of practicing kindness and fostering connections. The episode wraps up with closing remarks and a goodbye.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:08):
Good morning.
Welcome back to the Aussie Mindset Mentorpodcast.
My name is Selena.
I really appreciate you joining me today.
Today is going to be a follow on from my
last episode on habits.
And whilst you don't need to have listened tomy last episode to get what I'm saying today, I
do recommend it.
(00:30):
So last episode, I defined habits as theactions that go with the person we think we
are.
So I'm just going to say that again becauseit's still valid.
So I want you to take a moment to listen tothat.
Habits are the actions that match the person wethink we are.
(00:53):
So adding to this for today's podcast, I'mgoing to make a distinction between habits and
repeated actions.
So I'm going to distinguish habits as actionsyou don't even have to think about.
They're easy, automatic.
And no matter how much they don't make sense,they fulfill us in some way, even if it's just
because they're a habit.
(01:14):
They're familiar with a whole bit of the devilstuff.
Alright?
Now repeated actions on the other hand arethings that we do over and over again
consciously, deliberately, and they take aneffort or an energy.
It might be a small energy and might be welland truly or I'm sure it is worth it.
However, it's still something that you'reconsciously doing.
(01:37):
So, you may do these repeated actions formonths, years, look, even decades.
However, if you're making yourself do it overand over, like, really making yourself and
takes that effort every single time, for theduration of this podcast, I'm gonna say it's
not a habit.
This is the difference for the person who failsor or sorry.
(02:00):
This is the difference falls off the wagon.
You know?
Or it's the difference for the person who yoyos with their weight and fitness.
It's also the difference for the person whoonly, you know, just has that one at the pub or
under certain circumstances.
They're not really a smoker.
Alright?
So first, the mindset and language point that Iwanna look at when speaking about a victory.
(02:26):
Right?
And that's where we're mainly gonna concentratetoday.
For those who feel you've given up a bad habit,given up, there's the language and the type of
language that I'm gonna start with straightaway.
So but there is a very thin line here with whatI'm about to say.
So when you're sharing about your victory, likelosing weight, giving up smoking, or, giving up
(02:51):
drinking, that can be inspiring for others, andthat's a good thing.
But really be careful of your language.
Alright?
For starters, your brain does not like to loseanything or to give up or go without things.
It doesn't.
And if reliving your victory gives you afeeling of bravado or this feeling of, yes,
(03:17):
I've done it.
I've done it.
And it's about more about you than it is aboutinspiring others or helping others, then just
be careful.
Alright?
It's good to feel proud, and this is where thatvery fine line is.
It's great to feel proud of yourself in yournew state, but being proud of the victory or of
(03:43):
the loss, that's where the danger is.
I know.
It's a it's a very fine line.
Right?
But consider the victory comes from winning abattle.
So if coming from that kind of victoryviewpoint, then it'll it's gonna take more
energy from you.
And here's why.
In any battle, any competition, the defeatedwill be looking to take back their title to
(04:09):
reclaim those spoils of victory.
So until it's a win win, until it's not avictory over actually the the part of you that
you didn't that you were rejecting.
Right?
Until it's a victory with how great you feelwithout comparing to before, until there's that
(04:32):
kind of win win, then there's no true peace inthat.
Because there's always gonna be a part of youon guard to not be that other part again.
There's always gonna be that part of you that'snot at peace with who you are because there'll
be this little part that's feeling like a fraudbecause, actually, this is what I can be too.
(04:53):
Alright?
And wherever you're at, that's who you are.
Love that.
So how do we get a win win?
Alright?
So I'll use the example of maintaining an idealweight for the rest of this episode.
It just it just makes it easier for just lookat one one thing.
Now ideal weight, right, is different foreverybody.
(05:15):
Alright?
It doesn't mean that you're thin or you'rewhatever.
Right?
It means the weight that you you and your bodyare happy with, and that supports you living a
life you love.
Right?
I know for myself, when I was ninety plus kilosfor a while there, it didn't support my
(05:38):
lifestyle.
Alright.
I was getting into horses.
Definitely didn't support my riding.
It didn't support every time I had to go up astep of stairs.
It didn't support some of the activities Iwanted to do with my children.
Oh, there was so much about that that justdidn't support.
And one of the biggest things was even gettingout of bed in the mornings, my knees ached.
(05:59):
So for me, it's not about necessarily what I'mseeing in the mirror.
There is a there's a weight where my knees andmy hip hurts if I'm over my ideal weight.
And that's that's it.
Alright?
So whatever your weight is that works for you,that's the weight that I'm talking about here.
(06:20):
I'm definitely not meaning looking like someair fantasy airbrushed thing on the front of a
magazine.
That's not to take away from the women on thefront of the magazine.
I really admire the work they put into beingthere.
It's the airbrushing and the stuff that thecompanies are doing to sell us.
That's that's what I object to.
(06:41):
Okay.
So firstly, the language of losing weight.
Right?
Or, I've lost weight.
Any versions of that will steal your energy.
Like, try words like, oh, I reached my idealweight four years ago.
You're, oh, I gained so much more energy withgetting healthy four years ago.
(07:03):
Oh, I started really feeling stronger and freeto do so many more things four years ago.
Or when my when the numbers changed on myscales four years ago, then since then, I've
been right?
Make it up.
Really get creative.
You can have you can make a game out of comingup with lines that work for you.
(07:27):
Rather than the victory be about losing,There's that whole win lose thing again.
Have the victory be about finding yourselfwhatever weight you are when you stand in front
of that mirror.
Love where you are.
Love that person.
Be great with that person.
(07:49):
And I promise you that person will be far moreinclined to be a win win on your journey rather
than someone who's fighting to be accepted andloved by you.
And we're talking about you with yourself.
So by the way, we don't overeat, overdrink,smoke, or any of those things for no reason.
(08:12):
There's enough education around now.
Right?
So we the work that you wanna be looking at iswhat has you rejecting or feeling bad or not
looking after yourself?
And look.
One of the biggest thing.
Yes.
There is marketing.
There's a culture.
There's corporations, given family, everything.
(08:34):
They're getting rich off or feeling comfortableby selling you these options to access, and you
can choose.
In all of us, there is a desire to fit in.
Like, not so long ago in history.
I mean, well, a few thousand years ago.
But, really, fitting in was a matter of life ordeath.
If you if you just went off on your own, therewould be someone or a major threat out there
(08:59):
that you weren't equipped with to deal with onyour own.
So the difference between habit and repeatedaction may well be the tribe you are in and
wanting to fit in with them.
So the people you hang with.
Alright?
So this is a much bigger choice than donut orno donut.
(09:23):
You may need to some help in in the beginning,and I encourage you to do that because we're
talking now about some big changes when we'restarting to talk about your tribe.
People are only a part of one of the biggestfactors, though.
The big factor tribe's pretty big, but thereally big picture is all of your environment.
(09:46):
I'm gonna say that again.
Alright.
If you want to change your habits, you've gottachange your environment.
Now this might include your, tribe, but it willalso include what you have in your cupboards,
your music, your clothes, your routines, thedecorations in your room even, what kind of
(10:07):
posters you have up.
It may even mean changing jobs or your hobbies.
Alright.
The quickest way to form a habit and have itall be easier is to live the life as someone
with those habits.
And this includes speaking and using thelanguage that they do.
(10:29):
A person who eats healthy doesn't talk abouttheir food.
It's just a part of their day.
Now humans weren't designed for perfection.
Right?
Something really important to remember.
We're all given the power of choice, though.
So don't go for perfection.
That's an imperfection in itself.
But we were given the power of choice.
(10:51):
And if you're motivated by a challenge, if youenjoy a big victory, let the victory be against
the corporations spending millions of dollarsin mind games, lies, and marketing to get you
to consume their crap.
Like, really.
Have a victory in telling them that they don'tget to run your life.
(11:11):
Have your environment be about connecting withothers who are like minded.
And when I say like minded, this is not aboutjoining a group of others wanting to lose
weight.
Like, definitely go to those who work for you,and I'm absolutely an advocate for AA.
However, have it be a smaller part of your lifethan going other places or other things you're
(11:38):
doing.
Have going to those groups be aboutcontributing and being vulnerable.
If you go to these groups, it's it's not to getfixed.
Right?
It's because you enjoy them.
Healthy people aren't going to those groups.
Find a passion and put your focus there.
(11:58):
Alright?
However, going to those groups can be part ofthe earlier when I was saying I encourage you
to get help, to have some support, especiallyif you're changing tribes, changing your
people, then and the friends that you'rehanging with, then going to some of those other
groups that will give you other people on thesame journey and and fill a bit of that void
(12:24):
maybe.
But also, have a look for other groups that arearound, and you might not feel like you fit in
to be able to go.
Like, the idea of going to a gym might yeah.
Oh, no.
No.
I've gotta be fit first.
Uh-uh.
This whole podcast is about you you don't startwith the end.
Right?
Start if you I think I said that back to front.
(12:46):
Don't, like, have to be and look the way youwanna turn out in the end.
You act and think and take the actions of howyou will be at the end.
In other words, it doesn't matter how muchweight you've got or how ideal your fitness is
at the moment or what your scales are saying.
If a healthy person, if you're emulating that,start at the gym.
(13:11):
Regardless, love yourself for the person withthe courage and the guts to get in there and
start doing her best or his best, whatever thatis.
Alright?
And without comparing yourself to others.
That oh, when you taste that victory, my everyother victory you have will just pale in the
(13:34):
insignificance.
Alright?
That's the that's a victory worth having.
So you're absolutely someone who is capable ofthat.
And how do I know it?
You're a lifelong learner.
How do I know that?
Because you're listening to this podcast, andyou've made it this far.
Like, seriously, someone who isn't up for whatI'm suggesting, they would have turned this off
(13:58):
by now.
So I know you can do it.
You are someone who can and does make adifference in the world already.
So maybe put more focus on that, acknowledgingthat.
You know, please, we need more people like youout in the world making it a better place.
You know, take an action today that contributesto the world.
(14:21):
If you're not sure where to start, start withbeing kind to a stranger.
You may never know the details of thedifference it will make.
Right?
The ripple effect it might have.
What I do know with certainty is more peoplebeing kind, the kinder the world is.
And kindness comes with connection, and withconnection comes happiness.
(14:48):
If you wanna practice a new habit, I highlyrecommend the habit of of kindness.
When it ends in happiness, well, that's ourgoal right then and there.
That's being that's being the person.
Alright?
And then some of those other things that havebeen getting in the way, some of those things
that we've called habits in the past that we'vebeen doing, we won't need them.
(15:12):
We'll be happy without them.
So go spread some kindness, change yourenvironment, and with that, I'll leave you here
for today.
Thanks for listening.
Bye for now.
Good morning.
Welcome back to the Aussie Mindset Mentorpodcast.
My name is Selena.
I really appreciate you joining me today.
Today is going to be a follow on from my
last episode on habits.
And whilst you don't need to have listened tomy last episode to get what I'm saying today, I
do recommend it.
(00:30):
So last episode, I defined habits as theactions that go with the person we think we
are.
So I'm just going to say that again becauseit's still valid.
So I want you to take a moment to listen tothat.
Habits are the actions that match the person wethink we are.
(00:53):
So adding to this for today's podcast, I'mgoing to make a distinction between habits and
repeated actions.
So I'm going to distinguish habits as actionsyou don't even have to think about.
They're easy, automatic.
And no matter how much they don't make sense,they fulfill us in some way, even if it's just
because they're a habit.
(01:14):
They're familiar with a whole bit of the devilstuff.
Alright?
Now repeated actions on the other hand arethings that we do over and over again
consciously, deliberately, and they take aneffort or an energy.
It might be a small energy and might be welland truly or I'm sure it is worth it.
However, it's still something that you'reconsciously doing.
(01:37):
So, you may do these repeated actions formonths, years, look, even decades.
However, if you're making yourself do it overand over, like, really making yourself and
takes that effort every single time, for theduration of this podcast, I'm gonna say it's
not a habit.
This is the difference for the person who failsor or sorry.
(02:00):
This is the difference falls off the wagon.
You know?
Or it's the difference for the person who yoyos with their weight and fitness.
It's also the difference for the person whoonly, you know, just has that one at the pub or
under certain circumstances.
They're not really a smoker.
Alright?
So first, the mindset and language point that Iwanna look at when speaking about a victory.
(02:26):
Right?
And that's where we're mainly gonna concentratetoday.
For those who feel you've given up a bad habit,given up, there's the language and the type of
language that I'm gonna start with straightaway.
So but there is a very thin line here with whatI'm about to say.
So when you're sharing about your victory, likelosing weight, giving up smoking, or, giving up
(02:51):
drinking, that can be inspiring for others, andthat's a good thing.
But really be careful of your language.
Alright?
For starters, your brain does not like to loseanything or to give up or go without things.
It doesn't.
And if reliving your victory gives you afeeling of bravado or this feeling of, yes,
(03:17):
I've done it.
I've done it.
And it's about more about you than it is aboutinspiring others or helping others, then just
be careful.
Alright?
It's good to feel proud, and this is where thatvery fine line is.
It's great to feel proud of yourself in yournew state, but being proud of the victory or of
(03:43):
the loss, that's where the danger is.
I know.
It's a it's a very fine line.
Right?
But consider the victory comes from winning abattle.
So if coming from that kind of victoryviewpoint, then it'll it's gonna take more
energy from you.
And here's why.
In any battle, any competition, the defeatedwill be looking to take back their title to
(04:09):
reclaim those spoils of victory.
So until it's a win win, until it's not avictory over actually the the part of you that
you didn't that you were rejecting.
Right?
Until it's a victory with how great you feelwithout comparing to before, until there's that
(04:32):
kind of win win, then there's no true peace inthat.
Because there's always gonna be a part of youon guard to not be that other part again.
There's always gonna be that part of you that'snot at peace with who you are because there'll
be this little part that's feeling like a fraudbecause, actually, this is what I can be too.
(04:53):
Alright?
And wherever you're at, that's who you are.
Love that.
So how do we get a win win?
Alright?
So I'll use the example of maintaining an idealweight for the rest of this episode.
It just it just makes it easier for just lookat one one thing.
Now ideal weight, right, is different foreverybody.
(05:15):
Alright?
It doesn't mean that you're thin or you'rewhatever.
Right?
It means the weight that you you and your bodyare happy with, and that supports you living a
life you love.
Right?
I know for myself, when I was ninety plus kilosfor a while there, it didn't support my
(05:38):
lifestyle.
Alright.
I was getting into horses.
Definitely didn't support my riding.
It didn't support every time I had to go up astep of stairs.
It didn't support some of the activities Iwanted to do with my children.
Oh, there was so much about that that justdidn't support.
And one of the biggest things was even gettingout of bed in the mornings, my knees ached.
(05:59):
So for me, it's not about necessarily what I'mseeing in the mirror.
There is a there's a weight where my knees andmy hip hurts if I'm over my ideal weight.
And that's that's it.
Alright?
So whatever your weight is that works for you,that's the weight that I'm talking about here.
(06:20):
I'm definitely not meaning looking like someair fantasy airbrushed thing on the front of a
magazine.
That's not to take away from the women on thefront of the magazine.
I really admire the work they put into beingthere.
It's the airbrushing and the stuff that thecompanies are doing to sell us.
That's that's what I object to.
(06:41):
Okay.
So firstly, the language of losing weight.
Right?
Or, I've lost weight.
Any versions of that will steal your energy.
Like, try words like, oh, I reached my idealweight four years ago.
You're, oh, I gained so much more energy withgetting healthy four years ago.
(07:03):
Oh, I started really feeling stronger and freeto do so many more things four years ago.
Or when my when the numbers changed on myscales four years ago, then since then, I've
been right?
Make it up.
Really get creative.
You can have you can make a game out of comingup with lines that work for you.
(07:27):
Rather than the victory be about losing,There's that whole win lose thing again.
Have the victory be about finding yourselfwhatever weight you are when you stand in front
of that mirror.
Love where you are.
Love that person.
Be great with that person.
(07:49):
And I promise you that person will be far moreinclined to be a win win on your journey rather
than someone who's fighting to be accepted andloved by you.
And we're talking about you with yourself.
So by the way, we don't overeat, overdrink,smoke, or any of those things for no reason.
(08:12):
There's enough education around now.
Right?
So we the work that you wanna be looking at iswhat has you rejecting or feeling bad or not
looking after yourself?
And look.
One of the biggest thing.
Yes.
There is marketing.
There's a culture.
There's corporations, given family, everything.
(08:34):
They're getting rich off or feeling comfortableby selling you these options to access, and you
can choose.
In all of us, there is a desire to fit in.
Like, not so long ago in history.
I mean, well, a few thousand years ago.
But, really, fitting in was a matter of life ordeath.
If you if you just went off on your own, therewould be someone or a major threat out there
(08:59):
that you weren't equipped with to deal with onyour own.
So the difference between habit and repeatedaction may well be the tribe you are in and
wanting to fit in with them.
So the people you hang with.
Alright?
So this is a much bigger choice than donut orno donut.
(09:23):
You may need to some help in in the beginning,and I encourage you to do that because we're
talking now about some big changes when we'restarting to talk about your tribe.
People are only a part of one of the biggestfactors, though.
The big factor tribe's pretty big, but thereally big picture is all of your environment.
(09:46):
I'm gonna say that again.
Alright.
If you want to change your habits, you've gottachange your environment.
Now this might include your, tribe, but it willalso include what you have in your cupboards,
your music, your clothes, your routines, thedecorations in your room even, what kind of
(10:07):
posters you have up.
It may even mean changing jobs or your hobbies.
Alright.
The quickest way to form a habit and have itall be easier is to live the life as someone
with those habits.
And this includes speaking and using thelanguage that they do.
(10:29):
A person who eats healthy doesn't talk abouttheir food.
It's just a part of their day.
Now humans weren't designed for perfection.
Right?
Something really important to remember.
We're all given the power of choice, though.
So don't go for perfection.
That's an imperfection in itself.
But we were given the power of choice.
(10:51):
And if you're motivated by a challenge, if youenjoy a big victory, let the victory be against
the corporations spending millions of dollarsin mind games, lies, and marketing to get you
to consume their crap.
Like, really.
Have a victory in telling them that they don'tget to run your life.
(11:11):
Have your environment be about connecting withothers who are like minded.
And when I say like minded, this is not aboutjoining a group of others wanting to lose
weight.
Like, definitely go to those who work for you,and I'm absolutely an advocate for AA.
However, have it be a smaller part of your lifethan going other places or other things you're
(11:38):
doing.
Have going to those groups be aboutcontributing and being vulnerable.
If you go to these groups, it's it's not to getfixed.
Right?
It's because you enjoy them.
Healthy people aren't going to those groups.
Find a passion and put your focus there.
(11:58):
Alright?
However, going to those groups can be part ofthe earlier when I was saying I encourage you
to get help, to have some support, especiallyif you're changing tribes, changing your
people, then and the friends that you'rehanging with, then going to some of those other
groups that will give you other people on thesame journey and and fill a bit of that void
(12:24):
maybe.
But also, have a look for other groups that arearound, and you might not feel like you fit in
to be able to go.
Like, the idea of going to a gym might yeah.
Oh, no.
No.
I've gotta be fit first.
Uh-uh.
This whole podcast is about you you don't startwith the end.
Right?
Start if you I think I said that back to front.
(12:46):
Don't, like, have to be and look the way youwanna turn out in the end.
You act and think and take the actions of howyou will be at the end.
In other words, it doesn't matter how muchweight you've got or how ideal your fitness is
at the moment or what your scales are saying.
If a healthy person, if you're emulating that,start at the gym.
(13:11):
Regardless, love yourself for the person withthe courage and the guts to get in there and
start doing her best or his best, whatever thatis.
Alright?
And without comparing yourself to others.
That oh, when you taste that victory, my everyother victory you have will just pale in the
(13:34):
insignificance.
Alright?
That's the that's a victory worth having.
So you're absolutely someone who is capable ofthat.
And how do I know it?
You're a lifelong learner.
How do I know that?
Because you're listening to this podcast, andyou've made it this far.
Like, seriously, someone who isn't up for whatI'm suggesting, they would have turned this off
(13:58):
by now.
So I know you can do it.
You are someone who can and does make adifference in the world already.
So maybe put more focus on that, acknowledgingthat.
You know, please, we need more people like youout in the world making it a better place.
You know, take an action today that contributesto the world.
(14:21):
If you're not sure where to start, start withbeing kind to a stranger.
You may never know the details of thedifference it will make.
Right?
The ripple effect it might have.
What I do know with certainty is more peoplebeing kind, the kinder the world is.
And kindness comes with connection, and withconnection comes happiness.
(14:48):
If you wanna practice a new habit, I highlyrecommend the habit of of kindness.
When it ends in happiness, well, that's ourgoal right then and there.
That's being that's being the person.
Alright?
And then some of those other things that havebeen getting in the way, some of those things
that we've called habits in the past that we'vebeen doing, we won't need them.
(15:12):
We'll be happy without them.
So go spread some kindness, change yourenvironment, and with that, I'll leave you here
for today.
Thanks for listening.
Bye for now.
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