Live Autistic Truth: "sneaking my mother's creepy g-d on high"

Video Summary

A cinematic spoken word piece that cuts through decades of family silence with surgical precision.

Set against the Heaven's Gate cult tragedy and Hale-Bopp comet of 1997-98, this hybrid performance follows three wintry family gatherings where religious expectations collide with neurodivergent reality.

Watch what happens when an autistic adult finally stops performing "normal" at the dinner table - and pays the price.

This isn't therapy. Not self-help. No “cautionary tale.” It's a multi-layered examination of what we neurodivergents sacrifice. Trying to “belong” in families that were never built for hearts like ours.

Unflinching. Complex. Necessary.

Content Note: Strong language, family trauma, religious themes, substance use, mental health struggles, cult references

Key Themes Explored:

* Power dynamics at family tables where neurodivergent minds are judged as broken

* Spiritual coercion and religious weaponizing against those who think differently

* The breaking point when pretending to be neurotypical becomes impossible

* Self-medication as shield against overwhelming social demands

* Searching for meaning in systems designed to erase your kind of mind

* Memory as witness to the violence of forced conformity

Who This Resonates With:

* Autistic adults who recognize the battlefield of family holidays

* Anyone who's been the truth-teller in a family that prefers lies

* People untangling religious conditioning from neurodivergent shame

* Those hungry for real conversation about mental health… that skips the tacked-on happy endings

* Readers drawn to generational trauma explored through disability lens

* Anyone who knows that sometimes survival looks like betrayal

* Anyone working with neurodivergent minds. Who wants to really understand what we're carrying

Discussion Starters:

* How do family gatherings change when you stop performing neurotypical?

* What price have you paid for speaking uncomfortable truths?

* Do you recognize the intersection of religious pressure and neurodivergent shame?

* How do you survive spaces where your honesty threatens everyone's comfort?

Connect:

* Drop your own family table survival tactics below

* Subscribe for more unmasking without apology

Free Resources & Purchase Links

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Transcript

Intro

But I ain't going to lie, this next one's rough and long and complex. Plain spoken in its own way, but complex.

It may not need a TS Elliott-pretentious kind of footnote, but I try to intertwine family, control, and religion and very real events from my winter of '97-'98.

And just for you youngsters... if there are some... I'll remind you that was when the Hale-Bopp comet was fading in northern New York skies and the memory of the Heaven's Gate suicide cult was still fresh in the national mind. 

This is a hybrid piece. In my mind, it's a movie with scenes, background music, jump cuts. But, uh, you guys probably loved Pulp Fiction. Given 

that, I pray you can follow me in this one. 

Sneaking my mother's creepy g-d on high

Prelude, December 1997. 

ESTABLISHING SHOT

I begin, “There…There's Heaven's Gate.”She fiddles with the binox dials.

“Where should I look?”She asks breathless,Trudging bootless.I barely hear herOver the crackling snowBeneath my feet, but say,

“There…That smudge in the sky.”I point again.

UFO Cult Chooses Suicide,The TV said.Thirty-nine bodiesIn matching Nikes,The photo read.No Kool-Aid on crime scene,The coroner led off…

I close wet eyesTo the hiss & sizzleOf the Northern LightsOver my head,

Silence

Then the cold murmurof the cold mother...“That's why they died?”She shrugs.

My eyes open… careful, I shrug,

“Maybe… they saw a signal from aliens.Or ma