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September 2, 2025 • 6 mins

Someone wrote me: "These knocked me sideways... I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the alien dropped among the normies."

This is "A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog." Living truth. Autistic style.

👉 VIDEO: A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog - 6:01

I can't see faces. When I try to remember someone - even my wife - I see what I call "a swirl of flesh-colored fog."

This piece is about wanting to be friends. About struggling with that simple human desire… when your brain doesn't work the way the world expects.

No clinical terms. No hidden meanings. Just what it's like to be me. And maybe, if you're autistic, a little about what it's like to be you.

This is piece one of thirteen exploring autism, family, and finding authenticity. Not here to inspire you - here to give you an experience of a life.

Watch if you want. Share if it moves you.

Stay weird.

—Johnny

P.S. If this resonates, my full chapbook "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" is available on Amazon. More living truth, autistic style.

#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider choosing a paid subscription. All subscribers automatically receive a free PDF of the Amazon book, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.”



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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