September 9, 2024 • 41 mins
Ready to transform your professional journey and master the art of advocacy? Join us for an invigorating conversation with Stacey Miller, VP of Communications at the Auto Care Association, and Jessica Toliuszis, VP of Sales for Highline Warren. Listen to Stacey’s inspiring story as she overcomes imposter syndrome and emerges as an industry influencer, emphasizing the necessity of vocalizing accomplishments. With Jessica, we explore the delicate balance between self-promotion and humility, providing you with actionable advice to confidently showcase your achievements without feeling awkward.
Discover the transformative power of supporting colleagues and fostering a culture of mutual recognition. Celebrating victories, both big and small, can lead to a more collaborative and appreciative professional environment. Stacey shares her experience of winning the Impact Award and the importance of accepting recognition with grace and gratitude. Stacey and Jessica highlight how advocating for oneself and others on platforms like LinkedIn can significantly boost confidence and career trajectories.
We also delve into the importance of building strong advocacy relationships and overcoming societal tendencies to pit individuals against each other. By reflecting on personal stories and wisdom from "The Four Agreements," we emphasize the value of being impeccable with one’s word and the powerful impact of writing affirmations. Tune in for insights on overcoming negative feedback, maintaining confidence, and the crucial role of gratitude and documentation in self-advocacy. This episode promises to uplift and empower you to create a supportive and thriving professional community.
To learn more about the Auto Care Association visit autocare.org.
To learn more about our show and suggest future topics and guests, visit autocare.org/podcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacki Lutz (00:08):
Welcome to Auto Care On Air, a candid podcast for a
curious industry.
I'm Jackie Lutz, contentDirector at the Auto Care
Association, and this is CarpoolConversations, where we
collaborate on today's mostrelevant power skills.
We are all headed in the samedirection, so let's get there
together.
Today we are talking aboutself-advocacy, and I'm very
(00:34):
excited about this topic.
I think it's one that everyprofessional, no matter where
you are in your walk of yourcareer, you can benefit from
this subject, and I have StaceyMiller, our VP of communications
, who's technically my co-hosttoday, but kind of an expert in
this area.
So I would.
I'm going to be moreinterviewing her in a lot of
ways.
So thank you for joining Stacey, thanks, jackie.
(00:56):
And then Jessica delicious, andI love saying delicious because
one day, when we had just met,you're like it's like delicious,
but with a T, it's the easiestway to remember, and most people
are like how do you say hername?
I'm like it's delicious with aT, but I have Jessica Toliuszis
here, vp of sales for HighlineWarren.
She's also a former women inauto care chair, very well-known
(01:19):
face in the aftermarket, buthappy to have her on today.
She's definitely an advocatefor others in a lot of way for
the industry.
So a really good perspective tohave here on the show.
Jessica Toliuszis (01:29):
I feel really starstruck being here with
Jackie I mean, really you're ourindustry's influencer and then
Stacey obviously everyone knowsyour face, but then the speeches
that you've given on the littleblack book of bragging, so I
certainly feel like the outsiderhere in a panel of stars.
Jacki Lutz (01:48):
Well, thank you, but not true.
But, stacey, why don't we justdo like a quick little
introduction about you know selfadvocacy, what it means, what
kind of, what kind of?
What kind of points do you makein your talks?
Stacey Miller (01:59):
Yeah, definitely, and I love this topic because
it's super near and dear to myheart.
It's something very personal.
You know, at AutoCare we talkabout leadership development and
professional development how dowe prepare our next generation
of leaders and the type ofcontent that we bring to women
in AutoCare and all of our otherinterest groups.
And one of the things that Ithought about was the type of
(02:20):
advice that I wanted in mycareer, growing up, essentially,
and I remember early on in mycareer having a real lack of
confidence in myself, a lot ofimposter syndrome, and suddenly
my career just kind of explodedand I became an industry
personality, an influencer, andI don't really know where that
(02:42):
came from.
And I sat down and I thoughtabout it and it came from at its
root advocating for myself andbeing able to brag about what my
skills were, brag about, youknow, things that I could do or
that I wanted to do, and likeimplementing that in the
workplace and kind of takingthose leaps that other people
(03:02):
perhaps were maybe a little toofearful or a little too nervous
to do so.
Because I took risks, I wasable to achieve really great
things at a young age and thenkind of brag about that and it
turned into this.
I don't know for me, you know,I've been told that's.
You know, one of these reallyinspiring talks and I never
thought it would be that, eventhough it's such simple advice
(03:23):
to be able to just talk aboutyourself in a way that
highlights all of youraccomplishments and the things
that you can do in order toadvance your career.
So that was the origination ofthe little black book of
bragging which I've given now tothe Young Auto Care Network
group, to the Women in Auto Caregroup.
I'm going to be giving it toCarQuest Women's Group soon, so
really excited to be doing that.
Jacki Lutz (03:44):
Yeah, it's amazing because I think one thing that
is difficult for people like yousay it's like these simple
things, but not everybody feelssuper comfortable talking about
themselves in that kind of light.
So what would you tell somebodywho is just kind of feels
awkward?
You know, I want to.
I like the word braggingbecause it's so bold.
(04:06):
It might scare people, it is,but it's advocating for yourself
, right?
So if you do something reallyincredible, in my talks for
personal branding I always say Iactually call it self-promotion
.
And I say, self-promotion is notarrogance.
Self-promotion is acknowledgingyour hard work and the success
you've had right.
So if you think about it inthat light, how would you tell
(04:29):
someone who's kind of awkward orfeels weird about talking about
great things that they've doneor bragging about themselves?
How do they get past that andstart?
Stacey Miller (04:40):
Yeah, it's funny because I use the word bragging
because it immediately doescatch your attention and it can
seem a little arrogant, a littlenarcissistic, a little cocky.
But you know, growing up, oneof the things that I was taught,
or that some of my oldermentors told me, or you would
(05:01):
hear in the workplace, were justkeep your head down and do good
work and you know, people willnotice you.
And I thought who the hell gavethat advice?
How is that even real?
And luckily I had more mentorsthroughout my career different
managers, different people inthe workplace and what they told
(05:21):
me and what they kind of putinto perspective was that if you
don't speak up about yourselfand if you don't ask for the
things that you want, nobodyelse is going to speak up for
you.
So prior to auto care, I workedfor a global company.
It was like 5,000 people.
I was on a marketing team andthe marketing team was like I
don't know 40 something peopleat the time and you know my boss
(05:44):
goes.
How is the CMO supposed to knoweverything that you do and all
of your accomplishments?
I've got 40 people to keeptrack of.
So if you're not relaying thatinformation to me and
highlighting what you'vecompleted.
I know what you do in general,but I don't know what you do
minute by minute, day by day,hour by hour, and some of those
things can be really importantdepending on what they are.
(06:05):
So I want you to create areport and help us track some of
these things so we can see,like, what you're growing in,
what you're struggling in, andwe create, you know, these plans
for you to advance your career.
And those reports or thoseplans help become the foundation
of my talking points to say,hey, I really want a promotion
because I noticed that I didsome of these things.
They were outside of my jobrole.
(06:25):
Or, hey, there's this new thingthat just came out called
social media, and I think weshould be on the Twitters.
Jacki Lutz (06:32):
And.
Stacey Miller (06:32):
I want to be in charge of it and, as crazy as it
is to say, hey, I want you topay me to be on social media all
day.
Because I was able to documentall of these things and showcase
how I could use it for business, help create the case for this
brand new role that the companycreated, and I was like one of
the industry's first socialmedia managers at the advent of
(06:52):
social media.
Like my wildest dream came trueand I thought, wow, all because
I took the time to documentsome of the things that I was
doing, create a plan around itand actually speak up about
myself and talk about it and notbe afraid to do it.
Now I was nervous as hell when Idid it Like I was sweating,
like my hands were shaking, theink was like smudged on the
paper because there was a dropof sweat right there, but it
(07:14):
worked, and so that was a reallybig lesson for me, both in that
advice and then putting it intopractice and seeing it actually
work to my benefit.
Jacki Lutz (07:23):
Yeah, how does this all make you feel, jessica?
Jessica Toliuszis (07:26):
Well, obviously I think the word
bragging works because it hasalliteration in it, which is one
of my favorite uses of theEnglish language.
You know, I heard your talkbefore it even had that title
and it absolutely had an impacton me.
And two things I did.
One I bought the websiteJessica deliciouscom Nice.
Jacki Lutz (07:47):
Oh, good for you.
Jessica Toliuszis (07:48):
I've done nothing with it in 10 years.
That's okay.
Jacki Lutz (07:50):
Okay.
Jessica Toliuszis (07:50):
You have it.
It's probably expired, um.
But I also, I think moreimportantly, what I've done is I
created a little folder whichis what you recommended which
was having a little brag folderor pray I call it a praise
folder, um, and I put anythingpositive in that folder and I
think that's made a big impacton me.
I've asked my team members todo the same thing, and we do it
as a weekly team activity aswell.
(08:11):
So we go through and we talkabout the stuff we did wrong,
because constructive criticismcould be one of my love
languages, but I think it'simportant to point out and to be
able to admit, as a leader hey,here's a couple of things I
screwed up this week.
Important to point out and tobe able to admit as a leader hey
, here's a couple of things Iscrewed up this week, and let's
all learn the lesson from it sothat we don't repeat it.
And then we also give gratitudefor other team members.
But, importantly, we also talkabout one thing that we're
(08:33):
really proud of that we've done.
Jacki Lutz (08:34):
Oh, that's great.
Such good practice foreverybody.
Do you feel pretty comfortabletalking about yourself?
Jessica Toliuszis (08:40):
I hate it.
I'm usually the only person whodoesn't answer the question.
They sort of have to push me todo it.
But I think there I do loveadvocating on behalf of other
people.
I love elevating other people.
I think that's one of thereasons that I've really loved
building the empower half hour,which is the interview I do once
a month.
I love learning about someonein their past and their history
(09:01):
and their dreams, and thinkingabout how we as a group or as an
industry, can help this personget everything that they want
out of life.
I love that.
I love that there are so manyopportunities to elevate other
people in this industry.
Jacki Lutz (09:14):
So there's so many great people here to talk about.
And I think that it's importantfor us to eventually talk about
advocating for others, becausethere's a whole nother
discussion there, and also theways that it can come back to
you right.
It's like there's a bit of akarma involved there, which I
definitely think we should getinto.
I have like a little testquestion.
I want to try this.
Jessica Toliuszis (09:34):
Oh boy, oh no , there were no practice sheets.
Jacki Lutz (09:37):
So say something great happened, you won an award
, you won some kind ofrecognition.
How would you phrase that in away that doesn't turn people off
, you know, and that you knowpeople are able to absorb it and
be happy for you and make itnot sound like necessarily
(09:59):
gloating, you know, and kind oflike in a negative light?
How do you go about phrasingthat you?
Stacey Miller (10:05):
know, and kind of like in a negative light.
How?
How do you go about phrasingthat?
That's a great question, um,for me, I liked it One.
It's a really amazing honor towin an award.
I recently won um two years agothe impact award, which is the
four under 40 award, and Iwasn't expecting it and, um,
it's such a huge honor.
Even being nominated for anaward, I think, is something
(10:25):
that you should brag about, evenbeing considered is a huge
honor.
So, for me, one of the thingsthat I thought about when I won
that award was one like why didit mean so much to me?
Like it's not just hey, I wonthis award, I'm so great.
But here's why this award isrelevant to me, here's why I'm
(10:46):
going to keep working to makesure that I'm worthy of this
award, because for me, it was anindustry honor.
I felt like the industry puts alot of trust in me and I want
to really serve the industry, soI would talk about that.
But one of the things that Ialso wanted to recognize was I
wasn't the only award winner andI was among some really
incredible people in theindustry.
(11:07):
So I remember when I thoughtabout it and I was posting about
it and I was doing my brag onLinkedIn, I thought, you know,
one of the reasons why thisaward means so much to me is
because I've seen people winthis award that I admired and I
looked up to in the industry.
Right when I came here sevenyears ago, jackie, you were a
(11:29):
recipient of the Impact Awardand I was like, wow, I really
want to be like Jackie and liketo be, you know, in the same
league, as all of you amazingwomen sitting next to me today.
I thought this is really cooland this is really inspiring,
and the way that we lift eachother up, we challenge each
other to do better in theindustry and to be part of that,
that field of recognition,those names that people
recognize like it's very special.
So, you know, honoring theaward, honoring the industry and
(11:53):
then also honoring other peopleyou know, standing beside me
was was kind of one of the waysthat I tried to to talk about
the award and then use it as away to brag about and highlight
myself.
You know, and I you know, I didit in a genuine way.
I hope people thought and um.
Jacki Lutz (12:09):
I think so.
Stacey Miller (12:09):
Yeah.
Jacki Lutz (12:10):
Especially since you bring other people in, um, and
I feel like it's automaticallyabout you, right?
So you almost don't need to saythat, and that's kind of a good
way to go about it, and I thinka lot of that comes through
when you're just um, naturallynot a gloater, you know, but
you're turning this into likesomething that can help you know
, help you advocate for yourselfon LinkedIn.
Jessica Toliuszis (12:32):
Before you even brag about it, you have to
accept it, and I think so.
I think what you said from thebeginning is to be really
honored.
And how do you say thank youwithout saying thank you but?
Or thank you and giving thecredit to someone else but
saying thank you.
I worked really hard for this.
I really appreciate it.
It means the world that youthought of me in this way,
especially coming from you.
(12:53):
Thank you.
Jacki Lutz (12:54):
That would be such a great thing to hear.
I'm usually the first one to belike thank you so much for this
award, but I have to thankso-and-so who helped me,
so-and-so who helped me, whichis, like all valid.
I think that those areimportant points.
But you're so right, that'ssuch a good point.
I would love to just hearpeople say I worked really hard
(13:15):
for this.
That's a really good way to putit.
Jessica Toliuszis (13:17):
For me maybe that's my butt.
Somebody a mentor has actuallysaid Jessica, I think that's
your butt is saying I workedreally hard for it.
But I think it's important tosay thank you, and I know that
thank you period is a fullsentence, but it's also thank
you, I did work really hard forthis and I really appreciate the
fact that you noticed it,because I am one of those people
who likes to just put my headdown and work really hard, and I
(13:40):
think Sally Krawcheck said thatmost of the decisions about
your career happen in rooms thatyou are not in, and so I have
believed I'm going to put myhead down, I'm going to work
really hard, but if somebodyacknowledges it, I want to say
thank you.
Thank you for noticing the workthat I did.
Jacki Lutz (13:56):
Yeah, and like doing that advocating for yourself
especially on platforms likeLinkedIn, where it's really a
one to many approach Just thatmuch more people know that much
about you.
You know that you're now anawarded professional, whatever
it might be.
It creates a lot of voices foryou when you're not in the room,
just automatically.
And that kind of brings us intothis whole advocating for
(14:18):
others piece of this, because Ifind the more you advocate for
others, the more they advocateback for you, and somebody has
to start that.
And, jessica, that's somethingthat you do on an, I would argue
, an industry-wide basis, thankyou, and you've done that for me
.
You've advocated for me in alot of ways, gotten me on stages
and things like that.
(14:38):
And, stacey, you do that too,specifically with your team and
within AutoCare, do that too,specifically with your team, and
you know, within auto care, youadvocate for people, but also
on an industry-wide basis.
I've heard you, you know,compliment other people and it's
so refreshing to hear people dothat for people that are not in
the room, and I think the moreyou do that and the more that
the people that you'readvocating for are aware of it,
(14:59):
it comes back to you in a lot ofways.
Jessica Toliuszis (15:02):
Yeah, I have certainly not always had a lot
of confidence.
I don't even know that I couldsay that I have a lot of
confidence now, but one of thethings that I think about every
year when I'm setting goals isbeing a better friend to myself,
and I can be a great friend toothers.
So if anybody is ever having amoment of doubt, I would love to
talk to you and be that goodfriend and that voice that you
(15:22):
need in your head.
I think for me, bragging aboutother people is wonderful.
I see light in every singleperson and I see a special gift,
and both of you obviously knowthat you have it.
You are amazing women who havedriven our industry into the
place in the future that it'sgoing towards, and I don't know
(15:44):
that I'm that person right.
So I'm really in awe and I feelreally grateful that you
brought me into thisconversation.
But the things that I do liketo brag about are the amazing
things that our team is doing,and so one of the things that
we've started doing for ourdecks that we do with customers
is our first slide, is ouraward-winning partnership, and
we talk about all of the thingsthat we've done that deserve
awards, whether you've given usone or not, and I'm really
(16:05):
grateful that our team has beenawarded quite a bit.
But I want to remind them thatright from the beginning that
that's that's the kind ofpartnership that we strive to
have and that each person on theteam is working to have an
intentional bias towards ourcustomers every day.
Jacki Lutz (16:19):
Yes, I love that and I can actually speak for you.
So for anyone listening whoneeds a friend and needs a
little bit of a pep talk,jessica, you've given me one
before.
I don't know if you remember ormaybe it wasn't as relevant to
you, but maybe about a year agoit was the first time that I
kind of received criticism forwhat I do on LinkedIn you know,
and doing all the you know,personal branding stuff and, and
(16:39):
you know, advocating for myselfon LinkedIn.
Who criticized you.
Don't let me say it here.
You know it probably wasn't myfirst criticism.
It was the first time it gotback to me, right, and I was
like frozen couldn't post.
And I remember, jessica, youwere one of the people that kind
of like, where you been, youknow, and I told you the story
and you're like I am so sorrythat they couldn't see what
(17:02):
you're bringing to the table,you know, you know were
advocates for me and they wereautomatically behind me on my
side and being like do not stop.
Like we want to see you backout there, don't stop what
you're doing.
And it was because of thoseadvocates that you know I could
keep going and do more.
So I can.
(17:23):
If you're ever doubtingyourself, jessica delicious is a
really good person to have inyour pocketbook.
It's not.
I don't.
Stacey Miller (17:30):
I'm sorry, it's nuts to hear you say I don't
know if I have the confidencetoday or had the confidence,
because you're like a coach, amentor, a cheerleader to so many
people right and I think youknow, jackie, what you're
talking about.
When you put it out in theuniverse, you get it back.
I think you're incrediblyadmired by the industry because
(17:51):
of how you lift other people up.
I remember times in corporatewhere you know it's a big
company, there's lots of peopleand managers don't have the time
to give the recognition, nor dothey even know what type of
recognition drives all of theirhundreds of employees, sometimes
right, like they don't reallytake the time.
So even if you're not a managerand you're a peer, you're not a
(18:13):
manager and you're a peer,you're a colleague.
You're even on another teamproviding that one-on-one in a
public setting, it doesn'tmatter.
Those type of things are reallywhat give people those little
boosts to take their career tothe next level, because maybe
they never believed that theycould do something more, because
maybe the person who wasdirectly in charge of them
didn't say it, but someone elsethat maybe they admired on that
(18:34):
team did, and that that's a hugestep, that's a really big push
that you're giving to otherpeople.
So kudos, kudos to you.
Jessica Toliuszis (18:41):
Thank you, that's really beautiful.
Thank you for saying that.
Jacki Lutz (18:43):
And really, when you advocate for people on that
level, you almost don't need toadvocate for yourself, because
I'm pretty sure you have an armybehind you.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you havean army behind you.
You know talking about you inrooms that you're not in.
I would love to tell a storyabout, you know, advocating for
others.
So when I first got this roleand you know, obviously I was
(19:05):
going to be reporting to Stacey,who brought me on to auto care,
thank goodness.
But the first, you know, when I, when I started telling people,
you know, like the day beforeit was going to be announced, I,
you know, I told him I wasgoing to auto care, I was going
to be working on Stacy's team,and so many of people quite
close to me I couldn't believehow many people were like oh,
(19:26):
rivalry, what.
That was like the first thingthat came out of everyone's
mouth and I was heartbrokenabout it and I immediately went
to my husband in tears.
I'm like, that's not what Iwant this to be, and I was just
like kind of like, why can'tthere be two strong women on a
team?
Like it, just it.
It upset me and I immediatelytexted Stacey.
I'm like, why are people sayingthis?
(19:47):
And she laughed.
It was ridiculous.
She just like F, that you knowkind of thing.
And so when I kind of liketiptoed into this role kind of
wondering what is this going tobe like, you know Stacey and I
were pretty good friends beforewe worked together and you know
you don't want to mess with thatand all that, you know I just
that produced fears that Ididn't have before and I can't
(20:09):
get over and I hope I never getover how Stacey kind of took the
lead in this situation and shekept elevating me Like anytime
something great.
Like you know, we have a lot ofsimilar goals, also different
strengths, and you know we bothlove the public speaking.
You know scene.
We both love, you know, socialmedia.
We, you know we have a lot ofthe same goals in our careers
(20:31):
and that's where I was like,well, maybe there's going to be
something here, but every timesomething good happened to me,
stacy was the first one to wantto put a press release out, to
want to like it, share it, andshe's just become such a huge
advocate for me and took thelead in that to where all I want
to do is advocate for herBecause I know she has my back.
(20:53):
I know that there isn't thisrivalry.
She's proved that throughaction, so we can literally just
kick ass together and not haveto do that.
And it's all coming from thisvery public advocacy that you
know, you really took the leadon, which I really appreciate
because I was really nervousabout how this would go.
But it's, it's.
It shows, like, the power ofadvocating for others, and I
(21:15):
think we're not really.
You know, I don't know whatyour guys' you know upbringing
was like, you know, career wise,but I didn't always have that
from, you know, women in my life.
So, stacey, you were one of thefirst not the first, but one of
the first women, uh, in the inthe industry that I really felt
like had my back like 100%, andthat's really a big deal, I
(21:38):
think.
And I just think about, like,think of the grand scale that
you're doing that on, jessica.
You know the people that you'redoing that for.
It's huge.
Jessica Toliuszis (21:46):
Thank you.
I think societally, we love tohave a Deadpool versus Wolverine
.
There's not Deadpool andWolverine, right, it's the two
of them against each other.
And so I think, societally, wetry to pit people against each
other versus thinking howincredible it could be as as the
Avengers, as a team together.
I'm speechless right now.
Stacey Miller (22:06):
Yeah, honestly, like that makes me really
emotional because it's, you know, the power of saying something
good about someone else andlifting them up.
It's so simple, like why isthis so hard?
It shouldn't be.
And look at what can happen,right, you advocate for others,
you create community, you createteam, you advocate for yourself
(22:28):
, you can advance your career,and it's like it's not that hard
guys.
Jessica Toliuszis (22:33):
No, you can be an awe-inspiring duo.
It really shocks me that thatwas the response that you got
from multiple people.
That not because when I firstsaw it I thought, whoa, what a
team, what kind of incrediblethings are they going to do.
Stacey Miller (22:47):
That's what we wanted.
It's almost unfair.
Jessica Toliuszis (22:49):
They just created four podcasts overnight
with branding and alliterationand all of the beautiful things
that you're going to be able todo together.
So you know, I would think it'sprobably says more about them
than it says about you too.
A hundred percent.
Jacki Lutz (23:05):
Yeah, probably.
Stacey Miller (23:07):
And you know this industry is.
We're so lucky we're in thisindustry because I think it's a
lot more different here thanother industries.
There's a lot more of a familyfeel.
There's a lot more of we've gotyour back.
There's a lot more of I'm inthis industry for life.
I'm a lifer.
You know the last industry Icame from.
It was very like dog eat dog.
I will stab you in the back forthis position and I'll make
(23:30):
stuff up about you because Idon't like that.
You got this promotion Liketrue story.
So I had to actually deal witha lot of adversity as I was
climbing the corporate ladderbecause, hater, what was the
Taylor Swift lyric?
Jacki Lutz (23:43):
Oh, people throw rocks at things that shine.
Stacey Miller (23:45):
Yeah, jackie, with the Taylor Swift, like
haters gonna hate, and so youknow I would advocate for myself
in that industry and get torndown, and so it took a while for
me to get that confident to dothat here.
But here I think it's a lotmore.
It's more welcoming, it's morefacilitating, like people have
an understanding.
I don't think people here areout to backstab each other.
(24:06):
So there's something also veryunique here that we should take
advantage of, because of thefact that we are here in the
auto care industry.
Missy Stevens (24:18):
Are you a woman in the auto care industry?
Are you looking for ways to getinvolved and share your voice?
I'm Missy Stevens, CommunityEngagement Manager for Women in
Auto Care.
Women in Auto Care is a freemember community where women
gather to network and develop ona professional level.
I would love to hear from youand talk to you more about our
programming.
We offer resources and eventsto connect women from all
channels of the industry.
Learn more about what Women inAuto Care has to offer at
autocareorg and join today forfree.
Jessica Toliuszis (24:41):
I think one of the books that you and I have
talked about before is the FourAgreements.
Jacki Lutz (24:44):
Oh, yes, my annual read.
Jessica Toliuszis (24:47):
Yes, it's very short, it's very easy to
read.
It's Four Agreements, so it'spretty quick.
But the first one is beingimpeccable with your word, and I
think most often we referencethat as being impeccable with
your word to others.
So don't say to Jackie, hey, Ican't wait to see the Deadpool
versus Wolverine version of theyou and Stacey show.
But really it's also aboutbeing impeccable with your word
(25:09):
to yourself, and I think thatspirals back to confidence and
about bragging.
And your word to yourself, andI think that spirals back to
confidence and about bragging.
And if you're not saying it toyourself, then other people
aren't thinking it.
So you have to say it, you haveto believe it, you have to
repeat it and I think, more thanjust saying it in your head or
thinking it, I think a reallyimportant lesson is writing it
down.
I'm going to mess up thestatistics and I'm a salesperson
(25:29):
, so ignore my statistics, butit's something like you're 90%
more likely to accomplishsomething If you write it down.
You're you're 90% more likelyto believe it if you actually
put pen to paper and write itdown.
So if you're having maybe amoment of struggle, I think
that's probably a good thing todo is to write down as a
reminder.
You know I'm great.
Missy Stevens (25:46):
This is going to be good.
Jessica Toliuszis (25:47):
I'm going to be impeccable with my word to
Jackie and to Stacy, and toStacey and to other people and
to myself yeah, I love that.
Stacey Miller (25:52):
I really.
I mean, documenting is such abig part about this whole
concept of self-advocacy, so ILive and Die by Tassless.
Like Jess has got her littlechecklist in front of her as
well, I'm really jealous that Idon't have one.
Jessica Toliuszis (26:06):
We'll talk about it afterwards.
I love to sell them to people.
I will buy one on the spot.
Stacey Miller (26:11):
Great salesperson , I will buy one on the spot.
Great salesperson, but makingthe list for yourself but then
making them for others as well,especially when you lead teams.
Because, like we talked aboutthat folder that I make, so
yours is called the praisefolder the praise folder.
Mine is called cool shit andliterally if I get, because I'm
in marketing.
I don't know.
I just gravitate towards stufflike that because I remember it
(26:33):
Right and it makes me chuckleand throughout my day.
And you know I'll get an emailthat's a reply.
That's like, you know, did areally great job on this.
Or hey, really loved what yourteam did.
And I'll just it takes a secondand people don't take the time
to do this in the moment, butlike I click and I just drag
things into that folder or um,or, if it's not an email and
it's something else, I'll take ascreenshot of it, just clip it,
(26:55):
drag it into that folder andwithin a couple of months I have
this entire archive of praise.
And it's either for myself, it'sfor my team, it's people that I
work with, and it's a snowballeffect because one if you don't
have the confidence in whatyou're doing, or you're not sure
if you're doing things right,you can always look at that
(27:15):
folder and say, okay, here'swhere I know, you know I'm
moving in the right direction,because not everybody has a
platform like at AutoCare.
We have this recognizedplatform where you can say, hey,
you did a really good job onthat project.
I love working with you to helplift each other up.
Not everybody has that.
But if you're documenting whenthings are happening on the day
to day I know it can be a hardhabit to get into those things
(27:37):
snowball and then you realize,wow, I've really built something
here and you can use that againas collateral to move forward
and take the next step.
Whether that's you or for yourteam, or even for a colleague
that maybe you know, you'vecreated a mentorship or a
partnership that you want to seesucceed.
Right, like I see people in myorganization and I want to make
sure that they're being upliftedand I'm like, hey, do you
(28:00):
remember when this thinghappened?
I just wanted to make sure youyou know you documented this
because you should use this in aperformance conversation or you
should make sure that you bringthis up at some point, because
I'm not sure that everybody sawthis.
But I'm really proud of you andI love what you did and it made
a great impact.
It took me 30 seconds to doLike.
Imagine the impact that couldhave on someone.
Jessica Toliuszis (28:18):
Yeah, taking a moment to show the gratitude
and kudos, but I think one ofthe misses that I'm doing is a
lot of times I'm saying it tothem in person or on the phone,
but I think it would probably bemore impactful to also take the
moment right afterwards andsend it as a note so that they
could have that and they couldcontinue to build their book.
Stacey Miller (28:35):
The power of handwritten notes.
Oh my gosh.
Jacki Lutz (28:38):
If you're ever on a team's call with me, my whole
wall is full of every letter.
Like you know, when I, when Iwas on the women in auto care
council, jessica, you wouldalways give us like a little
note every meeting and it wouldsay just like thank you for all
you do.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I kept all of those.
They are all on my wall Anytime.
You know, when I was laid offand a bunch of people were
(29:00):
sending me letters, you knowlike handwritten letters from
people in the industry, andthey're all on my wall and
that's something that I get tolook at all day long.
Missy Stevens (29:08):
Wow.
Jacki Lutz (29:08):
And just like the support that I have, you know,
in an industry which is kind ofunheard of, right, that's not
actually normal, but amazing atthe same time.
Stacey Miller (29:16):
Do you ever look at all those notes and think,
God, I'm such an imposter.
Jessica Toliuszis (29:21):
No, they don't.
They don't know me, they knowthe real me.
Worked really hard.
Jacki Lutz (29:27):
No, um.
A lot of them, though, are moreabout like, just encouraging me
to keep going, which is likewhat I think I always need.
You know.
You know, especially if you dothings in a little bit more of a
public sense, you never know,like, ok, are people sick of me
yet?
Is it, is it fresh enough, oris it the same stuff you know?
So when you get that kind ofencouragement, I really hang on
(29:49):
to it, because it helps me keepgoing for a little while longer
till I get the next one.
So don't stop sending them.
Stacey Miller (29:57):
So when you got that negative LinkedIn comment
and then you kind of shrunk backa little bit, you said you
stopped posting for a while.
Yeah, yeah, wow.
Jacki Lutz (30:04):
Probably like it had to be like a month.
Yeah, I mean I should have myhusband on and he could talk.
He could talk about the spiralI was in, like I would, I would
go, you know, to post and Iwould just be like overthinking
it, like you know, kind of, whenyou start posting on LinkedIn,
you know how you just overthinkeverything.
You're like everyone's gonna bethrowing tomatoes at me
publicly, if you know, thinkingthrough every single post so
(30:26):
hard.
I started doing that again,just spiraling, like couldn't
actually click post, you know,and I just felt like you know,
if I did that, it was going tobe those people kind of mocking
me and it wasn't.
It wasn't a comment, it wassomething that was said at an
event and kind of a group ofpeople and then multiple people
told me about it so I didn'tknow exactly who it was.
(30:49):
I just know what was said in theconcern and, like you know, it
was kind of like a you know moreof like a poking fun at me kind
of thing, which was likeheartbreaking.
So, like every single thing Iwanted to try to put out, I'm
like are they going to make funof this?
Is there some, is theresomething in here make fun of
all?
You know, just overthinkingeverything and it took me a
while but it took.
It took probably like 10 peopleto.
(31:11):
You know, kind of likevirtually slapping me across the
face and being like why are youlistening to the?
This is what my husband saidhe's like why are you listening
to like the five people, thefive negative voices?
Why aren't you listening to allof the encouragement you get?
Why aren't you looking at thiswall of letters and focusing on
that?
Why are you focusing on thenegative?
It's just so easy to do.
Jessica Toliuszis (31:31):
It's louder and you lose the authenticity
when you're focusing on thatnegative voice.
And we all have.
We all have a negative voiceand we all have a positive voice
and it's a matter of turningthe volume down on one and the
volume up on the other andreplacing one word with another
word.
I'm really sorry you wentthrough that.
And I'm so glad that you'reback and that you're your
authentic self.
You inspire all of us to bebetter.
Jacki Lutz (31:53):
Oh, thank you.
I'm actually glad it happenednow yeah.
You know, because, like it, ittaught me I actually read a book
shortly after that, and it wasall about people pleasing.
Missy Stevens (32:02):
And.
Jacki Lutz (32:02):
I went to my husband .
I'm like, wait, am I a peoplepleaser?
Like I'm just basing everythingI do off of pleasing people.
So when, when people aren'tpleased with it, I cave, I'm
just like a you know pile ofmush and he goes yeah, jackie,
you're a people pleaser.
And so like it's put me on thisyou know kind of mission to to
correct that, you know, and likestart looking at other areas of
(32:25):
my life where I might be, youknow, pointing at, you know
pointing a goal at what I don'teven want.
It's not even the rightdirection.
I'm just trying to please otherpeople and it's taking me
further from where I actuallywant to go.
Jessica Toliuszis (32:36):
Yeah.
So that moment of radicalcandor, even though it was
perhaps in the negative senseyou were able to find the
positive.
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful we.
I think that if like true loveand true bragging, really you
also have to be able to talkabout the constructive criticism
.
I think.
I said it's one of my lovelanguages.
I would much prefer you to tellme hey, hey, jessica, you've
(32:57):
got.
You know you have food in yourteeth, or hey, what you said
earlier really made me feeluncomfortable.
Please don't ever say thatagain.
I would much prefer that peoplepop the bubble um, rather than
like you were talking about.
Somebody said it behind yourback or at a different event or
without you in the room.
It would be much better to pickup the phone and say hey,
jackie, you put one line inthere.
That's kind of weird.
Missy Stevens (33:16):
Why don't you take that one out?
Jessica Toliuszis (33:18):
You misspelled something.
Did you realize it?
Jacki Lutz (33:21):
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, I think it's just, youknow.
I think it just goes to showhow important it is to advocate
for others, to lift each otherup, to encourage people, because
you never know what they'regoing through and when they need
to hear it the most.
And I think, the more you do it, you just never know who you're
touching.
You know, and I think both ofyou do that on a daily basis and
I just hope you continue to doit and you're teaching people
(33:43):
like me to do more of it too.
You know, I really try to do it, but I don't think it's.
It needs to be more of apriority, you know needs to be
more of a priority.
Jessica Toliuszis (33:53):
You know, yeah, one of my goals this year
was to write a kudos note everyweek.
What minor emails.
I'm not I don't mail a lot ofletters, I own a lot of stamps
but just a quick kudos email,hey, so and so on.
Your team did a great job.
Just wanted to say thank you.
We appreciated it made a bigdifference for the customer yeah
that's great.
That's all it takes sometimes.
Yeah, I think that's great.
Stacey Miller (34:12):
Two sentences I keep every single one of those,
every single one, and I thinkmost people who receive them do
too.
Yeah, I hope so.
Jessica Toliuszis (34:21):
I try to make sure it goes to their boss too.
Yeah, oh that's good, becausenot everybody's ears are open to
the compliment.
Jacki Lutz (34:28):
That's a good point.
And just in case they don'tadvocate, advocate for
themselves to their boss youalready did.
Jessica Toliuszis (34:33):
Well, I'm helping them write their
performance review.
Yeah, that's good.
Jacki Lutz (34:37):
Yeah.
Stacey Miller (34:38):
I'm trying to reserve my words for whoever
made you feel that way, jackie,because, um you're.
You're probably not the onlyone that's gone through
something like that.
Right and it's.
It's crushing to hear that youknow you're doing good for
yourself and then somebody seweddoubt in you and what you were
doing and I mean we know you'rea superstar and for for that to
(35:04):
happen and then for that to sewdown you with all the proof and
all the trophies and all thecards that you have on the wall,
like is ridiculous.
And it's even more proof abouthow self-advocacy is probably
one of the most powerful toolsthat you can have in your
toolbox because, you're beingheard, you're being seen, you're
advancing your career, you'regetting awards, you're getting
(35:25):
recognition, and here we are.
So you know that's just how theworld works sometimes.
And if I drop off a LinkedInfor a week or two, now, you know
that's just how the world workssometimes.
And if I drop off a linkedinfor a week or two, now, you know
why because I get, I haven'thad a comment.
But I've also just like feltself-conscious because the other
part of it is like how do youbalance the brag?
Jacki Lutz (35:45):
like how do you?
Stacey Miller (35:45):
make sure that you're not being obnoxious with
it and going overboard and everysingle day saying I did
something so great on the shitright, like nobody wants to hear
it in that way.
Jacki Lutz (35:58):
Um so sometimes I get self-conscious and I'm like
all right, I'm not going to postanything about myself this week
and I'm going to people need toremember too.
like we're all just trying tofigure it out, right?
Like no, there's no playbookfor this.
Like you know how to brag onLinkedIn without annoying people
.
Like you know how to brag onLinkedIn without annoying people
.
Like you know, just, we're alljust trying our best.
So, giving people a little bitof grace, to figure that out,
especially when I first seesomeone just starting to post on
(36:20):
LinkedIn and they do a postlike that.
Like that is so hard to do.
Like, if you can just scrollthrough your LinkedIn feed and
think about how difficult it isfor people to put themselves out
there, you should just beliking and sharing everything
just because you just want tokeep encouraging this behavior.
And you know, people just seemto look at LinkedIn like it's
this platform that you know it'sso serious and everything has
(36:44):
to be so perfect and it's goingto be there forever.
It's still just social mediaand I think being human and
being authentic is reallyimportant and if we sit there
and judge everybody for whatthey're putting out there, it's
not conducive behavior to helpour industry do more of that and
brag about themselves, bragabout their companies and then
also brag about our industry.
Jessica Toliuszis (37:03):
I think you asked that question at one of
your talks.
You said hey, have you everlooked at LinkedIn and thought
ugh, hate Stacey's post today?
Jacki Lutz (37:09):
No, you don't do that.
That's not the way I'm lookingat it, and if you are, shame on
you, shame on you.
If it's a misspelling, call herand tell her.
Jessica Toliuszis (37:18):
Let's talk about it and let's make sure,
because our greatest potentialis not really holding our sparks
inside of us, but our greatestpotential is the sparks that
we're creating among each other.
Stacey Miller (37:32):
And let's make sure that they're fireworks and
not bombs.
Jacki Lutz (37:34):
Oh, that's right.
Wow, that's.
That's the sound clip of theepisode, right?
Jessica Toliuszis (37:36):
there, love it, love it, wow.
So I don't call me Taylor Swift, I can't, I just so let's do a
round Robin.
Jacki Lutz (37:46):
What do we hope the most that people take away?
Jessica Toliuszis (37:50):
today.
I so my favorite quote, MayaAngelou.
I say it all the time, butpeople forget what you said and
people will forget what you did.
So people are gonna forgeteverything that we said, but I
think you can, I hope you cansee and feel the feelings that
we have here, and that's whatMaya Angelou says.
People will forget what yousaid.
They'll forget what you did.
They're gonna forget thisconversation, but hopefully it
will make them feel something.
Stacey Miller (38:12):
I felt something with your quote, so I'm kind of
speechless still.
I mean my.
My whole thing is is to takethe leap.
Like what are you?
What are you afraid of?
Sure, we're afraid of beingbullied on the internet or
someone making a snide commentabout our success or the way
that we conduct ourselves.
But what's the worst that couldhappen?
By highlighting your ownaccomplishments, no matter how
(38:34):
small they may seem, documentingthem and talking about them in
a way that highlights you andyour growth.
You have nothing to lose fromthat, and there's lots of
different tactics and ways to dothat, whether that's digitally,
whether that's in person.
But think about your goals,think about where you want to go
and start documenting andsharing those things, because
they're going to help push youeven further into that room
(38:58):
where the decisions are beingmade, as Jessica said.
Jacki Lutz (39:02):
Yeah, and you know something.
I guess my takeaway something Ialways say in the personal
branding talks is people dobusiness with people they know,
like and trust.
Missy Stevens (39:09):
Right.
Jacki Lutz (39:09):
And I really think LinkedIn is such a good platform
for just more people to knowyou.
You know in the, in the way youapproach it.
If you take some of these tips,it's going to help people like
you.
You know and understand whereyou're coming from and see your
authentic self, and people arereally going to start to trust
you when you can advocate foryourself in a consistent basis
(39:29):
and show and you need to be ableto share those successes, the
success stories.
People want to see the successstories.
I also think that you canbalance it, like you said,
stacey, with you know where didyou fail, what did you learn.
You know like there's otherthings you can put out there too
that help keep you on a levelplaying field, but like you can
still talk about that award youwon or that promotion you got,
(39:50):
or that you know that that winyou got, whatever it might be,
um, and just you know.
Practice on LinkedIn, I think,would be mine, cause you can.
Really.
I don't encourage people tooverthink their posts, but if
you're very nervous it's a goodpractice, because the more you
post and you can read through itand change it as many times as
you want until you'recomfortable to push posts the
more you do that, though thatbecomes the voice in your head.
(40:11):
So when you are in front ofyour boss or you are in front of
other people and you want toadvocate for yourself, you have
all those words and those pointsin the back of your head that
you've already used.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:20):
Yeah, and stop throwing rocks at things
that sparkle.
Jacki Lutz (40:23):
Yeah, yeah, because we're all going to sparkle
together.
Yeah, yes, thank you so much,guys.
This was a really good one.
Stacey Miller (40:30):
I teared up like half the time Did you cry.
Jacki Lutz (40:33):
It was just a little .
There's the lights in hereReally bright.
Allergies Dusty.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:40):
Thank you.
Thank you, this was reallybeautiful.
I was honored that you asked meto be a part of this
conversation.
Thank you.
Jacki Lutz (40:46):
You were an obvious choice.
I hope I get to come back.
Oh, obviously.
Oh my God, anytime, anytime.
We'll give you a key, just showup.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:56):
Thank you, thanks, jackie.
Jacki Lutz (40:58):
Thanks, stacey.
Thanks for tuning in to anotherepisode of Auto Care On Air.
Make sure to subscribe to ourpodcast so that you never miss
an episode, and don't forget toleave us a rating and review.
It helps others discover ourshow.
Auto Care On Air is proud to bea production of the AutoCare
(41:18):
Association, dedicated toadvancing the auto care industry
and supporting professionalslike you.
To learn more about theassociation and its initiatives,
visit autocareorg.
Welcome to Auto Care On Air, a candid podcast for a
curious industry.
I'm Jackie Lutz, contentDirector at the Auto Care
Association, and this is CarpoolConversations, where we
collaborate on today's mostrelevant power skills.
We are all headed in the samedirection, so let's get there
together.
Today we are talking aboutself-advocacy, and I'm very
(00:34):
excited about this topic.
I think it's one that everyprofessional, no matter where
you are in your walk of yourcareer, you can benefit from
this subject, and I have StaceyMiller, our VP of communications
, who's technically my co-hosttoday, but kind of an expert in
this area.
So I would.
I'm going to be moreinterviewing her in a lot of
ways.
So thank you for joining Stacey, thanks, jackie.
(00:56):
And then Jessica delicious, andI love saying delicious because
one day, when we had just met,you're like it's like delicious,
but with a T, it's the easiestway to remember, and most people
are like how do you say hername?
I'm like it's delicious with aT, but I have Jessica Toliuszis
here, vp of sales for HighlineWarren.
She's also a former women inauto care chair, very well-known
(01:19):
face in the aftermarket, buthappy to have her on today.
She's definitely an advocatefor others in a lot of way for
the industry.
So a really good perspective tohave here on the show.
Jessica Toliuszis (01:29):
I feel really starstruck being here with
Jackie I mean, really you're ourindustry's influencer and then
Stacey obviously everyone knowsyour face, but then the speeches
that you've given on the littleblack book of bragging, so I
certainly feel like the outsiderhere in a panel of stars.
Jacki Lutz (01:48):
Well, thank you, but not true.
But, stacey, why don't we justdo like a quick little
introduction about you know selfadvocacy, what it means, what
kind of, what kind of?
What kind of points do you makein your talks?
Stacey Miller (01:59):
Yeah, definitely, and I love this topic because
it's super near and dear to myheart.
It's something very personal.
You know, at AutoCare we talkabout leadership development and
professional development how dowe prepare our next generation
of leaders and the type ofcontent that we bring to women
in AutoCare and all of our otherinterest groups.
And one of the things that Ithought about was the type of
(02:20):
advice that I wanted in mycareer, growing up, essentially,
and I remember early on in mycareer having a real lack of
confidence in myself, a lot ofimposter syndrome, and suddenly
my career just kind of explodedand I became an industry
personality, an influencer, andI don't really know where that
(02:42):
came from.
And I sat down and I thoughtabout it and it came from at its
root advocating for myself andbeing able to brag about what my
skills were, brag about, youknow, things that I could do or
that I wanted to do, and likeimplementing that in the
workplace and kind of takingthose leaps that other people
(03:02):
perhaps were maybe a little toofearful or a little too nervous
to do so.
Because I took risks, I wasable to achieve really great
things at a young age and thenkind of brag about that and it
turned into this.
I don't know for me, you know,I've been told that's.
You know, one of these reallyinspiring talks and I never
thought it would be that, eventhough it's such simple advice
(03:23):
to be able to just talk aboutyourself in a way that
highlights all of youraccomplishments and the things
that you can do in order toadvance your career.
So that was the origination ofthe little black book of
bragging which I've given now tothe Young Auto Care Network
group, to the Women in Auto Caregroup.
I'm going to be giving it toCarQuest Women's Group soon, so
really excited to be doing that.
Jacki Lutz (03:44):
Yeah, it's amazing because I think one thing that
is difficult for people like yousay it's like these simple
things, but not everybody feelssuper comfortable talking about
themselves in that kind of light.
So what would you tell somebodywho is just kind of feels
awkward?
You know, I want to.
I like the word braggingbecause it's so bold.
(04:06):
It might scare people, it is,but it's advocating for yourself
, right?
So if you do something reallyincredible, in my talks for
personal branding I always say Iactually call it self-promotion
.
And I say, self-promotion is notarrogance.
Self-promotion is acknowledgingyour hard work and the success
you've had right.
So if you think about it inthat light, how would you tell
(04:29):
someone who's kind of awkward orfeels weird about talking about
great things that they've doneor bragging about themselves?
How do they get past that andstart?
Stacey Miller (04:40):
Yeah, it's funny because I use the word bragging
because it immediately doescatch your attention and it can
seem a little arrogant, a littlenarcissistic, a little cocky.
But you know, growing up, oneof the things that I was taught,
or that some of my oldermentors told me, or you would
(05:01):
hear in the workplace, were justkeep your head down and do good
work and you know, people willnotice you.
And I thought who the hell gavethat advice?
How is that even real?
And luckily I had more mentorsthroughout my career different
managers, different people inthe workplace and what they told
(05:21):
me and what they kind of putinto perspective was that if you
don't speak up about yourselfand if you don't ask for the
things that you want, nobodyelse is going to speak up for
you.
So prior to auto care, I workedfor a global company.
It was like 5,000 people.
I was on a marketing team andthe marketing team was like I
don't know 40 something peopleat the time and you know my boss
(05:44):
goes.
How is the CMO supposed to knoweverything that you do and all
of your accomplishments?
I've got 40 people to keeptrack of.
So if you're not relaying thatinformation to me and
highlighting what you'vecompleted.
I know what you do in general,but I don't know what you do
minute by minute, day by day,hour by hour, and some of those
things can be really importantdepending on what they are.
(06:05):
So I want you to create areport and help us track some of
these things so we can see,like, what you're growing in,
what you're struggling in, andwe create, you know, these plans
for you to advance your career.
And those reports or thoseplans help become the foundation
of my talking points to say,hey, I really want a promotion
because I noticed that I didsome of these things.
They were outside of my jobrole.
(06:25):
Or, hey, there's this new thingthat just came out called
social media, and I think weshould be on the Twitters.
Jacki Lutz (06:32):
And.
Stacey Miller (06:32):
I want to be in charge of it and, as crazy as it
is to say, hey, I want you topay me to be on social media all
day.
Because I was able to documentall of these things and showcase
how I could use it for business, help create the case for this
brand new role that the companycreated, and I was like one of
the industry's first socialmedia managers at the advent of
(06:52):
social media.
Like my wildest dream came trueand I thought, wow, all because
I took the time to documentsome of the things that I was
doing, create a plan around itand actually speak up about
myself and talk about it and notbe afraid to do it.
Now I was nervous as hell when Idid it Like I was sweating,
like my hands were shaking, theink was like smudged on the
paper because there was a dropof sweat right there, but it
(07:14):
worked, and so that was a reallybig lesson for me, both in that
advice and then putting it intopractice and seeing it actually
work to my benefit.
Jacki Lutz (07:23):
Yeah, how does this all make you feel, jessica?
Jessica Toliuszis (07:26):
Well, obviously I think the word
bragging works because it hasalliteration in it, which is one
of my favorite uses of theEnglish language.
You know, I heard your talkbefore it even had that title
and it absolutely had an impacton me.
And two things I did.
One I bought the websiteJessica deliciouscom Nice.
Jacki Lutz (07:47):
Oh, good for you.
Jessica Toliuszis (07:48):
I've done nothing with it in 10 years.
That's okay.
Jacki Lutz (07:50):
Okay.
Jessica Toliuszis (07:50):
You have it.
It's probably expired, um.
But I also, I think moreimportantly, what I've done is I
created a little folder whichis what you recommended which
was having a little brag folderor pray I call it a praise
folder, um, and I put anythingpositive in that folder and I
think that's made a big impacton me.
I've asked my team members todo the same thing, and we do it
as a weekly team activity aswell.
(08:11):
So we go through and we talkabout the stuff we did wrong,
because constructive criticismcould be one of my love
languages, but I think it'simportant to point out and to be
able to admit, as a leader hey,here's a couple of things I
screwed up this week.
Important to point out and tobe able to admit as a leader hey
, here's a couple of things Iscrewed up this week, and let's
all learn the lesson from it sothat we don't repeat it.
And then we also give gratitudefor other team members.
But, importantly, we also talkabout one thing that we're
(08:33):
really proud of that we've done.
Jacki Lutz (08:34):
Oh, that's great.
Such good practice foreverybody.
Do you feel pretty comfortabletalking about yourself?
Jessica Toliuszis (08:40):
I hate it.
I'm usually the only person whodoesn't answer the question.
They sort of have to push me todo it.
But I think there I do loveadvocating on behalf of other
people.
I love elevating other people.
I think that's one of thereasons that I've really loved
building the empower half hour,which is the interview I do once
a month.
I love learning about someonein their past and their history
(09:01):
and their dreams, and thinkingabout how we as a group or as an
industry, can help this personget everything that they want
out of life.
I love that.
I love that there are so manyopportunities to elevate other
people in this industry.
Jacki Lutz (09:14):
So there's so many great people here to talk about.
And I think that it's importantfor us to eventually talk about
advocating for others, becausethere's a whole nother
discussion there, and also theways that it can come back to
you right.
It's like there's a bit of akarma involved there, which I
definitely think we should getinto.
I have like a little testquestion.
I want to try this.
Jessica Toliuszis (09:34):
Oh boy, oh no , there were no practice sheets.
Jacki Lutz (09:37):
So say something great happened, you won an award
, you won some kind ofrecognition.
How would you phrase that in away that doesn't turn people off
, you know, and that you knowpeople are able to absorb it and
be happy for you and make itnot sound like necessarily
(09:59):
gloating, you know, and kind oflike in a negative light?
How do you go about phrasingthat you?
Stacey Miller (10:05):
know, and kind of like in a negative light.
How?
How do you go about phrasingthat?
That's a great question, um,for me, I liked it One.
It's a really amazing honor towin an award.
I recently won um two years agothe impact award, which is the
four under 40 award, and Iwasn't expecting it and, um,
it's such a huge honor.
Even being nominated for anaward, I think, is something
(10:25):
that you should brag about, evenbeing considered is a huge
honor.
So, for me, one of the thingsthat I thought about when I won
that award was one like why didit mean so much to me?
Like it's not just hey, I wonthis award, I'm so great.
But here's why this award isrelevant to me, here's why I'm
(10:46):
going to keep working to makesure that I'm worthy of this
award, because for me, it was anindustry honor.
I felt like the industry puts alot of trust in me and I want
to really serve the industry, soI would talk about that.
But one of the things that Ialso wanted to recognize was I
wasn't the only award winner andI was among some really
incredible people in theindustry.
(11:07):
So I remember when I thoughtabout it and I was posting about
it and I was doing my brag onLinkedIn, I thought, you know,
one of the reasons why thisaward means so much to me is
because I've seen people winthis award that I admired and I
looked up to in the industry.
Right when I came here sevenyears ago, jackie, you were a
(11:29):
recipient of the Impact Awardand I was like, wow, I really
want to be like Jackie and liketo be, you know, in the same
league, as all of you amazingwomen sitting next to me today.
I thought this is really cooland this is really inspiring,
and the way that we lift eachother up, we challenge each
other to do better in theindustry and to be part of that,
that field of recognition,those names that people
recognize like it's very special.
So, you know, honoring theaward, honoring the industry and
(11:53):
then also honoring other peopleyou know, standing beside me
was was kind of one of the waysthat I tried to to talk about
the award and then use it as away to brag about and highlight
myself.
You know, and I you know, I didit in a genuine way.
I hope people thought and um.
Jacki Lutz (12:09):
I think so.
Stacey Miller (12:09):
Yeah.
Jacki Lutz (12:10):
Especially since you bring other people in, um, and
I feel like it's automaticallyabout you, right?
So you almost don't need to saythat, and that's kind of a good
way to go about it, and I thinka lot of that comes through
when you're just um, naturallynot a gloater, you know, but
you're turning this into likesomething that can help you know
, help you advocate for yourselfon LinkedIn.
Jessica Toliuszis (12:32):
Before you even brag about it, you have to
accept it, and I think so.
I think what you said from thebeginning is to be really
honored.
And how do you say thank youwithout saying thank you but?
Or thank you and giving thecredit to someone else but
saying thank you.
I worked really hard for this.
I really appreciate it.
It means the world that youthought of me in this way,
especially coming from you.
(12:53):
Thank you.
Jacki Lutz (12:54):
That would be such a great thing to hear.
I'm usually the first one to belike thank you so much for this
award, but I have to thankso-and-so who helped me,
so-and-so who helped me, whichis, like all valid.
I think that those areimportant points.
But you're so right, that'ssuch a good point.
I would love to just hearpeople say I worked really hard
(13:15):
for this.
That's a really good way to putit.
Jessica Toliuszis (13:17):
For me maybe that's my butt.
Somebody a mentor has actuallysaid Jessica, I think that's
your butt is saying I workedreally hard for it.
But I think it's important tosay thank you, and I know that
thank you period is a fullsentence, but it's also thank
you, I did work really hard forthis and I really appreciate the
fact that you noticed it,because I am one of those people
who likes to just put my headdown and work really hard, and I
(13:40):
think Sally Krawcheck said thatmost of the decisions about
your career happen in rooms thatyou are not in, and so I have
believed I'm going to put myhead down, I'm going to work
really hard, but if somebodyacknowledges it, I want to say
thank you.
Thank you for noticing the workthat I did.
Jacki Lutz (13:56):
Yeah, and like doing that advocating for yourself
especially on platforms likeLinkedIn, where it's really a
one to many approach Just thatmuch more people know that much
about you.
You know that you're now anawarded professional, whatever
it might be.
It creates a lot of voices foryou when you're not in the room,
just automatically.
And that kind of brings us intothis whole advocating for
(14:18):
others piece of this, because Ifind the more you advocate for
others, the more they advocateback for you, and somebody has
to start that.
And, jessica, that's somethingthat you do on an, I would argue
, an industry-wide basis, thankyou, and you've done that for me
.
You've advocated for me in alot of ways, gotten me on stages
and things like that.
(14:38):
And, stacey, you do that too,specifically with your team and
within AutoCare, do that too,specifically with your team, and
you know, within auto care, youadvocate for people, but also
on an industry-wide basis.
I've heard you, you know,compliment other people and it's
so refreshing to hear people dothat for people that are not in
the room, and I think the moreyou do that and the more that
the people that you'readvocating for are aware of it,
(14:59):
it comes back to you in a lot ofways.
Jessica Toliuszis (15:02):
Yeah, I have certainly not always had a lot
of confidence.
I don't even know that I couldsay that I have a lot of
confidence now, but one of thethings that I think about every
year when I'm setting goals isbeing a better friend to myself,
and I can be a great friend toothers.
So if anybody is ever having amoment of doubt, I would love to
talk to you and be that goodfriend and that voice that you
(15:22):
need in your head.
I think for me, bragging aboutother people is wonderful.
I see light in every singleperson and I see a special gift,
and both of you obviously knowthat you have it.
You are amazing women who havedriven our industry into the
place in the future that it'sgoing towards, and I don't know
(15:44):
that I'm that person right.
So I'm really in awe and I feelreally grateful that you
brought me into thisconversation.
But the things that I do liketo brag about are the amazing
things that our team is doing,and so one of the things that
we've started doing for ourdecks that we do with customers
is our first slide, is ouraward-winning partnership, and
we talk about all of the thingsthat we've done that deserve
awards, whether you've given usone or not, and I'm really
(16:05):
grateful that our team has beenawarded quite a bit.
But I want to remind them thatright from the beginning that
that's that's the kind ofpartnership that we strive to
have and that each person on theteam is working to have an
intentional bias towards ourcustomers every day.
Jacki Lutz (16:19):
Yes, I love that and I can actually speak for you.
So for anyone listening whoneeds a friend and needs a
little bit of a pep talk,jessica, you've given me one
before.
I don't know if you remember ormaybe it wasn't as relevant to
you, but maybe about a year agoit was the first time that I
kind of received criticism forwhat I do on LinkedIn you know,
and doing all the you know,personal branding stuff and, and
(16:39):
you know, advocating for myselfon LinkedIn.
Who criticized you.
Don't let me say it here.
You know it probably wasn't myfirst criticism.
It was the first time it gotback to me, right, and I was
like frozen couldn't post.
And I remember, jessica, youwere one of the people that kind
of like, where you been, youknow, and I told you the story
and you're like I am so sorrythat they couldn't see what
(17:02):
you're bringing to the table,you know, you know were
advocates for me and they wereautomatically behind me on my
side and being like do not stop.
Like we want to see you backout there, don't stop what
you're doing.
And it was because of thoseadvocates that you know I could
keep going and do more.
So I can.
(17:23):
If you're ever doubtingyourself, jessica delicious is a
really good person to have inyour pocketbook.
It's not.
I don't.
Stacey Miller (17:30):
I'm sorry, it's nuts to hear you say I don't
know if I have the confidencetoday or had the confidence,
because you're like a coach, amentor, a cheerleader to so many
people right and I think youknow, jackie, what you're
talking about.
When you put it out in theuniverse, you get it back.
I think you're incrediblyadmired by the industry because
(17:51):
of how you lift other people up.
I remember times in corporatewhere you know it's a big
company, there's lots of peopleand managers don't have the time
to give the recognition, nor dothey even know what type of
recognition drives all of theirhundreds of employees, sometimes
right, like they don't reallytake the time.
So even if you're not a managerand you're a peer, you're not a
(18:13):
manager and you're a peer,you're a colleague.
You're even on another teamproviding that one-on-one in a
public setting, it doesn'tmatter.
Those type of things are reallywhat give people those little
boosts to take their career tothe next level, because maybe
they never believed that theycould do something more, because
maybe the person who wasdirectly in charge of them
didn't say it, but someone elsethat maybe they admired on that
(18:34):
team did, and that that's a hugestep, that's a really big push
that you're giving to otherpeople.
So kudos, kudos to you.
Jessica Toliuszis (18:41):
Thank you, that's really beautiful.
Thank you for saying that.
Jacki Lutz (18:43):
And really, when you advocate for people on that
level, you almost don't need toadvocate for yourself, because
I'm pretty sure you have an armybehind you.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you havean army behind you.
You know talking about you inrooms that you're not in.
I would love to tell a storyabout, you know, advocating for
others.
So when I first got this roleand you know, obviously I was
(19:05):
going to be reporting to Stacey,who brought me on to auto care,
thank goodness.
But the first, you know, when I, when I started telling people,
you know, like the day beforeit was going to be announced, I,
you know, I told him I wasgoing to auto care, I was going
to be working on Stacy's team,and so many of people quite
close to me I couldn't believehow many people were like oh,
(19:26):
rivalry, what.
That was like the first thingthat came out of everyone's
mouth and I was heartbrokenabout it and I immediately went
to my husband in tears.
I'm like, that's not what Iwant this to be, and I was just
like kind of like, why can'tthere be two strong women on a
team?
Like it, just it.
It upset me and I immediatelytexted Stacey.
I'm like, why are people sayingthis?
(19:47):
And she laughed.
It was ridiculous.
She just like F, that you knowkind of thing.
And so when I kind of liketiptoed into this role kind of
wondering what is this going tobe like, you know Stacey and I
were pretty good friends beforewe worked together and you know
you don't want to mess with thatand all that, you know I just
that produced fears that Ididn't have before and I can't
(20:09):
get over and I hope I never getover how Stacey kind of took the
lead in this situation and shekept elevating me Like anytime
something great.
Like you know, we have a lot ofsimilar goals, also different
strengths, and you know we bothlove the public speaking.
You know scene.
We both love, you know, socialmedia.
We, you know we have a lot ofthe same goals in our careers
(20:31):
and that's where I was like,well, maybe there's going to be
something here, but every timesomething good happened to me,
stacy was the first one to wantto put a press release out, to
want to like it, share it, andshe's just become such a huge
advocate for me and took thelead in that to where all I want
to do is advocate for herBecause I know she has my back.
(20:53):
I know that there isn't thisrivalry.
She's proved that throughaction, so we can literally just
kick ass together and not haveto do that.
And it's all coming from thisvery public advocacy that you
know, you really took the leadon, which I really appreciate
because I was really nervousabout how this would go.
But it's, it's.
It shows, like, the power ofadvocating for others, and I
(21:15):
think we're not really.
You know, I don't know whatyour guys' you know upbringing
was like, you know, career wise,but I didn't always have that
from, you know, women in my life.
So, stacey, you were one of thefirst not the first, but one of
the first women, uh, in the inthe industry that I really felt
like had my back like 100%, andthat's really a big deal, I
(21:38):
think.
And I just think about, like,think of the grand scale that
you're doing that on, jessica.
You know the people that you'redoing that for.
It's huge.
Jessica Toliuszis (21:46):
Thank you.
I think societally, we love tohave a Deadpool versus Wolverine
.
There's not Deadpool andWolverine, right, it's the two
of them against each other.
And so I think, societally, wetry to pit people against each
other versus thinking howincredible it could be as as the
Avengers, as a team together.
I'm speechless right now.
Stacey Miller (22:06):
Yeah, honestly, like that makes me really
emotional because it's, you know, the power of saying something
good about someone else andlifting them up.
It's so simple, like why isthis so hard?
It shouldn't be.
And look at what can happen,right, you advocate for others,
you create community, you createteam, you advocate for yourself
(22:28):
, you can advance your career,and it's like it's not that hard
guys.
Jessica Toliuszis (22:33):
No, you can be an awe-inspiring duo.
It really shocks me that thatwas the response that you got
from multiple people.
That not because when I firstsaw it I thought, whoa, what a
team, what kind of incrediblethings are they going to do.
Stacey Miller (22:47):
That's what we wanted.
It's almost unfair.
Jessica Toliuszis (22:49):
They just created four podcasts overnight
with branding and alliterationand all of the beautiful things
that you're going to be able todo together.
So you know, I would think it'sprobably says more about them
than it says about you too.
A hundred percent.
Jacki Lutz (23:05):
Yeah, probably.
Stacey Miller (23:07):
And you know this industry is.
We're so lucky we're in thisindustry because I think it's a
lot more different here thanother industries.
There's a lot more of a familyfeel.
There's a lot more of we've gotyour back.
There's a lot more of I'm inthis industry for life.
I'm a lifer.
You know the last industry Icame from.
It was very like dog eat dog.
I will stab you in the back forthis position and I'll make
(23:30):
stuff up about you because Idon't like that.
You got this promotion Liketrue story.
So I had to actually deal witha lot of adversity as I was
climbing the corporate ladderbecause, hater, what was the
Taylor Swift lyric?
Jacki Lutz (23:43):
Oh, people throw rocks at things that shine.
Stacey Miller (23:45):
Yeah, jackie, with the Taylor Swift, like
haters gonna hate, and so youknow I would advocate for myself
in that industry and get torndown, and so it took a while for
me to get that confident to dothat here.
But here I think it's a lotmore.
It's more welcoming, it's morefacilitating, like people have
an understanding.
I don't think people here areout to backstab each other.
(24:06):
So there's something also veryunique here that we should take
advantage of, because of thefact that we are here in the
auto care industry.
Missy Stevens (24:18):
Are you a woman in the auto care industry?
Are you looking for ways to getinvolved and share your voice?
I'm Missy Stevens, CommunityEngagement Manager for Women in
Auto Care.
Women in Auto Care is a freemember community where women
gather to network and develop ona professional level.
I would love to hear from youand talk to you more about our
programming.
We offer resources and eventsto connect women from all
channels of the industry.
Learn more about what Women inAuto Care has to offer at
autocareorg and join today forfree.
Jessica Toliuszis (24:41):
I think one of the books that you and I have
talked about before is the FourAgreements.
Jacki Lutz (24:44):
Oh, yes, my annual read.
Jessica Toliuszis (24:47):
Yes, it's very short, it's very easy to
read.
It's Four Agreements, so it'spretty quick.
But the first one is beingimpeccable with your word, and I
think most often we referencethat as being impeccable with
your word to others.
So don't say to Jackie, hey, Ican't wait to see the Deadpool
versus Wolverine version of theyou and Stacey show.
But really it's also aboutbeing impeccable with your word
(25:09):
to yourself, and I think thatspirals back to confidence and
about bragging.
And your word to yourself, andI think that spirals back to
confidence and about bragging.
And if you're not saying it toyourself, then other people
aren't thinking it.
So you have to say it, you haveto believe it, you have to
repeat it and I think, more thanjust saying it in your head or
thinking it, I think a reallyimportant lesson is writing it
down.
I'm going to mess up thestatistics and I'm a salesperson
(25:29):
, so ignore my statistics, butit's something like you're 90%
more likely to accomplishsomething If you write it down.
You're you're 90% more likelyto believe it if you actually
put pen to paper and write itdown.
So if you're having maybe amoment of struggle, I think
that's probably a good thing todo is to write down as a
reminder.
You know I'm great.
Missy Stevens (25:46):
This is going to be good.
Jessica Toliuszis (25:47):
I'm going to be impeccable with my word to
Jackie and to Stacy, and toStacey and to other people and
to myself yeah, I love that.
Stacey Miller (25:52):
I really.
I mean, documenting is such abig part about this whole
concept of self-advocacy, so ILive and Die by Tassless.
Like Jess has got her littlechecklist in front of her as
well, I'm really jealous that Idon't have one.
Jessica Toliuszis (26:06):
We'll talk about it afterwards.
I love to sell them to people.
I will buy one on the spot.
Stacey Miller (26:11):
Great salesperson , I will buy one on the spot.
Great salesperson, but makingthe list for yourself but then
making them for others as well,especially when you lead teams.
Because, like we talked aboutthat folder that I make, so
yours is called the praisefolder the praise folder.
Mine is called cool shit andliterally if I get, because I'm
in marketing.
I don't know.
I just gravitate towards stufflike that because I remember it
(26:33):
Right and it makes me chuckleand throughout my day.
And you know I'll get an emailthat's a reply.
That's like, you know, did areally great job on this.
Or hey, really loved what yourteam did.
And I'll just it takes a secondand people don't take the time
to do this in the moment, butlike I click and I just drag
things into that folder or um,or, if it's not an email and
it's something else, I'll take ascreenshot of it, just clip it,
(26:55):
drag it into that folder andwithin a couple of months I have
this entire archive of praise.
And it's either for myself, it'sfor my team, it's people that I
work with, and it's a snowballeffect because one if you don't
have the confidence in whatyou're doing, or you're not sure
if you're doing things right,you can always look at that
(27:15):
folder and say, okay, here'swhere I know, you know I'm
moving in the right direction,because not everybody has a
platform like at AutoCare.
We have this recognizedplatform where you can say, hey,
you did a really good job onthat project.
I love working with you to helplift each other up.
Not everybody has that.
But if you're documenting whenthings are happening on the day
to day I know it can be a hardhabit to get into those things
(27:37):
snowball and then you realize,wow, I've really built something
here and you can use that againas collateral to move forward
and take the next step.
Whether that's you or for yourteam, or even for a colleague
that maybe you know, you'vecreated a mentorship or a
partnership that you want to seesucceed.
Right, like I see people in myorganization and I want to make
sure that they're being upliftedand I'm like, hey, do you
(28:00):
remember when this thinghappened?
I just wanted to make sure youyou know you documented this
because you should use this in aperformance conversation or you
should make sure that you bringthis up at some point, because
I'm not sure that everybody sawthis.
But I'm really proud of you andI love what you did and it made
a great impact.
It took me 30 seconds to doLike.
Imagine the impact that couldhave on someone.
Jessica Toliuszis (28:18):
Yeah, taking a moment to show the gratitude
and kudos, but I think one ofthe misses that I'm doing is a
lot of times I'm saying it tothem in person or on the phone,
but I think it would probably bemore impactful to also take the
moment right afterwards andsend it as a note so that they
could have that and they couldcontinue to build their book.
Stacey Miller (28:35):
The power of handwritten notes.
Oh my gosh.
Jacki Lutz (28:38):
If you're ever on a team's call with me, my whole
wall is full of every letter.
Like you know, when I, when Iwas on the women in auto care
council, jessica, you wouldalways give us like a little
note every meeting and it wouldsay just like thank you for all
you do.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I kept all of those.
They are all on my wall Anytime.
You know, when I was laid offand a bunch of people were
(29:00):
sending me letters, you knowlike handwritten letters from
people in the industry, andthey're all on my wall and
that's something that I get tolook at all day long.
Missy Stevens (29:08):
Wow.
Jacki Lutz (29:08):
And just like the support that I have, you know,
in an industry which is kind ofunheard of, right, that's not
actually normal, but amazing atthe same time.
Stacey Miller (29:16):
Do you ever look at all those notes and think,
God, I'm such an imposter.
Jessica Toliuszis (29:21):
No, they don't.
They don't know me, they knowthe real me.
Worked really hard.
Jacki Lutz (29:27):
No, um.
A lot of them, though, are moreabout like, just encouraging me
to keep going, which is likewhat I think I always need.
You know.
You know, especially if you dothings in a little bit more of a
public sense, you never know,like, ok, are people sick of me
yet?
Is it, is it fresh enough, oris it the same stuff you know?
So when you get that kind ofencouragement, I really hang on
(29:49):
to it, because it helps me keepgoing for a little while longer
till I get the next one.
So don't stop sending them.
Stacey Miller (29:57):
So when you got that negative LinkedIn comment
and then you kind of shrunk backa little bit, you said you
stopped posting for a while.
Yeah, yeah, wow.
Jacki Lutz (30:04):
Probably like it had to be like a month.
Yeah, I mean I should have myhusband on and he could talk.
He could talk about the spiralI was in, like I would, I would
go, you know, to post and Iwould just be like overthinking
it, like you know, kind of, whenyou start posting on LinkedIn,
you know how you just overthinkeverything.
You're like everyone's gonna bethrowing tomatoes at me
publicly, if you know, thinkingthrough every single post so
(30:26):
hard.
I started doing that again,just spiraling, like couldn't
actually click post, you know,and I just felt like you know,
if I did that, it was going tobe those people kind of mocking
me and it wasn't.
It wasn't a comment, it wassomething that was said at an
event and kind of a group ofpeople and then multiple people
told me about it so I didn'tknow exactly who it was.
(30:49):
I just know what was said in theconcern and, like you know, it
was kind of like a you know moreof like a poking fun at me kind
of thing, which was likeheartbreaking.
So, like every single thing Iwanted to try to put out, I'm
like are they going to make funof this?
Is there some, is theresomething in here make fun of
all?
You know, just overthinkingeverything and it took me a
while but it took.
It took probably like 10 peopleto.
(31:11):
You know, kind of likevirtually slapping me across the
face and being like why are youlistening to the?
This is what my husband saidhe's like why are you listening
to like the five people, thefive negative voices?
Why aren't you listening to allof the encouragement you get?
Why aren't you looking at thiswall of letters and focusing on
that?
Why are you focusing on thenegative?
It's just so easy to do.
Jessica Toliuszis (31:31):
It's louder and you lose the authenticity
when you're focusing on thatnegative voice.
And we all have.
We all have a negative voiceand we all have a positive voice
and it's a matter of turningthe volume down on one and the
volume up on the other andreplacing one word with another
word.
I'm really sorry you wentthrough that.
And I'm so glad that you'reback and that you're your
authentic self.
You inspire all of us to bebetter.
Jacki Lutz (31:53):
Oh, thank you.
I'm actually glad it happenednow yeah.
You know, because, like it, ittaught me I actually read a book
shortly after that, and it wasall about people pleasing.
Missy Stevens (32:02):
And.
Jacki Lutz (32:02):
I went to my husband .
I'm like, wait, am I a peoplepleaser?
Like I'm just basing everythingI do off of pleasing people.
So when, when people aren'tpleased with it, I cave, I'm
just like a you know pile ofmush and he goes yeah, jackie,
you're a people pleaser.
And so like it's put me on thisyou know kind of mission to to
correct that, you know, and likestart looking at other areas of
(32:25):
my life where I might be, youknow, pointing at, you know
pointing a goal at what I don'teven want.
It's not even the rightdirection.
I'm just trying to please otherpeople and it's taking me
further from where I actuallywant to go.
Jessica Toliuszis (32:36):
Yeah.
So that moment of radicalcandor, even though it was
perhaps in the negative senseyou were able to find the
positive.
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful we.
I think that if like true loveand true bragging, really you
also have to be able to talkabout the constructive criticism
.
I think.
I said it's one of my lovelanguages.
I would much prefer you to tellme hey, hey, jessica, you've
(32:57):
got.
You know you have food in yourteeth, or hey, what you said
earlier really made me feeluncomfortable.
Please don't ever say thatagain.
I would much prefer that peoplepop the bubble um, rather than
like you were talking about.
Somebody said it behind yourback or at a different event or
without you in the room.
It would be much better to pickup the phone and say hey,
jackie, you put one line inthere.
That's kind of weird.
Missy Stevens (33:16):
Why don't you take that one out?
Jessica Toliuszis (33:18):
You misspelled something.
Did you realize it?
Jacki Lutz (33:21):
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, I think it's just, youknow.
I think it just goes to showhow important it is to advocate
for others, to lift each otherup, to encourage people, because
you never know what they'regoing through and when they need
to hear it the most.
And I think, the more you do it, you just never know who you're
touching.
You know, and I think both ofyou do that on a daily basis and
I just hope you continue to doit and you're teaching people
(33:43):
like me to do more of it too.
You know, I really try to do it, but I don't think it's.
It needs to be more of apriority, you know needs to be
more of a priority.
Jessica Toliuszis (33:53):
You know, yeah, one of my goals this year
was to write a kudos note everyweek.
What minor emails.
I'm not I don't mail a lot ofletters, I own a lot of stamps
but just a quick kudos email,hey, so and so on.
Your team did a great job.
Just wanted to say thank you.
We appreciated it made a bigdifference for the customer yeah
that's great.
That's all it takes sometimes.
Yeah, I think that's great.
Stacey Miller (34:12):
Two sentences I keep every single one of those,
every single one, and I thinkmost people who receive them do
too.
Yeah, I hope so.
Jessica Toliuszis (34:21):
I try to make sure it goes to their boss too.
Yeah, oh that's good, becausenot everybody's ears are open to
the compliment.
Jacki Lutz (34:28):
That's a good point.
And just in case they don'tadvocate, advocate for
themselves to their boss youalready did.
Jessica Toliuszis (34:33):
Well, I'm helping them write their
performance review.
Yeah, that's good.
Jacki Lutz (34:37):
Yeah.
Stacey Miller (34:38):
I'm trying to reserve my words for whoever
made you feel that way, jackie,because, um you're.
You're probably not the onlyone that's gone through
something like that.
Right and it's.
It's crushing to hear that youknow you're doing good for
yourself and then somebody seweddoubt in you and what you were
doing and I mean we know you'rea superstar and for for that to
(35:04):
happen and then for that to sewdown you with all the proof and
all the trophies and all thecards that you have on the wall,
like is ridiculous.
And it's even more proof abouthow self-advocacy is probably
one of the most powerful toolsthat you can have in your
toolbox because, you're beingheard, you're being seen, you're
advancing your career, you'regetting awards, you're getting
(35:25):
recognition, and here we are.
So you know that's just how theworld works sometimes.
And if I drop off a LinkedInfor a week or two, now, you know
that's just how the world workssometimes.
And if I drop off a linkedinfor a week or two, now, you know
why because I get, I haven'thad a comment.
But I've also just like feltself-conscious because the other
part of it is like how do youbalance the brag?
Jacki Lutz (35:45):
like how do you?
Stacey Miller (35:45):
make sure that you're not being obnoxious with
it and going overboard and everysingle day saying I did
something so great on the shitright, like nobody wants to hear
it in that way.
Jacki Lutz (35:58):
Um so sometimes I get self-conscious and I'm like
all right, I'm not going to postanything about myself this week
and I'm going to people need toremember too.
like we're all just trying tofigure it out, right?
Like no, there's no playbookfor this.
Like you know how to brag onLinkedIn without annoying people
.
Like you know how to brag onLinkedIn without annoying people
.
Like you know, just, we're alljust trying our best.
So, giving people a little bitof grace, to figure that out,
especially when I first seesomeone just starting to post on
(36:20):
LinkedIn and they do a postlike that.
Like that is so hard to do.
Like, if you can just scrollthrough your LinkedIn feed and
think about how difficult it isfor people to put themselves out
there, you should just beliking and sharing everything
just because you just want tokeep encouraging this behavior.
And you know, people just seemto look at LinkedIn like it's
this platform that you know it'sso serious and everything has
(36:44):
to be so perfect and it's goingto be there forever.
It's still just social mediaand I think being human and
being authentic is reallyimportant and if we sit there
and judge everybody for whatthey're putting out there, it's
not conducive behavior to helpour industry do more of that and
brag about themselves, bragabout their companies and then
also brag about our industry.
Jessica Toliuszis (37:03):
I think you asked that question at one of
your talks.
You said hey, have you everlooked at LinkedIn and thought
ugh, hate Stacey's post today?
Jacki Lutz (37:09):
No, you don't do that.
That's not the way I'm lookingat it, and if you are, shame on
you, shame on you.
If it's a misspelling, call herand tell her.
Jessica Toliuszis (37:18):
Let's talk about it and let's make sure,
because our greatest potentialis not really holding our sparks
inside of us, but our greatestpotential is the sparks that
we're creating among each other.
Stacey Miller (37:32):
And let's make sure that they're fireworks and
not bombs.
Jacki Lutz (37:34):
Oh, that's right.
Wow, that's.
That's the sound clip of theepisode, right?
Jessica Toliuszis (37:36):
there, love it, love it, wow.
So I don't call me Taylor Swift, I can't, I just so let's do a
round Robin.
Jacki Lutz (37:46):
What do we hope the most that people take away?
Jessica Toliuszis (37:50):
today.
I so my favorite quote, MayaAngelou.
I say it all the time, butpeople forget what you said and
people will forget what you did.
So people are gonna forgeteverything that we said, but I
think you can, I hope you cansee and feel the feelings that
we have here, and that's whatMaya Angelou says.
People will forget what yousaid.
They'll forget what you did.
They're gonna forget thisconversation, but hopefully it
will make them feel something.
Stacey Miller (38:12):
I felt something with your quote, so I'm kind of
speechless still.
I mean my.
My whole thing is is to takethe leap.
Like what are you?
What are you afraid of?
Sure, we're afraid of beingbullied on the internet or
someone making a snide commentabout our success or the way
that we conduct ourselves.
But what's the worst that couldhappen?
By highlighting your ownaccomplishments, no matter how
(38:34):
small they may seem, documentingthem and talking about them in
a way that highlights you andyour growth.
You have nothing to lose fromthat, and there's lots of
different tactics and ways to dothat, whether that's digitally,
whether that's in person.
But think about your goals,think about where you want to go
and start documenting andsharing those things, because
they're going to help push youeven further into that room
(38:58):
where the decisions are beingmade, as Jessica said.
Jacki Lutz (39:02):
Yeah, and you know something.
I guess my takeaway something Ialways say in the personal
branding talks is people dobusiness with people they know,
like and trust.
Missy Stevens (39:09):
Right.
Jacki Lutz (39:09):
And I really think LinkedIn is such a good platform
for just more people to knowyou.
You know in the, in the way youapproach it.
If you take some of these tips,it's going to help people like
you.
You know and understand whereyou're coming from and see your
authentic self, and people arereally going to start to trust
you when you can advocate foryourself in a consistent basis
(39:29):
and show and you need to be ableto share those successes, the
success stories.
People want to see the successstories.
I also think that you canbalance it, like you said,
stacey, with you know where didyou fail, what did you learn.
You know like there's otherthings you can put out there too
that help keep you on a levelplaying field, but like you can
still talk about that award youwon or that promotion you got,
(39:50):
or that you know that that winyou got, whatever it might be,
um, and just you know.
Practice on LinkedIn, I think,would be mine, cause you can.
Really.
I don't encourage people tooverthink their posts, but if
you're very nervous it's a goodpractice, because the more you
post and you can read through itand change it as many times as
you want until you'recomfortable to push posts the
more you do that, though thatbecomes the voice in your head.
(40:11):
So when you are in front ofyour boss or you are in front of
other people and you want toadvocate for yourself, you have
all those words and those pointsin the back of your head that
you've already used.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:20):
Yeah, and stop throwing rocks at things
that sparkle.
Jacki Lutz (40:23):
Yeah, yeah, because we're all going to sparkle
together.
Yeah, yes, thank you so much,guys.
This was a really good one.
Stacey Miller (40:30):
I teared up like half the time Did you cry.
Jacki Lutz (40:33):
It was just a little .
There's the lights in hereReally bright.
Allergies Dusty.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:40):
Thank you.
Thank you, this was reallybeautiful.
I was honored that you asked meto be a part of this
conversation.
Thank you.
Jacki Lutz (40:46):
You were an obvious choice.
I hope I get to come back.
Oh, obviously.
Oh my God, anytime, anytime.
We'll give you a key, just showup.
Jessica Toliuszis (40:56):
Thank you, thanks, jackie.
Jacki Lutz (40:58):
Thanks, stacey.
Thanks for tuning in to anotherepisode of Auto Care On Air.
Make sure to subscribe to ourpodcast so that you never miss
an episode, and don't forget toleave us a rating and review.
It helps others discover ourshow.
Auto Care On Air is proud to bea production of the AutoCare
(41:18):
Association, dedicated toadvancing the auto care industry
and supporting professionalslike you.
To learn more about theassociation and its initiatives,
visit autocareorg.
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