September 13, 2024 • 28 mins
If you missed the viral video mentioned in this episode you can watch (or rewatch) it HERE ~credit @CAALifestyle
In this Season 4 premiere I share how going viral in May 2024 changed my life. I give you all the juicy details and my final take away is something you won't expect. I FINALLY learned a big lesson, once and for all.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Then I worked two eights and I made $100,000.
Now I'm working 110 and I'mmaking $100,000.
So one 10-hour shift a week,starting this summer, end of
this summer, I'll make $100,000gross.
Of course that's not take-home.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
If you've seen that viral video from At CAA
Lifestyle, also known asTrebelli Rodriguez style also
known as Trebelli Rodriguez sheis a CAA YouTuber and
Instagrammer and content creatorthen you know that video got
(00:37):
huge within our CAA communityand I'm about to share the
behind the scenes of how thatvideo came to be my life leading
up to that video, my headspaceand truly, truly how that viral
video changed my life.
So if any of that soundsinteresting, stick around for
this season four.
Premiere episode of AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast.
Welcome to the AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast, the first
(01:02):
podcast to highlight the CAAexperience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
(01:23):
storytelling and my belief thatthe CAA profession is uniquely
able to create a life by designinto a podcast.
If you are a practicing CAA,current AA student or someone
who hopes to be one, I encourageyou to stick around and
experience the power of being ina community filled with voices
(01:43):
who sound like yours the powerof being in a community filled
with voices who sound like yours, sharing experiences you never
believed possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the Awakened Anesthetist
Podcast.
Welcome in, welcome to seasonfour of the Awakened Anesthetist
podcast.
I'm really, as you can tell,excited to be here recording
(02:07):
season four.
I wasn't sure that I was goingto have a season four or ever
possibly restart AwakenAnesthetist at the end of spring
this year, spring 2024.
A lot of my life was up in theair.
A lot of my life was up in theair, and I'm really excited, in
(02:28):
this Season 4 premiere episode,to share how going viral changed
my life and I'm pretty sureit's not what you expect me to
say.
So welcome everyone, welcome myCAA community, all my certified
anesthesiologist assistantcolleagues, all the AA students
who I know are out therelistening, and to all of those
(02:48):
who are considering becoming aCAA and tuning in to hear more
of the behind the scenes, to geta feel of what their future
life could hold.
I welcome you all.
This community is so special tome and I really am excited to
be back.
So let's jump into this seasonfour episode on how going viral
(03:09):
changed my life.
Okay, y'all.
So let's start with a bit of thesetup, the backstory about how
this viral video even came intoexistence.
So this year, at the Quad AConference, which is the
national conference forcertified anesthesiologist
assistants the Quad A is our,like, national governing board
(03:30):
At the national conference thisyear, which was in Orlando, I
was speaking and recording thatpodcast that you just heard.
If you listened to the lastepisode, it was a live interview
with the current Quad Apresident, whose name is Danny
Massaros.
So I was there doing those twothings and Chabeli and I, who
have become friendly becausewe're both CAAs and content
(03:54):
creators and we knew that eachother was going to be at the
Quad A.
So as I'm sort of finishing upmy day from speaking and doing
the live interview, which wasthe first day of the live
interview, which was the firstday of the quad A, which was a
Friday, I run into Jebelly inthe hallway, who actually had a
whole bunch of flight issues andgot there really late.
(04:14):
So she was kind of running intosort of the midday of day one
and she and I met and we hugged.
We had never seen each other inperson before and we hugged.
We had never seen each other inperson before and shortly after
meeting she asked if I would beinterested in recording just a
real quick interview for herYouTube channel.
She had brought her supplies andwas trying to get little
(04:36):
interviews about people'sfinancial journeys.
Chabeli is really interested infinancial literacy as a CAA and
how our profession has helpedher meet goals towards financial
independence and earlyretirement.
And so she was like you know,you're a part-time CAA there's
not a lot of part-time CAAs andyou've been CAA for so long.
(04:58):
You're kind of out in thepublic eye already.
Would you mind sharing some ofyour financial numbers and just
any part of the journey thatyou're comfortable sharing?
And I, of course, was ridinghigh off of really bearing my
heart and soul, you know, inthese two big ways of the quad A
.
I was like, yeah, absolutely,I'm an open book, let's do it.
So we just kind of usherourselves over to the side of
(05:20):
this huge hallway, like in thismassive hotel where we're having
this huge conference, and justat a little side table she clips
a mic onto me and asked memaybe five questions.
The interview was maybe 10minutes and at the end she was
like okay, this is great, goodjob.
I'm going to look through whatI have after the quad day ends
(05:40):
and I'll probably create aYouTube video.
I'll let you know what comes ofit.
Okay, cool, so we go about ourday.
The rest of the quad A happens.
I basically am a participantfor the remainder of the quad A.
It was a fantastic, amazing,super exhausting experience.
Personally, I was coming off ofbasically two professional
(06:01):
highs, two life goals.
Speaking on the Quad A stageabout CAA wellness and then
doing that live interview.
Those were just goals I had setout for myself, probably in
2020, like far off goals, likemaybe one day that would happen.
And then this year, in 2024,those two things both happened
(06:22):
and I just felt so embodied.
I was so proud of where myprofession had allowed me to go
in terms of like reaching.
What I felt like was this fullexpression of who I am, like I'm
not just a CAA, but I'm also aspeaker and a teacher and a
leader and you know all thethings.
(06:43):
I just was feeling so, so good.
And then, over the course of theremainder of the quad A, after
I did this interview withChabeli, I don't know, my body
just started to crash, like mymental, my physical energy
started to crash.
I suppose that's probablynormal after you do something
huge, I guess.
But it was so surprising andshocking to me that by the end
(07:04):
of the quad A, I found myselfreally reconsidering everything
I thought that this moment wasgoing to launch me into.
I, for example, had taken abunch of emails at the Quad A
when I was speaking.
I had people, you know, hit aQR code and then input their
information and we were going tostart this wellness initiative
(07:26):
and I just had so much energyand I think over 60 people put
in their email and before thequad day, I thought, okay, I'm
going to do this with the emailsand then we're going to like,
do this initiative.
And you know all the things.
This is not new.
If you're not familiar with mystory, you can go back and
listen to my process episodes.
But I'm a dreamer, I am creative, I am passionate.
(07:49):
I am also really capable.
I think CAAs are all reallycapable and so oftentimes we get
an idea and we're like, yeah,we're going to do that, let's
make it happen.
And then we hit the ground at100 and just you know, drive it
down.
And at 100, and just you know,drive it down.
(08:09):
And maybe, like this instance,you find yourself just totally
burned out, not necessarilyoverwhelmed, but I just had no
energy.
I just I couldn't understandhow I was ever going to go on.
And, of course, when you'retired and low, everything feels
doom and gloom, but that'sbasically my headspace.
When I was leaving the Quad A,I just wasn't sure what I was
going to do.
I didn't know how I was evergoing to sustain the energy it
(08:30):
appeared it was going to take todo all the things as well as
live the other aspects of mylife.
And so I flew home and I just,you know, over the next couple
of days, just laid low.
I gave myself a lot ofpermission to rest, which has
been a new skill that I'velearned how to implement, and I
try to give myself a lot ofcompassion and not beat myself
(08:52):
up over, you know, notimmediately editing the episode
with Dani or not immediatelyemailing everyone who I had
connected with or following upon leads on the podcast.
I just kind of let it set for awhile, which was extremely
uncomfortable and also basicallymy only option because I was so
exhausted.
(09:14):
And then, about maybe three orfour days into this sort of rest
, reset period after the quad A,chabeli texts me and was like,
hey, I finished editing theinterview we did and it actually
is going to become some shortform content, which is content
creator speak for, like thelittle videos on Instagram and
(09:36):
TikTok, like a reel and then avideo on TikTok whatever those
are called.
And you know, cool, great,sounds awesome, chabeli, go
ahead.
And Chabeli was like well, Ijust wanted to let you know that
I have a feeling that thismight get some traction.
You're talking about money,you're talking about money in
kind of a different way andyou're just being really open.
So I wouldn't be surprised ifyou get some traction off of
(09:58):
this.
You know, just wanted to letyou know.
Okay, cool, sounds awesome,trebelli.
So she posted the next day.
I have an account for theAwakened Nestis, if you'd like
to follow me on Instagram atAwakenedestis, and I get a
notification that Chabeli postedthe video and very quickly I
can see that you know, certainlymore people than my normal
(10:19):
amount are viewing this reel andthey're posting questions and
they're tagging me and I'mgetting some DMs and I was like,
oh my gosh, look just whatChabeli said.
Like it's getting some traction.
This is awesome.
I'm answering these questionsjust one on one, like when you
DM me or comment.
You know I'm by no meansflooded with them on a normal
basis, so I just message youright back and I'm like, okay,
(10:42):
and it kind of starting to pickup.
And I'm like I'm gonna go checkTikTok.
Just, I have an account, but Idon't use it very often for the
podcast, and by that I meanalmost never.
And I find the video thatChabeli posted there and on
TikTok it had almost a millionviews within a very short period
of time as soon as it wasposted.
And I was like, oh my goodness,like it appears like this maybe
(11:05):
is going viral on TikTok.
So I go back to Instagram, justlike in the moment, to see
what's going on.
Back to Instagram, just like inthe moment, to see what's going
on, and on Instagram it's atlike 500,000 views.
Now, in perspective here, mostof my reels that I create, I get
maybe 3000 views or something.
So this has far exceededanything that I've ever done
(11:27):
myself or been involved in.
And again, this is somethingthat Chabeli created and Chabeli
posted.
But because my name was in it,like I was getting tagged and
everything within it, and itjust snowballed from there very,
very quickly.
And so I'm texting Chabeli likethis is happening.
This is going viral.
What are you doing?
(11:48):
Are you trying to answer allthese comments?
I was just so fixated, forwhatever reason, on trying to
answer every single comment andevery single DM and give people
really thoughtful responses.
I mean, this has never happenedto me before, so that was just
my gut response.
This is crazy, this is wild.
This is, you know, reallyexciting.
Also, like very awesome.
But I, of course, am tappingaway trying to answer everything
(12:11):
and I get a DM on Instagramfrom a mom of a high schooler
who's asking me very intricatequestions about her high
schoolers courses and whethershe's gonna I don't know have
the prereqs to then get intocollege, then have the prereqs
into AA school, and just verydetailed.
Like I could tell she justwanted me to make it easy for
(12:33):
her as opposed to doing theresearch herself.
And I just had this moment ofclarity, like, okay, I can see
what's going on here.
I already don't have any energyto give to myself or to my
family coming off the quad A.
And then this huge, hugeprofessional moment happens for
me, and I'm not talking aboutthe quad A lecture.
And then this huge, hugeprofessional moment happens for
me, and I'm not talking aboutthe quad, a lecture, or
(12:54):
interviewing Danny.
I'm talking about this viralvideo Like this is a massive
exposure moment for me and formy platform and my message.
And I had this burning itchylike, oh God, I got to
capitalize on this and I got topush and I got to move forward
and I got to make more videosand respond.
And this bless high schoolmother who DM'd me just snapped
(13:19):
me out of it enough to be like,oh, I see what's happening here.
What's happening here is thething that I always do.
I am passionate and I get toodeep into something and then I
lose my boundaries and I forgetwhy I'm doing it and I just end
up sacrificing too many otherthings in order to accomplish
(13:42):
the goal or the thing that I hadset out for myself.
And I just felt this soviscerally when I was going
through this viral video moment.
And you know, when you've beenlearning a lesson like your
whole life, I've probably beentrying to learn this lesson
since 2020.
And the you know universe orspirit or life or whatever you
(14:05):
believe, keeps sending you waysto learn the same lesson and it
just sort of sinks in.
But then you do it again andagain, and again.
And then at one time in yourlife it just happens and you're
like, oh, I see this isn't evergoing to stop happening until I
put my foot down, learn thislesson and move forward with a
(14:27):
lot more intentionality.
And in prepping for this podcastand sharing this story, I was
telling my husband and he's like, well, what is the lesson?
Like you need to say what thelesson is.
And he's like you're being too,you know, up in the clouds with
it.
I'm like well, you know, whenyou are saying yes to something,
(14:48):
and that yes, by virtue ofsaying yes, means you've said no
to a thousand other things, andI always struggle with that
because I want to do thosethousand other things as well as
the thing I said yes to.
And he was like yeah, you meanthe thing that I told you back
in 2020 when we first startedour podcast together.
(15:10):
We were talking about thisexact lesson and how, during
that time, I was trying totransition from full-time
anesthesia work to part-timework.
And you know, I was just hadall these balls in the air.
And he's like I said that exactthing to you in 2020 on air, on
the podcast you could go backand listen to it, I'm like well,
(15:32):
apparently it took several moretimes and four more years to
really ingrain that lesson thatif you do not pick your yeses
with intentionality, you will besaying no to a lot of other
things that you also want to bedoing.
And if you also happen to findyourself an Enneagram 3 or a
(15:54):
perfectionist or type A or anyof the attributes that I would
say a lot of CAAs have, you'regoing to say yes to something
and if it's without intention,you're very quickly going to
find yourself burned out,overwhelmed and looking back on
your life thinking how the heckdid I get here?
How am I up at 2 am answeringsome high school mom's DM and
(16:18):
feeling guilty about notanswering the DM?
And this final time, learningthis lesson of saying yes means
also saying no was such alife-changing moment because I
had the perspective ofremembering all the other times
that I've learned this lesson inpart and I could see how this
(16:43):
was a pattern in my life and ifI didn't take this moment this
time in my life spring of 2024,when I went viral talking about
money and my passion for the CAAprofession and how I like to
use it to live my dream life.
If I don't take this hugemoment for me instead of for
(17:04):
everyone else, I will continuethis pattern in my life and I'll
wake up when I'm 60 or 70 and80 and wonder how I got there.
And so I decided to do somethingdifferent.
I decided to do something Ihave never done before, which is
to step back, go behind thecurtain, step into the shadow
(17:26):
whatever metaphor works for you.
I basically realized not onlydid I need to rest, but I needed
to go silent or quiet.
I needed to stop putting myselfout there and trying to meet
other people's expectations, andI stopped trying to produce and
perform, even though thosethings felt good in the moment,
(17:47):
I could tell that I wasn't clearon what it was that I wanted
versus what I was doing forother people, and I knew that
this was a time in my life.
I was also just about to turn40.
I turned 40 May 24th of 2024,and everything really just
spiraled into this perfectmoment where I chose myself and
(18:10):
decided to get quiet over thecourse of this summer and figure
out what I truly want, to sayyes, to understand what that
means.
I then say no to, and to besuper intentional about how I
move forward over the next year,five years, 10 years so that I
don't wake up when I'm 80 andwonder how I got there.
(18:32):
And so I didn't know exactlyhow I was going to move through
this moment, through this periodof stepping back, but I just
knew I needed to startimmediately.
So I did what I had to do.
I wrapped up season three ofthe podcast, which was just
another episode.
I sort of posted something onInstagram saying I'm going away
for a little while, I'mretreating back into myself to
(18:54):
work on some things.
I'll be back when I'm back.
And I really got slow and quiet.
My kids wrapped up the end oftheir school year.
I really challenged myself toquestion why it was so
uncomfortable for me to notanswer the DMs on the video, to
(19:18):
not follow up with all of theemails that I had gathered at
the Quad A and the leads that Ihad gathered for the podcast.
What was it about that thatmade me feel so deeply
uncomfortable?
And I did a lot of meditationand journaling and walking and I
also during this time, duringthis summer break, turned
towards my husband and my kidsto fill up my cup from them.
(19:44):
To really understand.
Do I need more than just myhusband and my kids and my
clinical work that I think Iwant to do or that feel
passionate for me, like, what isit about those that I need, and
(20:06):
could I find that elsewhere, ina way that doesn't pull me away
or keep me up at night or, youknow, create more work for me?
And I just wanted to be sointentional about what I choose
and how I spend my time.
And that is such a beautifulprivilege and it's something
that I just want to scream fromthe mountaintops that the CAA
profession puts you in thisprivileged position if you use
(20:27):
it as a tool to have the freedomto choose, to be really
intentional and I was justrealizing that I wasn't using it
to its full capacity because Ihad never gotten quiet enough to
truly ask what is it that onlyI want, if no one's watching me,
if money's not an issue, if I'mnot looking for external
(20:49):
validation, what is it that Iwant to have in my life?
And basically that was all ofMay asking myself that question,
all of June.
By the end of July I started tofeel some clarity and certainly
by August I started to reallysee what was for me and what was
for other people, and I mean inall aspects of my life.
(21:13):
But of course, I'm sharing theprofessional aspects with you,
because that's mostly what youall are interested in, and I
really came up with a yes to twothings.
I want to do these two thingswhich I'm about to tell you, one
of which, of course, is seasonfour of this podcast.
But I want to do these twothings, throw my energy and the
time that I have allotted tothese things and sort of jump on
(21:36):
that train and see where theygo, because I know what they add
to my life and I also know thatI can support my other yeses.
I want to say yes to my husbandand my marriage.
I want to say yes to my kidsand to my friends and my
extended friends, and I want tosay yes to maintaining our house
and just.
I could go on and on.
(21:56):
But I know that I can do thesetwo things and say yes to the
other things in my life that Iwant, and be okay with all the
no's that that means.
One of the no's is that myhouse is oftentimes quite messy.
There's things that I can't dobecause I'm choosing to say yes
to this.
My first yes is this podcast,season four.
This podcast brings me so muchjoy that I can't get anywhere
(22:21):
else.
It fills a piece of my soul.
Truly, this storytelling aspect, hearing your stories,
interacting with all of you,sharing such amazing CAA stories
with this community, justabsolutely makes me feel whole
and I couldn't say no to it.
(22:41):
I had to do this, at least forseason four.
And so here I am and I'm sograteful that you're here and
I'm so excited to walk thisseason four journey with you all
, because you will be walkingall of this life-changing-ness
right along with me this season.
And the other yes that I amfinally finally saying
absolutely yes to is doing CAAMatters.
(23:05):
Caa Matters is the wellnesscurriculum that I created for
first year AA students.
I have started marketing it toschools.
I'm going to lead that andteach that and I'm really
looking for AA school partnerswho are interested in innovation
and CAA wellness and being onthe cutting edge of a
(23:25):
whole-bodied CAA, so a CAA who'shealthy and thriving, not just
in their grades and performance,but really can sustain a
lifelong career that isfulfilling and healthy and well.
So I'm moving forward with thatand I won't list the things
that I've said no to.
(23:46):
But those two yeses mean thatI've said no to a lot of other
professional things, and now,every time a new opportunity or
time spent elsewhere comes myway, I can really filter it
through this discernment of doesthis support my two yeses?
Does this support my podcast?
Yes, and the CAA matters yes,and if it doesn't, then I know
(24:10):
it's a no for me.
And that intentionality hasbeen so freeing, it has been so
joyful.
It's actually opened up moretime in my life to move slower,
which is something I value, andto dive deeper into my
meditation practice.
I recently graduated from amindfulness meditation teacher
(24:32):
training, which is somethingthat I wanted to do for me, and
I've been incorporating thatinto the CAA Matters curriculum,
and so those two things arereally enveloping each other,
and I'm just so thrilled to beon the other side of this lesson
of learning that I have to beso intentional with my yeses,
(24:53):
because saying yes to one thingmeans saying no to a lot of
other things, and I want to bein control of what I say yes to
and I don't want to befunctioning just to make other
people happy, and so I hope thispodcast was enlightening to you
.
I hope hearing my story maybegave you an aha or one step
(25:13):
closer to learning the lessonthat your life is trying to
teach you.
If you're a CAA or an AA studentor perspective and have any
questions for me, you can go tothe show notes.
There's a way to text medirectly.
You could also follow me onInstagram at Awakened
Anesthetist, and I will get backto you.
When I get back to you,certainly, I am no longer
(25:34):
swamped from the viral videothat has all passed swamped from
the viral video that has allpassed and I just really
encourage you all to considerhow your CAA profession or your
future profession can reallyallow you to live your own life
by design.
And if you want more stories onhow other people are doing that
(25:56):
, or to be expanded by CAAstories so that you know it's
possible, keep following along.
There's going to be a lot ofthat on season four, as well as
a lot more wellness episodesthings that I have found helpful
as a CAA on my own wellnessjourney.
I'm so excited to share thatwith all of you.
All right, I think that's thestory I wanted to share.
(26:16):
That's how going viral changedmy life, and let's talk soon,
y'all.
Then I worked two eights and I made $100,000.
Now I'm working 110 and I'mmaking $100,000.
So one 10-hour shift a week,starting this summer, end of
this summer, I'll make $100,000gross.
Of course that's not take-home.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
If you've seen that viral video from At CAA
Lifestyle, also known asTrebelli Rodriguez style also
known as Trebelli Rodriguez sheis a CAA YouTuber and
Instagrammer and content creatorthen you know that video got
(00:37):
huge within our CAA communityand I'm about to share the
behind the scenes of how thatvideo came to be my life leading
up to that video, my headspaceand truly, truly how that viral
video changed my life.
So if any of that soundsinteresting, stick around for
this season four.
Premiere episode of AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast.
Welcome to the AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast, the first
(01:02):
podcast to highlight the CAAexperience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
(01:23):
storytelling and my belief thatthe CAA profession is uniquely
able to create a life by designinto a podcast.
If you are a practicing CAA,current AA student or someone
who hopes to be one, I encourageyou to stick around and
experience the power of being ina community filled with voices
(01:43):
who sound like yours the powerof being in a community filled
with voices who sound like yours, sharing experiences you never
believed possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the Awakened Anesthetist
Podcast.
Welcome in, welcome to seasonfour of the Awakened Anesthetist
podcast.
I'm really, as you can tell,excited to be here recording
(02:07):
season four.
I wasn't sure that I was goingto have a season four or ever
possibly restart AwakenAnesthetist at the end of spring
this year, spring 2024.
A lot of my life was up in theair.
A lot of my life was up in theair, and I'm really excited, in
(02:28):
this Season 4 premiere episode,to share how going viral changed
my life and I'm pretty sureit's not what you expect me to
say.
So welcome everyone, welcome myCAA community, all my certified
anesthesiologist assistantcolleagues, all the AA students
who I know are out therelistening, and to all of those
(02:48):
who are considering becoming aCAA and tuning in to hear more
of the behind the scenes, to geta feel of what their future
life could hold.
I welcome you all.
This community is so special tome and I really am excited to
be back.
So let's jump into this seasonfour episode on how going viral
(03:09):
changed my life.
Okay, y'all.
So let's start with a bit of thesetup, the backstory about how
this viral video even came intoexistence.
So this year, at the Quad AConference, which is the
national conference forcertified anesthesiologist
assistants the Quad A is our,like, national governing board
(03:30):
At the national conference thisyear, which was in Orlando, I
was speaking and recording thatpodcast that you just heard.
If you listened to the lastepisode, it was a live interview
with the current Quad Apresident, whose name is Danny
Massaros.
So I was there doing those twothings and Chabeli and I, who
have become friendly becausewe're both CAAs and content
(03:54):
creators and we knew that eachother was going to be at the
Quad A.
So as I'm sort of finishing upmy day from speaking and doing
the live interview, which wasthe first day of the live
interview, which was the firstday of the quad A, which was a
Friday, I run into Jebelly inthe hallway, who actually had a
whole bunch of flight issues andgot there really late.
(04:14):
So she was kind of running intosort of the midday of day one
and she and I met and we hugged.
We had never seen each other inperson before and we hugged.
We had never seen each other inperson before and shortly after
meeting she asked if I would beinterested in recording just a
real quick interview for herYouTube channel.
She had brought her supplies andwas trying to get little
(04:36):
interviews about people'sfinancial journeys.
Chabeli is really interested infinancial literacy as a CAA and
how our profession has helpedher meet goals towards financial
independence and earlyretirement.
And so she was like you know,you're a part-time CAA there's
not a lot of part-time CAAs andyou've been CAA for so long.
(04:58):
You're kind of out in thepublic eye already.
Would you mind sharing some ofyour financial numbers and just
any part of the journey thatyou're comfortable sharing?
And I, of course, was ridinghigh off of really bearing my
heart and soul, you know, inthese two big ways of the quad A
.
I was like, yeah, absolutely,I'm an open book, let's do it.
So we just kind of usherourselves over to the side of
(05:20):
this huge hallway, like in thismassive hotel where we're having
this huge conference, and justat a little side table she clips
a mic onto me and asked memaybe five questions.
The interview was maybe 10minutes and at the end she was
like okay, this is great, goodjob.
I'm going to look through whatI have after the quad day ends
(05:40):
and I'll probably create aYouTube video.
I'll let you know what comes ofit.
Okay, cool, so we go about ourday.
The rest of the quad A happens.
I basically am a participantfor the remainder of the quad A.
It was a fantastic, amazing,super exhausting experience.
Personally, I was coming off ofbasically two professional
(06:01):
highs, two life goals.
Speaking on the Quad A stageabout CAA wellness and then
doing that live interview.
Those were just goals I had setout for myself, probably in
2020, like far off goals, likemaybe one day that would happen.
And then this year, in 2024,those two things both happened
(06:22):
and I just felt so embodied.
I was so proud of where myprofession had allowed me to go
in terms of like reaching.
What I felt like was this fullexpression of who I am, like I'm
not just a CAA, but I'm also aspeaker and a teacher and a
leader and you know all thethings.
(06:43):
I just was feeling so, so good.
And then, over the course of theremainder of the quad A, after
I did this interview withChabeli, I don't know, my body
just started to crash, like mymental, my physical energy
started to crash.
I suppose that's probablynormal after you do something
huge, I guess.
But it was so surprising andshocking to me that by the end
(07:04):
of the quad A, I found myselfreally reconsidering everything
I thought that this moment wasgoing to launch me into.
I, for example, had taken abunch of emails at the Quad A
when I was speaking.
I had people, you know, hit aQR code and then input their
information and we were going tostart this wellness initiative
(07:26):
and I just had so much energyand I think over 60 people put
in their email and before thequad day, I thought, okay, I'm
going to do this with the emailsand then we're going to like,
do this initiative.
And you know all the things.
This is not new.
If you're not familiar with mystory, you can go back and
listen to my process episodes.
But I'm a dreamer, I am creative, I am passionate.
(07:49):
I am also really capable.
I think CAAs are all reallycapable and so oftentimes we get
an idea and we're like, yeah,we're going to do that, let's
make it happen.
And then we hit the ground at100 and just you know, drive it
down.
And at 100, and just you know,drive it down.
(08:09):
And maybe, like this instance,you find yourself just totally
burned out, not necessarilyoverwhelmed, but I just had no
energy.
I just I couldn't understandhow I was ever going to go on.
And, of course, when you'retired and low, everything feels
doom and gloom, but that'sbasically my headspace.
When I was leaving the Quad A,I just wasn't sure what I was
going to do.
I didn't know how I was evergoing to sustain the energy it
(08:30):
appeared it was going to take todo all the things as well as
live the other aspects of mylife.
And so I flew home and I just,you know, over the next couple
of days, just laid low.
I gave myself a lot ofpermission to rest, which has
been a new skill that I'velearned how to implement, and I
try to give myself a lot ofcompassion and not beat myself
(08:52):
up over, you know, notimmediately editing the episode
with Dani or not immediatelyemailing everyone who I had
connected with or following upon leads on the podcast.
I just kind of let it set for awhile, which was extremely
uncomfortable and also basicallymy only option because I was so
exhausted.
(09:14):
And then, about maybe three orfour days into this sort of rest
, reset period after the quad A,chabeli texts me and was like,
hey, I finished editing theinterview we did and it actually
is going to become some shortform content, which is content
creator speak for, like thelittle videos on Instagram and
(09:36):
TikTok, like a reel and then avideo on TikTok whatever those
are called.
And you know, cool, great,sounds awesome, chabeli, go
ahead.
And Chabeli was like well, Ijust wanted to let you know that
I have a feeling that thismight get some traction.
You're talking about money,you're talking about money in
kind of a different way andyou're just being really open.
So I wouldn't be surprised ifyou get some traction off of
(09:58):
this.
You know, just wanted to letyou know.
Okay, cool, sounds awesome,trebelli.
So she posted the next day.
I have an account for theAwakened Nestis, if you'd like
to follow me on Instagram atAwakenedestis, and I get a
notification that Chabeli postedthe video and very quickly I
can see that you know, certainlymore people than my normal
(10:19):
amount are viewing this reel andthey're posting questions and
they're tagging me and I'mgetting some DMs and I was like,
oh my gosh, look just whatChabeli said.
Like it's getting some traction.
This is awesome.
I'm answering these questionsjust one on one, like when you
DM me or comment.
You know I'm by no meansflooded with them on a normal
basis, so I just message youright back and I'm like, okay,
(10:42):
and it kind of starting to pickup.
And I'm like I'm gonna go checkTikTok.
Just, I have an account, but Idon't use it very often for the
podcast, and by that I meanalmost never.
And I find the video thatChabeli posted there and on
TikTok it had almost a millionviews within a very short period
of time as soon as it wasposted.
And I was like, oh my goodness,like it appears like this maybe
(11:05):
is going viral on TikTok.
So I go back to Instagram, justlike in the moment, to see
what's going on.
Back to Instagram, just like inthe moment, to see what's going
on, and on Instagram it's atlike 500,000 views.
Now, in perspective here, mostof my reels that I create, I get
maybe 3000 views or something.
So this has far exceededanything that I've ever done
(11:27):
myself or been involved in.
And again, this is somethingthat Chabeli created and Chabeli
posted.
But because my name was in it,like I was getting tagged and
everything within it, and itjust snowballed from there very,
very quickly.
And so I'm texting Chabeli likethis is happening.
This is going viral.
What are you doing?
(11:48):
Are you trying to answer allthese comments?
I was just so fixated, forwhatever reason, on trying to
answer every single comment andevery single DM and give people
really thoughtful responses.
I mean, this has never happenedto me before, so that was just
my gut response.
This is crazy, this is wild.
This is, you know, reallyexciting.
Also, like very awesome.
But I, of course, am tappingaway trying to answer everything
(12:11):
and I get a DM on Instagramfrom a mom of a high schooler
who's asking me very intricatequestions about her high
schoolers courses and whethershe's gonna I don't know have
the prereqs to then get intocollege, then have the prereqs
into AA school, and just verydetailed.
Like I could tell she justwanted me to make it easy for
(12:33):
her as opposed to doing theresearch herself.
And I just had this moment ofclarity, like, okay, I can see
what's going on here.
I already don't have any energyto give to myself or to my
family coming off the quad A.
And then this huge, hugeprofessional moment happens for
me, and I'm not talking aboutthe quad A lecture.
And then this huge, hugeprofessional moment happens for
me, and I'm not talking aboutthe quad, a lecture, or
(12:54):
interviewing Danny.
I'm talking about this viralvideo Like this is a massive
exposure moment for me and formy platform and my message.
And I had this burning itchylike, oh God, I got to
capitalize on this and I got topush and I got to move forward
and I got to make more videosand respond.
And this bless high schoolmother who DM'd me just snapped
(13:19):
me out of it enough to be like,oh, I see what's happening here.
What's happening here is thething that I always do.
I am passionate and I get toodeep into something and then I
lose my boundaries and I forgetwhy I'm doing it and I just end
up sacrificing too many otherthings in order to accomplish
(13:42):
the goal or the thing that I hadset out for myself.
And I just felt this soviscerally when I was going
through this viral video moment.
And you know, when you've beenlearning a lesson like your
whole life, I've probably beentrying to learn this lesson
since 2020.
And the you know universe orspirit or life or whatever you
(14:05):
believe, keeps sending you waysto learn the same lesson and it
just sort of sinks in.
But then you do it again andagain, and again.
And then at one time in yourlife it just happens and you're
like, oh, I see this isn't evergoing to stop happening until I
put my foot down, learn thislesson and move forward with a
(14:27):
lot more intentionality.
And in prepping for this podcastand sharing this story, I was
telling my husband and he's like, well, what is the lesson?
Like you need to say what thelesson is.
And he's like you're being too,you know, up in the clouds with
it.
I'm like well, you know, whenyou are saying yes to something,
(14:48):
and that yes, by virtue ofsaying yes, means you've said no
to a thousand other things, andI always struggle with that
because I want to do thosethousand other things as well as
the thing I said yes to.
And he was like yeah, you meanthe thing that I told you back
in 2020 when we first startedour podcast together.
(15:10):
We were talking about thisexact lesson and how, during
that time, I was trying totransition from full-time
anesthesia work to part-timework.
And you know, I was just hadall these balls in the air.
And he's like I said that exactthing to you in 2020 on air, on
the podcast you could go backand listen to it, I'm like well,
(15:32):
apparently it took several moretimes and four more years to
really ingrain that lesson thatif you do not pick your yeses
with intentionality, you will besaying no to a lot of other
things that you also want to bedoing.
And if you also happen to findyourself an Enneagram 3 or a
(15:54):
perfectionist or type A or anyof the attributes that I would
say a lot of CAAs have, you'regoing to say yes to something
and if it's without intention,you're very quickly going to
find yourself burned out,overwhelmed and looking back on
your life thinking how the heckdid I get here?
How am I up at 2 am answeringsome high school mom's DM and
(16:18):
feeling guilty about notanswering the DM?
And this final time, learningthis lesson of saying yes means
also saying no was such alife-changing moment because I
had the perspective ofremembering all the other times
that I've learned this lesson inpart and I could see how this
(16:43):
was a pattern in my life and ifI didn't take this moment this
time in my life spring of 2024,when I went viral talking about
money and my passion for the CAAprofession and how I like to
use it to live my dream life.
If I don't take this hugemoment for me instead of for
(17:04):
everyone else, I will continuethis pattern in my life and I'll
wake up when I'm 60 or 70 and80 and wonder how I got there.
And so I decided to do somethingdifferent.
I decided to do something Ihave never done before, which is
to step back, go behind thecurtain, step into the shadow
(17:26):
whatever metaphor works for you.
I basically realized not onlydid I need to rest, but I needed
to go silent or quiet.
I needed to stop putting myselfout there and trying to meet
other people's expectations, andI stopped trying to produce and
perform, even though thosethings felt good in the moment,
(17:47):
I could tell that I wasn't clearon what it was that I wanted
versus what I was doing forother people, and I knew that
this was a time in my life.
I was also just about to turn40.
I turned 40 May 24th of 2024,and everything really just
spiraled into this perfectmoment where I chose myself and
(18:10):
decided to get quiet over thecourse of this summer and figure
out what I truly want, to sayyes, to understand what that
means.
I then say no to, and to besuper intentional about how I
move forward over the next year,five years, 10 years so that I
don't wake up when I'm 80 andwonder how I got there.
(18:32):
And so I didn't know exactlyhow I was going to move through
this moment, through this periodof stepping back, but I just
knew I needed to startimmediately.
So I did what I had to do.
I wrapped up season three ofthe podcast, which was just
another episode.
I sort of posted something onInstagram saying I'm going away
for a little while, I'mretreating back into myself to
(18:54):
work on some things.
I'll be back when I'm back.
And I really got slow and quiet.
My kids wrapped up the end oftheir school year.
I really challenged myself toquestion why it was so
uncomfortable for me to notanswer the DMs on the video, to
(19:18):
not follow up with all of theemails that I had gathered at
the Quad A and the leads that Ihad gathered for the podcast.
What was it about that thatmade me feel so deeply
uncomfortable?
And I did a lot of meditationand journaling and walking and I
also during this time, duringthis summer break, turned
towards my husband and my kidsto fill up my cup from them.
(19:44):
To really understand.
Do I need more than just myhusband and my kids and my
clinical work that I think Iwant to do or that feel
passionate for me, like, what isit about those that I need, and
(20:06):
could I find that elsewhere, ina way that doesn't pull me away
or keep me up at night or, youknow, create more work for me?
And I just wanted to be sointentional about what I choose
and how I spend my time.
And that is such a beautifulprivilege and it's something
that I just want to scream fromthe mountaintops that the CAA
profession puts you in thisprivileged position if you use
(20:27):
it as a tool to have the freedomto choose, to be really
intentional and I was justrealizing that I wasn't using it
to its full capacity because Ihad never gotten quiet enough to
truly ask what is it that onlyI want, if no one's watching me,
if money's not an issue, if I'mnot looking for external
(20:49):
validation, what is it that Iwant to have in my life?
And basically that was all ofMay asking myself that question,
all of June.
By the end of July I started tofeel some clarity and certainly
by August I started to reallysee what was for me and what was
for other people, and I mean inall aspects of my life.
(21:13):
But of course, I'm sharing theprofessional aspects with you,
because that's mostly what youall are interested in, and I
really came up with a yes to twothings.
I want to do these two thingswhich I'm about to tell you, one
of which, of course, is seasonfour of this podcast.
But I want to do these twothings, throw my energy and the
time that I have allotted tothese things and sort of jump on
(21:36):
that train and see where theygo, because I know what they add
to my life and I also know thatI can support my other yeses.
I want to say yes to my husbandand my marriage.
I want to say yes to my kidsand to my friends and my
extended friends, and I want tosay yes to maintaining our house
and just.
I could go on and on.
(21:56):
But I know that I can do thesetwo things and say yes to the
other things in my life that Iwant, and be okay with all the
no's that that means.
One of the no's is that myhouse is oftentimes quite messy.
There's things that I can't dobecause I'm choosing to say yes
to this.
My first yes is this podcast,season four.
This podcast brings me so muchjoy that I can't get anywhere
(22:21):
else.
It fills a piece of my soul.
Truly, this storytelling aspect, hearing your stories,
interacting with all of you,sharing such amazing CAA stories
with this community, justabsolutely makes me feel whole
and I couldn't say no to it.
(22:41):
I had to do this, at least forseason four.
And so here I am and I'm sograteful that you're here and
I'm so excited to walk thisseason four journey with you all
, because you will be walkingall of this life-changing-ness
right along with me this season.
And the other yes that I amfinally finally saying
absolutely yes to is doing CAAMatters.
(23:05):
Caa Matters is the wellnesscurriculum that I created for
first year AA students.
I have started marketing it toschools.
I'm going to lead that andteach that and I'm really
looking for AA school partnerswho are interested in innovation
and CAA wellness and being onthe cutting edge of a
(23:25):
whole-bodied CAA, so a CAA who'shealthy and thriving, not just
in their grades and performance,but really can sustain a
lifelong career that isfulfilling and healthy and well.
So I'm moving forward with thatand I won't list the things
that I've said no to.
(23:46):
But those two yeses mean thatI've said no to a lot of other
professional things, and now,every time a new opportunity or
time spent elsewhere comes myway, I can really filter it
through this discernment of doesthis support my two yeses?
Does this support my podcast?
Yes, and the CAA matters yes,and if it doesn't, then I know
(24:10):
it's a no for me.
And that intentionality hasbeen so freeing, it has been so
joyful.
It's actually opened up moretime in my life to move slower,
which is something I value, andto dive deeper into my
meditation practice.
I recently graduated from amindfulness meditation teacher
(24:32):
training, which is somethingthat I wanted to do for me, and
I've been incorporating thatinto the CAA Matters curriculum,
and so those two things arereally enveloping each other,
and I'm just so thrilled to beon the other side of this lesson
of learning that I have to beso intentional with my yeses,
(24:53):
because saying yes to one thingmeans saying no to a lot of
other things, and I want to bein control of what I say yes to
and I don't want to befunctioning just to make other
people happy, and so I hope thispodcast was enlightening to you
.
I hope hearing my story maybegave you an aha or one step
(25:13):
closer to learning the lessonthat your life is trying to
teach you.
If you're a CAA or an AA studentor perspective and have any
questions for me, you can go tothe show notes.
There's a way to text medirectly.
You could also follow me onInstagram at Awakened
Anesthetist, and I will get backto you.
When I get back to you,certainly, I am no longer
(25:34):
swamped from the viral videothat has all passed swamped from
the viral video that has allpassed and I just really
encourage you all to considerhow your CAA profession or your
future profession can reallyallow you to live your own life
by design.
And if you want more stories onhow other people are doing that
(25:56):
, or to be expanded by CAAstories so that you know it's
possible, keep following along.
There's going to be a lot ofthat on season four, as well as
a lot more wellness episodesthings that I have found helpful
as a CAA on my own wellnessjourney.
I'm so excited to share thatwith all of you.
All right, I think that's thestory I wanted to share.
(26:16):
That's how going viral changedmy life, and let's talk soon,
y'all.
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