September 20, 2023 • 21 mins
Have you ever pondered the profound power of film and art and its impact on our personal narrative? Join visionary filmmaker Asher Vast in an enlightening discussion about growth and the transformative impact of art. In the first part of our discussion, we explore the fascinating concept of transferring our locus of control and how it often results in us following a predestined path. Asher then opens up about the journey he embarked on through filmmaking, revealing how it provided opportunities for personal growth and professional development. He emphasizes the importance of venturing beyond our comfort zones and confronting our fears for genuine growth.
Our conversation takes a fascinating turn as we dive into the motivational impact of art, particularly film genres, and how they mirror our lives. We delve into how confronting the 'abyss' of our fears can lead us to find effective solutions to our challenges. This episode illuminates the importance of personal growth, emotional control, and being supportive in our relationships. We discuss the complexities of maintaining relationships and the vital role of growth and understanding in them. In the conclusion of the episode, we unpack the liberating idea that we have the power to create our life narrative. This episode serves as an intimate exploration of personal growth, filmmaking, and the power of self-reflection. So join us, and let's embark on this journey together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andrew Carroll (00:00):
Perfect, alright .
So we just took a little bit ofa hiatus and people who listen
to podcasts kind of already knowmy story a little bit.
We were talking about theprogramming that's involved in
taking away people's locus ofcontrol.
I guess not taking away, buttransferring that locus of
control.
It's scary when you finally sitdown after giving that away for
(00:23):
almost your entire life and yourealize that you're not a
victim You've been activelymaking the choice to participate
in the system and when you letgo of that death vest, so to
speak.
You know, because you'reclinging to it for dear life,
and that's what I mean.
It's been painted as thisillusion of you know.
(00:44):
This is safety.
Trade your time for money, gosit in the cube, be an animal in
the farm, right.
And what you hit on right outthe gate, asher, is that you
have to taste, touch, smell andexperience everything in order
to find your path.
You're already on the path andso doing those things, but if
you're following someone else'srecommended course, you're given
(01:08):
away your control.
Now there are times that youshould definitely take the way
that someone else has taken thepath in order to collect items
for your own toolbox, so thatyou can figure out more about
what's important to you,absolutely.
How does that hit for you?
I don't want to leave it sobroad.
(01:28):
I actually want to drill downfor a second.
You're an incredible filmmaker.
You have an eye, a vision.
You're able to translate thatthrough a camera.
Share a little bit about whatthat looks like, because
filmmaking is one of the mostbeautiful arts, much like
writing.
Your world building you becomethe god of a story and the way
(01:52):
that you approach it, the musicvideos that I've seen that
you've put together into thegray light that you worked on
with Emilio.
Amazing films, all of them.
There's an award behind you Idon't know if that people can
see that and you do it becauseyou love it, you're passionate
about it, and Correct me if I'mwrong, but I think there's a lot
of healing found in that foryou as well.
Asher Vast (02:12):
Absolutely for me, it's been a process of learning
what this means for mefilmmaking and, more broadly,
being a storyteller.
I have never considered myselfmuch of a writer in terms of
creating stories, but I do workwith people who do, and I work
with writers and storytellerswho are also filmmakers, like me
(02:35):
.
Some of them are maybe betterat writing than holding a camera
, and so Part of being afilmmaker is not just about
doing everything yourself.
You certainly can that.
You can make a feature film allby yourself.
Is it gonna be a good film?
Maybe, probably not.
It's, it's, it's.
(02:56):
I don't know if I've ever seena feature film made by a single
person that was that actuallylike, really spoke to me and
consistently throughout the film.
It's not to say that it'simpossible.
The real key takeaway there isit's a collaborative process
that I found a lot of value inknowing that you can be a
storyteller in your own right,in your own corner of the Room,
(03:18):
as you Contribute towards agreater story with other people.
So being able to to focus onone thing specifically and focus
on just that thing and Be apart of the crew, a part of you
know a group of other talentedpeople who are also trying to
tell the same story is um, it's,it's enlightening, it's One of
(03:42):
the most enjoyable things thatI've ever done in my life is to
be a filmmaker and to be a partof that process with other
people.
It's helped me grow as anindividual, as a professional,
as an artist.
All those things have comethrough the trials and
tribulations of making films,and a lot of it has to do with
(04:02):
when things don't go right, whenthings break or you have to
quickly think of a solutionBecause you're on a tight
timeline or because things needto get done right now, and it's
about being able to be incontrol of your emotions and
being in control of your, yourtools and and your environment
(04:26):
in that, like you have a job onset.
If you're a cinematographer,camera operator, dp, your job is
to work with the director andlighting department to create
looks that speak to the audience, and that's what I've been
working on, you know improvingin my ten years of being a
(04:48):
filmmaker.
I'm always trying to have thatability and to develop that
ability of Creating these imagesthat speak to people, and
that's really important to me,that that I am able to do that
effectively, and it's alwayssomething that I'm learning more
about how to do better, youknow, through lighting and
(05:08):
through composition, and, and soAnybody who is out there who is
interested in being a filmmakerjust know that the that whole,
that that whole journey of Goingfrom making not so great videos
or amateur videos to makingsomething great, is not
something that happens overnight, like you're not gonna get good
at this, even in a year, likeit takes years, yeah, and it
(05:32):
might be a little daunting atfirst, but To me that it's.
It's been a, it's beensomething that's helped me
develop in my own, in my ownpersonal life as well.
Just do that discipline andthat ability to just try new
stuff and to kind of go out ofyour comfort zone Sometimes,
because that's that's where thereal growth happens.
Andrew Carroll (05:54):
It absolutely is .
I like to call it playing to myedges all the time.
You know, go where the frictionis.
What's, what's bringing theresistance?
What are you afraid to examine?
That's the path, right, that'sthe way to go.
Asher Vast (06:08):
Yeah, and I think it's.
We're finding through differenttypes of Like studies, that
people who have a growth mindsetare able to develop faster than
people who don't Absolutelyinfert.
And this is kind of a noteverybody's familiar with the
term growth mindset.
It's a defined now it throughneuroscience and psychology to
(06:30):
represent the ability of aperson to understand that the
process of becoming better atwhat you do and becoming more
efficient comes from knowingthat you're not going to get
there without enduring some painand some stress, and so being
able to be in that environmentand when you're witnessing and
(06:53):
feeling the stress, toacknowledge that.
That is very similar to thestress that happens in the gym
when you're, when you're workingout, when you feel that burn,
when you have hit your limit andyou've know that you can't do
anymore.
That acknowledgement that yourbody shows you quite literally
(07:19):
when you rep to failure issomething that is like nothing
else, but at the same time, it'slike it's it's.
There's a lot of parallelsthere to other walks of life,
and so that's why, for me,learning to about fitness and
about meditation and tying itall together with filmmaking and
(07:42):
other aspects of of my life andthe pursuits that I have, have
been phenomenally helpful.
I look forward to honing thatthat skill more and becoming
more of a technician in my own,in my own, in my own life, I
(08:02):
guess.
So I guess it's, it's somethingthat I am always interested in
becoming better at and sharingthat, that with other people.
Andrew Carroll (08:12):
It's beautiful, Asher.
What is the genre that you loveworking in the most?
What's your favorite?
What really turns you on?
Asher Vast (08:20):
For filmmaking.
I love sci-fi and, with alittle bit of suspense, horror,
like I love psychological filmsand I love how they are able to
grab people in a way that canjust really make them question
everything, because that, to me,is like the essence of, of what
(08:43):
it means to inspire someonelike to, to, to really to get
them to realize that, okay, I'mwatching a film right now, but
this seems so real to me rightnow that it feels like I'm there
, and to be able to do that, asa filmmaker is is like that.
That's that's the goal andthat's what I always, what I
always aim to do in in myprocess and in my films, is to
(09:06):
inspire people, because if youare making something that you're
putting a lot of time into callit art, you know, like,
filmmaking is an art, whetheryou're painting, whether you're
making music, it's, they're allforms of art, and as an artist,
you have one job and that is, toinspire people, and so whether
(09:28):
your film is about.
It may be it's a happy film.
Maybe it's an inspiring filmabout this character who
overcame something that wasseemingly daunting and
unsurmountable in their life andthen they transcended that, and
if that's the basis of the film, then that's what you're
(09:49):
inspiring people to witness andto feel.
Is that to be there with thatperson in that process?
And then sci-fi and horror it'sa lot of fear and uncertainty
and like terror, and that, to me, is fascinating.
Cause I love being able to putpeople in that space and make
(10:10):
them feel like they're in theshoes of the hero or the main
actor.
That's powerful and that, to me, is what has allowed me to,
like, challenge myself and tryto bring that experience to
other people.
It's just about witnessing theinspiration, or witnessing the
(10:30):
scene.
I mean like wow, that scaredthe hell out of me, or that the
character that we thought wasjust a non-important, an
unimportant person in the filmhad something changed in them,
and then you're able to witnessthat and see it through their
development as a character inthe film.
Andrew Carroll (10:49):
You're saying all that and I'm sitting over
here thinking to myself like youjust want to take this
existential dread that ishanging over everyone and just
make them look at it.
Yeah, look at it Right.
This is when you look into theabyss man.
That's when real change happens.
Asher Vast (11:06):
Yeah, and that helps us.
You bringing that up makes merealize that like so a lot of
what I've learned from isrealizing that most of my
problems in my life were from menot looking into the abyss.
And whatever the abyss is it canbe anything, but it's about a
(11:28):
lot of your problems in life aregoing to come from you not
addressing the core problem, thecore issue, the core what's
really behind it?
Like so, in horror films and insuspense films we often have
these characters or monstersthat are quite physically like
that.
They are abominations orthey're some sort of demon.
(11:51):
But it's really all a metaphor,right Like and a lot of great
stories are metaphors.
They can at least be seen asmetaphors for something else and
that, to me, has a lot of truthto it, because that's where
I've done all of my work onmyself is being able to
acknowledge that, oh, that thingthat I was really scared of,
(12:12):
that I was avoiding, that I wasputting off, is making my life
miserable because I'm notaddressing it, not because it's
there, it's there, it's gonna bethere regardless, but because
I'm running away from it,because I'm scared to face it,
that's where the real challengesin my life are coming from.
(12:33):
So, when I'm able toacknowledge that entity, that
problem, and say, all right,what is this really?
What is it that's really behindthis?
It's in the Scooby-Doo episode,where they find the villain and
they pull the mask off of him.
Oh, it's Mr Jenkins from thelike Woodmill, you were behind
(12:56):
all of this and it's really.
And then you've seen the memewhere it's a reflection on that,
where the main actor inScooby-Doo I forget what his
name is the dude in the white oh, isn't that Fred?
Fred, he pulls the mask off ofit in itself, right.
Yeah, you saw that meme.
Like that's a great one.
I love that Because it shows itlike hey, this thing that we
(13:17):
were trying to like or that wewere scared of, or that we were
running from.
When we finally confronted it,we realized it's just us Like
this is we're getting in our ownway.
Yeah, and that's like that's tome, one of the most inspiring
like revelations of my laterlife, I would guess is to
realize that, like I was gettingin my own way and I didn't
realize it, and we all do that.
Andrew Carroll (13:39):
Oh yeah, even still.
But I think the purpose of thework is understanding that this,
from birth to death, is thepath.
So, whether you're in a placewhere you're meditating
regularly and you're takingreally good care, or you drink
every night just to numbyourself, you're still on the
path.
Do you wanna be walking likeshoelace through a bramble patch
(14:03):
or do you wanna be in thejuiciness of life and enjoying
everything that comes across?
Your sensational palate?
Right and this theme keepscoming up for us in this
conversation of you are incontrol of everything that
happens to you.
You are made to manifest andcreate what you want in life.
Truly, you have to take a deep,hard look at yourself in order
(14:26):
to integrate the issues thatcontinually come up.
We are pattern repeatingmachines.
We are also meaning makingmachines.
Here's just an example foranybody out there listening If
you are not taken stock of howyou show up in relationship in
your past relationships and youcontinually are pointing the
finger at the other person, youare going to repeat that
(14:48):
relationship cycle with everysingle person that you get in
relationship with.
Absolutely what will change inthat is that you will become a
more adept liar and in that whatI mean is that you will lie to
yourself more effectively, andif you're willing to lie to
yourself, you're willing to lieto other people.
Asher Vast (15:07):
It's an unfortunate truth, yeah.
Andrew Carroll (15:09):
Yeah, because we'll go into the widely known
book of metaphors, the Bible,just for a second.
You love your neighbor as youlove yourself, right?
That's not a command that istelling you what's going to
happen If you love yourself likeyou're a piece of shit.
You're only capable of treatingother people like they're
pieces of shit If you truly loveyourself and you're able to use
(15:31):
your voice and say hi, my nameis Andrew, and here's what I see
when this happens and when Isee this and this is happening.
This is what I feel and this iswhat's coming up for me, and
here's what I need in thissituation.
Are you open and available tothat?
Use a nonviolent communicationwith myself and others so that I
can build relationship?
And if this is something thatwe can't work on together, so
(15:55):
glad that we had thisopportunity to connect.
You're an amazing person.
I love.
You.
Take such good care of yourself.
I'm gonna go ahead and look forother options.
And that's so scary, in asociety that has been molded and
formed and programmed, that youmust be paired up in order to
be valuable.
So walk a path alone.
Asher Vast (16:14):
Yeah, especially after being accustomed to having
the life of being with someonewho you thought was your partner
or you thought was going to bethere with you forever, after
you've built everything up withthem, it's so impossible to
imagine life without them, tothe point where I can understand
, like from my own experiences,like when you're talking about
(16:35):
lying to yourself and notaddressing the challenges that
are in front of you, knowingthat this isn't the life that
you have to live.
Andrew Carroll (16:45):
It's the life that you're choosing to live.
Yeah, when you are I mean we cancall it when you're still
sleeping, when you're notactivated, whatever people want
to say, right, when someonetells you that you're choosing
that, but you're still existingin that place, you're gonna feel
some things come up like fuckyou, I'm not choosing this, I'm
(17:08):
stuck.
It's like no, you're notactually stuck, man, but what's
happening for you is that thepain of change is still greater
than the pain of the currentexperience.
So you're choosing to stay withthe devil you know versus going
out and finding the one youdon't.
And I'll tell you what rightnow, the everything about the
(17:28):
devil you don't know is probablybetter than the one that you
know.
Like, if you're in that abusiverelationship or you're in that
place where you're not fulfilledand you are not able to
authentically express yourself,you're better off moving on.
But there are situations where,if both people are willing to
do the work together, that'samazing, because if you're
healing together, that bond,that intimacy, all of that is
(17:51):
just it's so fucking sexy,absolutely.
Asher Vast (17:55):
It's so sexy man.
Andrew Carroll (17:56):
So I'm not saying like to anybody out there
.
You have to gauge this foryourself.
Relationships are an incredibleblessing they are.
Being single is an incredibleblessing that truly is.
These things are allopportunities to be digging in
and doing work in different ways, but when you find a partner
who's willing to stand by youand do their work while you do
(18:18):
your work and you get to beinterdependent not codependent,
but interdependent that, myfriends, is something to really
keep an eye on and to cherishand nurture and hold on to,
because you can go from beingreally just a really down, sad,
(18:38):
hurt individual in relationshipwith someone who is very likely
in the same place, because a lotof people aren't in
relationship like you guys are.
A lot of people are inrelationship that is based fully
on trauma bonds, but you canstill provide a platform for one
another to heal and grow Fulldisclosure as you do that.
You may end up coming to apoint where you're like you know
(18:59):
what.
We were really not in a healthyplace together and I'm glad
that we did this work, but Ithink that maybe we're meant to
be with other people now.
That's still a beautiful gift.
Still a beautiful gift Fromhorror films to you.
Yeah, you choose your life Ilove it.
Asher Vast (19:14):
And, just touching on what you said, we're
obviously talking aboutrelationships with partners, a
romantic setting like a romanticlifestyle, like being
intimately involved with someone, but this also like pertains to
friends.
Yeah, yeah Like obviously we'retalking about becoming better
(19:34):
people and trying to buildpeople up and encourage people
to become better versions ofthemselves, but also sometimes
you gotta cut people off.
Yeah, there are some people whoare not at the same point in
their life that you are and youdon't need to go through that
with them.
I've lost friends and I'm notgonna say that I regret it, but
(19:58):
there are times in my life whereI've had to.
I've had to sever my friendshipwith people because it was
detrimental to my life and itwas detrimental to my other
friendships.
I wasn't gonna let that becomea toxic part of my life, because
you can only do so much forpeople and so obviously, if you
(20:22):
see value in someone and youthink you can help them, help
them by all means, do everythingyou can, especially if they're
a good friend, like do the workwith them.
But if you see they're not doingthe work or they're not at a
point where they can take that,those steps to make those
actions happen, then they needto go and do that work alone or
(20:45):
with somebody else, because youcan only do so much, and that's
been really challenging for meto realize that I can't keep all
the same old friends that Iused to have, because we're
different people, we've grown indifferent ways and I'd like to
think that I'm a better personthan I was 10 years ago and
because I know that I am in someways, because I've done the
(21:07):
work to be a better person, liketo be more responsive to my
friends and to be there for themin ways that they need Like.
I've always tried to work onthat and I think I'm better at
that than I was before.
But at the same time, you can'thelp everybody and your own
(21:33):
sanity and your own well-beingis just as important as any of
your friends, and if they're areal friend, they'll understand
that.
Perfect, alright .
So we just took a little bit ofa hiatus and people who listen
to podcasts kind of already knowmy story a little bit.
We were talking about theprogramming that's involved in
taking away people's locus ofcontrol.
I guess not taking away, buttransferring that locus of
control.
It's scary when you finally sitdown after giving that away for
(00:23):
almost your entire life and yourealize that you're not a
victim You've been activelymaking the choice to participate
in the system and when you letgo of that death vest, so to
speak.
You know, because you'reclinging to it for dear life,
and that's what I mean.
It's been painted as thisillusion of you know.
(00:44):
This is safety.
Trade your time for money, gosit in the cube, be an animal in
the farm, right.
And what you hit on right outthe gate, asher, is that you
have to taste, touch, smell andexperience everything in order
to find your path.
You're already on the path andso doing those things, but if
you're following someone else'srecommended course, you're given
(01:08):
away your control.
Now there are times that youshould definitely take the way
that someone else has taken thepath in order to collect items
for your own toolbox, so thatyou can figure out more about
what's important to you,absolutely.
How does that hit for you?
I don't want to leave it sobroad.
(01:28):
I actually want to drill downfor a second.
You're an incredible filmmaker.
You have an eye, a vision.
You're able to translate thatthrough a camera.
Share a little bit about whatthat looks like, because
filmmaking is one of the mostbeautiful arts, much like
writing.
Your world building you becomethe god of a story and the way
(01:52):
that you approach it, the musicvideos that I've seen that
you've put together into thegray light that you worked on
with Emilio.
Amazing films, all of them.
There's an award behind you Idon't know if that people can
see that and you do it becauseyou love it, you're passionate
about it, and Correct me if I'mwrong, but I think there's a lot
of healing found in that foryou as well.
Asher Vast (02:12):
Absolutely for me, it's been a process of learning
what this means for mefilmmaking and, more broadly,
being a storyteller.
I have never considered myselfmuch of a writer in terms of
creating stories, but I do workwith people who do, and I work
with writers and storytellerswho are also filmmakers, like me
(02:35):
.
Some of them are maybe betterat writing than holding a camera
, and so Part of being afilmmaker is not just about
doing everything yourself.
You certainly can that.
You can make a feature film allby yourself.
Is it gonna be a good film?
Maybe, probably not.
It's, it's, it's.
(02:56):
I don't know if I've ever seena feature film made by a single
person that was that actuallylike, really spoke to me and
consistently throughout the film.
It's not to say that it'simpossible.
The real key takeaway there isit's a collaborative process
that I found a lot of value inknowing that you can be a
storyteller in your own right,in your own corner of the Room,
(03:18):
as you Contribute towards agreater story with other people.
So being able to to focus onone thing specifically and focus
on just that thing and Be apart of the crew, a part of you
know a group of other talentedpeople who are also trying to
tell the same story is um, it's,it's enlightening, it's One of
(03:42):
the most enjoyable things thatI've ever done in my life is to
be a filmmaker and to be a partof that process with other
people.
It's helped me grow as anindividual, as a professional,
as an artist.
All those things have comethrough the trials and
tribulations of making films,and a lot of it has to do with
(04:02):
when things don't go right, whenthings break or you have to
quickly think of a solutionBecause you're on a tight
timeline or because things needto get done right now, and it's
about being able to be incontrol of your emotions and
being in control of your, yourtools and and your environment
(04:26):
in that, like you have a job onset.
If you're a cinematographer,camera operator, dp, your job is
to work with the director andlighting department to create
looks that speak to the audience, and that's what I've been
working on, you know improvingin my ten years of being a
(04:48):
filmmaker.
I'm always trying to have thatability and to develop that
ability of Creating these imagesthat speak to people, and
that's really important to me,that that I am able to do that
effectively, and it's alwayssomething that I'm learning more
about how to do better, youknow, through lighting and
(05:08):
through composition, and, and soAnybody who is out there who is
interested in being a filmmakerjust know that the that whole,
that that whole journey of Goingfrom making not so great videos
or amateur videos to makingsomething great, is not
something that happens overnight, like you're not gonna get good
at this, even in a year, likeit takes years, yeah, and it
(05:32):
might be a little daunting atfirst, but To me that it's.
It's been a, it's beensomething that's helped me
develop in my own, in my ownpersonal life as well.
Just do that discipline andthat ability to just try new
stuff and to kind of go out ofyour comfort zone Sometimes,
because that's that's where thereal growth happens.
Andrew Carroll (05:54):
It absolutely is .
I like to call it playing to myedges all the time.
You know, go where the frictionis.
What's, what's bringing theresistance?
What are you afraid to examine?
That's the path, right, that'sthe way to go.
Asher Vast (06:08):
Yeah, and I think it's.
We're finding through differenttypes of Like studies, that
people who have a growth mindsetare able to develop faster than
people who don't Absolutelyinfert.
And this is kind of a noteverybody's familiar with the
term growth mindset.
It's a defined now it throughneuroscience and psychology to
(06:30):
represent the ability of aperson to understand that the
process of becoming better atwhat you do and becoming more
efficient comes from knowingthat you're not going to get
there without enduring some painand some stress, and so being
able to be in that environmentand when you're witnessing and
(06:53):
feeling the stress, toacknowledge that.
That is very similar to thestress that happens in the gym
when you're, when you're workingout, when you feel that burn,
when you have hit your limit andyou've know that you can't do
anymore.
That acknowledgement that yourbody shows you quite literally
(07:19):
when you rep to failure issomething that is like nothing
else, but at the same time, it'slike it's it's.
There's a lot of parallelsthere to other walks of life,
and so that's why, for me,learning to about fitness and
about meditation and tying itall together with filmmaking and
(07:42):
other aspects of of my life andthe pursuits that I have, have
been phenomenally helpful.
I look forward to honing thatthat skill more and becoming
more of a technician in my own,in my own, in my own life, I
(08:02):
guess.
So I guess it's, it's somethingthat I am always interested in
becoming better at and sharingthat, that with other people.
Andrew Carroll (08:12):
It's beautiful, Asher.
What is the genre that you loveworking in the most?
What's your favorite?
What really turns you on?
Asher Vast (08:20):
For filmmaking.
I love sci-fi and, with alittle bit of suspense, horror,
like I love psychological filmsand I love how they are able to
grab people in a way that canjust really make them question
everything, because that, to me,is like the essence of, of what
(08:43):
it means to inspire someonelike to, to, to really to get
them to realize that, okay, I'mwatching a film right now, but
this seems so real to me rightnow that it feels like I'm there
, and to be able to do that, asa filmmaker is is like that.
That's that's the goal andthat's what I always, what I
always aim to do in in myprocess and in my films, is to
(09:06):
inspire people, because if youare making something that you're
putting a lot of time into callit art, you know, like,
filmmaking is an art, whetheryou're painting, whether you're
making music, it's, they're allforms of art, and as an artist,
you have one job and that is, toinspire people, and so whether
(09:28):
your film is about.
It may be it's a happy film.
Maybe it's an inspiring filmabout this character who
overcame something that wasseemingly daunting and
unsurmountable in their life andthen they transcended that, and
if that's the basis of the film, then that's what you're
(09:49):
inspiring people to witness andto feel.
Is that to be there with thatperson in that process?
And then sci-fi and horror it'sa lot of fear and uncertainty
and like terror, and that, to me, is fascinating.
Cause I love being able to putpeople in that space and make
(10:10):
them feel like they're in theshoes of the hero or the main
actor.
That's powerful and that, to me, is what has allowed me to,
like, challenge myself and tryto bring that experience to
other people.
It's just about witnessing theinspiration, or witnessing the
(10:30):
scene.
I mean like wow, that scaredthe hell out of me, or that the
character that we thought wasjust a non-important, an
unimportant person in the filmhad something changed in them,
and then you're able to witnessthat and see it through their
development as a character inthe film.
Andrew Carroll (10:49):
You're saying all that and I'm sitting over
here thinking to myself like youjust want to take this
existential dread that ishanging over everyone and just
make them look at it.
Yeah, look at it Right.
This is when you look into theabyss man.
That's when real change happens.
Asher Vast (11:06):
Yeah, and that helps us.
You bringing that up makes merealize that like so a lot of
what I've learned from isrealizing that most of my
problems in my life were from menot looking into the abyss.
And whatever the abyss is it canbe anything, but it's about a
(11:28):
lot of your problems in life aregoing to come from you not
addressing the core problem, thecore issue, the core what's
really behind it?
Like so, in horror films and insuspense films we often have
these characters or monstersthat are quite physically like
that.
They are abominations orthey're some sort of demon.
(11:51):
But it's really all a metaphor,right Like and a lot of great
stories are metaphors.
They can at least be seen asmetaphors for something else and
that, to me, has a lot of truthto it, because that's where
I've done all of my work onmyself is being able to
acknowledge that, oh, that thingthat I was really scared of,
(12:12):
that I was avoiding, that I wasputting off, is making my life
miserable because I'm notaddressing it, not because it's
there, it's there, it's gonna bethere regardless, but because
I'm running away from it,because I'm scared to face it,
that's where the real challengesin my life are coming from.
(12:33):
So, when I'm able toacknowledge that entity, that
problem, and say, all right,what is this really?
What is it that's really behindthis?
It's in the Scooby-Doo episode,where they find the villain and
they pull the mask off of him.
Oh, it's Mr Jenkins from thelike Woodmill, you were behind
(12:56):
all of this and it's really.
And then you've seen the memewhere it's a reflection on that,
where the main actor inScooby-Doo I forget what his
name is the dude in the white oh, isn't that Fred?
Fred, he pulls the mask off ofit in itself, right.
Yeah, you saw that meme.
Like that's a great one.
I love that Because it shows itlike hey, this thing that we
(13:17):
were trying to like or that wewere scared of, or that we were
running from.
When we finally confronted it,we realized it's just us Like
this is we're getting in our ownway.
Yeah, and that's like that's tome, one of the most inspiring
like revelations of my laterlife, I would guess is to
realize that, like I was gettingin my own way and I didn't
realize it, and we all do that.
Andrew Carroll (13:39):
Oh yeah, even still.
But I think the purpose of thework is understanding that this,
from birth to death, is thepath.
So, whether you're in a placewhere you're meditating
regularly and you're takingreally good care, or you drink
every night just to numbyourself, you're still on the
path.
Do you wanna be walking likeshoelace through a bramble patch
(14:03):
or do you wanna be in thejuiciness of life and enjoying
everything that comes across?
Your sensational palate?
Right and this theme keepscoming up for us in this
conversation of you are incontrol of everything that
happens to you.
You are made to manifest andcreate what you want in life.
Truly, you have to take a deep,hard look at yourself in order
(14:26):
to integrate the issues thatcontinually come up.
We are pattern repeatingmachines.
We are also meaning makingmachines.
Here's just an example foranybody out there listening If
you are not taken stock of howyou show up in relationship in
your past relationships and youcontinually are pointing the
finger at the other person, youare going to repeat that
(14:48):
relationship cycle with everysingle person that you get in
relationship with.
Absolutely what will change inthat is that you will become a
more adept liar and in that whatI mean is that you will lie to
yourself more effectively, andif you're willing to lie to
yourself, you're willing to lieto other people.
Asher Vast (15:07):
It's an unfortunate truth, yeah.
Andrew Carroll (15:09):
Yeah, because we'll go into the widely known
book of metaphors, the Bible,just for a second.
You love your neighbor as youlove yourself, right?
That's not a command that istelling you what's going to
happen If you love yourself likeyou're a piece of shit.
You're only capable of treatingother people like they're
pieces of shit If you truly loveyourself and you're able to use
(15:31):
your voice and say hi, my nameis Andrew, and here's what I see
when this happens and when Isee this and this is happening.
This is what I feel and this iswhat's coming up for me, and
here's what I need in thissituation.
Are you open and available tothat?
Use a nonviolent communicationwith myself and others so that I
can build relationship?
And if this is something thatwe can't work on together, so
(15:55):
glad that we had thisopportunity to connect.
You're an amazing person.
I love.
You.
Take such good care of yourself.
I'm gonna go ahead and look forother options.
And that's so scary, in asociety that has been molded and
formed and programmed, that youmust be paired up in order to
be valuable.
So walk a path alone.
Asher Vast (16:14):
Yeah, especially after being accustomed to having
the life of being with someonewho you thought was your partner
or you thought was going to bethere with you forever, after
you've built everything up withthem, it's so impossible to
imagine life without them, tothe point where I can understand
, like from my own experiences,like when you're talking about
(16:35):
lying to yourself and notaddressing the challenges that
are in front of you, knowingthat this isn't the life that
you have to live.
Andrew Carroll (16:45):
It's the life that you're choosing to live.
Yeah, when you are I mean we cancall it when you're still
sleeping, when you're notactivated, whatever people want
to say, right, when someonetells you that you're choosing
that, but you're still existingin that place, you're gonna feel
some things come up like fuckyou, I'm not choosing this, I'm
(17:08):
stuck.
It's like no, you're notactually stuck, man, but what's
happening for you is that thepain of change is still greater
than the pain of the currentexperience.
So you're choosing to stay withthe devil you know versus going
out and finding the one youdon't.
And I'll tell you what rightnow, the everything about the
(17:28):
devil you don't know is probablybetter than the one that you
know.
Like, if you're in that abusiverelationship or you're in that
place where you're not fulfilledand you are not able to
authentically express yourself,you're better off moving on.
But there are situations where,if both people are willing to
do the work together, that'samazing, because if you're
healing together, that bond,that intimacy, all of that is
(17:51):
just it's so fucking sexy,absolutely.
Asher Vast (17:55):
It's so sexy man.
Andrew Carroll (17:56):
So I'm not saying like to anybody out there
.
You have to gauge this foryourself.
Relationships are an incredibleblessing they are.
Being single is an incredibleblessing that truly is.
These things are allopportunities to be digging in
and doing work in different ways, but when you find a partner
who's willing to stand by youand do their work while you do
(18:18):
your work and you get to beinterdependent not codependent,
but interdependent that, myfriends, is something to really
keep an eye on and to cherishand nurture and hold on to,
because you can go from beingreally just a really down, sad,
(18:38):
hurt individual in relationshipwith someone who is very likely
in the same place, because a lotof people aren't in
relationship like you guys are.
A lot of people are inrelationship that is based fully
on trauma bonds, but you canstill provide a platform for one
another to heal and grow Fulldisclosure as you do that.
You may end up coming to apoint where you're like you know
(18:59):
what.
We were really not in a healthyplace together and I'm glad
that we did this work, but Ithink that maybe we're meant to
be with other people now.
That's still a beautiful gift.
Still a beautiful gift Fromhorror films to you.
Yeah, you choose your life Ilove it.
Asher Vast (19:14):
And, just touching on what you said, we're
obviously talking aboutrelationships with partners, a
romantic setting like a romanticlifestyle, like being
intimately involved with someone, but this also like pertains to
friends.
Yeah, yeah Like obviously we'retalking about becoming better
(19:34):
people and trying to buildpeople up and encourage people
to become better versions ofthemselves, but also sometimes
you gotta cut people off.
Yeah, there are some people whoare not at the same point in
their life that you are and youdon't need to go through that
with them.
I've lost friends and I'm notgonna say that I regret it, but
(19:58):
there are times in my life whereI've had to.
I've had to sever my friendshipwith people because it was
detrimental to my life and itwas detrimental to my other
friendships.
I wasn't gonna let that becomea toxic part of my life, because
you can only do so much forpeople and so obviously, if you
(20:22):
see value in someone and youthink you can help them, help
them by all means, do everythingyou can, especially if they're
a good friend, like do the workwith them.
But if you see they're not doingthe work or they're not at a
point where they can take that,those steps to make those
actions happen, then they needto go and do that work alone or
(20:45):
with somebody else, because youcan only do so much, and that's
been really challenging for meto realize that I can't keep all
the same old friends that Iused to have, because we're
different people, we've grown indifferent ways and I'd like to
think that I'm a better personthan I was 10 years ago and
because I know that I am in someways, because I've done the
(21:07):
work to be a better person, liketo be more responsive to my
friends and to be there for themin ways that they need Like.
I've always tried to work onthat and I think I'm better at
that than I was before.
But at the same time, you can'thelp everybody and your own
(21:33):
sanity and your own well-beingis just as important as any of
your friends, and if they're areal friend, they'll understand
that.
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