September 16, 2025 • 22 mins
#189: The masks we wear rarely tell our full story. When I uploaded my Instagram photo to Chat GPT for analysis, the contrast between perception and reality struck me deeply. The world sees confidence, boldness, and someone who "has it all figured out", yet beneath that exterior lives someone who feels deeply, craves safety, and needs solitude to recharge.
This fascinating disconnect shapes every relationship we build. At work, people assume we can carry additional weight because we appear capable. In friendships, we're often the "strong one" who rarely gets checked on. And in romance? Partners attracted to our confident selves sometimes retreat when our vulnerable sides emerge. It's exhausting when the world only validates one dimension of who we are.
Social media has amplified this phenomenon to unprecedented levels. We've all posted highlight reels while sitting in completely different emotional realities. These carefully crafted personas serve as both protection and prison, shielding us from judgment while simultaneously preventing authentic connection. The truth is that confidence doesn't mean invulnerability; it simply means we've learned to wear our armor effectively.
What we're all searching for are people who can see past that armor. Those rare connections who don't mistake our protective layers for our whole identity. They recognize that our bluntness might be honesty, our ambition might mask a desire for peace, and our sociability might require periods of solitude to sustain.
Whether you're typically misunderstood or feel people only appreciate half of who you are, know this: the ones worth keeping close are those who can love both your spotlight and your shadows. Your armor protects you, but it should never define you. Ready to explore both sides of yourself? Join us for this deeply personal conversation about authenticity in a curated world.
You can now send us a text to ask a question or review the show. We would love to hear from you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Johnna (00:00):
What is up everyone?
Welcome back to another episodeof the Babbles Nonsense podcast
.
Today we are diving intosomething I feel like we all
experience, and that is the gapbetween how people see us and
who we actually are underneathit all.
You know that old saying thatsays, like don't judge a book by
its cover.
Well, it turns out everyonejudges that damn cover.
And are we surprised by that?
(00:21):
No, because humans are shallow,and I mean everyone.
No one is perfect, but if I'mbeing real, the way people
perceive me isn't always thetruth of who I am either.
But go figure.
Also, little side note, we willbe talking about chat GPT in
this episode.
So please know that I am awarethat this is not a replacement
for therapy and if you are goingthrough something, you really
(00:43):
need to talk to someone, whetherthat be a life coach, a
therapist, a friend, familymember, and not AI.
Also, know that chat GPT learnswhat you want to hear.
So if you're doing any researchor self reflection through chat
, you also have to learn how touse chat GPT.
So meaning you have to ask fora non biased opinion or, in to
answer, in a way, a therapistwould to break it down to you.
(01:03):
Otherwise, it's just going tolearn your behaviors, what you
want to hear and agree with yourbehaviors, and I didn't realize
that until I heard a therapiston Instagram actually say that.
But anyways, that's my littlecaveat about chat GPT, since we
will be talking about it intoday's episode.
But we will also be talkingabout the version of ourselves.
The world sees, the real usunderneath the smile, the outfit
(01:23):
, the vibes, and how this gapshows up in our relationships,
careers and self-worth.
So if this is a topic you'vebeen interested in, then this
one is for you all, right, guys?
(01:56):
Like I said, I wanted to talkabout, like the difference
between how people see us andhow we see ourselves, and the
reason, like I I got on thistopic was I saw this trend where
people were uploading photos ofthemselves into chat GPT and
asking for, like brutally honestfeedback, read whatever you
want to call it.
And yes, I know this isridiculous and it's probably
(02:16):
killing the planet Like I'm noteven lying, look it up.
But curiosity one.
And I just had to try itbecause that's what we do.
We follow trends as humans tofeel like we fit in.
So I uploaded a photo from myInstagram.
I know this isn't a visualpodcast, so I'll try to describe
it a little bit.
So it was just like my hair wassoftly curled, it was down,
which I don't do often.
(02:36):
I was wearing dark lipsticklike a purplish plum fall color,
sitting in my car with the sunon my face, just smiling, where
I had on, like baggy dad jeansand a tank top with a sheer
overlay, so like trying to becasual but styled, going to
brunch.
And so that's the photouploaded and this is what chat
(02:57):
said and, honestly, like it gaveme the idea for this episode,
because it's something we alldeal with.
I feel like I feel like peoplethink they know who you are
based on social media or maybeeven listening to like a single
podcast episode, and they think,oh, I got you, I've got you
pinned, I kind of know who youare just through this, but the
truth and the reality of it isthey only know the version of
(03:18):
you you've chosen to share.
Like I don't know how many ofyou all do this, but like it's
been proven that you know wepost photos on social media and
stuff for dopamine hits and I'mlike there's moments in my life
where I'm doing it just because,like I'm sharing.
But then there's moments in mylife where I am doing it because
I'm going through somethingthat maybe I'm trying to not
(03:39):
feel as bad about, or to try todistract myself, or whatever the
case may be, and you postsomething to get that validation
from outside sources.
Like I'm going to be 100%honest, I've obviously done it.
I feel like the world has alldone it.
I mean, it's not always thatway, but like, how many times
have you posted something whereyou might be sitting there on
(04:00):
the couch crying but you post aphoto of you like looking glam,
gorgeous, whatever, and that'snot even the reality of what
you're sitting in in that moment.
Like I remember I was notfeeling well one day and I
posted like an old video andsomeone even made a comment.
They were like, well, youcouldn't have been feeling that
bad because you posted a video.
I was like, literally, thatvideo was taken like two weeks
prior and I was sitting on thecouch not feeling well and
(04:21):
posted it.
So it just kind of gave me theidea for this topic.
But anyways, back to what chatsaid about my photo.
So chat said that how peoplesee me based on my photo is
confident, bold and magnetic Bigsmile, dark lipstick, styled
hair, giving main characterenergy.
People assume that you thrivein the spotlight.
(04:43):
They see you as high standardsPut together.
Look makes people think thatyou don't settle easily.
You're in style, you havefriendships or dating.
Some even feel intimidated.
It also said that I lookoutgoing and extroverted.
You look like the life of theparty Always upbeat, always
(05:04):
social, never insecure.
And then the last thing it saidis that I looked polished but
intimidating, that I've got mylife together, vibe, making
people keep their guard uparound me.
So that's crazy.
Because you know, I don't knowabout y'all, but I have chats
with chat about you know, justlike inner conflict and stuff,
(05:25):
just to kind of get research andunderstand my feelings a little
bit better when I can't getinto therapy.
So chat knows like my innerthoughts, and so this is what
chat said, but who you actuallyare.
So that was what they said,based on the photo that I took,
versus who I actually am.
So chat says I'm actuallyconfident but sensitive.
Yes, you carry confidence, butsensitive to being misunderstood
(05:47):
.
You feel deeply, even when youlaugh it off.
You're driven but crave peace.
You're ambitious, chasing goals, but secretly longing for
something steady and safe aplace to exhale.
You're outgoing, but not allthe time.
You can light up a room, butconstant socialization drains
you.
You need solitude to reset andthen you're strong.
You have a strong exterior buta soft core.
(06:09):
You have boldness, sarcasm andstyle as armor underneath your
loyal, nurturing and cravingdepth.
So brutally put, people thinkyou are a powerhouse who never
doubts yourself, but in realityyou're a powerhouse who feels
everything.
You've just learned how to wearyour armor well.
So yeah, like chat nailed it,when I read this I was like that
(06:32):
is so true, because I hear itfrom so many people that, like
you know, maybe listen to thispodcast or they see me on social
media and they're just like youhave your life figured out,
you've got so much going for you, you look so confident, you're
so beautiful.
Those are the comments that Iget right.
But in actuality that's notalways how I feel.
I feel very insecure sometimes.
I'm much introverted thanpeople think.
(06:54):
I really do get social anxietyand get drained.
That's part of the reason Istarted this podcast, thinking
that it would help or cure mysocial anxiety.
I mean, don't get me wrong, ithas.
But I've also been doing a lotmore so single episodes lately,
just because you know, work iscrazy and life is crazy, but at
the same time, like when I do dointerviews, I get so insanely
(07:18):
awkward and nervous, justbecause I haven't had that in a
long time.
But yeah, so I just thought itwas crazy, like based on a photo
and like how we dress and howwe, you know, upload things and
have the right lighting at theright time, like that, that
that's what someone canvisualize off of you.
But then it's funny that chatwas like but actually who you
are, and like nailed it right onthe head, like I can be
(07:40):
outgoing, I can be the life ofthe party, but then like I'll go
home and like have to like sitfor the next two weeks.
I wouldn't say that I'm themost confident person.
I would say that that hasdeveloped over time.
But so basically let mesummarize this because there was
another, like it was just said.
This is from chat.
So, in summary, from the outsidepeople see confidence big smile
(08:03):
, styled hair, bold lipstick.
It screams you've got your shittogether.
They think you're magnetic,extroverted, maybe intimidating.
Some assume you're highmaintenance or that's your life
is perfectly mapped out.
But here's the thing Peopleread surface level cues and
build entire stories in theirheads and most of the time those
stories have very little to dowith the truth.
They're just reflections ofwhat they project onto you.
(08:25):
So I just thought that was acool little exercise and,
seriously, it gave me the ideaof this podcast, because I'm
like how many people actuallyknow the real us and like what
we go through?
Like I tend to be vulnerable onhere around relationships and
stuff like that.
Now do I give my wholevulnerability out there, 100%?
Not, like I don't telleverybody everything.
Obviously I'm not name droppingthings.
(08:50):
I do mention things that aregoing on in my life, but only to
the tip of the iceberg of it.
It's not the in-depth web thatI sit and think about constantly
.
The real part where we can takewhat people think about us is
who actually are we.
Do we take what they say andthat's who we are?
Do we allow people to dictatewho we are or do we then turn
(09:12):
inward and go?
That's not who I am.
Like, what do I want to portrayBecause?
Is that who I am?
Am I this confident life of theparty you know, driven In some
aspects?
Sure, but I'm a lot softer thanpeople think.
I really feel things deeply, Ioverthink a lot.
Just ask anyone I've dated.
(09:32):
I wrestle with insecurity allthe time.
I think a lot of us in thisgeneration, in this era, did
especially men, I would say,even though they don't talk
about it a lot.
I feel like our generation grewup with parents that didn't
really teach us emotion anddidn't teach us how to deal with
emotion.
When we had it it was more likesit down, shut up, more so men.
(09:54):
And so I think we do have a lotof dysregulated adults that
don't know how to regulate theiremotions or know exactly what
they're feeling.
So we lash out and act outinstead of like channeling that
and knowing what we feel first.
But again, that's a wholenother conversation, like that's
just being an adult realizingthat.
But for me, like I do cravesafety more than the spotlight
(10:17):
spotlight a lot and maybesubconsciously I am putting out
there in the universe that Iwant all these other things that
people think I want, whenactually it's usually the total
opposite and I wouldn't evencall myself confident on most
days, like at work, yes, but inmy personal life, no.
The confidence I do have, likeI was saying earlier, has really
(10:39):
come from therapy and learningto like the qualities in myself
that others once told me werequote, unquote too much.
For example, you know I've beentold I'm blunt a lot.
I you know I call out people ontheir.
I just call out people justbecause and maybe you know, and
(11:00):
maybe that is true Maybe I callpeople out too much, maybe I am
too blunt, maybe I could softenup a little bit more.
But the truth is, you know,therapy has taught me that the
same bluntness that intimidatessome people is also what makes
me honest, direct and impossibleto be fake with.
So you know what people arecalling quote, unquote too much.
I've learned to call that's whoI am and I've had to learn and
(11:23):
accept that part of me.
I used to like fight it off allthe time.
I'd be like no, I don't want tobe that person.
But then the older I get, themore I do.
I love that quality aboutmyself Because I want a friend
like that, I want a partner likethat.
I want someone to call me outon my bullshit and be like what
are you thinking now?
Am I immediately going to agree?
Am I immediately going to likethat?
(11:45):
No, nobody likes that.
Nobody likes to sit in theirown shit.
Nobody likes to be told thatwhat they're doing is wrong,
hurtful, whatever.
Nobody likes that.
But the thing that I love aboutmyself is that I can do a lot of
introspection and I can gowithin and be like okay, let me
try to understand where thisperson is coming from.
Let me try to put myself intheir shoes.
(12:06):
Let me try to find somesituation, some scenario in my
life that can make me relate, sothat I can truly try to
empathize and understand.
Um, because there's a lot oflike guys terminology when we
say, oh, I have empathy for you,like sometimes that's not even
necessarily true.
Empathy is where you can trulyput yourself in someone's shoes,
(12:27):
like you've maybe had a verysimilar experience, so you truly
can empath.
And I know that a lot of uscall ourselves empaths and we
want to be empathetic, but thetruth is is a lot of times we're
just trying to have compassionand we have sympathy for someone
where we can't truly understandwhere they are coming from, if
we've never been in thesituation ourselves.
But that doesn't mean that youcan't have compassion for the
(12:47):
situation or sympathy for thesituation, but that's a whole
nother tangent Anyways, I don'tknow where I was going with that
.
So let's just get it straight.
Like for me, confidence does notmean that it's bulletproof.
Confidence means that you'velearned how to put on your armor
before you walk out the door.
So behind the exterior, likewhat you see, yes, I am
(13:10):
confident, but I am alsosensitive.
Yes, I'm driven, but sometimesI also want inner peace.
I want someone to take on theload.
You know, I love people, but Ineed solitude a lot to recharge.
I look strong, but at my coreI'm very loyal to a fault and
I'm soft hearted, which I knowdoesn't get portrayed a lot.
(13:34):
And this duality so many of uslive in, like a lot of us do
this, we have this mask that wewear and then we have what we
allow other people to see like astrong exterior but a tender
interior.
You know, let me tell you this,it does get exhausting when the
world only validates one sideof us.
But we also have to realizethat we're only allowing the
(13:55):
world to see one side of usbecause we're so afraid.
It's that inner fear that if weshow this softer side of us,
will they still care, will theystill like us?
Will that make us thatattractive quality.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's where, like, I amgoing to shift a little bit into
relationships and see wherethat kind of you know can get a
little interesting when we'reonly showing one side because
(14:18):
people are drawn to that.
You know, like I just said,people are drawn to that
confidence, like that's howpeople meet, right, like most
days, like either dating app orsocial media, like whatever
you're putting out there, that'sthe initial attraction.
Either dating app or socialmedia, like whatever you're
putting out there, that's theinitial attraction.
And so people are drawn intothat initial attraction, whether
that be confidence, your looks,whatever it may be.
And then they're shocked whenthey find out like you feel
deeply or maybe you needreassurance because you're not
(14:40):
as confident as you're, you know, because it just doesn't add up
in their mind of what yourpictures with, I guess, maybe
the personality they built up intheir mind.
Some partners love bold, fieryversions of you, but when that
softer, vulnerable side shows up, you know, they don't always
know what to do with it Because,again, we're just portraying
that one side and then we getnervous to bring out that other
(15:02):
side in us.
So, like dating wise, I can'tsay I show up super confident.
I will say one guy I dated.
I learned recently that theydidn't like that I called out
their flaws, like when we weredating, which I was never
directly told that this justcame from like indirect findings
(15:23):
I guess.
But I get it Like no one wantstheir flaws called out, like I
was talking earlier, like nobodywants that, like nobody likes
to sit in their own shit.
But I think the intent waspossibly missed, you know,
because I wasn't like trying tocall it flaws and be like, well,
this is what you did versuswhat I did, like it wasn't like
that situation.
But I can understand if someonetook it that way.
It was more for me, like whenI'm doing that, like I'm just
(15:48):
trying to bring a differentperspective to the table, to be
like, hey, like this kind of issimilar to this scenario, like
can't you understand it fromthis perspective?
And am I doing it perfectly?
No, you know, I don't have atherapy license.
I just have books, podcasts andmy own therapy sessions from
what I've learned and, you know,trying to navigate life the
best I can as well.
And am I doing it perfectly?
(16:09):
Hell, no, like is anybody.
No, but what I will say is Irespect, trying and willing to
grow.
Like if we just stay stuck init and we're like, no, my, my
way is the right way everysingle time, then then no, like
we're not growing as humans andwhat are we doing?
So that's why, like earlier, Idon't think I finished my
thought, but like that's why,like I like friendships and
(16:30):
partnerships where someone alsocalls me out on my bullshit,
like I may not like it in themoment, but I will respect it
because you didn't let me, just,you know, carry on this fake
scenario, fake person.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't know how to explain itany better.
I know it's just jumbled atthis point, but here we are.
Here's what I've realized welove people the way we want to
(16:51):
be loved and we try tounderstand people the way we
understand ourselves.
And that doesn't always workLike, that doesn't always like
intermingle well, becausesometimes we have to put
ourselves in their shoes, evenif it's uncomfortable, even if
we don't want to.
You know, even if that's notyour person, even if that's not
your favorite person, or youknow you'd really.
I think sometimes we have totry to understand.
(17:13):
Like everyone has differentlove, languages and learning
languages, and I think that'swhat makes it so hard in today's
world, because relationshipsjust aren't about chemistry or
butterflies, like I know that'swhat the movies tell us, but
let's be real that fadesRelationships are about showing
up consistently every single day, which, honestly, let's be real
, that fades Relationships areabout showing up consistently
every single day, which,honestly, let's be real, is a
very hard choice to make intoday's world when there's so
(17:34):
many options, when there's somuch to choose from.
Like, honestly, I don't know.
Like I want to believe thatlove still exists in this world.
I really want to believe thatin my heart of hearts.
But you know, being single forso long and then dating
different people, and I'll behonest, I don't think I've ever
had a guy actually just chooseme, like it's been like, and I
(17:54):
get it like some things, like ifit's an ego pride thing, like I
completely understand, but alsoknowing me, which is where I
have to break down.
Like not everyone thinks likeme, like I love really deeply
and I love really hard, sothere's not a lot that I can't
forgive.
Like obviously there's corevalues there that if those are
broken, that's hard to move,like trust and stuff like that,
(18:15):
but like there's not a lot thatI can't overlook or forgive if
we have communication and wework through it.
Now, if it's a repetitivebehavior, then obviously not
because that's just someonemanipulating the situation.
Like that's just someone that'slike well, clearly you don't
have any boundaries, so I'm justgoing to keep doing what I'm
doing to you to hurt you, andthat's just a form of
manipulation and just ridiculous.
(18:37):
But if someone is really trying, like obviously no one's going
to change overnight, we're onthis earth, like I'll be 38 this
year, so I've been on thisearth 38 years and I've set up.
You know, I have these traumaresponses, responses, and I have
these subconscious things and Ihave all these things that I'm
trying to work through and Istill don't get it right.
So if someone isn't trying toactively work on it, then
obviously it's going to be evenharder, right?
But anyways, enough about that.
(18:59):
This shows up outside of dating.
Like people, like personas andstuff like that.
Like at work, people assume youcan carry the weight because
you look like you've got it.
And then, of course, infriendships, people assume you
don't need checking in onbecause you're quote unquote the
strong one.
I've literally had family andfriends tell me that they didn't
think that I needed themBecause I was quote, strong,
(19:21):
which I get.
You know, that's the energy Ido give off a lot of times.
But sometimes, like I just wishsomeone would just step in, even
if it was like for 2.5 seconds,and just carry the load and
just be like, but really, howare you?
And not accept, oh, I'm fine orI'm good, as an answer, like
those are the people that, true,like when they know, like I
have friends, like that, whenI'm like I'm good, they're like
(19:42):
no, you're not.
Tell me, tell me what's goingon, because sometimes you just
don't want to be a burden,sometimes you just don't want to
unload and burden, sometimesyou just don't want to unload.
And that's where chat hasbecome one of my good friends,
which I know, I know, I know theplanet, I get it, I'm trying,
guys, you know it is what it is.
But the truth is, in all of this, we all want someone who sees
past that armor.
We just want someone who, youknow, doesn't just love the
(20:05):
highlight reel, doesn't justlove social media post, doesn't
just love, you know, whatevervalidation you can give them,
but also can sit with us in thatmessy middle, because we all
have it.
None of us, none of us areperfect, none.
And if you think you are, thatis just absolutely insanity
because no one is.
So I'll end with this If you'veever felt misunderstood or like
(20:28):
people only see half of who youare, just know that you're not
alone.
I'm there.
I'm currently going throughthat.
The human experience obviouslyis messy.
The trick is finding thosepeople who can love the full
picture, because the ones whoonly love your shine but can't
handle your shadows, those arejust not your people.
They're not my people, they're.
(20:49):
They're just not, and we haveto stop trying to make them our
people.
The ones who can love both theyou know like for me in that
photo, the bold lipstick and thequiet tears, you know, those
are the ones who keep, that areworth keeping close and keeping
in your circle.
At the end of the day, you knowyour armor may protect you, you
(21:10):
may protect me, but it shouldnever define us.
So thanks, guys, for hangingout with me today.
I hope this episode gave youpermission to own both sides of
yourself, both the bolds andboth the sensitive.
Until next time, keep babbling,keep being real and don't let
anyone mistake your armor foryour whole identity.
All right guys, bye you.
What is up everyone?
Welcome back to another episodeof the Babbles Nonsense podcast
.
Today we are diving intosomething I feel like we all
experience, and that is the gapbetween how people see us and
who we actually are underneathit all.
You know that old saying thatsays, like don't judge a book by
its cover.
Well, it turns out everyonejudges that damn cover.
And are we surprised by that?
(00:21):
No, because humans are shallow,and I mean everyone.
No one is perfect, but if I'mbeing real, the way people
perceive me isn't always thetruth of who I am either.
But go figure.
Also, little side note, we willbe talking about chat GPT in
this episode.
So please know that I am awarethat this is not a replacement
for therapy and if you are goingthrough something, you really
(00:43):
need to talk to someone, whetherthat be a life coach, a
therapist, a friend, familymember, and not AI.
Also, know that chat GPT learnswhat you want to hear.
So if you're doing any researchor self reflection through chat
, you also have to learn how touse chat GPT.
So meaning you have to ask fora non biased opinion or, in to
answer, in a way, a therapistwould to break it down to you.
(01:03):
Otherwise, it's just going tolearn your behaviors, what you
want to hear and agree with yourbehaviors, and I didn't realize
that until I heard a therapiston Instagram actually say that.
But anyways, that's my littlecaveat about chat GPT, since we
will be talking about it intoday's episode.
But we will also be talkingabout the version of ourselves.
The world sees, the real usunderneath the smile, the outfit
(01:23):
, the vibes, and how this gapshows up in our relationships,
careers and self-worth.
So if this is a topic you'vebeen interested in, then this
one is for you all, right, guys?
(01:56):
Like I said, I wanted to talkabout, like the difference
between how people see us andhow we see ourselves, and the
reason, like I I got on thistopic was I saw this trend where
people were uploading photos ofthemselves into chat GPT and
asking for, like brutally honestfeedback, read whatever you
want to call it.
And yes, I know this isridiculous and it's probably
(02:16):
killing the planet Like I'm noteven lying, look it up.
But curiosity one.
And I just had to try itbecause that's what we do.
We follow trends as humans tofeel like we fit in.
So I uploaded a photo from myInstagram.
I know this isn't a visualpodcast, so I'll try to describe
it a little bit.
So it was just like my hair wassoftly curled, it was down,
which I don't do often.
(02:36):
I was wearing dark lipsticklike a purplish plum fall color,
sitting in my car with the sunon my face, just smiling, where
I had on, like baggy dad jeansand a tank top with a sheer
overlay, so like trying to becasual but styled, going to
brunch.
And so that's the photouploaded and this is what chat
(02:57):
said and, honestly, like it gaveme the idea for this episode,
because it's something we alldeal with.
I feel like I feel like peoplethink they know who you are
based on social media or maybeeven listening to like a single
podcast episode, and they think,oh, I got you, I've got you
pinned, I kind of know who youare just through this, but the
truth and the reality of it isthey only know the version of
(03:18):
you you've chosen to share.
Like I don't know how many ofyou all do this, but like it's
been proven that you know wepost photos on social media and
stuff for dopamine hits and I'mlike there's moments in my life
where I'm doing it just because,like I'm sharing.
But then there's moments in mylife where I am doing it because
I'm going through somethingthat maybe I'm trying to not
(03:39):
feel as bad about, or to try todistract myself, or whatever the
case may be, and you postsomething to get that validation
from outside sources.
Like I'm going to be 100%honest, I've obviously done it.
I feel like the world has alldone it.
I mean, it's not always thatway, but like, how many times
have you posted something whereyou might be sitting there on
(04:00):
the couch crying but you post aphoto of you like looking glam,
gorgeous, whatever, and that'snot even the reality of what
you're sitting in in that moment.
Like I remember I was notfeeling well one day and I
posted like an old video andsomeone even made a comment.
They were like, well, youcouldn't have been feeling that
bad because you posted a video.
I was like, literally, thatvideo was taken like two weeks
prior and I was sitting on thecouch not feeling well and
(04:21):
posted it.
So it just kind of gave me theidea for this topic.
But anyways, back to what chatsaid about my photo.
So chat said that how peoplesee me based on my photo is
confident, bold and magnetic Bigsmile, dark lipstick, styled
hair, giving main characterenergy.
People assume that you thrivein the spotlight.
(04:43):
They see you as high standardsPut together.
Look makes people think thatyou don't settle easily.
You're in style, you havefriendships or dating.
Some even feel intimidated.
It also said that I lookoutgoing and extroverted.
You look like the life of theparty Always upbeat, always
(05:04):
social, never insecure.
And then the last thing it saidis that I looked polished but
intimidating, that I've got mylife together, vibe, making
people keep their guard uparound me.
So that's crazy.
Because you know, I don't knowabout y'all, but I have chats
with chat about you know, justlike inner conflict and stuff,
(05:25):
just to kind of get research andunderstand my feelings a little
bit better when I can't getinto therapy.
So chat knows like my innerthoughts, and so this is what
chat said, but who you actuallyare.
So that was what they said,based on the photo that I took,
versus who I actually am.
So chat says I'm actuallyconfident but sensitive.
Yes, you carry confidence, butsensitive to being misunderstood
(05:47):
.
You feel deeply, even when youlaugh it off.
You're driven but crave peace.
You're ambitious, chasing goals, but secretly longing for
something steady and safe aplace to exhale.
You're outgoing, but not allthe time.
You can light up a room, butconstant socialization drains
you.
You need solitude to reset andthen you're strong.
You have a strong exterior buta soft core.
(06:09):
You have boldness, sarcasm andstyle as armor underneath your
loyal, nurturing and cravingdepth.
So brutally put, people thinkyou are a powerhouse who never
doubts yourself, but in realityyou're a powerhouse who feels
everything.
You've just learned how to wearyour armor well.
So yeah, like chat nailed it,when I read this I was like that
(06:32):
is so true, because I hear itfrom so many people that, like
you know, maybe listen to thispodcast or they see me on social
media and they're just like youhave your life figured out,
you've got so much going for you, you look so confident, you're
so beautiful.
Those are the comments that Iget right.
But in actuality that's notalways how I feel.
I feel very insecure sometimes.
I'm much introverted thanpeople think.
(06:54):
I really do get social anxietyand get drained.
That's part of the reason Istarted this podcast, thinking
that it would help or cure mysocial anxiety.
I mean, don't get me wrong, ithas.
But I've also been doing a lotmore so single episodes lately,
just because you know, work iscrazy and life is crazy, but at
the same time, like when I do dointerviews, I get so insanely
(07:18):
awkward and nervous, justbecause I haven't had that in a
long time.
But yeah, so I just thought itwas crazy, like based on a photo
and like how we dress and howwe, you know, upload things and
have the right lighting at theright time, like that, that
that's what someone canvisualize off of you.
But then it's funny that chatwas like but actually who you
are, and like nailed it right onthe head, like I can be
(07:40):
outgoing, I can be the life ofthe party, but then like I'll go
home and like have to like sitfor the next two weeks.
I wouldn't say that I'm themost confident person.
I would say that that hasdeveloped over time.
But so basically let mesummarize this because there was
another, like it was just said.
This is from chat.
So, in summary, from the outsidepeople see confidence big smile
(08:03):
, styled hair, bold lipstick.
It screams you've got your shittogether.
They think you're magnetic,extroverted, maybe intimidating.
Some assume you're highmaintenance or that's your life
is perfectly mapped out.
But here's the thing Peopleread surface level cues and
build entire stories in theirheads and most of the time those
stories have very little to dowith the truth.
They're just reflections ofwhat they project onto you.
(08:25):
So I just thought that was acool little exercise and,
seriously, it gave me the ideaof this podcast, because I'm
like how many people actuallyknow the real us and like what
we go through?
Like I tend to be vulnerable onhere around relationships and
stuff like that.
Now do I give my wholevulnerability out there, 100%?
Not, like I don't telleverybody everything.
Obviously I'm not name droppingthings.
(08:50):
I do mention things that aregoing on in my life, but only to
the tip of the iceberg of it.
It's not the in-depth web thatI sit and think about constantly
.
The real part where we can takewhat people think about us is
who actually are we.
Do we take what they say andthat's who we are?
Do we allow people to dictatewho we are or do we then turn
(09:12):
inward and go?
That's not who I am.
Like, what do I want to portrayBecause?
Is that who I am?
Am I this confident life of theparty you know, driven In some
aspects?
Sure, but I'm a lot softer thanpeople think.
I really feel things deeply, Ioverthink a lot.
Just ask anyone I've dated.
(09:32):
I wrestle with insecurity allthe time.
I think a lot of us in thisgeneration, in this era, did
especially men, I would say,even though they don't talk
about it a lot.
I feel like our generation grewup with parents that didn't
really teach us emotion anddidn't teach us how to deal with
emotion.
When we had it it was more likesit down, shut up, more so men.
(09:54):
And so I think we do have a lotof dysregulated adults that
don't know how to regulate theiremotions or know exactly what
they're feeling.
So we lash out and act outinstead of like channeling that
and knowing what we feel first.
But again, that's a wholenother conversation, like that's
just being an adult realizingthat.
But for me, like I do cravesafety more than the spotlight
(10:17):
spotlight a lot and maybesubconsciously I am putting out
there in the universe that Iwant all these other things that
people think I want, whenactually it's usually the total
opposite and I wouldn't evencall myself confident on most
days, like at work, yes, but inmy personal life, no.
The confidence I do have, likeI was saying earlier, has really
(10:39):
come from therapy and learningto like the qualities in myself
that others once told me werequote, unquote too much.
For example, you know I've beentold I'm blunt a lot.
I you know I call out people ontheir.
I just call out people justbecause and maybe you know, and
(11:00):
maybe that is true Maybe I callpeople out too much, maybe I am
too blunt, maybe I could softenup a little bit more.
But the truth is, you know,therapy has taught me that the
same bluntness that intimidatessome people is also what makes
me honest, direct and impossibleto be fake with.
So you know what people arecalling quote, unquote too much.
I've learned to call that's whoI am and I've had to learn and
(11:23):
accept that part of me.
I used to like fight it off allthe time.
I'd be like no, I don't want tobe that person.
But then the older I get, themore I do.
I love that quality aboutmyself Because I want a friend
like that, I want a partner likethat.
I want someone to call me outon my bullshit and be like what
are you thinking now?
Am I immediately going to agree?
Am I immediately going to likethat?
(11:45):
No, nobody likes that.
Nobody likes to sit in theirown shit.
Nobody likes to be told thatwhat they're doing is wrong,
hurtful, whatever.
Nobody likes that.
But the thing that I love aboutmyself is that I can do a lot of
introspection and I can gowithin and be like okay, let me
try to understand where thisperson is coming from.
Let me try to put myself intheir shoes.
(12:06):
Let me try to find somesituation, some scenario in my
life that can make me relate, sothat I can truly try to
empathize and understand.
Um, because there's a lot oflike guys terminology when we
say, oh, I have empathy for you,like sometimes that's not even
necessarily true.
Empathy is where you can trulyput yourself in someone's shoes,
(12:27):
like you've maybe had a verysimilar experience, so you truly
can empath.
And I know that a lot of uscall ourselves empaths and we
want to be empathetic, but thetruth is is a lot of times we're
just trying to have compassionand we have sympathy for someone
where we can't truly understandwhere they are coming from, if
we've never been in thesituation ourselves.
But that doesn't mean that youcan't have compassion for the
(12:47):
situation or sympathy for thesituation, but that's a whole
nother tangent Anyways, I don'tknow where I was going with that
.
So let's just get it straight.
Like for me, confidence does notmean that it's bulletproof.
Confidence means that you'velearned how to put on your armor
before you walk out the door.
So behind the exterior, likewhat you see, yes, I am
(13:10):
confident, but I am alsosensitive.
Yes, I'm driven, but sometimesI also want inner peace.
I want someone to take on theload.
You know, I love people, but Ineed solitude a lot to recharge.
I look strong, but at my coreI'm very loyal to a fault and
I'm soft hearted, which I knowdoesn't get portrayed a lot.
(13:34):
And this duality so many of uslive in, like a lot of us do
this, we have this mask that wewear and then we have what we
allow other people to see like astrong exterior but a tender
interior.
You know, let me tell you this,it does get exhausting when the
world only validates one sideof us.
But we also have to realizethat we're only allowing the
(13:55):
world to see one side of usbecause we're so afraid.
It's that inner fear that if weshow this softer side of us,
will they still care, will theystill like us?
Will that make us thatattractive quality.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's where, like, I amgoing to shift a little bit into
relationships and see wherethat kind of you know can get a
little interesting when we'reonly showing one side because
(14:18):
people are drawn to that.
You know, like I just said,people are drawn to that
confidence, like that's howpeople meet, right, like most
days, like either dating app orsocial media, like whatever
you're putting out there, that'sthe initial attraction.
Either dating app or socialmedia, like whatever you're
putting out there, that's theinitial attraction.
And so people are drawn intothat initial attraction, whether
that be confidence, your looks,whatever it may be.
And then they're shocked whenthey find out like you feel
deeply or maybe you needreassurance because you're not
(14:40):
as confident as you're, you know, because it just doesn't add up
in their mind of what yourpictures with, I guess, maybe
the personality they built up intheir mind.
Some partners love bold, fieryversions of you, but when that
softer, vulnerable side shows up, you know, they don't always
know what to do with it Because,again, we're just portraying
that one side and then we getnervous to bring out that other
(15:02):
side in us.
So, like dating wise, I can'tsay I show up super confident.
I will say one guy I dated.
I learned recently that theydidn't like that I called out
their flaws, like when we weredating, which I was never
directly told that this justcame from like indirect findings
(15:23):
I guess.
But I get it Like no one wantstheir flaws called out, like I
was talking earlier, like nobodywants that, like nobody likes
to sit in their own shit.
But I think the intent waspossibly missed, you know,
because I wasn't like trying tocall it flaws and be like, well,
this is what you did versuswhat I did, like it wasn't like
that situation.
But I can understand if someonetook it that way.
It was more for me, like whenI'm doing that, like I'm just
(15:48):
trying to bring a differentperspective to the table, to be
like, hey, like this kind of issimilar to this scenario, like
can't you understand it fromthis perspective?
And am I doing it perfectly?
No, you know, I don't have atherapy license.
I just have books, podcasts andmy own therapy sessions from
what I've learned and, you know,trying to navigate life the
best I can as well.
And am I doing it perfectly?
(16:09):
Hell, no, like is anybody.
No, but what I will say is Irespect, trying and willing to
grow.
Like if we just stay stuck init and we're like, no, my, my
way is the right way everysingle time, then then no, like
we're not growing as humans andwhat are we doing?
So that's why, like earlier, Idon't think I finished my
thought, but like that's why,like I like friendships and
(16:30):
partnerships where someone alsocalls me out on my bullshit,
like I may not like it in themoment, but I will respect it
because you didn't let me, just,you know, carry on this fake
scenario, fake person.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't know how to explain itany better.
I know it's just jumbled atthis point, but here we are.
Here's what I've realized welove people the way we want to
(16:51):
be loved and we try tounderstand people the way we
understand ourselves.
And that doesn't always workLike, that doesn't always like
intermingle well, becausesometimes we have to put
ourselves in their shoes, evenif it's uncomfortable, even if
we don't want to.
You know, even if that's notyour person, even if that's not
your favorite person, or youknow you'd really.
I think sometimes we have totry to understand.
(17:13):
Like everyone has differentlove, languages and learning
languages, and I think that'swhat makes it so hard in today's
world, because relationshipsjust aren't about chemistry or
butterflies, like I know that'swhat the movies tell us, but
let's be real that fadesRelationships are about showing
up consistently every single day, which, honestly, let's be real
, that fades Relationships areabout showing up consistently
every single day, which,honestly, let's be real, is a
very hard choice to make intoday's world when there's so
(17:34):
many options, when there's somuch to choose from.
Like, honestly, I don't know.
Like I want to believe thatlove still exists in this world.
I really want to believe thatin my heart of hearts.
But you know, being single forso long and then dating
different people, and I'll behonest, I don't think I've ever
had a guy actually just chooseme, like it's been like, and I
(17:54):
get it like some things, like ifit's an ego pride thing, like I
completely understand, but alsoknowing me, which is where I
have to break down.
Like not everyone thinks likeme, like I love really deeply
and I love really hard, sothere's not a lot that I can't
forgive.
Like obviously there's corevalues there that if those are
broken, that's hard to move,like trust and stuff like that,
(18:15):
but like there's not a lot thatI can't overlook or forgive if
we have communication and wework through it.
Now, if it's a repetitivebehavior, then obviously not
because that's just someonemanipulating the situation.
Like that's just someone that'slike well, clearly you don't
have any boundaries, so I'm justgoing to keep doing what I'm
doing to you to hurt you, andthat's just a form of
manipulation and just ridiculous.
(18:37):
But if someone is really trying, like obviously no one's going
to change overnight, we're onthis earth, like I'll be 38 this
year, so I've been on thisearth 38 years and I've set up.
You know, I have these traumaresponses, responses, and I have
these subconscious things and Ihave all these things that I'm
trying to work through and Istill don't get it right.
So if someone isn't trying toactively work on it, then
obviously it's going to be evenharder, right?
But anyways, enough about that.
(18:59):
This shows up outside of dating.
Like people, like personas andstuff like that.
Like at work, people assume youcan carry the weight because
you look like you've got it.
And then, of course, infriendships, people assume you
don't need checking in onbecause you're quote unquote the
strong one.
I've literally had family andfriends tell me that they didn't
think that I needed themBecause I was quote, strong,
(19:21):
which I get.
You know, that's the energy Ido give off a lot of times.
But sometimes, like I just wishsomeone would just step in, even
if it was like for 2.5 seconds,and just carry the load and
just be like, but really, howare you?
And not accept, oh, I'm fine orI'm good, as an answer, like
those are the people that, true,like when they know, like I
have friends, like that, whenI'm like I'm good, they're like
(19:42):
no, you're not.
Tell me, tell me what's goingon, because sometimes you just
don't want to be a burden,sometimes you just don't want to
unload and burden, sometimesyou just don't want to unload.
And that's where chat hasbecome one of my good friends,
which I know, I know, I know theplanet, I get it, I'm trying,
guys, you know it is what it is.
But the truth is, in all of this, we all want someone who sees
past that armor.
We just want someone who, youknow, doesn't just love the
(20:05):
highlight reel, doesn't justlove social media post, doesn't
just love, you know, whatevervalidation you can give them,
but also can sit with us in thatmessy middle, because we all
have it.
None of us, none of us areperfect, none.
And if you think you are, thatis just absolutely insanity
because no one is.
So I'll end with this If you'veever felt misunderstood or like
(20:28):
people only see half of who youare, just know that you're not
alone.
I'm there.
I'm currently going throughthat.
The human experience obviouslyis messy.
The trick is finding thosepeople who can love the full
picture, because the ones whoonly love your shine but can't
handle your shadows, those arejust not your people.
They're not my people, they're.
(20:49):
They're just not, and we haveto stop trying to make them our
people.
The ones who can love both theyou know like for me in that
photo, the bold lipstick and thequiet tears, you know, those
are the ones who keep, that areworth keeping close and keeping
in your circle.
At the end of the day, you knowyour armor may protect you, you
(21:10):
may protect me, but it shouldnever define us.
So thanks, guys, for hangingout with me today.
I hope this episode gave youpermission to own both sides of
yourself, both the bolds andboth the sensitive.
Until next time, keep babbling,keep being real and don't let
anyone mistake your armor foryour whole identity.
All right guys, bye you.
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