June 24, 2025 • 16 mins
#178: Have you ever been told to "just move on" when someone walked out of your life without explanation? That raw, vulnerable question—Why?—sits at the heart of this deeply personal exploration of closure, emotional honesty, and the courage to seek clarity.
We've been conditioned to believe that asking questions makes us look desperate or emotional. The "cool girl" never double-texts. The unbothered person "wins" at relationships. But behind that carefully curated exterior of nonchalance, many of us are suffering in silence, making up stories in our heads because no one will give us straight answers. This episode challenges that cultural trap, asking why we can't normalize direct conversations about what went wrong—whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.
Through personal reflections and psychological insights, we explore why people avoid difficult conversations, how avoidant behavior perpetuates emotional wounds, and why the person seeking clarity is often unfairly labeled as "crazy." The truth is, wanting to understand isn't weakness—it's a sign you loved with intention and showed up with honesty. You deserve that same energy in return. While closure ultimately comes from within, there's strength in honoring your emotions enough to ask the questions that haunt you. Just make sure you're asking from a place where you can handle the silence that might follow.
Share this episode with someone who's struggling with unanswered questions or the cultural pressure to pretend they don't care when they absolutely do. Let's create a world where emotional honesty isn't viewed as a liability, but as the foundation of authentic connection.
You can now send us a text to ask a question or review the show. We would love to hear from you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Johnna (00:00):
What is up everyone?
Welcome back to another episodeof the Babbles Nonsense podcast
.
On today's episode it'll be alittle bit different.
I'm going to obviously try todo this solo, without me and you
here, so we'll see how thatgoes.
So today's episode is not just arant, it's not just another
story, but kind of a real raw,honest question that I think a
(00:20):
lot of us do ask ourselves butmaybe are afraid to ask out loud
or ask another person.
And that is like why can't Ijust ask you why?
I'm a why person?
I mentioned that several timeson this podcast and sometimes I
just want to know the answer why.
And I know Mingyu has been onhere and she's, you know,
therapized and she has lifecoached us all saying that
(00:41):
sometimes we just don't know theanswer why and sometimes we
won't ever get that answer why.
But sometimes you just want toknow why.
And to me, asking why can benormal, but I know like in
society it's not considerednormal to ask people questions
or it's often labeled as likequote, unquote emotional, crazy
(01:01):
or desperate.
So that's what we're going toget into today.
Let's talk about it all right.
(01:32):
So thank you all for, you know,bearing with me through these
kind of relationship emotionaltopics.
Um, it's just kind of what's inthe forefront of my thought
processing right now andsometimes when I try to do this
solo, you know y y'all just hangin there, but I do get a lot of
feedback and y'all are so sweetand so supportive in the DMs
talking about relationship stuff, just because I sometimes feel
(01:54):
like I'm weird when it comes torelationships or quote unquote
situationships, because we allknow I'm definitely not a
relationship expert.
I'm definitely a situation shipexpert in this stage of life.
But honestly, to nobody's faultbut my own, I've had to, you
know, work through some therapy,some life coaching, to
understand why I keep pickingemotionally unavailable men.
(02:17):
And I think it's mostly becauseI may be a little emotionally
unavailable myself.
But also, like, as we get olderI think I just get set in my
way.
So it just it just becomesharder to date because I'm I am
getting closer to 40.
So it's just getting harder tolike not have things the way
that I want them.
I mean, I'm obviously okay withchange and well, I don't know
(02:38):
if I should say that.
But going back to the intro tothis, like I know me and me and
you last week talked about why Xhas come back and, like you
know, I talked to her aboutclosure and she's, you know,
very big on.
You have to give yourselfclosure and I do believe that I
used to think that people, youknow, should give you closure.
But closure, but obviously wehave to give it to ourselves,
(02:59):
because sometimes we're notgoing to know why things ended
and sometimes it's just notmeant to be.
And you know, the universe doeshave something out there better
, and maybe in the moment wedon't think that there is, but
when that something better comesalong, we're like oh, this is
why it didn't work out.
But for me and I'm not talkingabout just romantic
relationships, I'm talking aboutlike in friendships, maybe when
friendships end, or you know,or there's things like I
(03:22):
sometimes just have questionslike my mind just circles.
So I know I'm often like well,why, why did that happen?
Why did this happen?
And we've always been taught toplay it cool.
You know, we live in thisculture, especially as women.
I know some men listen to this,but mostly women.
Um, we're told that the minuteyou ask for clarity or the
(03:42):
minute you show any softness orconfusion, we're then quote
unquote lost.
You know we're told to act likeyou don't care, be unbothered,
don't send that double text,never let them see you sweat or
match their energy is anotherone that you hear a lot.
But here's the thing for me Iget tired of pretending that I
don't care when I do, and I gettired of letting you know people
(04:06):
, whether it be you knowromantic relationships or
friendships or you know just ingeneral in the world, like walk
in and out of my life like it'sa revolving door, and being
expected to never question likewhy?
Why, you know why, why is thishappening?
If I'm such a good person orsuch a good friend or friend or
you know, such a good girlfriendto you, then why didn't you
(04:26):
stay?
And you know the answersometimes is an answer in itself
.
When you don't get a question,um, you know obviously, but
sometimes you just want clarityand I'm sure everyone can relate
that.
That thought pops in our head,like why you know?
And I'll just give a fewexamples like I know, like I
talk to my girlfriends and stuff, and there it seems to be a
common theme with women.
Like for whatever reason, womengo straight to our looks like
(04:49):
we're, like was I not prettyenough?
Was I not thin enough?
Was I not thick enough?
Was I not, you know, voluptuousenough, like we go immediately
to that, like fortunately for methat hasn't happened in a long
time because because I havehealed a lot of that self
validation or not selfvalidation, but like seeking
validation from external sources, which is a whole nother
podcast for a whole nother day,which that does give me an idea
(05:10):
to do one with me and you.
But a lot of it for me is justlike just trying to stay true to
who I am, because at the end ofthe day, I do care about people
that walk in and out of my lifeand it's really hard for me.
And again, that goes back tolike a lot of childhood
abandonment where you know I,you know, you know my father
(05:31):
wasn't there and then you knowmy mom had to take care of my
sister a lot because she was ina lot of trouble most of the
time, and so it was just likeit's mostly like a well, I guess
it still is external validation.
Sometimes, when I do these solopodcasts, it's almost like a
therapy session to me, becausewhen you're talking out loud
you're just kind of like andobviously I have headphones on,
I'm listening to myself talk,then it's just getting all that
(05:53):
energy out.
But anyways, so I guess itstill is that external
validation, because you stillare seeking clarity from an
external source versus yourself,when sometimes that is the
answer.
But to stick with this topic ofwhy, isn't it okay to ask why
(06:16):
it's just easier sometimes touse a romantic relationship as
an example?
Just because it's one that Ithink universally people can
relate to, because some peopledon't care if family walks in
and out of their lives and somepeople don't care if friendships
walk in and out of their lives.
But for whatever reason, whenit's a romantic relationship
coming in and out of your life,it seems to sting a little bit
different.
Not saying that friendshipbreakups aren't as hard, because
(06:37):
sometimes I think they areharder, but I think it's just
universally, like peopleunderstand the thought process
behind it.
But for me, like asking why andasking for clarity, isn't always
about trying to get someoneback.
It's not about begging, it'snot about rekindling anything.
For me it's about understanding, mostly for growth, like I take
(06:59):
it as a you know, growingexperience, like where could I
have changed here?
What did I do wrong here?
It's not that I'm trying toblame the other person.
Well, sometimes you know, thereare just situations where you
can.
But I'm just saying, like whenit was like a mutual thing or
like things just didn't go theway you hoped for, like
sometimes it's like a growing,you know experience, like asking
for clarity and like where Icould have grown as a person so
(07:21):
that I maybe don't do it in thenext relationship that I get
into.
But for me it's about thepeople who make promises and who
share moments and who look youin the eyes and make you feel
safe, only to vanish and maybeswitch it up a little bit.
Or you know the whole sayingit's not you, it's me, or they
don't say anything at all.
(07:42):
So it's those conversations whenyou've reached out and you've
asked and you just don't get aresponse, or you don't get the
clarity, or maybe you get a veryvague or like just a very vague
answer, if you will, you know.
So I did some research on thisand the psychology, like I
(08:04):
wanted to look up the psychologybehind it.
So here's the frustrating partabout the psychology behind it
Half the time the people thatyou're asking you know why for
clarity sometimes they didn'tdon't even have a real answer
and they don't know why thatthey did what they did.
Or maybe they don't know whythey hurt you, maybe they were
selfish, or maybe they werescared, or maybe it was just
(08:25):
that they were emotionallyunavailable at the time.
But instead of them processingthat, they avoided it, like me.
And me and you talked last weekabout you know the avoidant
behavior.
You know, because avoidingthings can be easier than being
accountable.
Or, you know, like takingyourself and saying here's where
I messed up.
Like having that honestconversation back and forth
(08:45):
means that someone else is goingto have to listen to what they
also did.
And sometimes people aren'tready for that and I, maybe I am
different in the fact that,like, I want someone to tell me
if I've messed up in a way and Ican take criticism and I can
handle conflict.
Um, people tell me that all thetime.
It's not that I love it, it'snot that I enjoy it, but I can
(09:07):
handle it because I don't takeit all the way to heart.
Now, sometimes I do like ifsomeone I, you know, extremely
value and care about, sayssomething, you know I'm going to
take it to heart, but also, atthe same time, I try not to take
it personal and I try tounderstand that it's more
constructive than you know.
Just criticizing so that I cangrow as a person and become a
better person every day.
But going back to thepsychology behind it, this is
(09:31):
what I found in my research.
So don't shoot the messenger.
But a lot of people were sayingonline that men are rarely asked
to reflect on things or they'rerarely called out, and when
they are called out like whenmen are called out a lot of
times, they spin it back on you.
So it's you often get.
Why are you so dramatic?
Stop being crazy, you know.
(09:53):
And so there's a big differencewhen you're asking for clarity
and someone does.
You know that's wheregaslighting comes in, and not to
use like a buzzword or anythinglike that, like that.
But that is sometimes whathappens.
So I think people get afraid toask why?
Because you want to.
You know, look like the quoteunquote cool girl, like you're
unbothered.
(10:13):
You know that's what you knowthe culture is telling us to do
and it, honestly, is just aculture trap.
You know we have beenbrainwashed into thinking that
the quote unquote cool girl isthe one who wins in the end and
the one who doesn't care, theone who doesn't ask questions
and the one who lets him comeand go without ever demanding
any explanation is, you knowquote unquote the cool girl, the
(10:36):
unbothered person.
And a lot of times there's, youknow, there's, all kinds of
sayings.
There's a saying that says whocares, the one who cares less,
wins.
Because they're not emotionallyinvolved.
They're not emotionally, youknow, wound up in the thought
process or asking questions or,you know, stuck in that mind
trap.
But here's the honest truth.
You know that quote unquotecool girl suffers in silence.
(11:00):
And I'm not saying everybody.
I know I do have some friendsthat really are unbothered and
sometimes I strive to be thatway.
But I think that I come off asa very unbothered person based
on what I show, maybe on socialmedia, or maybe how I am
externally towards people thatdon't really know me.
But the honest truth is is I'mactually a very emotional person
(11:20):
and I, you know, get deep inthought a lot and maybe that's
where I go wrong.
So, going back to you know, forme I feel like that quote
unquote girl suffers in silencesometimes, because it's almost
like we make excuses for otherpeople or we cry behind closed
doors.
You know we journal instead ofconfronts.
(11:41):
Or you know you get cheated onbut then still pretend you're
above it, like those are justsome examples, but I don't
strive to be like that.
Like I know, like when I talkto my friends about it, they're
always like don't, don't showany emotion, don't do that, but
like, honestly, I just have tostay true to myself because
that's who I am and I feel sounauthentic when I act, like I'm
(12:03):
unbothered.
So I feel like we shouldnormalize, normalize, send, like
sending texts and questionslike you know.
For example, like maybe a textthat says hey, I'm not trying to
fight, I just need some honesty.
Can you give me some clarity?
Let's talk about the situation.
I'm just saying like let'snormalize direct conversations
instead of having to decode likea text or an Instagram story or
(12:28):
social media or second guessingevery look, every like, every
heart, fire, emoji, whatever.
You know the silence as well.
Like, because sometimes we meanyou says this all the time.
Like we make stories up in ourhead and I have said this and I
live by this.
If, if someone can't give me adirect and honest answer back to
a question that I've asked,then don't get mad at me for the
(12:54):
story that I portray in my head.
Because if I need that storyfor closure, then that's what
I'm, you know, going to do.
And for me, if someone can'tanswer that question, when you,
you know, asked a very, I feel,like a mature, grown up question
or tried to have a mature,grown up conversation for
healing and closure, then that'snot that really says more about
(13:16):
their character than yours.
Like, if someone gets defensive, cold, dismissive or even mocks
you or gaslights you for askinga clear, you know a clarity
question, then honestly, likeI've said kind of throughout
this podcast, that is an answerin itself and that shows you
their character.
Because if someone really trulycared, even if it didn't work
out between you and again I'musing the romantic example, you
(13:39):
know, at least they couldrespect you and your feelings
enough to give you honesty, togive you clarity, to help you
close that chapter and closethat door and move on.
And that can go for same infriendships, like, if you have a
friendship breakup and you wantto, you know, sit down and talk
about it, then that just saysmore Cause to me.
It's about respect.
At the end of the day, if yourespect me and you truly cared,
(14:00):
then you would, you know, giveme that closure and um clarity
that I'm, you know, seeking.
But again, I know that you haveto give it to yourself, um, and
I know that if someone doesn'tthere's, you know, obviously,
you know options like block him,delete the number, grieve,
mourn, you know, mourn what youthought it was.
But at the end of the day,don't shame yourself for asking
(14:24):
the question, don't shameyourself for caring, and don't
ever believe that your desirefor clarity makes you weak,
because in my opinion, itactually makes you strong.
So I'm kind of going to justend it there with this final
thought.
So, if you've been holding on toa question, if you've been
rehearsing the text in your heador maybe in your notepad or
your journal, if you've beenfeeling like you're crazy for
(14:47):
just wanting to understand, I donot think you're crazy.
I think you're just someone wholoved with intention and
someone who showed up withhonesty, and someone who
deserves that same energy inreturn.
And so I say send the message.
But I know all my friendslistening to this are like, no,
don't do that, but honest.
But if you're going to do it,it has to come from a place
(15:07):
where you're strong enough tohandle the silence or strong
enough to handle not receivingthe clarity or the truth that
you wanted.
And obviously you know, guys,I'm not a therapist, I'm not a
life coach, so just take myadvice with a grain of salt.
Like, don't be sending textmessages and getting you know in
heated debates and messyconversations and then coming
back and blaming me, becausethat's not what we're here for
either.
(15:27):
I'm talking about, like arespectful, mature, grown up
conversation that you're readyto have, but also both parties
have to be ready to have it.
You know, you can't forceconversation on people that are
not ready for conversation.
So yeah, that's all I reallywanted to say.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, obviously I would love
it.
If you would share it with afriend, share it on social media
(15:54):
, tag me, tell a friend who maybe in the same place of
confusion or maybe they're goingthrough a heartbreak.
So, yeah, until next time, guys.
(16:16):
Bye, thank you.
What is up everyone?
Welcome back to another episodeof the Babbles Nonsense podcast
.
On today's episode it'll be alittle bit different.
I'm going to obviously try todo this solo, without me and you
here, so we'll see how thatgoes.
So today's episode is not just arant, it's not just another
story, but kind of a real raw,honest question that I think a
(00:20):
lot of us do ask ourselves butmaybe are afraid to ask out loud
or ask another person.
And that is like why can't Ijust ask you why?
I'm a why person?
I mentioned that several timeson this podcast and sometimes I
just want to know the answer why.
And I know Mingyu has been onhere and she's, you know,
therapized and she has lifecoached us all saying that
(00:41):
sometimes we just don't know theanswer why and sometimes we
won't ever get that answer why.
But sometimes you just want toknow why.
And to me, asking why can benormal, but I know like in
society it's not considerednormal to ask people questions
or it's often labeled as likequote, unquote emotional, crazy
(01:01):
or desperate.
So that's what we're going toget into today.
Let's talk about it all right.
(01:32):
So thank you all for, you know,bearing with me through these
kind of relationship emotionaltopics.
Um, it's just kind of what's inthe forefront of my thought
processing right now andsometimes when I try to do this
solo, you know y y'all just hangin there, but I do get a lot of
feedback and y'all are so sweetand so supportive in the DMs
talking about relationship stuff, just because I sometimes feel
(01:54):
like I'm weird when it comes torelationships or quote unquote
situationships, because we allknow I'm definitely not a
relationship expert.
I'm definitely a situation shipexpert in this stage of life.
But honestly, to nobody's faultbut my own, I've had to, you
know, work through some therapy,some life coaching, to
understand why I keep pickingemotionally unavailable men.
(02:17):
And I think it's mostly becauseI may be a little emotionally
unavailable myself.
But also, like, as we get olderI think I just get set in my
way.
So it just it just becomesharder to date because I'm I am
getting closer to 40.
So it's just getting harder tolike not have things the way
that I want them.
I mean, I'm obviously okay withchange and well, I don't know
(02:38):
if I should say that.
But going back to the intro tothis, like I know me and me and
you last week talked about why Xhas come back and, like you
know, I talked to her aboutclosure and she's, you know,
very big on.
You have to give yourselfclosure and I do believe that I
used to think that people, youknow, should give you closure.
But closure, but obviously wehave to give it to ourselves,
(02:59):
because sometimes we're notgoing to know why things ended
and sometimes it's just notmeant to be.
And you know, the universe doeshave something out there better
, and maybe in the moment wedon't think that there is, but
when that something better comesalong, we're like oh, this is
why it didn't work out.
But for me and I'm not talkingabout just romantic
relationships, I'm talking aboutlike in friendships, maybe when
friendships end, or you know,or there's things like I
(03:22):
sometimes just have questionslike my mind just circles.
So I know I'm often like well,why, why did that happen?
Why did this happen?
And we've always been taught toplay it cool.
You know, we live in thisculture, especially as women.
I know some men listen to this,but mostly women.
Um, we're told that the minuteyou ask for clarity or the
(03:42):
minute you show any softness orconfusion, we're then quote
unquote lost.
You know we're told to act likeyou don't care, be unbothered,
don't send that double text,never let them see you sweat or
match their energy is anotherone that you hear a lot.
But here's the thing for me Iget tired of pretending that I
don't care when I do, and I gettired of letting you know people
(04:06):
, whether it be you knowromantic relationships or
friendships or you know just ingeneral in the world, like walk
in and out of my life like it'sa revolving door, and being
expected to never question likewhy?
Why, you know why, why is thishappening?
If I'm such a good person orsuch a good friend or friend or
you know, such a good girlfriendto you, then why didn't you
(04:26):
stay?
And you know the answersometimes is an answer in itself
.
When you don't get a question,um, you know obviously, but
sometimes you just want clarityand I'm sure everyone can relate
that.
That thought pops in our head,like why you know?
And I'll just give a fewexamples like I know, like I
talk to my girlfriends and stuff, and there it seems to be a
common theme with women.
Like for whatever reason, womengo straight to our looks like
(04:49):
we're, like was I not prettyenough?
Was I not thin enough?
Was I not thick enough?
Was I not, you know, voluptuousenough, like we go immediately
to that, like fortunately for methat hasn't happened in a long
time because because I havehealed a lot of that self
validation or not selfvalidation, but like seeking
validation from external sources, which is a whole nother
podcast for a whole nother day,which that does give me an idea
(05:10):
to do one with me and you.
But a lot of it for me is justlike just trying to stay true to
who I am, because at the end ofthe day, I do care about people
that walk in and out of my lifeand it's really hard for me.
And again, that goes back tolike a lot of childhood
abandonment where you know I,you know, you know my father
(05:31):
wasn't there and then you knowmy mom had to take care of my
sister a lot because she was ina lot of trouble most of the
time, and so it was just likeit's mostly like a well, I guess
it still is external validation.
Sometimes, when I do these solopodcasts, it's almost like a
therapy session to me, becausewhen you're talking out loud
you're just kind of like andobviously I have headphones on,
I'm listening to myself talk,then it's just getting all that
(05:53):
energy out.
But anyways, so I guess itstill is that external
validation, because you stillare seeking clarity from an
external source versus yourself,when sometimes that is the
answer.
But to stick with this topic ofwhy, isn't it okay to ask why
(06:16):
it's just easier sometimes touse a romantic relationship as
an example?
Just because it's one that Ithink universally people can
relate to, because some peopledon't care if family walks in
and out of their lives and somepeople don't care if friendships
walk in and out of their lives.
But for whatever reason, whenit's a romantic relationship
coming in and out of your life,it seems to sting a little bit
different.
Not saying that friendshipbreakups aren't as hard, because
(06:37):
sometimes I think they areharder, but I think it's just
universally, like peopleunderstand the thought process
behind it.
But for me, like asking why andasking for clarity, isn't always
about trying to get someoneback.
It's not about begging, it'snot about rekindling anything.
For me it's about understanding, mostly for growth, like I take
(06:59):
it as a you know, growingexperience, like where could I
have changed here?
What did I do wrong here?
It's not that I'm trying toblame the other person.
Well, sometimes you know, thereare just situations where you
can.
But I'm just saying, like whenit was like a mutual thing or
like things just didn't go theway you hoped for, like
sometimes it's like a growing,you know experience, like asking
for clarity and like where Icould have grown as a person so
(07:21):
that I maybe don't do it in thenext relationship that I get
into.
But for me it's about thepeople who make promises and who
share moments and who look youin the eyes and make you feel
safe, only to vanish and maybeswitch it up a little bit.
Or you know the whole sayingit's not you, it's me, or they
don't say anything at all.
(07:42):
So it's those conversations whenyou've reached out and you've
asked and you just don't get aresponse, or you don't get the
clarity, or maybe you get a veryvague or like just a very vague
answer, if you will, you know.
So I did some research on thisand the psychology, like I
(08:04):
wanted to look up the psychologybehind it.
So here's the frustrating partabout the psychology behind it
Half the time the people thatyou're asking you know why for
clarity sometimes they didn'tdon't even have a real answer
and they don't know why thatthey did what they did.
Or maybe they don't know whythey hurt you, maybe they were
selfish, or maybe they werescared, or maybe it was just
(08:25):
that they were emotionallyunavailable at the time.
But instead of them processingthat, they avoided it, like me.
And me and you talked last weekabout you know the avoidant
behavior.
You know, because avoidingthings can be easier than being
accountable.
Or, you know, like takingyourself and saying here's where
I messed up.
Like having that honestconversation back and forth
(08:45):
means that someone else is goingto have to listen to what they
also did.
And sometimes people aren'tready for that and I, maybe I am
different in the fact that,like, I want someone to tell me
if I've messed up in a way and Ican take criticism and I can
handle conflict.
Um, people tell me that all thetime.
It's not that I love it, it'snot that I enjoy it, but I can
(09:07):
handle it because I don't takeit all the way to heart.
Now, sometimes I do like ifsomeone I, you know, extremely
value and care about, sayssomething, you know I'm going to
take it to heart, but also, atthe same time, I try not to take
it personal and I try tounderstand that it's more
constructive than you know.
Just criticizing so that I cangrow as a person and become a
better person every day.
But going back to thepsychology behind it, this is
(09:31):
what I found in my research.
So don't shoot the messenger.
But a lot of people were sayingonline that men are rarely asked
to reflect on things or they'rerarely called out, and when
they are called out like whenmen are called out a lot of
times, they spin it back on you.
So it's you often get.
Why are you so dramatic?
Stop being crazy, you know.
(09:53):
And so there's a big differencewhen you're asking for clarity
and someone does.
You know that's wheregaslighting comes in, and not to
use like a buzzword or anythinglike that, like that.
But that is sometimes whathappens.
So I think people get afraid toask why?
Because you want to.
You know, look like the quoteunquote cool girl, like you're
unbothered.
(10:13):
You know that's what you knowthe culture is telling us to do
and it, honestly, is just aculture trap.
You know we have beenbrainwashed into thinking that
the quote unquote cool girl isthe one who wins in the end and
the one who doesn't care, theone who doesn't ask questions
and the one who lets him comeand go without ever demanding
any explanation is, you knowquote unquote the cool girl, the
(10:36):
unbothered person.
And a lot of times there's, youknow, there's, all kinds of
sayings.
There's a saying that says whocares, the one who cares less,
wins.
Because they're not emotionallyinvolved.
They're not emotionally, youknow, wound up in the thought
process or asking questions or,you know, stuck in that mind
trap.
But here's the honest truth.
You know that quote unquotecool girl suffers in silence.
(11:00):
And I'm not saying everybody.
I know I do have some friendsthat really are unbothered and
sometimes I strive to be thatway.
But I think that I come off asa very unbothered person based
on what I show, maybe on socialmedia, or maybe how I am
externally towards people thatdon't really know me.
But the honest truth is is I'mactually a very emotional person
(11:20):
and I, you know, get deep inthought a lot and maybe that's
where I go wrong.
So, going back to you know, forme I feel like that quote
unquote girl suffers in silencesometimes, because it's almost
like we make excuses for otherpeople or we cry behind closed
doors.
You know we journal instead ofconfronts.
(11:41):
Or you know you get cheated onbut then still pretend you're
above it, like those are justsome examples, but I don't
strive to be like that.
Like I know, like when I talkto my friends about it, they're
always like don't, don't showany emotion, don't do that, but
like, honestly, I just have tostay true to myself because
that's who I am and I feel sounauthentic when I act, like I'm
(12:03):
unbothered.
So I feel like we shouldnormalize, normalize, send, like
sending texts and questionslike you know.
For example, like maybe a textthat says hey, I'm not trying to
fight, I just need some honesty.
Can you give me some clarity?
Let's talk about the situation.
I'm just saying like let'snormalize direct conversations
instead of having to decode likea text or an Instagram story or
(12:28):
social media or second guessingevery look, every like, every
heart, fire, emoji, whatever.
You know the silence as well.
Like, because sometimes we meanyou says this all the time.
Like we make stories up in ourhead and I have said this and I
live by this.
If, if someone can't give me adirect and honest answer back to
a question that I've asked,then don't get mad at me for the
(12:54):
story that I portray in my head.
Because if I need that storyfor closure, then that's what
I'm, you know, going to do.
And for me, if someone can'tanswer that question, when you,
you know, asked a very, I feel,like a mature, grown up question
or tried to have a mature,grown up conversation for
healing and closure, then that'snot that really says more about
(13:16):
their character than yours.
Like, if someone gets defensive, cold, dismissive or even mocks
you or gaslights you for askinga clear, you know a clarity
question, then honestly, likeI've said kind of throughout
this podcast, that is an answerin itself and that shows you
their character.
Because if someone really trulycared, even if it didn't work
out between you and again I'musing the romantic example, you
(13:39):
know, at least they couldrespect you and your feelings
enough to give you honesty, togive you clarity, to help you
close that chapter and closethat door and move on.
And that can go for same infriendships, like, if you have a
friendship breakup and you wantto, you know, sit down and talk
about it, then that just saysmore Cause to me.
It's about respect.
At the end of the day, if yourespect me and you truly cared,
(14:00):
then you would, you know, giveme that closure and um clarity
that I'm, you know, seeking.
But again, I know that you haveto give it to yourself, um, and
I know that if someone doesn'tthere's, you know, obviously,
you know options like block him,delete the number, grieve,
mourn, you know, mourn what youthought it was.
But at the end of the day,don't shame yourself for asking
(14:24):
the question, don't shameyourself for caring, and don't
ever believe that your desirefor clarity makes you weak,
because in my opinion, itactually makes you strong.
So I'm kind of going to justend it there with this final
thought.
So, if you've been holding on toa question, if you've been
rehearsing the text in your heador maybe in your notepad or
your journal, if you've beenfeeling like you're crazy for
(14:47):
just wanting to understand, I donot think you're crazy.
I think you're just someone wholoved with intention and
someone who showed up withhonesty, and someone who
deserves that same energy inreturn.
And so I say send the message.
But I know all my friendslistening to this are like, no,
don't do that, but honest.
But if you're going to do it,it has to come from a place
(15:07):
where you're strong enough tohandle the silence or strong
enough to handle not receivingthe clarity or the truth that
you wanted.
And obviously you know, guys,I'm not a therapist, I'm not a
life coach, so just take myadvice with a grain of salt.
Like, don't be sending textmessages and getting you know in
heated debates and messyconversations and then coming
back and blaming me, becausethat's not what we're here for
either.
(15:27):
I'm talking about, like arespectful, mature, grown up
conversation that you're readyto have, but also both parties
have to be ready to have it.
You know, you can't forceconversation on people that are
not ready for conversation.
So yeah, that's all I reallywanted to say.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, obviously I would love
it.
If you would share it with afriend, share it on social media
(15:54):
, tag me, tell a friend who maybe in the same place of
confusion or maybe they're goingthrough a heartbreak.
So, yeah, until next time, guys.
(16:16):
Bye, thank you.
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