July 1, 2025 • 15 mins
Remember when you used to laugh more, dance more, feel more? Somewhere between endless meetings, mental load, and pressure to perform, your joy got buried – not gone, just buried beneath layers of "should" and "must." Today we're diving deep into what makes ambitious women lose their capacity for joy and the surprisingly simple path back to reclaiming it.
Joy has been systematically replaced by control. When we're stuck in fight-or-flight mode, joy feels frivolous or wasteful. Living in our heads and disconnected from our bodies, we forget that joy is fundamentally a feeling, not a thought. And in our overscheduled lives, we leave no room for the spontaneous moments where genuine joy flourishes.
This isn't just about feeling happier – it's about reclaiming your power. When you're operating without joy, you're functioning at half capacity. Contrary to burnout culture's messaging, joy doesn't make you flaky; it makes you magnetic and followable. It unlocks creativity that bullet points and spreadsheets never could. In an age of AI and automation, your uniquely human capacity for play and spontaneous connection becomes your greatest professional asset.
To view the Transcript from this week's episode, visit our Balance & Beyond Podcast webpage: https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast/2025/104
Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself!
If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, here are our socials where you can discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women create a life of balance.
Website: www.balanceinstitute.com
Podcast Website: https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast
Email: jo@balanceinstitute.com
LinkedIn: https://au.linkedin.com/in/stonejoanne
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/betterbalanceinstitute/
Instagram: @betterbalanceinstitute
Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jo (00:03):
Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for
ambitious women who refuse toaccept burnout as the price of
success.
Here we're committed toempowering you with the tools
and strategies you need toachieve true balance, where your
career, relationships andhealth all thrive and where you
have the power to define successon your terms.
I honor the space you'vecreated for yourself today, so
(00:25):
let's take a breath and diveright in.
You used to laugh more, dancemore, feel more, but somewhere
between the meetings, the mentalload and the pressure to be on
all the time, your joy gotburied Not gone, just buried.
(00:47):
These days, joy might feel likea luxury or something that you
have to engineer a weekend away,a spa voucher, a well-planned
holiday that you hardly enjoybecause you're still mentally
ticking things off your list orexhausted from trying to get
there.
You tell yourself there's notime, that it's not urgent, that
(01:08):
maybe when things settle downthen you'll come back to
yourself and have some more fun.
But here's what I've seen inevery high achieving woman I
work with.
Joy has been replaced bycontrol, with performing,
proving, earning, and so manywomen don't even know what
brings them joy anymore, becausethey've outsourced it to
(01:32):
approval, achievement oraesthetics.
So if you've been feeling flat,numb or like the real you is
buried somewhere under there.
If you don't know the last timethat you smiled, today's
episode is going to help youfind her again.
Let's talk about what makes uslose our joy, because in some
(01:56):
recent data I've crunched fromclients and women coming into my
ecosystem, this is the thingthat they miss the most and the
thing they're most looking for.
When we have a dysregulatednervous system, joy feels unsafe
.
What do I mean by that?
If you are in constant fight orflight mode, if your cortisol
(02:19):
is spiked, if you're stressed,if you're overwhelmed spiked if
you're stressed, if you'reoverwhelmed then joy is a threat
or, more often, joy is a waste.
Don't have time for joy.
Joy is frivolous.
I will do joy when I've gotthrough my list.
Joy is something to be plannedand particularly if you're a
(02:40):
perfectionist or you're a peoplepleaser or you're
procrastinating, then your bodyis likely in a state of fear
constantly, and fear says notime for joy.
Have to be hypervigilant, haveto be on the alert.
You never know who's going tocome and throw you under the bus
or say this about you, or thisball is going to fall, and so we
(03:05):
start to suffocate it and wedon't allow it to come into our
lives.
Another reason that we have lostaccess to joy is because so
many women are stuck in theirheads and have numbed their
bodies.
By this I mean, when yourdominant emotional home becomes
(03:26):
guilt, resentment, shame, all weend up doing is numbing out.
We don't actually want to feel,because what there is to feel
is heavy and dense, and we don'twant to do that, even though
these emotions are actuallyhijacking us.
So we spend time in our headsbecause it becomes safe.
(03:48):
We dance with logic, we wanteverything to make sense, we
forego our intuition or what wefeel we might even need, and
it's more about what we shouldneed, what's okay for us to need
, what's acceptable for us toneed.
These are all areas andindications that you're living
in your head.
When we've numbed our body,there's no space for lightness
(04:15):
because, believe it or not, joyis a feeling.
It's not something that youthink, and so if you're
completely disconnected, thenthere's not going to be any
space for that lightness, andthen one of the biggest reasons
that I see us losing access toour joy is that joy comes when
(04:40):
you least expect it, and joyalso typically comes in small
doses.
I don't know about you, but Iused to spend a lot of time
trying to engineer joy let's go,have a big family outing.
And then wondered why it wasn'tas fun as I thought it would be
.
And yet I used to squish a lotof the silliness.
(05:01):
Or, you know, we don't havetime for that.
Come on, let's go.
These overpacked calendars andthe life that we lead of
relentless juggling means thatthere's no time for spontaneity,
there's no time to watch a kiddo a silly thing, and so many
women I know feel terrible andharbor guilt and resentment
because they can recognize thatthey're actually squashing joy
(05:25):
in their kids.
We are usually born with quite alarge capacity for joy.
You see kids and you see theirunbridled laughter at something
so insignificant.
You watch them smile constantlyand they bring joy to so many
other people in their lives.
But yet when there's no roomfor any of this silliness for
(05:51):
fun, for a dance party beforeschool or watching a silly video
from someone, because no, no,no, no, no, come on, come on,
come on.
Got to get to bed or get in theshower, or no, no, no, no, I've
got to go to a meeting.
Well, you're not making roomfor those little, tiny, micro
doses of joy, which is what ournervous system and, to be honest
, our souls actually need tomake life worth living.
(06:15):
Otherwise, what on earth is thepoint?
I know, when I was at the peakof my burnout, I had almost lost
connection to what joy meantfor me.
I was doing all of the thingsthat I thought should make me
happy.
I was, you know, going to thepark with my kids, and then I
(06:35):
was like why does not pushing achild on a swing 500,000 times,
five days in a row, make mehappy?
Why don't I feel happy at thesethings that everyone's telling
me that I'm meant to feel happyin?
But it was because they weren'tthings that actually brought me
joy.
I was so numb to it that, evenif it was something that brought
me joy, I was never able toaccess it.
(06:58):
That brought me joy.
I was never able to access it.
So all that ended up happeningwas I stacked my life with more
and more shoulds, with more andmore things that Google what
makes me happy.
But they weren't mine.
And it was when I had thismoment, when I caught up with a
girlfriend and we were out todinner.
I probably had a couple ofwines by this point in time.
(07:19):
And can you remember a moment,whether it was something that
you experienced recently or atany point in your life, when you
are laughing so hard that youalmost wet your pants, that you
are literally giggling for hoursand you get called getting the
giggles, when you literallycan't stop laughing, you just
(07:40):
look at your friend and youburst into laughter again and
this laughter becomes contagious.
And this evening that I hadlasted for hours and I came home
and my cheeks hurt theyliterally hurt from smiling and
laughing.
And it was like my soul was sodelighted and happy because when
(08:02):
that first happened to me, Icouldn't remember the last time
that I laughed like that.
That laughter that I had wasn'tjust joy, it was relief.
It's like, oh my gosh, you canbe human again, you can soften.
There was also this realizationthat came with a lot of grief,
(08:23):
that I had no idea how long ithad been since I'd felt like me,
because the beauty of joy isit's one of those emotions that
you have to be in the moment for.
You think of those momentswhere you are giggling or in
uncontrollable laughter.
You're not thinking about yourto-do list.
In that 10 seconds.
(08:45):
You're not worrying about whathappened in last week's meeting,
you're not future pacing thisis what might happen in the
future.
You're not worrying about allthese things, you're simply in
the moment, and that is a muscleand a skill that so many women
have not learned how to access,because they're spending the
bulk of their time ruminatingand marinating on the past,
(09:07):
usually from a beat themselvesup perspective, but also a
worrying about the future.
We have seen clients do this allthe time is having complete
mind-blown moments of realizingthat they don't actually know
what makes them happy.
Because when they strip back,yes, you know hanging out with
(09:29):
their kids makes them happy, butdoes it really make their soul
happy?
And, and it can be confrontingwhen you're there going, oh,
where do I begin?
But through the work we've donewith clients in learning to be
present, step one, in puttingdown the shoulds and this is
(09:50):
what's meant to and not actuallyknowing what makes you happy
and find joy.
Then, when they unlock this box, like oh my gosh, it almost
comes this complete reclamationof, oh, this thing brought me
joy.
And we've had clients take uptap dancing, I've had people go
(10:13):
back to horse riding, picking uppainting, doing crafting, maybe
even as you're learning how todo a cartwheel again just doing
small little things that theyused to love.
And then you get to go on thisbeautiful journey of I used to
love that when I was a kid.
Do I still love it?
And very often the answer isyes, and you never regret or you
(10:41):
never will look back onceyou've unlocked this side of you
that has been buried for solong.
So what happens when you beginto unlock joy?
An important caveat is thatinitially your nervous system's
like oh my gosh, I've beenstarving for this, this is
(11:01):
amazing.
And then all the old thoughtscome back of you don't have time
for this, you're going to belate.
What are they going to think ofyou?
You sat there and had a danceparty with your kids, but now,
look, you're late for work andyou just got a look when you
walked in the office and thisperson and now you're behind.
And then you spend all daybehind and you beat it out of
(11:22):
yourself.
That shouldn't have done that.
There was no time for that.
That one little moment ended uphaving a huge knock-on effect
to the rest of your day, andthen you're grumpy.
And then the next morning, whenthe kid says to you, let's have
a dance party, you're like no,not doing that, get in the car,
we're moving.
So it's really important thatyou understand, as you start to
(11:44):
walk on this journey ofunlocking a side of you that is
desperate to emerge, that youalso can recognize when those
old patterns, those old nervoussystem processes that have been
designed to keep you safe, youhave to have the tools and the
skills to be able to put them tothe side and go.
(12:06):
Yep, I hear you doesn't matter,I'm present in this moment.
Don't worry about the rest ofthe day and learning to let go,
so that if, let's say, you havehad a moment of fun and you were
being silly in the morning,whether you have kids or not,
you just this thing brought youjoy and maybe you stopped and
you're walking, and you stoppedto pick up a beautiful flower
(12:27):
that you saw.
Well, how do you let go of anypotential knock-on effects and
go?
You know what?
I'm five minutes later than Iwanted to be, but think of the
joy that you did by finding thisbeautiful flower, or looking at
a drop of rain on a leaf thatyou cannot imagine, or seeing a
(12:47):
lady beetle somewhere.
These are these little momentsof wonder that you are craving,
and it's what makes us human.
It's what makes us whole.
You are not a human doing.
You're a human being, and it'sonly when we're really able to
step in and unlock this part ofus that we start feeling free
(13:11):
again, we start feeling wholeand this joy that we have
becomes infectious.
This joy makes you magnetic.
It makes people want to bearound you.
It's really important that youunderstand that your joy isn't
(13:32):
an indulgence.
It's an intelligence leaningyou towards what makes you feel
good and, believe it or not,despite the guilt, the shame,
resentment that you're sittingin, you're meant to feel good.
That's right.
You're not meant to feel heavy.
You're meant to feel light.
You're not meant to feelresentment.
You're meant to have fun.
You're meant to laugh.
(13:53):
You're meant to be playful.
There's a reason that childrenlearn through play.
The brain works in differentways and you as an adult spoiler
alert still have a very biginner child in you, so you also
can learn through play.
You can learn throughcreativity.
With the advent of AI, theopportunity and the importance
(14:16):
of us accessing these incredibleparts of our brain that are
locked under bullet points andto-do lists and action items
cannot be underestimated.
And if you are trying to leadat work, at home and in your
life without joy, with it beingburied, you're only operating at
(14:36):
half your power.
Can you imagine what's possibleif you unlock another 50% of
what you're capable of?
Not to mention how great you'regoing to feel.
Joy does not make you flaky, itis not frivolous, it makes you
followable, it makes youmagnetic, and when women start
(14:58):
to reclaim their joy, we changethe world.
(16:25):
women avoid burnout and createa life of balance and beyond.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll see you next time on the
Balance and Beyond podcast.
Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for
ambitious women who refuse toaccept burnout as the price of
success.
Here we're committed toempowering you with the tools
and strategies you need toachieve true balance, where your
career, relationships andhealth all thrive and where you
have the power to define successon your terms.
I honor the space you'vecreated for yourself today, so
(00:25):
let's take a breath and diveright in.
You used to laugh more, dancemore, feel more, but somewhere
between the meetings, the mentalload and the pressure to be on
all the time, your joy gotburied Not gone, just buried.
(00:47):
These days, joy might feel likea luxury or something that you
have to engineer a weekend away,a spa voucher, a well-planned
holiday that you hardly enjoybecause you're still mentally
ticking things off your list orexhausted from trying to get
there.
You tell yourself there's notime, that it's not urgent, that
(01:08):
maybe when things settle downthen you'll come back to
yourself and have some more fun.
But here's what I've seen inevery high achieving woman I
work with.
Joy has been replaced bycontrol, with performing,
proving, earning, and so manywomen don't even know what
brings them joy anymore, becausethey've outsourced it to
(01:32):
approval, achievement oraesthetics.
So if you've been feeling flat,numb or like the real you is
buried somewhere under there.
If you don't know the last timethat you smiled, today's
episode is going to help youfind her again.
Let's talk about what makes uslose our joy, because in some
(01:56):
recent data I've crunched fromclients and women coming into my
ecosystem, this is the thingthat they miss the most and the
thing they're most looking for.
When we have a dysregulatednervous system, joy feels unsafe
.
What do I mean by that?
If you are in constant fight orflight mode, if your cortisol
(02:19):
is spiked, if you're stressed,if you're overwhelmed spiked if
you're stressed, if you'reoverwhelmed then joy is a threat
or, more often, joy is a waste.
Don't have time for joy.
Joy is frivolous.
I will do joy when I've gotthrough my list.
Joy is something to be plannedand particularly if you're a
(02:40):
perfectionist or you're a peoplepleaser or you're
procrastinating, then your bodyis likely in a state of fear
constantly, and fear says notime for joy.
Have to be hypervigilant, haveto be on the alert.
You never know who's going tocome and throw you under the bus
or say this about you, or thisball is going to fall, and so we
(03:05):
start to suffocate it and wedon't allow it to come into our
lives.
Another reason that we have lostaccess to joy is because so
many women are stuck in theirheads and have numbed their
bodies.
By this I mean, when yourdominant emotional home becomes
(03:26):
guilt, resentment, shame, all weend up doing is numbing out.
We don't actually want to feel,because what there is to feel
is heavy and dense, and we don'twant to do that, even though
these emotions are actuallyhijacking us.
So we spend time in our headsbecause it becomes safe.
(03:48):
We dance with logic, we wanteverything to make sense, we
forego our intuition or what wefeel we might even need, and
it's more about what we shouldneed, what's okay for us to need
, what's acceptable for us toneed.
These are all areas andindications that you're living
in your head.
When we've numbed our body,there's no space for lightness
(04:15):
because, believe it or not, joyis a feeling.
It's not something that youthink, and so if you're
completely disconnected, thenthere's not going to be any
space for that lightness, andthen one of the biggest reasons
that I see us losing access toour joy is that joy comes when
(04:40):
you least expect it, and joyalso typically comes in small
doses.
I don't know about you, but Iused to spend a lot of time
trying to engineer joy let's go,have a big family outing.
And then wondered why it wasn'tas fun as I thought it would be
.
And yet I used to squish a lotof the silliness.
(05:01):
Or, you know, we don't havetime for that.
Come on, let's go.
These overpacked calendars andthe life that we lead of
relentless juggling means thatthere's no time for spontaneity,
there's no time to watch a kiddo a silly thing, and so many
women I know feel terrible andharbor guilt and resentment
because they can recognize thatthey're actually squashing joy
(05:25):
in their kids.
We are usually born with quite alarge capacity for joy.
You see kids and you see theirunbridled laughter at something
so insignificant.
You watch them smile constantlyand they bring joy to so many
other people in their lives.
But yet when there's no roomfor any of this silliness for
(05:51):
fun, for a dance party beforeschool or watching a silly video
from someone, because no, no,no, no, no, come on, come on,
come on.
Got to get to bed or get in theshower, or no, no, no, no, I've
got to go to a meeting.
Well, you're not making roomfor those little, tiny, micro
doses of joy, which is what ournervous system and, to be honest
, our souls actually need tomake life worth living.
(06:15):
Otherwise, what on earth is thepoint?
I know, when I was at the peakof my burnout, I had almost lost
connection to what joy meantfor me.
I was doing all of the thingsthat I thought should make me
happy.
I was, you know, going to thepark with my kids, and then I
(06:35):
was like why does not pushing achild on a swing 500,000 times,
five days in a row, make mehappy?
Why don't I feel happy at thesethings that everyone's telling
me that I'm meant to feel happyin?
But it was because they weren'tthings that actually brought me
joy.
I was so numb to it that, evenif it was something that brought
me joy, I was never able toaccess it.
(06:58):
That brought me joy.
I was never able to access it.
So all that ended up happeningwas I stacked my life with more
and more shoulds, with more andmore things that Google what
makes me happy.
But they weren't mine.
And it was when I had thismoment, when I caught up with a
girlfriend and we were out todinner.
I probably had a couple ofwines by this point in time.
(07:19):
And can you remember a moment,whether it was something that
you experienced recently or atany point in your life, when you
are laughing so hard that youalmost wet your pants, that you
are literally giggling for hoursand you get called getting the
giggles, when you literallycan't stop laughing, you just
(07:40):
look at your friend and youburst into laughter again and
this laughter becomes contagious.
And this evening that I hadlasted for hours and I came home
and my cheeks hurt theyliterally hurt from smiling and
laughing.
And it was like my soul was sodelighted and happy because when
(08:02):
that first happened to me, Icouldn't remember the last time
that I laughed like that.
That laughter that I had wasn'tjust joy, it was relief.
It's like, oh my gosh, you canbe human again, you can soften.
There was also this realizationthat came with a lot of grief,
(08:23):
that I had no idea how long ithad been since I'd felt like me,
because the beauty of joy isit's one of those emotions that
you have to be in the moment for.
You think of those momentswhere you are giggling or in
uncontrollable laughter.
You're not thinking about yourto-do list.
In that 10 seconds.
(08:45):
You're not worrying about whathappened in last week's meeting,
you're not future pacing thisis what might happen in the
future.
You're not worrying about allthese things, you're simply in
the moment, and that is a muscleand a skill that so many women
have not learned how to access,because they're spending the
bulk of their time ruminatingand marinating on the past,
(09:07):
usually from a beat themselvesup perspective, but also a
worrying about the future.
We have seen clients do this allthe time is having complete
mind-blown moments of realizingthat they don't actually know
what makes them happy.
Because when they strip back,yes, you know hanging out with
(09:29):
their kids makes them happy, butdoes it really make their soul
happy?
And, and it can be confrontingwhen you're there going, oh,
where do I begin?
But through the work we've donewith clients in learning to be
present, step one, in puttingdown the shoulds and this is
(09:50):
what's meant to and not actuallyknowing what makes you happy
and find joy.
Then, when they unlock this box, like oh my gosh, it almost
comes this complete reclamationof, oh, this thing brought me
joy.
And we've had clients take uptap dancing, I've had people go
(10:13):
back to horse riding, picking uppainting, doing crafting, maybe
even as you're learning how todo a cartwheel again just doing
small little things that theyused to love.
And then you get to go on thisbeautiful journey of I used to
love that when I was a kid.
Do I still love it?
And very often the answer isyes, and you never regret or you
(10:41):
never will look back onceyou've unlocked this side of you
that has been buried for solong.
So what happens when you beginto unlock joy?
An important caveat is thatinitially your nervous system's
like oh my gosh, I've beenstarving for this, this is
(11:01):
amazing.
And then all the old thoughtscome back of you don't have time
for this, you're going to belate.
What are they going to think ofyou?
You sat there and had a danceparty with your kids, but now,
look, you're late for work andyou just got a look when you
walked in the office and thisperson and now you're behind.
And then you spend all daybehind and you beat it out of
(11:22):
yourself.
That shouldn't have done that.
There was no time for that.
That one little moment ended uphaving a huge knock-on effect
to the rest of your day, andthen you're grumpy.
And then the next morning, whenthe kid says to you, let's have
a dance party, you're like no,not doing that, get in the car,
we're moving.
So it's really important thatyou understand, as you start to
(11:44):
walk on this journey ofunlocking a side of you that is
desperate to emerge, that youalso can recognize when those
old patterns, those old nervoussystem processes that have been
designed to keep you safe, youhave to have the tools and the
skills to be able to put them tothe side and go.
(12:06):
Yep, I hear you doesn't matter,I'm present in this moment.
Don't worry about the rest ofthe day and learning to let go,
so that if, let's say, you havehad a moment of fun and you were
being silly in the morning,whether you have kids or not,
you just this thing brought youjoy and maybe you stopped and
you're walking, and you stoppedto pick up a beautiful flower
(12:27):
that you saw.
Well, how do you let go of anypotential knock-on effects and
go?
You know what?
I'm five minutes later than Iwanted to be, but think of the
joy that you did by finding thisbeautiful flower, or looking at
a drop of rain on a leaf thatyou cannot imagine, or seeing a
(12:47):
lady beetle somewhere.
These are these little momentsof wonder that you are craving,
and it's what makes us human.
It's what makes us whole.
You are not a human doing.
You're a human being, and it'sonly when we're really able to
step in and unlock this part ofus that we start feeling free
(13:11):
again, we start feeling wholeand this joy that we have
becomes infectious.
This joy makes you magnetic.
It makes people want to bearound you.
It's really important that youunderstand that your joy isn't
(13:32):
an indulgence.
It's an intelligence leaningyou towards what makes you feel
good and, believe it or not,despite the guilt, the shame,
resentment that you're sittingin, you're meant to feel good.
That's right.
You're not meant to feel heavy.
You're meant to feel light.
You're not meant to feelresentment.
You're meant to have fun.
You're meant to laugh.
(13:53):
You're meant to be playful.
There's a reason that childrenlearn through play.
The brain works in differentways and you as an adult spoiler
alert still have a very biginner child in you, so you also
can learn through play.
You can learn throughcreativity.
With the advent of AI, theopportunity and the importance
(14:16):
of us accessing these incredibleparts of our brain that are
locked under bullet points andto-do lists and action items
cannot be underestimated.
And if you are trying to leadat work, at home and in your
life without joy, with it beingburied, you're only operating at
(14:36):
half your power.
Can you imagine what's possibleif you unlock another 50% of
what you're capable of?
Not to mention how great you'regoing to feel.
Joy does not make you flaky, itis not frivolous, it makes you
followable, it makes youmagnetic, and when women start
(14:58):
to reclaim their joy, we changethe world.
(16:25):
women avoid burnout and createa life of balance and beyond.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll see you next time on the
Balance and Beyond podcast.
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Dateline NBC
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