Moment: The 2 Words That Set Me Free

The phrase "Let them" has been a game changer for recognizing how often we try to control the people we love. These two simple words from Mel Robbins have unlocked tremendous power by revealing how much energy we waste trying to manage others' thoughts, opinions, and behaviors.

• Our attempts to control others are often disguised as efficiency, taking charge, or keeping things running
• Small moments like a child using too much peanut butter or playing songs on repeat trigger our control impulses
• The urge to correct, rescue, fix, and manage others drains enormous amounts of energy
• Saying "let them" helps identify where we're trying to control others unnecessarily
• The key is to follow up by asking "why do I need them to be different right now?"
• Control attempts often reflect us imposing our own values on others
• Particularly as women, we leak tremendous energy caring and worrying about others
• This practice is about detachment - stopping the control of others and turning the spotlight back on yourself

I've just launched a quiz that uncovers your unique burnout archetype – the pattern driving your exhaustion, guilt and over-responsibility. Find the link in the show notes to take this quick seven-question quiz and discover tailored insights to fix your specific burnout pattern.

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Episode Transcript

Jo (00:04):
Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments.
Your weekly dose of insight,wisdom and mindset shifts, all
in 10 minutes or less, whetherit's a powerful truth, a fresh
perspective or a spark ofinspiration, this is your space
to pause, reflect and reset.
Let's dive in.
I didn't realize how often Iwas trying to control the people

(00:25):
I love until I startedwhispering two simple words
under my breath Let them,whether you've heard all this of
this or not.
This phrase, which has beencoined by the wonderful Mel
Robbins, she of Instagram andbook fame, has been a game
changer.
They're two really, reallysimple words, but I want to

(00:48):
share with you today the powerthat they have unlocked and how
much.
Even someone like me, who hasdone so much work on myself, who
likes to consider myself veryself-aware I've actually been
trying to control people andplaces and things so much more
than I ever realized.
Because here's the thing whenwe are trying to keep life

(01:14):
running, we've got this.
You know, I've got to beefficient, I've got to take
charge, I've got to make thingshappen, particularly when it
comes to relationships,particularly when it comes to
parenthood, it can be really,really easy to avoid the reality
of what you're really trying todo.
We dress it up.
As you know, I need to makesure we're somewhere on time.

(01:35):
I've got to keep this worldspilling.
This is all part of the juggle,whereas in reality, you I
guarantee it, you, I guaranteeit are spending so much more
energy than you need to worryingabout the thoughts, opinions,
behaviors of others.
I have found this to beincredibly powerful in the

(01:57):
little moments, and these arethe little moments when,
particularly as a parent, like,why do they do that?
My daughter on the weekend wasbuttering her toast and she was
putting so much peanut butter onher toast as in an obscene
amount it was.
Literally there was a bit oftoast supporting her peanut
butter.
And I found myself about toopen my mouth and go, why are

(02:19):
you putting so much peanutbutter on there?
And I went let her, just lether, let her put as much.
There's only so much peanutbutter that can go.
And I went let her just let her.
Let her put as much.
There's only so much peanutbutter that can go on one piece
of toast.
And yeah, we might go throughmore than I would like, but just
let her let them, let her dothis.
My other daughter has aparticular song that she's
listening to on repeat.

(02:40):
And she put it on again on thecar the other day and I went no,
don't try to control it, justlet her do that thing.
Even my husband was rolling hisleg.
I'm like that's not going tohelp roll the thing that you saw
.
Let him, let him do the thing.

(03:01):
There were all these littlemicro moments that on the
surface don't seem like much,but this internal urge to
correct, rescue, fix, makebetter, manage, make more
efficient is a huge, huge drainof your energy.
I had no idea how much I wasdoing this, your energy.

(03:28):
I had no idea how much I wasdoing this.
And these are all the humanemoments that it's easy to brush
off and go.
Oh, my nervous system.
Yes, that was annoying, thatgrated on me.
It shouldn't be that way, butthis can happen 20, 30, 40 times
in a day.
Imagine what this is doing toyour nervous system, the leakage
, the opportunity for you.
If you can let go of worryingabout what other people are
doing or how they're doing it,what could be possible for you?

(03:51):
Now, the key here to Mel'sphrase is yes, we can say let
them go off and do your thing.
Go off and put your toes howyou want, roll out how you want,
dress how you want, whatever itmay be right, obviously, within
parenting there are certainbounds here, but the key phrase,

(04:11):
the key part of this is okay,let them have as much toast as
they want.
And now let me bring awarenessto why do I need them to be
different right now?
Why can't I regulate myself?
Let me worry about myself, letme not spend so much energy
worrying about the damn peanutbutter and what this begins to

(04:35):
highlight.
They're almost like energetic,spiritual life stop signs that
go ha, that urge is there.
That urge is there and I think,particularly in parenthood, it
starts off early.
Right, you know, don't put yourhands near that power socket,
don't grab the knife, don't dothis thing.
We're constantly coursecorrecting and nudging all the

(04:57):
time that there are manyopportunities for us to just say
you know what?
That doesn't matter, can I letthat thing go?
And when you do, you will beginto see how often other people
are just holding up giantmirrors.
I know for me, a big you couldsay value or thing that's

(05:17):
important to me in life isefficiency.
I've got lots to do, I've got abig life to lead and I don't
want anybody doing.
Particularly, this goes for me.
I don't want somebody doingsomething that isn't going to
give them a return or be auseful spend of their time.
Yeah, but that's my value.
What does it matter if anyone's?
I'm trying so hard, so often totake my values and impinge them

(05:42):
upon others and it is anywonder they end up rejecting it.
They throw it back in your faceand it causes huge amounts of
conflict.
So the question for you today isto really begin to notice.
Where is somebody in your lifewhere you're like.
Is that little noise, like, oh,that's bothering me.
Oh, they shouldn't be doing itthat way?

(06:02):
Where is your opportunity todetach, which is at its core?
That's what this theory is.
It's a concept that we teachabout detachment.
Detaching and not making itmean anything about you To stop
controlling other people, toturn the spotlight back on
yourself.
Okay, I'm going to let her havethe peanut butter.
I'm going to let her keep herroom like that, within certain

(06:25):
bounds.
I'm going to let her do thatwith her hair.
I'm going to let her dowhatever it may be.
And now, reclaiming your ownpeace, what it means for you,
what you can do with yourself.
Particularly as women, I findwe leak so much energy caring
and worrying and doing otherthings for everyone else.

(06:47):
So I encourage you to adoptthis concept say, let them do
whatever it is and let me dowhatever it is that you need to
do for you.
Plug these leaks in your bucket, try it, and I promise it will
be a game changer for you.
Let them is powerful, but evenmore powerful is understanding

(07:11):
why you struggle to let go.
This has been such a big part ofmy journey, and if you have
been noticing how much of yourenergy is spent managing others
whether it's their emotions,their needs, their reactions,
doing all that preempting I havecreated something that will
help.
I've just launched a quick quizthat uncovers your unique

(07:31):
burnout archetype.
This is going to be the patterndriving your exhaustion, your
guilt and yourover-responsibility.
And if you come up as thesilent martyr or relentless
juggler just two of thearchetypes this let them is
going to be even more potent foryou.
So you will get a tailoredresult with insights that are
exactly what is going to causeyour burnout and how to fix it.

(07:54):
You'll find the link in the shownotes.
It's just seven quick questionsand I promise it's a game
changer, so let them let me andhave a great day.
It's a game changer, so letthem let me and have a great day
.
Thanks for taking this momentfor yourself.
If this resonated, share itwith a friend who needs to hear
it today, and don't forget tosubscribe to Balance and Beyond

(08:16):
for full episodes and more ofthese bite-sized breakthroughs.
See you next time.