February 3, 2025 • 50 mins
Part 2 of our inaugural episode.
In this episode, Hannah and Steph discuss their personal journeys with bariatric surgery, the challenges faced post-operation, and the importance of mental health and support in the weight loss journey.
They share insights on navigating life after surgery, the need for consistent guidance, and the impact of societal expectations on their experiences.
The conversation also touches on the significance of community and the desire to provide a platform for open discussions about obesity and weight loss.
- Bariatric surgery requires personal accountability post-op.
- Many questions arise after surgery regarding weight loss progress.
- Support systems are crucial for navigating post-op life.
- There is a lack of clear guidance in many bariatric programs.
- Mental health plays a significant role in weight loss journeys.
- Cultural factors influence eating habits and perceptions of food.
- Obesity can lead to self-denial and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
- Building new habits takes time and effort after surgery.
- Community support can help combat feelings of isolation.
- The journey of weight loss is unique for everyone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is something we've always wanted to talk about is you like, you're kind of on your
(00:22):
own, not in a bad way.
So yes, we get to be patients of our clinic for a year post-op.
Cool.
But a lot of bariatric surgery is really on you.
So after surgery, you check in with them, you know, immediately after and a couple of
weeks after that.
But then you get kind of onto a three month cadence where you go three months without
(00:43):
talking to your surgical team, without talking to your nurse, your social worker, your dietitian.
Now, obviously I had on top of this, I found my own dietitian.
I still had my therapist who she was so wonderful and learned so much about bariatric surgery
because that's all we basically talked about every month was how do I meal prep better?
And I'm scared to gain the weight back.
(01:04):
So I did have my own outside of that.
But that being said, there's so many questions you're going to have.
Is this normal?
Should this feel like this?
Am I overeating?
How many calories should I have?
How do I find the macros I need?
Like you are consistently kind of out there to figure it out.
Now is the clinic always there?
Sure.
The clinic is busy as balls, so I email the clinic and they'll get back to me maybe a
(01:28):
month later.
If I have an emergency, I can pick up the phone and call them.
But a lot of it is figuring it out.
Yeah, you're fine.
Don't worry about it.
You know, talk to your family doctor if you're concerned about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm not saying like any of my problems were like, oh, what?
I think I'm dying.
But it was more, is this too many calories?
Is this too much?
(01:49):
Am I allowed to eat this?
Is this supposed to feel like this?
Yeah.
Oh boy.
I threw up after eating this soup.
Is that a problem?
Why am I so sweaty after I ate something I shouldn't have eaten?
It's a lot of just, okay, the biggest, biggest area you'll be by yourself and question you
have and Steph, I'm curious to hear if you agree with this.
(02:10):
The number one question that consistently came up for my entire fucking year that I
desperately seeked answers for was, am I losing enough weight?
Oh my, yes.
110% yes.
Because that's one area where we don't, we're not given statistics.
So we're not really given, again, love our program, but in general, we're not given really
(02:37):
good guidance in terms of how many calories should I be eating at this point?
Is being this level of hungry normal, whether it's too hungry or not hungry enough?
So am I eating enough and am I on track with where I should be in terms of weight loss?
So when I went for my post-op appointment in person, I was about, oh my gosh, about
(03:02):
a month, a month out, little over a month.
And up until that point, I had no idea if I was doing well.
And so I went to that appointment and they said that I was right on track, which was
phenomenal.
It was such a relief to hear.
But now another month, another six weeks out, again, am I still on track?
I don't know.
(03:23):
Is this where I should be?
I don't know.
I'm happy with where I am today, but a lot of those questions are kind of left unanswered.
There's a lot of Googling.
There's a lot of messaging, Hannah, saying, is this where you were?
Because that's kind of one of those missing pieces.
And I 100% all the time am wondering, am I supposed to be on a stall right now?
(03:46):
Oh my gosh, the scale went up a pound.
Is this normal?
Did I do something wrong?
So that is for sure an area where I think we're lacking a little bit in terms of guidance
and support.
Yeah.
And that was what led to a ton of Googling and a ton of searching for things was...
And I would ask the nurse and the dietician, I even asked the goddamn social worker, I
(04:10):
was like, how much weight have I...
Am I where I'm supposed to be?
And they'd always give the same fucking answer.
Oh, you're fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're right where you're supposed to be.
And I was like, yeah, but am I at the bottom of doing great or the top of doing great?
Could I be doing better?
Yeah.
As a super perfectionist.
Like, great is good.
(04:31):
Right.
Right.
It's definitely something that I...
And I am curious if that's, from what I've heard, that's similar to the other programs
in Ontario as well.
I'm curious to see, I have a friend who's just starting to go through the program in
Hamilton and so she's just waiting to get her surgery or get matched with her surgeon.
(04:52):
I think she has one more appointment.
And so I've said to her, we've been in close contact the whole time, but I said to her,
I'm very curious to see what kind of post-op guidelines she's given around that, if any.
So that's going to be something that I'm definitely going to poke and prod her for because I want
to know if that's specific to us or not.
And that's something that we'll do in another podcast episode is we'll actually take you
(05:14):
through the differences between our program and a program literally an hour away from
us.
And then also we're going to tell you the differences between my program and Steph's
program.
Even though we had our surgery...
I thought you were in the same place.
We had the same fucking surgeon and we had the same clinic.
We both did this in a hospital called Gwell's in Ontario and we were one year apart.
(05:36):
And sweet Jesus, the differences between her surgery and my surgery are insane.
You would have thought we went to different programs.
You 100% would have thought that she was in some other province than I am.
And it's so funny because it's one year apart and there's changes that I'm furious that
she got that I didn't, but then there's also things that she's like, what the fuck?
(05:57):
You didn't have to do this.
And I'm like, I did not have to do that.
And that seems crazy to me.
Or consistency that you got in your appointments that I didn't get.
The pros and cons that we both had when comparing, but yeah, there was many voice notes sent
back and forth where one of us would go, excuse me, what?
You have to what?
You got what?
I'm sorry.
(06:18):
Yeah.
I was quite pissed at one point.
We'll dig into it, but oh, agreed.
When you had consistent...
So when I had my appointments, I was always meeting with a different nurse or dietitian
or social worker.
And don't get me wrong, they were the nicest people.
Very helpful, very great, but it was always somebody different.
(06:38):
Whereas Hannah had the same person every time.
So there was a bit more of a relationship.
The history was there.
It was just more concise conversations probably than me having to repeat things and then having
to go, hold on, I have to check your chart one second.
So things like that, which as we said, we'll get into a little bit more.
We'll do a whole episode about...
(06:59):
We'll take you through all the surgical things that are different between her time and my
time.
And then also we know people who went to a different clinic an hour away and theirs is
totally different than ours.
So we'll talk about all those differences and our annoyance with a lot of them because
there was.
And not to be mean, we love our clinic and we love what they did, but we're also going
to talk in that podcast episode about some of the things that kind of piss us off.
(07:24):
That we were like, this just isn't fair.
And I'll give a very brief example.
None of our post-op appointments are in person.
So obviously I think some of that started because of COVID, but that was four years
ago.
But none of our follow-up appointments with any of these people...
For you.
For me, sorry, for me I should say.
(07:45):
Well, yours keep all getting canceled.
But none of our follow-up appointments were in person.
And so we have a little bit of a problem with that because being obese, you're very used
to lying, hiding things, covering it up.
We didn't get obese in the dark, but we're really good at denying that we've eaten things
and we just became good at covering things up.
(08:05):
Sure, I stuck to my meal plan this weekend.
Of course I did.
I didn't eat enough.
I'm actually starving myself because I only eat one meal a day.
That's why I'm fat, because technically my body is in starvation mode, so it's going
to hang on to all the calories I eat, even though I only eat one meal a day.
That was me.
That was Hannah, by the way.
That's what I used to fucking say for an entire year, that I'm obese, 315 pounds, because
(08:29):
I don't eat enough.
Jesus Christ.
I have two in-person post-op appointments, which you never got.
And there was one of them, my one post-op appointment that I have coming up in a week
or so.
You didn't even get any follow-up appointment with that doctor.
I did not.
I did not see that doctor.
Not even a phone call.
(08:50):
Nope, did not see that doctor after surgery.
But my annoyance with no in-person is it's going to be very easy for you to be like,
oh, I lost this much weight, because they just ask you, how much weight have you lost?
What's your current weight?
It's going to be super fucking easy to lie about that.
Are you following the diet plan?
Sure.
As I eat my McDonald's ice cream.
I totally am.
(09:10):
It's just going to be easy to lie and cover things up.
I used to tell Steph this.
My biggest thing is doctors need you to come in for the simplest things in Canada.
Oh, do you need a refill on your prescription?
You actually have to come see your doctor to do that.
I know people are going to be like, the fuck?
Yeah, literally.
I take vitamin D, prescription vitamin D, because I'm just low all the fucking time.
(09:34):
I've been taking it for well over two and a half years now.
And every time my refill expires, I still need to go see my doctor to get another one.
Because the doctor just wants to lay eyes on you and make sure you're not missing an
arm, gray, have open sores on your body.
You've gained 100 pounds.
My mom says, my mom is a retired nurse, and she'll always say, patients fucking lie.
(09:56):
All they fucking do is lie.
It's true, we do.
You need to put eyes on them.
That was my biggest concern was you didn't want to see me once after surgery to make
sure I actually was losing the weight, I said, to make sure that I wasn't looking sickly
or ill or die.
We'll cover that all in another podcast episode because I get real heated about this.
(10:19):
It's weird to me that you don't want to see us.
It's very odd.
I think anybody in my immediate family also that I've talked to, they find it extremely
strange.
And my post-op with the surgeon was in person.
It wasn't my surgeon, he was unfortunately unavailable, but it was someone who was still
in my surgery.
And that was in person.
And then yes, I have one in about a week with the internal medicine doctor, which is in
(10:41):
person.
Motherfucker.
But I know, and I'm actually surprised that one's in person.
But as you said, the follow up I just had a couple weeks ago on the phone when they asked,
what's your weight?
I can make up any number I want.
Sure could.
It's shocking to a lot of people who I speak to.
So we'll, as Haters said, we'll dig into that a little bit more.
(11:01):
And I know there's going to be people being like, why would you lie?
You just hurt yourself.
Oh boy, this brings up a great point we wanted to talk on.
Obesity.
It's not like I lost those bad habits of lying.
So I'll talk first about when I was obese.
I was 315 pounds.
I didn't just get hit with a fat stick and wake up that way.
(11:25):
I now can admit I was a very large contributor to my obesity problem because who else would
be?
And I have a hot take on, yes, I do have some health issues that a lot of people contribute
to being obese.
But in my mind, they don't make you obese.
They just add a little level of challenge to lose the weight.
(11:47):
So complexity.
Yeah.
But they in no way make you and keep you obese.
So when I was obese, I would definitely use the talk track of, well, I'm actually starving
myself.
Do you know I'm not actually eating enough food?
That's why I'm fat.
Oh my God.
And I would go all day with like, I wouldn't have breakfast or lunch.
I'd wake up, I'd sit on the computer, I would work, blah, blah, blah.
(12:07):
And then come 3pm, I'd be starving.
So I'd eat whole things of crackers.
I would order takeout food.
I'd have a burger and french fries.
I'd eat an appetizer and of course a dessert.
So sure, I wasn't eating on paper a lot of food because I was having a meal, but that
meal was probably two to 3000 calories.
(12:28):
And that's the thing, just because you're having one meal, if you're not tracking your
calories, you don't realize that that one meal is actually way over the calorie count
you're supposed to be having.
I would obviously-
You're cramming it in there.
Yep.
I'd binge because I wasn't eating enough and I was hungry.
But I would lie to people.
I'd use the talk track.
I'm not eating enough.
Nobody would see me eat because when we were together, I just wouldn't eat.
(12:50):
But then I'd go home and order takeout or food or get food on the way home.
I notoriously would eat in my car when I would drive on road trips to go see my parents and
then hide all that and pretend I didn't.
I never really made the best choices.
I would make things at home, but I'd be like, well, I'm going to make nachos.
I still do actually, still make nachos post-surgery.
One of my favorite treats.
(13:10):
But I would do a whole fucking bag of tortillas with like a half pound of cheese and then
I would dip it in salsa and sour cream.
I was just making not great choices.
Oh, I don't feel like working out today or oh, you know what?
I went to the personal trainer twice this week for an hour.
Yay.
And it's like, that's not doing fucking dick all at all because you're there for an hour
(13:31):
and you did like six fucking pushups.
Like no, I wouldn't really walk because well, I have this pain in my leg.
Like my leg's kind of going numb.
I just need to rest on the couch.
It has nothing to do with my weight guys.
Like I must have something wrong with me.
And so I'd make lies about, it's got to be my PCOS or sorry, polycystic ovary syndrome,
PCOS, which I call PCOS.
(13:54):
It's my PCOS.
That's why I'm fat.
So I'll never be able to lose the weight anyway.
Oh, it's this nerve damage that I have in my leg.
Oh, it's this.
It's like the lies and the lies and the lies.
And I didn't lie because I'm a liar.
I was in self denial, which a huge amount of obese people are, and I found, I don't
(14:16):
even know what the word is I'm looking for, but basically I gas lit myself with Reddit,
which would tell me it's not you.
It is your PCOS.
It's not you.
It's society.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Yeah.
You're up against it.
Also, you don't need to lose weight.
People need to love you more.
Like we're going to do a whole podcast on fat acceptance community and buckle up motherfuckers
because I am not their biggest fan because I do believe that they actually kept me obese
(14:40):
for longer than I should have been.
But obesity makes you a great fucking liar that you don't realize you are because it
makes you a victim.
You're really good at making yourself a huge victim, playing the victim card, and you're
really good at believing that it's everything else except for you and that you literally
are the epitome of health doing enough.
And I don't mean that in a bad way because that's how I truly believed I was.
(15:04):
And I didn't think that I was doing stuff that was that wrong.
And it wasn't until now that I can reflect and go, that poor girl, that poor fucking
girl needed somebody to just say, you're not doing yourself any favors.
Let's get help.
So that's why I get annoyed when the surgery team does not meet with you in person because
(15:25):
that's what obesity was like for me.
And I think that's, we talked about how in the pre-op, you work with the nurses, the
dietitians, the social workers, and you have those conversations as to why did you get
here?
What brought you to this point?
Why do you think you're at the point where you need surgery?
And then it's almost as if you have surgery and that magically disappears.
(15:48):
Like you said, those habits are still there.
They take time and work to break.
We didn't, I didn't get to where I was overnight.
It took years of bad habits and health issues to get there.
It's going to take me a long time to break those down and address them and work through
them and to kind of just assume that you've had surgery and now everything magically changes.
(16:15):
And that's something that we'll dig into too is the mental side of this.
The physical element is obviously huge and a big part of this, but the mental aspect
of this is so big.
And I know, I mean, I have many of the same issues and history that you do in terms of
the lying, the sneaking of the food, like eating in your car where nobody can see you.
(16:39):
I would go out for lunch at work and go by myself instead of having lunch with people
at work so that I could go get my fast food, go park in the corner of the parking lot,
eat it in my car where nobody would see me.
And the justification, right?
Like the, I worked out today, I can have that whole cookie sheet of nachos or I can have
that burger or the other flip side is, okay, so let's say I had that burger for lunch.
(17:04):
I might as well also have the nachos for dinner because I already messed up my day with the
burger.
I'll start again tomorrow.
Well, no, let's be realistic.
We know that the willpower is not going to show up overnight to make tomorrow a better
day.
And I know like for me that the sneaking of the food was such a big thing as a child.
I've been overweight since being a little kid.
(17:27):
I was always the bigger kid from kindergarten all the way up.
And so that was a huge constant for me was definitely the lying, the hiding, and the
shame that's with that.
Like you know what's wrong.
You don't feel good about that.
No, do I want to be sitting in my car eating McDonald's in the back corner of a parking
(17:47):
lot by myself?
No.
But I did it multiple times.
And so that's a big one.
And I think too for me, we've talked about this a little bit, is cultural.
So for me, in my cultural background, food is a big element of gatherings, love.
(18:07):
You feed people.
When you have people over, you have to have food.
And it has to be an abundance of food.
And even up until now, I'm so bad at that where if Devon will tell me someone's coming
over, my first comment will be, well, I don't have any food to put out.
I do the same thing.
Yeah, that's immediately where my brain goes.
And when we have family gatherings, the amount of food that my family puts out, you'd think
(18:30):
we were inviting six families over.
But everything culturally for us, food is a way that we share our love and that we show
people we love them.
And everything revolves around that.
And I remember being little, and this is something I'm really working on with my kids right now.
And I've had conversations with Devon about it is you don't leave the table till your
plate is done.
(18:52):
And I'm really working with my kids on, that's not a thing in our house anymore.
If you're full, you listen to your body and you're full.
It doesn't mean that you get to say I'm full and then five minutes later ask what's for
dessert.
If you're full, you're full.
But I'm not going to force them to sit there and finish their plate.
If their body is telling them, shut it down.
(19:14):
So that's a big one for us because we were definitely the, well, you still have food
on your plate.
So sit your butt at the table.
You sent us that plate.
That plate, by the way, that you didn't get to pack.
Yeah, because we don't waste food.
You were given a plate full of food that you didn't get to choose.
Yes.
Because my grandparents came from wartime in Europe and emigrated to Canada.
(19:36):
And you don't waste things because they didn't have money.
They didn't have those things.
So I am understanding where that's coming from, but that was definitely something in
our household.
And then the flip side of that is you would get told by members of your family that you
were fat, but if you then didn't eat the second helping of food or you didn't have their dessert,
(19:59):
you don't like my food?
Yep.
Well, no, you just told me I was fat.
So so much of this, as I said just before, is the mind aspect of this and the mind shift
that has to happen and the mental work that has to go into it.
But yeah, we didn't get fat overnight.
We did not.
We didn't get obese overnight.
So it's not going to happen.
(20:21):
We're not going to fix those right away.
It takes time.
No, and that's why you need to have a therapist going into this.
The therapists you'll get in the program, they're wonderful, but you are patient one
of 900 and they spend an hour with you.
You need a therapist.
Even if you think you don't, therapy is not for just anxiety and depression and the usual
things that people think of.
(20:42):
I genuinely use my therapist to talk about bariatric surgery and dating, which is something
that we'll talk about in another podcast.
But literally all we've been working on is accepting my new body, accepting compliments
on my body.
How can I better track my macros because I'm getting lazy with that?
Going through, how do you get rid of thoughts about regain that are keeping you up and scaring
(21:06):
you?
Are you ready to start dating?
And like, let's pull that trigger and get going.
So go find a therapist because like Steph said, there's a lot to unpack here.
And that's exactly what, I wasn't obese overnight.
I've been chubby and obese my whole life.
I was super bullied for it in grade school.
I lived in Nova Scotia where I wasn't.
(21:26):
And then I moved to Windsor and that was just like the worst time of my life being in school
in Windsor because kids would write, I would get Jenny Craig ads left on my chair.
They would write 1-800-GOT-JENNY on a piece of paper and put it on my chair in school.
I just grew a thick skin about it, became kind of funny and also would have beat the
(21:47):
shit out of most of them and not going to toot my own horn.
I've gone on to do a lot more than most of those motherfuckers.
So fuck you assholes.
But yeah, I was teased all the fucking time.
I cried like every day at school.
I wasn't even that big.
When I look back, I go, are you fucking kidding me?
But it was throughout the whole thing, right?
(22:08):
So I would hide my food because I didn't want to eat in front of people because they would
make fun of you for literally eating your goddamn lunch or I wouldn't be allowed to
have a lunchable or chips if everyone else had chips because I'm fat.
I shouldn't be having that.
Oh, pizza day at school?
Don't let them see you eat pizza, you fat sack of shit.
So like I would hide my food.
I would literally we always had dessert in my house.
(22:29):
I would steal the dessert, put it in my bedroom so I could eat it later because I didn't want
my family to see me.
And I will preface this by saying my mother's an amazing person who got way better and had
a lot of her own stigma and issues with weight herself.
But she did not make it easy when I was growing up because she would call me fat girl.
She would say things like no one's ever going to, you know, love you if you're fat.
(22:52):
No one's going to find you attractive.
Like she had her own issues with this.
Don't get angry and riled up in the comments.
She has come a considerable long way from there where she was very accepting of me at
my biggest.
She would compliment me on my style.
Like she's she has learned the era of her ways.
But you have to remember she was raised in a family of seven in Nova Scotia where her
(23:14):
father died young and her mother had to fucking raise these kids herself.
And back in the day you weren't allowed to be fat at all.
And she kind of was struggling with her weight here and there.
So it was not nearly as bad as I'm making it sound.
But I would hide my food.
I didn't want to eat.
Being fat in the 90s was not easy for kids these days.
(23:39):
So that, you know, obesity, you pick up a lot of things that you just can't shake and
get over.
You're your own worst critic.
Probably you are super hard on yourself.
You believe a lot of things like everyone's talking about me or making fun of me.
But also the bigger you get, the harder it is to live in this world.
I don't think, sorry, hot take.
(24:00):
I don't think the world has to change to accommodate my body size.
I do think like just stop watching people eat and judging them and all that jazz.
But do I think that everybody needs to retrofit hotels and airlines and everything to fit
me?
No, because at some point I have to get uncomfortable.
(24:20):
At some point I have to hit rock bottom.
And that's what led me to surgery.
Like at one, like I was fine.
I didn't realize how big I was.
I was a size 3X and I didn't realize I had gotten that big.
And I was on a plane and I couldn't close the seatbelt.
And this is terrible.
And please don't tell the fucking FAA about what I'm about to say.
(24:43):
I just put my jacket over my lap and pretended my seatbelt was buckled.
I was like, listen, if we start going down, I'm too fat to come out of this seat anyway.
So you're all fine.
I'm jammed in.
I'm going to be fine.
I'm not coming out of this fucking seat.
If anything, use me as an airbag person next to me.
I've done the same.
Yeah.
I covered it.
I hid it.
And I realized, oh my God, I need a seatbelt extender.
(25:03):
And that's when I kind of realized I'm struggling to fit in a chair at a restaurant.
I'm having issues going down a hallway that's a bit narrow.
I probably can't use the bathroom on this airplane comfortably.
I remember the moment clearly.
It was like when your life flashes before your eyes, all of a sudden everything just
(25:23):
starts flashing.
And I realized, holy fucking shit, this is rock bottom.
You no longer fit into society.
And I don't actually think society needed to change all of those things to accommodate
my big body because you need a bit of shame in rock bottom.
So I said, this is it.
I'm done.
Osempic was not a thing.
It was not a big enough thing back when I decided to do surgery.
(25:46):
But that's when I started Googling, I'm done.
What can I do?
Bariatric surgery.
I watched a ton of videos.
I researched it.
And that was my decision to have surgery.
I went to my doctor.
I said, hey, I need to have bariatric surgery.
What do you think?
And he was super open and welcoming.
And that's how I got down that route.
But obesity is a motherfucker.
And we're going to talk about what our life was like being obese because it kind of explains
(26:10):
how we got to where we are.
We're going to do a whole podcast on our life as obese individuals because we hope to never
go back there again.
But that's how I decided to have surgery was a very eye opening.
I'm putting my life in danger because I don't want to ask for a seatbelt extender because
I can't buckle the seatbelt.
And it was on a trip with my mom.
(26:30):
And I remember I'm taking her to Nova Scotia and I'm so excited to take her because we
hadn't been in years.
And seeing her have to cram in beside me, like the fact that I could tell I was too
big to be on this plane.
And we took a photo and I remember thinking, I feel so bad for her having to sit next to
me.
And that was the day that I was like, no, I won't be the fat person on the airplane
(26:54):
anymore.
And in no way do I think was I mad and saying the airplane needs to change for me.
Which I think is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever heard.
You needed to have those experiences to, like you said, be uncomfortable, to open your eyes
to say, oh my gosh, this is where it's gotten and I didn't realize it.
And I think for a lot of us, there's been, whether it's one moment or whether it's a
(27:19):
few moments that have built up to it.
And I know like I did the same thing.
Whenever I would travel for work, I would always wear, or just travel in general, I
would always wear baggy sweatshirts so that I could cover the seatbelt with the sweatshirt.
I always sat in the window so that I could squish as far against the window.
(27:39):
The first time I have traveled, or sorry, the first time that I've used a bathroom on
an airplane was last June.
And I have been on airplanes so many times.
I've gone to Europe on an airplane.
I've traveled multiple times on three, four, five hour flights and never used a bathroom
because I was scared that I wasn't going to fit and I don't want people to see that.
(28:04):
So I would go pee like 12 times before getting on that flight.
I wouldn't drink on the flight because I'm not going to do it.
And I just, yeah, for the first time used airplane bathroom last June.
And then I too, like whenever I would fly with Devin, I would always insist on the window
seat and he would get so mad because he wants the window seat.
And I would kind of play it off as, oh, you know, I did all the planning for a trip.
(28:27):
That's the benefit I get of doing that.
And then I finally explained to him the one day, I was like, honestly, Devin, I'm like,
I don't want my flab to be pushing on somebody else.
And if it's going to push on somebody, I'd rather it be you.
And I had to kind of blatantly put it out there for him.
But I 100% like the airplane is a horrible one going to a concert that I had waited years
(28:51):
to see.
Years to see.
And the seats, we were up in the balcony and I just assumed they'd be the same seats as
anywhere else, but they were like old, old, it was an old theater in Toronto.
And they were old wooden seats with iron sides on them.
And I remember looking at it just going, oh dear Jesus, this is not, this is not going
(29:13):
to be good.
I might not get out of this seat.
Yeah.
But I didn't want it to be obvious to the people I was with.
I crammed myself into that seat so hard and it was the most painful like two hours ever.
Took away so much from this concert I had waited years to see.
And then I remember getting up to go to the washroom the next morning.
And as I pulled my pajama pants down, the elastic like skimmed my legs and I was in
(29:36):
so much pain and I thought, what the hell?
And I looked at my thighs and from like my pelvic bone to my knees was beyond black and
blue from being crammed in that seat.
And I always thought seriously, like this is what it is now.
And then right before surgery and making that decision, we had talked about maybe going
to Disney World with the kids.
(29:59):
And I remember Googling and watching these videos and thinking, I'm not going to fit
on over half of these rides.
So what am I going to do?
Take my kids to Disney and sit there and hold jackets while they go on all these rides with
their dad.
Make all these memories and I'm just going to stand there.
And I was like, you know what?
(30:19):
No, that's not what this is supposed to be.
That's not why I have kids.
And I have PCOS as well.
That was always an excuse.
I had thyroid issues.
That was an excuse.
I did fertility treatments for over a year.
Did I 100% gain a bunch of weight from those medications?
(30:41):
You bet your ass I did.
But that was an excuse.
Did they all play a part in making weight loss more challenging?
Absolutely.
For sure.
Absolutely they did.
But were they going to block me 100% from losing weight?
No.
It meant a lot more work, a lot more stricter eating, a lot more changes that had to be
(31:03):
made.
But to use them as a constant excuse, it had to stop.
It was enough of the lying to myself, enough of lying to everybody.
And like we said, I just needed this extra tool to help, number one, physically force
me to change my eating.
(31:23):
But then to also see that success.
Because once you see the success, the momentum grows and it becomes addictive.
And you're finally seeing your work and your labor come out in a positive way.
And that's something that we never had before.
And that's what I needed.
Yeah.
And that's why it was hard before.
(31:44):
We in our minds thought we were actually doing a lot of work.
And I can actually look back now and go, bitch.
But like, oh, I went to the personal trainer twice a week and I had salad, which by the
way, salad, fuck salad, fuck takeout salad.
You know, most of the takeout salads have like 900 calories salad.
Jesus Christ.
So that probably didn't fucking help me.
(32:05):
But like I went to the personal trainer twice this week and we did no cardio.
But that means that like only weights is how you lose weight.
I have hot fucking opinions on that too.
No cardio.
And I ate like takeout salads every day.
And then three weeks would go by of this and I wouldn't have lost a single goddamn pound.
And so it was like just the worst.
(32:27):
This surgery lets me see this is what could be possible if you don't give up on this plan.
It basically front loads the weight loss kind of journey.
So you've lost the weight.
Now it's up to you to maintain that.
And a lot of people argue that maintaining is much easier.
Like fitness gurus and a lot of experts and a lot of trainers will say, you know, you
(32:48):
shouldn't be failing in the maintenance, but a lot of you are because you go back to your
old habits.
But in theory, maintenance should be easier.
And so I think that's where the surgery was born was front load the weight loss and then
make them maintain the weight loss.
And now that my body needs less food and less and I can move more, you need to exercise
every day, not twice a fucking week.
You need to not be eating thousand calorie salaries from fucking DoorDash.
(33:11):
You need to like maintain it.
And I find it's so much easier now.
Easier to move, easier to breathe.
Yeah, but build that success quickly.
You need to see the success.
Get the momentum going.
And I think because physically I cannot eat what I will say want to eat or what I used
(33:31):
to eating, it frees up more of my time and energy and effort into focusing on building
the new habits, getting my hydration and moving my body.
Because I'm not, I'm number one, I'm not spending so much time eating.
I'm not constantly thinking about all the meals I'm going to have today, planning out
(33:53):
how I'm going to hide that McDonald's in my car.
It's just freed up so much mental capacity and time for me to focus on the things that
are then going to help me once I get to maintenance phase because I've built those habits already
that I don't have to think about them.
I've built those routines and I'm used to drinking my liter to liter and a half of water.
(34:15):
All of those things are already, that foundation has been built so that the maintenance can
be easier.
And as you said, that first 12 months of surgery, you're going to lose weight, most legs.
There are some people who don't, but the surgeon at my follow-up, she said, the first 12 months
is our gift to you.
(34:35):
Enjoy it, leverage it, take advantage of it.
Once those 12 months is over, the work is on you girlfriend.
And so that's why I needed this tool to help put that physical block in place, but then
help take some of that weight off of my shoulders and let me focus on what I need to focus on
(34:58):
successfully.
And we'll talk about that in another podcast.
We'll go through, because I'm two years post-op and Steph's two months, we're going to do
a whole thing about what she's focused on and what I'm focused on.
And I can actually talk to all of you about what it's like to hit the one-year mark and
what they mean by our gift to you is the first year, and then the hard work kicks in, because
it's true.
So we'll do that in another podcast episode, but you nailed it, Steph.
(35:20):
I think the best way to wrap this episode up is where are we now?
What does life look like for us?
Because we talked about a lot of heavy shit and some depressing shit, but where are we
now?
And then why did we start this podcast?
I think it's a great way to wrap things up for our very first episode.
So do you want to start with where are you now and why you think we started the podcast?
(35:44):
Yeah.
So as I've said, about 10 weeks post-op, down 51.3 pounds as of this morning.
So for me, a lot of it right now is just, as I said, focus on building my habits.
I was a horrible water drinker before, so for me, water is a big one, but really just
still 10 weeks out working on the habits.
(36:07):
Getting my protein in, moving my body, getting my hydration in, tracking my food, and just
really trying to make things a daily lifestyle change, part of my day, part of my routine,
and working on not overthinking things.
So that's a big thing for me is just still getting into the routine, getting into the
habit and every day is, there's challenges every day.
(36:30):
There's learning curves every day.
I have to keep reminding myself, you're only 10 weeks out.
I think because knock on wood, things have been so smooth for me, I keep forgetting that
it's only been 10 weeks.
And there's days when I think, Steph, you're better than this, or Steph, you should be
better at that by now.
And then I go, oh shit, it's only 10 weeks.
(36:50):
Listen, it doesn't get better two years because I say the same shit to myself.
Right?
So I think that's a big thing for me.
But in terms of the podcast, obviously we've talked about Canadian versus American differences
and helping to bridge some of that gap and get some more Canadian content out there.
But I think a lot of it for me is just having more resources out there and really working
(37:14):
to knock down a lot of the stigma around this surgery.
There's a lot of outdated information.
There's a lot of misinformation.
There's a lot of people who still think this is a walk in the park or you took the easy
way out.
And for me, when I told a lot of people about this surgery, I didn't say when I told a lot
(37:35):
of people, but when I started having conversations with my family, I'll be honest, the reception
from them was not overly positive.
And a lot of that was because of the stigmas.
But I think a lot of it too is it's such a taboo topic still.
And I know personally, growing up, I didn't share a lot with my family, with my husband,
(37:59):
with my friends about what it's like to be obese on a daily basis.
And we will dig into this because it's a huge topic, but just how much it affects your day
to day physical and mental life and the toll it takes on you.
And I think there's a lot of people in that situation who feel very alone, who I think
(38:21):
it's important for them to know they're not alone.
It is normal to feel like this.
And I know for me, as I said, I didn't share a lot of this up until recently.
And even I'm sure my family is going to listen to this and go, what?
Oh, my mom's probably a little offended.
They're going to be, I think, shocked to hear some of what has been going on personally
(38:44):
and in my head over the last many years.
So I think just knocking down a lot of those walls, breaking down a lot of those stereotypes
and just acting as a resource for people because, like I kind of mentioned before, I did fertility
treatments for years.
Both of my girls are through open adoption.
And going through both of those, I had such a little amount of people to turn to because
(39:11):
fertility treatments was taboo.
Nobody talked about it.
Had miscarriages.
Nobody talked about that.
And so going through that alone was horrible.
There was nobody to talk to.
Nobody to turn to 100%.
And going through adoption, again, we didn't have a lot of resources there too.
So if we, in my mind, if we can help even just a few people, number one, know they're
(39:35):
not alone.
Number two, dealing with a lot of those issues that come with obesity and making them feel
that there is support out there for them and that it is okay to feel that way.
And then number three, just acting as a bridge or acting as another resource to help bridge
that gap between US and Canadian content.
(39:57):
For me, those are my big reasons as to why.
I was like, you know what?
We need to do this.
We need to get this information out there.
Absolutely.
And I think, yeah, I think you nailed a lot of the reasons that I think we did start this
and do it.
And there's a lot to dig into that we can talk about there that we will.
So don't worry.
All of it will be covered in later episodes.
(40:17):
But that was great.
Where am I now?
I'm two years, almost two years post-op.
I still ask all the same questions Steph asks.
So you know, surprise, you still kind of ask yourself, am I doing enough?
Am I not doing enough?
You constantly feel like you're just not doing maybe what you should be doing.
And you need to really focus on celebrating the wins a lot more, but I'm getting better
at it.
(40:38):
So I'm almost two years post-op.
I've lost 150 pounds.
I still have more I want to lose.
I'm doing it in a very healthy and thoughtful way.
It does get much slower after your first year.
So I've actually been consistently losing, which is exciting.
And I'm kind of exactly where I want to be.
I am now a runner.
So I ran my first 5k in July.
(40:59):
I'm doing a 10k in five weeks in Disney.
And then I'll be running my first half marathon in October.
All of that is fucking insane to say because I could barely take the garbage out.
I would get winded walking through Ikea and now I'm a fucking runner.
So I love it too.
I know that some people are like, exercise.
(41:20):
Yeah, but when like your body's not 300 fucking pounds, running is fucking fun.
It sucks.
It sucks.
Like I'm miserable as fuck at two kilometers.
I'm like, why are you doing this?
This is terrible.
Quit.
Fuck.
But then you finish a run and you're like, oh my God, this is fucking awesome.
Like there's just, I like competition.
There's something about it I love.
So it's insane to me to say that like I'm now a runner, but I'm really into meal prepping,
(41:43):
health and fitness.
I love talking about bariatric surgery.
I just want to talk about it all the time and help people and you know, make it less
stigmatized.
But yeah, I'm in a great place two years post-op.
I'm hoping to hit my one weight goal by my second year surgery date.
And I'm actually very on track to do that.
And then I have another goal that I want to hit by the end of August.
(42:04):
And I think realistically, I will be on that life for me two years post-op.
It is not about spending six hours in the gym and super restricting myself.
I actually eat between 1300 and 1500 calories.
I don't think there's anything to be proud about to say that you eat less than a thousand
calories five years out.
There is no metal for eating less than others.
(42:25):
That's called an eating disorder.
And we will talk about that later on how this community is full of eating disorders disguised
as healthy eating.
But I comfortably eat 1300 to 1500 depending on the level of running.
If I'm running a 7 to 8K that day, I'm probably closer to 1500.
And I'm still consistently losing weight on that.
My goal is I will not super cut and restrict my calories and I will not be at the gym six
(42:50):
hours a day just to hit a weight loss goal.
I want to hit my goals in a very measurable, meaningful way so that I enjoy my life and
that my life is not all focused on you need only 2000 calories and you better be working
out all the time.
So right now my life is amazing.
My meal prepping is great.
I love the level of exercise I'm doing and I'm still consistently losing weight and losing
(43:12):
weight and losing weight.
So yeah, realistically things are really good right now.
I still have a lot that I struggle with and I can't wait to take you all through what
two years looks like because now the fear is about regain and boy, she loud and she
in my voice.
But we started this because I personally found that the communities were toxic as fuck.
I found that there was a lot of misinformation and there was a lot of influencers disguising
(43:36):
themselves as bariatric people.
There's a lot of nutritionists lying about being smart at what they do and they're really
just trying to starve you and get you onto unhealthy dieting habits.
But the Facebook groups, the Reddit groups, my nurse and my clinic said you better get
the fuck out of those communities now.
They said overwhelmingly it's people who have not had surgery, people who failed at surgery
(43:57):
trying to get you to fail at surgery because one thing you'll learn after this is there
are going to be people that do not like that you're bettering yourself and so they're trying
to make you as miserable as they are.
And so they'll gaslight you, they'll try to bring you down.
But that was a big huge thing for me where I was like there's no fucking solid information
and I'm tired of this nonsense toxic bullshit.
(44:18):
Tired of celebrating eating disorders and I'm tired of people just doing bad things
and then calling it real.
Oh man, I love that you had McDonald's two weeks post-op.
You're so real.
You're so real.
No, she's a fucking idiot.
You're breaking the rules and you're setting yourself up to fail.
You shouldn't be drinking six pops, eating Doritos, going to McDonald's and then ordering
(44:39):
Chinese food and calling it real.
You will not succeed in this surgery.
Do not label bad toxic behavior as thanks for being real.
Get off the internet and stop looking for justification to do bad things.
So I'm hoping that we can be your harsh but loving Canadian besties that maybe tell you
(45:01):
straight up I don't know if that's the best idea.
And here's why.
But we just hope to bring you information that's solid from reputable sources like our
surgeons and from like actual accredited places, not just made up bullshit and to just be again
your Canadian BFFs that are just here to shoot the shit and keep it raw and real.
And that's why we made this podcast.
(45:22):
I'm excited because we're going to have a lot of great things to talk about.
They won't be as long as this episode.
This is the inaugural episode, so bear with us.
These will all get shorter, but you'll still get great topics like we're going to cover
shitty influencers and Hannah's problem with toxic communities, dating, macros, what it
was like for us to be obese, the fat acceptance community, and why I truly believe that they
(45:46):
are keeping people obese.
We'll talk about things like keto and dieting.
We'll talk about relationships.
So obviously I'm single and dating and trying to find me a husband, but Steph can relate
to what it's like to go through this with young children and a husband.
We'll talk about some of the statistics around that too, where there's a lot of people whose
relationships end after bariatric surgery, not just with husbands or wives, but with
(46:11):
parents and friends and family members.
And we'll talk about why that's not necessarily always a bad thing.
And we'll also do an episode on stigma and shame and why we really need to change the
conversation on bariatric surgery and tell people who tell us it's the easy way out to
go fuck themselves in the most polite way possible.
And that's all the great shit you can expect coming up.
(46:33):
If you don't like the swearing, well, tough titties as they say, because I can't not
swear.
Cause we're keeping it real.
We're keeping it fucking raw and real.
Now Steph, are we going to agree on everything we talk about on this podcast?
Lord no.
Christ no.
Christ no.
And I think that's one of the important things out there though is this journey is different
(46:53):
for everybody.
Yes.
The journey leading up to surgery is different for everybody.
We are different people.
We have different past, different experiences with things, different histories, different
personalities.
And we have different views on things and that's okay.
Is one wrong and one right?
No.
You're allowed to have your different thoughts.
I mean, I'm right all the time.
(47:14):
No.
Obviously not.
For real.
But that's, that's okay.
And there are even some of the things we've touched upon today, Hannah and I already know
once that topic hits, look out, look out because we have already not agreed on things in the
past.
And that's just part of, I think the fun of this.
And it is, it's important to hear other people's opinions and get that rounded view of things.
(47:36):
So again, be prepared.
Yeah.
Just be prepared.
It's going to be fun, but be prepared.
It's going to be funny as balls guys.
So follow along on social because we're going to obviously post our episodes, but so much
more like we're going to post recipes that we think are total horse shit that you shouldn't
eat because they taste like garbage.
We're going to post some what we eat in a day, but we're actually going to show you
what we ate of that, what we eat in a day, not just here's a photo of a pretty breakfast.
(47:59):
You guess if I ate it or not.
We're going to post our exercise things too, so that you can see what a two year post-op
exercise routine looks like, what a two month post-op and just more about like who we are.
There's a lot more to us than bariatric surgery.
I'm a potter, I'm a runner.
I play video games all the goddamn time.
I have a dog that's annoying as hell, but I love the crap out of them.
(48:19):
Steph has children and a really fucking adorable dog and does a ton of shit.
He's already busted through the door twice.
I'm surprised we haven't heard of him.
I'm surprised Bo hasn't barked either because he's huffing and puffing over here.
Just our life and how we work this into our everyday life and what that looks like for
us because we still do have a life and that's an important part of this is how do we make
(48:41):
it work?
Exactly.
There will be the bariatric stuff, but there's also going to be just the fun, shoot the shit
everyday life stuff.
I can't wait for you guys to listen to this.
Give us your feedback as Hannah said.
This one's a little long because we want to make sure that we're giving everybody an idea
of what's coming and what's out there.
Give us your feedback if there's things that you want to hear, things you didn't like.
(49:05):
Please let us know.
We're just getting started here.
We're newbies here.
Topics you want us to cover.
We want to make sure that this is what you want.
Yeah.
What do you want to hear?
What should we cover?
Follow along on social.
Thank you for supporting our first episode.
These are going to get better and better as we go, but we just appreciate you all.
We hope to build a really good community, so start those conversations.
Be polite, be respectful, but disagree.
(49:25):
That's the big thing we agree on.
You don't have to all get along and agree, but you better be fucking respectful of people.
We can't wait to see you next week.
We're going to drop an episode every week.
This is our first one.
Our very next episode is going to be my favorite topic, influencers in the space.
We're going to talk about everything from eating disorders to why some of them are shit
to why nobody shares macros and Hannah loses her fucking mind, but it's going to be a great
(49:49):
one next week about influencers in the space, so follow along.
Thank you for tagging along.
Steph, thanks for recording the first episode with me.
Thanks, Hannah.
This is awesome.
I can't wait.
I cannot wait.
Can't wait to see you at the next one, Steph.
Thank you.
All right.
See everybody later.
Bye, guys.
Have a good week.
Drink your protein.
All right.
Bye, everybody.
(50:09):
Thanks for watching.
This is something we've always wanted to talk about is you like, you're kind of on your
(00:22):
own, not in a bad way.
So yes, we get to be patients of our clinic for a year post-op.
Cool.
But a lot of bariatric surgery is really on you.
So after surgery, you check in with them, you know, immediately after and a couple of
weeks after that.
But then you get kind of onto a three month cadence where you go three months without
(00:43):
talking to your surgical team, without talking to your nurse, your social worker, your dietitian.
Now, obviously I had on top of this, I found my own dietitian.
I still had my therapist who she was so wonderful and learned so much about bariatric surgery
because that's all we basically talked about every month was how do I meal prep better?
And I'm scared to gain the weight back.
(01:04):
So I did have my own outside of that.
But that being said, there's so many questions you're going to have.
Is this normal?
Should this feel like this?
Am I overeating?
How many calories should I have?
How do I find the macros I need?
Like you are consistently kind of out there to figure it out.
Now is the clinic always there?
Sure.
The clinic is busy as balls, so I email the clinic and they'll get back to me maybe a
(01:28):
month later.
If I have an emergency, I can pick up the phone and call them.
But a lot of it is figuring it out.
Yeah, you're fine.
Don't worry about it.
You know, talk to your family doctor if you're concerned about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm not saying like any of my problems were like, oh, what?
I think I'm dying.
But it was more, is this too many calories?
Is this too much?
(01:49):
Am I allowed to eat this?
Is this supposed to feel like this?
Yeah.
Oh boy.
I threw up after eating this soup.
Is that a problem?
Why am I so sweaty after I ate something I shouldn't have eaten?
It's a lot of just, okay, the biggest, biggest area you'll be by yourself and question you
have and Steph, I'm curious to hear if you agree with this.
(02:10):
The number one question that consistently came up for my entire fucking year that I
desperately seeked answers for was, am I losing enough weight?
Oh my, yes.
110% yes.
Because that's one area where we don't, we're not given statistics.
So we're not really given, again, love our program, but in general, we're not given really
(02:37):
good guidance in terms of how many calories should I be eating at this point?
Is being this level of hungry normal, whether it's too hungry or not hungry enough?
So am I eating enough and am I on track with where I should be in terms of weight loss?
So when I went for my post-op appointment in person, I was about, oh my gosh, about
(03:02):
a month, a month out, little over a month.
And up until that point, I had no idea if I was doing well.
And so I went to that appointment and they said that I was right on track, which was
phenomenal.
It was such a relief to hear.
But now another month, another six weeks out, again, am I still on track?
I don't know.
(03:23):
Is this where I should be?
I don't know.
I'm happy with where I am today, but a lot of those questions are kind of left unanswered.
There's a lot of Googling.
There's a lot of messaging, Hannah, saying, is this where you were?
Because that's kind of one of those missing pieces.
And I 100% all the time am wondering, am I supposed to be on a stall right now?
(03:46):
Oh my gosh, the scale went up a pound.
Is this normal?
Did I do something wrong?
So that is for sure an area where I think we're lacking a little bit in terms of guidance
and support.
Yeah.
And that was what led to a ton of Googling and a ton of searching for things was...
And I would ask the nurse and the dietician, I even asked the goddamn social worker, I
(04:10):
was like, how much weight have I...
Am I where I'm supposed to be?
And they'd always give the same fucking answer.
Oh, you're fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're right where you're supposed to be.
And I was like, yeah, but am I at the bottom of doing great or the top of doing great?
Could I be doing better?
Yeah.
As a super perfectionist.
Like, great is good.
(04:31):
Right.
Right.
It's definitely something that I...
And I am curious if that's, from what I've heard, that's similar to the other programs
in Ontario as well.
I'm curious to see, I have a friend who's just starting to go through the program in
Hamilton and so she's just waiting to get her surgery or get matched with her surgeon.
(04:52):
I think she has one more appointment.
And so I've said to her, we've been in close contact the whole time, but I said to her,
I'm very curious to see what kind of post-op guidelines she's given around that, if any.
So that's going to be something that I'm definitely going to poke and prod her for because I want
to know if that's specific to us or not.
And that's something that we'll do in another podcast episode is we'll actually take you
(05:14):
through the differences between our program and a program literally an hour away from
us.
And then also we're going to tell you the differences between my program and Steph's
program.
Even though we had our surgery...
I thought you were in the same place.
We had the same fucking surgeon and we had the same clinic.
We both did this in a hospital called Gwell's in Ontario and we were one year apart.
(05:36):
And sweet Jesus, the differences between her surgery and my surgery are insane.
You would have thought we went to different programs.
You 100% would have thought that she was in some other province than I am.
And it's so funny because it's one year apart and there's changes that I'm furious that
she got that I didn't, but then there's also things that she's like, what the fuck?
(05:57):
You didn't have to do this.
And I'm like, I did not have to do that.
And that seems crazy to me.
Or consistency that you got in your appointments that I didn't get.
The pros and cons that we both had when comparing, but yeah, there was many voice notes sent
back and forth where one of us would go, excuse me, what?
You have to what?
You got what?
I'm sorry.
(06:18):
Yeah.
I was quite pissed at one point.
We'll dig into it, but oh, agreed.
When you had consistent...
So when I had my appointments, I was always meeting with a different nurse or dietitian
or social worker.
And don't get me wrong, they were the nicest people.
Very helpful, very great, but it was always somebody different.
(06:38):
Whereas Hannah had the same person every time.
So there was a bit more of a relationship.
The history was there.
It was just more concise conversations probably than me having to repeat things and then having
to go, hold on, I have to check your chart one second.
So things like that, which as we said, we'll get into a little bit more.
We'll do a whole episode about...
(06:59):
We'll take you through all the surgical things that are different between her time and my
time.
And then also we know people who went to a different clinic an hour away and theirs is
totally different than ours.
So we'll talk about all those differences and our annoyance with a lot of them because
there was.
And not to be mean, we love our clinic and we love what they did, but we're also going
to talk in that podcast episode about some of the things that kind of piss us off.
(07:24):
That we were like, this just isn't fair.
And I'll give a very brief example.
None of our post-op appointments are in person.
So obviously I think some of that started because of COVID, but that was four years
ago.
But none of our follow-up appointments with any of these people...
For you.
For me, sorry, for me I should say.
(07:45):
Well, yours keep all getting canceled.
But none of our follow-up appointments were in person.
And so we have a little bit of a problem with that because being obese, you're very used
to lying, hiding things, covering it up.
We didn't get obese in the dark, but we're really good at denying that we've eaten things
and we just became good at covering things up.
(08:05):
Sure, I stuck to my meal plan this weekend.
Of course I did.
I didn't eat enough.
I'm actually starving myself because I only eat one meal a day.
That's why I'm fat, because technically my body is in starvation mode, so it's going
to hang on to all the calories I eat, even though I only eat one meal a day.
That was me.
That was Hannah, by the way.
That's what I used to fucking say for an entire year, that I'm obese, 315 pounds, because
(08:29):
I don't eat enough.
Jesus Christ.
I have two in-person post-op appointments, which you never got.
And there was one of them, my one post-op appointment that I have coming up in a week
or so.
You didn't even get any follow-up appointment with that doctor.
I did not.
I did not see that doctor.
Not even a phone call.
(08:50):
Nope, did not see that doctor after surgery.
But my annoyance with no in-person is it's going to be very easy for you to be like,
oh, I lost this much weight, because they just ask you, how much weight have you lost?
What's your current weight?
It's going to be super fucking easy to lie about that.
Are you following the diet plan?
Sure.
As I eat my McDonald's ice cream.
I totally am.
(09:10):
It's just going to be easy to lie and cover things up.
I used to tell Steph this.
My biggest thing is doctors need you to come in for the simplest things in Canada.
Oh, do you need a refill on your prescription?
You actually have to come see your doctor to do that.
I know people are going to be like, the fuck?
Yeah, literally.
I take vitamin D, prescription vitamin D, because I'm just low all the fucking time.
(09:34):
I've been taking it for well over two and a half years now.
And every time my refill expires, I still need to go see my doctor to get another one.
Because the doctor just wants to lay eyes on you and make sure you're not missing an
arm, gray, have open sores on your body.
You've gained 100 pounds.
My mom says, my mom is a retired nurse, and she'll always say, patients fucking lie.
(09:56):
All they fucking do is lie.
It's true, we do.
You need to put eyes on them.
That was my biggest concern was you didn't want to see me once after surgery to make
sure I actually was losing the weight, I said, to make sure that I wasn't looking sickly
or ill or die.
We'll cover that all in another podcast episode because I get real heated about this.
(10:19):
It's weird to me that you don't want to see us.
It's very odd.
I think anybody in my immediate family also that I've talked to, they find it extremely
strange.
And my post-op with the surgeon was in person.
It wasn't my surgeon, he was unfortunately unavailable, but it was someone who was still
in my surgery.
And that was in person.
And then yes, I have one in about a week with the internal medicine doctor, which is in
(10:41):
person.
Motherfucker.
But I know, and I'm actually surprised that one's in person.
But as you said, the follow up I just had a couple weeks ago on the phone when they asked,
what's your weight?
I can make up any number I want.
Sure could.
It's shocking to a lot of people who I speak to.
So we'll, as Haters said, we'll dig into that a little bit more.
(11:01):
And I know there's going to be people being like, why would you lie?
You just hurt yourself.
Oh boy, this brings up a great point we wanted to talk on.
Obesity.
It's not like I lost those bad habits of lying.
So I'll talk first about when I was obese.
I was 315 pounds.
I didn't just get hit with a fat stick and wake up that way.
(11:25):
I now can admit I was a very large contributor to my obesity problem because who else would
be?
And I have a hot take on, yes, I do have some health issues that a lot of people contribute
to being obese.
But in my mind, they don't make you obese.
They just add a little level of challenge to lose the weight.
(11:47):
So complexity.
Yeah.
But they in no way make you and keep you obese.
So when I was obese, I would definitely use the talk track of, well, I'm actually starving
myself.
Do you know I'm not actually eating enough food?
That's why I'm fat.
Oh my God.
And I would go all day with like, I wouldn't have breakfast or lunch.
I'd wake up, I'd sit on the computer, I would work, blah, blah, blah.
(12:07):
And then come 3pm, I'd be starving.
So I'd eat whole things of crackers.
I would order takeout food.
I'd have a burger and french fries.
I'd eat an appetizer and of course a dessert.
So sure, I wasn't eating on paper a lot of food because I was having a meal, but that
meal was probably two to 3000 calories.
(12:28):
And that's the thing, just because you're having one meal, if you're not tracking your
calories, you don't realize that that one meal is actually way over the calorie count
you're supposed to be having.
I would obviously-
You're cramming it in there.
Yep.
I'd binge because I wasn't eating enough and I was hungry.
But I would lie to people.
I'd use the talk track.
I'm not eating enough.
Nobody would see me eat because when we were together, I just wouldn't eat.
(12:50):
But then I'd go home and order takeout or food or get food on the way home.
I notoriously would eat in my car when I would drive on road trips to go see my parents and
then hide all that and pretend I didn't.
I never really made the best choices.
I would make things at home, but I'd be like, well, I'm going to make nachos.
I still do actually, still make nachos post-surgery.
One of my favorite treats.
(13:10):
But I would do a whole fucking bag of tortillas with like a half pound of cheese and then
I would dip it in salsa and sour cream.
I was just making not great choices.
Oh, I don't feel like working out today or oh, you know what?
I went to the personal trainer twice this week for an hour.
Yay.
And it's like, that's not doing fucking dick all at all because you're there for an hour
(13:31):
and you did like six fucking pushups.
Like no, I wouldn't really walk because well, I have this pain in my leg.
Like my leg's kind of going numb.
I just need to rest on the couch.
It has nothing to do with my weight guys.
Like I must have something wrong with me.
And so I'd make lies about, it's got to be my PCOS or sorry, polycystic ovary syndrome,
PCOS, which I call PCOS.
(13:54):
It's my PCOS.
That's why I'm fat.
So I'll never be able to lose the weight anyway.
Oh, it's this nerve damage that I have in my leg.
Oh, it's this.
It's like the lies and the lies and the lies.
And I didn't lie because I'm a liar.
I was in self denial, which a huge amount of obese people are, and I found, I don't
(14:16):
even know what the word is I'm looking for, but basically I gas lit myself with Reddit,
which would tell me it's not you.
It is your PCOS.
It's not you.
It's society.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Yeah.
You're up against it.
Also, you don't need to lose weight.
People need to love you more.
Like we're going to do a whole podcast on fat acceptance community and buckle up motherfuckers
because I am not their biggest fan because I do believe that they actually kept me obese
(14:40):
for longer than I should have been.
But obesity makes you a great fucking liar that you don't realize you are because it
makes you a victim.
You're really good at making yourself a huge victim, playing the victim card, and you're
really good at believing that it's everything else except for you and that you literally
are the epitome of health doing enough.
And I don't mean that in a bad way because that's how I truly believed I was.
(15:04):
And I didn't think that I was doing stuff that was that wrong.
And it wasn't until now that I can reflect and go, that poor girl, that poor fucking
girl needed somebody to just say, you're not doing yourself any favors.
Let's get help.
So that's why I get annoyed when the surgery team does not meet with you in person because
(15:25):
that's what obesity was like for me.
And I think that's, we talked about how in the pre-op, you work with the nurses, the
dietitians, the social workers, and you have those conversations as to why did you get
here?
What brought you to this point?
Why do you think you're at the point where you need surgery?
And then it's almost as if you have surgery and that magically disappears.
(15:48):
Like you said, those habits are still there.
They take time and work to break.
We didn't, I didn't get to where I was overnight.
It took years of bad habits and health issues to get there.
It's going to take me a long time to break those down and address them and work through
them and to kind of just assume that you've had surgery and now everything magically changes.
(16:15):
And that's something that we'll dig into too is the mental side of this.
The physical element is obviously huge and a big part of this, but the mental aspect
of this is so big.
And I know, I mean, I have many of the same issues and history that you do in terms of
the lying, the sneaking of the food, like eating in your car where nobody can see you.
(16:39):
I would go out for lunch at work and go by myself instead of having lunch with people
at work so that I could go get my fast food, go park in the corner of the parking lot,
eat it in my car where nobody would see me.
And the justification, right?
Like the, I worked out today, I can have that whole cookie sheet of nachos or I can have
that burger or the other flip side is, okay, so let's say I had that burger for lunch.
(17:04):
I might as well also have the nachos for dinner because I already messed up my day with the
burger.
I'll start again tomorrow.
Well, no, let's be realistic.
We know that the willpower is not going to show up overnight to make tomorrow a better
day.
And I know like for me that the sneaking of the food was such a big thing as a child.
I've been overweight since being a little kid.
(17:27):
I was always the bigger kid from kindergarten all the way up.
And so that was a huge constant for me was definitely the lying, the hiding, and the
shame that's with that.
Like you know what's wrong.
You don't feel good about that.
No, do I want to be sitting in my car eating McDonald's in the back corner of a parking
(17:47):
lot by myself?
No.
But I did it multiple times.
And so that's a big one.
And I think too for me, we've talked about this a little bit, is cultural.
So for me, in my cultural background, food is a big element of gatherings, love.
(18:07):
You feed people.
When you have people over, you have to have food.
And it has to be an abundance of food.
And even up until now, I'm so bad at that where if Devon will tell me someone's coming
over, my first comment will be, well, I don't have any food to put out.
I do the same thing.
Yeah, that's immediately where my brain goes.
And when we have family gatherings, the amount of food that my family puts out, you'd think
(18:30):
we were inviting six families over.
But everything culturally for us, food is a way that we share our love and that we show
people we love them.
And everything revolves around that.
And I remember being little, and this is something I'm really working on with my kids right now.
And I've had conversations with Devon about it is you don't leave the table till your
plate is done.
(18:52):
And I'm really working with my kids on, that's not a thing in our house anymore.
If you're full, you listen to your body and you're full.
It doesn't mean that you get to say I'm full and then five minutes later ask what's for
dessert.
If you're full, you're full.
But I'm not going to force them to sit there and finish their plate.
If their body is telling them, shut it down.
(19:14):
So that's a big one for us because we were definitely the, well, you still have food
on your plate.
So sit your butt at the table.
You sent us that plate.
That plate, by the way, that you didn't get to pack.
Yeah, because we don't waste food.
You were given a plate full of food that you didn't get to choose.
Yes.
Because my grandparents came from wartime in Europe and emigrated to Canada.
(19:36):
And you don't waste things because they didn't have money.
They didn't have those things.
So I am understanding where that's coming from, but that was definitely something in
our household.
And then the flip side of that is you would get told by members of your family that you
were fat, but if you then didn't eat the second helping of food or you didn't have their dessert,
(19:59):
you don't like my food?
Yep.
Well, no, you just told me I was fat.
So so much of this, as I said just before, is the mind aspect of this and the mind shift
that has to happen and the mental work that has to go into it.
But yeah, we didn't get fat overnight.
We did not.
We didn't get obese overnight.
So it's not going to happen.
(20:21):
We're not going to fix those right away.
It takes time.
No, and that's why you need to have a therapist going into this.
The therapists you'll get in the program, they're wonderful, but you are patient one
of 900 and they spend an hour with you.
You need a therapist.
Even if you think you don't, therapy is not for just anxiety and depression and the usual
things that people think of.
(20:42):
I genuinely use my therapist to talk about bariatric surgery and dating, which is something
that we'll talk about in another podcast.
But literally all we've been working on is accepting my new body, accepting compliments
on my body.
How can I better track my macros because I'm getting lazy with that?
Going through, how do you get rid of thoughts about regain that are keeping you up and scaring
(21:06):
you?
Are you ready to start dating?
And like, let's pull that trigger and get going.
So go find a therapist because like Steph said, there's a lot to unpack here.
And that's exactly what, I wasn't obese overnight.
I've been chubby and obese my whole life.
I was super bullied for it in grade school.
I lived in Nova Scotia where I wasn't.
(21:26):
And then I moved to Windsor and that was just like the worst time of my life being in school
in Windsor because kids would write, I would get Jenny Craig ads left on my chair.
They would write 1-800-GOT-JENNY on a piece of paper and put it on my chair in school.
I just grew a thick skin about it, became kind of funny and also would have beat the
(21:47):
shit out of most of them and not going to toot my own horn.
I've gone on to do a lot more than most of those motherfuckers.
So fuck you assholes.
But yeah, I was teased all the fucking time.
I cried like every day at school.
I wasn't even that big.
When I look back, I go, are you fucking kidding me?
But it was throughout the whole thing, right?
(22:08):
So I would hide my food because I didn't want to eat in front of people because they would
make fun of you for literally eating your goddamn lunch or I wouldn't be allowed to
have a lunchable or chips if everyone else had chips because I'm fat.
I shouldn't be having that.
Oh, pizza day at school?
Don't let them see you eat pizza, you fat sack of shit.
So like I would hide my food.
I would literally we always had dessert in my house.
(22:29):
I would steal the dessert, put it in my bedroom so I could eat it later because I didn't want
my family to see me.
And I will preface this by saying my mother's an amazing person who got way better and had
a lot of her own stigma and issues with weight herself.
But she did not make it easy when I was growing up because she would call me fat girl.
She would say things like no one's ever going to, you know, love you if you're fat.
(22:52):
No one's going to find you attractive.
Like she had her own issues with this.
Don't get angry and riled up in the comments.
She has come a considerable long way from there where she was very accepting of me at
my biggest.
She would compliment me on my style.
Like she's she has learned the era of her ways.
But you have to remember she was raised in a family of seven in Nova Scotia where her
(23:14):
father died young and her mother had to fucking raise these kids herself.
And back in the day you weren't allowed to be fat at all.
And she kind of was struggling with her weight here and there.
So it was not nearly as bad as I'm making it sound.
But I would hide my food.
I didn't want to eat.
Being fat in the 90s was not easy for kids these days.
(23:39):
So that, you know, obesity, you pick up a lot of things that you just can't shake and
get over.
You're your own worst critic.
Probably you are super hard on yourself.
You believe a lot of things like everyone's talking about me or making fun of me.
But also the bigger you get, the harder it is to live in this world.
I don't think, sorry, hot take.
(24:00):
I don't think the world has to change to accommodate my body size.
I do think like just stop watching people eat and judging them and all that jazz.
But do I think that everybody needs to retrofit hotels and airlines and everything to fit
me?
No, because at some point I have to get uncomfortable.
(24:20):
At some point I have to hit rock bottom.
And that's what led me to surgery.
Like at one, like I was fine.
I didn't realize how big I was.
I was a size 3X and I didn't realize I had gotten that big.
And I was on a plane and I couldn't close the seatbelt.
And this is terrible.
And please don't tell the fucking FAA about what I'm about to say.
(24:43):
I just put my jacket over my lap and pretended my seatbelt was buckled.
I was like, listen, if we start going down, I'm too fat to come out of this seat anyway.
So you're all fine.
I'm jammed in.
I'm going to be fine.
I'm not coming out of this fucking seat.
If anything, use me as an airbag person next to me.
I've done the same.
Yeah.
I covered it.
I hid it.
And I realized, oh my God, I need a seatbelt extender.
(25:03):
And that's when I kind of realized I'm struggling to fit in a chair at a restaurant.
I'm having issues going down a hallway that's a bit narrow.
I probably can't use the bathroom on this airplane comfortably.
I remember the moment clearly.
It was like when your life flashes before your eyes, all of a sudden everything just
(25:23):
starts flashing.
And I realized, holy fucking shit, this is rock bottom.
You no longer fit into society.
And I don't actually think society needed to change all of those things to accommodate
my big body because you need a bit of shame in rock bottom.
So I said, this is it.
I'm done.
Osempic was not a thing.
It was not a big enough thing back when I decided to do surgery.
(25:46):
But that's when I started Googling, I'm done.
What can I do?
Bariatric surgery.
I watched a ton of videos.
I researched it.
And that was my decision to have surgery.
I went to my doctor.
I said, hey, I need to have bariatric surgery.
What do you think?
And he was super open and welcoming.
And that's how I got down that route.
But obesity is a motherfucker.
And we're going to talk about what our life was like being obese because it kind of explains
(26:10):
how we got to where we are.
We're going to do a whole podcast on our life as obese individuals because we hope to never
go back there again.
But that's how I decided to have surgery was a very eye opening.
I'm putting my life in danger because I don't want to ask for a seatbelt extender because
I can't buckle the seatbelt.
And it was on a trip with my mom.
(26:30):
And I remember I'm taking her to Nova Scotia and I'm so excited to take her because we
hadn't been in years.
And seeing her have to cram in beside me, like the fact that I could tell I was too
big to be on this plane.
And we took a photo and I remember thinking, I feel so bad for her having to sit next to
me.
And that was the day that I was like, no, I won't be the fat person on the airplane
(26:54):
anymore.
And in no way do I think was I mad and saying the airplane needs to change for me.
Which I think is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever heard.
You needed to have those experiences to, like you said, be uncomfortable, to open your eyes
to say, oh my gosh, this is where it's gotten and I didn't realize it.
And I think for a lot of us, there's been, whether it's one moment or whether it's a
(27:19):
few moments that have built up to it.
And I know like I did the same thing.
Whenever I would travel for work, I would always wear, or just travel in general, I
would always wear baggy sweatshirts so that I could cover the seatbelt with the sweatshirt.
I always sat in the window so that I could squish as far against the window.
(27:39):
The first time I have traveled, or sorry, the first time that I've used a bathroom on
an airplane was last June.
And I have been on airplanes so many times.
I've gone to Europe on an airplane.
I've traveled multiple times on three, four, five hour flights and never used a bathroom
because I was scared that I wasn't going to fit and I don't want people to see that.
(28:04):
So I would go pee like 12 times before getting on that flight.
I wouldn't drink on the flight because I'm not going to do it.
And I just, yeah, for the first time used airplane bathroom last June.
And then I too, like whenever I would fly with Devin, I would always insist on the window
seat and he would get so mad because he wants the window seat.
And I would kind of play it off as, oh, you know, I did all the planning for a trip.
(28:27):
That's the benefit I get of doing that.
And then I finally explained to him the one day, I was like, honestly, Devin, I'm like,
I don't want my flab to be pushing on somebody else.
And if it's going to push on somebody, I'd rather it be you.
And I had to kind of blatantly put it out there for him.
But I 100% like the airplane is a horrible one going to a concert that I had waited years
(28:51):
to see.
Years to see.
And the seats, we were up in the balcony and I just assumed they'd be the same seats as
anywhere else, but they were like old, old, it was an old theater in Toronto.
And they were old wooden seats with iron sides on them.
And I remember looking at it just going, oh dear Jesus, this is not, this is not going
(29:13):
to be good.
I might not get out of this seat.
Yeah.
But I didn't want it to be obvious to the people I was with.
I crammed myself into that seat so hard and it was the most painful like two hours ever.
Took away so much from this concert I had waited years to see.
And then I remember getting up to go to the washroom the next morning.
And as I pulled my pajama pants down, the elastic like skimmed my legs and I was in
(29:36):
so much pain and I thought, what the hell?
And I looked at my thighs and from like my pelvic bone to my knees was beyond black and
blue from being crammed in that seat.
And I always thought seriously, like this is what it is now.
And then right before surgery and making that decision, we had talked about maybe going
to Disney World with the kids.
(29:59):
And I remember Googling and watching these videos and thinking, I'm not going to fit
on over half of these rides.
So what am I going to do?
Take my kids to Disney and sit there and hold jackets while they go on all these rides with
their dad.
Make all these memories and I'm just going to stand there.
And I was like, you know what?
(30:19):
No, that's not what this is supposed to be.
That's not why I have kids.
And I have PCOS as well.
That was always an excuse.
I had thyroid issues.
That was an excuse.
I did fertility treatments for over a year.
Did I 100% gain a bunch of weight from those medications?
(30:41):
You bet your ass I did.
But that was an excuse.
Did they all play a part in making weight loss more challenging?
Absolutely.
For sure.
Absolutely they did.
But were they going to block me 100% from losing weight?
No.
It meant a lot more work, a lot more stricter eating, a lot more changes that had to be
(31:03):
made.
But to use them as a constant excuse, it had to stop.
It was enough of the lying to myself, enough of lying to everybody.
And like we said, I just needed this extra tool to help, number one, physically force
me to change my eating.
(31:23):
But then to also see that success.
Because once you see the success, the momentum grows and it becomes addictive.
And you're finally seeing your work and your labor come out in a positive way.
And that's something that we never had before.
And that's what I needed.
Yeah.
And that's why it was hard before.
(31:44):
We in our minds thought we were actually doing a lot of work.
And I can actually look back now and go, bitch.
But like, oh, I went to the personal trainer twice a week and I had salad, which by the
way, salad, fuck salad, fuck takeout salad.
You know, most of the takeout salads have like 900 calories salad.
Jesus Christ.
So that probably didn't fucking help me.
(32:05):
But like I went to the personal trainer twice this week and we did no cardio.
But that means that like only weights is how you lose weight.
I have hot fucking opinions on that too.
No cardio.
And I ate like takeout salads every day.
And then three weeks would go by of this and I wouldn't have lost a single goddamn pound.
And so it was like just the worst.
(32:27):
This surgery lets me see this is what could be possible if you don't give up on this plan.
It basically front loads the weight loss kind of journey.
So you've lost the weight.
Now it's up to you to maintain that.
And a lot of people argue that maintaining is much easier.
Like fitness gurus and a lot of experts and a lot of trainers will say, you know, you
(32:48):
shouldn't be failing in the maintenance, but a lot of you are because you go back to your
old habits.
But in theory, maintenance should be easier.
And so I think that's where the surgery was born was front load the weight loss and then
make them maintain the weight loss.
And now that my body needs less food and less and I can move more, you need to exercise
every day, not twice a fucking week.
You need to not be eating thousand calorie salaries from fucking DoorDash.
(33:11):
You need to like maintain it.
And I find it's so much easier now.
Easier to move, easier to breathe.
Yeah, but build that success quickly.
You need to see the success.
Get the momentum going.
And I think because physically I cannot eat what I will say want to eat or what I used
(33:31):
to eating, it frees up more of my time and energy and effort into focusing on building
the new habits, getting my hydration and moving my body.
Because I'm not, I'm number one, I'm not spending so much time eating.
I'm not constantly thinking about all the meals I'm going to have today, planning out
(33:53):
how I'm going to hide that McDonald's in my car.
It's just freed up so much mental capacity and time for me to focus on the things that
are then going to help me once I get to maintenance phase because I've built those habits already
that I don't have to think about them.
I've built those routines and I'm used to drinking my liter to liter and a half of water.
(34:15):
All of those things are already, that foundation has been built so that the maintenance can
be easier.
And as you said, that first 12 months of surgery, you're going to lose weight, most legs.
There are some people who don't, but the surgeon at my follow-up, she said, the first 12 months
is our gift to you.
(34:35):
Enjoy it, leverage it, take advantage of it.
Once those 12 months is over, the work is on you girlfriend.
And so that's why I needed this tool to help put that physical block in place, but then
help take some of that weight off of my shoulders and let me focus on what I need to focus on
(34:58):
successfully.
And we'll talk about that in another podcast.
We'll go through, because I'm two years post-op and Steph's two months, we're going to do
a whole thing about what she's focused on and what I'm focused on.
And I can actually talk to all of you about what it's like to hit the one-year mark and
what they mean by our gift to you is the first year, and then the hard work kicks in, because
it's true.
So we'll do that in another podcast episode, but you nailed it, Steph.
(35:20):
I think the best way to wrap this episode up is where are we now?
What does life look like for us?
Because we talked about a lot of heavy shit and some depressing shit, but where are we
now?
And then why did we start this podcast?
I think it's a great way to wrap things up for our very first episode.
So do you want to start with where are you now and why you think we started the podcast?
(35:44):
Yeah.
So as I've said, about 10 weeks post-op, down 51.3 pounds as of this morning.
So for me, a lot of it right now is just, as I said, focus on building my habits.
I was a horrible water drinker before, so for me, water is a big one, but really just
still 10 weeks out working on the habits.
(36:07):
Getting my protein in, moving my body, getting my hydration in, tracking my food, and just
really trying to make things a daily lifestyle change, part of my day, part of my routine,
and working on not overthinking things.
So that's a big thing for me is just still getting into the routine, getting into the
habit and every day is, there's challenges every day.
(36:30):
There's learning curves every day.
I have to keep reminding myself, you're only 10 weeks out.
I think because knock on wood, things have been so smooth for me, I keep forgetting that
it's only been 10 weeks.
And there's days when I think, Steph, you're better than this, or Steph, you should be
better at that by now.
And then I go, oh shit, it's only 10 weeks.
(36:50):
Listen, it doesn't get better two years because I say the same shit to myself.
Right?
So I think that's a big thing for me.
But in terms of the podcast, obviously we've talked about Canadian versus American differences
and helping to bridge some of that gap and get some more Canadian content out there.
But I think a lot of it for me is just having more resources out there and really working
(37:14):
to knock down a lot of the stigma around this surgery.
There's a lot of outdated information.
There's a lot of misinformation.
There's a lot of people who still think this is a walk in the park or you took the easy
way out.
And for me, when I told a lot of people about this surgery, I didn't say when I told a lot
(37:35):
of people, but when I started having conversations with my family, I'll be honest, the reception
from them was not overly positive.
And a lot of that was because of the stigmas.
But I think a lot of it too is it's such a taboo topic still.
And I know personally, growing up, I didn't share a lot with my family, with my husband,
(37:59):
with my friends about what it's like to be obese on a daily basis.
And we will dig into this because it's a huge topic, but just how much it affects your day
to day physical and mental life and the toll it takes on you.
And I think there's a lot of people in that situation who feel very alone, who I think
(38:21):
it's important for them to know they're not alone.
It is normal to feel like this.
And I know for me, as I said, I didn't share a lot of this up until recently.
And even I'm sure my family is going to listen to this and go, what?
Oh, my mom's probably a little offended.
They're going to be, I think, shocked to hear some of what has been going on personally
(38:44):
and in my head over the last many years.
So I think just knocking down a lot of those walls, breaking down a lot of those stereotypes
and just acting as a resource for people because, like I kind of mentioned before, I did fertility
treatments for years.
Both of my girls are through open adoption.
And going through both of those, I had such a little amount of people to turn to because
(39:11):
fertility treatments was taboo.
Nobody talked about it.
Had miscarriages.
Nobody talked about that.
And so going through that alone was horrible.
There was nobody to talk to.
Nobody to turn to 100%.
And going through adoption, again, we didn't have a lot of resources there too.
So if we, in my mind, if we can help even just a few people, number one, know they're
(39:35):
not alone.
Number two, dealing with a lot of those issues that come with obesity and making them feel
that there is support out there for them and that it is okay to feel that way.
And then number three, just acting as a bridge or acting as another resource to help bridge
that gap between US and Canadian content.
(39:57):
For me, those are my big reasons as to why.
I was like, you know what?
We need to do this.
We need to get this information out there.
Absolutely.
And I think, yeah, I think you nailed a lot of the reasons that I think we did start this
and do it.
And there's a lot to dig into that we can talk about there that we will.
So don't worry.
All of it will be covered in later episodes.
(40:17):
But that was great.
Where am I now?
I'm two years, almost two years post-op.
I still ask all the same questions Steph asks.
So you know, surprise, you still kind of ask yourself, am I doing enough?
Am I not doing enough?
You constantly feel like you're just not doing maybe what you should be doing.
And you need to really focus on celebrating the wins a lot more, but I'm getting better
at it.
(40:38):
So I'm almost two years post-op.
I've lost 150 pounds.
I still have more I want to lose.
I'm doing it in a very healthy and thoughtful way.
It does get much slower after your first year.
So I've actually been consistently losing, which is exciting.
And I'm kind of exactly where I want to be.
I am now a runner.
So I ran my first 5k in July.
(40:59):
I'm doing a 10k in five weeks in Disney.
And then I'll be running my first half marathon in October.
All of that is fucking insane to say because I could barely take the garbage out.
I would get winded walking through Ikea and now I'm a fucking runner.
So I love it too.
I know that some people are like, exercise.
(41:20):
Yeah, but when like your body's not 300 fucking pounds, running is fucking fun.
It sucks.
It sucks.
Like I'm miserable as fuck at two kilometers.
I'm like, why are you doing this?
This is terrible.
Quit.
Fuck.
But then you finish a run and you're like, oh my God, this is fucking awesome.
Like there's just, I like competition.
There's something about it I love.
So it's insane to me to say that like I'm now a runner, but I'm really into meal prepping,
(41:43):
health and fitness.
I love talking about bariatric surgery.
I just want to talk about it all the time and help people and you know, make it less
stigmatized.
But yeah, I'm in a great place two years post-op.
I'm hoping to hit my one weight goal by my second year surgery date.
And I'm actually very on track to do that.
And then I have another goal that I want to hit by the end of August.
(42:04):
And I think realistically, I will be on that life for me two years post-op.
It is not about spending six hours in the gym and super restricting myself.
I actually eat between 1300 and 1500 calories.
I don't think there's anything to be proud about to say that you eat less than a thousand
calories five years out.
There is no metal for eating less than others.
(42:25):
That's called an eating disorder.
And we will talk about that later on how this community is full of eating disorders disguised
as healthy eating.
But I comfortably eat 1300 to 1500 depending on the level of running.
If I'm running a 7 to 8K that day, I'm probably closer to 1500.
And I'm still consistently losing weight on that.
My goal is I will not super cut and restrict my calories and I will not be at the gym six
(42:50):
hours a day just to hit a weight loss goal.
I want to hit my goals in a very measurable, meaningful way so that I enjoy my life and
that my life is not all focused on you need only 2000 calories and you better be working
out all the time.
So right now my life is amazing.
My meal prepping is great.
I love the level of exercise I'm doing and I'm still consistently losing weight and losing
(43:12):
weight and losing weight.
So yeah, realistically things are really good right now.
I still have a lot that I struggle with and I can't wait to take you all through what
two years looks like because now the fear is about regain and boy, she loud and she
in my voice.
But we started this because I personally found that the communities were toxic as fuck.
I found that there was a lot of misinformation and there was a lot of influencers disguising
(43:36):
themselves as bariatric people.
There's a lot of nutritionists lying about being smart at what they do and they're really
just trying to starve you and get you onto unhealthy dieting habits.
But the Facebook groups, the Reddit groups, my nurse and my clinic said you better get
the fuck out of those communities now.
They said overwhelmingly it's people who have not had surgery, people who failed at surgery
(43:57):
trying to get you to fail at surgery because one thing you'll learn after this is there
are going to be people that do not like that you're bettering yourself and so they're trying
to make you as miserable as they are.
And so they'll gaslight you, they'll try to bring you down.
But that was a big huge thing for me where I was like there's no fucking solid information
and I'm tired of this nonsense toxic bullshit.
(44:18):
Tired of celebrating eating disorders and I'm tired of people just doing bad things
and then calling it real.
Oh man, I love that you had McDonald's two weeks post-op.
You're so real.
You're so real.
No, she's a fucking idiot.
You're breaking the rules and you're setting yourself up to fail.
You shouldn't be drinking six pops, eating Doritos, going to McDonald's and then ordering
(44:39):
Chinese food and calling it real.
You will not succeed in this surgery.
Do not label bad toxic behavior as thanks for being real.
Get off the internet and stop looking for justification to do bad things.
So I'm hoping that we can be your harsh but loving Canadian besties that maybe tell you
(45:01):
straight up I don't know if that's the best idea.
And here's why.
But we just hope to bring you information that's solid from reputable sources like our
surgeons and from like actual accredited places, not just made up bullshit and to just be again
your Canadian BFFs that are just here to shoot the shit and keep it raw and real.
And that's why we made this podcast.
(45:22):
I'm excited because we're going to have a lot of great things to talk about.
They won't be as long as this episode.
This is the inaugural episode, so bear with us.
These will all get shorter, but you'll still get great topics like we're going to cover
shitty influencers and Hannah's problem with toxic communities, dating, macros, what it
was like for us to be obese, the fat acceptance community, and why I truly believe that they
(45:46):
are keeping people obese.
We'll talk about things like keto and dieting.
We'll talk about relationships.
So obviously I'm single and dating and trying to find me a husband, but Steph can relate
to what it's like to go through this with young children and a husband.
We'll talk about some of the statistics around that too, where there's a lot of people whose
relationships end after bariatric surgery, not just with husbands or wives, but with
(46:11):
parents and friends and family members.
And we'll talk about why that's not necessarily always a bad thing.
And we'll also do an episode on stigma and shame and why we really need to change the
conversation on bariatric surgery and tell people who tell us it's the easy way out to
go fuck themselves in the most polite way possible.
And that's all the great shit you can expect coming up.
(46:33):
If you don't like the swearing, well, tough titties as they say, because I can't not
swear.
Cause we're keeping it real.
We're keeping it fucking raw and real.
Now Steph, are we going to agree on everything we talk about on this podcast?
Lord no.
Christ no.
Christ no.
And I think that's one of the important things out there though is this journey is different
(46:53):
for everybody.
Yes.
The journey leading up to surgery is different for everybody.
We are different people.
We have different past, different experiences with things, different histories, different
personalities.
And we have different views on things and that's okay.
Is one wrong and one right?
No.
You're allowed to have your different thoughts.
I mean, I'm right all the time.
(47:14):
No.
Obviously not.
For real.
But that's, that's okay.
And there are even some of the things we've touched upon today, Hannah and I already know
once that topic hits, look out, look out because we have already not agreed on things in the
past.
And that's just part of, I think the fun of this.
And it is, it's important to hear other people's opinions and get that rounded view of things.
(47:36):
So again, be prepared.
Yeah.
Just be prepared.
It's going to be fun, but be prepared.
It's going to be funny as balls guys.
So follow along on social because we're going to obviously post our episodes, but so much
more like we're going to post recipes that we think are total horse shit that you shouldn't
eat because they taste like garbage.
We're going to post some what we eat in a day, but we're actually going to show you
what we ate of that, what we eat in a day, not just here's a photo of a pretty breakfast.
(47:59):
You guess if I ate it or not.
We're going to post our exercise things too, so that you can see what a two year post-op
exercise routine looks like, what a two month post-op and just more about like who we are.
There's a lot more to us than bariatric surgery.
I'm a potter, I'm a runner.
I play video games all the goddamn time.
I have a dog that's annoying as hell, but I love the crap out of them.
(48:19):
Steph has children and a really fucking adorable dog and does a ton of shit.
He's already busted through the door twice.
I'm surprised we haven't heard of him.
I'm surprised Bo hasn't barked either because he's huffing and puffing over here.
Just our life and how we work this into our everyday life and what that looks like for
us because we still do have a life and that's an important part of this is how do we make
(48:41):
it work?
Exactly.
There will be the bariatric stuff, but there's also going to be just the fun, shoot the shit
everyday life stuff.
I can't wait for you guys to listen to this.
Give us your feedback as Hannah said.
This one's a little long because we want to make sure that we're giving everybody an idea
of what's coming and what's out there.
Give us your feedback if there's things that you want to hear, things you didn't like.
(49:05):
Please let us know.
We're just getting started here.
We're newbies here.
Topics you want us to cover.
We want to make sure that this is what you want.
Yeah.
What do you want to hear?
What should we cover?
Follow along on social.
Thank you for supporting our first episode.
These are going to get better and better as we go, but we just appreciate you all.
We hope to build a really good community, so start those conversations.
Be polite, be respectful, but disagree.
(49:25):
That's the big thing we agree on.
You don't have to all get along and agree, but you better be fucking respectful of people.
We can't wait to see you next week.
We're going to drop an episode every week.
This is our first one.
Our very next episode is going to be my favorite topic, influencers in the space.
We're going to talk about everything from eating disorders to why some of them are shit
to why nobody shares macros and Hannah loses her fucking mind, but it's going to be a great
(49:49):
one next week about influencers in the space, so follow along.
Thank you for tagging along.
Steph, thanks for recording the first episode with me.
Thanks, Hannah.
This is awesome.
I can't wait.
I cannot wait.
Can't wait to see you at the next one, Steph.
Thank you.
All right.
See everybody later.
Bye, guys.
Have a good week.
Drink your protein.
All right.
Bye, everybody.
(50:09):
Thanks for watching.
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