February 3, 2025 • 46 mins
Buckle up, because in this episode of Bariatric Banter, Hannah and Steph are diving headfirst into the wild world of bariatric surgery misconceptions. From tackling the age-old “it’s the easy way out” myth (spoiler: it’s not) to sharing the real, unfiltered struggles that come with the journey, they’re serving up honesty with a side of humor.
Expect candid convos about mental health, the weight of societal judgment (pun intended), and why having a solid support system is the real MVP. Whether you're pre-op, post-op, or just curious, this episode is packed with insights, laughs, and a few motivational gems to keep you going.
Stick around until the end for some inspiration and a sneak peek at next week’s hot topic: dealing with family and friends’ reactions to your bariatric journey—because let’s be honest, everyone’s got an opinion.
Takeaways
- Bariatric surgery is often misunderstood and stigmatized.
- The journey involves both physical and mental challenges.
- Support from a community is crucial for success.
- Obesity is a disease that can lead to serious health issues.
- The surgery is not the easy way out; it requires hard work and commitment.
- Mental health plays a significant role in the recovery process.
- Celebrating small victories is important in the weight loss journey.
- Society often judges weight loss efforts, leading to stigma.
- It's essential to focus on personal goals and motivations.
- The pain of staying the same can outweigh the pain of change.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, hey there, Steph.
(00:09):
Welcome to our third session of Bariatric Banter podcast.
We're back.
I know we're still doing this if people were curious.
We're still here.
We're back to talk about more trends and topics and things to do with weight loss, bariatric
surgery and all the things in between.
(00:29):
All the juicy stuff today.
All the juicy stuff today.
How was your week though?
Good bad?
Well, you know, it was pretty quiet.
We're still in like the throes of winter and we got just like beyond slammed.
I'm so over it.
Beyond slammed with snow.
(00:49):
Oh, shit.
Like to the point of where it's like more than halfway up my back door.
I can't even open my slider door to let the dog out.
So it was a lot of snow, a lot of cold, a lot of canceled buses at schools, you know,
that kind of stuff.
So honestly, I haven't really left the house in probably about a week.
(01:10):
So that might come out in the podcast today.
I might be going a little bit crazy.
But it's okay.
How are you?
It happens.
Listen, I haven't left the house much this week either just due to the fact that it's
like minus 23.
Oh, so cold.
Minus 24.
It is bitterly, bitterly cold.
So to leave the house requires like two pairs of pants, snow pants, you know, jacket hat,
(01:34):
two pairs of mittens.
It's the worst.
So no, just been laying low.
It has been just like a week at work, you know?
It's just like, boy, why is this never ending this week?
Why am I working late hours and working the weekends?
Like, yeah, it has just been never ending.
And so I can't wait to record this podcast and just veg out.
(01:55):
Get a break, not think about work for a hot minute.
My dog is 150 pounds and he's a big boy and he's like struggling to poop outside because
the snow is like up to his butt.
Oh, yeah.
And he just looks at me.
He's like, really?
Yeah, I don't want to do this.
This is supposed to happen?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bo is not that big.
(02:16):
He's 60 pounds.
But I'm always scared because I'm like, you're peeing way too close to the snow.
And if that thing gets stuck, I'm not sure what you expect me to do.
So I really hope that it just melts the snow because you're right up in there.
You're making some interesting choices there, buddy.
Yeah, great life choices, Bo.
Just shoving your little wiener into the snow and peeing is probably not great.
I love it.
(02:36):
I'm just going to let him do what he wants to do.
Right?
He'll figure it out.
Yeah.
One way or the other, he'll figure life out.
But I'm excited for the podcast this week.
I need to focus on this.
Me too.
It's a good one.
It's a really good topic.
I think this is a topic that we've been asked several times, not even just directly asked,
but a lot of the comments we see literally always seem to focus on this.
(02:59):
And it's something that even if you're not in the bariatric surgery program, you're going
to relate to this episode hard, but it's something that you are not going to be able to avoid.
And I'd say it's probably tied with the number one reason people don't do this surgery.
Yes.
So this week we're going to talk about stigma, shame, and if bariatric surgery is the easy
(03:22):
way out.
And I think this is a good one too, because these are all items that you will have to
deal with from the moment you decide you're having surgery, the moment you announce you're
having surgery, and the entire journey afterwards.
So this is a continual challenge and a continual struggle in the bariatric journey.
(03:44):
So I think this is a really good topic today.
Yeah.
And this came up on our TikTok.
I think it also came up on our Instagram.
But regardless if you're having weight loss surgery or not, there's always going to be
haters out there that want to diminish the work that you're doing.
So whether it's all the people who are going to the gym for the first time, who might be
(04:04):
overweight or obese, and then constantly get met with comments like, gross, why are you
doing this?
Terrible form.
You don't know what you're doing.
You're talking about people who are in calorie deficits and dieting for the first time.
Same comments.
You're not doing it right.
Why are you eating that?
You're hiding what you're really eating.
You're eating more than that.
So it is not just a unique thing to the bariatric surgery community, which is a shame.
(04:29):
But hopefully a lot of people can relate to the stigmas, the shames, the easy way out.
Just sub the word bariatric surgery for anything else.
And I think our advice will be the same.
Yeah, I agree.
I want to start with the big one, which is the easy way out.
Oh, it makes me so angry.
It gets me so heated.
(04:50):
And I'm trying to do my best this week to be good on the podcast, not get all angry
and heated.
Good luck, she says.
But the easy way out.
I...
It infuriates me.
And I try to give people grace because I know part of it...
(05:10):
It's part of a bigger picture.
I know that people think it's the easy way out a lot, not all the time, but a lot of
time because they don't understand the surgery.
They don't understand the pre-op process, the post-op process.
They don't get the ins and outs of it.
They kind of just think you have the surgery and then your life's back to normal and you
call it a day.
So I try to give people grace, but there's also times when you can tell that it's not
(05:36):
coming from a nice place and it's coming from a very judgmental place.
And hopefully if people have listened to our first episode and they learned a little bit
about what the process looks like, hopefully if that was their thought before that we've
changed that a little bit.
Because it in no way, shape or form is the easy way out in any part of the process.
(06:04):
No.
I mean, I applaud you for giving grace because I certainly don't.
There are other areas that we're going to talk about in this podcast where I absolutely
give grace.
When it comes to the easy way out, I don't.
There is no nice way to tell me, oh, that's the easy way out.
That's a real kind of jerk thing to say.
There is no nice way that you're going to paint that and try to tell me that you meant
(06:26):
that nicely or you didn't mean it the way you sounded.
But I am very tired of seeing it.
Now I didn't have anybody directly tell me that this was the easy way out, but it was
everywhere I went.
It was in every Reddit community, every Facebook group, every social post.
Every online, everywhere.
Every influencer who's posted.
And now I know people are going to say, oh, that's the internet.
(06:47):
It is.
I agree.
If you're going to be on the internet, you open yourself up to deal with trolls.
But that's exactly what I attribute saying this is the easy way out to.
You're a troll.
Well, and that's where we have to turn for a lot of our resources.
So we're kind of forced to go to the internet.
And so you start to hear the easy way out a lot.
You see it written.
(07:07):
You hear it.
You see others talk about it.
Even when you're watching influencers, again, in the bariatric space or not, you're going
to see a lot of videos like, was this the easy way out?
Is this the easy way out?
So you're going to start to get bombarded by it.
No matter what you do, it is going to sneak in and you're going to think to yourself,
is this the easy way out?
It's not.
(07:28):
We'll talk about that in a minute, but like, who cares if it was?
Who cares?
Why does that matter?
If somebody came up to me and said, I've got the easiest way for you to lose weight guaranteed.
Here's this magic pill.
Out you go.
All right, cool.
Yep.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So even if it was the easy way out, why does that matter to you?
Why do you care?
(07:49):
I was thinking about this the other day.
I forget when I was watching where this came up and the easy way out kind of discussion
about bariatric surgery and if you just want to change the way you look, then just eat
less or just exercise more.
But then I was thinking, and people going right to the, you really have to go to the
extreme of surgery to change the way you look.
But then on the flip side, I'm thinking how many people out there get plastic surgery
(08:11):
to change the way they look?
And we don't, I mean, we maybe judge them a little bit from a far.
We judge women.
Yeah, but I don't go over to them and say, oh, I don't go attack them.
I don't go attack them for having a nose job or a facelift or instead lip filler, Botox.
They're taking steps that are medical steps, surgical steps to alter their appearance.
(08:37):
So why, and that's a medical profession.
Why are we so judged?
Yeah.
So why are we so judged for taking a medical route or surgery?
Do what you want to do.
For our health.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I don't judge you for doing it for your appearance.
Often times it's like, yeah, that was probably the right choice for you in the nicest way.
Much better nose now.
I get why you did it.
(08:58):
I totally get it.
But like, yeah, we're literally doing it for health reasons.
Like the whole purpose of bariatric surgery is not based in vanity.
I'm not trying to judge plastic surgery because I eventually will probably get it for my loose
skin.
But what I'm saying is bariatric surgery was not based in vanity because people wanted
to be skinnier and it's not liposuction.
(09:18):
Bariatric surgery is here to keep the drain off the healthcare system.
So I want to save my heart.
I want to save my heart.
I want to be here for my kids.
I want to have a healthy life.
Yes.
And if anybody wants to deny it, cool, come to the comments and we can go at it about
what I'm about to say.
But obesity is a disease and it is a massive, massive drain on the healthcare system because
(09:39):
obesity leads to provenly major comorbidities, which are things like heart disease, stroke,
diabetes, just high blood pressure, thyroid, blood clotting, not DVT, but basically like
pulmonary edema.
(10:00):
It can lead to narrowing of your arteries so that you lose all feeling in your legs.
And similar to how diabetics need to have limbs amputated.
Now yeah, my painting the worst case scenario, I sure am, but it has been proven over and
over and over and over.
You don't live long while obese and you are at a high risk of draining the healthcare
(10:21):
system because you're in for constant things.
And I say that as someone who was in constantly.
I have to get my heart checked.
I have heart palpitations.
My heart doesn't feel right.
My blood pressure's through the roof.
Now I have high cholesterol.
Oh, now I'm pre-diabetic.
Now I'm losing feeling in my right leg.
Now I can't move because I've pinched a nerve in my back due to all the excess weight I'm
(10:41):
carrying.
There was so many things.
And the medications and the doctor visits and the x-rays and oh my god.
It's a spiral.
It is.
And they know you'll be leading to probably something to do with your heart if it's not
a stroke or something else.
And so they would rather not have that be a huge burden on the healthcare system.
(11:02):
And I agree with them and that's where bariatric surgery becomes a huge advantage for us because
it is there to make sure that we don't adopt those and it reverses them.
And if you want to debate me on that, again, come to the comments.
But I had high blood pressure.
I had high cholesterol.
Also genetic might I add.
It does run in my family.
(11:23):
So for all those people who want to be like, but genetics.
Yeah, that runs in my family too.
I had polycystic ovary syndrome and I would go six to seven months without a period.
I maybe had two periods a year.
So I was at high risk for ovarian cancer.
So I had all these things.
I'm no longer on blood pressure medication.
It's now stabilized normally.
(11:45):
I'm not on cholesterol medication.
It's now back to a normal range.
My blood sugar is completely down from pre-diabetic and it is now in a normal healthy range.
I have a normal monthly set your watch to it period and it's like a healthy cycle and
a healthy period.
I don't have numbness in my legs anymore.
I don't have a bulging disc in my back anymore.
(12:07):
I run, I walk, I feel great.
So it can reverse a lot of damage and prevent that damage from taking hold at 30.
Will it come back?
Probably.
It is genetic.
I will probably have high blood pressure in my 50s or 60s.
You're going to be aging, let's be honest.
It will happen.
Things are going to start to break down.
(12:28):
Let's be honest.
But you can live a much longer life if your high blood pressure from genetics catches
you at 50, then it does at 30.
So I want to give my body the best possible chance to be as healthy as it can for as long
as it possibly can.
And I know I have genetics working against me, but you should not be inheriting a lot
(12:48):
of this at 30.
No.
And living like that is not easy by any means.
So if there's an option out there that is going to help with that, like you said, even
if it was a magic pill, sign me up.
I will take it.
And if people want to judge for that, go right ahead.
(13:10):
But I think a lot of it comes to if you've never been in that situation, you've never
lived that life, you've never felt those things every day, then I don't necessarily
think you have a right to judge.
And just the fact that anyone would think this process is easy or anyone would allude
to that, because at the end of the day, it is surgery.
(13:33):
They are cutting into your body.
You are changing the anatomy of your body.
Not a pill.
It's not a shot.
It's surgery.
No.
The mental work that goes into this, I would argue for certain people, at least for me,
knock on wood, the physical healing and the surgery part was very easy and smooth.
(13:55):
The mental part is the hard part, more so than the surgery.
But to just to think that going through the appointments, having to lay all your shit
out on the table, having to admit to how you got here, why you got here, admit how you
messed up, admit where you went wrong, be willing to change that, put all your, do all
(14:19):
your medical testing, go on a liquid diet, have actual physical surgery, heal from a
surgery, be able to eat like barely anything.
Change your whole life.
What part of that sounds easy?
I would love to know.
Yeah, I would love to hear how this is that easy.
That I had to go on a two week liquid diet before I walked into that operating room while
(14:42):
I was still 315 pounds, having never successfully dieted or lost weight on my own before.
So I now have to spend 14 days completely just drinking liquids.
And there's going to be people being like, oh, well, good.
Well, yeah.
Do you know what that's like for someone that obviously over consumed and over aged to then
have to go cold turkey for two solid weeks?
(15:05):
To nothing.
To nothing.
And like what it does to your body to literally go from probably, I don't know, probably close
to 3000 calories a day to down to 300.
900.
Yeah.
Well, 900 during the-
Not at the total.
Sorry.
900 total during the pre-liquid stage.
But then as soon as you come out of surgery, you're down to like 300.
(15:26):
And you're not hungry, but what it does to your body, all my hair started to fall out
and it was really hard to look at myself and to feel-
No energy.
Attractive, zero energy.
Your attitude sucks because you're just grouchy.
Your hormones are kind of all over the place for a hot minute.
So it's basically like going through a mini menopause for a hot minute because your hormones
(15:48):
are all over the place and you just don't know if you're going to bounce back and forth
from this.
But like you still, you don't feel bad.
I don't want people thinking of having surgery to be like, Jesus, no, no, no.
You're still living that like I'm so excited and I'm exercising life.
But there's a lot that goes through your body mentally and physically.
And they cut me open.
Like I was under a head major surgery.
(16:10):
That's generally anesthetic.
Yeah.
Anybody who thinks that I walked in and thought, oh, this is so fucking easy.
It's like same day service.
Lift the hood, cut the stomach, away we go.
If you think there wasn't fear and anxiety and nerves-
Because of people like you.
Second guessing.
And yeah, the sitting there as they're about to wheel you and going, am I making the right
decision?
(16:30):
Is it too late?
Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?
But before surgery, because I went into this really excited and I think my positive attitude
like really helped with the recovery.
Because I was so excited to do this.
But it's a shame that there was even an ounce of brain space taken up by going, I'm going
to be so judged for this though.
Like people are going to say such shitty things.
(16:52):
And even before we started the podcast, I was like, man, I just don't want to deal with
the people who are going to say shitty things to us.
That was the biggest thing when I was trying to decide whether to have the surgery or not
after my doctor recommended it.
It sad to me and I'm somebody who I've lived my life caring what other people think.
Oh yeah.
(17:13):
To a fault, like to a massive fault.
That's the reason why I don't wear shorts and t-shirts.
Part of it is because I'm self-conscious.
But the reason if I really get down to the root of it, yeah, the reason I'm self-conscious
is because I worry about what the people out there who see me in the shorts and t-shirt
(17:33):
are going to think and say.
I have lived my life under that fear.
And so when I was trying to, when I was given this option, I got kind of excited for a second,
but initial, like right away shot down with, oh my God, what are people going to say?
(17:55):
And holy crap, are you going to be judged for this?
And that almost stopped me from having this because that is such a big fear of life when
you're obese is constantly what other people are going to think.
What are they saying?
How are they judging me?
And I knew that the stigma was around this and I knew that I was going to get the, can't
(18:16):
you just eat less?
Can't you keep dieting?
I've seen you lose weight on diets before.
Well, yeah, I can.
And I've had this conversation with people that I have lost weight before.
I have done all the diets before.
Number one, and we talked about this a little bit as you know, when you have PCOS and other
things, the excuses that fall behind there, does that stop you from losing weight?
No.
(18:36):
Does it make it harder?
For sure.
So yes, I've lost weight in the past, but it has taken me a very long time to hit those
goals and hit those milestones.
So for me it was, yeah, you know what, I can continue to have a massive calorie deficit,
work out for an hour or more every day.
And I know people are going to say, you don't have to work out for an hour.
(18:58):
Well, with some hormonal issues you do.
You got to work harder more than others.
So if I wanted to achieve those results, and I said this to people, you know what, I probably
could have done it.
I could continue to do shakes and a liquid type diet, which would have made me hate my
life.
But if I would have done that and worked out a shit ton for a long time, then you know
(19:21):
what, yeah, maybe I could have lost this weight, but it would have taken me a heck of a long
time.
And I'm talking like years to do it.
So if I had the option to get this surgery and jumpstart that process, add that tool
with my tool belt and hit my goals in a quarter, a third of the time, why would I not get my
(19:42):
body to that healthy state as absolutely quickly as possible, leveraging as many tools as I
can if that offer is presented to me?
Like I don't understand where the bad is in that.
Yeah, I don't either.
And this like, if more people maybe just kind of understood the people who often talk about
(20:03):
the easy way out or ones who just I don't think have ever had to struggle with this.
And now there are people who've successfully lost weight on their own.
And I do get that.
And it does involve like a massive overhaul and changing your lifestyle and everything
that we're basically doing as well.
And it's worked for them and it's been hard work and away they go.
We have to do the exact same hard work.
(20:25):
We are just adding one extra step in.
So it's not like we go in, we have surgery and then we get to sit on our butts and lose
all this weight and not have to lift a finger ever again.
We consistently have to check in with dieticians, nutritionists.
We have to eat specific calories and macros.
We have to exercise and work out specific numbers every day.
We are putting in the exact same work as people who lost the weight on their own.
(20:49):
We literally just needed to put in a restriction so we didn't overeat because we struggle with
either binge eating or making poor choices.
Like there's a reason we were obese to begin with and we tried and we tried and we tried
to do it ourselves.
And being able to go back to our old habits is what made sure that the weight never stayed
off or that we rebounded or that we regained.
(21:12):
And so yeah, we just added one extra step.
And I'd argue we are working just as hard as someone who did it themselves.
Literally just as fucking hard because we still have the ability to regain.
It is still huge in the bariatric community that you can gain all your weight back and
then some.
The purpose of this surgery is to give you a kickstart.
It is to restrict you so much that within the first year you have no choice but to completely
(21:37):
change your body and your brain and your lifestyle because you have no choice.
You cannot possibly overeat.
You cannot eat high fat and high sugar.
It makes you really sick and ill.
So it forces your body into a brand new, this is how we live for an entire year.
And then after that year, you have a lot less restriction and you can kind of let some things
slide and away you go.
(21:57):
But the goal is that that year where you saw major success, you worked your butt off, you
learned what it felt like to exercise without carrying 300 extra pounds.
You learned that you could breathe, that you could do this and you weren't judged because
you finally looked quote unquote normal is what helps us continue with our weight loss
journey.
But we will always for life be counting calories, watching our macros, exercising and make no
(22:22):
mistake.
We will never forget where we came from and we will always be watching over our shoulder
for that version of ourself to come back.
So this isn't the easy way out because it's something that I will have to control and
work on for the rest of my life.
And I'm happy about that because I love the decision I made, but it was no way easy nor
(22:43):
is it still easy.
I've entered what I would argue is the hardest part of my journey now, which is two years
post op on my own, needing to maintain and figure life out while also trying to figure
out how do I eat to now sustain a much bigger athletic part of my life where I'm training
for half marathons now and I need to make sure that I do that safely and accurately
(23:07):
and it's hard because I am restricted with how much I can eat.
So there's a lot.
I spend weekends meal prepping, doing mental math, figuring stuff out, looking for high
protein, low calorie, low fat.
And if one more person comments that bariatric surgery is such an easy way out, you know
what, bud, whatever.
Okay.
You want to think it is whatever.
Why is it that society just cannot ever be happy about weight loss?
(23:33):
And I'm here we go.
I'm getting all heated again.
Oh boy.
I'm going to throw the fat acceptance community into this comment too because I have being
formally obese.
I think I'm allowed to call them out.
I have major problems with them as well.
So they're not getting by unscathed in this convo.
But why does society hate weight loss?
Why does everybody pick apart people trying to better themselves in the gym and trying
(23:56):
to get out there and do stuff and trying to reduce calories and sharing this on social,
which is great for others to see and yet tears them down because they're stupid.
They're lying.
They're eating when we don't see it.
There's no way you're losing weight.
You're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat.
Well, that's why they're at the gym and calorie restricting.
But yeah, thank you so much for that great observation.
(24:16):
And then on the flip side, the fat acceptance community hates weight loss.
This is fat phobic.
You're fat phobic for losing weight.
And then started this whole nonsense, which infuriated me that we're not allowed to talk
about or celebrate weight loss.
And I was like, I did not just go through all of this for none of you to comment on
my weight loss.
So no comment away.
I didn't lose 150 pounds for people to go.
(24:38):
I like to better obese.
You looked better before.
I've had people say, I literally have had a friend say, well, I thought your face was
fine before.
I'm sorry.
The face where my neck and my chin blended together into one blob.
The face that was continuously flushed because I was out of breath standing up from sitting
(24:59):
down because I was 315 pounds on a five foot four frame.
You liked that face better.
So yeah, society hates weight loss.
It's true.
And these videos now where you see what I eat in a day as a fat person, not trying to
lose weight.
(25:19):
I came across that the other day.
It was the first time I saw it and I kind of, I was scrolling mindlessly and I hurt,
I wasn't really looking at it, but I heard it and I scrolled up and then went, wait,
what?
And I scroll back down.
Yeah.
And I was like, this is a thing.
And don't get me wrong.
Okay.
I'm all for confidence at your current size because that is something I never had.
(25:45):
I always wore baggy clothes.
I mean, right now off, I wear baggy clothes still, but I wear baggy clothes.
I wear black.
I don't wear forefitting.
I don't wear color.
I don't have confidence.
Is it growing now?
Yes.
But the majority of the time, confidence was not a thing.
Oh, same boat.
And so I've always been jealous of people, but mainly women, girls who were overweight
(26:09):
and confident and would go out in their shorts and their t-shirts and their tank tops and
look, not whether they were again, who knows, but looks like they were having a great time
and they loved to go shopping.
Oh my God, how I hate shopping.
I hated shopping.
The, I, oh, I have some funny stories about how much I hated shopping, but just, I would
be so jealous of those people.
So don't get me wrong.
(26:30):
I am all for confidence.
Sure.
However, I know what most likely is going on behind the scenes.
As you said, the pain, just the physical pain of being that size, it's not healthy.
It's not good for your joints.
It's not good for your heart.
(26:51):
It's just not good.
So I'm all for being happy with who you are, being confident with who you are, but why
can we not want to be healthy and why is it bad and shameful to feel that way, to care
about somebody, to want them to be the best, happiest and healthiest version of themselves?
(27:13):
And this, this goes back to my thought on this and people are going to be like, well,
because I'd say overwhelmingly, I'm not going to paint everyone with the same brush, which
I tend to do, but overwhelmingly it's people don't have stigma and shame towards you.
This is absolutely internalized coming out.
(27:35):
And I know there'll be people being like, oh, you sound like you're saying bullies really
hate themselves.
They do.
They do.
This is literally that.
Like it is a bully who hates themselves and they don't know how else to express it because
they're never going to look internally and be like, I'm the problem.
So when you say that you're doing this, I'll see you as the fat acceptance community as
(27:55):
a, it's just such a silly fat acceptance community.
I'll use them as an example because they were, they were so, so detrimental to my wellbeing.
Oh, losing weight is fat phobic and you need to love your body and love yourself and blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
You don't like when people lose weight because it immediately makes you reflect on yourself.
(28:16):
Like when Lizzo started losing weight and I spice and all like Adele and Mindy Kaling
and you immediately wanted to say they're on Ozempic and they're horrible people.
Who cares how they lost the weight.
I don't care if they're on Ozempic.
I don't care if they had liposuction.
I don't care if they went to a spa in Switzerland and came back super, super light.
Like who cares how rebel and Mindy and Adele and Lizzo and ice lost the weight.
(28:38):
You're upset because they are basically saying it was better for my health to do this.
I feel better.
And I know this sucks with society.
It now treats them better for being thinner.
And you can't stand that because it means that you don't get to keep living the lifestyle
you want.
This lifestyle that you're desperately trying to push as normal and healthy and that there's
(28:59):
nothing wrong with being morbidly obese.
There's nothing wrong with being chubby.
It's nothing wrong with having a little extra weight.
Oh gosh.
Morbidly obese is dangerous.
And I'm tired of that being presented as the way to go.
But what happens is you see these people do this and you're mad at yourself because you're
like, oh my God, oh my God.
That was, that was someone that we could all say, see, it's okay to be this way.
(29:19):
And now they're saying it's not.
And they've changed.
They're horrible people.
Instead of they're not horrible people.
You're just upset because now instead of good for them for making themselves a priority
and taking their health into their hands.
And then on the flip side, the people who make fun of fat people trying to get better,
it's also, it is this kind of like territorial aggression where you're really concerned that
(29:43):
they're going to do better than you.
For some reason people just don't like others getting better.
I have surrounded myself with amazing cheerleaders, you being one of them who have nonstop supported
this journey of mine and have never sat there and been like, well, what if Hannah loses
more weight than me?
Or what if this happens to Hannah?
Like, they're just like, oh my God, like I'm so happy.
This is so cool.
(30:03):
But there, and we'll talk about it in the next podcast episode next week, but there
are people who are going to be like, no, people can't, no, I don't want people getting better
because then they're going to be better than me and then I'm going to get left behind and
I don't want to end like that's where you get a lot of the shame and stigma is from
people that don't like that you're getting more attention than them and that you're potentially
(30:25):
doing better than them.
So when you get these people saying easy way out, you're upset that I have lost more weight
than you or that I am further ahead in my journey than you.
So you're trying to find any way you can to diminish my journey, to make yourself feel
better about yours.
You can't compare our journeys, bro.
Like do what you want to do.
(30:45):
I'll do what I want to do.
But you can't just come out hating on people because they took the time to share this socially,
build a following, gain a lot of confidence.
People like following them and you're jealous that you're not an influencer.
What matters is that people are taking their needs, their health themselves and making
it a priority.
And I would argue we have had, this is not an easy way out in the sense that if anything,
(31:11):
it's one of the harder ways because I could diet myself, I could go to the gym myself,
I could keep trudging along and having my slow progress and going up my hills and valleys
that I had and that was just kind of the norm.
But in order for me to go to the, I'm going to say the extreme of surgery because it is
a big deal, I had to admit that I failed and I had to admit that I needed help and I had
(31:35):
to admit that I couldn't do it on my own and then put that out there for everyone to see
and to know and that I have to sit there and say in order, like you said, regain in order
for this to succeed, I need to change my entire mental outlook on food, on myself, on my life,
(32:00):
on my priorities.
It is, I think again, anything but easy to have to say, to have to say I failed and I
can't do it and I need help.
That to me is one of the hardest things to do in any area of your life is to admit failure
and to ask for help.
For some people.
(32:20):
And that takes more strength than suffering through alone and trying to do this.
And listen, not everything works for everyone.
If it did, we'd have no alcoholics, we'd have no smokers, we'd have everybody running
marathons and be able to build their own cars and do what they need to do.
Not everything works for others.
That's why some of us do better in school and others do better in creative fields.
(32:41):
That's why some of us are better athletes at one sport, not the other.
I cannot ice skate for the life of me.
My dad was almost a semi-pro hockey player and I think it broke his heart when I was
like, I don't want to do this because my bangs are in my eyes and my feet hurt.
And he looked at my mom like, we need to have a boy.
But I was amazing at softball, like baseball.
Like I excelled at it.
He's like, none of us, we're, huh?
(33:04):
And then my brothers played hockey.
Like you're all different at different things.
So great that you can go to the gym and do this on your own, but other people learn and
grow in different ways.
So let them do whatever they have to do to get where they're going.
I think the big thing that we should cover too in this episode before it wraps up is
the stigma.
So we talked about the shame and, but I'm sure there's people being like, well, how
(33:27):
do I deal with it?
Should I even post that I'm doing this?
And so the answer's not going to be great for some, but it's going to be, yes, post
it, post it.
And who cares?
Ignore the haters.
And that's not easy because a lot of us who were obese have major self-esteem issues.
I still do.
I still don't look at myself when I pass mirrors.
(33:47):
I messaged you, what was it, like two weeks ago?
And I was like, yep.
So just feeling real fat today.
Like this is horrible.
I feel so off.
And you were like, you had pneumonia.
And I was like, doesn't matter that I had pneumonia.
Like something's wrong.
I'm gaining weight.
I went on the scale.
I am in fact not gaining weight, but I just, I have mental, mental, mental self-esteem
is a, she's, she's the worst, but I know it's going to be hard to hear us say who cares
(34:11):
what people say because you probably have judgment issues and self-esteem issues.
But what I'm going to say is you can block a lot of words and Instagram and I highly
recommend you do so they don't even come up in your comments, go surround yourself with
your cheerleaders and people that are really excited.
Now I don't mean blindly never hear criticism, but find those that are happy about your growth
(34:32):
and don't see it as-
You're going to need the support.
Yeah.
Don't find people that are going to compare themselves against you because it will always
lead to negativity.
And it's a really hard thing to work through with friends.
So unless they're like an amazingly close friend, it is really hard to work through
and it's on them, not you, but it's really hard to work through that they feel less than
and that you're leaving them behind.
(34:53):
So find your cheerleaders, find your community, but absolutely celebrate that you've had this
surgery.
This is a hard, hard surgery.
And you know what?
It's a big decision.
Post everything that led up to that surgery, post why you're excited.
My therapist had me do a really, really great exercise before I entered the program and
started.
She said, okay, why are you doing this?
And I was like, well, health reasons, I should be healthier, high blood pressure, blah, blah,
(35:17):
blah.
She's like, all right, so everybody's going to say health reasons and sure, that's important.
Get to the real stuff.
But like, what is it?
And I was like, well, I want to ride a horse for the first time.
I want to fly on an airplane and not need an extender.
I want to exercise.
Sit in a chair and not worry if it's going to break.
I want to date.
I want to get married.
Like, I want to find a husband.
Like all things that I felt my weight was holding me back from.
(35:39):
I was like, I want to look at myself and feel really good about myself.
Like, I just started making lists and she was like, focus on why you're doing this surgery.
And she wouldn't let me put like, I want to be skinny.
That wasn't allowed.
But she said, you know, write the list and then focus on that.
And so that's my advice.
When you're feeling like stigma is coming for you and you feel shame about putting this
(35:59):
out socially or talking about it, remember why you're doing it and make that list of
things.
Not health related, not because you want to look skinny.
Yes, those are important, but like there's more that's motivating you to do this.
And that's what you focus on when you post and you share because nobody's going to be
able to take it away from you.
No bro from the gym being like easy way out, yo, stop eating, yo.
(36:22):
No fat acceptance person saying you're fat full.
But like, it doesn't matter how loud they yell that stuff.
You push right through it and go, I'm going to ride a horse and I'm going to be able to
be on an airplane without an extender and I'm going to be able to ride the rides at
Disney and I'm probably going to run for the first time in my life.
And I can tell you, I did every single one of those things.
(36:42):
And I cried when I rode a horse for the first time.
I don't doubt it.
And I posted that all over social.
And you know what was funny?
When I posted that trip, I didn't get any easy way out sir, you know, fat phobic.
I got, Oh my God, look how happy you look.
And this is so amazing and great photos.
The literal and proverbial weight that comes off your shoulders when you can do those things
(37:04):
in life without having to worry.
And we kind of touched upon it on the first episode and we'll dig into it more in another
one.
And it's constant when you are obese and morbidly obese, being obese is, I'm not even exaggerating.
It is on your mind from the minute you open your eyes to the minute you close them.
Every element of your day focuses around being obese.
(37:26):
And when you can eliminate that and you can take that off your shoulders, that is such
a massive win.
And I mean, if we just strip it down to the bare level about sharing surgery, the one
thing that I kind of come and jokingly made to Devin, but also was true was I know that
(37:47):
no knock on wood if everything goes well, I'm going to lose a significant amount of
weight rather quickly.
Yeah, of course.
It's going to be blatantly obvious that something has happened.
Especially, especially for me because I was doing, I was busting my butt working out for
the last year and a half.
I was, had an amazing group of women behind me.
(38:07):
I was, however you feel about beach body and body, feel however you want.
But I'm part of that community.
I was busting my butt.
I was doing the workouts.
I was seeing little results, but I was sharing that on social media.
I was being very transparent about that.
So for me, it was, I can't now all of a sudden after showing that journey and my struggles
with hormones and PCOS and perimenopause and how I'm trying to push through that and showing
(38:29):
my real results, I can't then all of a sudden not share that I had bariatric surgery.
Oh, look at it, it's been three months and I'm down 58 pounds.
Magic.
I can't do that.
I have to be transparent.
I'd rather them know why versus them being like, Hey guys, we should probably go talk
to Steph.
(38:50):
She might not have long to live.
Like I don't want people to be like, Uh-oh.
What has she caught?
Yeah, right?
Like, Oh no.
Because people will talk without clarifying.
Oh my gosh, 100% they will.
I had a friend tell me a story where she adopted a dog and her husband just couldn't come with
them to pick the dog up.
And when you adopt the dog, they take a photo the day you take the dog home.
So it was her and her kids and the dog and they were so excited.
(39:11):
Oh my gosh, she got divorced.
Her husband wasn't in it and the entire community was talking about them getting a divorce and
then she over.
So people will talk.
So you know what?
Own it, be proud of it.
In next week's episode, we're actually going to talk about family and friends, how to announce
it to them, how to get rid of the ones that you need to get rid of and it'll happen.
And we'll talk all about that.
But you, if you're ashamed and hiding it, I think it will drastically impact your success
(39:36):
here.
And so you know what?
Go ahead and use Stefani.
You know what our Instagram handles are.
And by all means, you can tell everybody that we're friends.
You can say, Oh, I have a friend or I have a colleague use me however you need.
I do not mind.
But you can absolutely use us to say, yeah, I've actually been talking to or know someone
who's done this and they've seen great success and you know, I'm proud to do this too.
(39:57):
So if you need to use us, you use us.
That's not a problem.
We'll be your fake friend.
We'll be your coworker.
We'll be your, you know, cousin thrice removed, whatever you need to do it, but share it,
be proud of it.
I proudly put it in my Instagram channel and I will say, sure, we're not big influencers
now and I'm sure if we ever blew up, we would get more hate than we do.
But you know what's a wonderful thing?
A delete button, just delete it.
(40:19):
The other thing is any comment drives engagement.
So you could just use that to continue getting money and making what you need to do.
But delete, block.
Don't, yeah.
People are worse on line than they ever will be in your face.
I've never had anybody come up to me and say anything negative in my face about this being
the easy way out.
I don't care if they talk behind my back about it.
(40:41):
Cause at the end of the day, I'm losing weight.
I look amazing.
I'm about to run a half marathon.
I got to do a ton of stuff that I've never done.
And if they spend their time talking about me, damn, your name's not come out of my mouth
once, but I'm your topic of conversation.
How flattering.
So you kind of got to adopt, you got to adopt this stigma of we are now a community.
(41:01):
Congratulations and welcome to the bariatric community.
We've got your back and be proud to wear that surgery as a really hard, really impressive
step that you did to love yourself.
Like you put yourself first, even with the fear of stigma, shame and self doubt.
And you should be damn proud of that.
(41:22):
Yeah.
Because you can make the decision and only you know what's best for you.
And ultimately deep down, you know what's right and you know what's behind it.
And it just really comes down to is the pain of staying the same, right?
Which is worse, the pain of staying the same or the pain of dealing with some stigma as
(41:43):
you improve.
That quote.
It's, and I, I, I butchered it and I know I will, but that's what it comes down to.
And that's what I had to sit there and I had to literally sit there and think, okay, I
have PCOS.
I am morbidly obese.
My body hurts.
I am not healthy.
I have perimenopause.
My thyroid goes back and forth between out of whack.
(42:04):
My cortisol is through the roof.
I am constantly tired.
Like on and on and on.
Is it worth dealing with that every single day while trying to be a mom, have a good
relationship with my kids, be there for my kids, play with my kids?
Is that pain worse than dealing with a little bit of possible blowback and stigma?
(42:29):
Not.
It's definitely a hundred percent not.
It's a great quote.
One that's heavily shared in tech.
So as soon as you said it, I went, oh my God, I remember.
Because that's what we would say when we were, you know, looking to overhaul a website or
do something.
And listen, is the pain of how bad things are now worse than the pain of overhauling
(42:53):
this and redoing it?
So Steph is right.
Is the pain of everything that you go through on a daily basis, and don't think about just
your good days, because there were good days, but think about the days where you hate how
you look, you're not able to do what your friends are doing.
You know, maybe you're single and struggling to date while obese, but is the pain of that
life harder than entering the surgical program and dealing with maybe some stigma?
(43:18):
I guarantee you it's not.
So I found it.
So I've got two, I've got two for you as we wrap up.
Here we go.
Ending the podcast with some strong quotes.
Right.
Okay.
So the pain of staying the same needs to be more than the pain of change.
So that's the first one.
So if that means you need to sit down and make a list, sit down and make a list.
(43:39):
And it may not be a decision that you make overnight.
I went back and forth with this for a long time, but with the weeks between when I was
presented with the surgery option to when I went into the program was a constant battle.
And a lot of it was around the stigma, the judgment, more so than the benefits and the
health side.
(43:59):
So I did, I sat down and I made a list.
So that's what you need to do.
Do it.
Then the second one is your goals and dreams don't care if it's inconvenient.
So think about that one.
If your goal and your dream is to go on that horseback ride, right?
Go on that canoe ride, go on the Disney rides, be able to run in the soccer field with your
(44:22):
friends, be able to go up the stairs without being winded, be able to get up off the couch
and your knees don't crack and hurt.
If that's what it is, then they don't getting rid of those and being healthy doesn't care
if there's a little bit of inconvenience where you have to go through post-op and you have
(44:43):
to recover or where you have to maybe defend your choice to a couple of people.
It doesn't matter.
If it was easy, everybody would do it.
You have to do what's best for you.
You have to put what other people think aside and you have to say, you know what?
And you have to say, you know what, for once or for this time, I am making myself a priority.
(45:04):
I am putting myself first and I am doing this for me.
Nobody can tell you that's wrong.
Nope.
There's no argument against that.
That's what we're going to cover next week.
In our next episode, we're going to talk about family, friends, the haters, but we're going
to cover how do you announce it to them?
How do you deal with objections and questions?
(45:25):
And ultimately for some, how do you say goodbye to those friends and family members that will
not serve you on this journey?
So it's going to be a deep topic, I think, but one that really needs to be covered.
So I'm excited about next week and I'm excited to chat with you all about that.
But I think Steph ended this podcast beautifully with those quotes.
(45:48):
Oh, thanks.
It was good.
Something to think about between now and next week.
Yeah, something to noodle on, but we'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening along.
We absolutely love all of you on this journey.
Let us know in the comments on social what topics and things you want us to tackle and
talk about.
No matter how big, no matter how small, no matter how potentially controversial they
(46:09):
are, we want to make sure that we bring you all the knowledge and personal experience
we can.
But just thanks for being a listener.
Thanks guys.
See you next week.
Bye everybody.
Well, hey there, Steph.
(00:09):
Welcome to our third session of Bariatric Banter podcast.
We're back.
I know we're still doing this if people were curious.
We're still here.
We're back to talk about more trends and topics and things to do with weight loss, bariatric
surgery and all the things in between.
(00:29):
All the juicy stuff today.
All the juicy stuff today.
How was your week though?
Good bad?
Well, you know, it was pretty quiet.
We're still in like the throes of winter and we got just like beyond slammed.
I'm so over it.
Beyond slammed with snow.
(00:49):
Oh, shit.
Like to the point of where it's like more than halfway up my back door.
I can't even open my slider door to let the dog out.
So it was a lot of snow, a lot of cold, a lot of canceled buses at schools, you know,
that kind of stuff.
So honestly, I haven't really left the house in probably about a week.
(01:10):
So that might come out in the podcast today.
I might be going a little bit crazy.
But it's okay.
How are you?
It happens.
Listen, I haven't left the house much this week either just due to the fact that it's
like minus 23.
Oh, so cold.
Minus 24.
It is bitterly, bitterly cold.
So to leave the house requires like two pairs of pants, snow pants, you know, jacket hat,
(01:34):
two pairs of mittens.
It's the worst.
So no, just been laying low.
It has been just like a week at work, you know?
It's just like, boy, why is this never ending this week?
Why am I working late hours and working the weekends?
Like, yeah, it has just been never ending.
And so I can't wait to record this podcast and just veg out.
(01:55):
Get a break, not think about work for a hot minute.
My dog is 150 pounds and he's a big boy and he's like struggling to poop outside because
the snow is like up to his butt.
Oh, yeah.
And he just looks at me.
He's like, really?
Yeah, I don't want to do this.
This is supposed to happen?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bo is not that big.
(02:16):
He's 60 pounds.
But I'm always scared because I'm like, you're peeing way too close to the snow.
And if that thing gets stuck, I'm not sure what you expect me to do.
So I really hope that it just melts the snow because you're right up in there.
You're making some interesting choices there, buddy.
Yeah, great life choices, Bo.
Just shoving your little wiener into the snow and peeing is probably not great.
I love it.
(02:36):
I'm just going to let him do what he wants to do.
Right?
He'll figure it out.
Yeah.
One way or the other, he'll figure life out.
But I'm excited for the podcast this week.
I need to focus on this.
Me too.
It's a good one.
It's a really good topic.
I think this is a topic that we've been asked several times, not even just directly asked,
but a lot of the comments we see literally always seem to focus on this.
(02:59):
And it's something that even if you're not in the bariatric surgery program, you're going
to relate to this episode hard, but it's something that you are not going to be able to avoid.
And I'd say it's probably tied with the number one reason people don't do this surgery.
Yes.
So this week we're going to talk about stigma, shame, and if bariatric surgery is the easy
(03:22):
way out.
And I think this is a good one too, because these are all items that you will have to
deal with from the moment you decide you're having surgery, the moment you announce you're
having surgery, and the entire journey afterwards.
So this is a continual challenge and a continual struggle in the bariatric journey.
(03:44):
So I think this is a really good topic today.
Yeah.
And this came up on our TikTok.
I think it also came up on our Instagram.
But regardless if you're having weight loss surgery or not, there's always going to be
haters out there that want to diminish the work that you're doing.
So whether it's all the people who are going to the gym for the first time, who might be
(04:04):
overweight or obese, and then constantly get met with comments like, gross, why are you
doing this?
Terrible form.
You don't know what you're doing.
You're talking about people who are in calorie deficits and dieting for the first time.
Same comments.
You're not doing it right.
Why are you eating that?
You're hiding what you're really eating.
You're eating more than that.
So it is not just a unique thing to the bariatric surgery community, which is a shame.
(04:29):
But hopefully a lot of people can relate to the stigmas, the shames, the easy way out.
Just sub the word bariatric surgery for anything else.
And I think our advice will be the same.
Yeah, I agree.
I want to start with the big one, which is the easy way out.
Oh, it makes me so angry.
It gets me so heated.
(04:50):
And I'm trying to do my best this week to be good on the podcast, not get all angry
and heated.
Good luck, she says.
But the easy way out.
I...
It infuriates me.
And I try to give people grace because I know part of it...
(05:10):
It's part of a bigger picture.
I know that people think it's the easy way out a lot, not all the time, but a lot of
time because they don't understand the surgery.
They don't understand the pre-op process, the post-op process.
They don't get the ins and outs of it.
They kind of just think you have the surgery and then your life's back to normal and you
call it a day.
So I try to give people grace, but there's also times when you can tell that it's not
(05:36):
coming from a nice place and it's coming from a very judgmental place.
And hopefully if people have listened to our first episode and they learned a little bit
about what the process looks like, hopefully if that was their thought before that we've
changed that a little bit.
Because it in no way, shape or form is the easy way out in any part of the process.
(06:04):
No.
I mean, I applaud you for giving grace because I certainly don't.
There are other areas that we're going to talk about in this podcast where I absolutely
give grace.
When it comes to the easy way out, I don't.
There is no nice way to tell me, oh, that's the easy way out.
That's a real kind of jerk thing to say.
There is no nice way that you're going to paint that and try to tell me that you meant
(06:26):
that nicely or you didn't mean it the way you sounded.
But I am very tired of seeing it.
Now I didn't have anybody directly tell me that this was the easy way out, but it was
everywhere I went.
It was in every Reddit community, every Facebook group, every social post.
Every online, everywhere.
Every influencer who's posted.
And now I know people are going to say, oh, that's the internet.
(06:47):
It is.
I agree.
If you're going to be on the internet, you open yourself up to deal with trolls.
But that's exactly what I attribute saying this is the easy way out to.
You're a troll.
Well, and that's where we have to turn for a lot of our resources.
So we're kind of forced to go to the internet.
And so you start to hear the easy way out a lot.
You see it written.
(07:07):
You hear it.
You see others talk about it.
Even when you're watching influencers, again, in the bariatric space or not, you're going
to see a lot of videos like, was this the easy way out?
Is this the easy way out?
So you're going to start to get bombarded by it.
No matter what you do, it is going to sneak in and you're going to think to yourself,
is this the easy way out?
It's not.
(07:28):
We'll talk about that in a minute, but like, who cares if it was?
Who cares?
Why does that matter?
If somebody came up to me and said, I've got the easiest way for you to lose weight guaranteed.
Here's this magic pill.
Out you go.
All right, cool.
Yep.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So even if it was the easy way out, why does that matter to you?
Why do you care?
(07:49):
I was thinking about this the other day.
I forget when I was watching where this came up and the easy way out kind of discussion
about bariatric surgery and if you just want to change the way you look, then just eat
less or just exercise more.
But then I was thinking, and people going right to the, you really have to go to the
extreme of surgery to change the way you look.
But then on the flip side, I'm thinking how many people out there get plastic surgery
(08:11):
to change the way they look?
And we don't, I mean, we maybe judge them a little bit from a far.
We judge women.
Yeah, but I don't go over to them and say, oh, I don't go attack them.
I don't go attack them for having a nose job or a facelift or instead lip filler, Botox.
They're taking steps that are medical steps, surgical steps to alter their appearance.
(08:37):
So why, and that's a medical profession.
Why are we so judged?
Yeah.
So why are we so judged for taking a medical route or surgery?
Do what you want to do.
For our health.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I don't judge you for doing it for your appearance.
Often times it's like, yeah, that was probably the right choice for you in the nicest way.
Much better nose now.
I get why you did it.
(08:58):
I totally get it.
But like, yeah, we're literally doing it for health reasons.
Like the whole purpose of bariatric surgery is not based in vanity.
I'm not trying to judge plastic surgery because I eventually will probably get it for my loose
skin.
But what I'm saying is bariatric surgery was not based in vanity because people wanted
to be skinnier and it's not liposuction.
(09:18):
Bariatric surgery is here to keep the drain off the healthcare system.
So I want to save my heart.
I want to save my heart.
I want to be here for my kids.
I want to have a healthy life.
Yes.
And if anybody wants to deny it, cool, come to the comments and we can go at it about
what I'm about to say.
But obesity is a disease and it is a massive, massive drain on the healthcare system because
(09:39):
obesity leads to provenly major comorbidities, which are things like heart disease, stroke,
diabetes, just high blood pressure, thyroid, blood clotting, not DVT, but basically like
pulmonary edema.
(10:00):
It can lead to narrowing of your arteries so that you lose all feeling in your legs.
And similar to how diabetics need to have limbs amputated.
Now yeah, my painting the worst case scenario, I sure am, but it has been proven over and
over and over and over.
You don't live long while obese and you are at a high risk of draining the healthcare
(10:21):
system because you're in for constant things.
And I say that as someone who was in constantly.
I have to get my heart checked.
I have heart palpitations.
My heart doesn't feel right.
My blood pressure's through the roof.
Now I have high cholesterol.
Oh, now I'm pre-diabetic.
Now I'm losing feeling in my right leg.
Now I can't move because I've pinched a nerve in my back due to all the excess weight I'm
(10:41):
carrying.
There was so many things.
And the medications and the doctor visits and the x-rays and oh my god.
It's a spiral.
It is.
And they know you'll be leading to probably something to do with your heart if it's not
a stroke or something else.
And so they would rather not have that be a huge burden on the healthcare system.
(11:02):
And I agree with them and that's where bariatric surgery becomes a huge advantage for us because
it is there to make sure that we don't adopt those and it reverses them.
And if you want to debate me on that, again, come to the comments.
But I had high blood pressure.
I had high cholesterol.
Also genetic might I add.
It does run in my family.
(11:23):
So for all those people who want to be like, but genetics.
Yeah, that runs in my family too.
I had polycystic ovary syndrome and I would go six to seven months without a period.
I maybe had two periods a year.
So I was at high risk for ovarian cancer.
So I had all these things.
I'm no longer on blood pressure medication.
It's now stabilized normally.
(11:45):
I'm not on cholesterol medication.
It's now back to a normal range.
My blood sugar is completely down from pre-diabetic and it is now in a normal healthy range.
I have a normal monthly set your watch to it period and it's like a healthy cycle and
a healthy period.
I don't have numbness in my legs anymore.
I don't have a bulging disc in my back anymore.
(12:07):
I run, I walk, I feel great.
So it can reverse a lot of damage and prevent that damage from taking hold at 30.
Will it come back?
Probably.
It is genetic.
I will probably have high blood pressure in my 50s or 60s.
You're going to be aging, let's be honest.
It will happen.
Things are going to start to break down.
(12:28):
Let's be honest.
But you can live a much longer life if your high blood pressure from genetics catches
you at 50, then it does at 30.
So I want to give my body the best possible chance to be as healthy as it can for as long
as it possibly can.
And I know I have genetics working against me, but you should not be inheriting a lot
(12:48):
of this at 30.
No.
And living like that is not easy by any means.
So if there's an option out there that is going to help with that, like you said, even
if it was a magic pill, sign me up.
I will take it.
And if people want to judge for that, go right ahead.
(13:10):
But I think a lot of it comes to if you've never been in that situation, you've never
lived that life, you've never felt those things every day, then I don't necessarily
think you have a right to judge.
And just the fact that anyone would think this process is easy or anyone would allude
to that, because at the end of the day, it is surgery.
(13:33):
They are cutting into your body.
You are changing the anatomy of your body.
Not a pill.
It's not a shot.
It's surgery.
No.
The mental work that goes into this, I would argue for certain people, at least for me,
knock on wood, the physical healing and the surgery part was very easy and smooth.
(13:55):
The mental part is the hard part, more so than the surgery.
But to just to think that going through the appointments, having to lay all your shit
out on the table, having to admit to how you got here, why you got here, admit how you
messed up, admit where you went wrong, be willing to change that, put all your, do all
(14:19):
your medical testing, go on a liquid diet, have actual physical surgery, heal from a
surgery, be able to eat like barely anything.
Change your whole life.
What part of that sounds easy?
I would love to know.
Yeah, I would love to hear how this is that easy.
That I had to go on a two week liquid diet before I walked into that operating room while
(14:42):
I was still 315 pounds, having never successfully dieted or lost weight on my own before.
So I now have to spend 14 days completely just drinking liquids.
And there's going to be people being like, oh, well, good.
Well, yeah.
Do you know what that's like for someone that obviously over consumed and over aged to then
have to go cold turkey for two solid weeks?
(15:05):
To nothing.
To nothing.
And like what it does to your body to literally go from probably, I don't know, probably close
to 3000 calories a day to down to 300.
900.
Yeah.
Well, 900 during the-
Not at the total.
Sorry.
900 total during the pre-liquid stage.
But then as soon as you come out of surgery, you're down to like 300.
(15:26):
And you're not hungry, but what it does to your body, all my hair started to fall out
and it was really hard to look at myself and to feel-
No energy.
Attractive, zero energy.
Your attitude sucks because you're just grouchy.
Your hormones are kind of all over the place for a hot minute.
So it's basically like going through a mini menopause for a hot minute because your hormones
(15:48):
are all over the place and you just don't know if you're going to bounce back and forth
from this.
But like you still, you don't feel bad.
I don't want people thinking of having surgery to be like, Jesus, no, no, no.
You're still living that like I'm so excited and I'm exercising life.
But there's a lot that goes through your body mentally and physically.
And they cut me open.
Like I was under a head major surgery.
(16:10):
That's generally anesthetic.
Yeah.
Anybody who thinks that I walked in and thought, oh, this is so fucking easy.
It's like same day service.
Lift the hood, cut the stomach, away we go.
If you think there wasn't fear and anxiety and nerves-
Because of people like you.
Second guessing.
And yeah, the sitting there as they're about to wheel you and going, am I making the right
decision?
(16:30):
Is it too late?
Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?
But before surgery, because I went into this really excited and I think my positive attitude
like really helped with the recovery.
Because I was so excited to do this.
But it's a shame that there was even an ounce of brain space taken up by going, I'm going
to be so judged for this though.
Like people are going to say such shitty things.
(16:52):
And even before we started the podcast, I was like, man, I just don't want to deal with
the people who are going to say shitty things to us.
That was the biggest thing when I was trying to decide whether to have the surgery or not
after my doctor recommended it.
It sad to me and I'm somebody who I've lived my life caring what other people think.
Oh yeah.
(17:13):
To a fault, like to a massive fault.
That's the reason why I don't wear shorts and t-shirts.
Part of it is because I'm self-conscious.
But the reason if I really get down to the root of it, yeah, the reason I'm self-conscious
is because I worry about what the people out there who see me in the shorts and t-shirt
(17:33):
are going to think and say.
I have lived my life under that fear.
And so when I was trying to, when I was given this option, I got kind of excited for a second,
but initial, like right away shot down with, oh my God, what are people going to say?
(17:55):
And holy crap, are you going to be judged for this?
And that almost stopped me from having this because that is such a big fear of life when
you're obese is constantly what other people are going to think.
What are they saying?
How are they judging me?
And I knew that the stigma was around this and I knew that I was going to get the, can't
(18:16):
you just eat less?
Can't you keep dieting?
I've seen you lose weight on diets before.
Well, yeah, I can.
And I've had this conversation with people that I have lost weight before.
I have done all the diets before.
Number one, and we talked about this a little bit as you know, when you have PCOS and other
things, the excuses that fall behind there, does that stop you from losing weight?
No.
(18:36):
Does it make it harder?
For sure.
So yes, I've lost weight in the past, but it has taken me a very long time to hit those
goals and hit those milestones.
So for me it was, yeah, you know what, I can continue to have a massive calorie deficit,
work out for an hour or more every day.
And I know people are going to say, you don't have to work out for an hour.
(18:58):
Well, with some hormonal issues you do.
You got to work harder more than others.
So if I wanted to achieve those results, and I said this to people, you know what, I probably
could have done it.
I could continue to do shakes and a liquid type diet, which would have made me hate my
life.
But if I would have done that and worked out a shit ton for a long time, then you know
(19:21):
what, yeah, maybe I could have lost this weight, but it would have taken me a heck of a long
time.
And I'm talking like years to do it.
So if I had the option to get this surgery and jumpstart that process, add that tool
with my tool belt and hit my goals in a quarter, a third of the time, why would I not get my
(19:42):
body to that healthy state as absolutely quickly as possible, leveraging as many tools as I
can if that offer is presented to me?
Like I don't understand where the bad is in that.
Yeah, I don't either.
And this like, if more people maybe just kind of understood the people who often talk about
(20:03):
the easy way out or ones who just I don't think have ever had to struggle with this.
And now there are people who've successfully lost weight on their own.
And I do get that.
And it does involve like a massive overhaul and changing your lifestyle and everything
that we're basically doing as well.
And it's worked for them and it's been hard work and away they go.
We have to do the exact same hard work.
(20:25):
We are just adding one extra step in.
So it's not like we go in, we have surgery and then we get to sit on our butts and lose
all this weight and not have to lift a finger ever again.
We consistently have to check in with dieticians, nutritionists.
We have to eat specific calories and macros.
We have to exercise and work out specific numbers every day.
We are putting in the exact same work as people who lost the weight on their own.
(20:49):
We literally just needed to put in a restriction so we didn't overeat because we struggle with
either binge eating or making poor choices.
Like there's a reason we were obese to begin with and we tried and we tried and we tried
to do it ourselves.
And being able to go back to our old habits is what made sure that the weight never stayed
off or that we rebounded or that we regained.
(21:12):
And so yeah, we just added one extra step.
And I'd argue we are working just as hard as someone who did it themselves.
Literally just as fucking hard because we still have the ability to regain.
It is still huge in the bariatric community that you can gain all your weight back and
then some.
The purpose of this surgery is to give you a kickstart.
It is to restrict you so much that within the first year you have no choice but to completely
(21:37):
change your body and your brain and your lifestyle because you have no choice.
You cannot possibly overeat.
You cannot eat high fat and high sugar.
It makes you really sick and ill.
So it forces your body into a brand new, this is how we live for an entire year.
And then after that year, you have a lot less restriction and you can kind of let some things
slide and away you go.
(21:57):
But the goal is that that year where you saw major success, you worked your butt off, you
learned what it felt like to exercise without carrying 300 extra pounds.
You learned that you could breathe, that you could do this and you weren't judged because
you finally looked quote unquote normal is what helps us continue with our weight loss
journey.
But we will always for life be counting calories, watching our macros, exercising and make no
(22:22):
mistake.
We will never forget where we came from and we will always be watching over our shoulder
for that version of ourself to come back.
So this isn't the easy way out because it's something that I will have to control and
work on for the rest of my life.
And I'm happy about that because I love the decision I made, but it was no way easy nor
(22:43):
is it still easy.
I've entered what I would argue is the hardest part of my journey now, which is two years
post op on my own, needing to maintain and figure life out while also trying to figure
out how do I eat to now sustain a much bigger athletic part of my life where I'm training
for half marathons now and I need to make sure that I do that safely and accurately
(23:07):
and it's hard because I am restricted with how much I can eat.
So there's a lot.
I spend weekends meal prepping, doing mental math, figuring stuff out, looking for high
protein, low calorie, low fat.
And if one more person comments that bariatric surgery is such an easy way out, you know
what, bud, whatever.
Okay.
You want to think it is whatever.
Why is it that society just cannot ever be happy about weight loss?
(23:33):
And I'm here we go.
I'm getting all heated again.
Oh boy.
I'm going to throw the fat acceptance community into this comment too because I have being
formally obese.
I think I'm allowed to call them out.
I have major problems with them as well.
So they're not getting by unscathed in this convo.
But why does society hate weight loss?
Why does everybody pick apart people trying to better themselves in the gym and trying
(23:56):
to get out there and do stuff and trying to reduce calories and sharing this on social,
which is great for others to see and yet tears them down because they're stupid.
They're lying.
They're eating when we don't see it.
There's no way you're losing weight.
You're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat.
Well, that's why they're at the gym and calorie restricting.
But yeah, thank you so much for that great observation.
(24:16):
And then on the flip side, the fat acceptance community hates weight loss.
This is fat phobic.
You're fat phobic for losing weight.
And then started this whole nonsense, which infuriated me that we're not allowed to talk
about or celebrate weight loss.
And I was like, I did not just go through all of this for none of you to comment on
my weight loss.
So no comment away.
I didn't lose 150 pounds for people to go.
(24:38):
I like to better obese.
You looked better before.
I've had people say, I literally have had a friend say, well, I thought your face was
fine before.
I'm sorry.
The face where my neck and my chin blended together into one blob.
The face that was continuously flushed because I was out of breath standing up from sitting
(24:59):
down because I was 315 pounds on a five foot four frame.
You liked that face better.
So yeah, society hates weight loss.
It's true.
And these videos now where you see what I eat in a day as a fat person, not trying to
lose weight.
(25:19):
I came across that the other day.
It was the first time I saw it and I kind of, I was scrolling mindlessly and I hurt,
I wasn't really looking at it, but I heard it and I scrolled up and then went, wait,
what?
And I scroll back down.
Yeah.
And I was like, this is a thing.
And don't get me wrong.
Okay.
I'm all for confidence at your current size because that is something I never had.
(25:45):
I always wore baggy clothes.
I mean, right now off, I wear baggy clothes still, but I wear baggy clothes.
I wear black.
I don't wear forefitting.
I don't wear color.
I don't have confidence.
Is it growing now?
Yes.
But the majority of the time, confidence was not a thing.
Oh, same boat.
And so I've always been jealous of people, but mainly women, girls who were overweight
(26:09):
and confident and would go out in their shorts and their t-shirts and their tank tops and
look, not whether they were again, who knows, but looks like they were having a great time
and they loved to go shopping.
Oh my God, how I hate shopping.
I hated shopping.
The, I, oh, I have some funny stories about how much I hated shopping, but just, I would
be so jealous of those people.
So don't get me wrong.
(26:30):
I am all for confidence.
Sure.
However, I know what most likely is going on behind the scenes.
As you said, the pain, just the physical pain of being that size, it's not healthy.
It's not good for your joints.
It's not good for your heart.
(26:51):
It's just not good.
So I'm all for being happy with who you are, being confident with who you are, but why
can we not want to be healthy and why is it bad and shameful to feel that way, to care
about somebody, to want them to be the best, happiest and healthiest version of themselves?
(27:13):
And this, this goes back to my thought on this and people are going to be like, well,
because I'd say overwhelmingly, I'm not going to paint everyone with the same brush, which
I tend to do, but overwhelmingly it's people don't have stigma and shame towards you.
This is absolutely internalized coming out.
(27:35):
And I know there'll be people being like, oh, you sound like you're saying bullies really
hate themselves.
They do.
They do.
This is literally that.
Like it is a bully who hates themselves and they don't know how else to express it because
they're never going to look internally and be like, I'm the problem.
So when you say that you're doing this, I'll see you as the fat acceptance community as
(27:55):
a, it's just such a silly fat acceptance community.
I'll use them as an example because they were, they were so, so detrimental to my wellbeing.
Oh, losing weight is fat phobic and you need to love your body and love yourself and blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
You don't like when people lose weight because it immediately makes you reflect on yourself.
(28:16):
Like when Lizzo started losing weight and I spice and all like Adele and Mindy Kaling
and you immediately wanted to say they're on Ozempic and they're horrible people.
Who cares how they lost the weight.
I don't care if they're on Ozempic.
I don't care if they had liposuction.
I don't care if they went to a spa in Switzerland and came back super, super light.
Like who cares how rebel and Mindy and Adele and Lizzo and ice lost the weight.
(28:38):
You're upset because they are basically saying it was better for my health to do this.
I feel better.
And I know this sucks with society.
It now treats them better for being thinner.
And you can't stand that because it means that you don't get to keep living the lifestyle
you want.
This lifestyle that you're desperately trying to push as normal and healthy and that there's
(28:59):
nothing wrong with being morbidly obese.
There's nothing wrong with being chubby.
It's nothing wrong with having a little extra weight.
Oh gosh.
Morbidly obese is dangerous.
And I'm tired of that being presented as the way to go.
But what happens is you see these people do this and you're mad at yourself because you're
like, oh my God, oh my God.
That was, that was someone that we could all say, see, it's okay to be this way.
(29:19):
And now they're saying it's not.
And they've changed.
They're horrible people.
Instead of they're not horrible people.
You're just upset because now instead of good for them for making themselves a priority
and taking their health into their hands.
And then on the flip side, the people who make fun of fat people trying to get better,
it's also, it is this kind of like territorial aggression where you're really concerned that
(29:43):
they're going to do better than you.
For some reason people just don't like others getting better.
I have surrounded myself with amazing cheerleaders, you being one of them who have nonstop supported
this journey of mine and have never sat there and been like, well, what if Hannah loses
more weight than me?
Or what if this happens to Hannah?
Like, they're just like, oh my God, like I'm so happy.
This is so cool.
(30:03):
But there, and we'll talk about it in the next podcast episode next week, but there
are people who are going to be like, no, people can't, no, I don't want people getting better
because then they're going to be better than me and then I'm going to get left behind and
I don't want to end like that's where you get a lot of the shame and stigma is from
people that don't like that you're getting more attention than them and that you're potentially
(30:25):
doing better than them.
So when you get these people saying easy way out, you're upset that I have lost more weight
than you or that I am further ahead in my journey than you.
So you're trying to find any way you can to diminish my journey, to make yourself feel
better about yours.
You can't compare our journeys, bro.
Like do what you want to do.
(30:45):
I'll do what I want to do.
But you can't just come out hating on people because they took the time to share this socially,
build a following, gain a lot of confidence.
People like following them and you're jealous that you're not an influencer.
What matters is that people are taking their needs, their health themselves and making
it a priority.
And I would argue we have had, this is not an easy way out in the sense that if anything,
(31:11):
it's one of the harder ways because I could diet myself, I could go to the gym myself,
I could keep trudging along and having my slow progress and going up my hills and valleys
that I had and that was just kind of the norm.
But in order for me to go to the, I'm going to say the extreme of surgery because it is
a big deal, I had to admit that I failed and I had to admit that I needed help and I had
(31:35):
to admit that I couldn't do it on my own and then put that out there for everyone to see
and to know and that I have to sit there and say in order, like you said, regain in order
for this to succeed, I need to change my entire mental outlook on food, on myself, on my life,
(32:00):
on my priorities.
It is, I think again, anything but easy to have to say, to have to say I failed and I
can't do it and I need help.
That to me is one of the hardest things to do in any area of your life is to admit failure
and to ask for help.
For some people.
(32:20):
And that takes more strength than suffering through alone and trying to do this.
And listen, not everything works for everyone.
If it did, we'd have no alcoholics, we'd have no smokers, we'd have everybody running
marathons and be able to build their own cars and do what they need to do.
Not everything works for others.
That's why some of us do better in school and others do better in creative fields.
(32:41):
That's why some of us are better athletes at one sport, not the other.
I cannot ice skate for the life of me.
My dad was almost a semi-pro hockey player and I think it broke his heart when I was
like, I don't want to do this because my bangs are in my eyes and my feet hurt.
And he looked at my mom like, we need to have a boy.
But I was amazing at softball, like baseball.
Like I excelled at it.
He's like, none of us, we're, huh?
(33:04):
And then my brothers played hockey.
Like you're all different at different things.
So great that you can go to the gym and do this on your own, but other people learn and
grow in different ways.
So let them do whatever they have to do to get where they're going.
I think the big thing that we should cover too in this episode before it wraps up is
the stigma.
So we talked about the shame and, but I'm sure there's people being like, well, how
(33:27):
do I deal with it?
Should I even post that I'm doing this?
And so the answer's not going to be great for some, but it's going to be, yes, post
it, post it.
And who cares?
Ignore the haters.
And that's not easy because a lot of us who were obese have major self-esteem issues.
I still do.
I still don't look at myself when I pass mirrors.
(33:47):
I messaged you, what was it, like two weeks ago?
And I was like, yep.
So just feeling real fat today.
Like this is horrible.
I feel so off.
And you were like, you had pneumonia.
And I was like, doesn't matter that I had pneumonia.
Like something's wrong.
I'm gaining weight.
I went on the scale.
I am in fact not gaining weight, but I just, I have mental, mental, mental self-esteem
is a, she's, she's the worst, but I know it's going to be hard to hear us say who cares
(34:11):
what people say because you probably have judgment issues and self-esteem issues.
But what I'm going to say is you can block a lot of words and Instagram and I highly
recommend you do so they don't even come up in your comments, go surround yourself with
your cheerleaders and people that are really excited.
Now I don't mean blindly never hear criticism, but find those that are happy about your growth
(34:32):
and don't see it as-
You're going to need the support.
Yeah.
Don't find people that are going to compare themselves against you because it will always
lead to negativity.
And it's a really hard thing to work through with friends.
So unless they're like an amazingly close friend, it is really hard to work through
and it's on them, not you, but it's really hard to work through that they feel less than
and that you're leaving them behind.
(34:53):
So find your cheerleaders, find your community, but absolutely celebrate that you've had this
surgery.
This is a hard, hard surgery.
And you know what?
It's a big decision.
Post everything that led up to that surgery, post why you're excited.
My therapist had me do a really, really great exercise before I entered the program and
started.
She said, okay, why are you doing this?
And I was like, well, health reasons, I should be healthier, high blood pressure, blah, blah,
(35:17):
blah.
She's like, all right, so everybody's going to say health reasons and sure, that's important.
Get to the real stuff.
But like, what is it?
And I was like, well, I want to ride a horse for the first time.
I want to fly on an airplane and not need an extender.
I want to exercise.
Sit in a chair and not worry if it's going to break.
I want to date.
I want to get married.
Like, I want to find a husband.
Like all things that I felt my weight was holding me back from.
(35:39):
I was like, I want to look at myself and feel really good about myself.
Like, I just started making lists and she was like, focus on why you're doing this surgery.
And she wouldn't let me put like, I want to be skinny.
That wasn't allowed.
But she said, you know, write the list and then focus on that.
And so that's my advice.
When you're feeling like stigma is coming for you and you feel shame about putting this
(35:59):
out socially or talking about it, remember why you're doing it and make that list of
things.
Not health related, not because you want to look skinny.
Yes, those are important, but like there's more that's motivating you to do this.
And that's what you focus on when you post and you share because nobody's going to be
able to take it away from you.
No bro from the gym being like easy way out, yo, stop eating, yo.
(36:22):
No fat acceptance person saying you're fat full.
But like, it doesn't matter how loud they yell that stuff.
You push right through it and go, I'm going to ride a horse and I'm going to be able to
be on an airplane without an extender and I'm going to be able to ride the rides at
Disney and I'm probably going to run for the first time in my life.
And I can tell you, I did every single one of those things.
(36:42):
And I cried when I rode a horse for the first time.
I don't doubt it.
And I posted that all over social.
And you know what was funny?
When I posted that trip, I didn't get any easy way out sir, you know, fat phobic.
I got, Oh my God, look how happy you look.
And this is so amazing and great photos.
The literal and proverbial weight that comes off your shoulders when you can do those things
(37:04):
in life without having to worry.
And we kind of touched upon it on the first episode and we'll dig into it more in another
one.
And it's constant when you are obese and morbidly obese, being obese is, I'm not even exaggerating.
It is on your mind from the minute you open your eyes to the minute you close them.
Every element of your day focuses around being obese.
(37:26):
And when you can eliminate that and you can take that off your shoulders, that is such
a massive win.
And I mean, if we just strip it down to the bare level about sharing surgery, the one
thing that I kind of come and jokingly made to Devin, but also was true was I know that
(37:47):
no knock on wood if everything goes well, I'm going to lose a significant amount of
weight rather quickly.
Yeah, of course.
It's going to be blatantly obvious that something has happened.
Especially, especially for me because I was doing, I was busting my butt working out for
the last year and a half.
I was, had an amazing group of women behind me.
(38:07):
I was, however you feel about beach body and body, feel however you want.
But I'm part of that community.
I was busting my butt.
I was doing the workouts.
I was seeing little results, but I was sharing that on social media.
I was being very transparent about that.
So for me, it was, I can't now all of a sudden after showing that journey and my struggles
with hormones and PCOS and perimenopause and how I'm trying to push through that and showing
(38:29):
my real results, I can't then all of a sudden not share that I had bariatric surgery.
Oh, look at it, it's been three months and I'm down 58 pounds.
Magic.
I can't do that.
I have to be transparent.
I'd rather them know why versus them being like, Hey guys, we should probably go talk
to Steph.
(38:50):
She might not have long to live.
Like I don't want people to be like, Uh-oh.
What has she caught?
Yeah, right?
Like, Oh no.
Because people will talk without clarifying.
Oh my gosh, 100% they will.
I had a friend tell me a story where she adopted a dog and her husband just couldn't come with
them to pick the dog up.
And when you adopt the dog, they take a photo the day you take the dog home.
So it was her and her kids and the dog and they were so excited.
(39:11):
Oh my gosh, she got divorced.
Her husband wasn't in it and the entire community was talking about them getting a divorce and
then she over.
So people will talk.
So you know what?
Own it, be proud of it.
In next week's episode, we're actually going to talk about family and friends, how to announce
it to them, how to get rid of the ones that you need to get rid of and it'll happen.
And we'll talk all about that.
But you, if you're ashamed and hiding it, I think it will drastically impact your success
(39:36):
here.
And so you know what?
Go ahead and use Stefani.
You know what our Instagram handles are.
And by all means, you can tell everybody that we're friends.
You can say, Oh, I have a friend or I have a colleague use me however you need.
I do not mind.
But you can absolutely use us to say, yeah, I've actually been talking to or know someone
who's done this and they've seen great success and you know, I'm proud to do this too.
(39:57):
So if you need to use us, you use us.
That's not a problem.
We'll be your fake friend.
We'll be your coworker.
We'll be your, you know, cousin thrice removed, whatever you need to do it, but share it,
be proud of it.
I proudly put it in my Instagram channel and I will say, sure, we're not big influencers
now and I'm sure if we ever blew up, we would get more hate than we do.
But you know what's a wonderful thing?
A delete button, just delete it.
(40:19):
The other thing is any comment drives engagement.
So you could just use that to continue getting money and making what you need to do.
But delete, block.
Don't, yeah.
People are worse on line than they ever will be in your face.
I've never had anybody come up to me and say anything negative in my face about this being
the easy way out.
I don't care if they talk behind my back about it.
(40:41):
Cause at the end of the day, I'm losing weight.
I look amazing.
I'm about to run a half marathon.
I got to do a ton of stuff that I've never done.
And if they spend their time talking about me, damn, your name's not come out of my mouth
once, but I'm your topic of conversation.
How flattering.
So you kind of got to adopt, you got to adopt this stigma of we are now a community.
(41:01):
Congratulations and welcome to the bariatric community.
We've got your back and be proud to wear that surgery as a really hard, really impressive
step that you did to love yourself.
Like you put yourself first, even with the fear of stigma, shame and self doubt.
And you should be damn proud of that.
(41:22):
Yeah.
Because you can make the decision and only you know what's best for you.
And ultimately deep down, you know what's right and you know what's behind it.
And it just really comes down to is the pain of staying the same, right?
Which is worse, the pain of staying the same or the pain of dealing with some stigma as
(41:43):
you improve.
That quote.
It's, and I, I, I butchered it and I know I will, but that's what it comes down to.
And that's what I had to sit there and I had to literally sit there and think, okay, I
have PCOS.
I am morbidly obese.
My body hurts.
I am not healthy.
I have perimenopause.
My thyroid goes back and forth between out of whack.
(42:04):
My cortisol is through the roof.
I am constantly tired.
Like on and on and on.
Is it worth dealing with that every single day while trying to be a mom, have a good
relationship with my kids, be there for my kids, play with my kids?
Is that pain worse than dealing with a little bit of possible blowback and stigma?
(42:29):
Not.
It's definitely a hundred percent not.
It's a great quote.
One that's heavily shared in tech.
So as soon as you said it, I went, oh my God, I remember.
Because that's what we would say when we were, you know, looking to overhaul a website or
do something.
And listen, is the pain of how bad things are now worse than the pain of overhauling
(42:53):
this and redoing it?
So Steph is right.
Is the pain of everything that you go through on a daily basis, and don't think about just
your good days, because there were good days, but think about the days where you hate how
you look, you're not able to do what your friends are doing.
You know, maybe you're single and struggling to date while obese, but is the pain of that
life harder than entering the surgical program and dealing with maybe some stigma?
(43:18):
I guarantee you it's not.
So I found it.
So I've got two, I've got two for you as we wrap up.
Here we go.
Ending the podcast with some strong quotes.
Right.
Okay.
So the pain of staying the same needs to be more than the pain of change.
So that's the first one.
So if that means you need to sit down and make a list, sit down and make a list.
(43:39):
And it may not be a decision that you make overnight.
I went back and forth with this for a long time, but with the weeks between when I was
presented with the surgery option to when I went into the program was a constant battle.
And a lot of it was around the stigma, the judgment, more so than the benefits and the
health side.
(43:59):
So I did, I sat down and I made a list.
So that's what you need to do.
Do it.
Then the second one is your goals and dreams don't care if it's inconvenient.
So think about that one.
If your goal and your dream is to go on that horseback ride, right?
Go on that canoe ride, go on the Disney rides, be able to run in the soccer field with your
(44:22):
friends, be able to go up the stairs without being winded, be able to get up off the couch
and your knees don't crack and hurt.
If that's what it is, then they don't getting rid of those and being healthy doesn't care
if there's a little bit of inconvenience where you have to go through post-op and you have
(44:43):
to recover or where you have to maybe defend your choice to a couple of people.
It doesn't matter.
If it was easy, everybody would do it.
You have to do what's best for you.
You have to put what other people think aside and you have to say, you know what?
And you have to say, you know what, for once or for this time, I am making myself a priority.
(45:04):
I am putting myself first and I am doing this for me.
Nobody can tell you that's wrong.
Nope.
There's no argument against that.
That's what we're going to cover next week.
In our next episode, we're going to talk about family, friends, the haters, but we're going
to cover how do you announce it to them?
How do you deal with objections and questions?
(45:25):
And ultimately for some, how do you say goodbye to those friends and family members that will
not serve you on this journey?
So it's going to be a deep topic, I think, but one that really needs to be covered.
So I'm excited about next week and I'm excited to chat with you all about that.
But I think Steph ended this podcast beautifully with those quotes.
(45:48):
Oh, thanks.
It was good.
Something to think about between now and next week.
Yeah, something to noodle on, but we'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening along.
We absolutely love all of you on this journey.
Let us know in the comments on social what topics and things you want us to tackle and
talk about.
No matter how big, no matter how small, no matter how potentially controversial they
(46:09):
are, we want to make sure that we bring you all the knowledge and personal experience
we can.
But just thanks for being a listener.
Thanks guys.
See you next week.
Bye everybody.
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