February 3, 2025 • 51 mins
Telling your loved ones about bariatric surgery can be just as tough as the surgery itself. Will they support you? Will they question your choice? Will your relationships change? In this episode, Hannah and Steph get real about the reactions they faced—both the uplifting and the downright painful—and why building a strong support system is everything.
takeaways
- It's important to have a support system during major life changes.
- Announcing your decision can help with accountability.
- Not everyone will understand or support your journey.
- Transparency about your journey can foster understanding.
- You may need to say goodbye to unsupportive people.
- Owning your story is crucial for self-acceptance.
- Prepare for a range of reactions when sharing your news.
- It's okay to take your time in announcing your decision.
- Focus on the positive aspects of your journey.
- Change is a process that requires patience and support. Support from loved ones is crucial during weight loss journeys.
- Objections often stem from concern, but can also reflect personal insecurities.
- It's important to communicate health reasons for surgery to address concerns.
- Not all friends will support your transformation; some may feel threatened.
- Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you.
- Change can lead to the need for reevaluating relationships.
- It's okay to distance yourself from unsupportive friends or family.
- Health issues can justify the need for surgery beyond aesthetics.
- Personal growth may lead to changes in social dynamics.
- Self-care and prioritizing your journey is essential.
🎧 Tune in now and remember: you are NOT just "the fat friend." You deserve love, support, and a community that lifts you up.
#BariatricBanter #BariatricSurgery #WeightLossJourney #SelfLove #HealthTransformation #SupportMatters
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey Steph, welcome to episode four of the Bariatric Banter podcast.
(00:12):
I can't believe we're on episode four.
I know, I didn't really think we would, okay, I thought we'd stick with it, so that's terrible
to say, but I didn't think anybody would listen.
I'm super pumped.
There's a ton of people.
I know.
Super pumped.
I love it.
I like it too.
I think we've got a great topic today, but more importantly, how was the past week for
(00:34):
you?
Still winter.
Hey, it is.
Yeah, surprise, that didn't change.
I know.
So winter, I couldn't believe we already have to sign up for Summer Sports.
I got that email this week.
Yeah.
So, I mean, that's like my, on one hand, I was like, really?
But it's my glimmer of hope that we're cresting the hill.
(00:56):
Winter is working its way out and we're going to get past this.
Yeah.
I feel the same.
I am starting my 10K training program this week.
Amazing.
Tis the time because-
So exciting.
It is, and it's also like, okay, yeah, I guess I have to get back to exercising now.
(01:18):
Like, yes, this is a real thing.
But did past Hannah ever think she would run a 10K?
No.
Right?
I think I'm going to restart this week because it's officially two months to the date that
my race is.
So, no, I never thought that I'd be here.
The pneumonia is just still kicking my butt a little bit.
So I think it's more just anxiety and fear that like, oh no, what if this is hard?
(01:40):
It's going to be hard.
I don't think anybody runs a 10K and is like, you know what that was?
Slice of life right there.
So it's going to be hard for sure.
That's so exciting though.
Yeah.
I think it's not like-
Goals.
Drop and never get up hard.
But-
No, gosh, no, you'll crush it.
(02:00):
I think it'll be good.
And just the fact, even like, let's be real.
Even if you just, let's say you don't crush it, but even to just do it and finish it,
it's such, like look at where you were two years ago.
No.
To even be entering a 10K and to even be doing it and putting yourself out there and like
going for it, that is hashtag goals right there.
(02:22):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is pretty exciting.
I'm pretty, yeah, I hope it goes well.
So this week was just a lot of getting the plan ready to go.
I use a cool app called Runa.
Nobody sponsors this podcast because we have like a hundred people that listen, but I like
Runa.
It's pretty much, it's my favorite app.
(02:43):
It's pricey, but I have found the value in it.
So it was exciting to get back into that, to get it all set up again and to kind of,
I fell into my pre pneumonia groove where I was like, Oh man, yeah, I kind of loved
having my plans and being at the gym and doing all this stuff.
So it was, yeah, it was a good week because I'm both excited and nervous to get back into
(03:04):
training.
Love it.
Love it.
It's going to be good.
Are you excited about this week's topic?
You know what?
It's going to be, it's going to be interesting.
I think this is going to be last week's topic and this week's topic, I think are going to
be somewhere I'm going to get some messages and this is a good thing.
Like please don't hesitate.
Okay.
But after our first episode, and I think this is part of, I have to cut, I have to go back
(03:29):
and listen to it again too because it's been at some time now, but I think it's one of
those things where we're getting into the personal stuff.
We're getting into some things that maybe people didn't know about us or realize about
us.
And I had a couple people reach out to me after our first episode and say, people that
I've grown up with for my entire life, reach out and say Steph, like I have to tell you,
(03:50):
it broke my heart to hear you talk about when you were a kid and you felt alone because
I didn't know that that's how you felt.
And I don't, number one, I appreciate it.
I appreciate the reach outs and the messages, but I have to go back and listen because I
don't even, I don't even remember what I said.
(04:11):
But I think this is going to be another one of those episodes where we just put stuff
up on the table and people might be surprised, people may not like it.
But I think as we get into these episodes now, you're going to start to maybe learn
things you didn't know or see sides of us that you didn't know.
And I think that's good for people to hear.
I think that's good for us to talk about as somebody who's going through the journey.
(04:33):
Therapy is a part of the journey.
And I think getting a lot of this out is really good for us too.
So I'm excited to talk about this one.
Yeah, I can't wait.
So this week we're going to be talking about family, friends and saying goodbye to the
haters.
Bye Felicia.
Yeah, peace out.
Bye Karen.
See you Felicia.
I love that movie.
It's such a good movie.
(04:54):
It's going to be a hot topic in the sense that we are going to recommend that you cut
people out of your life.
Now we'll get to that when we get to it and it's not going to be as harsh as it sounds.
It might be.
But there may be some goodbyes.
Yeah, there might be.
And I think that's part of the thing that you just kind of have to come to terms with.
(05:15):
And it has nothing to do with bariatric surgery.
This could be if you were trying to lose weight, if you were, I don't know, trying to quit
smoking, if you were going to do xyz, any big life change, there is a really large chance
that you're going to need to say goodbye to people who just are no longer going to support
that journey or support you.
And we'll talk about kind of the detriment of maybe not saying goodbye to them as well.
(05:39):
But yeah, this is an episode that, oh boy, I would say overwhelmingly everybody has asked
me to talk about, you know, how did you tell your family?
When did you tell your family?
How did your family react?
Are they supportive?
Are they not supportive?
What about your friends?
So I know Steph has had the same.
We've had different reactions.
We've had similar reactions.
(06:00):
I think we each have horror stories and good stories to share, but we felt like it was
the right time to talk to everybody about, you know, how do you announce this?
How do you handle objections and questions?
What questions are appropriate?
And then how do you say goodbye to people that will not build you up on this journey?
Yes.
Yeah.
It's going to be a tough one, I think, for some people to hear.
(06:21):
It was tough for me to hear because I was kind of an oblivion to it and then realized,
yeah, there's...
And by saying goodbye, we don't mean that you have to be like, hey, bud, you can no
longer ever speak to me.
You're deleted out of my phone and you're dead to me.
It's more like, do you really need to spend your time with that person as much?
Probably not.
(06:42):
And should you maybe just do group outings with that person?
Probably.
More of an outer circle than an inner circle.
You don't need to do it in your everyday vicinity.
Exactly.
That's a great way to do it.
But I think that the best part for us to start with is at the very beginning, how do you
announce this?
So do you even announce it?
(07:03):
How did we tell our family?
How did we tell people we were doing it?
I think a lot of people want to know how we did it and then would we do it differently
and what's our advice to them?
Yeah.
Steph, you did yours most recently, so...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I kind of did it in stages, I guess you could say.
(07:25):
I told my mom first.
And then obviously she told my dad.
So I told my parents first and then I kind of brought it up from there.
I kept it very small at the beginning.
Part of that was because I was presented with the option for surgery and I didn't make my
decision on the spot.
But after my doctor appointment, I called my mom and I said, this is what was suggested
(07:48):
and there was a little bit of shock from her and from me.
To be totally honest, I did not expect that to come out of my doctor's office because
it had never been something that had been brought up to me.
I hadn't really thought about it.
I was not expecting it.
So I was also a little bit shocked, but intrigued and curious.
(08:08):
So I started there.
Then I told my brother and my sister-in-law, my immediate family, let that kind of simmer
for a little bit.
And then I thought I'm going to leave it there for a little bit because I still had to figure
out what I was doing.
And once I...
That process took a lot of time, as we talked about on the last episode, because you're
(08:31):
worried about what people are going to think and the judgment and et cetera.
So I decided that, you know what, I'm not going to go out and tell any more individual
people.
I had a couple of really close friends that I was kind of chatting about and saying, hey,
I'm thinking about doing this.
I don't know.
Just kind of feeling it out and getting some of their thoughts and feedback to help me
make my decision.
(08:51):
But I hadn't told a lot of people in my family or circle.
And I decided, you know what, if I'm going to do this, I'm just going to do this.
So I'd been talking to my friend Denise, who's listening.
Hi, Denise.
I've been talking to her about it and she's really great at...
She's been very great and is still very great at helping me with my whole issue about always
(09:12):
worrying what people are going to think.
And she was one of the people that really nailed into me that only I know what's best
and I have to make the decision that's best for me and blocked out everything else.
And I knew kind of deep down that I was going to go through it.
I knew that this was the right thing for me.
So I decided, you know what, I'm going to do it.
(09:32):
And it was the day that I was actually going to her...
She does a health and wellness retreat, which is amazing.
And I was at her house.
We were getting ready for the retreat.
And I said to her, I'm like, okay, you know what, I'm going to do this.
I'm going to put it out there.
I'm going to put it on social media.
I'm doing this.
I'm just going to blast it.
I'm going to go for it.
And she was like, really?
I said, yeah, if I'm going to do it, then I'm just going to bite the bullet and do it.
(09:54):
I'm not going to go tell all these one off people because somebody is going to say something
that I'm going to second guess it again.
That like, I don't, I'm just going to rip off the band-aid.
So I went on Instagram from her house.
I did a story and I said, here's the deal.
I'm having my surgery.
I'm having bariatric surgery.
This is what's happening.
And I hit post and let it go.
(10:17):
And then I remember going to her retreat that afternoon.
And it was really funny because we pulled these cards.
They're like Oracle cards.
You've never heard of Oracle cards.
They have little like guidance sayings on them and stuff.
And you flip them over and you shuffle them and you kind of seal around on them and you
pull one and it's supposed to give you your intention for the day or something to think
(10:40):
about.
And it was really creepy because I hadn't pulled up on my board.
But the one card that I pulled that day is it says, your intention wants to be heard,
given space to flourish.
Reminder, you have to get quiet in order to hear what your intuition is telling you.
And I was like, it's telling me I have to do this.
(11:01):
Like I know what my body is saying.
I know what my intuition is saying.
I made the right decision.
I'm going to do this.
And from there, I didn't have any individual conversations from people.
I just kept sharing on social media.
And I would have some people message me here and there, but I decided if I'm going to do
it, I'm just going to do it.
I'm going to tell those, tell my parents.
I told my brother, my sister-in-law, like I said, a couple of really close friends.
(11:25):
I told you, obviously.
And then I just went to the masses because I personally knew that if I kept having those
individual conversations, I knew I was going to get some negative feedback.
I knew the stigma was out there.
I didn't want my seer of judgment to cloud that.
And I knew that if I heard more of that than positive, it would.
(11:48):
So I just went the mass route, put it on my social media, and that was it.
And away she goes.
Yeah, I knew you were doing it because you had been following me.
And so you had definitely reached out to me to say, hey, I'm thinking of doing this.
And I gave you a lot of insight and info, which is really as much as I could.
(12:11):
I really should have maybe written this down to remember it because it was years ago.
But I remember I didn't want to tell anybody.
I wanted to keep it to myself.
So I had just gone to my doctor and said, hey, I think I want to do this.
What do you think?
I had actually told a neighbor who happens to be taking her PhD in like, not nutrition
(12:36):
or something, but around kind of health and movement and stuff for the government.
So I just remember I'm going to tell her and see what her initial reaction is.
And she was like, oh, OK.
But I did a lot of my own research and read what a lot of people had said and watched
a lot of online things.
And so I really didn't want to tell my mom because I thought she's going to be super
judgmental and like if she's listening, sorry, but you can tend to be judgmental.
(13:00):
So I thought for sure I was going to tell her.
And I don't know, I thought she was going to be like, no, this is so dumb.
Don't do this.
And I don't know why I thought that.
But I did.
So I really drugged my feet for a while.
And then I finally remember we were home one day and I think we were just sitting outside
in the backyard.
And I was like, hey, so I talked to my doctor about bariatric surgery and I think I might
(13:23):
do this.
And then I went into this very long spiel about everything I had learned about it because
I like with anxiety, was it completely anxious to be like, I have to tell her everything
about surgery so she knows I'm really serious about this and that I'm going to blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So I just kind of outright ranted that this is what I was doing.
But she was super fucking supportive of it, thought it was a really great idea.
(13:44):
She's a retired nurse.
So I think she knows a lot about it.
She asked questions.
I think initially she thought maybe she's not actually going to do this.
I think she was supportive.
But at the same time, I felt like there was a little like, yeah, okay, sure.
We've been down this road before where she said she's going to do something and then
doesn't do it.
And because of COVID, I must add, I was in the program for well over like a year and
(14:08):
a half.
So there was, I'm sure there were moments where a lot of people were like, she's not
actually doing this.
Like she lied.
No, it was just COVID.
Thanks so much.
So I told her and she was really supportive.
And then I remember thinking, okay, I got to tell my friends and I really didn't want
to because I, it was almost like admitting I was obese and like I, you know, to an extent,
(14:33):
you know you are, but you don't ever want to admit it.
So it was just like, I don't want to tell them because then they're going to be like,
oh my God, you're fat.
It's like, yeah, that's, that's going to be what makes them think you're fat a hundred
percent.
So I told everybody individually, just kind of slowly, like if we were out for lunch or
out somewhere, I was like, so I'm looking into this, like I'm looking into kind of doing
(14:56):
this and this is what it's going to be like.
And yeah.
And they were like, oh, overwhelmingly really supportive.
Oh, I had a friend of a friend who did it.
I had a friend of a friend who did it.
And I was like, yeah, everybody now seems to know someone who did it.
So yeah, I just kind of told people individually.
And then I don't remember the exact day, but I'm pretty sure I ripped the bandaid off and
(15:18):
posted it socially.
I actually, and this is terrible.
I should have researched before the podcast.
Sorry folks.
Steph's more prepared than me.
I might not have.
I genuinely might not have put it out on social that I was doing this until it was like really
close to happening.
Cause I definitely documented like my two week pre-op liquid diet.
(15:41):
I took photos at the hospital.
Like at that point it was definitely there, but I think I almost just told all my friends.
And so I just casually started mentioning that I was having this on social.
Cause at that point everyone in my life knew I was doing this.
And I told work.
So this is a very interesting one as well.
Work knew very well in advance.
(16:02):
I had a great boss at the time shout out to Roger at hashtag.
He was a great boss at the time.
Wonderful human, but I thought I'm going to need a lot of time off from work.
And I was excited.
Like I genuinely was so excited to do this.
So I did reach out and say like, just so you know, like I'm entering a bariatric program.
I'm going to have bariatric surgery.
(16:22):
I don't know the date yet, but I will need time off.
And I just wanted to let you know, you know, do I need to let HR know?
So it took so long to have surgery.
I ended up not actually even working at that company that had surgery, which is kind of
funny, but yeah, I, I just started to not care.
And it was in a good way, like work had so many questions, but in the best possible way.
(16:45):
And they were so excited for it.
I remember the only sentiment I can remember because I can't remember exact details from
three years ago, but the sentiment I remember was just like, well, this is going to be so
big for you in a really good way.
And like really great questions.
And there are things that we'll cover in a few minutes in the podcast that, you know,
(17:06):
maybe could have gone better, but overall I chose to tell people individually and I
just kept it as like, yeah, I'm exploring doing this.
I'm talking to my doctor.
We're both really excited about it, but it's something that, yeah, I'm probably going to
do.
And that's just kind of how I told them, except for my mom, who I went into great, great elaborate
detail with out of fear that she would be like, I'm judging you.
(17:29):
She wasn't, I just kept it really vague and open and told everybody, yes, what I'm doing.
And they were like, oh, okay, cool.
And I was like, yeah, cool.
Perfect.
Cool.
And then eventually like questions and things came up after, but we're going to cover that.
But that's, I think how both of us did our announcements, which I mean, very similar.
(17:49):
There was a social element to it.
We told people individually and we kind of just told them what we felt like doing.
So I think the big question that we always get here, Steph, is twofold.
Do I have to tell my family?
There's a lot of people on social who are like, I just think I'm not going to tell anybody.
Yeah, I'm just not going to tell them.
(18:10):
And then the other question that we get overwhelmingly is like, well, what advice would you have
for me to tell my family?
So I think before we go into the messy side of this, I think it's probably good just to
cover what would we recommend for announcing to people?
Yeah.
I think, I mean, we kind of chatted about this last week too.
And I think for me, my advice is just own it and put it out there.
(18:33):
It's hard because like I said, for us, a lot of the time this is admitting that we need
help and it's admitting that we failed when we tried to do it ourselves and we couldn't
and we need that extra tool and we need that extra support and help.
And I think the first part is realizing that that's okay.
And that's not a bad thing.
(18:54):
And so for me, announcing it was part of the process.
It was part of me admitting that this is where I am.
This is where I got myself.
But now I'm ready to pull up my bootstraps and fix it.
And this is how I'm fixing it.
And I wanted to be transparent and honest because obviously I'm going to be going through
(19:14):
changes both mentally, emotionally, physically.
I didn't want those changes to seem like they were out of nowhere.
I wanted there to be context.
I wanted people to know where this was coming from.
I wanted them to see the work that was going into this, that this is not easy, but that
I am doing this.
I wanted to also have that level of accountability for myself because if I shared it, everybody
(19:39):
knew what I was doing and I knew that they'd be watching.
Number one, because people are nosy and because of the stigma.
But Janet, we are just nosy as human beings.
So I knew that if I put it out there, people are going to watch.
And then I have to be accountable.
So there was a lot of reasons why it wasn't easy to do.
It wasn't easy to record that video and put it out there.
(20:01):
But I knew that for me, it was the right thing to do.
And I think personally, it's just a key part of the journey and of the process and just
owning who you are, owning your story, owning how you got here and what you're going to
do about it moving forward.
And like we said, you're going to lose weight.
It's going to happen.
(20:22):
You're going to change.
It's going to be obvious that you've done something.
So I don't think this is something you should be ashamed of or hide.
I think you should own it.
I've got scars.
I'm going to own those scars.
For me, I say 100% you put it out there.
Yeah, I think my advice is probably going to be very similar.
(20:43):
I think you own the story.
It's something that I tell companies when I work for them.
If you don't own the story, somebody else is going to.
And that's 100% here.
If you don't want to tell people, people are going to talk.
People are going to make assumptions.
They're going to say things.
Sure, you might not hear it because it'll be behind your back, which is honestly worse.
(21:03):
Nobody wants that.
But wouldn't you rather just control the story and the narrative and show confidence and
excitement that you chose to do this and this is what you're doing versus having people
nonstop talk behind your back or say things that...
So control the story yourself.
I think however you want to do it's your choice.
I don't think it needs to go out on social.
I don't think everybody and their mom needs to know that you're doing this.
(21:24):
Choose who you want to tell and why you want to tell them.
But I think just know going into it when you're talking to them, if this is something that
you're absolutely going to do, then lead with that.
I'm doing this.
This is something that I am doing so that this isn't open for interpretation.
I'm not here for your general consensus unless you are.
(21:48):
If that's what you're going into it, then just be clear with them what you're looking
for.
Are you looking for their feedback on should I do this, which is how I approached it with
my mom?
Or is it, hey, I've made this decision.
My mom's on board.
My doctor's on board.
I just wanted to let you know that this would be happening and I'm excited.
I think it's always important to maybe add that part on at the end that this is something
(22:09):
that you are excited for.
You don't want to just have people blow smoke up your ass, but I do think it's important
to set the tone that this is something that's exciting for me.
And then if somebody chooses to knock you down, okay, well, I just told you that I'm
very excited for this, but thanks so much for continuing to try to drag me down.
(22:30):
So yeah, I'd say tell people it's going to be very odd if you just all of a sudden start
dropping a ton of weight and you're not.
People will be worried for your health.
They're going to be worried about what's going on.
But also just think about don't you want to celebrate this and be excited?
Look what you did.
Yeah, be really... And sure, you could try to tell people it's through exercise and weight
loss, but they're going to watch you and they're going to see that you're barely eating.
(22:52):
You aren't going to be exercising as much as you should be for the massive amount of
weight loss you're going to have at the beginning.
And it's just going to lead to people being very concerned for your health and your wellbeing.
And God forbid anything goes wrong.
God forbid you struggle with recovery after, or you need some support to get moving.
You're having surgery.
You're in the hospital, you're under general anesthetic.
You are having surgery.
(23:12):
You will need help for a day or two.
You can't drive home.
There are certain people you have to tell.
You don't have to tell the world, but you got to tell somebody.
And I know there's the fear of the comments you're going to get.
When I told people directly, was it all positive?
No.
Was there initial shock?
(23:33):
Yes.
Were there comments made about, well, what about Ozempic instead?
Or, can you just keep eating really clean and exercise instead?
Do you really have to go this route?
There were those conversations, yes, but they were important conversations and they still
needed to be had.
(23:54):
And those people still needed to be told.
So it wasn't all bright and sunny, but it was still important for me to put that out
there and like you said, Anna, to tell them that I'm doing this for me.
I'm excited for this.
This is a decision that I am making and this is happening.
Exactly.
And so I do recommend you tell people and that's how I would probably tell them.
(24:19):
And like we said, you don't have to tell everybody, but we recommend that you just tell somebody
that this is what you're doing.
And this is something that you've decided that you're going to kind of move forward
on.
They're going to ask you these questions if you're a Canadian anyway, they're going to
ask you these questions.
(24:41):
Are you getting support?
Did you tell your family?
How are they taking it?
So it will, I think, make it harder.
It will come up.
But I think that leads into like a really great conversation about, I don't want to
tell them because they're going to be, they're going to object to it or what types of questions
are they going to ask and how do I handle that?
And I think we're not trying to sugar coat it.
(25:03):
It will happen.
I don't think it's safe to say that everybody in your life is going to support this and
be happy about it.
And it can be intimidating to want to tell people things because you're excited and you
know that there's a potential they're going to bring you down and they're going to try
to dissuade you and say things that really suck.
So yes, we support you announcing it and we do encourage you finding your own way to tell
(25:27):
at least someone that you're doing this.
It doesn't have to be on social until you're ready and you might never be ready and that's
okay.
But be prepared that there will be objections and questions.
You're going to get people who are shocked.
Almost everybody I told was shocked.
Like they never knew what was that.
(25:49):
Right?
And that's what kind of boggled my mind.
I was like, you've been there my whole life.
You've seen what I've gone through.
You've seen what I've tried.
You've seen me do this XYZ diet.
And then when I tell them this, a lot of overwhelming response was, really?
You're what?
You're going to do that?
(26:09):
Well, I don't know.
I didn't expect people.
I expected some judgment, but I didn't expect that many people to be surprised.
Yeah, I think there was a little like, whoa, okay, whoa, whoa, this is happening.
(26:29):
And so there was a little bit of that.
I'm not going to deny it.
There definitely was a little bit of like, whoa.
I don't think I had any objections from anybody.
I think, yeah, the main person I wanted info from was my mom and she was very, very supportive
of this makes sense.
Let's get going.
(26:50):
You know, whoop, whoop, whoop.
But there were objections that came from interesting other places.
I remember I had a friend and they happened to be in the healthcare industry and I kind
of told them I was doing this and immediately they wanted to talk about all the negative
side effects and things that they have seen.
(27:10):
You know, well, I see all these people coming into the ER and they do this and they do this
and you know, this and they're that and like telling me horror stories about how dehydrated
they are and they're super malnourished and they're just, they're not allowed to eat anything
they want to eat and they're all miserable and they all end up in the ER and like just
decided like that was the time to tell me these stories.
And I remember thinking, okay, well, you're in the ER.
(27:31):
So of course you're going to see the worst.
But like a lot of people do really well with it.
And I was like, I'll take that risk, but I think I'm going to be, I'm going to be okay
doing this.
But I just remember being like, okay, come on.
Like why did you choose that time to tell me all of this?
Like way to bring me right down.
Like I don't want to hear that.
(27:51):
So I am a bit more lucky than some where I didn't have outright objections.
I didn't have anybody say you shouldn't be doing this.
There's other ways to do this.
Like, are you sure you need to do something so severe?
I was lucky that most of my friends at this point had known someone that had done it.
I'd say that was the only major hurdle to overcome was that one person.
And for a split second, I said that one person will no longer be in my life if this is how
(28:15):
they're going to be because I don't want people lying to me, but I want people that are excited
for my journey.
Like I never want people to hide the truth.
Yes.
But like you can tell me that you have concerns, but not like that.
Like you don't need to...
There's a right way to do it.
Exactly.
Like you could have been like, whoa, yeah, like, you know, make sure you drink your water
(28:36):
or like stay really, you know, follow their advice because I do see a lot of people come
into the ER that aren't in the best state because, you know, they didn't listen, for
example.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I do know that if I don't take my vitamins and blah, blah, blah, like there are ways
to express your concern that isn't like the way that happened with this person who is
still in my life.
Yeah, that's too bad.
(28:57):
But it was, I didn't like it.
But outside of that, I'd say almost everybody, everybody was like really supportive.
I'm sure they talked about it behind my back and I didn't realize, I'm sure they were messaging
each other being like, oh my God, can you believe this is happening?
What?
Holy shit.
Everybody was like, yeah, super supportive, like good for you, good luck, hope you do
it.
(29:17):
And then obviously after the fact, no matter what their thought was, boy, does their tune
change as soon as they see the results and the success and they see you shedding the
weight.
Like all these people that I've never heard from for years have come out of the woodworks
to be like, I watch your stories and I see you do this.
And like people I used to work with who like I don't speak to at all have sent me these
massive novels about, oh my God, you look so good.
(29:40):
You're so attractive now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like weird, weird thing to tell a colleague, but yes, thank you.
I've had, I've had people, this is, this gets me and I don't know how to take it because
part of me is super appreciative of the message and part of me just sits there with this look
on my face, like the nerve.
I have had people, a couple now, I'd probably say, I don't know, three or four who have
(30:04):
reached out of people who I went to, I guess you call it senior public school, like grade
seven, eight, like that middle and early high school who were not the nicest people to me,
who were in that group that didn't quite let me in, but I had like overlapping friends.
So they kind of had to deal with me.
(30:26):
I've had quite a few of those individuals reach out over the past couple weeks and months
since the surgery with those kind of, oh my gosh, you, this is amazing.
Like you look phenomenal.
You should be so proud of yourself.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I'm following your stories all the time.
This is fantastic.
And so part of me is like, thanks for reaching out.
(30:47):
Like, you know, thanks for taking the time to do that.
On the flip side, what the hell?
Like I haven't heard a word from you since you made fun of me in grade seven, but now
you want to throw me praise.
Like it's, it's been very interesting, very interesting.
Yeah, so be prepared that there could be objections.
(31:12):
And it's not rare.
So if you have objections, just know you're not alone.
A lot of people do face objections.
And I think it's okay for people to be concerned about surgery.
Like, oh, that's a major surgery.
Do you know the risks?
Are you like, I think it's okay for people to question, like, are you prepared for this?
Like, did you just run into this head first or do you know, you know, what could happen?
(31:34):
And I think that's okay.
And I will say that the risks are very, very minimal for surgery like this, but they're
not zero.
There's always a risk.
It's still surgery at the end of the day.
Yep.
So you have to understand too, that I think sometimes objections are coming from a place
of well, I'm, I'm worried about you going under the knife.
I'm worried about, yep.
And that's, that's what I find.
(31:55):
But the main questions that I think you're going to get are going to be, okay, tell me
about the surgery.
What are the risks?
Have you thought about it?
What's going to happen?
Like all things that you can, I think, easily answer the questions that are going to be
a bit harder and definitely did come up are, well, do you need it?
Well, do you need to have the surgery?
(32:16):
Can't you just do this on your own?
Do you really need to go that extreme?
Yeah.
Oh, it's pretty invasive.
Don't you think you should try something else first?
So it did come up and what I told people was I had been trying to do this on my own for
over 30 years.
If it was going to work, it would have worked by now.
And I don't want to spend another 30 years trying and failing to get this to work.
(32:40):
I want to start living my life.
I want to be able to do all the things I want to do.
You've seen me try and fail and get bigger.
You've seen this happening for the last 30 years and the last five years have been the
worst.
So I don't want to spend another 30 years doing this.
I don't want to spend another 30 years single, alone, unable to do the things that I want
(33:01):
to do and hating my body and struggling to lose weight.
It's just not a life that I want to spend 30 years constantly thinking about my weight
and not actually getting where I want to get to.
So that's how I handled major objections and questions like couldn't you have just done
it yourself?
And then the final way that I handled a lot of it was I said, I have a lot of things that
(33:23):
you can't see.
I have high blood pressure.
I have high cholesterol.
I'm pre-diabetic.
I'm losing feeling in my right leg due to neuropathy and I've got a bulging disc in
my back.
And nobody can see this obviously.
And while my answer should be good enough to just say I'm doing it, sometimes people
need more.
(33:44):
And so I would constantly lean on those to say, you want to know why I'm having surgery?
These reasons.
And that almost was enough where they went, oh, Hannah, I had no idea.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, it's so smart of you to do this.
So when in doubt, throw the health statistics at them.
Because I think a lot of people look at this as, oh, you just want to be skinny.
(34:04):
Yeah, I do.
Like you are skinny.
You don't get it.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I desperately want to not be in a big body, but that's not good enough for a lot
of people.
They think you should just be fine with how you are and who you are.
But once you start throwing major, major health issues at them, they immediately change their
tune to, oh my God, I'm so proud of you.
Oh, good for you.
So even if you don't have any, just if you have to, the easiest way to get people off
(34:27):
your back is to talk about the health things that are going to happen.
So I did say I have all those things and this is going to reverse them.
Oh my God, it is.
Yeah, it actually will reverse.
But then you can totally do it.
Oh my God, that's incredible, Hannah.
Though what an incredible opportunity.
You should definitely do it.
Thank you so much.
I'm also going to lose a lot of weight and feel fine as fuck.
But yeah, thank you so much.
(34:47):
Thank you.
So I did.
I pulled out the health statistics and my final thing was I would tell people, I would
rather walk into the operating room because I choose to rather than because I am forced
into it.
And I was coming very quickly to a head where I would have had a stroke, a heart attack,
I would have lost my leg, I would have had to have back surgery.
Like something was coming that would have led me to have to have a surgery.
(35:10):
And I would rather go into this on my own accord with excitement because I chose to
then be forced to have surgery where I don't think I would have recovered as much.
Yeah.
And I think that ties really well into, like you said, there's going to be people who are
going to ask questions and be concerned out of love and concern for your safety because
you're having surgery, which is totally valid.
(35:32):
But then you're also going to get those people who are asking because they don't necessarily
want you to change.
And those aren't what we mean by when we say you may need to say goodbye to some people.
Because whether we like to admit it or not, as somebody who is obese or morbidly obese
in a group of friends, when most of them are, we'll say skinny or average, and you are always,
(35:58):
hate to say it, but you are the fat friend.
You are.
And whether those people want to admit it or not, some of them don't want that fat friend
to disappear.
And that is a reality.
If you want, you don't want to admit it, that's fine.
But that is a big part of it too is you're no longer the fat friend.
(36:20):
Yeah.
And that's been your identity for so long.
Yeah.
And that's the part of the podcast about, well, how do I say goodbye to those that don't
build me up?
And there'll be a lot of people that say, well, I don't have to say goodbye to those
people.
You do.
My advice will be you do.
And Steph, I'll let you weigh in here in a minute on how you feel about it.
(36:42):
But I personally, and I don't come to this lightly, but if you have friends that won't
build you up, they need to go.
And they won't always be outright in your face.
They're not going to look at you and go, hey, Steph, it's absolutely stupid that you're
having this surgery and we're not going to be friends.
They're going to pull the, you're no longer the fat friend card.
And so whether you want to admit it or not, you probably are the fat friend in the group.
(37:06):
And so what happens is when you say that you're having bariatric surgery and you're excited
about your weight loss and they start Googling it and go, oh my God, Hannah's going to lose
like a hundred to 150 pounds or more.
Oh my God, Hannah's going to go from being three X and the biggest one in the group to
the smallest one in the group.
Oh no, I'm going to be the fat one in the group.
Like this is just not okay.
(37:27):
Like it's not, they don't say any of this out loud, but they start to super internalize
and freak out that you're better in your life.
And it means that they're not going to do that.
They're not going to lose weight.
They're not going to have the same success you are having.
And there's an anger and a resentment and a jealousy that comes out in different ways.
And how it comes out a lot for this is, oh, I don't think you should do that.
(37:51):
Well, I've heard a lot of people fail.
Well, a lot of people that I know have gained all the weight back and then some, well, have
you seen how much people fail and all the bad things that happen?
Like they immediately want to tell you the negative outcomes of the surgery because they
desperately want you to not do this.
And sometimes they're the friends that will just have a bite.
(38:12):
You can just have a bite.
Well, you don't have to give that up forever.
I went to the movies with a friend, a good friend that you also know as well.
And subconsciously he did not mean to do this, but it was like, I wasn't even able to eat
anything at the movie theater at this point.
I was still on like the soft food diet.
Popcorn was off limits and every two minutes he was like, he wants some M&Ms.
And at one point in the movie, I was like, if you don't stop offering me M&Ms, I'm going
(38:33):
to punch you right in the face.
And it was just subliminal that he was like, you want some of my popcorn?
You want some of my M&Ms?
I was like, I can't eat any of this.
So you'll have people that do that.
And that doesn't mean they're toxic.
Oh my gosh.
My dad still to this day goes, you want some wine?
No, dad, I haven't had alcohol in three years, but thank you so much.
Thank you.
But you'll have friends that do this maliciously without even thinking.
(38:57):
We'll just have a bite.
Well, you can just have some.
Well, I bought this for you and I want you to try it.
Well, I want you to have some of it.
It's a nice, you don't want it?
You don't find you don't want it.
Fine.
I'll just throw it away.
And you'll have people that try to get you to eat things you're not supposed to eat.
We'll try to get you to break the rules.
And as former obese people, we like when people give us permission to break the rules because
(39:20):
we feel like it means that it's okay.
So be wary of the people that want you to remain their fat friend that push breaking
the rules on you that always want to talk about the negative side effects.
Just start watching how often it happens once or twice.
You can chalk it up to their concern, but if it's the continual pattern, they are trying
(39:42):
to sabotage you.
They aren't happy for your growth.
They aren't thrilled that you're bettering yourself.
And there is a jealousy and we've all been there.
I've been very jealous of people who have managed to lose weight quickly and I don't
mean to be jealous of them, but it's my own insecurity and my own anger and I don't know
where to place it.
And I don't know how to deal with it because I was obese and I didn't know how to deal
(40:05):
with it.
And so there were times I was so mad that somebody else was skinny and losing weight
and thinner and doing better.
And even early in my career when people would get promoted before me and it was justified,
I would still be so angry.
How are they getting further ahead than me?
And I'm so far behind, but I would take it out as they didn't deserve that.
(40:26):
Oh my God, they're going to fail at that promotion.
And it was bitter and disgusting and I did not like the person I was, but it's your choice
what you want to do here.
If you want to pull them aside and say, listen, I'm really excited about this surgery, but
you keep bringing up a lot of negative things about it.
Like you're my friend and I don't want to have to focus on these negative things.
(40:46):
Like is something wrong?
Like are you really concerned about me having surgery?
Or you can do what I recommend if they're not a close friend, they're now in the outer
circle.
They only get to come when there's a group outing, you're not hanging out with them one
on one and they no longer get an opinion on surgery.
They no longer get to send you messages and texts about all the negative things that are
going to happen.
(41:07):
They can be a friend from the outside until they can prove that they can behave indoors.
They're an outdoor friend.
Like you can stay out there and you have to be comfortable doing this because it does
not take much to derail you.
And this isn't just friends, it could be family that's pulling you down.
My family's been really wonderful with supporting me.
(41:27):
My mom looks for sugar-free desserts to make.
She asks if I can have things.
She always checks with the menu before I'm coming to visit.
They send me flowers on my anniversary of surgery.
She even mailed me cards and I still have it hanging in my office right now.
It says, Hannah, can't have you walking to the mailbox for nothing.
You are doing great.
You're my hero.
Keep moving.
Did you fart?
(41:47):
That's an inside joke.
Love, mom.
Because I said, I'm going to walk to the mailbox and back for a week after surgery.
So find people that do stuff like that for you, that blow your mind, that love you, that
support you, that love hearing about what's going on, that want to hear about your weight
loss, that want to hear about recipes and things because they continuously ask me.
(42:08):
And I've heard my mom say on the phone, I love what we're learning from Hannah.
Like she's teaching us so much that we didn't know.
That's who you need to surround yourself with.
And that's my long-winded rant to say, you got to say goodbye to those who do not build
you up, whether they're family or friends.
If you want to be successful, do it, at least until you're really secure in your weight
(42:28):
loss journey to invite them back in.
Yeah.
And I think part of it, not part of it, but a lot of the onus is on us too, because there's
going to be people, like you said, who are doing it maliciously.
There's going to be people out there who are doing it subconsciously, but continually do
it.
And there's going to be people that whether they want to admit it or not, they like that
(42:49):
you're always the friend that would go out for dinner with them.
You're the friend who would always go get nachos with them.
You're the friend who would always go out for drinks.
You're the friend that when you went shopping, you didn't really like shopping.
So you would go along and just hold the bags and hold the jackets while they tried on the
clothes and give your opinion.
And you are always just that reliable person that was there for what they'd want to do.
(43:13):
Exactly.
And that's going to change because your priorities are going to change.
Your outlooks are going to change.
We're not saying you can't go eat nachos, but more than likely, you're not going to
be eating the nachos.
You're not going to want to go out every week.
You're not going to be the one who wants to go out for the drinks and the snacks and the
parties and the this and the that, or you're now going to have the confidence to want to
(43:34):
go out and do your own shopping and do your own this and that.
So they may not realize they've been doing this.
They may not cautiously be doing it.
So you need to also be on the lookout for that and say, hang on a second here.
I need to pull myself back.
I need to make sure that I'm going to the things I want to go to.
(43:55):
I'm doing the things I want to do and that I'm going to things that are going to fill
my cup as well and that I'm here because I want to be here.
So your personality is going to change because your outlook is changing.
You're going through so many mental and mindset shifts during this process that you as a person,
(44:17):
it's inevitable that you're going to change because my goal and hopefully the outcome
is that this is I'm going to have the confidence.
I'm going to want to go out.
I'm not going to be making so many decisions based on food.
I'm going to be wanting to go out and do activities.
I'm going to be wanting to go and be physical.
I'm going to want to go to the beach.
I'm going to want to go for walks.
I am going to change and change is scary.
(44:41):
And so some people just don't know how to handle that.
And if they're not willing to have a conversation with you about it, if they're not willing
to support that change, if they're not willing to come to the table to find out how to make
that new relationship work, then as Hannah said, that's maybe when that particular relationship
needs to take a step back a little bit.
(45:03):
And it doesn't mean the relationship needs to be over, but maybe the priorities have
shifted.
Maybe the frequency has shifted, but you need to, as Hannah said, have those people in your
corner that message you randomly on your Instagram stories and say, holy crap, have you looked
at your face lately?
Like the amount of messages.
I send you that all the time.
(45:23):
I'm like, look at that slim ass face.
I've had so many messages being like, holy crap, look at you.
Or the I was so, as I said, I don't wear shorts.
I don't wear t-shirts.
Lord knows I don't wear tank tops in public.
I don't think I even own, like I have an undershirt tank top, but I don't even own like an actual
(45:44):
tank top.
And I had somebody message me, a friend of mine messaged me the other day and she goes,
Steph, you better believe I've been noticing those Instagram stories.
And I said, what do you mean?
She goes, you've posted a story every day this week in a tank top.
And I said, what?
(46:06):
And she goes, you've been in a tank top every day on Instagram that you posted.
And I honest to God, I didn't even realize like the fact that I didn't even think twice
to record that video and post it was just this huge like aha moment for me.
And so those are the people that you need in your corner.
The ones that are going to cheer you on, that are going to help you realize those goals,
(46:29):
help you realize that success and reiterate that for you and continue to push you along.
That's where your energy and focus needs to be.
Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree.
That's where you need to focus.
You don't need to focus on those that are going to continuously ask you, just try a
bite, just have a drink, just do this.
(46:51):
You don't need to keep asking the question, is that all you're going to eat?
Answering it once or twice makes sense.
But if you're continuously going to harp on me that you need to be eating more, you need
to eat more, you have to remind these people I had surgery and that's, you know, just let
me do my thing.
There's a reason I did this.
Yeah, please step back.
And now you have to have those conversations once or twice.
That's normal.
But if it's been a year or more and they're still doing it, you need to be like, you have
(47:12):
to stop.
I'm not going to come here.
I'm not going to eat here.
So I think friends and family at the end of the day, for the most part, they're going
to love you and support you.
They are, but you know them best.
If you know you don't have a supportive network, find that one person that will support you
through this.
And then, you know, just choose the distance that you feel most comfortable at.
Again, not all friends are indoor friends.
(47:34):
Some of them can be outdoor friends.
And that's not that they're outdoors forever.
They're outdoors till they learn how to behave and can come on into your circle.
And you're not trying to say that everybody has to change to fit your motive and your
narrative.
That's not at all healthy.
But what you're saying is you have something that you need to address with me.
And if you're not willing to talk through it with me, then you can't be here till we
(47:55):
talk through it.
And it is okay for people to reflect on your journey and go, this makes me feel less than.
The one thing you'll need to know as we wrap up this week is just making better choices
make people feel bad.
And it's nothing on you at all.
But one thing I've noticed is if I'm at home and there are squares and there was squares
(48:15):
at Christmas and it's, well, you can have a bite, right?
And it's like, no, I really shouldn't because I know for me that's a really slippery slope,
but also like I'm in active training for running and no, I'm not going to have one, but you
guys have one and no way was I saying it in a shitty way or was I going, yeah, fatties,
go eat your squares.
I was just saying for me, I'm in my training for running and personally it's a slippery
(48:36):
slope.
I won't be able to just stop at a bite.
So no, that's okay.
I've brought my bill bar.
I'm actually going to microwave it pro tip best way to eat.
And I'm going to have that.
But immediately nobody else had a square, not a single person else.
And I was like, you were all about to eat this.
So please eat it.
So just know that will happen too.
And you'll have to get over the fact that you feel guilty about that because I felt
horrible, but there were many times where people would go, well, you try some.
(49:00):
No, it's okay.
I can't, but I really want you guys to eat it.
They'll shut down and not want to eat it because now they'll feel like, well, if they're not
eating it on fat for doing that.
So there are things you'll have to overcome with family and friends that we will definitely
cover in another episode.
But for now our advice is you are not the fat friend.
You're not there to make others feel good about themselves.
(49:21):
It's not your fault if they feel bad about themselves.
Your choice to better you in no way is hurting or denying or impacting anybody in your life
of a life that they want to go live and surround yourself with those that will build you up
and bring them back in when you think it's appropriate.
And that might be never.
(49:42):
And that's okay because you're on a new journey and you're not doing this maliciously because
you think you're better than your old friends.
You are surrounding yourself with those that are positive in there to help you to tell
you the truth still, but not looking to keep you where you're at because it makes them
feel comfortable.
Exactly.
(50:02):
You have to look out for yourself.
Bottom line, at the end of the day, through this whole process, you have to look out for
you.
Yep.
We are going to cover in some other podcast episodes relationships because that is a different,
it's a whole other avenue than family and friends.
How hard it is to be married and go through this and why a lot of women struggle when
(50:24):
they're doing it and their husband isn't.
And then dating, how a lot of women immensely struggle to date after and still pick people
that are not appropriate and how a lot of people get thrown off because they start dating
and all of a sudden all their training and planning goes out the window because they're
too embarrassed to say, I can't eat that.
Or because their partner keeps telling them, you can, you're beautiful, gain some weight.
(50:45):
So we're going to talk about how hard it is going to be to date, to be in a relationship
and to be married while going through this.
But next week, I'm excited that we're going to be talking about the things that we keep
getting asked.
Polycystic ovary syndrome, comorbidities, which ones did we have?
Are they reversed?
What's our health looking like now?
So we're going to tell you all about how bad our health was before surgery.
(51:08):
We'll give you an update on where we are currently with our health and we'll answer some of the
myths and misconceptions around what does bariatric surgery reverse, cure, tackle, deal
with and is it a magic bandaid for everything?
Yeah.
It's a big one.
It's going to be a good one.
Well Steph, thanks for joining me again for another week.
(51:29):
It's always just fun to chat with you about all of this and yeah, this was a hard topic,
but one that was much so needed.
Important.
Yeah, important.
We want every single one of you who continue to listen and like we always say, share topics,
themes and ideas on social.
We want to tackle everything you want to hear.
Perfect.
See you next week, everybody.
(51:50):
Bye.
Hey Steph, welcome to episode four of the Bariatric Banter podcast.
(00:12):
I can't believe we're on episode four.
I know, I didn't really think we would, okay, I thought we'd stick with it, so that's terrible
to say, but I didn't think anybody would listen.
I'm super pumped.
There's a ton of people.
I know.
Super pumped.
I love it.
I like it too.
I think we've got a great topic today, but more importantly, how was the past week for
(00:34):
you?
Still winter.
Hey, it is.
Yeah, surprise, that didn't change.
I know.
So winter, I couldn't believe we already have to sign up for Summer Sports.
I got that email this week.
Yeah.
So, I mean, that's like my, on one hand, I was like, really?
But it's my glimmer of hope that we're cresting the hill.
(00:56):
Winter is working its way out and we're going to get past this.
Yeah.
I feel the same.
I am starting my 10K training program this week.
Amazing.
Tis the time because-
So exciting.
It is, and it's also like, okay, yeah, I guess I have to get back to exercising now.
(01:18):
Like, yes, this is a real thing.
But did past Hannah ever think she would run a 10K?
No.
Right?
I think I'm going to restart this week because it's officially two months to the date that
my race is.
So, no, I never thought that I'd be here.
The pneumonia is just still kicking my butt a little bit.
So I think it's more just anxiety and fear that like, oh no, what if this is hard?
(01:40):
It's going to be hard.
I don't think anybody runs a 10K and is like, you know what that was?
Slice of life right there.
So it's going to be hard for sure.
That's so exciting though.
Yeah.
I think it's not like-
Goals.
Drop and never get up hard.
But-
No, gosh, no, you'll crush it.
(02:00):
I think it'll be good.
And just the fact, even like, let's be real.
Even if you just, let's say you don't crush it, but even to just do it and finish it,
it's such, like look at where you were two years ago.
No.
To even be entering a 10K and to even be doing it and putting yourself out there and like
going for it, that is hashtag goals right there.
(02:22):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is pretty exciting.
I'm pretty, yeah, I hope it goes well.
So this week was just a lot of getting the plan ready to go.
I use a cool app called Runa.
Nobody sponsors this podcast because we have like a hundred people that listen, but I like
Runa.
It's pretty much, it's my favorite app.
(02:43):
It's pricey, but I have found the value in it.
So it was exciting to get back into that, to get it all set up again and to kind of,
I fell into my pre pneumonia groove where I was like, Oh man, yeah, I kind of loved
having my plans and being at the gym and doing all this stuff.
So it was, yeah, it was a good week because I'm both excited and nervous to get back into
(03:04):
training.
Love it.
Love it.
It's going to be good.
Are you excited about this week's topic?
You know what?
It's going to be, it's going to be interesting.
I think this is going to be last week's topic and this week's topic, I think are going to
be somewhere I'm going to get some messages and this is a good thing.
Like please don't hesitate.
Okay.
But after our first episode, and I think this is part of, I have to cut, I have to go back
(03:29):
and listen to it again too because it's been at some time now, but I think it's one of
those things where we're getting into the personal stuff.
We're getting into some things that maybe people didn't know about us or realize about
us.
And I had a couple people reach out to me after our first episode and say, people that
I've grown up with for my entire life, reach out and say Steph, like I have to tell you,
(03:50):
it broke my heart to hear you talk about when you were a kid and you felt alone because
I didn't know that that's how you felt.
And I don't, number one, I appreciate it.
I appreciate the reach outs and the messages, but I have to go back and listen because I
don't even, I don't even remember what I said.
(04:11):
But I think this is going to be another one of those episodes where we just put stuff
up on the table and people might be surprised, people may not like it.
But I think as we get into these episodes now, you're going to start to maybe learn
things you didn't know or see sides of us that you didn't know.
And I think that's good for people to hear.
I think that's good for us to talk about as somebody who's going through the journey.
(04:33):
Therapy is a part of the journey.
And I think getting a lot of this out is really good for us too.
So I'm excited to talk about this one.
Yeah, I can't wait.
So this week we're going to be talking about family, friends and saying goodbye to the
haters.
Bye Felicia.
Yeah, peace out.
Bye Karen.
See you Felicia.
I love that movie.
It's such a good movie.
(04:54):
It's going to be a hot topic in the sense that we are going to recommend that you cut
people out of your life.
Now we'll get to that when we get to it and it's not going to be as harsh as it sounds.
It might be.
But there may be some goodbyes.
Yeah, there might be.
And I think that's part of the thing that you just kind of have to come to terms with.
(05:15):
And it has nothing to do with bariatric surgery.
This could be if you were trying to lose weight, if you were, I don't know, trying to quit
smoking, if you were going to do xyz, any big life change, there is a really large chance
that you're going to need to say goodbye to people who just are no longer going to support
that journey or support you.
And we'll talk about kind of the detriment of maybe not saying goodbye to them as well.
(05:39):
But yeah, this is an episode that, oh boy, I would say overwhelmingly everybody has asked
me to talk about, you know, how did you tell your family?
When did you tell your family?
How did your family react?
Are they supportive?
Are they not supportive?
What about your friends?
So I know Steph has had the same.
We've had different reactions.
We've had similar reactions.
(06:00):
I think we each have horror stories and good stories to share, but we felt like it was
the right time to talk to everybody about, you know, how do you announce this?
How do you handle objections and questions?
What questions are appropriate?
And then how do you say goodbye to people that will not build you up on this journey?
Yes.
Yeah.
It's going to be a tough one, I think, for some people to hear.
(06:21):
It was tough for me to hear because I was kind of an oblivion to it and then realized,
yeah, there's...
And by saying goodbye, we don't mean that you have to be like, hey, bud, you can no
longer ever speak to me.
You're deleted out of my phone and you're dead to me.
It's more like, do you really need to spend your time with that person as much?
Probably not.
(06:42):
And should you maybe just do group outings with that person?
Probably.
More of an outer circle than an inner circle.
You don't need to do it in your everyday vicinity.
Exactly.
That's a great way to do it.
But I think that the best part for us to start with is at the very beginning, how do you
announce this?
So do you even announce it?
(07:03):
How did we tell our family?
How did we tell people we were doing it?
I think a lot of people want to know how we did it and then would we do it differently
and what's our advice to them?
Yeah.
Steph, you did yours most recently, so...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I kind of did it in stages, I guess you could say.
(07:25):
I told my mom first.
And then obviously she told my dad.
So I told my parents first and then I kind of brought it up from there.
I kept it very small at the beginning.
Part of that was because I was presented with the option for surgery and I didn't make my
decision on the spot.
But after my doctor appointment, I called my mom and I said, this is what was suggested
(07:48):
and there was a little bit of shock from her and from me.
To be totally honest, I did not expect that to come out of my doctor's office because
it had never been something that had been brought up to me.
I hadn't really thought about it.
I was not expecting it.
So I was also a little bit shocked, but intrigued and curious.
(08:08):
So I started there.
Then I told my brother and my sister-in-law, my immediate family, let that kind of simmer
for a little bit.
And then I thought I'm going to leave it there for a little bit because I still had to figure
out what I was doing.
And once I...
That process took a lot of time, as we talked about on the last episode, because you're
(08:31):
worried about what people are going to think and the judgment and et cetera.
So I decided that, you know what, I'm not going to go out and tell any more individual
people.
I had a couple of really close friends that I was kind of chatting about and saying, hey,
I'm thinking about doing this.
I don't know.
Just kind of feeling it out and getting some of their thoughts and feedback to help me
make my decision.
(08:51):
But I hadn't told a lot of people in my family or circle.
And I decided, you know what, if I'm going to do this, I'm just going to do this.
So I'd been talking to my friend Denise, who's listening.
Hi, Denise.
I've been talking to her about it and she's really great at...
She's been very great and is still very great at helping me with my whole issue about always
(09:12):
worrying what people are going to think.
And she was one of the people that really nailed into me that only I know what's best
and I have to make the decision that's best for me and blocked out everything else.
And I knew kind of deep down that I was going to go through it.
I knew that this was the right thing for me.
So I decided, you know what, I'm going to do it.
(09:32):
And it was the day that I was actually going to her...
She does a health and wellness retreat, which is amazing.
And I was at her house.
We were getting ready for the retreat.
And I said to her, I'm like, okay, you know what, I'm going to do this.
I'm going to put it out there.
I'm going to put it on social media.
I'm doing this.
I'm just going to blast it.
I'm going to go for it.
And she was like, really?
I said, yeah, if I'm going to do it, then I'm just going to bite the bullet and do it.
(09:54):
I'm not going to go tell all these one off people because somebody is going to say something
that I'm going to second guess it again.
That like, I don't, I'm just going to rip off the band-aid.
So I went on Instagram from her house.
I did a story and I said, here's the deal.
I'm having my surgery.
I'm having bariatric surgery.
This is what's happening.
And I hit post and let it go.
(10:17):
And then I remember going to her retreat that afternoon.
And it was really funny because we pulled these cards.
They're like Oracle cards.
You've never heard of Oracle cards.
They have little like guidance sayings on them and stuff.
And you flip them over and you shuffle them and you kind of seal around on them and you
pull one and it's supposed to give you your intention for the day or something to think
(10:40):
about.
And it was really creepy because I hadn't pulled up on my board.
But the one card that I pulled that day is it says, your intention wants to be heard,
given space to flourish.
Reminder, you have to get quiet in order to hear what your intuition is telling you.
And I was like, it's telling me I have to do this.
(11:01):
Like I know what my body is saying.
I know what my intuition is saying.
I made the right decision.
I'm going to do this.
And from there, I didn't have any individual conversations from people.
I just kept sharing on social media.
And I would have some people message me here and there, but I decided if I'm going to do
it, I'm just going to do it.
I'm going to tell those, tell my parents.
I told my brother, my sister-in-law, like I said, a couple of really close friends.
(11:25):
I told you, obviously.
And then I just went to the masses because I personally knew that if I kept having those
individual conversations, I knew I was going to get some negative feedback.
I knew the stigma was out there.
I didn't want my seer of judgment to cloud that.
And I knew that if I heard more of that than positive, it would.
(11:48):
So I just went the mass route, put it on my social media, and that was it.
And away she goes.
Yeah, I knew you were doing it because you had been following me.
And so you had definitely reached out to me to say, hey, I'm thinking of doing this.
And I gave you a lot of insight and info, which is really as much as I could.
(12:11):
I really should have maybe written this down to remember it because it was years ago.
But I remember I didn't want to tell anybody.
I wanted to keep it to myself.
So I had just gone to my doctor and said, hey, I think I want to do this.
What do you think?
I had actually told a neighbor who happens to be taking her PhD in like, not nutrition
(12:36):
or something, but around kind of health and movement and stuff for the government.
So I just remember I'm going to tell her and see what her initial reaction is.
And she was like, oh, OK.
But I did a lot of my own research and read what a lot of people had said and watched
a lot of online things.
And so I really didn't want to tell my mom because I thought she's going to be super
judgmental and like if she's listening, sorry, but you can tend to be judgmental.
(13:00):
So I thought for sure I was going to tell her.
And I don't know, I thought she was going to be like, no, this is so dumb.
Don't do this.
And I don't know why I thought that.
But I did.
So I really drugged my feet for a while.
And then I finally remember we were home one day and I think we were just sitting outside
in the backyard.
And I was like, hey, so I talked to my doctor about bariatric surgery and I think I might
(13:23):
do this.
And then I went into this very long spiel about everything I had learned about it because
I like with anxiety, was it completely anxious to be like, I have to tell her everything
about surgery so she knows I'm really serious about this and that I'm going to blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So I just kind of outright ranted that this is what I was doing.
But she was super fucking supportive of it, thought it was a really great idea.
(13:44):
She's a retired nurse.
So I think she knows a lot about it.
She asked questions.
I think initially she thought maybe she's not actually going to do this.
I think she was supportive.
But at the same time, I felt like there was a little like, yeah, okay, sure.
We've been down this road before where she said she's going to do something and then
doesn't do it.
And because of COVID, I must add, I was in the program for well over like a year and
(14:08):
a half.
So there was, I'm sure there were moments where a lot of people were like, she's not
actually doing this.
Like she lied.
No, it was just COVID.
Thanks so much.
So I told her and she was really supportive.
And then I remember thinking, okay, I got to tell my friends and I really didn't want
to because I, it was almost like admitting I was obese and like I, you know, to an extent,
(14:33):
you know you are, but you don't ever want to admit it.
So it was just like, I don't want to tell them because then they're going to be like,
oh my God, you're fat.
It's like, yeah, that's, that's going to be what makes them think you're fat a hundred
percent.
So I told everybody individually, just kind of slowly, like if we were out for lunch or
out somewhere, I was like, so I'm looking into this, like I'm looking into kind of doing
(14:56):
this and this is what it's going to be like.
And yeah.
And they were like, oh, overwhelmingly really supportive.
Oh, I had a friend of a friend who did it.
I had a friend of a friend who did it.
And I was like, yeah, everybody now seems to know someone who did it.
So yeah, I just kind of told people individually.
And then I don't remember the exact day, but I'm pretty sure I ripped the bandaid off and
(15:18):
posted it socially.
I actually, and this is terrible.
I should have researched before the podcast.
Sorry folks.
Steph's more prepared than me.
I might not have.
I genuinely might not have put it out on social that I was doing this until it was like really
close to happening.
Cause I definitely documented like my two week pre-op liquid diet.
(15:41):
I took photos at the hospital.
Like at that point it was definitely there, but I think I almost just told all my friends.
And so I just casually started mentioning that I was having this on social.
Cause at that point everyone in my life knew I was doing this.
And I told work.
So this is a very interesting one as well.
Work knew very well in advance.
(16:02):
I had a great boss at the time shout out to Roger at hashtag.
He was a great boss at the time.
Wonderful human, but I thought I'm going to need a lot of time off from work.
And I was excited.
Like I genuinely was so excited to do this.
So I did reach out and say like, just so you know, like I'm entering a bariatric program.
I'm going to have bariatric surgery.
(16:22):
I don't know the date yet, but I will need time off.
And I just wanted to let you know, you know, do I need to let HR know?
So it took so long to have surgery.
I ended up not actually even working at that company that had surgery, which is kind of
funny, but yeah, I, I just started to not care.
And it was in a good way, like work had so many questions, but in the best possible way.
(16:45):
And they were so excited for it.
I remember the only sentiment I can remember because I can't remember exact details from
three years ago, but the sentiment I remember was just like, well, this is going to be so
big for you in a really good way.
And like really great questions.
And there are things that we'll cover in a few minutes in the podcast that, you know,
(17:06):
maybe could have gone better, but overall I chose to tell people individually and I
just kept it as like, yeah, I'm exploring doing this.
I'm talking to my doctor.
We're both really excited about it, but it's something that, yeah, I'm probably going to
do.
And that's just kind of how I told them, except for my mom, who I went into great, great elaborate
detail with out of fear that she would be like, I'm judging you.
(17:29):
She wasn't, I just kept it really vague and open and told everybody, yes, what I'm doing.
And they were like, oh, okay, cool.
And I was like, yeah, cool.
Perfect.
Cool.
And then eventually like questions and things came up after, but we're going to cover that.
But that's, I think how both of us did our announcements, which I mean, very similar.
(17:49):
There was a social element to it.
We told people individually and we kind of just told them what we felt like doing.
So I think the big question that we always get here, Steph, is twofold.
Do I have to tell my family?
There's a lot of people on social who are like, I just think I'm not going to tell anybody.
Yeah, I'm just not going to tell them.
(18:10):
And then the other question that we get overwhelmingly is like, well, what advice would you have
for me to tell my family?
So I think before we go into the messy side of this, I think it's probably good just to
cover what would we recommend for announcing to people?
Yeah.
I think, I mean, we kind of chatted about this last week too.
And I think for me, my advice is just own it and put it out there.
(18:33):
It's hard because like I said, for us, a lot of the time this is admitting that we need
help and it's admitting that we failed when we tried to do it ourselves and we couldn't
and we need that extra tool and we need that extra support and help.
And I think the first part is realizing that that's okay.
And that's not a bad thing.
(18:54):
And so for me, announcing it was part of the process.
It was part of me admitting that this is where I am.
This is where I got myself.
But now I'm ready to pull up my bootstraps and fix it.
And this is how I'm fixing it.
And I wanted to be transparent and honest because obviously I'm going to be going through
(19:14):
changes both mentally, emotionally, physically.
I didn't want those changes to seem like they were out of nowhere.
I wanted there to be context.
I wanted people to know where this was coming from.
I wanted them to see the work that was going into this, that this is not easy, but that
I am doing this.
I wanted to also have that level of accountability for myself because if I shared it, everybody
(19:39):
knew what I was doing and I knew that they'd be watching.
Number one, because people are nosy and because of the stigma.
But Janet, we are just nosy as human beings.
So I knew that if I put it out there, people are going to watch.
And then I have to be accountable.
So there was a lot of reasons why it wasn't easy to do.
It wasn't easy to record that video and put it out there.
(20:01):
But I knew that for me, it was the right thing to do.
And I think personally, it's just a key part of the journey and of the process and just
owning who you are, owning your story, owning how you got here and what you're going to
do about it moving forward.
And like we said, you're going to lose weight.
It's going to happen.
(20:22):
You're going to change.
It's going to be obvious that you've done something.
So I don't think this is something you should be ashamed of or hide.
I think you should own it.
I've got scars.
I'm going to own those scars.
For me, I say 100% you put it out there.
Yeah, I think my advice is probably going to be very similar.
(20:43):
I think you own the story.
It's something that I tell companies when I work for them.
If you don't own the story, somebody else is going to.
And that's 100% here.
If you don't want to tell people, people are going to talk.
People are going to make assumptions.
They're going to say things.
Sure, you might not hear it because it'll be behind your back, which is honestly worse.
(21:03):
Nobody wants that.
But wouldn't you rather just control the story and the narrative and show confidence and
excitement that you chose to do this and this is what you're doing versus having people
nonstop talk behind your back or say things that...
So control the story yourself.
I think however you want to do it's your choice.
I don't think it needs to go out on social.
I don't think everybody and their mom needs to know that you're doing this.
(21:24):
Choose who you want to tell and why you want to tell them.
But I think just know going into it when you're talking to them, if this is something that
you're absolutely going to do, then lead with that.
I'm doing this.
This is something that I am doing so that this isn't open for interpretation.
I'm not here for your general consensus unless you are.
(21:48):
If that's what you're going into it, then just be clear with them what you're looking
for.
Are you looking for their feedback on should I do this, which is how I approached it with
my mom?
Or is it, hey, I've made this decision.
My mom's on board.
My doctor's on board.
I just wanted to let you know that this would be happening and I'm excited.
I think it's always important to maybe add that part on at the end that this is something
(22:09):
that you are excited for.
You don't want to just have people blow smoke up your ass, but I do think it's important
to set the tone that this is something that's exciting for me.
And then if somebody chooses to knock you down, okay, well, I just told you that I'm
very excited for this, but thanks so much for continuing to try to drag me down.
(22:30):
So yeah, I'd say tell people it's going to be very odd if you just all of a sudden start
dropping a ton of weight and you're not.
People will be worried for your health.
They're going to be worried about what's going on.
But also just think about don't you want to celebrate this and be excited?
Look what you did.
Yeah, be really... And sure, you could try to tell people it's through exercise and weight
loss, but they're going to watch you and they're going to see that you're barely eating.
(22:52):
You aren't going to be exercising as much as you should be for the massive amount of
weight loss you're going to have at the beginning.
And it's just going to lead to people being very concerned for your health and your wellbeing.
And God forbid anything goes wrong.
God forbid you struggle with recovery after, or you need some support to get moving.
You're having surgery.
You're in the hospital, you're under general anesthetic.
You are having surgery.
(23:12):
You will need help for a day or two.
You can't drive home.
There are certain people you have to tell.
You don't have to tell the world, but you got to tell somebody.
And I know there's the fear of the comments you're going to get.
When I told people directly, was it all positive?
No.
Was there initial shock?
(23:33):
Yes.
Were there comments made about, well, what about Ozempic instead?
Or, can you just keep eating really clean and exercise instead?
Do you really have to go this route?
There were those conversations, yes, but they were important conversations and they still
needed to be had.
(23:54):
And those people still needed to be told.
So it wasn't all bright and sunny, but it was still important for me to put that out
there and like you said, Anna, to tell them that I'm doing this for me.
I'm excited for this.
This is a decision that I am making and this is happening.
Exactly.
And so I do recommend you tell people and that's how I would probably tell them.
(24:19):
And like we said, you don't have to tell everybody, but we recommend that you just tell somebody
that this is what you're doing.
And this is something that you've decided that you're going to kind of move forward
on.
They're going to ask you these questions if you're a Canadian anyway, they're going to
ask you these questions.
(24:41):
Are you getting support?
Did you tell your family?
How are they taking it?
So it will, I think, make it harder.
It will come up.
But I think that leads into like a really great conversation about, I don't want to
tell them because they're going to be, they're going to object to it or what types of questions
are they going to ask and how do I handle that?
And I think we're not trying to sugar coat it.
(25:03):
It will happen.
I don't think it's safe to say that everybody in your life is going to support this and
be happy about it.
And it can be intimidating to want to tell people things because you're excited and you
know that there's a potential they're going to bring you down and they're going to try
to dissuade you and say things that really suck.
So yes, we support you announcing it and we do encourage you finding your own way to tell
(25:27):
at least someone that you're doing this.
It doesn't have to be on social until you're ready and you might never be ready and that's
okay.
But be prepared that there will be objections and questions.
You're going to get people who are shocked.
Almost everybody I told was shocked.
Like they never knew what was that.
(25:49):
Right?
And that's what kind of boggled my mind.
I was like, you've been there my whole life.
You've seen what I've gone through.
You've seen what I've tried.
You've seen me do this XYZ diet.
And then when I tell them this, a lot of overwhelming response was, really?
You're what?
You're going to do that?
(26:09):
Well, I don't know.
I didn't expect people.
I expected some judgment, but I didn't expect that many people to be surprised.
Yeah, I think there was a little like, whoa, okay, whoa, whoa, this is happening.
(26:29):
And so there was a little bit of that.
I'm not going to deny it.
There definitely was a little bit of like, whoa.
I don't think I had any objections from anybody.
I think, yeah, the main person I wanted info from was my mom and she was very, very supportive
of this makes sense.
Let's get going.
(26:50):
You know, whoop, whoop, whoop.
But there were objections that came from interesting other places.
I remember I had a friend and they happened to be in the healthcare industry and I kind
of told them I was doing this and immediately they wanted to talk about all the negative
side effects and things that they have seen.
(27:10):
You know, well, I see all these people coming into the ER and they do this and they do this
and you know, this and they're that and like telling me horror stories about how dehydrated
they are and they're super malnourished and they're just, they're not allowed to eat anything
they want to eat and they're all miserable and they all end up in the ER and like just
decided like that was the time to tell me these stories.
And I remember thinking, okay, well, you're in the ER.
(27:31):
So of course you're going to see the worst.
But like a lot of people do really well with it.
And I was like, I'll take that risk, but I think I'm going to be, I'm going to be okay
doing this.
But I just remember being like, okay, come on.
Like why did you choose that time to tell me all of this?
Like way to bring me right down.
Like I don't want to hear that.
(27:51):
So I am a bit more lucky than some where I didn't have outright objections.
I didn't have anybody say you shouldn't be doing this.
There's other ways to do this.
Like, are you sure you need to do something so severe?
I was lucky that most of my friends at this point had known someone that had done it.
I'd say that was the only major hurdle to overcome was that one person.
And for a split second, I said that one person will no longer be in my life if this is how
(28:15):
they're going to be because I don't want people lying to me, but I want people that are excited
for my journey.
Like I never want people to hide the truth.
Yes.
But like you can tell me that you have concerns, but not like that.
Like you don't need to...
There's a right way to do it.
Exactly.
Like you could have been like, whoa, yeah, like, you know, make sure you drink your water
(28:36):
or like stay really, you know, follow their advice because I do see a lot of people come
into the ER that aren't in the best state because, you know, they didn't listen, for
example.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I do know that if I don't take my vitamins and blah, blah, blah, like there are ways
to express your concern that isn't like the way that happened with this person who is
still in my life.
Yeah, that's too bad.
(28:57):
But it was, I didn't like it.
But outside of that, I'd say almost everybody, everybody was like really supportive.
I'm sure they talked about it behind my back and I didn't realize, I'm sure they were messaging
each other being like, oh my God, can you believe this is happening?
What?
Holy shit.
Everybody was like, yeah, super supportive, like good for you, good luck, hope you do
it.
(29:17):
And then obviously after the fact, no matter what their thought was, boy, does their tune
change as soon as they see the results and the success and they see you shedding the
weight.
Like all these people that I've never heard from for years have come out of the woodworks
to be like, I watch your stories and I see you do this.
And like people I used to work with who like I don't speak to at all have sent me these
massive novels about, oh my God, you look so good.
(29:40):
You're so attractive now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like weird, weird thing to tell a colleague, but yes, thank you.
I've had, I've had people, this is, this gets me and I don't know how to take it because
part of me is super appreciative of the message and part of me just sits there with this look
on my face, like the nerve.
I have had people, a couple now, I'd probably say, I don't know, three or four who have
(30:04):
reached out of people who I went to, I guess you call it senior public school, like grade
seven, eight, like that middle and early high school who were not the nicest people to me,
who were in that group that didn't quite let me in, but I had like overlapping friends.
So they kind of had to deal with me.
(30:26):
I've had quite a few of those individuals reach out over the past couple weeks and months
since the surgery with those kind of, oh my gosh, you, this is amazing.
Like you look phenomenal.
You should be so proud of yourself.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I'm following your stories all the time.
This is fantastic.
And so part of me is like, thanks for reaching out.
(30:47):
Like, you know, thanks for taking the time to do that.
On the flip side, what the hell?
Like I haven't heard a word from you since you made fun of me in grade seven, but now
you want to throw me praise.
Like it's, it's been very interesting, very interesting.
Yeah, so be prepared that there could be objections.
(31:12):
And it's not rare.
So if you have objections, just know you're not alone.
A lot of people do face objections.
And I think it's okay for people to be concerned about surgery.
Like, oh, that's a major surgery.
Do you know the risks?
Are you like, I think it's okay for people to question, like, are you prepared for this?
Like, did you just run into this head first or do you know, you know, what could happen?
(31:34):
And I think that's okay.
And I will say that the risks are very, very minimal for surgery like this, but they're
not zero.
There's always a risk.
It's still surgery at the end of the day.
Yep.
So you have to understand too, that I think sometimes objections are coming from a place
of well, I'm, I'm worried about you going under the knife.
I'm worried about, yep.
And that's, that's what I find.
(31:55):
But the main questions that I think you're going to get are going to be, okay, tell me
about the surgery.
What are the risks?
Have you thought about it?
What's going to happen?
Like all things that you can, I think, easily answer the questions that are going to be
a bit harder and definitely did come up are, well, do you need it?
Well, do you need to have the surgery?
(32:16):
Can't you just do this on your own?
Do you really need to go that extreme?
Yeah.
Oh, it's pretty invasive.
Don't you think you should try something else first?
So it did come up and what I told people was I had been trying to do this on my own for
over 30 years.
If it was going to work, it would have worked by now.
And I don't want to spend another 30 years trying and failing to get this to work.
(32:40):
I want to start living my life.
I want to be able to do all the things I want to do.
You've seen me try and fail and get bigger.
You've seen this happening for the last 30 years and the last five years have been the
worst.
So I don't want to spend another 30 years doing this.
I don't want to spend another 30 years single, alone, unable to do the things that I want
(33:01):
to do and hating my body and struggling to lose weight.
It's just not a life that I want to spend 30 years constantly thinking about my weight
and not actually getting where I want to get to.
So that's how I handled major objections and questions like couldn't you have just done
it yourself?
And then the final way that I handled a lot of it was I said, I have a lot of things that
(33:23):
you can't see.
I have high blood pressure.
I have high cholesterol.
I'm pre-diabetic.
I'm losing feeling in my right leg due to neuropathy and I've got a bulging disc in
my back.
And nobody can see this obviously.
And while my answer should be good enough to just say I'm doing it, sometimes people
need more.
(33:44):
And so I would constantly lean on those to say, you want to know why I'm having surgery?
These reasons.
And that almost was enough where they went, oh, Hannah, I had no idea.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, it's so smart of you to do this.
So when in doubt, throw the health statistics at them.
Because I think a lot of people look at this as, oh, you just want to be skinny.
(34:04):
Yeah, I do.
Like you are skinny.
You don't get it.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I desperately want to not be in a big body, but that's not good enough for a lot
of people.
They think you should just be fine with how you are and who you are.
But once you start throwing major, major health issues at them, they immediately change their
tune to, oh my God, I'm so proud of you.
Oh, good for you.
So even if you don't have any, just if you have to, the easiest way to get people off
(34:27):
your back is to talk about the health things that are going to happen.
So I did say I have all those things and this is going to reverse them.
Oh my God, it is.
Yeah, it actually will reverse.
But then you can totally do it.
Oh my God, that's incredible, Hannah.
Though what an incredible opportunity.
You should definitely do it.
Thank you so much.
I'm also going to lose a lot of weight and feel fine as fuck.
But yeah, thank you so much.
(34:47):
Thank you.
So I did.
I pulled out the health statistics and my final thing was I would tell people, I would
rather walk into the operating room because I choose to rather than because I am forced
into it.
And I was coming very quickly to a head where I would have had a stroke, a heart attack,
I would have lost my leg, I would have had to have back surgery.
Like something was coming that would have led me to have to have a surgery.
(35:10):
And I would rather go into this on my own accord with excitement because I chose to
then be forced to have surgery where I don't think I would have recovered as much.
Yeah.
And I think that ties really well into, like you said, there's going to be people who are
going to ask questions and be concerned out of love and concern for your safety because
you're having surgery, which is totally valid.
(35:32):
But then you're also going to get those people who are asking because they don't necessarily
want you to change.
And those aren't what we mean by when we say you may need to say goodbye to some people.
Because whether we like to admit it or not, as somebody who is obese or morbidly obese
in a group of friends, when most of them are, we'll say skinny or average, and you are always,
(35:58):
hate to say it, but you are the fat friend.
You are.
And whether those people want to admit it or not, some of them don't want that fat friend
to disappear.
And that is a reality.
If you want, you don't want to admit it, that's fine.
But that is a big part of it too is you're no longer the fat friend.
(36:20):
Yeah.
And that's been your identity for so long.
Yeah.
And that's the part of the podcast about, well, how do I say goodbye to those that don't
build me up?
And there'll be a lot of people that say, well, I don't have to say goodbye to those
people.
You do.
My advice will be you do.
And Steph, I'll let you weigh in here in a minute on how you feel about it.
(36:42):
But I personally, and I don't come to this lightly, but if you have friends that won't
build you up, they need to go.
And they won't always be outright in your face.
They're not going to look at you and go, hey, Steph, it's absolutely stupid that you're
having this surgery and we're not going to be friends.
They're going to pull the, you're no longer the fat friend card.
And so whether you want to admit it or not, you probably are the fat friend in the group.
(37:06):
And so what happens is when you say that you're having bariatric surgery and you're excited
about your weight loss and they start Googling it and go, oh my God, Hannah's going to lose
like a hundred to 150 pounds or more.
Oh my God, Hannah's going to go from being three X and the biggest one in the group to
the smallest one in the group.
Oh no, I'm going to be the fat one in the group.
Like this is just not okay.
(37:27):
Like it's not, they don't say any of this out loud, but they start to super internalize
and freak out that you're better in your life.
And it means that they're not going to do that.
They're not going to lose weight.
They're not going to have the same success you are having.
And there's an anger and a resentment and a jealousy that comes out in different ways.
And how it comes out a lot for this is, oh, I don't think you should do that.
(37:51):
Well, I've heard a lot of people fail.
Well, a lot of people that I know have gained all the weight back and then some, well, have
you seen how much people fail and all the bad things that happen?
Like they immediately want to tell you the negative outcomes of the surgery because they
desperately want you to not do this.
And sometimes they're the friends that will just have a bite.
(38:12):
You can just have a bite.
Well, you don't have to give that up forever.
I went to the movies with a friend, a good friend that you also know as well.
And subconsciously he did not mean to do this, but it was like, I wasn't even able to eat
anything at the movie theater at this point.
I was still on like the soft food diet.
Popcorn was off limits and every two minutes he was like, he wants some M&Ms.
And at one point in the movie, I was like, if you don't stop offering me M&Ms, I'm going
(38:33):
to punch you right in the face.
And it was just subliminal that he was like, you want some of my popcorn?
You want some of my M&Ms?
I was like, I can't eat any of this.
So you'll have people that do that.
And that doesn't mean they're toxic.
Oh my gosh.
My dad still to this day goes, you want some wine?
No, dad, I haven't had alcohol in three years, but thank you so much.
Thank you.
But you'll have friends that do this maliciously without even thinking.
(38:57):
We'll just have a bite.
Well, you can just have some.
Well, I bought this for you and I want you to try it.
Well, I want you to have some of it.
It's a nice, you don't want it?
You don't find you don't want it.
Fine.
I'll just throw it away.
And you'll have people that try to get you to eat things you're not supposed to eat.
We'll try to get you to break the rules.
And as former obese people, we like when people give us permission to break the rules because
(39:20):
we feel like it means that it's okay.
So be wary of the people that want you to remain their fat friend that push breaking
the rules on you that always want to talk about the negative side effects.
Just start watching how often it happens once or twice.
You can chalk it up to their concern, but if it's the continual pattern, they are trying
(39:42):
to sabotage you.
They aren't happy for your growth.
They aren't thrilled that you're bettering yourself.
And there is a jealousy and we've all been there.
I've been very jealous of people who have managed to lose weight quickly and I don't
mean to be jealous of them, but it's my own insecurity and my own anger and I don't know
where to place it.
And I don't know how to deal with it because I was obese and I didn't know how to deal
(40:05):
with it.
And so there were times I was so mad that somebody else was skinny and losing weight
and thinner and doing better.
And even early in my career when people would get promoted before me and it was justified,
I would still be so angry.
How are they getting further ahead than me?
And I'm so far behind, but I would take it out as they didn't deserve that.
(40:26):
Oh my God, they're going to fail at that promotion.
And it was bitter and disgusting and I did not like the person I was, but it's your choice
what you want to do here.
If you want to pull them aside and say, listen, I'm really excited about this surgery, but
you keep bringing up a lot of negative things about it.
Like you're my friend and I don't want to have to focus on these negative things.
(40:46):
Like is something wrong?
Like are you really concerned about me having surgery?
Or you can do what I recommend if they're not a close friend, they're now in the outer
circle.
They only get to come when there's a group outing, you're not hanging out with them one
on one and they no longer get an opinion on surgery.
They no longer get to send you messages and texts about all the negative things that are
going to happen.
(41:07):
They can be a friend from the outside until they can prove that they can behave indoors.
They're an outdoor friend.
Like you can stay out there and you have to be comfortable doing this because it does
not take much to derail you.
And this isn't just friends, it could be family that's pulling you down.
My family's been really wonderful with supporting me.
(41:27):
My mom looks for sugar-free desserts to make.
She asks if I can have things.
She always checks with the menu before I'm coming to visit.
They send me flowers on my anniversary of surgery.
She even mailed me cards and I still have it hanging in my office right now.
It says, Hannah, can't have you walking to the mailbox for nothing.
You are doing great.
You're my hero.
Keep moving.
Did you fart?
(41:47):
That's an inside joke.
Love, mom.
Because I said, I'm going to walk to the mailbox and back for a week after surgery.
So find people that do stuff like that for you, that blow your mind, that love you, that
support you, that love hearing about what's going on, that want to hear about your weight
loss, that want to hear about recipes and things because they continuously ask me.
(42:08):
And I've heard my mom say on the phone, I love what we're learning from Hannah.
Like she's teaching us so much that we didn't know.
That's who you need to surround yourself with.
And that's my long-winded rant to say, you got to say goodbye to those who do not build
you up, whether they're family or friends.
If you want to be successful, do it, at least until you're really secure in your weight
(42:28):
loss journey to invite them back in.
Yeah.
And I think part of it, not part of it, but a lot of the onus is on us too, because there's
going to be people, like you said, who are doing it maliciously.
There's going to be people out there who are doing it subconsciously, but continually do
it.
And there's going to be people that whether they want to admit it or not, they like that
(42:49):
you're always the friend that would go out for dinner with them.
You're the friend who would always go get nachos with them.
You're the friend who would always go out for drinks.
You're the friend that when you went shopping, you didn't really like shopping.
So you would go along and just hold the bags and hold the jackets while they tried on the
clothes and give your opinion.
And you are always just that reliable person that was there for what they'd want to do.
(43:13):
Exactly.
And that's going to change because your priorities are going to change.
Your outlooks are going to change.
We're not saying you can't go eat nachos, but more than likely, you're not going to
be eating the nachos.
You're not going to want to go out every week.
You're not going to be the one who wants to go out for the drinks and the snacks and the
parties and the this and the that, or you're now going to have the confidence to want to
(43:34):
go out and do your own shopping and do your own this and that.
So they may not realize they've been doing this.
They may not cautiously be doing it.
So you need to also be on the lookout for that and say, hang on a second here.
I need to pull myself back.
I need to make sure that I'm going to the things I want to go to.
(43:55):
I'm doing the things I want to do and that I'm going to things that are going to fill
my cup as well and that I'm here because I want to be here.
So your personality is going to change because your outlook is changing.
You're going through so many mental and mindset shifts during this process that you as a person,
(44:17):
it's inevitable that you're going to change because my goal and hopefully the outcome
is that this is I'm going to have the confidence.
I'm going to want to go out.
I'm not going to be making so many decisions based on food.
I'm going to be wanting to go out and do activities.
I'm going to be wanting to go and be physical.
I'm going to want to go to the beach.
I'm going to want to go for walks.
I am going to change and change is scary.
(44:41):
And so some people just don't know how to handle that.
And if they're not willing to have a conversation with you about it, if they're not willing
to support that change, if they're not willing to come to the table to find out how to make
that new relationship work, then as Hannah said, that's maybe when that particular relationship
needs to take a step back a little bit.
(45:03):
And it doesn't mean the relationship needs to be over, but maybe the priorities have
shifted.
Maybe the frequency has shifted, but you need to, as Hannah said, have those people in your
corner that message you randomly on your Instagram stories and say, holy crap, have you looked
at your face lately?
Like the amount of messages.
I send you that all the time.
(45:23):
I'm like, look at that slim ass face.
I've had so many messages being like, holy crap, look at you.
Or the I was so, as I said, I don't wear shorts.
I don't wear t-shirts.
Lord knows I don't wear tank tops in public.
I don't think I even own, like I have an undershirt tank top, but I don't even own like an actual
(45:44):
tank top.
And I had somebody message me, a friend of mine messaged me the other day and she goes,
Steph, you better believe I've been noticing those Instagram stories.
And I said, what do you mean?
She goes, you've posted a story every day this week in a tank top.
And I said, what?
(46:06):
And she goes, you've been in a tank top every day on Instagram that you posted.
And I honest to God, I didn't even realize like the fact that I didn't even think twice
to record that video and post it was just this huge like aha moment for me.
And so those are the people that you need in your corner.
The ones that are going to cheer you on, that are going to help you realize those goals,
(46:29):
help you realize that success and reiterate that for you and continue to push you along.
That's where your energy and focus needs to be.
Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree.
That's where you need to focus.
You don't need to focus on those that are going to continuously ask you, just try a
bite, just have a drink, just do this.
(46:51):
You don't need to keep asking the question, is that all you're going to eat?
Answering it once or twice makes sense.
But if you're continuously going to harp on me that you need to be eating more, you need
to eat more, you have to remind these people I had surgery and that's, you know, just let
me do my thing.
There's a reason I did this.
Yeah, please step back.
And now you have to have those conversations once or twice.
That's normal.
But if it's been a year or more and they're still doing it, you need to be like, you have
(47:12):
to stop.
I'm not going to come here.
I'm not going to eat here.
So I think friends and family at the end of the day, for the most part, they're going
to love you and support you.
They are, but you know them best.
If you know you don't have a supportive network, find that one person that will support you
through this.
And then, you know, just choose the distance that you feel most comfortable at.
Again, not all friends are indoor friends.
(47:34):
Some of them can be outdoor friends.
And that's not that they're outdoors forever.
They're outdoors till they learn how to behave and can come on into your circle.
And you're not trying to say that everybody has to change to fit your motive and your
narrative.
That's not at all healthy.
But what you're saying is you have something that you need to address with me.
And if you're not willing to talk through it with me, then you can't be here till we
(47:55):
talk through it.
And it is okay for people to reflect on your journey and go, this makes me feel less than.
The one thing you'll need to know as we wrap up this week is just making better choices
make people feel bad.
And it's nothing on you at all.
But one thing I've noticed is if I'm at home and there are squares and there was squares
(48:15):
at Christmas and it's, well, you can have a bite, right?
And it's like, no, I really shouldn't because I know for me that's a really slippery slope,
but also like I'm in active training for running and no, I'm not going to have one, but you
guys have one and no way was I saying it in a shitty way or was I going, yeah, fatties,
go eat your squares.
I was just saying for me, I'm in my training for running and personally it's a slippery
(48:36):
slope.
I won't be able to just stop at a bite.
So no, that's okay.
I've brought my bill bar.
I'm actually going to microwave it pro tip best way to eat.
And I'm going to have that.
But immediately nobody else had a square, not a single person else.
And I was like, you were all about to eat this.
So please eat it.
So just know that will happen too.
And you'll have to get over the fact that you feel guilty about that because I felt
horrible, but there were many times where people would go, well, you try some.
(49:00):
No, it's okay.
I can't, but I really want you guys to eat it.
They'll shut down and not want to eat it because now they'll feel like, well, if they're not
eating it on fat for doing that.
So there are things you'll have to overcome with family and friends that we will definitely
cover in another episode.
But for now our advice is you are not the fat friend.
You're not there to make others feel good about themselves.
(49:21):
It's not your fault if they feel bad about themselves.
Your choice to better you in no way is hurting or denying or impacting anybody in your life
of a life that they want to go live and surround yourself with those that will build you up
and bring them back in when you think it's appropriate.
And that might be never.
(49:42):
And that's okay because you're on a new journey and you're not doing this maliciously because
you think you're better than your old friends.
You are surrounding yourself with those that are positive in there to help you to tell
you the truth still, but not looking to keep you where you're at because it makes them
feel comfortable.
Exactly.
(50:02):
You have to look out for yourself.
Bottom line, at the end of the day, through this whole process, you have to look out for
you.
Yep.
We are going to cover in some other podcast episodes relationships because that is a different,
it's a whole other avenue than family and friends.
How hard it is to be married and go through this and why a lot of women struggle when
(50:24):
they're doing it and their husband isn't.
And then dating, how a lot of women immensely struggle to date after and still pick people
that are not appropriate and how a lot of people get thrown off because they start dating
and all of a sudden all their training and planning goes out the window because they're
too embarrassed to say, I can't eat that.
Or because their partner keeps telling them, you can, you're beautiful, gain some weight.
(50:45):
So we're going to talk about how hard it is going to be to date, to be in a relationship
and to be married while going through this.
But next week, I'm excited that we're going to be talking about the things that we keep
getting asked.
Polycystic ovary syndrome, comorbidities, which ones did we have?
Are they reversed?
What's our health looking like now?
So we're going to tell you all about how bad our health was before surgery.
(51:08):
We'll give you an update on where we are currently with our health and we'll answer some of the
myths and misconceptions around what does bariatric surgery reverse, cure, tackle, deal
with and is it a magic bandaid for everything?
Yeah.
It's a big one.
It's going to be a good one.
Well Steph, thanks for joining me again for another week.
(51:29):
It's always just fun to chat with you about all of this and yeah, this was a hard topic,
but one that was much so needed.
Important.
Yeah, important.
We want every single one of you who continue to listen and like we always say, share topics,
themes and ideas on social.
We want to tackle everything you want to hear.
Perfect.
See you next week, everybody.
(51:50):
Bye.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.