Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
John (00:00):
I started always using the self checkout because one of the
most humiliating moments in mylife happened at the checkout
counter of my grocery store.
I'll never forget that night.
I was a single parent, standingin line at Giant Eagle, the
local grocery store.
My preschool age daughters,watching over a cart full of
food, excited because for thefirst time in six months, I let
(00:21):
them pick out a couple of extrathings.
In the 18 months leading up tothat night, money was growing
increasingly tight, and the merethought of adding a cookie or a
stick of gum to the cart wasstrictly forbidden.
As the cashier scanned ourgroceries, the horror that was
about to unfold was the farthestthing from my mind.
For the first time in months, Ihad a glimmer of hope.
(00:43):
A small financial safety netthat allowed me to breathe just
slightly easier than I had beenable to in months.
I was hoping that it would giveme the help that I needed to get
my business back on track sothat I could give my daughters
the life that I had dreamt ofinstead of the one that they
were living.
To understand the true impact ofwhat was about to happen, I need
to stop and start over a fewyears earlier.
(01:04):
I was raised by a veryconservative entrepreneurial
family.
Our values were that every manshould pull himself up by his
bootstraps and people got out oflife what they put in.
My parents believed that peoplewho were wealthy were wealthy
because they worked harder thanpeople who weren't.
The people with money were therisk takers, the job creators,
and the people who weren'tsuccessful were the ones who
(01:26):
were living off the backs ofthose who had worked harder.
That's right.
I was raised to believe thatanyone who accepted any form of
help, unemployment, welfare, orcharity was not only Lazy, but
somehow fundamentally a flawedhuman, borderline criminal, and
stealing from those who workedhard to get where they were in
life.
The role models that I hadgrowing up live that example.
(01:46):
Most of the people we knewworked hard, built businesses
and employed people.
The ones who weren't businessowners were hardworking blue
collar types that put in 12 hourdays working in factories and in
the trades.
Hardworking American taxpayerseach and every one.
I was lucky because I was ableto afford to go to a good
college and graduate without alifetime of student loan debt.
I was able to start a careershowing horses professionally at
(02:08):
a very young age and thisability to know that I could
safely pursue my dreams.
I graduated college, got marriedand bootstrapped my first
businesses.
I bootstrapped successful techcompanies through my twenties
and thirties.
And in 2008, shortly after myyoungest daughter was born, it
all came crashing down.
I watched the businesses that Ihad spent over a decade building
(02:29):
collapse.
I had businesses that were tiedto the banking, trucking, and
auto industries, all of whichwere hit hard that year.
I went from making insaneamounts of money as the owner of
a fast growing IT consulting andstaffing company to working by
myself in a dingy, often floodedbasement as my new office while
desperately trying to save it.
My father's machine shop, whichhad survived over 40 years,
(02:50):
closed shortly after.
I watched everything that I hadbuilt in my life, my marriage,
my business, my father'sbusiness, and my entire world
view crumble within a year.
Suddenly I found myself a singleparent with two preschoolers,
one still in diapers, with noincome, no savings, and no idea
how to dig myself out.
(03:11):
The ironic thing about losing abusiness is I didn't just lose a
job.
I lost my heart, my soul, myfamily, my friends, my life
savings trying to save it.
I paid all the company's bills,contractors, employees, and if
anything was left over, maybemyself when I could.
And when the money ran out forthe company, I still believed.
(03:33):
I could, no I would turn thisaround.
I had built it from nothing butan idea to a shining beacon of
hope for my family's futureonce.
And by God, I will do it again,I told myself.
So I cashed out all of myinvestments, my savings, my 401k
and sold off all the possessionsthat I could spare and put
myself deep in debt to keep itgoing, growing increasingly
(03:55):
desperate, increasingly destinedto fail.
For an entrepreneur, desperationdoesn't defeat you, it fuels
you.
It enrages you and empowers youto work harder, and invest more,
and risk more, and more, andmore.
But desperation's a double edgedsword, for even though it gives
you the purpose and drive, italso makes you take shortcuts.
(04:19):
You begin to make decisionsbased on panic, not reason.
You spend on things you needright now instead of investing
in the business that will payyou back triple next month.
Not because you want to, butbecause you have no other
option.
And eventually you will makechoices, choices you don't want
to make.
Choices that you know are wrong.
(04:40):
You eventually have to choosewhether you will do what you
need to do in the business tomake money next month or buy
food today.
And when it comes to the end ofthe road for the business owner,
there's no such thing asunemployment.
There's no COBRA to keep yourhealth insurance going.
There's not even a clear path toa new job because every single
(05:01):
job you apply for, you'reoverqualified for.
I applied for hundreds of jobsand got dozens of interviews as
my desperation increased overthose months leading up to that
humiliating night at the grocerystore.
And every time, I got the samereply.
I can't hire you.
Why?
I asked.
With everything you haveaccomplished already, there is
(05:22):
no way you'll be satisfied justworking here.
You should be running a companylike this, not working at one,
they said.
And they were right.
I would never have beensatisfied.
I'm not wired to ever besatisfied.
I am wired to build and grow andachieve.
But, at that time, I wasdesperate.
I had a home, a car payment, andelectric bills, and daycare for
(05:44):
two children, and diapers tobuy.
So while I agreed with them, Ineeded to work right then, and I
wanted to work right then, orelse.
The week after my divorce wasfinal, my fall from wealthy
business owner who drovePorsches, Cadillacs, and
Hummers.
And who showed high pricedhorses all over the country to
(06:04):
broke single parent strugglingto put gas in a banged up
minivan was complete.
I was down to my last 200 in theentire world.
That was the day that I told myfather, a man that I idolized,
and wanted to be proud of memore than anything, that I was
going down to the county JFS andapply for welfare.
(06:27):
I didn't get the reaction fromhim that I expected.
No, I expected, maybe evenwanted his outrage and
condemnation.
I deserved for him to be asangry with me as I was with
myself in that moment.
Instead, my father said, youmade so much money when you were
doing well and paid so much intaxes.
You're not lazy, John.
You just need help.
(06:47):
You've earned the right to askfor help to get back on your
feet.
I will never forget that.
He gave me the strength that Ineeded that day.
To close the door on my past andstart a new chapter.
A chapter where I was on my own,blindly raising two little girls
with no idea what I was going todo.
(07:09):
And go down to the county andapply for assistance.
I left the job in familyServices office, a broken man.
I drove home in silence, parkedin my driveway and cried for an
hour in my car.
Too ashamed to face anyone, butfor the first time in months, I
could afford to pay forgroceries.
(07:29):
So I dried the tears and we allwent shopping.
So, as the last of our groceriesscanned, the cashier looked at
me and as I handed her thatinconspicuous card, I mean, it
looked exactly like a debitcard, so nobody's ever gonna
notice, right?
She looked at it and said,Paying with food stamps today?
She didn't just whisper it.
(07:51):
She proclaimed it loudly in thatcrowded grocery store in the
town that I grew up in, went toschool in, and intended to raise
my children in.
Suddenly I looked around and itfelt like every single person in
every single line in that storewas looking directly at me.
Everyone knew that I was afailure.
Everyone knew that I was thewelfare person feeding my kids
(08:12):
with their tax dollars.
My shame and failure was ondisplay for everyone's
entertainment that evening.
Thankfully my daughters We'retoo young to understand.
All they knew is they got somesnacks that were normally
forbidden.
We checked out, got out of thestore as fast as we could, and
when we got home, and I got mykids to bed that night, I took a
(08:33):
shower and cried alone wherenobody could see the pain that I
was in that horrible, horriblenight.
It was a long time before I evershowed my face in that store
again.
I started shopping farther fromhome across town at Walmart,
always using self checkout,careful to hide the card as I
swiped it, always afraidsomebody was paying close enough
attention to how I intended topay and would judge me for it as
(08:55):
harshly as I judged myself.
I could never risk being sopublicly humiliated again.
As humiliating as it was to relyon food stamps, I had two
children to feed and that wasthe only way that I could do it
until I could find a way out ofthat situation.
I would like to say that it wasa quick rebound.
But the truth is, poverty as asingle parent is a hell of a lot
(09:16):
harder to escape than peopletell you.
Simple things like hiring ababysitter so that you can go to
a job interview, or losing a jobbecause nobody will be able to
pick up your kids before yourdaycare closes, and you can
never work a full 8 hour daybecause there's a 25 fine for
every 15 minutes late you arepicking up your kids at the
daycare, so you can't afford totake the chance that your 55
minute commute turns into anhour.
(09:38):
And the longer that you'restruggling, the harder it is to
find a good job.
And the stronger those shacklesof poverty and relying on the
system becomes, the poorer youare, the more expensive
everything becomes simply tolive.
Gas, insurance, heat, water,clothes, literally everything
that you need to live becomesalmost unobtainable.
It took years of struggle toescape.
(10:00):
That trap and rebuild my lifewithout sacrificing the time and
attention my children needed.
I was able to get myself back onsolid ground in large part
because of being a salesperson.
When you have sales skills, youare uniquely capable of
producing large amounts ofincome in short periods of time.
I've worked in recruiting, realestate, car sales, alarm sales,
(10:22):
even insurance.
I've gone from borderlinehomelessness on welfare, filing
for bankruptcy while selling offfurniture to put gas in my car,
to six figure earning salesman,homeowner, and real estate
investor within just a fewyears.
And as for that food stamps cardthat brought me such humiliation
so many years ago, I I carry itin my wallet with me every
(10:43):
single day right next to myAmerican Express as a reminder
to myself that no matter where Iam in life, I will always
remember the time that I handedit to that cashier and I will
never let myself be in thatposition again.
Instead of being ashamed orbitter, I am thankful that I
went through that phase of life.
(11:04):
It gave me the opportunity tolook in the mirror and decide
exactly what kind of person Iam.
What kind of father, son,friend, and human being that I
was going to be.
When I couldn't spend money onmy daughters, I spent time with
them instead.
We exercised together, hiked,played games, biked, sang, and
danced.
We entertained ourselves andeach other, and I gained
(11:27):
experiences and perspective thatNo amount of money could have
ever bought.
I learned that I could find truehappiness in life.
Not through things that I couldbuy, but through memories I
could create with the people Icared about.
And finally, I learned to be abetter salesman because of this
experience.
I get a perspective on life Inever would have had previously.
(11:47):
A perspective that truly allowsme to genuinely empathize with
customers of many backgrounds,from wealthy to welfare.
and truly put myself in theirshoes and do my best to help
them.
Anyways, this is the part whereI tell you to like and subscribe
if you like this channel, andshare the video if you know
anyone that might appreciate it.
And if you are in a funkyourself and need to dig
yourself out, remember salescareers are a great way to do
(12:10):
it.
To learn to become the bestsalesperson you can be, whether
you're digging yourself out ofpoverty or are just trying to
hit the next tier of success inyour sales career, you can learn
the skills that have worked forme.
In my book Stop Selling, StartBelieving, available at
stopsellingstartbelieving.com,and most places books are sold.
Until next time, thank you forlistening and see you soon.
I started always using the self checkout because one of the
most humiliating moments in mylife happened at the checkout
counter of my grocery store.
I'll never forget that night.
I was a single parent, standingin line at Giant Eagle, the
local grocery store.
My preschool age daughters,watching over a cart full of
food, excited because for thefirst time in six months, I let
(00:21):
them pick out a couple of extrathings.
In the 18 months leading up tothat night, money was growing
increasingly tight, and the merethought of adding a cookie or a
stick of gum to the cart wasstrictly forbidden.
As the cashier scanned ourgroceries, the horror that was
about to unfold was the farthestthing from my mind.
For the first time in months, Ihad a glimmer of hope.
(00:43):
A small financial safety netthat allowed me to breathe just
slightly easier than I had beenable to in months.
I was hoping that it would giveme the help that I needed to get
my business back on track sothat I could give my daughters
the life that I had dreamt ofinstead of the one that they
were living.
To understand the true impact ofwhat was about to happen, I need
to stop and start over a fewyears earlier.
(01:04):
I was raised by a veryconservative entrepreneurial
family.
Our values were that every manshould pull himself up by his
bootstraps and people got out oflife what they put in.
My parents believed that peoplewho were wealthy were wealthy
because they worked harder thanpeople who weren't.
The people with money were therisk takers, the job creators,
and the people who weren'tsuccessful were the ones who
(01:26):
were living off the backs ofthose who had worked harder.
That's right.
I was raised to believe thatanyone who accepted any form of
help, unemployment, welfare, orcharity was not only Lazy, but
somehow fundamentally a flawedhuman, borderline criminal, and
stealing from those who workedhard to get where they were in
life.
The role models that I hadgrowing up live that example.
(01:46):
Most of the people we knewworked hard, built businesses
and employed people.
The ones who weren't businessowners were hardworking blue
collar types that put in 12 hourdays working in factories and in
the trades.
Hardworking American taxpayerseach and every one.
I was lucky because I was ableto afford to go to a good
college and graduate without alifetime of student loan debt.
I was able to start a careershowing horses professionally at
(02:08):
a very young age and thisability to know that I could
safely pursue my dreams.
I graduated college, got marriedand bootstrapped my first
businesses.
I bootstrapped successful techcompanies through my twenties
and thirties.
And in 2008, shortly after myyoungest daughter was born, it
all came crashing down.
I watched the businesses that Ihad spent over a decade building
(02:29):
collapse.
I had businesses that were tiedto the banking, trucking, and
auto industries, all of whichwere hit hard that year.
I went from making insaneamounts of money as the owner of
a fast growing IT consulting andstaffing company to working by
myself in a dingy, often floodedbasement as my new office while
desperately trying to save it.
My father's machine shop, whichhad survived over 40 years,
(02:50):
closed shortly after.
I watched everything that I hadbuilt in my life, my marriage,
my business, my father'sbusiness, and my entire world
view crumble within a year.
Suddenly I found myself a singleparent with two preschoolers,
one still in diapers, with noincome, no savings, and no idea
how to dig myself out.
(03:11):
The ironic thing about losing abusiness is I didn't just lose a
job.
I lost my heart, my soul, myfamily, my friends, my life
savings trying to save it.
I paid all the company's bills,contractors, employees, and if
anything was left over, maybemyself when I could.
And when the money ran out forthe company, I still believed.
(03:33):
I could, no I would turn thisaround.
I had built it from nothing butan idea to a shining beacon of
hope for my family's futureonce.
And by God, I will do it again,I told myself.
So I cashed out all of myinvestments, my savings, my 401k
and sold off all the possessionsthat I could spare and put
myself deep in debt to keep itgoing, growing increasingly
(03:55):
desperate, increasingly destinedto fail.
For an entrepreneur, desperationdoesn't defeat you, it fuels
you.
It enrages you and empowers youto work harder, and invest more,
and risk more, and more, andmore.
But desperation's a double edgedsword, for even though it gives
you the purpose and drive, italso makes you take shortcuts.
(04:19):
You begin to make decisionsbased on panic, not reason.
You spend on things you needright now instead of investing
in the business that will payyou back triple next month.
Not because you want to, butbecause you have no other
option.
And eventually you will makechoices, choices you don't want
to make.
Choices that you know are wrong.
(04:40):
You eventually have to choosewhether you will do what you
need to do in the business tomake money next month or buy
food today.
And when it comes to the end ofthe road for the business owner,
there's no such thing asunemployment.
There's no COBRA to keep yourhealth insurance going.
There's not even a clear path toa new job because every single
(05:01):
job you apply for, you'reoverqualified for.
I applied for hundreds of jobsand got dozens of interviews as
my desperation increased overthose months leading up to that
humiliating night at the grocerystore.
And every time, I got the samereply.
I can't hire you.
Why?
I asked.
With everything you haveaccomplished already, there is
(05:22):
no way you'll be satisfied justworking here.
You should be running a companylike this, not working at one,
they said.
And they were right.
I would never have beensatisfied.
I'm not wired to ever besatisfied.
I am wired to build and grow andachieve.
But, at that time, I wasdesperate.
I had a home, a car payment, andelectric bills, and daycare for
(05:44):
two children, and diapers tobuy.
So while I agreed with them, Ineeded to work right then, and I
wanted to work right then, orelse.
The week after my divorce wasfinal, my fall from wealthy
business owner who drovePorsches, Cadillacs, and
Hummers.
And who showed high pricedhorses all over the country to
(06:04):
broke single parent strugglingto put gas in a banged up
minivan was complete.
I was down to my last 200 in theentire world.
That was the day that I told myfather, a man that I idolized,
and wanted to be proud of memore than anything, that I was
going down to the county JFS andapply for welfare.
(06:27):
I didn't get the reaction fromhim that I expected.
No, I expected, maybe evenwanted his outrage and
condemnation.
I deserved for him to be asangry with me as I was with
myself in that moment.
Instead, my father said, youmade so much money when you were
doing well and paid so much intaxes.
You're not lazy, John.
You just need help.
(06:47):
You've earned the right to askfor help to get back on your
feet.
I will never forget that.
He gave me the strength that Ineeded that day.
To close the door on my past andstart a new chapter.
A chapter where I was on my own,blindly raising two little girls
with no idea what I was going todo.
(07:09):
And go down to the county andapply for assistance.
I left the job in familyServices office, a broken man.
I drove home in silence, parkedin my driveway and cried for an
hour in my car.
Too ashamed to face anyone, butfor the first time in months, I
could afford to pay forgroceries.
(07:29):
So I dried the tears and we allwent shopping.
So, as the last of our groceriesscanned, the cashier looked at
me and as I handed her thatinconspicuous card, I mean, it
looked exactly like a debitcard, so nobody's ever gonna
notice, right?
She looked at it and said,Paying with food stamps today?
She didn't just whisper it.
(07:51):
She proclaimed it loudly in thatcrowded grocery store in the
town that I grew up in, went toschool in, and intended to raise
my children in.
Suddenly I looked around and itfelt like every single person in
every single line in that storewas looking directly at me.
Everyone knew that I was afailure.
Everyone knew that I was thewelfare person feeding my kids
(08:12):
with their tax dollars.
My shame and failure was ondisplay for everyone's
entertainment that evening.
Thankfully my daughters We'retoo young to understand.
All they knew is they got somesnacks that were normally
forbidden.
We checked out, got out of thestore as fast as we could, and
when we got home, and I got mykids to bed that night, I took a
(08:33):
shower and cried alone wherenobody could see the pain that I
was in that horrible, horriblenight.
It was a long time before I evershowed my face in that store
again.
I started shopping farther fromhome across town at Walmart,
always using self checkout,careful to hide the card as I
swiped it, always afraidsomebody was paying close enough
attention to how I intended topay and would judge me for it as
(08:55):
harshly as I judged myself.
I could never risk being sopublicly humiliated again.
As humiliating as it was to relyon food stamps, I had two
children to feed and that wasthe only way that I could do it
until I could find a way out ofthat situation.
I would like to say that it wasa quick rebound.
But the truth is, poverty as asingle parent is a hell of a lot
(09:16):
harder to escape than peopletell you.
Simple things like hiring ababysitter so that you can go to
a job interview, or losing a jobbecause nobody will be able to
pick up your kids before yourdaycare closes, and you can
never work a full 8 hour daybecause there's a 25 fine for
every 15 minutes late you arepicking up your kids at the
daycare, so you can't afford totake the chance that your 55
minute commute turns into anhour.
(09:38):
And the longer that you'restruggling, the harder it is to
find a good job.
And the stronger those shacklesof poverty and relying on the
system becomes, the poorer youare, the more expensive
everything becomes simply tolive.
Gas, insurance, heat, water,clothes, literally everything
that you need to live becomesalmost unobtainable.
It took years of struggle toescape.
(10:00):
That trap and rebuild my lifewithout sacrificing the time and
attention my children needed.
I was able to get myself back onsolid ground in large part
because of being a salesperson.
When you have sales skills, youare uniquely capable of
producing large amounts ofincome in short periods of time.
I've worked in recruiting, realestate, car sales, alarm sales,
(10:22):
even insurance.
I've gone from borderlinehomelessness on welfare, filing
for bankruptcy while selling offfurniture to put gas in my car,
to six figure earning salesman,homeowner, and real estate
investor within just a fewyears.
And as for that food stamps cardthat brought me such humiliation
so many years ago, I I carry itin my wallet with me every
(10:43):
single day right next to myAmerican Express as a reminder
to myself that no matter where Iam in life, I will always
remember the time that I handedit to that cashier and I will
never let myself be in thatposition again.
Instead of being ashamed orbitter, I am thankful that I
went through that phase of life.
(11:04):
It gave me the opportunity tolook in the mirror and decide
exactly what kind of person Iam.
What kind of father, son,friend, and human being that I
was going to be.
When I couldn't spend money onmy daughters, I spent time with
them instead.
We exercised together, hiked,played games, biked, sang, and
danced.
We entertained ourselves andeach other, and I gained
(11:27):
experiences and perspective thatNo amount of money could have
ever bought.
I learned that I could find truehappiness in life.
Not through things that I couldbuy, but through memories I
could create with the people Icared about.
And finally, I learned to be abetter salesman because of this
experience.
I get a perspective on life Inever would have had previously.
(11:47):
A perspective that truly allowsme to genuinely empathize with
customers of many backgrounds,from wealthy to welfare.
and truly put myself in theirshoes and do my best to help
them.
Anyways, this is the part whereI tell you to like and subscribe
if you like this channel, andshare the video if you know
anyone that might appreciate it.
And if you are in a funkyourself and need to dig
yourself out, remember salescareers are a great way to do
(12:10):
it.
To learn to become the bestsalesperson you can be, whether
you're digging yourself out ofpoverty or are just trying to
hit the next tier of success inyour sales career, you can learn
the skills that have worked forme.
In my book Stop Selling, StartBelieving, available at
stopsellingstartbelieving.com,and most places books are sold.
Until next time, thank you forlistening and see you soon.
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