November 27, 2023 • 39 mins
Join me on an unfolding journey of my guest, Ryan Delaney, as he leans into his 60th birthday, armed with the resilience and strength he's gleaned from his time on this earth. Ryan's life story is nothing short of a roller coaster ride, filled with lessons learned from his parents, triumphs and tribulations in the music industry, and a splash of an unexpected career change.
Ryan kicks off his story by reminiscing about his parents. Their strength and resilience, shaped by loss, war, and migration, influenced Ryan's outlook on life and continue to be his guiding stars.
Next, we traverse the peaks and troughs of Ryan's exhilarating journey in the music industry, from art school to a booming record business.
The story takes a turn when Ryan, in his midlife, dares to venture into a new career as a personal trainer despite the shadow of self-doubt and the challenges of dyslexia.
As we wrap up, we delve into Ryan's self-respect, work ethic, and personal growth philosophy.
Ryan's story showcases the power of passion, positivity, hard work, and resilience when navigating change.
Let's enjoy his story!
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Thank you for listening - Hasta Pronto!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daniela SM (00:08):
Hi, I'm Daniela.
Welcome to my podcast, becauseeveryone has a story, the place
to give ordinary people, storiesthe chance to be shared and
preserved, or stories become thelanguage of connections.
Let's enjoy it, connect andrelate, because everyone has a
story.
Welcome my guest, ryan Delaney.
(00:33):
I work in the same building asRyan, a fitness instructor, an
archinocer and someone whoappreciates the finer things in
life.
He always exudes a cheerful andoptimistic demeanor and his
infections laughter alwaysbrightens the atmosphere.
I am on the first floor of anopen building and he's on the
(00:56):
third floor and I can hear hislaughter.
Some people may say that smilingall the time is fake and not
normal, but I think it's wise toknow when and whom let your
guard down.
But for the rest of the people,why can't we just not
constantly smile, show optimismand be kind?
(01:17):
I knew of Ryan's love of art,food, travel and music, but
during our conversation he alsospoke about his parents, their
strength and resilience and hissuccessful record business,
which I had no idea.
We ended our discussion onRyan's self-respect, work ethic
and personal growth philosophy.
(01:37):
Our time together make mereflect.
Even though we spend more timewith coworkers than our families
, do we take the time to knowtheir stories, connect and show
that we see, hear and value them.
We may do that with thepersonal seats next to us or
that one that we always go to,but what about the rest of the
(01:59):
people that work with us that weonly say hi?
Sometimes we don't even say hi,we don't even know that they
work there.
What about learning their story?
What about connecting with them?
Know that you see them and youhear them and you value them?
Well, let's enjoy Ryan's story.
Welcome, ryan to the show.
Ryan Delaney (02:18):
Thank you very much for having me.
Daniela SM (02:20):
Yes, I'm super happy that you're here.
We work together two floors upand I always know when Ryan is
in the house because he's alwayslaughing.
Ryan Delaney (02:30):
Yes, I do.
Daniela SM (02:31):
I find that you are the most energetic and
enthusiastic person that I canwork with, and it's your mood.
It's always contagious.
Ryan Delaney (02:39):
Well, thank you very much.
That's very kind of you to saythat.
Always enjoy seeing you thereas well.
Daniela SM (02:43):
Yes, and so I'm glad that you are finally here to
share your story.
So tell me, why do you want toshare your story?
Ryan Delaney (02:51):
Well, I think next week is what some people would
call a momentous birthday.
I'm turning 60.
And I guess at this stage, youknow there's more to look back
on than there is to look forwardto.
I don't know if that'snecessarily true, because I'm
having a lot of fun, but I wasthinking about a lot of things
as this approaches andreflecting on the past and the
(03:11):
lessons that I've learnedResilience, the lessons I
learned from my parents, howthat's helped me in the career
that I'm in, how I bounce backfrom going from everything to
nothing and then building anentirely new life for myself and
maybe, just maybe, there mightbe some value for someone else.
Daniela SM (03:28):
Thank you, and it's always wonderful when people
share the story, because I feellike listening to other people's
stories just listening withoutenforcing a message of action is
actually a great lesson.
Ryan Delaney (03:42):
I agree.
I agree Everybody has a story.
I love the title of yourpodcast because it's true and I
think there's nuggets of wisdomto be gained from everybody's
history or story.
Daniela SM (03:54):
And which days you participate exactly.
Ryan Delaney (03:56):
July the 12th.
Daniela SM (03:57):
All right, well, so in celebration of that decade,
when does your story start?
Ryan Delaney (04:04):
My story starts with my parents.
I've been thinking about them alot lately.
They've been gone for a verylong time.
My mother died in 1985.
My father died in 97.
And thinking about what theytook on, how well they did it,
and their story, particularly mymother's story, is fascinating.
My mother was born in London,england, in 1921, just coming
(04:29):
out of the Dickens squalor asshe always put it, working class
English didn't really have muchof a shot.
My grandmother fought to giveher an education.
My mother's resilience and herstrength is something that just
it continuously astounds me.
She was widowed twice.
By the time she was 35.
Wow.
Yeah, she was married brieflyat the start of World War II and
(04:52):
it's very unusual for somebodyof my age to have parents who
live through World War II.
Even somebody of my advancedyears is usually their
grandparents, but I had parentswho live through World War II.
So my mother was married forabout two weeks at the start of
World War II and her husband wasblown up.
Daniela SM (05:08):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (05:08):
Yeah.
Then she met a Canadianserviceman over in England and
they got married and she cameout to Canada pregnant with my
sister 1943, she came out on theAquitania.
I think one of the high rankingofficers on the Aquitania at
that time was one of the highestranking officers to survive the
sinking of the Titanic and shehad to wear a life vest all the
(05:30):
way across the Atlantic.
Came through Halifax, couldn'ttell my grandparents where she
was.
She could send them a postcard,just say scenery's beautiful
when she were here, but theycould see by the postmark where
she was, told me she was one ofthe first war brides in BC
Within loss.
She had never met and wait forher husband to come over.
So you know that was the startof, I guess maybe of my journey
(05:50):
as well.
Daniela SM (05:51):
So she came alone to Halifax.
Ryan Delaney (05:53):
She came alone.
Daniela SM (05:54):
Pregnant, with your sister to Halifax.
And then, how did she?
How did she?
By?
Ryan Delaney (05:59):
rail All the way to BC Right across Canada.
She landed in Halifax.
She always told me the thingsshe saw in Halifax.
She saw bananas being loadedonto a boat and she hadn't seen
a banana for years because ofthe war, and every day of her
life she always ate a bananabecause she thought this was the
greatest country in the worldbecause we had so many bananas.
And she came across by rail andcame out to BC and settled in
(06:20):
Richmond, oddly enough.
And then her husband came afterthe war was over, came out.
She didn't get along with hermother-in-law A common story and
they were married for I forgethow many years and then he died
and she had two children by him,my brother and sister and she'd
been widowed by the time shewas 35, she'd been widowed twice
and then she met my dad who hadbeen widowed with three small
(06:43):
children.
So friends set them up and myfather was working two jobs,
three small children and awidower.
They hit it off.
My mother didn't want to seehim again after the first date
because he showed up in hisoveralls and friends convinced
her to give him a second chance.
When he showed up in hisuniform, turned around to open
(07:04):
the car door for her, slipped ina pile of dog crap and laughed
and my mother said right then Iknew I'd marry him.
So when we're talking aboutresilience and stuff, I think
about what my parents took on.
My mother widowed twice, twosmall children.
My father widowed with threesmall children.
Hey, let's get married.
(07:24):
Can you imagine anyone doingthat today?
Yes, you can.
You can't afford it.
Daniela SM (07:32):
Oh, yes, you can afford it.
That's true, but people stilldo crazy things like this.
Ryan Delaney (07:36):
But, yes, they do you think so?
Okay, I can think of very fewpeople who would even attempt.
Well, at least where we live.
Well, my mother thought she wasgoing through menopause, went
to the doctor and said no,you're pregnant.
She went home, slapped myfather metaphorically my parents
did not hate each other, Don'tsend letters.
But yeah, and then they gotmarried and had three more and
(07:58):
then adopted a child.
Daniela SM (08:00):
What?
So they had three and five, andthen they had three more nine
of us.
I adopted one yes, my sisterCassandra, yeah wow, wow, but
the new parents were supergenerous.
Ryan Delaney (08:14):
Well, either that or not.
Very careful, and my mothernever worked outside the home
what you couldn't.
Daniela SM (08:20):
She had a lot of kids to take care.
Ryan Delaney (08:23):
She did.
I mean, the older ones sort ofwere called into service to look
after the younger ones, butthey went through all of that on
one wage.
My dad had a really good job sowe were very lucky.
But then they went through allof that and then my sister died
yeah, which one?
One of my older sisters who Inever knew.
I was nine months old.
My sister, kathy, died in 1964.
(08:44):
She was 16, just about 17.
That's why we couldn't for along time watch the sound of
music because of the song I am16, going on 17.
It was just destroy my parentsand then they had to contend
with that and I kind of grew upunder the shadow of that.
My parents were veryoverprotective with me.
The loss of losing a child isjust horrifying horrifying even
(09:05):
all those years later.
I remember when I was about 10years old, one of my older
brothers got married and on theway back from the wedding and
the party and everything, westopped off to put the flowers
on my sister's grave Probablyabout 1976 I think, and I can
still see the look on mymother's face, just pain and
grief.
She loved my dad's daughterlike it was her own daughter,
and my mother is actually buried, but they went on growing up
(09:27):
into the shadow of that.
You can either let it destroyyou or you can go on, and my
parents chose to go on, and theyhad also a lot of other kids to
take care of too.
Daniela SM (09:36):
Well, they had no choice, yeah and then my mother
got ill.
Ryan Delaney (09:40):
I was 22 when my mother died and I never, ever
really knew her healthy.
I only found out a few yearsago that she had been ill for
some time before.
You know, I was very smallbefore I was ever told, you know
, mom sick.
It took me a long time to sortof realize that for the last 10
years of her life she wasbasically dying.
You know your face with that.
After everything else you havegone through, what do you do?
(10:01):
You know, how do you facesomething like that?
And the answer to it is best Ican figure it out is you just
keep going.
So when I think about what myparents contended with, what
alternatives do you have?
So when I embarked on thecareer that I'm in, those
lessons of resilience have beenMost helpful.
Whatever it is you choose to do, you simply get on with it, and
(10:23):
no nonsense approach towhatever it is is kind of going
on.
It's like what do I have to doto get through the situation and
forge ahead?
Daniela SM (10:32):
So you lost your mama 22, which I lost my dad
when I was 20.
So I know how hard that can be,especially if you had a good
relationship with your parent,then what happened?
So you had a lot of siblings,so some of your sisters and all
the brothers may also play arole like parents in a way.
Ryan Delaney (10:53):
Well, my older sister kind of did, but you
gotta remember there was such anage gap between me and most of
my brothers and sisters so theywere all out on their own and
married when I was still fairlyyoung.
So I was out on my own at 22,which you know, a lot of people
that age now aren't.
They still live at home tillthey're about 30 now because
they can afford it.
But I was out on my own payingmy bills and figuring out what I
(11:16):
wanted to really do with mylife at 22 and sort of I was
pretty much on my own.
I mean, I was always in touchwith my dad, had a fantastic
relationship with my dad, kindof figuring out what I wanted to
do, and that took a couple ofyears to figure that out.
But those lessons of justgetting on with it, no matter
what is kind of thrown in yourway, have stood me in very good
(11:37):
stead you found that 22 what youwanted to do.
No, I didn't.
I found my life's callingaround 40.
Daniela SM (11:44):
Oh wow.
And so what happened between 22and 40?
Ryan Delaney (11:46):
various things.
I originally came out of highschool I want to scholarship, to
go to college study art, whichis my big passion, as you well
know.
Yes, then I realized that therewasn't much of a living to be
made in that, as pretty as itsounded on paper, and even
though it was a burning passionwith me, you got to pay your
bills.
I had several long term jobsand things.
(12:08):
I at one point I worked forvery well known hotel company
for several years, which is agreat job, which is a major D.
I did a little bit ofeverything and then in my early
30s I started selling recordsmostly came out as a hobby love
doing that was kind of a thingon the side.
It was a hobby always lovedmusic that comes from my mother,
(12:31):
as does my love of art and thenI started making money out of.
Then the internet boom kind ofhappens, and I actually made my
living at that for eight years.
Why how I was looking for somestuff and someone said you
should put it.
This is pre internet and emailand everything.
And someone said you should putan ad in England for some of
the stuff you're looking for.
(12:51):
And so we did, and I gotinundated with letters from
these German and British guysand things can yeah, I can get
that for you.
Can you find me this in Canada?
And this is how much I'll payfor it.
So it wasn't an instantaneousthing, but I guess it was about
a two or three year period wherethis little hobby kind of made
(13:13):
a little bit of money for me,and that was very nice.
Daniela SM (13:16):
So you were, you were finding records from for
other people through in shippingit by mail.
Yeah, this is like sendingsending.
Ryan Delaney (13:24):
Like you know, you get letters from Scotland and
of course whenever I read aletter I read it in the accent
of the person who wrote it.
And I'll never forget I gotthis letter from Scotland from
some guy who was a postal workerthere and goes oh I like that
peril jam.
You know we wanted peril jamrecords and I could always, I
always had to read it in my headin the accent and I started to
(13:47):
make money from this littlehobby.
Daniela SM (13:50):
Interesting, so you were ahead of the game.
You were like an Amazon or a nono, nothing like that.
Ryan Delaney (13:55):
In the beginning it was kind of like oh OK, you
know, here's an extra fiftyhundred bucks or something, and
that was nice.
And then the internet camealong and so that helped.
Oh my God, I think it wasaround 1998, 1999.
Yes, yes, I started.
(14:16):
My thing always is, when wetalk about resilience and
forging ahead is how do I dothis?
Somebody show me Like I want tolearn how to do this and I
learned a lot of my computerskills.
A little community centeraround the corner from where I
live, and so I started email thewhole nine yards.
The money started to pour in.
Daniela SM (14:35):
But how Like so you were.
Instead of getting letters, youwere getting emails.
Ryan Delaney (14:39):
Not getting emails .
You still had to do it throughletters and things, people
sending you things like postalorders or, my God, they used to
send cash through the mail, yes,and so it started to become
more of a concern than a hobby.
Then it exploded.
I forget what year it was itwas late 90s and for eight years
I sold records all over theworld and made the most money
(15:01):
I'd ever made in my life.
Daniela SM (15:02):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (15:04):
That's part of the reason set me up very nicely
for retirement.
I was traveling to Los Angelesthree or four times a year.
I would have my clothesdesigned for me in LA, the whole
nine yards.
I would sell Japan, Germany,England, all over the world.
And oh, it was a great time, Alot of work.
It was a great deal of work,but I would have been happy
doing that till I died.
(15:24):
And then everything changedAfter about eight years.
It became harder and hardermore competition, rising costs,
money on the internet, and Iwent from making about $85,000 a
year in a six-month period tonot even bringing in enough to
pay my rent.
Daniela SM (15:42):
Ryan, let me see if I understand.
So you will find the recordsthat people requested and ship
it back to them so you reallywear like an Amazon.
Ryan Delaney (15:51):
Well, yeah, we even got my 70-something
mother-in-law to help us withpackaging.
That's how busy we were.
I have a wonderful photo in myliving room filled with boxes
after boxes of stuff that wasgoing on?
Daniela SM (16:04):
Oh cool, Do you have to also research who has the
record that this person islooking?
Ryan Delaney (16:09):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, no, the research was my favorite
thing about what I did.
I'd wake up in the morning,answer emails and things, and
then I would set out on my day.
I'd travel all over BC.
I would travel all over Seattleto Pacific Northwest through,
oh God, thrift shops, you nameit, and buying inventory and
(16:29):
then going down to LA threetimes a year buying like massive
amounts of stuff, coming backand turning around selling it
back to the Americans.
Daniela SM (16:36):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (16:37):
Fascinating.
It was really fascinating.
It was a great deal of work, itwas a lot of fun, but it was a
job.
It was one of the happier timesin my life and it all went away
in about a six-month period.
It just vanished, my God.
Daniela SM (16:51):
But you had eight years and then, of course, at
that time that salary was quitehigh.
So you were living the life ofa look-tourist, so you were
having all your clothestailor-made and you were
traveling.
So tell me about that a littlebit.
You like fashions, oh yeah.
Is that why it started?
Ryan Delaney (17:10):
Oh, I always liked it, but never had champagne
taste beer budget for years, andI remember walking down Rodeo
Drive in Los Angeles, beverlyHills, and I'll take that and
I'll take that, and oh yeah,wonderful, wonderful.
The best part, though, was yourown hours, your own boss, not
answering to anybody, butworking very hard.
(17:30):
I mean, this all soundswonderful, but it was a great
deal of very, very hard work,hard, hard work.
Daniela SM (17:37):
Like it's always when you have your own business.
Ryan Delaney (17:39):
You know, yeah, but I loved it.
It all went away in about sixmonths.
You have this glamorous,wonderful life and all of a
sudden, everything can changelike that, not even bringing in
enough to pay the rent in asix-month period.
Daniela SM (17:51):
I mean, you didn't see it coming, it wasn't slowly
happening.
Ryan Delaney (17:54):
I was stupid.
I always tend to think longterm, but I thought it would
always be there.
And then it got a little rough,and then it got better, and
then it started to get a littlerough, and then it got better,
and then it got rough, rough andit's like, well, it'll get
better again.
It didn't.
So what do you do?
What do you do?
I had had a wonderful jobseveral years prior in a very
(18:18):
high-end private club here inVancouver, slinging beer in a
pub, which was one of the bestjobs I ever had in my life.
And I bumped into my ex-bossone day when I was shutting
everything down.
He said hey, ryan, how are you?
Blah, blah, blah, how are youdoing?
I said you know how'severything going.
He said good, How's the recordbusiness?
I said well, you know, I'veshut it all down and he goes.
Really it's terrible.
I said you know how's the club?
(18:39):
And he goes oh my God, do youknow anybody who's looking for a
part-time job?
And I said, yeah, I am.
He goes.
What happened?
I said well, no, it's over andI'll never forget this.
He said well, you know, do youwant to come back and work?
And I said yeah, and he saidcome back home.
I'll never forget that.
I'll never forget that.
Now, this is something I getvery choked up about.
So I went back and I neverthought I would have to do work
like that again after having hadthis totally different life.
(19:01):
I'll never forget this thefirst day and, by the way, if
I'd hated it, I wouldn't havedone it at all.
Daniela SM (19:07):
No, you said you liked it and you personally I
loved it and, knowing you, yourpersonality is so serving.
I mean, you are just amazingabout taking care of people,
making people feel special, andalso you like that to happen to
you.
Ryan Delaney (19:21):
Here's the lesson Everything was gone.
I had $11,000 in debt.
I mean, I had savings andthings but I had to grind it out
.
I got to work, I got to pay offthe debt and, you know,
hopefully I won't have to touchany of the money I put aside
from this.
But I got to grind it out anddo it.
And the very first day I wentback there I was doing up my tie
and I looked at myself in themirror and I said I am going to
(19:43):
make you people because if Icouldn't do it with a good
attitude, I wouldn't do it atall.
So I went back there, did itevery day, showing up and doing
it and, by the way, I reallyliked the job.
Members there were wonderful.
I will never forget.
One day I came in, the generalmanager was there and there was
a scrap of paper or something onthe floor and I picked it up
(20:04):
and she said how are you thismorning?
I go, I am fantastic.
And she looked at me and gaveme that side glance and she goes
seriously.
I looked at her and I said thesecond I walked through that
door I'm fantastic, it doesn'tmatter what's going on, show up
and do it with a good attitude.
So I had my midlife crisis andwhen I took my first course for
(20:24):
the profession that I'm in now,it was paid for by the members
of that club.
Daniela SM (20:28):
But, ryan, what made you have that attitude?
What made you say I amfantastic?
How did you learn that lesson?
Reading books from your parents?
How, because there is noalternative.
Actually, there is analternative, because you can
take a negative attitude towardslife.
Ryan Delaney (20:44):
My parents look at what they went through.
No, I wasn't fantastic, but thesecond I walked through that
door.
You have a job to do and youbetter be on.
Nobody in this world owes you adamn thing.
You owe it your talent, yourskills and your contributions.
And whatever is going on inyour personal life or whatever
struggles you're having, show upand do it, because there's a
(21:07):
difference between strong andweak, and that's what I got from
my parents, especially my dad.
Just get in there and do it.
Daniela SM (21:15):
I think there is spectrums of saying I'm
fantastic and you are justalways so on about it.
No matter what, you always sayI'm fantastic.
Ryan Delaney (21:25):
Well, yeah, and that means sometimes you aren't
always fantastic.
I mean, let's face it, lifegets in the way you have things
going on, but I look at whatalternative is there.
Are you going to sit there andfeel sorry for yourself?
Are you going to sit there?
Oh, poor me, woe is me.
Well, okay, cry later, get onwith it.
And that's the thing I owe itto the people that I interact
(21:48):
with.
I'm in a service industry.
I owe it to make their daybetter.
I owe it to make whateverthey're doing better.
You want to always uplift peoplein whatever small way that you
can, whatever position you have,wherever you are in life.
You never want to bring theenergy down.
Yes, we all have struggles.
Yes, we all have challenges,but the lessons that you learn
(22:11):
is that you simply have to geton with it, because it doesn't
do you any favors to feel sorryfor yourself.
It just doesn't.
A couple of weeks ago, wheninto work, you know, when we had
that really bad heat wave,hardly had any sleep I was in a
rotten mood.
First class comes in, I walk in, and I did not want to do it.
People walk in.
(22:32):
Good morning, bring it, youjust do it.
You've had mornings like that.
Daniela SM (22:39):
I appreciate you saying that too, because it's
not all like you're saying it.
I didn't want to do it, but Ipretended and it's true, that's
what they said about your brainthat you don't want to do
something.
But you just lie to your brainand your brain will think that
you do want to do it or you dolike it, Exactly.
Ryan Delaney (22:57):
Yeah, and that's part of being a professional.
One of my favorite quotes and Iuse this all the time is a
professional gives their besteffort when they don't feel like
it, or gives their best effortwhen no one's looking, and it's
very true, because there's lotsof other people out there who
don't have the it's.
Also, you know, what are thethree things you're grateful for
today?
Is, you know, half empty, halffull?
(23:18):
I'm a cynic.
At the best of times, you thinkabout all the great things you
have in your life.
Even when I was slinging beerin the pub After having had this
magnificent life, you realizebut I get to, I can get through
this, I can carry on and do thisbecause I have these other
advantages.
Yeah, I've had this kind ofthing happen to me.
(23:38):
Well, so what?
What am I gonna do?
Sit on a cry about, or am Igonna do something about?
Daniela SM (23:43):
How old are you when the record business didn't work
out anymore?
Ryan Delaney (23:47):
forty two or forty three, and then I have, I guess
, my midlife crisis and Idecided what do I want to do
with the rest of my life?
What do I wish to contribute?
What Is going to really set meon fire?
And it found me.
I really maintain the oldcliche the people come into your
(24:09):
life for a reason.
I don't think it's a cliche.
I think it's the honest truth.
And somebody came into my lifevery, very close friend of mine,
who basically would change theentire direction of my life.
I've often been accused ofgiving this person too much
credit, but the truth is Iwouldn't be in the profession
I'm in now If it hadn't been forthat person.
Out of more curiosity, Istarted asking questions and
(24:31):
that led me into the professionI'm in now.
After all those years, at theage of forty two, I discovered a
part of myself that I never,ever knew was there and would
never have happened unless thisperson across my back.
Daniela SM (24:41):
What is the part of yourself that you discover?
Ryan Delaney (24:43):
the asshole drill sergeant the friend of mine went
on to a career in lawenforcement was an amazing shape
and I started asking questionsabout weight lift, like I would
go to the gym and I would like.
A lot of people just pissaround, not have a clear idea.
And I start asking questionsand my curiosity was peaked.
I started thinking you know, Ihired a trainer and she would
(25:04):
tell me what did she say?
You know you'd be really goodat doing this.
And I said, oh, I'm too old.
And she looked at me and shewent you're not old.
And that really stuck with meand I thought well, you know,
could I do this?
What are you thinking about?
You know, I'm just lexic.
You know I was never reallygood at sports, but I didn't
realize that I'm as strong as anox.
And I started thinking aboutyou know, could I do this?
And the answer came down yousold records for eight years.
(25:28):
Idiot, you can do anything.
You know, you made a livingdoing something that most people
would look at.
You go, what the hell?
You can probably do this.
So I started pursuing it and Iworked incredibly hard.
Daniela SM (25:41):
You are competing with a lot of much younger
people, perhaps no, but I neverthought about that like
seriously.
Ryan Delaney (25:47):
It never even entered my mind.
I just thought how can I be thebest at doing this?
What do I have to do to do this?
Daniela SM (25:54):
what do you have to do?
Ryan Delaney (25:55):
take courses I took the courses.
I remember my first exam.
I failed three times becauseI'm my dyslexia really started
to bother me joint actions,muscles, things, directions.
I was completely lost and inmany ways I think it made me a
better trainer because I had towork really, really hard to get
it now second nature to me.
But I worked really, reallyhard and then I took the next
(26:16):
course and then I startedknocking on doors to try and get
a part time job and I wouldhave doors slammed in my face
and I thought it was because Iwas too old.
It was actually because Ididn't have any experience, but
I kept going.
There's that same thing Ilearned from my parents.
It's like, okay, you don't likeme, screw you somebody else.
Well, and I just kept going andI finally wound up volunteering
at A local community centerhere, getting sort of like my
(26:37):
feet wet, working in a gym,figuring out how things were
working with other people whoare actually doing what I wanted
to do.
The more I did it, the more Iloved it.
I left them To work at thisprivate club that I was working
at for the christmas season andthey called me up and they said,
hey, when are you gonna comeback?
And I said when you start payingme?
And they said, okay, and theydid.
(26:58):
That was a great experience.
And then they said to me wouldyou like to teach some group
classes and things?
And I said, sure, what do Ihave to do?
How do I have to learn this?
What do I have to sort of getunder my belt to do this
successfully?
And that is how I wound up withyou.
Daniela SM (27:13):
That sounds like you actually my trainer, but I
haven't had the pleasure, forthat is your too busy or the
pain, so we just work together.
That's how we ended up indifferent departments.
Ryan Delaney (27:25):
Yes, I'm very busy .
So I was working the vancouverlawn tennis and badminton club.
I was working part time Atjewish community center here in
vancouver.
I would do sunday nights there,you know, learning how to work
in a gym and stuff and get meamazing amount of experience.
And then I saw an ad for afacility enrichment new opening
up and I thought, okay and tellthe honest truth.
(27:47):
I walked in there and I for myfirst interview and I almost
walked out again because it wasthis amazing.
As you know, it's an amazingfacility, sort of the best in
north america, and I thoughtthis is way beyond.
What the hell are you doing?
You're too old and all this.
And they hired me, I heard me,gave me some of the best
training and education in theworld what best education in the
(28:08):
world they give you well, thisis before your time there.
It was post olympics and theybrought in a company from
phoenix, arizona called the timeathletes performance is known
as exos now, and they're thebest in the world.
They train most of the athletesfor the nfl combat.
The company was started by thedirector of the nfl players
(28:28):
association, mark for statethat's, who trained us in 2011.
2012.
They came up for one week eachtime and change everything I did
as a coach and train.
It's the best in the world.
They trained the german worldcup soccer Team of 2014, the
world cup champions of 2014.
That's who trained me.
I will always be grateful forthat.
And then I've subsequently doneeverything else with them since
(28:51):
then a lot of their onlineeducation.
They are the absolute.
Daniela SM (28:54):
I see not everybody gets to train like that.
Then is that what you're saying?
Ryan Delaney (28:58):
oh no, oh my god.
Working where we do is givingme so many advantages in terms
of my own personal development,my professional development.
A lot of challenges on the way,but anything worth doing will
have challenges, and I go backto my parents but right answer.
Daniela SM (29:13):
Working at the club you are making decent amount of
money because I'm sure that youget tip, but when you were
working as a trainer, thesalaries are not very high
usually.
Ryan Delaney (29:24):
When you start out .
No, you had to make.
I had to make sacrifices.
Like I said, I started byvolunteering.
You know there's been somechallenges now trying to find
younger people going into thisindustry.
What I tell my students by theway, the course that I took I
now teach things I tell mystudents is don't discount the
value of volunteering.
You gotta suck it up and getinto that and most don't want to
(29:44):
do it now and that's a shamebecause you can gain invaluable
experience and you never knowwho's watching or looking.
Yeah, so I started doing that.
No, I didn't make a lot ofmoney in the first little while,
but eventually I did do very,very well.
Now, mostly from teaching, iswhat the bulk of my income comes
from private clients at anothergym.
I take my private clients and Ican serve charge what I want,
(30:05):
and then the clients where wework, which are wonderful and
I'm compensated extremely well.
I'm doing these three differentthings, something that I love,
but career I never, ever wouldhave thought of doing for twenty
years now.
Eighteen, nineteen, yeah, it'samazing how one little thing can
change the whole trajectory ofyour life.
And are you up to the challenge?
(30:26):
Can you do?
You have the resilience and thestrength to just get in there
and do it.
And that goes back to what Ilearned from my parents just get
on with it.
Daniela SM (30:37):
Yes, and you have a wonderful life because we have a
wonderful partner as well, asyou travel a lot and you get to
enjoy art and music, which areyour hobbies now, but your
passion yet they're my passion.
Ryan Delaney (30:53):
Still, everything.
I'm passionate about everything, as you know.
Daniela SM (30:55):
Yes, that's true, you like beautiful things, good
food and you're always soenthusiastic and adaptable.
I feel like this is adaptableand flexible is something that
is also part of your trade.
Ryan Delaney (31:06):
You have to.
And it goes again the lessonslearned from my parents with
what they had to contend withand how they simply never lost
their sense of humor, which, bythe way, people don't tell you
is an incredibly powerful weaponwhen life doesn't go the way
you want.
If you can see the funny sideof anything, that's power, is a
great deal of power.
All those wonderful things thatI worked hard yes, I like nice
(31:28):
things, I like all that and Iwork very hard for them but they
are secondary to finding whatyour purpose is.
Those things go away.
Your purpose and your vision ofthe things that matter and that
stay.
Daniela SM (31:40):
Everything else is window dressing but the thing is
that not everybody gets to findwhat the purpose is is
difficult for some people.
Ryan Delaney (31:47):
My purpose found me I always say that I didn't
find it found me largely and oneperson Can come in and change
your entire life.
I really do believe that ifyou're open to it and willing to
go on, whatever that journeymay be and it can be scary,
especially when you find a partof yourself you didn't know was
there it's like what do I dowith this?
(32:08):
And some people don't want tosee it.
You gotta see it, embrace itand just dive in and see where
it'll take you.
You'll be glad that you did.
Daniela SM (32:14):
Yes, that is beautiful.
Well, I really appreciate thatyou actually came and share your
story because again, I hear youlaugh.
We have small chat during worktime.
You sharing your story, itfeels that I connected with you
more and this like a gift thatyou have offered me and to
everyone that get to know youmore Is not just the Ryan, who
(32:37):
is always enthusiastic and happy, but here's the story and how
the Ryan was built.
But are you happy with these?
Ryan Delaney (32:43):
I'm never happy with anything.
I do not that I'm unhappy.
It could always be better, andthat's what I tell myself in my
profession.
I can always be better but thatis exhausting yep, I wouldn't
have any other way.
Daniela SM (32:56):
constant self improvement and I understand
that.
I feel that also.
I always want to learn more andmore, but there has to be a
point that you also have toappreciate.
Take time to appreciate who youare now.
Hi, yeah.
Ryan Delaney (33:10):
But for me it's always a constant source of how
can I be better, how can I dobetter and mostly, how can I do
better when I'm serving others?
Daniela SM (33:19):
I was reading this interesting book yesterday and
I'm gonna quote here you arehere to be perfect.
You're here to embrace howperfect you already are.
Ryan Delaney (33:28):
Yeah, one way of looking at it.
I guess I don't know if thatresonates with me.
I'm not like, yeah, you'renever gonna be perfect.
But I don't know, maybe thatsome sort of deep rooted
insecurity in me.
I don't know, I'm I always liketo think I'm not that insecure,
but for me I'm not aperfectionist, but I just want
to do really well, because Iknow everything is malleable,
(33:48):
changeable and never perfect.
But I always constantly howcould I do this better?
How could this be better?
What can I learn from this?
Daniela SM (33:56):
yeah, kind of the same thing I'm really curious
about this drive to always dobetter and learn more.
Can you elaborate more?
Ryan Delaney (34:04):
Why I think I was really fortunate growing up gay.
My parents didn't care.
They did not care.
I had incredibly supportparents.
My father was about as much ofa man's man Is there ever was.
I mean, we build fences andshop would use an engineer, make
no difference whatsoever.
I'm so fortunate that way.
Yes, things have changed a lot.
People are not as hung up onthese things with the profession
(34:27):
I'm in, I think maybe when Ithink about that desire for
never good enough, constantimprovement, it may come from is
a game and maybe always feelinglike I had to work twice as
hard to be thought of as half asgood, always feeling, rightly
or wrongly, by the way that yourwork Was always going to be
judged differently and that whenyou've had to stick up for
(34:49):
yourself which I've had to do onnumerous occasions it's like
what the hell is wrong with him.
Are god, what a monster.
Goodness, I don't really careabout any of that, because I
just kept going.
If you want me to be a monster,I'll be a monster.
I'll be the worst monsteryou've ever seen in your life,
but I will be god damn ifanybody is ever gonna step on me
or treat me with any lessrespect than anyone else, and
(35:11):
this is why I have a big problemwith things like anti bullying.
Yes, no, kids should ever bebullied.
I did a terrible thing.
I think we would do better withour younger people if we taught
them to stick up for themselvesinstead, because I've never
really been bullied or harassedor anything like that, usually
because people are so scaredabout what might come out of my
mouth.
Good, I think we doing kids adisservice and also ties into
(35:34):
the thing whether, whateveryou're growing up with, whatever
your ethnicity is, whateveryour sexual orientation is,
always be your authentic self.
There may be bumps on the way,but you know what the cost of
not being your authentic self is, a price that I was never
willing to pay, ever since Iyoung age.
You mean like that, oh yeah yeah, my earliest memories but then
(35:56):
when people wanted to bully youat school, well, no more than
any other kids okay, okay yeah,there was always kids being a
Jerk to you in gym class orsomething, but no more than any
other kid, homophobicHarassments or homophobia not
yet.
Kids always do that.
But I would have my share of it, but no more than anyone else,
but I would stick up for myselfbut could it be also the times
(36:18):
that you're growing up?
Daniela SM (36:19):
not everybody has that strong personality that can
they stand from themselves theydon't look.
Ryan Delaney (36:25):
If you want to be a six foot tall, raven,
glittering drag queen, you go,do that.
But be the absolute, god damnbest.
Be the absolute best so that noone can touch you but to get
there you have to work reallyhard.
Daniela SM (36:38):
At the meantime people will make fun of you or
say whatever.
It takes time.
Ryan Delaney (36:43):
It's always a reflection on the other person.
You know it's an old cliche,but it's true.
If somebody has a problem withme being gay, it's their problem
, and there's some issues thatthey have not explored.
Daniela SM (36:54):
Trust me, I always wanted to just be judged on my
work yes, but interesting thatyou feel like you have to work
really hard to be the best.
Ryan Delaney (37:02):
Everything else is secondary and mostly I've been
successful.
I think that is one thing.
Yes, I've always had to workhard, but but I do care about my
work and making my work as goodas I possibly can yes, and I
remember reading once that youare the co Of yourself.
Daniela SM (37:18):
Yeah, I always think like that.
I represent myself and that'swhy I have to do the best I
can't, I'm doing it for me.
Ryan Delaney (37:25):
Yeah, yeah, I'm not, I'm doing it for me.
I something that I can be proudof.
Daniela SM (37:30):
Like everything.
I mean, if I dress nice, if Iwant to look good, is it's all
because of.
Ryan Delaney (37:35):
I want to feel good is not for other people
yeah, exactly, and it can bemisinterpreted is insecurity,
why are you doing that, etc.
But it actually isn't.
It's a matter of self respect.
Yes, yes.
Ultimately judged on the workconstantly, but I think if I
look a little deeper maybe itdoes come from.
I'm gonna show you maybe.
But you know I got older Idon't even care about that.
(37:57):
But I do care about work andthat's the most important thing
to me that's the beauty aboutgetting older that we don't care
about.
Daniela SM (38:03):
other people think About us, but we know who we are
and we do our best all the timeyes, exactly so right, and we
know that you're super busy nowteaching your turning sixty, but
you are just not slowing downin any moment.
Thank you for sharing yourstory and for being so open and
enthusiastic.
Well, thank you very much forhaving me oh, come on right, and
(38:26):
that's not enthusiastic enoughthank you so much for having me.
Ryan Delaney (38:32):
Thank you very much, thank you.
Daniela SM (38:34):
I hope you enjoyed it.
Today's episode I am danielaand you were listening to,
because everyone has a story.
Please take five seconds rightnow and think of somebody in
your life, to me and you, whatyou just heard, someone that has
a story to share.
Preserve.
When you think of that person,shoot them a text with the link
of this podcast.
(38:55):
This will allow the ordinarymagic to go further.
Join me next time for anotherstory conversation.
Thank you for listening.
Hi, I'm Daniela.
Welcome to my podcast, becauseeveryone has a story, the place
to give ordinary people, storiesthe chance to be shared and
preserved, or stories become thelanguage of connections.
Let's enjoy it, connect andrelate, because everyone has a
story.
Welcome my guest, ryan Delaney.
(00:33):
I work in the same building asRyan, a fitness instructor, an
archinocer and someone whoappreciates the finer things in
life.
He always exudes a cheerful andoptimistic demeanor and his
infections laughter alwaysbrightens the atmosphere.
I am on the first floor of anopen building and he's on the
(00:56):
third floor and I can hear hislaughter.
Some people may say that smilingall the time is fake and not
normal, but I think it's wise toknow when and whom let your
guard down.
But for the rest of the people,why can't we just not
constantly smile, show optimismand be kind?
(01:17):
I knew of Ryan's love of art,food, travel and music, but
during our conversation he alsospoke about his parents, their
strength and resilience and hissuccessful record business,
which I had no idea.
We ended our discussion onRyan's self-respect, work ethic
and personal growth philosophy.
(01:37):
Our time together make mereflect.
Even though we spend more timewith coworkers than our families
, do we take the time to knowtheir stories, connect and show
that we see, hear and value them.
We may do that with thepersonal seats next to us or
that one that we always go to,but what about the rest of the
(01:59):
people that work with us that weonly say hi?
Sometimes we don't even say hi,we don't even know that they
work there.
What about learning their story?
What about connecting with them?
Know that you see them and youhear them and you value them?
Well, let's enjoy Ryan's story.
Welcome, ryan to the show.
Ryan Delaney (02:18):
Thank you very much for having me.
Daniela SM (02:20):
Yes, I'm super happy that you're here.
We work together two floors upand I always know when Ryan is
in the house because he's alwayslaughing.
Ryan Delaney (02:30):
Yes, I do.
Daniela SM (02:31):
I find that you are the most energetic and
enthusiastic person that I canwork with, and it's your mood.
It's always contagious.
Ryan Delaney (02:39):
Well, thank you very much.
That's very kind of you to saythat.
Always enjoy seeing you thereas well.
Daniela SM (02:43):
Yes, and so I'm glad that you are finally here to
share your story.
So tell me, why do you want toshare your story?
Ryan Delaney (02:51):
Well, I think next week is what some people would
call a momentous birthday.
I'm turning 60.
And I guess at this stage, youknow there's more to look back
on than there is to look forwardto.
I don't know if that'snecessarily true, because I'm
having a lot of fun, but I wasthinking about a lot of things
as this approaches andreflecting on the past and the
(03:11):
lessons that I've learnedResilience, the lessons I
learned from my parents, howthat's helped me in the career
that I'm in, how I bounce backfrom going from everything to
nothing and then building anentirely new life for myself and
maybe, just maybe, there mightbe some value for someone else.
Daniela SM (03:28):
Thank you, and it's always wonderful when people
share the story, because I feellike listening to other people's
stories just listening withoutenforcing a message of action is
actually a great lesson.
Ryan Delaney (03:42):
I agree.
I agree Everybody has a story.
I love the title of yourpodcast because it's true and I
think there's nuggets of wisdomto be gained from everybody's
history or story.
Daniela SM (03:54):
And which days you participate exactly.
Ryan Delaney (03:56):
July the 12th.
Daniela SM (03:57):
All right, well, so in celebration of that decade,
when does your story start?
Ryan Delaney (04:04):
My story starts with my parents.
I've been thinking about them alot lately.
They've been gone for a verylong time.
My mother died in 1985.
My father died in 97.
And thinking about what theytook on, how well they did it,
and their story, particularly mymother's story, is fascinating.
My mother was born in London,england, in 1921, just coming
(04:29):
out of the Dickens squalor asshe always put it, working class
English didn't really have muchof a shot.
My grandmother fought to giveher an education.
My mother's resilience and herstrength is something that just
it continuously astounds me.
She was widowed twice.
By the time she was 35.
Wow.
Yeah, she was married brieflyat the start of World War II and
(04:52):
it's very unusual for somebodyof my age to have parents who
live through World War II.
Even somebody of my advancedyears is usually their
grandparents, but I had parentswho live through World War II.
So my mother was married forabout two weeks at the start of
World War II and her husband wasblown up.
Daniela SM (05:08):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (05:08):
Yeah.
Then she met a Canadianserviceman over in England and
they got married and she cameout to Canada pregnant with my
sister 1943, she came out on theAquitania.
I think one of the high rankingofficers on the Aquitania at
that time was one of the highestranking officers to survive the
sinking of the Titanic and shehad to wear a life vest all the
(05:30):
way across the Atlantic.
Came through Halifax, couldn'ttell my grandparents where she
was.
She could send them a postcard,just say scenery's beautiful
when she were here, but theycould see by the postmark where
she was, told me she was one ofthe first war brides in BC
Within loss.
She had never met and wait forher husband to come over.
So you know that was the startof, I guess maybe of my journey
(05:50):
as well.
Daniela SM (05:51):
So she came alone to Halifax.
Ryan Delaney (05:53):
She came alone.
Daniela SM (05:54):
Pregnant, with your sister to Halifax.
And then, how did she?
How did she?
By?
Ryan Delaney (05:59):
rail All the way to BC Right across Canada.
She landed in Halifax.
She always told me the thingsshe saw in Halifax.
She saw bananas being loadedonto a boat and she hadn't seen
a banana for years because ofthe war, and every day of her
life she always ate a bananabecause she thought this was the
greatest country in the worldbecause we had so many bananas.
And she came across by rail andcame out to BC and settled in
(06:20):
Richmond, oddly enough.
And then her husband came afterthe war was over, came out.
She didn't get along with hermother-in-law A common story and
they were married for I forgethow many years and then he died
and she had two children by him,my brother and sister and she'd
been widowed by the time shewas 35, she'd been widowed twice
and then she met my dad who hadbeen widowed with three small
(06:43):
children.
So friends set them up and myfather was working two jobs,
three small children and awidower.
They hit it off.
My mother didn't want to seehim again after the first date
because he showed up in hisoveralls and friends convinced
her to give him a second chance.
When he showed up in hisuniform, turned around to open
(07:04):
the car door for her, slipped ina pile of dog crap and laughed
and my mother said right then Iknew I'd marry him.
So when we're talking aboutresilience and stuff, I think
about what my parents took on.
My mother widowed twice, twosmall children.
My father widowed with threesmall children.
Hey, let's get married.
(07:24):
Can you imagine anyone doingthat today?
Yes, you can.
You can't afford it.
Daniela SM (07:32):
Oh, yes, you can afford it.
That's true, but people stilldo crazy things like this.
Ryan Delaney (07:36):
But, yes, they do you think so?
Okay, I can think of very fewpeople who would even attempt.
Well, at least where we live.
Well, my mother thought she wasgoing through menopause, went
to the doctor and said no,you're pregnant.
She went home, slapped myfather metaphorically my parents
did not hate each other, Don'tsend letters.
But yeah, and then they gotmarried and had three more and
(07:58):
then adopted a child.
Daniela SM (08:00):
What?
So they had three and five, andthen they had three more nine
of us.
I adopted one yes, my sisterCassandra, yeah wow, wow, but
the new parents were supergenerous.
Ryan Delaney (08:14):
Well, either that or not.
Very careful, and my mothernever worked outside the home
what you couldn't.
Daniela SM (08:20):
She had a lot of kids to take care.
Ryan Delaney (08:23):
She did.
I mean, the older ones sort ofwere called into service to look
after the younger ones, butthey went through all of that on
one wage.
My dad had a really good job sowe were very lucky.
But then they went through allof that and then my sister died
yeah, which one?
One of my older sisters who Inever knew.
I was nine months old.
My sister, kathy, died in 1964.
(08:44):
She was 16, just about 17.
That's why we couldn't for along time watch the sound of
music because of the song I am16, going on 17.
It was just destroy my parentsand then they had to contend
with that and I kind of grew upunder the shadow of that.
My parents were veryoverprotective with me.
The loss of losing a child isjust horrifying horrifying even
(09:05):
all those years later.
I remember when I was about 10years old, one of my older
brothers got married and on theway back from the wedding and
the party and everything, westopped off to put the flowers
on my sister's grave Probablyabout 1976 I think, and I can
still see the look on mymother's face, just pain and
grief.
She loved my dad's daughterlike it was her own daughter,
and my mother is actually buried, but they went on growing up
(09:27):
into the shadow of that.
You can either let it destroyyou or you can go on, and my
parents chose to go on, and theyhad also a lot of other kids to
take care of too.
Daniela SM (09:36):
Well, they had no choice, yeah and then my mother
got ill.
Ryan Delaney (09:40):
I was 22 when my mother died and I never, ever
really knew her healthy.
I only found out a few yearsago that she had been ill for
some time before.
You know, I was very smallbefore I was ever told, you know
, mom sick.
It took me a long time to sortof realize that for the last 10
years of her life she wasbasically dying.
You know your face with that.
After everything else you havegone through, what do you do?
(10:01):
You know, how do you facesomething like that?
And the answer to it is best Ican figure it out is you just
keep going.
So when I think about what myparents contended with, what
alternatives do you have?
So when I embarked on thecareer that I'm in, those
lessons of resilience have beenMost helpful.
Whatever it is you choose to do, you simply get on with it, and
(10:23):
no nonsense approach towhatever it is is kind of going
on.
It's like what do I have to doto get through the situation and
forge ahead?
Daniela SM (10:32):
So you lost your mama 22, which I lost my dad
when I was 20.
So I know how hard that can be,especially if you had a good
relationship with your parent,then what happened?
So you had a lot of siblings,so some of your sisters and all
the brothers may also play arole like parents in a way.
Ryan Delaney (10:53):
Well, my older sister kind of did, but you
gotta remember there was such anage gap between me and most of
my brothers and sisters so theywere all out on their own and
married when I was still fairlyyoung.
So I was out on my own at 22,which you know, a lot of people
that age now aren't.
They still live at home tillthey're about 30 now because
they can afford it.
But I was out on my own payingmy bills and figuring out what I
(11:16):
wanted to really do with mylife at 22 and sort of I was
pretty much on my own.
I mean, I was always in touchwith my dad, had a fantastic
relationship with my dad, kindof figuring out what I wanted to
do, and that took a couple ofyears to figure that out.
But those lessons of justgetting on with it, no matter
what is kind of thrown in yourway, have stood me in very good
(11:37):
stead you found that 22 what youwanted to do.
No, I didn't.
I found my life's callingaround 40.
Daniela SM (11:44):
Oh wow.
And so what happened between 22and 40?
Ryan Delaney (11:46):
various things.
I originally came out of highschool I want to scholarship, to
go to college study art, whichis my big passion, as you well
know.
Yes, then I realized that therewasn't much of a living to be
made in that, as pretty as itsounded on paper, and even
though it was a burning passionwith me, you got to pay your
bills.
I had several long term jobsand things.
(12:08):
I at one point I worked forvery well known hotel company
for several years, which is agreat job, which is a major D.
I did a little bit ofeverything and then in my early
30s I started selling recordsmostly came out as a hobby love
doing that was kind of a thingon the side.
It was a hobby always lovedmusic that comes from my mother,
(12:31):
as does my love of art and thenI started making money out of.
Then the internet boom kind ofhappens, and I actually made my
living at that for eight years.
Why how I was looking for somestuff and someone said you
should put it.
This is pre internet and emailand everything.
And someone said you should putan ad in England for some of
the stuff you're looking for.
(12:51):
And so we did, and I gotinundated with letters from
these German and British guysand things can yeah, I can get
that for you.
Can you find me this in Canada?
And this is how much I'll payfor it.
So it wasn't an instantaneousthing, but I guess it was about
a two or three year period wherethis little hobby kind of made
(13:13):
a little bit of money for me,and that was very nice.
Daniela SM (13:16):
So you were, you were finding records from for
other people through in shippingit by mail.
Yeah, this is like sendingsending.
Ryan Delaney (13:24):
Like you know, you get letters from Scotland and
of course whenever I read aletter I read it in the accent
of the person who wrote it.
And I'll never forget I gotthis letter from Scotland from
some guy who was a postal workerthere and goes oh I like that
peril jam.
You know we wanted peril jamrecords and I could always, I
always had to read it in my headin the accent and I started to
(13:47):
make money from this littlehobby.
Daniela SM (13:50):
Interesting, so you were ahead of the game.
You were like an Amazon or a nono, nothing like that.
Ryan Delaney (13:55):
In the beginning it was kind of like oh OK, you
know, here's an extra fiftyhundred bucks or something, and
that was nice.
And then the internet camealong and so that helped.
Oh my God, I think it wasaround 1998, 1999.
Yes, yes, I started.
(14:16):
My thing always is, when wetalk about resilience and
forging ahead is how do I dothis?
Somebody show me Like I want tolearn how to do this and I
learned a lot of my computerskills.
A little community centeraround the corner from where I
live, and so I started email thewhole nine yards.
The money started to pour in.
Daniela SM (14:35):
But how Like so you were.
Instead of getting letters, youwere getting emails.
Ryan Delaney (14:39):
Not getting emails .
You still had to do it throughletters and things, people
sending you things like postalorders or, my God, they used to
send cash through the mail, yes,and so it started to become
more of a concern than a hobby.
Then it exploded.
I forget what year it was itwas late 90s and for eight years
I sold records all over theworld and made the most money
(15:01):
I'd ever made in my life.
Daniela SM (15:02):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (15:04):
That's part of the reason set me up very nicely
for retirement.
I was traveling to Los Angelesthree or four times a year.
I would have my clothesdesigned for me in LA, the whole
nine yards.
I would sell Japan, Germany,England, all over the world.
And oh, it was a great time, Alot of work.
It was a great deal of work,but I would have been happy
doing that till I died.
(15:24):
And then everything changedAfter about eight years.
It became harder and hardermore competition, rising costs,
money on the internet, and Iwent from making about $85,000 a
year in a six-month period tonot even bringing in enough to
pay my rent.
Daniela SM (15:42):
Ryan, let me see if I understand.
So you will find the recordsthat people requested and ship
it back to them so you reallywear like an Amazon.
Ryan Delaney (15:51):
Well, yeah, we even got my 70-something
mother-in-law to help us withpackaging.
That's how busy we were.
I have a wonderful photo in myliving room filled with boxes
after boxes of stuff that wasgoing on?
Daniela SM (16:04):
Oh cool, Do you have to also research who has the
record that this person islooking?
Ryan Delaney (16:09):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, no, the research was my favorite
thing about what I did.
I'd wake up in the morning,answer emails and things, and
then I would set out on my day.
I'd travel all over BC.
I would travel all over Seattleto Pacific Northwest through,
oh God, thrift shops, you nameit, and buying inventory and
(16:29):
then going down to LA threetimes a year buying like massive
amounts of stuff, coming backand turning around selling it
back to the Americans.
Daniela SM (16:36):
Wow.
Ryan Delaney (16:37):
Fascinating.
It was really fascinating.
It was a great deal of work, itwas a lot of fun, but it was a
job.
It was one of the happier timesin my life and it all went away
in about a six-month period.
It just vanished, my God.
Daniela SM (16:51):
But you had eight years and then, of course, at
that time that salary was quitehigh.
So you were living the life ofa look-tourist, so you were
having all your clothestailor-made and you were
traveling.
So tell me about that a littlebit.
You like fashions, oh yeah.
Is that why it started?
Ryan Delaney (17:10):
Oh, I always liked it, but never had champagne
taste beer budget for years, andI remember walking down Rodeo
Drive in Los Angeles, beverlyHills, and I'll take that and
I'll take that, and oh yeah,wonderful, wonderful.
The best part, though, was yourown hours, your own boss, not
answering to anybody, butworking very hard.
(17:30):
I mean, this all soundswonderful, but it was a great
deal of very, very hard work,hard, hard work.
Daniela SM (17:37):
Like it's always when you have your own business.
Ryan Delaney (17:39):
You know, yeah, but I loved it.
It all went away in about sixmonths.
You have this glamorous,wonderful life and all of a
sudden, everything can changelike that, not even bringing in
enough to pay the rent in asix-month period.
Daniela SM (17:51):
I mean, you didn't see it coming, it wasn't slowly
happening.
Ryan Delaney (17:54):
I was stupid.
I always tend to think longterm, but I thought it would
always be there.
And then it got a little rough,and then it got better, and
then it started to get a littlerough, and then it got better,
and then it got rough, rough andit's like, well, it'll get
better again.
It didn't.
So what do you do?
What do you do?
I had had a wonderful jobseveral years prior in a very
(18:18):
high-end private club here inVancouver, slinging beer in a
pub, which was one of the bestjobs I ever had in my life.
And I bumped into my ex-bossone day when I was shutting
everything down.
He said hey, ryan, how are you?
Blah, blah, blah, how are youdoing?
I said you know how'severything going.
He said good, How's the recordbusiness?
I said well, you know, I'veshut it all down and he goes.
Really it's terrible.
I said you know how's the club?
(18:39):
And he goes oh my God, do youknow anybody who's looking for a
part-time job?
And I said, yeah, I am.
He goes.
What happened?
I said well, no, it's over andI'll never forget this.
He said well, you know, do youwant to come back and work?
And I said yeah, and he saidcome back home.
I'll never forget that.
I'll never forget that.
Now, this is something I getvery choked up about.
So I went back and I neverthought I would have to do work
like that again after having hadthis totally different life.
(19:01):
I'll never forget this thefirst day and, by the way, if
I'd hated it, I wouldn't havedone it at all.
Daniela SM (19:07):
No, you said you liked it and you personally I
loved it and, knowing you, yourpersonality is so serving.
I mean, you are just amazingabout taking care of people,
making people feel special, andalso you like that to happen to
you.
Ryan Delaney (19:21):
Here's the lesson Everything was gone.
I had $11,000 in debt.
I mean, I had savings andthings but I had to grind it out
.
I got to work, I got to pay offthe debt and, you know,
hopefully I won't have to touchany of the money I put aside
from this.
But I got to grind it out anddo it.
And the very first day I wentback there I was doing up my tie
and I looked at myself in themirror and I said I am going to
(19:43):
make you people because if Icouldn't do it with a good
attitude, I wouldn't do it atall.
So I went back there, did itevery day, showing up and doing
it and, by the way, I reallyliked the job.
Members there were wonderful.
I will never forget.
One day I came in, the generalmanager was there and there was
a scrap of paper or something onthe floor and I picked it up
(20:04):
and she said how are you thismorning?
I go, I am fantastic.
And she looked at me and gaveme that side glance and she goes
seriously.
I looked at her and I said thesecond I walked through that
door I'm fantastic, it doesn'tmatter what's going on, show up
and do it with a good attitude.
So I had my midlife crisis andwhen I took my first course for
(20:24):
the profession that I'm in now,it was paid for by the members
of that club.
Daniela SM (20:28):
But, ryan, what made you have that attitude?
What made you say I amfantastic?
How did you learn that lesson?
Reading books from your parents?
How, because there is noalternative.
Actually, there is analternative, because you can
take a negative attitude towardslife.
Ryan Delaney (20:44):
My parents look at what they went through.
No, I wasn't fantastic, but thesecond I walked through that
door.
You have a job to do and youbetter be on.
Nobody in this world owes you adamn thing.
You owe it your talent, yourskills and your contributions.
And whatever is going on inyour personal life or whatever
struggles you're having, show upand do it, because there's a
(21:07):
difference between strong andweak, and that's what I got from
my parents, especially my dad.
Just get in there and do it.
Daniela SM (21:15):
I think there is spectrums of saying I'm
fantastic and you are justalways so on about it.
No matter what, you always sayI'm fantastic.
Ryan Delaney (21:25):
Well, yeah, and that means sometimes you aren't
always fantastic.
I mean, let's face it, lifegets in the way you have things
going on, but I look at whatalternative is there.
Are you going to sit there andfeel sorry for yourself?
Are you going to sit there?
Oh, poor me, woe is me.
Well, okay, cry later, get onwith it.
And that's the thing I owe itto the people that I interact
(21:48):
with.
I'm in a service industry.
I owe it to make their daybetter.
I owe it to make whateverthey're doing better.
You want to always uplift peoplein whatever small way that you
can, whatever position you have,wherever you are in life.
You never want to bring theenergy down.
Yes, we all have struggles.
Yes, we all have challenges,but the lessons that you learn
(22:11):
is that you simply have to geton with it, because it doesn't
do you any favors to feel sorryfor yourself.
It just doesn't.
A couple of weeks ago, wheninto work, you know, when we had
that really bad heat wave,hardly had any sleep I was in a
rotten mood.
First class comes in, I walk in, and I did not want to do it.
People walk in.
(22:32):
Good morning, bring it, youjust do it.
You've had mornings like that.
Daniela SM (22:39):
I appreciate you saying that too, because it's
not all like you're saying it.
I didn't want to do it, but Ipretended and it's true, that's
what they said about your brainthat you don't want to do
something.
But you just lie to your brainand your brain will think that
you do want to do it or you dolike it, Exactly.
Ryan Delaney (22:57):
Yeah, and that's part of being a professional.
One of my favorite quotes and Iuse this all the time is a
professional gives their besteffort when they don't feel like
it, or gives their best effortwhen no one's looking, and it's
very true, because there's lotsof other people out there who
don't have the it's.
Also, you know, what are thethree things you're grateful for
today?
Is, you know, half empty, halffull?
(23:18):
I'm a cynic.
At the best of times, you thinkabout all the great things you
have in your life.
Even when I was slinging beerin the pub After having had this
magnificent life, you realizebut I get to, I can get through
this, I can carry on and do thisbecause I have these other
advantages.
Yeah, I've had this kind ofthing happen to me.
(23:38):
Well, so what?
What am I gonna do?
Sit on a cry about, or am Igonna do something about?
Daniela SM (23:43):
How old are you when the record business didn't work
out anymore?
Ryan Delaney (23:47):
forty two or forty three, and then I have, I guess
, my midlife crisis and Idecided what do I want to do
with the rest of my life?
What do I wish to contribute?
What Is going to really set meon fire?
And it found me.
I really maintain the oldcliche the people come into your
(24:09):
life for a reason.
I don't think it's a cliche.
I think it's the honest truth.
And somebody came into my lifevery, very close friend of mine,
who basically would change theentire direction of my life.
I've often been accused ofgiving this person too much
credit, but the truth is Iwouldn't be in the profession
I'm in now If it hadn't been forthat person.
Out of more curiosity, Istarted asking questions and
(24:31):
that led me into the professionI'm in now.
After all those years, at theage of forty two, I discovered a
part of myself that I never,ever knew was there and would
never have happened unless thisperson across my back.
Daniela SM (24:41):
What is the part of yourself that you discover?
Ryan Delaney (24:43):
the asshole drill sergeant the friend of mine went
on to a career in lawenforcement was an amazing shape
and I started asking questionsabout weight lift, like I would
go to the gym and I would like.
A lot of people just pissaround, not have a clear idea.
And I start asking questionsand my curiosity was peaked.
I started thinking you know, Ihired a trainer and she would
(25:04):
tell me what did she say?
You know you'd be really goodat doing this.
And I said, oh, I'm too old.
And she looked at me and shewent you're not old.
And that really stuck with meand I thought well, you know,
could I do this?
What are you thinking about?
You know, I'm just lexic.
You know I was never reallygood at sports, but I didn't
realize that I'm as strong as anox.
And I started thinking aboutyou know, could I do this?
And the answer came down yousold records for eight years.
(25:28):
Idiot, you can do anything.
You know, you made a livingdoing something that most people
would look at.
You go, what the hell?
You can probably do this.
So I started pursuing it and Iworked incredibly hard.
Daniela SM (25:41):
You are competing with a lot of much younger
people, perhaps no, but I neverthought about that like
seriously.
Ryan Delaney (25:47):
It never even entered my mind.
I just thought how can I be thebest at doing this?
What do I have to do to do this?
Daniela SM (25:54):
what do you have to do?
Ryan Delaney (25:55):
take courses I took the courses.
I remember my first exam.
I failed three times becauseI'm my dyslexia really started
to bother me joint actions,muscles, things, directions.
I was completely lost and inmany ways I think it made me a
better trainer because I had towork really, really hard to get
it now second nature to me.
But I worked really, reallyhard and then I took the next
(26:16):
course and then I startedknocking on doors to try and get
a part time job and I wouldhave doors slammed in my face
and I thought it was because Iwas too old.
It was actually because Ididn't have any experience, but
I kept going.
There's that same thing Ilearned from my parents.
It's like, okay, you don't likeme, screw you somebody else.
Well, and I just kept going andI finally wound up volunteering
at A local community centerhere, getting sort of like my
(26:37):
feet wet, working in a gym,figuring out how things were
working with other people whoare actually doing what I wanted
to do.
The more I did it, the more Iloved it.
I left them To work at thisprivate club that I was working
at for the christmas season andthey called me up and they said,
hey, when are you gonna comeback?
And I said when you start payingme?
And they said, okay, and theydid.
(26:58):
That was a great experience.
And then they said to me wouldyou like to teach some group
classes and things?
And I said, sure, what do Ihave to do?
How do I have to learn this?
What do I have to sort of getunder my belt to do this
successfully?
And that is how I wound up withyou.
Daniela SM (27:13):
That sounds like you actually my trainer, but I
haven't had the pleasure, forthat is your too busy or the
pain, so we just work together.
That's how we ended up indifferent departments.
Ryan Delaney (27:25):
Yes, I'm very busy .
So I was working the vancouverlawn tennis and badminton club.
I was working part time Atjewish community center here in
vancouver.
I would do sunday nights there,you know, learning how to work
in a gym and stuff and get meamazing amount of experience.
And then I saw an ad for afacility enrichment new opening
up and I thought, okay and tellthe honest truth.
(27:47):
I walked in there and I for myfirst interview and I almost
walked out again because it wasthis amazing.
As you know, it's an amazingfacility, sort of the best in
north america, and I thoughtthis is way beyond.
What the hell are you doing?
You're too old and all this.
And they hired me, I heard me,gave me some of the best
training and education in theworld what best education in the
(28:08):
world they give you well, thisis before your time there.
It was post olympics and theybrought in a company from
phoenix, arizona called the timeathletes performance is known
as exos now, and they're thebest in the world.
They train most of the athletesfor the nfl combat.
The company was started by thedirector of the nfl players
(28:28):
association, mark for statethat's, who trained us in 2011.
2012.
They came up for one week eachtime and change everything I did
as a coach and train.
It's the best in the world.
They trained the german worldcup soccer Team of 2014, the
world cup champions of 2014.
That's who trained me.
I will always be grateful forthat.
And then I've subsequently doneeverything else with them since
(28:51):
then a lot of their onlineeducation.
They are the absolute.
Daniela SM (28:54):
I see not everybody gets to train like that.
Then is that what you're saying?
Ryan Delaney (28:58):
oh no, oh my god.
Working where we do is givingme so many advantages in terms
of my own personal development,my professional development.
A lot of challenges on the way,but anything worth doing will
have challenges, and I go backto my parents but right answer.
Daniela SM (29:13):
Working at the club you are making decent amount of
money because I'm sure that youget tip, but when you were
working as a trainer, thesalaries are not very high
usually.
Ryan Delaney (29:24):
When you start out .
No, you had to make.
I had to make sacrifices.
Like I said, I started byvolunteering.
You know there's been somechallenges now trying to find
younger people going into thisindustry.
What I tell my students by theway, the course that I took I
now teach things I tell mystudents is don't discount the
value of volunteering.
You gotta suck it up and getinto that and most don't want to
(29:44):
do it now and that's a shamebecause you can gain invaluable
experience and you never knowwho's watching or looking.
Yeah, so I started doing that.
No, I didn't make a lot ofmoney in the first little while,
but eventually I did do very,very well.
Now, mostly from teaching, iswhat the bulk of my income comes
from private clients at anothergym.
I take my private clients and Ican serve charge what I want,
(30:05):
and then the clients where wework, which are wonderful and
I'm compensated extremely well.
I'm doing these three differentthings, something that I love,
but career I never, ever wouldhave thought of doing for twenty
years now.
Eighteen, nineteen, yeah, it'samazing how one little thing can
change the whole trajectory ofyour life.
And are you up to the challenge?
(30:26):
Can you do?
You have the resilience and thestrength to just get in there
and do it.
And that goes back to what Ilearned from my parents just get
on with it.
Daniela SM (30:37):
Yes, and you have a wonderful life because we have a
wonderful partner as well, asyou travel a lot and you get to
enjoy art and music, which areyour hobbies now, but your
passion yet they're my passion.
Ryan Delaney (30:53):
Still, everything.
I'm passionate about everything, as you know.
Daniela SM (30:55):
Yes, that's true, you like beautiful things, good
food and you're always soenthusiastic and adaptable.
I feel like this is adaptableand flexible is something that
is also part of your trade.
Ryan Delaney (31:06):
You have to.
And it goes again the lessonslearned from my parents with
what they had to contend withand how they simply never lost
their sense of humor, which, bythe way, people don't tell you
is an incredibly powerful weaponwhen life doesn't go the way
you want.
If you can see the funny sideof anything, that's power, is a
great deal of power.
All those wonderful things thatI worked hard yes, I like nice
(31:28):
things, I like all that and Iwork very hard for them but they
are secondary to finding whatyour purpose is.
Those things go away.
Your purpose and your vision ofthe things that matter and that
stay.
Daniela SM (31:40):
Everything else is window dressing but the thing is
that not everybody gets to findwhat the purpose is is
difficult for some people.
Ryan Delaney (31:47):
My purpose found me I always say that I didn't
find it found me largely and oneperson Can come in and change
your entire life.
I really do believe that ifyou're open to it and willing to
go on, whatever that journeymay be and it can be scary,
especially when you find a partof yourself you didn't know was
there it's like what do I dowith this?
(32:08):
And some people don't want tosee it.
You gotta see it, embrace itand just dive in and see where
it'll take you.
You'll be glad that you did.
Daniela SM (32:14):
Yes, that is beautiful.
Well, I really appreciate thatyou actually came and share your
story because again, I hear youlaugh.
We have small chat during worktime.
You sharing your story, itfeels that I connected with you
more and this like a gift thatyou have offered me and to
everyone that get to know youmore Is not just the Ryan, who
(32:37):
is always enthusiastic and happy, but here's the story and how
the Ryan was built.
But are you happy with these?
Ryan Delaney (32:43):
I'm never happy with anything.
I do not that I'm unhappy.
It could always be better, andthat's what I tell myself in my
profession.
I can always be better but thatis exhausting yep, I wouldn't
have any other way.
Daniela SM (32:56):
constant self improvement and I understand
that.
I feel that also.
I always want to learn more andmore, but there has to be a
point that you also have toappreciate.
Take time to appreciate who youare now.
Hi, yeah.
Ryan Delaney (33:10):
But for me it's always a constant source of how
can I be better, how can I dobetter and mostly, how can I do
better when I'm serving others?
Daniela SM (33:19):
I was reading this interesting book yesterday and
I'm gonna quote here you arehere to be perfect.
You're here to embrace howperfect you already are.
Ryan Delaney (33:28):
Yeah, one way of looking at it.
I guess I don't know if thatresonates with me.
I'm not like, yeah, you'renever gonna be perfect.
But I don't know, maybe thatsome sort of deep rooted
insecurity in me.
I don't know, I'm I always liketo think I'm not that insecure,
but for me I'm not aperfectionist, but I just want
to do really well, because Iknow everything is malleable,
(33:48):
changeable and never perfect.
But I always constantly howcould I do this better?
How could this be better?
What can I learn from this?
Daniela SM (33:56):
yeah, kind of the same thing I'm really curious
about this drive to always dobetter and learn more.
Can you elaborate more?
Ryan Delaney (34:04):
Why I think I was really fortunate growing up gay.
My parents didn't care.
They did not care.
I had incredibly supportparents.
My father was about as much ofa man's man Is there ever was.
I mean, we build fences andshop would use an engineer, make
no difference whatsoever.
I'm so fortunate that way.
Yes, things have changed a lot.
People are not as hung up onthese things with the profession
(34:27):
I'm in, I think maybe when Ithink about that desire for
never good enough, constantimprovement, it may come from is
a game and maybe always feelinglike I had to work twice as
hard to be thought of as half asgood, always feeling, rightly
or wrongly, by the way that yourwork Was always going to be
judged differently and that whenyou've had to stick up for
(34:49):
yourself which I've had to do onnumerous occasions it's like
what the hell is wrong with him.
Are god, what a monster.
Goodness, I don't really careabout any of that, because I
just kept going.
If you want me to be a monster,I'll be a monster.
I'll be the worst monsteryou've ever seen in your life,
but I will be god damn ifanybody is ever gonna step on me
or treat me with any lessrespect than anyone else, and
(35:11):
this is why I have a big problemwith things like anti bullying.
Yes, no, kids should ever bebullied.
I did a terrible thing.
I think we would do better withour younger people if we taught
them to stick up for themselvesinstead, because I've never
really been bullied or harassedor anything like that, usually
because people are so scaredabout what might come out of my
mouth.
Good, I think we doing kids adisservice and also ties into
(35:34):
the thing whether, whateveryou're growing up with, whatever
your ethnicity is, whateveryour sexual orientation is,
always be your authentic self.
There may be bumps on the way,but you know what the cost of
not being your authentic self is, a price that I was never
willing to pay, ever since Iyoung age.
You mean like that, oh yeah yeah, my earliest memories but then
(35:56):
when people wanted to bully youat school, well, no more than
any other kids okay, okay yeah,there was always kids being a
Jerk to you in gym class orsomething, but no more than any
other kid, homophobicHarassments or homophobia not
yet.
Kids always do that.
But I would have my share of it, but no more than anyone else,
but I would stick up for myselfbut could it be also the times
(36:18):
that you're growing up?
Daniela SM (36:19):
not everybody has that strong personality that can
they stand from themselves theydon't look.
Ryan Delaney (36:25):
If you want to be a six foot tall, raven,
glittering drag queen, you go,do that.
But be the absolute, god damnbest.
Be the absolute best so that noone can touch you but to get
there you have to work reallyhard.
Daniela SM (36:38):
At the meantime people will make fun of you or
say whatever.
It takes time.
Ryan Delaney (36:43):
It's always a reflection on the other person.
You know it's an old cliche,but it's true.
If somebody has a problem withme being gay, it's their problem
, and there's some issues thatthey have not explored.
Daniela SM (36:54):
Trust me, I always wanted to just be judged on my
work yes, but interesting thatyou feel like you have to work
really hard to be the best.
Ryan Delaney (37:02):
Everything else is secondary and mostly I've been
successful.
I think that is one thing.
Yes, I've always had to workhard, but but I do care about my
work and making my work as goodas I possibly can yes, and I
remember reading once that youare the co Of yourself.
Daniela SM (37:18):
Yeah, I always think like that.
I represent myself and that'swhy I have to do the best I
can't, I'm doing it for me.
Ryan Delaney (37:25):
Yeah, yeah, I'm not, I'm doing it for me.
I something that I can be proudof.
Daniela SM (37:30):
Like everything.
I mean, if I dress nice, if Iwant to look good, is it's all
because of.
Ryan Delaney (37:35):
I want to feel good is not for other people
yeah, exactly, and it can bemisinterpreted is insecurity,
why are you doing that, etc.
But it actually isn't.
It's a matter of self respect.
Yes, yes.
Ultimately judged on the workconstantly, but I think if I
look a little deeper maybe itdoes come from.
I'm gonna show you maybe.
But you know I got older Idon't even care about that.
(37:57):
But I do care about work andthat's the most important thing
to me that's the beauty aboutgetting older that we don't care
about.
Daniela SM (38:03):
other people think About us, but we know who we are
and we do our best all the timeyes, exactly so right, and we
know that you're super busy nowteaching your turning sixty, but
you are just not slowing downin any moment.
Thank you for sharing yourstory and for being so open and
enthusiastic.
Well, thank you very much forhaving me oh, come on right, and
(38:26):
that's not enthusiastic enoughthank you so much for having me.
Ryan Delaney (38:32):
Thank you very much, thank you.
Daniela SM (38:34):
I hope you enjoyed it.
Today's episode I am danielaand you were listening to,
because everyone has a story.
Please take five seconds rightnow and think of somebody in
your life, to me and you, whatyou just heard, someone that has
a story to share.
Preserve.
When you think of that person,shoot them a text with the link
of this podcast.
(38:55):
This will allow the ordinarymagic to go further.
Join me next time for anotherstory conversation.
Thank you for listening.
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