June 5, 2024 • 24 mins
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In the first episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' host Madeline introduces the podcast's mission to help listeners better understand themselves through personal experiences and metaphysical modalities. She shares her journey of transformation during her Saturn return, emphasizing the lessons learned from a significant relationship. Madeline discusses the concepts of soulmates, karmic, and twin flame relationships, and how they contribute to personal growth. She also delves into astrology and human design, explaining her own signs and how these systems can provide deeper self-awareness and validation. Throughout the episode, Madeline stresses the importance of self-love, facing core wounds, and nurturing one's inner child to achieve one's highest potential.
Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction to Becoming Sunshine
00:59 Meet Madeline: Host and Guide
01:32 Astrology and Human Design Basics
02:09 Understanding Relationships: Soulmates, Karmic, and Twin Flames
10:22 Healing and Self-Realization
21:32 Astrology Deep Dive: Saturn Return
23:53 Conclusion and Farewell
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Any time you're triggered orsomething is coming up for you,
just take a moment to pause whyis this hitting me like this?
why is this resonating sodeeply?
and that usually is because it'stouching upon core wounds or
shadow stuff that we haven'taddressed yet, it really is a
gift.
It's a hard gift to accept, butit is a gift.
(00:22):
Once I realized that, I waslike, okay, I'm listening
universe, what do we need to do?
Madeline (00:32):
welcome to Becoming Sunshine, for those of you that
know me, you know that sunshinehas been an alias of mine for
almost a decade now, andsunshine also is me becoming my
highest self, and that's whatthis podcast is about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better, and maybe learn
(00:52):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
hey guys, it's Madeline.
Thanks so much for tuning toBecoming Sunshine episode one.
I've been wanting to start apodcast for a few years now, and
I finally decided to take theleap.
(01:15):
I think for a bunch of reasons,but I'm going through a lot of
transitions right now.
I'm in the midst of my Saturnreturn.
For those of you that know whatthat is and have some knowledge
about astrology.
If not, we'll get into it.
A little bit about me, I am aPisces Sun, a Taurus Moon, and a
(01:39):
Scorpio rising.
I am a lover girl through andthrough.
If any of you know about humandesign, I am a manifesting
generator, a three six profileand a sacral authority.
If you don't know a ton aboutastrology and human design,
we're definitely gonna talkabout it on this podcast.
(02:00):
I think it's so interesting andI love learning about different
modalities that help meunderstand myself and validate
my own experiences that myrelationships.
I wanna talk about somethingthat has been one of the biggest
themes during my Saturn return,I learn a lot through my
(02:20):
relationships.
I think maybe that's just partof my design.
I'll talk about the differencebetween soulmates, karmic
relationships and twin flamerelationships.
Soulmate relationships and twinflame relationships act as an
incubator for your evolution,one can say, carmic
(02:41):
relationships they're a littlebit quicker.
They teach you a lesson or showyou where you had some suffering
then once you learn that lesson,I guess we could say they move
on.
You can have multiple soulmaterelationships and karmic
relationships throughout yourlifetime, but you can only have
one twin flame.
(03:02):
The term twin flame comes froman old, philosophical ideology
when a soul ascends to itshighest vibration, highest
frequency, it can actually splitinto two.
Then these souls reincarnateover multiple lifetimes, but
they're always searching foreach other and eager to find
(03:24):
each other again, yearning foreach other.
So that's why when you comeacross a twin flame
relationship, it's magnetic.
It's very passionate.
It's almost this invisible forceis pulling you two together.
oftentimes it's a verytumultuous, sometimes even toxic
relationship, but that's kind ofpart of the twin flame energy
(03:48):
mirrored souls, they'remirroring back to you.
Your deepest triggers, your corewounds, the things that you
don't wanna look at, yourdeepest, darkest shadow, So
they're very intense, but.
they end up beingtransformational a soulmate
relationship can be platonic, itcan be romantic.
(04:10):
It's usually a very harmoniousrelationship.
They come into your life andcontribute to the fun and
excitement of life.
They help you along your karmicpath they help you with your
evolution.
It's usually not as lifealtering, as a twin flame
relationship.
(04:31):
In a twin flame dynamic, you area completely different person at
the end of it, you changedbecause you had to.
Twin flames come into our lifeat a certain point because
something wasn't working weweren't evolving fast enough, we
weren't raising our vibration tomatch what we were calling in we
(04:56):
needed that little push someoneshould just shine a light on an
area that we really didn't wannalook at my experience with my
own karmic relationship Ilearned some of my hardest
lessons, had an on and offrelationship for over five
years.
In the beginning I was in acompletely different place in my
(05:16):
life than I am now, I was reallylost.
I didn't really know who I waswhen I met him, he wanted to be
committed and I didn't havespace for him in my life.
I didn't know who I was, sothere was no way I could open my
heart to someone else and knowhow to love someone else.
I didn't really even know how tolove myself at this point.
(05:39):
I had an underlying chroniccondition.
I was sick and I didn't know ityet.
I just had all these symptomsdisease is really disease, and
that's where I was in my life, Ididn't make the best choices.
I was floundering trying to pickup the pieces from my previous
(06:01):
relationship.
I just graduated college not toolong before.
I really didn't have a lot tooffer anyone, not even myself at
this point.
This was when I first started onmy spiritual journey.
Once I got my diagnosis and Irealized I was suffering from a
chronic disease, I reallyunderstood the changes that I
(06:22):
needed to make, I understood howimportant energy was and how
important it is to conserve ourenergy, how precious our energy
is.
I remember how much I struggledwith social anxiety too at this
point, more than I realized, Iused a lot of things to cover
that up when I was younger,whether that was drinking or
(06:44):
some kind of numbing.
I wasn't able to really get intouch with myself and I wasn't
really able to connect withothers when he would invite me
around his friends, I justremember having this horrible
social anxiety and I was like,okay, what is this?
This is an important aspect ofthis relationship he was very
social and always wanted toinclude me in stuff I would
(07:07):
always say, oh, I can't, I'mbusy.
I was very non-committal, justbecause of my own issues.
It really showed me places whereI was like, we need to look at
this like what's going on here?
It started that journey for meand realizing, hey, maybe I've
been around people that don'treally light me up.
(07:28):
I've been around people that Ireally don't feel aligned with,
why has this become such a thingfor me?
Why has this social anxiety,developed?
I think also too, it's a symptomof the disease I was dealing
with at the time.
Later on in the relationship, weflipped roles.
It's interesting how we alwayswould mirror each other.
(07:49):
When he wanted to be in acommitted relationship, I wasn't
ready.
Then when I was finally ready tobe in a committed relationship,
I had done some work at myself.
He was in a bad place, we wereconstantly triggering each
other.
don't get me wrong, there was alot of love between us and a lot
of romance and intimacy.
We had a great connection, butwe definitely, knew how to push
(08:14):
each other's buttons.
I almost think it wassubconscious.
I don't think we ever like wentout of our way out of our way
hurt one another or to triggerone another, but he really
showed me the things I needed tolook at and I needed to work on.
I know I probably did the samefor him.
When he wasn't wanting to committo me anymore.
(08:37):
I was so hurt because I waslike, wait a second, you wanted
to be with me before?
What's the problem now?
I've done all this workseemingly on myself, and I just
didn't understand, and that'swhen I realized I had done work
on myself and I had figured outa lot of things, but I wasn't
(08:58):
showing up for myself indifferent ways, When we would
take breaks and he would dateother women.
I would feel so triggered.
I would always imagine in myhead, the woman that he must
have left me for.
Of course, this is somefictitious woman I made in my
head.
I always imagined the samewoman.
(09:19):
It was a woman that was furtherin her career than me.
She was more confident than me.
Her social presence or socialplatform, her social standing
was more evolved than mine Ijust remember thinking this
woman, this amazing woman all ofthe qualities.
(09:40):
I remember thinking to myself,why was I so triggered by this
fictitious woman that I'vecreated?
And then it hit me, I realizedthe woman that I was imagining,
he left me for this dream womanwas my dream woman.
It was my highest self, who Iwanted to be, who I didn't feel
(10:00):
like I was or I didn't feel likeI could be at the time.
It was just crazy to me when Ihad this realization I was so
triggered by my highest self, myversion in my head of my highest
self, but it was in somebodyelse, of course he would choose
this person because this is theperson I wanna be.
(10:22):
That's when I realized it's notabout him.
It's not about what he thinks,it's about me and how our
reality is really just areflection of our internal
world.
I'm not happy with myself.
I'm not choosing myself, I'm notseeing myself, so of course he's
not, of course he's looking forwhat I'm looking for in myself,
(10:45):
that's when I realized he's notthe problem.
I am the problem.
Maybe not in the relationshipper se, but I wasn't loving or
choosing myself.
I wasn't showing up for myself,so of course this man's not
gonna choose me.
Really, when we're triggered,it's the greatest gift.
It's showing us exactly what weneed to look at and what we need
(11:09):
to heal that is one reallybeautiful thing about.
The twin flame relationship andany relationship in general.
Any time you're triggered orsomething is coming up for you,
just take a moment to pause whyis this hitting me like this?
why is this resonating sodeeply?
and that usually is because it'stouching upon core wounds or
(11:30):
shadow stuff that we haven'taddressed yet.
It really is a gift.
It's a hard gift to accept, butit is a gift.
Once I realized that, I waslike, okay, I'm listening
universe, what do we need to do?
My core wound is I'm afraid to be seen in any real
way.
Where am I hiding everywhere?
In my relationship, in mycareer, socially.
(11:53):
We gotta stop that.
We need to cut that out becausewe're amazing.
I know I'm amazing, my friendsknow I'm amazing.
It's time to share it with theworld, share our gifts with the
world.
That's when I really started toshift my perspective and reframe
things and started talking tomyself differently.
It's okay to be afraid to putourselves out there, but when
(12:15):
you think about it, there'snothing worse than regretting
not doing something, not goingfor it.
When we're old in our bed in ourhundreds, hopefully and we are
looking back at our life I neverwanna regret not going for it
and not stepping into my worthand my power and claiming all
the things that I deserve.
It's our birthright and it'sabout time we start acting like
(12:39):
it.
I will forever be grateful tothis man.
We had our problems and ourdifferences.
I'll always be thankful for thelessons that I learned in the
realizations that I had fromthat relationship because if it
wasn't for the pain and thesuffering and that relationship,
(12:59):
I never would've realized allthese things.
I never would've made thesechanges.
I never would've started thispodcast.
I never would've stopped caringso much about what people think
What my parents think what myparents' friends saying, why are
we worried about these peoplethat don't really have any real
(13:21):
impact on our lives?
The only person that we reallyneed to feel accepted by is
ourselves and the only person wereally need to show up for is
ourselves.
Obviously if you have children,you need to show up for your
children, but you need to showup for yourself first.
You can't pour from an emptyglass.
(13:42):
I think I used to have this fearof shining too brightly I feel
the way I grew up in childhood,this was probably a survival
thing.
My family moved around a lot Iwas the new girl a lot in school
growing up, and I always wantedto fit in, so I got really good
(14:03):
at being a chameleon, notstanding out too much, not
shining too bright.
I think that followed me intoadulthood.
I realized I put that into mysubconscious I can't be a
shining star, so other peoplecan shine, so that I'll be loved
and I'll be accepted but youhelp others the most and you
(14:25):
give back the most when you'reshining your brightest that's
something that I've learnedrecently people say, if not me,
then who?
If not now, then when?
But it's so true.
If you're not gonna be the maincharacter in your own story,
then what?
That's doesn't even make sense.
I feel as a recovering empath,I'm always trying to think of
(14:48):
others and be accommodating ofothers, but again, the most I
can do for others is by doingthe most and showing up the most
for myself.
Loving yourself and puttingyourself first is really the
best way to take care ofeverybody.
I saw this recently on,Instagram actually, I saw this
(15:10):
guy was working on healing hisinner child he set his phone
background to a picture ofhimself when he was a child, and
I did that and it hitsdifferent.
Every time I go to pick up myphone, it used to be a picture
of my dogs or something, and Ilove them.
I will probably change it backone day, but for now, I love
(15:32):
having a picture of my youngerself.
It reminds me to be kinder tomyself, to speak kinder to
myself to show up for myselfmore to do things for her, to do
things for myself.
It's crazy we can just kind of,mm, with our adult selves, when
it's a child, we wanna doeverything we can to love that
(15:54):
child and take care of thatchild, but we are that child we
need to start acting like it, weneed to be kinder to ourselves.
We need to do stuff forourselves to nurture them and
take care of them and make surethey have play in their life.
It's crazy, try it, let me knowwhat you guys think.
I'm gonna keep it as my phonebackground until I'm not
triggered by it anymore.
'cause again, when I feeltriggered by something, I
(16:16):
recognize this is something thatI need to look at.
This is something that wehaven't healed.
I'll change my phone backgroundwhen I'm no longer triggered by
my childhood self.
I wanted to briefly talk alittle bit about astrology and
human design, because I usethose modalities as a way to
introduce myself and describemyself.
These modalities are veryhelpful in, understanding
(16:39):
someone.
The birth chart is very complex.
The more I learn about it, themore I've been able to validate
myself and my experiences it isvery layered, the main triad is
what I was referring to when Iwas talking about my sun, moon,
and my rising signs.
The sun sign is the one I thinkwe're pretty much all familiar
with.
It's what you think of when youthink of your Zodiac sign it's
(17:02):
the day and the month you'reborn.
that's the bulk of yourpersonality, a lot of your
traits and characteristics arereflected in your sun sign.
If your sun sign is yourconscious self, your moon sign
is your subconscious self.
Think core beliefs, values,maybe the way you see yourself,
maybe not the way everyone seesyou right away maybe your good
(17:23):
friends see you this way.
I've heard that as you getolder, your moons sign can
become more and more importantto you.
Those qualities shine a littlebit more, your rising sign is
the fun one, in my opinion.
It's interesting a lot, I'llguess people's rising sign
instead of their sun signbecause the rising sign is the
way you project to other peopleor the way you come across to
(17:48):
other people, the firstimpression that you give and the
way other people see you, you onthe world stage.
The main triad makes up the bulkof your personality.
The rest of the planets are allimportant and play a role, and
we'll definitely get into it onanother podcast episode along
with Astro Geography and all ofthe things.
Human design is a little bitdifferent.
(18:09):
It's actually based onastrology, it's based on the
Iching, the Kabbalah, the chakrasystem, astrology.
It's very in depth, veryinvolved.
I'll definitely have to devoteat least one episode to human
design.
you're either a generator, amanifesting generator, a
reflector, a projector, or amanifestor.
(18:31):
I am a manifesting generator, sothat means I generate my own
energy.
I have that ability, noteverybody has that ability.
So their energy is veryprecious.
I'm also able to manifest thingspretty easily.
The three six profile line thatI talked about earlier,
everybody has a differentprofile the first number is
(18:51):
conscious.
The second number issubconscious.
The three line means that I'llhave three distinct periods in
my life.
It's interesting, it aligns withmy Saturn return the first
period, because the first periodof my life lasts for about 30
years and then the next 30 yearsand the next 30 years, and
Saturn takes about 30 years tomake its full orbit.
(19:15):
Right now I am near the end ofmy first 30 years as a three
line, and I'm also in my Saturnreturn, so I am going through
all the feels right now andtransitions, and it's exciting
and fun and scary.
The three line is all abouttrial and error, so it's all
about learning lessons, the hardway and personal experience.
(19:36):
I will learn everything the bestthrough my own personal
experience versus somebodytrying to teach me tell me or
explain to me, I'll never learnthings as well as I will through
my own personal experience.
The three being the martyr, thesix being the role model.
The six is the role model,basically I'm taking all of
these experiences that I'vecollected over the years and I'm
(19:59):
using that wisdom now that Ihave to teach others and lead
others, that feels reallyaligned for me and what I feel
called to do.
I feel my stories and personalexperiences will help people
heal themselves.
I feel like that is my callingin this lifetime, that's one of
the goals of this podcast.
I am a sacred authority you havea different authority, so
(20:21):
basically what it means to be asacral authority is that I make
my decisions from my sacralcenter, my life force center.
I have very strong intuition,very strong gut feelings.
I know in my body, whensomething is meant for me or not
meant for me when you get morein tune with your body, you can
(20:42):
really hear and feel these cuesThe more I've learned about
these modalities and the moreI've learned about the mind body
connection, everything isconnected and feeling and being
in tune with your body is soimportant, especially when it
comes to your health.
There is a place forconventional medicine, but our
(21:04):
bodies are very wise and theycan heal themselves they've been
doing it for thousands of years.
We just need to give them thetools and give them the support.
A lot of times we hold traumaand stress in the body, and that
manifests as disease.
I am speaking from personalexperience.
I've learned to heal my body byhealing my trauma and healing
(21:27):
other things in my life.
It just goes to show that itreally all is connected Earlier
I said I was in the midst of mySaturn return, let me explain
what that means for those of youthat don't know.
Every planet in the solar systemhas its own orbit around the sun
and every planet in your birthchart is in a zodiac sign at the
(21:51):
time of your birth.
When I was born, Saturn was inthe sign of Pisces; currently
Saturn is in the sign of Piscesagain, and that hasn't happened
for 28, 29 years.
That's how long it takes for aSaturn to make its orbit'cause
it's so far out in the solarsystem, it's so big, so vast.
The moon, for example, has a 28day cycle because its orbit is
(22:14):
so much smaller just to give youa little bit of perspective
during most people's life,Saturn will orbit three times.
The first one is an astrologicalcoming of age.
It usually happens around age29, but it can start as early as
age 27, and it usually lasts twoor three years.
So During this time, we comeinto adulthood.
(22:35):
We really come into our own, we.
go through a lot oftransformation.
We go through breakups, we gointo relationships, we move to
different cities, we start newcareers.
It's really transformative.
It's usually difficult.
We're taking responsibility forourselves and our lives really
(22:56):
for the first time.
Afterwards we'll be fullyprepared for the life and the
person that we're meant to beit's really a beautiful time.
It is very stressful andconfusing and yeah, it's a..
trials and tribulations.
usually you'll go throughanother Saturn return in your
mid to late fifties.
(23:16):
Sometimes this is referred to asa midlife crisis.
It's a time to reevaluate andsee if you really did step up
and live up to your fullpotential.
Then in, in your late eighties,you'll have your final Saturn
return unless, we end up livingsignificantly longer.
This is really a peaceful time,a time to reflect that one's
kind of beautiful.
(23:36):
The first one, kind of rough.
Second one, kind of rough thirdone a little bit more peaceful,
a little more beautiful, so weget a break Saturn is the planet
of responsibility, accolades,hard work, learning lessons the
hard way sometimes so it is alot of transformation.
It's very beautiful, but thereis that harder side to it, it is
(23:58):
what it's, anyways, thank you somuch for listening.
I hope that you guys learnedsomething, enjoy this, got
something out of it.
If you enjoyed today's episode,remember to comment, like, and
subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
(24:18):
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
Any time you're triggered orsomething is coming up for you,
just take a moment to pause whyis this hitting me like this?
why is this resonating sodeeply?
and that usually is because it'stouching upon core wounds or
shadow stuff that we haven'taddressed yet, it really is a
gift.
It's a hard gift to accept, butit is a gift.
(00:22):
Once I realized that, I waslike, okay, I'm listening
universe, what do we need to do?
Madeline (00:32):
welcome to Becoming Sunshine, for those of you that
know me, you know that sunshinehas been an alias of mine for
almost a decade now, andsunshine also is me becoming my
highest self, and that's whatthis podcast is about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better, and maybe learn
(00:52):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
hey guys, it's Madeline.
Thanks so much for tuning toBecoming Sunshine episode one.
I've been wanting to start apodcast for a few years now, and
I finally decided to take theleap.
(01:15):
I think for a bunch of reasons,but I'm going through a lot of
transitions right now.
I'm in the midst of my Saturnreturn.
For those of you that know whatthat is and have some knowledge
about astrology.
If not, we'll get into it.
A little bit about me, I am aPisces Sun, a Taurus Moon, and a
(01:39):
Scorpio rising.
I am a lover girl through andthrough.
If any of you know about humandesign, I am a manifesting
generator, a three six profileand a sacral authority.
If you don't know a ton aboutastrology and human design,
we're definitely gonna talkabout it on this podcast.
(02:00):
I think it's so interesting andI love learning about different
modalities that help meunderstand myself and validate
my own experiences that myrelationships.
I wanna talk about somethingthat has been one of the biggest
themes during my Saturn return,I learn a lot through my
(02:20):
relationships.
I think maybe that's just partof my design.
I'll talk about the differencebetween soulmates, karmic
relationships and twin flamerelationships.
Soulmate relationships and twinflame relationships act as an
incubator for your evolution,one can say, carmic
(02:41):
relationships they're a littlebit quicker.
They teach you a lesson or showyou where you had some suffering
then once you learn that lesson,I guess we could say they move
on.
You can have multiple soulmaterelationships and karmic
relationships throughout yourlifetime, but you can only have
one twin flame.
(03:02):
The term twin flame comes froman old, philosophical ideology
when a soul ascends to itshighest vibration, highest
frequency, it can actually splitinto two.
Then these souls reincarnateover multiple lifetimes, but
they're always searching foreach other and eager to find
(03:24):
each other again, yearning foreach other.
So that's why when you comeacross a twin flame
relationship, it's magnetic.
It's very passionate.
It's almost this invisible forceis pulling you two together.
oftentimes it's a verytumultuous, sometimes even toxic
relationship, but that's kind ofpart of the twin flame energy
(03:48):
mirrored souls, they'remirroring back to you.
Your deepest triggers, your corewounds, the things that you
don't wanna look at, yourdeepest, darkest shadow, So
they're very intense, but.
they end up beingtransformational a soulmate
relationship can be platonic, itcan be romantic.
(04:10):
It's usually a very harmoniousrelationship.
They come into your life andcontribute to the fun and
excitement of life.
They help you along your karmicpath they help you with your
evolution.
It's usually not as lifealtering, as a twin flame
relationship.
(04:31):
In a twin flame dynamic, you area completely different person at
the end of it, you changedbecause you had to.
Twin flames come into our lifeat a certain point because
something wasn't working weweren't evolving fast enough, we
weren't raising our vibration tomatch what we were calling in we
(04:56):
needed that little push someoneshould just shine a light on an
area that we really didn't wannalook at my experience with my
own karmic relationship Ilearned some of my hardest
lessons, had an on and offrelationship for over five
years.
In the beginning I was in acompletely different place in my
(05:16):
life than I am now, I was reallylost.
I didn't really know who I waswhen I met him, he wanted to be
committed and I didn't havespace for him in my life.
I didn't know who I was, sothere was no way I could open my
heart to someone else and knowhow to love someone else.
I didn't really even know how tolove myself at this point.
(05:39):
I had an underlying chroniccondition.
I was sick and I didn't know ityet.
I just had all these symptomsdisease is really disease, and
that's where I was in my life, Ididn't make the best choices.
I was floundering trying to pickup the pieces from my previous
(06:01):
relationship.
I just graduated college not toolong before.
I really didn't have a lot tooffer anyone, not even myself at
this point.
This was when I first started onmy spiritual journey.
Once I got my diagnosis and Irealized I was suffering from a
chronic disease, I reallyunderstood the changes that I
(06:22):
needed to make, I understood howimportant energy was and how
important it is to conserve ourenergy, how precious our energy
is.
I remember how much I struggledwith social anxiety too at this
point, more than I realized, Iused a lot of things to cover
that up when I was younger,whether that was drinking or
(06:44):
some kind of numbing.
I wasn't able to really get intouch with myself and I wasn't
really able to connect withothers when he would invite me
around his friends, I justremember having this horrible
social anxiety and I was like,okay, what is this?
This is an important aspect ofthis relationship he was very
social and always wanted toinclude me in stuff I would
(07:07):
always say, oh, I can't, I'mbusy.
I was very non-committal, justbecause of my own issues.
It really showed me places whereI was like, we need to look at
this like what's going on here?
It started that journey for meand realizing, hey, maybe I've
been around people that don'treally light me up.
(07:28):
I've been around people that Ireally don't feel aligned with,
why has this become such a thingfor me?
Why has this social anxiety,developed?
I think also too, it's a symptomof the disease I was dealing
with at the time.
Later on in the relationship, weflipped roles.
It's interesting how we alwayswould mirror each other.
(07:49):
When he wanted to be in acommitted relationship, I wasn't
ready.
Then when I was finally ready tobe in a committed relationship,
I had done some work at myself.
He was in a bad place, we wereconstantly triggering each
other.
don't get me wrong, there was alot of love between us and a lot
of romance and intimacy.
We had a great connection, butwe definitely, knew how to push
(08:14):
each other's buttons.
I almost think it wassubconscious.
I don't think we ever like wentout of our way out of our way
hurt one another or to triggerone another, but he really
showed me the things I needed tolook at and I needed to work on.
I know I probably did the samefor him.
When he wasn't wanting to committo me anymore.
(08:37):
I was so hurt because I waslike, wait a second, you wanted
to be with me before?
What's the problem now?
I've done all this workseemingly on myself, and I just
didn't understand, and that'swhen I realized I had done work
on myself and I had figured outa lot of things, but I wasn't
(08:58):
showing up for myself indifferent ways, When we would
take breaks and he would dateother women.
I would feel so triggered.
I would always imagine in myhead, the woman that he must
have left me for.
Of course, this is somefictitious woman I made in my
head.
I always imagined the samewoman.
(09:19):
It was a woman that was furtherin her career than me.
She was more confident than me.
Her social presence or socialplatform, her social standing
was more evolved than mine Ijust remember thinking this
woman, this amazing woman all ofthe qualities.
(09:40):
I remember thinking to myself,why was I so triggered by this
fictitious woman that I'vecreated?
And then it hit me, I realizedthe woman that I was imagining,
he left me for this dream womanwas my dream woman.
It was my highest self, who Iwanted to be, who I didn't feel
(10:00):
like I was or I didn't feel likeI could be at the time.
It was just crazy to me when Ihad this realization I was so
triggered by my highest self, myversion in my head of my highest
self, but it was in somebodyelse, of course he would choose
this person because this is theperson I wanna be.
(10:22):
That's when I realized it's notabout him.
It's not about what he thinks,it's about me and how our
reality is really just areflection of our internal
world.
I'm not happy with myself.
I'm not choosing myself, I'm notseeing myself, so of course he's
not, of course he's looking forwhat I'm looking for in myself,
(10:45):
that's when I realized he's notthe problem.
I am the problem.
Maybe not in the relationshipper se, but I wasn't loving or
choosing myself.
I wasn't showing up for myself,so of course this man's not
gonna choose me.
Really, when we're triggered,it's the greatest gift.
It's showing us exactly what weneed to look at and what we need
(11:09):
to heal that is one reallybeautiful thing about.
The twin flame relationship andany relationship in general.
Any time you're triggered orsomething is coming up for you,
just take a moment to pause whyis this hitting me like this?
why is this resonating sodeeply?
and that usually is because it'stouching upon core wounds or
(11:30):
shadow stuff that we haven'taddressed yet.
It really is a gift.
It's a hard gift to accept, butit is a gift.
Once I realized that, I waslike, okay, I'm listening
universe, what do we need to do?
My core wound is I'm afraid to be seen in any real
way.
Where am I hiding everywhere?
In my relationship, in mycareer, socially.
(11:53):
We gotta stop that.
We need to cut that out becausewe're amazing.
I know I'm amazing, my friendsknow I'm amazing.
It's time to share it with theworld, share our gifts with the
world.
That's when I really started toshift my perspective and reframe
things and started talking tomyself differently.
It's okay to be afraid to putourselves out there, but when
(12:15):
you think about it, there'snothing worse than regretting
not doing something, not goingfor it.
When we're old in our bed in ourhundreds, hopefully and we are
looking back at our life I neverwanna regret not going for it
and not stepping into my worthand my power and claiming all
the things that I deserve.
It's our birthright and it'sabout time we start acting like
(12:39):
it.
I will forever be grateful tothis man.
We had our problems and ourdifferences.
I'll always be thankful for thelessons that I learned in the
realizations that I had fromthat relationship because if it
wasn't for the pain and thesuffering and that relationship,
(12:59):
I never would've realized allthese things.
I never would've made thesechanges.
I never would've started thispodcast.
I never would've stopped caringso much about what people think
What my parents think what myparents' friends saying, why are
we worried about these peoplethat don't really have any real
(13:21):
impact on our lives?
The only person that we reallyneed to feel accepted by is
ourselves and the only person wereally need to show up for is
ourselves.
Obviously if you have children,you need to show up for your
children, but you need to showup for yourself first.
You can't pour from an emptyglass.
(13:42):
I think I used to have this fearof shining too brightly I feel
the way I grew up in childhood,this was probably a survival
thing.
My family moved around a lot Iwas the new girl a lot in school
growing up, and I always wantedto fit in, so I got really good
(14:03):
at being a chameleon, notstanding out too much, not
shining too bright.
I think that followed me intoadulthood.
I realized I put that into mysubconscious I can't be a
shining star, so other peoplecan shine, so that I'll be loved
and I'll be accepted but youhelp others the most and you
(14:25):
give back the most when you'reshining your brightest that's
something that I've learnedrecently people say, if not me,
then who?
If not now, then when?
But it's so true.
If you're not gonna be the maincharacter in your own story,
then what?
That's doesn't even make sense.
I feel as a recovering empath,I'm always trying to think of
(14:48):
others and be accommodating ofothers, but again, the most I
can do for others is by doingthe most and showing up the most
for myself.
Loving yourself and puttingyourself first is really the
best way to take care ofeverybody.
I saw this recently on,Instagram actually, I saw this
(15:10):
guy was working on healing hisinner child he set his phone
background to a picture ofhimself when he was a child, and
I did that and it hitsdifferent.
Every time I go to pick up myphone, it used to be a picture
of my dogs or something, and Ilove them.
I will probably change it backone day, but for now, I love
(15:32):
having a picture of my youngerself.
It reminds me to be kinder tomyself, to speak kinder to
myself to show up for myselfmore to do things for her, to do
things for myself.
It's crazy we can just kind of,mm, with our adult selves, when
it's a child, we wanna doeverything we can to love that
(15:54):
child and take care of thatchild, but we are that child we
need to start acting like it, weneed to be kinder to ourselves.
We need to do stuff forourselves to nurture them and
take care of them and make surethey have play in their life.
It's crazy, try it, let me knowwhat you guys think.
I'm gonna keep it as my phonebackground until I'm not
triggered by it anymore.
'cause again, when I feeltriggered by something, I
(16:16):
recognize this is something thatI need to look at.
This is something that wehaven't healed.
I'll change my phone backgroundwhen I'm no longer triggered by
my childhood self.
I wanted to briefly talk alittle bit about astrology and
human design, because I usethose modalities as a way to
introduce myself and describemyself.
These modalities are veryhelpful in, understanding
(16:39):
someone.
The birth chart is very complex.
The more I learn about it, themore I've been able to validate
myself and my experiences it isvery layered, the main triad is
what I was referring to when Iwas talking about my sun, moon,
and my rising signs.
The sun sign is the one I thinkwe're pretty much all familiar
with.
It's what you think of when youthink of your Zodiac sign it's
(17:02):
the day and the month you'reborn.
that's the bulk of yourpersonality, a lot of your
traits and characteristics arereflected in your sun sign.
If your sun sign is yourconscious self, your moon sign
is your subconscious self.
Think core beliefs, values,maybe the way you see yourself,
maybe not the way everyone seesyou right away maybe your good
(17:23):
friends see you this way.
I've heard that as you getolder, your moons sign can
become more and more importantto you.
Those qualities shine a littlebit more, your rising sign is
the fun one, in my opinion.
It's interesting a lot, I'llguess people's rising sign
instead of their sun signbecause the rising sign is the
way you project to other peopleor the way you come across to
(17:48):
other people, the firstimpression that you give and the
way other people see you, you onthe world stage.
The main triad makes up the bulkof your personality.
The rest of the planets are allimportant and play a role, and
we'll definitely get into it onanother podcast episode along
with Astro Geography and all ofthe things.
Human design is a little bitdifferent.
(18:09):
It's actually based onastrology, it's based on the
Iching, the Kabbalah, the chakrasystem, astrology.
It's very in depth, veryinvolved.
I'll definitely have to devoteat least one episode to human
design.
you're either a generator, amanifesting generator, a
reflector, a projector, or amanifestor.
(18:31):
I am a manifesting generator, sothat means I generate my own
energy.
I have that ability, noteverybody has that ability.
So their energy is veryprecious.
I'm also able to manifest thingspretty easily.
The three six profile line thatI talked about earlier,
everybody has a differentprofile the first number is
(18:51):
conscious.
The second number issubconscious.
The three line means that I'llhave three distinct periods in
my life.
It's interesting, it aligns withmy Saturn return the first
period, because the first periodof my life lasts for about 30
years and then the next 30 yearsand the next 30 years, and
Saturn takes about 30 years tomake its full orbit.
(19:15):
Right now I am near the end ofmy first 30 years as a three
line, and I'm also in my Saturnreturn, so I am going through
all the feels right now andtransitions, and it's exciting
and fun and scary.
The three line is all abouttrial and error, so it's all
about learning lessons, the hardway and personal experience.
(19:36):
I will learn everything the bestthrough my own personal
experience versus somebodytrying to teach me tell me or
explain to me, I'll never learnthings as well as I will through
my own personal experience.
The three being the martyr, thesix being the role model.
The six is the role model,basically I'm taking all of
these experiences that I'vecollected over the years and I'm
(19:59):
using that wisdom now that Ihave to teach others and lead
others, that feels reallyaligned for me and what I feel
called to do.
I feel my stories and personalexperiences will help people
heal themselves.
I feel like that is my callingin this lifetime, that's one of
the goals of this podcast.
I am a sacred authority you havea different authority, so
(20:21):
basically what it means to be asacral authority is that I make
my decisions from my sacralcenter, my life force center.
I have very strong intuition,very strong gut feelings.
I know in my body, whensomething is meant for me or not
meant for me when you get morein tune with your body, you can
(20:42):
really hear and feel these cuesThe more I've learned about
these modalities and the moreI've learned about the mind body
connection, everything isconnected and feeling and being
in tune with your body is soimportant, especially when it
comes to your health.
There is a place forconventional medicine, but our
(21:04):
bodies are very wise and theycan heal themselves they've been
doing it for thousands of years.
We just need to give them thetools and give them the support.
A lot of times we hold traumaand stress in the body, and that
manifests as disease.
I am speaking from personalexperience.
I've learned to heal my body byhealing my trauma and healing
(21:27):
other things in my life.
It just goes to show that itreally all is connected Earlier
I said I was in the midst of mySaturn return, let me explain
what that means for those of youthat don't know.
Every planet in the solar systemhas its own orbit around the sun
and every planet in your birthchart is in a zodiac sign at the
(21:51):
time of your birth.
When I was born, Saturn was inthe sign of Pisces; currently
Saturn is in the sign of Piscesagain, and that hasn't happened
for 28, 29 years.
That's how long it takes for aSaturn to make its orbit'cause
it's so far out in the solarsystem, it's so big, so vast.
The moon, for example, has a 28day cycle because its orbit is
(22:14):
so much smaller just to give youa little bit of perspective
during most people's life,Saturn will orbit three times.
The first one is an astrologicalcoming of age.
It usually happens around age29, but it can start as early as
age 27, and it usually lasts twoor three years.
So During this time, we comeinto adulthood.
(22:35):
We really come into our own, we.
go through a lot oftransformation.
We go through breakups, we gointo relationships, we move to
different cities, we start newcareers.
It's really transformative.
It's usually difficult.
We're taking responsibility forourselves and our lives really
(22:56):
for the first time.
Afterwards we'll be fullyprepared for the life and the
person that we're meant to beit's really a beautiful time.
It is very stressful andconfusing and yeah, it's a..
trials and tribulations.
usually you'll go throughanother Saturn return in your
mid to late fifties.
(23:16):
Sometimes this is referred to asa midlife crisis.
It's a time to reevaluate andsee if you really did step up
and live up to your fullpotential.
Then in, in your late eighties,you'll have your final Saturn
return unless, we end up livingsignificantly longer.
This is really a peaceful time,a time to reflect that one's
kind of beautiful.
(23:36):
The first one, kind of rough.
Second one, kind of rough thirdone a little bit more peaceful,
a little more beautiful, so weget a break Saturn is the planet
of responsibility, accolades,hard work, learning lessons the
hard way sometimes so it is alot of transformation.
It's very beautiful, but thereis that harder side to it, it is
(23:58):
what it's, anyways, thank you somuch for listening.
I hope that you guys learnedsomething, enjoy this, got
something out of it.
If you enjoyed today's episode,remember to comment, like, and
subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
(24:18):
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
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