June 5, 2024 • 31 mins
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In this episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' Madeline shares her journey of personal growth, grappling with imposter syndrome, and the pursuit of perfection. She emphasizes the importance of cultivating the right mindset, embracing authenticity, and giving oneself grace through struggles. Madeline opens up about her experiences with hormonal imbalances, particularly PMDD, and the holistic approaches she's adopted for healing. She discusses her challenges with mental health, the impact of rapid weight loss on her body, and finding balance through natural interventions like acupuncture and herbal medicine. Madeline also touches on overcoming societal pressures, validating personal experiences, and the profound impact of vulnerability and service to others. Join her as she navigates life's messiness and celebrates the beauty of imperfection.
Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction: Embracing Imperfection
01:10 Welcome to Becoming Sunshine
01:45 Struggles with Imposter Syndrome
04:31 Dealing with Hormonal Imbalances
08:28 Exploring Holistic Health Practices
14:09 The Impact of Semaglutide
20:50 Navigating Setbacks and Finding Clarity
25:13 Trusting the Journey
30:41 Conclusion and Call to Action
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Madeline (00:00):
I'm really working on giving myself more grace and
part of being a leader andleading yourself is having the
right mindset, even if you don'thave the right emotions and
having a mindset that is goingto propel you forward having the
mindset that's going to move youthrough the difficult times, I
(00:20):
think that is really powerful,and it's a work in progress, and
it's going to take time, but,the messy and the struggle is
just as important to show as,when I feel like I have it all
figured out, or everything issparkly and shiny, and I feel
like I'm thriving.
being authentic is gonna lead meto the right people I feel like
(00:42):
oftentimes I want to wait to beperfect or wait for things to be
perfect but if we wait forperfection the world's gonna
pass us by if we wait forperfection the stuff we are
talking about isn't going to berelevant anymore.
It's not going to be authenticto us and It's a disservice to
ourselves and to the people thatwe're helping.
(01:10):
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self andthat's what this podcast is
about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
(01:30):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me,I'm excited.
Hey guys, it's Madeline.
So lately I've been struggling alot with imposter syndrome and
perfectionism.
(01:52):
Nothing new here.
it's taken me a while to recordnew episodes.
I've been doubting myself a lot.
I've been doubting that myexperiences are valid enough for
me to speak out about them andto have the audacity to speak
out and have a voice.
Silly, I know, but I think it'ssomething that's really
(02:14):
relatable.
I feel like I follow so manyother leaders and figures in the
space that have these hugeplatforms and all these
accreditations and I'm just notas polished and I don't feel
qualified but I had a mentor notthat long ago tell me that my
(02:35):
experiences are absolutelyenough and she's absolutely
right she had some really greatadvice and she said all you have
to be is a couple steps ahead ofsomebody going through something
that you went through.
You don't have to be the expert,you don't have to be anything.
(02:55):
Your experiences are completelyvalid and you can still help
someone else just by being acouple steps ahead of them and
if I can pave the way forsomeone that's going through
things that i've gone through orI can help someone feel
validated or feel like they'renot as alone then that's enough
(03:16):
for me I've also recentlylearned that sometimes when
things feel scary, it's easierto come from a place of service
as opposed to a place of ego andthat way, my responsibility to
help others is more importantthan the ego stories I have
(03:39):
around fear or other doubts orlimiting beliefs.
I'm going through this programright now where the first four
months are really about deeptransformation and one of the
things that they mentioned inone of the pre course classes
was that yes, there's so manyspiritual leaders out there, and
there's so many people in thisspace that we can learn from and
(04:03):
be helped by, but there arepeople that can only be helped
by me.
There are people that can onlybe helped by you, and you've
been called to this work for areason, and there's already
people with karmic contracts toyou and the audience and the
community that you build.
just hearing that was sovalidating.
(04:23):
So I want to say that again hereto validate anyone else who's
going through a similarsituation or a similar internal
struggle.
I feel like we're always in ourheads way too much and one of
the things I'm really working onis to just be afraid and do it
anyways, I think that's wherethe real courage lies I've also
been struggling with my hormoneslately and I feel like whenever
(04:47):
my body is not feeling well, mymental health kind of suffers.
I'm very in tune with my bodyand my mind body connection is
very strong and I feel likethat's very normal to struggle
with your mental health whenyour body is sick, or your body
is out of alignment and yet,sometimes I'm so shocked and so
(05:09):
confused by it, and I'm justlike, wait, why am I sad when my
body is sick?
and somehow, it still comes as asurprise.
so something that's beenbothering me over the last few
months.
I feel like I've been strugglinga lot with PMDD for those of you
that have never heard of it.
(05:30):
It's premenstrual dysphoricsyndrome.
So dysphoric is the opposite ofeuphoric, you don't feel good,
you feel very low, you feeldepressed, you feel overwhelmed,
you feel sad.
I feel like a week before myperiod started, I would have
these symptoms start and I knowthat.
(05:51):
PMS has been normalized in ourculture, but it definitely is
not something that needs to benormal and I feel like PMDD is
like extreme PMS symptoms somuch so that I felt that that
week before my period startedwould throw off my entire month
and as much as it was annoying.
(06:14):
I feel like after a certainpoint it was kind of
unacceptable and I have afunctional medicine doctor that
I've talked about on the podcastand that I meet with quarterly
and I mentioned these symptomsin passing and he's a very good
doctor.
I feel like he kind of knows mebetter than I know myself in a
(06:36):
lot of ways, or he can readbetween the lines when I'm
saying something.
and he even was like, I feellike this is bothering you a
little bit more than you'releading on and he was absolutely
right because women deal with somuch and I feel like we're
conditioned to kind of just dealwith things, which I'm working
(06:57):
on and I think we're working onas a collective right now, but
having our whole month thrownoff because of our hormones and
because of one week of likeextreme mood swings and sadness
and disassociation like that'snot okay, and we shouldn't have
to just suffer in silence and sohe actually ended up prescribing
me something to help with thosesymptoms and basically, it was
(07:22):
like a type of Prozac for PMSand I don't think anyone should
ever feel shame around mentalhealth or taking medication for
mental health or moodstabilizers.
I think that as a societythere's a lot of shame around
it, but I think we shouldnormalize that because life is
(07:42):
hard and if we need to takesomething that helps us feel
balanced I think that that'sokay, and we should be able to
talk about it.
For me personally, I did notreact well to this new
medication It just made me feelreally sick.
I had really bad insomnia, and Iwas nauseous and It didn't help
(08:04):
make me feel any better so Ithink for some people it's a
really good tool and I'm reallylucky that I have a doctor and I
have the resources to accessthese types of tools but for me
personally I didn't react welland he suggested some other
interventions, but I was like,okay, let me get back to basics.
(08:28):
Let me get back to what I knowand what has healed my body
previously.
I love the more homeopathicroute, and I think that our
bodies are designed to healthemselves, I tried it.
a medical intervention, hopingfor a quicker fix, sometimes I
(08:49):
think medication is necessary,but in my case, I think I needed
to just go back to basics andsome tools that I really love
are the flow app.
and cycle syncing getting backto my spiritual practices I feel
like when my body doesn't feelgood getting back to my
spiritual practices is the lastthing I want to do, but that's
(09:09):
when it's the most important.
So getting back to my morningmeditation practice, making sure
I feel grounded in my body,taking advantage of herbal
medicine and Chinese medicine,more Eastern practices.
So for me, it was about gettingback to basics.
I used the Flow app for those ofyou that don't know.
(09:31):
It's this amazing app and theyexplain how to cycle sync, what
foods to eat, what kind ofexercises to do, depending on
where you're at in your cycle.
It tells you the best time toplan dates, the best times to be
social.
It's really helpful.
I actually decided to go to anacupuncturist and a cupping
(09:52):
specialist and it was one of thebest experiences.
I had only done it one time andshe told me it might take a few
times for me to feel adifference and I immediately
felt, a difference.
even that next period my PMS wasso much better and I think doing
more of these natural holisticpractices sometimes can help our
body get back into homeostasis alot quicker.
(10:16):
I really do believe that ourbodies are designed to heal
themselves.
We just need to give them thetools and the space to do so.
if you've never done acupunctureor cupping before, I highly
recommend it.
With acupuncture, they're ableto pick certain pressure points
that do different things foryour body and with the cupping
(10:38):
it just released all thesetoxins I felt like my whole back
released and I've been gettingmassages and stuff for years but
I've never experienced anythingquite like that.
I love it.
I think it was so amazing I alsolove that she sat with me for
about an hour before we even gotto the work to talk about
everything with me.
(10:58):
We talked about my hormones.
We talked about my healthhistory.
We talked about everything goingon.The practitioner I worked
with was so educated and sothorough and it made me feel
like she really did care and shewas invested in questions that,
she asked me about my skin, mydiet, So many things.
(11:19):
I'm drawing a blank now, butliterally so many things and she
actually diagnosed me with ablood disorder, which I didn't
even realize until I stoppedgetting my nails done, but I
definitely do have some kind ofcirculation issue because the
bottom of my nail beds are kindof blue.
So I'm actually really glad thatI stopped getting my nails done
so I could see this and noticethis.
(11:42):
So for you girlies out therethat are cold all the time and
you think it's in your head,maybe stop getting your nails
done.
you might see there's actuallysomething else going on.
another holistic interventionthat I've tried that has really
helped is I started takingChinese herbs in the form of a
tincture.
So there's a couple of brandsthat I've seen online and the
(12:02):
one I'm taking is actually madeby a local girl here where I
live, it tastes kind of bad, butit helps so much.
I already feel so much morebalanced.
It's only been a couple monthssince I started doing these
natural interventions and I justwanted to come out here and
speak about them because youdon't always need medication and
(12:23):
sometimes, if you want a quickfix by all means try, but I
think it's always better toaddress root causes and to give
our body the support that itneeds so that it can work well
on its own, so I'm reallyexcited about that and it's just
so validating that when you getback to basics and you get back
(12:44):
to taking care of yourself, thatyour body really does support
itself and heal itself reallyeffectively.
I also feel like when my bodyfeels better, my mental health
is improved exponentially.
I don't have any of the symptomsreally like this past period, I
didn't have any of the symptomsthat I normally do.
I didn't really have PMS.
(13:06):
like I said, it's only been acouple of months since I started
these interventions and for me,that's amazing because I was
struggling for like six monthsand you don't have to live like
that.
You can absolutely heal yourbody and your hormones and it's
super exciting, I feel like it'shard to get ahead when there's
one week out of the month whereyou feel so detached and
(13:29):
disconnected from yourself andeveryone else and anxious and
depressed and we don't need tolive like that anymore.
we don't need to deal with that.
We can do these natural thingsto support ourselves and it
makes me feel really good thatthese are ancient practices that
have been working for women forthousands of years and I think
(13:51):
somewhere along the line we gotlost and forgot about these
ancient ways to heal ourselves,it's just so amazing
reconnecting with ourselves,reconnecting with the earth,
reconnecting with our ancestorsin the way that we heal
ourselves.
It's really beautiful.
I think one of the reasons whymy hormones were so out of
(14:12):
whack, despite me having mythyroid problems, I started
taking a medication earlier thisyear.
it's semaglutide, ozempic, andfor me, it has been life
changing.
I know there's some controversyabout it, I know celebrities
have used it, but I thinkthere's a way to use it
(14:33):
responsibly.
For those of you that don'tknow, it's a diabetes
medication.
I do not have diabetes.
A lot of people that use it donot have diabetes.
But it controls your, bloodsugar, and it helps you lose
weight by slowing down yourmetabolic rate.
it delays gastric emptying,meaning it takes your body
longer to digest its food, soyou feel fuller longer, so
(14:55):
you're not eating as manycalories, you're not eating as
often.
It also helps by lowering yourblood sugar, and that's how it
helps people with diabetes forme personally, it actually
helped me a lot with mydisordered eating and my
relationship with food ingeneral.
I think over the years,especially with all the
(15:17):
different diets I've done tryingto do competitive fitness
competitions.
I developed a really weirdrelationship with food I was
doing these really restrictivediets and then I would binge eat
and it would just take away allmy progress and I also just
think being a woman in societythese days, like a lot of us
just have a really, unhealthyrelationship with food and so
(15:42):
taking this medication kept mefuller longer.
So I wasn't thinking about foodall the time I feel like that's
one of the biggest pieces of thepuzzle is you're not constantly
thinking about what you're gonnaeat what your next meal is how
many calories you ate that day?
I didn't restrict myself at allI didn't take too big of a dose
so that I was never hungry.
(16:02):
I still ate a normal, healthyamount.
I just stopped snacking and alsoI would eat whatever I wanted.
I wouldn't restrict myself.
If I wanted french fries orcookies or whatever, I would eat
the french fries, I would eatthe cookies.
It just helped with portioncontrol, so I wasn't
overindulging, but because Iwasn't restricting myself, I
wasn't overcompensating byeating so much of something
(16:25):
else, I never felt like I waspunishing my body, or depriving
myself of something, and I thinkthat's really important, and I
know I have some friends thathave a different mentality than
me, and I think being really intune with your body is really
important if you're going totake a medication like this.
There's definitely ways to abuseit and overdo it and be
(16:47):
unhealthy, but I think if you'redoing it properly and then, I
now only really do it formaintenance.
I don't take a dose every week.
I take one maybe like once amonth and it just helps me stay
at a healthy baseline for myselfand it helps me keep my weight
under control and at a placewhere I'm comfortable with
(17:09):
having a thyroid problem It'sdefinitely something that I
always have to be conscious ofand this tool has really helped
me so that I don't really haveto think about it anymore and I
feel a lot more comfortable inmy skin but one of the things
about the rapid weight loss isthat when you have less body
fat, you have less estrogen, andso I think the last few months
(17:30):
my body has been trying to evenitself out and balance and
figure out what this newhormonal balance was, so I'm
actually really happy that Idecided to go with a more
natural intervention to balancemy hormones because I think
that's what my body reallyneeded.
That's the kind of support thatmy body really craved.
During this time, it just goesto show that health always is
(17:55):
fluid and, there's going to bethings that happen, things that
come up, but having the tools toget back to baseline, like with
my thyroid, with my weight withwhatever.
It's so important.
Having these tools in our toolbelt is really such a gift and
being able to share with youguys, what's worked for me and
help other people is really soimportant.
(18:17):
I am so thankful that I feelbetter now.
and my mental health is better.
So I feel called to share.
I think sometimes when I'm notfeeling well.
that's the last thing I want todo is share and share my art and
share what's going on with me Iwant to like be a recluse and
keep it to myself and pretendlike everything is fine, but
(18:39):
that's not reality I thinkoftentimes we see people that
are leaders in this space thatare so polished and I think It's
important to find beauty inwhat's imperfect and in the
mundane and to share when we'restruggling and that's what's
really gonna help each other themost.
(19:00):
I can't just share my wins, Ineed to share the L's too and
how I brought myself back.
I think that's what this wasreally all about.
I'm really working on givingmyself more grace and part of
being a leader and leadingyourself is having the right
mindset, even if you don't havethe right emotions and having a
(19:22):
mindset that is going to propelyou forward having the mindset
that's going to move you throughthe difficult times, I think
that is really powerful, andit's a work in progress, and
it's going to take time, but,the messy and the struggle is
just as important to show as,when I feel like I have it all
figured out, or everything issparkly and shiny, and I feel
(19:44):
like I'm thriving.
being authentic is gonna lead meto the right people I feel like
oftentimes I want to wait to beperfect or wait for things to be
perfect but if we wait forperfection the world's gonna
pass us by if we wait forperfection the stuff we are
talking about isn't going to berelevant anymore.
(20:06):
It's not going to be authenticto us and It's a disservice to
ourselves and to the people thatwe're helping.
I connect the most when peopleare being real and talking about
their experiences.
I'm an imperfect person andperfection isn't real.
I know a lot of us have thesestories in our heads about how
(20:30):
things need to be perfect but,it's a fantasy and the sooner we
can accept that and acceptourselves, the sooner we can put
out our words and art into theworld and connect with the
people we're meant to connectwith and help the people that
we're meant to help.
I'm going through a lot of deeptransformation right now and as
(20:54):
someone who's been working onthemselves for almost 10 years
now, it just goes to show thatwe're always peeling back new
layers and there's always newthings to heal, but at the same
time, I think it's easy to getcaught up in the loop of healing
and constantly working onsomething and having to be at a
certain level of healed beforeyou can do X, Y, Z, et cetera,
(21:17):
et cetera but healing is ajourney it's a lifelong thing,
but that doesn't mean we need tobe constantly working on
ourselves or we can't accomplishour goals or we have to always
be healing something, working onsomething.
It's okay to take a step backand just see how far we've come.
In fact, it's necessary to comeup for air and notice, wow look
(21:41):
at the progress I've made, lookat how far I've come.
I feel like I have had a lot ofshame this year about not being
where I thought I should be, nothaving accomplished as much as I
should have, not having movedthrough enough shadow or enough
blocks and then I sat andreflected recently.
(22:02):
and realized that everythingthat happened this year was for
a reason and everything happenedexactly the way it was supposed
to to prepare me for what's tocome.
for the better half of the year,I was pursuing a more
conventional career and I felt alot of shame when I decided to
quit that but it gave me a lotof clarity around what I'm
(22:25):
actually passionate about andwhat I actually want to do and
what's right for me and I neededto go through that to figure out
what it is I want to do.
I think it's just as importantto realize what we don't want to
do as it is what we do want todo and sometimes I know it can
feel like a waste of time, butit's a completely necessary part
(22:45):
of the process and we shouldnever feel bad or shame or guilt
about that and then when I didfigure out what I wanted to do,
I shared and opened up to thewrong people, which is fine but
it's also why people say keepthings close to your heart don't
talk about stuff until it's doneand I used to not fully
(23:05):
understand that sentence, orthat phrase i'm not sure what I
used to think it meant honestlybut it is easy to get
discouraged when you open upabout your goals your dreams to
the wrong people and they're notsupportive even if they don't
really matter to you.
people pleasing is a big part ofour culture even if it's
subconscious and it's easy tofeel discouraged when someone
(23:29):
shits all over your dreams orshits all over your goal and
you're like, oh wait, is thisreally what I want to do?
Am I really going to besuccessful doing this?
So I get that but I also thinkand it took me some time to
bounce back after that.
I'll be honest, but I think thatwas preparing me for when not
everyone aligns with my messagewhen not everyone understands
(23:52):
what I'm trying to do and that'sokay I needed to experience that
to prepare my nervous system forwhen it happens again and it
will so I'm grateful andgrateful for that setback and
another one this year a formerfriend of mine was actually
spreading lies about me on theinternet and it was incredibly
hurtful and that was alsopreparing my nervous system for
(24:15):
when I undoubtedly receive hatefrom strangers on the internet
because that's just a part ofthe world and that's just a part
of putting yourself out there.
You're gonna get rejected,you're gonna get told no, that's
just how it works, but that's anecessary part of reaching the
right people.
You have to reach so many peoplein order to find your people and
(24:36):
so I'm grateful for that too.
without this perspective, it didfeel like a lot of setbacks.
It did feel like a lot of timewas wasted, but it was all so
necessary and I'm so gratefuland that's another thing being
grateful and reframing thesecircumstances or reframing
(24:59):
things that happen, they can allbe gifts.
They can all be gifts to moveyou forward.
Bad things that happen,setbacks, mean things that
people say, it can all be a giftif you choose to look at it that
way.
I think just having so much selfcompassion and so much grace for
yourself is so important.
Just knowing that you're exactlywhere you're meant to be.
(25:23):
If you feel like you're behindon your path, you're not.
If you don't have clarity, it'sbecause you're not supposed to
and just trusting andsurrendering to the universe and
goddess and what's meant foryou.
Just knowing that and believingthat truly can give you so much
freedom.
Just know that you're exactlywhere you're supposed to be.
(25:45):
Everything is going to work outexactly the way it's supposed
to.
Nothing can throw you off yourpath you can't miss anything
that's meant for you everythingthat has happened is only to
prepare you for what's to come Iheard this really good analogy
on a podcast not too long ago.
She was talking about why can'twe just make the wood that we
(26:05):
need to build houses in awarehouse?
Basically, what they were sayingis they need the wood that's
been weathered, that's beenoutside, that's been through
everything, because that's thewood that's going to be strong
enough to hold up these houses.
I don't know if I'm rememberingor regurgitating this metaphor
perfectly, but basically what itmeans is that We had to have
(26:29):
grit and we're not gonna get itby not going through the hard
times, by not having thesetrials and tribulations and
these struggles, and if itweren't for the bad things that
happened, we wouldn't be strongenough to take on what's to
come.
Our nervous systems wouldn't beprepared for all of the success,
(26:50):
So next time you feel upsetabout something or like you've
been set back on something youcan't catch a break just know
that the universe is only thereto guide you and to help you and
of course there arecircumstances that are out of
our control that areunacceptable.
The world is not a fair placeand I'm not talking about those
types of things like the crueltyand the abuse in the world not
(27:14):
talking about that kind of stuffbecause that is a reality and
that is unfair and that is notokay and in no way did you bring
that on yourself, in no way areyou deserving of that kind of
treatment I'm just talking aboutwhen life gets hard sometimes
it's okay and if we're able totake a step back and reflect and
(27:35):
reframe these circumstanceswe'll see that it was all in
divine timing and There was apurpose for all of it so for
those of you that struggle withperfectionism and imposter
syndrome, just know that yourexperiences are 100 percent
valid.
You are an expert on yourexperiences and that is enough.
(27:58):
It's so important to have theaudacity to put yourself out
there because you don't knowwhose life is going to be
touched by your story and who'sgoing to be helped by your art
or by your voice or by youputting yourself out there
perfectionism is not real it isa fantasy and, the sooner we
(28:21):
accept ourselves for exactlywhere we are, the sooner we'll
be able to propel ourselvesforward and feel empowered by
everything that's happened andget to that next step.
I think sometimes when we feelstuck, it's the universe's way
of putting pressure on us andmaking us re evaluate and decide
(28:48):
to put ourselves out there or dosomething that we've been
holding ourselves back with Ihave another mentor and she was
sharing her own origin story howshe channels, she's very
intuitive and she was sayingthat the universe basically told
her she would never have successuntil she put her manifestation
(29:12):
work out into the world andshared her gifts and I
definitely feel resonated withme a lot because I've had a lot
of fear around being seen, feararound putting myself out there
and putting action behind mypassions that I've had for a
long time and the work that Ireally feel called to do.
(29:32):
I think sometimes the universeputs pressure on us, our other
resources dry up, etc, etcbecause it's wanting us to take
that next step and I thinksometimes if we're not
listening, things have to happenin order for us to take that
jump and I think just getting intune with yourself and really
(29:57):
listening to that inner voiceand that inner guide and
trusting It's so important andit's what's gonna lead you to
that next step and having faithin yourself and trust that
everything you want is alreadyon the way and I don't mean the
spiritual bypass oldmanifestation rhetoric, of
(30:17):
course you have to align yoursubconscious beliefs with what
you want and do the work, do theshadow work, do the
reprogramming, and take thealigned action but I think a big
piece of that is just trustingand not being afraid.
I think letting go of theseegoic stories and coming from a
(30:39):
point of service has reallyhelped me so thank you guys so
much for listening.
I really appreciate it and Ihope that this episode has been
helpful.
I hope it resonated with a lotof you and if you enjoyed
today's episode, remember tocomment, like, and subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
(30:59):
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
I'm really working on giving myself more grace and
part of being a leader andleading yourself is having the
right mindset, even if you don'thave the right emotions and
having a mindset that is goingto propel you forward having the
mindset that's going to move youthrough the difficult times, I
(00:20):
think that is really powerful,and it's a work in progress, and
it's going to take time, but,the messy and the struggle is
just as important to show as,when I feel like I have it all
figured out, or everything issparkly and shiny, and I feel
like I'm thriving.
being authentic is gonna lead meto the right people I feel like
(00:42):
oftentimes I want to wait to beperfect or wait for things to be
perfect but if we wait forperfection the world's gonna
pass us by if we wait forperfection the stuff we are
talking about isn't going to berelevant anymore.
It's not going to be authenticto us and It's a disservice to
ourselves and to the people thatwe're helping.
(01:10):
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self andthat's what this podcast is
about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
(01:30):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me,I'm excited.
Hey guys, it's Madeline.
So lately I've been struggling alot with imposter syndrome and
perfectionism.
(01:52):
Nothing new here.
it's taken me a while to recordnew episodes.
I've been doubting myself a lot.
I've been doubting that myexperiences are valid enough for
me to speak out about them andto have the audacity to speak
out and have a voice.
Silly, I know, but I think it'ssomething that's really
(02:14):
relatable.
I feel like I follow so manyother leaders and figures in the
space that have these hugeplatforms and all these
accreditations and I'm just notas polished and I don't feel
qualified but I had a mentor notthat long ago tell me that my
(02:35):
experiences are absolutelyenough and she's absolutely
right she had some really greatadvice and she said all you have
to be is a couple steps ahead ofsomebody going through something
that you went through.
You don't have to be the expert,you don't have to be anything.
(02:55):
Your experiences are completelyvalid and you can still help
someone else just by being acouple steps ahead of them and
if I can pave the way forsomeone that's going through
things that i've gone through orI can help someone feel
validated or feel like they'renot as alone then that's enough
(03:16):
for me I've also recentlylearned that sometimes when
things feel scary, it's easierto come from a place of service
as opposed to a place of ego andthat way, my responsibility to
help others is more importantthan the ego stories I have
(03:39):
around fear or other doubts orlimiting beliefs.
I'm going through this programright now where the first four
months are really about deeptransformation and one of the
things that they mentioned inone of the pre course classes
was that yes, there's so manyspiritual leaders out there, and
there's so many people in thisspace that we can learn from and
(04:03):
be helped by, but there arepeople that can only be helped
by me.
There are people that can onlybe helped by you, and you've
been called to this work for areason, and there's already
people with karmic contracts toyou and the audience and the
community that you build.
just hearing that was sovalidating.
(04:23):
So I want to say that again hereto validate anyone else who's
going through a similarsituation or a similar internal
struggle.
I feel like we're always in ourheads way too much and one of
the things I'm really working onis to just be afraid and do it
anyways, I think that's wherethe real courage lies I've also
been struggling with my hormoneslately and I feel like whenever
(04:47):
my body is not feeling well, mymental health kind of suffers.
I'm very in tune with my bodyand my mind body connection is
very strong and I feel likethat's very normal to struggle
with your mental health whenyour body is sick, or your body
is out of alignment and yet,sometimes I'm so shocked and so
(05:09):
confused by it, and I'm justlike, wait, why am I sad when my
body is sick?
and somehow, it still comes as asurprise.
so something that's beenbothering me over the last few
months.
I feel like I've been strugglinga lot with PMDD for those of you
that have never heard of it.
(05:30):
It's premenstrual dysphoricsyndrome.
So dysphoric is the opposite ofeuphoric, you don't feel good,
you feel very low, you feeldepressed, you feel overwhelmed,
you feel sad.
I feel like a week before myperiod started, I would have
these symptoms start and I knowthat.
(05:51):
PMS has been normalized in ourculture, but it definitely is
not something that needs to benormal and I feel like PMDD is
like extreme PMS symptoms somuch so that I felt that that
week before my period startedwould throw off my entire month
and as much as it was annoying.
(06:14):
I feel like after a certainpoint it was kind of
unacceptable and I have afunctional medicine doctor that
I've talked about on the podcastand that I meet with quarterly
and I mentioned these symptomsin passing and he's a very good
doctor.
I feel like he kind of knows mebetter than I know myself in a
(06:36):
lot of ways, or he can readbetween the lines when I'm
saying something.
and he even was like, I feellike this is bothering you a
little bit more than you'releading on and he was absolutely
right because women deal with somuch and I feel like we're
conditioned to kind of just dealwith things, which I'm working
(06:57):
on and I think we're working onas a collective right now, but
having our whole month thrownoff because of our hormones and
because of one week of likeextreme mood swings and sadness
and disassociation like that'snot okay, and we shouldn't have
to just suffer in silence and sohe actually ended up prescribing
me something to help with thosesymptoms and basically, it was
(07:22):
like a type of Prozac for PMSand I don't think anyone should
ever feel shame around mentalhealth or taking medication for
mental health or moodstabilizers.
I think that as a societythere's a lot of shame around
it, but I think we shouldnormalize that because life is
(07:42):
hard and if we need to takesomething that helps us feel
balanced I think that that'sokay, and we should be able to
talk about it.
For me personally, I did notreact well to this new
medication It just made me feelreally sick.
I had really bad insomnia, and Iwas nauseous and It didn't help
(08:04):
make me feel any better so Ithink for some people it's a
really good tool and I'm reallylucky that I have a doctor and I
have the resources to accessthese types of tools but for me
personally I didn't react welland he suggested some other
interventions, but I was like,okay, let me get back to basics.
(08:28):
Let me get back to what I knowand what has healed my body
previously.
I love the more homeopathicroute, and I think that our
bodies are designed to healthemselves, I tried it.
a medical intervention, hopingfor a quicker fix, sometimes I
(08:49):
think medication is necessary,but in my case, I think I needed
to just go back to basics andsome tools that I really love
are the flow app.
and cycle syncing getting backto my spiritual practices I feel
like when my body doesn't feelgood getting back to my
spiritual practices is the lastthing I want to do, but that's
(09:09):
when it's the most important.
So getting back to my morningmeditation practice, making sure
I feel grounded in my body,taking advantage of herbal
medicine and Chinese medicine,more Eastern practices.
So for me, it was about gettingback to basics.
I used the Flow app for those ofyou that don't know.
(09:31):
It's this amazing app and theyexplain how to cycle sync, what
foods to eat, what kind ofexercises to do, depending on
where you're at in your cycle.
It tells you the best time toplan dates, the best times to be
social.
It's really helpful.
I actually decided to go to anacupuncturist and a cupping
(09:52):
specialist and it was one of thebest experiences.
I had only done it one time andshe told me it might take a few
times for me to feel adifference and I immediately
felt, a difference.
even that next period my PMS wasso much better and I think doing
more of these natural holisticpractices sometimes can help our
body get back into homeostasis alot quicker.
(10:16):
I really do believe that ourbodies are designed to heal
themselves.
We just need to give them thetools and the space to do so.
if you've never done acupunctureor cupping before, I highly
recommend it.
With acupuncture, they're ableto pick certain pressure points
that do different things foryour body and with the cupping
(10:38):
it just released all thesetoxins I felt like my whole back
released and I've been gettingmassages and stuff for years but
I've never experienced anythingquite like that.
I love it.
I think it was so amazing I alsolove that she sat with me for
about an hour before we even gotto the work to talk about
everything with me.
(10:58):
We talked about my hormones.
We talked about my healthhistory.
We talked about everything goingon.The practitioner I worked
with was so educated and sothorough and it made me feel
like she really did care and shewas invested in questions that,
she asked me about my skin, mydiet, So many things.
(11:19):
I'm drawing a blank now, butliterally so many things and she
actually diagnosed me with ablood disorder, which I didn't
even realize until I stoppedgetting my nails done, but I
definitely do have some kind ofcirculation issue because the
bottom of my nail beds are kindof blue.
So I'm actually really glad thatI stopped getting my nails done
so I could see this and noticethis.
(11:42):
So for you girlies out therethat are cold all the time and
you think it's in your head,maybe stop getting your nails
done.
you might see there's actuallysomething else going on.
another holistic interventionthat I've tried that has really
helped is I started takingChinese herbs in the form of a
tincture.
So there's a couple of brandsthat I've seen online and the
(12:02):
one I'm taking is actually madeby a local girl here where I
live, it tastes kind of bad, butit helps so much.
I already feel so much morebalanced.
It's only been a couple monthssince I started doing these
natural interventions and I justwanted to come out here and
speak about them because youdon't always need medication and
(12:23):
sometimes, if you want a quickfix by all means try, but I
think it's always better toaddress root causes and to give
our body the support that itneeds so that it can work well
on its own, so I'm reallyexcited about that and it's just
so validating that when you getback to basics and you get back
(12:44):
to taking care of yourself, thatyour body really does support
itself and heal itself reallyeffectively.
I also feel like when my bodyfeels better, my mental health
is improved exponentially.
I don't have any of the symptomsreally like this past period, I
didn't have any of the symptomsthat I normally do.
I didn't really have PMS.
(13:06):
like I said, it's only been acouple of months since I started
these interventions and for me,that's amazing because I was
struggling for like six monthsand you don't have to live like
that.
You can absolutely heal yourbody and your hormones and it's
super exciting, I feel like it'shard to get ahead when there's
one week out of the month whereyou feel so detached and
(13:29):
disconnected from yourself andeveryone else and anxious and
depressed and we don't need tolive like that anymore.
we don't need to deal with that.
We can do these natural thingsto support ourselves and it
makes me feel really good thatthese are ancient practices that
have been working for women forthousands of years and I think
(13:51):
somewhere along the line we gotlost and forgot about these
ancient ways to heal ourselves,it's just so amazing
reconnecting with ourselves,reconnecting with the earth,
reconnecting with our ancestorsin the way that we heal
ourselves.
It's really beautiful.
I think one of the reasons whymy hormones were so out of
(14:12):
whack, despite me having mythyroid problems, I started
taking a medication earlier thisyear.
it's semaglutide, ozempic, andfor me, it has been life
changing.
I know there's some controversyabout it, I know celebrities
have used it, but I thinkthere's a way to use it
(14:33):
responsibly.
For those of you that don'tknow, it's a diabetes
medication.
I do not have diabetes.
A lot of people that use it donot have diabetes.
But it controls your, bloodsugar, and it helps you lose
weight by slowing down yourmetabolic rate.
it delays gastric emptying,meaning it takes your body
longer to digest its food, soyou feel fuller longer, so
(14:55):
you're not eating as manycalories, you're not eating as
often.
It also helps by lowering yourblood sugar, and that's how it
helps people with diabetes forme personally, it actually
helped me a lot with mydisordered eating and my
relationship with food ingeneral.
I think over the years,especially with all the
(15:17):
different diets I've done tryingto do competitive fitness
competitions.
I developed a really weirdrelationship with food I was
doing these really restrictivediets and then I would binge eat
and it would just take away allmy progress and I also just
think being a woman in societythese days, like a lot of us
just have a really, unhealthyrelationship with food and so
(15:42):
taking this medication kept mefuller longer.
So I wasn't thinking about foodall the time I feel like that's
one of the biggest pieces of thepuzzle is you're not constantly
thinking about what you're gonnaeat what your next meal is how
many calories you ate that day?
I didn't restrict myself at allI didn't take too big of a dose
so that I was never hungry.
(16:02):
I still ate a normal, healthyamount.
I just stopped snacking and alsoI would eat whatever I wanted.
I wouldn't restrict myself.
If I wanted french fries orcookies or whatever, I would eat
the french fries, I would eatthe cookies.
It just helped with portioncontrol, so I wasn't
overindulging, but because Iwasn't restricting myself, I
wasn't overcompensating byeating so much of something
(16:25):
else, I never felt like I waspunishing my body, or depriving
myself of something, and I thinkthat's really important, and I
know I have some friends thathave a different mentality than
me, and I think being really intune with your body is really
important if you're going totake a medication like this.
There's definitely ways to abuseit and overdo it and be
(16:47):
unhealthy, but I think if you'redoing it properly and then, I
now only really do it formaintenance.
I don't take a dose every week.
I take one maybe like once amonth and it just helps me stay
at a healthy baseline for myselfand it helps me keep my weight
under control and at a placewhere I'm comfortable with
(17:09):
having a thyroid problem It'sdefinitely something that I
always have to be conscious ofand this tool has really helped
me so that I don't really haveto think about it anymore and I
feel a lot more comfortable inmy skin but one of the things
about the rapid weight loss isthat when you have less body
fat, you have less estrogen, andso I think the last few months
(17:30):
my body has been trying to evenitself out and balance and
figure out what this newhormonal balance was, so I'm
actually really happy that Idecided to go with a more
natural intervention to balancemy hormones because I think
that's what my body reallyneeded.
That's the kind of support thatmy body really craved.
During this time, it just goesto show that health always is
(17:55):
fluid and, there's going to bethings that happen, things that
come up, but having the tools toget back to baseline, like with
my thyroid, with my weight withwhatever.
It's so important.
Having these tools in our toolbelt is really such a gift and
being able to share with youguys, what's worked for me and
help other people is really soimportant.
(18:17):
I am so thankful that I feelbetter now.
and my mental health is better.
So I feel called to share.
I think sometimes when I'm notfeeling well.
that's the last thing I want todo is share and share my art and
share what's going on with me Iwant to like be a recluse and
keep it to myself and pretendlike everything is fine, but
(18:39):
that's not reality I thinkoftentimes we see people that
are leaders in this space thatare so polished and I think It's
important to find beauty inwhat's imperfect and in the
mundane and to share when we'restruggling and that's what's
really gonna help each other themost.
(19:00):
I can't just share my wins, Ineed to share the L's too and
how I brought myself back.
I think that's what this wasreally all about.
I'm really working on givingmyself more grace and part of
being a leader and leadingyourself is having the right
mindset, even if you don't havethe right emotions and having a
(19:22):
mindset that is going to propelyou forward having the mindset
that's going to move you throughthe difficult times, I think
that is really powerful, andit's a work in progress, and
it's going to take time, but,the messy and the struggle is
just as important to show as,when I feel like I have it all
figured out, or everything issparkly and shiny, and I feel
(19:44):
like I'm thriving.
being authentic is gonna lead meto the right people I feel like
oftentimes I want to wait to beperfect or wait for things to be
perfect but if we wait forperfection the world's gonna
pass us by if we wait forperfection the stuff we are
talking about isn't going to berelevant anymore.
(20:06):
It's not going to be authenticto us and It's a disservice to
ourselves and to the people thatwe're helping.
I connect the most when peopleare being real and talking about
their experiences.
I'm an imperfect person andperfection isn't real.
I know a lot of us have thesestories in our heads about how
(20:30):
things need to be perfect but,it's a fantasy and the sooner we
can accept that and acceptourselves, the sooner we can put
out our words and art into theworld and connect with the
people we're meant to connectwith and help the people that
we're meant to help.
I'm going through a lot of deeptransformation right now and as
(20:54):
someone who's been working onthemselves for almost 10 years
now, it just goes to show thatwe're always peeling back new
layers and there's always newthings to heal, but at the same
time, I think it's easy to getcaught up in the loop of healing
and constantly working onsomething and having to be at a
certain level of healed beforeyou can do X, Y, Z, et cetera,
(21:17):
et cetera but healing is ajourney it's a lifelong thing,
but that doesn't mean we need tobe constantly working on
ourselves or we can't accomplishour goals or we have to always
be healing something, working onsomething.
It's okay to take a step backand just see how far we've come.
In fact, it's necessary to comeup for air and notice, wow look
(21:41):
at the progress I've made, lookat how far I've come.
I feel like I have had a lot ofshame this year about not being
where I thought I should be, nothaving accomplished as much as I
should have, not having movedthrough enough shadow or enough
blocks and then I sat andreflected recently.
(22:02):
and realized that everythingthat happened this year was for
a reason and everything happenedexactly the way it was supposed
to to prepare me for what's tocome.
for the better half of the year,I was pursuing a more
conventional career and I felt alot of shame when I decided to
quit that but it gave me a lotof clarity around what I'm
(22:25):
actually passionate about andwhat I actually want to do and
what's right for me and I neededto go through that to figure out
what it is I want to do.
I think it's just as importantto realize what we don't want to
do as it is what we do want todo and sometimes I know it can
feel like a waste of time, butit's a completely necessary part
(22:45):
of the process and we shouldnever feel bad or shame or guilt
about that and then when I didfigure out what I wanted to do,
I shared and opened up to thewrong people, which is fine but
it's also why people say keepthings close to your heart don't
talk about stuff until it's doneand I used to not fully
(23:05):
understand that sentence, orthat phrase i'm not sure what I
used to think it meant honestlybut it is easy to get
discouraged when you open upabout your goals your dreams to
the wrong people and they're notsupportive even if they don't
really matter to you.
people pleasing is a big part ofour culture even if it's
subconscious and it's easy tofeel discouraged when someone
(23:29):
shits all over your dreams orshits all over your goal and
you're like, oh wait, is thisreally what I want to do?
Am I really going to besuccessful doing this?
So I get that but I also thinkand it took me some time to
bounce back after that.
I'll be honest, but I think thatwas preparing me for when not
everyone aligns with my messagewhen not everyone understands
(23:52):
what I'm trying to do and that'sokay I needed to experience that
to prepare my nervous system forwhen it happens again and it
will so I'm grateful andgrateful for that setback and
another one this year a formerfriend of mine was actually
spreading lies about me on theinternet and it was incredibly
hurtful and that was alsopreparing my nervous system for
(24:15):
when I undoubtedly receive hatefrom strangers on the internet
because that's just a part ofthe world and that's just a part
of putting yourself out there.
You're gonna get rejected,you're gonna get told no, that's
just how it works, but that's anecessary part of reaching the
right people.
You have to reach so many peoplein order to find your people and
(24:36):
so I'm grateful for that too.
without this perspective, it didfeel like a lot of setbacks.
It did feel like a lot of timewas wasted, but it was all so
necessary and I'm so gratefuland that's another thing being
grateful and reframing thesecircumstances or reframing
(24:59):
things that happen, they can allbe gifts.
They can all be gifts to moveyou forward.
Bad things that happen,setbacks, mean things that
people say, it can all be a giftif you choose to look at it that
way.
I think just having so much selfcompassion and so much grace for
yourself is so important.
Just knowing that you're exactlywhere you're meant to be.
(25:23):
If you feel like you're behindon your path, you're not.
If you don't have clarity, it'sbecause you're not supposed to
and just trusting andsurrendering to the universe and
goddess and what's meant foryou.
Just knowing that and believingthat truly can give you so much
freedom.
Just know that you're exactlywhere you're supposed to be.
(25:45):
Everything is going to work outexactly the way it's supposed
to.
Nothing can throw you off yourpath you can't miss anything
that's meant for you everythingthat has happened is only to
prepare you for what's to come Iheard this really good analogy
on a podcast not too long ago.
She was talking about why can'twe just make the wood that we
(26:05):
need to build houses in awarehouse?
Basically, what they were sayingis they need the wood that's
been weathered, that's beenoutside, that's been through
everything, because that's thewood that's going to be strong
enough to hold up these houses.
I don't know if I'm rememberingor regurgitating this metaphor
perfectly, but basically what itmeans is that We had to have
(26:29):
grit and we're not gonna get itby not going through the hard
times, by not having thesetrials and tribulations and
these struggles, and if itweren't for the bad things that
happened, we wouldn't be strongenough to take on what's to
come.
Our nervous systems wouldn't beprepared for all of the success,
(26:50):
So next time you feel upsetabout something or like you've
been set back on something youcan't catch a break just know
that the universe is only thereto guide you and to help you and
of course there arecircumstances that are out of
our control that areunacceptable.
The world is not a fair placeand I'm not talking about those
types of things like the crueltyand the abuse in the world not
(27:14):
talking about that kind of stuffbecause that is a reality and
that is unfair and that is notokay and in no way did you bring
that on yourself, in no way areyou deserving of that kind of
treatment I'm just talking aboutwhen life gets hard sometimes
it's okay and if we're able totake a step back and reflect and
(27:35):
reframe these circumstanceswe'll see that it was all in
divine timing and There was apurpose for all of it so for
those of you that struggle withperfectionism and imposter
syndrome, just know that yourexperiences are 100 percent
valid.
You are an expert on yourexperiences and that is enough.
(27:58):
It's so important to have theaudacity to put yourself out
there because you don't knowwhose life is going to be
touched by your story and who'sgoing to be helped by your art
or by your voice or by youputting yourself out there
perfectionism is not real it isa fantasy and, the sooner we
(28:21):
accept ourselves for exactlywhere we are, the sooner we'll
be able to propel ourselvesforward and feel empowered by
everything that's happened andget to that next step.
I think sometimes when we feelstuck, it's the universe's way
of putting pressure on us andmaking us re evaluate and decide
(28:48):
to put ourselves out there or dosomething that we've been
holding ourselves back with Ihave another mentor and she was
sharing her own origin story howshe channels, she's very
intuitive and she was sayingthat the universe basically told
her she would never have successuntil she put her manifestation
(29:12):
work out into the world andshared her gifts and I
definitely feel resonated withme a lot because I've had a lot
of fear around being seen, feararound putting myself out there
and putting action behind mypassions that I've had for a
long time and the work that Ireally feel called to do.
(29:32):
I think sometimes the universeputs pressure on us, our other
resources dry up, etc, etcbecause it's wanting us to take
that next step and I thinksometimes if we're not
listening, things have to happenin order for us to take that
jump and I think just getting intune with yourself and really
(29:57):
listening to that inner voiceand that inner guide and
trusting It's so important andit's what's gonna lead you to
that next step and having faithin yourself and trust that
everything you want is alreadyon the way and I don't mean the
spiritual bypass oldmanifestation rhetoric, of
(30:17):
course you have to align yoursubconscious beliefs with what
you want and do the work, do theshadow work, do the
reprogramming, and take thealigned action but I think a big
piece of that is just trustingand not being afraid.
I think letting go of theseegoic stories and coming from a
(30:39):
point of service has reallyhelped me so thank you guys so
much for listening.
I really appreciate it and Ihope that this episode has been
helpful.
I hope it resonated with a lotof you and if you enjoyed
today's episode, remember tocomment, like, and subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
(30:59):
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.