How Do I Know If They Are the Right One ?

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What if every relationship you’ve had, especially the messy, painful ones, wasn’t a mistake but a message? 

We discuss how partners can reflect our self-worth, boundaries, and beliefs, and why this reflection is the fastest path to growth when we learn to read it clearly. From being the fixer who absorbs chaos to becoming the chooser who sets standards, we trace the turning points that shift us from repeating patterns to living with intention.

We unpack a powerful reframe: attraction isn’t the same as permission. You can’t always control who arrives, but you can control who stays. That starts with pace. We talk through why butterflies often signal anxiety rather than destiny, how real connection tends to feel calm, and why patience gives you time to see what’s true. Instead of rushing into chemistry, you watch consistency: do words match actions, is there follow-through, how do they behave when it’s inconvenient? This is where alignment replaces guesswork and self-protection stops being a wall and becomes a wise gate.

Along the way, we share practical cues for navigating early dating dynamics and polarity: set the tempo, trust your intuition, and let someone’s response to your boundaries reveal their readiness. If familiar red flags knock, you don’t blame yourself for attracting them—you don’t allow entry. The lesson is simple and freeing: you can’t make a wrong choice if you’re willing to learn, but you can make a kinder one by listening to your body, taking your time, and choosing the partner who honours your pace.

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Emx 

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast.
This is the place where you getto feel inspired and empowered
to step into your very bestlife.
Hello, welcome.
Today we are talking about howall and every single
relationship you have in yourlife is the right one.

(00:23):
And I get this a lot because Iget a lot of people coming to me
and asking me, like, but how doI know if they're the right one?
And this relates to, I guess,more real romantic
relationships.
But the truth is they are allthe right ones.
And that could be a bit of ashock or a bit of a jolt to you
because you may have been withpeople who have been quite

(00:47):
hurtful to you in the past orhave let you down or broke up
with you at a really vulnerablemoment in time.
And you're like, how on earthcan they possibly be the right
one?
But we are here as humans toevolve.
We are here to break through ourconstraints, our limiting
beliefs, break through theseideas of ourselves.

(01:08):
And the best way that we can dothat is through relationships,
because what externalrelationships teach us is about
the internal relationship thatwe have with ourselves.
So I'm going to speak frompersonal experience.
In my 20s, I definitelyattracted and then allowed
romantic relationships into mylife that were definitely not

(01:31):
what you you would call a cookiecut out of what a relationship
should be.
I attracted people withaddictions.
I attracted people who hadtrauma in their life, unresolved
trauma, that they were not atthat stage in their life ready
to deal with or ready to lookat.
And so I stepped in as a healer.
I stepped in as not just agirlfriend, but I stepped into

(01:54):
this role of like kind of likemother, carer, nurturer, fixer.
And what those relationshipstaught me, like at the time,
super painful.
I'm not even going to sugarcoatit.
You know, there was like abuse,emotional abuse, physical abuse
in there that I was on thereceiving end of a really
unpleasant stage of my life.

(02:15):
Um, however, what thoserelationships taught me was that
I was lacking massive amounts ofself-worth.
Now I didn't discover this lateruntil later on when I started on
my healing journey.
But now I can look back at thoserelationships, and this has come
with a lot of work.
So this is not something thatyou have to do straight away or

(02:35):
like gaslight yourself orspiritually bypass yourself.
But now, even though thoserelationships were very harmful,
I'm gonna just call a spade aspade.
Um, I actually look back atthose relationships now with a
lot of gratitude, and that hascome, like I said, with a lot of
work, a lot of internal work toactually recognize that those

(02:56):
relationships were right for mebecause they hurt that much that
they propelled me to where I amtoday, where I have done a lot
of work on myself, healed a lotof the stuff within myself, and
now those kind of personalities,those kind of issues, those kind
of people will not get anywherenear me on a personal level.

(03:17):
Like I help people with thoseissues, but I don't um get
involved with people with thoseissues.
So for me, um that thatstatement of they are all the
right ones, how do you know thatsomeone's the right one for you?
You're never gonna know, butthey all are.
And so the the one thing that Iwould, the one caveat to that is

(03:39):
like as you've started doingwork on yourself, if you see
somebody coming into your lifethat is showing these old
traits, it's not, don't blameyourself for attracting them in.
You're still gonna attractpeople.
The key is whether you're gonnaallow it, whether you are gonna,
you know, it might be thatyou're dating someone for three
months and then these thingsshow up and you're like, I could

(03:59):
just carry on.
The old me would just carry onwith this.
Um, but actually I've steppedinto my power.
Now I speak up for myself, now Istand up for myself.
And whether that person decidesto, you know, change and
transform their own lives to bewith you is up to them.
It's not up to you.
So you're not there likefighting for them to like
change.
So, yeah, so they are all theright ones.

(04:21):
Um, people show up in your lifeto teach you a lesson.
It's up to you whether you allowthem to come in to your life.
But I will guarantee that everyrelationship you have around
you, your relationship to money,your relationship to friends,
your relationship to loved ones,your relationship to your
family, your relationship toyour career, your relationship

(04:41):
to you know, your bravery,everything is about your
relationship to yourself.
So the only way that we grow andevolve and break through and
expand and ascend is by ourrelationship showing up in the
outer world and reflecting backwho we are.
So, in times of going forward,if you meet somebody, if

(05:02):
somebody comes into your lifeand you are just unsure, my bit
of advice is feel, likeactually, like really trust your
intuition if you've got likecrazy butterflies.
We we were told in the moviesthat that was a good thing.
That ain't a good thing.
That's a trauma response, that'sanxiety coming up.
Um, real love, real connection,a real soul connection feels

(05:26):
very calm.
Um, so feel into like if that'show you feel when you meet
somebody.
And also watch people, reallysit back and observe, don't rush
into anything.
Um, especially for like themasculine, like on the on the
male side, men are a bit morefast moving, they're a bit more
action, there's a bit more heatwith them.

(05:47):
Um, and if you are in aheterosexual relationship or
dating, you know, a guy dating agirl or vice versa, the woman um
really take your time, you setthe pace, you get to decide
where things go and how quicklyor how slowly they move.
And the right person at the timewill be the person that honors

(06:08):
that, that honors the feminineand actually goes, okay, you are
worth kind of waiting for, youare worth going at your pace.
Like I'm I'm happy to go at yourpace.
And what this allows you to dois it allows you to really get
to know a person, it allows youto see who this person is, not
just by what they say, but alsoby what they do.
Actions, that that sayingactions speak louder than words,

(06:31):
is it's an oldie, but it's agoody.
So give yourself the time andthe space to see the actions.
How does somebody interact with,you know, uh like weight stuff?
How does somebody um show up inthe world?
Is somebody consistent?
You know, is this person sayingthey're gonna do what they um
what they want to do and thennot following through or

(06:52):
following through?
You know, like all of this isstuff that really takes your
time in the beginning to reallyobserve somebody because there
will be signs very, very, veryearly on in any relationship,
you know, that really show youwho this person is.
So um sending you so much love,they are all the right ones.
You can't make a mistake withthis, but the only thing I will

(07:15):
say is really trust yourintuition, give yourself some
time, and uh you set the pace.
All right, sending you so muchlove.
See you soon.
Thanks for listening today, andif this episode helped or
inspired you, just remember toshare it to your friends or
family who could also use someinspiration today.

(07:37):
We are all about sharing thelove.