Hey Beautiful,
Have people ever told you you're 'too nice'?
People always said that about me, and I never could understand why it felt like a negative thing.
That is until I realized that being a good person was way better than being a nice person.
And why 'being nice' can mean low self-worth, self-esteem and low boundaries
In today's episode, we discuss the concept of being a 'nice' person, revealing its downsides and how it can leave you vulnerable to those who might exploit your kindness.
By the end of this episode, you'll have the tools you need to maintain your individuality, establish your priorities, and evolve into a 'good' person - not merely a 'nice' one.
With love always,
Em xx
You can follow Emma at:
https://www.instagram.com/emmaritchiewellness/
https://www.facebook.com/emmaritchiewellness/
https://www.youtube.com/@emmaritchiebecomingyourwarrior
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Becoming your Warrior podcast.
This is the place where you getto feel inspired and empowered
to step into your very best life.
Hey, hey, this is M.
Welcome to this episode of theBecoming your Warrior podcast.
This entire season is dedicatedto helping you connect to your
(00:26):
self-worth and living a life ofhigh value where you value and
love yourself and act from thatplace.
And today's episode is actuallytitled Be a Good Person, not a
Nice Person, and I want toreally explain a lot more about
that word nice.
Now, for many, many, many years.
(00:47):
I didn't realize this at thetime, but the word nice was
actually a big trigger word forme because it's something that I
was told about myself.
A lot People would say to meyou're too nice, you're so nice,
you're too you know, you're toonice to work in this industry,
you're too nice to people,people are going to take
advantage of you, and it used toannoy me.
(01:10):
It really like I didn't realizethat was the emotion that I was
feeling at the time, but I'd belike well, this is just who I
am.
I can't be anybody else.
Like you know, you keep sayingto me that I'm too nice, but
like what is?
I kind of had it in my headthat everybody should be the way
that I was, and I didn'trealize what I was actually
(01:30):
doing was living life throughthe eyes and the lens of a nice
person.
And this is why being nice wassuch a trigger word for me, the
word nice.
But this is also why being niceis not a good thing.
Now, when you think of somebodyin your life where you go, oh,
they're just such a nice person.
(01:51):
What that generally means isthat person is nice consistently
, so they are nice to everybody.
They are nice to people whomaybe don't deserve it.
They are nice to their partner.
They are nice to their friends.
They are nice to everybody.
They're always nice, they'reconsistently nice.
But when you are living thelife of a nice person, what that
(02:15):
basically means is you aregoing out there and you are
being nice to everybody, and soyour behavior is really deep
down.
It's about being very malleable, which basically means to be
very fluid and change yourpersonality and adapting your
personality.
But it also means that, becauseyou are nice to everybody,
you're not actually being trueto yourself.
(02:37):
And I'll give you another sortof definition, another example
of this like you don't want todate somebody who's nice, like
if you think about the nice guyor the nice girl, why don't you
want to date them?
What is it about somebody whois nice that makes them
unattractive?
And this is what makes themunattractive.
They are nice to you, butbecause they are nice to you.
(02:59):
They are nice because they wantyou to like them and their
behavior is coming from a placeof being liked, and so that
means, even though they're niceto you, that means that if their
boss says to them, hey, thatnight hey, I know you've got
your Partners birthday thisweekend, but I need you to
(03:22):
finish this project they willalso be nice to their boss.
So they're gonna be nice to theboss, and that means that they
don't really have priorities inthe life.
They can't prioritize.
So they'll be nice to the boss,which means you know, your
birthday weekend might be kindof put to one side, but then
maybe their friend calls themand their friend goes hey, I
(03:44):
really need you to come and helpme move house next week.
And they go like I've got to benice to them because I need
their friendship to.
So, because they're nice toeverybody, they don't actually
have an access and they don'tactually know who they are.
They just trying desperately tobe nice to everyone so that
they're liked, and that's whynice people aren't normally
(04:06):
attractive.
That's why we're not attractedto them, because we get this
sense that everybody is justbeing nice to everybody all the
time and this was what I waslike.
So you know, it's almost like alittle bit challenging even
talking about this, but I canclearly see in my background I
just so desperately wanted to beliked that I would be nice to
everyone.
If, if you know, when I wasworking on TV shows, if, like
(04:28):
contestants were like beinghorrendous to me which you know
sometimes happens on some of theshows I used to work on, you
know I'd be so nice to them orI'd be absolutely exhausted and
burnt out.
But I'd still go and talk topeople because they needed me
and I wanted them to know.
Think that I was a nice person.
But I didn't realize, like everytime said someone said to me oh
(04:49):
, you're so nice to you, nice,I'd let people talk to me like
so poorly, so poorly, god.
There's a situation that'scoming up in my mind now where a
girl I used to know actuallysat on my boyfriend's lap and
kissed him in front of me, infront of me, and I literally
didn't say anything because itwas really important to me to be
(05:10):
liked and to be nice.
And luckily, my boyfriend atthe time was like what the frick
is going on?
But like, that is.
That is the definition of niceand what is wrong with being
nice.
And there's a book that was outyears ago which is called
something like nice girls comelast and I always hated the
title of that.
I was like that's so unfairbecause I really believed in
(05:32):
being nice.
It was really Part of myidentity and I hated the fact
that this.
There was this book called nicegirls come last.
I probably should have read it.
I probably should still read it.
But can you see the issue withbeing nice?
When you are a nice person, itmeans that it's such a generic
word.
It basically means that yoursense of self really depends on
(05:54):
your reputation being nice andyou will let people walk all
over you and you'll let peopletalk to you poorly as long as
people think you're nice.
But it is actually like it'sweakness.
It really is a weakness and itstems from this lack of
worthiness and it stems fromthis lack Of feeling enough and
it stems from losing a voice.
(06:15):
And this isn't a criticism ofyou, if you know that you're
falling into the nice category.
I'm not like paying you out,I've been there, I'm talking
from experience.
What I'm saying to you is youneed to get out of the nice zone
, and the way to get out of thenice zone is to Prioritize being
a good person or being acompassionate person or being a
(06:37):
kind person over being a niceperson.
When you're a good person, whenyou've got good values, when
you've got good integrity, whenyou've got compassion and when
you've got kindness, you knowwho you are.
But you operate from the worldwith having compassion.
But you can have compassion forsomebody without trying to make
(06:57):
them like you, without tryingto be too nice.
Someone nice would be like ohmy god, come and stay.
You know that they offer youthings way too quickly.
They're kind of like here, takethis jacket.
You know it's raining, I don'tmind getting wet, like.
I'm gonna rephrase that becauseif a gentleman does that for
you, that's great, that's agentlemanly quality.
(07:19):
But what I'm talking about isjust, maybe in a friendship way
or something like that, ifsomebody is literally giving you
the shirt off your back withoutyou really earning it, like
somebody is falling into thatnice category.
They don't value themselves asmuch as they should, and when
somebody doesn't valuethemselves as much as they
(07:41):
should, that means they don'tvalue themselves in any
situation.
So they will constantly betrying to chase and make other
people happy.
And this is why you shouldn'tdate a nice guy and you
shouldn't date a nice girl oranyone gender who falls into
that nice bracket.
You should date and be withsomebody who's a good person,
who's compassionate and who'skind and who makes you feel good
(08:03):
about yourself.
But, like when you have thoseother qualities, when you're
operating from compassion, whenyou're operating from being a
good person, that still meansyou know who you are and you can
still be a good person.
But being a good person alsomeans prioritizing yourself.
So if somebody is talking crapto you or someone's putting you
down, you can still be a goodperson by saying I'm not taking
(08:27):
that, I'm not taking that fromyou and you can take that back
and that isn't who I am.
And you know, don't talk to methat way.
I really don't appreciate it.
You're still a good person,You're still a compassionate
person, you're still a kindperson.
You're just not taking crapfrom people, you're not being
nice, and so I've kind ofcovered it already.
(08:47):
But again, when you're a niceperson, you fall into that
category of somebody who haslower self-worth, and we already
know, we're starting to buildup the jigsaw puzzle now about
how to get out of this.
It comes with practice.
It comes with, you know, reallyrecognizing and being aware of
situations, and I still catchmyself now, this is the thing
(09:09):
it's.
It's never done, it's a work inprogress.
You know, you're workingtowards self-worth all the time,
and I come away from situationssometimes where someone said
something and I haven't, youknow, I've kind of it's kind of
gone over my head and it's onlyafterwards.
I've been like whoa, like Ireally should have said
something there.
But even the awareness is isimportant, you know, but be
(09:31):
aware and and and don't hold onto stuff, but just be aware and
be like that's a learning pointfor me Next time that happens.
I know now that I can saysomething that that is like I'm
going to say something fromcompassion or from kindness and
I'm going to say, hey, I don'treally agree with what you, what
you're saying, and you know,yeah, like so much love and
(09:53):
respect to you, but I don'tagree with what you're saying
there, and you can say it withkindness and compassion.
You can be a good person.
You don't have to turn intolike a dickhead who's really
aggressive when somebody sayssomething because you're no
longer a nice person.
You're still you, you know.
But you can do it from a placeof love and compassion and just
not take crap from peopleanymore.
(10:15):
You don't have to.
You don't have to put up withstuff, and being nice is
honestly.
It's not something to be soughtafter like having a reputation
as a nice person is notsomething to be sought after.
What is to be sought after ishaving a reputation as a good
person, as a kind person, assomeone with compassion, as
(10:37):
somebody who you know, knows whothey are and operates from a
place of integrity.
That's what we want to bestriving for and that comes with
really loving yourself, reallyvaluing yourself and really
taking all these steps thatwe've been talking about to
really raise yourself into thisplace of worthiness and
(10:57):
understanding.
You don't have to please people.
You don't have to seek out moreand more and more people to
love you.
It starts by loving yourself,and when you act from a place of
loving yourself.
That means you stand yourground, that means you use your
voice and it's just practice,and I know it can be really
challenging for people.
I know people have been througha lifetime of feeling worthless
(11:21):
and not feeling that they'regood enough and not feeling like
they're valuable or that theydeserve respect, because of so
many different reasons.
But, as I've said before, it'sall a program.
It's a program that's been putinto your mind from when you
were young through your teenageyears, and it's just been
playing out.
But now is the time to breakthat.
(11:42):
You don't need to be the niceguy.
You don't need to be the nicegirl anymore.
Instead, you just get to be you.
You get to be the you that youwant to be.
You get to be the you that'sfull of worth, that values
themselves, respects themselvesand loves themselves and speaks
from a place of kindness,compassion and love, primarily
(12:03):
for yourself, but then for therest of the world as well.
But it doesn't mean you have tochange and please people and do
these things that you used to do, and today is the perfect day
to start putting that intopractice.
So just be aware as you movethrough your day.
This is your action point fortoday.
Just be aware of where you slipinto, that old behavior of
(12:29):
people pleasing, of being nice,of trying to get people to like
you, and instead just show upfrom a place of self-love, just
show up from a place of lovingyourself, having that energy,
having that radiance, havingthat magnetism about you and
just having that awareness everytime you slip back into being
(12:51):
that nice person again.
And even that awarenessawareness of when you slip into
that nice person kind ofcategory again, that is a step
forward.
Even that might not seem itwhen you catch yourself doing
that, that is progress andthat's what we're working
towards.
So from now on, I want you toreally focus and say to yourself
(13:14):
every day I'm a good person,I'm a kind person, I'm a
compassionate person and this ishow I act.
I'm no longer a nice person.
I'm so much more than that,because I love and I respect
myself and I am full ofworthiness and I'm full of value
and I am full of self-love.
(13:35):
Thanks for listening today andif this episode helped or
inspired you, just remember toshare it to friends or family
who could also use someinspiration.
Today we are all about sharingthe love.
Welcome to the Becoming your Warrior podcast.
This is the place where you getto feel inspired and empowered
to step into your very best life.
Hey, hey, this is M.
Welcome to this episode of theBecoming your Warrior podcast.
This entire season is dedicatedto helping you connect to your
(00:26):
self-worth and living a life ofhigh value where you value and
love yourself and act from thatplace.
And today's episode is actuallytitled Be a Good Person, not a
Nice Person, and I want toreally explain a lot more about
that word nice.
Now, for many, many, many years.
(00:47):
I didn't realize this at thetime, but the word nice was
actually a big trigger word forme because it's something that I
was told about myself.
A lot People would say to meyou're too nice, you're so nice,
you're too you know, you're toonice to work in this industry,
you're too nice to people,people are going to take
advantage of you, and it used toannoy me.
(01:10):
It really like I didn't realizethat was the emotion that I was
feeling at the time, but I'd belike well, this is just who I
am.
I can't be anybody else.
Like you know, you keep sayingto me that I'm too nice, but
like what is?
I kind of had it in my headthat everybody should be the way
that I was, and I didn'trealize what I was actually
(01:30):
doing was living life throughthe eyes and the lens of a nice
person.
And this is why being nice wassuch a trigger word for me, the
word nice.
But this is also why being niceis not a good thing.
Now, when you think of somebodyin your life where you go, oh,
they're just such a nice person.
(01:51):
What that generally means isthat person is nice consistently
, so they are nice to everybody.
They are nice to people whomaybe don't deserve it.
They are nice to their partner.
They are nice to their friends.
They are nice to everybody.
They're always nice, they'reconsistently nice.
But when you are living thelife of a nice person, what that
(02:15):
basically means is you aregoing out there and you are
being nice to everybody, and soyour behavior is really deep
down.
It's about being very malleable, which basically means to be
very fluid and change yourpersonality and adapting your
personality.
But it also means that, becauseyou are nice to everybody,
you're not actually being trueto yourself.
(02:37):
And I'll give you another sortof definition, another example
of this like you don't want todate somebody who's nice, like
if you think about the nice guyor the nice girl, why don't you
want to date them?
What is it about somebody whois nice that makes them
unattractive?
And this is what makes themunattractive.
They are nice to you, butbecause they are nice to you.
(02:59):
They are nice because they wantyou to like them and their
behavior is coming from a placeof being liked, and so that
means, even though they're niceto you, that means that if their
boss says to them, hey, thatnight hey, I know you've got
your Partners birthday thisweekend, but I need you to
(03:22):
finish this project they willalso be nice to their boss.
So they're gonna be nice to theboss, and that means that they
don't really have priorities inthe life.
They can't prioritize.
So they'll be nice to the boss,which means you know, your
birthday weekend might be kindof put to one side, but then
maybe their friend calls themand their friend goes hey, I
(03:44):
really need you to come and helpme move house next week.
And they go like I've got to benice to them because I need
their friendship to.
So, because they're nice toeverybody, they don't actually
have an access and they don'tactually know who they are.
They just trying desperately tobe nice to everyone so that
they're liked, and that's whynice people aren't normally
(04:06):
attractive.
That's why we're not attractedto them, because we get this
sense that everybody is justbeing nice to everybody all the
time and this was what I waslike.
So you know, it's almost like alittle bit challenging even
talking about this, but I canclearly see in my background I
just so desperately wanted to beliked that I would be nice to
everyone.
If, if you know, when I wasworking on TV shows, if, like
(04:28):
contestants were like beinghorrendous to me which you know
sometimes happens on some of theshows I used to work on, you
know I'd be so nice to them orI'd be absolutely exhausted and
burnt out.
But I'd still go and talk topeople because they needed me
and I wanted them to know.
Think that I was a nice person.
But I didn't realize, like everytime said someone said to me oh
(04:49):
, you're so nice to you, nice,I'd let people talk to me like
so poorly, so poorly, god.
There's a situation that'scoming up in my mind now where a
girl I used to know actuallysat on my boyfriend's lap and
kissed him in front of me, infront of me, and I literally
didn't say anything because itwas really important to me to be
(05:10):
liked and to be nice.
And luckily, my boyfriend atthe time was like what the frick
is going on?
But like, that is.
That is the definition of niceand what is wrong with being
nice.
And there's a book that was outyears ago which is called
something like nice girls comelast and I always hated the
title of that.
I was like that's so unfairbecause I really believed in
(05:32):
being nice.
It was really Part of myidentity and I hated the fact
that this.
There was this book called nicegirls come last.
I probably should have read it.
I probably should still read it.
But can you see the issue withbeing nice?
When you are a nice person, itmeans that it's such a generic
word.
It basically means that yoursense of self really depends on
(05:54):
your reputation being nice andyou will let people walk all
over you and you'll let peopletalk to you poorly as long as
people think you're nice.
But it is actually like it'sweakness.
It really is a weakness and itstems from this lack of
worthiness and it stems fromthis lack Of feeling enough and
it stems from losing a voice.
(06:15):
And this isn't a criticism ofyou, if you know that you're
falling into the nice category.
I'm not like paying you out,I've been there, I'm talking
from experience.
What I'm saying to you is youneed to get out of the nice zone
, and the way to get out of thenice zone is to Prioritize being
a good person or being acompassionate person or being a
(06:37):
kind person over being a niceperson.
When you're a good person, whenyou've got good values, when
you've got good integrity, whenyou've got compassion and when
you've got kindness, you knowwho you are.
But you operate from the worldwith having compassion.
But you can have compassion forsomebody without trying to make
(06:57):
them like you, without tryingto be too nice.
Someone nice would be like ohmy god, come and stay.
You know that they offer youthings way too quickly.
They're kind of like here, takethis jacket.
You know it's raining, I don'tmind getting wet, like.
I'm gonna rephrase that becauseif a gentleman does that for
you, that's great, that's agentlemanly quality.
(07:19):
But what I'm talking about isjust, maybe in a friendship way
or something like that, ifsomebody is literally giving you
the shirt off your back withoutyou really earning it, like
somebody is falling into thatnice category.
They don't value themselves asmuch as they should, and when
somebody doesn't valuethemselves as much as they
(07:41):
should, that means they don'tvalue themselves in any
situation.
So they will constantly betrying to chase and make other
people happy.
And this is why you shouldn'tdate a nice guy and you
shouldn't date a nice girl oranyone gender who falls into
that nice bracket.
You should date and be withsomebody who's a good person,
who's compassionate and who'skind and who makes you feel good
(08:03):
about yourself.
But, like when you have thoseother qualities, when you're
operating from compassion, whenyou're operating from being a
good person, that still meansyou know who you are and you can
still be a good person.
But being a good person alsomeans prioritizing yourself.
So if somebody is talking crapto you or someone's putting you
down, you can still be a goodperson by saying I'm not taking
(08:27):
that, I'm not taking that fromyou and you can take that back
and that isn't who I am.
And you know, don't talk to methat way.
I really don't appreciate it.
You're still a good person,You're still a compassionate
person, you're still a kindperson.
You're just not taking crapfrom people, you're not being
nice, and so I've kind ofcovered it already.
(08:47):
But again, when you're a niceperson, you fall into that
category of somebody who haslower self-worth, and we already
know, we're starting to buildup the jigsaw puzzle now about
how to get out of this.
It comes with practice.
It comes with, you know, reallyrecognizing and being aware of
situations, and I still catchmyself now, this is the thing
(09:09):
it's.
It's never done, it's a work inprogress.
You know, you're workingtowards self-worth all the time,
and I come away from situationssometimes where someone said
something and I haven't, youknow, I've kind of it's kind of
gone over my head and it's onlyafterwards.
I've been like whoa, like Ireally should have said
something there.
But even the awareness is isimportant, you know, but be
(09:31):
aware and and and don't hold onto stuff, but just be aware and
be like that's a learning pointfor me Next time that happens.
I know now that I can saysomething that that is like I'm
going to say something fromcompassion or from kindness and
I'm going to say, hey, I don'treally agree with what you, what
you're saying, and you know,yeah, like so much love and
(09:53):
respect to you, but I don'tagree with what you're saying
there, and you can say it withkindness and compassion.
You can be a good person.
You don't have to turn intolike a dickhead who's really
aggressive when somebody sayssomething because you're no
longer a nice person.
You're still you, you know.
But you can do it from a placeof love and compassion and just
not take crap from peopleanymore.
(10:15):
You don't have to.
You don't have to put up withstuff, and being nice is
honestly.
It's not something to be soughtafter like having a reputation
as a nice person is notsomething to be sought after.
What is to be sought after ishaving a reputation as a good
person, as a kind person, assomeone with compassion, as
(10:37):
somebody who you know, knows whothey are and operates from a
place of integrity.
That's what we want to bestriving for and that comes with
really loving yourself, reallyvaluing yourself and really
taking all these steps thatwe've been talking about to
really raise yourself into thisplace of worthiness and
(10:57):
understanding.
You don't have to please people.
You don't have to seek out moreand more and more people to
love you.
It starts by loving yourself,and when you act from a place of
loving yourself.
That means you stand yourground, that means you use your
voice and it's just practice,and I know it can be really
challenging for people.
I know people have been througha lifetime of feeling worthless
(11:21):
and not feeling that they'regood enough and not feeling like
they're valuable or that theydeserve respect, because of so
many different reasons.
But, as I've said before, it'sall a program.
It's a program that's been putinto your mind from when you
were young through your teenageyears, and it's just been
playing out.
But now is the time to breakthat.
(11:42):
You don't need to be the niceguy.
You don't need to be the nicegirl anymore.
Instead, you just get to be you.
You get to be the you that youwant to be.
You get to be the you that'sfull of worth, that values
themselves, respects themselvesand loves themselves and speaks
from a place of kindness,compassion and love, primarily
(12:03):
for yourself, but then for therest of the world as well.
But it doesn't mean you have tochange and please people and do
these things that you used to do, and today is the perfect day
to start putting that intopractice.
So just be aware as you movethrough your day.
This is your action point fortoday.
Just be aware of where you slipinto, that old behavior of
(12:29):
people pleasing, of being nice,of trying to get people to like
you, and instead just show upfrom a place of self-love, just
show up from a place of lovingyourself, having that energy,
having that radiance, havingthat magnetism about you and
just having that awareness everytime you slip back into being
(12:51):
that nice person again.
And even that awarenessawareness of when you slip into
that nice person kind ofcategory again, that is a step
forward.
Even that might not seem itwhen you catch yourself doing
that, that is progress andthat's what we're working
towards.
So from now on, I want you toreally focus and say to yourself
(13:14):
every day I'm a good person,I'm a kind person, I'm a
compassionate person and this ishow I act.
I'm no longer a nice person.
I'm so much more than that,because I love and I respect
myself and I am full ofworthiness and I'm full of value
and I am full of self-love.
(13:35):
Thanks for listening today andif this episode helped or
inspired you, just remember toshare it to friends or family
who could also use someinspiration.
Today we are all about sharingthe love.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.