August 27, 2025 • 39 mins
Ty Cobb Backer plunges into the essence of true leadership, emphasizing that your leadership quality directly reflects what you tolerate and how consistently you embody your principles. Personal growth and self-mastery must precede any attempt to lead others effectively.
• Leadership begins with self-awareness and personal development
• Your true character emerges in how you respond to challenges, not the challenges themselves
• Great leaders remain students, continuously learning and sharing knowledge
• Leadership isn't about you, it's about serving others and creating opportunities
• Don't yell from the mountaintop, come down and walk alongside your team
• Learn people's "love languages" to understand how they best receive recognition
• Practice "kind candor". Being truthful while maintaining compassion
• Your legacy lives through the people you develop, not the titles you hold
• Leadership is learned through experience, not innate talent
• Give credit for successes and take responsibility for failures
• Celebrate wins publicly and often
• You don't need to control everything. Empower others to lead
Join us next week for another raw, unfiltered conversation about leadership, culture, and legacy on Behind the Tool Belt.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ty Cobb Backer (00:00):
And we are live.
Welcome back everybody toBehind the Tool Belt, episode
296.
I am your host, ty Cobb-Backer.
Thank you for joining us onthis Wednesday edition.
We will be back after our shortintro from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
solar roofing, tiling , windows, gutter, solar welcome
to behind the tool belt, wherethe stories are bold, the
(00:35):
conversations are real and theinsights come to you live, raw
and uncut.
Every week, ty Cobb-Backer sitsdown to bring you the stories,
the struggles, the lessonslearned and the wins.
No filters, no scripts, justthe truth.
Please welcome your host ofBehind the Tool Belt, ty
(00:57):
Cobb-Backer.
Ty Cobb Backer (00:58):
Hey, hey, hey.
Welcome back everybody toBehind the Tool Belt, the
podcast where we just don't talkconstruction, we talk
leadership, culture, legacy, andI am your host, ty Becker, ceo,
chief Energy Officer andbeliever that the job gets done
right when people are led right.
So today, like every week,we're digging into something
(01:20):
close to my heart what it reallymeans to lead people, not just
manage them, not just boss themaround, but lead, serve and
build and elevate others to takeyour place someday.
This one's for leaders, the upand comers and anyone who wants
to leave something better thanthe way they found it.
So let's jump in, I think.
(01:41):
Ah, leadership, I mean, I knowwe talk about this every week,
you know, but your leadership isonly as good as what you
tolerate, and we talk about thata lot, and I think we just kind
of scratched the surface.
And in this episode here Ireally kind of want to.
I want to dig, dig in a littledeeper, unpack a few things of
(02:02):
some of the little catchphrasesthat you might hear me say or
some other, you know, inspiresor whatever books you're reading
and stuff like that, and quite,quite frankly and I was talking
to Vic about this earlier youknow, half of this stuff that
that I'm spewing on this podcastis is things that I've heard.
You know, I've read, I'velistened to, I've watched, I got
(02:24):
to experience, I've I've I'vegot to uh, learn from and and
I'm going to talk a little bitabout that too Um, you know,
learning and teaching and thingslike that.
But but I also have theopportunity to throw my
experience and and my my littlespin on things on how I
interpret certain things.
(02:45):
May not be the the the sameexact way as other people may
interpret stuff, but you know,and it and it's so crazy too,
because it's like I'll readsomething several different
times and it may mean somethingto me one time, but then I read
it again or be like hey, Ididn't know that was in there
the last time I read it, likewhen did they put that in there?
Or I'm in a different season ofmy life where it kind of like
(03:08):
like I get to put it to usedifferently, like I didn't
really know I could use it thatway or it was actually meant to
be used in that way.
So, again, a lot of this stuffis just stuff that I've
regurgitated over the years, butI also want to get a little
more granular with it and stufflike that.
(03:28):
So, anyhow, your leadership isonly as good as what you
tolerate.
And if we allow laziness,negative negativity, drama,
that's, that's what your culturebecomes.
And, as a leader, we set thetone.
If you want excellence, demandit.
If you want accountability,hold people to it.
If you don't, oh, if you don'twant to, you know, have to carry
(03:53):
the load and do everythingyourself, because I've led that
way too, where, just get out ofmy way, talking to Vic and had a
meeting yesterday aboutexplaining to people why we're
asking them to go do something.
So if I don't want to have tojust do everything myself, I
can't be harsh about it, right,if I'm going to hold them
(04:16):
accountable and we're strivingfor, you know, not necessarily
excellence, but progress ratherthan perfection, I can't be
harsh about it, I can't be adick about it, but, but, but the
biggest thing is is that I gotto be clear, right, I got to
make, I got to articulate themessage, the vision.
I have to be clear about that.
And here's the thing Leadershipstarts with me, leadership
(04:40):
starts with you.
Put in the work, developyourself right, then you'll be
able to develop others.
It's just like anything else,right?
If I wasn't, if a baseballcoach wasn't good at baseball,
he probably shouldn't becoaching.
Now, I'm not saying all greatbaseball players are good
coaches either.
It takes a certain skill setand a certain mind and patience
(05:04):
and tolerance to to be, you know, a good coach, a good teacher,
a good mentor, a good steward ofof people.
And I know, I know firsthand itis not, it's not, it's not easy
, and when somebody talks aboutyou know, put in the work and
develop yourself.
And it's like a lot of thatstuff is.
I got to practice patience, Igot to practice tolerance and
(05:27):
really work for me.
Where that starts?
That starts at home.
That starts with me.
It starts with how I treat myfamily.
It starts with how I treat myneighbors.
It starts with how I'm treatingthe person in line at the
grocery store in front of me.
Am I, am I being an impatient,raving, lunatic with the old
couple that I'm following on aSunday afternoon, trying to cut
(05:47):
in front of them?
And I'm beeping the horn, I'mflashing my headlights and it's
like get out of the way.
And it's like, really I'm notgoing to get there that much
earlier.
But I didn't realize I was thatperson until I saw it in
somebody else.
I was like, oh man, that wasuncomfortable.
Right, I'm sitting in thepassenger seat, you know, I'm
(06:09):
co-piloting, I'm watching thisperson experience road rage and
I'm like, damn, do I look likethat man?
That was ugly.
Quite frankly, it wasembarrassing.
You know what I mean.
So it's kind of like wow, I ledmy whole entire life that way.
I led our team that way, I ledmy family that way and I thought
I thought it meant something, Ithought that control.
(06:30):
I thought it gave me control, Ithought it gave me power
because my dick was bigger thaneverybody else in the room and I
was going to show everybodyright.
Well then you feel about twoinches tall.
About five minutes later, atleast for me, I have a
conscience and I feel like shit.
And then, because I feel likeshit half of it is because I
know I own amends.
Man, I am so sick and tired ofapologizing for my behavior and
(06:56):
the way that I acted andresponded to people and made so
many situations so far worsethan they had to be.
Right If and I was, we werejust talking about this before
the show right If I would havehandled myself, because this is
the thing.
It's not the circumstances orthe event that defines the
(07:19):
person.
It's your response to it andyour true colors come out.
Your true colors will come out.
If I panicked and hit the panicbutton every time the house
caught on fire, dude, nobodywould want to follow me.
Think about that for a minute.
Does anybody want to followsomebody that's out of control,
(07:39):
that's neurotic, that suffersfrom neurosis?
And, trust me, I suffer fromall these things fear, paranoia,
which is hidden awareness butyou got to know how to use them
and it's taken me a lifetime Idon't mean a lifetime to harness
those energies, because that'swhat they are.
They're energies, okay.
They're not bad, it's not.
(08:00):
It's it's motivators, it'sindicators, it's it's your body
telling you something is wrong.
Okay, that doesn't mean I haveto act out.
It doesn't mean, because I hada long night and I didn't sleep
well, that I have to come home,even though, or come to work and
everything is going great.
But then I treat everybody likeshit, okay, and take the wind
(08:21):
out of their sails.
Everything that I'm preachingon this podcast, everything I
just told them yesterday, goesout the window.
Your trust bank starts todeplete.
And we've talked about thetrust bank before here.
Okay, build that trust bank up,because sometimes you will have
to take a withdrawal from thattrust bank.
(08:42):
But you got to build that trustup, you got to stay consistent.
People need to know whatthey're walking into Right, and
I and I I do.
I do know for a fact that I saythat I have an open door policy,
but I can guarantee you, mynephew had to break some bad
news to me today.
I'm pretty sure he was probablyscared because he had brought
(09:03):
somebody with him, right In caseI threw something or whatever.
But but, mind you, this is mynephew, who's known me for 49
years.
Okay, he's worked beside me,he's worked in front of me, he's
worked behind me, he's workedfor me.
Okay, so he, he knows the good,bad and the ugly.
So if anybody should feelprobably a little insecure about
coming and knocking on my door,would be that man.
(09:23):
God bless his soul.
But he still loves me, he stillcomes here and I think he's
seen the development in me.
Um, and matter of fact, I knowhe he's, he's commended me for
for my efforts, um, in in thegrowth, in the growth, in the
leaps and bounds and I hope thatI can.
I can be, uh, an example um forhim on how to lead his
(09:45):
household and his department andall the good, great things that
he does for us here at TCBacker Construction.
But anyway, you got to put thework in man Right, and that's
what I mean.
You got to be aware it's almostlike self-mastery what makes you
tick, what pisses you off.
And it's like Vic and I weretalking earlier.
It's like we have moments attimes.
(10:07):
So it's like the first questionwe got to ask ourselves have I
been stuffing?
Because when there's somethingwrong, there's something wrong
with you.
If something is bothering youabout somebody else, it's
because there's something wrongwith you, not necessarily
because of them, because you canremove yourself from that
situation.
You really can.
You can walk away, you can gofor a walk, you can go for a
bike ride, you can do whatever,take 10 deep breaths, whatever
(10:28):
the case might be, becausethere's a situation where you
may make it worse than it needsto be and blow it all out of
proportion.
So you can't expect your teamto grow if you're not growing.
You can't pour into people froman empty cup.
I guess is what I'm trying tosay you got to, you got to read,
you got to learn, you got tostay humble and you got to
remain teachable.
(10:48):
Got to remain teachable,especially with yourself, your
self behaviors, and be the wiseman and learn from others.
Right, isn't that what they say?
I think a smart man learns fromhis own mistakes, but, but a
wise man learns from othersmistakes.
You know, it's taken me alifetime to watch other people,
(11:11):
okay, because I can't identifymy own shortcomings and
character defects and all thatstuff.
I have to actually see it insomebody else and half the time
I don't like that person.
Right, it's like I can't put myfinger on why I just don't like
that dude, I don't like thatchick over there.
At the end of the fucking day,it's because I see myself in
them, so I don't trust them.
Oh, maybe I don't trust myself.
(11:32):
Why?
Why is that?
I don't know.
I better look into that.
We might have to have aconversation about that after
this.
We could probably turn thatinto a whole freaking podcast
right there by itself.
But remain a student, right?
What you have been taught, passit on.
Knowledge is only powerful whenit is shared.
And this the next part, right?
(12:01):
This is big.
Right, this is big.
It's not about you.
None of this is about you.
Unfortunately, kids out therethat want to be a self-serving,
self-preserving, self-righteousperson.
Unfortunately, kid, I'm goingto pop the fucking balloon right
now and let the wind out ofyour sails.
It's not about you, it's aboutthem.
It's about every Tom, dick andHarry.
Aunt, uncle, brother, sister,mother, brother, father-in-law
(12:22):
doesn't matter.
We were put on this earth toserve and I'm not a Bible bumper
.
Unfortunately, I've taken, I'velied, I've came to you an
alcoholic, a drunk, a no good,and today I come to you as a
father, a grandfather and,hopefully, a trusted significant
other.
Okay, so I've been through theringer, I've put myself through
the ringer and I have puteverybody.
(12:43):
I've hurt those that I lovedearly the most over the years.
So, trust me, I am not a saint.
I'm not sitting here on mysoapbox right now dribbling my
lip, saying how great I ambecause there go I.
The next thing I know, we'llturn the cameras off, I'll go
into my office, somebody willcome in and they'll piss me off
and I'll act out.
(13:05):
I got to learn from that.
What?
What set me off?
What's going on?
What am I not taking care ofwhat am I stuffing?
What am I stuffing, right?
So we, we got to um, it's notabout getting attention, and I
think, I think that's that'swhat a lot of us attention
getters want to be the man, wantto be the big man.
(13:26):
Right, I'm the boss, I'm theboss, right.
And then then they put a nice,pretty little shiny bow on it
and call themselves a leader.
You know, and I've done it,I've done it, I've done it so
much, but it's about theopportunities you create.
Okay, it's not about what yougain, it's about what you give.
Okay, I'm going to say thatagain, it's not about what you
(13:47):
gain, it's nothing to do withwhat I'm going to gain, it.
Things just tend to happentenfold when you give, you got
to give it, you got to give itaway to keep it.
And we've a lot of us, a few ofus, I'm sure, some of us that
are watching this right now.
I think my prednisone's kickedin.
Anyhow, now here's something,something that we miss sometimes
(14:14):
.
Right, we got to find out wherethey are on their journey.
Okay, sometimes you got to getdown off your soapbox, sometimes
you got to climb down off thatmountaintop and you got to know
your people.
You got to talk to them.
You got to know your children,right.
You got to talk to them, got tolearn their goals.
Don't stand on the mountaintopyelling for them to climb on up
here.
Get up here or you can't.
(14:34):
You can't drag them up either.
No one that's willing.
You can't drag them right.
Come down off your mountaintop,walk.
Walk with them.
If they're willing to meet youhalfway, okay, walk with them,
be a guide.
A guide doesn't walk the journeyfor them.
Okay, we don't walk the journeyfor them.
If there's people that you cansurround yourself with that are
(14:57):
willing to meet or exceed thedistance between where you want
them to go, then they're theones.
And Vic is a prime example,chris Baker, glenn, the list
goes on Sam.
There's so many beautiful,wonderful people Fortunate, very
fortunate, to be a guide forthese people, a guide that
(15:18):
hasn't did the work for them, aguide that simply just guided
and walked with them on thisjourney.
Right, because every day we'reon a journey.
Right, but they don't leavethem lost either.
I can't leave them lost, right?
I got to lead with direction.
I got to have direction.
I got to have my house in orderto do this.
(15:39):
We lead with care and rememberwe can show people where to look
, but we can't always show themwhat to see, right.
We got to give them perspective, but we got to let them grow,
grow on their own and understandon their own.
It's just like when I readsomething like I just mentioned
earlier.
It's like I'll read somethingand the way that my perspective,
(16:02):
the way that I perceived it atthat moment okay, may not be
really the intentions of thewriter or the the content
creator, but if I listened to itlong enough and if it strikes
my interest, I usually getsomething out of it, something
different each time.
I read it, right?
But?
But I got to give.
(16:22):
I got to give peopleperspective, okay, but I got to
let them grow and own their ownunderstanding of things, just
like I have.
I've been given that and as weare doing this right, we are
giving our team something to own, okay, giving them something to
(16:43):
take pride in a challenge, aresponsibility, a big task,
letting them take the lead,asking for their input, watch
them rise to the occasion andwhen they do, show them that
they crushed it, don't say it.
Show them.
You got to show people right.
I'm not saying a text messagethat you did a great job isn't
(17:04):
sufficient for some people.
But I guess that's where whowas that author.
Gary wrote a book called LoveLanguage.
Gary and I know Jana knows itwe actually got to sit in on one
of his things, and then this iswhere I learned some of this
from is that you got to learnpeople's telltales.
Okay, you got to learn theirlove language.
(17:24):
Some people need need publicnotoriety and a pat on the ass
every 2.3 seconds, and sometimesthat can be very draining and
very tiring.
But as long as you know aboutthat person, you just got to
make sure you circle back everynow and then.
But then other people don'tlike that public exposure.
They like the more behindclosed doors and not money.
(17:47):
Money motivated.
It's not always about theamount of money or or
threatening to take money or orum rewarding with money all the
time, Especially if you'vearticulated the message well
enough to like.
You know.
If we all can grow in the samedirection at some point in time
we will all be lucrative.
So it's not always about themoney, but make sure you're
(18:09):
challenging people, make sureyou're giving them enough
responsibility, make sure you'regiving them charge of huge
tasks right and giving them theownership in that and allowing
room for mistakes.
Because, listen, the first halfof what I've just talked about
was learning from my ownmistakes but, most importantly,
(18:29):
trying to learn from otherpeople's mistakes.
Once I see my character,defects and shortcomings in
other people and I'm not sayingthat's the right way, that's
probably the wrong way to do it.
The best way to do it is isrealize that you're doing wrong.
You're saying the wrong thing,you're doing the wrong thing,
and I heard something the otherday I think it was Warren
Buffett wrong thing.
And I heard something the otherday, I think it was Warren
(18:50):
Buffett.
Warren Buffett said if youwanted to increase I don't know
how he put it, it wasn'tnecessarily wealth, but if you
want it to be successful, youneed to.
50% of your success comes fromlearning how to articulate your
message and learning how tospeak to get what you want right
, to get your message across topeople.
If you want to be 50% moresuccessful and I'm going to sum
(19:12):
it up that way I'm sure Ifricking butchered it up, but
essentially and I've, I've, I'veonce I've heard that I don't
know where I read it Shouldprobably find that someplace and
read it again.
But once I've learned that Irealized how many times I shit
the bed because I didn't respondwith, with the with, with a
(19:35):
good response.
I didn't have the right wordsto put together or I didn't give
myself enough time to thinkabout it to give it a response.
And I've also done where I haveresponded too quickly and did
the old knee jerk reaction andand articulated the wrong
message that I should havehandled it completely
(19:57):
differently and lost big dealsand stuff like that and not
looking at the big picture andcreating a partnership and a
long-term relationship and nottaking it on the chin either.
I've, I've, I've really screwedup those things.
But, um, but getting back toyou know, empowering people, we
need to provide the tools.
Okay, providing the tools fortheir success Isn't about
(20:19):
control, it's about empowerment.
Okay, let go of the need tomanage every step.
And I think I've done prettygood with a lot of that over the
years, because I and I've goneto the extreme, to where I've
completely let go of the wheel,um, and never followed back up.
I've never um critiqued or orjust kind of like.
I don't remember what theopposite of, of um delegating is
(20:45):
.
But you know, I've delegated,but then I've never came back to
it is.
But you know I've delegated butthen I've never came back to it
.
But then, or let's say, I cameback to it a long time later and
found out like it wasn't doneto my liking after it was
already completed and acted likea complete butthead over that.
But, um, I think I think overthe years of of being control
(21:05):
freaking and trust me, justscratch the surface and it'll
veer its ugly head at any giventime.
But giving up control is hasbeen a hard one for me over the
years and not trying to controlthe outcomes right and learning
this is another one.
Another good one is is figuringout the controllables over the
(21:29):
non-controllables and knowingthe wisdom, the wisdom.
Having figuring out the wisdomto know the difference Okay,
that that is something I prayfor.
I pray for that the strength,the courage, the motivation, the
clarity, the insight and thewisdom to know the difference.
Can I control this outcome?
Can I control the situation?
Is this a time where I need tostep in or is this the time
(21:51):
where I just need to kind of letthings unfold and the outcome
will be what the outcome is?
But I can tell you nine chanceout of 10, it's because of a
decision, or a decision I didn'tmake a while back is probably
why I'm in the situation thatI'm in right now.
So there's a lot of times whereit's like, okay, I need to get
off my dead ass, and this is athing.
(22:12):
If I'm in a position orsituation that I don't like I,
then I need to get off my deadass and do something about it.
But, anyhow, the control thing,you know, not feeling the need
to be in control is is a sign of, you know, maturity, I think
and we talked about that lastweek with Deshaun, I think that
(22:33):
was last week but the maturityin our leadership, right, but we
can't forget this, right,people do what they see.
Okay, you can't just say theright things, you have to live
them.
Okay, be the model ofconsistency, work, ethic and
humility.
Be a leader and a great teacher.
(22:54):
That means being patient, okay,correcting with care,
encouraging.
Often One of our jobs as leadersis to groom others to become
better leaders, and I'm going togive you an example.
And again, unfortunately, vic,I'm picking on you a lot here.
Okay, we're revamping, we'rerevamping some, some marketing
(23:16):
efforts.
We're we're trying somedifferent outlets.
And big shout out to DavidBruno.
I see, I see that, uh, he's,he's in here, man.
Big shout out to David.
I miss you, buddy, but uh, sohe was here yesterday.
But so, vic myself, john, wemeet weekly Um and uh, we
discuss, we try to stay out infront of you know what's working
(23:37):
, what's not working when itcomes to advertising.
You know, internally,externally, marketing the brand
is the brand getting out?
There are enough peoplecarrying the message right, not
just us, not just me, not mescreaming from the rooftops woo,
tc backer, let's go right, eventhough I like to do that.
But it's better when it comesfrom somebody else.
(23:59):
So, long story short, vickilling himself, super excited
about this 32nd commercial thathe did, and years ago I would
have probably just mostlyencouraged, like man, it's great
(24:20):
, let's go with it.
But I chose to kill him withkind candor and knowing Vic as
well as I do.
He was, he was gonna, you know,and again, me practicing with
Vic.
Vic is a lot of times my testdummy to practice some of my
character defect corrections andyou know shortcoming, you know
corrections that I try to makeand I bounce a lot of.
(24:42):
You know Vic, vic is the man.
So I said to him I said, dude,we're, this is what everyone
else is doing.
And I didn't say that because Iknew that would get his goat
and he knows we're much morethan what everyone else is doing
.
But it was, it was I knew whenI said that he would pick up
what I was putting down and Iknew I had to articulate the
(25:02):
message in a way where he knewit was coming from the heart,
that I know that he's got morein him and if I pushed him in
the right direction he would beable to overcome the status quo.
Okay, and then we had.
We followed up.
Long story short, thatconversation went great.
He was picking up what I wasputting down.
I saw his eyes light up.
I saw the light bulb above hishead.
(25:23):
I saw the halo appear and theangel wings pop out of his back,
not just because he's slammingRed Bulls, but he was ready to
kick ass and take names.
So today we followed back up onthat and all I had to do was
just plant a couple of littleseeds.
He watered them.
I didn't even have to, becausefortunately, I've been gracious
or blessed enough to have Vic inmy life and he comes back and
(25:44):
he's got this most radical ideaever.
That just blew my freaking mind, okay, like he, literally he
took what I had asked, right andsuggested and and has just run
with it and it's.
It's going to be amazing.
It really is, um, but withoutthe right tools, without the
(26:15):
right resources, without theempowerment and without me being
scared and and confident in myown abilities to be able to let
him know that I felt like he hadmore in him, right, and I think
that's where, a lot of times,we get hemmed up because we're
we're worried about people'sshort term emotions over our
long-term goals.
Okay, hi, so, yeah, I'm stillhere, right, okay, good, anyhow,
(26:36):
that was.
I think that for both of us andbecause of us being able to
take I don't even want to callit constructive criticism,
because that's not what it wasat all To have a conversation,
an adult, professionalconversation with people, okay,
I think that's where, especiallyin the workplace, maybe even at
home, I think sometimes we'reso terrified that we're going to
(27:00):
hurt people's feelings becausewe see something that we may not
like or we see something thatwe feel like they could do
better, and I really think it'sin the messaging.
I really think it's how it'sdelivered, okay, not in a in a
non-controlling way, and in avery mature, professional,
friendly way, like, hey man, doyou think of this?
(27:25):
Did you think of that?
I don't know how I spun it tohim, but I don't remember, but
it was.
I felt like it was good.
It was good, good growth forboth of us and, and you know,
fortunately I got Vic in my lifeand I can't say that enough.
But anyhow, yeah, You'rewelcome.
People do what they see right.
So maybe he'll learn somethingfrom that and be able to have
(27:49):
maybe not so much anuncomfortable conversation but
feel more comfortable havingthose conversations with people
where sometimes he might seemore.
It could be in your children,like, I see that you have more
in you than this or whatever,but how?
I think the delivery, and Ithink storytelling too,
sometimes helps a lot too inthat.
So, but now people see, peopledo what they see right.
(28:11):
I can be up here running mymouth not following through, not
doing this, not showing upconsistently, being a horrible
parent and preaching from youknow the mountaintops that you
know you need to do better, whenin fact I'm not doing these
things myself.
But I'd like to think that Itry to do a little bit better
than I did yesterday, and I knowthat we're not all perfect and
we're not.
(28:31):
We're not going to be perfect,and I think that I think that's
intentional.
I think that you know, whenyou're in a good season of your
life, or even a bad season, itseems like the most devastating
things turn out to be a blessingsometimes.
So it's weird how that kind ofworks out.
But you know you can't just saythe right things, you have to
live them.
Be the model of consistency,work, ethic and humility.
(28:53):
Right.
Be a leader, be a great teacher.
Right.
And the only way that you canbecome a great teacher is by
making mistakes and personaldevelopment.
And you know, and continuouslypushing yourself to do great
things and and and patienceright Like that means being
patient, correcting with care,encouraging, often.
(29:13):
Right, one of our jobs asleaders is to groom others to
become better leaders.
Right, that's our legacy.
Vic and I were talking aboutlegacy and a while back.
But see, this is this is whereI think we sometimes, when we're
kind of in a negative headspacelike a thousand years from now
people aren't ever going tothink about, to see that.
That's the catch 22 aboutlegacy.
Your legacy, right, is thepeople that you build will
(29:37):
outlive the title you held.
Okay, you'll never get thecredit for it.
I will never get the credit forthose that came to work here
and have been taught all andhave given the tools, the
resources, the lessons that maygo out and do the same thing
that we're doing today.
We'll never get the credit forthat.
We'll never, ever.
But the impact this is theimportant thing.
(29:59):
This is where the real flex is.
Okay, the important thing is isthat I hope they leave here and
make $10 million and impact 100million people.
I don't need the credit forthat.
I'm not saying this to get thecredit for that.
I'm not mentioning any names.
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just saying unfortunatelyfor them.
That's my legacy.
(30:21):
So if that sounded selfish orself-centered, but it is, it
will live on for a thousandyears.
The people I impact today andthen the people that they impact
, and the ripple effect it justit infinite, it just it's
forever the ripple effect.
It never stops until it gets tothe other side, if there is
even another side.
(30:43):
You know what I mean.
So, and while you're buildingthem, celebrate them, and this
is where I'm still kind ofstruggling a little bit.
I think is like celebrating thewins and really getting out
there and celebrating their wins.
You know, and, and, and I itwas became evident to me you
know, we, we get some awards, weachieve a lot of great things
(31:06):
with the entire team here we getjust the list goes on.
I think we won a best roofingcontractor um four years in a
row.
Then, the very first time wedid that, it's like, yeah, we
took a couple of pictures, right, but I think I hid.
I didn't hide it, but like Idon't even know if I opened the
award.
I think it just stayed in acardboard box because I thought
I was being humble, okay, Ididn't realize how selfish and
(31:29):
self-centered that actually wasto the entire team and my family
by not allowing them tocelebrate, by showing them hey
guys, look at this award, holdit, touch it, feel it, take a
picture with it, post it onsocial media, right, and again,
I feel like I can do a lotbetter job of sell it because
that's where that's where it is.
So we're not, we're hiding, I'mnot being humble, I'm hiding, I
(31:50):
don't know why.
Is it?
Because I think I'm less than Ido.
I feel like you know I didn'tdeserve that.
Well, they do.
Even if I don't, even if Ididn't deserve that, I'm taking
that away from every individualthat made that award possible.
And it takes a lot of people.
It takes the Collins, it takesthe Masons, it takes the Jeremy
(32:14):
Benders, it takes the Lawrence,the, the Glens, the, the, the
Howies, the Denny's, the I meanit takes all of them, or else we
wouldn't be.
And that's that's voted by ourpeers, that's your county did
that for us.
That's our brand, that's ourbrand.
They spoke for us.
They gave us best roofingcontractor four years in a row.
Okay, so we got to do somethingwith that.
(32:35):
Okay, little shindig, littleparty, little cookout, little
pancake breakfast, something,something.
So we got to celebrate it.
We got to celebrate often.
We got to win.
You got to win, right.
We got to celebrate often.
We got to win, you got to win,right.
We got to create winners.
Right.
We're not developing losers here.
We don't want to surroundourselves around a bunch of
losers.
Right, just like Deshaun said,if I surround myself around five
(32:57):
losers, I'm going to be thesixth loser, but if we're
creating leaders and winners andI'm surrounding myself around
five other leaders.
I'm going to be the sixthleader, right, and we got to
remember that.
We got to take that, got totake that shit to heart, right?
Um, we just can't say we got tolive it, we got to live this
thing, right, um?
So, anyhow, our legacy go ahead.
(33:17):
Is there a question?
Pop that thing up there.
Let me see this thing, bencatman question from the back is
leadership born or taught?
Now, I'm not saying that thereisn't born leaders, but it is
definitely taught throughexperience.
You may be born with certainattributes or character humility
(33:44):
, humbleness, um, giving, caring, right, there's, and they can
be double-edged swords.
But I think through time and Ithink through experience and I
think, first off, you got todecide what kind of leader do
you want to be?
Who inspired you in your life?
(34:04):
Who made you feel good aboutwhat it was you were doing, even
though you knew you weren'tgood at it?
Who was the person that madeyou feel like shit, even when
you were winning?
And decide who you want to be isprobably the first step in the
leadership journey.
Who do I want to lead by?
Not just regurgitation out oftextbooks, not regurgitation of
(34:30):
30-second soundbite, quick,short-form reels, but your
experience on how people madeyou feel okay.
Isn't that what it's reallyabout?
How, how did I make somebodyfeel?
(34:50):
How did somebody make me feel,decide which type of leadership
style?
And it can be a mix match.
You know different types ofleadership styles.
I'm just sharing my, myexperience, and truly my
experience only in in any ofthis journey that I'm on and
I've been really studying thisthing and I'm just I'm sharing
(35:13):
my experiences and you know mybelief on some of these things.
I'm going to give myself an outhere.
I may not have the sameperspective on some of these
things later in life, in adifferent season of my life, but
I can tell you what has gottenme here and I can tell you
what's kept us relevant, but Ican honestly say I don't know if
it'll get us where we want togo.
So some of my feelings andthoughts and insights and
(35:35):
experiences may change andevolve, but see, that's that's
the ticket.
So, to answer your question, itis taught, it is learned,
because you need to continuouslylearn.
It's what it's about.
So, giving others credit.
(35:55):
Hopefully I answered yourquestion, ben.
It's a great question, by theway, giving others credit,
especially when credit is due,okay, even sometimes when it's
not.
Credit is due, okay, evensometimes when it's not.
I know that sounds kind of likean oxymoron, but if you know
(36:16):
your people and you know themwell enough and you know their
love languages and all this goodstuff and what motivates them
and what keeps them inspired,sometimes somebody just needs to
hear something good, even wheneverything's going to shit.
Okay, it can be very painful,but even sometimes when it's not
, you got to give them credit,shine the spotlight on them and
and when things are wrong andthis is the hard part right, the
(36:37):
hard part is is only take thecredit for the failures, okay,
and, and you know the creditsfor the wins, that's, that's on
them.
That's, you know wins, that'son them.
Let them own that right.
Protect your team that's realleadership.
And speak with what I call kindcandor.
I told you we'd circle back tokind candor.
Be kind but frank, okay, beclear.
(37:01):
You don't have to be a butthead.
Say what's needed to be said,but do it with heart, okay.
Now here's where it gets hard.
Embracing them, even when it'spainful Okay, you might have
someone in a role that that isburning them out.
Okay, they're not thriving.
(37:21):
Well, you see it.
But don't want to move them.
Okay, cause you need them there.
They've been loyal.
Okay.
But sometimes the best thing wecan do is shift them to a
different position, move them,okay.
Sometimes you didn't even knowthat you needed the position you
or they made for themselves,and sometimes they didn't even
(37:45):
know that they had that skill.
Okay, that again experience.
I didn't.
I wasn't born Okay To to seethat.
Right, it's through experienceand watching other, from my own
experiences of getting burnoutand not thriving and not doing
(38:08):
well in a position, even thoughI felt they needed to be in that
position because we didn't haveanybody else.
But I can't be so short-sightedthat if I want these people, if
they thrived at one point intime in that position, how will
(38:29):
they thrive someplace else, eventhough we don't have anybody to
fill that position?
But I'm thinking veryshort-sightedly because there's
probably someone sitting behindthem that could fill that.
Those shoes just as well, ifnot better.
Okay, new set of eyes, new setof glasses, right, different
motivation now, because they gota push up in status, they got a
(38:52):
new opportunity and that goodstuff.
So I've been there, did that,I've seen it, done it.
I've seen people create theirown positions throughout the
company, but again, that'sgetting back to surrounding
yourself around great frickingpeople, right?
And at the end of the day, thequestion isn't how much control
do I have, right?
It's how many people have Iraised up to lead after me,
(39:17):
right?
That's what?
That's what it comes down to.
So, anyhow, I think I'm goingto wrap this up here at about 40
minutes.
Man, if you, if you up good,that means you're ready.
You're ready to leaddifferently.
You're ready to serve first,you're ready to pass the baton
to others and be proud of whatthey do with it.
(39:39):
You don't have to wear a crownto be a king.
You just have to build akingdom others want to grow in.
Thanks for tuning in to Beyondthe Tool Belt.
Be sure to like, share, love,subscribe, do all those crazy
things, and may the force bewith you Till next week I'll
catch ya.
And we are live.
Welcome back everybody toBehind the Tool Belt, episode
296.
I am your host, ty Cobb-Backer.
Thank you for joining us onthis Wednesday edition.
We will be back after our shortintro from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
solar roofing, tiling , windows, gutter, solar welcome
to behind the tool belt, wherethe stories are bold, the
(00:35):
conversations are real and theinsights come to you live, raw
and uncut.
Every week, ty Cobb-Backer sitsdown to bring you the stories,
the struggles, the lessonslearned and the wins.
No filters, no scripts, justthe truth.
Please welcome your host ofBehind the Tool Belt, ty
(00:57):
Cobb-Backer.
Ty Cobb Backer (00:58):
Hey, hey, hey.
Welcome back everybody toBehind the Tool Belt, the
podcast where we just don't talkconstruction, we talk
leadership, culture, legacy, andI am your host, ty Becker, ceo,
chief Energy Officer andbeliever that the job gets done
right when people are led right.
So today, like every week,we're digging into something
(01:20):
close to my heart what it reallymeans to lead people, not just
manage them, not just boss themaround, but lead, serve and
build and elevate others to takeyour place someday.
This one's for leaders, the upand comers and anyone who wants
to leave something better thanthe way they found it.
So let's jump in, I think.
(01:41):
Ah, leadership, I mean, I knowwe talk about this every week,
you know, but your leadership isonly as good as what you
tolerate, and we talk about thata lot, and I think we just kind
of scratched the surface.
And in this episode here Ireally kind of want to.
I want to dig, dig in a littledeeper, unpack a few things of
(02:02):
some of the little catchphrasesthat you might hear me say or
some other, you know, inspiresor whatever books you're reading
and stuff like that, and quite,quite frankly and I was talking
to Vic about this earlier youknow, half of this stuff that
that I'm spewing on this podcastis is things that I've heard.
You know, I've read, I'velistened to, I've watched, I got
(02:24):
to experience, I've I've I'vegot to uh, learn from and and
I'm going to talk a little bitabout that too Um, you know,
learning and teaching and thingslike that.
But but I also have theopportunity to throw my
experience and and my my littlespin on things on how I
interpret certain things.
(02:45):
May not be the the the sameexact way as other people may
interpret stuff, but you know,and it and it's so crazy too,
because it's like I'll readsomething several different
times and it may mean somethingto me one time, but then I read
it again or be like hey, Ididn't know that was in there
the last time I read it, likewhen did they put that in there?
Or I'm in a different season ofmy life where it kind of like
(03:08):
like I get to put it to usedifferently, like I didn't
really know I could use it thatway or it was actually meant to
be used in that way.
So, again, a lot of this stuffis just stuff that I've
regurgitated over the years, butI also want to get a little
more granular with it and stufflike that.
(03:28):
So, anyhow, your leadership isonly as good as what you
tolerate.
And if we allow laziness,negative negativity, drama,
that's, that's what your culturebecomes.
And, as a leader, we set thetone.
If you want excellence, demandit.
If you want accountability,hold people to it.
If you don't, oh, if you don'twant to, you know, have to carry
(03:53):
the load and do everythingyourself, because I've led that
way too, where, just get out ofmy way, talking to Vic and had a
meeting yesterday aboutexplaining to people why we're
asking them to go do something.
So if I don't want to have tojust do everything myself, I
can't be harsh about it, right,if I'm going to hold them
(04:16):
accountable and we're strivingfor, you know, not necessarily
excellence, but progress ratherthan perfection, I can't be
harsh about it, I can't be adick about it, but, but, but the
biggest thing is is that I gotto be clear, right, I got to
make, I got to articulate themessage, the vision.
I have to be clear about that.
And here's the thing Leadershipstarts with me, leadership
(04:40):
starts with you.
Put in the work, developyourself right, then you'll be
able to develop others.
It's just like anything else,right?
If I wasn't, if a baseballcoach wasn't good at baseball,
he probably shouldn't becoaching.
Now, I'm not saying all greatbaseball players are good
coaches either.
It takes a certain skill setand a certain mind and patience
(05:04):
and tolerance to to be, you know, a good coach, a good teacher,
a good mentor, a good steward ofof people.
And I know, I know firsthand itis not, it's not, it's not easy
, and when somebody talks aboutyou know, put in the work and
develop yourself.
And it's like a lot of thatstuff is.
I got to practice patience, Igot to practice tolerance and
(05:27):
really work for me.
Where that starts?
That starts at home.
That starts with me.
It starts with how I treat myfamily.
It starts with how I treat myneighbors.
It starts with how I'm treatingthe person in line at the
grocery store in front of me.
Am I, am I being an impatient,raving, lunatic with the old
couple that I'm following on aSunday afternoon, trying to cut
(05:47):
in front of them?
And I'm beeping the horn, I'mflashing my headlights and it's
like get out of the way.
And it's like, really I'm notgoing to get there that much
earlier.
But I didn't realize I was thatperson until I saw it in
somebody else.
I was like, oh man, that wasuncomfortable.
Right, I'm sitting in thepassenger seat, you know, I'm
(06:09):
co-piloting, I'm watching thisperson experience road rage and
I'm like, damn, do I look likethat man?
That was ugly.
Quite frankly, it wasembarrassing.
You know what I mean.
So it's kind of like wow, I ledmy whole entire life that way.
I led our team that way, I ledmy family that way and I thought
I thought it meant something, Ithought that control.
(06:30):
I thought it gave me control, Ithought it gave me power
because my dick was bigger thaneverybody else in the room and I
was going to show everybodyright.
Well then you feel about twoinches tall.
About five minutes later, atleast for me, I have a
conscience and I feel like shit.
And then, because I feel likeshit half of it is because I
know I own amends.
Man, I am so sick and tired ofapologizing for my behavior and
(06:56):
the way that I acted andresponded to people and made so
many situations so far worsethan they had to be.
Right If and I was, we werejust talking about this before
the show right If I would havehandled myself, because this is
the thing.
It's not the circumstances orthe event that defines the
(07:19):
person.
It's your response to it andyour true colors come out.
Your true colors will come out.
If I panicked and hit the panicbutton every time the house
caught on fire, dude, nobodywould want to follow me.
Think about that for a minute.
Does anybody want to followsomebody that's out of control,
(07:39):
that's neurotic, that suffersfrom neurosis?
And, trust me, I suffer fromall these things fear, paranoia,
which is hidden awareness butyou got to know how to use them
and it's taken me a lifetime Idon't mean a lifetime to harness
those energies, because that'swhat they are.
They're energies, okay.
They're not bad, it's not.
(08:00):
It's it's motivators, it'sindicators, it's it's your body
telling you something is wrong.
Okay, that doesn't mean I haveto act out.
It doesn't mean, because I hada long night and I didn't sleep
well, that I have to come home,even though, or come to work and
everything is going great.
But then I treat everybody likeshit, okay, and take the wind
(08:21):
out of their sails.
Everything that I'm preachingon this podcast, everything I
just told them yesterday, goesout the window.
Your trust bank starts todeplete.
And we've talked about thetrust bank before here.
Okay, build that trust bank up,because sometimes you will have
to take a withdrawal from thattrust bank.
(08:42):
But you got to build that trustup, you got to stay consistent.
People need to know whatthey're walking into Right, and
I and I I do.
I do know for a fact that I saythat I have an open door policy,
but I can guarantee you, mynephew had to break some bad
news to me today.
I'm pretty sure he was probablyscared because he had brought
(09:03):
somebody with him, right In caseI threw something or whatever.
But but, mind you, this is mynephew, who's known me for 49
years.
Okay, he's worked beside me,he's worked in front of me, he's
worked behind me, he's workedfor me.
Okay, so he, he knows the good,bad and the ugly.
So if anybody should feelprobably a little insecure about
coming and knocking on my door,would be that man.
(09:23):
God bless his soul.
But he still loves me, he stillcomes here and I think he's
seen the development in me.
Um, and matter of fact, I knowhe he's, he's commended me for
for my efforts, um, in in thegrowth, in the growth, in the
leaps and bounds and I hope thatI can.
I can be, uh, an example um forhim on how to lead his
(09:45):
household and his department andall the good, great things that
he does for us here at TCBacker Construction.
But anyway, you got to put thework in man Right, and that's
what I mean.
You got to be aware it's almostlike self-mastery what makes you
tick, what pisses you off.
And it's like Vic and I weretalking earlier.
It's like we have moments attimes.
(10:07):
So it's like the first questionwe got to ask ourselves have I
been stuffing?
Because when there's somethingwrong, there's something wrong
with you.
If something is bothering youabout somebody else, it's
because there's something wrongwith you, not necessarily
because of them, because you canremove yourself from that
situation.
You really can.
You can walk away, you can gofor a walk, you can go for a
bike ride, you can do whatever,take 10 deep breaths, whatever
(10:28):
the case might be, becausethere's a situation where you
may make it worse than it needsto be and blow it all out of
proportion.
So you can't expect your teamto grow if you're not growing.
You can't pour into people froman empty cup.
I guess is what I'm trying tosay you got to, you got to read,
you got to learn, you got tostay humble and you got to
remain teachable.
(10:48):
Got to remain teachable,especially with yourself, your
self behaviors, and be the wiseman and learn from others.
Right, isn't that what they say?
I think a smart man learns fromhis own mistakes, but, but a
wise man learns from othersmistakes.
You know, it's taken me alifetime to watch other people,
(11:11):
okay, because I can't identifymy own shortcomings and
character defects and all thatstuff.
I have to actually see it insomebody else and half the time
I don't like that person.
Right, it's like I can't put myfinger on why I just don't like
that dude, I don't like thatchick over there.
At the end of the fucking day,it's because I see myself in
them, so I don't trust them.
Oh, maybe I don't trust myself.
(11:32):
Why?
Why is that?
I don't know.
I better look into that.
We might have to have aconversation about that after
this.
We could probably turn thatinto a whole freaking podcast
right there by itself.
But remain a student, right?
What you have been taught, passit on.
Knowledge is only powerful whenit is shared.
And this the next part, right?
(12:01):
This is big.
Right, this is big.
It's not about you.
None of this is about you.
Unfortunately, kids out therethat want to be a self-serving,
self-preserving, self-righteousperson.
Unfortunately, kid, I'm goingto pop the fucking balloon right
now and let the wind out ofyour sails.
It's not about you, it's aboutthem.
It's about every Tom, dick andHarry.
Aunt, uncle, brother, sister,mother, brother, father-in-law
(12:22):
doesn't matter.
We were put on this earth toserve and I'm not a Bible bumper
.
Unfortunately, I've taken, I'velied, I've came to you an
alcoholic, a drunk, a no good,and today I come to you as a
father, a grandfather and,hopefully, a trusted significant
other.
Okay, so I've been through theringer, I've put myself through
the ringer and I have puteverybody.
(12:43):
I've hurt those that I lovedearly the most over the years.
So, trust me, I am not a saint.
I'm not sitting here on mysoapbox right now dribbling my
lip, saying how great I ambecause there go I.
The next thing I know, we'llturn the cameras off, I'll go
into my office, somebody willcome in and they'll piss me off
and I'll act out.
(13:05):
I got to learn from that.
What?
What set me off?
What's going on?
What am I not taking care ofwhat am I stuffing?
What am I stuffing, right?
So we, we got to um, it's notabout getting attention, and I
think, I think that's that'swhat a lot of us attention
getters want to be the man, wantto be the big man.
(13:26):
Right, I'm the boss, I'm theboss, right.
And then then they put a nice,pretty little shiny bow on it
and call themselves a leader.
You know, and I've done it,I've done it, I've done it so
much, but it's about theopportunities you create.
Okay, it's not about what yougain, it's about what you give.
Okay, I'm going to say thatagain, it's not about what you
(13:47):
gain, it's nothing to do withwhat I'm going to gain, it.
Things just tend to happentenfold when you give, you got
to give it, you got to give itaway to keep it.
And we've a lot of us, a few ofus, I'm sure, some of us that
are watching this right now.
I think my prednisone's kickedin.
Anyhow, now here's something,something that we miss sometimes
(14:14):
.
Right, we got to find out wherethey are on their journey.
Okay, sometimes you got to getdown off your soapbox, sometimes
you got to climb down off thatmountaintop and you got to know
your people.
You got to talk to them.
You got to know your children,right.
You got to talk to them, got tolearn their goals.
Don't stand on the mountaintopyelling for them to climb on up
here.
Get up here or you can't.
(14:34):
You can't drag them up either.
No one that's willing.
You can't drag them right.
Come down off your mountaintop,walk.
Walk with them.
If they're willing to meet youhalfway, okay, walk with them,
be a guide.
A guide doesn't walk the journeyfor them.
Okay, we don't walk the journeyfor them.
If there's people that you cansurround yourself with that are
(14:57):
willing to meet or exceed thedistance between where you want
them to go, then they're theones.
And Vic is a prime example,chris Baker, glenn, the list
goes on Sam.
There's so many beautiful,wonderful people Fortunate, very
fortunate, to be a guide forthese people, a guide that
(15:18):
hasn't did the work for them, aguide that simply just guided
and walked with them on thisjourney.
Right, because every day we'reon a journey.
Right, but they don't leavethem lost either.
I can't leave them lost, right?
I got to lead with direction.
I got to have direction.
I got to have my house in orderto do this.
(15:39):
We lead with care and rememberwe can show people where to look
, but we can't always show themwhat to see, right.
We got to give them perspective, but we got to let them grow,
grow on their own and understandon their own.
It's just like when I readsomething like I just mentioned
earlier.
It's like I'll read somethingand the way that my perspective,
(16:02):
the way that I perceived it atthat moment okay, may not be
really the intentions of thewriter or the the content
creator, but if I listened to itlong enough and if it strikes
my interest, I usually getsomething out of it, something
different each time.
I read it, right?
But?
But I got to give.
(16:22):
I got to give peopleperspective, okay, but I got to
let them grow and own their ownunderstanding of things, just
like I have.
I've been given that and as weare doing this right, we are
giving our team something to own, okay, giving them something to
(16:43):
take pride in a challenge, aresponsibility, a big task,
letting them take the lead,asking for their input, watch
them rise to the occasion andwhen they do, show them that
they crushed it, don't say it.
Show them.
You got to show people right.
I'm not saying a text messagethat you did a great job isn't
(17:04):
sufficient for some people.
But I guess that's where whowas that author.
Gary wrote a book called LoveLanguage.
Gary and I know Jana knows itwe actually got to sit in on one
of his things, and then this iswhere I learned some of this
from is that you got to learnpeople's telltales.
Okay, you got to learn theirlove language.
(17:24):
Some people need need publicnotoriety and a pat on the ass
every 2.3 seconds, and sometimesthat can be very draining and
very tiring.
But as long as you know aboutthat person, you just got to
make sure you circle back everynow and then.
But then other people don'tlike that public exposure.
They like the more behindclosed doors and not money.
(17:47):
Money motivated.
It's not always about theamount of money or or
threatening to take money or orum rewarding with money all the
time, Especially if you'vearticulated the message well
enough to like.
You know.
If we all can grow in the samedirection at some point in time
we will all be lucrative.
So it's not always about themoney, but make sure you're
(18:09):
challenging people, make sureyou're giving them enough
responsibility, make sure you'regiving them charge of huge
tasks right and giving them theownership in that and allowing
room for mistakes.
Because, listen, the first halfof what I've just talked about
was learning from my ownmistakes but, most importantly,
(18:29):
trying to learn from otherpeople's mistakes.
Once I see my character,defects and shortcomings in
other people and I'm not sayingthat's the right way, that's
probably the wrong way to do it.
The best way to do it is isrealize that you're doing wrong.
You're saying the wrong thing,you're doing the wrong thing,
and I heard something the otherday I think it was Warren
Buffett wrong thing.
And I heard something the otherday, I think it was Warren
(18:50):
Buffett.
Warren Buffett said if youwanted to increase I don't know
how he put it, it wasn'tnecessarily wealth, but if you
want it to be successful, youneed to.
50% of your success comes fromlearning how to articulate your
message and learning how tospeak to get what you want right
, to get your message across topeople.
If you want to be 50% moresuccessful and I'm going to sum
(19:12):
it up that way I'm sure Ifricking butchered it up, but
essentially and I've, I've, I'veonce I've heard that I don't
know where I read it Shouldprobably find that someplace and
read it again.
But once I've learned that Irealized how many times I shit
the bed because I didn't respondwith, with the with, with a
(19:35):
good response.
I didn't have the right wordsto put together or I didn't give
myself enough time to thinkabout it to give it a response.
And I've also done where I haveresponded too quickly and did
the old knee jerk reaction andand articulated the wrong
message that I should havehandled it completely
(19:57):
differently and lost big dealsand stuff like that and not
looking at the big picture andcreating a partnership and a
long-term relationship and nottaking it on the chin either.
I've, I've, I've really screwedup those things.
But, um, but getting back toyou know, empowering people, we
need to provide the tools.
Okay, providing the tools fortheir success Isn't about
(20:19):
control, it's about empowerment.
Okay, let go of the need tomanage every step.
And I think I've done prettygood with a lot of that over the
years, because I and I've goneto the extreme, to where I've
completely let go of the wheel,um, and never followed back up.
I've never um critiqued or orjust kind of like.
I don't remember what theopposite of, of um delegating is
(20:45):
.
But you know, I've delegated,but then I've never came back to
it is.
But you know I've delegated butthen I've never came back to it
.
But then, or let's say, I cameback to it a long time later and
found out like it wasn't doneto my liking after it was
already completed and acted likea complete butthead over that.
But, um, I think I think overthe years of of being control
(21:05):
freaking and trust me, justscratch the surface and it'll
veer its ugly head at any giventime.
But giving up control is hasbeen a hard one for me over the
years and not trying to controlthe outcomes right and learning
this is another one.
Another good one is is figuringout the controllables over the
(21:29):
non-controllables and knowingthe wisdom, the wisdom.
Having figuring out the wisdomto know the difference Okay,
that that is something I prayfor.
I pray for that the strength,the courage, the motivation, the
clarity, the insight and thewisdom to know the difference.
Can I control this outcome?
Can I control the situation?
Is this a time where I need tostep in or is this the time
(21:51):
where I just need to kind of letthings unfold and the outcome
will be what the outcome is?
But I can tell you nine chanceout of 10, it's because of a
decision, or a decision I didn'tmake a while back is probably
why I'm in the situation thatI'm in right now.
So there's a lot of times whereit's like, okay, I need to get
off my dead ass, and this is athing.
(22:12):
If I'm in a position orsituation that I don't like I,
then I need to get off my deadass and do something about it.
But, anyhow, the control thing,you know, not feeling the need
to be in control is is a sign of, you know, maturity, I think
and we talked about that lastweek with Deshaun, I think that
(22:33):
was last week but the maturityin our leadership, right, but we
can't forget this, right,people do what they see.
Okay, you can't just say theright things, you have to live
them.
Okay, be the model ofconsistency, work, ethic and
humility.
Be a leader and a great teacher.
(22:54):
That means being patient, okay,correcting with care,
encouraging.
Often One of our jobs as leadersis to groom others to become
better leaders, and I'm going togive you an example.
And again, unfortunately, vic,I'm picking on you a lot here.
Okay, we're revamping, we'rerevamping some, some marketing
(23:16):
efforts.
We're we're trying somedifferent outlets.
And big shout out to DavidBruno.
I see, I see that, uh, he's,he's in here, man.
Big shout out to David.
I miss you, buddy, but uh, sohe was here yesterday.
But so, vic myself, john, wemeet weekly Um and uh, we
discuss, we try to stay out infront of you know what's working
(23:37):
, what's not working when itcomes to advertising.
You know, internally,externally, marketing the brand
is the brand getting out?
There are enough peoplecarrying the message right, not
just us, not just me, not mescreaming from the rooftops woo,
tc backer, let's go right, eventhough I like to do that.
But it's better when it comesfrom somebody else.
(23:59):
So, long story short, vickilling himself, super excited
about this 32nd commercial thathe did, and years ago I would
have probably just mostlyencouraged, like man, it's great
(24:20):
, let's go with it.
But I chose to kill him withkind candor and knowing Vic as
well as I do.
He was, he was gonna, you know,and again, me practicing with
Vic.
Vic is a lot of times my testdummy to practice some of my
character defect corrections andyou know shortcoming, you know
corrections that I try to makeand I bounce a lot of.
(24:42):
You know Vic, vic is the man.
So I said to him I said, dude,we're, this is what everyone
else is doing.
And I didn't say that because Iknew that would get his goat
and he knows we're much morethan what everyone else is doing
.
But it was, it was I knew whenI said that he would pick up
what I was putting down and Iknew I had to articulate the
(25:02):
message in a way where he knewit was coming from the heart,
that I know that he's got morein him and if I pushed him in
the right direction he would beable to overcome the status quo.
Okay, and then we had.
We followed up.
Long story short, thatconversation went great.
He was picking up what I wasputting down.
I saw his eyes light up.
I saw the light bulb above hishead.
(25:23):
I saw the halo appear and theangel wings pop out of his back,
not just because he's slammingRed Bulls, but he was ready to
kick ass and take names.
So today we followed back up onthat and all I had to do was
just plant a couple of littleseeds.
He watered them.
I didn't even have to, becausefortunately, I've been gracious
or blessed enough to have Vic inmy life and he comes back and
(25:44):
he's got this most radical ideaever.
That just blew my freaking mind, okay, like he, literally he
took what I had asked, right andsuggested and and has just run
with it and it's.
It's going to be amazing.
It really is, um, but withoutthe right tools, without the
(26:15):
right resources, without theempowerment and without me being
scared and and confident in myown abilities to be able to let
him know that I felt like he hadmore in him, right, and I think
that's where, a lot of times,we get hemmed up because we're
we're worried about people'sshort term emotions over our
long-term goals.
Okay, hi, so, yeah, I'm stillhere, right, okay, good, anyhow,
(26:36):
that was.
I think that for both of us andbecause of us being able to
take I don't even want to callit constructive criticism,
because that's not what it wasat all To have a conversation,
an adult, professionalconversation with people, okay,
I think that's where, especiallyin the workplace, maybe even at
home, I think sometimes we'reso terrified that we're going to
(27:00):
hurt people's feelings becausewe see something that we may not
like or we see something thatwe feel like they could do
better, and I really think it'sin the messaging.
I really think it's how it'sdelivered, okay, not in a in a
non-controlling way, and in avery mature, professional,
friendly way, like, hey man, doyou think of this?
(27:25):
Did you think of that?
I don't know how I spun it tohim, but I don't remember, but
it was.
I felt like it was good.
It was good, good growth forboth of us and, and you know,
fortunately I got Vic in my lifeand I can't say that enough.
But anyhow, yeah, You'rewelcome.
People do what they see right.
So maybe he'll learn somethingfrom that and be able to have
(27:49):
maybe not so much anuncomfortable conversation but
feel more comfortable havingthose conversations with people
where sometimes he might seemore.
It could be in your children,like, I see that you have more
in you than this or whatever,but how?
I think the delivery, and Ithink storytelling too,
sometimes helps a lot too inthat.
So, but now people see, peopledo what they see right.
(28:11):
I can be up here running mymouth not following through, not
doing this, not showing upconsistently, being a horrible
parent and preaching from youknow the mountaintops that you
know you need to do better, whenin fact I'm not doing these
things myself.
But I'd like to think that Itry to do a little bit better
than I did yesterday, and I knowthat we're not all perfect and
we're not.
(28:31):
We're not going to be perfect,and I think that I think that's
intentional.
I think that you know, whenyou're in a good season of your
life, or even a bad season, itseems like the most devastating
things turn out to be a blessingsometimes.
So it's weird how that kind ofworks out.
But you know you can't just saythe right things, you have to
live them.
Be the model of consistency,work, ethic and humility.
(28:53):
Right.
Be a leader, be a great teacher.
Right.
And the only way that you canbecome a great teacher is by
making mistakes and personaldevelopment.
And you know, and continuouslypushing yourself to do great
things and and and patienceright Like that means being
patient, correcting with care,encouraging, often.
(29:13):
Right, one of our jobs asleaders is to groom others to
become better leaders.
Right, that's our legacy.
Vic and I were talking aboutlegacy and a while back.
But see, this is this is whereI think we sometimes, when we're
kind of in a negative headspacelike a thousand years from now
people aren't ever going tothink about, to see that.
That's the catch 22 aboutlegacy.
Your legacy, right, is thepeople that you build will
(29:37):
outlive the title you held.
Okay, you'll never get thecredit for it.
I will never get the credit forthose that came to work here
and have been taught all andhave given the tools, the
resources, the lessons that maygo out and do the same thing
that we're doing today.
We'll never get the credit forthat.
We'll never, ever.
But the impact this is theimportant thing.
(29:59):
This is where the real flex is.
Okay, the important thing is isthat I hope they leave here and
make $10 million and impact 100million people.
I don't need the credit forthat.
I'm not saying this to get thecredit for that.
I'm not mentioning any names.
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just saying unfortunatelyfor them.
That's my legacy.
(30:21):
So if that sounded selfish orself-centered, but it is, it
will live on for a thousandyears.
The people I impact today andthen the people that they impact
, and the ripple effect it justit infinite, it just it's
forever the ripple effect.
It never stops until it gets tothe other side, if there is
even another side.
(30:43):
You know what I mean.
So, and while you're buildingthem, celebrate them, and this
is where I'm still kind ofstruggling a little bit.
I think is like celebrating thewins and really getting out
there and celebrating their wins.
You know, and, and, and I itwas became evident to me you
know, we, we get some awards, weachieve a lot of great things
(31:06):
with the entire team here we getjust the list goes on.
I think we won a best roofingcontractor um four years in a
row.
Then, the very first time wedid that, it's like, yeah, we
took a couple of pictures, right, but I think I hid.
I didn't hide it, but like Idon't even know if I opened the
award.
I think it just stayed in acardboard box because I thought
I was being humble, okay, Ididn't realize how selfish and
(31:29):
self-centered that actually wasto the entire team and my family
by not allowing them tocelebrate, by showing them hey
guys, look at this award, holdit, touch it, feel it, take a
picture with it, post it onsocial media, right, and again,
I feel like I can do a lotbetter job of sell it because
that's where that's where it is.
So we're not, we're hiding, I'mnot being humble, I'm hiding, I
(31:50):
don't know why.
Is it?
Because I think I'm less than Ido.
I feel like you know I didn'tdeserve that.
Well, they do.
Even if I don't, even if Ididn't deserve that, I'm taking
that away from every individualthat made that award possible.
And it takes a lot of people.
It takes the Collins, it takesthe Masons, it takes the Jeremy
(32:14):
Benders, it takes the Lawrence,the, the Glens, the, the, the
Howies, the Denny's, the I meanit takes all of them, or else we
wouldn't be.
And that's that's voted by ourpeers, that's your county did
that for us.
That's our brand, that's ourbrand.
They spoke for us.
They gave us best roofingcontractor four years in a row.
Okay, so we got to do somethingwith that.
(32:35):
Okay, little shindig, littleparty, little cookout, little
pancake breakfast, something,something.
So we got to celebrate it.
We got to celebrate often.
We got to win.
You got to win, right.
We got to celebrate often.
We got to win, you got to win,right.
We got to create winners.
Right.
We're not developing losers here.
We don't want to surroundourselves around a bunch of
losers.
Right, just like Deshaun said,if I surround myself around five
(32:57):
losers, I'm going to be thesixth loser, but if we're
creating leaders and winners andI'm surrounding myself around
five other leaders.
I'm going to be the sixthleader, right, and we got to
remember that.
We got to take that, got totake that shit to heart, right?
Um, we just can't say we got tolive it, we got to live this
thing, right, um?
So, anyhow, our legacy go ahead.
(33:17):
Is there a question?
Pop that thing up there.
Let me see this thing, bencatman question from the back is
leadership born or taught?
Now, I'm not saying that thereisn't born leaders, but it is
definitely taught throughexperience.
You may be born with certainattributes or character humility
(33:44):
, humbleness, um, giving, caring, right, there's, and they can
be double-edged swords.
But I think through time and Ithink through experience and I
think, first off, you got todecide what kind of leader do
you want to be?
Who inspired you in your life?
(34:04):
Who made you feel good aboutwhat it was you were doing, even
though you knew you weren'tgood at it?
Who was the person that madeyou feel like shit, even when
you were winning?
And decide who you want to be isprobably the first step in the
leadership journey.
Who do I want to lead by?
Not just regurgitation out oftextbooks, not regurgitation of
(34:30):
30-second soundbite, quick,short-form reels, but your
experience on how people madeyou feel okay.
Isn't that what it's reallyabout?
How, how did I make somebodyfeel?
(34:50):
How did somebody make me feel,decide which type of leadership
style?
And it can be a mix match.
You know different types ofleadership styles.
I'm just sharing my, myexperience, and truly my
experience only in in any ofthis journey that I'm on and
I've been really studying thisthing and I'm just I'm sharing
(35:13):
my experiences and you know mybelief on some of these things.
I'm going to give myself an outhere.
I may not have the sameperspective on some of these
things later in life, in adifferent season of my life, but
I can tell you what has gottenme here and I can tell you
what's kept us relevant, but Ican honestly say I don't know if
it'll get us where we want togo.
So some of my feelings andthoughts and insights and
(35:35):
experiences may change andevolve, but see, that's that's
the ticket.
So, to answer your question, itis taught, it is learned,
because you need to continuouslylearn.
It's what it's about.
So, giving others credit.
(35:55):
Hopefully I answered yourquestion, ben.
It's a great question, by theway, giving others credit,
especially when credit is due,okay, even sometimes when it's
not.
Credit is due, okay, evensometimes when it's not.
I know that sounds kind of likean oxymoron, but if you know
(36:16):
your people and you know themwell enough and you know their
love languages and all this goodstuff and what motivates them
and what keeps them inspired,sometimes somebody just needs to
hear something good, even wheneverything's going to shit.
Okay, it can be very painful,but even sometimes when it's not
, you got to give them credit,shine the spotlight on them and
and when things are wrong andthis is the hard part right, the
(36:37):
hard part is is only take thecredit for the failures, okay,
and, and you know the creditsfor the wins, that's, that's on
them.
That's, you know wins, that'son them.
Let them own that right.
Protect your team that's realleadership.
And speak with what I call kindcandor.
I told you we'd circle back tokind candor.
Be kind but frank, okay, beclear.
(37:01):
You don't have to be a butthead.
Say what's needed to be said,but do it with heart, okay.
Now here's where it gets hard.
Embracing them, even when it'spainful Okay, you might have
someone in a role that that isburning them out.
Okay, they're not thriving.
(37:21):
Well, you see it.
But don't want to move them.
Okay, cause you need them there.
They've been loyal.
Okay.
But sometimes the best thing wecan do is shift them to a
different position, move them,okay.
Sometimes you didn't even knowthat you needed the position you
or they made for themselves,and sometimes they didn't even
(37:45):
know that they had that skill.
Okay, that again experience.
I didn't.
I wasn't born Okay To to seethat.
Right, it's through experienceand watching other, from my own
experiences of getting burnoutand not thriving and not doing
(38:08):
well in a position, even thoughI felt they needed to be in that
position because we didn't haveanybody else.
But I can't be so short-sightedthat if I want these people, if
they thrived at one point intime in that position, how will
(38:29):
they thrive someplace else, eventhough we don't have anybody to
fill that position?
But I'm thinking veryshort-sightedly because there's
probably someone sitting behindthem that could fill that.
Those shoes just as well, ifnot better.
Okay, new set of eyes, new setof glasses, right, different
motivation now, because they gota push up in status, they got a
(38:52):
new opportunity and that goodstuff.
So I've been there, did that,I've seen it, done it.
I've seen people create theirown positions throughout the
company, but again, that'sgetting back to surrounding
yourself around great frickingpeople, right?
And at the end of the day, thequestion isn't how much control
do I have, right?
It's how many people have Iraised up to lead after me,
(39:17):
right?
That's what?
That's what it comes down to.
So, anyhow, I think I'm goingto wrap this up here at about 40
minutes.
Man, if you, if you up good,that means you're ready.
You're ready to leaddifferently.
You're ready to serve first,you're ready to pass the baton
to others and be proud of whatthey do with it.
(39:39):
You don't have to wear a crownto be a king.
You just have to build akingdom others want to grow in.
Thanks for tuning in to Beyondthe Tool Belt.
Be sure to like, share, love,subscribe, do all those crazy
things, and may the force bewith you Till next week I'll
catch ya.
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