036|100 Ways to Love Your Wife—And Why None of Them Will Work Until You Do This

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You’ve tried. You’ve bought the book, made the effort, planned the date, said the right thing. But somehow… it still doesn’t land. You fall back into the same patterns. She still feels hurt or distant. And you’re left wondering: What’s wrong with me?

In this episode of Better Husband, we’re talking about why good intentions and great tools still fail when the part of you that shows up under pressure isn’t the part of you that actually knows how to love. You’ll learn why you keep getting hijacked by your old patterns, how your adaptive strategies are sabotaging connection, and what it looks like to lead your marriage from a grounded, wise, emotionally mature place. This one goes deep—and it just might change everything.

🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

✅ Why marriage tools won’t work until you shift who’s using them
✅ The two versions of you—and why the wrong one keeps taking the lead
✅ Where your shutdowns, defensiveness, and avoidance really come from
✅ How to reconnect with the grounded, wise version of yourself
✅ A powerful practice to interrupt reactivity and start showing up with love
✅ What your wife actually needs from you in hard moments

💡 Key Takeaway:

Your tools aren’t the problem.
The problem is the part of you that shows up when things get tense.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You need to be present—and led by your wise adult, not your wounded child.

🔨 Action Steps This Week:

1️⃣ Name your pattern—what’s your go-to move when things get hard?
2️⃣ Trace it back—where did you learn that strategy?
3️⃣ Write a letter to your adaptive child (use the sample in this episode)
4️⃣ Share the letter with someone you trust—don’t do this work alone

🧠 Reflection Questions:

❓ What part of me keeps hijacking the moments I most want to connect?
❓ Where did I learn to survive this way—and how is it hurting me now?
❓ What would it look like to let my wise adult lead—even for one breath?

Ready to Take Action?
🚨 Watch the FREE Better Husband Workshop → BetterHusbandSecrets.com

Questions?
📩 Email Me → [e-mail]