15 Most Common Relationship MYTHS DEBUNKED! [Ep 88]

Ten evergreen “rules” almost everyone hears—John & Nicole shred them one by one. From soul-mate telepathy to the myth that a newborn repairs a shaky marriage, the duo’s rapid-fire myth-busting sparks a 50/50 comment war.⏱️ Timestamps (approx.)0:00  Intro & why relationship “rules” won’t die2:50  Myth #1 – If they loved me, they’d just know what I need9:20  Myth #2 – Good couples don’t fight10:30  Myth #3 – You complete me14:45  Myth #4 – Love should be effortless18:25  Myth #5 – Happy couples always feel in love20:55  Myth #6 – Sex must be spontaneous24:45  Myth #7 – Once passion fades, the relationship is over27:45  Myth #8 – We should want the same things all the time37:20  Myth #9 – Talking more always fixes everything41:00  Myth #10 – Having a child will bring us closer48:30  Takeaways: practical rewrites for each myth & weekly challenge👇 Links & Resources• Podcast site – https://betterthanperfectpod.com• Instagram – https://instagram.com/betterthanperfectpodcast• Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/show/0Os5mBb4WMKy7rw5GMHDN7• Apple – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/better-than-perfect-a-relationship-podcast/id1719469324🔔 Subscribe for weekly no-filter debates on love, polarity, and personal growth—every myth sparks a split decision.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Talking more always fixes things.
Talking more and sleep deprivation always fixes things.
Eventually you will succumb, right?
So it's like if you talk and talk and talk and you're not
sleeping because you're still talking, eventually you're going
to like the ego gets demolished and you're like, I just need to
sleep. I just, I'm sorry.

(00:22):
That doesn't seem like it's going to have as much benefit as
if you just sympathize with eachother and apologize.
Yeah, but the sleep deprivation wears you down where you're
like, all right, stop being stubborn and you tear.
See. What you mean?
But we've also talked during theday and it hasn't been sleep
time and it's been hours beyond.The perfect we discovered

(00:45):
through our flaws. We complete each other better
than perfect Twisted. All right, welcome back to the
Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with
you how 2 imperfect people helping each other grow equals 1

(01:06):
better than perfect relationship.
And it's casual Friday for John,That's right, we'll allow it
because his birthday is tomorrowalso.
I've got my make restore masculinity make men men again
shirt get the get the back theretoo do.
You want me to read it? Yeah.

(01:27):
You can turn around. Healthy masculinity.
Protective, not controlling. Honorable, not convenient.
Accountable, not excused. Courageous.
Not careless, independent, not isolated, disciplined, not
reckless, decisive, not dominating.
Respectful, not weak. Stoic, not shut down.

(01:49):
Confident, not cocky, sharp, notscheming.
Present, not passive. Calm, not cold.
Make men, men again. Courtesy of my, my friend Brian
from Red Stampede Co. So, yeah, if you want to check
out, get his shirts. He's got some, he's got some
good shirts. I like like his shirts.
But I mean, this was the one I liked the most because, you

(02:10):
know, restore masculinity. But yeah, Red Stampede Co, I
think on Instagram, check out his store.
But yeah, yeah, thanks for hooking me up with this shirt.
And let's make men men again. That's right.
Well, today, I don't know. Do we have like anything going
on in the world that we wanted to talk about?
I think we should just. Just not the depressing.

(02:32):
Stuff, yeah, it's just, you know, nuclear war and stuff
we're. Not going to put that negativity
out there and hopefully we won'thave to deal with it, but we're
going to go a little myth Bustertoday.
We're going to bust some relationship myths and put our
two cents in about them. So courtesy of ChatGPT, we have

(02:53):
15 of them. Yeah, that's right. 15 of them.
All right. I can just jump right in I'm.
Excited. Yeah.
What's our first myth to bust ornot bust?
Maybe some of them are good. Yeah.
OK, the first one is if they really loved me, they just know
what I need. And I believed this myth at one

(03:14):
point. I feel like logically you can
understand that someone can't read your mind.
And maybe it's more of a woman thing.
I don't know. Do men think like this that
they're like, I think it kind ofties for women more to the like
if you wanted to, he would. And so like she'll be like, Oh

(03:37):
well, if he really loved me, he would just bring me flowers
sometimes I wouldn't have to sayit.
And it's like in some degree, it's like you do want somebody
to like spontaneously kind of dothese things.
Like I get that they're not going to know like which flowers
that you want or something like that.
But that I think it's that womenwant that like spontaneity, like

(04:01):
rather than being like, can you please bring me flowers like
every once in a while, which there's nothing wrong with
saying that. And to be honest, if it really
matters to you, you should say it.
But I think that just as a womanwho, like I said, believed to
this at some point, it's like I think that's where at least the
woman's perspective comes from, especially to like you see with

(04:22):
women and men, not like filling her stockings.
We've talked about this like a woman wants a man to just do it.
Right, without having to be. And just know that that's, like,
something he should probably do without her being like, hey, can
you fill my stocking? Because it kind of takes away
the magic of it a little bit. Exactly.
Yeah. And again, like, if it's
something that really matters toyou, you should say something

(04:44):
and you should speak up about it.
But I just think that that's where maybe especially women
fall into this myth because theywant that, like, spontaneity of
it. And, you know, so it is a myth.
Like you do have to communicate.Like someone's not going to be
able to read your mind. But I do think that, you know,

(05:08):
men should try to be a little bit more romantic because I
think that's really what this stems from is that women just
want to feel like they just wantto feel like they're loved
because that's why they're like,if they really loved me, then
they would know. And I think it's not even the
knowing. I think it's that the showing.
It's not the knowing, it's the showing.

(05:30):
And that's what trips people up.But yeah, if you're somebody
that genuinely thinks that someone should just read your
mind and know what you want, like you should read my mind
right now and figure out what I want to eat for dinner later or
something. Like that's not realistic.
And you know, if if you don't give him any hints, they're
like, I'm feeling Mexican, then like he's he's not going to know

(05:53):
what you want for dinner. Like you could give him little
hints or something if you want to still try to make it a
surprise. Like, you'll be surprised what
Mexican restaurant you go to fordinner, but you can't just be
like, read my mind like. Yeah.
Well, I mean, I think also like I've got mixed thoughts on this
one, right. So yes, you should communicate
what you want. People can't read your mind

(06:16):
necessarily. But also it's one of those
things where it falls into the category of you should try to do
this, but you should not expect this.
So you should try to anticipate your partner's needs without
them having to tell you, but youshouldn't expect them to
anticipate your needs without you having to tell them, right?
You know what I'm saying? It's like be be the one who does

(06:39):
that. But you can't have that
expectation on someone because it's an unreasonable expectation
to have, whereas you can try to do that, right?
So especially for for guys, likeyou said, women want a man who
just gets it right, even just understanding.
That's why having good social skills as a man is important,

(07:00):
because the man just gets it. He can read the room, he knows
how to treat a woman, he knows to bring flowers.
He knows these things then he should.
A woman wants a man that can do that without having to be told
right. But that's at some point though,
you have to learn it somewhere. So it's like if you, if you

(07:23):
initially let your partner know what you want and what you like,
and then they anticipate your need from that and do it without
being told, then I think that's where you should, you should
strive to be because you, you should really be like that.
You know, like women. Do you want a man to bring her
flowers and to, you know, to figure out somewhere where she

(07:45):
would like to go to eat. Not that necessarily have to ask
her, but right, men want a womanto spontaneously give them blow
jobs. Like that's they don't want to
have to ask about, you know, it's like, like stuff like, I
mean, we, we did the whole episode on the romance for men
and romance for women and it's kind of that.
Yeah, I think it's more of the romance thing because I think
that, like I said, what even when I think about when I had

(08:09):
thoughts like this, it was more so like feeling considered and
feeling like my partner was paying attention to me and like,
wanted to understand me and like, figure out the things that
I wanted more. So rather than like I genuinely
wanted them to read my mind, youknow what I mean?
So I think that's where it stemsfrom.

(08:29):
And I think you're right that like if men learn how to be
romantic and pay attention to their partner, and women learn
how to be romantic towards men and pay attention to him in the
way that each side feels appreciated and like paid
attention to, then I feel like it kind of busts this myth on

(08:50):
its own. Yeah, yeah.
And it is possible to anticipatesomeone's needs after when you
know them well enough that I think that's, that's the thing
that's like, yeah, you, you can and you should, you should
strive to, to fulfill your partner's needs before they even
have to express them. I think in, in.
But you can't always assume thatthat's always going to happen or

(09:10):
that, you know, as, as the otherperson, you can't expect that.
It's good if you can do it, but you shouldn't expect it.
Yeah, that's what I was saying. So OK, the next one is good
couples don't fight. That's true.
OK, maybe the word fight. Like they don't fight.

(09:30):
They don't hurl insults at each other and scream at each other,
right? But so maybe in if they're using
the words fight. It depends on what.
Kind of fight just sounds violent.
Like fist fight. Fight sounds violent I think
like good couples disagree or they have arguments or.
Conflict. Yeah.
Yeah, it's conflict. Yeah, but I feel like we're just

(09:53):
being NIT picky on the words but.
Well, I mean, but fighting is like you're trying to win,
You're trying to like, that's harm.
The other person trying to TKO the other person.
Knock them out. So I think that's right.
You shouldn't be fighting like aYeah, right.
It's like, but it doesn't mean you're not a good couple if you
do. It just means that like that's
not an attribute that you shouldbe like good, you should have

(10:16):
conflict, good conflict because through conflict you grow,
right, Right. You know so.
Yeah, and you were through things.
So yeah, the word fight, we havea problem with that, but.
What else you got? #3 is you complete me.
That's the myth. Yeah.
I mean, you should be, you should be complete.

(10:40):
It's hard because there's and wehaven't really done an episode
on dependency and interdependency and
codependency, right. We did AI think we talked a
little bit about yeah, interdependency versus
codependency. OK, maybe we did, but.
But I don't know if it was a full episode.
Yeah, but interdependency is notnot bad, right?

(11:01):
Because so, so it's like when you're dating, you need to be
complete in your cell. You can't be looking for someone
to complete you, right? That's where the myth comes in.
But when you do build an intimate relationship with
someone, then you should become interdependent where you do
complete each other. Even though that seems like a

(11:22):
contradiction, it's not because you should be whole on your own,
not looking for someone to make you whole.
But then when you enter that relationship, now you're
purposely giving up your one side of you to become one and be

(11:44):
completed by each other so that you don't have duplicity in the
roles. Like we talked about this before
about you don't need 2 rocket ships, right?
Instead, let's build a bigger rocket.
That one part is the head of therocket.
One part is the thruster of the rocket, right?
As opposed to two rockets like you should be a rocket on
yourself. You shouldn't be half a rocket
looking for the other half of a rocket because that's not going

(12:07):
to be good because you're not going to be very functional.
But when you take a fully functional 2, fully functional
human beings that are complete in themselves, then you combine
them together and they choose tobecome interdependent on each
other, that creates a stronger. Union, I agree with you.
I was going to say something similar, like you said that you
need to be an individual and complete on your own.

(12:30):
But then when you get into a serious relationship and you get
married, you do complete the newentity, which is the marriage,
which is you guys as a couple. It's now this new thing that
mixes both of you together. But that doesn't mean that you
shouldn't be a complete human being before you enter into
that. You have to to even get to that

(12:53):
point because otherwise then you're then it's all sorts of
mixed up, like you don't even know who you are, what you're
doing. Like you need, like you said,
validation from other people, but you don't have the like
acceptance and appreciation for yourself as a whole on your own.
So yeah, I agree that it's like you have to be whole, but you

(13:16):
create a new thing when you get married that does require the
other person to complete it, especially in the situation like
the modern traditional relationships, like we talked
about, like, and if you're not apart of our family, then there's
no masculine energy. Like, yes, I could step up and
bring that, but then that's not really, that's just me, right,

(13:40):
Doing all the things. And if vice versa, if I was
gone, then you wouldn't have thefeminine side.
So it's like you need both of those things when you enter into
that to complete your family, tocomplete your marriage, to
complete your union as one. I mean that's why they say that
2 become one when you get married, so.

(14:01):
You just don't want to each other.
You don't want to look for a partner to fill a hole in
yourself. A void, yeah.
Because then you, because that'swhere you create a dependent
relationship where your happiness is dependent on your
partner or their mood. So they're like, if you, if
you're already complete in yourself, then you don't end up

(14:22):
you becoming you. You can become interdependent
instead of dependent, right, right.
Which which I think is yeah, so.Which I feel like it's a lot of
people who like bounce from relationship to a relationship
because they can't not be in one.
Like they don't know how to evenbe on their own and feel
complete on their own. So next one is love should be

(14:46):
effortless. It should.
It should look effortless, but it shouldn't be.
I mean. It should be given effortlessly.
Yeah, that's like it's, it's, it's weird.
It's like, yes, like the, the, Imean, when we talk about this is
like love is a gift. It's not earned, but it's not

(15:10):
always easy. To I think that's loving all the
time. I think that's what they're
saying is that like love, they're meaning like the
relationship you're, you know, connection with the person isn't
always going to be perfect. Like we talked about, you're
going to have arguments or disagreements and things like
that. And so it's not going to always

(15:32):
be just existing and everything's fine.
And then if something bad happens, then that means that
it's not good anymore or things like that or it's not real love.
If it's not effortless like it requires.
It's that like complicated thing, right?
Like where people say relationships are hard work,

(15:53):
like they're not hard work, but they are like it's hard work in
the sense of the hard part is working on yourself in order to
show up better. Not hard work is in, it's hard
to be around my partner and workthrough this.
Like it's hard work because you're having to face your inner

(16:14):
demons and trauma and whatever your old patterns that aren't
serving you. That part is hard.
It's hard breaking the cycles that you've been in for your
entire life in order to have a more harmonious and effortless
relationship. But being in the relationship
should not be hard work. That part should be effortless.

(16:35):
Like loving the person that you chose to marry should be
effortless. Like even in the hard times, you
should still love them. Like you should still have the
love for them. Yeah.
And I think I think some of it comes down to the idea that like
love is not an emotion, it's an action.
And so that's where it's like ifyou think that it should be
effortless in the sense that I just either if I I should just

(16:58):
feel it all the time in in a way, yes.
I mean, you should underlying that underlying feeling should
should be there, but you're not always going to feel like you're
like in love all the time in, inthe sense that like you're going
to be upset at times and things like that.
But the action of love is more important than the feeling of

(17:18):
it. You can't just base your life
off of feelings. You have to base it off of what
are the actions that you take, right.
So even if you're upset, do you still act in a loving way?
Do you show love? Do you still, you know, take
that action of love? Otherwise, what good is it?
Because then when you're upset, then you know you don't love
them anymore. Which you shouldn't feel that

(17:39):
way because I feel like even if you're upset with somebody, if
you really love them and care about them, you still have that
feeling, even though it is overshadowed by whatever, you
know, upset emotion that you're having at the moment.
But you should still have that the core of love for the person
that you're even having the conversation with rooted in you.

(18:03):
Because I do feel like that helps make it so that you're not
lashing out at your partner and you're not doing those things.
Like I feel like if you just tapinto the fact that it's still
there, even if it's being covered up right now by emotions
that don't feel good, then you'll come from a more loving
place even in the hard times. I agree.

(18:24):
All right. #5 happy couples always feel in love.
That kind of goes a little bit with that one.
It's like I feel like at the core, you should always feel in
love. Like, yeah.
And I think people think this isa myth because I think it goes
back to to being like, oh, like we're always happy and like

(18:45):
romantic and lovey dovey. Like maybe that's what they
mean, always in love. But I do think like you should
at your core always be in love. Like I said, there should be
that moment when you're looking at your partner and even if
you're really upset and they hurt you or whatever, you're
like, I love this person and youknow, I want to fix this.
And even if you're resisting it,that you have that still inside

(19:09):
of you, I don't know how to really describe it, but it's
like that should be at the core of your feelings towards the
person that you're talking to. Even if it gets covered up, like
I said by some of the other things, you should still have
that core because it helps keep you connected in those hard
moments. And that's the key is staying

(19:31):
connected even if you are upset with one another or hurt by one
another, is to keep that connection and remember the
love, like you said, because it's still there.
You just got to dig to find it and then come from a place of
connection and love even in those hard moments, which is
really hard. Again, like, like we talked

(19:54):
about, the hard part is doing things like that and, you know,
not allowing ourselves to fall into the same patterns or allow
our emotions to just steamroll everything and act however we
want and then act like it was nobig deal.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
And I, I think it's like you should always be in love.

(20:16):
Like to keep that. It's like what we call the
honeymoon fate. Like you, yeah, you should
always be in the honeymoon phase.
That it's a problem if you're not, because that indicates that
there's bitterness there's that's built up over time and
that needs to be resolved because otherwise why wouldn't
you? It's not that there's no reason

(20:37):
why you wouldn't be holding hands and and acting like people
who are in love. Like if you're not acting like
people in love, yeah, that's theproblem.
So this one I would say we didn't bust because it's.
There's truth to it. It is.
Truth in that one. OK, next number 6 is sex should
always be spontaneous and amazing.

(20:58):
I mean next, I agree. No, I mean it.
Like you should be invested in it.
Yeah, every time that it happens.
Yeah, like you should. The spontaneous part, I think

(21:20):
it's the myth part because that's it's that's the thing
that is the myth part, because you can plan it.
You can plan like and you and ifyou have kids and like you're
going to have to like, you have schedules, like you can't just
have things be spontaneous all the time because you also have
to get stuff done and you have to like, you have to like, you

(21:43):
know, like spontaneity I think is good.
I think you should add some spontaneity if you're not having
spontaneity. But but yeah, it can be amazing
all the time too, though. That's like if you're put the
devotion and practice into it. Yeah, and take the time.
Well, in the intimacy and the connection.
Then it can be amazing all the time.

(22:05):
Right. If you view it as like a chore
or like, I have to do this or whatever, then.
And even women who are like, I don't really feel like it.
It's I think in the Laura Doyle book, yeah.
I don't know if she's mentioned it or not.
She mentioned something about Yeah, for sure.
I mean, I think she said to justdo it, but I think kind of like

(22:26):
what we've been talking about inour own lives is you have to
tell yourself a different story.Yeah, Like if you're like, I
don't want to do this, like, whatever.
If you have a legitimate, like, you don't feel well or
something, that's different. But if you're just like not
feeling in the mood or somethinglike tell yourself a different
story about the situation and like, maybe it hasn't been a

(22:49):
while or like, you know, maybe you're just negativity is like
bringing you down. And if you think positively and
you get excited about doing it, then your mind will follow suit.
So it's like if you're feeling like that, you can get yourself
out of that as well too. Because really your husband or
your partner is not going to be able to get you out of that

(23:11):
negative funk no matter what they do.
If you're focused on that and you're committed to being in
that, so you can make it a lot more enjoyable experience.
If you, you know, get yourself in the right mindset and then
it'll be better than you ever thought it was.
And then you don't, you're not viewing it that way.

(23:32):
And then you can learn to condition yourself to think like
that, not only in those instances where maybe you're not
feeling it, but in life in general, and things will get
better as well. Yeah, and a lot of times women's
desire is a responsive desire. So if a woman might not be
feeling it, if she's receptive, then she may get into the mood

(23:54):
from a responsive desire, Right.So, yeah, so but I mean it,
yeah. You just have to have the right
mindset about it. But also, like you, you've got
to actually put in the work to, to learn how to make things
amazing every time like you can.It can be done for sure, right?
So it's like and a lot of it falls on the part of the of the

(24:16):
guy it does to figure. Out how to do?
Things in the right way in orderto and to take things slow,
right? Because also a woman's engine
takes longer to warm up than theguy's engine.
And so if you understand that asa man, you can make it amazing

(24:39):
every time. Yeah, so there we.
Can testify, All right #7 once passion fades, the relationship
is over. That's not true because you can
get it back. I feel like you can get it back.
Like if you feel like it's fading, maybe it's like a weird
time right now. Like maybe someone or both

(25:02):
people are in a weird days of their life or they're really
stressed out or they're depressed or those things like
that. And a lot of times that can make
the passion feel like it's not there, but that doesn't mean
that it can't come back. And sometimes too, maybe you're
like you need some spontaneity in the sense of like you need to
switch it up, like try somethingnew or, you know, go on a

(25:26):
vacation and have fun, you know,like something to ignite that
spark back. Because I don't feel like if it
fades, it's totally gone. I feel like, I feel like when
people give up on it, then it then the relationship is over if
they've given up and they don't want to work on it.
But that's the only time. Well, I, I interpret it a little

(25:49):
bit differently on what's being said like on when, when passion
fades a relationships done in the sense that if you're saying
that you can have a relationshipwithout passion.
And that's how like, I think that some people might say, OK,
well, you're going to have a honeymoon phase and then the

(26:09):
passion's going to fade, and then is the relationship done or
not? They think the passion fades
after the honeymoon phase. Oh yeah, that's what, a
majority? Then why do they get married?
Because if that's what they think, that it's the
relationship's over after the passion.
Fades because then you just go to regular life and you just
like, you know. You just exist.
Yeah, you love each other, but you don't have passion.

(26:33):
That's what the majority of people, I think.
So you're friends like you love your friend, but you're not
passionately trying to hook up with them.
Something like that. But but that's what most people
think happens. I mean, that's what most
psychologists say happens in relationship, right?
So it is, but I disagree. I don't think it has to be the
case, like we've talked about onthis podcast, is that you can

(26:55):
stay in the honeymoon phase forever.
It's a matter of getting rid of that tartar that builds up, not
allowing the tartar to build up,brushing their relationship
teeth, flossing them. Every night.
Yeah. So that you're resolving
conflict to the fullest extent so that it does not build up and
does not build up resentment, because that's what destroys the

(27:16):
relationship but destroys the passion because then you start
to you replace passion with resentment.
And then that's the so. So in a way, it's true.
And in the sense that like if you allow the passion to
completely fade because you're not maintaining the passion,
then the relationship will die. You're right that you can bring
it back. Yes.

(27:36):
So yeah. Yeah.
So I would say that it's not over unless people give up.
Yeah, yeah. All right #8 we should want the
same things all the time. Of course you think that's true.
Taco Bell all the time. No, I don't think that's that's
that's true because, you know, it's like you're going to have

(27:58):
things that you're going to wantto do and I'm going to like, if
I was like dragged you running every time I want to go running,
my gosh, you wouldn't really enjoy that.
Like and then there's things that you want to do that I not
necessarily would enjoy and but then there's things we enjoy
together. Yeah, you know, video game.
I agree you shouldn't want to want all the same things, but
you should want all the same things in the core category.

(28:22):
Like if you want kids and someone doesn't.
Bad mixture. It yeah, but but I think that
you can still work that out, I think.
That I think it leads to a lot of resentment though.
I I feel like you can work it out, meaning that you're going
to have kids. You can't deprive Someone Like

(28:44):
You can work it out where the other person can.
They can be OK with having kids.But what if that person really
doesn't want to have kids? Like that's what I'm saying.
Like if one person's very passionate that they want kids
and 1 isn't, then it's like that's you have to want the same
things on like the core. Yeah, but but it could be.
But it can be negotiated in the sense that like just because you

(29:07):
start in one position does not mean that, you know, it's just
like we were just talking about the other night about like even
like a political thing. It's like that's not a, it's not
an immediate disqualification. It's like you can come to
agreements, conclusions like. Yeah, I think the political
thing isn't, but I think like bringing a life into this world,

(29:28):
like I think that it should be wanted by both people.
But you don't know right away. It's like.
Like you don't know until you'rein the situation.
Until you're in the relationshipenough to know, do you want to
have kids with this person? Because.
But what if it doesn't change? Because it's not just like, do

(29:48):
you want to have kids? It's like, do you want to have
kids with this person? That's what right.
If you feel like you, well, you always say the Tesla's like if
you if you had a kid and they were just like this person,
right? Would you, you know, would you
be happy? If not, then you shouldn't be
with that person. So yeah.
So it's kind of a very similar thing in the sense that I think

(30:10):
when you're with someone, the right person, you might feel
like, Oh yeah, I do want to havekids with this person.
So it's not like I want to have kids or not, you know?
Yeah, but I feel like some people are very like no.
And I feel like it's dangerous if you're very yes to try to
like pursue that person if there's still continuing to be

(30:33):
no. Like I know on our first date,
like honestly, this was the thing for me that I wanted
someone that wanted the same things.
And it did change because it's like you did give me a kid, just
in a different way than I thought.
But I would go on dates and I would say, do you want kids?
And if they said no, I'd be like, OK, well, this isn't going

(30:54):
to work out because like, I'm not going to.
I also don't want to like wait and see if you're going to
change your mind. What if it doesn't change?
And then like now, we've been dating for two years and like,
you know what? I.
Mean a little bit of a differentview.
I, I think, which would be that most things in our lives, right?

(31:16):
And I know a lot of people disagree with this, but most
things in our lives, we don't really decide ahead of time, you
know, like, it's not like, OK, well, I'm absolutely going to be
an astronaut. You know, like, yeah, some
people decide that whatever. But it's sort of like, you see
what's happens and then that opens up doors or doesn't open

(31:36):
up doors. But for some reason on the kids
thing, a lot of people are very predetermined.
I'm going to have kids. I'm not going to have kids.
It's almost like, yeah, maybe you have a preference, but I
don't think you should make a definitive.
I'm going to have kids in this life or I'm not going to have
kids. I don't want to have kids
because that when you create such a definitive statement

(31:58):
about what your life is going tobe, you may be shutting doors or
opportunities that like you kindof have to feel it out and see
like, okay, maybe you get into arelationship and then you both
decide that you want to have kids together.
But if you have pre decided ahead of time or they have pre
decided against it ahead of time, you you've created an
unnecessary conflict. You're not.

(32:19):
You're not creating an opportunity where there could be
an opportunity. I hear what you're saying, and I
agree with what you're saying, but I also think that you're a
man. And it's different for women.
Like a lot of women do. Yeah.
Decide that they want kids or they don't.
And it's because we're the ones that bring them into the world.
Yeah. We want to be mothers.

(32:40):
We have that nurturing part of ourselves.
That is what the true feminine core is.
Yeah. And so I do feel like it is
different, like what you're saying makes sense and I agree
with you because I wanted kids and then I met you and you
already had a daughter. And so now I feel like that part
of me has been filled, even though I haven't birthed a child

(33:03):
personally. So I get that you do need to be
open to potentially your idea ofwhat you have in your mind
changing because you can still get what you want.
It just might look differently. But I do feel like women do
either know that they want kids or they don't.
And if they're on the fence, then I feel like they are
usually open and depend on the person.

(33:25):
But I feel like if you're someone from a very young age
that was like, I want to have kids and you know, do finger
paints with them when they grow up and do all these things, like
they're pretty set on wanting tohave that experience and
nurture. But the child.
But some women are like, no, I don't want to have kids.
And you know, it's for one reason or another, like maybe

(33:47):
they don't want to pass down things that they think they're
going to pass down to their kid or OK, whatever the reason might
be, but. Let me give you a counter
argument to that. OK, so this is the counter
argument. Suppose that as a as a young
girl, you decide I want to have kids, I want to finger paint
with my kids, whatever. And you base your life on this

(34:08):
and then it doesn't happen for one of many reasons.
One, you don't, you don't end upgetting married.
You don't find the right person.You have an infertility issue,
right? Like, it's not a good idea to
make such a set decision in yourlife, like a preference to be
like, yeah, I think I would liketo have kids someday.
I'd be open to having kids someday.
But if you make a very definitive thing about anything

(34:29):
in your life, they're like, it must happen this way.
Then you can also make wrong decisions, have kids with the
wrong person. You know, you can be like my
right, my life is ruined becauseI wasn't able to fulfill my
purpose in life of having kids or you know, so that would be my
counter argument. Like I get what you're saying,
but but I would also say that atthe same time, it might be more

(34:49):
healthy to not have such a definitive.
Like I have to do this because if you're unable to do that for
some reason, that could be outside of your control because
a lot of this is outside your control then.
But what about society telling you to reproduce?
Because that's another thing as well too.
And as women, we have this like,biological thing going on that

(35:10):
that's what we're meant to do, you know, which I feel like
whether you have kids or not, that I'm sure people have women
have some sort of grief over like not doing the thing that
your body was built to do and. This is what I tell guys all the
time. I'm like, it doesn't matter what
a woman says, OK, if you get into a relationship with a
woman, assume that she's going to want to have kids at some

(35:32):
point. And if you're not OK with that,
then don't get into a relationship with her, not a
long term commit relationship, because that's most likely going
to be the case. And so as a man, you need to
figure out how you can be OK with that, right?
If you want to have a long term relationship, because even the
woman that says I don't ever want to have kids, if you have a
really good intimate relationship with her and she's

(35:57):
going to and the time starts andexactly.
And then the biological clock starts ticking because it might
not be ticking at 22, but at 2829 thirty starts to tick.
Then even if she said she didn'twant to have kids, she's going
to start to say most likely thatshe does.
And so you already have to be prepared of this.

(36:18):
So I mean, so ultimately, like it should just be the default
should be, yes, you are going tohave kids, right?
Unless you're, you know, becauseyou can't even as a guy, like
you can't even pre negotiate that.
Because like I said, if a woman says that she doesn't have kids,
that doesn't mean that she doesn't want to have kids.
If a guy says he doesn't want tohave kids, it's more likely that
he he means that, but he could be convinced otherwise.

(36:39):
So. Like someone else I know.
OK, so you shouldn't want the same things all the time.
Well, because even when I, when I met, when I met you, I before
I met you. Well, yeah, because I before I
met you, I was like, OK, well, I, I mean, I had my daughter and
I thought I would never want to have kids again like that.
That's enough. I don't want to.

(37:00):
One and done. Yeah, that's it.
But when I met you, I honestly felt like, Oh yeah, if Nicole
wants to have kids, I would. I would do it for sure.
Even still, if you want to, I would still so.
Don't tempt me with our AI baby.Our AI baby is cute.
We got way off track. We did.
Hey, that's OK, all right #9 talking more always fixes

(37:23):
things. We know that this is in fact a
myth. But is it though?
I mean, so we got some 8 hour discussions that eventually
fixed. About quality, yeah, not like
how long, because we've talked in circles for 8 hours, Yeah,
that's true. But when we talk more
effectively, yeah, it doesn't last nearly as long.

(37:46):
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's true.I I think there's also though,
but you should talk it out. Yeah, no.
No, that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk at.
All how long it takes? Yeah.
And the more that you talk to each other just normally
throughout the day and throughout your life, I feel
like it makes the conversations,like the hard conversations

(38:07):
easier a lot of the time. What's the myth?
What does it say? Talking more always fixes
things. Talking more and sleep
deprivation always fixes things.Eventually you will succumb,
right? So it's like if you talk and
talk and talk and you're not sleeping because you're still
talking, eventually you're gonnalike the ego gets to demolish

(38:28):
and you're like, I just need to sleep.
I just, I'm sorry. That doesn't seem like it's
gonna have as much benefit as ifyou just empathize with each
other and apologize. Yeah, but the sleep deprivation
wears you down where you're like, all right, stop being
stubborn. I see what you mean but we've

(38:48):
also talked during the day and it's hasn't been sleep time and
it's been hours. No, but no, I agree.
I mean, it's not just talking. Doesn't doesn't always.
Sometimes actions need to happen, not just talking, right?
To fix things like, you need to see something.
You can't just talk. By the words yeah.
Yeah, yeah, got to bring the game.

(39:08):
OK, so that one's a myth. 10 Honesty means saying whatever's
on your mind. No, I think we all know that
that's not the case. But you should be honest and you
should tell the truth, but you should be considerate of your
partner. Yeah, yeah.
So. Yeah, now what's on your mind?

(39:31):
All right, eleven marriage will fix our relationship.
No, no, it will break your relationship if if it's broken,
it'll break it more. I guess my thing is like, do
people genuinely believe that? Do they genuinely believe that
now legally bonding yourself to somebody that you're already

(39:52):
having problems with will fix the relationship?
I, I think it could help you if you, if it was, if it was taken
more seriously than it is today in the sense that having a
strong commitment where it's like, no, you have to figure out
how to work this. Just like you know when you when
you have two kids that are. Fighting and you're like, okay,

(40:15):
well you're both gonna be lockedin this room until you work it
out or kill each other, right? It's like what?
You never had that happen as a kid.
You never got in a fight with someone.
Your parents said all right, youguys are.
No, we just both got in trouble and I was so mad.
Never got locked into the broom closet together with no, I'm
just kidding. But or, or, or you, you know,
handcuff two people together, right?

(40:36):
That's a famous, a movie plot, right?
It's like, you know, until they figure it out and they fall in
love. So it's like, if you're stuck
and you have to work it out, youwill.
That's why arranged marriages work out so many times.
But but in general, I would likeyou, if your relationship's not
good, getting married is not a good plan, just like having kids
is not a good plan. Well, that brings us to the next

(40:58):
one. Having a child will bring us
closer. If not getting, if not getting
sleep and not having sex makes you feel closer than yes.
I mean, I guess I can kind of understand this one a little bit
more because they're like, let'screate life and be a team and
work together to raise our child.

(41:21):
But like you said it, that's like the sunshine and rainbows
talking like raising a kid is very hard, especially in the
early years. I haven't had one personally,
but I know plenty of people who've had babies and like you
said, they're getting no sleep. No, they're just little demons
at first, you know, they got, it's like, how's that gonna make

(41:42):
your relationship better, like. Again, I think it's cuz like the
collaboration of working together to raise a human being,
they think that oh, this will like make us work together cuz
we have like a unified front, a unified thing we're working
towards, right? But it doesn't work like that.
It can definitely 'cause I feel like more issues if you're

(42:04):
already having issues. Well, you don't even have the
time to sort out your issues then.
So you got to get your issues sorted out because you don't
even have time to have a conversation to actually get the
sleep deprivation. You're getting the sleep
deprivation, but you're not having the talking.
Right. Yeah.
Because you, because you got it.Yeah.
Because you're going to be busy.Babies need a lot, yeah, a lot
of attention. And a lot of times also like
it's going to cause the separation in the relationship

(42:26):
because many times when the baby's first born, the baby
needs the mother's care, like all the time, you know, And so
if your relationship isn't very strong, you know, because it's
important in the first couple years of the baby's life.
Not that you shouldn't like not spend any time with your
husband, but it's going to be, you know, that the baby's going

(42:48):
to need the mom. And so she's going to have to
give a lot of her time less to the husband, more to the.
Well, just from like zero to four or five is like the most
formative years for like development throughout the kids
whole life. Like that's where a lot of our
core beliefs and things about ourselves and the world and

(43:12):
things like that form. You wouldn't think that it would
be that young, but it is. So, all right, 13, if we were
meant to be, we shouldn't have to try this hard.
I think I also used to believe this myth.
I used to be like, Oh well, it was in other relationships that

(43:34):
were harder than this one. Like I would just be like, I
think that it should be easier that we should be able to
communicate and we should be able to like do this better.
I used to believe this myth. But I think though, in some ways
though, that again, it's like being with you is not hard,
right? But facing all the stuff is

(43:56):
hard. Exactly.
Yeah. And so, but I do think though in
relationships that I wasn't meant to be in, the relationship
did feel hard. Exactly.
Yeah, yeah. And so maybe this one's a little
bit true in some ways. I think so, 'cause I mean, look,
9095% of the time, me and you, we just get along perfectly

(44:17):
well, no problem, no conflict, nothing, right?
95% of the time, 5% of the time,OK, But 95% of the time, and
that's how it should be. Yeah.
And that is not something that Ihad ever experienced before.
And it's not something that mostpeople believe.
They're like, so you guys don't like say nasty stuff to each

(44:38):
other every day just like. Every day.
Most people do that. Most people, I mean, you've been
in a relationship before. You get annoyed, you get
irritated, you're like snap, snip at them or whatever.
Like it's not a big fight that you're having every day.
But most people are like, you know, exchanging some small
verbal blows, you know, every day.
That's, that's most people's life really.

(44:59):
Like, so, but yeah, but it doesn't have to be like that.
It shouldn't be like that. Which I think too that so I
think maybe this came about to like normalize the struggles
that people are going through. But like you said, they're not
normal. Like they've been normalized.
Like saying little comments to your partner every day is not

(45:23):
normal, but it's been normalized.
It's been normalized. And I think things like this pop
up to like make people feel better about those things, but
that they don't. It doesn't have to be like that.
Yeah. So this one we're saying is
true. What?
What was it again? If we're meant to be, we
shouldn't have to try this hard.Yeah, yeah.

(45:45):
It's. So it's that.
You have to try hard in working through your stuff so that you
show up as a better partner, butyou shouldn't have to try hard
to love each other or feel like you're meant to be or feel like
you're soul mates. Yeah, yeah.
And I mean, and I think you likethe try hard part is that like

(46:06):
you, you have to have a high level of standards where it's
like you're not going to just get annoyed with your partner or
insult them or whatever because if you had the standard low,
then you're going to do that stuff.
It's not a matter of whether you're meant to be or not.
Like your standard is too low for their relationship.

(46:26):
And if that is the case, then you're not going to want to be
that way, but you're going to bethat way because you're holding
yourself too much of A lower standard.
Like you do have to try in the sense that, yeah, there are
going to be times that you're going to potentially get
annoyed, but then you have to not act annoyed and not like you
have to still be patient and, and, and not take your

(46:49):
frustrations out on your partner, even if they're not the
one annoying you. Like, those are things that you
have to try to do. Yeah.
So, so there's some truth to that part of it.
I would say all. Right.
Fourteen. In a strong relationship, we
should do everything together. We kind of addressed that one
already, right? That you should do the things

(47:10):
together, but you don't have to do everything like running.
Right, exactly. I'm not going to run, I'm sorry.
Someday you'll run. But I think though, that like,
yes, not literally everything, but I think that you should want
to do everything together, even if you don't do them together.
Like there are times when I'm like, oh, I wish I could run
with you and I could, but I'm not going to.

(47:37):
Someday because. I want to run with you just to
be with you. And to experience.
That. You can bike when I run.
Which I have done that before but like the desire to not run
is greater than that desire so. Than the desire to be with me.
To be with you in every single. Instance.

(47:57):
Yeah, even in ones that I would be struggling in.
Yeah, No, I. Agree with you though, I think
that makes sense. Like to that you you would want
to be together and you know. Yeah.
I think it's like it's when something happens, if you want
to tell your husband, like you can't wait to talk to your
husband or your wife or whateverabout it, like that's wanting
them to be there, like wanting to experience all the things

(48:19):
with them. Yeah, is like being excited to
talk to them about it. But like opposite of there's
like be. Together 24/7 No.
It's like going on girls trips or guys trips.
There's like you're going on vacation without your partner.
That's that's the weird thing where it's like, no, there's
something wrong there. Like why don't you want to be

(48:41):
with your partner experiencing the things, the vacation rather
than with your friends? So.
Yeah, and you can do other things with your friends.
OK, last one. Changing for your partner is
always bad. I disagree.
Wrong. Then that's that's this is
actually maybe the best myth on here is because people say this
all the time. They're like, you shouldn't have

(49:03):
to change. Don't.
Change me or like you should love me for who I am.
But it's true that you shouldn'ttry to change your partner.
But again, you as a person should change for your partner,
right? And there's nothing wrong with
that because a lot of people arelike, oh, well, I shouldn't have
to change who I am. No, you should.
You like that should. Want to?
Yeah, that's the. Point of being on this planet is
to change who you are. Right?

(49:25):
Like, maybe not at your core core, right?
You shouldn't. But even people like, well, I
shouldn't try to like something that I don't like.
Yeah, you should. It's like when you were three
years old and you didn't like. Was that like little hint at
running? You're like, you should like
something you don't like. Come running with me.
That's how I got into running. But but when you're 3 years old,

(49:46):
you didn't like broccoli. Like if you just never, if
you're like, oh, I'm not going to change what I like.
Yeah, you've eaten chicken Nuggets.
That's it. It would just be so so it is It
is true that you should change for your partner especially,
Yeah, if things that you're doing are harming your partner
or they are, you could be a better partner for them by
changing in certain ways. It doesn't mean that you have to
completely change yourself in order to make them happy and you

(50:09):
miserable, right? That's not what we're saying.
I don't even think you change yourself.
Yeah, I think you change the waythat you operate and you get rid
of the patterns and the cycles that you've been in.
But I don't think it changes whoyou are.
Like, I think you change by unlearning unhelpful and

(50:32):
unhealthy habits that you've picked up, that we've all picked
up or survival mechanisms or, you know, like I said, the
trauma like that you've been through, like that you've been
holding on to. I think you change those things.
You change how you operate around those things.
You let those things go, yeah. Or you make new habits, which is

(50:52):
hard to do. But I don't think you change who
you are. Not at the core.
Yeah, but a lot of people identify those things as who
they are, right? Exactly.
Can't identify those things as who you are.
Like that's not at the core of who you are.
Those are just experiences that you're attaching yourself to.
But you can change those things without feeling like you're

(51:14):
changing yourself. But if you identify with those
as yourself and then it does feel like you're changing you.
And a lot of people hold on to fear and those experiences so
that they can use them in some other way to defend themselves.
I mean, we'll get into like the end segment here as well because
it kind of ties in with this. But, you know, the, I think that

(51:37):
that is also what people should focus on is you're not changing
who you are. Like you're not, you know,
completely redoing who you are at your core.
You're changing the way that youoperate based on your past that
you're bringing to your present and your future that aren't
serving you. And they're not serving your

(51:58):
relationship and they won't serve you because you're at a
different stage. Like you said, like if we never
changed, we would be eating mushed peas.
And I don't know, like who knowswhat else, but like change, it
is the only constant in life andit's true, but a lot of adults

(52:18):
resist it, right? Thinking that that is beneficial
to them or or. They can't be loved if you don't
love me exactly how I am. But that's also like a fear
thing too, you know what I mean?Like it's also this like you
have to prove to me right that you love me by me acting in a

(52:40):
way that is hurting you, but youstill have to love me anyway,
which it's like. Yes and no, right?
Like which that happens, but it doesn't happen naturally when
you're told to do it. It doesn't happen the way that
you want it to when you're forcing somebody to prove to you
that they love you by you actingin a way that you know is not
beneficial to you or them. Right.

(53:02):
Exactly. Because yes, you may be forcing
them to prove that they love you, but you're at the same time
proving that you don't love them, right?
Because you're not willing to doanything to make them happy, but
you want them to do everything to make you.
They want you to not do they want you want them to make you
happy by you not having to do anything, right?

(53:23):
Right. It's like, yeah, you should love
unconditionally. You shouldn't try to change your
partner, but you as a partner should want to change yourself
continually. To become better should be the
best version. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, that's that was the last
one. Yeah.
The other way I think about too real quick is, is like, it's
like if you're married, that's the like you have to think in a

(53:45):
less selfish way. A lot of times people think, oh,
I don't want to change this. Like, well, yeah, but also
you're, you're in a committed relationship, married where this
is the only person that your partner is going to have as a
partner. So if you can't be the best one
that you can be for them, then you're depriving them of the

(54:09):
only opportunity that they have because you're asking them to
forsake everyone else. So why can you not fulfill the
things that they want? Why can you not try to be the
thing that again, not completelychanging, but but it's like,
because I think that myself, I'mlike, OK, I'm Nicole's only
husband. That's.
Right, right. And so if she wants anything out

(54:29):
of a husband, I have to give it to her, right?
And if I don't, then I'm doing her a great disservice by
denying her that, right? And so should I change?
Should I try to do things that make it so that she feels like
she's getting everything that she wanted out of a husband?
Yes, right. It makes sense otherwise.
I'm otherwise I feel like I'm depriving you of that

(54:51):
opportunity. No, that's a good way to look at
it. And if you really care about the
person that you're with, which you should, if you're married,
then that's a good way to view it And, and you know, view it
from a different perspective because I don't think people
shift their perspective like that a lot.
And it is a good way to look at it, especially like you said,

(55:13):
like this is the person that youchose to marry.
Like this is the only husband that you're going to have for
the rest of your life or you're the only wife you're going to
have for the rest of your life. How can you be the best version
of that for them? How can you make them feel loved
everyday and appreciate it and all of those things because they
deserve those things? You, if you have a child, if you

(55:34):
have a little girl, would you not want that girl to someday
marry a man that would fulfill all of her dreams and treat her
like a Princess and like, cheered her as special as she
deserves to be treated? Yeah.
So then why would you not be that man, Right?
You know what I'm saying? And it goes vice versa for women
as well. But you know, but but yeah,

(55:54):
that's that's how I think about it.
But no, that's good. I'm glad you added that at the
end. All right, now time for our our
stuff. I messed up.
I was trying to talk to John about my feelings and I didn't
do it in the best way. And I tapped into my old

(56:18):
masculine energy to try to conquer the situation, but it
didn't work out very well. And you were like, just come to
me for help and ask me. And I'm like, I don't know how
to do that. And that's a genuine like thing.
Like I do know how to ask for help.
But I think the biggest thing was that it it's you don't as a

(56:44):
woman, you don't want to feel weak, like you want to feel
strong enough where if you're onyour own again, that you can
handle yourself. And I know I've talked about in
the past that, you know, you should have the confidence from
the time in your life that you did that.
But it's honestly hard to let goof sometimes.
Like, I don't feel like it constantly shows up in our

(57:06):
relationship, but it definitely did yesterday.
And it is also a defense mechanism of fear of being
abandoned, which a lot of peoplehave, you know?
And so instead of searching for connection from you, I hold my
ground against you. And that doesn't harbor

(57:27):
connection either. But as someone too that didn't
grow up with a lot of like affection in general and didn't
really like affection even as anadult until you came along, it's
still hard for me to like. Even though affection comes easy
towards you, in the moments thatI'm upset and I'm feeling hurt,

(57:50):
it's extremely hard for me. Yeah, you can isolate I think
as. Well, yeah, I'm definitely like
an isolator, an avoidant shut down, you know, type of person.
So it's like you telling me to come to you and be like, I need
help and cry or it'll be like, like beg you.

(58:10):
It pains me to even like think about, but you're not wrong.
But it's just so different that it's very, like I said, it's
very easy to get wrapped up backin the same sort of cycle that
you're just been used to for your whole life.
And I feel like probably a lot of women do get in the defensive

(58:34):
mode like that because deep down, we are fragile.
And if we feel like other peoplearen't going to protect that,
then we feel like we have to. And a lot of times it's to our
detriment when we do find a person that is there to protect
it. Like it's hard, like I know you

(58:56):
and I trust you and I know you wouldn't want to hurt me, but
it's like my brain is telling meyou don't know.
You still don't know. And I'm like, I do know, but my
brains like defend yourself anyway.
And it's just not the right way to operate.
And I'm sorry that I did that toyou and and I'm am going to work
on not responding in that way. And again, it that it's hard to

(59:20):
break these patterns. It's hard to break patterns
you've we've literally been doing for 30 something years.
Yeah. But it's but it's necessary and.
It's freeing. It's freeing too, you know, It's
like you don't have to protect yourself because you've got
someone to protect you. Yeah, which I feel like a lot of

(59:41):
women hearing this are probably like, no, you have to protect
yourself because that's just what we've been taught too.
And I get it because it is a better thing to teach women to
protect them from guys that aren't there to actually protect
them. But you do have to learn when to

(01:00:01):
turn it off with the person thatyou trust.
And that I feel like we need to teach more of because I didn't
know, like I feel like women do need to lay down the Shields,
lay down the weapons. When they have a man that is
there to protect them and has proven that and you know, it's

(01:00:24):
hard to do, but it is what needsto be done.
Yeah, yeah. And I think it it's a, it's a
matter of also like when you do that, then a man will step up.
You know what I mean? It's.
Like, yeah, because I think women are afraid that he won't,

(01:00:45):
but I think that you're right. I think, I'm not saying that
that's always the case, but you know, you know, like a good man
will step up, right? It's like it's a it's very hard
to not respond to a woman needing help.
Yeah, you know, so, so that's the thing to to remember is that

(01:01:07):
it's like, but I think maybe as a man, you feel like, well, if
she's defending herself, she's protecting herself, then she
doesn't need my protection. You know, It's like, it's like,
it makes you feel like useless and and like, why am I here?
Like a frog and turns you into afrog.
It does. That's that's what it does.
But but yeah, but I mean, it is a hard thing.

(01:01:28):
And I do appreciate you, you know, saying, saying all of
these things and. Well, it's true and I think more
women need to hear it because I know I'm not the only one stuck
in this cycle, you know? And I feel like maybe 2, it is a
little bit more with avoidant women because we've talked about

(01:01:49):
on here it is more masculine to be avoidant in general.
And I feel like with the anxiousattachment, you would probably
get the like, oh, like help me. I'm so sorry.
You're like, you know, the clinginess that comes with the
anxiousness and maybe it would feel different to you.
So I'm sure that the avoidant part does feel cold and like

(01:02:12):
very masculine. And I don't want to act that
way. I don't want to be anxious and
caused me to live in like an anxious state.
But I understand that like, I can't, like you said, I can't
expect connection and do the opposite.
You know, it kind of falls into like, I'm definitely not the
person that's like love me for who I am.

(01:02:34):
You do all those things. But in that instance, it was
similar to that. Like I was expecting you to
comfort me and I wasn't giving you any comfort or things like
that either. And I thought that like you had
said, like I was talking to you calmly and I was talking to you
rationally and I wasn't calling you names.
I wasn't yelling at you, but that's not really comforting

(01:02:54):
someone that's not really connecting with them.
Or seeking comfort is really Thething is like, you know, it's
like shit like being stoic as a as a woman, it's not really
impressive to a man. Like it's better than screaming
profanities, but being, what's the word I'm saying, like

(01:03:21):
vulnerable, like in the sense oflike coming to like, like
letting down the guard, right? Like being like there's some
other word I want to say is likewilling to be like cry and be to
willing to show weakness like tobe like weak in the presence of

(01:03:41):
a man of your man that is impressive to a man that.
Yeah, it's just hard when you'venever done that.
It's hard when, like, you've never, ever done that because
you don't feel like anyone's ever properly cared for or
protected that before. And I know that you can do it,

(01:04:03):
but it's like having to convinceyour body that this one person
won't let you down if you do this is incredibly hard.
It doesn't mean it's not necessary.
It is necessary, but that's whatthe struggle is, is like because
there we've been on here talkingabout other things that I've
just, I've never learned becauseI've never been in those

(01:04:24):
situations. But you do have to learn.
I posted something not that longago that being in a good
relationship is like one of the greatest teachers or something
along those lines. And it's true because you face
all these things that on your own, they don't pop up.
Like if when I lived by myself, if I was upset and I just sat

(01:04:46):
with myself, I'm having a great time.
Yeah. Like, you know, so it's, it's
necessary. It's hard doing the work on
yourself to be a better version,but it's, it is worth it.
You're right. Yeah, yeah.
So I'm sorry I turned you into afrog and I love you.
A bullfrog, bullfrog mindset. All right, well, that's it for

(01:05:13):
this episode. Then check us out on our
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