A Man Should Be THE Authority In The Relationship, Here's EXACTLY Why [Ep 107]

This is the definitive episode on male authority in a relationship. We break down logically why it is important and makes sense from a non-religious, completely logical standpoint.Every man should watch this episode to understand how to explain masculine authority and how to act as a true masculine leader.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The authority in their relationship, the man is
protecting something more valuable than himself and he has
to see that as more valuable than himself.
His family, his wife has to be more valuable to him.
The king is disposable. The king is not the important
one in the Kingdom. The king protects the important
one. The king is there as a steward
to ensure the welfare of the Kingdom.

(00:20):
Beyond the perfect we discoveredthrough our flaws, we complete
each other better than. All right, welcome back to the
Better than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with
you how 2 imperfect people helping each other grow equals 1

(00:43):
better than perfect relationship.
So we're, we're doing some back to backs here and the, you know,
not to reveal how the sausage ismade.
Yeah, exactly. You know, well, a little too
late now, yeah, but. But but yeah, so I thought for
this episode that we would do the topic of like a man's

(01:05):
authority in a relationship. I think, you know, because we
had a discussion about this kindof, we talked about a couple of
episodes earlier about kind of the the kind of argument that we
had that was kind of, you know, had to do with this subject.
And then I, I deal with this with, with the guys all the
time. And in one of my coaching
clients, actually, his whole relationship ended because of

(01:27):
this issue. And I think there's just a big
misunderstanding of, of not understanding like, even like,
why is this? Why, why does it?
Why should a man be in charge, right?
Like, I think that's a, it's a valid question, right?
Because for what reason? Like, you know, and I think
there's a purpose for this. And so I kind of wanted to just
dissect it and talk about like, why that this is important?

(01:51):
What does it actually mean, right?
And then and then how should a man, you know, behave in this
situation, right? It being an authority, right?
Yeah, I think it's important because women are afraid of it,
including me. They're afraid of giving a man
all the power and then him abusing it or her.

(02:15):
And so I think the best thing tohelp women understand it is
something like this and Someone Like You to explain it to them.
And I just want you when you areexplaining it, to keep that in
mind. Because I think if you can
explain it in a way that where you understand where they're

(02:36):
coming from and still give them the information that they need
to know about it, it will reallyhelp them in this area.
Because it's probably really hard in general to find a woman
now that isn't afraid of giving 100% authority to a man.

(02:57):
For sure. Yeah.
I mean, those are kind of triggering words for for most
people, right? But that's why I don't, I don't
shy away from using the word authority, even though some
people do, because I think it's important to call it what it is.
But but yeah, let's let's walk through it in a way that makes
sense where it takes into account women's fears around
this because I, I agree, becausethat's the way to approach it.

(03:19):
It's it shouldn't be heavy-handed.
And that's the whole thing is it's not like you need to listen
to me. Like you better do what I say
type of thing or I'm the man, right?
It's like, and what we, when we were having this discussion
about, I was talking about, it'slike you have your sovereignty,
like you choose to, you know, a,a child is in, in submission to

(03:39):
the authority of the parent because they have no choice,
like the parents, the parent, right?
Whereas as a man, my wife is in submission to me because she
chooses that she has a sovereignty.
She doesn't have to be with him.She doesn't have to.
There's nothing compelling her, but she she chooses to give up
that sovereignty in that case because she trusts me to lead.

(04:01):
And that's that's the key, key difference, I think.
And so it's not something that you force someone into that's
heavy-handed. It's something that where where
you as a man can have the standard of like this is how
things should operate. But but yeah, so let's start
with kind of the whole thing of like, you know, why does anyone
even have to be in charge, right?

(04:22):
And, and I think that's, you know, the, it's that one should
be a pretty obvious answer, right?
It's like if you've ever worked at A at a place, if you've ever
worked at a company, any job that you've had, someone is in
charge, right? And why?
Because what would happen if no one's in charge, right?
If everyone just made exactly communal decisions or even had

(04:44):
to vote on things, you, you would not actually function like
you, you would not be successful.
And right. So, and I think the same thing
is in, in a family, in a household, in a relationship, is
that you do have to have someonewho's in charge.
You have to have an authority. You have to have someone that
the buck stops with and, and is able to make those decisions.
Because especially, hey, if you've got two people in a

(05:04):
relationship and you're like, OK, we'll just decide everything
by voting. Well, you have one vote each.
And then what happens when you're at an impasse?
How do you make the decision at that point?
You need a decision maker, right?
So even when you have a company,right, you know one of the
things that when you do a partnership at 5050, the best
thing to do is to have it be 4949 and then a 2%, right?

(05:30):
Or a 49 point 549.5 and you givesomeone else 1%.
So then you have a, a tiebreaker, someone else that
owns like 1% of the company. And when you vote, you know,
against each other, then you've,you've got someone.
So you need to have that in, in a relationship.
So then the question comes was like, so why should the man be

(05:50):
the authority, right? And it really comes down to
masculine versus feminine, right?
The idea of making decisions of being dominant are masculine
traits. Could a woman do that?
Could a woman make those decisions that women all the
time run companies operate at inin their masculine right.
You know, we all have a masculine and feminine within

(06:11):
all of us. We're not all one thing.
So women can choose to operate in their masculine.
They can be quite successful at that, but it is not in their
nature, like, like their their truest form of their nature.
And also, you know, if you want to have a relationship where the
man is masculine and the woman is is feminine, this order makes

(06:31):
sense. Yeah.
Does that so far? Does that like track with like,
you know, I mean, take the devil's advocate side of it.
I I guess and and say like, check me on it.
Does that logically make sense? Does it?
No, it does. And I think that, you know, you
can't pick and choose what you want because I feel like as

(06:54):
women, we tend to do that, right?
Like we talked about it where it's like, yeah, lead most of
the time, but sometimes don't, you know, and you can't really
pick and choose. And if you've chosen a husband
and a man that you do trust and you know, you trust his

(07:15):
leadership and who he is and he has integrity, then you need to
trust that even if you don't agree with it, that one, he will
be able to handle whatever repercussions.
Like if you are right like that,maybe he shouldn't have done
that or something like that. That he will handle the
situation. And that, you know, like you

(07:40):
said before that sometimes leaders have to make the hard
decisions and that he's not doing it just to, like, defy you
or, you know, that he's not listening to you.
I mean, some men react in a way where women do feel that way.
But like, in the sense with you,like that's not the case, you

(08:04):
know? Like, I know that you hear what
I have to say. And so you kind of have to
remind yourself of that as a woman.
You can't, like, pick and choosewhen you want, you know, your
man to lead and when you don't, right?
And that can be hard, especiallyas a woman if you're, you know,
used to being on your own and, you know, making your own
decisions in life. And even if you're like, OK,

(08:27):
yeah, I'll let him handle the finances, la, la, la.
Oh, but this like, no, he can't handle that.
Like, you can't cherry pick it even if you want to, You know,
you have to relinquish that control.
And the man should still value what you have to say.
Like he should care about your opinion, but that even if he

(08:47):
doesn't agree with you or doesn't end up going with what
you think is the right thing to do, that he still values you.
Exactly, Yeah. And it's not like an attack on
you, right sort of thing. Yeah, because it's because that
I think that's a, you know, we'll jump around a little bit,
but I think that's an important point is like of the opinion.

(09:09):
Like as a man, you should listento the opinion.
But the opinion, you know, like if you think about it, do you
really want someone leading you who just that always does
whatever your opinion is? Do you really feel being LED,
you know, like, you know what I'm saying?
Like what's the purpose of of a essentially a yes man?

(09:32):
Like that's like, Oh yeah, I'm leading, but I'm 100% influenced
by what you think that doesn't. Like you're leading who?
Like who's the guidance? Like why?
Why are you in charge at that point?
Because you're just doing, you're just executing on the
thing that that I'm actually telling you to do.
Like who's really in charge? He's just a manager, not a
leader. Exactly.

(09:53):
Yeah. So in fact, I think, I think
actually from from hearing like I'm going to change the order of
what I what I that I think it's maybe we'll actually start off
like what how a man should be anauthority and lead, because I
think that's a better order before explaining exactly what
authority really means, right? Is that and because I think that

(10:15):
makes it a little bit more digestible, right?
Because it can, it can, it's a hard pill to swallow, right, for
most people because they're not used to, to this, right?
And so I think that the key thing is that a man's authority
comes from wanting to protect and, and like from a king,

(10:36):
right? A king taking care of his
Kingdom and, and the people thatare in his Kingdom, right?
So it's, it's just like, and howit's approached, right?
So if I have to tell you as a man, if I say I know that you
disagree with me, but I'm going to need you to do this anyway
versus I'm the man I you need todo this because I'm in charge,

(11:01):
right, right. It's.
Like huge difference. Well, that might be true.
That's the heavy-handed approach, right?
And I'm not saying that like it doesn't change the other side of
it. Like as a woman, if you are, you
know, submitting yourself to a man in his leadership that even
if he says something the wrong way, that obviously that doesn't

(11:21):
change that. But but that's not the correct
way for a man to lead and to be an authority.
And someone who's an authority like that, who's ruling by force
and by fear is not going to stayin authority for long, right?
Because also when they make a mistake and you've done it that
way, guess what? If I if, if I say to you, hey,

(11:45):
Nicole, I know you don't agree with me, but I'm going to need
you to do this anyway. And then it turns out that I
made a mistake. You're probably gonna have a lot
more empathy and mercy for me than if I barked an order at you
and then I was wrong. Right?
So I'm saying it's like, OK, he's he's the man.
He makes mistakes versus this guy was so arrogant and tried to

(12:06):
boss me around and you do it in a heavy-handed way that you know
what I'm saying. So so that's I think in that.
And that's also like it was helpful for the conversation
that we had for me to see that Iwasn't obviously barking order
type of thing, but but that evenjust coming out of things in an
aggressive or combative way was not the the the best way, right?

(12:27):
So it's not like because there was this balance between also
like you can't like have to convince the people that are
that are subject to your authority to listen to your
authority. That's not really authority
either, right? But at the same time, you, it's
you can do, you can still changethe way that you say the things.

(12:52):
That's not you trying to convince them.
But is, is you doing it in a much more less heavy-handed, a
much more respectable way, right, than trying to use just
force or dominance, You know what I mean, to get things done
right? Because if you're the authority,
you're the authority, right? So so I think that's that's the
key thing is that how you approach it as as a man, like,

(13:15):
you know, and then also just like where you know, as a man
being the authority, right. Again, coming back from the very
beginning, the conversation of like, why does someone need to
be in charge and why should it be the man?
Like understanding that then like what is your job being the
authority? It's not just that you can be
the authority or just because you're the man, your job is for

(13:38):
the welfare of the relationship and the family.
Like what is the best? So in your mind, the decisions
you have to be making have to becoming from not selfish
decisions that just benefit you,that's the best for you.
They have to be the ones that where you're putting your wife
1st and your children your family, the relationship first

(14:00):
can. You give an example, you know of
what that might look like because I think that would be
helpful because. Yeah.
I think people can hear what you're saying and agree, but
maybe they don't necessarily know.
Right. So a good one would be, I mean,
I can give it on different sides, but let's say that as as

(14:21):
a man, as the authority, you're like, you have to tell your
wife, OK, Like you're, you're not going to go out with your
single girlfriends and go to thenightclub.
I know that you're just dancing,whatever, but it's not
appropriate, right? That as an authority, you're
saying that now, why do you say that?
Because you're trying to protectthe relationship, because you

(14:43):
realize this is not a good, it'snot a good environment.
That even if she doesn't plan ondoing anything bad, that it's a
bad environment. It's a bad look for the
relationship. It's not a way to protect the
relationship. And and you as a man would hold
yourself to higher standard and wouldn't do a similar thing and
go with your single friends to abar where they're hitting on
women. Doesn't make sense, right?

(15:04):
So is that? Yeah, I guess I was thinking
more of like family ones becauseyou talked about family.
If there was like a family instance, Like I think that one
is more like in the beginning ofa relationship.
And I think that's when you're establishing like who's the
authority, you know, which is the man's authority.

(15:24):
But do you have one like in a marriage like where you take
everybody's into account, like an example that you can think
of? Yeah, of like where where you
have to make a difficult decision that people would
disagree with, but it's for the welfare of the of the family.
It could be something around, I mean, we don't have as much of

(15:46):
an issue around this because of we're in a good financial
situation like with what I do, but finances, it could be like,
look, OK, we're not going to be able to go on this trip, right?
I know you guys all want to go on this trip, but it's not the
right decision and you can be upset about it and but like

(16:09):
financially, like this is the decision that I need to make,
right? So that would be 1 where it's
like, hey, maybe even you want to go on the trip and it's like
you could do the irresponsible thing, but you have to like say
that no, this is how it's going to be, right?
And we're not, or we're going tonot spend this money, we're
going to budget and this is whatit's going to be, which again,

(16:31):
people are going to get upset, right?
But you know, you could be selfish and make decisions.
That's like, oh, I get to spend this on what I want, but you
guys have to right? That would be a, a misuse of the
authority. It's like if you're like, I'm
going to buy my boat, but you, you guys can't.
Go on vacation. Exactly right.
That would be a misuse. And no, you can't complain about

(16:53):
it because I'm the man and I'm the authority.
And that's what I said. I'm in charge of this, right?
Yeah, technically that's true. But you're going to have a lot
of unhappy subjects in your Kingdom if it's like, if they
don't feel like, you know, the King's job, you know, the king
is disposable, right? The, the king is not the
important one in the, in the Kingdom, the king, the king

(17:15):
protects the important ones, thepeople, the, the Kingdom is
what's important, right? The king is there as a steward
to protect, to, to ensure the welfare of the Kingdom.
But the king himself is not the Kingdom.
He's not the important one. Like a a good example when we're
talking about this is I said, you know, because you were

(17:36):
saying something. I figured exactly what it was,
but but it made me think of thisidea that like, because you're
like something around, you know,are used the most valuable or
like, you know, it's like like you're more important than me or
you're like, you know, like maybe like that authority
implies that. And I said that when you have a
treasure, right, and you have a guard that's guarding the

(17:57):
treasure and the guards technically in charge of the
treasure, in charge of who goes in, and you know it is, which is
where. The Louvre, Yeah.
The Louvre, Yeah. The one that got robbed.
Oh yeah, But who's more valuable, right?
The guard that's protecting the treasure or the treasure, right?
The guards protecting something more valuable than himself.

(18:19):
The king, you know, the authority in their relationship,
the authority, the man is protecting something more
valuable than himself, and he has to see that as more valuable
than himself. His family, you know, his wife
has to be more valuable to him, right?
And. But that's why he has to
sometimes make the tough decisions, right?
Can't do what? Yeah, because.

(18:41):
Because. Because if you just do what
everybody wants as the king, as the authority, that's not really
authority for two reasons. One, because why are they
trusting you if you're just doing what what everyone else
wants, right? And #2 is can you actually count
on people to listen to you, to follow your, your, your commands

(19:03):
when it's when they disagree? So then what do you really have,
you know, so. Yeah, that's true.
But but I think. Good way to put it too.
Yeah. And and I think the other thing
about about a man like as far asbeing an authority is that he
has to be very clear about what it is, right.
And I've always said it from thebeing in the relationship,
having the captain of the ship talk where you talk about, hey,

(19:25):
look, I'm the captain of the ship.
You don't have to be on the shipif you don't want to be on the
ship, it's your choice. But I don't have a second
captain. Like I'm always going to be the
captain, but I'm a good captain.I take care of my crew first.
I go down with the ship, right? And that's, that's the other
piece of this is like the going down with the ship.
What does that mean? It means that when you're in

(19:47):
authority, you have the responsibility.
That means the buck stops with you.
That means that like you don't get to blame other people when
things go wrong. So like if you take full
authority, you take full responsibility, meaning that if
your wife does something, if your family does something, you
pay the price for it because it's your lapse in judgement or
you didn't give. The training or the instruction

(20:09):
or you made bad choices, right That you know, So I think that's
the going down with the ship part is that you're, you're
absolving other people from the blame, you know.
That makes sense. Yeah, because if you made the
decisions. You can't have the authority
without the full responsibility,honestly so.
Which which and that's also kindof leads into like where it goes

(20:30):
the other way, which is something that we had discussed
too, is that like, you know, if I have the responsibility for
something, which as a man, I think a lot of women would
agree, OK, the man's responsible.
Well, then he must have the authority because if you're
responsible for the results, butyou don't have the authority to
make those results happen, right?
For example, let's say that I'm working a job and I'm supposed

(20:53):
to be the boss and like the higher ups are going to evaluate
me based on the performance of the people that that I'm
supposed to be in charge of. But then they're like, oh, but
you can't tell them what to do. Then it's like, how am I going
to be responsible for the results of people that I can't
tell them what to do? You know what I'm saying?
So it's the same thing is like, if I'm in charge of this house

(21:17):
and this relationship and this family and I'm responsible for
the results, but then I can't tell anyone what to do because
that's offensive, Then how can Ibe I can't be responsible, you
know what I mean? So, so that's I think an
important, you know, point that establishes like why again, why
the authority is necessary because you can't be held

(21:38):
responsible for things that you don't have control over.
No, Yeah, I think you've done a great job with all of your
analogies and everything so far.It makes a lot of sense.
Yeah. And I don't think people explain
it a lot the way that you're explaining it.
And I think it's also hopefully beneficial to men as well, too,
because I think men also don't understand authority properly.

(22:00):
I think they think, like you said in the beginning, it's very
like, make demands and be kind of aggressive.
And that doesn't usually get them what they want.
A lot of time. It probably gets them more
defiance, actually. And so, yeah, I think it's
beneficial for both men and women to hear you explaining it
in this way because it makes a lot of sense.

(22:22):
And it's the only way for it to,like, really work.
Because again, like you said, ifyou're just barking orders,
people aren't going to like that.
They're going to rebel against it.
You're going to have more problems, and then you're going
to have to get more aggressive. And then who knows what that
might turn into. And so, you know, and I think
too, that we also see potentially men putting

(22:46):
themselves first thinking that that's what authority is as
well. And that's also scary from like
a woman's perspective, you know,to not feel considered or like
you're really thought of at all,that it's just someone leading
and they're only thinking about themselves and not what happens
to the collective whole, just what happens to them.
So yeah, I think you've done a really good job so.

(23:09):
Thank you. Yeah, because I think it's
important to understand and that's the other thing is like
if you do this work upfront of under of helping the woman in
your life understand why that you need to be the authority and
what it means, then you don't have to explain the the your
orders are like when you do giveinstruction because it's going

(23:32):
to be 1 or the other. Because I every time that you
try to say something that needs to be done, you're going to have
to explain yourself, right? Unless you've done this
groundwork of explaining why this order, like why, why it's
necessary for this structure to exist and getting the full buy
in on that. Because if you're trying to get
the buy in on every single thingthat you're trying to do, right,

(23:54):
it's you're not going to be veryeffective as a leader because
you got to like convince everyone, right?
And that's not leading, that's not being an authority is
convincing everyone to to to follow the commands that you're
giving. Like it.
They should already be bought inon why they're doing this.
They signed up for this, you know, but that comes with, with
trusting you that you're going to put them first, you know, so,

(24:16):
and and that is that like that Shakespeare quote is like heavy
is the head that wears the crown, right?
It's not because of the jewels in the crown, right?
It's not like you're the king because you have like all of
this power. It's because it's the
responsibility that that impliesthat you are responsible for
the, you know, the the whole family, for the, for the entire

(24:38):
Kingdom of your Kingdom. Right.
OK, so then I think that that pretty much covers like how a
man should. Do you feel like there's
anything else, like as far as like how a man should wield that
authority? No, I think, you know, again, as
long as the wife feels considered, not necessarily

(24:59):
agreed with, then I think that'sas long as that part's there.
Because I feel like when that part's also not there, that can
lead to like some hesitation or some issues.
But like you said, I think you explained it really well of
being like, you know, I know youguys want to go on this trip and

(25:20):
you've been looking forward to it.
That validates that. And then you still have to let
them know, you know, but we can't do it right now because of
financial reasons. And but I get that it's probably
disappointing, like acknowledging that part of it,
you know, or acknowledging that like if her opinion is
different, to acknowledge it be like, I hear what you're saying

(25:43):
and I understand where you're coming from, but this is the way
that we're going to handle this.Exactly.
Because, Yeah, because like you,you, you know, as my wife would
buy into my authority, like you're choosing to submit to me,
to choose to give your sovereignty to me, to be part of
my Kingdom. Right.
However, if and, and like at anygiven time, if I'd say something

(26:09):
and ask you to do something thatyou don't agree with, you should
do it right. Obviously you're, you're
committed to doing that. However, if I continually did
that and continually you found that it felt like the reason,
like on one occasion, if you feel like you don't know why I'm
I like, I like you feel like I'mdoing it for a selfish reason,

(26:29):
you're still going to listen, right?
However, if you continually found that every time I was
making a decision or telling yousomething to do, giving
instruction, that it felt like Iwas not looking out for you, but
I was looking out for me, like Ikept on giving yourself.
Then pretty soon you would choose to take your sovereignty
and you know, and go somewhere else like to, to take it back

(26:52):
and to not submit, right? You know, because it's a
repeated right. But, but I want to make the
distinction between the two because it's like in any
instance, if I'm acting fairly and putting you first and then
you happen to not, you happen todisagree with the decision that
I'm making and think that it's, it's not in your best interest.
That doesn't mean you get to notdo it.

(27:14):
You know what I'm saying? But it fits a repeated pattern
over time. And it's clear that all the
decisions I'm making are coming from a place where you're not
being considered or being put first.
Then any reasonable person wouldbe like, OK, I'm not going to be
part of that Kingdom anymore. Yeah, I think though that women
don't want it to get to that point.
And I think the thing though, too with it is that like, I

(27:40):
understand what you're saying and I agree that like it should
be done and then, you know, kindof go from there and see how the
other things are handled. But at the same time, a woman
doesn't want to feel like she's replaceable like that.
She's just, she doesn't really matter that she's just a thing
to be told what to do. And that sounds really like

(28:04):
aggressive. And I don't mean it in that way,
but when like someone just tellsyou what to do, even if it's
like a few times, it can start to feel like you're just here to
do what you're told and not thatyou even matter.
Yeah, yeah. Well, but what are the ways in

(28:25):
which I show you that you matter?
You show me in a lot of ways, and I'm not saying that it
invalidates those things. But again, I do think like the
reason I brought up the example is because I do think when a
woman is, especially if she has emotion tied to her opinion,

(28:46):
that you should at least try to validate that in some degree.
Like, and I mean validate in thesense of like even just
repeating what she said back to you.
Like if she's like, you know, this upsets me, so we should do
this just being like, I know that it upsets you, but this is
what we have to do. Because then at least she feels
hurt. She at least feels like exactly

(29:07):
you are acknowledging her. And I think that that is what
I'm trying to say, is that as long as it doesn't get to a
point where even if you're doingit not in an aggressive way,
that she doesn't feel acknowledged.
Right, exactly. And that's the key is like,
because what I'm trying to say, like the deeper thing I'm trying
to say is that if the people in your Kingdom as a king start to

(29:29):
feel like you're making the decisions for your benefit and
not theirs. Then you'll have no Kingdom to
rule. Over then they're probably not
going to want to be part of thatKingdom.
And so that's The thing is like,if you're making it clear, just
like you said, I think that's a good example of, of saying,
yeah, I, I understand that you feel that way.
However, this is what we're going to do or I'm going to need

(29:50):
you to do this anyway, you know what I'm saying?
And then it's like, OK, I've acknowledged it, but actually
listening, like really listening.
And then also really like, you know, not in every moment do you
have the liberty or time to explain.
Not that you should have to explain every decision,
otherwise that also is not authority.
But that when things are looked back on, it's clear as to why

(30:12):
you did the things, that the motive behind the things or the
decisions was for the benefit ofthe family or the wife, you
know? Yeah, I think that is important.
Like like you said, I don't think you have to explain all of
them because I'm sure some of them will explain themselves
with the decision. But I think too, just like you

(30:33):
were talking about how you're like, I show you all the ways
that I care about you. Like yes, you are the authority
and the king, but like you're like your people are there to
support you. And so if you're treating them
like they don't really matter, then you will lose that support.

(30:56):
And they do that all the time, but especially when you're
having them do something that they don't agree with.
And so I think that that should also be acknowledged in a way.
I'm not saying you have to be like, thank you for following my
lead or, you know, at at every time or even at all.
But I think that if you come from a place of gratitude for

(31:19):
that though, from that support, and especially support when they
don't agree with you, because that's even more support than if
they do agree with you, right? Then you will naturally not fall
into, you know, making the people that you're having
authority over feel like they don't matter.
Exactly, Yeah. But you have to come from that
place. Like, I mean, I think that even

(31:41):
though you're the authority and you might not see it as you
should appreciate people doing what you say because you're the
authority, I think you should. You should appreciate, yeah,
because that that is how actual vision comes to life of what you
have. It has to be carried out through
the people that are in your care, you know?
So, yeah. So you should appreciate them
and not make them feel replaceable as just someone who

(32:04):
just follows the orders, becausethat's not that's also a quality
that is admirable is people who actually do follow what you are
saying as an authority. It's not something that's just
automatic. It's very rare to find people
that actually, especially when they disagree that they have
enough loyalty to you as the king to follow you, you know,

(32:25):
even when they think differently.
Yeah. So so they should be
acknowledged and thanked for that.
So I agree. But so that kind of segues right
into the whole thing of like, what is actual authority, right?
And so the biggest contention with this, I think, you know,
that that most women that that causes kind of the issue is that
it is the absolute like authority of like, even if you

(32:51):
disagree, you still have to do it.
That's what real submission to authority is, right?
And I think that's the part that, you know, that that a
majority struggle with because even if you get this far and
you're like, yeah, I agree. The man should be the leader.
He should be the authority in the House.
You know, I should submit to hisauthority.
The real question comes into play is when you think

(33:14):
completely differently than the man and you think he's making a
wrong decision, right? And then, you know, you're like,
OK, well, in this case, I'm not going to follow it because it's
wrong, right? And it's like that undermines
the full authority because what good is authority if the only
time that people listen to you is when they agree with you?

(33:35):
That's not authority at all. That's just, that's just normal
human behavior. Like you're just a puppet in
that case, because it doesn't matter what you're actually
saying. So that's where you know, as a
man to like I make the biggest judgement.
It's because if, if I'm in charge and someone's listening
to me 90% of the time, but 90% of the time they're agreeing

(33:58):
with me or mostly agreeing with me.
But then the 10% of the time when they really disagree with
me that I can't rely on them to carry out my instruction, then I
have 0 reliance because that's when it's critical.
That's when it's the most important right?
Usually. So I think that's, that's the
key thing, which is I admit thatit is a hard thing, but if you

(34:21):
trust. But if a man is leading in the
way that we talked about and wielding his authority in a not
heavy-handed way where he's putting you first, then that's
where as a woman, you've got to be willing to really, actually,
truly submit to that authority and saying, look, I your
judgment over mine and you're not going to be perfect, not
going to make all the right decisions.

(34:42):
But this principle of giving that power of authority is more
important than any individual decision.
Yeah, I think one thing we. Forgot to mention, I guess in
the last part was that a man of authority has to be open minded.
Like he has to be open to hearing the perspective and the

(35:04):
different perspective and open and changing his mind if it is
warranted. Like, I'm not saying that it
always is or that there needs tobe, you know, our conversation
to convince the authority to change his mind, but I think
that that's very important. And you do do this.

(35:25):
Like your mind can be changed ifwe have a conversation about it
and you feel like where I'm coming from makes more sense.
And that I think is. Important as well too, because I
think another dangerous part of what you just said is the men
who like you can't tell them anything, right?

(35:46):
Because it's ego based, right? Right.
A good king. Takes a wise counsel, right
right. So it's like surround yourself
with people who you value their opinions so that you can make
ultimately you can't be swayed by them like by the emotional
appeal that people make to you, but you have to listen to them

(36:06):
and then ultimately make a judgement call based on that.
Sometimes your wife should be should.
Like I'm not saying you have to think your wife is wiser than
you or but in some in some ways from.
Like, especially a female intuition, right?
How many guys have made misstepsbecause they didn't listen to
the intuition of their wife, Especially in business dealings

(36:27):
where the wife is like, oh, there's something about this guy
I don't like. And the husband's like, oh, no,
no, no, he's good. I like, I checked him out.
And everything is just kind of dismissive of it, right.
It doesn't mean that you have to, like, agree with her, but to
take it into account and be like, well, why do you feel
that? Yeah, just this feeling I get.
OK, well, OK, let me look into him further, right.
And and even if you you maybe you looked into him further and

(36:50):
you're like, OK, I understand you're suspicious of him, but I
did to you after you told me that I checked him further out
and I I still feel like he's theguy.
So. But I appreciate that.
You see what I'm saying then it's acknowledged, right?
Yeah. Yeah, that's the person that you
can trust. Because you know that they're
taking into account, right? But you know, given that, right,

(37:11):
it's like, you know, it, it's a,it's a, it's a, you can't have
it both ways. Like if you're actually going to
trust a man and have him be authority and, and are saying
that you're going to do it, thenthere's going to be times where
you're going to feel like scared, You're going to feel
scared and you're. Going to feel like he's
completely wrong. Or he's doing it for the wrong
reason or whatever. But it doesn't change the fact

(37:32):
of like those are the most critical times to actually get
on board. And, and it's like what we
talked about the kind of in the past was this idea of like, OK,
you express your opinion about it or your feelings about it or
your dislike of the thing. And then it's taken to account
and then the decisions made. And if the decision is made in a

(37:56):
way that you don't agree with that it's, it's now you're on
board regardless, right? And that's important is because
you as a man, you got to feel like you've got that support
when you make a tough decision that your wife disagrees with
that at first she disagreed withit and you had the discussion
about it. She expressed her concerns about

(38:17):
it. You still made the decision.
And now the discussion is done part.
And now you have to feel like she's 100% on board.
Like, yeah, I, I disagreed with the with with this.
I thought we should go a different way.
But I trust you and I trust whatyou're saying.
And, you know, and I told you that I felt about it, but now
that you've made this decision, I'm 100% backing you in this

(38:39):
decision. That's the critical thing.
And it's, it's hard stuff to do.I mean, it's, it's hard to be
the king. Like it's hard to be the, the,
the, the person listening to theking, like the, you know, to, to
be the wife. It's hard to back something 100%
that you. Don't believe in and it's hard
to make all the decisions and bear all the responsibilities,

(39:01):
but if you want a real. Man as a woman, and you really
want a man to be a man and to lead, you've got to be able to
do that for him. Because if you constantly
undermine his authority and makehim feel like his choices don't
matter and his judgement doesn'tmatter and his leadership
doesn't matter, he's going to stop leading.

(39:22):
He's going to stop protecting, He's going to stop making those
choices. Stop being the man.
I don't. Think he should stop being the
man I think he should leave rather than let somebody affect
him. But or you know something else
or have a more serious conversation, I don't know, but
I don't think he should just stop because then it's like, are
you a man under certain conditions?

(39:43):
Right, right. I'm just saying that it's going
to. Discourage that.
Like if you want that you know aman to step up and be that man,
right? And you don't want to discourage
that. As a woman, if that's what
you're looking for and you do want that, like I get that you
only want it when you agree, butyou have to also take it.
That's like the cost of it as well as you have to also do what

(40:06):
the man that you trust that you married says, even when you
don't agree. But, and maybe you're going to
get to this point, but I think it's a good time to bring it up.
The caveat is I do feel like both.
People should. Apologize and.
Admit when they're wrong, of course, but especially the man.

(40:27):
Especially yeah, to take. Ownership not only for his
wrongs, right, but for failing the wife when she does wrong.
Because he's got the responsibility.
Yeah, well, and I think he should also.
Like, I'm not saying he has to listen to whatever the wife says
because she was right and he waswrong and he has to admit that.

(40:49):
But I think that he should consider what she has to say
maybe in that area since she wasright about it a little bit more
and he doesn't have to say that to her, right.
But exactly he. Needs to kind of show that.
That happened though, because that also shows that he's open
minded and he wants to actually learn and grow rather than, like

(41:11):
you said, he's in his ego and he's like going to make the same
mistake again. But then he's probably not going
to apologize the next time because he doesn't want to take
a hit to his ego. Right?
Exactly. And that's why the Crown.
Is heavy. It's because you have to be
willing to take the full responsibility.
If you want the full authority, you have to take the full
responsibility, which means thatwhen you make the decision and

(41:32):
you're advised against it and then you're wrong that you admit
that that would. But I think some men don't.
They try to sweep. It under the rug or like don't
bring it up or don't talk about it.
You know, like, or you know, they act that way because
they're embarrassed or shameful or they feel guilty or whatever
it is. But that just damages the
relationship as well. Because if a woman feels like

(41:56):
she's trying to help you by giving her opinion, and then you
didn't take it and she ended up being right, and then you just
kind of attacked her for it. She's not going to stay in that.
Kingdom very long at all probably right, right, because
you're because you're not learning.
From, you know, you can trust a leader who learns from the

(42:17):
mistakes that he makes, but whenthat doesn't learn from them,
it's not not so good. Yeah, so, but, and that kind of
brings also to the whole thing around safety too, which we
talked about is that like the other piece of this is that if
you're not respecting the authority of the king, then you

(42:38):
also are not getting the protection of the king because a
king can only protect what is inhis control.
And so it's sort of a like it, it's, it's something that you
choose, right? Because it's unreasonable to
expect that someone can protect you as they should when they
don't have the control in order to do so.

(43:01):
And so if you choose to not havethat thought, to be part of that
authority or to accept that authority, then you cannot
demand or expect that level of protection, Right.
And I think that's an important concept to understand as well.
Meaning that like, you know, if you actively as a, as a, as a
wife, rebel against your husbandand rebel against that authority

(43:24):
that you can't, you're kind of on your own when you're doing
that. You know what I mean?
Like your consequences are your own.
Yeah. I think you need to talk though
about. What we talked about in this
conversation, because what I hadsaid when you said this
initially was that I think a manshould protect people
regardless, and that's what makes a man.

(43:44):
And you were like, yeah, I'd protect you from getting hit by
a car, but I wouldn't protect you in this other instance.
And I think that is important tosay because when people are just
hearing you say if you don't listen to me, you're not
protected, that does sound like that.
You don't like you wouldn't. You're just letting somebody go

(44:05):
out on their own. Like, no, if someone you get
jumped, it's on you like or something like that.
Like, yeah, let me give you a kind of a.
Good example now that like you're bringing that up.
So let's suppose that I was in charge of the security, right?
For let's say that like we were watching Breaking Bad, right OK.

(44:26):
And then there was like, you know, when what should Hank got
shot or whatever, or they thought that they were going to
they're that they're kind of and.
They. They took all the family and
they put them all in the house, right?
And they had the guys guarding, right.
So if the, you know, the the cops in charge, if they're like,

(44:47):
OK, I need you guys to stay in the house and not go outside of
the house, right? And they say you're not the boss
of me, I can go wherever I want.Well, the response is in order
to protect you, I have to be able to give you these orders to

(45:09):
tell you what I need you to do and not do.
Otherwise I can't protect you. Because if you go all the way
out of here and you're not listening to what I say, and
then you get shot, it's on you, right?
Like I'm here to protect you andI will protect you, but the only
way I can do that is if you listen to what I'm saying.
You see what I'm saying? That's where this comes from.

(45:30):
It's not a malicious thing. That's like, oh, if you don't
listen to me, I'm not going to protect you.
It's like if you don't listen towhat I'm saying, I can't protect
you because I can't guarantee like that all.
I can only guarantee the things that I have control over, right?
And so if I don't have control over it, if I can't rely on you
to, to listen to what I'm saying, then how can I do the
best job possible of protecting you?
You know what I was saying? So because you're stepping

(45:51):
outside of that protection by choice, just like if in that
situation, if the inhabitants ofthat house step out and they're
like, oh, we're just going to goover here and then they get shot
or whatever, it's like they're making the choice.
It's not like you can't then then go out and be like, oh,
well, you didn't protect me. I was like, yeah, but I told you
what to do. You chose not to do it, and then

(46:13):
you got yourself injured. But if they could see it, they
would protect of. Course they would try from a.
Different for sure. You're never.
Gonna like as a man. Ever be like Oh well yeah, just
suffer the consequence of your actions yeah it kind of sounded
like that though, when you. First explained it and that's
why when we had this conversation before you
explained it, yeah, that it didn't mean, you know, just

(46:35):
totally out on the open. And your example, the Breaking
Bad example was a really good way to put it.
And I think that makes a lot more sense because the issue is
we can't just be one of those people that says something
online that people can interpretall these different ways.
Because I misinterpreted what you said when we had this
conversation until I kept askingyou about it.

(46:57):
And so that's why I feel like it's important to explain it on
here as well, too, because you can't just say those things and
expect people to know exactly what you're talking about.
The example you gave was becauseyou have to understand why, like
why? Are the why these are principles
and that when we're having this discussion, I was like, this is
not something I made-up. This transcends this is the laws

(47:18):
of nature, right? Because you can understand how
that is, is that you can't protect things that you're not
able to control. Like it's just not possible.
You know, I mean, not at least not to the best of your ability.
You can try, but when someone steps outside of that, and
there's also this also like a choice of like an act of
defiance. Like if you are telling me that

(47:39):
I'm the leader and then I'm the authority, but then you're
actively defying me and telling me you're not going to do
something or tell me like it's like you're choosing to step
outside of my Kingdom. And so you're not part of my
Kingdom anymore. If you, if you choose to do
that, because it was clear upfront that I'm the captain of
the ship that this is the deal that we signed up for is I'm the
king of this Kingdom and I'm theone who's the authority.

(48:02):
And I expect your, your loyalty,your fealty, because that's what
I rely on. You know what I mean?
And so if you're not willing to do that and you're like actively
defying that, then it's like you're choosing to step outside
of the Kingdom and the privileges of being in the
Kingdom. And it's a good Kingdom to be in
because like in this Kingdom, your, your physical needs are,

(48:23):
are taken care of, your emotional needs are taken care
of, your physical safety is taken care of, right?
And so it's like at the point where you're actively choosing,
you know, to, to not be part of that by defying it, then those
things is, is reasonable that you no longer have access to.
You see what I'm saying again, and not in a punitive way, but

(48:44):
just in a, in, in a way that like this is the understanding
of it because because we talked about this too.
And it's like, well, I'm not, not not really sure I like this
this way of, of talking, but it's like, and I told you that
like there's four aspects of me because you're dealing, you're
talking to the king now, right? But there's the king, the
magician, the warrior and the lover, right?

(49:04):
And those are different aspects of the, the male psyche that
exists. But sometimes there needs to be
some king energy that's coming out.
You know, lover energy is good. Magician energy is good at a
different time. Sometimes there's warrior that's
more of the like intelligence and and cleverness and
playfulness, right? You know, the lover is more of

(49:25):
the passion, right? And then the warrior is the
combat like, you know, you, you need a man to be each of these
things, but most importantly a king.
And, and you know, when you defythe king, you're going to be
dealing with the king. They're going to be beheaded.
No. But you're going to be dealing
with that. Level of it because you want to
be dealing with like, do you want to have a king or have

(49:48):
someone who's in charge who, whodoesn't deal with
insubordination, you know, like,it just allows it because yeah,
when you're the one being insubordinate, you, you feel
like you do, but you don't like to see other people being
insubordinate to the king. And then you're like, okay,
well, this guys not in charge. I don't trust him because he
just letting these people do this stuff, you know what I

(50:09):
mean? Like even as a, you know, like,
as a, as a king, like in the family, like, if I allow my
daughter to like, just do whatever she wants and, and like
be defined and there's no consequences for that, you start
to say, oh, I don't know, like it's, it starts to erode your
trust in me because you're like,what's going on here, right?

(50:32):
So, but it works both ways, right?
Like as as a, as a father, as a parent, if the wife, if she's
being defined and the child seesthat right, it erodes the trust
for the child to to, you know, to, to have that authority, to
have either authority, right? When, when that happens, if, if
you know, if a child is is witnessing a wife being defiant

(50:56):
to the, to the father, that child thinks, not only do I have
to not listen to him, but I don't have to listen to her
either because they're getting a, a incorrect model of, of
authority. That authority is something that
you you only when you like it. You know what I mean?
Oh, no, I'm good. I'm good.
Yeah. But.
Yeah. But does that make sense?
It makes sense. Yeah, I do.

(51:18):
Want to talk though about men who might abuse this for control
because I think it'd be unfair to have this conversation and
not talk about that because sometimes men, if you know a
woman doesn't agree with them orthey don't like what someone
says, then they'll use their authority as control and abuse

(51:41):
that. And again, I get that if a man
does that then it's up to a woman to leave.
But. That's also something that.
Women are afraid of and afraid of men maybe getting the taste
of the authority and the power and then abusing that.
Yeah. And I think that.

(52:03):
Those things aren't related, even though they might seem like
they're related. Like so a man that would abuse
the authority and the power is not going to do it because you
give it to him. He's going to be that way
regardless, right? You see what I'm saying is it's
like, it doesn't really correlate, right?
Like the man that you would trust.
And, and that's really the key thing is that I'm not saying

(52:24):
that all women should listen to all men.
That's not how what I'm saying. Yeah, I guess that's important
to say. But I say that because you see
with like serial killers, when they kill for the first time,
they do feel that power and it does cause them to kind of keep
going and keep murdering people and keep feeling that power.

(52:45):
And I'm not, I'm not saying all men are serial killers, but I'm
saying that sometimes when men haven't felt like an authority
or things like that, and then they get a taste of it, then,
you know, they get kind of intoxicated on that, yeah, sort
of thing. And might the whole power
corrupts and absolute. Power absolutely corrupts.
Yeah, yeah. And, and I get that.

(53:06):
I think that the big thing is, like I said, it still is the
character. It's like I always say that
money is a multiplier, right? It's it's another like an
example, right, because some people are like, oh, money
corrupts people, right? I'm just substituting money for
power, right, But money is a multiplier, meaning that if
you're a junkie, right? And they even talked about that
Breaking Bad. Funny, it's like like, if I give

(53:27):
you this money, you're just going to kill yourself more,
right? Like it'll be faster, right?
So it's like Russian. I said that those words, Dang,
Dang it, can we bleep it out? We might.
Need to do that. But just because of those
specific words, right? Those are but, but basically,
like if you're a junkie and you have more money, you're gonna OD

(53:49):
faster, right? Like, that's what's gonna happen
to you if you're in a an evil person, let's say.
I don't like to use that, you know?
But like, if you're a person, yeah.
Who's? Who's a fool?
And you get money all right, you're going to be worse of one,
right? If you're a jerk, like it, like

(54:10):
you're mean to people and you get money, you'll be even more
of a, of a, of an asshole, you know what I'm saying?
But if you're a good man and youhave money, then you'll be more
of that, like it's a multiplier.Power is the same way, right?
And so if you give someone who has bad character tower, it's
going to mold. It doesn't make them bad.
It makes them more of what they already are, right, Because it's

(54:33):
a multiplier, right? You know, you put someone in
charge of two people, you know that, but you put them in charge
of an entire army, you're going to see some real bad stuff if
they're a bad person, right? But it it applies the other way
too. If you have a man who's a good
man and you and you give him that power over you, it's going

(54:54):
to multiply and make him better,like it's going to produce a
better outcome, right? Because it's a multiplier,
because it multiplies that effectiveness, right?
That's why you want to put someone in charge who likes to
say you're running a company, right?
You want to find the most capable leader to be in charge
of that company because you takesomeone who's a really capable
leader, you put them in charge of a big company, they're going

(55:17):
to be able to produce phenomenalresults because it's a
multiplier giving them more power to someone who can be
trusted with that power. So so it's really a matter of
like the character, right? And that's.
Where that's why. We're doing what we're doing is
a lot of what our message is is really to men.
I mean, it's to women, but it's it's more so like, can we help

(55:38):
men become the kind of men that can wield this power and, you
know, and, and and be that kind of.
Yeah, because that that's. What's what's critical?
And so as a woman, you have to be very discerning and OK, I'm
not saying that like you just start dating a guy and then
you're like, OK, you're the man,you're the boss.
Like, no, like you should be feminine.

(55:59):
But you're not giving that up your sovereignty right away.
You're not just going to do whatsome Yahoo tells you to do.
You date, you establish. You see his character, right?
You see how he treats people, how he, you know, handles the
stewardship he has over the smaller things in his life,
Right. And then you decide when you're

(56:20):
in a committed relationship withhim to to give him some of that.
Right. And then if you marry him, you
give him all of it. And that's the proper
progression. Yeah.
Yeah. Because men can be I'm.
Not saying women can't either, but men can be good at hiding
their bad sides for a long time.And so I like that you said that

(56:44):
to not give it up 100% until you're married because I think
that's, you know, that's key there because you never know
what could pop up before you getmarried.
And I think too, like you said, of looking at how he treats
other people and how he operatesjust in general and a bunch of

(57:04):
different ways of his life is a good way to kind of get that
understanding, even if you haven't seen certain sides of
him and you want to find out what kind of.
Man, a man is put him in charge.So it's like you've got to, you
know, as you're dating and then like, you know, get involved
with a man in a serious relationship, start to give him,

(57:27):
see what he does. Like, there's no harm at this
point. You're not bound to him.
You're not married to him, right?
Be like, OK, start. OK.
I'll, I'll, I'll listen to what you have to say.
Like, I'll like, let you make this, you know what I'm saying?
Like start to give him some of that power.
Let him feel that he has that power.
And then see what he does. Because what you don't want to
find out is later on, like if someone's trying to hide it, you

(57:49):
will out them as soon as you give them power because they
won't be able to hide it then, right?
So the worst thing to do is to be like, oh, I don't trust.
I'm just going to like not ever give it up.
And then you get married to a man who is a bad man who's been
hiding that. And then he gets power in some
other way. He gets money, he gets something
else. And then you're like, oh, wow,
this guy's actually corrupt, youknow what I'm saying?

(58:11):
Whereas it's like, OK, you give him the power ahead of time.
You can always bail out of the situation if you're like, OK,
this guy's wielding this power in a nasty way.
I don't like it. You're not married to them.
Like break up, get out of the relationship, but start giving
that power up earlier on so thatyou can test and see how someone
acts when they have that power before you give up the full

(58:31):
power when you get because at the point that you get married,
then you should be fully committed.
And let's make this thing work to the best of our ability,
which means like having our roles, you know, so or go on a
trip with them. Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.
But but does that I think. That's the pretty yeah, the best
explanation thorough in on the Internet.
Of. Authority and the reason why

(58:52):
right I mean I feel like it's pretty fair, right like it you
know like I don't feel like it'sa slap in the face like oh, I
have to do like it's explanations of why this makes
sense right like yeah I mean youtell me if you disagree because
no I think I gave you all the. Things and all the, you know,
questions that or things that women would want more detail on.

(59:15):
So is there any reason why a woman.
Shouldn't be wouldn't be on board or shouldn't be on board
with this? Not if she picked the right guy
like. You said that's that's what it
is, is you got to pick the rightguy, right, Because it makes
sense. That's what I'm.
Saying it's like it's not like just like and that's why I also
don't like the biblical authority thing.
I know some of the people that watch us are biblical and I get
that I understand all the Christian theology but it but

(59:37):
you have to understand like all of the arguments I made in this
podcast came from a logical place where this makes sense
right? And why as opposed to?
God said that man's in. Charge like, okay, if you're
religious, I'm not trying to like knock religious people.
Maybe God did say that and you believe that and that's fine.
But aside from that, there should be a logical support to

(01:00:00):
this that makes sense because it's very hard to appeal from
authority to authority. Like, you know, if you say, oh,
because God said this, well, if other people don't believe in
your God or don't believe in your scripture or whatever, then
they can just nullify everythingyou're saying and then be like,
oh, you're just a crazy quack. Like this is super religious.

(01:00:20):
People think that the man's supposed to be in charge and
that like, so it discredits the actual thing, the concept.
Because you're, you're appealingto that authority.
You can be totally religious andtotally Christian or whatever it
is religion that you're on and believe that God believe, you
know, has set things this way and, and says that this is how
it should be, that the man should be the head of the house.
And you can believe that, but don't use that as the argument

(01:00:41):
because if you use that as the argument, you undermine your
entire position by anyone that'snot part of the church.
And even then, like we read thatbook, that love and respect book
and, and a lot of it was appealing to us.
Like even if you don't like yourhusband, just submit to him or
if you don't respect him. And it's like even if you don't
love your wife, like treat her like you do.
It's like, no, this is like because God said so, I get it.

(01:01:06):
And you can do what God says if you're religious but have also
like, it's not as motivating, right?
From. That perspective.
As if you truly understand it from a logical point, right?
Because if if you're. If you're just doing what I say
as a man because not because youhave any trust in me, but
because God says so, how is the authority and.

(01:01:30):
How does it make me? Feel as like I don't feel like
I'm important or, or that I actually have authority.
I feel like it's like, OK, you know, or, or vice versa.
If I'm like, I just love you because God told me to.
I think it's like. How does it does that make you?
Feel cherished and valued as a woman the crappy chocolate they.
Give you on Halloween like it's like not the real thing.

(01:01:53):
Yeah. And so this is.
I think this is good too. Like As for, for men that are
listening, because I, like I said, I coach a lot of guys and
this is a subject that comes up the authority thing.
And, and most of the time women are very opposed to this.
And so watch this podcast, listen to it, I mean, or even
just share it with her. If like you don't feel like you

(01:02:13):
can repeat the words, but you should know it this well, like
as like if you're going to be a leader and be a king and be an
authority, you should know why you're the authority so well
that you can explain it. Not that you have to just send
her the podcast. I mean, maybe that's a start to
send her to so that she now maybe the start is to memorize.
What you said in the podcast andsay it to her exactly.

(01:02:34):
Then if she doesn't get it, you watch it a bunch of times so.
That you understand it as a man so you can teach it right.
You know, I think that's actually I'll take back what I
said before. Don't share her the episode you
like. It does no good if I teach your
wife like you teach your wife, right.
By having the real reasons behind this.
Well, I think that's a good authority.
Yeah, because that's also. Showing that you're.

(01:02:55):
You know, right, that you're learning and you're.
You know you want to teach her right?
And it shows your motives. Because if you can rationally
explain why that you should be in charge and it makes sense and
and why she should trust you, then that means that you
actually should. But if you can't, then like, why

(01:03:16):
are you, you know, like if you don't have a good reason for it,
it's just because you know, Johnon on better than perfect
podcast that so and he explainedit, then I don't think that's
good enough. That's true.
So cool. Anything else to add?
No, right? And we don't have.
Any other? Things to don't jinx us again, I
mean. We we talked about, I guess we

(01:03:37):
could say. Like we like that that was kind
of part of the inspiration for this is that we had this
conversation about some of the things and, and, you know, and
after we had that conversation, I refined it more in my mind for
this podcast. So yeah, no, it's very
beneficial. Yeah, cool.
All right. Well, if you have a question for

(01:03:58):
us and you need some help with something, you can e-mail us at
[e-mail] visit the website
betterthanperfectpod.com and we'll see you next week.