Akaash Singh's Wife Situation - Our Take [Ep 105]

In this episode, we break down the situation with Akash Singh's wife.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
If you want to fix your relationship in one easy way,
it's stop picking on each other and making fun of each other
like you think. It's not that serious, but it is
that serious. And I guarantee you when you
stop doing it, you'll feel so much closer to your partner and
your relationship will improve just by not doing that.

(00:20):
Like your woman should look up to you in reverence, but you
should look to her like someone who's in your care.
You wouldn't joke in that way toyour child, a three-year old.
You wouldn't be like, you're such an idiot you just fell over
again. All right, welcome back to the

(00:52):
Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with
you how 2 imperfect people helping each other grow equals 1
better than perfect relationship.
That's us. Yeah.
We're the two imperfect people. And we'll, we'll show you why at
the end of this episode, becausewe got something for you this
week. To this time.
Like, yeah, see, every time John's like, it's fine.

(01:14):
We've been great. It's like, no, not even the
knock on wood. You're never done.
You're never done growing. That's just good like.
Yeah, as long as you're on the path of growth, right?
Because because I mean, we talk about all time, but every time
we do get into it, I feel like it was productive.
I don't feel like it was destructive.

(01:35):
Like I don't feel like, oh, things are going bad.
I feel like, oh, I learned things.
We both learned things. We're it's this was a good thing
because it improved the relationship.
I'm never like, this didn't needto happen at all.
You know what I'm saying? Like because things were
addressed that actually helped us grow.
No, it's a good thing. I don't say it is in the sense
of like it makes us lesser. Yeah, Yeah, I just feel like you

(01:56):
do, Jinx. That's my thing is like this.
You're like, we're doing great. I'm like, oh God, I can just
feel the universe being like, oh, you thought, so let's throw
some chaos in there. We'll get into it at the end,
but I literally had just hung upthe phone with my my friend and,
and just gave him a ton of great, you know, advice about

(02:19):
how to handle his, his situationwith his wife and, you know, and
because, and then bam. I was like, but will you put it
to the test? But yeah, is there any other
things we want to talk about in the beginning before we get
into? It I like to kind of just get

(02:41):
into it, OK, but yeah. Just like to go shoot for it.
We used to have a little bit of small talk.
Yeah. I mean, if there's something
like if it comes natural, otherwise, you know, give the
people what they what they pay for.
So. OK, yeah.
So this week we're talking aboutlike some, you know, celebrity
drama, I guess, right? Like Akash Singh, I think his

(03:03):
name is the the comedian. Yeah, we had a viewer which we
appreciate you commenting and watching and he wanted he, she,
they, I don't, I'm, I'm assuminghe, I think it was, but they
wanted us to talk about this topic specifically.
So I hadn't heard anything. Yeah, I don't.

(03:23):
He left a he left a YouTube video and I did watch that and
then I watched some other ones because the YouTube video he
sent was also a little biased. So I was like, all right, I want
to get a little bit more of the scope on it.
You hadn't heard about it besides the one video that he
also linked on the comment. But there was a lot of good

(03:46):
things to talk about. Not like good things in the
sense of good things happened inthe video unfortunately, but
good talking points. And I'm assuming that's why the
commenter wanted us to kind of dissect it because it does kind
of go with something similar ishto the video he commented on,
which was the one that came out about like women friend zoning

(04:10):
men and men like friend zoning women that they've slept with.
So it's kind of in the same realm of things.
So I understand where this came up.
And you know, we want all of ourlisteners to feel free to reach
out to us and ask for us to talkabout things or tell us about
their scenarios and if they wantadvice on it.

(04:34):
So and then when we watched the video, obviously we were like,
OK, yeah, there's a lot of things that we can go over here
and give our perspective on. Yeah, plenty of stuff.
So I guess we'll just start by we'll we'll just play the video
and then we're all OK. So like the the video from from
my old my old buddy Myern, not to not to give any on this, but

(04:56):
just some of the clips that he put at the beginning of it that
you know, so and then we can kind of pause it and and go
through it. So let me just the volume.
What I find? Corny is my preference is not my
women now. I thought it was I'm not dating
my women, period. Which is the.
Corniest human being. Outside of a criminal to me
period, Akash only dates brown. Akash has been with one girl in

(05:19):
his life was as white. As my wife that's English is
like royal. OK.
So I think just the establishingclip was to say that that Kash
is a virgin to prove it like before it got it was.
Yeah. So.
So painfully nostalgic for calling, popping my pussy and
living my best life in these white boy frat houses.

(05:41):
I'm actively. OK, so, well, maybe we should
just go through all the clips, but these are shortened versions
of the clip too, because there is in that clip, right?
Just so yeah, we can go through the context first and then we
can discuss the points, right. So in that clip, she goes on to
talk about. Her college days and.

(06:03):
Having a rotation of guys that. She partying at the frat houses
and all the ratchet songs that were out at the time, which she
was also in college around the same time as me.
Which is also, I think when I watch this, I'm like, you're at
a ripe age of at least 33, and you're reminiscing on your

(06:24):
college days. Like, it kind of reminds me of,
like, men who reminisce on their, like, high school sport
highlight. It's like, if that's the
highlight of your life and you're still talking about it.
Yeah. This long.
Yeah. That's an issue just in general.
Like, that's a problem just in general.

(06:46):
But now you're married and you're talking about this like
you miss your single days. Oh hold on, this is his wife.
Right. That's his wife.
Yeah. Yeah, you're married exactly now
and you're talking about it likethis.
Yeah, and you're a woman talkingabout it.
Like, I mean, it still would be.Yeah, Yeah, it still would be
bad for. Your wife to also be like, oh,

(07:07):
the amount of blowjobs I got in the day there was this one
that's disrespectful. Like, yeah, yeah, I don't want
to sit here and make it where men can talk about it and and
can't because no, I do think it goes both ways.
I think it's not acceptable for a man to talk like like that
either, right? Because I think that's part of

(07:27):
the problem, why women are doingit.
It's because they think that because men are doing it that
it's. They're trying to like cut.
They're trying to end me down bybeing like, oh, you think you're
so big and bad because you got this.
Well, I got this. And even though it's easier for
women, that's like what they're trying to do with this angle.
I'm not saying it's a good thing.
I'm not saying they should be doing it, but I think it's a

(07:50):
battle of like who's doing more crazy see stuff.
Right, right. And then it just looks horrible
on both sides. That's why I don't think it's
appropriate for a man who's married to be talking about that
stuff either. I mean, we've talked about
things on this podcast. I feel like in a respectful way.

(08:10):
And and it's context for, right.It's not like bragging like,
like or or like. Or being like, I miss those days
Exactly. You know, Like, you know, it's,
it's different how you phrase it.
But I don't think men either should be talking about this,
no. I agree, yeah.
Because there's also men who would probably say things like
this or something, or the men who are like, Oh, well, my

(08:33):
wife's not as hot as that girl or whatever.
It's the same sort of thing. If you're pinning it against
what you have currently, which is how she's talking about it,
she's like, oh I miss those daysso bad some.
Nostalgia. Yeah.
When the nostalgia gets so bad, that's what she's saying is that
she needs. So yeah.
Which is just. It's extremely disrespectful.

(08:54):
Yeah, it is. Right.
It's like, you know, 'cause the,The thing is about, you know,
the whole thing is like whether or not, you know, like this this
guy, I guess they got into beef him and Myron about, you know,
like Akash was, was telling Myron some some stuff about
women. And so this is his kind of
response for, but, you know, again, not agreeing with the

(09:16):
stuff that Myron says. He goes a little too far on
that. But but obviously this he's got
some dirt because a woman talking about her husband like
this or talking like representing her husband, right?
Because that's how I and I like when you like, when you appear,
like if you create a video, likeyou do some TikTok, sometimes

(09:38):
you're representing me as a man,right?
And so it's like, if you're saying this kind of stuff,
that's what you're, you're representing, right?
And you represent me exactly. Yeah.
And so that's why if you were over here, like, Oh yeah, I miss
going to Vegas and hooking up with all the whoever, whatever.
I don't even remember this one. But it's the same sort of thing.

(10:00):
Like that's disrespectful to me and that would be a huge
problem. Like that's what I'm trying to
say is like, without going too far, I'm glad she said this.
Right. Yeah, she's outing herself.
Yeah, I'm glad she said this. I'm glad she's saying this
stuff. People are mad.
It's not just Myron making videos about this woman.
Like, people can tell that this is wrong, right?

(10:22):
But I'm glad she said this for him, for her, because she has to
learn. Unfortunately, the hard way it
seems like that you can't do this.
Right. Exactly.
Yeah. Like she yes, you can say
whatever you want, but you will not have a relationship or a

(10:42):
husband who's OK with this you. If you're this woman, you're
better off single because if you're reminiscing on your
single days, you need to be single.
Yeah, because it's not even a matter of just saying this
publicly. It's a matter of like, I mean,
saying like to have the audacityto say it publicly, to not
realize like how you're coming across or how disrespectful it

(11:05):
is to your spouse by saying thatkind of thing, right.
But also to think it is the second problem is like, where
are you coming from that this issomething like if you're having
the, that you're actually that this is your actual truth.
It just sounds like it's truth. Why are you reminiscing on like
go back and be that then or livethose days or again, this is

(11:27):
where where where the guys sort of get upset, like, Oh, see you,
you know, you don't want to represent exactly what the red
pill talking point is, which is,oh, see, women when you know,
when they're younger, they just want to get party and have all
the guys that can. But then when they can't do that
anymore because they're getting getting old, then they settle
down and they settle for you, right.

(11:49):
So which? Which probably is the case in
this case? No, here's the problem, right?
Actually, I think he, Akash, whatever his name is, did not
vet this woman enough. For sure.
Yeah, no. And it's it's more so his fault
because it seems like she's always been this woman.
And I don't mean it's his fault as in he deserves this behavior

(12:10):
from her. No, no, no.
No, it's more so his fault in the sense of like he was never
the one for her because she evenif she whatever she did in her
past. Right.
If he was the one for her, she would not be acting this way
period. Like she would not be
reminiscing on any time in her life.

(12:31):
Because right now, her marriage,the person she's with now, is
everything to her. It's greater than anything she
could have ever imagined. She would give all of the people
that she met along the way up just to meet him before anyone
else. That's how it would be and
that's how she would act. And we'll see on some of the

(12:52):
other clips that that's obviously not the case.
And so it's far fetched to thinkthat she just turned into this
person, turned into someone that's just saying all these
things on public forums and wasn't this way before.
And yes, he said he was a virginbefore he got with her and got

(13:13):
married. And a lot of men who are in
similar situations settle down with the wrong woman because
they just want to secure a womanand have a wife and have a woman
in their life. And then they're like, why did
this happen? Like you as a man, you have to
pick the right person as well too.
Like she obviously is in like a partying wild phase still in her

(13:40):
life and maybe she always will be because.
Well, let's not even call it phase because it's a character,
right? So, and that's the thing.
It's like, so he lacks experience.
That was his issue. It's not a like the phase thing
is actually what what actually? And it would it would piss me
off too and it upset some guys. Is that like no guy wants a

(14:02):
woman who was had a partying like wild sex be a slut phase
and now she's out of that phase and now she's like in a serious
relationship with you like. I mean, I get that you.
See what I'm saying is because it's like, OK, like that's it.
It doesn't. You don't want, you don't want.
Like, no, I'm not saying that people don't make mistakes and

(14:24):
they don't have the education and realize things.
But like if it's if it's a phaseand you grew out of that phase,
it's like, OK, that whole thing of like, well, if, if you're not
good enough for me at your, yourworst, you're not good enough
for me when I'm at my. Best I understand, however, like
the phase part, to me I don't think that it should ruffle as

(14:50):
many feathers. I'm not saying that to excuse
the behavior in any way, but I'msaying that we've all made
mistakes and I get what you're saying.
In her sense, it does seem like less of a phase.
So you're right, I used the wrong word for sure because this
has gone on for a really long time.
She enjoyed that behavior and she's still reminiscing on that

(15:13):
behavior. So yes, at that point, it's not
a phase, but we all make mistakes and we've all been
through these different parts ofour lives.
And so I don't think that peopleshould be penalized for them in
that way because I think it matters who you are.
And like you said, this is obviously who she is.
So I was wrong for saying phase,but I don't think the word

(15:36):
phrase should well spend guys, because I think you can tell the
difference between if you're dealing with a woman like this,
right, or if you're dealing witha woman that's made some
mistakes because she was trying to find somebody and she got
caught up in some of the things.In the world, that's a
different. Thing and she shows you that
that's not who she is, right by how she treats you and the

(15:58):
things that she say says and howshe respects you.
Well, it's also how she thinks about those times, right?
Because. Yeah, not missing on.
That yeah, if you have a respectable woman, she says, oh,
when I, when I was making mistakes and when I was very
lost in seeking validation because, you know, that's the

(16:19):
insight that you want to hear, right, that that's a respectable
wait. But you're like, Oh yeah, I
missed those days like. Oh, if anybody says that, yeah,
that's if you said that, yeah, it would not be OK.
Right, Exactly. Yeah, it's not, it's not OK to
like to to be in that in that state.
But but a lot of it comes from him not having the experience as

(16:41):
a man. A man has to be able to well
and, and, and not just in the selection, but also in the, I
don't want to say the word training because but it, but it
is to a degree. But it, it's like because you
train people how to treat you right.
So like everyone does that. So, but in being a man, the
leading of, of the, of the woman, like when you meet a

(17:02):
woman, because imagine, right, like, because there's two pieces
of it. There's one that she has the
audacity to say this out loud and there's one that she thinks
it, right. And so if I was a man who had no
backbone, right, and just was not masculine at all, was not a
leader to you at all. We're just married and I just

(17:24):
had money, right? And I didn't understand those
things like you didn't, you didn't trust me as a leader,
right? Would you not potentially find
yourself reminiscing about past experiences and things like
that? You know what I'm saying?
I'm not trying to put you on theon the like trap you in any way,
but I'm just saying I think it would be a natural thing.

(17:46):
You, you wouldn't find me sexually attractive if I was
that kind of man. And I and I wouldn't expect you
to if I was a man that had no backbone in Vietnam.
Exactly. And so you probably even would
think about other situations andwhen when things were different,
you know what I'm saying? When you had more things in your

(18:07):
life that excited you, you see what I'm saying?
Yeah, I'm not trying to be contrarian, but.
No, no, I'm not. Yeah.
I I don't know, I think I would first like try to have a
conversation and try to like even though.
But if that was the guy that. You married.
But if that was because he didn't, wasn't.
Yeah, but I couldn't even get close to marrying someone that's

(18:28):
like that because, you know. You're not going to be filled
already right at a sexual level.So why even do it unless it's
for the money, right, right. So this is exactly I don't want
to name names. I was actually going to tell you
this in the car, but I'll I'll say it without saying his name
because we, we know who the person is, okay?
He mystery. Yeah, the the person who's tried

(18:50):
to like defame us and has reallytargeted you, has targeted you.
Okay, This is exactly what's actually happening with the
Akash situation and his wife is exactly what this person thinks
that you are and what's happening with us, it's the
exact thing that he thinks it is.
Is it am I right? Yeah, it's exactly what he

(19:11):
thinks right? Like just for the money, right
and. You're him and I'm her.
And using the clout right to to have a platform to talk right
like like. Yes, because I drag you here all
the time and force you. I'm I'm kicking you under the
table as we speak. Right, and no true leadership
and like just and like reminiscing about the, the, the

(19:32):
times and like being, you know, like, but it's exactly what he
thinks, right? But that's what's actually
happening here. Right, exactly.
It's like the extreme version, which like this is extreme like
and unfortunately guys see this video and they think all women
are going to act this way and that's not the case.
Let me play a little bit more though, so that people can get

(19:54):
because they're like, what are you talking about about for that
2 seconds? Yeah, he's trying to.
Have an orgy because and you haven't seen NAV yet but wait
till you fucking see him. His body goes crazy, his face
card always slays never to climb.
It's kind of weird because I'm talking about your husband.
It's just to know that NASDAQ, it's like.

(20:15):
At least 10 inches. OK, I have two butthole stories.
So one time I'm OK. So this is her on a podcast with
someone else, some other lady friend of hers, and she's
talking about her, the other woman's husband, saying I want
to have an ACOG wife. With you trying to get yeah.
Like talking about another woman's husband.

(20:37):
Right this way, I think it's this guy Naz and saying that his
body is whatever his he's alwaysgot the face card right.
And then he's probably has a huge Yeah, exactly.
Right. So just yeah, I imagine we might
as well just go through the whole thing and then we'll but.
This guy on and I like woke up in the morning and like my

(20:59):
asshole was a little sore and I remember.
So another, you know, like there's the further part.
Of the story that are just you probably shouldn't say at all.
Even if you are single, you probably shouldn't be talking
about some guy that like you letsleep in your bed and you woke
up and he like, you're assuming he did something to you.

(21:20):
That's like a whole different level, yeah, when you use a
vibrator. I just think my imagination is
vibration. Enough this thing like my own
husband. While I'm.
Like, wait, that's kind of baller, but I could never do
that, yeah. And so, okay, so then that one,
the longer clip is that she's again talking to her friend.

(21:43):
Her friend is the one that says that she just uses her
imagination. And thinks about her husband.
And sometimes thinks about her husband and then she this is
Akasha's wife, says, oh, I couldnever do that right, Right.
Yeah. And yeah.
So. Has been split finances and I'm
going to be really fucking off. I don't, we don't we don't, we
don't. First of all, that's a fucking

(22:03):
red flag. Any man that doesn't want to
have a joint bank account or isn't being transparent with his
accounts or has separate accounts, that's a fucking red
flag. This is not a two way St., this
is a one way St. And we'll talk about that one
too. I mean, maybe we have enough
stuff and we can talk about the segments as they come, but you
can see what we're dealing with,right?
So it's like. Oh, now we can go in.

(22:25):
Yeah, I think we can go in because I want to talk about the
bank accounts thing separately. I don't want to get too lost in
there. I mean, I want to talk about one
go all the way back to her talking about her friend's
husband. Totally inappropriate.
Like you even trying to think about her husband's appendages

(22:49):
or in that way or even I feel like even outwardly talking
about how attractive her husbandis is disrespectful.
And it proves that you're not attracted to your husband if
you're just going around talkingabout her how hot her husband
is. And there's, I don't know if the
clip will be in the beginning part, but there's one also of

(23:10):
her on the same podcast talking about all these celebrity she
has hall passes for which I'm sure everybody knows what that
means, which we've already talked about that if you have
celebrity crushes, hall passes, those things are those things
are red flags because you are obviously not fulfilled with
your partner and you would give a pass.

(23:33):
I don't even care if you're joking, but even if you're
joking about it, it's there's something wrong with the
relationship that you're in. And it has to be established.
That's why it's like, you got tolike, have the conversation.
But like, yeah, like, celebrity crushes are not even cool with
me, you know? I mean, like, everyone in their
relationship needs to have this discussion.

(23:54):
The man needs to lead this discussion and say, like, we
don't do these things. This is what you know, because
otherwise it starts there and then it becomes this.
And then it's like you, you can't even because it's I think
a lot of people just don't know,right.
So it's like they're like, OK, Ihave a relationship, but I have
a celebrity crash. Doesn't seem like a big deal.
OK, and and I think that's innocent.

(24:14):
I don't like, I wouldn't fault anyone for that, but I fault the
man if he's not listening to ourpodcast and isn't learning these
things to be able to say no, no,no, this is how I protect the
relationship. Like he needs to educate the
woman in that case and be like, look, I get that you're in that
the celebrity crust seems like an innocent thing, but when
you're in a serious committed relationship, it's not it is not
like a silly thing, like it's it's offensive to me.

(24:35):
I fault, you know, society. Yeah.
And poor relationships for this because people are constantly
told it's OK to be attracted to other people.
It's totally normal and natural.And so that's where I think the
celebrity crushes and this jokingly hall pass thing came
about. But, and I'm not saying that

(24:56):
it's not in our biology, in someways we've already did a whole
episode on that. So if you want to go deeper into
that, you can watch that episode.
But I it is normalizing something that is not there when
you're in a relationship that you're fully invested in, in all
the ways you should be fully invested in.

(25:18):
There is no one on this planet that could distract me or take
me away from you and how attracted I am to you and all
the ways like they're simply not.
And people could think I'm lying.
That's fine. But it just proves to me that
they've never been in a relationship like you and I have
been in because it would be so disrespectful to even like joke

(25:42):
about a whole pass or a celebrity crush, like that's
that's disrespectful to our relationship and our marriage
and definitely you. But to like my commitment to
you, it's disrespectful to joke about that, to joke about being
with anybody else. And I take that very seriously.
And I'm not even a religious person, but I don't take it

(26:04):
lightly when I chose you to be the person that I want to be
with for the rest of my life. That was a wholehearted choice
that I made and I was serious about it.
And I wouldn't have married you if I was like, well, I miss my
college days or, you know. Yeah, I think this might be the
best that I can do with my good years behind me or whatever,

(26:26):
right? Like that's or like maybe my
celebrity crush will come along and sweep me off my no like, and
that's my point is that yes, forthese lower caliber
relationships, this has been normalized and people think that
it's fine. They think it's actually a part
of a. Normal relationship and you're

(26:47):
going to just have that kind of normal relationship if you allow
this, right? Right.
Because The thing is also when you tell your partner, I don't
like this, like I don't like celebrity crush.
And even if they're like, oh, that's insecure, whatever.
And you're like, let me explain to you why.
Like it's an insult to their relationship.
Like I think that we should be exclusively focused on on each

(27:09):
other. And once you've established
that, then it helps to actually make it that or keep it that
because it's like, if, if you tell me like if I came into our
relationship and I was an idiot and I thought I was, it was fine
for me to like, like to follow girls on Instagram, that or
models or whatever. And, and like their photos,

(27:29):
right? Like a, like a dummy.
Like there's guys that do that and they they're dummies and
they don't realize it. But women do it too.
But if you told me, hey, that actually hurts my feelings.
I don't like that at all. Like I I really want you to only
be focused on on me and not evenfind other women attractive,
right? Like once you tell me that, then
it's like every time that I would do that, then I would

(27:52):
think that that that like, I'm I'm offending you if you knew.
So that's going to change the way the thought patterns and the
behavior hopefully, right? Versus if you say nothing at all
and people are like, oh, just saying that doesn't matter.
Well, yeah, but if you say nothing at all and it's just
fine to do that, then sure, thenthen the person is going to
think about other. But when you have defined that

(28:14):
and you've you've let the other person know that it's not OK.
And This is why it's not OK is because this is, you know, this
is the kind of relationship thatI want, or this hurts my
feelings, you know, then it's, it's confining that it doesn't
completely solve the problem. Yeah, maybe there's going to be
like, you know, attraction or whatever that you know, that,
that, that that pops up or whatever.
You know, I'm, I'm saying at, atwhatever stage of relationship

(28:36):
you're at. But now you're putting things in
the right direction of where they need to go because ideally
in their relationship, just likeyou said, I also feel the same
way. I'm 100% only focused on you and
that's there's no woman that could distract me from you and
you, you know, when we're both like that, that builds the best

(28:58):
relationship that you can have, right?
So and I think when you have theboundary and someone breaks
that, it's now a bigger problem and then that means like this
probably isn't going to work sort of thing.
So if you have that boundary of like, hey, this hurts me, this
hurts our relationship, and thenthey still choose to do it.
And you feel like it's a maybe similar ish situation as far as

(29:23):
like this person doesn't want tosettle down or they're
reminiscing on other people or being with other people or being
back in their past when they were with other people.
Then now you can make an educated decision.
And that's why I said it's good she said this, right?
It's good this is happening. And I mean that in the sense of

(29:45):
he can face the reality of what he's dealing with because she is
publicly putting all this out there and there's nowhere for
her to hide it. Exactly.
And she I saw some other things where she said that they joke
around a lot and we'll get into that aspect of it.
But but the reality is that no matter if this is a joke to her

(30:07):
or not, it's so disrespectful toher marriage that it is, in my
opinion, a valid reason for the relationship to end.
Right. And this is not joking around.
This isn't joking around becauseshe can say those joking around
or they joke around about their relationship or like and there's
a part where she calls him an idiot and stuff and I can that I

(30:29):
can see us joking around. You shouldn't joke like that,
but I can see that. But when you're giving specifics
about like your past or like saying that, like you, you want
this or that's not joking around.
Like that's, that's actually like you might be joking when
you're saying it, but there's reality behind it because you're
giving enough specifics where it's, it's clearly not, not a

(30:53):
joke. You know what I mean?
Like what you're saying. So yeah.
So I don't, it wouldn't let thatslide.
Even if it was joking around, itstill wouldn't let If it was.
I know it wasn't, but if it was,it still doesn't let that.
Slide Well, I guess we should gointo that part of it because I
think that's it's a huge part ofthis too, is that, I mean, we

(31:13):
didn't see the clip yet, but they're like in their closet and
she's calling, she's telling himto shut up.
And you know, they're arguing because she has this closet, big
closet and she's not like makingit effectively hold all her
clothes. And so they're in this argument

(31:33):
and then she calls him an idiot and things like that.
And cheap calls him cheap and stuff.
And it's like, and it's like, there are some people could be
like, oh, you're taking it the wrong way or whatever.
But it's like even just in the tone, like you should avoid the
things that that have to be interpreted by tone.
But there's a difference betweenshut up and like shut up, you

(31:56):
know, like whatever. I can't even do the the tone
that would make it make sense. But there's a like, oh, shut up,
shut up, shut up. Like like like something like
that would be maybe a tone. That I still would say no.
I still would say it's still shut up, which is minuscule like
you're saying. Like, yeah, but don't even go
there, right? That's what I'm saying is like
if it has to be interpreted by tone.

(32:17):
Yeah, I think if you joke with your partner like that, that's a
one way ticket to disrespecting each other.
Because to me, calling somebody an idiot or telling them to shut
up is not kind anyway. But to do that to your partner,

(32:38):
your life partner, you're just putting wounds in your own
relationship. Like that is like you said, even
if you're joking that those words still sting somebody
because you wouldn't go up to some little lady and be like,
shut up grandma. Like that's that would be taken
as aggressive. Yeah, or someone that you

(32:59):
respect highly, right? You know, an authority figure or
something like that. You wouldn't.
Well, and I would never want youto feel like I was trying to
tear you down with words like that.
Like that doesn't benefit eitherof us and it hurts you.
And so I think people think thatit's fine because they do it to

(33:20):
each other, but then I think if they really look at their
relationship, it's not where they want it to be.
It doesn't matter if the camera's on or not.
Right right, right. Like you shouldn't do it even if
you're like well I was upset cuzobviously in the video too she's
like, we're stressed out or something cuz we're about to

(33:40):
leave. When you start making excuses
for why you do the things, then they just keep happening more
and more. And then now you're calling each
other more and more mean names. You're doing more and more mean
things to try to tear the persondown.
Because that's essentially what's saying this stuff is, is
trying to tear the person down to overpower them or get what
you want. And even if you're like, Oh

(34:03):
well, like we both do it, it's fine.
Like we know we're joking, our relationships healthy.
It's the same sort of thing of like, we have never done that.
I think the meanest thing when Iwas like upset with you is I
called you a fraud because because you weren't doing what
you told other people to do, right?

(34:25):
Like, and that's, that's the meanest thing I've said to you.
And I said it one time. Yeah, yeah.
No, it's not. It's just not.
And I'm telling you that that's not right.
Like me doing that wasn't even right, but there's and that.
And I've been upset with you forthings.
Yeah, for sure. We've been through a lot of
things. And I still haven't done that
because I respect you and I loveyou.

(34:46):
And even though I'm hurt, I don't want to do that.
And especially not joking because that's taking it even
lighter, right? Exactly.
And it's and it's and this is where I'll talk from the man's
frame is that a lot of men let this happen.
They let a woman talk to them that way, even joking.
It's like, I mean, at any point if, if I we're having

(35:08):
conversations, even we're jokingaround and you're like, oh, shut
up. It would be a dead silence.
I would stop the conversation. And I'd be like, what did you
just say? Like, like, oh, I'm just joking.
Just told you shut up. Yeah, That's that's not cool.
Like it has to be that because because guys, if you want a

(35:28):
woman to take you seriously, youhave to take yourself seriously.
You, you cannot be like, Oh, just I allow this kind of thing
because how are you going to be a serious, respected authority
like, and, and protect her and all of these things to a woman
and sexually that she's going totake you seriously if you allow
her to even joke and, and to, to, to treat you in that, even

(35:51):
if it's a joke, even if it doesn't mean like it's like,
whatever, but it's like, you don't say shut up to you know
what I mean? Like, you know what I'm saying?
It's like, it just, you have to have that level of, of
seriousness because that's whereit starts.
Because I coach a lot of guys and I tell you, it's like, oh,
she's screaming at me and she did all this stuff and it's
like, as she hit me and it's like, yeah, but it didn't start

(36:14):
like that, right? Because she didn't you, if you
were dating her and she did that, you would have been out of
there, right? So how did it get there?
It started with a joking shut up, right?
And then a joking idiot, right? And then a little bit of an
angry shut up. And then you didn't do anything.
And then you see what I'm saying?
That's how it got to that point.Because if you're like, oh, like

(36:35):
at the very little of this joke of saying something
disrespectful, you don't have tobe an asshole about it, but you
just say, hey, wait a minute, what did you say?
It's like, yeah, that's it's notOK to tell me to shut up.
I know you're just joking, but it doesn't, it's still very
disrespectful to do that. Like that's it's not cool.
I, I respect you. I wouldn't say that to you
because I have a high admirationof you, you know?

(36:58):
And so like, so you're setting it like because as a man, you
have to be A, to be a leader sometimes, you know, you have to
be able to teach and you have toinstruct.
Well, and you have to lead by example, like you said, if you
don't want her telling you shut up and calling you an idiot, you
can't be doing that to her either, right?
For sure, right. Not even like come here woman.
Like I think that's even like, disrespectful.

(37:21):
Yeah, for sure it is disrespect.To talk to someone that way,
especially the woman that you'rewith.
And so you're right that they allow this behavior.
And then it gets more and more extreme because she needs to
feel more and more overpowering him, you know, and like let him
know that she's in charge because he's let her basically

(37:43):
be in charge and disrespect him.And that's probably what has
happened here with this Akash guy, is that she's probably
always been disrespectful to himin some ways.
And maybe it started out just like joking, like shut up and.
And I know he jokes about her like we've heard.
I haven't seen his. I don't watch but like.

(38:04):
He's a stand up comedian so I'm sure he says something.
Yeah, but it doesn't make it OK either way.
Right, exactly. Like if I was a stand up
comedian, I might joke about youand like, oh, you know, she
likes to go shopping or like something, oh, she's obsessed
with Halloween. Like something that's not
disrespectful. You know what I'm saying?
Like you can make, make some jokes about that, but when I

(38:26):
hear stand up comics and we we've we've been to places where
people like are like, oh, you know, saying something about
their husband or whatever. It's like, OK, even as a joke,
it's just not, it's not OK. Like a funny kind of innocent
joke of like Nicole is obsessed with Halloween.
Her favorite movie is Hocus Pocus.
You know, it's like, that's a funny thing.
That's not a disrespectful thing.

(38:48):
You should know what I'm saying.Like there's ways you can make
fun of, like or tell a story of something that happened that is
comical and exaggerated a littlebit, but it doesn't assassinate
the other person's character andmake them look bad.
Right, which I feel like that's the most important part of this,
right, because people are probably listening this and
they're like these two have a stick up their ass.
They like never laugh. We laugh at plenty of things,

(39:10):
just not at each other. We're not tearing each other
down for cheap humor like we laugh about plenty of other
things we have. We're like children half the
time when we're together and having fun in that way.
But we also respect each other. So we enjoy being around each
other and having fun in that way.
We don't need to like laugh by picking on one another.

(39:33):
And that is the gateway drug of kind of ruining your
relationship and causing resentment and all this
underlying hurt because you might be hurt if your husband's
like, why are you such an idiot when you do something wrong?
And even though you joke around with each other, then you're
mentally like, OK, well, we jokearound all the time.

(39:54):
He probably doesn't mean it, butdoes he mean it and you're hurt
by that part? That's like, does he mean it?
There's a part of you that thinks he does actually mean it.
Right. And a lot of guys are talking to
their women like they're talkingto their Bros, right?
Which is like that. That's just disrespectful in
general. Like don't, but also don't talk
to your Bros like it too, right?It's like, like, yeah, have some
respect for your friend. Yeah, I'll talk to my friend and

(40:15):
say don't be a pussy, like, or stop being a little bitch or
something like that. But it's not like I'm calling
him that all the time. There's some guys that they're
just like, hey, dipshit, hey, dickhead.
Right. And it's like, no, I love the
men that are in my life. Like, they're like brothers to
me. They're not like idiots and
they're not, you know, whatever.Like I'm not even going to

(40:36):
lightly just call those things. Yeah, sometimes I will use some
harsh language, like to wake him, to wake another man up.
But it's coming from a place of love.
Like, that's a different thing than than just randomly calling
people idiots all the time or like, you know, razzing on them
for no reason. But definitely, like, if you're
doing that, why would you do that with a a woman, right?

(40:57):
That is supposed to be someone that you're cherishing, right?
Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
So it's definitely not OK for her to be doing that either.
And like calling him names and, and again, like he's a comedian,
but even in that video, he didn't like call her a name
back, you know, like it. But if one person's doing it,

(41:18):
it's still a potential to hurt your relationship.
So if this is happening in your own relationship, you should
have a conversation about it andhave a new standard.
Now, even if you've been joking around with each other and doing
things like that, just come together and be like, hey, you
know what? I know we used to do this, but I
think that we should stop. Like I think that it'll make our

(41:41):
relationship better because it'sdefinitely not too late.
It's too late for him. It's too late for a cough.
She's disrespected him so much in so many other ways.
There's. No coming back from that.
Right. But if you if you want to fix
your relationship in one easy way, it's stop picking on each

(42:01):
other and making fun of each other.
Like you think it's not that serious, but it is that serious.
And I guarantee you when you stop doing it, you'll feel so
much closer to your partner and your relationship will improve
just by not doing that. Right, well, and, and, and I
guess I could give you like a couple things from a man's
perspective, right? Like your woman should look up

(42:23):
to you in reverence, not look down on you in judgement, up to
you in reverence. And you should not look down on
her in judgement either. But but you should look to her
like someone who's in your care,right?
And so again, I don't like to make this comparison, but you
wouldn't joke in that way to your child, your young child,

(42:46):
let's say like a little. To someone that you're
protecting right and that you have responsibility.
Like let's say you had a 2 year old or three-year old, you
wouldn't be like, you're such anidiot.
You just fell over again, like in a jokey way.
Not saying what I wanna say right now, which is.
I don't know it. Yes, you do.

(43:08):
We know somebody that has done those things before, but.
Has done it's wrong. To a child, yes.
Oh yeah, yeah, yes, yes. But that's I'm talking about
joking. No, I know.
Yeah, I. Know like if you're not joking,
then it's even that yeah, but I'm saying even you wouldn't
joke like that right and like ifyou're.
Like it shouldn't even come across your mind as a joke.

(43:30):
So, so your wife should be looking up to you, right?
And reverence, reverence is the word, right?
Or you can use other words, but and you should be looking at
like as someone that you're protecting, like so you see what
I'm saying? Like that's how the relationship
should be. It doesn't mean that it's a
child relationship or that whatever, like you're God or
anything like that, but it meansthat like those are the the the

(43:51):
ways it's a model for understanding how it should feel
in terms of like, you know what you would say to someone.
Right. Well, a woman's not going to
trust you fully if the person that's supposed to be protecting
her is calling her names and making fun of her.
And and like not, and as a man, right, regardless of what I say,
regardless of what I do right in, in my life or

(44:13):
accomplishments I've done or what I tell other people I do
like, the biggest reflection of me is what you as my wife, who
lives with me every single day, who knows my character better
than anyone else publicly says about me.
And anyone can go back through any catalog, any video, any
podcast, any or audio of you talking about me.

(44:37):
And they will only find you talking positive things about me
of the great, you know, so, so my, my greatest thing about me
is what you say about me. Like that's my like no one can
argue that because anything I can prove for about myself or
say it has no candle to the words that you say about me,

(44:58):
which is a double thing because one, it lifts me up as a man and
and like no one can say, hey, you know, the easiest, easiest
way to tear a man down is to talk about say, Oh, well, his
wife says this about him, right?You see what I'm saying?
But for me, I got a, I got a shining, I'm shining on a hill
because like if someone goes back and goes through the clips

(45:20):
of all the things that you've said about me on this podcast or
publicly, whatever, like it's, it's the most fantastic place
that I could ever possibly be. Like no one could say anything
better than than that. But also that gives me immense
respect for you. You see what I'm saying?
Like it works both ways. Like you lift me up by by how

(45:44):
you represent. Well, I put my money where in my
mouth, that's doing what I'm saying.
I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass because what you say
about me also is the highest form of respect and love that
you show me. So like, that is why, though,
that we have the relationship that we do.

(46:06):
And that's why we come on here and do this podcast is because
all of the things that we're telling people help build what
we have. And people can have that, but
you have to build it, it it has to be built.
And we're giving you all the tools how to build it.
And one of those, like I said, is how you talk about your

(46:26):
partner and not even joking. And you know, I tell you that I
respect you. But if I acted like this woman,
it doesn't matter if I tell you I respect you because my actions
speak differently. And so I do respect you.
And so my actions prove that. And the things that I say about
you prove that. But you also prove that because
if you didn't prove it, if you were not somebody that I

(46:49):
respected, then we would have other problems because we
probably wouldn't even be together.
You know what I mean? Like there would obviously be a
reason why, but I respect you tothe highest degree of any man
I've ever met because you are who you say you are and you do
what you say you're going to do.And so it's easy.

(47:10):
And people have to live from that place though.
Like if you are all mixed up andyou're making fun of each other
and you got all this resentment,you got all these problems, they
can be fixed, but you got to getall of that out there and you
have to be better for your partner.
Right. You got to start.
Even if you like, you got to start governing your
relationship and acting as if inorder for it to become you.

(47:33):
Know what I mean? It's like exactly.
It's like you gotta be like you have to move.
Differently. You can't do the same things and
expect the same results. Isn't that insanity?
Yeah, exactly the definition of.So you gotta do things
differently and you gotta actually respect your partner
and do the actions that prove that.
Because you can't joke around and disrespect each other, even

(47:55):
jokingly, and then try to tell people you respect each other or
you trust each other. Because I wouldn't trust
somebody that is like low key making side comments at me that
I don't know if they're kidding or if they're serious.
Like, because if there must be some reason they feel that way a
little bit, but they're hiding behind joking.

(48:18):
It's like, let's just have a conversation.
Don't joke with me about it. Let's like air it out there.
Let's figure it out, right? And not operate in this way.
And, and Can you imagine, like, I mean, let's say that you, you
did that and there was some clips or something, someone
could totally use it against me.And I go, Oh no, no, Nicole's
just joking. She she loves me whatever, but

(48:39):
like there's no fuel for that atall, right?
All the only thing anyone could ever say is like, oh, there's
not one time that Nicole doesn'tsing your praises every single
time that you know, like anything that you publicly say
about me is something that is phenomenal.
You know, to me, which makes me as a man, like you know how much
I'm working with when I'm talking to other guys, cuz I'm

(49:01):
like, does your wife talk about you like this?
Does she respect you like this? No, right.
So you see what I'm saying? It's like it gives me that
weight, especially if I'm coaching guys, it's going to be
like like, you know, you hear what my wife says about me,
right? Does your wife talk about you
like that? Right.
Like, but if they're like, oh, wait, there's this clip where
where? Oh yeah, she's just joking

(49:22):
though. And it's like, but there's not
even that clip. You see what I'm saying?
So as a man, it's very, very important.
Like that's what I'm saying is like.
But you have to live it. That's what I, I want people to
understand because it's very easy for people to be like, oh,
well, maybe she just says bad things to you, not on camera or
not in public. But it's like, no, we live this

(49:44):
way. Like, and it's not hard to live
this way. This actually is the default
mode. And I get though, that it's not
the default mode for a lot of people because maybe you haven't
respected your partner from the very beginning and you've had to
like grow that or you don't now and you want to grow that.
This is how you do it. But it's, it's not just on

(50:07):
camera or whatever. This isn't just like an act like
I feel this way about you. And that is why we have the
relationship that we have. And I know you respect me as
well too. And it's because we have these
rules or guidelines for our relationship, right?
And it that is what makes it so high caliber.
And people think that it's not possible.

(50:28):
But when people are around us, they are with us for like a
week, our families with us for aweek, our friends are with us
for a week. If we go somewhere on a vacation
or something. And we show them that we're not
arguing with each other. We're not calling each other
names like this, isn't? A.
Show. Snapping or acting irritated at

(50:49):
each other there's no irritated looks and like why are you
bothering me type of thing like it doesn't happen because but
and and a lot of it is because we don't out like it's just not
something that's OK in our relationship about it.
Like it starts with like having a 0 tolerance policy for any of
this stuff, even joking around. It's like, so that it's like,

(51:10):
because in my mind, I always want you to be that like, to be
cherished, right? Somewhat like like, you know,
you're, you're my wife, like you're this indescribable
treasure in my life that I wouldnever want to tarnish in any way
that I couldn't speak in some even joking would be, would be

(51:35):
doing a disservice to that vision that I, that I have.
And, and I want you to have an, an equal vision of me, of being
a man that you, there's like an authority that you respect that
you would trust your life with. You know what I'm saying in your
children's life and you know, and that you know, having that
utmost respect, whereas you wouldn't even joke about saying

(51:58):
something derogatory. Well, which I think people need
to realize is that if you say something to tarnish me, it
tarnishes you. Oh.
But yeah, yeah. And if I say something that
tarnishes you, it tarnishes me. The.
Best thing I could possibly say about you as my wife is I was
like, look like if, if someone'slike, oh, your, your wife is
trash, I'd be like, OK, look at the the videos of what how she
talks about me. That's the, that's like your,

(52:21):
the shining quality that I couldprove to other people of, of
what kind of character that you have is like how you talk about
me that that would be the numberone thing.
If, if someone said give me someevidence, that would be the
evidence I could give because I could say, oh, she's a wonderful
person. She cared for people.
But the, the smoking gun evidence is like, look how she
talks about me. You see what I'm saying?

(52:42):
So it and it goes both ways, right?
Like how I talk about you is thebiggest reflection of, of, of
myself. You know, if you talk bad about
me, it would look bad on both ofus.
It would look bad on you. You know what I'm saying?
It's like I then I wouldn't be able to say, oh, you know, but
in the same thing, like if I talked bad about you or joked
like didn't treat you with that,that level of respect, then it

(53:05):
would look very bad on me. Yeah, you're right.
And I think people, if they wantto adopt this, which I think
everybody should try to adopt this, is that they shouldn't
really talk bad about anybody. Because even when we talked
about doing this episode, I was like, I don't want to talk bad
about this woman. And I don't feel like we are
talking bad about her. This is about her actions and

(53:28):
where she's at and like what she's doing and how she's
treating her husband and how herbehavior is coming across that
she's better off single, right? Based on how she's acting.
This is not on her. So many of the videos I saw were
attacking this woman. Attacking her appearance like.
Everything calling her names, calling other people, like,

(53:50):
assuming things about other people like that it is.
It's not OK. And I think like, society as a
whole thinks it's OK to attack people that are doing the wrong
thing. Right.
Exactly. We've all at some point done the
wrong thing for sure. Yeah.
And the way to have more respectfor everybody and bring up the

(54:15):
like collective. Yeah.
Humanity and like goodness in people, is to respect everyone
no matter what they do to you. I know what you tell Sophia.
You tell our daughter all the time.
What do you tell her? There's so many things.
Well, I mean about this, like I,I hear you tell her all the time

(54:37):
and it's like, how do you feel when you talk bad about people,
right? How does it make you?
Because like, because there's a,we can see it.
It's like she could start and gets down on herself.
Right. It hurts you to talk bad about
other people, even if you don't realize it, even if you feel
like it's making you feel betterto vent your frustrations about
somebody. It makes you actually makes you
feel worse, and it actually makes you spiral.

(55:01):
And now you're talking more and more crap about people and
you're feeling worse and worse. Right.
And it's not beneficial. And this is what gives us the
ability to talk about the subjects that we do talk about,
like when we talked about the smut novels.
And then the stuff like that is because we have people in our
lives, family members, right? That like any like you take all
the topics that we've talked about, we're going to some of

(55:22):
them are going to smack someone across the face with it, right?
But if we talked about smart novels, then we saw some video
of some girl that was talking about it, and we were making fun
of the girl and saying what a horrible person she was, right?
How would that play out with people in our lives that they
would feel betrayed? Whereas I hope that the people

(55:45):
in our lives don't feel betrayedwhen we're talking about it,
because we're talking about it objectively in the harms of it.
You see what I'm saying? Is it?
Yeah, not to like, judge or shame or whatever.
This thing's wrong, not you are bad.
And that's the key. And and I think that's, and
we'll do another episode becausewe'll talk about the red pill
thing and, and, and whatnot. But that's the big problem with,

(56:07):
with anything again, with feminism, with, with any of
these people. Even a lot of the politics today
and the political commentary is it's like you, you can say like
these things that a person is doing is wrong and bad.
And those are the subjects that we should be talking about and
having this discourse about. But attacking the person and
making them a bad person or horrible or making fun of them

(56:30):
that doesn't that just. Irritates your point you're
trying to make exactly honestly,and it kind of invalidates it.
And it gets you a big audience. Yeah, because if you can only
make a point by tearing someone else down, your point was not
strong enough to begin with, right?
Yeah, because the point with with this, this woman is, is
obviously like he should not be ready to be married.

(56:53):
Yeah, he should not be with her.It's like, you know, it's, it's
a like she's disrespectful to him, right?
These are her actions, right? You know, it's up to her,
whatever she's made herself lookthe way that she's she's making
herself look. But I don't feel any reason to
like have animosity or to attackher personally.
It's these things that she's doing that are not good.
If anything, I feel bad for him because I feel like, like I said

(57:16):
in the beginning of the episode,that he just tracks as someone
that he was virgin. And maybe this is one of the few
women that, you know, he got an opportunity to be with and was
like, oh, well, you know, he didn't have the knowledge to
know if this is going to be a Good Wife or not and be able to

(57:40):
see where she's at. Or maybe he allowed her to
disrespect him and he was like, it's fine as long as I have her.
You know, some men think that way and got himself in this
situation, but unfortunately I don't think that this
relationship can be resolved andlike fixed to a place where he

(58:02):
will be happy. And so unfortunately I think
that it's the end of the road for them.
Again, it's his choice, but he'sdisrespecting himself by
allowing his life partner to disrespect him this way.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Especially him being a public figure too.

(58:23):
It's just like, like I said, I mean.
Even if this is a publicity stunt, it is horrible for
relationships. Like if they don't care and they
just want views or something. I don't know if that's what this
is all about, but it is horriblerelationship, sort of

(58:46):
idealization. And also thinking that like this
is fine, like this is a fine wayto be in a relationship.
It's not. And so I don't know at the end
of the day what they're doing and it's his choice, but I know
he will not be happy if he is continuing to be disrespected in
this way, just like no woman would be happy continuing to be

(59:10):
disrespected if it was the husband doing the same thing.
I've been coaching guys for like12 years, OK?
When a guy tells me about a problem with his wife or his
girlfriend or whatever, I immediately like the way that he
describes a problem because, youknow, yeah, there's some women
that do some, some horrible things for sure.
But the way he describes it tells me all I need to know,

(59:34):
right? Because some guys are like, oh,
she's such a bitch, she did this, blah, blah, blah, blah,
right? Or some guys are like, yeah, I
don't understand why she keeps on doing this.
Like, it's like, it's hurtful tome.
It's hurtful to her. It's describing the same
behavior, right? Like, this really tore me up
when she did this, OK? As opposed to when she starts
talking about how horrible of a person she or like, starts

(59:54):
calling her names or whatever, you know what I'm saying?
And so I guess I forgot where I'm going with that, but I think
that's just important to to understand is like that that
difference of of how you talk about someone and it indicates
like what what's going on with you.
It indicates who you are. Exactly right.

(01:00:16):
Yeah. So like, she's indicating,
unfortunately for herself, that she doesn't really have respect
for other people, especially herhusband, and which probably
means she doesn't really have a lot of respect for herself.
Right, exactly. And also the way that she's
talking about some of these things, it doesn't come across
in a transparent way. It comes across in a like over

(01:00:39):
sharing to try to get something out of the situation, which
again makes me feel like she doesn't maybe really respect
herself and so she's operating in this way.
Right, right. Yeah.
But. I don't think there's any reason
to play more of the. No, I think we we tapped on most

(01:01:01):
of the things. But I do feel for him because
yeah, that's rough. Yeah, but got a lot of a lot of
guys, like I said, they put that's why kind of advice is
like to be older, the man has tobe older.
He's needs to learn like, you know, a woman, you need to read
the instruction manual. You don't just have a woman in

(01:01:21):
your life without understanding women and understanding how to
like how to lead as a man. Otherwise, you're going to get
this like every time you're going to get this if you don't
understand how to lead as a, as a man, you know so.
Yeah, true. Now to get into our.
Thing. Well, where do we even begin on
this? It was a few weeks ago now and

(01:01:49):
we had to get up really early inthe morning and drive like 3
hours away and I was overwhelmedwith the situation.
And so you had just gotten off the phone and I was like, I'm
not going to go over to the meeting thing.
I'm like, you could just go. And then I'm sure you felt

(01:02:10):
blindsided by that. And you were like, no, it's not
like that. And I didn't really feel
validated and heard. And, you know, and I know I
didn't do it in the right way. And then you were like, you're
really not going to go with me. And I was, you know, still in a
stubborn place because I was still overwhelmed and upset.

(01:02:31):
And I was like, no. And then you asked again and I
still said no. And then you went and you were
obviously upset by that and you came back and.
And that's where I didn't well, and I was and that's where I,
that's where I got out of line like completely and like walked
off, didn't even have the conversation with you and

(01:02:53):
started just getting like too much into my being upset, you
know, to to the point of like wejust kept on escalating.
But but that's where like I really fell off.
I was at that point where I let my like feeling disrespected get
the better of me and to do things that I, I wouldn't want

(01:03:13):
to like to act in a way that I wouldn't want to act, you know,
and so. And it was embarrassing.
We were in public. Yeah, like, well, not for the
initial stuff where John walked off and maybe like, I don't want
to go. We were in the car for that.
But then we slightly ish resolved it, but not really.

(01:03:34):
And then so when we were waitingin line to go to this show
thing, we're like arguing in line.
People obviously can hear what we're saying.
Again, it's not like we're attacking each other, but it's
not great. Like it's obvious that two
people are having a disagreement.
Then we sit down and then it really escalates and then John

(01:03:56):
walks off and then he comes backand then it takes this ring off
and I walk off. Yeah, then so it really
escalated and. Well, because you said that you
were gonna. I wanted to go, yeah.
Junior, whatever. And so, yeah, which is the time,
the things we said like obviously none of these things
any of us should have ever done because it's extreme, but it's

(01:04:20):
like we're trying to amp it to this level.
But then I think finally I was like, what are we doing?
And they came and talked to you and it's like, and we still had
to kind of hash some things out,but.
In public still, yeah, still, which was really embarrassing,
like embarrassing in the way that like, I just don't think
it's appropriate to have these sort of conversations in public.

(01:04:42):
But we couldn't really avoid that obviously, because we had
travelled so far and we were there for that reason.
So we had to do it then and there.
But it's not embarrassing in theway of like us acting like we
don't have disagreements. We have disagreements.
But I think it was just like also the way that it had gotten

(01:05:05):
so severe and I never wanted it to get to that point.
Like when you had walked off, I was like, you know, can't we
just talk about this? And like, I tried to remain the
like calm 1 and I just couldn't anymore after trying so hard.
And so I was also making mistakes, you know, like I said,

(01:05:28):
like saying that I wanted to go,you know, to Virginia.
I just wanted space from all thechaos and craziness.
And you know, that's part of ourthing is that we don't talk
about things like that. But it just felt like I couldn't
get through to you. And it's not an excuse that

(01:05:48):
makes it okay, but I just kind of felt defeated and.
Yeah. And and if I understand
correctly, I mean, I want to putwords your mouth, but you were
getting more upset about my behavior the way that I was
acting towards you, like in the way that I was being combative
in the way that I was talking toyou or just walking off and
like. Right, it was being like it.

(01:06:09):
Was a disconnect in the relationship that you felt?
Yeah, well, and like you said, you had just gotten off the
phone talking about all the things that a man should do, and
you didn't do those things like you did in the beginning, like
by asking. And you were calm when you were
like, you're really not going togo with me.
Yeah, but I just didn't feel like I felt like you cared about
my feelings, which I didn't handle them the right way by

(01:06:33):
being like, I'm not going to go.That was very like defiant
child's like behavior. But I just didn't feel like that
mattered to you. And then.
And so when you were handling itcorrectly, I was still kind of
in a bad place. And then when you got back in,

(01:06:54):
like you just, you were mad and you went off.
I just, you know, I was like trying to rain it all back in so
we could have a conversation, a normal conversation and try to
get you back on track with like what I know you know, to do.
And even at one point it was later on, I was like, this is
not you. Like this isn't how you would

(01:07:18):
react. And I know too that you don't
act that way with like anyone else but me.
And I get that I can't I can push you your buttons in a
different way than other people.But I think it was just it made
me sad that like you couldn't give me that.
Would you give to other people. And so which we already talked

(01:07:42):
about all this and you know, andI think too that it just, it
makes it hard to feel safe in those instances because as a
woman, you're like, and even to you, I was like, I know this
isn't like you, but you are acting this way.
But I know you know better. So what is real?

(01:08:02):
You know what I mean? Like that's how a woman thinks.
And that's why a man is held to like a higher standard if he's
the leader, because like, I'm not saying that a man can't make
mistakes, but he does have to turn those mistakes around a lot
faster than anyone else if he's the leader, Because otherwise

(01:08:24):
you're leading your, your partner and your army down a
path that could get everyone killed.
It could blow up the whole thing.
And that's where we were heading.
We were going down that path. You were leading us down the
path of destruction. And it's like, we can't, we
can't go. I don't want to go there.
And that's I tried to like reignyou back in at first, but then

(01:08:48):
when you were committed yourselfto the, you know, defensiveness,
then I was like, oh, well, now Igot to defend myself because who
else is going to? And.
I think the big thing like that,like why?
Why my extreme reaction we kind of talked about it was because
it was like the conversation started off with an act of
defiance, right? And I think we and we'll talk

(01:09:10):
about this more, but we hadn't really established like the
under full understanding of whatauthority means in their
relationship and how important that is to to me as a man and
what does it really mean? And like, I was getting all of
these indications of that lack of understanding, which we
talked about like later about like a, you know, as a, as a

(01:09:31):
king in the Kingdom that like the protection extends to those
who are in the Kingdom acceptingthe authority of the king.
And, and that's where I, my headwas like, I can't believe how,
you know, how much of A defiancethis is.
Like, is there a do I can I really count on, you know, this,
this level of, of support regardless, though, that that's

(01:09:55):
just why I was in such an extreme.
It was, you know, an extreme state.
But the, the big thing that I learned from this whole
experience, because I think thatwas really the the key thing was
when you told me like later thatnight and you're like, I just
want you to because I was like, well, what do you really want
from me? Like, what do you want me to do?
You know, like, and you said, I want you to and whatever it is,

(01:10:17):
no matter how, you know, upset you are that your communication
with me is not combative. And you know, I think that's
what you said and not aggressive, not combative and
aggressive, right? And so that's where I really had
to self reflect and like, OK, yeah, I can see.
Cuz I was like in the past, I was like, OK, well, I can be

(01:10:38):
upset. And it's like, yeah, it but, but
you said to me, it's like, even if I disagree, even if you say
something that is really that I don't like, but if you say it in
a way that's not competitive andaggressive, we'll have the talk
and we'll, I'll listen to you and we'll right.
We can, we can communicate. And, and that really struck me
because that's why I realized like that's something that I
need to work on. Because that's like a fight,

(01:11:00):
right? If someone, anyone comes at you
with competitive or aggressive tone, right, you're gonna be
like this. Exactly right.
Because that's like someone coming at you like this.
Yeah. So you're gonna be like, ready
to defend, right, Right. And so, yeah, that's I like we
can disagree and we can have A and you can even tell me like,
hey, Nicole, what you said was kind of an asshole thing to say.

(01:11:24):
If you said it in that way, I'd be like, oh wow, yeah, you're
right. But if you're like, I don't get
why you're such an asshole. Again, we don't talk to each
other like that are. Just being having a cold
presence or aggressive towards, you know what I'm saying?
But like, yeah, and it. Can even be stern and like blunt
about things without being like combative or aggressive.

(01:11:47):
Well, there's like a like, look like I'm serious what I'm
talking about right now, right? And there's a like, I'm serious
what I'm talking about right now, right?
Like where it's anger. Yeah.
Coming out. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Like seriousness without the
like, that's not combat. It's not aggressive, right?
It's like, yeah, this is really important to me.
Like, and this is was not OK. Like that's, you know, it's a

(01:12:10):
different thing. And so that's what I realized
was that like 99% of the time, Imean, I don't like, I'm very
like, you know, it's very hard to even make me upset, you know
what I'm saying? Like I'm a very even, I mean,
you've seen the stuff that people try to do to make me
upset and it doesn't make me upset.
Yes, I have. But then the 1% of the time when

(01:12:30):
I do get upset, it's not like I fly off the handle and like
scream and rage and stuff. But but I do come across as
combative and aggressive in in the way that I'm talking, which
is in a disconnect in their relationship where it would make
you feel like is is you just throwing everything away now at

(01:12:51):
this point? Like is it completely like he's
done with me? Because, like, it's US.
Against each other rather than US against the problem, right?
And when you talk to me in a noncompetitive, aggressive way,
it's US against the problem, no matter what that problem is, no
matter if I'm the problem or whatever, that's fine as long as
we're figuring it out together. Because I do respect you and I

(01:13:13):
respect your opinion about the situation and about me.
And like I want to know the things that I'm doing wrong and
like how I can be better. And I trust you to tell me that
like from a honest place, because there are things that I
can't see that you can. And so if you're angry at me

(01:13:33):
about it, though, then I feel like I have to defend.
Yeah, exactly. Which is, which is like, like, I
know this, I should know this, we've been doing this podcast
for a long time, but that, but that's where it really clicked
for me. And then we had a good test of
that because we had some issues that we we talked about like a
couple days later or whatever itwas or a week later.
And, and, and that was where I was like, OK, like let me lock

(01:13:57):
in and, and, and do this actually.
And we talked about stuff that would have been a blowout fight,
honestly, like, but it didn't come to that at all.
And it and I and I ascribe it toyou telling me that you know,
and and then me carrying out youknow, by because we were able to
talk about and what I realized was that you were very correct

(01:14:19):
in that we can talk about extremely difficult things like.
Well, I figured we would talk about that on the next episode.
Yeah, we could talk at the end, but.
But but it just just was a good like.
Like it proved to you that I wasn't just blowing soak up your
ass that like this is. That this was a short coming
that I had that, you know, again, you being my greatest

(01:14:39):
asset as my wife because I don'twant to go too far.
But but like, like, and we've talked about in the podcast is
that a woman's, you know, a woman seeing your deficiencies
as a man and helping you to see them is a huge asset to you as a
man. Because it was a shortcoming
that I didn't see. And now that I see that I have a

(01:15:01):
better way to communicate in those instances that will will
be more productive, that will help me lead better.
Because like, what I didn't see and what you showed me was that
my direction and wisdom in, in the, in the leadership comes
from the things that I'm trying to communicate to you.

(01:15:21):
But if there's something that's stopping making it so that it's
not the words, but that that that I'm not able to do that
communication, then that makes that whole other part less
effective. And so by fixing that issue,
which was the aggressive and combative manner in which I was

(01:15:41):
delivering the wisdom to lead, right, If by taking that piece
out, it makes it so now this is more effective.
And that was the frustration forme that I was never going to get
past unless I acknowledge that which you were able to show me
and then I'm able to take that in into account, right?
So it doesn't undermine my ability.

(01:16:01):
It's not like, oh, I'm such a bad person because I made these
mistakes. It's just that it makes it so
that I can more effectively do what I'm supposed to do.
And that's what a good woman does in your life as a man is
that she points out the things, you know, sometimes women can be
harsh with a lot of criticism. And that's not super valuable.
But to give you, you know, I know you don't don't really like

(01:16:24):
the, the, the book the, the 50thlaw, right?
The the $0.50 book Robert Greenebut the.
Second part's better than the first.
The thing that stuck out to me the first time I read that book
and the most salient point that he says is there.
I forget what chapter it is, buthe says my I want to see reality
clearly. That is what I just want to know

(01:16:46):
exactly what it is. That's the most the the greatest
superpower that you can have. Most people don't want to see
reality clearly. I want to see it clearly if you
can show it to me and a good woman in your life as a man will
show you the reality clearly. She knows like you can hide
behind a mask, you can hide in front of other people, you can
put on a show, but standing naked in front of of the woman

(01:17:10):
that is in your life and sees you every day, She knows exactly
where your shortcomings are and she can show it to you like
nobody else can. And so you have to listen to
that and, and take that and, anda lot of my improvements as a
man, you know, have come from you being that woman in my life,

(01:17:30):
in this relationship. Sometimes it's painful medicine
and I don't always want to hear it, but you being able to show
me clearly the truth of who I actually am so that I can
improve those things. And I'm immensely grateful to
you for that. And I always will be well.
Thank you. I feel the same way.
And on the next episode, you'll hear where you did the same

(01:17:53):
thing essentially for me. And that's also true why we're
here and why we're growing and why we're just getting better
and better. Better than perfect.
Yeah. All right.
I think we're we've we've done enough for this episode.
So yeah, if you guys want to askus a question.

(01:18:14):
Or want us to talk about the topic?
Yeah, just you can go to betterthanperfectpod.com or you
can send us an e-mail at [e-mail].
I can subscribe. You guys next week?