How A Man Should Take Care Of His Women [Ep 96]

Is “taking care of her” just a 1950s rerun—or the modern blueprint for trust and polarity? We unpack the blowback from a viral clip about men running household finances, clarify shielding vs. controlling, and show how real servant leadership lifts stress off her plate without putting her in the dark. For women, we cover how to stop emasculating potential (aka frog-farming), set standards without mothering, and hand responsibility back in ways that grow his competence and confidence. For men, you’ll get a Plan-As-a-Man financial continuity checklist (life insurance, trust/will, “open this if I die” doc), plus scripts to lead decisively without becoming a tyrant. We also break down the difference between equal power and identical roles, why 50/50 often kills spark, and a real conflict story that shows why you must speak up early—kindly, but clearly.

Timestamps (approx.)

0:00 Cold open: “Don’t crush his potential”

2:20 Why the internet freaked out about the finance clip

5:40 Leadership vs. control (and what “shielding” actually means)

9:15 When she manages everything: the hidden hypocrisy

12:00 Standards, vetting, and not dating “potential”

15:30 Single vs. married playbooks: raising the bar or recalibrating roles

18:20 Plan-As-a-Man: life insurance, trust/will, one-page continuity

22:30 Polarity > identical roles (why 50/50 feels like roommates)

26:10 Women: stop frog-farming; praise & pass-back without mothering

29:30 Men: servant leadership habits + speak-up protocol

33:10 Our late-night repair: say it sooner, keep it kinder

36:30 Takeaways + weekly actions

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
But as a woman, you have to like, not emasculate the man,
especially a man who has the potential.
He might not be the king right now and have that confidence
because especially in this worldenvironment that we're in, you
don't want to be the one that crushes the potential.
Like he's doing the things right, but you don't want to
crush it. OK, if if you're the.
Like he might be able to do those things.

(00:21):
I'm like, that's a danger. I mean, he's trying to do the
things and then you are. Emasculated.
Let's do it. Let me do it.
You're actually causing his development to go downward
beyond the perfect. We discovered through our flaws,
we complete each other. Better than perfect.
We stay through every fault we find.

(00:45):
No way. All right, welcome back to the
Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with
you how 2 imperfect people help each other grow.
That's a nice fill there. Equals 1.
Better than perfect relationship.
That's right. Yeah, I got your back.
You got my back. That's what we need.

(01:05):
So, yeah. So we're going to talk about
today. You know, actually I was
thinking that we should actuallycall this how to how to keep a
woman, but like in the sense of being a kept woman.
You're definitely going to get black.
How? A man can take care of of his
wife or take care of his woman. That that's going to be better.

(01:28):
They're going to go to the 1950s.
Reference of the cap. But some women want to be a
capped woman. Like that's what they actually
want, yeah. But today, they're never going
to say that they're. Never going to say those words.
Even if they want that. So, you know, don't turn off the
people who even want that by using terminology that is going

(01:49):
to trigger them. So not Peter.
Peter, Pumpkin Eater had a wife and couldn't keep her.
You know, he put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept
her very well. Yeah.
No. OK.
That's very old school as well, so.
Yeah, but no, we, we, we figuredwe'd talk about because we had
an episode where we talked aboutfinances, financial abuse, a

(02:11):
Reddit post on there. And then there was some clips
and one of the clips I think I started off by saying a man, a
woman should know nothing about the finances of the house.
And then people, they lost theirshit as as usual.
And. Well, because it was a clip and,
you know, they took it at face value.
They didn't watch the full episode.

(02:33):
But I do think we should do thisas a kind of follow up because
we didn't really talk about whatyou do though.
And so I can see where people are confused and that the woman
in the comments section had a lot of fear.
And I understand where that camefrom.
I don't have that, obviously, because I know how you've set,

(02:57):
you know, everything up. But I can understand where
they're coming from, you know, and some of these women, maybe
they've even been through it or they've heard the scary stories.
But at the end of the day, it's kind of similar to the men that
have heard the scary stories andthings like that.
And I have a few things I want to say about it because a lot of

(03:18):
people for the most part were like calling you financially
abusive or like, oh, his poor wife for like, blah, blah, blah,
blah. You know, I'll say my side.
But I also think it's important for you to say your side and
what you have done and why you said what you said because we
didn't, like I said, we didn't really fully cover that in the
other episode even. But yeah.

(03:41):
And I wanted to expand it out. That's why I said about the the
cap, but it, it's more like how to take care of of a woman
because it is more than the financial.
And I think if you look at the financial and isolation, that's
where you have a problem, right?Is because if you understand the
full scope of what you're doing as a man, what you're supposed
to be doing as a man and providing as which is not just
providing. So I'm just collecting the

(04:02):
paycheck or bringing home the paycheck, but understanding how
your sort of running your household or leading the
relationship, then the financialpiece fits into the IT.
It's the only thing that makes sense in that case.
You know what I'm saying? When you're looking in
isolation, that's where I think people are like, oh, that's
crazy. Because if you take what I'm

(04:23):
suggesting from the financial aspect and put it into their
existing relationships, that would look like financial abuse.
If there is such a thing. It would look like a crazy
thing. But if you're talking about the
relationships that we're talkingabout in terms of a man acting,
stepping up and leading as a servant leadership in a

(04:43):
relationship, then it it that puzzle piece fits.
Well, it's funny you said that because one of the things I
wrote down because I went through the comments.
Yeah. And some women were saying that
their husband doesn't even care slash handle the finances so she
does it right. So I'm like, how is that not the
same thing? Like.

(05:04):
Oh yeah, yeah. Is that?
Not the same thing. There you go.
That he. It's actually maybe worse
because he doesn't even care. Yeah, and you're just.
You're just doing it all right and you think that's fine as a
woman because you're in full control, but he is giving you
full control. He's not freaking out.

(05:25):
And like, again, I'm this is nota black and white thing.
I may sound like I'm talking about in a black and white way.
It's a lot of like nuanced things, which I think we'll also
talk about in this whole episode.
But it's funny you said that because some of those comments I
was like, how are you mad about you saying it this way, right?

(05:48):
Which again, it was taken out ofcontext because it was a clip,
right? But yet some of you women are
doing all the work for your husband and he doesn't even
care. Right.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Ding.
I can't believe I missed that part of it when I was rebutting
the thing because I did rebut one of the women that was like,
yeah, I I take care of all the finances because my husband

(06:09):
would just go spend the money oncar parts.
He doesn't even know how to pay a utility bill.
And and I, you know, I had a response to that, but that he
needed to step up and he needed to be the man.
But in reality, actually the more logical response is just,
hey, you're literally doing. You're literally actually.
Abusing him in your terms if youthink that that's baby told you

(06:29):
right you're like don't worry your little head husband.
Yeah, don't, you know, just don't look at the car parts
like, you know, I'll handle the finances.
You're doing the exact same thing to him.
Yeah. Another woman wrote down my
husband has ADHD and she said that they would be homeless and
penniless in a year. I was like, you have ADHD.
Right. You right?

(06:50):
Yeah. And that is not even, I'm not
even concerned about that in theleast.
It's so it's like their defense.Not all of the women in the
comments were saying this, but if you have, this is your
defense. Yeah, you're, you're actually,
in my view of it, if you want touse the term financially
abusive, more financially abusive because you're not

(07:12):
keeping him in the loop. You're not like, all right,
Jeffrey, this is what we need todo.
You need to, you know, cut back on the car parts.
You're like taking it all over. So he can't even buy the car
parts. Right.
Yeah, yeah. And.
You're saying that your husband has ADHD so if he handled it
then you wouldn't have any money?
That's like so ridiculous in my mind.

(07:34):
So now he really will never learn how to handle his
finances. He just.
Yeah. And I guess I'll go into another
point that I have on. It's like, it's like they're
yeah, because one woman said I was like, you're saying, oh,
don't worry, you're cute, PrettyLittle head, right?
But then you're saying that's you're.
Saying. Don't worry, you're dumb.

(07:56):
Don't worry dumb. Dumb.
You're right. I got it.
Don't like, don't worry dumb you.
Can't you can't learn anything that.
Football on the couch, like I got right.
Like you know which. It's hypocritical, yeah.
And so my thing is to another point that I'll bring up now,
because it kind of goes with it.A lot of these women talk about
these men in a way where, like you said, they're dumb, Like

(08:17):
they don't even know how to do this.
They they're literally saying hedoesn't even know how to pay
this bill, but they're upset when you're like, oh, like,
don't allow it to stress her out.
I know how to pay bills. I paid bills on my own before
you came along. You cannot take that knowledge
away from me. I will know how to do it if I,

(08:38):
God forbid, had to. And I hope that never comes to
that. But like, I know how to do it
and I don't have to stress aboutit anymore.
And that is a great place to be.But you're telling me that
you're doing it and your husbanddoesn't even know.
You're not even educating him. And then there's women like,
well, you can't, you know, you have to tell her about the
finances and all this stuff. Some of these women aren't

(08:59):
telling their husband anything because they don't trust him.
Ultimately, I trust you. And that's the difference.
And again, I know that they don't understand this from a
clip on the Internet, but go watch the full thing.
Like, even if you're seeing the clip of this right now, watch
this full episode because there's a lot more to it than
just 30 seconds or whatever, however long it was.

(09:20):
Well, the bill paying thing, I don't talk about that for about
that for a minute because you used to have to balance a
checkbook and write the checks and then subtract from the
account and keep the Ledger. My parents did that.
Sure, and that's fine then then someone not understanding how to
pay the bills. But literally, I can teach you
how to pay the bills in 10 minutes.
Like that's your bank account and then you hit pay.

(09:43):
Yeah, the e-mail comes, you click pay bill.
Like there's not, it's not any kind of hard thing to learn.
You don't need to learn how to pay bills anymore.
It's just being responsible enough to do the the paying of
the bills or maybe to budget, you could say to budget, OK,
sure. But yeah.
Yeah, but no. But what I'm saying is, and

(10:05):
again, people should go back andwatch all of our videos, not
just because I'm trying to promote people watching our
videos, but because I talk abouthow women should be on their own
before they get in a relationship and they should
know how to do all these things on their own.
So then when a man comes along, she still has this knowledge

(10:25):
that's never going to go away. And if you feel like you have to
be control of everything, even when you already know what to
do, you're living in fear. That's ultimately what it is,
and that's what's causing you towant to control this.
I don't feel that I trust you. I know that you're going to
handle that, and I know that. God forbid if I had to or even
if you were like, one day, like,hey, Nicole, can you pay this?

(10:46):
Like, here's the stuff. I could do the things.
Yeah, you know, like. Perfect example is what happened
yesterday at our house. You're like, I was gonna go for
a nap, right? And you're like, you heard the
gurgling noise and you're like, John, can you?
I heard this thing and you're like, oh, I could call someone.
I you know, and I'm like, no, no, I I like, I didn't want to,
you know, it was definitely something I didn't want to deal

(11:08):
with yesterday, but I had to deal with it because I'm the
man. I'm but.
Then you had a call and they were coming back and or the
other company was coming and. Then I know.
Got there and I had I exactly I,you know handled that situation
because I was like you know the stuff all over the floor I want
your help with and like what should we do Maybe because maybe
you could have fixed it Yeah I know I'm like I'm not going in

(11:30):
there unless you tell me that I you need help or something yeah
but because I know you got it handled right but then when they
showed up and you were like I really have this call and I
could I was like I don't want you to have but I'm.
Gonna call, but I'm gonna give you in that place.
I'm gonna give you instruction of what, right?
Or you already? Set it up right so that all I

(11:50):
have to do is like the bare minimum.
Yeah, I'm gonna give you instruction of what I need you
to do as opposed to being like, oh, you handle this right,
Right. Could you handle it for sure You
could, right. But but me as the man, cuz
you're like, Oh yeah, go ahead and take your nap or whatever.
I'll I'll call them, which I appreciate, but I don't I'm not
going to do that because that's not how I operate.

(12:12):
That's not my my job is to actually handle the situation,
right. And yeah, I have a call.
I need some help. I asked for help on that
specific instance. But but yeah, but it doesn't
mean that you couldn't do the thing.
It's just that you. Well, that's not offended by the
comments or even the things thatthese people are saying or even,
you know, how you explain something because I know what

(12:35):
I'm capable of and I know what you're capable of and I trust
you. And that's ultimately, I think
what a lot of this is with the women in the comments was fear,
which causes them to want to control and not having a man
that they can trust. So I understand where they're
coming from. However, it just kind of

(12:58):
perpetuates more of the fear. And then even when a woman finds
a man she can trust and she wants to relinquish that control
on those things, right? She's not going to because now
she's reading all these women being like, I don't want to be
in the dark. I don't.
And, and it's ridiculous becauseit's like, OK, like you, you did
the laundry in her house, right?OK, so do you ever be like, OK,

(13:21):
John, just so you know, in case something happens to me, this is
how I do the laundry and this ishow I sort it, and this is how
we run the machine. You don't.
Right. OK, Now if something happens and
I need to figure out how to do the laundry, OK, yeah, maybe
it's going to take me a little bit to like Google it or figure
it out or whatever. Yeah, but I'll figure it out and

(13:43):
I'll like you don't need to keepme updated every single week on
how you do the laundry or how you clean the house or stock the
pantry or how you grow shopping for the groceries just in case I
have to do it. Like I trust you got it.
And if something happens to you,I'll figure it out.
It's the same thing to A to a degree financially, we'll talk
about where it gets more complicated.

(14:03):
But but when it when you're talking about basic finances,
which is mostly people that are coming on Twitter or or TikTok,
they're not running multiple businesses and have real estate
investments like we do and, and all of that stuff.
They literally have a job, have their house payment, whatever,
and utility bills, right. If you die as a man, your wife
can figure that out. Like, I mean, yeah, you should

(14:25):
leave behind a document, which we'll talk about, But I'm just
saying like they're acting like,oh, if she doesn't know what's
going on, she doesn't know wherethe finances are.
Oh, she'll just be ruined. That's yeah.
If you have a complicated empirelike we do, yes, then then that
is the case. And or to a degree, but we'll
talk about how to mitigate that.But but essentially it's not

(14:46):
that. Hard.
You know, now that I think aboutit, I think it's mostly they're
worried about financially irresponsible men.
Sure, that's exactly. Right, because they even said
that you're spending all the money on leather bracelets and
just waxing. How did they know my secret?

(15:07):
That's. But no, but really, it's like,
yeah, I mean, look. I actually, I mean, we'd have to
dispel that cuz I just naturallyam just.
Yeah, you are just pure, but letthem think what they want, I
guess. I'm truly.
Pure I'm involved of a human so I have less hair.
I mean, that's it's how it is like I can't, I can't help it.

(15:27):
But I think that's their real concern, right?
And. Never.
I've never waxed my chest ever in my life.
Okay, we believe you, I believe you, that's all that matters.
But so. But you have gotten waxed
before. See now.
Yeah, like. Yeah, like the full I did, I did
the Full Monty wax because everybody, everybody's got to
experience that once to see what.

(15:48):
I have not. You know, got to get the porn
star wax. Why not like just see what
that's like? It's also it's sort of also like
a challenge. It's like, can you actually go
to a place, expose your? See, that is probably why you
really did it. It was, it was, there was a
little bit of a like, I'm afraidto do this.
So I need to do this, you know. Yeah, because you've did it with

(16:10):
the skydiving, that makes more sense.
But yeah, I don't think everyoneshares the same experience as
you like that they've done it atleast once.
But yeah, chest hair waxing, no.Full body, maybe, yeah, but no,
going in a different direction. I think they're just afraid that
their husband obviously can't control his spending.

(16:33):
They would have a freaking heartattack though if they married a
man like you who's spending thousands of dollars on
training. They would like poop their pants
for sure, but no. But their thing I guess is that
their husbands don't know how tobudget.
But a lot of men also have issues with women not knowing
how to budget. So it's like it's not a thing

(16:55):
that all men don't know how to budget and all women don't know
how to budget. No, well, and you're right, like
they're all of their stuff is coming down to one thing, which
is not trusting, right? That's what it like they're
whatever they're saying, all their arguments and stuff, it's
all just smokescreen for. I don't actually trust the man
that I'm with. That's what it all means,

(17:17):
because if you trusted the man that you're with, you would
trust his decisions. And same with the lawyers in the
comments that were like, don't do this.
Yeah, by the time that they see you, they don't, they definitely
don't trust their spouse. You know what I mean?
But if you're going into the themarriage, you should trust that
person. I'm not saying that stuff

(17:39):
doesn't happen where unfortunately you end up getting
a divorce and now you don't trust that person.
But really, you should be as close to 100% confident that
your relationship can sustain anything and that your partner's
not going to go astray or whatever.
Again, that's not 100% in my control.

(18:00):
Like, I can't control what you're going to do, but I can
trust you 100% knowing that I know who you are and I know what
our relationship is like. And I don't have to stress about
that. And I'm not going to stress
about that because again, all ofthis, it's just women stressing
before they need to stress. And they and they've lowered

(18:21):
their standards. Imagine a world in which women
had high standards. Imagine a world in which women
didn't sleep with a guy, right? Unless he was actually a real
man, which means that he knew not just how to talk, but how to
manage his finances and how to, like, actually be elite.

(18:42):
You know, do. You know how many single women
there'd be? But but yes, at first, right?
But then what would have to happen?
Men would get mad though. I think men would get mad they
wouldn't get better. They would have to step up over
time otherwise the human race dies.
Then it's good. Good riddance to the human race,
but honestly? Like.
You know, but I. I don't know if men would really

(19:05):
step up. But that's you're doing the same
thing that they're doing of not trusting.
Right. It's like trust other men.
I only trust, Yeah. My God, I know, but you have to
trust them. I know who are.
I know, but I was also not that man at one point and I became
that. Yeah, but I meant doubt you were
men or not born of some of thesepeople.
I. Mean maybe not at some of the at

(19:25):
the level, but I was. I was an immature dummy at one
point and I had to learn these skills.
So if I can learn them, another,another man can.
But they have to be challenged. Men thrive in challenge, yeah.
With standards. Exactly.
And so if women, if you imagine the world where women didn't
even sleep with the man unless he had his besides just, you

(19:46):
know, being courteous and being a leader and, and, and being a
man that he had his finances together.
And they're like, I, I mean, like I, it's, it's not like how
much money do you make? It's like, do you actually
budget? Do you have a budget?
Like, do, do you have some plansfor your financial future?
You know what I mean? But that's why a lot of times,
you know, if we go back to the old, old people are really going

(20:07):
to hate me now. But you know, it would be the
the father, right? Would would interview the
prospective suitor for the for the daughter and would be like,
OK, like, how are you going to support a family?
What are your financial plans for the future?
Like what is your career? That's you're a clerk?
That's not a career. What's your actual career plan?

(20:29):
Like, what are you going to do? So that he's making sure that
this dude is actually a man. You know what I mean?
Because if women had that standard, then they wouldn't get
into a situation where they don't trust the guy, right?
That's what I that's all I'm trying to say.
So now they have to be the dad, women, you have to be the dad
and ask him about his financial future.
Look, and this is coming from somebody that when I was with a

(20:55):
boyfriend in college and I livedwith him, he did not have a
savings. And I was like, what are you
doing? And I was three years younger
than him, which is not a lot, but I was younger than him.
And so I was like, how am I moreresponsible than you?
You don't have a savings account.
And he, again, was like, I guess, like a lot of men that

(21:15):
these women married, he would spend money on certain things
that I'd be like, what are you doing?
Like, we have bills to pay, right.
Yeah. Like what is happening?
So I get where these women are coming from.
But like you said, you either settle for that and you have the
stress. It's now all on you.
You're the leader. And women will act like, oh,

(21:38):
yeah, like, I want that because,yes, there is a part of us as
women, we want to be in control.So that is very enticing.
However, I'm talking to the ladies here having been on that
side and I was the leader and I was in control and now you're
the leader and you're in controlwith for the most of the stuff.

(21:58):
I would gladly take this with a man that I trust, I know has my
best interests in heart and I know is not going to do me
wrong. Then go back to being the one in
control and making all the decisions and managing all the
things. And answer me this question,
Nicole, honestly, am I hard on men?
Yes. How hard am I on men?

(22:18):
Very hard. Right, Okay, so for the for when
women watch this and listen to this, I'm like, look, if the
dude is not financially capable,okay, maybe give him a chance
and like say hey, like I'm not gonna do this like you, you
know. Give him a chance while he's
your boyfriend and he can mess up his own or if you're married

(22:41):
and not joy. Yeah, yeah.
Or, or if you're married, like be like, look, this is important
to me. Like, you know, you should be
handling this stuff. And if you're like, you don't
trust him, whatever then. And he can't, and he really
can't do it. Then just kick his ass to the
curb, get a divorce, whatever. Get kick his ass to the curb.
So divorce him if he's not financially illiterate.

(23:01):
Fuck that guy. Like because like I said, I'm
hard on men, right? I'm not, I'm not as hard on on
women, honestly, I'm not right, because I feel like the man's
supposed to be the leader. And so like the reason why I'm
saying this is because a lot of women are like, oh, he's so
chauvinist, old fashioned, blah,blah, blah.
He's like, you know, just domineering, control women.
Don't, you know, financially abuse women.

(23:22):
And it's like, no, I'm actually harder on the men because
because my, my whole point is, is that like, yeah, I'm ready to
like kick his ass to the curb because I think a lot of women
are thinking, oh, he's like all good old boy.
Like men are better than women. Like men should be in control
and charge. No, no, not pussy, right.
Exactly. Not pussy ass Men.

(23:42):
They they need to just be kickedto the curb.
Like let's end their evolutionary line.
They don't need to procreate andreproduce and.
Let's go back to the novels thatwomen love So.
Much. It's hard, yeah.
Are there guys in there where the woman, like, does the woman
in the book control everything? And she's like, yeah, honey,
just just sit on the couch and watch your football.
No, he's like handling all the things, right?

(24:03):
So like deep down, a woman wantswhat we're talking about, right?
But that's why I'm trying to sayis like, I get that it's coming
from a place of fear and coming from a place of not trusting the
man that they're with because again, I've been on both sides
and I don't want to go back to that side.
And that side is stressful. And you, you are more likely to

(24:24):
post on a video that you're pissed off about the man saying
that, you know, a woman shouldn't have to deal with that
stress because you're dealing with that stress that triggers
you. And then you're like spewing
that on everybody. Like, I get it.
But that doesn't mean that your viewpoint is correct.
And I mean, I can I guess even say that our viewpoint is

(24:44):
correct, but. I can say it's correct.
It's correct. Like if you're sitting here
commenting that you're in control of the things and your
husband doesn't even care, slashknow what you're doing to manage
the finances, right? You're no better than what we're
saying, right? Because you're doing what we're
saying. Right.
And which, which I'm saying, like, I guess we can go to the

(25:05):
to the actual thing is, is that what I'm saying is that, you
know, how does a man take care of his his woman, right?
Like the way that he does that is, is stepping up and actually
being a servant leader, which means that you put her first
your house for like, like yesterday.
I want to take a nap, right? I'm super tired.

(25:25):
I'm working hard and you're like, oh, I can take care.
I could call the the plumber or whatever and I'm like, no, I'm
not going to take my nap. I'm going to go and take care of
the thing. That's how you take care.
That's what a servant leader as a man, because you could have
done. It and this was a stressful
thing, like the toilet was spewing a lot of water.
It made a weird noise and then. And I've had plenty of work and

(25:47):
stressful week I've been workingon.
But but it's like the way that you do this is by it is, it is a
a matter of sacrifice. It is a matter of like things
are not equal. Like you're going to do more as
a man and being OK with that because you're the man.
That's what it means to be the man.
Now. That means that like you're
taking care of all of the thingsthat you can to take them off of

(26:09):
her plate so that she doesn't have to worry and stress about
these these things, right. And and that's where the taking
the financial part comes in. It's not because you want to
control it. It's not because you think that
she's not competent. It's not because you know,
whatever, like you, you, you want to use it to manipulate to,
to get to get her to behave in acertain way or like so that she

(26:33):
can never leave you. It's those are not the reasons.
The reason why is because you want to take care of her.
You want her to feel like she's taking care of like you've got
it handled. And you might say, well, OK,
well then why couldn't I just share exactly what's going on
with the finances is because it's going to stress her out.
It is like, and if you've reallygot it handled and she trusts

(26:57):
you, then there's not going to be a problem.
Right. And that that's the thing.
It's like, and, and, and it's like, yeah, it because you asked
me, you're like, oh, if I wantedto see some of the stuff that's
going on. Yeah, I'm happy to show you the,
the stuff. I'm just not going to report it
on a weekly basis to you. I'm not going to like.
You to do that because then that's like another thing that
I'm like, OK, I have to sit for this meeting right?

(27:18):
Like I trust you, like if it's every so often or if I I feel
like I'm forgetting or whatever,I can ask you also like it's,
it's not that big of a deal, youknow, I.
Mean, I probably shouldn't even tell you like I spent $16,000 on
sales training because they're probably like, you're like, Oh
my God. I trust you to know that I
wouldn't spend $16,000 if that affected the rest of our

(27:40):
finances. Does that make sense?
So it's like, that's a lot of money.
I tell you that every time you say something like that.
But I also trust you and know that you wouldn't spend that if
we didn't have the means to do that.
You know what I mean? Like if other things were being
neglected for that, which is what these women are talking

(28:00):
about, because they have men that would spend the 16,000 or
whatever and that would be theirrent.
And then now what are they? And that's what I'm saying is
like, if you got a guy that you can't trust like that, then you
either, if you love him good, then then don't allow him to be
a child, like help him be a man,right?

(28:23):
But if you don't love him enoughthat you're going to help him be
a man, then kick him to the curb.
But I it's. A hard world for men.
Because OK, I'm going to talk about this because with the the
boyfriend in college, yeah, I was trying to help him be a man.
Yeah, but that's not helping himbeing a man.
Then I think you need to explainthat because women think trying

(28:44):
to teach a man how to literally be a man and then she feels even
more like the man now she doesn't want anything to do with
you like romantically and you'realmost like having a child
rather than again. Let me tell you how they used to
teach men how to be men. How like in the tribes?
They send them out to kill an animal and they're like here,
back with the animal. There's no instruction.

(29:04):
All right, three days. You go out there like here's a,
here's a stick, but give me all your clothes like run out there
naked and figure this shit out and maybe you'll die.
And then but if you don't come back and you're a man, that's
it. That's it.
Because that's how you, like yougot it.
The way that a man learns to be a man, he can learn other things

(29:26):
in other ways. But the way learn a man learns
how to be a man is that he takeson life, which is lifing and is
hard, and he deals with it and he doesn't get help to deal with
it because he's got to deal withit.
You know what I'm saying? And if he does actually need the
help, then he he he has to go in.
What can a woman do to send her man out there to potentially
die? Not really.

(29:47):
But you know what? I mean by not allowing, but by
having standards being like I'm a lady.
This is like, you know, even thething like, you know, I don't
open my own door like. Like I don't open my aunt or.
I'm a lady. I could break my nails.
Like, yeah, like you're, you're teaching him like, you know, and
and and it doesn't have to be all negative.

(30:07):
It can be positive odds. That's so hot when you do that
at it's, you know, is it gettingmoist in here?
Like, you know, like I'm trying to keep the the podcast more PG
than, you know, not not directlytalking about the that's you
know, but, but it can be. It could be that as well.
But but and but especially in the financial side is just to be

(30:29):
like, look, you, you, you take care of this, you pay the bills.
It is scarier for women if you're married and it's
conjoined because that is gonna affect you.
But that's why I said earlier, yeah, but you try to let him
flounder before you guys get married and can join.
You got yourself into this situation.

(30:50):
I get it. Where you're, you know, and
people are like, Oh well, it's. Accepted it and then now you're
upset about it and like you're doing most of the work but you
signed up for. Yeah, Are your are there's
people that think that they're perfectly happy.
Like these women were like, oh, it's an equal partnership.
This is ridiculous. Like I make money, he makes
money, we equally make all the decisions and budget the the

(31:12):
thing, which is fine. Like totally cool for a business
partnership. Here's why that's better 'cause
they have never ever ever ever ever met a man that they could
give 100% trust to. So 5050 equal is better than a
guy that's doing absolutely nothing where she's 100% the man
and he's the woman basically, right?

(31:36):
So at least if they find a man that does half of his stuff,
that's better than this, you know what I mean?
But that's why they're happy with it because they're like,
oh, OK, at least I'm getting half of the work.
They've never had a man do all of the stuff and they just get
to, you know, exist and not stress.
And, and, and they could, like Isaid that you can operate that
way and, and be like, OK, partnership, whatever.

(31:57):
And that's fine. Like from a very theoretical
standpoint, business partnershipgreat, but you're going to read
your smart novels and wishing that you had a you know, to to
because you're not going to havea sexual relationship.
You're not going to have well. Not at the level, no.
No, you're not going to have a polarity and they're if you're
both like sees each other as perfectly equal interchangeable

(32:20):
parts, that is like then you might as well swap it for
another woman or another guy. Like why?
Why is it have to be a man and awoman in that case or whatever,
you know, or even even, let's not even say man and women,
because there's people that thathave a different, that there
it's man and man or woman, whichis, but it's not, it's not
masculine and masculine and it'snot feminine feminine because

(32:42):
even in the, you know, the LBGTQcommunity, they recognize
polarity of masculine and feminine.
There's a there's a top and a bottom.
There's a whatever a Dominus sublike those things create.
A whole, right, rather than justtwo halves of the same, yeah.
So however you slice it like if you're being like neutralized

(33:05):
from a polarities perspective, you're not going to have a
spark, yeah, and have a negativepole and a positive pole, so.
Well someone also said is this shielding or controlling?
But that's but that's what I wassaying was that if you're it,
it, it if you're. How you view it?
Right. But but that's it's dynamic of

(33:26):
the entire relationship, right? Like it will.
I can ask you like in our relationship, am I controlling
you? No.
So then what am I doing then? Then why do I need?
If I'm not controlling you, why do I need to be the leader?
Why do I need to be the one in charge?
Because you love me and you wantto take care of me.

(33:47):
No, but like I but but why? You're going to handle the
stuff. You can do it and handle the
stuff better, right? But even if you can't, it's
admirable for you to even do thestuff so that I never even have
to stress about it, even if it'ssuper stressful for you.
Does that make sense? So it's like you're trying to

(34:08):
give me a better life and handleall the stuff because you know
you're capable, right? Like, I can't, I can't actually
shield you, right? Unless I'm in charge.
Yeah. Right.
Because otherwise I have to be like, oh, I need you to approve
of this, this thing, like all the things I'm trying to protect
you from, I now have to stress you out with because I need you

(34:30):
to be part of making that decision.
Now, again, I'm not saying that there's not decisions that we
don't that, that I don't have your input in in order for me to
make the ultimate decision on orthere's not a decision that I'm
like you, you can whatever you decide.
I'm, I believe, like I trust you100% on that.
Like you delegate that to you. But ultimately, if I don't have

(34:52):
the authority, then I can't actually do the shielding.
I can't actually do the protecting, right, right,
because I don't have the power behind it.
So I got to be able to make a lot of decisions, even some of
them without you even knowing about those decisions.
Not because I'm hiding them or trying to control you, but
because I am actually shielding you from those decisions.

(35:12):
Like what? I don't know, like just
day-to-day business things that I, I spend money on or that I,
that I, you know, make or, you know, or even when I'm handling
our finances in terms of the real estate rentals and you
know, and all of those things and, you know, that type of
stuff, or maybe even on the utilities, right?

(35:32):
It's like, OK, well this, this is going to be charging this
much money, you know, am I goingto change it or use someone else
or, you know, all of those things, Like you don't need to
know all of those things. Right.
Well, because I know that you have our best interest in heart.
So it's like, I just wanted you to give some examples so that
people understood. But yeah, no, I don't.

(35:53):
Again, that's why the comments didn't bother me because they
just can't get it. Like, they don't really get what
you're saying. And I get that the clip is a
little misleading, but they don't know you like I know you,
and they don't have a man that is like you.
So I get that they're just talking from their perspective.

(36:14):
And I get that they're living from a place of fear.
And I get why because they're insurvival mode, whether they know
it or not. I'm not in survival mode.
I'm the furthest thing from survival mode.
I'm like. Well, and and maybe it helps.
You is like the the first time I've been out of survival mode.
I feel like and they just, they don't understand that because
they don't have the person thereto be a partner with.

(36:38):
Like they're like, I want a partner.
I don't feel like we're not partners, no.
Like, but it's not. It's not.
Partners is in 5050, but. A partner in their relationship.
Yeah, like it's we're one unit. We're a unit, I guess when
someone could partner, like it'sa lot of people think 5050.
Yeah, but it's like we're we're a collective unit.
It's like the yin and the Yang like we've talked about, but it

(36:59):
makes one. But they're two distinct things,
right? Like we're not two of the same.
No, it, I think it helps maybe to understand the mentality,
right, the cycle, because like Isaid, I wanted to talk about how
a man keeps a wife or keeps a woman, how, how he takes care of
you know, and, and like my mentality as as a man is this is

(37:20):
that I'm responsible for everything.
I'm responsible for your life for, for our, our children life.
I'm responsible for like making the money, making sure that the
money is spent correctly, makingsure that we have a long term
future and the money is investedcorrectly.

(37:41):
I'm responsible for if there's something that you don't know
that you should know. I'm responsible for your
emotional well-being, your emotional development, your
physical well-being, like your physical health and development,
your psychological, spiritual, like all of those things.
In my mind, I'm ultimately responsible for every aspect of

(38:03):
our lives. That's how I view it.
And so that's where it all starts from is like viewing it
as being totally, 100% responsible.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can't say it's anyone else's
fault for everything that that occurs in our lives.
If you take that level of ownership and responsibility,
then it doesn't seem very ridiculous to be in in charge of

(38:27):
the finances to a degree. Or it's like you don't even have
to worry about it. I've got it because I'm taking
care of way bigger things than just the, the financial side of
things. But but that's where the
mentality has to be. And if, if you're with a man who
doesn't have that mentality where he doesn't feel like, if
he's like, well, you're responsible for these things and
I'm responsible for these thingsor even the relationship.

(38:48):
Like I was talking to one of my friends, Josh, you know who who
helps men? He's a, he's a licensed
therapist and, and he, he got some Flack on the Internet
because he made a post where he was saying that a man is 100%
responsible for the failure of arelationship.
And the all these statistics andpsychologists were attacking him

(39:12):
and, and it's like, no, that's, that's the viewpoint.
Who was the most upset men? Yeah, I think men, men were the
most upset about that, right. Some women obviously, too.
But but it's like, no, that's the viewpoint that I have.
Is that as as a man like it, it might not be 100% true, right.

(39:32):
Yeah. Can a woman mess up a
relationship? Yeah, of course.
But as a man, I'm taking on thattotal responsibility and take it
on myself. And that's, and that's how I
have to view things as ultimately the buck stops here.
There's no excuse. There's no other reason or

(39:53):
person to blame, right? Because even if you do have an
issue with the woman that you'rewith, it's up to you to help her
to understand where she's going wrong and to give her the the
help to figure out how to fix those things.
But what if she doesn't? Because I agree with you that,

(40:14):
you know, if you're going to lead, you are responsible,
right? But there does come a point
where you can't force somebody to do something, right?
You know, if you're helping her with something and she doesn't
have the willpower to do it, shedoesn't want to do it for
herself and she doesn't do it right, then what?
Then then as a man, that's the. Scar that bow out and.

(40:35):
Or no, that's the scar you have to carry.
Now you have a defective situation that you can't fix.
Like I think that's, I mean, ultimately this is coming with
the same with the of saying thatwhen you got into this, you were
that man, right? Because you have to be that man
from the very beginning with that mindset, right?
Because if you select a woman that is not a woman that you

(40:59):
should be with, right, Then you got to deal with the
consequences of that because that is taking full ownership as
a man. Even then, trying to bow out, I
mean, aside from an extremely abusive type of situation is
like if she's just not doing what she's supposed to be doing
or what you want her to do, or she's not growing or whatever,
she's very stubborn. That's still you got to deal

(41:22):
with that because you made that.Choice as a but then deal with
that by cheating or something. I mean, that's not dealing with
it as a man, that's not really right.
So, and I can speak from experience of, of making
mistakes, right? And, and people are often will,
will point down and be like, Oh,you know, I mean, you, you did,
you made these mistakes. Well, I mean, would you rather

(41:43):
learn from someone who's made mistakes and learn from them or
someone who hasn't yet made the mistakes?
Because there's only two types of men.
There's only two types of people, people who have made the
mistakes and learn from them. I guess maybe you could say
there's three people who haven'tlearned from them, but right,
or, or, or people that who haven't made these because they
will make those mistakes if theyhaven't learned, right?

(42:05):
So. Yeah.
Yeah, but but how is a man, you know, to to getting kind of the
second part, like financially, what does this look like?
Because because I mean, the biggest complaint that women
had, right was that what happensif you die?
And she doesn't know what what, what the finances look like or

(42:25):
OK, anything like that. So.
Let's address that like that's, I think it's pretty simple.
So for most people's situations,their situation is simple.
It's not like ours, right? We have a bunch of real estate
businesses, all kinds of complicated legal structures and
things like that, which I'll address that as well.
But for most people, this is kind of a ridiculous thing to
just even say because if you're just a dude working a job that

(42:48):
you're getting paid from someoneelse and you have a house and
you have bills, right? Like it's not super complicated,
right? First of all, you.
It's kind of giving when guys who have no money are like, that
girl's a gold digger and you're like, you don't have any gold to
dig, Sir. Exactly like I mean, hopefully
you have like stuff organized asa man just in general where if

(43:10):
you died she could pull up your Google doc and and and spread
right and be able to see like some.
Organized. You're on like whatever, you
know, budgeting app or something, or you have some kind
of right, you know where where you wouldn't even need to
provide a document. But I mean, you should probably
have some kind of documentation,right?
Where OK, if I pass away, here'show you understand the OR or you

(43:33):
can instead of having the documentation, you could show
her what you're doing right and be like, OK, you don't need to
worry about this, but just so you know, but that's gonna like
that's. You should still have to forget
about Justin. Great, because I feel like you
would have to check in more regularly exactly in order to
make sure that she understands how it operates rather than if
you wrote it down. Right, exactly.

(43:54):
Yeah, right. It's like, yeah.
So you can look at the document.Like you can explain to her and
show her the document and then you've got the document to go
back to so that you understand what this means, right?
But most likely actually the thebest thing in that for most
people's circumstances, just life insurance, right?
So, so as a responsible man, if you're just working a regular
job, you don't have kind of a real estate empire and all other

(44:16):
kind of assets and stuff, then you're just going to buy a life
insurance policy. So that if you die or when you
die, when something happens to you, that she's going to get
$1,000,000, whatever is necessary in order to take care
of your funeral expenses and to,you know, to take care of the
house. And then some documentation of,

(44:36):
OK, how do you like, are there certain bills and contact
information and stuff like that?So, so that's very like one day
worth of work and you and you can take care of that problem.
So that's why I don't understandso many people are, I mean, I
understand because they're, they're using this as a
smokescreen because really they don't trust a man because
they're like, oh, what happens if he dies?
They don't even trust him to make a will or write something

(44:58):
down. And honestly, a lot of people
don't even when they get elderly, they don't write all
this stuff down and it creates amess, right?
So it's like, you know, you needeverybody should really do it to
some degree have some sort of right documentation, but
especially the man if he's running all the things.
I mean, these women who are like, I do everything and my

(45:20):
husband doesn't care. They.
Should have it for you die, right?
Yeah. What happens if you die then
he's. Going to like you have it all
written down for your husband, like if you're watching this, if
you're one of those women, you probably should because he's
going to be in the dark and or he's going to be, you know.
Do you have life insurance? Buying car parts and then he
doesn't have a house. He'll have to live in his car.
He doesn't know, so write your stuff down.

(45:42):
But, but yeah, but you have to have some kind of like that's,
that's the, the easiest financial instrument is a life
insurance policy, which I don't,I don't have because we'll,
we'll get to that because I havea better plan for us.
But but you need to think about this as a man.
And like I said, it's literally a day worth of work to figure
this out. So that's why when you're saying
like, oh, what happens if he dies and she doesn't know how to

(46:05):
what? She doesn't know how to like,
like figure out how to log on tothe bank account and then to pay
the bills. Like like this is you could
teach 1/6 grader how to do this stuff.
Like, yeah, have a documentationand a document and maybe for a
couple days she's like, I don't understand all the bills that we
have. Well, it's like, OK, we have a

(46:25):
water bill, you have electricitybill, you know, you got a
mortgage or rent bill. It's not, it's not like it's
super complicated that she has to be in it every step of the
way, right? It's like if she knew nothing
about the bills or whatever you're doing with the accounts
and you passed away and you could have it all in the
document or a video that explains it.

(46:45):
And literally in a day you couldunderstand that that's not for
for most people, right? For our situation, it would not,
it wouldn't be that, that easy, but.
But having the life insurance policy makes sense.
Well, and then also with those people too, when they're like,
OK, well, we've got shared finances and, and all of this
stuff and you're both making it.Yeah.
But did you actually set up a trust?

(47:07):
Because also you, you don't knowabout probate, right.
And so the people that are lecturing me, if either one of
you dies, like a lot of your possessions may go to probate.
But so we have a family trust which which we're both executors
of the trust. And and so if either of us dies,

(47:28):
it doesn't matter because everything is owned by the
trust. So that's another thing that any
couple should be doing anyway, right.
Again, I'm not a lawyer. I don't know any legal.
This is not, this does not constitute legal advice.
This is just the ramblings of some idiot on the Internet.
So, yeah. But yeah, so, so talk to your
lawyer, but, you know, figure that out.
So, but then when it comes down to like our plan, like what do I

(47:51):
have figured out? Well, I have a very detailed
document that I have, I've sent you, right, that specifies with,
which has links to spreadsheets,which have the real estate,
which all of the the stuff and how to handle leases and, and
all of that stuff, right. And yeah.
And the management companies, right?
Yeah, yeah. And look, if you had to figure

(48:13):
all that stuff out, even with a document, it would be quite a
bit. For sure, it is a lot, but and I
think the thing that we had talked about too when we were
kind of discussing this a littlebit more in depth after we saw
the comments was that just I feel like grieving.
Yeah. And dealing with financial
stuff, no matter what, no matterwho you are, even if you know

(48:34):
what you're doing right, even ifyou're 5050 and you've been
involved the whole time, it's going to be hard anyway.
But like I said before, unless you got married fresh out of
high school and you didn't have any bills to pay.
Right, you have some. Bills you've paid, rent you've
paid, whatever, like you know how to do those things.

(48:56):
And even if like I have not owned real estate prior to being
with you. So that is something I don't
have full knowledge of. But also you've laid it out.
We've talked about the properties and the things like
that. I don't still have the full
picture but I could learn it or get someone to help me figure it

(49:16):
out as well too. So it's like I I'm not going to
stress like these people on the Internet and I get though that
they've probably seen people who've been put in a bad
situation, but that's because, right, the other person that was
handling all the stuff didn't prepare right them with like a
document or those things, or they didn't trust them or, you

(49:37):
know, they chose to be. Or they had a mountain of debt
and there's like, oh, we're actually in a very bad situation
financially. It's like, oh, you owe all this
money and yeah, I get that when you pass.
And then but that's that's it's not because she was in the dark,
right? It's because he was an idiot.
Like you can't fix that part. Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like if she was still in the light and saw that they had all

(49:59):
this debt and he was still an idiot managing the finances, it
doesn't change much except that she gets to dread it for the
years while he's alive and when he's dead, right?
Like it doesn't, you know, I mean, or maybe she tries to.
Stress about it then. And yeah, Right.
Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
So that's that's the thing aboutthat is like you just have to
have a plan as a man, OK, if something happens to you.

(50:20):
Plan as a man. Yeah, how, how will your wife
take care of like, like, you know, so I documented all the
things, you know, and then I have a trust that that we're set
up on. So you have all the assets.
And then I have some friends that I know could help you that
could figure out that are, you know, have enough financial

(50:41):
knowledge that if something happened to me, they would be
able to tell you. OK, yeah, this is or they could
figure out OK, yeah, this is what he's doing because they
have some real estate experienceor OK, this is how like they
could read the document, explainit to you or give you some
advice and like, yeah, maybe I should just sell.
All I would just figure it out. Yeah.
Or maybe they'd be like, OK, maybe you should just sell all
of this stuff and you know, and not have to worry about that.

(51:04):
Or you can make the decision then.
But you see what I'm saying is like, I've thought it out to to
give you the best plan possible,right?
Right. And that's that's what you can
do. But that's also why, again, that
none of this like triggered me. It triggered them, right?
Because I get where they're living at.
I get where they're coming from.I get the knowledge that they
have, right, That is different than what we have, right?

(51:28):
So, but that's why we wanted to do this other extra episode
because we even left out the part about, you know, making a
plan as a man, if you're in thissituation, and I mean, like I
said, just in general, if you'rea woman who's doing the finances
and your husband's in the dark, you need a plan.
As well too. You shouldn't be doing that.
That's the whole thing. But you're gonna screw your

(51:49):
husband over if you don't have aplan and you're still operating
that by. Their own logic, right?
Right. But yeah, right.
Exactly. So it's like, you know, there
was a lot still to uncover here,I guess, but hopefully we made
it a little bit but. That's why I tried to explain
the mindset too, right? As a man, look, I'm hard on men.
Like I said, yeah, life is toughfor a man.

(52:11):
It's supposed to be. That's why you're the man.
Like to really be a man, like tolive as a boy, it's fine.
Like it can be the same. It can be equal.
You can complain about women have it easier, or it should be
5050 or whatever. If you want to live as a boy,
that's fine. Like, you know, I believe
there's three sexes, man, woman and boy.
And, and if you want to be a boyand woman, then okay, be that if

(52:32):
you want. But if you actually want to be a
man, then it means that your mindset needs to be I'm in
charge of everything and responsible for everything.
And like, and the buck stops here, which means that you got
to think about also what happensafter you pass.
Like, how can this woman actually put her life in your
hands and trust you? And how do you really have

(52:54):
everything taken care of, right?And it's not about just even
just making her life easier. It's like fully being taking on
their responsibility, right? Which means you got to think
about things, all the things, right?
And plan for them. Right.
And and here's the thing, if you're that guy, right, then I
think a lot of women that even say they would would swear on on

(53:18):
their their mother's grave that they would never ever or swear
on the Bible that they would never, ever accept a man that
that did to all those things that would be in charge or be in
control. I think even though a lot of
those women would be like, oh, OK, yeah, actually this is an
exception in this case. Or like you.
Know they would. Right.
Because Why? Why would you?
Can't even fathom that a man like that exists.

(53:38):
That's why they read the books, right?
It seems like a fantasy. Like, I get it, I've been before
you came along, I was them, you know what I mean?
So, but again, like you said, you can't settle.
Like I mean, if you're in a marriage right now, you can try
to flip it around. Like you said, you can read the
surrendered wife or the empowered wife.

(53:59):
And those are good ways to try to flip the dynamic to what
we're talking about. But if you're still single or
even if you're dating and you haven't gotten to the marriage
part yet and you want a strong masculine man that you trust and
like you said, it's going to give you servant leadership, not
controlling, bossing leadership.And you'll know the difference

(54:22):
because you'll know who he is asa person.
Then you have to wait for that. You can't settle like, and I get
that as a woman, sometimes you're like, will my Prince
Charming ever come? You have to wait.
And you can't squash it like that's why that book is What was
the. Queens code the.
Queens code is so important because what's it's Armstrong?

(54:44):
Allison Armstrong, right? Because she talks about like the
frog, the frog farmers. Yeah, women who are crushing
that in the man instead of allowing it to develop.
Yeah, there are some men that itdoesn't matter, but they're
gonna walk away. That's The thing is they're,
they're gonna, they're gonna be like, they're gonna be done
with. You, the woman, could learn
because she lost a good man. But as a woman, you have to like

(55:07):
not emasculate the man, especially a man who has the
potential right. He might not be the king right
now and have that confidence because especially in this world
environment that we're in, it's.But you gotta be careful with
potential. Yeah.
Because sometimes you think somebody has potential that they
don't actually have. What I'm saying is the potential

(55:29):
in the sense that like you don'twant to be the one that crushes
the potential, but. Like he's doing the things
right, but you don't want to crush it, right?
If if you're the. Like he might be able to do
those things. I'm like, that's dangerous.
I mean, he's trying to do the things and then you are
emasculating. Let me do it.
Let me do it. Yeah, or, or you're emasculating

(55:49):
him, making him not feel like a man, and then you're actually
causing his his development to go downward instead of the
upward path that yeah, that he that he was on.
But that's true. But yeah, but yeah, you have to
hold that, that standard. You're right.
And that's how it should be. And then that's what I'm saying
is like, and and if we flip thatright, and if you're a woman and

(56:10):
you're like, OK, I want to be incharge of all the things someone
would be like, yeah, that'd be fine.
Like, yeah, yeah. But the burden of are you really
ready for the full burden of responsibility that in like, are
you like you would say, yeah, I'd be in charge of all things
and I could take care of all thethings.
Yeah. But also, would you take 100%
responsibility for everything that happens?

(56:31):
And even if your man fucks up, then you're still 100%
responsible because you allowed him to fuck up.
I don't think so. I think most of them.
But that's what I'm calling men to do.
And that's why I'm saying like the burden that, you know, the
crown is heavy on the head that that wears it right.
It's like that crown is a heavy crown to bear because you're
responsible for the thing. It's not something that you put

(56:52):
on the crown. And like, I'm the king and you
have to listen to me. And it's like you, like you
should anyone who would want to be king should, should, should
consider that a burden on him, not, not a privilege.
You know what I'm saying? Like it is, it is a privilege.
But I'm saying it's not. It's not not.
An easy thing. Like, yeah, it's harder.
Yeah, it's something that you like, you do because you know

(57:14):
that you are the best person to to do it.
Like it's a it's a sacrifice that you make in order to be the
king rather than something that you're like, oh, I want to be
the king so I can be in charge of everyone.
It's like I will sacrifice my life to be the king because I
know that I can make everyone else's lives better by doing, by

(57:36):
taking on this responsibility. That's what it's supposed to be.
And if you're viewing it that way and the finances that way,
then it's I, I don't think that,you know, like I said, you're
not going to get this situation where we have women in the
comments that, that are saying this stuff, which I, which I
even get, like I said, because they're coming from that other
perspective. But if if they understand this

(57:56):
perspective of how the man is actually supposed to be, then
those comments don't make sense.Right.
A lot of people are going to be leaving their husband's interest
or trying to get him to be the man that they want him to be.
But that's. What?
That's what it should be as a asa man, like life is.
I agree the men might come for you too though.
Then let them come for you. Yeah, so.

(58:17):
Don't actually come for John then you got to go through me.
But yeah, we do have an end segment.
Yeah, let's see. So yeah, I mean, we got into a
bit of a of a disk, but it wasn't like a, yeah, a.
You just didn't feel heard and understood and I didn't really

(58:41):
understand the situation that you were talking about fully.
I was trying to and it's not an excuse.
I was trying to, but it was complicated until we had the
recent conversation where I did actually get it.
And so because we had had previous conversations and I was

(59:04):
trying to figure it out, but it's I still wasn't getting it
right. You felt like I didn't really
understand you. And then I was like, what the
heck, I'm trying as hard as I can, but I didn't, it didn't
fully click in my head. And in the conversation, I told
you it like I didn't have that epiphany moment then either.

(59:28):
Like, I had to have that moment where it really clicked in my
head to understand what you wanted and what you were saying
because in my mind you were saying one thing.
But then I was like, but I got to care about you.
And like, that kind of negated what you wanted from me.
And so then it finally hit that like, no, like I will care about

(59:50):
you if I don't care about you. Does that make sense?
That's why it made it so complicated.
It made. It so complicated, yeah.
And so it was like just a very complicated situation, but
because it had gone on for a while and I couldn't really get
it, you thought that I didn't care about you or understood
you, which wasn't the case. And then I was like, what do you
mean? I'm doing all this stuff for

(01:00:11):
you? And you're like, that doesn't
make me feel like you care. And then I'm like, what does
that mean? You know, it was just a very
like. Complicated, like not
complicated to you because you knew what you wanted, but
complicated because it wasn't adding up for me.
And then it finally added up. And then, you know, and then
also like it was a situation that again, didn't make sense to

(01:00:32):
me. So I was getting defensive,
which didn't help the situation because I'm like, what do you
mean? I'm doing all this stuff for you
and then you're like, you're being defensive and I'm like,
I'm just trying to figure out what the heck is going on.
But then when I finally understood and, you know, we
talked about it, it made it easier to understand that I was
being defensive and that I didn't understand.

(01:00:53):
And now I understand. And well, yeah, and it, I mean
it, and everyone else doesn't understand because what the hell
is she talking about? But.
Well, now you. Know, but we're trying to keep
things PG, you know, but no, but, but, but I think also like
it was a learning moment for me to to realize again, talking
about the leadership, servant leadership as a man is that you

(01:01:15):
have to, you have to say when there's something wrong
immediately, like as quickly as possible, and then allow people
to actually suffer their own consequences.
Like to take responsibility for things that they like.
If I'm in charge and I'm a leader, then I have everyone
else that I'm in charge of that needs to actually own the stuff

(01:01:36):
that they need to do, because that is me actually being in
charge because I can't take their the responsibility for
their results individually. Like what they ultimately
produce. I own and my education and
training and helping them, right, and assisting them as, as
a, as a leader and a servant leader, like giving them the
assistance as they need, but actually trying to own their

(01:01:59):
results is overstepping because it, it, it prevents them from,
from their growth, right. And So what I was doing is it
wasn't just in your case, but inmany cases, even with our
daughter and in a lot of circumstances where I would, I
don't want to see someone fail. So I stopped them from failing
instead of being like late. This is your thing.

(01:02:19):
You gonna, you're gonna have, I'll help you, but you're gonna
have to figure it out. And if you don't, then that's
what you know, it's like insteadI'm like, OK, let me, let me fix
this for you. Let me fix all these things.
And so I became a very big fixerbecause I feel like, well, I've
got responsibilities, so I need to fix everything.
And it's like, no, sometimes youhave to let other people fix

(01:02:40):
things. And when they fix things and no.
Well, I think you were like giving more chances in this
situation. I don't think it was fixing
because I don't feel like you fixed it before.
Like you would give me some examples, but I didn't really
understand. But more so I think your idea of
fixing was like giving me a passfor it.

(01:03:04):
But then you were kind of like keeping that inside because it
did hurt you, but you didn't talk about it.
And so you more so gave me like a pass, right?
And then didn't talk about it. And then it did kind of build
up, not like a full blown resentment, but it builds.
It built up something because you didn't say initially when it

(01:03:24):
hurt you. So that's why when you're
talking about like, like I want you to tell me in that moment
what is going on with you. I don't want you to hold on to
it or like, you know, be like whatever.
Like that doesn't mean don't give each other the benefit of
the doubt and know that each other's coming from a better
place. But it means like when something

(01:03:47):
initially happens that you talk about it because you were kind
of like shoving things down, notjust with me, but with other
people. And like because you didn't want
to be like, OK, you would probably tell yourself, well,
they didn't like mean in and like they'll do better.
And then you kept waiting for them to do better, but then you
didn't tell them how you felt. And so they didn't know that

(01:04:08):
they were doing anything wrong. Because again, that's also what
it caused the defensiveness in our situation.
You brought up something at one point that was from like
January. And I'm like, you haven't said
anything about this at all. Yeah.
So it felt like very blind sighty, you know, and so.
Because it wasn't bothering me. Right.
But you it did then, but then you shoved it down right or.

(01:04:31):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I didn't.
It didn't. It didn't consciously come up
for me. But I do the same thing, too
sometimes when I'm upset and you're like, what's wrong?
You know? And like, you know, you're just
better at hiding it. And then I'm like, OK.
And the part of me is like, I don't want to tell him.
Well, I wasn't hiding it. I wasn't hiding it.
Well, no, I meant, but like, it's harder to tell that
something like is upsetting you for me to be like, what's wrong?

(01:04:52):
I mean, sometimes I do. It was a subconscious thing that
I had that I didn't even realizewas that had, you know, had
affected me back then because you, you don't even think about
it. But I mean, it's still kind of
is pushing it down because sometimes when you're like,
that's what's wrong. I'm like, this is kind of
stupid. I don't have to tell him.
Like I'll get over it. But then I'm like, no, I should

(01:05:14):
just say it and then it lets it all the way out.
But see, even if you think in your head this is kind of
stupid, I'll get over it. You're not actually getting over
it. Right.
Because what's happened is you've just lost.
You're just letting go of the thread, right?
That and now you've lost it, butit's still falling down into
the. Yeah, it's still there.
Still in the pipe. I don't know why I'm thinking

(01:05:36):
that's my analogy. The plumbing.
Yeah, it's still down there, butyou don't have a string to pull
it back up and because you don't, but it's in there now,
but then. When your toilet backs up.
Yeah, that you're gonna find it,that's why.
See, the analogy was yeah, then it's gonna come.
Out all the stuff. Coming out, I was more brilliant
than I even realized. But but that's what happens.
Yeah, no. And that's what happened.
And so, yeah, it was necessary. You know, things like that

(01:06:03):
aren't fun. They're not fun to go through,
but they're. Not but, and I think just as a
man too, it's like you're alwaysgoing to still deal with and you
have to kind of purge out all this nice guy and and and
peacekeeping that you're trying to do where you don't want to
rock the boat. Yeah.
And it's got to be like, look, no, you got to tell people when,

(01:06:24):
again, you need to do things in the right way, but you need to
tell people when something upsets you.
You tell people when they're wrong, when there needs to be
like you need to be willing to accept those consequences.
And maybe they're not going to like it or maybe they're going
to, but you can't be like, I'm just going to say anything
because I don't want to rock theboat here.
Or they did pretty good like they did 80%.
So I'll just give them the pass.It's like no no no.

(01:06:45):
If it's not what you need then you need to say it, not give
them the pass on the thing because it doesn't help anyone.
It rocks the boat a million times more to wait for it to
explode than if you gently nudgethe boat when it's actually
happening. Right.
And then just accept whatever the situation is going to be,
because that's the hardest thing, I think as a man is just
to like to be that, right. It's a level of assertiveness

(01:07:09):
that even even me, like I, you know, I'm, I've got a lot of
things figured out, but it's still hard sometimes to overcome
that that boy tendency that we have in us as a man and be like,
no, I need to be assertive in these situations and say the
thing I can do it kindly. Right.
Well, that's I need to. You need to do it exactly right.
But it but it. And women need to as well, like

(01:07:30):
when they bring stuff up, like cuz we're A-Team, right?
Like, I want you to tell me in the moment when something's
bothering you or upsetting you, right?
What I don't want is it to be like you against me, right?
Or, you know, you wait forever and then you blow up on me and
you don't want to blow up on me,right?
But you've shoved it down because a lot of men do that.

(01:07:52):
A lot of men are like you. They're like, I don't want to
rock the boat. Then they they, then they.
Blow the boat Exactly. Yeah, they.
Think the boat, Yeah. And then they're like, well,
what did I do wrong? It's like you didn't, you didn't
say something when it was a minuscule little thing, right?
And now you exploded the boat. Or they take the they take on
the thing, they try to take on their responsible.

(01:08:12):
Like I had to catch myself. It's like, no, this is not my
fault. Like you can't blame me on this
thing. Like you own this.
This is your responsibility. And like, if you don't want to
fix, what is your responsibility?
I'm not going to take it and andsay like, you know that I can
fix these things anymore. You have to do that, that if
it's not, then you have your consequences.
And like, like, but that's it. It.

(01:08:34):
You have to do that as a man. Yeah.
Because you could pull people. You could when someone blames
you for something, you could be like, oh, yeah, well, I can
handle that. Like, and you could take the
blame and you can, you know, andyou can adjust the the situation
so that they don't have to suffer that consequence.
But sometimes it's it's harder, but it's you have to say no,

(01:08:57):
Yeah, this is actually on you. And you have to fix that and
you. Have to deal with that.
It was just a really complicatedsituation as well too.
It's something that we've struggled with from pretty early
on in a way. And so it was really confusing,
but it was good to talk about because I do think there was

(01:09:17):
finally clarity there. But ultimately it was my fault.
So ultimately, I have to acknowledge as a man that I.
Well, it wasn't entirely fault, but according to this podcast,
it was. But I'm not going to sit here
and act like I wasn't defensive and I didn't, you know, didn't I
didn't understand and I could have asked questions.

(01:09:38):
Again, I don't know if that would have gotten me there
because again, it's kind of likeall personal development or all
sort of things in life, they have to switch within the
person. And no matter what you say and
if you spell it out perfectly, sometimes that's not the light
switch moment. But.
But I'm just glad that I did figure it out, right, Because it

(01:09:59):
also was attached to myself as well, too, in a way that I
didn't understand until we talked about it.
Yeah. So I mean, it was just a good
thing all around. We did stay up until 3:00 AM,
but it was a necessary thing which all things are necessary,
which again it goes back like. You got to.
Grow and talk for hours. You have to figure it up and

(01:10:20):
figure it out. And even if you blow up the boat
right, you can rebuild the boat exactly you should.
Rebuild the boat. You should.
Yeah, exactly. But those are the it's the path
that you have to take in order to get to the destination.
Cuz even as a man, if you're like, OK, I'm responsible for
everything. Everything is my fault as a man,
Yes, but that's the mindset you have to have.
It doesn't mean that your wife isn't going to make mistakes,

(01:10:43):
but you still have that mindset.But those mistakes are
inevitable because those mistakes are actually part of
the growth that is required. Just like as a man, you have to
make mistakes and and grow from those things.
But I just, you know, like I said, internalize as a man, I
still have to take responsibility and say, OK,
well, you're my wife. So if there's something that

(01:11:03):
you're missing or you're not doing, I'm responsible because I
haven't helped you. So that's how I look at it, but.
This whole thing probably soundsso complicated, but really men,
you should talk about the thingswhen they happen.
It's scary. But again, it will harbor

(01:11:26):
connection rather than disconnection because you were
really disconnected from me in away for a really long time
because this was even if it was subconscious.
Right. Yeah, it was in there.
So you got to think of it that way, too.
And that we're A-Team. Like, I want to work together.
I want our relationship to be the best it can be, right?

(01:11:46):
So like, you don't have to be afraid.
Yeah, thank you. You're welcome.
All right, well, that's it for this episode.
We're a little bit, a little bitlike this one's going to be a
short one, but it's a longer 1. So follow us at or send us an
e-mail if you want some some help.
Some advice? Yeah, or you got a, you know, a

(01:12:07):
good episode idea at Better thanPerfect.
Podcast. [e-mail] and the website is
better than perfectpod.com, yes.So if you want to.
Follow us on social media. Yeah, leave us a review.
Banana Finger's still the last one we haven't checked in a
while. No, I haven't checked in a while
because I don't care. It doesn't matter.

(01:12:28):
We're going to do. We're going to be doing so.
Yeah. We're getting close to the 100
episodes, so 100. I know.
All right, we'll see you guys next week.
Bye.