November 21, 2025 • 51 mins
Two imperfect people tackle a brutal Reddit letter: “My boyfriend admits he’ll never love me as much as his childhood best friend.” We break down friend-zone vs slept-zone, orbiters, and why clear standards beat “looking insecure.”What you’ll learn• The friend-zone asymmetry: women park guys; men keep women they’ve already slept with• Why “I loved her more” is a deal-breaker, not a dialogue starter• No-ex/no-bestie boundaries and the RPP: Relationship Protection Program• How orbiters erode attraction and loyalty• Exact scripts to set standards without dramaChapters00:00 Intro01:10 Friend-zone vs slept-zone: risks for each side04:05 Reddit case: “He’ll never love me as much as her”09:00 Why that confession kills trust12:20 Standards vs “you’re controlling”16:30 The RPP: no exes, no opposite-sex besties, no solo hangouts21:10 Orbiters and false loyalty to “childhood friends”26:00 Scripts and boundaries that actually work31:30 Key takeawaysSend your questionEmail: BetterThanPerfectPod@gmail.comSite: BetterThanPerfectPod.comSupport the showIf this helped, tap Like, comment your takeaway, and share with a friend who needs stronger boundaries.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Women friend zone guys that they're never going to sleep
with, guys friend zone girls that they already slept with.
That's how it works. Either way, it's a risk because
if a guy's already slept with a girl, is he more likely to sleep
with her again at some point? For sure if a girl that.
Girl hasn't slept with the guy. She's not going to at that
point. But that's friend zone.
But that's what I'm saying. It is different because you're
exactly what you just said. Yeah.
So it's more a guy's way more likely to because he already
(00:23):
did, probably. But if a girl's friend zone a
guy, he ain't coming out friend zone usually the.
Perfect we discovered through our flaws we complete each
other. Better than perfect, we stay
through every. Fault we find no.
(00:45):
Way All right welcome back to the Better than Perfect podcast
where every week we share with you how 2 imperfect people
helping each other grow equals 1better than perfect relationship
all right and so if right yeah the the book talk women
hopefully have have not found out where we lived in.
John, why would you even give them that idea?
(01:10):
Moving on. Yeah, moving on, this week we're
going to do a Reddit question that we got from Reddit.
OK. They sent it to him.
Brilliant, yeah. They sent it to.
Us, we just saw this and I thought, OK, this is a pretty
interesting topic because this is something that we, we've kind
of talked a little bit about, but I, I think it's, it's worth
(01:30):
diving into. So I'll just read it and then
you can react. How's that?
OK, my partner, male 35, has said he will never be able to
love someone as much as his childhood sweetheart.
How do I, female, 30, deal with this?
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for six months.
We have been extremely close friends for three years now.
(01:53):
We work together. Yesterday he told me that he has
a story to share about his childhood best friend, he still
is friends with her and that he had loved her for 14 years.
Said he suffered immeasurably asshe continued falling in and out
of love multiple times without once loving him back.
OK, eventually he understood that is not to be and he did
(02:16):
move on, but he is convinced that he won't be able to love
someone as much as he loved her.I was extremely, extremely hurt.
I know he has a past, we both do, but hearing him say this
made me think that I will never be able to measure up.
I feel intensely jealous and like a pathetic loser.
I want to tell him to never meether again, but I also know it's
(02:38):
toxic and unfair. I remember all the time I met
her. I remember all the times I met
her and how I laughed with her without knowing she was such a
person. I want to demand that he must
love me the most in the world. He confronted, comforted me the
whole night and said he does love me, I am precious to him.
However I feel some sort of way about this.
(03:01):
How do I deal with this maturely?
Please help. I am in a lot of pain.
I have not been able to talk to him properly since the morning.
Yeah OK. So that's basically.
It dump him. Yeah, I agree.
I mean. Dump him, period.
OK, podcast. Sentence, like, she's so afraid
(03:23):
to look toxic, which, like, it'snot toxic to not want to be with
the man who told you he will never love you as much as
another woman. And like, here's the thing.
She might love him a lot, right?But the person you're supposed
to be with for the rest of your life is not going to straight up
tell you that he will never loveyou as much as someone else.
(03:43):
Yeah, so that's why you have to.Yeah, that's for sure.
Like and then she's like, I wantto demand he loved me the most.
Like she is hurt and I get that.But do you really want to demand
him to love you? Because then you won't know if
he actually loves you or if you just demanded him to and he's
(04:06):
already told you he'll never love you as much as he loved
her. So even if one day he tells you
he does now I'll love you more. Do you really believe him?
Yeah, how are you ever going to believe?
Him because he said he loved herfor 14 years and he still seems
bitter that she never loved him back.
So then now you're him, but in adifferent situation.
You've become him. Exactly.
(04:27):
Yeah, exactly. It's like a spiral.
It's going, it's spiraling. The only way he can prove it is
if he does something horrible tothis other girl that he
supposed. But we don't want him to do
something horrible. If he like he has to kill his
his, he has to kill his her dog.You're the reason he.
(04:52):
Has to are podcast news are so low because you'd be saying
things that they are definitely blocking.
No, no, we don't want to hear anymore.
You're losing your marble. She's like, she's like, he's
like, OK, I now love you more than than this other girl.
So then she would have to be like, prove it.
(05:14):
And then he's like, I can't prove it.
And she's like, you could kill her dog I.
Don't think that girl would say that.
I know, but if if that occurred then she would know aside from
killing her dog. This is where I'm getting at.
I'm not saying he should kill her dog, but what I'm saying is
that aside from that, you have no way of knowing.
Aside from something so horriblethat you should not do.
(05:36):
Yeah, exactly right. That's the only that's the only
way he could prove it right? You get what I'm saying?
Still not even a good way to prove it well.
It's not a good way to prove it,but I'm saying he has to do
something horrible to her. That's the only way you would
know. But even then I could see him
doing something horrible like that.
And then if she was like, but I love you, he'd be like all
right, bye to his girlfriend. Like if the OG girl that he's in
(06:00):
love with, not his girlfriend was like you killed my dog.
But I love you anyway and I always have and we should be.
He would be with her because he said that he loved her more.
So you're saying that even if hekilled her dog right, it still
wouldn't still be with her? Because if he's telling his
girlfriend right now. Yeah, but the killing of the dog
(06:21):
would prove that he no longer cares about this girl.
No it wouldn't because no, because if that man has loved
her for as long as he has and he's still upset about her
loving everyone else but him to the point he's telling his now
girlfriend who he is in a relationship with.
(06:42):
You're saying that it's a permanent condition.
It's a permanent condition. He is permanently messed up
unless he fully gets over it to the point that he never tells
who he's with that he loves someone else.
I'm glad he at least told her, but she needs to dump him.
Yeah, sure. When she definitely needs to
dump him, yeah. Like, it's good that he actually
was honest about that because hecould have blatantly just been,
(07:04):
like, in love with that other girl and never said anything.
Yeah, but she needs to dump him because it's time is not going
to make him love her more. If anything, it probably will
make him love her less. Yeah.
Yeah. Because he's already not as in
(07:24):
love with her as he needs to be to get rid of the vision of him
with this childhood best friend.And so it's not going to get
better. It's going to get.
Worse, right? And he can't be that in love
with her because he told her this.
Because even if it were true. Well, because he still hangs out
with the best friend, so he's still thinking that there's a
chance. Yeah, yeah.
(07:46):
He still hangs out with her, so there's still a chance.
Well, it's also ridiculous for this is the same thing that that
I tell guys is about. Stop being insecure about being
insecure. She should not have any problem
with being like, yeah, you're with me.
You're never talking to that girl again.
Yeah, but it's too far. It's.
(08:06):
Too far I agree but this is justfor other people.
In situations where it's like ifyou are dating someone and
they're talking to their ex, it's OK to be like no, you don't
talk to your ex. Like if you're going to be with
me, we're not talking to ex. Or even to be like, you don't
have friends of the opposite sexthat are close friends that you
(08:27):
hang out with. You don't do it.
It just doesn't like that's yourstandard and it's OK.
It's not insecure to say that. That's not insecure to be like,
oh, you can't be, you can't talkto your ex.
Like being friends with your ex is not cool with me.
That's not insecure. It's common sense.
It's it's, it's rational behavior.
It's relationship protection program.
Exactly. Yeah, exactly the RPP.
(08:51):
Yes, the RPP. The relationship protection
program, but. He's at the point where he's
blatantly telling you that he loves her more than and he'll
never be able to love you as much as he loves.
Her. Why would he even say that?
It's like. I mean I'm again, I'm glad he
did because some guys wouldn't have said anything and then
(09:14):
would have like married her because she's there and would
have been and then he would havebeen hanging out with his
childhood best friend still and lusting after her but then going
home to someone else. I mean, if you're a guy in that
situation, first of all, you do need to get over the 1st girl.
Like you need to pretend like she's dead, Yeah.
But well, no, you need to fully get over her for sure.
(09:36):
Yeah, I don't know what you needto do like.
Block her. Yeah, well, he should have
blocked her or, like, not. He should not be hanging around
with her. Yeah.
You know, like, even though they're childhood best friends,
like you guys are adults now. There's none of this.
She probably has a relationship.You're obviously in a
(09:57):
relationship. Like, it's not appropriate.
You need to let it like. Why?
Yeah. And there's none of this men and
women best friend bullshit. Like I'm done with it.
It's just you can't have that. Just not it doesn't work.
It's definitely not a a good. I feel like women can do it.
But like you've said before, even if you have the willpower,
(10:21):
you still might get yourself in a sticky situation You.
Can't do it as a woman either, because even if you do it as a
woman, right, it's you're, you know that this guy is orbiting
like you're just, you're just a vampire for attention in that
case, because you know that the guy likes you.
So you're just using him for theattention that he's giving you?
I don't think women, unless they've watched this podcast or
(10:42):
talk to another man like this, genuinely think that every
single guy friend they have likes them romantically so.
That's you know, you can feel it, you know it, you know it.
There's no guy that's like hiding it that you can't tell.
He's just, he's staring at you. Not all of them do that.
(11:07):
They do. They do.
Some of them also are in the relationship.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
It's not. You can't do it because you it
just doesn't work because if you're going to date someone
eventually, then you can't have a best friend of the opposite
sex. Yeah.
So why would you set yourself upfor a situation that's no?
(11:28):
Interest, friend. Break up anyway, yeah.
Just don't do it. Just don't do it.
I'm not saying you can't be in agroup and have friends that are
in the group that you hang out with all together and it's like
some of them are man and somewhere that's fine.
You have a friend group. That's a different thing.
I'm not saying that you you haveto be like, oh, I can only ever
(11:50):
talk to other women. I'm not saying that.
But what I'm saying is that you can't have close friends.
Yeah, close friends, no besties,none of that kind of BS.
It just. But their childhood, so that's
the thing too, is like, were their parents like friends and
that's how they became friends? Were they neighbors?
Like that's where this one's a little bit different.
(12:14):
Yeah, but you got to cut people out of your life.
It's acceptable, but I'm saying though, it's different than
like, like that's probably one of the ways that they came to
even be friends. People are it's people are too
have have too much difficulty with cutting people out of their
life, even for no good reason. But you don't want to like
isolate yourself either, but you.
(12:34):
Don't you got plenty of other friends?
You make new friends? Like no, like no person unless
they're a person you're going tomarry, get married to or they're
a family member or your child issome of that you can't cut out
of your life. Like why is this a thing?
Why is this even a thing? You don't have to have a good
reason. There's plenty of reasons why
there's so many friends that I've had, childhood friends,
whatever, they're not in my lifeanymore.
(12:56):
We just lost touch. Whatever.
They got cut out for no good reason at all.
We just drifted apart. Whatever.
So you can just cut people out of your life.
You can, but I don't like promoting the idea of just like
cutting people off because so many people these days, if
someone says something they don't like, they're like, we're
not friends anymore, which it's like, OK, if it's really bad
(13:17):
enough, that to me is a justified thing.
But a lot of times it's not evenas extreme and people are just
isolating themselves. And it's like, and I'm not
talking necessarily like about of the opposite sex, but I don't
want it to be misconstrued that like, oh, someone you don't
like, just cut them out of your life.
Like, I agree with you that if you're in a serious
(13:37):
relationship, you shouldn't havefriends of the opposite sex that
you're hanging out with. Yeah, exclusively or talking to
behind your spouses or partners back because really like that's
just a recipe for disaster in general because if you had a
girlfriend, which you did have aa friend that was a girl that
(13:59):
you would talk to Yeah like you had a friend of the opposite
sex. Well, when we first.
Like friend zoned, it was a different.
It's still the same when Guy went to her and talked to her
about stuff. Yeah, that's so like, don't,
don't like, diminish it. Yeah, but you need to be honest
because you need to come from a place of like, you understand?
I had to tell you to stop talking to her.
(14:21):
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, you didn't even. Yeah, do it on your own.
OK, I told you to stop talking to her.
The the list of the stuff I was doing wrong at that point, that
was like near the bottom of my my concerning some things,
actually. Yeah, you're right.
You're right. I had to say that to you.
And you had it. Yeah.
Like, and I'm not. I had guy friends that I hung
out with that I also stopped hanging out with like.
(14:43):
Well, it is a risk. It sure was a risk, right?
Like that'll give you because look, women friend zone guys
that they're never going to sleep with, Guys friend zone
girls that they already slept with.
That's how it works. So either way, it's a risk,
right? Because if a guy's already slept
with a girl, is he more likely to sleep with her again at some
point? For sure, right.
If a girl if. A girl hasn't slept with the
(15:04):
guy, she's not going to at that point.
So that's what I'm saying. It's different on the women's
side. Usually, but that's friend zone
that doesn't that it's it's it'sdifferent than the zone.
That doesn't mean. That doesn't mean, yeah, that I
know, but that doesn't mean thatthe guy isn't trying to trying
to still. Be right but he's zoned but I
get it. But that's what I'm saying.
It is different because you're exactly what you just said.
Yes, it's more a guy's way more likely to because he already
(15:27):
did. Probably.
But if a girl's friend zone a guy, he ain't coming out of the
friend zone usually. Yeah.
So he's safe over there. But his loyalty is divided.
So which is this situation, right?
Because technically this girlfriend zoned this guy right
the his ex. Childhood.
(15:47):
Friend, the childhood friend. Friend zoned him right?
And he's still pining over her, so his loyalty is divided.
Whereas if he had, if he had friends zoned the girl like you
you, it's still a risk, right? But his loyalty isn't divided.
He doesn't have any loyalty to agirl that he has.
(16:08):
Friends still talking. He might have sex with her.
Yes, that's the risk. Cheating.
Yeah, I get, I get that. That's the risk.
That's bad. That's it's bad.
Cheating Bad John. That's a horrible example.
You're like, he might just have sex with her.
That's it. Yeah, no, we don't want that in
a relationship. Thanks.
Yeah, but my. Point was that you had a
(16:28):
girlfriend that you like talked to, a friend that was a girl
that you talked to about things.If you still had that girl, if
we got it. Oh yeah, yeah, that wouldn't be
OK. Well.
That wouldn't be OK. And you went yeah, yeah to her.
No, that wouldn't be OK. Especially if you slept with
her, right? That's disaster.
And so with women, even if you haven't slept with your guy
friend, if he does like you and you're like, my husband did this
(16:52):
or my boyfriend did this and he's like, wow, he's a jerk.
I would never do that to you or something like that.
Like it's just not a good situation to be in.
Like you should not be venting about your relationship to a
close friend of the opposite sexbecause it could sabotage the
(17:14):
situation. Really you shouldn't talk to
really anybody except resolving it between you 2 because even
family members that can cause problems because they might be
like, oh, I don't like John anymore because you told me he
said this to you one time, you know what I mean?
And so and they don't get the full picture.
So but having that those sort ofrelationships, like you said,
(17:35):
it's just not even if again, from a woman's perspective, you
can not view a man that way. That is your friend.
Like you said, you don't know how he's viewing you.
Right. Exactly.
Yeah. And now to you're kind of even
though you don't know what's really going on, the childhood
best friend should have told himlike, hey, like you, you know,
(17:57):
are in a relationship, like maybe we shouldn't hang out.
Like, you know, just focus on that.
Like she could do that, but it'snot really her responsibility.
But she could have done that. No.
Yeah, but the girlfriend definitely should have been like
but no. Yeah.
You can't be going and having basically like dates with your
(18:17):
childhood girl best friends. Right, well, and and see that
you don't even know what's goingon.
Like she's probably like, oh, it's just a girl that is a
childhood friend of his. But then he revealed the truth
about it. So she didn't even know.
So that's why also you just can't because you don't know.
So it just it just has to be offlimits.
Like no, this is it just doesn'tfly in their relationship.
You don't have friends of the opposite tech.
(18:38):
Well, it even goes beyond that. You don't out with people of the
opposite sex. You don't go places with people
of the opposite sex like you. You don't go to single places
like you know, you know what I'msaying?
It's like you, you're that does.That's just no, the appearance
of wrongdoing is wrongdoing. Yeah, you don't even want to put
yourself in that situation. Don't even put yourself in the
situation. Yeah, you got to be proactive.
(18:59):
Yeah. And the relationship prevention
program, you know, it involves all these things.
Yeah, but that. But that guy should have, should
have basically, if he felt that way, he should have either
broken up with with the girl until he can get over this other
girl, right? Or not told her and and then
like, and figured it out, you know?
(19:21):
Well, I mean, what I'm saying islike, he didn't need to tell her
that. If he was working this shit out
in his head, that was not the like, he's completely doomed the
relationship. Yeah.
Because there's no way she can ever trust him.
He ruined the relationship. Because that's that's it's
almost worse than cheating, right?
Because he could cheat on her. No, hear me out.
He could cheat on her, right? And then she could forgive him
(19:42):
and she could feel like he's loyal to her again, that it was
just a fling. Whatever, he whatever.
But she will never ever feel like he's 100% loyal to her.
You get what I'm saying? Like there's no coming back from
this one. I'm not saying that you should
cheat on her, I'm just saying. That going back from cheating in
my I. Mean there's a coming back from
(20:04):
that like like someone could conceivably say, okay, this
person made a mistake. I trust some.
Situations, I'm sure that peoplecan can do that, but but.
It's more conceivable than in this situation where you're
like, this guy has been obsessedwith this girl for 14 years,
he's never going to not be. Right, right.
He's already told he had the thethe audacity.
(20:26):
Audacity. I'm going to say audacity.
Oh, like idiot. Yeah, to tell her that he no
other girl he will love more than this girl.
So. Yeah.
How can you ever. Which I mean, I applaud his
honesty again. Like, at least he was honest.
No, there's sometimes where you where you don't like there's.
(20:47):
There's a difference between being honest and being and and
and. Like revealing too much
information. Yeah, but I don't agree with
that because I think that if he didn't tell her, he would not
fix this issue. He.
Would not take the initiative because he didn't already.
(21:07):
They've been dating for longer because she was like, I've
already met this girl, we hung out.
They've been dating for a while.I guess what, 6 months?
She said it's not a long time, it's half a year.
That's a decent amount of time. Hold on, let me finish.
Because he took six months and he didn't do anything.
I don't trust that if he didn't say anything, he would actually
do anything. But in no world should you ever
(21:29):
tell a girl you're dating that there's some other girl that
deal that you'll never love morethan her.
So either either you should not tell her or you should break up
with her. But there's no there's no world
in which that is the right choice to make.
Look, that's the smartest choice.
I agree with you, you should just break up with her, but if I
were her I would be glad that hedid say that so I could leave
(21:51):
him. Exactly right.
I agree. With that, because if he didn't,
right, and that's what I'm trying to say is that he kept it
to himself, I 98% believe he would not have done anything to
fix this problem. Yeah, yeah.
So you can't act like he would because he didn't for six
months, right? He took six months, and then he
told her that he's still in lovewith her.
(22:12):
Yeah. So it is good he told the truth.
For her, yeah, but it's also stupid.
No, it's good for him too because he needs to have
consequences like he needs to. This might be a wake up call for
him to be Like I need to get over my childhood best friend or
I cannot. Have a relation.
I could see that. I could see that.
Like he needs that. That's the only thing that's
(22:33):
going to motivate him to get over that because either he
needs to pursue her and really pursue her and she needs to
really reject him for him to getover it, because I don't think
she's going to accept it at thispoint because he's like, she's
been heartbreaking somebody, butwhy won't she love me?
Like if she hasn't noticed him in 14 years, she's probably not
going to. So he either needs to shoot a
(22:53):
shot and really go for it and belike, hey, I've liked you for a
long time. We've known each other for a
long time. Whatever, she reject him and
then he finally get over it or now his girlfriend is going to
break up with them and he needs to be like wow, yeah, I do need
to get over this girl because I can't be with anybody else until
I get over this girl. So it's good for him too.
OK, I agree with you. That makes sense you.
(23:15):
Like me, it's good for both of them.
OK, yeah. And This is why the truth is the
way you should go, all right? Because it seems messy, but
really it's the only thing that's going to iron this out.
Because if he didn't say anything, he could have married
this girl and then still wanted to be with her.
And then what if he cheated withher even though it sounds like
(23:36):
she wouldn't cheat with him But I don't know what if.
He figured his shit out though and then like.
He would have 14 years. You're telling me he hasn't
figured it out in 14 years? I mean, but maybe he likes his
girl and then like they have a good enough relationship where
he realized that he's actually more in love with this girl and
and just was in love with the idea of this other girl.
The beginning of the relationships when you're the
most in love, usually. Yeah.
(23:58):
So that's why I'm saying it's not.
It's not it. This is.
It would just be worse. Yeah.
But it's good for both of them. They're they're realizing
things. They had to learn it the hard
way. Yeah, you know, because this
girl obviously too, she's she's been hurt because she's like, I
just wish I could make him love me.
You know, She has some things that she's going through, like
(24:18):
this is going to affect her in some ways.
But at least he was honest aboutit and he said it to her and she
didn't find out via like, him cheating or something like that.
Like, I get she feels bad right now, but they're only six months
in. She can get over this guy as
well, too. It's going to be harder for him
to get over the childhood best friend because it's been 14
years. This guy's been 6.
(24:39):
Yeah, so. Yeah, well, but this is also
just demonstrates why like, likethe you don't know what's really
going on when when people are like, Oh yeah, this is just my
friend or whatever of the opposite sex or whatever.
You don't know the real story until it comes out because so
many times this this happens where it's like you're not
(25:02):
getting all the information and then something happens.
Orbiters are real. Yeah, yeah.
And girls can be orbiters. You had an orbiter that I also
had to tell you was an orbiter because you didn't realize that
girls could be orbiters. Too.
Any orbiters? Yes, you did.
You had the one, should I say it?
(25:23):
I don't know the one that drove 8 hours OK.
OK, OK, OK. That's enough.
That's enough for you to know, but.
Yeah, OK, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, and that happens sometimestoo, where girls have guy
friends and they're, they're actually orbiting the guy.
And so then they're like hangingout with their guy, their guy
friends, you know, hoping that you know something will happen.
(25:47):
Yeah. Yeah, the guy will like him.
Or. But it does typically happen
more where guys are the orbitersthat happen because guys do
typically fall. Because that's probably what
happened to this guy. Honestly.
Like it sounds like typical young immature guy falls in love
with the girl and then that's the only girl he can picture
(26:10):
himself with for the rest of hislife.
Right. And and he won't let go of that.
Like he hasn't matured to let goof that mindset.
He has the scarcity mindset. He's like, this is the only girl
that's going to love me while hehas a girlfriend.
That's why this mindset that guys have, especially when
they're younger, where like, no,this is the only girl I'll ever
love. Which women can get the same
(26:32):
sort of mindset as well too. It's not strictly men, but a lot
of men struggle with this where they, you know, pick one girl to
obsess over and then they hold on like a pit bull and they
don't let go of her no matter what happens, no matter if she's
like, no, I'm not interested. They're still obsessed with that
one girl. And this is happening with that
(26:54):
guy with another girlfriend. So it's like, it's definitely a
mindset thing. Like he has to face the reality,
which he doesn't want to do eventhough he knows it.
He's like she's fallen in and out of love so many times and
it's never me. Yeah, well, then it's time to
move on. Like fully move.
On well, that's why I tell guys that the the most important
(27:15):
qualities that they should look for in a woman is that she
treats him like a king and that she has a high desire for him.
Because if those are your requirements for falling in love
with a girl, then you're good, right?
Could be attracted to someone. But what if this girl treats him
that way and he's still telling her he loves the other girl
(27:37):
more? Well, then that's, you know, but
that's my point is that like he,like those are the qualities
that that you should be looking for in a woman as a man.
So then he would be disinterested in the childhood.
Exactly. Because she doesn't meet those
qualities. Yeah, right.
Because of what other qualities are you really looking for, you
know, in a woman as as a guy, right?
(27:59):
Is she attractive? OK, sure.
But there's a lot of girls that are attractive.
Like you can't base it off of that because that's stupid,
right? So it's like, OK, is she a nice
person? Whatever.
OK, sure. Those are good things.
But it's like if you're thinkingabout, you know, who you want to
be with, like the the qualities that you should find attractive
in a woman, it should be that she treats you like a king and
(28:19):
that she's has a high desire foryou.
Obviously she's physically attractive to you, but but the
those are the more important trades because that's going to
prevent you from having the one nightis on some girl that
doesn't because she will. A girl that isn't meeting those
qualifications are not, is not going to be someone that you're
(28:39):
going to want to be with, right,Because those are your
standards. Right.
Yeah, well, and here's the craziness about it all, too.
I get their childhood best friends and they probably spent
a lot of time with each other and their friends first, which
is a good thing. So he does know her, but he's
never been romantically involvedwith this girl, according to
what he said, Yeah. Doesn't sound like it.
(29:00):
Never romantic. I.
Don't think so, yeah. Yeah, and he's obsessed over
right exact teen years. Of over the idea, not over the
actual person, right? Over.
He's obsessed over not being able to get something right.
You see, what I'm saying is thatshe doesn't like him.
He's attracted to the opposite of what I said, right?
Because I said she treats you like a king, has a high desire
for you, and she doesn't have any desire for you, Right?
(29:22):
And she treats you like shit. Yeah.
And that's why you're attracted.To like a friend zone.
Right. But most guys, if you think if
you look at the attraction patterns where guys get obsessed
with women, it's because she treats them like shit and she
doesn't have any desire for him.But isn't it the same thing that
you said works with women? Is what if you treat a woman
like shit and you don't have anydesire for her, I don't think
(29:42):
that's going to attract a woman.It's.
If you no, you've said it beforethat you can make a woman
attracted to you by like being an asshole essentially, and
that's kind of the similar thing.
Yeah, it's. Which means that he's chasing
validation from her because that's the only type of woman
that's attracted to an asshole guy is that she wants the
(30:04):
validation from someone that's actively not giving it to her,
right? Exactly removing the validation.
For the validation from this woman that he's craved for so
long that it's just continued toget more and more extreme to the
point he literally told his six month girlfriend that that he
loves someone else more. Right.
Yeah. Like he's, he's spiraling.
(30:27):
Right, but then which? Which is also again, if it's the
toxic quality then she might be more attracted to him because of
the fact that he loves some other girl more.
Although it's to me it sounds sounds pretty pathetic that he's
in love with the girl that doesn't.
It doesn't sound like she's attracted to him more.
It just sounds more like she's like thinking about their
(30:50):
relationship and she feels like it's probably been a lie.
And she's like, why can't he love me is more than he loves
her. You know, that sort of thing of
like, she was more blindsided and she doesn't seem like she
wants him back. Yeah, she would see when the
woman see him as pathetic in that situation.
Right, I I think. Feel like that was the case.
(31:14):
But then I also get why she kindof feels pathetic and like a
loser, Like, like, why didn't I see this?
That's because that's why she's like, I was sitting laughing
with this girl. Why didn't I see him, like,
acting differently towards her? Yeah.
And maybe he wasn't as obvious about it.
And it's not her responsibility to do that.
I want to put that out there. It's not on this new girlfriend.
(31:37):
Like, it's not on his girlfriend.
It's not his girlfriend's responsibility to watch how he
interacts with every woman to see if he has some secret 14
year but crush on that. But it was her responsibility to
not allow that, to have the standard, to have the self
respect to be like, okay, this is not.
(31:57):
The responsibility was in that they should have had a
conversation about having a girlbest friend and him hanging out
with that girl best friend. That was her responsibility.
Right? But she views it as toxic.
Right, because that's what we'reafraid.
Of. But but here's the thing, and
this kind of is, is that the a bigger subject, which is that
(32:18):
whatever you want, that's what you can have.
Like it's it's not toxic or controlling or whatever to
demand what you want in a relationship.
It's to take it or leave it. Like as long as you're take it
or leave it. If you're like kidnapping
someone is different. Okay, But if you're like, I
(32:38):
want, I want this. I don't I don't like you going
out to nightclubs or I don't like you having friends of the
opposite sex or I don't like that's there's nothing wrong
with whatever your list or I don't I don't like that you like
eat that people who eat hot dogs, whatever it is like,
that's fine. Like it's totally fine because
it's your choice. But you have to be willing to
walk away, yeah. You have to be, you can't try
(32:59):
and force someone to comply, butyou can be like whatever your
requirement is, it doesn't, it doesn't even matter if it makes
sense. There's no shame in it.
You're not a bad person. You're not toxic.
It's not controlling, right? It's it's what you want.
It's your preference. Yeah, I think it's better, and I
said this in the other episode where we did on this sort of
(33:19):
same topic, though, that it is better to say that you're both
not having friends of the opposite sex and you're both not
going out to nightclubs. Because that makes it seem more
like relationship protection program rather than being like,
I don't want you to go out to the bars.
I don't want you to have guy friends.
Yeah. Because some guys will say that
(33:40):
too, and then they can do whatever they want.
That's not how it is. And then women will if you're
the. Two, sometimes, but if you want,
if you want to say that and that's what you want and
someone's OK with it, I mean, it's probably not wise, but
it's. Not going to be, but it's not.
Quality, it's still not controlling.
It's still not. You see what I'm saying?
It's like because you're being open about what you want.
Yeah. So.
(34:01):
But if you want a better than perfect relationship, no, then
you. Can both have to not exactly.
You both have to not do that. Yeah.
I mean, that's the smart thing. Like we're saying, but but the
but the problem is that people are so afraid of coming across
in a certain way that they're not actually putting the
safeguards into place. Like I just had a guy actually,
he messaged me, in fact. That's a good one.
(34:23):
Let me see. I'll pull it up because I
thought this one was it was a good one.
There was a comment on one of myvideos.
(34:43):
Where is it? Oh, here we go.
No. You have to sing a song while we
wait. What song?
You can choose. This is the song that never
ends. It goes in on and on, my friend.
OK, all right. Ready.
(35:04):
So he says. Hi John.
I was with my girlfriend tonightand she said that last night she
was at a sorority party and I got jealous and worried she
might have cheated. I didn't outright say that or
ask but I think that insecurity came across.
Does this permanently ruin attraction in a relationship or
can it be re salvage? How big of a deal is this?
(35:27):
So you see, he's afraid that he came across insecure because his
girlfriend was at a sorority party and he was afraid that she
might have cheated. Now that they afraid of she
might have cheated, part maybe is a little bit insecure, but
it's also not out of the realm of possibility.
Why was she at a sorority party?Is she in a sorority?
(35:48):
It doesn't matter, she's in a monogamous relationship.
But did he tell her she can't goto sorority parties?
That's what I'm saying is that'swhat he should have said.
But see, he's too timid. He's too afraid of saying
something like that. Well.
And now he's already in a relationship.
Let's say I go to a frat party for my fraternity.
That cool with you? I don't think that a 45 year old
(36:14):
should be going to a frat party.Regardless, like they have frat
parties. If we went to my fraternity
house they would have a frat party.
They would invite me so. With the 19 year olds.
Yeah, they always want the alumni in there.
Like would that be cool with you?
No. Of course not, right?
So there's nothing you know I'm saying.
(36:35):
I was there. That would not be cool because
I'm not hanging out with 19 yearold frat boys.
Yeah, and neither should you. But what I'm saying is that in
that situation, people are too afraid to say what and it leads
to a situation where they're they put themselves in those
compromise situations. Right.
(36:55):
Well, they should do it in the beginning, so then they don't
have to like, already be involved in something and then
now they're having to deal with this when they it should have
been a conversation from the very beginning.
Yeah. Yeah.
So. But yeah, but that, but that
happens all the time where wherepeople are afraid to say
something. That that's why like this girl
(37:15):
got into the situation six months in, right?
Because she was afraid to say something because obviously it
probably bothered her. I mean, it should have bothered
her. It probably you know I.
Think she know? Even if she didn't know, just
like that, he's hanging out withthe with the girl childhood
friend. Yeah, don't tell me that
wouldn't bother you if you didn't know anything about any
(37:38):
kind. Of but you might have been like,
Oh no, it's fine, we're just friends.
Yeah, but that's where you got to be like, no, that's not it's,
it's not OK. You're saying that, but you with
your friend that you had, you'vedefended her for a while and
then finally I was like, no, it's not acceptable.
Yeah, but I like, I feel I was doing all kinds of mischievous.
(37:59):
I know, I know, I know, I know you, But no, no, I'm just saying
like, you know, there's no excuses for sure.
Like, you're right, like, but I'm just saying I was doing all
kinds of mischievous stuff at that point in time that I didn't
really have a a very. Good moral compass.
Yeah, that's what I was going tosay, but I didn't want to say
that, but. Which look, and I felt bad
because I know that she helped you with a lot of stuff and she
(38:22):
seemed like a nice person, but there was no way that we could
continue with our relationship with that scenario going on for
sure. And so like, I'm just saying
that even back then, because we were together for a while and
you still had her as a friend. And you know, I didn't speak up
(38:43):
until finally I did have to speak up.
And we didn't even do it as wellin the beginning because there
was a lot of things going on. There's a lot of things going
on. But you know, it is important to
say that because if you had beenlike no, then we probably
wouldn't be here right now. Right, exactly.
(39:03):
You know, because it's just not,yeah, you can't.
You can't have like someone elsein your relationship like that.
No, no, even if it's just a friend or whatever like it
doesn't because you don't know what what could happen or it's
just you need the RPP. The relationship protection
(39:24):
program, yeah, but no, it's true.
I feel for her though. But again, I think it's good for
both of them because maybe he'llget over either.
Like I said, maybe he needs to fully shoot a shot with
childhood best friend girl. Yeah, good luck with that one.
I don't think it is going to work out if it's been that long
and he's feeling the type of wayhe feels.
(39:44):
But maybe he will realize that he lost a woman that really
liked him and that he needs to get over his childhood best
friend or it's going to prevent him from having any
relationship. Because even if he didn't tell
her and they got married or something, something, what if he
would have said something or something would have happened?
He would have confronted the childhood best friend and then
(40:05):
like I loved you forever and then she would have told the
girlfriend or wife at that pointor something like it would have
blown up worse if he didn't say what he said.
So he it's good that he said that.
And that's why you have to breakthese ties also, right?
Like I said, it's like if you have friends of the opposite sex
as in childhood, which you know,then you have to just demote
(40:29):
people to acquaintance instead of continuing.
To act like. They're dead, these relations.
Yeah. I mean, it's also good to just
but, but depending on the on theperson.
But yeah, you know, but if they're destructive to your
relationships for sure, then, right, You should just act like
they're dead, right? Yeah, you know, but but but you
have to distance yourself from from a lot of people.
(40:52):
It's not just even friends of the opposite sex.
It's also just friends that you have from child like there's
this false loyalty. I guess that's the thing that
pisses me off is the false loyalty like this or this, this
misguided sense of loyalty that people have to people that they
just because they knew them whenthey were kids.
Who cares? Well, it doesn't matter.
And the length of friendship, because I was reading something
(41:14):
about that Jelly Roll artist guy.
Yeah, yeah. And he was talking about when he
was hanging out with people thatwere cheating on their wives, he
cheated on his wife when he was hanging out with people that
were doing a bunch of drugs, he was doing a bunch of drugs.
When he was hanging out with people that were drinking a lot,
he was drinking a lot. And it's like, you know, I'm not
saying that your friends are like that because most of the
(41:35):
time they're not those sort of people.
But it's like if you have when you were single, a bunch of
single friends. Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's a big. Like you can still have those
friends, but you're not going togo to bars with them like you
used to. You're going to do something
probably not as often because maybe you used to go to the bars
every weekend, but now you're not single, so you're not going
(41:55):
there. So maybe you see them for lunch
like once a month. So it's like, it's not like they
change, but sometimes the dynamic has to change based on
where you are in life. Or like I have some friends that
have kids and like they have little kids and so like they're
new normal and their reality is going to look different and I
might not see them, you know, because they're busy with
babies. But that doesn't mean like we
(42:17):
can pick up whenever they have time.
So it's like you have to adjust.But as far as the like friends
of the opposite sex thing, again, like you said, it's
better when it's like a group ofpeople that hang out together
rather than having like close guy friends or girlfriends if
you're of the opposite sex because that's just going to
(42:37):
cause a lot of problems. And that doesn't have anything
to say with who that person is because it doesn't sound like
this childhood best friend girl is a bad person.
The girls even like we laughed and hung out and had fun.
And now I feel blindsided, like it's rarely about who the person
is, because even if it's a guy and you know that he probably
(42:57):
likes you or something, or a girl that you know likes you,
they're not usually like actively trying to sabotage your
relationship. No, but.
It's a lot of time. It will slowly start to erode,
like the boundaries that you have between friend and more
than friend. Yeah, because it just erodes
away slowly. And it's just not appropriate.
(43:19):
Like, it doesn't matter who the guy is.
If some guy texts you, I'll be like, who the fuck are you?
Why are you texting my wife? It's like, oh, I've known her
for 20 years. I don't give a fuck.
Like, why are you texting my wife?
Like, you know what I mean? Because I'm territorial.
I'm going to be like, get the fuck out of here, you know what
I'm saying? Because that's how it has.
Because does that make you feel safe and protected?
(43:41):
Yes, Right. OK.
Like controlled. No.
OK. Because you know why I'm doing
that? Because I'm not letting anything
interfere or come into our relationship at all.
You know what I'm saying? That's true and I'm always like
who's who's that number and it'slike something it's always
scammer trying to get you to like I know hey, is this
(44:04):
Jeffrey? No.
Oh, we can be friends anyway. What's your name right.
You know those like scams that they have but.
But but sometimes you just have to cut people from your life.
Like even if it's old childhood friends, even of the same sex,
if they're losers now and they're dragging you down and
it's like because they will ruinyour relationships as well,
they'll ruin your life, you know, just like you said with
(44:24):
Jelly roll or whatever. Like he he had those situations.
Or, or even just single friends when you get into a
relationship. Like I'm not saying that you
can't have some single friends, but you can't if you have a
friend group of five people, 5 girls and they're all single and
you're the only married one or you're not hanging out with
those five people anymore. That's just you, you, it doesn't
(44:45):
make sense. You know what I mean?
Like you're going to get into trouble.
It's not, it's not appropriate to, to do that or even, or even
just even if you're not going toget into trouble, they're going
to poison your relationship because they're like, Oh well,
we want our friend back, right? And so they're going to, like,
say all kinds of shit to make it, you know, like.
Oh, you're with that guy? Yeah.
You really want to be with him. They're going to poison the
(45:07):
well. That's what, you know, just like
when when I left the the reservation or whatever and all
the, all the, the fanboy guys from from my even from just my
audience, they're like, oh, and they're after.
That's the reservation. When when we got together, you
know, and then all the guys thatwere like, oh, I like single
(45:29):
John Bulldog mindset and they'relike all like trying to like
convince me. There's still there's still
every time I post a video, at least this one one dude is still
on there like, oh, you shouldn'thave got married, blah, blah,
blah. He's still trying to trying it
right because because. Misery loves company.
And they don't want to see them.They don't want to lose their
(45:49):
friend the attention that the the time they don't want you to,
you know what I'm saying? So you have to be wary of that
of your of your single friends when you're.
So you're saying you should block the guy that keeps saying
you shouldn't have got married or I'm going to get on there and
poodle mindset and be like shut up?
I'll kill your dogs. No, there will be no dogs harm.
(46:15):
Yeah, I think that's it, unless you got something else.
I don't think about it. I think telling the truth is
good. Yeah, Yeah, I I agree.
You convinced me. I mean, it's good.
It's. True.
Yeah, but she definitely needs to dump the guy, yes and be be
done with him and not accept that kind of thing again and
don't get involved with someone who but but that's why also it's
(46:37):
like don't get involved with someone who has friends of the
opposite sex. It's a red flag.
Yeah, but you've sometimes you don't find that out for a while.
Or someone who talks to their exes.
Red flag. Don't get involved with them
before you get into committed relationship.
That's when you actually say this, right?
Oh, yeah. I would love to be your
girlfriend. Except who's this Rachel girl?
(47:00):
Oh, she's nothing. She's just my childhood friend.
Well, let me know when When she dies.
John doesn't have to be that extreme.
You're very extreme. After the book 1, you went to
the extreme. See.
He spiraled. Yeah, but but the same thing
with guys. I tell guys all time, like when
(47:21):
the girl wants commitment from you, that's when you're like,
OK, well here's what the the rule book is of this
relationship. This is my stand.
Relationship. This is what my this is what it
looks like to be in a relationship with me.
Right? That's a good way of putting it.
Yeah, right. This is what my standards are.
You don't have to. You can make it early.
Yeah, you can be. If you want to be the main
chick, you want to get promoted from side chick to main chick,
(47:44):
this is what it is. Otherwise you could just be some
girl. That's it.
Because that's no, it's not supposed.
To have girlfriends hanging around.
Just like some girl. That's that's.
That's not a friend. That's yeah, that's not a
friend. That's in my rotation.
You. Know, Sean.
I'm just saying like if you want, if the girl wants to have
that place in your life right, she needs to meet those
(48:07):
standards. The same thing vice versa, no?
Like you should have to have that level of respect for
yourself. You have to be what I want away.
Yeah. Man or woman?
And make it clear and it doesn't.
You don't have to be embarrassedof what you want.
Yeah. Otherwise it's just going to
lead to problems down the road. That's that's what the issue.
Well, and this girl, his girlfriend, shouldn't be
embarrassed by this either because I know at the end when
(48:28):
she was talking about how she feels, I'm sure that's how she's
feeling. She's feeling a lot of things,
but he told her the truth and saved her time.
Yeah, they've been together six months, but he saved her from
potentially them going who knowshow long years.
And then he never tell her this.But, but just in general, just
(48:49):
for the viewers watching, if youdate a guy and he has a
girlfriend from childhood or best friend, there's a reason
why he's still in contact with her.
It's because he's obsessed with her.
I guess guy wise, yeah, probably.
So just so you know already, youdon't save yourself six months
and some heartache. Is that that's why he's still in
(49:10):
contact with her? Yeah, and it's pretty.
Regardless of what he says, thisguy was honest because he's an
idiot. But but regardless of what he
says, you can know that is the truth.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's, it's definitely not
a good look. Yeah.
So not after hearing that story either.
(49:30):
So. Yeah.
All right. Should we wrap it?
Call it? Yeah, all right.
Did anything happen? Anything happened in between?
Yeah. I don't know.
You tell me. No, we're good.
OK. Are you sure?
OK. Unless you're going to be upset
that I the things I've said on this.
(49:50):
No, I think it's good. I'm glad that you called me out
on on my bullshit because it wasbullshit like I was running a A.
Ponzi scheme? Yeah, that's what I was.
I was like, I had, I definitely had lost my moral compass.
I had a lot of girls that were texting me that I didn't even
think, oh, I'm dating a girl now.
(50:11):
I shouldn't have this happening anymore.
Like I wasn't doing anything. No, but I was there.
Yeah, but but I wasn't like thinking about these things.
I know I had to tell you. Right.
Yeah. So that's why.
It's hard to tame a hoe. A man hoe.
(50:31):
All right, on that note, if you have a confession e-mail you
want to send us, you can e-mail us at
betterthanperfectpodcast@gmail.com.And if you want to check out the
catalog of episodes on Better than perfectpod.com, you can
also subscribe on there to get anotification when a new episode
(50:52):
comes out or or subscribe on theYouTube channel and.
Leave us a review. Oh.
Yeah, leave us a review. It's been a while.
Yeah, we need a new review. Yeah, we do all.
Right, we'll see you next week. Take care.
Women friend zone guys that they're never going to sleep
with, guys friend zone girls that they already slept with.
That's how it works. Either way, it's a risk because
if a guy's already slept with a girl, is he more likely to sleep
with her again at some point? For sure if a girl that.
Girl hasn't slept with the guy. She's not going to at that
point. But that's friend zone.
But that's what I'm saying. It is different because you're
exactly what you just said. Yeah.
So it's more a guy's way more likely to because he already
(00:23):
did, probably. But if a girl's friend zone a
guy, he ain't coming out friend zone usually the.
Perfect we discovered through our flaws we complete each
other. Better than perfect, we stay
through every. Fault we find no.
(00:45):
Way All right welcome back to the Better than Perfect podcast
where every week we share with you how 2 imperfect people
helping each other grow equals 1better than perfect relationship
all right and so if right yeah the the book talk women
hopefully have have not found out where we lived in.
John, why would you even give them that idea?
(01:10):
Moving on. Yeah, moving on, this week we're
going to do a Reddit question that we got from Reddit.
OK. They sent it to him.
Brilliant, yeah. They sent it to.
Us, we just saw this and I thought, OK, this is a pretty
interesting topic because this is something that we, we've kind
of talked a little bit about, but I, I think it's, it's worth
(01:30):
diving into. So I'll just read it and then
you can react. How's that?
OK, my partner, male 35, has said he will never be able to
love someone as much as his childhood sweetheart.
How do I, female, 30, deal with this?
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for six months.
We have been extremely close friends for three years now.
(01:53):
We work together. Yesterday he told me that he has
a story to share about his childhood best friend, he still
is friends with her and that he had loved her for 14 years.
Said he suffered immeasurably asshe continued falling in and out
of love multiple times without once loving him back.
OK, eventually he understood that is not to be and he did
(02:16):
move on, but he is convinced that he won't be able to love
someone as much as he loved her.I was extremely, extremely hurt.
I know he has a past, we both do, but hearing him say this
made me think that I will never be able to measure up.
I feel intensely jealous and like a pathetic loser.
I want to tell him to never meether again, but I also know it's
(02:38):
toxic and unfair. I remember all the time I met
her. I remember all the times I met
her and how I laughed with her without knowing she was such a
person. I want to demand that he must
love me the most in the world. He confronted, comforted me the
whole night and said he does love me, I am precious to him.
However I feel some sort of way about this.
(03:01):
How do I deal with this maturely?
Please help. I am in a lot of pain.
I have not been able to talk to him properly since the morning.
Yeah OK. So that's basically.
It dump him. Yeah, I agree.
I mean. Dump him, period.
OK, podcast. Sentence, like, she's so afraid
(03:23):
to look toxic, which, like, it'snot toxic to not want to be with
the man who told you he will never love you as much as
another woman. And like, here's the thing.
She might love him a lot, right?But the person you're supposed
to be with for the rest of your life is not going to straight up
tell you that he will never loveyou as much as someone else.
(03:43):
Yeah, so that's why you have to.Yeah, that's for sure.
Like and then she's like, I wantto demand he loved me the most.
Like she is hurt and I get that.But do you really want to demand
him to love you? Because then you won't know if
he actually loves you or if you just demanded him to and he's
(04:06):
already told you he'll never love you as much as he loved
her. So even if one day he tells you
he does now I'll love you more. Do you really believe him?
Yeah, how are you ever going to believe?
Him because he said he loved herfor 14 years and he still seems
bitter that she never loved him back.
So then now you're him, but in adifferent situation.
You've become him. Exactly.
(04:27):
Yeah, exactly. It's like a spiral.
It's going, it's spiraling. The only way he can prove it is
if he does something horrible tothis other girl that he
supposed. But we don't want him to do
something horrible. If he like he has to kill his
his, he has to kill his her dog.You're the reason he.
(04:52):
Has to are podcast news are so low because you'd be saying
things that they are definitely blocking.
No, no, we don't want to hear anymore.
You're losing your marble. She's like, she's like, he's
like, OK, I now love you more than than this other girl.
So then she would have to be like, prove it.
(05:14):
And then he's like, I can't prove it.
And she's like, you could kill her dog I.
Don't think that girl would say that.
I know, but if if that occurred then she would know aside from
killing her dog. This is where I'm getting at.
I'm not saying he should kill her dog, but what I'm saying is
that aside from that, you have no way of knowing.
Aside from something so horriblethat you should not do.
(05:36):
Yeah, exactly right. That's the only that's the only
way he could prove it right? You get what I'm saying?
Still not even a good way to prove it well.
It's not a good way to prove it,but I'm saying he has to do
something horrible to her. That's the only way you would
know. But even then I could see him
doing something horrible like that.
And then if she was like, but I love you, he'd be like all
right, bye to his girlfriend. Like if the OG girl that he's in
(06:00):
love with, not his girlfriend was like you killed my dog.
But I love you anyway and I always have and we should be.
He would be with her because he said that he loved her more.
So you're saying that even if hekilled her dog right, it still
wouldn't still be with her? Because if he's telling his
girlfriend right now. Yeah, but the killing of the dog
(06:21):
would prove that he no longer cares about this girl.
No it wouldn't because no, because if that man has loved
her for as long as he has and he's still upset about her
loving everyone else but him to the point he's telling his now
girlfriend who he is in a relationship with.
(06:42):
You're saying that it's a permanent condition.
It's a permanent condition. He is permanently messed up
unless he fully gets over it to the point that he never tells
who he's with that he loves someone else.
I'm glad he at least told her, but she needs to dump him.
Yeah, sure. When she definitely needs to
dump him, yeah. Like, it's good that he actually
was honest about that because hecould have blatantly just been,
(07:04):
like, in love with that other girl and never said anything.
Yeah, but she needs to dump him because it's time is not going
to make him love her more. If anything, it probably will
make him love her less. Yeah.
Yeah. Because he's already not as in
(07:24):
love with her as he needs to be to get rid of the vision of him
with this childhood best friend.And so it's not going to get
better. It's going to get.
Worse, right? And he can't be that in love
with her because he told her this.
Because even if it were true. Well, because he still hangs out
with the best friend, so he's still thinking that there's a
chance. Yeah, yeah.
(07:46):
He still hangs out with her, so there's still a chance.
Well, it's also ridiculous for this is the same thing that that
I tell guys is about. Stop being insecure about being
insecure. She should not have any problem
with being like, yeah, you're with me.
You're never talking to that girl again.
Yeah, but it's too far. It's.
(08:06):
Too far I agree but this is justfor other people.
In situations where it's like ifyou are dating someone and
they're talking to their ex, it's OK to be like no, you don't
talk to your ex. Like if you're going to be with
me, we're not talking to ex. Or even to be like, you don't
have friends of the opposite sexthat are close friends that you
(08:27):
hang out with. You don't do it.
It just doesn't like that's yourstandard and it's OK.
It's not insecure to say that. That's not insecure to be like,
oh, you can't be, you can't talkto your ex.
Like being friends with your ex is not cool with me.
That's not insecure. It's common sense.
It's it's, it's rational behavior.
It's relationship protection program.
Exactly. Yeah, exactly the RPP.
(08:51):
Yes, the RPP. The relationship protection
program, but. He's at the point where he's
blatantly telling you that he loves her more than and he'll
never be able to love you as much as he loves.
Her. Why would he even say that?
It's like. I mean I'm again, I'm glad he
did because some guys wouldn't have said anything and then
(09:14):
would have like married her because she's there and would
have been and then he would havebeen hanging out with his
childhood best friend still and lusting after her but then going
home to someone else. I mean, if you're a guy in that
situation, first of all, you do need to get over the 1st girl.
Like you need to pretend like she's dead, Yeah.
But well, no, you need to fully get over her for sure.
(09:36):
Yeah, I don't know what you needto do like.
Block her. Yeah, well, he should have
blocked her or, like, not. He should not be hanging around
with her. Yeah.
You know, like, even though they're childhood best friends,
like you guys are adults now. There's none of this.
She probably has a relationship.You're obviously in a
(09:57):
relationship. Like, it's not appropriate.
You need to let it like. Why?
Yeah. And there's none of this men and
women best friend bullshit. Like I'm done with it.
It's just you can't have that. Just not it doesn't work.
It's definitely not a a good. I feel like women can do it.
But like you've said before, even if you have the willpower,
(10:21):
you still might get yourself in a sticky situation You.
Can't do it as a woman either, because even if you do it as a
woman, right, it's you're, you know that this guy is orbiting
like you're just, you're just a vampire for attention in that
case, because you know that the guy likes you.
So you're just using him for theattention that he's giving you?
I don't think women, unless they've watched this podcast or
(10:42):
talk to another man like this, genuinely think that every
single guy friend they have likes them romantically so.
That's you know, you can feel it, you know it, you know it.
There's no guy that's like hiding it that you can't tell.
He's just, he's staring at you. Not all of them do that.
(11:07):
They do. They do.
Some of them also are in the relationship.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
It's not. You can't do it because you it
just doesn't work because if you're going to date someone
eventually, then you can't have a best friend of the opposite
sex. Yeah.
So why would you set yourself upfor a situation that's no?
(11:28):
Interest, friend. Break up anyway, yeah.
Just don't do it. Just don't do it.
I'm not saying you can't be in agroup and have friends that are
in the group that you hang out with all together and it's like
some of them are man and somewhere that's fine.
You have a friend group. That's a different thing.
I'm not saying that you you haveto be like, oh, I can only ever
(11:50):
talk to other women. I'm not saying that.
But what I'm saying is that you can't have close friends.
Yeah, close friends, no besties,none of that kind of BS.
It just. But their childhood, so that's
the thing too, is like, were their parents like friends and
that's how they became friends? Were they neighbors?
Like that's where this one's a little bit different.
(12:14):
Yeah, but you got to cut people out of your life.
It's acceptable, but I'm saying though, it's different than
like, like that's probably one of the ways that they came to
even be friends. People are it's people are too
have have too much difficulty with cutting people out of their
life, even for no good reason. But you don't want to like
isolate yourself either, but you.
(12:34):
Don't you got plenty of other friends?
You make new friends? Like no, like no person unless
they're a person you're going tomarry, get married to or they're
a family member or your child issome of that you can't cut out
of your life. Like why is this a thing?
Why is this even a thing? You don't have to have a good
reason. There's plenty of reasons why
there's so many friends that I've had, childhood friends,
whatever, they're not in my lifeanymore.
(12:56):
We just lost touch. Whatever.
They got cut out for no good reason at all.
We just drifted apart. Whatever.
So you can just cut people out of your life.
You can, but I don't like promoting the idea of just like
cutting people off because so many people these days, if
someone says something they don't like, they're like, we're
not friends anymore, which it's like, OK, if it's really bad
(13:17):
enough, that to me is a justified thing.
But a lot of times it's not evenas extreme and people are just
isolating themselves. And it's like, and I'm not
talking necessarily like about of the opposite sex, but I don't
want it to be misconstrued that like, oh, someone you don't
like, just cut them out of your life.
Like, I agree with you that if you're in a serious
(13:37):
relationship, you shouldn't havefriends of the opposite sex that
you're hanging out with. Yeah, exclusively or talking to
behind your spouses or partners back because really like that's
just a recipe for disaster in general because if you had a
girlfriend, which you did have aa friend that was a girl that
(13:59):
you would talk to Yeah like you had a friend of the opposite
sex. Well, when we first.
Like friend zoned, it was a different.
It's still the same when Guy went to her and talked to her
about stuff. Yeah, that's so like, don't,
don't like, diminish it. Yeah, but you need to be honest
because you need to come from a place of like, you understand?
I had to tell you to stop talking to her.
(14:21):
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, you didn't even. Yeah, do it on your own.
OK, I told you to stop talking to her.
The the list of the stuff I was doing wrong at that point, that
was like near the bottom of my my concerning some things,
actually. Yeah, you're right.
You're right. I had to say that to you.
And you had it. Yeah.
Like, and I'm not. I had guy friends that I hung
out with that I also stopped hanging out with like.
(14:43):
Well, it is a risk. It sure was a risk, right?
Like that'll give you because look, women friend zone guys
that they're never going to sleep with, Guys friend zone
girls that they already slept with.
That's how it works. So either way, it's a risk,
right? Because if a guy's already slept
with a girl, is he more likely to sleep with her again at some
point? For sure, right.
If a girl if. A girl hasn't slept with the
(15:04):
guy, she's not going to at that point.
So that's what I'm saying. It's different on the women's
side. Usually, but that's friend zone
that doesn't that it's it's it'sdifferent than the zone.
That doesn't mean. That doesn't mean, yeah, that I
know, but that doesn't mean thatthe guy isn't trying to trying
to still. Be right but he's zoned but I
get it. But that's what I'm saying.
It is different because you're exactly what you just said.
Yes, it's more a guy's way more likely to because he already
(15:27):
did. Probably.
But if a girl's friend zone a guy, he ain't coming out of the
friend zone usually. Yeah.
So he's safe over there. But his loyalty is divided.
So which is this situation, right?
Because technically this girlfriend zoned this guy right
the his ex. Childhood.
(15:47):
Friend, the childhood friend. Friend zoned him right?
And he's still pining over her, so his loyalty is divided.
Whereas if he had, if he had friends zoned the girl like you
you, it's still a risk, right? But his loyalty isn't divided.
He doesn't have any loyalty to agirl that he has.
(16:08):
Friends still talking. He might have sex with her.
Yes, that's the risk. Cheating.
Yeah, I get, I get that. That's the risk.
That's bad. That's it's bad.
Cheating Bad John. That's a horrible example.
You're like, he might just have sex with her.
That's it. Yeah, no, we don't want that in
a relationship. Thanks.
Yeah, but my. Point was that you had a
(16:28):
girlfriend that you like talked to, a friend that was a girl
that you talked to about things.If you still had that girl, if
we got it. Oh yeah, yeah, that wouldn't be
OK. Well.
That wouldn't be OK. And you went yeah, yeah to her.
No, that wouldn't be OK. Especially if you slept with
her, right? That's disaster.
And so with women, even if you haven't slept with your guy
friend, if he does like you and you're like, my husband did this
(16:52):
or my boyfriend did this and he's like, wow, he's a jerk.
I would never do that to you or something like that.
Like it's just not a good situation to be in.
Like you should not be venting about your relationship to a
close friend of the opposite sexbecause it could sabotage the
(17:14):
situation. Really you shouldn't talk to
really anybody except resolving it between you 2 because even
family members that can cause problems because they might be
like, oh, I don't like John anymore because you told me he
said this to you one time, you know what I mean?
And so and they don't get the full picture.
So but having that those sort ofrelationships, like you said,
(17:35):
it's just not even if again, from a woman's perspective, you
can not view a man that way. That is your friend.
Like you said, you don't know how he's viewing you.
Right. Exactly.
Yeah. And now to you're kind of even
though you don't know what's really going on, the childhood
best friend should have told himlike, hey, like you, you know,
(17:57):
are in a relationship, like maybe we shouldn't hang out.
Like, you know, just focus on that.
Like she could do that, but it'snot really her responsibility.
But she could have done that. No.
Yeah, but the girlfriend definitely should have been like
but no. Yeah.
You can't be going and having basically like dates with your
(18:17):
childhood girl best friends. Right, well, and and see that
you don't even know what's goingon.
Like she's probably like, oh, it's just a girl that is a
childhood friend of his. But then he revealed the truth
about it. So she didn't even know.
So that's why also you just can't because you don't know.
So it just it just has to be offlimits.
Like no, this is it just doesn'tfly in their relationship.
You don't have friends of the opposite tech.
(18:38):
Well, it even goes beyond that. You don't out with people of the
opposite sex. You don't go places with people
of the opposite sex like you. You don't go to single places
like you know, you know what I'msaying?
It's like you, you're that does.That's just no, the appearance
of wrongdoing is wrongdoing. Yeah, you don't even want to put
yourself in that situation. Don't even put yourself in the
situation. Yeah, you got to be proactive.
(18:59):
Yeah. And the relationship prevention
program, you know, it involves all these things.
Yeah, but that. But that guy should have, should
have basically, if he felt that way, he should have either
broken up with with the girl until he can get over this other
girl, right? Or not told her and and then
like, and figured it out, you know?
(19:21):
Well, I mean, what I'm saying islike, he didn't need to tell her
that. If he was working this shit out
in his head, that was not the like, he's completely doomed the
relationship. Yeah.
Because there's no way she can ever trust him.
He ruined the relationship. Because that's that's it's
almost worse than cheating, right?
Because he could cheat on her. No, hear me out.
He could cheat on her, right? And then she could forgive him
(19:42):
and she could feel like he's loyal to her again, that it was
just a fling. Whatever, he whatever.
But she will never ever feel like he's 100% loyal to her.
You get what I'm saying? Like there's no coming back from
this one. I'm not saying that you should
cheat on her, I'm just saying. That going back from cheating in
my I. Mean there's a coming back from
(20:04):
that like like someone could conceivably say, okay, this
person made a mistake. I trust some.
Situations, I'm sure that peoplecan can do that, but but.
It's more conceivable than in this situation where you're
like, this guy has been obsessedwith this girl for 14 years,
he's never going to not be. Right, right.
He's already told he had the thethe audacity.
(20:26):
Audacity. I'm going to say audacity.
Oh, like idiot. Yeah, to tell her that he no
other girl he will love more than this girl.
So. Yeah.
How can you ever. Which I mean, I applaud his
honesty again. Like, at least he was honest.
No, there's sometimes where you where you don't like there's.
(20:47):
There's a difference between being honest and being and and
and. Like revealing too much
information. Yeah, but I don't agree with
that because I think that if he didn't tell her, he would not
fix this issue. He.
Would not take the initiative because he didn't already.
(21:07):
They've been dating for longer because she was like, I've
already met this girl, we hung out.
They've been dating for a while.I guess what, 6 months?
She said it's not a long time, it's half a year.
That's a decent amount of time. Hold on, let me finish.
Because he took six months and he didn't do anything.
I don't trust that if he didn't say anything, he would actually
do anything. But in no world should you ever
(21:29):
tell a girl you're dating that there's some other girl that
deal that you'll never love morethan her.
So either either you should not tell her or you should break up
with her. But there's no there's no world
in which that is the right choice to make.
Look, that's the smartest choice.
I agree with you, you should just break up with her, but if I
were her I would be glad that hedid say that so I could leave
(21:51):
him. Exactly right.
I agree. With that, because if he didn't,
right, and that's what I'm trying to say is that he kept it
to himself, I 98% believe he would not have done anything to
fix this problem. Yeah, yeah.
So you can't act like he would because he didn't for six
months, right? He took six months, and then he
told her that he's still in lovewith her.
(22:12):
Yeah. So it is good he told the truth.
For her, yeah, but it's also stupid.
No, it's good for him too because he needs to have
consequences like he needs to. This might be a wake up call for
him to be Like I need to get over my childhood best friend or
I cannot. Have a relation.
I could see that. I could see that.
Like he needs that. That's the only thing that's
(22:33):
going to motivate him to get over that because either he
needs to pursue her and really pursue her and she needs to
really reject him for him to getover it, because I don't think
she's going to accept it at thispoint because he's like, she's
been heartbreaking somebody, butwhy won't she love me?
Like if she hasn't noticed him in 14 years, she's probably not
going to. So he either needs to shoot a
(22:53):
shot and really go for it and belike, hey, I've liked you for a
long time. We've known each other for a
long time. Whatever, she reject him and
then he finally get over it or now his girlfriend is going to
break up with them and he needs to be like wow, yeah, I do need
to get over this girl because I can't be with anybody else until
I get over this girl. So it's good for him too.
OK, I agree with you. That makes sense you.
(23:15):
Like me, it's good for both of them.
OK, yeah. And This is why the truth is the
way you should go, all right? Because it seems messy, but
really it's the only thing that's going to iron this out.
Because if he didn't say anything, he could have married
this girl and then still wanted to be with her.
And then what if he cheated withher even though it sounds like
(23:36):
she wouldn't cheat with him But I don't know what if.
He figured his shit out though and then like.
He would have 14 years. You're telling me he hasn't
figured it out in 14 years? I mean, but maybe he likes his
girl and then like they have a good enough relationship where
he realized that he's actually more in love with this girl and
and just was in love with the idea of this other girl.
The beginning of the relationships when you're the
most in love, usually. Yeah.
(23:58):
So that's why I'm saying it's not.
It's not it. This is.
It would just be worse. Yeah.
But it's good for both of them. They're they're realizing
things. They had to learn it the hard
way. Yeah, you know, because this
girl obviously too, she's she's been hurt because she's like, I
just wish I could make him love me.
You know, She has some things that she's going through, like
(24:18):
this is going to affect her in some ways.
But at least he was honest aboutit and he said it to her and she
didn't find out via like, him cheating or something like that.
Like, I get she feels bad right now, but they're only six months
in. She can get over this guy as
well, too. It's going to be harder for him
to get over the childhood best friend because it's been 14
years. This guy's been 6.
(24:39):
Yeah, so. Yeah, well, but this is also
just demonstrates why like, likethe you don't know what's really
going on when when people are like, Oh yeah, this is just my
friend or whatever of the opposite sex or whatever.
You don't know the real story until it comes out because so
many times this this happens where it's like you're not
(25:02):
getting all the information and then something happens.
Orbiters are real. Yeah, yeah.
And girls can be orbiters. You had an orbiter that I also
had to tell you was an orbiter because you didn't realize that
girls could be orbiters. Too.
Any orbiters? Yes, you did.
You had the one, should I say it?
(25:23):
I don't know the one that drove 8 hours OK.
OK, OK, OK. That's enough.
That's enough for you to know, but.
Yeah, OK, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, and that happens sometimestoo, where girls have guy
friends and they're, they're actually orbiting the guy.
And so then they're like hangingout with their guy, their guy
friends, you know, hoping that you know something will happen.
(25:47):
Yeah. Yeah, the guy will like him.
Or. But it does typically happen
more where guys are the orbitersthat happen because guys do
typically fall. Because that's probably what
happened to this guy. Honestly.
Like it sounds like typical young immature guy falls in love
with the girl and then that's the only girl he can picture
(26:10):
himself with for the rest of hislife.
Right. And and he won't let go of that.
Like he hasn't matured to let goof that mindset.
He has the scarcity mindset. He's like, this is the only girl
that's going to love me while hehas a girlfriend.
That's why this mindset that guys have, especially when
they're younger, where like, no,this is the only girl I'll ever
love. Which women can get the same
(26:32):
sort of mindset as well too. It's not strictly men, but a lot
of men struggle with this where they, you know, pick one girl to
obsess over and then they hold on like a pit bull and they
don't let go of her no matter what happens, no matter if she's
like, no, I'm not interested. They're still obsessed with that
one girl. And this is happening with that
(26:54):
guy with another girlfriend. So it's like, it's definitely a
mindset thing. Like he has to face the reality,
which he doesn't want to do eventhough he knows it.
He's like she's fallen in and out of love so many times and
it's never me. Yeah, well, then it's time to
move on. Like fully move.
On well, that's why I tell guys that the the most important
(27:15):
qualities that they should look for in a woman is that she
treats him like a king and that she has a high desire for him.
Because if those are your requirements for falling in love
with a girl, then you're good, right?
Could be attracted to someone. But what if this girl treats him
that way and he's still telling her he loves the other girl
(27:37):
more? Well, then that's, you know, but
that's my point is that like he,like those are the qualities
that that you should be looking for in a woman as a man.
So then he would be disinterested in the childhood.
Exactly. Because she doesn't meet those
qualities. Yeah, right.
Because of what other qualities are you really looking for, you
know, in a woman as as a guy, right?
(27:59):
Is she attractive? OK, sure.
But there's a lot of girls that are attractive.
Like you can't base it off of that because that's stupid,
right? So it's like, OK, is she a nice
person? Whatever.
OK, sure. Those are good things.
But it's like if you're thinkingabout, you know, who you want to
be with, like the the qualities that you should find attractive
in a woman, it should be that she treats you like a king and
(28:19):
that she's has a high desire foryou.
Obviously she's physically attractive to you, but but the
those are the more important trades because that's going to
prevent you from having the one nightis on some girl that
doesn't because she will. A girl that isn't meeting those
qualifications are not, is not going to be someone that you're
(28:39):
going to want to be with, right,Because those are your
standards. Right.
Yeah, well, and here's the craziness about it all, too.
I get their childhood best friends and they probably spent
a lot of time with each other and their friends first, which
is a good thing. So he does know her, but he's
never been romantically involvedwith this girl, according to
what he said, Yeah. Doesn't sound like it.
(29:00):
Never romantic. I.
Don't think so, yeah. Yeah, and he's obsessed over
right exact teen years. Of over the idea, not over the
actual person, right? Over.
He's obsessed over not being able to get something right.
You see, what I'm saying is thatshe doesn't like him.
He's attracted to the opposite of what I said, right?
Because I said she treats you like a king, has a high desire
for you, and she doesn't have any desire for you, Right?
(29:22):
And she treats you like shit. Yeah.
And that's why you're attracted.To like a friend zone.
Right. But most guys, if you think if
you look at the attraction patterns where guys get obsessed
with women, it's because she treats them like shit and she
doesn't have any desire for him.But isn't it the same thing that
you said works with women? Is what if you treat a woman
like shit and you don't have anydesire for her, I don't think
(29:42):
that's going to attract a woman.It's.
If you no, you've said it beforethat you can make a woman
attracted to you by like being an asshole essentially, and
that's kind of the similar thing.
Yeah, it's. Which means that he's chasing
validation from her because that's the only type of woman
that's attracted to an asshole guy is that she wants the
(30:04):
validation from someone that's actively not giving it to her,
right? Exactly removing the validation.
For the validation from this woman that he's craved for so
long that it's just continued toget more and more extreme to the
point he literally told his six month girlfriend that that he
loves someone else more. Right.
Yeah. Like he's, he's spiraling.
(30:27):
Right, but then which? Which is also again, if it's the
toxic quality then she might be more attracted to him because of
the fact that he loves some other girl more.
Although it's to me it sounds sounds pretty pathetic that he's
in love with the girl that doesn't.
It doesn't sound like she's attracted to him more.
It just sounds more like she's like thinking about their
(30:50):
relationship and she feels like it's probably been a lie.
And she's like, why can't he love me is more than he loves
her. You know, that sort of thing of
like, she was more blindsided and she doesn't seem like she
wants him back. Yeah, she would see when the
woman see him as pathetic in that situation.
Right, I I think. Feel like that was the case.
(31:14):
But then I also get why she kindof feels pathetic and like a
loser, Like, like, why didn't I see this?
That's because that's why she's like, I was sitting laughing
with this girl. Why didn't I see him, like,
acting differently towards her? Yeah.
And maybe he wasn't as obvious about it.
And it's not her responsibility to do that.
I want to put that out there. It's not on this new girlfriend.
(31:37):
Like, it's not on his girlfriend.
It's not his girlfriend's responsibility to watch how he
interacts with every woman to see if he has some secret 14
year but crush on that. But it was her responsibility to
not allow that, to have the standard, to have the self
respect to be like, okay, this is not.
(31:57):
The responsibility was in that they should have had a
conversation about having a girlbest friend and him hanging out
with that girl best friend. That was her responsibility.
Right? But she views it as toxic.
Right, because that's what we'reafraid.
Of. But but here's the thing, and
this kind of is, is that the a bigger subject, which is that
(32:18):
whatever you want, that's what you can have.
Like it's it's not toxic or controlling or whatever to
demand what you want in a relationship.
It's to take it or leave it. Like as long as you're take it
or leave it. If you're like kidnapping
someone is different. Okay, But if you're like, I
(32:38):
want, I want this. I don't I don't like you going
out to nightclubs or I don't like you having friends of the
opposite sex or I don't like that's there's nothing wrong
with whatever your list or I don't I don't like that you like
eat that people who eat hot dogs, whatever it is like,
that's fine. Like it's totally fine because
it's your choice. But you have to be willing to
walk away, yeah. You have to be, you can't try
(32:59):
and force someone to comply, butyou can be like whatever your
requirement is, it doesn't, it doesn't even matter if it makes
sense. There's no shame in it.
You're not a bad person. You're not toxic.
It's not controlling, right? It's it's what you want.
It's your preference. Yeah, I think it's better, and I
said this in the other episode where we did on this sort of
(33:19):
same topic, though, that it is better to say that you're both
not having friends of the opposite sex and you're both not
going out to nightclubs. Because that makes it seem more
like relationship protection program rather than being like,
I don't want you to go out to the bars.
I don't want you to have guy friends.
Yeah. Because some guys will say that
(33:40):
too, and then they can do whatever they want.
That's not how it is. And then women will if you're
the. Two, sometimes, but if you want,
if you want to say that and that's what you want and
someone's OK with it, I mean, it's probably not wise, but
it's. Not going to be, but it's not.
Quality, it's still not controlling.
It's still not. You see what I'm saying?
It's like because you're being open about what you want.
Yeah. So.
(34:01):
But if you want a better than perfect relationship, no, then
you. Can both have to not exactly.
You both have to not do that. Yeah.
I mean, that's the smart thing. Like we're saying, but but the
but the problem is that people are so afraid of coming across
in a certain way that they're not actually putting the
safeguards into place. Like I just had a guy actually,
he messaged me, in fact. That's a good one.
(34:23):
Let me see. I'll pull it up because I
thought this one was it was a good one.
There was a comment on one of myvideos.
(34:43):
Where is it? Oh, here we go.
No. You have to sing a song while we
wait. What song?
You can choose. This is the song that never
ends. It goes in on and on, my friend.
OK, all right. Ready.
(35:04):
So he says. Hi John.
I was with my girlfriend tonightand she said that last night she
was at a sorority party and I got jealous and worried she
might have cheated. I didn't outright say that or
ask but I think that insecurity came across.
Does this permanently ruin attraction in a relationship or
can it be re salvage? How big of a deal is this?
(35:27):
So you see, he's afraid that he came across insecure because his
girlfriend was at a sorority party and he was afraid that she
might have cheated. Now that they afraid of she
might have cheated, part maybe is a little bit insecure, but
it's also not out of the realm of possibility.
Why was she at a sorority party?Is she in a sorority?
(35:48):
It doesn't matter, she's in a monogamous relationship.
But did he tell her she can't goto sorority parties?
That's what I'm saying is that'swhat he should have said.
But see, he's too timid. He's too afraid of saying
something like that. Well.
And now he's already in a relationship.
Let's say I go to a frat party for my fraternity.
That cool with you? I don't think that a 45 year old
(36:14):
should be going to a frat party.Regardless, like they have frat
parties. If we went to my fraternity
house they would have a frat party.
They would invite me so. With the 19 year olds.
Yeah, they always want the alumni in there.
Like would that be cool with you?
No. Of course not, right?
So there's nothing you know I'm saying.
(36:35):
I was there. That would not be cool because
I'm not hanging out with 19 yearold frat boys.
Yeah, and neither should you. But what I'm saying is that in
that situation, people are too afraid to say what and it leads
to a situation where they're they put themselves in those
compromise situations. Right.
(36:55):
Well, they should do it in the beginning, so then they don't
have to like, already be involved in something and then
now they're having to deal with this when they it should have
been a conversation from the very beginning.
Yeah. Yeah.
So. But yeah, but that, but that
happens all the time where wherepeople are afraid to say
something. That that's why like this girl
(37:15):
got into the situation six months in, right?
Because she was afraid to say something because obviously it
probably bothered her. I mean, it should have bothered
her. It probably you know I.
Think she know? Even if she didn't know, just
like that, he's hanging out withthe with the girl childhood
friend. Yeah, don't tell me that
wouldn't bother you if you didn't know anything about any
(37:38):
kind. Of but you might have been like,
Oh no, it's fine, we're just friends.
Yeah, but that's where you got to be like, no, that's not it's,
it's not OK. You're saying that, but you with
your friend that you had, you'vedefended her for a while and
then finally I was like, no, it's not acceptable.
Yeah, but I like, I feel I was doing all kinds of mischievous.
(37:59):
I know, I know, I know, I know you, But no, no, I'm just saying
like, you know, there's no excuses for sure.
Like, you're right, like, but I'm just saying I was doing all
kinds of mischievous stuff at that point in time that I didn't
really have a a very. Good moral compass.
Yeah, that's what I was going tosay, but I didn't want to say
that, but. Which look, and I felt bad
because I know that she helped you with a lot of stuff and she
(38:22):
seemed like a nice person, but there was no way that we could
continue with our relationship with that scenario going on for
sure. And so like, I'm just saying
that even back then, because we were together for a while and
you still had her as a friend. And you know, I didn't speak up
(38:43):
until finally I did have to speak up.
And we didn't even do it as wellin the beginning because there
was a lot of things going on. There's a lot of things going
on. But you know, it is important to
say that because if you had beenlike no, then we probably
wouldn't be here right now. Right, exactly.
(39:03):
You know, because it's just not,yeah, you can't.
You can't have like someone elsein your relationship like that.
No, no, even if it's just a friend or whatever like it
doesn't because you don't know what what could happen or it's
just you need the RPP. The relationship protection
(39:24):
program, yeah, but no, it's true.
I feel for her though. But again, I think it's good for
both of them because maybe he'llget over either.
Like I said, maybe he needs to fully shoot a shot with
childhood best friend girl. Yeah, good luck with that one.
I don't think it is going to work out if it's been that long
and he's feeling the type of wayhe feels.
(39:44):
But maybe he will realize that he lost a woman that really
liked him and that he needs to get over his childhood best
friend or it's going to prevent him from having any
relationship. Because even if he didn't tell
her and they got married or something, something, what if he
would have said something or something would have happened?
He would have confronted the childhood best friend and then
(40:05):
like I loved you forever and then she would have told the
girlfriend or wife at that pointor something like it would have
blown up worse if he didn't say what he said.
So he it's good that he said that.
And that's why you have to breakthese ties also, right?
Like I said, it's like if you have friends of the opposite sex
as in childhood, which you know,then you have to just demote
(40:29):
people to acquaintance instead of continuing.
To act like. They're dead, these relations.
Yeah. I mean, it's also good to just
but, but depending on the on theperson.
But yeah, you know, but if they're destructive to your
relationships for sure, then, right, You should just act like
they're dead, right? Yeah, you know, but but but you
have to distance yourself from from a lot of people.
(40:52):
It's not just even friends of the opposite sex.
It's also just friends that you have from child like there's
this false loyalty. I guess that's the thing that
pisses me off is the false loyalty like this or this, this
misguided sense of loyalty that people have to people that they
just because they knew them whenthey were kids.
Who cares? Well, it doesn't matter.
And the length of friendship, because I was reading something
(41:14):
about that Jelly Roll artist guy.
Yeah, yeah. And he was talking about when he
was hanging out with people thatwere cheating on their wives, he
cheated on his wife when he was hanging out with people that
were doing a bunch of drugs, he was doing a bunch of drugs.
When he was hanging out with people that were drinking a lot,
he was drinking a lot. And it's like, you know, I'm not
saying that your friends are like that because most of the
(41:35):
time they're not those sort of people.
But it's like if you have when you were single, a bunch of
single friends. Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's a big. Like you can still have those
friends, but you're not going togo to bars with them like you
used to. You're going to do something
probably not as often because maybe you used to go to the bars
every weekend, but now you're not single, so you're not going
(41:55):
there. So maybe you see them for lunch
like once a month. So it's like, it's not like they
change, but sometimes the dynamic has to change based on
where you are in life. Or like I have some friends that
have kids and like they have little kids and so like they're
new normal and their reality is going to look different and I
might not see them, you know, because they're busy with
babies. But that doesn't mean like we
(42:17):
can pick up whenever they have time.
So it's like you have to adjust.But as far as the like friends
of the opposite sex thing, again, like you said, it's
better when it's like a group ofpeople that hang out together
rather than having like close guy friends or girlfriends if
you're of the opposite sex because that's just going to
(42:37):
cause a lot of problems. And that doesn't have anything
to say with who that person is because it doesn't sound like
this childhood best friend girl is a bad person.
The girls even like we laughed and hung out and had fun.
And now I feel blindsided, like it's rarely about who the person
is, because even if it's a guy and you know that he probably
(42:57):
likes you or something, or a girl that you know likes you,
they're not usually like actively trying to sabotage your
relationship. No, but.
It's a lot of time. It will slowly start to erode,
like the boundaries that you have between friend and more
than friend. Yeah, because it just erodes
away slowly. And it's just not appropriate.
(43:19):
Like, it doesn't matter who the guy is.
If some guy texts you, I'll be like, who the fuck are you?
Why are you texting my wife? It's like, oh, I've known her
for 20 years. I don't give a fuck.
Like, why are you texting my wife?
Like, you know what I mean? Because I'm territorial.
I'm going to be like, get the fuck out of here, you know what
I'm saying? Because that's how it has.
Because does that make you feel safe and protected?
(43:41):
Yes, Right. OK.
Like controlled. No.
OK. Because you know why I'm doing
that? Because I'm not letting anything
interfere or come into our relationship at all.
You know what I'm saying? That's true and I'm always like
who's who's that number and it'slike something it's always
scammer trying to get you to like I know hey, is this
(44:04):
Jeffrey? No.
Oh, we can be friends anyway. What's your name right.
You know those like scams that they have but.
But but sometimes you just have to cut people from your life.
Like even if it's old childhood friends, even of the same sex,
if they're losers now and they're dragging you down and
it's like because they will ruinyour relationships as well,
they'll ruin your life, you know, just like you said with
(44:24):
Jelly roll or whatever. Like he he had those situations.
Or, or even just single friends when you get into a
relationship. Like I'm not saying that you
can't have some single friends, but you can't if you have a
friend group of five people, 5 girls and they're all single and
you're the only married one or you're not hanging out with
those five people anymore. That's just you, you, it doesn't
(44:45):
make sense. You know what I mean?
Like you're going to get into trouble.
It's not, it's not appropriate to, to do that or even, or even
just even if you're not going toget into trouble, they're going
to poison your relationship because they're like, Oh well,
we want our friend back, right? And so they're going to, like,
say all kinds of shit to make it, you know, like.
Oh, you're with that guy? Yeah.
You really want to be with him. They're going to poison the
(45:07):
well. That's what, you know, just like
when when I left the the reservation or whatever and all
the, all the, the fanboy guys from from my even from just my
audience, they're like, oh, and they're after.
That's the reservation. When when we got together, you
know, and then all the guys thatwere like, oh, I like single
(45:29):
John Bulldog mindset and they'relike all like trying to like
convince me. There's still there's still
every time I post a video, at least this one one dude is still
on there like, oh, you shouldn'thave got married, blah, blah,
blah. He's still trying to trying it
right because because. Misery loves company.
And they don't want to see them.They don't want to lose their
(45:49):
friend the attention that the the time they don't want you to,
you know what I'm saying? So you have to be wary of that
of your of your single friends when you're.
So you're saying you should block the guy that keeps saying
you shouldn't have got married or I'm going to get on there and
poodle mindset and be like shut up?
I'll kill your dogs. No, there will be no dogs harm.
(46:15):
Yeah, I think that's it, unless you got something else.
I don't think about it. I think telling the truth is
good. Yeah, Yeah, I I agree.
You convinced me. I mean, it's good.
It's. True.
Yeah, but she definitely needs to dump the guy, yes and be be
done with him and not accept that kind of thing again and
don't get involved with someone who but but that's why also it's
(46:37):
like don't get involved with someone who has friends of the
opposite sex. It's a red flag.
Yeah, but you've sometimes you don't find that out for a while.
Or someone who talks to their exes.
Red flag. Don't get involved with them
before you get into committed relationship.
That's when you actually say this, right?
Oh, yeah. I would love to be your
girlfriend. Except who's this Rachel girl?
(47:00):
Oh, she's nothing. She's just my childhood friend.
Well, let me know when When she dies.
John doesn't have to be that extreme.
You're very extreme. After the book 1, you went to
the extreme. See.
He spiraled. Yeah, but but the same thing
with guys. I tell guys all time, like when
(47:21):
the girl wants commitment from you, that's when you're like,
OK, well here's what the the rule book is of this
relationship. This is my stand.
Relationship. This is what my this is what it
looks like to be in a relationship with me.
Right? That's a good way of putting it.
Yeah, right. This is what my standards are.
You don't have to. You can make it early.
Yeah, you can be. If you want to be the main
chick, you want to get promoted from side chick to main chick,
(47:44):
this is what it is. Otherwise you could just be some
girl. That's it.
Because that's no, it's not supposed.
To have girlfriends hanging around.
Just like some girl. That's that's.
That's not a friend. That's yeah, that's not a
friend. That's in my rotation.
You. Know, Sean.
I'm just saying like if you want, if the girl wants to have
that place in your life right, she needs to meet those
(48:07):
standards. The same thing vice versa, no?
Like you should have to have that level of respect for
yourself. You have to be what I want away.
Yeah. Man or woman?
And make it clear and it doesn't.
You don't have to be embarrassedof what you want.
Yeah. Otherwise it's just going to
lead to problems down the road. That's that's what the issue.
Well, and this girl, his girlfriend, shouldn't be
embarrassed by this either because I know at the end when
(48:28):
she was talking about how she feels, I'm sure that's how she's
feeling. She's feeling a lot of things,
but he told her the truth and saved her time.
Yeah, they've been together six months, but he saved her from
potentially them going who knowshow long years.
And then he never tell her this.But, but just in general, just
(48:49):
for the viewers watching, if youdate a guy and he has a
girlfriend from childhood or best friend, there's a reason
why he's still in contact with her.
It's because he's obsessed with her.
I guess guy wise, yeah, probably.
So just so you know already, youdon't save yourself six months
and some heartache. Is that that's why he's still in
(49:10):
contact with her? Yeah, and it's pretty.
Regardless of what he says, thisguy was honest because he's an
idiot. But but regardless of what he
says, you can know that is the truth.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's, it's definitely not
a good look. Yeah.
So not after hearing that story either.
(49:30):
So. Yeah.
All right. Should we wrap it?
Call it? Yeah, all right.
Did anything happen? Anything happened in between?
Yeah. I don't know.
You tell me. No, we're good.
OK. Are you sure?
OK. Unless you're going to be upset
that I the things I've said on this.
(49:50):
No, I think it's good. I'm glad that you called me out
on on my bullshit because it wasbullshit like I was running a A.
Ponzi scheme? Yeah, that's what I was.
I was like, I had, I definitely had lost my moral compass.
I had a lot of girls that were texting me that I didn't even
think, oh, I'm dating a girl now.
(50:11):
I shouldn't have this happening anymore.
Like I wasn't doing anything. No, but I was there.
Yeah, but but I wasn't like thinking about these things.
I know I had to tell you. Right.
Yeah. So that's why.
It's hard to tame a hoe. A man hoe.
(50:31):
All right, on that note, if you have a confession e-mail you
want to send us, you can e-mail us at
betterthanperfectpodcast@gmail.com.And if you want to check out the
catalog of episodes on Better than perfectpod.com, you can
also subscribe on there to get anotification when a new episode
(50:52):
comes out or or subscribe on theYouTube channel and.
Leave us a review. Oh.
Yeah, leave us a review. It's been a while.
Yeah, we need a new review. Yeah, we do all.
Right, we'll see you next week. Take care.
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