Is This Financial Abuse? ($250k / Year And Gives Her Allowance) [Ep 92]

A viral post claims “financial abuse” because a husband (250k/yr) pays all bills, gives an allowance, and more money on request—yet doesn’t grant direct account access. We break down: real abuse vs boundaries, why the man leading finances can reduce stress (when he’s a servant leader), how trust beats “50/50,” and concrete steps to transition out of roommate economics.⏱️ Timestamps (approx.)0:00 – Cold open: “No 50/50. No excuses.” What that actually means1:30 – Last week’s spicy ep → today’s money fight setup2:15 – The viral post: allowance, access, and the A-word (“abuse”)5:10 – What’s missing: trust, transparency, and context7:45 – Allowance vs access: stewardship or control?10:20 – What real financial control/abuse looks like (and doesn’t)13:15 – Servant leadership defined: protection, not domination16:05 – Why some women feel unsafe: fear, past chaos, hypervigilance18:40 – Transparency without anxiety: dashboards, summaries, rhythms21:00 – If he dies tomorrow: documents, life insurance, “open the folder” plan23:40 – “Can I see the numbers?” How to answer without dumping stress26:05 – Entitlement vs respect: public disrespect and how he should respond28:30 – From 50/50 to traditional: order of operations (trust → system → habits)31:10 – Combine money or combine drama: why separate accounts breed risk33:20 – Dating advice for men: build first, lead later (30s/40s timing)36:00 – Boundaries that protect trust: no opposite-sex “friend” intimacy, no GNO/club culture, no solo party trips39:15 – Scripts: how to set financial leadership and make her feel safe42:00 – Action plan for couples this week (see below)44:10 – Wrap: choose covenant over “options”Actionables (quick start)• Weekly 20-min money huddle: balances, bills, buffer, big rocks• Create the “If I’m gone” folder: accounts, logins, insurance, payoffs, contacts• One card, one budget, one leader—clear monthly personal spend for her• Boundaries audit: list & agree (social, friends, nightlife, trips)• Transition plan from 50/50: timeline, milestones, who does what👇 Links & Resources• Podcast site – https://betterthanperfectpod.com• Instagram – https://instagram.com/betterthanperfectpodcast• Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/show/0Os5mBb4WMKy7rw5GMHDN7• Apple – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/better-than-perfect-a-relationship-podcast/id1719469324🔔 Subscribe for weekly no-filter debates on love, polarity, money, and leadership—built to spark a 50/50 comment war.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
No, 5050, there's no excuses. There's no reason why you
shouldn't be able to operate your household like this.
If you're a man, you should definitely be like, I'm going to
only marry a woman that trusts me to lead the house, that
respects me as the leader of thehouse, that submits to my
authority as the man taking careof the household.
You got to be the man that earning of that understanding

(00:20):
what servant leadership is understanding how.
Right. As a woman, that's what you
should want from a man and you should be willing to give up the
finances and and if you if you're not, then that's not the
man for you. Beyond the perfect,

(00:47):
way. All right, welcome back to the
Better Than Perfect Podcast, where every week we share with
you how 2 imperfect people. Helping each other grow.
Growing equals 1. Better than perfect
relationship. It's been a while since I.
Helping each other finish each other, since that's right,
helping you do the just. Helping.
Yeah, exactly. So yeah, we survived.

(01:10):
The hot sauce from last last week was a bit of a spicy spicy.
Episode. Yeah, yeah, Forgot to tell you
not to have your kids watch thatone, but you know.
Yeah. That one.
Don't have your kids watch that one.
Yeah, that one's not. Yeah.
All age, I mean, there it wasn'tlike too, but, you know, just
vivid descriptions of nibbles. So that's, you know, that's the,

(01:33):
you know, the most. Yeah.
Some of them were. You know, like, yeah, some vivid
descriptions of days of the weekas well, so.
Oh no. I won't I won't I won't I?
Won't you're going to taste. This episode, you know with
that. Any other news going on?

(01:54):
I'm trying to think not not too much.
I'm just I'm in in that you never see me because I'm just
learning sales and doing sales and you know, so, but aside
from. That oh, we're going to a Tony
Robbins event in October, so. Yeah, that unleash the power

(02:16):
within. See how that goes.
And I told John, maybe we'll do like a vlog cast vlog ish
podcast episode for that weekend.
But yeah. Yeah, All right, well, let's
we'll we'll jump right into it then.
So this is like basically going to be like Reddit edition, you

(02:37):
know, like or whatever. We're going to answer a thing I
saw this thing on. We're going to answer a thing.
Yeah, I mean, but no, we're. Going to put our two.
I don't. Know what the title will be
like. A lot of times I know what the
title is, but I thought we couldjust talk about this subject,
which is I saw this on. I think it was on X, or maybe it
was. It's definitely on X based on

(02:58):
what you just showed me. So it said this this was the
beginning of the thread is a screenshot.
It says my husband makes 250 KA year and doesn't give me free
access to his our money in parentheses our money.
He pays for all the bills and gives me a monthly allowance and

(03:19):
money whenever I ask for it asksshe actually said asks when and
money whenever I asks for it butI don't have the ability to just
spend from his account. We've been married for eight
years and stay at home mom for two.
How to get out of a financial abusive marriage?

(03:41):
That's a lot. There's also a lot missing.
I'll repeat it one more time just so because I read a little
bit weird. My husband makes $250,000 a year
and doesn't give me free access to his our money.
He pays for all the bills and gives me a monthly allowance and
money whenever I asks for it, but I don't have the ability to
just spend from his account. We've been married for eight
years and stay at home mom for two.

(04:04):
How to get out of a financial abusive marriage?
So there's things here that unfortunately we can't ask
about. Yeah.
'Cause there's parts of it that aren't horrible, but there's
parts of it that aren't good. There's no parts that aren't.
What parts are not good? The parts that aren't good,
yeah. Is that like?

(04:25):
Nothing wrong with this. She feels left in the dark about
the stuff. The good part is, is that like,
he gives her the money if she asks for it, whatever.
But I think her issue is that there's not like transparency
enough for her to feel secure inthe situation.

(04:47):
Yeah, which is which I would sayis not necessary and as a man
you should not do that. But she said our money.
So like, she's not working at all.
She's staying home now, but she was working.
Maybe, yeah. And.
What was the situation before that?
Was he still doing this before that?
Well, OK, he's making $250,000 ayear.

(05:11):
That's a lot of money. That's a good amount of money,
right? So this guy is making plague and
money. He's she's not saying that she
has any problem with with him not giving her money then won't
let her spend money. But it sounds like though she
doesn't have a credit card, is what she's saying or something?

(05:31):
You know what I mean? Because she's like, I don't have
access to that money. So like it sounds like she
doesn't have a credit card that he like is giving her a specific
amount or she he's? Giving her an allowance.
Is that what she said? He doesn't trust her?
Yes, that's what she said. It seems like he doesn't trust
her. Monthly allowance and money
whenever and money whenever I asks for it, right?

(05:53):
But I'm saying, though, it sounds like she doesn't have a
credit card. Yeah.
So the problem might be the trust aspect, Like she doesn't
feel like he trusts her, which Iget like maybe she has a
spending thing and so he's doingit to be financially
responsible. But if that's the case, has he
brought this up to her and she'sadmitting putting that in here?

(06:14):
Or like what? They're still like unsure
things. Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Yeah, he, if she asks for something, he gives her the
money. He's like, I guess the allowance
thing, it feels kind of childish.
It feels kind of like like anybody would feel like their

(06:36):
partner doesn't trust them like.Yeah, yeah.
So if there's not communication about why there's a allowance,
again, like if it's because she'll just go buy designer
handbags and she's not good at budgeting money, I can
understand this if he's had the conversation with her.

(06:57):
But if that's not the case and she doesn't have like, some sort
of spending issue, right, why isit an allowance?
Why doesn't she have access via like, a credit card, those sort
of things? Yeah.
Yeah. Because it does seem like the
way she's portraying it, it doesseem a little bit controlling.

(07:20):
But I don't know. Why?
Well, OK, I mean, I've got a few.
I mean, I don't think it's any different than ours.
Like Dave Ramsey or something like yeah, yeah, I don't.
Think it's any different than our situation?
I think our situation's exactly the same, except that I make
more money. You don't give me an allowance.
Right, because I make more money.
If I made less money, I would give you an allowance.
I would give you a certain amount of money to be like.

(07:41):
Give me a budget. I don't think you'd give me an
allowance because that seems like more work to be like,
here's the exact amount of moneyyou have like.
Yeah. I mean, I think it's better to
manage it of just give a credit card, right, right.
And and it kind of comes down tolike I, I think a few things,
right. So it's like the thing about it

(08:01):
is that as a man, right, it's better if, and I'll catch some
heat for this one, but I don't care.
It's better if your wife does not know anything or hardly
anything about the financial situation of the house.
I'll tell you why. Because she's just going to

(08:22):
worry about it. And if there's too much money,
then that's not, she doesn't need to know that, right?
Because of a lot of situations. I mean, you're, you're an
exception, but a lot of women will spend a lot of money
because there's, there's a lot of money.
If there's too little money, she's just going to worry about
it. And as a man, you should shield

(08:44):
your wife from that. You should take care of the
finances. Not even really talk about the
finances aside from saying, OK, here's here's how much you can
spend every month, which isn't allowed.
Like, you know, because the reason why is because if I'm in
charge of the finances and I'm handling all the finances for
the house and I have all the stress and worry about the

(09:05):
bills. And are we going to like, I can
tell you how much you can comfortably spend?
And if I just give you that amount and that and just that
information, you don't have to worry about that other stuff.
And it's not because it's not, doesn't come from a place of
like not trusting. It comes from a place of
stewardship of taking care of, of like, I don't want you to
worry about this stuff because look, me as an entrepreneur,

(09:28):
money goes up and that like I got a lot of stressful.
I mean, I share with you a lot of the stressful stuff.
Some of it maybe I shouldn't share with you as much honestly,
because it, it stresses you out some.
But I like to share some of the victories and, and stuff.
But, but, but the whole, the whole idea behind it is that
like to shield her from it so she doesn't have to worry about
this kind of stuff and like the ups and downs, Like if it's, you

(09:50):
know, and just like, OK, I know how much money that you can
spend. And here's the amount that you
can spend. If you need more money, let me
know. But like, here's, here's the,
you know, that's, that's the like the good reason behind.
I'm not saying that there's not controlling guys that are are
like, you know which. I agree with what you're saying,
but the way that she's describing it makes me feel like

(10:12):
there's something else going on because she called it
financially abusive or something, right?
Like that's not normal. That's not normal for a woman
who is in like my position like that you're talking about, you
know what I mean? I feel like there is
communication that isn't happening between these two

(10:33):
people or something is happeningthat we don't know the full
picture because having been in the situation now and continue
to be in that you're talking about, there's never a time when
I feel like our situation is financially abusive, right?
So why does she feel this way? Like is he saying that she can't

(10:57):
buy expensive handbags or something and she's just calling
it a financially abusive or like.
He's giving her money whenever she asks.
He controlling what she buys. Like is he like, you can't buy
this with my money? Or is he doing what a lot of men
do that women are terrified of and is saying that it's his
money because she did say his parentheses ours is he calling

(11:18):
it his money and he's controlling what she's doing
because of that? I think you have a healthy
version of this perspective and maybe this isn't as healthy as
it is like that you're talking about. 95% of people in the
world, in the common US world, let's say, would call me

(11:41):
financially abusive. I mean, financial abuse is not
even a thing. Why would they call you
financially abusive? They they wouldn't like the
situation. They wouldn't like anything that
I'm saying here. The financial first of all,
financially abusive is not even a thing.
You cannot financially abuse someone.
You can physically abuse someone.
You can mentally abuse someone. You cannot financially abuse
them. I mean, maybe it's like

(12:02):
financially holding them hostage.
That's that's not even. And even though you made the
choice, maybe you weren't aware that it was going to be this
controlling. And then now you're in it and
then you can't get out of it. But now you have no money.
It's his money. But this points out exactly why
that a man needs to like in thiskind of situation, needs to be
in complete control of the finances is because and, and

(12:24):
it's not a woman's fault necessarily, but OK, the guy's
making $250,000 a year, right? That is, that's a, that's A to
most people, most people, that'san astronomically large amount
of money to make for one person in a year, even for a household
like most people, most households are living off of

(12:47):
like sixty $80,000 a year, like 100,000 is, is kind of like the
median average, I think now of adual income household.
So for one person to make $250,000, right.
That woman doesn't know how privileged I'd, I'd hate to use
the word privilege. It's actually making me use the
word privilege that she is right, like and so because of

(13:10):
that, she has no concept of of the reality of money.
And so that's why this the man has to create like handle those
situations and dole out the money and be in control of the
finances in that in that situation.
You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's, it's all
situations, but what, what I am saying is that like her unreal.

(13:33):
Like if he's giving her money and, and, and whenever she asked
for it and she's being taken care of, everything is fine.
Like her wanting to just, oh, I want to have access to the money
or I want to be involved in the financial situation or, and
calling that financial abuse. It's, it's, it's crazy,
ridiculous. Like, yeah, if he was making

(13:54):
like $80,000 a year and then he was telling her what kind of
bread she could buy, different. But $250,000 a year, that's a
very comfortable amount that is well beyond what most people
make. And that's why I'm saying that
it applies in this this case because she doesn't know.
I do think it is weird that she doesn't have a credit card or

(14:15):
something if that's the case. Like I do feel like it is
something weird about the way she's talking about it that
makes it feel like she doesn't have money of her own, if that
makes sense. But she probably does feel
controlled. And like I said, if she's not
financially responsible then some of that is warranted.

(14:38):
However, if that's not the case,I can understand her
perspective. If you're like, this is how much
you get and you don't trust me to have a credit card or you
don't whatever. Like there is some sort of like
trust aspect that I feel like she's struggling with in this
instance. The other issue is that I agree

(15:01):
with you that it is better for men to just handle the finances,
especially if they're the breadwinners and they're
bringing in the finances like they and if they're good with
money, a lot of men aren't good with money.
So that's where also things get messy.
But if you have a business and you're making that much money,
you should be hopefully good with money.

(15:22):
Right, Yeah, we're talking aboutguys that are successful, right?
We're not talking about like whatever Joe tomorrow, but he
should become good with money. Here's the issue with that.
Though I'd be forced to become good with money but.
What if something happens to himand she's never looked at any of
the stuff? She doesn't know what bank
accounts, what she can't get into anything.
She doesn't know what bills needto be paid she doesn't need to

(15:43):
do. No, she doesn't know any of
that. Well, I mean document has to be
updated, but if I die when I die.
What do you mean document has tobe updated?
When I die, you'll get a document that spells it all out
for you and tells you how to take care of the thing, right?
I have to update the document, but but I've I've pre planned

(16:04):
ahead of time for my death to give you the the reins and the
stress that goes along with it. But also there's other
alternatives, right? Like you're competent.
So I'm, I'm, I'm doing it that way.
If you're, if you, I didn't feellike you had enough financial
literacy where you would hurt yourself, then I would just take

(16:26):
out a very large life insurance policy.
And then and then the in my will, it would say that the life
insurance money would pay off all these debt.
They would give a real simple like liquidate the assets.
Here's here you go and you just have money to live off of that
will be in a safe account. You don't have to worry about
real estate and investments and all that stuff, right.

(16:47):
So are running the business and and you know, I haven't set it
up quite as you know, but as I get older, I will definitely set
up more of those things to make things easier.
But that's what a man should do,right?
He needs to take care of. Right.
But I guess that's the key too, right, is that if he's not
giving her any access to this, it is a man's responsibility to

(17:08):
make sure she's being taken cared for if something were
happening to him, because she's not going to know, right?
If you are taking full control of this, you have to have
something like that. Like you're smart and
responsible and someone I can trust.
I'm not saying that this guy's not, but she's also probably
worried about the same sort of things.

(17:29):
If you've never seen the finances when you get in a
situation like this, right, it'sperfectly normal to be like,
well, what if something happens?Unless like you, you've already
told me that you've kind of laidall these things out this way
before now. So it's not something that I
actively stress about. But there is still a part of me
too that's like, you know, I don't, you know, deal with these

(17:50):
sort of things. So like, who would I pay for
this? Or like, I know roughly who to
pay for this thing, but like, what about this thing?
What if there's business payments that you have that you
haven't really told me because Idon't really need to know.
So like, I just hope that the man that she's talking about has
set her up as well. I mean, it sounds like he is

(18:12):
managing it. If he's giving her an allowance
and all this stuff, then he is actively involved in this.
So hopefully he does have something like that already set
up. But again, I just, we don't have
the full information on this. So it's a little bit hard to
know if this woman is coming from a place of she doesn't feel

(18:33):
like she's trusted by her husband or he told her she
couldn't buy a Louis Vuitton andnow she's mad on the Internet
saying something, You know what I mean?
Like I don't know where this is coming from.
I mean, I would say that it's it's the the liberal mind virus
that has infected her because The thing is like she is

(18:54):
entitled. She's coming on X OK, posting
this about her husband without the other side of the story.
And she's she she's, she's coming from very she doesn't
understand how most people live.She doesn't understand how good
she has like cuz what you're saying I I I agree like there
there can be something. That's necessarily a strictly

(19:15):
liberal situation. It's I feel like there's.
It's a. Conservatives that have a very
entitled mindset as well too. I know, but.
Entitled like that, sort of. Problem it's, it's more of like
a feminist type of, of, of way of thinking, right?
Like that's what I'm saying. It's more victim mindset way of
thinking. Yeah.

(19:36):
Like she's trying to say he's financially abusing her, right?
Right. Rather than calling like just
talking about the situation OK based on what is happening.
Well, let's go back to why people would say that I'm
financially abusive, like 95% ofpeople, because they don't
understand how things should operate.
They believe that that a man being in charge of the finances

(20:01):
is financial abuse, grounds for divorce, because they don't
believe that a man should be in charge of his household and his
wife. They don't believe that.
Most people don't believe that, right?
And they believe that that's domineering, controlling, and
abusive. They don't see the stewardship.
They don't see it as as a Kingdom.

(20:22):
They don't see it as servant leadership.
They see it as abuse. I'm just saying that's what what
people see. You obviously know that that's
not the case. I know that's not the case,
right? Our intelligent viewers know
that's not the case. But I mean, when I looked at
this thread on Twitter, 90% of people were like, oh, you should
leave him what an asshole, blah,blah, blah, right?

(20:44):
It's because they disagree. Well, let me set the foundation
for like of, of how finances should be handled in in the
house, right? Is the man should be the sole
breadwinner the woman should be able to work stay at home, take
care of the children. He she should not have to be
financially responsible for the household.

(21:05):
If she has a a job or whatever, you don't have kids, right?
And she wants to like do something vocationally, sure, no
problem with that. But she should not be
financially responsible, contributing to the finances of
the household for survival, right?
Like that's that pressure shouldbe off of her because she should
she's not one she's not designedfor.

(21:27):
That doesn't mean women can't doit.
There's plenty of successful women, CE OS and business
owners, plenty of them, right, Some of them a lot more
successful in in many ways than than many men CE OS right.
The the statistics show it. However, the feminine is
designed for nurturing, wants tonurture, wants to take care of,

(21:47):
is free spirit, is not thinking,not in a logical domain where
she's forced into a stressful situation.
The feminine does not thrive in that.
And, and as a man, I want my wife to be feminine.
I want my wife to take care of the children and to be a mother
to them, not to be in her masculine.

(22:08):
If I'm asking her to go out and make money and deal with the
stress of the outside world for the purpose of making money, not
for a vocation that she enjoys, then I'm putting that on her and
I'm putting her in her masculine, right.
And, and, and that's The thing is like most, most people think
that they can't live off of one man's income of a, but that is

(22:29):
the, the brainwashing that we have been subjugated to in
society in order to earn the taxdollars to, you know, to push
the industry to, you know, to the stand the cost of living, to
believe that we need more, we need more material things.
We need all these things, right?We have big houses, big yards,
all the stuff which necessitatestwo people working.

(22:51):
But in reality, we don't need all that stuff.
Our children don't need all thatstuff like either as a man, you
can step up and work on your skills because there's no reason
why as a man that if you didn't work on your skills that you
couldn't make more than six figures or make enough money
even with that standard to support.
You know, it might take you sometime to do that.
Like I said, that's why I recommend in your 30s or 40s you
start dating as a man, like seriously dating, or you can

(23:15):
live on less. You don't have to have all of
this, all of the stuff in the latest iPhone, right?
And so the foundation should be that the man works, he takes
care of the family. If you're not able to take care
of a wife and a child, you should have no business getting
married as a man or dating period.
And then when a man does have that, he's already coming in in

(23:37):
the right way, saying a woman that he's dating, that he's that
he's seeking to marry. I'm going to take care of you.
You're my Princess. You're my Princess bride.
I'm going to take care of you. You don't have to work.
You don't have to worry about money.
So he's already establishing himself that when he's in the
the marriage, he should be the one that's taking care of all

(23:58):
the finances. He should know the money in the
accounts. She should not even need to see
what money is in the accounts. Again, it's not about like a
controlling thing or about like,oh, I don't want you to like I
want to keep you captive where you, you don't, you don't have
your own own money. It's because you're 2 becoming
one. If you truly trust each other.
And if a woman truly trusts a man and he's already established

(24:20):
himself because he came into therelationship like that, then the
reason for it is because it's stressful paying bills.
What about? She asks to see it.
I think that, I mean, I don't know like if you ask to see our
finances like all like I would ask the first question I would

(24:42):
ask is why like. What if it's just like to be get
like a baseline of where we're at?
Then I can just give you that, right?
Like I can tell you, OK, you know what I mean?
Like if it's just like, I'm justcurious, I just want to see what
we're at. Then I'm like, OK, yeah, then
let's look at the accounts and I'll like I'll show, but I

(25:02):
prefer to just give you the highlights.
The reason being is because I don't want you to stress and
worry about the things. You know what I'm saying?
It's like that's that's the problem is what if she asked at
a time when finance financial situation is not so good?
But then you could explain it. Yeah, but it is still going to
cause stress, and it's still going to cause her to worry when

(25:24):
she doesn't need to worry the burdens on me as the man, I'm
going to take care of the. Family might still worry because
she doesn't know. Yeah, I mean, but a man's answer
in all situations, not just financial, should always be,
I've got it handled, we're goingto be all right.
You don't. You don't have anything to worry
about. That should be a man's answer to

(25:46):
anything, basically, because it should be true.
It should be true. Yeah, and I do agree with you.
I think it is different because you show up and you put these
words into actions. But I can also see though where
someone might still feel like the person doesn't trust them
with this information. And also it does seem a little

(26:09):
secretive, especially if he never shows you and he's just
like, trust me, I got it handled.
But then it also just sounds like he might be offended that
you don't trust him, but he's not telling you.
So it seems kind of gas lady andyou know, like, and I get it.
You should be able to ask a simple question and like I do

(26:30):
feel like it would even be fine just to show her because a lot
of times that would be all that she needs.
Like even if she doesn't understand it, even if she
doesn't like whatever, it's justthat you trusted her to do it.
Especially if it's like a trust thing.
Like this lady seems to me like she doesn't feel trusted by her

(26:51):
husband or something's going. On but that but see but that's
also that can come from a lack of trust right.
So if it's like, if you're like,Oh well, I need to see the
finances, then it's like, well, do you not trust me?
Like do not trust. I've got things taken care of.
But I feel like that's different.
I'm out there working, making the money, she.
Trusts you majority of the time.And then just for some reason

(27:11):
she's like, can I see where we're at?
I don't see a problem with that.But if she's constantly asking
you or whatever, then yeah, I could see where you feel like
she doesn't trust you. But I don't think that.
Yeah, occasionally asking. Like a reasonable occasional.
Yeah, asking is untrustworthy versus if it's constantly asking

(27:33):
for. I think there is.
Or trying to take control of that situation.
It it's also like a matter of I think, like are you being taken
care of right? Because like in this scenario,
guys making 250 KA year, she's got money allowance.
When he she needs extra money, he's giving it to her.
You know, she's she's able to stay home and work.

(27:53):
I mean stay at home mom, like like to do you.
So he's providing a lot of stuff, right.
So it's like, but but that's thething.
But yeah, I I agree with you. Like, I mean, if you said hey,
can can I, I'm curious. I'd like to see where we're at.
I would show you like like the the numbers, I'd show you what
the business looks like. You want to look at the, you
know the things I mean, We geek out.

(28:15):
He would. I'm just saying that like I'm
trying to get more of the perspective because something's
off because I agree with you ultimately.
And I'm trying to figure out whythis woman doesn't because being
in her shoes, granted, like we haven't had kids ourselves, but
we do have a child that it's like where what is her actual

(28:38):
problem? Because most women in the
situation you're talking about wouldn't have a problem.
No, I don't have your problem. That's what's, that's the
problem. See, that's what you're that's
where you're misunderstanding isthat you've been out of it for
too long. Well, I mean, like with a man
that really provides and he's trustworthy and he shows up in
all the other ways and has everything that a woman would

(29:00):
want. I do think a woman would not
have a problem with our situation now with like a random
man who's not good with financesor he provides financially, but
he's not providing emotionally or something like that.
Yeah, I'm there will be problems.
But I'm saying like if some, if someone was in my shoes and they
felt the same way about you and they had everything they wanted

(29:23):
in a man, they would not be feeling, they would not say they
feel financially abused. Like there's no way that I would
ever say I feel financially abused.
Right? Right.
So that's what I'm trying to sayis that what else is what's
going on because it's not the financial situation, it's
something else, which is what I'm trying.
To say, and but but a part of itof of what that something else

(29:46):
is, is this feminist type of society that we do live in like
that the the woke type of mentality of entitlement that
that doesn't understand this wayof doing things that you know
that majority of women would say, Oh, no, no man is going to

(30:11):
take care. Take my fine.
Like tell me what like what money I'm going to have like
like they would look at they would look at your situation
like most women like and we'll see we'll test.
I mean, if some clip goes viral,you'll see so many women trying
to rescue you from the evil man,right?
But if they were so, so they will attack you and they will

(30:31):
say you're so naive. She's he's taking advantage of
you, blah, blah, blah, you need to have your money girl, blah,
blah, blah, right? Like this is abuse, whatever.
But they would also trade you. Like they're going to attack
you, but they would trade you. So what I'm saying is that the
popular thing to say and the wayof thinking about things is that

(30:54):
Oh no, like it should be all, itshould all be transparent.
It should all be financially equal.
Yeah, but I think that's fear. I think that's what it is, fear,
but it's also just a way of thinking of, of, of not
understanding the masculine feminine, not understanding the
order of things. It's the same thinking of no man
is going to tell me what to do. You know, you're not the boss of

(31:17):
me. It's the same.
Yeah, you're right. But I also think that it is
mostly fear and of just not knowing what's possible because
again, before you came along, I I wouldn't trust the men that I
dated before with all my money. That's I'm being honest.
Yeah, for sure. And so I think that they're also

(31:39):
potentially in situations like that where they can't even
fathom trusting a man with theirfinances.
But if they met somebody that they trusted and knew was
capable and gave them again, allthe things that you give me, I
think they would. I think it's just the lack of

(32:03):
being in a situation that feels safe enough to relinquish your
financial situation to somebody entirely.
And there's even been situations, you know, where you
and I have been in that we used some money that I had.
And that was like, if I think about it, I'm like, that's kind
of scary. Like I don't have that anymore,

(32:25):
right? Exactly, Yeah.
But I never was like, I shouldn't do this or because I
trusted you and you also provideme with so much stuff that it
actually felt kind of good to beable to provide that to you, you
know, in that instance. But I'm just saying that.
I'm not saying none of it is. No, I like culture brainwashing

(32:45):
people. It definitely is, but I also
think that there is like a lack of trust or they're not with the
right person and that's also holding 'cause they're afraid.
They're afraid for some reason that they don't trust this
person with their money. That's.
Exactly. If you are with a person like
that, they're probably not the right person for you, right?

(33:09):
You're just too good hearted. I mean, that is a compliment,
but but it's true. But but, but but you're actually
are bringing up a point that is underlying like because what
you're bringing up is the point as to why women don't want to
have a man be the man of the house and to be in charge of
them and to be the leader and bethe king in the house and why

(33:32):
they don't want to submit to him, right?
Because those are all scary words to say, right?
But when that man is a servant leader, meaning that he puts the
woman and the how and his children and the family first
above his own needs, and that's how he's operating.
When he, when the way he's managing the finances, when the

(33:52):
way that he's managing their lives is to optimize for their
happiness, not for his, then those aren't scary words.
Then submitting to that man makes sense.
You know what I'm saying? Letting him be in charge, he can
tell me what to do because I trust what he's going to tell me
what to do, right? Because he's going to take me

(34:13):
into account. Like then those things make
sense. But that's kind of the root of
the of the whole thing is that Ithink if people understood that,
that's what the point of this is.
The point of it isn't that, oh, I'm in charge and I'm going to
tell you what to do. You're my subservient wife and
you know you go make me a sandwich and you know, and you.

(34:34):
Know and here's your allowance. Right.
It's, it's more like if they were to look at our household,
they would see me getting up andmaking you coffee in the
morning. They would see like me doing
more service acts like trying toserve you as my my Princess.
You know, not that you don't do things for me.
Obviously you do, but but that'snot what the it's not.

(34:54):
That's not why I'm in charge. I'm in charge in order to allow
you to be in your feminine, to not have to worry about the
stresses of the world in life and to deal with all that stuff.
You got your own. But you're rare.
You're rare. And that's the reality.
I'm I'm just speaking the truth.But but also is rare as a man

(35:16):
making $250,000, giving his wifean allowance and extra money
when she needs it, allowing her to stay home right and take care
of the So it's like what? He's probably missing something
on the emotional connection side.
Because she said what? For eight years she did work and
then now she just stopped. She's been married for eight

(35:37):
years and then last two years. Stay at home, mom.
OK, so like why is she reminiscing on working and
bringing in money, I guess? And then she's not like, not
she's not happy. It's just people don't
understand, like it is a bit of an entitlement thing.
It's like they don't understand this order of things.
It's just like when we talk about, you know, the whole thing

(35:58):
of like the rules for the relationship of like having
locations on no girls night out,guys night out, no bachelor
parties or Bachelorette parties.And it's like don't travel
without your partner. Like to go like girls trip guys
like people are like you guys are crazy and controlling
because they don't understand it.
And so it's like if you're coming in with that that mind
frame, OK, you can have friends of the opposite sex while you're

(36:20):
in a relationship. Talk to your ex like people
believe that that's true and they haven't suffered the
consequences of that yet. They don't understand those
principles. And when you come into that,
it's like, oh, well, I should have equal access to, to the
money. I should like I, I should have
all, all of these, these things like you, you who you can't tell

(36:41):
me what I can spend and not spend.
You see what I'm saying? It's like but that's.
Why I'm confused I guess is likethey've been together 8 years so
this just started happening two years ago.
So is it like the disruption of now it's different because it's
different with you and me? Like I worked when we first met
but like I still wasn't paying like half.

(37:05):
No, no, I was still like you. Know I think you paid the
majority, but I did give you. Yeah.
You gave me a little bit of a this was before we were married,
right? Yeah.
So what and. Or before we were engaged.
Then, like you were still doing,you were still providing more
than me even back then. And so when it transitioned to
like you provided everything, itdidn't seem as abrupt and I

(37:27):
trusted you still. And that's what I'm talking
about. And that stuff.
But that's why I'm like, was it different though?
Like did this man just get a 200,000 dollar whatever salary
now and he didn't before? Was she in charge of the budget
for the the previous six years and then now he's making more
money and now he's in charge? Like I'm just missing a lot of

(37:49):
information because it's just not a normal response.
If everything else is good and you're getting to stay home and
your man's providing you like whatever you want, basically you
just have to ask for it or whatever, why are you calling it
financially abusive? But have you heard of Occam's
Racer? No, it's, it's says that the

(38:10):
whatever the simplest answer is,that's probably the answer.
And so it's probably the answer that she's just entitled.
And I'll tell you why because when you look at the thread on
on X, there was so many people agreeing with her without having
any more information, just saying oh that's ridiculous.
They use financially abusive like get out of there.

(38:30):
Cuz I think though, that's cuz she used the word abusive and
then people are just gonna coverthemselves and be like, if
you're being abused you should leave.
Immediately there's no abuse in you cannot financially abuse
someone. So immediately when I look at
that right as a man knowing thatOK, this dude, cuz I crack down
hard on dudes, especially when it comes to finances and taking

(38:51):
care of your woman right? And it's like, dude, dude's
making 250 KA year check. OK, he's giving her money that a
monthly allowance. So he's allocating and figuring
out how much money to give her every month.
So she has she doesn't have to depend on him for everything.
She's got a way to spend money without having to ask him for
everything. And he's giving her money when
she asks beyond that, I'm like, and he's letting her stay home

(39:13):
and and not have to work. Dude is like providing he's he's
doing. Financially, yes.
Above yeah, but she her complaint was not my my
relationship bad, he treats me bad blah blah blah.
Her complaint was about. Abusive.
So I'm wondering if he's trying to control what she's spending
money on? But that's also a reasonable
thing, like, you know what I'm saying?

(39:34):
Like to a degree. But is it right?
But what is the degree? Because you're right, she's all
the things that she said until financially abusive.
Yeah, but you're trying to make it more complicated.
That's what I'm saying is Occam's razor.
Like she's like he's providing all this stuff.
She's she didn't say he controlswhat kind of bread I buy.
Like he's given her an allowance, which is actually

(39:55):
better in many cases than just acredit card because the
allowance is like here, this is your money.
You can spend it however you want to spend it.
You see what I'm saying? So that's actually.
But it's an allowance for her, for the family, I mean for the
kids. We we didn't, but either way,
that's still fine. Like that's still as if he
because the other thing is he's like.
To investigate, I can't just leave it at like.

(40:16):
I mean, from her own admission, she's saying he gives me money
whenever I ask. So it's like, that sounds pretty
good. Like, you know what I'm saying?
It's like no matter how you slice and dice this, she's
coming from a very entitled attitude.
Like she doesn't realize how much better she has than most
people on this planet and most people in the United States.

(40:37):
So that's, that's what I'm I'm saying.
But I mean, yeah, again, there'sgot to be something going on
wrong. Like some somewhere.
Look, when there's a problem, who do I go to for who caused
the problem? Total.
Just kidding. The leader, the man of the
house, like like so he he he fucked up somewhere along the

(40:59):
lines, right, because one eitherhe like married a a gold digger,
right, or he didn't. He didn't teach her right, Like
he didn't like like help educateher on like, hey, this is like
maybe maybe they need to do some, some take her to do a soup
kitchen or something to see how privileged that she is right and

(41:22):
how how most people live. She could be freaking out that
she lost control of finances. Or #3 he didn't provide the
emotional safety and support andtrust that she needs to
understand who, you know what I'm saying?
Like he should have either tossed her out.
Or. No, a long time ago, like

(41:42):
before, like or educated her or provided something on the not
just the financial side that he wasn't like it should have been
one of those three things. Is that somewhere he messed up
along the line because because Idon't like the the buck stops
there, right, Especially you're the dude.
OK, you're making 250 KA year. You're providing for your your

(42:03):
family. Like she's she's working from
home. She comes and she's spouting off
on X behind your back about you being financed or she is staying
from home. I mean, it's it's working from
home. You know that, but you know, but
she's spouting on X that he's financially abusive.
Bro fucked up somewhere because that's disrespect.
That's like, you know, either she she was should not been a

(42:27):
woman that you marry or you should have provided some kind
of correction or you should you're you're not showing up
some other place. You know what I'm saying?
And they're because that's what I'm.
Saying he's. Clearly the man of the house, if
he's taking on the financial burden, like he's, he thinks
he's the man of the house. So then the buck stops there
like somewhere, you know, I see that happen.

(42:48):
I I'm going to like, yeah, I think she's entitled, but I'm
going to judge the man and be like, hey, dude, what?
Your, your woman is out here on the X, you know, like she
doesn't appreciate you. She's disrespecting you.
Like what's going on? Like it's got to be something.
It's definitely disrespectful and it's not OK to throw out
abuse. The word abuse.

(43:09):
That's why it was just shocking to me.
But it's also like you said, shocking that she didn't mention
how it's abusive. Really.
Like she said she the money is being controlled that's given to
her, but she didn't mention why that's a bad thing.
What it's preventing her from doing, which would be why it's

(43:31):
abusive if it's preventing her from doing something that she
feels entitled to. This, this is like there's no
such thing as financial abuse. But if you're talking about like
like to mentally abuse someone or to like extort someone using

(43:51):
money like this is what women are afraid of.
This is a different situation. This is where a guy he's like,
OK, he's it doesn't really matter how much he's making, but
probably he's making less than than that.
Not, you know, and he tells the the 10 you, you can't work.
You need to, you need to stay home and you need to take care
of the kids. And then he's like, and you need

(44:11):
to have my dinner on the table at 5:00 and it better be warm.
And you know, I mean, and like, and that, that house better be
clean, right? And like, and he's given her all
this stuff that he that he wantsfrom her.
You better go do the shopping. And then he gives her a certain
amount that she can spend on theon the shopping and anything
that she wants, like, you know, she wants to get extra cleaner

(44:34):
or whatever. She has to like go through him
and he questions her about abouther judgment on on that.
What do you really need this? Why did you get this kind of
bread? Right?
She doesn't have money for herself.
She has to ask him for for everysingle thing.
He checks every single thing. Where are you all the time
checking you? So I'm saying like that's a
controlling, that's a real actual controlling situation

(44:57):
where that's a totally differentthing.
And of course, yeah, I don't condone that.
Like, that's not that's not whatwe're talking about.
But, you know, giving an allowance, giving a certain
amount of money, like get like, you know, making enough money,
taking care of where she doesn'thave to work.
It was like, it's a different yeah.
Then what? You know, Yeah, it's.

(45:17):
Being pretty. I can understand what the actual
in like abusive situation looks like.
That's where it's like, oh, where it's like.
And and he also says it's my money.
It's not like I'm the one who makes the money.
So it's it's my money. He holds it over your head?
Yeah. You can't leave because what are
you going to do without me? You know, that type of situation
where it's like she has no financials, she's trapped, She's

(45:40):
been married to a guy for she doesn't have a skills or a job
or anything. And, and he's the only source
of, of money and he's holding onto that money and making her
answer for every single Spence expense that she, you know, I'm
saying like unreasonably so to use it as a control mechanism,
that's a totally different thing, right?

(46:01):
But I think women get afraid. You're right.
And I'm glad you spelled it out because that is controlling
versus what we're talking about,at least what we know in this
situation. But I think women get afraid
because it doesn't all happen atonce.
Usually, especially early on, men are on their best behavior
and then it starts bleeding in alittle bit.
He starts becoming controlling about one thing.

(46:22):
And then you're like, well, is this controlling or isn't?
And then, you know, some people,men and women, stay on their
best behavior until you get married and then they let it all
hang out. And then now you're stuck with
this person figured out. But I think I agree with what

(46:43):
you're saying. I just think that women get
afraid too, because they're veryhyper vigilant because they try
to pick up on is it happening? Like, is it starting to happen?
Is he going to turn into this man?
Like he might be this man, but is he going to turn into this
man? Like, I think after a while, if
you've been together long enoughand you spend as much time
together as like you and I have like those kind of go out the

(47:06):
window. But early on, or like if you had
a quick engagement and then you got married and now the person's
acting different, I think that'swhere women get a little
cautious, which I'm not saying is what this woman is going
through. They've been together 10 years I
guess cuz they were no eight years and then two of the years
she's been at home. But there's something just off

(47:30):
about this. Like I don't get why.
And it might be her. I'm not saying it's not because
there definitely are women and people just in general that will
blow something out of proportionand manipulate the situation,
but also maybe he's controlling what she's buying and she didn't
say it. I don't know.
Not with the allowance. And and she admits that he gives

(47:51):
her money when she wants. Yeah.
Like that, that's where it's like, that's where it doesn't as
believable, but there's still something missing here.
Yeah, I mean, it does like, yeah, there's something missing.
There's definitely some entitle and disrespect going on as as
well. You know what I'm saying?
But but a lot of just people just don't understand like, and
I can tell you from looking at the thread and how many people

(48:11):
just like have the mindset they don't understand that the value
of the man being in charge of the house, being in charge of
the finance, even even in traditional relationships,
right. This is a problem like because
our closest demographic that matches us, even though we're
not religious is, is Christian, like Bible believing, you know,
Christians. And in many of those households,

(48:34):
I can tell you who's got the checkbook, the wife, she's
paying the bills. The man's making the money.
Sure, maybe right, But she's really the one who is handling
all the finances, right. And that's not good.
That's not how it's supposed to be, right?
So they don't even necessarily get that right.
What what I'm espousing isn't itwhat most people would call an

(48:56):
extreme view, but I think it's avery sensible one, right?
If you're the man that you're supposed to be and taking care
of your house properly, these things shouldn't be a problem.
And also a woman shouldn't have a problem with that, right?
Because like. But if she's been in control of
that right during your relationship and now it changes,
that might also throw her off. And maybe that's what happened.

(49:17):
Maybe the six years before she stayed at home she was in charge
of the finances or like paid thebills and then now he took it
over. By the way that she she, her
grammar and the way she phrased things, I seriously doubt that's
the case. But I don't know.
But I think that that's also what women struggle with too, is

(49:38):
that if they've been doing it. And the man?
Hasn't and now they got to switch over.
Then it's like they've been doing it so they know how it
operates and they've been doing it right.
Now they're giving it to somebody that they don't know if
they're going to do it right. And like, a lot of men probably
aren't the most financially savvy compared to women.

(50:00):
I'm not saying that women are better, but because women
definitely have their own things.
But I feel like that is where a lot of women have pushed back is
because they don't trust the manto do it right and at least not
do it correctly maybe. Or like you said, or no in the
Laura Dora book where she was like, you know, if the lights go

(50:24):
off one month, you got to let ithappen, which is like crazy.
Like no woman wants that. They're like, why?
When I could just do it right? Like I've been doing it.
Right, exactly. But.
So it's it's a scary thing. I'm not saying that this is
what's happening with this lady.It doesn't sound like it, but
I'm just trying to throw in. Yeah, no, it's.
Good. Because this is just something

(50:44):
that we can have talking point now.
Like the point is not even necessarily to dissect this
story, but it brings up the talking points about what you're
saying about finances in a household.
But I think it's important. I think if you're a man and you
are financially responsible and you come into the relationship
again, you're not going to take her money and make it your money

(51:05):
when you just started dating, right?
But you know, if you come in from the get go and you're
financially responsible and she can trust you in that way and in
all the ways. Right.
Exactly. Yeah.
You can transition a lot more easily into living the
traditional lifestyle where you're the breadwinner and she

(51:25):
stays at home. Then if it's like you're coming
in halfway, like you weren't doing it before, you just let
her do it because she was already doing it and then now
you want to take it over, That'sgoing to cause issues.
It can. It can still happen.
I'm not saying it can't still happen, but she's going to have
control issues because she was controlling that thing and now

(51:47):
she's not. So it's just better for men to
learn this skill from the very beginning.
And especially too, if you want to be successful in business in
your career, right? It's a good thing to have.
Right. And, and, and the thing about
it, and that's why I said like that when you're dating, like
you're establishing these things, all right, like you're

(52:08):
not even dating as a man probably until your 30s on like
30s or 40s, like seriously dating.
That's my advice. OK, there's exceptions, but you
probably don't have your shit together as a man until until
then and have enough experience with women to understand and how
to know how to handle a woman properly.
She's going to run, run you over, right?

(52:29):
So but then also financially, itgives you time to build because
you shouldn't be messing around like getting involved with the
woman in a relationship early onin life is going to slow you
down as a man financially, right?
You should be thinking about thefuture, about your family, and
you should be working hard in your 20s Again, look, I didn't,

(52:51):
I mean, I did partial of this advice, but I got married young,
you know, so, so I'm not saying that like I'm the, the, the
perfect know it all, like I knowit now, but but your 20s should
be spent working hard enough that you're going to be able to
support a wife and kids like a family as a man, if that's what

(53:12):
you want, right? That's what you want out of
life. Then you get into the place
where you are financially more successful than the woman.
So again, how's this going to work if she's more financially
successful than you? It can, but it's hard, right?
So, but if you're working your 20s and that's what you're
focused on, then you can be to that point.
There's no excuse or reason why you can't do that.

(53:34):
And so then as a man, when you're dating a woman, you're
paying for the dates. You're like, you're already
setting the precedent that I'm taking care of you, right?
I'm the man. And then when you get engaged,
now you're taking over all of her finances because this is a
trial period at that point. But you're also having a
conversation before you get married, before you get engaged,

(53:54):
you need to have the conversation then not before you
get a long term relationship. That's fine.
Like, you know, you can, you canbe in a committed relationship,
but before you get engaged, you need to make sure that she's on
the same page as you, which means you should have had the
captain of the ship talk, but you also need to talk about the
financial part of it and be like, look, you know, just so
we're on the same page, like I take care of you now
financially, take care of all your stuff.

(54:16):
You know, when we get married, if that's if that if, if we're
going to just want to make sure we're on the same page that I
will take care of all of the finances, all the money, I will
handle it. You won't have to worry about
all that and and like, and then if there's problems that come
up, then you can discuss. So it's known like this is how
things are going to operate, right?
It's like, and that's, and because there's no way that

(54:40):
things were going to operate differently with me.
Like that's how I was going to operate.
Like that's. Yeah, but what if you get in a
situation like there's where it changed like six years in?
Well, and people that watch thispodcast and now they're awakened
because we've awakened them, right?
And they realized that a traditional relationship like
that, they make sense. Then you you've got to do some

(55:04):
trust building in education because if you are switching the
situation, it is different. And you're like, OK, well, this
is something better, right? It's going to take time.
You can't just instantly be like, OK, before, you know, we
were like equal partnership and no one's in, no one's in charge,
and it's just everything is split and now I'm the man and

(55:28):
I'm in charge and you have to listen to me and I'll take care
of all the finances that doesn't.
That's not going to blend to. Well, you have to understand
this like because it's a, it's anew agreement at this point.
It's like, OK, I wanna be able to take care of you.
Yeah. As a man, I don't want you to
have to worry about these things.
Well, I think even if you're in a 5050 or whatever and you

(55:53):
transition to a traditional, yeah, relationship or if even if
the woman is more successful than you as a man, I think like
we said before, 1, you have to put all your money together.
Like if you're getting married, you have to put all your money
together. And I think that the man should
still manage the finances and lead in those ways.

(56:15):
So then if you do ever transition to more traditional
where he's the sole breadwinner and she stays at home or
whatever, then you kind of already have that dynamic.
And it still takes off the stress from the woman of
focusing on something masculine like which the men will come for
me and they'll be like, taking care of yourself is not

(56:37):
masculine. It's being a human.
But it's like, if a woman doesn't have to deal with that,
even if she's going to work and having to be in that
environment, you're going to seea more feminine side of her at
home because she doesn't have tobe like, oh, was this bill due?
Or is this, she knows that you have it handled.
She knows she can trust you. And then that way again, if you
ever transition, it's an easier transition than, like you said,

(57:00):
going from where two people living under one house, but we
live separate lives. Basically your money's yours and
your money's yours and you can do whatever you want.
Versus, you know, doing that transition into a more
traditional, like it'll feel more of a shell shock if you're
going from 2 separate people rather than combining together

(57:20):
when you get married like you should anyway.
Even if you're both going to work and even if you both have
to divvy up like the chores at home in a, in a way where it's
still a little bit more equal because if she's working, she's
still doing, you know, more thanwhen you transition.
Then she can, you know, drop thecareer stuff and focus just on

(57:42):
the stuff at home. It just would make things
transition a lot easier. And I feel like it'll make you
feel more like a unified unit like team from the very
beginning. And then you also won't have
because I guess the whole thing with that woman's tweet or
whatever. Do they call it tweets anymore
now that it's XI? Don't.
Know it's a tweet yeah, yeah, I think you can get the.

(58:04):
Whole thing that is that why didyou marry a man you don't trust
or why did you marry a man you're talking like this about,
right? Yeah.
And if you're just upset and you're posting this, that's not
good because then you're going to have to be like, I didn't
mean it, I was just upset. And if you do mean it, he didn't

(58:26):
just get this way, probably. Right.
Yeah. Like you're eight years in this,
he was probably this way and if you had a problem with it, you
should have also left the relationship.
Like you shouldn't leave it now that you're like making this
into something 'cause if there'sactually a problem you should
probably talk about that rather than what she's talking about on

(58:49):
there. Right.
Yeah. So, and is she doing this
because she's upset because he'snot providing for her
emotionally? Maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe she's
trying to get attention because he's not giving her attention or
she wants. I don't.
Or she's spending too much time on social media and she's got
this ideas planted in her head and that like, you know, it's
like, but also that's his responsibility.

(59:10):
He should be like, look, this isnot healthy.
Like, you know what I'm saying? So ultimately it does come back
to his responsibility. Like like I said, if I see this
and if I'm, if you know, I'm a man looking at this and I'm
like, oh, your woman just posted, your wife posted this.
What are you doing? Like there's not like you

(59:30):
tolerate this kind of disrespectin your house, like you allow
this to happen like somewhere you fucked up.
Like, you know, again, not not saying that, like you know,
it's. Like, like, what is he going to
do? It'd be like no money for you,
no allowance for you this week. It's not, it's not like that.
It's like, it's, it's already like, that's like, it's like
you, you go to a house, right? And it's on fucking fire.

(59:54):
And that's the stage you're at at this point.
So it's not like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to try.
And the fires are like, you fucked up somewhere really far
back that this happened, like being a jerk and being like, OK,
now you're not going to like punishing for that.
That's not what we're talking about.
There's not a it's, it's a like have a talk like.

(01:00:17):
This this is a serious like, youknow, are you, are we really
together? Like this is a violation of my
trust and like total disrespect.Like let's get on the same page
here and make sure that this is,you know, figured out because
it's it's something that it's like had that happened earlier
in their relationship should have been bye, bye, bye bye bye

(01:00:39):
bye. You know, like, because yeah,
you know, that's very entitled type of like a disrespectful
type of attitude. That's that's what I'm saying.
It's just hard to discuss cuz wedon't have the full picture, but
I think we did a pretty good job.
Yeah, minus the full picture. But but it is it is like just a
matter of understanding how the things should work.

(01:01:01):
Right. But a lot of people don't know.
And that's the thing that's why we started this podcast is a lot
of people don't know because, right, the traditional of like
the 50s is not the same as traditional now.
Like things have changed. Like back then it was just about
money and you just dealt with it.
And they probably did have legitallowances.
And it wasn't like a loving situation.

(01:01:21):
It wasn't loving leadership. It was you're stuck with me
because you can't buy a house onyour own or get a job or things
like that. So people don't really know what
it looks like. And like you said, I think the
only examples they have is religious.
And if they're not religious, then they might resist that just
because it's really you don't, you never know.
So The thing is, people don't really know.

(01:01:44):
There's a lot of, so this is theway to explain it.
And that's The thing is like you're either in the situation
where you're not married yet. So then no 5050, like you're
hearing it, you learn, you're learning now like that this is
how you should like there, there's no excuses.
There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to operate

(01:02:06):
your household like this. If you're a man, you should
definitely be like, I'm going toonly marry a woman that trust me
to lead the house, that respectsme as the leader of the house
that submits to my authority as the man taking care of the
household, right. Again, you got to be the man
that's earning of that. Understanding what servant

(01:02:26):
leadership is, understanding how.
You have to do it, yeah. But that's how you should be as
a woman. That's what you should want from
a man. And you should be willing to
give up the finances and, and ifyou if you're not, then that's
not the man for you. If you need to trust him.
If you're already in the situation where you're already
5050, that's different. But there's I'm just saying like

(01:02:46):
there's no like, oh, well, yeah,we'll, we'll do kind of a
traditional or a modern traditional relationship, but
we'll do a 5050. Like, no, you got a if you're
not in it already, if you're already in it, sure.
Then those are the people that Iget it when you're like, OK, how
can we even support one house household on one income?
Well, OK, transit, figure it outnow that you know what the

(01:03:09):
principal is and figure out how you can get there.
If you know how can as you as a man start getting control the
finances, you might have to earnsome of that trust because you
haven't shown it before. You know, maybe get your wife to
read the empowered wife book, Right.
Or or the other. I mean, you like the surrendered

(01:03:30):
wife. Yeah, and and the, the Queen's
code, right? And you know, as a man, read
those, but like you can transition that if that's what
you guys want to do and be there.
But but yeah, but from the beginning, if you, if you have
the that's why I think it's so important.
It's like if you have the principles and the fundamentals
right from the beginning, you can avoid all of the, the

(01:03:50):
problems and pitfalls, right? How many people like we just had
a story today. I won't, I won't name the names
of friends of the opposite sex causing problems and the
relationship that was I think close to an engagement, maybe it
was engagement was destroyed, right?
And it's like if you have these principles, even though you,

(01:04:14):
some people laugh at us and likeall this stupid stuff that you
guys think you don't trust your partner.
It's like, no, but if you were living by these principles and
you have these principles, it will save you.
You also don't wanna do those things when you are in a
relationship and have those principles.
Like I feel like if you lay downprinciples and you're like, I
wanna have guy friends still or I wanna whatever, then like

(01:04:36):
you're probably not in the relationship you really wanna be
in. And yeah, and then it's bye,
bye. Because none of the principles
or whatever ever feel like I'm bumping into the edges, if that
makes. Sense but but that's also where
kind of a man's dude, I know we're going to wrap it up, but a
man's duty is is to is to do theeducation to have the principles

(01:04:56):
because he's thinking about running the ship.
And so the woman sometimes only needs to have the boundaries to
know like, OK, yeah, it's not cool to do like friends of the
opposite sex. It's not cool to do like the
girls night out. No, no, no, like, like because
she might not be thinking about all the repercussions of those

(01:05:18):
things or she might say, oh, it's harmless or whatever.
But if if the man is a trustworthy man who has
principles and who understands how to run the ship, he should
be putting these guidelines for her own good, for the good of
the relationship, and saying youmight not be.
Following the guidelines. And he should be following,
obviously, but he might be, you know, you might not understand

(01:05:40):
why I'm saying this. I will try to explain to you and
you might not agree with it, butthis is how we're going to do it
if you're going to be in a relationship with me.
Or you know what I'm saying, honestly, if you can explain
that it benefits the relationship, then why would
anyone even argue with that? People argue that it still
happens, but, and I think that it's fear.
I do think it's fear and I thinkthat people are afraid to be

(01:06:03):
burned. They're afraid to be vulnerable
and get hurt. And I get that.
But at the end of the day, if you're doing something like
getting married, you better knowif you trust this person or not.
Period. And that's ultimately what it
is, is it's like a man has to have that trust or the woman has
to have that trust in him that that if he says, OK, these are
the things for the relationship that she's might not agree with.

(01:06:26):
She's like, I don't see any because she can.
People will argue to their blue in the face about friends of the
opposite sex. And as a man in a relationship,
even if the woman that you're with doesn't agree with you and
she thinks it's harmless and this guy doesn't, you still have
to be like, look, you can't justargue forever.
You gotta be like, look, this isjust the boundary.

(01:06:47):
You don't have to be in a relationship.
We don't have to get married. We don't have, but it's a non
negotiable like this is the boundary.
Like it has to be like it comes from a loving place, but it
doesn't necessarily be, it's notnecessarily understood because
even just like the even the whole thing with with girls
night out because many girls don't understand like until I
mean, I can put it in a real good way for guys that, that

(01:07:10):
want to communicate this to yourgirlfriend or wife as to why
girls night out is that when girls go out to a bar, they're
like, Oh, well, we're just goingto, we just go to dance and
we're not flirting with guys. Like we're just trying to be
friends. And OK, but if a guy were in a
situation where he went out somewhere and it and 90% of the

(01:07:34):
girls in there, we're trying to get buy him drinks and take him
home to sleep with him. No woman would want her guy in
that situation. But that is a situation that all
women are in when they're at nightclubs.
They don't have to exercise them.
But you see what I'm saying? It's like, but to get that
understanding you, if you're like, OK, I'm just doing

(01:07:55):
innocent things at the at the nightclub.
I get it and I believe it. But it doesn't change that.
Like the guy knows the danger ofthe situation.
Why it's not OK because she's not thinking about it.
If it were reversed because, youknow, if it if it were the Case,
No, no woman would ever agree tothat situation.

(01:08:16):
Yeah, but that's what everyone. Yeah, we went off.
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, No, I get what you're
saying and I agree with what you're saying, that the guy
should show up from the beginning really having these
principles. And I think that's the most
important, honestly. It's not like he can't get them
and change the dynamic of the relationship.

(01:08:36):
But really if you're following what you're saying in that you
don't even date till your 30s or40s, you should already have
those principles ingrained in you.
And it's way more attractive to a woman that from the very
beginning you were trustworthy and responsible.
Then being irresponsible and untrustworthy and then having to
gain that back, it's so much harder.

(01:08:58):
So men should really focus on like developing those qualities
before they get into a serious relationship.
Or if you do get in one and you're still kind of slacking,
that you quickly learn those things because it'll be a lot
easier for you to be the head ofthe household, the captain of

(01:09:19):
the ship, if you already are demonstrating those qualities
than if you haven't for years. And then now she's just supposed
to trust you and expect that you're going to handle these
things, right? That's going to be really
difficult. And just one last thing before
the argument of the passport, bro, guys come in and be like,
oh, that's why you can't find a Western woman.
You have to go somewhere else where women actually have those

(01:09:41):
principles. And it is that, and I've told
this to many, many guys because they complain about this is
like, look, if you're a strong enough masculine man who has his
shit together, right, it doesn'tmatter.
You can. Convert any woman.
The woman will women. The feminine is follow follower,
she her her principles will change to match yours if you

(01:10:05):
have a strong enough leadership and trustworthiness.
Right, like that's. If you're a good enough man.
Yeah, because she wants to join your cult.
She's going to get on your ship.Like that's what.
Well, she wants to be on a ship that she knows right is being
controlled the way that she would want to control it, and
that she can turn her brain off and not have to be in her

(01:10:27):
masculine because you have it handled right.
So in order for her to follow you, you have to prove you're
more competent than she is. That's the only way.
Because guys all the time are like, Oh well, I can't date this
woman because she's feminist. Or just be yourself, be who you
are, the masking man that you are.
If you've learned all these principles, take care of her
financially, whatever, like, andjust she will morph to the she

(01:10:54):
will morph or she will be gone. Like otherwise it'll just be
like she, you know, but you if you're standing firm as a man
and you are actually that rock. It's a test and and and women
will you know they they will will change to to be with you if
you're worth being with so. That's true.
All right. Yeah, we went a little bit over,

(01:11:15):
but. Do we have a thing for you?
Do we have any disagreement? Did we?
We didn't have any arguments or any.
Something about Toto right on vacation.
Oh, just about the the total clingy miss the total clinging
to you. But but we didn't even really

(01:11:37):
like it was just like a A2 minute thing I think, unless you
thought it was more. No, I mean, I just felt like you
were being mean to her and then you were like, she's clingy.
So I've told you, if you stop being mean to her, then I'll
Yeah, you weren't being mean. Mean no, I was being stripped.
I was being, I was being masculine voiced.

(01:11:59):
Yeah, but you were also like, you know, kind of dismissing her
a lot more than normal. So it seemed to mean in my.
In your girl brain, I can see that, but yeah.
Yeah, no, it wasn't like a wholething, but I think that's the
only thing. That's the only thing, yeah.
That I can think of, knock on wood.
Here we go, Knock on wood. You deserve this award, my dear.

(01:12:21):
Best couple that did not buy this at CVS.
That's the true thing. We were hand sticked for that.
We walked in the CVS and they gave it to us.
That's it and. Then we checked out.
For and we paid for it because we didn't, we felt bad for just
taking it. It didn't want to be shoplifters
either. All right, well, yeah.

(01:12:43):
Send us an e-mail at Better ThanPerfect Podcast dot no.
At Gmail, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm.
Confused better than perfect podcast at Gmail?
But then if you want to go to our website
betterthanperfectpod.com. That's right, yeah.
And if you have a question, something that you'd like us,
because I think it's if we have some controversial things and we

(01:13:06):
talk about it like we did on this episode, that makes a good
episode. But if you have a question for
us, I think we we wanted to start doing some like little
short videos and stuff answeringpeople's questions.
Short videos. Yeah, like like Tik Toks and
things like that. Or maybe we could, you know, do
a bunch. Of it's the first I'm hearing of
this, but I'm down with that we.Talked a little bit about that,
but I don't know. I, I, I was, I was just talking.

(01:13:29):
In your mind. In my mind, so, but yeah, if
you've got something for us, a question, you know, yeah, then
yeah, send us an e-mail or you can even DM us on on Instagram,
so. Anywhere.
Just. Send anyway.
Yeah, anywhere, just. And leave a review.
Yeah, if you if you would. We would appreciate it, yeah.
Because you know. Because, you know, yeah, we're

(01:13:52):
official. All right, we'll see you guys
next week. Bye to every fault we find.