Want a Wife? Stop “Dating for Marriage” and Start Having Fun [Ep 99]

Dating works better when it’s playful, curious, and pressure-free. We break down why leading with “I’m looking for marriage” screams desperation, how to keep things fun without being a player, and the masculine/feminine dance (men = guardians of commitment, women = guardians of sex). Plus: practical scripts, what “leadership” actually looks like on dates, and when to talk commitment.Chapters • 00:00 Cold open: “Treat dating like it’s fun.” • 00:40 Intro + the mindset shift (labels kill chemistry) • 03:15 Why “dating for marriage” backfires (neediness vs. selection) • 07:20 The dance: guardians of sex & commitment explained • 11:45 Nice-guy trap vs. jerk trap (and the real third path) • 16:30 Women’s lens: validation, vetting, and slow mystery • 22:10 Leadership & assertiveness vs tactics (how men actually improve) • 27:35 Scripts: flirt without pressure; set clean boundaries • 33:10 When to bring up commitment (timing & phrasing) • 38:25 Red flags: manipulation, love-bombing, performative “boundaries” • 43:10 Weekly challenge + recapRelevant links • Show site & all episodes: https://betterthanperfectpod.com • Gottman Institute (communication & dating research): https://www.gottman.com • Mark Manson’s Models (authentic attraction for men): https://markmanson.net/models • Esther Perel (desire & modern relationships): https://www.estherperel.comQuick takeaways • Don’t announce outcomes; create chemistry first. • Men: lead with playful flirt + clear plans, not neediness. • Women: keep it fun, vet slowly, don’t chase validation. • Talk commitment after mutual momentum, not as an opener.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The best advice for everyone is to treat dating like it's fun,
like you're making new friends, and to not label yourself as I'm
looking for marriage because when I met you, I wasn't trying
to settle down because I just gotten burned.
And then when I was like snappedout of it and was like, no, this
isn't for me. I want something serious.

(00:22):
I felt like my karma was making it so no one wanted to be
serious with me. And then I got to a point where
I was like, look, I'm going to go have fun.
I'm going to go talk to people. I'm going to go on a date.
I'm going to meet someone new. I still want something serious,
but I'm not pushing that on anybody.
We. Discovered through our flow we
complete each other better than perfect twister to every fault

(00:50):
we find no way. All right.
Welcome back to the better than perfect podcast where every week
we share with you how 2 imperfect people helping each
other grow equals 1 better than perfect relationship.
Yes, it's me too. I'm one of the two like, yeah,
we go, oh, you didn't. Like that?
Peace. But I knew last time you were

(01:13):
like, what are you doing over there?
Try to throw it in there. You gotta make the intro
interesting, that's why they call it the.
Intro. Interesting, interesting.
Yes, interesting. So today we're talking about.
It's an interesting concept. I'll try to explain it to you
and then I'll read like a quote about it.
But it happens a lot with guys that I coach in in dating is

(01:37):
that, you know, if you're a guy that's looking for marriage,
right? So you're, you're dating
seriously, you could say you're dating for marriage, looking for
a wife, right? And you scare away all the
girls. So the idea is that instead of
doing what you think you should be doing, you should actually be

(01:58):
looking for just sex from them. And then you'll get a wife,
which, hey, I guess I'm the the poster boy for it, right?
Even unexpected. But I wasn't.
I wasn't actually even trying todo that, but it happened.
Yeah, so that's not why it happened, but I'll let you

(02:19):
continue before I go into my. Because I've dealt with this
with a lot of my coaching clients, but let me read the
thing that another kind of dating coach that that I know
posted. So his name is Pat Stedman, so
he's got a lot of good advice here.
He says, this is going to get mea lot of grief from some
circles. But quote, dating for marriage

(02:41):
is a fool's errand in 2025. It doesn't work.
It just turns women off. If you meet a girl with any
immediate intention other than good times and good sex, she is
going to sense that agenda and split.
Women aren't looking to be, to, quote, be a wife.
This isn't even just because of feminism, it's a

(03:01):
misunderstanding of female psychology.
Women only want to be a wife to a man they desire and quote and
won over. They want to feel like they were
so special, they turned him on so much they made him commit.
It's extremely unromantic for a woman to date a guy whose main

(03:22):
goal is looking for someone to settle down with.
It makes her feel like she is some generic person who checked
some boxes for him. Not to mention it puts a lot of
pressure on the interaction. Your desire to sleep with a
woman needs to be first and foremost in the dating process.
That doesn't mean you need to sleep with every woman, or that
you need to do it immediately. You can and should be selective,

(03:45):
but you do need to make the gratification of this drive the
prime mover of the interaction. The sexual tension must be
palpable. This is actually how it's always
been. People got married in the past
because they wanted to gratify this drive.
That's why they didn't wait verylong to tie the knot.
But the religious secular rift in society has made it so many

(04:06):
religious people are separated from this vitally fight
vitality. Many religious people are
separate from this vitality, almost like it's an afterthought
or perk of something more profound.
This is backwards. Yes, a marriage should expand
into something greater than carnality.

(04:28):
But the intimacy, the kids, the spiritual union starts with what
is always started with sex. Putting this first is not only
the recipe to getting a girl today, but laying the foundation
for a healthy relationship. Anyone telling you anything
different simply doesn't understand what it's like out
there and is making a paradoxically making it

(04:48):
paradoxically harder for you to find a wife.
So in which I replied, 1 billiontrillion quadrillion percent
true. OK, I have a lot of thoughts.
OK, let's let's hear the thoughts.
I'll start from trying to put myself in the man's shoes.
OK right, so I can understand where as a man you would agree

(05:16):
with this. OK.
And in some ways it is a better way for men to operate.
But I would not say it's the best way.
OK, The only way that it's the better way is because usually
when men lead with I'm dating for marriage or you know, I'm

(05:39):
looking for my wife or whatever,same sort of idea.
However they say it, they are coming across as too much of a
nice guy. A lot of times they are giving
to a woman that has not earned anything from them.
So they're giving her wife material and acting and she

(06:04):
hasn't earned that from him yet.Exactly.
And that turns anyone off, right?
Because women, I'll get into their side of this in a minute,
but they go together. So he's giving all this to her.
And honestly, a lot of men and women who do this as well, too,
when they go in and they're like, I'm looking for, you know,

(06:26):
my wife, the next person I'm getserious with, I'm going to
marry. They're trying to turn anyone
that they somewhat agree with into that person.
Right, which is the check boxes.Right.
Well, and so even if they don't check the boxes, they're trying
to gaslight themselves into thinking that that person,
because they're their end goal is I want to get married, not I

(06:48):
want to find the person that I wanna get married to.
Right. Exactly.
So when a man tells you when you're on a date, I'm looking to
get married and he has no boundaries and he can't tell you
no, he's trying to fit you into whatever his idea is of marriage
is of a wife, even if you don't fit that.
And that is a surefire way to have an unhappy relationship,

(07:11):
which is when you don't fully accept that person, you don't
have the boundaries. You're hoping that they're going
to change one day into the person that you really want, the
people policing stuff. And then they get resentful
because you're not turning out to be the wife that they thought
you were, they were looking for.And then that causes a bunch of.
Problems. So it's like OK, my lease is

(07:32):
expiring in a couple of months and I need to find an apartment.
And you try to make whatever apartment comes across your way
at work. As opposed to I'm living here
totally fine, this apartment looks nicer than where I'm at
right now. I think I'm going to move in
here. Wait, so are you saying this in

(07:56):
a sense of like a guy's in a relationship and he's just gonna
leave for another relationship? Cuz it kind of is coming across
that way. It's like you're.
Fine, I'm good with life right now.
Yes, yes, yes. On your own, yeah.
So I get in a sense where this guy, whoever wrote this, I can't
remember what name you said, Pat.
It's trying to take people to the other extreme.

(08:18):
However, there are men that are in the other extreme that he's
talking about. OK.
And they still aren't getting success.
Like, yes, you are like, oh, I was doing this da, da, da, da,
da. But deep down inside of you, you
really have this idea love that you thought existed, but you had
given up on that. And but it was still inside of
you. Or else I don't even think I
really could have friends you around myself.

(08:40):
So The thing is like my best advice for both men and women
before I get into the women's side, which I'll let you talk
about the men's side too. But the best advice for everyone
is to treat dating like it's fun, like you're making new
friends, like you're getting newexperiences, and to not label

(09:02):
yourself as I'm looking for marriage.
Because when I met you, I'd gotten to a point in my dating
life where, you know, going way back after I got cheated on, I
was kind of like reckless, you know?
Like I wasn't trying to settle down because I just gotten
burned. And I was like talking there,

(09:23):
yada, yada, yada. And then when I was like,
snapped out of it and was like, no, this isn't for me.
I want something serious, right?I felt like my karma was making
it so no one wanted to be serious with me, right?
Right. So then I'm like, probably
coming off too strong when I wasin that, that phase of dating,
right? And then I got to a point where
I was like, look, I'm gonna go have fun.

(09:45):
I'm gonna go talk to people. I'm gonna go on a date.
I'm gonna meet someone new. I'm gonna find out what I like
and what I don't like, right? And I still want something
serious, but I'm not pushing that on anybody.
Like I am going to have that in the back of my mind because I
don't need to tell somebody thatin order to get that.
Like I need to project that I'm having a good time and actually

(10:08):
do that. And that I want to get to know
people. And I want to know who you are
to see if we even like each other, see if we're even
compatible. Because I'm not not thinking
about getting married unless I find somebody who comes along
randomly right off of Tinder andright pushes me further down
that road, right? Exactly.
And even then with you, I did realize you were the type of man

(10:31):
that I would want to marry, right?
But I had to also get through a lot of the other stuff that we
went through right before, like that even became a forefront
thing, right? So for men and women getting
married and being serious about dating, you should.
Everyone should have that in their mind, but you should never

(10:53):
lead with that. Exactly.
It scares anyone away. Yeah, yeah.
And I. Including women do this a lot as
well too. Yeah.
But again, we'll get, we'll get into the women's side.
But like that is the key. And I think he's pushing men a
little bit more towards the promiscuous side, which a lot of
men typically do that with men because men are the more

(11:15):
promiscuous sex normally. And that's what they do.
And that's, yeah, they're looking to get laid.
Well, but it's also because it'sa dance between the mask and
then the feminine. Like what we've talked about
before is that men are trying toget sex.
Women are the guardians of sex. Women are trying to get
commitment. Men are the guardians of

(11:35):
commitment. And so they both need to be
pushing their agendas in order to have a good conflict.
A good conflict which produces agood tension, which produces
passion, which produces an interaction, Right.
I'm trying to get this. You have this that I want.
You're trying to get this, I have this that you want.

(11:57):
If either of those sides makes it too easy, there's no
relationship. If the guy's trying to get sex
and the woman just gives him sexsuper easy, there's no he's got
what he wants. There's no tension.
If the woman trying to get commitment and the guy's already
like, I'm looking to date seriously, there's no tension.
There's no, there's no push and pull.

(12:18):
If you have both people acting in the in the chase and the the
pursue role at the same time on different planes, that's when
you create the tension that actually builds.
But I don't feel like he described that.
I feel like what you're describing, yeah, is 100 times
better way to describe it than what he describes.
Well, let me tell you why I actually, I actually agreed with

(12:40):
exactly what he said, exactly how he said it, because it's
exactly how I tell my my male dating clients why?
I'll tell you why, because theseguys are too nice and they need
to be, they need to be the guy not in the PG movie, in the
rated R movie. They need to be the guy that is

(13:03):
actually pursuing this so that they they get it off of their
brain. Because even if they're like,
OK, I'm not going to talk about long term relationships.
I'm not going to talk about that.
I'm looking for a wife. I'm not going to talk about
those serious things. They still go to the date and
it's still projects in what they're saying because that's

(13:23):
what they're really thinking. And so you actually have to
change your motivation and be like, I'm just, I'm just going
to have fun. I'm just going to try and do the
masculine agenda of trying to have sex, right?
And I don't have any kind of expectation besides that and
then let the woman do her part, which is to try and win me over,
right? But but he's not even thinking

(13:44):
that way. So you're playing your game.
She's playing her game. If you're like giving her the
cards to your game and you're you're helping her cheat at the
game, she's not going to have fun playing that game, right?
And if she's helping you cheat at the game, it's not going to
have fun. So you got to be playing your
game, which is to try and get laid right.
Again, it doesn't mean you have to do it like you have.

(14:05):
I'm not saying you have to be a pickup artist.
I'm not saying you have to like sleep with girls on the first
date or whatever. Like, you can choose whatever
adventure you would like, but that's got to be the thing that
you're trying to do so that she's got the things that she's
trying to do, which is trying toget commitment from the guy that
she likes. Which OK, I understand that as
well too. I understand, and I think even

(14:28):
slightly mentioned it earlier that I get that he's going to
the other extreme and I get withthese nice guy people, pleasing
type of people that you do need to go to the extreme.
But The thing is one of your friends was a pickup artist and
then he started leading with I wanna get married.
He already knew how to pick up women and it still wasn't
working for him. So like The thing is that I

(14:53):
understand what you're saying and I do agree that if someone
is far in the people pleasing and trying to impress people
mode that sometimes you do have to give them advice that's a
little bit more extreme so they land somewhere in the middle.
But I don't even think it's extreme.
I think that's just the advice. I think, though, here's why I

(15:14):
think it's extreme because this is already happening to men who
can easily pick up women and have sex with women, and men are
mad about that. Like those men are doing what
this guy is saying. Yeah, but they're not.
They're not committing, right? But they're not.
Women want them right? And not the other guy.
OK, and so where's the problem then?

(15:34):
Those men don't? We're talking about a problem
that men have, right? So men, they don't have a
problem because they're fine. They're not those guys that
you're talking about. They're not like, oh, I can't
find a wife. I can't find a girl to commit to
me. They can.
Any of those girls that they're sleeping with will commit to
them. Well, those are not wife
material. If you're going after a guy that
you're sleeping with and he doesn't want you and you want

(15:58):
him right then girl, you need towell, she, her priorities are
not in check. She's not looking for a husband
in him either, she's looking forvalidation.
So like that's what I'm trying to say though, is like there is
a thin line between being somebody that's just given women

(16:20):
validation and that's why a woman wants you versus why a
woman wants you because your husband material like that is
not the same thing. And you can't just tell men to
go after sex and then maybe theystart doing it and women only
want them for the validation. Because what happens when that
woman finally gets the man that she was seeking the validation

(16:40):
from? She doesn't want him anymore
when he gives her validation, which is what she was chasing
him for. Yeah, but see, when a man is
only going after a woman for sex, then he's more authentic in
himself in the sense that like. So then she gets to know who the
real him is. And then if she likes that guy

(17:03):
and she wants to try and pursue commitment because then she's
got to pursue the commitment. And then he feels like she's a
valuable enough woman, cares forhim enough, would make a Good
Wife, Then he allows her to to get the commitment right.
But but the guy has to realize that he is the guardian of
commitment. And that's the whole thing is
like, you can't be the guardian of commitment if you're giving

(17:24):
that away. Like you have to be like, I'm
not looking for commitment. I agree.
In order to that. You cannot quickly give away
commitment, even if you're a manthat wants to settle down and
get married. But you can't even have it on
your mind. You got to be like, I'm not
looking for commitment. Like if commitment finds me,
great but I'm not looking for itotherwise it'll slip out.
But here's another problem with what you're it's I don't think a

(17:46):
woman should ever chase a man like that.
I don't think a woman should ever chase a man who sleeps with
her and then doesn't talk to her, doesn't hit her up right?
Because now he's the Princess, right?
And you're the man. So what's the solution?
To leave him alone. Don't do that.
To not sleep with him. Don't.

(18:06):
Yeah, Don't fall. In that should not sleep with
him. That's that's The thing is so
and that creates that perfect interaction.
So imagine you've got a guy, let's say I'm coaching a dude,
right? And he's this kind of nice guy.
Dude. He's like, I just wonder why, if
I don't want to be a player, whatever.
I hear this all the time. I'm like, you're far from a
player. Like trust me.
Like you're not gonna suddenly become a player.

(18:26):
OK, You're you got so much to go.
Like don't worry about it. It's like the guy that's like, I
don't want to go to the gym because I don't want to lift
weights because I don't want to be.
I'm like, dude, look, you're gonna lift heavy.
You're not gonna be fucking jacked.
It's not gonna like, you'll haveto work hard to get jacked.
Like you're not gonna be a player just because you, you
like, date some girls trying to have sex with them.

(18:47):
Like, so you got that guy, right?
Super nice guy. OK, He, he now he gets the
advice, right? And so now he dates a woman,
stop trying to like marry her, whatever.
And he he's trying to have sex. OK, now she doesn't have sex
with him, right? Because and what?
Is he gonna do? But she doesn't know what to do

(19:09):
now. No, no, it's perfect.
She likes him. They have a great time.
There's some flirty, there's interaction.
She still has the interest in him.
Because he's mysterious, becausehe's not just like, here's my
cards. He's like, I'm trying to get
laid, right? Like he's, he's putting the
moves on. He's slick.
She thinks, oh, this guy's this guys cool, right?
He's high value. She doesn't give it up to him.

(19:30):
So then what does he do? He keeps pursuing her.
She's still showing interest. He goes on a second date.
He goes on 1/3 date. He falls in love with her.
They have sex, they become in a relationship, they get married.
That's it. OK, but in that look, and again,
makes sense. And that's how it should be.
And again, I think you describedit better than this guy because

(19:50):
in the whole thing that you readright, he doesn't talk about
what to do if she doesn't do it.He just says you should go for
it. And if you're talking to nice
guys who have no idea what to doand you're just like, just go
for sex. And that's basically all you say
in your spiel, right? When a woman's like, no, he's
gonna think if I were him. Oh, she doesn't.
Like me and then just move on, right?

(20:12):
And so that's why I'm trying to tell you that there's more.
It's like have fun. And I agree that guys should
lead more with like a flirty sexual air to them, right?
But I think it should be more. I'm gonna go have fun.
I'm gonna have no expectations like, and again, if you, if you
know, you want to get married one day, you don't have to have

(20:32):
that in the back of your head. Instead of focusing on that, you
need to focus on who's in front of you.
You need to go on a date and I'mand be like, I'm going to have a
good time. And if I don't like this person,
then I, I practice, I practice my flirting and you know, like,
and I figured out that she likesriding horses and that's pretty
cool. Like I grew up on horses.

(20:52):
So maybe I would like a woman that's also into horses, but she
also like, doesn't eat Italian food.
So I don't like that, you know, like you should always be taking
inventory. I got it and having a good time.
But you're talking like from it.You're talking like a girl.
I am a girl I. Know that's what I'm saying but
you're thinking. Like I can see you I.
Got but but a girl can take thatapproach and that's fine.

(21:13):
She's trying to figure out because she's a selector in
that, in that in that stage of the game, right, She's she's
choosing amongst suitors, a choosing amongst these guys and
taking inventories because she can have sex with any one of
those guys that she dates. She's not looking for sex.
Though I know, I know, but that's why she's looking for
other criteria that she's going to choose on.

(21:34):
OK, so it's not going to work. The guy has to be pushing his
agenda, which is had. Sex with everyone.
Yeah. And then that's where he's going
to figure out what? No, first of all, he's not going
to succeed at that, OK? But from from the guy's
perspective, look, you got to think of it this way.
If the guy's not having success with getting women to commit to
him, right, if he is able to have sex with women, those women

(21:59):
will commit to him. He will have women that will
commit to him. So again, what you're saying, I
don't, I don't disagree in the sense that if she, if she says
no, like, you know, there's somesubtlety there that wasn't
communicated in that, in that post on, on X right?
However. I think he did a better job at.
Well, yeah, and I and I get that, but but he's got to be

(22:23):
that has to be his agenda so that, so that he doesn't pollute
it with the, the commitment part, cuz that's her, her
domain. Yeah, she's got to choose him
there. I guess I just still feel like
if I was a guy that needed to hear that, it's not really
spelled out enough for me. Yeah, in the way that I would

(22:45):
want and in a way that I would understand it.
Especially if you're going zero to 100.
Yeah, they're not gonna know howto do that.
They're not going to know how toget out of their mindset.
Like, yes, being like, OK, just focus on this.
But dating is very intricate andI get that.
You're like, you're like a girl.Yeah, well, it's intricate for

(23:09):
women. It's not intricate for guys.
Getting laid is intricate for guys.
Dating is intricate for women. But I just feel like it's still
really bad advice to just tell aguy to try to sleep with
whatever girl he goes on a date of.
Course with America. I think that's bad advice that
doesn't actually help him because look, we've done
episodes way back in the beginning, right, saying that

(23:31):
everyone needs to vet the peoplethey're going on a date with,
right, Including men. And so I don't think it's fair
to tell men no. Just try to sleep with whatever
girl you go on a date with, no, And not teach him that he also
needs to vet and care about it because like, why are you going
to sleep with a girl, right? That you're not even really that
into and that you wouldn't want to be serious with, right?

(23:52):
Because because right. Yeah.
So you have to be physically attracted to the girl.
Don't sleep with the girl that you're not physically attracted
to, right. So it's like, because guys are
going to vet based on on physical attraction first.
Women are going to vet based on characteristics, which is going
to produce physical attraction because a woman's physical

(24:12):
attraction to a guy, it can be, it could be somewhat off of
looks, yes. I'm not saying that's not the
case, but her the strongest pullof her physical attraction to
the guy will be off of who he isand how more even less who he
is, how he makes her feel, how he makes.
Her feel, yeah, How he makes herfeel translates to how she.

(24:32):
Feels because that's that's how women, you know how women become
attracted to men, but men it's different.
So the man has to be vetting andlike, I'm not saying just.
Like hot chick. All right, that's what we need.
Well, but that's also important too, because like if a woman's
dating a guy and the guy is is sleazy, she thinks, OK, this guy

(24:54):
will sleep with anyone, right? So is that not what you guys are
saying no to men? No.
No, have high standards. I didn't.
Hear that until now. The standards, OK, the standards
that the guy should have is in terms of the physical
attractiveness of the woman thatthat he's attracted in order to
sleep with her. Yes.
Right now, if he wants to, if hewants the wife or if he does

(25:17):
that, he's going to have a selection of women that he can
choose to have a commitment with.
Just like a woman has a selection of men that she can
have that she can have sex with.That's.
If the woman has talked to him enough to even find out who he
actually is. If he's not just flirting and
trying to get laid the whole time.
Because a woman's also not goingto date you if like, again,
that's why it's a fine balance, right?

(25:39):
Right. Because like, if a woman is
chasing you and you're all aboutsex, she's chasing you for
validation majority of the time.Because yeah, for sure, if
you're just about sex, right? You haven't given her enough for
her to even really know you, or she's fantasized about who you
are and she doesn't actually know and she's doing exactly
what the nice guys do. Well, OK, so if a woman is

(25:59):
chasing a guy for validation, right?
What is that? Where does that put him in
relation to her in her mind? It puts him high up, but only
temporarily. Because you can't get validation
from someone that's below you, right?
Or even at your level, it has tobe higher.
But it's not actually higher. No, no, I get it's not actually.
Higher like it is a manipulationtactic that the man has used.

(26:24):
By being intimate with a woman. Hold on, let me find this.
By being intimate with a woman and probably telling her a lot
of things she wanted to hear andthen disappearing and ghosting
her a lot of the time is how it how it actually happened.
Well, that's not so now, yes, she is chasing his validation,
but it's not because he's actually valuable, right?
It's because he has made himselfappear more valuable by giving

(26:46):
her this thing for a night. And even you used to do this,
treat a woman like a Princess for a night and then ghosting
and then disappearing. Well, look.
And so now somebody's like, oh, well, maybe I did want to get to
know him. I don't know anything about him.
And now he's gone. But do do women wear makeup?
Yes. OK.
And does that make them appear it?
Depends on the makeup. And is it, I know, but like and

(27:08):
do they wear high heels and do they wear Skims?
No, and do they wear push up bras?
Sometimes. And do they get hair extensions?
Not all the. Fake eyelashes.
Things all the time. Botox, Botox and lip fillers.
Which look, as a man, you can decide if you want those things.
I'm just saying that like, it's the same game.
It's the same game. It's the.

(27:29):
Same game. No, no, like actual like
manipulation. Right.
Which one is the actual manipulation?
Because you do see a woman without her bra on, without her
makeup on, without all those things.
It's not like a woman is always doing those things.
Yeah, but which one is the actual manipulation?
The guy? No no.
The guy giving a woman somethingfor a night and then leaving and

(27:50):
then not talking to her in orderto get her to pursue.
Guys, they're not doing that. These guys that I'm talking to
that he's talking to, you're talking about actual player
dudes, OK, cuz, cuz with lowest standards.
They're gonna do. OK, look.
What do you think they're going to do when you tell them?
Oh my God. Care about sex.
They're going to go watch all those dudes I'm talking about on

(28:12):
YouTube and then they're going to try to do the exact same.
Thing like the guy going to the gym and like lifting some
weights, he's not going to be hulked out like steroid freak.
Yes, he is going to do it wrong.He is going to look up and he's
going to do it wrong. Is he going to have the same
exact successes that other people know?
No. Because he's like.
He is going to go straight from zero to 100 because he hasn't
been told any of these things. But he's going to like, it's

(28:34):
going to put him in the right direction.
He still has to learn a lot of things right?
But. They're gonna learn it.
That's what I'm trying to say. I'm saying is gonna be you.
OK, Well, there's a couple otherthings too, cuz, cuz you're
talking like a burn like a spurned woman.
And I get it because a lot of guys have have left women with
in that in that state. Yeah, they have.
Right. And so, first of all, deception

(28:56):
is not the answer. So if he's like telling, if
you're telling a woman all thesethings that are not true just to
sleep with her, yeah, I'm not gonna call it the R world
because it's not. But it is a manipulative
deception and it's and it's getting close to that.
Like it's like it's false pretenses.
Again, let's not go extreme and call it the R word.

(29:18):
Some people call it that. It's not.
It's like, you know, it's it's really it's really shady.
It's really good. Not good.
Should not be doing that. Yeah, it's really good.
Yeah. It's like, it's good, really
bad, really bad, bad, bad. So.
So first of all, shouldn't be doing that, right?
Second of all, the woman sleeps with him and then he goes her on

(29:40):
purpose in order to get her to chase him.
Also, not good manipulation, notnot the plan.
This isn't the thing, right? What I'm talking about is not
those things. OK?
Even that post was not talking about those things.
That's how it came across. But those are because you're
thinking about like, burn, like spurned women, how some guys
treat women. Give the woman perspective

(30:01):
because like, yeah, what I just told you, I'm not saying that
that's even the majority, but itdoes happen.
And I don't want these nice guysto go from nice guy, which
again, it's not good to give somebody things that they
haven't earned right to this extreme of now they're treating
people poorly because they were told to do that on the Internet.

(30:25):
And that's not even going to work.
So, so just for guys watching, if you think that that's not
even going to work, you can't even pretend to be like
pretending to be an asshole is worse than being a nice guy,
because then it looks like you're a nice guy pretending to
be an asshole. Like you can't fake that, right?
So don't you Like, if you're genuinely an asshole, then OK,
but you can't fake being an asshole.

(30:45):
Like it will look like a nice guy trying to be an asshole,
which is the worst. Then now you're lower on the
totem pole. Your status is actually lower
because a guy pretending to be who's nice, pretending to not be
nice, that shows an extreme degradation of your self esteem,
which makes your status go even lower.
So that part is out. But to a, to a nice guy, right?

(31:08):
That is, he's looking for a wifehe's looking for, right?
He should follow that the adviceof stop looking for that.
Start looking for sex, but don't.
That doesn't mean that now all sudden you're going to
manipulate women and tell them what they.
He couldn't even do that in the 1st place because he would have
just done that in order to get her to like him and date him.

(31:30):
You see what I'm saying? Like he's not he doesn't have
the it's not in his repertoire. OK, the asshole guy who's a
player who's dating women below the attraction level of what he
would want for a wife, but just using them because he'll sleep
with anyone. He's doing that game because

(31:51):
he's like, OK. But you're telling guys to just
nice guys to just sleep with everyone?
No, but it's different. You see what I'm saying?
Because. They're not actually going to do
it. They're not going to be
assholes. Because like the guy that's
doing what you're saying, he's the guy that let's just do his
numbers. Let's say he's a nine, OK, and
he's going out with girls that are sixes, and he knows that if

(32:12):
he goes out with a girl with a six and he's like, oh, you're so
beautiful, you're so wonderful. He tells her the things like, I
could see our future together. I could see our kids together,
whatever. Like that.
That girl who's objectively not at his level is going to let him
have sex with her because because of that, and then he's

(32:33):
going to ghost her, right? Like that's where that guy is
playing that game because he haslow standards, right?
Again, nothing wrong with the girl that that's that's a six,
but that's not what he's lookingfor and he knows it.
And that's deception, right? Whereas the nice guy, all right,
who's whatever, you know, maybe he's a six or whatever and he
dates the girl that that's a sixand he tries to have sex with

(32:54):
her. He's not telling her a bunch of
things that he doesn't mean in order to get in her pants so
that he can like ghost her lateron.
He wants to actually build a family and have a relationship
with the girl that he actually likes.
But we're telling him, put that on hold for a minute, buddy,
because that's not going to helpyou because she also needs to
feel like she did some chasing that she got a little victory
here too. You didn't just give it to her

(33:16):
right, Especially she's she's sleeping with guys that are
nines who are ghosting her right.
So that's what's happening and she's like, why is this guy
always ghosting me? Well, it's because he's actually
dating below his his level. That's what's what's happening,
which is up in her level, right in her eyes.
So she's definitely not going togo for a guy that wants to
commit to her. Because if a guy wants to commit

(33:36):
to her, how high must his statusbe?
It must be low, right? There's something wrong with
this guy if he wants to give me again, this is the mess up
society that we live in to a degree.
But so that guy has to go in there and he has to be smooth
and he has to be like trying to get in her pants.
And and if she's like, you know,she likes him, but she she holds
off, which is a smart move for her to do like, you know, make

(33:57):
him pursue a little bit longer, then it's more likely that
they're actually gonna get into that relationship.
I think that only needs to happen on the first date.
What needs to happen that the guy's pushing for the sex, Yeah,
yeah. For.
Sure. And I think after that it's not
necessary because I don't think women operate the way that men

(34:18):
think they do. Like, because here's the thing,
yes, on the first date, a woman is going to be turned off if the
guy is like bringing her flowersand is like, oh, you look
amazing and like, I'm looking for my wife and blah, blah,
blah, blah. She's not going to probably have
another date with him. So if he does that on the first
date, that's, that is good because you're still getting to
know the person. She doesn't know you.

(34:40):
You don't know her really, but you're you're kind of figuring
out slowly but surely. But I don't think that women
want a chase. I think they want the mystery in
the beginning, like a slow trickle, but I don't think that
that's a chase. I think they want to not be
handed everything immediately. But I like, I was thinking about

(35:01):
you and me when we first met andit was playful and flirty on the
first date, right? But after I knew that you were
interested and you knew that I was interested.
And I don't think that that madethings lesser.
I don't think I needed a chase like.
You did have a chase though, like you had, you had to win a
victory. I mean, you won quite a victory,

(35:22):
right, If you think about it. Not not, I'm not trying to give
myself a pat on the back. But what I'm saying though is
that like you're contending witha guy that was going around
sleeping with a bunch of women that had a situation at home
that like I. Didn't know any of that.
I know you didn't know that, butyou but you were still playing
that game like you're still winning that victory, right?

(35:43):
And the guy and the guy that lived across the country.
But I didn't view it that way. You didn't need to view it that
way, but but it did create obstacles and a conflict.
Like you did win something that was very hard to win.
Like, I mean, objectively, like,how do you even do that?
That's why I say it's witchcraft.
I could understand that, but I'mtrying to tell you're kind of

(36:03):
like invalidating it in a way that I didn't view it that way.
No, no, you didn't view it that way.
Right. That is what happened and how
you were viewing it. I never once was like, I won.
Like, we joke about it and I'm like, yeah, I rehabilitated you,
but no, but you. But I think men view dating more
as a challenge, especially because they focus on getting

(36:25):
laid. And that is a challenge.
And men like a challenge. And you said that even when you
were sleeping around, it was about the victory, right?
But it's not, it's that. So that's a masculine drive.
So the feminine way of that, of that challenge that you overcame
is like, in your view, what happened.
It's not that you had this challenge that you had to
overcome. I can describe it that way as a
man and it and it is true that that that was a thing.

(36:47):
But in your view, what happened was you, because of who you are,
got a man to become so in love with you, so obsessed with you,
to have such a desire for you, that he overcame all obstacles
to be with you. He overcame all obstacles to be

(37:08):
with you because that's the masculine.
I feel like when you say that now, I look at it that way, but
I didn't even look at it that way before.
No, what I'm just trying to say is that conscious acting, like
women are like, yeah, I won the prize.
No, no, men are the prize. But see, understanding female
psychology is about understanding that there's the
way women think and then there'sthe way that they act.

(37:30):
And the psychology, the femininepsychology, it is not a
conscious psychology, It's a subconscious.
And So what what he's saying is that you have to appeal to the
subconscious wants and desires of women is which is what I'm
saying, even though they don't know what they are and they're
not seeing this happen because, you know, women always give.

(37:52):
This is why women usually give guys bad dating advice because
psychologically they're like, oh, this is what makes sense.
Like just be yourself, you know,don't try so hard.
Like looks don't matter that much, right?
Because that's what they're thinking.
When in reality, they're the thesubconscious truth of it is

(38:12):
different than that. I mean, I think those things are
true, but women don't understandthe that most men are in the
nice guy phase and they're people pleasers.
Yeah, but I wouldn't say that those are necessarily batted
things to tell people because that's essentially what the
asshole is doing is being authentic.
Be yourself. Well, yeah, and it's a different
way. Like so those things are true

(38:33):
because. There's a subconscious element
there that's kind of leaking into the consciousness which
you're trying to express, but but you're unable to because
really like the reality is, if you look at female psychology
and attraction, what really attracts a woman is a guy that
is high status powerful, right? That is not a people pleaser

(38:53):
that takes what he wants in life, right.
That like and some some of theseattributes can be even towards
the negative as a character traits as a person, but they
still make him attractive to women, right.
Again, I'm not saying to be thatguy like like for every negative
character trait that women are attracted to in a man, there's a
positive character trait that fulfills the same roles.

(39:14):
So dominance, right, Dominance can look like being a guy that
like that calls the shots that takes leadership does servant
leadership. Dominance can also look like
like a guy that that knocks a woman around, right?
Like unfortunately, both of those things are in some way
attractive to women. It's it's weird to say that, but

(39:34):
like that force, like the dark force versus the light force,
they're still attractive to women.
One of them's good, one of them's very bad.
And you should not ever do that,right?
Because especially because it's like you don't have to do bad
things in order to get like, youknow, why would you choose the
destructive? 1 perfectly and try to be better

(39:56):
and to do the right thing. I'm not saying that men
shouldn't focus on that and be flirty and have fun, right?
But I also don't think that I still don't really think that
women are these type of people that are like, yes, I won like.
I think they're more. So I would more so say that
they're like, yay, I finally found the man that I actually

(40:16):
want to be with and like that I want to start a family with.
Right. And this man was willing to do
all of this stuff to be with me because he conquered he he like.
You did a lot of stuff, but I don't think a majority of men do
a lot of stuff to get a woman. It's Sleeping Beauty, right?
He killed the dragon to come andrescue me.

(40:36):
And what is the dragon that normal men that didn't have your
circumstance do in order to get a woman?
What is the dragon that they that they kill in order to get a
woman? I mean it, it, it is giving up
all the other women in their life.
That's the dragon. So she wins in that way that she
has been the woman that this guyis willing to give forsake all

(41:00):
other women for the rest of his life to be with.
Like if he marries. Her.
So that's how she won. That's by getting him, locking
him down. But the only way that that can
happen is if that guy has other women, if he has the capability
of having other women. If he doesn't have that
capability, then she cannot conquer, she cannot win like he.
He's created a no win condition and that's why what he's saying.

(41:22):
But I think thing is. Correct.
And I think that maybe in that sense, it makes more sense.
Yeah. Yeah.
But women don't think like men. And they're like, I conquered
this. But I will say, though, that I
don't think that he means that men should just sleep with a
bunch of people. And I'm not saying they're
saying that. Either, and he said that too.

(41:42):
He said not to. You have to date people like
that has to be included in it. Because I feel like if you also
don't try to actually get to know the person or learn how to
actually have a date, then you just turn into one of the guys
that just stays perpetually single or like you and like, I'm
going to be single for the rest of my life and just sleep with

(42:02):
people. But but men don't date women.
They pick them up. They pick them up and try to
have sleep and try to sleep withthem.
So women date men, but women say, hey, if you want to sleep
with me, you have to actually date me, OK.
And then smart woman say hey, ifyou want to sleep with me, we
need to be in a relationship. You have to actually like me

(42:22):
enough who I am in order to be in a relationship.
So you would tell men that you're telling men to just sleep
with everybody, to continue to pursue that woman?
Yeah, of course they should. He's.
Not dating, so he doesn't know her.
He's not paying that much attention to who she is.
He's paying attention to her. It can still happen in that
case, right? It can still happen and she's

(42:44):
just made it harder for herself,honestly, because she's already
given him the thing that he wants.
Now if he wants to keep on getting it, maybe then that's
enough of a draw because she at that point, like a woman has to
be so good it like sexually thatthe guy wants to keep on getting
it right. It's either going to be that or

(43:04):
he's he's not getting it from any other woman, which is why
he's pursuing her. So you see what I'm saying is
like it's but she's supposed. To be not slept with a lot of
people and so good sexually. That's the problem.
So why you see what I'm saying is like it's much better for her
to be like to to hold back and not give the guy what he wants
so that he has to invest more. And you would tell men to invest

(43:28):
more if like. I'm going to tell them to pursue
the thing that they're pursuing,but what they're going to do
that on their own because if that woman is attractive enough
to them, right? And they like this woman, right,
they're going to invest more in order to try keep on trying to
sleep with her cuz she didn't allow him to.
So they have to keep on investing more.
And then OOP, before they know it, they're like, oh shoot, I'm

(43:49):
in love with this girl. So men accidentally fall in
love. They they get trapped in, they
literally get trapped in a snare, but.
Is this why they're they're not happy?
Like honestly, like I no, because like I care what you're
saying, but that also relies on the women having girl game cuz
this is she's got a trap too. Yeah, now that we're talking

(44:10):
about this is that is this why men are a lot of men are unhappy
in relationships, though, is because they don't actually vet
and they don't know what they want and like they're leading
with their Dicks. And so their brain then catches
up after they're already married, and then they're not
happy. Close.
Close because for the guy, betting the girl is not nearly

(44:32):
as important because he's the leader.
He's the leader. Well, OK, see, that's the thing.
That's the actual problem, is that guys aren't leaders if
they're men. Because I tell guys all the
time, guys were like, oh, I needto go.
I need to go to. Be taught more so to lead and
then I think it'd be easier to teach them how to actually date
properly as well if they learnedhow to lead first.

(44:53):
But you can't teach a man just to how like how to have sex or
how to get laid, and then he can't lead because he's doomed
for. Failure.
Doomed for failure, But he's doomed for failure if he can't
lead no matter what. Whether?
Right. That's why that's the most
important. That's the most important thing.
That's the most important thing.But part of him learning how to
get laid is also learning assertiveness and leadership

(45:14):
skills because those are the things that are going to get
him. I think those are the most
important things because I thinkif you can lead and you're
assertive, you'll flirt, you'll create that sexual tension,
right, and you'll be in command of the situation, which is what
a woman wants without being overbearing or controlling.
And that will more likely get you laid than just trying to get

(45:34):
laid. Does that make sense?
Yeah. A guy like me could go on a date
with the girl and tell her that he's looking for something
serious and looking for a marriage.
No, but you know, he could. He could say that he's looking
for something serious and he's looking for for marriage.
Yeah. And it wouldn't matter.
The girl would still sleep with him.
The girl would still want to have a relationship with him.
Why? Because it's coming from a place

(45:55):
of not neediness. It's coming from a place of
selection, right, right. These guys are coming from a
place of neediness. And that's what's happening is
because they're like, they're trying to find a girl to marry
them because they need to find one, right?
Whereas if a guy like me who tells the girl, yeah, I'm, I'm,
I'm, I'm looking for from, for awoman to, to marry, to settle

(46:16):
down with. It's an application process.
I'm filtering, right? Because I have the selection and
I'm telling you, you better do good cuz this is an application.
Now the woman feels like she needs to perform.
Whereas in the other way, the guy's coming across to energy
like, yeah, I'm really just looking for, I mean, I'm, I'm

(46:37):
trying to date serious. Like I really want to find a, a,
a wife. And, and she's like, oh, OK,
this guy is like desperate. He's trying to find a wife.
He's like, he needs to find one.He doesn't have women that he
could choose one from, right? It's like, you see what I'm
saying? So that's the difference in
mentality. But I can't tell a guy like like
like that or just be like me because he can't just pretend to

(46:58):
be that. He has to be that like, why can
I come in and act that way? Because I know that I have
selection, right? Because I have.
So that's why this guy, he has to have selection.
So he has to actually be able toget laid, but with.
But that's why I have a problem with what you said though, like
what you read? Because if you're only teaching

(47:18):
men to get laid, sure, you're skipping out on all the things
he actually needs to be a good man and a good husband that he
hasn't learned when he was beinga nice guy and just people
pleasing everybody. He hasn't learned how to lead.
He hasn't learned to be assertive.
He hasn't learned to have boundaries, right?
And so you're setting him up forfailure by telling him go
straight to getting laid. Because The thing is, no, let me
finish, OK, Go ahead because I've been waiting to talk.

(47:39):
Go ahead. That you've never taught him any
of these things, right No hold on and so he's just over here
trying to figure it out on his own, right whereas if you taught
him this first he would get thispart a lot easier as well
because it ties in a lot of the core things that.

(48:02):
How do you think you How do you think you teach a guy how to get
laid? I don't know.
You teach him to to lead, to be assertive, to be, to be that
man. That's how you teach them how to
get laid. That's how you teach them, but
not how all men teach. And you know.
That some hold on, that you knowthat some men teach men bad

(48:24):
tactics in order to get laid. Right, but they don't work.
Those tactics very rarely work. Some men do put like women down
in order to make them insecure. They get and then.
Sure, use them first. They get they work on on on a
totally drunk girl, right, or a totally bashed like every once
in a while. Those work just like in sales,

(48:45):
right, like because I'm learningsales right, there's a lot of
stupid bad sales that like high pressure sales.
Whatever, it works sometimes, right?
So people keep on using it, but it doesn't work.
It like the best way to do salesis to ask questions and get the
other get the person to sell themselves to get them to
realize that they have problems and they need to take action on
their problems, right. I agree.

(49:05):
That's the only real way to do sales.
Anything else is something that might work sometimes, but you're
just it's just luck like you like.
So when guys are teaching guys that kind of thing, it's, it's,
it's, it's just as it, it, they're just taking the, the
luck of the draw. They, they could just go and
talk to girls and, and some percentage of them would just

(49:26):
sleep with them. Like they think that those
tactics are working, but they'renot actually working.
That's not what's actually working.
She was gonna sleep with you anyway.
You see what I'm saying? Like now you just put her down.
I believe that you could teach men the right way.
I don't believe what you read. I don't know the person, but I
don't believe what you read solely fixes a man's problems or
teaches him many of the things that I just mentioned.

(49:46):
No, but it's, it's a step in thedirection like like if you, if
you're a guy watching this and you are looking to date like you
want a woman, a wife, you need to throw that concept out.
Listen to what that post said and and like change that
mindset. Now that's not the only thing
you need, because you also need to learn how you're actually

(50:08):
gonna attract that woman, which is gonna be through those skills
of learning leadership and assertiveness.
But don't you, when you taught people how to get laid, you
didn't send them in there without any knowledge?
No, you had them build up the skills, which is what I'm saying
is. Like that's what builds the
skill. I get that, but also they didn't

(50:28):
you have to somewhat work on these skills and I even know
that you did this even though you're acting like you didn't
like you had them do other little things for sure that
built the skills before they went and went and tried to get
laid. Not that they weren't trying to
get laid in general, but they couldn't get there because they
didn't have these other skills. And so like those are the most

(50:49):
important. I guess my issue is that men are
telling men like Step 5 and not step one through 4, which is
step one through 4 is the littlethings that you had your own
coaching clients go and do in order to get to where they could
take someone home, right? Sure.
They could go up to a woman and try to get laid.

(51:11):
Even if they're just going straight to Step 5.
It's not going to work. It's not going to work.
That's why they have to do one through 4 first.
And that's what my thing is, is that I understand the aspect of
it being beneficial to try to get men over to this mentality.
I understand that, and I said that in the beginning.
However, I don't think though, that it's beneficial to skip on

(51:35):
core things that are going to not only help a man get laid,
but also be a man that when he finds his wife, he's going to be
set up to be a man. But here's the thing, I can give
some guidance on steps 234, but if he just goes to Step 5 and
tries to do Step 5 over and overagain, he's going to learn steps

(51:56):
234 because the persistence and the resilience and the
leadership that you're going to have to learn in order to do
that. Because like, if that's
something I can't actually teachhim, I can give him advice on
that. But the best way that I teach a
guy is by having him go and do. And then he goes.
And then the girl who checks, I'm like, oh, man, shit.

(52:16):
Life is hard, man. Like, what are you gonna do?
Like you're gonna give up on that?
I agree with what you're saying.And then he becomes that man.
I agree with that fire. But how many people in general
today give up a lot easier now, right?
And so, yeah, if you have a guy that's going straight forward, I
even agree with you that he can learn those steps, right?
But a lot of people can't just go up and do it and face failure

(52:39):
like that and be fine. So they still, especially people
pleasing nice people because they're afraid to be like, oh, I
hurt somebody's feelings and like, I can't do that again.
They need those baby steps. They need the learning of these
things before they go straight to something else.
I mean, could they go straight in there and learn those things?
Yeah. But that's if they're like

(53:00):
really committed. You've heard me tell them,
right? Like what I tell them, what I
tell them, tell them about theircomfort.
I don't do you have to get out of your.
Comfort zone. Well, I told them that stop
making the goal trying to get laid or trying to get a number
or whatever, or trying to get the girl like you, because
again, you're in that nice guy like you're trying to get
validation from her right. Instead, what do you, what do
you need to do is you need to say, OK, I'm going to put myself

(53:21):
in an uncomfortable situation and, and I can do that anytime.
And I, and that's my win condition.
And if I continue to do that, I'm in control of winning.
If my goal is to get laid or gether number, I'm not in control
of getting that. That's not in my control.
So I'm going to lose a lot of the time, right?
But can I always put myself in an uncomfortable situation and

(53:42):
endure it? Yes, I can always.
So I can always win. Now, if a person continually
puts themselves in an uncomfortable situation, will
their comfort bubble expand? Of course it will, right?
Any reasonable person would say,well, yeah, they're they're
they'll be more comfortable withit.
OK. And a person that has a larger
comfort bubble, do they have more success in life or less

(54:03):
success in life than someone whohas a smaller comfort bubble,
Right. And so literally all you have to
do is expand your comfort bubbleand that's in your control.
And the way you do that is put yourself in an uncomfortable
situations and endurance. And that's a new and that's how
they learn. Better explanation than the
other one that you read, honestly.
Because that's how they're actually going to get there
because they're not going to getthere just by like you're not
going to take nice guy and be like, hey, instead of trying to

(54:25):
get married, you should try to get laid, which I get.
So wait, wait, wait, wait, John.It's only taking 53 minutes for
John to agree with me. Because there's a lot more that
I attach to. There's a lot more that I attach
to, but there's, yeah, you're not going to take a guy and be
like, hey, instead of trying to get married, try to get laid.

(54:47):
And that's going to solve his problems.
Exactly. But but that is the first step
psychologically, that is going to help him solve his problems.
Because if he thinks that the women don't like me and I need
to fix some things, why aren't no woman want to date me or to
marry me? That's wrong.
He has to start thinking. He has to start thinking why
don't women want to have sex with me?

(55:08):
Because now he's on the right path because that's where he
needs to go. So that's why he needs to flip
that switch. I didn't say that it was totally
bad. I honestly you just agreed with
me. No, I'm glad I did disagree with
you. Because I guess my thing is,
look, I have female friends. They want to find nice guys,
nice guys, you know, good husbands, kind guys, kind guys.

(55:28):
And like, they're having a hard time.
And I guess my the problem contention.
Yeah, Yeah. What you read is that it's not
really Like, yes, it's not enough.
It is helping them, right, But it's not enough.
Exactly. And if men can't understand
simple things that women try to explain to them, they don't

(55:49):
really understand what you're saying.
They don't really know how to do.
It do you know what they. Don't really know how that's
going to change do. You know what the response was
to what he posted? What?
Oh my, I was the only person agreeing with him.
All these other guys are like, that's bullshit.
No way. They're like complaining about
no, it's just women, women suck,blah, blah, blah.

(56:10):
They're giving all of this bullshit because they don't
understand the wisdom of what he's saying, right?
You understand what I'm saying? It's like it's not enough,
right? But it's it's the step.
Like they don't even they that'swhy he's saying that is because
they don't even get the first step.
So they're like they're fightinghim on the first step.
Right, because he's talking about Step 5 though.
Like they don't. No, but the first step is

(56:30):
changing your mind. Understand, yeah, that's what
I'm trying to say though, is like, that is what I had a
problem with is that it's not really helping men because men
are still confused. And I get yeah because sometimes
we talk about stuff that like isa higher level and people are
probably like what the hell. But look, but it's like if
you're genuinely trying to help men, or if we were genuinely
trying to help women or whatever, like, you know,

(56:53):
sometimes we got to take a step back and we got to start at the
very basics because some people don't.
Which is the which is the extreme mindset shift like
because I've turned a lot of nice guys into studs, OK.
And the way I've done it is like, dude, you, you need to
stop being the PG guy. Like you're the rated R guy.
You got, you're, you're a bear. You have claws.
Like stop being this, this like be, don't be a freaking puppy.

(57:17):
Yeah, be an asshole. Like be like, you're not going
to be an asshole. But try like, like, not, not
like, like, don't be afraid of being an asshole, right?
Because you're not going to do it.
You're not going to be that. But you're not going to suddenly
transform from the Super nice guy to super fucking asshole.
It's not going to happen. But The thing is like, you don't
know where the line is. You think that the line is here,
right? But the line is all the way back

(57:38):
here. This is asshole territory.
So you're not even coming up close to that.
So you're coming to get. That so.
It's like I have to mindset shift them and be like start
like right, stop stopping, startbeing selfish, stop caring about
other people. Like they're like I don't want
to be selfish. No be selfish right?
Like women, Like selfish perverts.
Like that's what you have to tell them first, but that's.
But that but the sex thing is part of it because they're like,

(58:00):
oh, I want to get a woman like, no, you got to like on your
mind. She's got to be like this guy
wants to. But I'm not.
I want to have. Sex part is not part of it.
Yeah, that's what I've been saying the whole time.
But you're saying exactly? What I'm saying is that we're
just, look, the reason why we'rehaving this podcast is so that
we can present it from the, eventhough we're saying the same
thing, you're saying it from thefemale side, I'm seeing it from

(58:21):
the male side. Like, well, I still didn't even
I guess I'll have to briefly go into the woman's on her this on
here. But really I don't have to go
too far in. But it's it's exactly though
what happens to women. Women go on a date with a guy
and they're like, I'm ready to find my husband and have kids.
Guy never talks to her again. It gives off desperate energy.

(58:42):
Even if you're not desperate, telling somebody outright that
you're looking for these things puts that person in a weird
position because even if they liked you and you guys could
have gotten married or got further along, they feel like
you're trying to put them in that box right then and there
and they know nothing about you.It comes across like clingy and

(59:05):
like you're ready to find that person no matter what happens.
Even if you say it outright and with confidence, you're like,
I'm looking, you said earlier. You're pushing your agenda.
On someone else. OK, but here's the thing.
The flip of that is not what youthink it is.
The flip of that is a guy going on a date with a girl and being
like, I really want to have sex with you tonight.
Do you think that's going to happen?
Like, I mean, it would be reallycool if we had sex tonight.

(59:26):
They all give desperate energy. That's exactly the the female
desperate energy is desperate for commitment.
The male desperate energy is desperate for sex now, and
that's another distinction is the guy shouldn't be thinking
like desperately trying to have sex with a woman.
He should be. But also, if he desperately is
saying he wants to get married, that's a turn.

(59:47):
Off exactly like. Any kind of desperate, yeah, I
mean, a guy might go for a womandesperately being like, I need
to have sex. That might actually work, but
that's the only one that is going to work.
No, that's not gonna work. You're telling me a guy wouldn't
have sex with a woman that said that to him?
Oh, wait a minute. Oh, if a woman says that, yes,
OK, I'm saying that a desperate guy would right like it, but

(01:00:09):
I'm. Saying that if a man says he
desperately needs or he needs sex or he needs a wife, they're
both gonna turn a woman off. Look, but if I was man, it's
gonna get turned off if a woman's like, oh, I'm looking
for my husband, but he probably won't get turned off if she's
like, I don't know, looking to have.
Sex Oh man, that would be if I was dating a girl and and I went

(01:00:29):
on a date with a girl and she started saying that there'd be
so many red flags I'd be like. There be red flags, but you
probably would do it anyway. No, I would not do that because
it was a. Difference than picking up a
woman. Because if she's pushing that
agenda, there's something wrong here.
There's something wrong. Like, why would she do that?
There's something really wrong here.

(01:00:50):
She's really into you. Yeah, that's also a big red flag
because she's going to be chasing you down.
Commitment. It's desperate you.
Just want to avoid desperate. What I'm just trying to tell
you, which is what I said before, let's not take another
50 minutes, is that it comes across desperate.
Don't ever say what you're looking for to somebody.
Like people think that it's clear communication, but you

(01:01:12):
don't know that person. You do not know that person.
You really shouldn't even you should be dating for like
multiple dates. And then you know, if you're
like, oh, I kind of like this person.
You can be like, hey, like I think I'm starting to like you.
I can see this leading this place and then you can find out
where each other's at. But don't go on a date and be
like I'm looking for my husband or like I'm just trying to have

(01:01:33):
sex with you. Looking to desperate have a good
night to have fun. Right, right, because even even
the guy I was just coaching now I had to tell him because he's
like he's like, well, girls are asking me like, what do I do for
work? And I'm like, they're killing
their own seduction. Like like tell her, Oh, that's a
boring question. Let's talk about what what your
favorite? Movie is makes it fun.
Like, because if she's asking about like what his hobbies are,

(01:01:56):
what he does for work, like she doesn't have any game.
That's why she's asking stupid, boring questions.
She's gonna kill her own seduction.
Because if you answer that question, you're gonna, you're
not, you're gonna lose all the mystery, right?
And then you're gonna have this boring Platonic night.
So instead like tell her be. Like gotta have fun.
Be like that is such a boring question.
Like or, or or. Tell her.
Well, you're gonna have to guesswhat I do for work.

(01:02:18):
Let's see, I only work at night and I do have a uniform and I
have a bodyguard. Like, I don't know, what are
you? I'm a stripper, actually.
Wow. You're like, no, really.
Is that what you really do for work?
I only strip for you. I'll tell you later.
I'll tell you later if you're good, right?
And now he plays the game. And yeah, later on you can talk
to her some. You sprinkle in a little bit of

(01:02:40):
seriousness, but but the whole point of that, I don't know why
I went off on this. Tangent.
Have fun. Exactly to have fun.
That's that's the whole thing. It's like, because even if
you're a woman asking what he does for work or or like or what
his hobby is, what's behind that, that desperate energy of
like, are you? A.
The stone cold facts. Exactly.

(01:03:01):
But do you make enough money? Do you like, you know, like
that's like that's like it's, it's giving the vibe of I'm
trying to get a husband. No, my friend, she went, when
she went on her first date with her, my boyfriend, they've been
dating for a while. Yeah.
I told her to ask him what kind of pasta he would be and she
did. That's good.
And he said bow tie pasta. And she was like why?

(01:03:21):
And he gave a really good answer.
But it's like even women like you said need to have fun with
it. And The thing is too, when I
would go on dates if a guy was like, cuz guys can ask boring
ask questions too. Trust me, they're the worst.
They'll be like, So what are youdoing today?
Oh yeah, yeah, that's I. Mean like I would try to make it
fun, right? Because I'm like, he's obviously
going to be a little dry. Let me see if I can make it fun.
And then if he's continue to be dry, then you know, it is what

(01:03:44):
it is because I need, you know, I'm here to have fun like and
meet people. So everyone should be doing that
for sure. And it gives desperate energy no
matter who you are. If you're going into a date
saying I'm looking for this, it doesn't give like, I know what I
want. Like people think that it does.
Yeah, it's just like sales. Like if I, if I get on the sales

(01:04:04):
call with someone and I'm like, OK, so at the end of this call,
I want you to buy the product that I'm selling you.
Like I want you to give me $10,000.
Right, like that's. Not gonna work.
We're not gonna have any kind of.
People just. Need to know if you're?
Going on a date, yeah, it could potentially lead to marriage and
that's all you need. Yeah, it's a date.
That's how you potentially lead to marriage.

(01:04:25):
Or you could lead to the bedroom.
But The thing is, that's all youneed.
You don't have to be like, I'm looking for marriage.
If you're going on a date, I'm assuming you're trying to find
your partner for the rest of your life.
Yeah, but you're not in a rush to do that.
Right, because that's what flirting is.
Flirting is dangling. The carrot in.
Front the like the possibility, right?

(01:04:48):
That's what flirting is, is dangling like.
Are you good enough to be my husband?
Yeah. Are you good enough to be my
wife? We got to figure it out.
Yeah, are mystery. Are you good enough to have sex
with? But that's flirting.
Flirting is dangling the possibility.
OK, yes, OK. My last thing is I wrote down a
quote, he said. Something about turned him on so

(01:05:09):
much it made him commit. I just wrote.
No exclamation point. Well, no, no, no.
OK. This is what we talked about is
like, yeah, the word. So it is.
Putting it on the women to turn the man on so much that it made
him commit. And it's the men trying to get
laid who should be turning her on to have sex with him.

(01:05:31):
Oh yeah, yeah, it's turned on. Isn't the word like turned on
doesn't always mean sexually? Right.
What does it mean then? It it can mean like turned on
too, right? Like so so he so that's bad
words actually. So you're right on that.
Yeah, it is because. But but it's like what we were
saying about the conquering of like, like made him fall so hard
in love with her that he was forced to commit, that he killed

(01:05:54):
the dragon, slayed the dragon, that he, you know, flew 3000
miles to be with her. You see what I'm saying?
Like, that's the the thing. But she needs to feel like he
forsook forsook all other. Forsucked.
Forsucked. He forsucked all other women.
He forsook all other women to bewith her.

(01:06:16):
But there has to be all other women if there's not all other
women. Like imaginary all.
Other women. He forsook all anime girls.
All imaginary woman, right that he made-up in his mind.
Exactly. So that is a significant thing
that the woman feels like she did, she was worthy of.

(01:06:36):
She made this man so compelled to be with her.
That's what makes her fall in love with him.
Right, because the wording is bad if you didn't mean it that
way. Because I also wrote that this
is women's problem already, because it made it seem like if
he wants sex and then she gives him sex and it turned him on so
much, then he'll commit to her. And women try that technique

(01:06:59):
because of things like this. Yeah, they hear something like
this and it never works. No, that's never gonna work.
It never works because even the people who have sex on the first
date and end up getting married,there was there was something
else there. It wasn't because you gave the
man what he wanted and then now he wants to marry you.
Yeah, it is possible, though what's strange is the reverse is

(01:07:23):
possible though. If you're a guy and you give a
woman the best sex of her life, she might just marry you.
I mean. Like it doesn't work the other
way around. Women think if they give the guy
the best sex in their life because we talked about before a
guys scale of flesh that goes from like 1 to 10.
A woman goes to 1 to 1000. Or whatever.
I don't recommend that. He better be amazing at that,

(01:07:44):
and amazing in other ways, because you'll still have
problems, but not a. Problem it can work, it can work
that, but yeah, it don't recommend it doesn't it doesn't
work how women. There's got to be other things.
It doesn't work for women. Women are trying to do that and
they think that'll work and that's not going to work.
No, it's not. You can't think you're going to
blow a man's mind into him marrying you.

(01:08:05):
No. No.
But yeah, so. Yeah, OK.
Do we? We don't have anything, do we?
I don't think so. I think we're we're good.
We are. No dirty laundry.
No dirty. Some dirty, but not laundry.
Not the some dirty lingerie. All right.

(01:08:27):
Well, yeah. Follow us.
What do we what do we? Send us a question.
Someone. No one.
No one is send us a question. Someone on YouTube commented and
said we should do a call in typeof show, which I know we've
talked about before, so maybe we'll figure that out.
Yeah. But if you want to be the first
call in person again, you can send us an e-mail, yeah.

(01:08:49):
We can. We can kind of schedule it if we
do. A call in or if you'd rather us
just read yeah, you know, and keep it anonymous, but.
Yeah, but you can find [e-mail]
and from there, I mean, that's where all the others, we should
just send people there because you can find, you can e-mail us
from there all the things you can do from there, so.

(01:09:10):
True. Yeah, we'll see you next week.