August 13, 2025 • 34 mins
Are you constantly showing up for others, but no one sees what it’s costing you? This episode is a powerful acknowledgment of the invisible exhaustion that autistic and AuDHD women often carry—emotionally, mentally, and physically.
You’ll explore:
12 core truths about what’s really draining your energy
How emotional suppression leads to burnout and disconnection
Why masking creates deep internal confusion (and what to do instead)
How helping professionals can support without adding pressure or shame
Whether you're an autistic woman ready to reclaim your emotional world—or a therapist or coach supporting neurodivergent clients—this episode offers practical Root-to-Practice insights you can use today.
🎧 Plus: Download the free listener worksheet to explore the episode at your own pace.
➡️ Get your worksheet and explore more tools:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180958
#BurnoutRecovery #NeurodivergentSupport #AuDHD #AutisticWomen #TherapistsOnLinkedIn #ChronicBurnout #EmotionalSuppression #MaskingRecovery #MentalHealthMatters #NeurodivergentTherapist #WhittingtonWellBeing
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to It's hard being an autistic or audio HD woman win.
This is a four part route to practice exploration on
invisible emotional labor. Now by 4 parts I mean four parts
within this one episode. So don't feel like you're going
to have to follow this for four separate episodes.
So hi there, Sparkles. I am recording this for the
(00:21):
second time because apparently my mic decided that it wasn't
going to record audio sporadically throughout the
first one. And you know what?
I could have gotten frustrated because it was late on a Friday.
I was trying to make sure I was getting ahead of the game, you
know, for the first time in a while because it's been a busy
summer. But I just kind of laughed.
(00:41):
I'm like, OK, well, I guess the universe is telling me I want to
record this maybe another day because there might be something
that happens in my world that I want to add to this.
And you know, hey, the universe always knows what I need.
And there we go. I got it.
So welcome back to Beyond Chronic Burnout, the podcast
where we explore the real, the raw and regenerative work of
(01:05):
healing burnout and building lives that actually feel like
ours. I'm Carol Jane Whittington, if
we haven't met yet. Your Hostess and oddity, human
burnout researcher, well-being guide, and fellow traveler on
the road to deep rest, real connection and joyful living.
(01:25):
Today's episode is for every therapist, coach or clinician
who's ever sat across from a client and felt this woman is
carrying so much and no one seesit but her.
It's also for you, the autistic and Audi HD woman who's always
been the one people lean on, butrarely the one people check in
(01:48):
with. I mean, this has definitely been
my experience. I don't know, maybe it's been
yours too. And if so, you're not alone.
You're not too much. And here in this space we're
tending together, you're seeing.So let's name it.
Let's hold it, let's root it into it and find some ways, new
(02:12):
ways forward. Step out of the shadows, Feel
the power will rise. Catch the spark inside you.
Let your spirit fly. Be on the chronic burner.
Carol Jeans, your guy. Find your step near real.
A nice joy on the tide. So is forward.
Fight and roll. Leave the bird apart behind.
(02:38):
In this journey, hearts unfold. How was your seek and find?
Join me for a short guided meditation to ground and connect
(03:01):
with your wonderful self as we prepare the soil.
So before we ground in, I want to say something from my heart
to yours. I've been the one crying on the
kitchen floor, wondering if anyone would ever understand
(03:23):
what it means to be burned out at the soul level.
And I've also walked slowly, gently back towards a life that
finally feels like mine. That's why I that's what I offer
you today. Not a fix.
We're not fixing anything because we're not broken.
But as a fellow rooter, one who's getting grounded in who we
(03:47):
really are. So let's prepare the soil
together. If you're in a space where it
feels safe to do so, invite you to either gently close your eyes
or soften your gaze, whatever feels best for you.
You can even do this. If you're walking, this can even
be done, you know. Moving, however, feels good for
(04:09):
you. Place a hand on your heart and
one above your navel on your abdomen.
As you inhale, feel your breath and the rise of your abdomen,
and as you exhale, feel it fall.No need to change or adjust
(04:32):
anything, unless that feels goodfor you.
You're just arriving right here,right now.
A gentle inhale and an exhale, perhaps Drop your shoulders open
and close your jaw. You can even explore softening
(04:54):
the muscles around your eyes. Let these words flow through
you. I do not need to prove my pain
to be worthy of gentleness. I do not need to prove my pain
to be worthy of gentleness. Rest is not a reward, it is a
(05:21):
return. Rest is not a reward, it is a
return. Even when unseen, I am real, I
matter. Even when unseen I am real.
(05:43):
I matter. I invite you to take one more
breath, gently in and out, and when you're ready, return to the
room. Wiggle your toes, stretch,
(06:04):
perhaps roll your neck, and if you close your eyes, open them
in this inviting moment of comfort.
This next section began as a list that I came across as part
of the anagram. And when I started to read this,
(06:24):
oh, it resonated like bone deep all the way through resonated.
And I've been going back sort ofrevisiting, you know, journals
and just experiences of how I felt when I first began this
journey out of burnout, not knowing, not even having a name
for it as burnout. But just like, I'm so tired.
(06:46):
I'm tired of life sucking and I just want to feel better.
That's where I was and as I cameto know my Aniagram and as I
studied and I have thousands of hours now over the last decade
in this into the Aniagram in order to guide my students and
our unveilers. So many of these experiences of
(07:11):
when things are really hard resonate so deeply and it's the
kind of tired that doesn't go away with a nap or a third or
fourth cup of coffee. And it really is something that
(07:32):
is part of our well-being journey to acknowledge and hold
space for what's hard. Because it's sometimes I think
it's we want to bypass it. We want to move past it so
quickly because it's painful. We want to try and fix it and
get out of it and stop feeling that way.
And this list of why it's hard being an autistic Audio HD woman
(07:54):
is rooted in anagram. And I shared this list earlier
this week in a carousel. Some of them not.
I don't know that I shared all of them and so many people were
resonating with this. I was getting DMS and emails
going Oh my gosh, girl Jane, me too.
(08:15):
Like you nailed it. This is how I have definitely
been feeling or how I have felt.So I turned that list into
something we could use in our healing, in our clinical work,
in our self remembering when I read that line.
You're exhausted from carrying the weight of what everyone else
(08:37):
feels or seems is fine and they're OK ignoring it.
I mean, that happens still. I think I remember sitting in a
staff meeting in the hospital like years ago, noticing all the
unspoken tension in the room, trying to hold space for
(08:58):
everyone else's emotional stormsbecause it was kind of a tense
meeting and leaving with a migraine and like 0 energy for
myself or anything I needed to do for the rest of the day for
my kids, for anybody. That was before I knew this had
a name and it had a reason, but it wasn't weakness being able to
(09:25):
sense and carry the weight of ofeveryone else.
It was a sensitivity that was unprotected because I didn't
necessarily realize how it was occurring.
And I had no, no boundary, no awareness to protect it because
that sensitivity that we have totap into everyone else, you
(09:50):
know, it's often times before weeven walk into a room that is
truly a gift that we have. So let's walk through a few of
these together. Your inner voice never stops
pointing out what's broken. Now, I will say that this
(10:13):
happens internally and externally.
That inner voice is picking out all the things in the world that
are broken, that's that aren't working.
And we want to fix them because we see that they're harming
people, especially people we care about, especially us.
But then there's this other place that's really hard.
(10:33):
And that's this inner voice thatnever stops pointing out what's
broken or what we believe is broken about us.
That oh man, that inner voice. Often it isn't even ours.
But what's worse is maybe it started out if somebody else's,
(10:55):
but then over the years it turnsinto ours.
And that can be really hard. It could be really hard when
you've become fluent in everyoneelse's emotional language but
your own. But you can pick on every, you
can pick up on everybody else's feels whatever's going on, you
(11:15):
know, however they're expressingtheir emotions and you got that,
you're fluent in it. You can do it and you know,
probably 10 different languages,right?
Or more. But your own emotional fluency,
the own, your own language of emotional awareness, it may not
feel like you even have it. And that can occur because so
(11:39):
many of us have alexithymia, we're, we feel all the feels,
but we have a delay in processing and, and transcribing
that putting it into context andwords that that feel safe,
right? And another reason that this can
happen and can feel really hard,you know, like being hyper aware
of everybody else's emotional language, but like having no
(12:01):
clue about your own or even pausing to check in with it.
That can occur from the trauma that so many of us experience.
And it can be really hard when you're drowning in other
people's needs while your own needs remain invisible, often
even to you. This can be very hard.
(12:22):
And this is something I think that even in burnout
restoration, I mean, I've been burnout free since November
2019. This is still an ongoing thing
and not like it used to be like when it was really heavy, like
where I felt like I was drowningin other people's needs because
I had absolutely no boundaries. I was just like this open,
(12:44):
permeable thing where I, I was. So there's so much trauma and
hurt, wounding all this stuff that I was so hyper fixated on
what everybody else needed. Because I believe that if
everybody else was OK, then I could be OK.
Then I can relax, then I can, I can be comfortable or safe,
right? And part of my journey
(13:07):
personally was that experiencingmy feelings, especially when I
didn't realize, I couldn't put words to them.
They just felt scary and big. And because I didn't have an
immediate answer to understand how I was feeling or what my
needs even were, that I was thatI had permission to have needs,
(13:27):
right? That was the other thing.
I mean, everybody else has needsand they have a right to them.
But somehow I didn't think I did.
Those needs became invisible to me.
I, I wasn't even looking for them.
And that can feel really heavy and really hard.
(13:48):
And it's really hard to be an autistic audio HD woman because
slowing down feels like disappearing, especially for
those of us who, you know, have that combined type and we have
that inertia, that movement. And that's become our habit, our
(14:09):
set point, our norm. And that feels comfortable.
And, you know, for those of us who have trauma and that that
experience, it's, it's really hard to slow down because our
nervous system starts to scream at us saying this is not safe.
We can't slow down. You know, it feels like we're
going to completely disappear ifwe're not constantly in motion.
(14:32):
And that can feel really heavy and really hard.
And it's really hard when your search for authentic connection
gets labeled as attention seeking and needy instead of
what it really is. We look for those authentic and
search for those authentic connections because that's heart
(14:53):
nourishing. That is a that is a basic human
need and A and a right that we all have authentic connection
with one another, but especiallyauthentic connection with
ourselves. It's not attention seeking.
It's not needy. My gosh, it is heart nourishing.
(15:15):
And it's really hard when you'rethe identified feeler in the
group. You, you have tap into everybody
else's emotions right in the group, but no one ever has space
to hold your feelings in return.That's one that most of my life
(15:36):
I experienced. And it can be really hard when
there isn't reciprocity. And it it really does create
this additional feeling of not belonging, not mattering.
And it's hard and it's heavy. And honestly it sucks.
(15:59):
And it's really hard when the world expects constant
availability, especially with technological advances as they
are, we just a click away from someone's availability.
And it's really hard when that'shappening and you need solitude
(16:20):
to function. I am an anagram 5.
I am a hermetic hermit in my human design.
So I require solitude in order to operate, to be able to re
engage with people in the world.And that constant demand on my
(16:41):
availability, especially when I was a mom and my kids were
young, that was really hard. And if you're that mom with
little kids right now and you feel like there is this constant
expectation, demand for for availability at all times as a
mom, yeah, that's kind of part of the job description, but it's
(17:07):
not. It doesn't mean that you're not
a good mom if you need solitude,because that's actually what
nourishes you so you can show upand be the mom that you want to
be and that you are for your kids.
And it's absolutely part of choosing the things that are
important to balance what it is that you need with what your
(17:33):
kiddos need. And it's not easy.
It's it's definitely messy, but there's also magical moments.
And it's really hard when your need for processing time gets
seen by other people as being cold or uncaring instead of what
it really is. Because for us, it's heart
(17:53):
centered, it's thoughtful responses to give ourselves that
processing time to ask and say, hey, I, I need a minute.
Let me get back to you on this. Or taking a little while to
respond to an e-mail because youreally want to process it.
You want to give thoughtful intention and response to it and
(18:17):
that can feel really hard when other people interpret it in a
way that is the complete opposite of what it really is.
And it can be super hard when you're careful.
Planning gets dismissed as quoteUN quote and I hate this term so
much. It's like makes my teeth hurt
(18:39):
overthinking instead of what it really is, that careful planning
that you put in that gets so easily dismissed as
overthinking. Darling sparkle, that is wisdom.
And when others don't recognize it or honor it, that's sad and
(19:00):
that's hard and it's frustrating.
And it's really hard when you'retrying to create safety for
everyone, but you get labeled the problem for noticing
potential risks. You get called sort of the
Debbie Downer. You get the side out and the
groan from the people that you're trying to create safety
(19:24):
for. When you bring up the potential
things that could harm them because you see them maybe
before they do and because you care about them, you're
mentioning these things to protect them.
But instead you're Debbie Downer.
You're the problem, You're the negative Nancy and that feels
(19:44):
really hard. People aren't seeing the gift
that you're providing. And sometimes it's, it's about
the timing of when that comes into the conversation.
You know, it's not necessarily at the very beginning.
Sometimes you got to have that hype and that energy of, yes,
it's a great idea. And then when you get in to the
(20:06):
planning and the detailing, that's that's where some of
these potential risks really serve best.
Sort of what I learned the hard way, and it can be really hard
when you're carrying years, sometimes decades of unprocessed
pain and hurt. But stopping to feel it is
(20:27):
terrifying. And it's never felt safe
stopping to feel the feelings oreven figure out what the
feelings are, even the good ones.
That unprocessed pain and hurt, the emotions, the thoughts, the
experiences, all of it. It's really hard to feel that
(20:49):
discomfort, that that terrifyingresponse, that feeling of being
unsafe. It's really hard when you're an
Aussie HD or autistic woman and your protective instincts get
seen as aggression instead of advocacy.
(21:15):
There's so, I mean so many, you know, justice oriented folks in
our community. It's almost just such a very
common trait, operating belief, you know, justice, being fair,
being equal and right, and thoseprotective instincts that we
(21:39):
have for the people that we loveand people we don't know, but we
see are being take advantage of or they're being hurt.
And we want to stand up. We want to advocate, we want to
say, hey, hold up, pause for just a second before we just go
plowing over, you know, this particular thing.
But let's check in with this andthat awareness, that advocacy,
(22:03):
that beautiful gift that we havewhen it's misinterpreted and
it's seen as aggression and just, you know, radical and all
of these things, you know, in a negative light.
That can be really hard. And finally, the last one I want
to share is it can be really hard and it can feel really
(22:28):
heavy when you absorb everyone'semotional landscape until you
can't find your own compass. It can be really overwhelming
when we are so attuned to everyone else's emotional
landscape. We feel it before we walk into
the room, right? We can look at somebody and we
(22:50):
immediately can read everything happening in their brain.
We can physically feel it, and in the process we lose our own
internal compass for how we're feeling because sometimes other
people's emotions feel so much bigger than the ones that we
have. Remember that each of these is
(23:12):
more than just an experience, It's a signal.
It's something we need to pay attention to in ourselves and
with our clients. Let's plant a seed together.
This is our segment in the show where I share an exercise or
practice to apply the material we're discussing and is your
(23:35):
gentle invitation to try something new, one small shift
at a time. So here's your practice for
compassionate curiosity. Choose one statement from the
list that felt especially true for you from the It's hard being
(23:58):
an Autistic Audio HD woman when.If you'd like a download of the
list and a worksheet for this segment, you'll get this list
and worksheet plus more as a subscriber to the Recharge
Library and newsletter. So here's our practice.
Write down the phrases, the statements, the This is hard.
(24:20):
That felt especially true for you.
And under each one that you chose or if it's just one,
that's fine. There's no need to have like the
whole list. But it 'cause I know it's easy
to go OK, the whole list felt relevant.
Carol Jane. So I can't necessarily say which
one that's OK. Just kind of tap in for a SEC.
(24:41):
That's why that prepare the soilreally helps kind of get us
here, grounds us a little bit, allows a little space in our
brain and our body to respond. So maybe read back through the
list again and then notice aftereach one, how does your body
respond? Maybe what are the thoughts or
the phrases that you have? Maybe one has a lot more chatter
(25:04):
that goes with it. Choose the one that really feels
especially true for you. Maybe using some of those
signals. And if it feels aligned for you,
I invite you to write this statement as your prompt.
I invite this part of me to share what it is trying to
(25:25):
protect. So again, I invite this part of
me to share what it is trying toprotect.
Remember, this isn't about fixing or changing, It is about
listening and allowing space foryour inner wisdom and knowing to
(25:47):
share with you. Let this be a starting point,
not an assignment. That's your seed for today.
Nourish it with curiosity and let it grow in your own time and
again. You can access the worksheet and
guide for this episode in the Recharge Library.
(26:08):
Click on the link in the show notes or go to
energize.whittingtonwellbeing.comto sign up for this free
resource, which includes our episode downloads and clinical
companion tools. Welcome to our Water and Nourish
segment of the show. These are your reflection
(26:30):
prompts to deepen today's insight and support sustainable
self discovery. Now that you've chosen your one
truth and begun listening to what it's trying to protect,
here's your reflection question for today.
(26:53):
What would it feel like to be witnessed without needing to
explain? It's powerful, right?
How often have so many of us felt like we have to explain in
great detail just to be understood?
So again, that reflection promptis what would it feel like to be
(27:16):
witnessed without needing to explain?
Let this question be more than athought.
Let it be a soft call toward thekind of connections we're all
hungry for. Because in our tribe, our circle
of fellow feelers and noticers, we don't need to justify our
(27:38):
depth. We just need room to be.
Let that land. Where do you feel it in your
body? Who in your life might offer
that kind of space? What would it look like to offer
that space to yourself? That space where you are allowed
(28:05):
to feel whatever it is you're feeling and just to witness it
without needing to explain it ormake sense of it?
What if you extended that space to yourself?
This is where nourishment starts, in being with what's
real without rushing to change it.
(28:26):
Let your reflections unfold withgentleness because your healing
deserves time and tenderness. Welcome to Root to Practice, the
segment in the show where we take the insights from today's
episode and ground them into real world tools for your work
as a helping professional. Let's translate theory into
(28:49):
meaningful neuroaffirming care. I'm offering these not as
strategies from a textbook, but as an invitation born of lived
experience, mine and those I've walked beside for many years
now. Here are a few ways to work with
(29:11):
this list in session. Normalize.
Don't pathologize. Reframe careful planning as
strategic intelligence. Reframe emotional overload as
evidence of deep attunement. Bring body in.
Use statements as somatic entry points.
(29:35):
For example, where do you feel or sense this truth in your
body? Be sure to allow time for
processing. Those of us with alexithymia and
her trauma may approach this more gently and slowly Suggest
that noticing even small shifts is a wonderful way to begin.
(29:56):
There is no right or wrong way to feel or experience this.
Use the reflection questions. Offer them in session or between
sessions as journaling prompts. Especially the question, What
does emotional safety feel like for you?
Not in theory, but in experience.
(30:19):
Now, this one's pretty important.
Hold space for grief. Some of these truths carry
decades of unacknowledged pain. Your job isn't to fix it, it's
to hold a Lantern while they make their way home back to
their self. Co create boundaries and simple
(30:42):
phrases. In the early days this was very
helpful for me to have someone Co create boundaries with me,
sort of help me navigate and setsome things.
And that really helped, especially as I was learning
more about Alexa, Thymia and andhow I really tap into what I
needed. So you can help clients name and
(31:03):
practice simple phrases for rest, solitude and honoring
their own emotional timelines. For example, REST is reclaiming
my comfort. Co create boundaries and simple
phrases that feel self sourced, not external imposed.
Here's an example. I'm not avoiding, I'm protecting
(31:25):
my peace. Let your clients find language
that mirrors their inner world. This is their power returning
home. That's your practice route for
today. Take what resonates, adapt it
for your style, and keep supporting your clients with
care that's grounded, compassionate, and real.
(31:51):
As we come to the end of our visit together today, let me
leave you with this. This isn't a catalog of wounds.
It's a mirror of what so many ofus are holding and hiding every
day. And when we name these patterns
with love instead of shame, whenwe stop calling them flaws and
(32:15):
start calling them wisdom, we come back to ourselves.
If this episode resonated with you, come join the Recharge
Resource Library and blog and newsletter.
It's where I share articles, podcast episodes, tools, and
real stories for clients and clinicians alike.
(32:38):
You'll find community. You'll find compassion.
You'll find tools that speak to both the brain and the body.
The link is in the show notes tojoin the Recharge library and
newsletter at energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com.
And if this episode moved you, would you be so kind as to take
(33:00):
30 seconds and share it with someone who needs it?
Until next time, be kind to yourinner compass.
Let your rest speak louder than the world's expectations.
And remember, you don't have to figure it all out alone.
In this community, we don't justhold knowledge, we hold each
(33:22):
other. Take care of my sparkle.
Thanks for being here. It's been quiet.
All right. Energy mastery, let's turn the
tide. Top shelf guests dropping wisdom
bombs. Join us next week.
Where the energy's strong. Beyond crying.
Run out. We're breaking free podcast
(33:45):
pumping full of energy tips and tricks to put strong fight fast
space and fun. You'll feel alive energy and
that story come along for the ride behind beyond quantum.
We're on the rise. Join us as we form our top shelf
(34:06):
guests. I mean to energy.
We're out of pass.
Welcome to It's hard being an autistic or audio HD woman win.
This is a four part route to practice exploration on
invisible emotional labor. Now by 4 parts I mean four parts
within this one episode. So don't feel like you're going
to have to follow this for four separate episodes.
So hi there, Sparkles. I am recording this for the
(00:21):
second time because apparently my mic decided that it wasn't
going to record audio sporadically throughout the
first one. And you know what?
I could have gotten frustrated because it was late on a Friday.
I was trying to make sure I was getting ahead of the game, you
know, for the first time in a while because it's been a busy
summer. But I just kind of laughed.
(00:41):
I'm like, OK, well, I guess the universe is telling me I want to
record this maybe another day because there might be something
that happens in my world that I want to add to this.
And you know, hey, the universe always knows what I need.
And there we go. I got it.
So welcome back to Beyond Chronic Burnout, the podcast
where we explore the real, the raw and regenerative work of
(01:05):
healing burnout and building lives that actually feel like
ours. I'm Carol Jane Whittington, if
we haven't met yet. Your Hostess and oddity, human
burnout researcher, well-being guide, and fellow traveler on
the road to deep rest, real connection and joyful living.
(01:25):
Today's episode is for every therapist, coach or clinician
who's ever sat across from a client and felt this woman is
carrying so much and no one seesit but her.
It's also for you, the autistic and Audi HD woman who's always
been the one people lean on, butrarely the one people check in
(01:48):
with. I mean, this has definitely been
my experience. I don't know, maybe it's been
yours too. And if so, you're not alone.
You're not too much. And here in this space we're
tending together, you're seeing.So let's name it.
Let's hold it, let's root it into it and find some ways, new
(02:12):
ways forward. Step out of the shadows, Feel
the power will rise. Catch the spark inside you.
Let your spirit fly. Be on the chronic burner.
Carol Jeans, your guy. Find your step near real.
A nice joy on the tide. So is forward.
Fight and roll. Leave the bird apart behind.
(02:38):
In this journey, hearts unfold. How was your seek and find?
Join me for a short guided meditation to ground and connect
(03:01):
with your wonderful self as we prepare the soil.
So before we ground in, I want to say something from my heart
to yours. I've been the one crying on the
kitchen floor, wondering if anyone would ever understand
(03:23):
what it means to be burned out at the soul level.
And I've also walked slowly, gently back towards a life that
finally feels like mine. That's why I that's what I offer
you today. Not a fix.
We're not fixing anything because we're not broken.
But as a fellow rooter, one who's getting grounded in who we
(03:47):
really are. So let's prepare the soil
together. If you're in a space where it
feels safe to do so, invite you to either gently close your eyes
or soften your gaze, whatever feels best for you.
You can even do this. If you're walking, this can even
be done, you know. Moving, however, feels good for
(04:09):
you. Place a hand on your heart and
one above your navel on your abdomen.
As you inhale, feel your breath and the rise of your abdomen,
and as you exhale, feel it fall.No need to change or adjust
(04:32):
anything, unless that feels goodfor you.
You're just arriving right here,right now.
A gentle inhale and an exhale, perhaps Drop your shoulders open
and close your jaw. You can even explore softening
(04:54):
the muscles around your eyes. Let these words flow through
you. I do not need to prove my pain
to be worthy of gentleness. I do not need to prove my pain
to be worthy of gentleness. Rest is not a reward, it is a
(05:21):
return. Rest is not a reward, it is a
return. Even when unseen, I am real, I
matter. Even when unseen I am real.
(05:43):
I matter. I invite you to take one more
breath, gently in and out, and when you're ready, return to the
room. Wiggle your toes, stretch,
(06:04):
perhaps roll your neck, and if you close your eyes, open them
in this inviting moment of comfort.
This next section began as a list that I came across as part
of the anagram. And when I started to read this,
(06:24):
oh, it resonated like bone deep all the way through resonated.
And I've been going back sort ofrevisiting, you know, journals
and just experiences of how I felt when I first began this
journey out of burnout, not knowing, not even having a name
for it as burnout. But just like, I'm so tired.
(06:46):
I'm tired of life sucking and I just want to feel better.
That's where I was and as I cameto know my Aniagram and as I
studied and I have thousands of hours now over the last decade
in this into the Aniagram in order to guide my students and
our unveilers. So many of these experiences of
(07:11):
when things are really hard resonate so deeply and it's the
kind of tired that doesn't go away with a nap or a third or
fourth cup of coffee. And it really is something that
(07:32):
is part of our well-being journey to acknowledge and hold
space for what's hard. Because it's sometimes I think
it's we want to bypass it. We want to move past it so
quickly because it's painful. We want to try and fix it and
get out of it and stop feeling that way.
And this list of why it's hard being an autistic Audio HD woman
(07:54):
is rooted in anagram. And I shared this list earlier
this week in a carousel. Some of them not.
I don't know that I shared all of them and so many people were
resonating with this. I was getting DMS and emails
going Oh my gosh, girl Jane, me too.
(08:15):
Like you nailed it. This is how I have definitely
been feeling or how I have felt.So I turned that list into
something we could use in our healing, in our clinical work,
in our self remembering when I read that line.
You're exhausted from carrying the weight of what everyone else
(08:37):
feels or seems is fine and they're OK ignoring it.
I mean, that happens still. I think I remember sitting in a
staff meeting in the hospital like years ago, noticing all the
unspoken tension in the room, trying to hold space for
(08:58):
everyone else's emotional stormsbecause it was kind of a tense
meeting and leaving with a migraine and like 0 energy for
myself or anything I needed to do for the rest of the day for
my kids, for anybody. That was before I knew this had
a name and it had a reason, but it wasn't weakness being able to
(09:25):
sense and carry the weight of ofeveryone else.
It was a sensitivity that was unprotected because I didn't
necessarily realize how it was occurring.
And I had no, no boundary, no awareness to protect it because
that sensitivity that we have totap into everyone else, you
(09:50):
know, it's often times before weeven walk into a room that is
truly a gift that we have. So let's walk through a few of
these together. Your inner voice never stops
pointing out what's broken. Now, I will say that this
(10:13):
happens internally and externally.
That inner voice is picking out all the things in the world that
are broken, that's that aren't working.
And we want to fix them because we see that they're harming
people, especially people we care about, especially us.
But then there's this other place that's really hard.
(10:33):
And that's this inner voice thatnever stops pointing out what's
broken or what we believe is broken about us.
That oh man, that inner voice. Often it isn't even ours.
But what's worse is maybe it started out if somebody else's,
(10:55):
but then over the years it turnsinto ours.
And that can be really hard. It could be really hard when
you've become fluent in everyoneelse's emotional language but
your own. But you can pick on every, you
can pick up on everybody else's feels whatever's going on, you
(11:15):
know, however they're expressingtheir emotions and you got that,
you're fluent in it. You can do it and you know,
probably 10 different languages,right?
Or more. But your own emotional fluency,
the own, your own language of emotional awareness, it may not
feel like you even have it. And that can occur because so
(11:39):
many of us have alexithymia, we're, we feel all the feels,
but we have a delay in processing and, and transcribing
that putting it into context andwords that that feel safe,
right? And another reason that this can
happen and can feel really hard,you know, like being hyper aware
of everybody else's emotional language, but like having no
(12:01):
clue about your own or even pausing to check in with it.
That can occur from the trauma that so many of us experience.
And it can be really hard when you're drowning in other
people's needs while your own needs remain invisible, often
even to you. This can be very hard.
(12:22):
And this is something I think that even in burnout
restoration, I mean, I've been burnout free since November
2019. This is still an ongoing thing
and not like it used to be like when it was really heavy, like
where I felt like I was drowningin other people's needs because
I had absolutely no boundaries. I was just like this open,
(12:44):
permeable thing where I, I was. So there's so much trauma and
hurt, wounding all this stuff that I was so hyper fixated on
what everybody else needed. Because I believe that if
everybody else was OK, then I could be OK.
Then I can relax, then I can, I can be comfortable or safe,
right? And part of my journey
(13:07):
personally was that experiencingmy feelings, especially when I
didn't realize, I couldn't put words to them.
They just felt scary and big. And because I didn't have an
immediate answer to understand how I was feeling or what my
needs even were, that I was thatI had permission to have needs,
(13:27):
right? That was the other thing.
I mean, everybody else has needsand they have a right to them.
But somehow I didn't think I did.
Those needs became invisible to me.
I, I wasn't even looking for them.
And that can feel really heavy and really hard.
(13:48):
And it's really hard to be an autistic audio HD woman because
slowing down feels like disappearing, especially for
those of us who, you know, have that combined type and we have
that inertia, that movement. And that's become our habit, our
(14:09):
set point, our norm. And that feels comfortable.
And, you know, for those of us who have trauma and that that
experience, it's, it's really hard to slow down because our
nervous system starts to scream at us saying this is not safe.
We can't slow down. You know, it feels like we're
going to completely disappear ifwe're not constantly in motion.
(14:32):
And that can feel really heavy and really hard.
And it's really hard when your search for authentic connection
gets labeled as attention seeking and needy instead of
what it really is. We look for those authentic and
search for those authentic connections because that's heart
(14:53):
nourishing. That is a that is a basic human
need and A and a right that we all have authentic connection
with one another, but especiallyauthentic connection with
ourselves. It's not attention seeking.
It's not needy. My gosh, it is heart nourishing.
(15:15):
And it's really hard when you'rethe identified feeler in the
group. You, you have tap into everybody
else's emotions right in the group, but no one ever has space
to hold your feelings in return.That's one that most of my life
(15:36):
I experienced. And it can be really hard when
there isn't reciprocity. And it it really does create
this additional feeling of not belonging, not mattering.
And it's hard and it's heavy. And honestly it sucks.
(15:59):
And it's really hard when the world expects constant
availability, especially with technological advances as they
are, we just a click away from someone's availability.
And it's really hard when that'shappening and you need solitude
(16:20):
to function. I am an anagram 5.
I am a hermetic hermit in my human design.
So I require solitude in order to operate, to be able to re
engage with people in the world.And that constant demand on my
(16:41):
availability, especially when I was a mom and my kids were
young, that was really hard. And if you're that mom with
little kids right now and you feel like there is this constant
expectation, demand for for availability at all times as a
mom, yeah, that's kind of part of the job description, but it's
(17:07):
not. It doesn't mean that you're not
a good mom if you need solitude,because that's actually what
nourishes you so you can show upand be the mom that you want to
be and that you are for your kids.
And it's absolutely part of choosing the things that are
important to balance what it is that you need with what your
(17:33):
kiddos need. And it's not easy.
It's it's definitely messy, but there's also magical moments.
And it's really hard when your need for processing time gets
seen by other people as being cold or uncaring instead of what
it really is. Because for us, it's heart
(17:53):
centered, it's thoughtful responses to give ourselves that
processing time to ask and say, hey, I, I need a minute.
Let me get back to you on this. Or taking a little while to
respond to an e-mail because youreally want to process it.
You want to give thoughtful intention and response to it and
(18:17):
that can feel really hard when other people interpret it in a
way that is the complete opposite of what it really is.
And it can be super hard when you're careful.
Planning gets dismissed as quoteUN quote and I hate this term so
much. It's like makes my teeth hurt
(18:39):
overthinking instead of what it really is, that careful planning
that you put in that gets so easily dismissed as
overthinking. Darling sparkle, that is wisdom.
And when others don't recognize it or honor it, that's sad and
(19:00):
that's hard and it's frustrating.
And it's really hard when you'retrying to create safety for
everyone, but you get labeled the problem for noticing
potential risks. You get called sort of the
Debbie Downer. You get the side out and the
groan from the people that you're trying to create safety
(19:24):
for. When you bring up the potential
things that could harm them because you see them maybe
before they do and because you care about them, you're
mentioning these things to protect them.
But instead you're Debbie Downer.
You're the problem, You're the negative Nancy and that feels
(19:44):
really hard. People aren't seeing the gift
that you're providing. And sometimes it's, it's about
the timing of when that comes into the conversation.
You know, it's not necessarily at the very beginning.
Sometimes you got to have that hype and that energy of, yes,
it's a great idea. And then when you get in to the
(20:06):
planning and the detailing, that's that's where some of
these potential risks really serve best.
Sort of what I learned the hard way, and it can be really hard
when you're carrying years, sometimes decades of unprocessed
pain and hurt. But stopping to feel it is
(20:27):
terrifying. And it's never felt safe
stopping to feel the feelings oreven figure out what the
feelings are, even the good ones.
That unprocessed pain and hurt, the emotions, the thoughts, the
experiences, all of it. It's really hard to feel that
(20:49):
discomfort, that that terrifyingresponse, that feeling of being
unsafe. It's really hard when you're an
Aussie HD or autistic woman and your protective instincts get
seen as aggression instead of advocacy.
(21:15):
There's so, I mean so many, you know, justice oriented folks in
our community. It's almost just such a very
common trait, operating belief, you know, justice, being fair,
being equal and right, and thoseprotective instincts that we
(21:39):
have for the people that we loveand people we don't know, but we
see are being take advantage of or they're being hurt.
And we want to stand up. We want to advocate, we want to
say, hey, hold up, pause for just a second before we just go
plowing over, you know, this particular thing.
But let's check in with this andthat awareness, that advocacy,
(22:03):
that beautiful gift that we havewhen it's misinterpreted and
it's seen as aggression and just, you know, radical and all
of these things, you know, in a negative light.
That can be really hard. And finally, the last one I want
to share is it can be really hard and it can feel really
(22:28):
heavy when you absorb everyone'semotional landscape until you
can't find your own compass. It can be really overwhelming
when we are so attuned to everyone else's emotional
landscape. We feel it before we walk into
the room, right? We can look at somebody and we
(22:50):
immediately can read everything happening in their brain.
We can physically feel it, and in the process we lose our own
internal compass for how we're feeling because sometimes other
people's emotions feel so much bigger than the ones that we
have. Remember that each of these is
(23:12):
more than just an experience, It's a signal.
It's something we need to pay attention to in ourselves and
with our clients. Let's plant a seed together.
This is our segment in the show where I share an exercise or
practice to apply the material we're discussing and is your
(23:35):
gentle invitation to try something new, one small shift
at a time. So here's your practice for
compassionate curiosity. Choose one statement from the
list that felt especially true for you from the It's hard being
(23:58):
an Autistic Audio HD woman when.If you'd like a download of the
list and a worksheet for this segment, you'll get this list
and worksheet plus more as a subscriber to the Recharge
Library and newsletter. So here's our practice.
Write down the phrases, the statements, the This is hard.
(24:20):
That felt especially true for you.
And under each one that you chose or if it's just one,
that's fine. There's no need to have like the
whole list. But it 'cause I know it's easy
to go OK, the whole list felt relevant.
Carol Jane. So I can't necessarily say which
one that's OK. Just kind of tap in for a SEC.
(24:41):
That's why that prepare the soilreally helps kind of get us
here, grounds us a little bit, allows a little space in our
brain and our body to respond. So maybe read back through the
list again and then notice aftereach one, how does your body
respond? Maybe what are the thoughts or
the phrases that you have? Maybe one has a lot more chatter
(25:04):
that goes with it. Choose the one that really feels
especially true for you. Maybe using some of those
signals. And if it feels aligned for you,
I invite you to write this statement as your prompt.
I invite this part of me to share what it is trying to
(25:25):
protect. So again, I invite this part of
me to share what it is trying toprotect.
Remember, this isn't about fixing or changing, It is about
listening and allowing space foryour inner wisdom and knowing to
(25:47):
share with you. Let this be a starting point,
not an assignment. That's your seed for today.
Nourish it with curiosity and let it grow in your own time and
again. You can access the worksheet and
guide for this episode in the Recharge Library.
(26:08):
Click on the link in the show notes or go to
energize.whittingtonwellbeing.comto sign up for this free
resource, which includes our episode downloads and clinical
companion tools. Welcome to our Water and Nourish
segment of the show. These are your reflection
(26:30):
prompts to deepen today's insight and support sustainable
self discovery. Now that you've chosen your one
truth and begun listening to what it's trying to protect,
here's your reflection question for today.
(26:53):
What would it feel like to be witnessed without needing to
explain? It's powerful, right?
How often have so many of us felt like we have to explain in
great detail just to be understood?
So again, that reflection promptis what would it feel like to be
(27:16):
witnessed without needing to explain?
Let this question be more than athought.
Let it be a soft call toward thekind of connections we're all
hungry for. Because in our tribe, our circle
of fellow feelers and noticers, we don't need to justify our
(27:38):
depth. We just need room to be.
Let that land. Where do you feel it in your
body? Who in your life might offer
that kind of space? What would it look like to offer
that space to yourself? That space where you are allowed
(28:05):
to feel whatever it is you're feeling and just to witness it
without needing to explain it ormake sense of it?
What if you extended that space to yourself?
This is where nourishment starts, in being with what's
real without rushing to change it.
(28:26):
Let your reflections unfold withgentleness because your healing
deserves time and tenderness. Welcome to Root to Practice, the
segment in the show where we take the insights from today's
episode and ground them into real world tools for your work
as a helping professional. Let's translate theory into
(28:49):
meaningful neuroaffirming care. I'm offering these not as
strategies from a textbook, but as an invitation born of lived
experience, mine and those I've walked beside for many years
now. Here are a few ways to work with
(29:11):
this list in session. Normalize.
Don't pathologize. Reframe careful planning as
strategic intelligence. Reframe emotional overload as
evidence of deep attunement. Bring body in.
Use statements as somatic entry points.
(29:35):
For example, where do you feel or sense this truth in your
body? Be sure to allow time for
processing. Those of us with alexithymia and
her trauma may approach this more gently and slowly Suggest
that noticing even small shifts is a wonderful way to begin.
(29:56):
There is no right or wrong way to feel or experience this.
Use the reflection questions. Offer them in session or between
sessions as journaling prompts. Especially the question, What
does emotional safety feel like for you?
Not in theory, but in experience.
(30:19):
Now, this one's pretty important.
Hold space for grief. Some of these truths carry
decades of unacknowledged pain. Your job isn't to fix it, it's
to hold a Lantern while they make their way home back to
their self. Co create boundaries and simple
(30:42):
phrases. In the early days this was very
helpful for me to have someone Co create boundaries with me,
sort of help me navigate and setsome things.
And that really helped, especially as I was learning
more about Alexa, Thymia and andhow I really tap into what I
needed. So you can help clients name and
(31:03):
practice simple phrases for rest, solitude and honoring
their own emotional timelines. For example, REST is reclaiming
my comfort. Co create boundaries and simple
phrases that feel self sourced, not external imposed.
Here's an example. I'm not avoiding, I'm protecting
(31:25):
my peace. Let your clients find language
that mirrors their inner world. This is their power returning
home. That's your practice route for
today. Take what resonates, adapt it
for your style, and keep supporting your clients with
care that's grounded, compassionate, and real.
(31:51):
As we come to the end of our visit together today, let me
leave you with this. This isn't a catalog of wounds.
It's a mirror of what so many ofus are holding and hiding every
day. And when we name these patterns
with love instead of shame, whenwe stop calling them flaws and
(32:15):
start calling them wisdom, we come back to ourselves.
If this episode resonated with you, come join the Recharge
Resource Library and blog and newsletter.
It's where I share articles, podcast episodes, tools, and
real stories for clients and clinicians alike.
(32:38):
You'll find community. You'll find compassion.
You'll find tools that speak to both the brain and the body.
The link is in the show notes tojoin the Recharge library and
newsletter at energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com.
And if this episode moved you, would you be so kind as to take
(33:00):
30 seconds and share it with someone who needs it?
Until next time, be kind to yourinner compass.
Let your rest speak louder than the world's expectations.
And remember, you don't have to figure it all out alone.
In this community, we don't justhold knowledge, we hold each
(33:22):
other. Take care of my sparkle.
Thanks for being here. It's been quiet.
All right. Energy mastery, let's turn the
tide. Top shelf guests dropping wisdom
bombs. Join us next week.
Where the energy's strong. Beyond crying.
Run out. We're breaking free podcast
(33:45):
pumping full of energy tips and tricks to put strong fight fast
space and fun. You'll feel alive energy and
that story come along for the ride behind beyond quantum.
We're on the rise. Join us as we form our top shelf
(34:06):
guests. I mean to energy.
We're out of pass.
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