September 11, 2025 • 34 mins
What would happen if you pressed pause on every “should” in your life?
In this episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout, Alice—one of our Accelerate members and a founding participant in The UnVeiling Method—shares the radical two-week experiment that completely shifted her relationship with burnout. With guidance from Carole Jean, Alice stopped all non-essential activities and only did what brought her joy.
The results?
✨ Eye-opening realizations about how much energy guilt and duty were draining.
✨ The power of journaling and compassionate curiosity during rest.
✨ How partner support and household task division created lasting change.
✨ Practical advice for those who can’t step away completely but want to start reclaiming their energy.
If you’ve ever felt crushed by obligations, guilty when you rest, or stuck in a cycle of burnout, Alice’s story will show you what’s possible when you let go of “shoulds” and start listening to your body.
👉 Take the free Spicy Pepper Burnout Quiz to get your custom burnout recovery audio guide now: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1155744
This is your starting line. Don’t guess. Assess.
#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What if the fastest way out of burnout wasn't doing more, but
actually doing less? Like, radically less, but with
the right strategy. Today you're going to hear from
Alice, one of our Accelerate members and a founding
participant in the unveiling method.
(00:20):
Alice agreed, sort of reluctantly at first, but that's
OK. I think we all start that way.
I know I did. And that may be what you feel
like today when I said that. But Alice did agree to try A2
week experiment where she pressed pause on every single
should in her life and only did the things that brought her joy,
(00:41):
that sparked it in her heart. What happened next completely
shifted her burnout recovery journey.
In this conversation, you'll discover how guilt and should
secretly drain more energy than you think, why intentional rest
feels uncomfortable at first butunlocks massive breakthroughs,
(01:03):
and how you can use either Alice's radical full stop pause
or the special micro approach she crafted just for you if you
need to start reclaiming your energy today, but in more
gentle, smaller chunks. If you've been stuck in cycles
of exhaustion, constantly feeling like you're falling
behind, or questioning if true recovery is even possible, you
(01:28):
do not want to miss this one. Let's get started, Alice.
I'm so excited to have this conversation with you today.
You are one of the core foundingmembers of the Unveiling Method
and the beautiful experience that you have had.
You're here to share today because you know, I always say,
(01:49):
look, there is not one burnout that looks the same as another.
Not one person has the same experience.
We have similarities, you know, and we have different things
that work for us, but you know, not all paths are going to lead
to the same place for the same person.
And sometimes we can go down a couple different paths trying to
(02:11):
find the right path for us. And all of a sudden it's like
none of these are working, whichis kind of what happened.
We felt like some of this is working, like I'm getting some
really, but some other stuff in my life has changed.
And now I'm like, you're right, Carol Jean, this is I'm I'm at a
(02:32):
place we got, we got to figure something out and I came to you,
we had a conversation and I said, Alice, Are you ready to
get radical? And what was your first thought
when I said that? Well, I think Juan was radical.
What does she mean by radical? But also, Carol Jean's never
(02:55):
steered me wrong. So yeah, let's hear what it is.
Let's hear what it is. And then when I said I want you
to do absolutely nothing for twoweeks, what did you think?
Again, the shock. And it's like, well, yeah, I I
(03:16):
think I could make that happen. And it was, it was nothing, you
know, that suggestion. I did not expect it at all,
which I, I just love about you that you've got, you've been
doing so much research and you know, it's not just, well,
(03:37):
here's my experience. And this is what'll work for you
because it worked for me that you're, you're not like that at
all that you just come up with these ideas.
And sometimes, like in the Accelerate sessions, come up
with these observations says, wow, yes, yes, that applies to
(04:05):
me. Or, you know, yes, let's try
that. Yeah.
And go ahead. I was just curious 'cause I
remember when I was like, OK, sofor the next two weeks, like if
you're willing to accept this challenge and get really
radical, because, you know, we've tried a bunch of stuff and
there's a lot of things that have worked and we've unpacked a
(04:25):
good bit, but life has shifted. Some things have really started
to show themselves in a way thatwe got to figure that out and we
got to get some clarity on it. And I started to name off
exactly what this two weeks of radical do.
Nothing was going to look like. And that was like, I don't even
want you to take the trash out. Like you can hit pause on
(04:47):
absolutely everything you can. I was like, you got to talk to
your wife, you got to coordinate, you got to get some
buy in from your partner here and really, really step into
releasing any obligations other than what's absolutely necessary
for your physical survival. What were like some of the
(05:12):
resistance points that it came up for you do you recall?
Well, I'll, I, I wanted to, to first say sort of a little bit
about what led up to you suggesting this, this radical
(05:33):
experiment and what like one of the, the queries or whatever
that you ask people to encouragethem to check out the unveiling
method is like, hey, have you, you know, tried all the
self-care tips and still it's, you know, you're feeling burnt
(05:54):
out. For me, it wasn't, I've tried
them all. It's I've learned about them all
and I'm constantly beating myself up for not doing them all
And, and feeling very low energybut and knowing that there are
these things that might help, but not having any energy to do
(06:16):
them. So the a trap of not enough
energy to do the things that would help me get more energy.
And I I felt very stuck. And yeah.
And and that's kind of where where your or at least from my
perspective where your idea for this radical do nothing for two
(06:38):
weeks experiment came from. But yeah, some of the initial
resistance points were, well, that's not going to be fair to
Deidre, my wife, to ask her to take out the garbage and take
care of the dogs and make lunches and do laundry and all
(07:02):
of the things that we generally split.
But I went to her and I asked, you know, here's something that
that Carol Jean has suggested, and I think it could help, but I
need your support for it. Can you support me in this?
And she wasn't thrilled, but shewas like, yes, yeah, I will.
(07:25):
I will do that for you. So right there was a a
realization, happy realization. Like, yeah, she's, you know,
she's not going to say, oh, let me do this forever, but yeah,
she'll support me in this. And it it's going to cost her
something, but she'll support me.
(07:47):
I have to say that I was so excited because when I proposed
this to you and you're like, I saw a look, you're like, I don't
know about this for a second. And then you were like, no, tell
me about it. And so I started to kind of
break it down and I could see you were like, oh, OK, I'm
getting this, like, this is something I've never done
(08:09):
before. This is really outside of, you
know, how I've normally operated.
And then you were like, OK, how do I navigate this with my
partner? But I mean, huge kudos to you
and Deidre because both of you were like, we're not sure about
this. This is a little bit crazy
pants, Carol Jean. But we're willing to try.
(08:30):
We're willing to give this a shot.
So Alice, tell me, how did you, how did you take this two week
experiment and where did it start?
Like what did it feel like for you to go?
I'm not going to expect or demand anything of myself and my
(08:53):
wife isn't either. I literally just get to be.
Yeah. Well, one of the one of the
first things was kind of making sure that I didn't do chores
(09:13):
anyway out of guilt. That was like a big thing.
Like, I think even the first dayfeeding the dogs dinner was, you
know, usually something I would do, but Deidre was kind of late
(09:37):
getting home and I was like, youknow, dinner's going to be late
for the dogs. Maybe I should do it and and
show Deidre that I'm I appreciate what she's, you know,
doing to support me by doing thechore that she said she would do
for me. That's not the point.
That's not the point. This exercise it because one of
(09:59):
the things that you explained and and it, you know, describing
what this would be like was for me to only do things that I'm
motivated by joy or happiness todo.
Guilt or shame motivations were not part of that.
(10:20):
So, you know, one of the in my journaling is, is part of this.
You know, one of the things thatI noted was if I'm wondering
whether I'm motivated by joy or by guilt, I'm probably motivated
(10:44):
by guilt because being motivatedby joy just feels clear and and
obvious and there's no wonderingabout it.
So yeah, so I I've refrained, I restrained myself from feeding
the dogs in that example. I think it's so interesting
(11:09):
because in in this experiment, one of the things, and you know,
I said, OK, you want to journal through this.
You want to make sure that you've got a place where you're
really just getting all the thoughts and stuff out so you
can see them, so you can go backand observe them.
Because this is really, it's like going against everything
(11:30):
that you do as an automatic habit, that automaticity.
So this is like pulling back therace on the horse that's used to
riding and going straight from the barn to the, you know, to
wherever in the back to the barn.
It's like, OK, so we're taking the blinders off the horse,
we're taking the cart off the horse and we're going to pay
(11:50):
attention to where the horse wants to actually go.
What's happening? It was really interesting
because this was sort of prompted by my own experience,
but then by some research that someone else had done, which was
OK. It takes about 14 days for our
(12:12):
modern brain and nervous system to really regulate to be able
to. It was like 8 days I think was
originally what it said. And then we were like in between
8 and 14 days for your nervous system to regulate, for you to
really relax on vacation. And I was like, OK, well, I know
damn good. And well, it's going to take
(12:34):
longer than that for us folks. And I knew because I had
performed this same radical experiment on myself because you
know me, I'm always going to be the Guinea pig over the
holidays. And I had said, I'm going to
give myself 4 weeks and I'm justgoing to see what it really
takes because I'd had a lot leading up to that.
And so it was that it was interesting because I was
(12:56):
curious to see if you were goingto have some similar experiences
where it's like, I don't have todo that.
Someone else actually said they're going to do it.
And I'm going to let them, I'm going to allow them to be in
charge of that and I'm not goingto run behind them and and make
it better or do it faster or my way.
(13:20):
And I love that the first day was just like I stopped myself
from this, right. And then the thoughts that you
have. So Alice, as you go back over
your journal for that two week period, what were some of the
biggest things that you notice? What are some things that you
want to know, you want other people to know?
Hey, this was kind of the experience for me.
(13:44):
Yeah. So one big one is that I don't
have to always be doing something that that horse in the
coming out of the barn doesn't always have to be running it.
It can stop and take a rest now and again.
And part of that, like I, while observing what I was feeling
(14:10):
during the experiment, I also kind of looked back as I, you
know, these different beliefs about how I needed to be like,
where did where might they have come from?
How did they protect me once perhaps, and, and aren't
necessary anymore. And a lot of that comes from,
(14:35):
from work that, well, you're from, you know, 8 to 5 or
whatever the hours are you're expected to be always doing.
And if there's nothing to do, find something to do.
And so even even while I was doing things, my mind was always
(14:56):
looking for more things to do. And, you know, as far as my work
was concerned, that was great because I, you know, always was
always being productive and always had, you know, plan B&C&D
ready to go in case plan A didn't work out.
Because I thought it all throughahead of time because, hey, you
(15:19):
know, there was a 1/2 hour that I didn't have any meetings.
So think of something good to dowith that, but that also, you
know, had me pushing through anytime I felt tired.
And and one thing I noticed during the experiment was if I
(15:42):
felt tired, I could just stop and sit or you can take a nap.
But even some, most of the time it was just sitting without a
book, without my phone, just sitting quietly, maybe close my
eyes and 10 minutes to that and I was like, OK, I'm ready to
(16:02):
start, you know, doing somethingagain or, you know, and I was so
accustomed to just pushing through.
And I think we've probably all experienced that in all kinds of
ways, pushing through uncomfortable situations or
pushing through being tired or exhausted or burnt out, and that
(16:29):
it's not necessary all the time to do that.
You know, if I'm running from a fire, yes, I will push through.
But most of the time I'm not running from a fire but.
Were the how I guess is a betterquestion.
(16:50):
How did your thoughts at the beginning of the two weeks, how
did they shift in comparison to the end of the two weeks?
What did you notice was different and how you were
thinking about what you were doing and.
Being the, the thing I mentionedabout beating myself up for not
(17:13):
doing all the different techniques and exercises and
podcasts and you know, all of these things will help you have
more energy or help you feel better.
Those I started referring to those as all my shoulds.
You should be doing this. You should be doing that.
(17:34):
And I noticed that those shouldsactually used up energy.
Nothing was happening. I wasn't doing the things I was
beating myself up for, for thoseshoulds, but they still took
energy from me. And I noticed that I, I went to
(18:00):
Costco for the first time in a really long time, not because I
thought I should, but because I was kind of curious and excited
to say, OK, what, what does Costco have?
And I spent about an hour and a half there and then even waited
in line to get their nice cheap gas and realized I, you know, I
was tired afterwards. There was a lot of stimulation
(18:23):
going on there, but I wasn't wiped out.
I wasn't exhausted. And I compared it to one of my
house chores that also takes about an hour and a half.
And I thought about the last time I did that.
And I was wiped out for the restof the day because I was pushing
(18:45):
myself through, like you should be doing this and you need to do
this and pushing myself through it.
And that the doing something because I should, one of them
should, takes energy and effort all out of proportion to the
(19:07):
actual task. And that, and that was just the,
in a way, the energy suck of beating myself up.
I I had no clue that it was sucha heavy cost.
I know that this two weeks gave you a lot of contrast so that
(19:31):
you could compare things in a new way.
What were what were some of the best things that came out of
this two weeks for you? What has been the ripple effect
of this really stark contrast ofactivation and shooting yourself
to death versus like, I'm going to be joyful and intentional?
(19:52):
Yeah, well, leaving, leaving theshoulds behind.
And you know, part of what, whatgot me to this point or, you
know, part of why I, I came to you saying, help me, I'm in, you
know, this energy deficit cycle was, hey, here's this great long
(20:17):
list of, you know, all these different tools that you had.
Recommended or you know, with with your difference webinars
and podcasts and everything elseto reframe those not as.
Here's a list of the things you should be doing and if only you
(20:37):
did them, you'd feel better. But instead, here's a list of
resources when I feel so motivated.
Here's a nice list I can take a look at.
And it it took that, it reframedit entirely from a burden to a
(21:01):
list of options. That was one thing.
The other, I think really big thing was the allowing myself to
be comfortable doing nothing. And you know, sometimes that
nothing, like I said, was 10 minutes.
(21:21):
Sometimes it was it was longer. There has been so much to tell
me that you know, to to be doingnothing is to be wasteful, is to
be unproductive and all, and, and all the negativity that
(21:42):
comes with that. And that's that getting more
comfortable with doing nothing, taking time to do nothing has
even has continued past that, that two weeks.
Like recently I've started getting comfortable with non
(22:04):
goal oriented thinking. So my, my job required lots of
strategic and tactical thinking and so very, very goal oriented.
But just recently I've sort of gotten comfortable with letting
my mind wander sometimes. And it's, you know, sometimes
(22:29):
some really cool stuff comes up.Sometimes it's just so a
different direction for my brainto go in and it's relaxing.
But the allowing myself to do nothing was big thing that came
out of the experiment. So somebody's listening today to
(22:52):
this conversation and they're like, Carol Jane, there's just
no way. No way.
I can just do nothing. Like I don't know how to do
that. I don't even know where to
begin. I know that you really put some
thought into that too, because you wanted to share some
insights that you had. If like, look, if if you're in a
(23:14):
position where you know, you don't have that two weeks like
you did to to not go to work andto really kind of have that
partner support you, that you put in a lot of heart and
thought into sharing some ways that you've thought about for
somebody to kind of maybe even micro approach this two weeks.
And I love that you did this. I mean, that's one of the things
(23:35):
I love about our availers is that there's so much heart and
reciprocity to support and sharewith one another.
And Alice, you've got some things you wanted to share today
with somebody who might be listening, going how the hell do
I do this? One thing, one of the things
that I did was anything that I could do ahead of time to clear
(23:58):
that clear those things out of the two weeks.
I, I did that like I, I paid allour bills for the upcoming two
weeks. So paying bills wasn't something
I needed to worry about. And also something that I
(24:18):
discovered was I was defining the the difference between
those, those shoulds this the, you know, specific and amorphous
things that were kind of hangingover, allowed to hang over my
head. Distinguishing those from actual
(24:42):
things that needed to get done for the functioning of the
household, like feeding the dogs, making sure that, you
know, they're taken care of or doing laundry.
And, you know, doing laundry is something that of course it
never ends, but could probably do a bunch of it ahead of time
(25:05):
and use clothes judiciously during the two weeks so that
laundry is not something need todo during that time.
And if it's a, you know, I can'ttake two weeks off of work, you
know, then the time at work is not part of the experiment.
(25:27):
And it's when you come home or or get off of work that kind of
changing your mindset into OK, now I, I have the ability to
choose from joy, what I feel motivated to do.
(25:47):
And other things can wait. You've made it so that they can
wait because you have taken careof them.
Or maybe there's somebody who can help.
So this was some of the ideas. I love that.
It's. I don't know about you, Alice,
(26:08):
but part of that radical experiment of I'm just allowed
to to do nothing except for whatI need to do from moment to
moment and kind of helping to alleviate any of those demands.
It really started to give me a place that I could catch the
(26:34):
thoughts that were like the shoulds.
I could really sort of allow space for some of the ways that
I was feeling that I hadn't acknowledged that I was like,
really maybe feeling like the heavy should like, oh, I should
do this. You know, I should make
(26:56):
smoothies or, you know, I should, I should help my husband
do laundry, you know, and I collect the socks that don't get
into the laundry basket whenever, you know, all those
little things. And it's like, oh, but that
really bugs. Me it.
Actually drains my energy. It makes me feel frustrated or
(27:17):
why the hell am I doing that? I don't.
It's not my responsibility. Why am I doing this?
For me, there was a lot of that that came up.
Did you have any big clarity points about things that you had
been doing or that have really been draining energy that you
see or started to experience in a new way with?
Like I really don't need to do that.
(27:38):
Or you know what? I really like this.
This really energizes me. Yeah, well, want for probably
about a three or four weeks after the end of the experiment.
I stayed pretty good at not paying attention to the shoulds,
(28:01):
but it's a decades long habit. So they start, I, I noticed they
started to creep back in and, and I, I had a good strong
mindset reframing to thank you very much and push them back
out. And I, I did, Deidre and I
(28:29):
reassessed our, our chore assignments after, afterwards
cause we've, we've divided up chores decades ago and they just
like, stayed like that forever. It's like, I, I think I might
like to try doing laundry because that was always her
thing. And if I never have to make
(28:52):
another lunch again, I would be so happy.
And, and I hate making smoothiesanymore.
So Deidre, could you do those and, and a couple of other
shifts and, and that's really worked out, at least from my
(29:13):
perspective. I think we, we also took care
just like, is this a pretty evenapportionment of, of chores?
But that's I, I kind of like doing laundry.
I like that each step is like a little accomplishment and a
little burst of dopamine. It's like I sorted the laundry.
(29:36):
Yay me. I put a load in the washer.
Yay me. And yeah, so, so those are are
some things that that came out of the.
I love that because when I, I talked to you and kind of
checked in halfway through, I was like, how you doing?
Just want to check on you because I, because we had
(29:58):
originally said, OK, here's two weeks, but let's just do a few
days and I'll check in with you,see how you're doing and then
you can decide if you want to continue or not.
I checked in on your like, no, actually, let's continue.
And you said that you and your wife had agreed on sort of doing
a debrief at the end to come together and share notes, which
(30:20):
I loved so much. I thought that was just such a
beautiful, you know, agreement that you guys had had to come
together and say, OK, you know, share what this has been for
you, Alice. And then your wife was like, OK.
And so we're like, you know, this for her observations and
that you guys really work together on this.
Goodness, what an inspiring conversation with Alice.
(30:43):
I just adore her. She sparks my joy so much.
Here's what we uncovered together today.
The hidden cost of living in should mode Why pressing pause
strategically, whether big or small, creates space for real
healing. And how compassionate curiosity
(31:03):
through journaling, partner support, and pausing can burn
out into peace and clarity. Now.
Here's my invitation for you, and I hope this sparks your joy
and burnout recovery. Get compassionately curious
about your own radical experiment.
Maybe it's a full pause, like Alice's two week reset.
(31:25):
Or maybe it's her micro approachsetting down just one should
this week and noticing the difference.
And if you're ready to take the next step in your recovery
journey, here's where to start. Take the spicy pepper burnout
quiz. It's free, it's fast, and it
gives you a personalized audio guide to your burnout recovery
(31:48):
tailored to your spicy pepper level.
And if you've already taken the quiz, but it's been over 30
days, it's time to check back inand see where you are now.
Get the spicy pepper burnout quiz at Whittington
wellbeing.com And here's the exciting part.
Taking the quiz now gets you ready to claim your spot in our
(32:10):
brand new Recharge Starter Vaultopening tomorrow.
I'm so excited. And it's opening tomorrow for
those on the early notification list.
And on Monday, September 15th for you, our wonderful recharge
community. You can get on that early
notification list at Whittingtonwellbeing.com.
(32:33):
Early bonuses include the Hormone Harmony series that
Michelle mentioned in yesterday's episode.
So if you've been waiting, now is the time.
Remember, you don't have to hustle for your healing.
Rest is not something you earn. It's something you deserve, and
it's already yours. Time to claim it, my friend.
(32:56):
I'll see you next week for our daily self-care September guest
episodes when I sit down with amazing guests including Tanya
Roberts on STEM, meditation withmovement, Aya Lee on breath work
that truly connects, and many more to share the next step in
reclaiming your energy. Until then, keep choosing
(33:17):
compassionate curiosity and You Beautiful sparkle.
See you then. Thanks for being here.
It's been quite all right. Energy mastery.
Let's turn the tide. Top shelf guests dropping wisdom
bombs. Join us next week where the
energy's strong be on chronic run out.
(33:41):
We're breaking free podcast pumping full of energy tips and
tricks to the strong fight fast pace and fun.
You'll feel alive. Energy Mastery.
We come along for the ride, the ride beyond the ride.
We're on the rise. Join us as we form our top Shelf
(34:06):
guests and time into energy throughout us.
What if the fastest way out of burnout wasn't doing more, but
actually doing less? Like, radically less, but with
the right strategy. Today you're going to hear from
Alice, one of our Accelerate members and a founding
participant in the unveiling method.
(00:20):
Alice agreed, sort of reluctantly at first, but that's
OK. I think we all start that way.
I know I did. And that may be what you feel
like today when I said that. But Alice did agree to try A2
week experiment where she pressed pause on every single
should in her life and only did the things that brought her joy,
(00:41):
that sparked it in her heart. What happened next completely
shifted her burnout recovery journey.
In this conversation, you'll discover how guilt and should
secretly drain more energy than you think, why intentional rest
feels uncomfortable at first butunlocks massive breakthroughs,
(01:03):
and how you can use either Alice's radical full stop pause
or the special micro approach she crafted just for you if you
need to start reclaiming your energy today, but in more
gentle, smaller chunks. If you've been stuck in cycles
of exhaustion, constantly feeling like you're falling
behind, or questioning if true recovery is even possible, you
(01:28):
do not want to miss this one. Let's get started, Alice.
I'm so excited to have this conversation with you today.
You are one of the core foundingmembers of the Unveiling Method
and the beautiful experience that you have had.
You're here to share today because you know, I always say,
(01:49):
look, there is not one burnout that looks the same as another.
Not one person has the same experience.
We have similarities, you know, and we have different things
that work for us, but you know, not all paths are going to lead
to the same place for the same person.
And sometimes we can go down a couple different paths trying to
(02:11):
find the right path for us. And all of a sudden it's like
none of these are working, whichis kind of what happened.
We felt like some of this is working, like I'm getting some
really, but some other stuff in my life has changed.
And now I'm like, you're right, Carol Jean, this is I'm I'm at a
(02:32):
place we got, we got to figure something out and I came to you,
we had a conversation and I said, Alice, Are you ready to
get radical? And what was your first thought
when I said that? Well, I think Juan was radical.
What does she mean by radical? But also, Carol Jean's never
(02:55):
steered me wrong. So yeah, let's hear what it is.
Let's hear what it is. And then when I said I want you
to do absolutely nothing for twoweeks, what did you think?
Again, the shock. And it's like, well, yeah, I I
(03:16):
think I could make that happen. And it was, it was nothing, you
know, that suggestion. I did not expect it at all,
which I, I just love about you that you've got, you've been
doing so much research and you know, it's not just, well,
(03:37):
here's my experience. And this is what'll work for you
because it worked for me that you're, you're not like that at
all that you just come up with these ideas.
And sometimes, like in the Accelerate sessions, come up
with these observations says, wow, yes, yes, that applies to
(04:05):
me. Or, you know, yes, let's try
that. Yeah.
And go ahead. I was just curious 'cause I
remember when I was like, OK, sofor the next two weeks, like if
you're willing to accept this challenge and get really
radical, because, you know, we've tried a bunch of stuff and
there's a lot of things that have worked and we've unpacked a
(04:25):
good bit, but life has shifted. Some things have really started
to show themselves in a way thatwe got to figure that out and we
got to get some clarity on it. And I started to name off
exactly what this two weeks of radical do.
Nothing was going to look like. And that was like, I don't even
want you to take the trash out. Like you can hit pause on
(04:47):
absolutely everything you can. I was like, you got to talk to
your wife, you got to coordinate, you got to get some
buy in from your partner here and really, really step into
releasing any obligations other than what's absolutely necessary
for your physical survival. What were like some of the
(05:12):
resistance points that it came up for you do you recall?
Well, I'll, I, I wanted to, to first say sort of a little bit
about what led up to you suggesting this, this radical
(05:33):
experiment and what like one of the, the queries or whatever
that you ask people to encouragethem to check out the unveiling
method is like, hey, have you, you know, tried all the
self-care tips and still it's, you know, you're feeling burnt
(05:54):
out. For me, it wasn't, I've tried
them all. It's I've learned about them all
and I'm constantly beating myself up for not doing them all
And, and feeling very low energybut and knowing that there are
these things that might help, but not having any energy to do
(06:16):
them. So the a trap of not enough
energy to do the things that would help me get more energy.
And I I felt very stuck. And yeah.
And and that's kind of where where your or at least from my
perspective where your idea for this radical do nothing for two
(06:38):
weeks experiment came from. But yeah, some of the initial
resistance points were, well, that's not going to be fair to
Deidre, my wife, to ask her to take out the garbage and take
care of the dogs and make lunches and do laundry and all
(07:02):
of the things that we generally split.
But I went to her and I asked, you know, here's something that
that Carol Jean has suggested, and I think it could help, but I
need your support for it. Can you support me in this?
And she wasn't thrilled, but shewas like, yes, yeah, I will.
(07:25):
I will do that for you. So right there was a a
realization, happy realization. Like, yeah, she's, you know,
she's not going to say, oh, let me do this forever, but yeah,
she'll support me in this. And it it's going to cost her
something, but she'll support me.
(07:47):
I have to say that I was so excited because when I proposed
this to you and you're like, I saw a look, you're like, I don't
know about this for a second. And then you were like, no, tell
me about it. And so I started to kind of
break it down and I could see you were like, oh, OK, I'm
getting this, like, this is something I've never done
(08:09):
before. This is really outside of, you
know, how I've normally operated.
And then you were like, OK, how do I navigate this with my
partner? But I mean, huge kudos to you
and Deidre because both of you were like, we're not sure about
this. This is a little bit crazy
pants, Carol Jean. But we're willing to try.
(08:30):
We're willing to give this a shot.
So Alice, tell me, how did you, how did you take this two week
experiment and where did it start?
Like what did it feel like for you to go?
I'm not going to expect or demand anything of myself and my
(08:53):
wife isn't either. I literally just get to be.
Yeah. Well, one of the one of the
first things was kind of making sure that I didn't do chores
(09:13):
anyway out of guilt. That was like a big thing.
Like, I think even the first dayfeeding the dogs dinner was, you
know, usually something I would do, but Deidre was kind of late
(09:37):
getting home and I was like, youknow, dinner's going to be late
for the dogs. Maybe I should do it and and
show Deidre that I'm I appreciate what she's, you know,
doing to support me by doing thechore that she said she would do
for me. That's not the point.
That's not the point. This exercise it because one of
(09:59):
the things that you explained and and it, you know, describing
what this would be like was for me to only do things that I'm
motivated by joy or happiness todo.
Guilt or shame motivations were not part of that.
(10:20):
So, you know, one of the in my journaling is, is part of this.
You know, one of the things thatI noted was if I'm wondering
whether I'm motivated by joy or by guilt, I'm probably motivated
(10:44):
by guilt because being motivatedby joy just feels clear and and
obvious and there's no wonderingabout it.
So yeah, so I I've refrained, I restrained myself from feeding
the dogs in that example. I think it's so interesting
(11:09):
because in in this experiment, one of the things, and you know,
I said, OK, you want to journal through this.
You want to make sure that you've got a place where you're
really just getting all the thoughts and stuff out so you
can see them, so you can go backand observe them.
Because this is really, it's like going against everything
(11:30):
that you do as an automatic habit, that automaticity.
So this is like pulling back therace on the horse that's used to
riding and going straight from the barn to the, you know, to
wherever in the back to the barn.
It's like, OK, so we're taking the blinders off the horse,
we're taking the cart off the horse and we're going to pay
(11:50):
attention to where the horse wants to actually go.
What's happening? It was really interesting
because this was sort of prompted by my own experience,
but then by some research that someone else had done, which was
OK. It takes about 14 days for our
(12:12):
modern brain and nervous system to really regulate to be able
to. It was like 8 days I think was
originally what it said. And then we were like in between
8 and 14 days for your nervous system to regulate, for you to
really relax on vacation. And I was like, OK, well, I know
damn good. And well, it's going to take
(12:34):
longer than that for us folks. And I knew because I had
performed this same radical experiment on myself because you
know me, I'm always going to be the Guinea pig over the
holidays. And I had said, I'm going to
give myself 4 weeks and I'm justgoing to see what it really
takes because I'd had a lot leading up to that.
And so it was that it was interesting because I was
(12:56):
curious to see if you were goingto have some similar experiences
where it's like, I don't have todo that.
Someone else actually said they're going to do it.
And I'm going to let them, I'm going to allow them to be in
charge of that and I'm not goingto run behind them and and make
it better or do it faster or my way.
(13:20):
And I love that the first day was just like I stopped myself
from this, right. And then the thoughts that you
have. So Alice, as you go back over
your journal for that two week period, what were some of the
biggest things that you notice? What are some things that you
want to know, you want other people to know?
Hey, this was kind of the experience for me.
(13:44):
Yeah. So one big one is that I don't
have to always be doing something that that horse in the
coming out of the barn doesn't always have to be running it.
It can stop and take a rest now and again.
And part of that, like I, while observing what I was feeling
(14:10):
during the experiment, I also kind of looked back as I, you
know, these different beliefs about how I needed to be like,
where did where might they have come from?
How did they protect me once perhaps, and, and aren't
necessary anymore. And a lot of that comes from,
(14:35):
from work that, well, you're from, you know, 8 to 5 or
whatever the hours are you're expected to be always doing.
And if there's nothing to do, find something to do.
And so even even while I was doing things, my mind was always
(14:56):
looking for more things to do. And, you know, as far as my work
was concerned, that was great because I, you know, always was
always being productive and always had, you know, plan B&C&D
ready to go in case plan A didn't work out.
Because I thought it all throughahead of time because, hey, you
(15:19):
know, there was a 1/2 hour that I didn't have any meetings.
So think of something good to dowith that, but that also, you
know, had me pushing through anytime I felt tired.
And and one thing I noticed during the experiment was if I
(15:42):
felt tired, I could just stop and sit or you can take a nap.
But even some, most of the time it was just sitting without a
book, without my phone, just sitting quietly, maybe close my
eyes and 10 minutes to that and I was like, OK, I'm ready to
(16:02):
start, you know, doing somethingagain or, you know, and I was so
accustomed to just pushing through.
And I think we've probably all experienced that in all kinds of
ways, pushing through uncomfortable situations or
pushing through being tired or exhausted or burnt out, and that
(16:29):
it's not necessary all the time to do that.
You know, if I'm running from a fire, yes, I will push through.
But most of the time I'm not running from a fire but.
Were the how I guess is a betterquestion.
(16:50):
How did your thoughts at the beginning of the two weeks, how
did they shift in comparison to the end of the two weeks?
What did you notice was different and how you were
thinking about what you were doing and.
Being the, the thing I mentionedabout beating myself up for not
(17:13):
doing all the different techniques and exercises and
podcasts and you know, all of these things will help you have
more energy or help you feel better.
Those I started referring to those as all my shoulds.
You should be doing this. You should be doing that.
(17:34):
And I noticed that those shouldsactually used up energy.
Nothing was happening. I wasn't doing the things I was
beating myself up for, for thoseshoulds, but they still took
energy from me. And I noticed that I, I went to
(18:00):
Costco for the first time in a really long time, not because I
thought I should, but because I was kind of curious and excited
to say, OK, what, what does Costco have?
And I spent about an hour and a half there and then even waited
in line to get their nice cheap gas and realized I, you know, I
was tired afterwards. There was a lot of stimulation
(18:23):
going on there, but I wasn't wiped out.
I wasn't exhausted. And I compared it to one of my
house chores that also takes about an hour and a half.
And I thought about the last time I did that.
And I was wiped out for the restof the day because I was pushing
(18:45):
myself through, like you should be doing this and you need to do
this and pushing myself through it.
And that the doing something because I should, one of them
should, takes energy and effort all out of proportion to the
(19:07):
actual task. And that, and that was just the,
in a way, the energy suck of beating myself up.
I I had no clue that it was sucha heavy cost.
I know that this two weeks gave you a lot of contrast so that
(19:31):
you could compare things in a new way.
What were what were some of the best things that came out of
this two weeks for you? What has been the ripple effect
of this really stark contrast ofactivation and shooting yourself
to death versus like, I'm going to be joyful and intentional?
(19:52):
Yeah, well, leaving, leaving theshoulds behind.
And you know, part of what, whatgot me to this point or, you
know, part of why I, I came to you saying, help me, I'm in, you
know, this energy deficit cycle was, hey, here's this great long
(20:17):
list of, you know, all these different tools that you had.
Recommended or you know, with with your difference webinars
and podcasts and everything elseto reframe those not as.
Here's a list of the things you should be doing and if only you
(20:37):
did them, you'd feel better. But instead, here's a list of
resources when I feel so motivated.
Here's a nice list I can take a look at.
And it it took that, it reframedit entirely from a burden to a
(21:01):
list of options. That was one thing.
The other, I think really big thing was the allowing myself to
be comfortable doing nothing. And you know, sometimes that
nothing, like I said, was 10 minutes.
(21:21):
Sometimes it was it was longer. There has been so much to tell
me that you know, to to be doingnothing is to be wasteful, is to
be unproductive and all, and, and all the negativity that
(21:42):
comes with that. And that's that getting more
comfortable with doing nothing, taking time to do nothing has
even has continued past that, that two weeks.
Like recently I've started getting comfortable with non
(22:04):
goal oriented thinking. So my, my job required lots of
strategic and tactical thinking and so very, very goal oriented.
But just recently I've sort of gotten comfortable with letting
my mind wander sometimes. And it's, you know, sometimes
(22:29):
some really cool stuff comes up.Sometimes it's just so a
different direction for my brainto go in and it's relaxing.
But the allowing myself to do nothing was big thing that came
out of the experiment. So somebody's listening today to
(22:52):
this conversation and they're like, Carol Jane, there's just
no way. No way.
I can just do nothing. Like I don't know how to do
that. I don't even know where to
begin. I know that you really put some
thought into that too, because you wanted to share some
insights that you had. If like, look, if if you're in a
(23:14):
position where you know, you don't have that two weeks like
you did to to not go to work andto really kind of have that
partner support you, that you put in a lot of heart and
thought into sharing some ways that you've thought about for
somebody to kind of maybe even micro approach this two weeks.
And I love that you did this. I mean, that's one of the things
(23:35):
I love about our availers is that there's so much heart and
reciprocity to support and sharewith one another.
And Alice, you've got some things you wanted to share today
with somebody who might be listening, going how the hell do
I do this? One thing, one of the things
that I did was anything that I could do ahead of time to clear
(23:58):
that clear those things out of the two weeks.
I, I did that like I, I paid allour bills for the upcoming two
weeks. So paying bills wasn't something
I needed to worry about. And also something that I
(24:18):
discovered was I was defining the the difference between
those, those shoulds this the, you know, specific and amorphous
things that were kind of hangingover, allowed to hang over my
head. Distinguishing those from actual
(24:42):
things that needed to get done for the functioning of the
household, like feeding the dogs, making sure that, you
know, they're taken care of or doing laundry.
And, you know, doing laundry is something that of course it
never ends, but could probably do a bunch of it ahead of time
(25:05):
and use clothes judiciously during the two weeks so that
laundry is not something need todo during that time.
And if it's a, you know, I can'ttake two weeks off of work, you
know, then the time at work is not part of the experiment.
(25:27):
And it's when you come home or or get off of work that kind of
changing your mindset into OK, now I, I have the ability to
choose from joy, what I feel motivated to do.
(25:47):
And other things can wait. You've made it so that they can
wait because you have taken careof them.
Or maybe there's somebody who can help.
So this was some of the ideas. I love that.
It's. I don't know about you, Alice,
(26:08):
but part of that radical experiment of I'm just allowed
to to do nothing except for whatI need to do from moment to
moment and kind of helping to alleviate any of those demands.
It really started to give me a place that I could catch the
(26:34):
thoughts that were like the shoulds.
I could really sort of allow space for some of the ways that
I was feeling that I hadn't acknowledged that I was like,
really maybe feeling like the heavy should like, oh, I should
do this. You know, I should make
(26:56):
smoothies or, you know, I should, I should help my husband
do laundry, you know, and I collect the socks that don't get
into the laundry basket whenever, you know, all those
little things. And it's like, oh, but that
really bugs. Me it.
Actually drains my energy. It makes me feel frustrated or
(27:17):
why the hell am I doing that? I don't.
It's not my responsibility. Why am I doing this?
For me, there was a lot of that that came up.
Did you have any big clarity points about things that you had
been doing or that have really been draining energy that you
see or started to experience in a new way with?
Like I really don't need to do that.
(27:38):
Or you know what? I really like this.
This really energizes me. Yeah, well, want for probably
about a three or four weeks after the end of the experiment.
I stayed pretty good at not paying attention to the shoulds,
(28:01):
but it's a decades long habit. So they start, I, I noticed they
started to creep back in and, and I, I had a good strong
mindset reframing to thank you very much and push them back
out. And I, I did, Deidre and I
(28:29):
reassessed our, our chore assignments after, afterwards
cause we've, we've divided up chores decades ago and they just
like, stayed like that forever. It's like, I, I think I might
like to try doing laundry because that was always her
thing. And if I never have to make
(28:52):
another lunch again, I would be so happy.
And, and I hate making smoothiesanymore.
So Deidre, could you do those and, and a couple of other
shifts and, and that's really worked out, at least from my
(29:13):
perspective. I think we, we also took care
just like, is this a pretty evenapportionment of, of chores?
But that's I, I kind of like doing laundry.
I like that each step is like a little accomplishment and a
little burst of dopamine. It's like I sorted the laundry.
(29:36):
Yay me. I put a load in the washer.
Yay me. And yeah, so, so those are are
some things that that came out of the.
I love that because when I, I talked to you and kind of
checked in halfway through, I was like, how you doing?
Just want to check on you because I, because we had
(29:58):
originally said, OK, here's two weeks, but let's just do a few
days and I'll check in with you,see how you're doing and then
you can decide if you want to continue or not.
I checked in on your like, no, actually, let's continue.
And you said that you and your wife had agreed on sort of doing
a debrief at the end to come together and share notes, which
(30:20):
I loved so much. I thought that was just such a
beautiful, you know, agreement that you guys had had to come
together and say, OK, you know, share what this has been for
you, Alice. And then your wife was like, OK.
And so we're like, you know, this for her observations and
that you guys really work together on this.
Goodness, what an inspiring conversation with Alice.
(30:43):
I just adore her. She sparks my joy so much.
Here's what we uncovered together today.
The hidden cost of living in should mode Why pressing pause
strategically, whether big or small, creates space for real
healing. And how compassionate curiosity
(31:03):
through journaling, partner support, and pausing can burn
out into peace and clarity. Now.
Here's my invitation for you, and I hope this sparks your joy
and burnout recovery. Get compassionately curious
about your own radical experiment.
Maybe it's a full pause, like Alice's two week reset.
(31:25):
Or maybe it's her micro approachsetting down just one should
this week and noticing the difference.
And if you're ready to take the next step in your recovery
journey, here's where to start. Take the spicy pepper burnout
quiz. It's free, it's fast, and it
gives you a personalized audio guide to your burnout recovery
(31:48):
tailored to your spicy pepper level.
And if you've already taken the quiz, but it's been over 30
days, it's time to check back inand see where you are now.
Get the spicy pepper burnout quiz at Whittington
wellbeing.com And here's the exciting part.
Taking the quiz now gets you ready to claim your spot in our
(32:10):
brand new Recharge Starter Vaultopening tomorrow.
I'm so excited. And it's opening tomorrow for
those on the early notification list.
And on Monday, September 15th for you, our wonderful recharge
community. You can get on that early
notification list at Whittingtonwellbeing.com.
(32:33):
Early bonuses include the Hormone Harmony series that
Michelle mentioned in yesterday's episode.
So if you've been waiting, now is the time.
Remember, you don't have to hustle for your healing.
Rest is not something you earn. It's something you deserve, and
it's already yours. Time to claim it, my friend.
(32:56):
I'll see you next week for our daily self-care September guest
episodes when I sit down with amazing guests including Tanya
Roberts on STEM, meditation withmovement, Aya Lee on breath work
that truly connects, and many more to share the next step in
reclaiming your energy. Until then, keep choosing
(33:17):
compassionate curiosity and You Beautiful sparkle.
See you then. Thanks for being here.
It's been quite all right. Energy mastery.
Let's turn the tide. Top shelf guests dropping wisdom
bombs. Join us next week where the
energy's strong be on chronic run out.
(33:41):
We're breaking free podcast pumping full of energy tips and
tricks to the strong fight fast pace and fun.
You'll feel alive. Energy Mastery.
We come along for the ride, the ride beyond the ride.
We're on the rise. Join us as we form our top Shelf
(34:06):
guests and time into energy throughout us.
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