When you tell an Eight “calm down,” they often hear “you’re too much,” “you’re out of control,” or “I’m censoring you.”
In this episode Kelly and Damon unpack why protectors (8s) lead with intensity, why that phrase lands as a threat to autonomy, and how to keep connection without dousing their fire.
Try better scripts like: “I can tell this matters, can you help me understand what’s driving it?”, “Can we slow the pace so I can track with you?”, and “I’m listening; I just need a second to catch up.”
We close with a reframe for 8s: “Is this about calming me down, or slowing things down to create understanding?”
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