August 13, 2024 • 16 mins
What if your deepest fears about yourself are holding you back from the life you truly deserve? Join Sian and Andy on Big Questions. Short Answers as we explore the profound impact that negative beliefs can have on personal growth and success. In this heartfelt episode, Sian bravely opens up about her own struggle with the belief of feeling unintelligent, despite numerous achievements. Together, we unpack how childhood experiences and societal influences engrain such limiting beliefs and discuss strategies for recognizing and dismantling these internal barriers.
In the latter part of the episode, we turn the spotlight onto our listeners and their burning questions. From life’s big mysteries to everyday dilemmas, Sian and I tackle them head-on with quick, insightful answers. We encourage you to visit siansjacquet.com to submit your own questions and to explore Sian’s transformative online course on values—a resource that has made a significant difference in my own life. Don’t miss this enriching conversation, and remember to share and subscribe to our podcast for more captivating discussions.
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.
www.sianjaquet.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, sorry, sorry, my phone, my phone, my phone.
I know you told me to switch itoff.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Oh is it, oh, better take it.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Kia ora Mama.
How are you Very good?
Thank you, darling.
How are you Welcome to BigQuestions?
Short Answers I'm Sian.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life
questions.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited
advice Maybe of advice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's
value-based online course.
Visit SianJackadecom to findout more.
Today we're going to talk aboutsome issues that basically stop
people moving forward, and Iknow you deal a lot of it, deal
with it a lot in your work, butit's about the stuff that, for
whatever people can't get pastlike a glass wall as to why they
(00:46):
can't, you know, form therelationship or get the job
promotion or move forward intheir lives, and I just want to
explore that kind of ideabecause I know you help people
through that, so I just want tounderstand that a little bit
more.
(01:06):
People find a block to moveforward.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Okay, well, it's ruled according to Sian, but
it's not complicated, it'sactually very simple.
It's beliefs.
It's what you choose to believe, and those beliefs have been
layered on you from the momentyou arrived.
Do you know what family, whatsociety, what part of the world,
what opportunities, whateverything you know from health,
(01:31):
well-being, education,emotional security, roof over
your head and food on the table?
Um, and then you layer how youwere seen and how you were
nurtured within that environmentand negative beliefs.
You're looking at, you know,stuff that has been layered and
layered and layered over theyears, like re-acing a cake.
(01:53):
You know, I'm not good enough.
I can't manage this project.
You can't give me that job.
There's no way I can do that.
Yeah, oh my God, there's thatpromotion.
Nah, I can't do that'm tooyoung, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I look at those people who are in that room and
and I don't see myself I mean,I've looked, I've looked at like
, like you know, not so much now, but you know job applications
and I I look at them and I think, my god, I can't do any of that
well, that's a slightlydifferent thing to make beliefs.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I mean, that's that's a whole just being crappy, a
whole different bag of rats.
That's a slightly differentthing to make beliefs.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
That's a whole different bag of rats.
That's a different issue I'mtalking about.
Well, okay, use myself as anexample.
Right, I'm 62 this year, right,and it was quite a few decades
ago that I was in knee-lengthgrey socks going to school.
Right now, I even now have he'sbeginning to smile as he's
(02:50):
looking at me because he knowsI'm going to talk about.
I have a negative core beliefthat I might just be stupid and
not really very clever yeah yeah, and that any minute now
somebody's going to turn aroundand say you're not allowed to do
that because you're stupid.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right, because you get very upset if I touch that
button, sometimes, even if Ijust say, oh, you're being dumb,
you get very, very upset.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Do I.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Let's not shift the conversation to your
inappropriate comments to me atany one time.
Let's stay in the conversationto your inappropriate comments
to me.
I only want that let's stay inthe space of negative belief so
I can use my brain and sit downwith trusted and whatever people
and through therapy, throughyou name it.
I've done it all, yeah yeah.
(03:41):
And come to a conclusion.
Well, actually, Sian, there isa whole body of evidence that
you're not stupid.
That is a whole body ofevidence that you've got a brain
.
Here's a whole body of evidencethat you have contributed in a
way that has made a significantdifference.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Because you've.
I mean I don't want to gothrough your CV, but I mean with
extraordinary achievements.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I know you love me and you're my cheerleader, but
you're going off track.
Ordinary achievements I knowyou love me and you're my
cheerleader, but you're goingoff track.
The point is that that negativebelief is so entrenched in me I
can still be ambushed by it.
I can still be frightened.
Yeah, I mean, the obvious placenow is to share that.
You know, for the better partof a decade I've been trying to
(04:21):
write a book.
But when you can't read andwrite and you think you're
stupid, I can't tell you howfrightening it is to do it.
That is how powerful negativebeliefs are.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You are, I mean, a very good writer, and I know
that I know you don't mind mesaying because you've shared it
you're dyslexic and you have anextraordinary ability to write.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I mean, your spelling might be a bit odd occasionally
, but what I'm trying to clarifyhere is that we all have
negative beliefs, right?
Yeah, I'll say we all.
There are a handful of peoplewho don't, but they fall into a
very different category.
They're incredibly powerfulthings.
Yeah, and it's not a thinkabout it.
Oh, I've, yeah, and it's not athink about it.
(05:07):
Oh, I've rearranged thefurniture in my mind.
I don't believe that anymore,because many times in my life
I've thought, okay, just get ridof this monkey, this is
nonsense.
There's all the evidence.
You've done the work you'vedone.
You know, um, but it stillcomes to ambush you.
So negative beliefs, uh, you,you'll pick up when you're
around people who have negativebeliefs, that they're pretty
(05:29):
good at icing.
That's the way I think of it inmy head.
People are icing their beliefs,right when they use a phrase
always, you always do this.
This always happens.
It doesn't all.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, that kind of glass half empty and I mean
you've been dealing with it fora long time, so are we just
stuck with it?
I mean, is that basically whatyou're saying?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Well, nobody lives some kind of ethereal perfect
life.
We're not computer programmed.
Yeah, right.
And again, I would say thatyour negative beliefs, you do
need to work on them if they arecreating limited life
experiences.
That's basically the bottomline, isn't it?
Yeah, you know, throughadolescence, through certain
(06:18):
stages in our lives, there'ssome core negative messaging
that we all give ourselves yeah,I'm not going to be able to
look after this child, I've justbecome a parent.
I'm going you know, I don'teven know how to keep it alive
let her own into a whole andhealthy human.
Yeah, and really believe that.
I mean it's you know it's likea visceral fear.
Yeah, as an, I'm not prettyenough, I'm not handsome enough,
(06:41):
I'm not gregarious enough, I'mnot likable, I'm a nerd, I'm
ugly.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
And, of course, far worse than us when we were young
.
Social media is absolutely justlevelling one on top of the
other, or more of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Well, it's not rocket turns to work out why we've got
a mental health crisis.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And it's all based on bullshit.
But yeah, negative beliefs,they can be very, very, very
corrosive.
Yes, they are sort of afundamental, foundational part
of how I would work with anybody.
But equally, if, after you know, the third time around the
Medigo round and we're stillhaving a conversation where that
(07:23):
belief is entrenched and youcan find the evidence of how it
is affecting your life, you knowyou're dropping the stone into
the water.
That's the issue, that's thebelief.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
And the radiated lines of wave.
You know the wave function thathappens afterwards is radiating
into your life and it's gettingbigger and bigger.
Then, yeah, there are timeswhen I coach people and
certainly suggest that you mightneed to go and speak to a
psychologist or a therapist oran expert in going below the
(08:02):
line into how that belief isaffecting you, and, of course,
the Rolls Royce is trying towork out why you think you need
to hold on to it, right right,because sometimes I suppose you
might want to hold on to itbecause it gives you an excuse
yeah, not talking about writingthe book here but it gives you
(08:24):
an excuse as to why it's up inme, but it gives you an excuse
as to why something isn'tpossible.
Yeah, but we all do it andthat's not, you know, stand on
some mountain of greatness?
You know we all do it.
Yeah, and that's how you know.
Stand on some mountain ofgreatness, you know we all do it
.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
You know, human beings are very, very good at
lying to themselves.
But if you're literallyfocusing on, you know the
question core beliefs.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
The metaphor I use is you know, it's like wearing one
of those trumping backpacks.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Right, big ones yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
And in it, you know, it's like wearing one of those
trumping backpacks Right, Bigones, yeah and in it you've got
quite big rocks.
I mean they've been in a fireand they're burning hot.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Oh shit, right, oh God yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And if you've got a belief that isn't serving you
well, it's like a hot, hot rockthat's radiating Right and
you're carrying it around Rightand you're carrying it around
right um, it can be very, very,very damaging.
Um, equally, challenging anegative belief and doing the
work right, rearranging whatyour belief is and getting a
more balanced view can possiblybe one of the most empowering
(09:31):
things we can do for ourselves.
That's when you see somebodyand I love that moment when it's
like whoa, suddenly they'relike you're watching them on a
trampoline and they can gobecause they've let go of that
belief.
You know the must I shoulds.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
An obvious one right, which happens a lot If I'm
coaching somebody and it's to dowith a relationship, personal
relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Marriage, I'm just thinking, and it's to do with a
relationship, personalrelationship.
Yeah, yeah, marriage, I'm justthinking of one example now.
You know, I sort of worked witha lady who was very courageous.
You know, she shared that shehad been physically abused.
No question, she'd beenemotionally abused.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, abused.
Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, um, her children had
been embroiled in some ratherdark stuff, um, and yet, yeah,
her belief was that when she gotmarried, she made a commitment
for life, and so, therefore, shewon't go in nowhere oh right
that is how strong our beliefsare wow now I'm not.
(10:37):
I'm not arguing the rights andwrongs of that faith.
I'm not opening going down thattrapped order to that
particular bag of rats.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that is a perfect example of how your core
beliefs I must, I should.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, yeah and there is no other perspective, whereas
really what my job is as acoach, it doesn't matter what
somebody's coming to be coachedor speak to me about.
My job is to shuffle themaround that paradigm, to have
the courage to look at anysituation from a different
perspective.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And you could look at that negative belief and, yeah,
it may affect you, but youstart to distance yourself from
it over time.
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
well, no, actually not.
What I'm saying is thatsomebody can be physically,
emotionally, living a life ofhell, yeah, and still camp in
that belief right becausethere's I, I.
I don't get to not do it, but Iwant to get rid of these
negative beliefs.
Well then, what you need to dois shuffle around and try and
(11:40):
find a different perspective, sothat particular person found
themselves in a situation withsomebody who was really quite
high up in the church and shehad a private conversation with
them and shared not all of thedetail but enough for them to
understand.
Because she asked the questionwhen is it OK to say a marriage
(12:03):
is over?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
What are the circumstances?
You know.
I stood there and said tilldeath, us do part.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
And this person, very , very, very wise man, told her
that that wasn't a marriage orthe love that he believed God
had created, and that her firstcommitment was to her own health
, wealth, her own safety, right,and that began the journey.
It wasn't like a moment of oh,that's it, I've got permission,
(12:33):
I'm out of here.
Right, it still took quite along time to challenge that
belief and move it forward, butwhat I can say, it was very much
a happy upper ending because,as a human being, this person
has grown exponentially.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Into somebody that nobody would have believed.
The world would have seen andheard, seen and heard.
But my point is that negativebeliefs are the central part of
an unhappy, sometimes seriouslyunhappy yeah, human being, um.
But it's not an easy thing todo.
(13:07):
You've got to.
You know, you hear we use thatphrase a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You've got to do the work um, and it's recognizing
them, isn't it?
It's recognizing it, that's thefirst step and and in in abc
terms.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
The first thing is to have the courage to stand still
and stare down the problemright, or actually be honest
about what it is and what itlooks like and how it feels,
because I'm saying it now andit's tripping off my tongue and,
yeah, and I do this most daysof my life, but me included,
there are times when you findyourself needing to challenge
(13:39):
your belief.
It is so hard, and not justchallenging it for yourself.
If you think about it,different tribes, different
families, different beliefs thatare around you, all the people
around you don't want you tochange your mind.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just wind up here
now and leave it there, but thefirst step is recognising it.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
You're asking me about negative beliefs.
I'd be.
Do you understand what I'msaying?
I'm presuming you do.
What are your negative beliefs?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Oh yeah, I mean, it's an interesting thing.
Even though I've held verysenior positions and all the
rest of it, I still don't valuemy expertise and all the rest of
it.
I don't know why.
I have no idea.
I challenge it every day.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well did you learn to do it.
You see again, I don'tunderstand it all, but I can
observe it and I think it's alllearned behavior.
I mean, if you have parents andyou're built up in an
environment where you learn in ahealthy way to feed your ego,
to own your space, toacknowledge success, whereas you
know I came from a family thatand I know you did that.
(14:47):
It was like you don't crowabout things, yeah, you keep
your mouth shut and your headdown and you, yeah, play nicely
and you don't do anything likethat.
Yeah, so it was not.
You know you weren't taught howto do it.
You didn't see that kind of eyeconfidence that isn't ucky and
nasty, it was just wow, that isa really confident, together
(15:08):
human being.
You just didn't see much of itand it certainly wasn't role
modelled true?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
alright, we'll leave it there and we'll see if we can
improve ourselves on a dailybasis.
Join us next time on BigQuestions.
Short Answers with Sian Jacquetand me, Andy.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you have any questions you want to ask,
please send them via the websitesiansjacquetcom.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and
share it with everyone you knowwe really do appreciate you
sharing 15 minutes with us andif you want to do a bit more
learning, go on to shans websiteshanshackaycom.
There's a course on values tocreate life you truly love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the.
Can see you next time.
Okay, sorry, sorry, my phone, my phone, my phone.
I know you told me to switch itoff.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Oh is it, oh, better take it.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Kia ora Mama.
How are you Very good?
Thank you, darling.
How are you Welcome to BigQuestions?
Short Answers I'm Sian.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life
questions.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited
advice Maybe of advice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's
value-based online course.
Visit SianJackadecom to findout more.
Today we're going to talk aboutsome issues that basically stop
people moving forward, and Iknow you deal a lot of it, deal
with it a lot in your work, butit's about the stuff that, for
whatever people can't get pastlike a glass wall as to why they
(00:46):
can't, you know, form therelationship or get the job
promotion or move forward intheir lives, and I just want to
explore that kind of ideabecause I know you help people
through that, so I just want tounderstand that a little bit
more.
(01:06):
People find a block to moveforward.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Okay, well, it's ruled according to Sian, but
it's not complicated, it'sactually very simple.
It's beliefs.
It's what you choose to believe, and those beliefs have been
layered on you from the momentyou arrived.
Do you know what family, whatsociety, what part of the world,
what opportunities, whateverything you know from health,
(01:31):
well-being, education,emotional security, roof over
your head and food on the table?
Um, and then you layer how youwere seen and how you were
nurtured within that environmentand negative beliefs.
You're looking at, you know,stuff that has been layered and
layered and layered over theyears, like re-acing a cake.
(01:53):
You know, I'm not good enough.
I can't manage this project.
You can't give me that job.
There's no way I can do that.
Yeah, oh my God, there's thatpromotion.
Nah, I can't do that'm tooyoung, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I look at those people who are in that room and
and I don't see myself I mean,I've looked, I've looked at like
, like you know, not so much now, but you know job applications
and I I look at them and I think, my god, I can't do any of that
well, that's a slightlydifferent thing to make beliefs.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I mean, that's that's a whole just being crappy, a
whole different bag of rats.
That's a slightly differentthing to make beliefs.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
That's a whole different bag of rats.
That's a different issue I'mtalking about.
Well, okay, use myself as anexample.
Right, I'm 62 this year, right,and it was quite a few decades
ago that I was in knee-lengthgrey socks going to school.
Right now, I even now have he'sbeginning to smile as he's
(02:50):
looking at me because he knowsI'm going to talk about.
I have a negative core beliefthat I might just be stupid and
not really very clever yeah yeah, and that any minute now
somebody's going to turn aroundand say you're not allowed to do
that because you're stupid.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right, because you get very upset if I touch that
button, sometimes, even if Ijust say, oh, you're being dumb,
you get very, very upset.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Do I.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Let's not shift the conversation to your
inappropriate comments to me atany one time.
Let's stay in the conversationto your inappropriate comments
to me.
I only want that let's stay inthe space of negative belief so
I can use my brain and sit downwith trusted and whatever people
and through therapy, throughyou name it.
I've done it all, yeah yeah.
(03:41):
And come to a conclusion.
Well, actually, Sian, there isa whole body of evidence that
you're not stupid.
That is a whole body ofevidence that you've got a brain
.
Here's a whole body of evidencethat you have contributed in a
way that has made a significantdifference.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Because you've.
I mean I don't want to gothrough your CV, but I mean with
extraordinary achievements.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I know you love me and you're my cheerleader, but
you're going off track.
Ordinary achievements I knowyou love me and you're my
cheerleader, but you're goingoff track.
The point is that that negativebelief is so entrenched in me I
can still be ambushed by it.
I can still be frightened.
Yeah, I mean, the obvious placenow is to share that.
You know, for the better partof a decade I've been trying to
(04:21):
write a book.
But when you can't read andwrite and you think you're
stupid, I can't tell you howfrightening it is to do it.
That is how powerful negativebeliefs are.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You are, I mean, a very good writer, and I know
that I know you don't mind mesaying because you've shared it
you're dyslexic and you have anextraordinary ability to write.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I mean, your spelling might be a bit odd occasionally
, but what I'm trying to clarifyhere is that we all have
negative beliefs, right?
Yeah, I'll say we all.
There are a handful of peoplewho don't, but they fall into a
very different category.
They're incredibly powerfulthings.
Yeah, and it's not a thinkabout it.
Oh, I've, yeah, and it's not athink about it.
(05:07):
Oh, I've rearranged thefurniture in my mind.
I don't believe that anymore,because many times in my life
I've thought, okay, just get ridof this monkey, this is
nonsense.
There's all the evidence.
You've done the work you'vedone.
You know, um, but it stillcomes to ambush you.
So negative beliefs, uh, you,you'll pick up when you're
around people who have negativebeliefs, that they're pretty
(05:29):
good at icing.
That's the way I think of it inmy head.
People are icing their beliefs,right when they use a phrase
always, you always do this.
This always happens.
It doesn't all.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, that kind of glass half empty and I mean
you've been dealing with it fora long time, so are we just
stuck with it?
I mean, is that basically whatyou're saying?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Well, nobody lives some kind of ethereal perfect
life.
We're not computer programmed.
Yeah, right.
And again, I would say thatyour negative beliefs, you do
need to work on them if they arecreating limited life
experiences.
That's basically the bottomline, isn't it?
Yeah, you know, throughadolescence, through certain
(06:18):
stages in our lives, there'ssome core negative messaging
that we all give ourselves yeah,I'm not going to be able to
look after this child, I've justbecome a parent.
I'm going you know, I don'teven know how to keep it alive
let her own into a whole andhealthy human.
Yeah, and really believe that.
I mean it's you know it's likea visceral fear.
Yeah, as an, I'm not prettyenough, I'm not handsome enough,
(06:41):
I'm not gregarious enough, I'mnot likable, I'm a nerd, I'm
ugly.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
And, of course, far worse than us when we were young
.
Social media is absolutely justlevelling one on top of the
other, or more of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Well, it's not rocket turns to work out why we've got
a mental health crisis.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And it's all based on bullshit.
But yeah, negative beliefs,they can be very, very, very
corrosive.
Yes, they are sort of afundamental, foundational part
of how I would work with anybody.
But equally, if, after you know, the third time around the
Medigo round and we're stillhaving a conversation where that
(07:23):
belief is entrenched and youcan find the evidence of how it
is affecting your life, you knowyou're dropping the stone into
the water.
That's the issue, that's thebelief.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
And the radiated lines of wave.
You know the wave function thathappens afterwards is radiating
into your life and it's gettingbigger and bigger.
Then, yeah, there are timeswhen I coach people and
certainly suggest that you mightneed to go and speak to a
psychologist or a therapist oran expert in going below the
(08:02):
line into how that belief isaffecting you, and, of course,
the Rolls Royce is trying towork out why you think you need
to hold on to it, right right,because sometimes I suppose you
might want to hold on to itbecause it gives you an excuse
yeah, not talking about writingthe book here but it gives you
(08:24):
an excuse as to why it's up inme, but it gives you an excuse
as to why something isn'tpossible.
Yeah, but we all do it andthat's not, you know, stand on
some mountain of greatness?
You know we all do it.
Yeah, and that's how you know.
Stand on some mountain ofgreatness, you know we all do it
.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
You know, human beings are very, very good at
lying to themselves.
But if you're literallyfocusing on, you know the
question core beliefs.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
The metaphor I use is you know, it's like wearing one
of those trumping backpacks.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Right, big ones yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
And in it, you know, it's like wearing one of those
trumping backpacks Right, Bigones, yeah and in it you've got
quite big rocks.
I mean they've been in a fireand they're burning hot.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Oh shit, right, oh God yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And if you've got a belief that isn't serving you
well, it's like a hot, hot rockthat's radiating Right and
you're carrying it around Rightand you're carrying it around
right um, it can be very, very,very damaging.
Um, equally, challenging anegative belief and doing the
work right, rearranging whatyour belief is and getting a
more balanced view can possiblybe one of the most empowering
(09:31):
things we can do for ourselves.
That's when you see somebodyand I love that moment when it's
like whoa, suddenly they'relike you're watching them on a
trampoline and they can gobecause they've let go of that
belief.
You know the must I shoulds.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
An obvious one right, which happens a lot If I'm
coaching somebody and it's to dowith a relationship, personal
relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Marriage, I'm just thinking, and it's to do with a
relationship, personalrelationship.
Yeah, yeah, marriage, I'm justthinking of one example now.
You know, I sort of worked witha lady who was very courageous.
You know, she shared that shehad been physically abused.
No question, she'd beenemotionally abused.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, abused.
Financially abused, manipulated, yeah, um, her children had
been embroiled in some ratherdark stuff, um, and yet, yeah,
her belief was that when she gotmarried, she made a commitment
for life, and so, therefore, shewon't go in nowhere oh right
that is how strong our beliefsare wow now I'm not.
(10:37):
I'm not arguing the rights andwrongs of that faith.
I'm not opening going down thattrapped order to that
particular bag of rats.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that is a perfect example of how your core
beliefs I must, I should.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, yeah and there is no other perspective, whereas
really what my job is as acoach, it doesn't matter what
somebody's coming to be coachedor speak to me about.
My job is to shuffle themaround that paradigm, to have
the courage to look at anysituation from a different
perspective.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And you could look at that negative belief and, yeah,
it may affect you, but youstart to distance yourself from
it over time.
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
well, no, actually not.
What I'm saying is thatsomebody can be physically,
emotionally, living a life ofhell, yeah, and still camp in
that belief right becausethere's I, I.
I don't get to not do it, but Iwant to get rid of these
negative beliefs.
Well then, what you need to dois shuffle around and try and
(11:40):
find a different perspective, sothat particular person found
themselves in a situation withsomebody who was really quite
high up in the church and shehad a private conversation with
them and shared not all of thedetail but enough for them to
understand.
Because she asked the questionwhen is it OK to say a marriage
(12:03):
is over?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
What are the circumstances?
You know.
I stood there and said tilldeath, us do part.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
And this person, very , very, very wise man, told her
that that wasn't a marriage orthe love that he believed God
had created, and that her firstcommitment was to her own health
, wealth, her own safety, right,and that began the journey.
It wasn't like a moment of oh,that's it, I've got permission,
(12:33):
I'm out of here.
Right, it still took quite along time to challenge that
belief and move it forward, butwhat I can say, it was very much
a happy upper ending because,as a human being, this person
has grown exponentially.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Into somebody that nobody would have believed.
The world would have seen andheard, seen and heard.
But my point is that negativebeliefs are the central part of
an unhappy, sometimes seriouslyunhappy yeah, human being, um.
But it's not an easy thing todo.
(13:07):
You've got to.
You know, you hear we use thatphrase a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You've got to do the work um, and it's recognizing
them, isn't it?
It's recognizing it, that's thefirst step and and in in abc
terms.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
The first thing is to have the courage to stand still
and stare down the problemright, or actually be honest
about what it is and what itlooks like and how it feels,
because I'm saying it now andit's tripping off my tongue and,
yeah, and I do this most daysof my life, but me included,
there are times when you findyourself needing to challenge
(13:39):
your belief.
It is so hard, and not justchallenging it for yourself.
If you think about it,different tribes, different
families, different beliefs thatare around you, all the people
around you don't want you tochange your mind.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just wind up here
now and leave it there, but thefirst step is recognising it.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
You're asking me about negative beliefs.
I'd be.
Do you understand what I'msaying?
I'm presuming you do.
What are your negative beliefs?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Oh yeah, I mean, it's an interesting thing.
Even though I've held verysenior positions and all the
rest of it, I still don't valuemy expertise and all the rest of
it.
I don't know why.
I have no idea.
I challenge it every day.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well did you learn to do it.
You see again, I don'tunderstand it all, but I can
observe it and I think it's alllearned behavior.
I mean, if you have parents andyou're built up in an
environment where you learn in ahealthy way to feed your ego,
to own your space, toacknowledge success, whereas you
know I came from a family thatand I know you did that.
(14:47):
It was like you don't crowabout things, yeah, you keep
your mouth shut and your headdown and you, yeah, play nicely
and you don't do anything likethat.
Yeah, so it was not.
You know you weren't taught howto do it.
You didn't see that kind of eyeconfidence that isn't ucky and
nasty, it was just wow, that isa really confident, together
(15:08):
human being.
You just didn't see much of itand it certainly wasn't role
modelled true?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
alright, we'll leave it there and we'll see if we can
improve ourselves on a dailybasis.
Join us next time on BigQuestions.
Short Answers with Sian Jacquetand me, Andy.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you have any questions you want to ask,
please send them via the websitesiansjacquetcom.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and
share it with everyone you knowwe really do appreciate you
sharing 15 minutes with us andif you want to do a bit more
learning, go on to shans websiteshanshackaycom.
There's a course on values tocreate life you truly love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the.
Can see you next time.
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